Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Over here, over here!" Shuya waved his hands in the air, a grin spread across his face and jumping on the balls of his feet riddled with excitement. In response, rather ungracefully, little Sumi with her hair pulled back in a neat bun kicked the ball towards him. The soccer ball twirling in an arc—right past the little boy and bouncing off the pavement of the road.

"Sorry!" The little girl called while Shuya immediately chased after it. Almost toppling over when he caught up as it slowed down, but quickly regained his footing. Toeing it back to the loose circle of little kids gathered on the street.

Genya grinned as his little brother passed it next to Teiko who was across the circle. Easily catching it with the sole of her foot before kicking it to Genya. Who had to quickly side step or else it would have run away from him.

It was a surprisingly clear day with few clouds dotting the blue sky, the sun beaming down on them and heating up the cement on their street. Sweat glinting off their skin more from the heat than the activity in itself. The subdivision was quiet which wasn’t necessarily strange, although by now they would have had a neighbor coming out and yelling for them to get off the road due to the racket. Old man Ken’ichi came to mind with his hunched form and wooden cane, his little white dog, Sake, by his side yapping until his owner shooed him inside when the kids retreated to their own home. If given the chance, the dog would bite at their heels like herding sheep back into their pen if the dog ever managed to slip out. Which was too often. 

Sanemi sat at the steps of the old mobile home that faced the street, watching the kids with a steady eye as Koto was asleep in his lap. Drool sliding from the corner of the baby’s mouth that Sanemi would wipe away with his hand and rub it off on his t-shirt that he would surely change out of later. The door was open behind the older boy, but the screen door was closed stopping any unwanted buzzing guests from coming in. The clatter of steel pots and porcelain plates could be heard inside. Their mother was in the process of making dinner, a simple meal of white rice and with some mushrooms and onions mixed in they had found on clearance at the market earlier that afternoon.

Genya kicked the ball to Hiroshi who was across from his position. The boy tripped despite the straight shot, his foot getting caught on the pavement when trying to stop the ball and falling forward with a yelp. Eyes wide and hands shooting out to protect his face from smacking into the road under him. Laying face down with a long-suffering groan.

His siblings burst out laughing.

“You’re so clumsy Hiro!” Sumi laughed while bent over, her arms wrapped around her stomach.

“You're supposed to kick the ball, not give it a hug!” Teiko teased, hands on her hips and eyeing her brother amused.

“You suck at this.” Shuya snorted, and Genya in the corner of his eye saw the edge of Sanemi's lip quirk up in a semi smirk.

“Shut up.” Hiroshi grumbled, his cheeks red in embarrassment although the glint in his eye showed he wasn’t too offended. Genya giggled, wandering over to help him up.

“You okay?” He asked, his eyes already roving down the younger boy’s hands and legs to make sure he didn’t hurt himself while holding out his hand.

“I’m okay! Thanks Nii-chan.” The boy got up taking Genya's offered hand to be pulled up, although Genya lingered a few seconds longer to ensure Hiroshi was steady on his feet before turning to resume his position in the circle. His eyes caught Sanemi’s, giving a little wave that the older boy returned back with a simple gesture of acknowledgement. 

“Alright everyone, I’m back in the game!” Hiroshi called out, face set in concentration looking between his brother’s and sister’s for the next target. 

“Make sure to actually aim!” Sumi jeered.

“Says you!” Shuya crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at the girl. “I’ve had to chase that ball four times now.” 

“Five if you count the last one.” Teiko pointed out and Sumi gasped in betrayal.

“You’re supposed to be on my side! I’m not that bad.”

“The last time you kicked the ball straight it almost went into our window.” Teiko deadpanned.

“It's not my fault Hiroshi can’t catch the ball!”

“It went over my head!” Hiroshi cried out in defense. “I couldn’t catch that!”

“I think what everyone is trying to say is that you can kick, it’s just your aim needs a little more practice.” Genya stepped in diplomatically with an easy grin. “When I started with Nii-chan my first time, my aim was terrible.”

“You're just saying that to make me feel better.” Sumi grumbled. “Your aim is always perfect.”

