Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rehab is a funny place, you're sent away from everything you've ever known or loved, in hopes it'll cure you.

I never understood why that would ever make sense. I mean taking anyone from their home is going to do irreversible damage. And when its the ones you love that shit sucks.

They'll say 'It's so you'll feel better' and 'It's the best thing for you' and 'This is the only way to stop you from doing drugs' and 'I don't want to have to do this again.' But instead of actually remedying the problem it just slaps a bandaid on it and sends you home after a month of so-called 'help.'

The truth is, every second of everyday i spend awake and sober, i think about killing myself. It is the only thought that is consistently circling in my head. From the moment my eyes open and i gain consciousness to the moment my eyes close and i am sent away to the dreamland. Repeat cycle.

Rehab is funny. I was just planning on getting it over with, staying in my lane, not really talking or sharing anything with anyone on a personal level. But this girl, I'm not sure what it is but she feels so interesting. Whatever though. Its not like interesting = tell her your life story. Not a soul needs to know why you started doing drugs, or whether or not you're severely mentally ill without prescription drugs.

No one needs to know anything. Until they do.

Chapter Text

Rue POV 10am

“Yo what's been on with you?” I look over at the person talking to me, and its her. “Nothing” I say matter of factly, in hopes she'll just leave me alone. Instead she sits down next to me. I guess not. Ugh. “Yea and I'm supposed to believe that.”

“Well its not that you're supposed to believe it, more that you see I'm lying and just leave me alone.” I snap at her, feeling a small pang of guilt in my chest.

“Jeez, harsh, just wanted to welcome you, newbie. Didn't mean to make you upset.” She replied, a twinge of sadness lingering on her voice.

Instead of saying anything I just decide to get up and walk over to the other side of the common area where a couple of dudes are playing some card game. “Mind if I join you?” I say, not actually listening to their response and sitting down at the table anyways.

“We ain't said you could sit down did we now Macho?” One of the guys turns to another, this other guy seems to be their ‘leader’ of sorts. The leader, Macho turns to the first guy “Yo CG, no one asked. She aint doin nothin wrong.” Macho says, gesturing with his hands.

Instead of listening to them argue over nonsense I decide to go just sit somewhere and figure out a way to listen to some music.

Turns out you can't- This month and a half is gonna be long

-Mini Timeskip- 1:30pm

“Alright this will be your room, you're sharing it with one other person, put your stuff down and then we'll get to the rest of your tour.” The nurse who was giving me the tour was really nice, she seemed pretty down to earth, like she'd understand I don't actually want to be clean. Even though it was her job to make sure I did for as long as I was in there

Walking into my room I notice that the girl that was talking to me earlier today is my roommate. Fuckin great.

This is month and a half is gonna be even longer

“Hey roomie.” She says unenthusiastically, a complete contrast to her demeanor earlier.

“Hi. Uhm I'm sorry for what happened earlier.” I feel really guilty because I can tell that I hurt her. I hate hurting people.

“What happened earlier? I don't know what you're talking about.” Great. We're just gonna pretend nothing happened. Alright cool I guess.

I put my stuff down on the bed the other girl isn't sitting on. “I'll be back later I guess.” I mumble feeling like she probably doesn't actually care. Walking out of the room I see the nurse still standing there.

“Ready?” She asks.

“Yup, let's go.” I reply dryly, suddenly caring about this tour even less than I did before.

“This is the common area. But as you probably already know that since you were in there earlier.”

We continue walking down this never ending fucking hallway. “God does this hallway ever fucking end!” I think to myself. And then it does thank god!!

“This is where you'll attend individual therapy twice a week as well as partner counseling with your roommate.” She pauses before continuing. “My name is Jess, and I'll be yours and your roommate's nurse. There's a call button next to both of your beds should you need me. Do you want me to walk you back or do you think you remember the way?”

“I think I've got it, thanks Jess.” I mumble quietly before turning to walk away.

“Your name is Rue right?” Jess asks me.

“Yes it is.” I respond briefly.

“Alright, I'll see you tomorrow then.” She says and walks into what I assume is a break room or lounge for employees.

Finally I made it back to my room after walking into multiple other people's shared rooms.

“Well I'm back.” I whisper to myself before throwing myself onto my bed.

“Hey, what's even your name?” I ask, hoping I don't get the same cold response as I did earlier.

“Its Y/N.” She replies, in the same cold tone I was hoping not to be on the receiving end of.

The next ten-ish minutes are filled with awkward silence, then she finally speaks up.

“What's your name?” Y/N questioned.

“The name's Rue. Again, I'm sorry about earlier.” I apologize again, hopefully with more sincerity than earlier.

“I get it, no one likes rehab, I know I don't. I want out of here as soon as I can.” Y/N remarked.

“Yeah, I really hate it here. I don't see the point in staying here. Most of us aren't even gonna stay clean anyways. We're all here to please someone other than ourselves.”

“Woah dude. You're not wrong but damn girl.”

“I'm not gonna lie. Anyways, why are you here?” I ask. “Who's forcing you to be here?”

“My mom is, she found me after my third OD. I wasn't home the first two times.” She states so calmly, like she isn't talking about the fact she's almost died multiple times. “What about you?”

“Well, my thirteen year old sister found me ODing in my bedroom. She looks up to me.” I looked down as a responded, feeling ashamed that Gia had to see me that way.

I don't really remember much from that day. But I know it must not have been good when I woke up in the hospital with my mom and my sister sleeping beside the bed.

“Shit dude. That's rough, I remember the first time I OD’d I was at my best friend's house. She keeps Narcan in her room because she knows though. I feel a little guilty though, she shouldn't have to do that. It's good she does though. She gets high, just not like me.”

“Do you plan on staying clean?” I inquire.

“No, probably not.”

“Alright thank god, I don't want to be roommates who's serious about this whole get clean, stay clean journey. I mean its boring, and probably not true anyways. You're just gonna relapse and go back to the same drug anyways.” Honestly, I 100% believe everything coming out of my mouth right now. I mean who gets out of rehab, and stays clean?

I know I won't be.