Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Is- is it over?”

“Yep. You did good, Nemesis.”

Niki let out a short gasp, half relief, half pain, sinking to her knees and lifting her head. She hadn’t even heard Techno coming. Not until he emerged from the smoke covering the battlefield, bone mask spattered with blood and cloak torn in a thousand places.

For a moment, she thought he was here to kill her. Maybe she deserved it. She could still hear them screaming, still feel their last resistance in her exhausted bones.

Techno stared down at her, for a long moment. Niki’s gaze dropped to the ground, too tired to do much else. She was crying. Tears burrowing through the ash caked over her face, probably stained pink with how much blood it felt like had soaked into her skin.

“Get up. We’re goin’ home.”

Home. That still existed? She’d convinced herself it was gone, long ago. It was the only way she’d been able to keep fighting.

She’d thought she’d die out here. Maybe she should have. She wasn’t like Techno, wasn’t invulnerable, wasn’t built from the ground up for war and bloodshed. But she wasn’t smart like Ranboo either, or no one gave her the chance to prove it. She’d thought she’d prove herself here, and die trying.

Still, Niki got to her feet, because it meant she got to hold Techno’s hand on the way up, and it had been a long time since she could touch someone without thinking how she could kill them. She didn’t take her eyes off the ground. Maybe she was dead. It seemed wrong to be alive, with so many people dead around here.

“You alright?”

“Mhm.”

No. She was meant to die. If she was still alive, she’d failed. Hadn’t fought hard enough. Hadn’t taken the right risks.

“You’re not. That’s ok. We’ll talk back home. Reckon we’re war heroes.”

She couldn’t be a hero. She wasn’t meant to be a hero. She was meant to be dead, and glorious for that.

Technos didn’t let go of her hand. Didn’t stop her leaning on him, remaining strands of jet black hair drifting into her face as her ears rang. Whatever highlights of it had been pink were gone now, stained with charcoal and soot. Her armour was the opposite, glistening crimson. Some of it was probably hers.

Niki stumbled over a corpse, and choked abruptly. She pulled away from Techno just in time to vomit onto the ashen field, watery rations flecked with blood she’d probably swallowed somewhere along the way. It stained her teeth, worse than the bile, tasting like metal and guilt.

Techno was rubbing her back, even if she couldn’t really feel it through her armour, sighing.

“First one’s always rough. You’re gonna be ok. Let’s get home.”

She wasn’t going to be ok. How could she, as even as she gasped air back into her lungs, she saw the dead eyes and unmoving chests of strangers she’d killed?

If she’d died, she wouldn’t have to see this. She could have got the glory and none of the blame, left this world with a hero’s burial and a plaque detailing only her triumphs.

But no. She was here, arm draped over Techno’s shoulders, dragging her feet behind her as her breathing came ragged. She could still hear screaming. Still see the smoke. She couldn’t remember the face of the last person she’d killed.

Technos was saying something, to someone, and Niki tried to pull her attention to the here and now. Maybe it wasn’t over. Maybe she could still die out here. It didn’t seem worthy, in a strange sort of way, to go home as unharmed as she felt.

“…eah, she’s fine, just shell shocked. Where’s my horse?”

Niki blinked. They really were going home. She wasn’t sure if she could do that. Go home, to Ranboo, carry on training and sparring and learning from Techno, knowing this could have been her chance to show her devotion to the cause.

“Thanks. Hear that, Nemesis? Goin’ home. For real. An’ I don’t think you’ll be coming anywhere with me for a while.”

What?

No.

Niki flinched away from Techno, breathing hard as she tried to steady herself, process what he’d just said. He was talking to her too, trying to calm her as she held up her hands, because she just needed a moment to stop her head from spinning.

“N- no. No. I- I can do this, I- fuck, I- I can still-“

“You ain’t doin’ anything.” Techno took her hands with surprising gentleness, but Niki knew he was running on empty too, and if she pushed either of them too hard, something was going to snap. “We’re just gonna go home for now, ok?”

“No, I’m meant to- oh, Void-“

Her vision lurched, and Niki fell against Techno once again, unable to stop him half carrying, half dragging her to the horse an attendant had brought over. Were they the only one left alive? Was everyone else dead? They must be, with how many bodies Techno was stepping over. One of them should have been hers. She should have died fighting, because she’d never been built to build a legend like Techno’s.

“Alright. Up. C’mon, Nemi, just do this, then it’s easy riding all the way back.”

Niki mumbled something, still trying to push Techno away explain through sobs and retches that she was meant to be dead. But he just lifted her up when she didn’t cooperate, setting her easily on the horse’s back, and climbed on after her, looping the reigns over her head so she could sit between him and the horse’s mane.

That was really it. She’d really survived, they were really going home.

