Archive of Our Own ^beta

It had been a slight slip up Kusuo had initially thought. A mistake. He’d only accidentally admitted to having psychic powers. He realized a moment too late. He didn’t think it would be such a big deal at first. You had stiffened up and stared off for a moment before your words caught up to your head.

“Psychic?”

That’s when he’d realized that this slip up was more than just a simple fix, he couldn’t knock you across the head and have your brain replace this memory like he had when his mom made a mistake.

When he turned to look at you, you were perplexed. Eyes blown wide. Fear. You were afraid. Scared of him. his expression faltered. His eyebrows furrowing slightly. He could feel his stomach drop. His heart leapt, he didn’t realize the full gravity of the situation until he moved. Turning in his desks swivel chair to fully face you.

You flinched. Scuttling backwards like he’d kill you if you made a wrong move. A similar distrust in your eye when facing off with a tiger.

You had been sitting on his bed. a casual air between the two of you. Crossed legs on his sheets as you doodled aimlessly on your notes page. An air of casualty settled between the two of you.

The conversation had shifted to superpowers for a reason Kusuo can’t recall. You’d asked him a simple question: “Kusuo, if you could have a superpower, what would you pick?”

The question was innocent enough, a starter a kindergartner would use, sure, but Kusuo couldn’t say much regarding conversation and small talk.

He found the question ironic. He knew the answer normal people would choose to be invisibility or teleportation, maybe the oddball who chose shapeshifting.

The question was harder than he thought to answer, his supernatural abilities had somewhat become the normal for him, he had always dreamt of a reality where the burden didn’t rest on his shoulders. At this point though, he’d realized he’d been quiet for too long. You seemed to sense his hesitance to answer and instead gave your own response.

“I’d pick mind reading I think.” You pondered out loud, Kusuo stayed quiet, you continued to justify your choice. “I think it would be interesting to know what others think of you, imagine how easy it would be to pass exams,” you sighed, taking a moment to gather your thoughts. “I suppose knowing people’s intentions would be a blessing and a curse though, what do you think?”

Admittedly, Kusuo hadn’t really been paying attention to your words. His mouth moved by itself, “it’s not that great.”

Before he could realize what he’d done, you had tilted your head, your expression confused. “What do you mean?” you looked down into your lap, shaking your head and you tried to make sense of his words. Kusuos posture grew stiff in his chair. He had to backtrack quickly. But you replied before he could find the right words.

“That would be pretty cool though, if you were a psychic.” You smiled to yourself, looking back at him as he turned his head to face you slightly.

Your smile dropped when you met his gaze. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Kusuo couldn’t find the words to stop this train of thought of yours. His body seemed detached. He wasn’t in control; he was a witness to this happening before him.

“Kusuo?”

“I am”

You blinked at him dumbly, Kusuos hands shook on the desk, and he quickly brought them to rest in his lap. Why was he admitting this? This was too sudden.

Shut up.

“you’re what?”

Shut up.

“I’m psychic”

Shut UP.

He stared blankly at you. His expression the same deadpan one he usually carried. But his eyes seemed to stare through you.

You gave him a half smile. “What are you talking about?” disbelief was etched into each one of your words. You were looking at him like he’d grown another head, and honestly, that might have been easier to explain.

He couldn’t stop the words from flowing from him. He turned away from you as he admitted his deepest secret. The longest lasting skeleton in the boarded-up closet he hid deep beneath his ribs.

He explained how he could in fact read minds and see through people’s skin to their skeleton. He could talk to you telepathically, he had inhuman strength and could alter human biology. With every listed ability he threw at you your face fell further until you stared at him with those same horror-struck eyes.

He realized his mistake when you flinched away from him. He’d made a mistake. Good grief he had fucked up big time.

“you’re lying, those- they don’t exist, they’re fictional.” You argued, shaking your head as you scooted back until your back was flush against the wall. Your chest felt tight.