“If kicking it at mom while she had been hanging laundry counts as perfect, I think the bar is a little too low.”

Sumi laughed, and Genya softened as the tension eased a little from her shoulders. Their attention finally turned to Hiroshi who aimed at Genya. Stepping a few paces back, taking a deep breath in, and surged forward, right foot extending to kick the ball and making contact. 

That flew right above Genya’s head and down the street.

Everyone groaned.

“Seriously?!” Shuuya and Sumi cried.

“You jinxed me with all that aim talk, it’s not my fault!” Hiroshi went red

Teiko snickered. “You just don’t do well with pressure, Hori.”

“Shut up Teiko!”

Genya laughed under his breath, turning and running down the street to catch up to the ball. The black and white sphere thankfully quite easy to spot amongst the grey as he drew closer. It stopping beside a parked black truck in front of the ugly yellow house that Genya could never stop cringing at when his eyes landed on it. The color not doing the house favors with it's peeling paint and sagging roof that intended to collapse any day now. Reaching the ball he decided to just pick it up for now and walk back with it.

Turning around, he held it up and called out; “I got it guys…”

He trailed off, blinking.

They were gone.

The road was silent, eerily so. Not a whisper of wind soaring past his ears or a bird sharing it's bird song amongst the branches. The door to their rented mobile home was open still with the screen visible. But not even Sanemi was on the steps with Koto snoring into his chest.

“Guys..?” He padded closer to where everyone had been originally standing, looking around. No one called out, and he clutched the ball tighter in his hands. The leather squeaking under his fingers. “Guys, this isn’t funny!”

Standing still, he hoped for Sumi’s tell tale giggle because she could never be quiet when playing hide and seek, or Shuya’s grumbling because Genya could instantly find him with how terrible he chose his hiding places. The boy would be the type to put a lamp shade on his head and boast the best practice was "hiding in plain sight" despite the glaring rocket ship pajamas he wore visible. But no one was there, and he felt a tick of anxiety start to rise in his chest.

“Sanemi! Shuya?! I’m serious, where did you guys go?” Looking around some more, head swiveling in desperation he paused when he heard soft laughter. Focusing on the entrance of their home, he heard soft chatter inside that sounded like his siblings mixed in with the voice of their mother. Was dinner ready? Genya hadn’t heard their mother call, but maybe he had been too far to hear her? If that was the case, everyone moved quite fast, they must have been really hungry.

Slightly relieved now, he made his way off the road towards the sidewalk heading to the creaky wooden steps that led up to the porch. But the more he walked, it was like he wasn’t making any progress. The trail of stone extended as he continued to walk forward, and he couldn’t help but quicken his pace. Why was this taking so long? The house was right there.

Anxiety brimming once more, a little sharper than before and clenching in his chest. The ball was still tight between his hands that had started to sweat from nerves. 

“Mom? Sanemi? Teiko!” Genya called out again, hoping someone would appear at the door and call for him to come join them. That he wasn’t moving farther away from the house and it was just his mind playing tricks on him.

But then he smelt it. Something acrid and pungent that slowly started to mingle in the air around him. He didn’t notice it at first, the first trace was a fleeting sniff that passed just as quickly like it wasn't there at all. Until the scent became stronger, causing goosebumps to emerge over the boy's skin from how strange it was. Unsure of where it was coming from until right before his eyes, hazy smoke started coming from the gaps of the mesh up on the porch.

Heart thumping now once the smoke caught his attention, Genya instinctively broke into a run. Dropping the soccer ball behind him bouncing down to the street below as he sprinted his way up the path to the house. But it kept expanding, separating him farther and farther and yet it was still right there. What should have taken only a couple of strides turned into a mile as he ran harder.

“Guys!?” Panic bled into his voice, high pitched as his feet pumped underneath him into the ground slapping against the pavement. Desperately trying to get closer as more smoke billowed in clouds, becoming darker of various shades of greys and even black. The smell harsher, pouring out of the house as the windows started to fog inside. 

And then, a crack like someone simply snapped their fingers.

The house burst into flames. 