Some horrible part of her was still relieved. Because she didn’t want to die, she’d just spent long enough in this world she knew there was no other way to go down in history. You either died quick, or you didn’t for a really, impressively long time. And she wasn’t the sort to do anything impressive.

Techno adjusted her waist gently, tilting her head so her face wasn’t pressed against a horse’s hair, patting her shoulder and saying something stupid like she was going to be alright again. She wasn’t going to be alright. She felt like she was dying, and because she couldn’t do it quick it was happening slowly, each part of her slipping off into the darkness one by one. Maybe she was bleeding from somewhere. She wasn’t sure she’d feel the pain, over the ringing that wouldn’t leave her ears.

Even as Techno flicked the reigns, and the horse started walking, then trotting, then faster, Niki could shake the sounds of the battlefield. She heard screams occasionally, and twitched enough to make Techno slow, or check her pulse, or murmur something. But she didn’t fall off, so he stopped checking, after a while.

Techno had been right, it turned out. It was easy riding. Not a single person disturbed them on their journey, because they were all dead, every person in this realm was dead and bleeding out back on that battlefield, and they were the last two left alive, the immortal warrior and his moribund protege.

Too soon, Niki heard the noises of civilisation. Heard another horse slow to a stop near them- they must have been riding with others, whoever they were- then felt the rocking of their own saddle stop. She was meant to have ridden alone. What had happened to her horse?

As soon as Techno swung off the horse, Niki felt herself slipping, but was caught by someone who wasn’t Techno just before she fell, and helped onto the ground with all the grace of someone who knew they were handling a bloodstained corpse.

Then the hands left her, and she was left to support herself, and look up with dead eyes as Techno strode ahead of the crowd, standing in front of the heavy gate.

For a moment, everything was still. Then Techno lifted his head, and glared up at someone above them. He didn’t do anything else. Didn’t speak, didn’t move. Just waited.

The gate opened. Creaking slightly, but fairly smoothly. Who had oiled it? While they had been greasing the joints in their armour with blood, who had oiled this gate of a nation they’d been keeping anyone from the doors of?

But it opened anyway, and maybe the people inside it wouldn’t even listen to her if she asked. Niki reached up without thinking, bloodied fingers grasping the reigns of Techno’s horse, and leading the crowd forward, following her mentor. The glorious and the damned. The returning victor and the disgraced apprentice, who’d been meant to sacrifice her life for their ideals.

And she heard cheering.

Niki looked up, around, seeing the world with bloodshot eyes of a murderer, and saw a parade lining the streets.

Techno was ten steps ahead of her. No longer the beaten, brusque warrior who’d ridden back with her, but the war hero he was born to be, head held high and striding down the street, leading their weary procession to the castle.

Niki focused on Techno. It was all she could, when exhaustion weighed like a blanket over her mind, making her eyelids droop and stifling her with dread as to what came next. More training. More nothing. More thinking back to this moment, when she lost her chance to be a martyr.

The walk felt a lot longer than the ride.

All around her, grateful citizens reached out, sung songs of victory and pride, cheered and waved and hung banners from the rooftop.

Then Techno stopped walking. And Niki had the horrible, sinking feeling that he was going to leave her here, to die amidst the crowds that sounded an awful lot like dying screams. It was stupid, but she was feeling stupid, and tired, and like she’d left part of her heart on the battlefield, ripped it out and left it to pulse it’s way into the blood soaked earth.

Then she looked up, properly, and saw him standing before Philza. Philza, with his black wings tucked in, a simple golden circlet all that distinguished him from his husband, who had dropped to one knee. Niki knew Techno only did that to make Phil feel more regal with the height difference, but she still followed suit, her legs mostly just giving out under her, leaving her knees digging into the dusty tile underfoot.

“We welcome you back. Victorious, I take it.”

Techno snorted, but raised his head, and Niki could see pure satisfaction in his eyes.

“Of course. Do you really think I’d disappoint my emperor?”

“I never dreamed it. At ease.”

Pulling a face, Niki forced herself to her feet, leaning heavily on the horse, who neighed in indignation. She was still dusting herself off when she felt eyes on her, and froze, heart sinking.

“General Nihachu. You and Technoblade can come with me. To the rest of the troops,” Philza looked up again, smiling warmly at the assembled crowd. “Return to your families. You have served your nation well.”

Not her. She hadn’t served anything. To serve her nation, she’d have died out there. But Niki just nodded numbly, forcing herself to let go of the horse’s reigns. It felt like she was letting go of the war. At least she still had her armour, a hardened shell to hide behind, until she was forced to take in her own weakness.

Techno glanced at her, then looked back to Philza, and Niki could swear he muttered something. Her stomach flipped, and she might have vomited again, if there had been anything left in her stomach.

“Come on, Nemesis.” Techno held out his hand, suddenly so much warmer, next to Phil. “Let’s get you inside.”

Niki just met his triumphant eyes with an empty stare, and nodded.