There was no way Kusuo, the boy you’d grown so close to was hiding something this massive. You couldn’t comprehend it. It genuinely broke your mind trying to wrap around the fact that he did not look like he was joking. At all.

Kusuo had the fleeting thought to erase this memory from you, but the thought of using the same powers you seemed so afraid of made him sick to his stomach. he’d be proving you right. that he could rewrite the world to be in his favor. He couldn’t stomach that. But oh, how he hated how you looked at him with those eyes. He had always said he does things simply because they benefit him, so why couldn’t he bring himself to fix it this time?

He stared at you, unable to think of his next move. What had he done? Had he just ruined the first and only friendship he actually considered important?

“Have you ever lost control of your powers.. Kusuo?” you ask, your tone emphasizing on the word “powers” like you didn’t believe it to be true, and you were just humoring him, but your demeanor betrayed your voice. Your thoughts betrayed your voice. Your elbows pushed up flush against your sides, nails gripping the sheets below you. Your chest heaved. The room suddenly felt far too small. The space between you and Kusuo had fallen into a ravine that was slowly growing bigger. The cracks growing deeper and spanning further with every moment Kusuo stayed silent.

Your question hit a mark in Kusuos mind that seemed to hotwire his memories. That classroom flashed before his eyes. The answer on the tip of his tongue. He’d meant well. Please believe him, he had meant well.

He’s hesitating, he’s taking too long. He knows this. He fucking knows. But if he lied, would you know? If he told the truth you’d probably never come back, scratch that; he knew you wouldn’t come back. He frowned, closing his eyes. This was ruined, he ruined it again. His response would crack this growing ravine even deeper. Irreversibly deeper. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place as he sucked in a breath through his teeth. It’s ruined one way or another.

He’d really fucked up this time hadn’t he? He opened his eyes again, meeting yours. You were very reminiscent of a frightened deer stuck in headlights he thought to himself. He supposed he was the truck in that metaphor.

He nods. The thought of using his powers to fix this situation made him nauseous, like scooping water out of an already sunken boat.

Your body stiffens and your hands grip the sheets with a white knuckled grasp.

“Can you always hear my thoughts?”

“Yes” he thought to himself. He could hear every single assumption running through your mind, he just chose not to acknowledge them. Because if he acknowledged them, that would mean this was really happening. A small part of Kusuo hoped that this was just a premonition coming to him in a dream, and if he stalled for long enough, maybe he’d wake up and be able to prevent this.

But the sinking feeling engulfing his chest was too real. He turned away from you. Unable to meet your eyes again. A wave of anger washing over him. Irritation, years upon years of pent-up emotions. He was so pissed, but it hurt. His chest ached.

It was a feeling he had never experienced before. It felt like the world had continued to spin without him. He was being left behind in a moment he wished had never happened. Why couldn’t this have been a vision? Why couldn’t he wake up from this nightmare?

When he turned back around to offer some sort of excuse, you’re were gone. Sheets ruffled up; proof you had in fact been here and the feeling of being crushed returned to Kusuos chest.

The heaviness sat deeper than his heart, it pressed on his soul. A weight like lead. He felt like if he stood up he’d fall through the earth and come out on the other side.

He couldn’t blame you for your reaction. It was an accident. This situation hadn’t crossed his mind before because Kusuo never planned to let any of his friends know. It was a secret he wanted to take to the grave.

Kusuo moved his arms back to rest on his desk. He felt heavy, similar to how when you’re so fatigued you can actually feel it in your limbs. It was suffocating. And for the first time in his life, Kusuo didn’t know how to fix this.

He was a god in a boy’s body. Carrying responsibilities that resembled burdens more than anything else. He had corrected the past and bypast butterfly effects and saved the world countless times and yet this was what was undoing him? Bringing his mental state to the brink of insanity?

He felt pathetic, helpless and embarrassed.

His eyes stung, pushing his glasses down he rubbed his eyes until it hurt. Bunching his fists on the wood of his desk he suppressed the urge to just disappear, up and leave indefinitely.