Genya couldn’t help but stumble back from the sudden heat that hit him like a wave searing his skin. Eyes wide as the house, once a pale blue with cracked paneling and roof tiles that cascaded and gathered in the gutters from age and time started to melt and stain black. Flames eating away at the house as if it was a starved animal, the glass of the windows shattering deafened by the flames and allowing them to peer out of the openings to the exposed air. 

Genya screamed, scrambling fast, getting back on his feet and sprinting once more. Tears pouring down his face as his heart hammered inside just waiting to burst out. Throat clenching painfully as sobs wracked his body. 

“GUYS! Please get out!!"

He heard screams, little girls and boys wailing in pain. Screaming in a way that made Genya’s skin crawl as he ran harder. Crying out their names over and over and over again.

“Mom, Sumi!”

“SANEMI!!”

“Teiko, Shuuya!”

“KOTO, HIROSHI!!” 

He didn’t stop despite his throat squeezing from the exertion and shortening his breaths, the house now growing farther and farther making his panic soar. The path extending to the point that now it was a whole three blocks away instead of the measly few steps before, and the screams branded into his mind. Unable to escape as they called back now.

“GENYA!"

“HELP US!”

“GENYA!!”

"IT BURNS!!!"

Then suddenly the heat surrounded him.

The boy’s little body slammed through the screen door. Falling onto the tiled floor with a loud thump and knocking the breath from his lungs. Inhaling fast, only to choke as smoke filled them from the invitation, forcing him to cough as his eyes opened to fire.

The flames were hot, licking at his skin making him cry as he lurched up to his feet. Fire everywhere, riddling the ceiling, the furniture, melting the smiling faces hung on the wall of the kids gathered in a park. Their mother surely grinning behind the camera, a rare reprieve from their father when they left the house.

“Guys!!” He coughed, hugging himself and trying to squint through the blaze around. Too bright as they danced in the velvet of his irises. “Where are you!?”

The screams were louder now, erratic and visceral, bathed in pain that made him cry harder in hiccuping sobs and yet he couldn’t pinpoint them. The smoke growing heavier, his lungs heaving under the pressure as he picked his way through the house. Currently in the hall that faced the kitchen that was empty inside, a round pot still on the stove from his mother's earlier preparation.

“MOM! Please… cough…. Where are you?!”

“Right here honey.” He jumped as a gentle hand landed on his shoulder.

Genya whipped around hurriedly, slamming into his mother’s stomach and wailing into the apron. “Mom! W-what’s going on? W-where’s everyone, it… it hurts. I-it hurts so much! Its so hot!”

"Why baby, there here aren't they, don't you hear them?"

"B-but I can't f-find them mom!"

“You will soon. It's alright Genya, it’ll be over soon, honey.” The woman spoke softly, and Genya’s brows furrowed at the words. Peeking up.

And screamed.

Hollowed cavities met his gaze, eternally black and rounded where her tranquil blue eyes used to be. Her skin blackened and charred and peeling over visible grey bone, the teeth where her comforting smile used to be now peeled back and exposed in the yellow light of the flames around them. Clothes ragged and flesh smelling so putrid he wanted to gag now that the boy registered what was truly in front of him.

He stumbled back, falling onto is behind and screaming once more as she stepped closer reaching out. Bony joints aimed towards him in feigned concern.

“Baby, what’s wrong?" Her mouth didn't move, just her jaw opening as words flowed too clearly through them.

“HELP!!” Genya shrieked, legs so shaky and slipping under him numerous times against the ashen floor before finally getting up. Charging through the flames, panicked as his original path to the front door was blocked now. A beam had fallen from the roof, wood crackling drawing more flames to its position. He looked around desperately before taking another route through the living room, somehow hearing his mother’s shuffling steps behind him calling out his name softly, like her skin wasn’t barely clutching onto the bone waiting to turn to dust.

He weeped as the fire nipped his skin, leaving red and and blistering welts as he stumbled into the couch. Quickly reeling back as the faded fabric was aflame and almost caught onto his shirt that he quickly swatted out. 

“Genya!”

“Genya over here!”

Hearing the voice of his two siblings Teiko and Hiroshi. He immediately looked in the direction of their voices, and his heart dropped as more bodies approached. The hope dashed out as his siblings… his little brother and sister. They made their way towards him. But it wasn’t them.