That was a horribly familiar thought, one that hadn’t crossed his mind in a long time. But the thought of you being genuinely afraid of him was too much for him to handle.

Maybe Kusuke would do him a favour. He shook that out of his head, he was spiralling.

He had done good, sure. He had tried his hardest, stayed in the background best he could. He kept this hidden under lock and key.

He clenched his eyes shut, he didn’t cry. He didn’t feel these things. These emotions he’d hidden far behind the walls of his consciousness that he’d built up over the years. Walls that you had broken through.

Was this his karma?

He was completely alone with finding a solution for this. Just like every other time before. He was once again alone.

He stared blankly at his hands. He could fix this. He still had time. But the moments were slipping by him. He couldn’t find it in himself to move.

He’d ruined it.

He was the monster his brother thought of him to be.

He was a freak of nature.

Hiding himself for everyone else’s convenience.

He had the ability to rewrite fate, to make his life the perfect ideal reality. But he didn’t want that. He wanted nothing more than to be normal, ordinary. Another average citizen, another student. Another face that melted in the crowd.

Kusuo had always hated attention, he hated being the center of focus. And yet somehow, the world always seemed to pick him.

If there was a god, he was sure his favorite pass time was thinking up the very worst scenarios to chuck Kusuo into. If there was indeed a god he was a cruel being.

When Kusuos numbness finally wore off to a point where he could feel the floor beneath his feet, he stood up and left his room. The thought of using any of his powers left a foul taste in his mouth.

Dad would still be at work. He was grateful for that. His father’s insistence on using Kusuos powers was the very last thing he wanted at that moment.

He wanted to wipe himself off the face of the planet honestly.

Running into Mom was out of the two options, the more preferred. But she was a worry wart and would probably wear down the grooves on her brain fussing over Kusuo.

He swayed as his hand rested on his door’s handle. He felt like he’d just gotten off a boat. He felt a rush of everything at once; fear, he was afraid. More afraid than he’d ever been in his life. lonely, he felt so lonely, that was his least favorite feeling Kusuo decided. There was no cure for loneliness. No magic elixir that could rewire you.

You could feel lonely in a room full of people. There was no simple fix.

He didn’t know how long he stood at that door for. It felt like hours but logically it couldn’t have been more than a minute.

It was amazing how easily things could fall apart.

The fragility of life and its workings always amazed Kusuo.

#

When Kusuo revealed to you that he was psychic. You honestly weren’t that surprised. You were scared, yes. Extremely so. But who wouldn’t be in your situation?

Kusuo. He had slowly become your rock as soon as you settled into PK academy. It was like you were drawn together with the same pen. You were both quiet and avoided drama and unnecessary attention. You were deadpan and took things a little too literally. But Kusuo understood. He didn’t alienate you like the others.

He would listen to your rants and although he didn’t always seem interested, he’d prompt conversations to keep you talking.

That was more than what anyone else ever did for you.

Kusuo had climbed the ranks in your heart embarrassingly quickly. To be fair though, the bar was in hell, and he started in heaven.

You hadn’t meant to freak out on him. but Kusuo hesitated.

You had never in your life seen him hesitate.

Kusuo had this air of knowing around him. like he had read the script to the day the night before. He seemed aware of everything and nothing surprised him. He was always prepared.

Seeing him so out of character was genuinely jarring. And you couldn’t help but let that feed into your anxious thoughts.

You left his room to process his words.

You knew that Kusuo valued his alone time more than anything else. And that’s what you assumed he needed at that moment.

And if he didn’t? Well. He could read your mind and find out your true intentions, right? He had psychic powers after all.

You didn’t exactly believe him, but he knew better than to appear so serious for a joke.

You didn’t actually intend to run into his mom on your way to the kitchen to get a drink. You honestly thought you guys were home alone.

Kurumi Saiki. Kusuos mother. She was a lovely soul. Kusuo and her shared countless mannerisms. She was soft, warm. Motherly. She was everything you had ever wanted in a mother.