Their skin peeled and curdled like their mother’s wandering through the flame unbothered by the heat that charred and burned their skin mercilessly. Opening their arms in expectancy, movement jaunty as they trudged closer toward him.

“Genya, come with us!” They cried in unison.

“NO!” Genya stumbled again, ignoring the pain as he bolted for the open door uncaring of the wooded beam that blocked his way and the wall of fire that had taken place. Rushing through, jumping over the beam and crying out at the flames that caught on his clothes, his shoes, his skin that bubbled from the heat as he soared through the air. But he landed, passing the threshold and through the door but his foot caught against a slab that made up the door framing and he wailed crashing down hard. His arm just a length away from the light. The street still quiet, no sound, nor even a car or person in sight. The street completely empty now.

Sobbing he crawled, fingers scraping against the tile and slipping from the perspiration that had built up. Tears pouring down his face in waves staining his neck and the collar of his shirt. Hearing a loud crack that reverberated the house, the fire eating away at the infrastructure that would surely cause it to collapse soon.

Thankfully, he managed to make his way to the porch. His body burning and pulsing, shaking from the adrenaline but he didn’t stop. Despite his lungs seizing inside him and wanting to collapse as smoke took up room. Trying to ignore the steps behind him drawing closer as he made his way to the stairs, rolling down them helplessly and falling onto the sidewalk of the pavement below. Coughing so hard, more tears brimming his eyes hacking the remnants of the fire. The house still crackling, and for just a brief moment, he closed his eyes wanting to rest now that he was out of there. Now that the screams of the family he once heard had settled into a deep silence.

Instead he opened them again, facing the street and his heart rose up. But not in fear.

Sanemi was right there, his back turned and still. Quiet, and Genya simply watched his unmoving back while the sky darkened above into a gloomy grey, clouds gathering. The space only lit by the blaze’s glow and reflecting an orange hue off the two boys below.

“S-Sanemi..?” Genya croaked. Shifting now to reach out with a shaky hand. Maneuvering his body to crawl his way towards him. “Sanemi! Nii-chan… p-please… I-I'm right here!”

But the boy didn’t move, and when he did after a beat, it wasn’t towards his little brother. 

It was away, away from the fire. Away from Genya

“Sanemi!” He called out again, wailing Sanemi's name over and over again. But his body was failing, movement becoming more sluggish as he continued his way inch by inch and yet the distance only grew. “S-Sanemi, Nii-chan I’m here! P-please help!”

But Sanemi didn’t turn back, becoming smaller and smaller down the desolate street. And no matter how much Genya cried, no matter how much Genya begged, the older boy didn’t turn around.

Not even when the house crumbled behind the little boy and the screams started up once more echoing the ghosts of once was.

“NO!” Genya shot up, panting heavily. Chest rising and falling in rhythm with his pounding heart trapped inside.

Blinking the tears away, he looked around.

There was no fire. No house crumbling above him or screams echoing against the walls. Just his room, plagued in darkness and the clock reading 3:09 AM. The bright red numbers and letters shining back at him tauntingly. 

Trembling, his arms raised to hug himself. The skin under him was fine, smooth and healthy and pale. Not rotted and charred from the hot flames that still felt like they blistered his skin.

He heard a soft snore in his ear, and glanced beside him to see Hiroshi dozing on his back. One arm hanging off the edge of the bed while the other lay across his chest over the blanket covering him. On the other side, Shuya was on the floor, face down and breathing into the pillow. Both of them had always been heavy sleepers, everyone had always joked they could sleep through a tornado. Which seemed to be proving right with how they hadn’t even stirred from Genya’s outburst. 

Taking in a shuddering deep breath, tears still clung to his lashes as he stared into the darkness of the room. 

It been so real. The way they called his name, the way they were having fun and kicking the ball. Only to morph into screams and his mom telling him everything would be okay while staring down at him with those unseeing holes for eyes.

How Sanemi had walked away.

Lip wobbling, he carefully got out of the bed pulling back the covers. Hiroshi and Shuya still snoring behind him as he tip-toed to the door from habit and opened it, slipping through the crack before gently closing it behind him.