When she caught a glance at your shock ridden expression she had nearly dropped her coffee mug.

She had rushed over and offered a hand on your shoulder. Her hands were warm, nice. Loving.

Shed fussed over what happened, made a fleeting comment about taking care of Kusuo if he had hurt your feelings.

You managed a halfassed smile and told her he hadn’t done anything.

You had always admired her purple eyes. You wondered what color Kusuos eyes were sometimes too. Speaking of, you wondered why he constantly wore those green lensed glasses as well. But no one else ever bought it up so you let it fall to the back burner in your brain.

You spilled your guts to Kurumi. And her expression looked comically shocked and confused.

You knew she knew of Kusuos powers, why wouldn’t she? That was his mother.

But her gaze seemed a little far away. Her confusion wasn’t surface level like yours, it was deeper, brooding and a little urgent as she took a seat beside you.

“Why did he tell you? what brought that topic up?” she asked hurriedly. Her hand still on your shoulder reassuringly.

“Well, well…” you trailed off, what had brought that topic up? you couldn’t remember what lead to the conversation about superpowers. “I asked what superpower hed pick, and then he just admitted to being a psychic randomly.” You explained, your tone was dull and timid. Like shed kick you out if you spoke about it too loudly. Which you doubted. But it was certainly stuck in your mind.

You didn’t want to lose Kusuo as a friend. You just needed a moment. This was a lot of information. And the last thing you wanted was for him to stress himself out.

Kurumi nodded, the cogs in her mind ticking away as she stared off behind you. She was cut off when Kusuo appeared at the bottom of the stairs. She gave a gasp and smiled at him lovingly, clapping her hands together as she stood. She walked towards him, but he brushed her off.

Instead beelining straight to where you were seated.

Kurumi feeling oddly uncomfortable in her own home decided to retreat to the kitchen. Giving you both some privacy to figure out whatever had happened between you both.

When you met Kusuos eyes, it was like you had switched places. He was looking a little scruffy. His hair was as neat as it always was, he looked like hed just run a lap around the planet. You smiled at that thought. Maybe he had.

Kusuo shook his head, ridding your thoughts of his mind. God why were you making jokes about this, you had left him. He had (although accidentally) admitted something so vulnerable he genuinely went to the ends of the earth to prevent anyone from finding out. And now you were normal? He didn’t understand. And it annoyed him that he couldn’t understand.

Your eyes weren’t scared anymore. They were soft. Holding the same fondness you always looked at him with.

Kusuos body heaved. He felt hungry for air, like he was drowning on land. He couldn’t calm down.

You stood up and approached him. He hated the way you were so cautious. He hated the way you paused for a moment before resting your hands on his shoulders. He hated the way your eyes ran over his face before you pulled him in for a hug.

“I’m sorry Kusuo” you said into his neck. he froze, the trembled wracking his limbs stopped. He was so confused. Why were you apologising to him? You hated him.

You hated him.

Right?

Kusuo swallowed thickly. His thought dry. He felt cold and hot at the same time, like his nervous system was working against him.

You pulled away from him and your hands came to cup his face, brushing some strands of pink from his forehead. You had always appreciated his hair. You wondered if he dyed it sometimes. It was the perfect pink. It reminded you of sunsets when the sky is painted orange and peach. The same warmth you felt when you sat in the sun you felt when you looked at Kusuo. He was your sun. your warmth.

You just needed some time. That’s all. Everything would be okay.

Kusuo was in genuine disbelief hearing the thoughts running through your head.

His more logical side was almost disgusted with how soft you were being with him. Warm? Seriously? You were delusional.

But the other half. The side that currently had his mind in an iron grip revelled in your thoughts.

He could be warm. He could be your sun.

Hed paint the sky all the colors you wanted. That was okay. This would be okay.

He blinked at you. Before you pulled him back in for a hug, tighter this time. His fingers twitched and he wrapped his own arms around you.

Everything was okay.