He made his way down the hall, pausing at the door across that housed Teiko, Sumi, and Koto’s crib. Peeking inside, the door already opened. Spotting the two girls curled together on the bed, breathing softly. Koto between them buried in Teiko's chest, Genya guessed the baby must have started fussing causing the girls to take action. Koto had used to be in the boy's room, to which Genya hadn't minded. However, Shuya and Hiroshi had complaints about the baby being in their room and touching their toys on the ground when he crawled. That or pulled at their ears if Genya slept in the bed with the boy tucked against him and one of them slept beside the older boy. So eventually, the baby had been moved into the girl's room.

Continuing, he passed the master bedroom, not bothering to check inside. Unlike the others, their mother had always been a light sleeper. And based on the heavier snores coming from the closed door, she wasn’t alone and he didn't intend to disturb them.

He made it to the door at the end of the hall that was already cracked open. Softly pushing it open, he poked his head inside.

It was dark, but he saw the faint outline of his older brother under the sheets. Still, but Genya had a feeling he was already awake. Sanemi was always on alert even if there was a time of reprieve, catching any sound or detail out of place that needed mentioning. Genya slid through the partly open door and into the room, closing it behind him. A voice immediately rasped out, far to low for someone his age despite the intertwined exhaustion;

“What’s wrong?’

Genya hesitated, wringing his hands together before shuffling to the side of the bed. Glad it was dark and he wouldn’t have to look his big brother in the eye. He hated coming here like he was still a little boy and not ten years old, but that dream and Sanemi walking away… it rattled him.

“I… I had a nightmare.” Genya whispered, eyes flicking up to the body shifting in the bed. Imagining Sanemi’s violet eyes that matched his own looking up at him with a half-lidded stare. Exhausted but yet trying to grant his attention.

“Bad?” He asked. Although Genya knew Sanemi didn't have to ask if the boy was standing in front of him.

“Yeah…” A lump formed in his throat, and Genya tried swallowing it down. Hands shaking slightly as his shoulders quivered. “It… I don’t… I-”

“Come on.” Sanemi grunted, and the covers pulled back. The younger boy hesitated, unsure until he felt a callused palm wrap gently around his wrist. And Genya followed, climbing into the bed, immediately burying his head into Sanemi’s chest. Breathing in his scent, his shirt fresh from the laundry as it smelled faintly of detergent in that lavender fragrance their mother liked to buy.

Sanemi pulled the covers up over their shoulders, making sure it was snug around them both. Afterwards his arm wrapped around the smaller boy, hand hanging loosely behind Genya’s back just barely making contact with the nape of his neck. His other arm hidden under the pillow where Sanemi's head lay. Genya had his hands tucked them, skimming the older boy’s shirt and fiddling with the cloth. Heart still pounding loudly in his ears, breaths coming out faint.

“You want to talk about it?” Sanemi uttered lowly, breath steady and brushing the boy's forehead. Genya tried to match it, inhaling and exhaling in tandem.

“I… don’t know.” Genya whispered, tearing up again, this time one trailing down his cheek and falling onto the bed sheet with a quiet thump. “It was weird. And scary.”

“Nightmares usually are.” Genya gave a small nod of agreement at that. Lips morphing into a frown as he recalled the dream. The flames ingrained in his mind, and the way his family looked in the fire. The way their screams echoed the home as it consumed their very being.

“There was fire.” Genya said, moving to tuck his head under Sanemi’s chin as he continued. “The house, it went on fire. B-but before that. W-we were playing outside. Me, Sumi, Teiko, Shuya, and Hiroshi. You were there too with Koto, but you were sitting and watching.”

“Mm.” Sanemi simply hummed, an offering to continue to which Genya did.

“It was good, Mom was inside m-making supper. Ken’ichi hadn’t yelled at us yet for playing on the street. I don't know if he was home or not."

“You should have realized at that point you were dreaming.” Sanemi mumbled, and Genya couldn’t help but giggle softly at that. "That old man never leaves that house."

“W-well it was a good day.” Genya repeated, still staring off at his hands between their bodies. Holding onto Sanemi’s shirt now. “We were playing with the ball. And Hiroshi kicked the ball too far passing it to me. So I went to get it.”

“And?”

“And when I turned around…” Genya swallowed shaking again. “Everyone was gone.”

Sanemi didn’t reply, just letting Genya formulate his thoughts before he continued in a whisper. 

“I-I thought it was a j-joke at first, no one answered. But then I heard laughing inside so I went to go check it out. But the house… the path kept moving. I couldn’t get close and I kept walking but it just kept going. And I saw smoke-” His voice cracked, Genya’s shoulder’s shaking more now as he leaned in harder against the older boy. “Then everyone was screaming.”

“That must have been scary.” Sanemi said, his voice didn’t soften, but it was grounding enough for Genya to nod.

“I-It really was. A-and then, I kept running and finally got inside. Everything was so hot and the fire hurt.” Genya’s voice continued to ramble as everything came rushing back to him. Hands growing tighter on the shirt beneath his palms. His voice shaky and wet, tears escalated and streamed down his face. “Mom came, but she looked so scary and I screamed and ran. And then Teiko and Hiroshi were there too and they looked scary too, they were black, Sanemi! They smelled so bad and called my name and I just ran and ran and s-screamed. I finally got outside, and I saw you. But then… then…”

Genya sobbed, bringing a fist to his mouth finally detaching a hand from Sanemi’s shirt to attempt muffling his cries, squeezing his eyes shut. He didn’t want to cry, he was older. The second oldest, he couldn’t cry like a little baby, when he was younger it was different. When he’d crawl to Sanemi and sob, expecting a hug that his mother couldn’t give because she had too many others to worry about after they started coming one after the other. But he helped more now, he needed to be strong!

Yet the tears kept coming, grief clogging his chest and he only sobbed harder. Choking back the cries.

Sanemi was silent, but Genya felt his grip tighten around him. The hand hanging from his back trailing to the back of Genya’s head and pulling the little body snug against him. Letting the boy ride it out before Genya spoke again.

“Then you walked away…” Genya whispered between his sobs, unsure if he should have even admitted that or not. “You didn’t come back.”

Genya wanted to pull away ashamed. Because Sanemi would never walk away like that, he'd always been the one there to get in the way of a hand headed his way. To walk him to the park when the voices grew too loud and the glass shattered so they could get away from the noise. Pointing out the insects that climbed the tree bark or the colored birds in the trees.

And yet in that dream he had. Genya wondered briefly if Sanemi thought the boy was accusing him for doing that one day?

The grip around the back of Genya’s head tightened. Restricting him from going far, and instead the older boy adjusted how he lay on his side. His hand slipping out from under the pillow to grasp Genya’s wrist once more that was near the younger boy’s mouth. Pulling it away gently, and Genya couldn’t help but wheeze as his buffer was taken.

“Genya.”

“N-no…”

“Genya come on, look at me.”

“I can’t, i-it’s dark.”

“Don’t get smart on me.” Sanemi's voice dipped a little, but there wasn’t that much heat to it despite the words. “Just… come on look at me.”

Genya’s eyes fluttered open, his gaze trailing up to where Sanemi’s eyes would be. He could see the faint outline of the older boy's head in the dark from the window, just barely. But Sanemi seemed to sense he had the boy’s attention as his head slowly moved forward. And it lightly pressed against the boy’s forehead.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“B-but-”

“No buts.” Sanemi cut off, squeezing Genya’s wrist gently. “I’m right here, Genya if I could I would have ran into that fire and made sure none of you were in there.”

“I-I know…”

“You think I would do that to you?”

“N-No!” Genya said a little too loud, wincing and shifting back to a whisper. “I-of course not, i-it’s just-”

“Then it was just a dream, Gen.” Sanemi’s lips made contact with the boy's forehead before settling back into the pillow. The warmth fading as he pulled away. Tucking Genya’s head back under his chin. Sighing as his hand still held firmly onto Genya’s wrist. “Dreams aren’t reality.”

“So you don’t think it’ll happen?” Genya asked, closing his eyes and feeling Sanemi’s jaw flex above his head

“I don’t know.” Sanemi answered honestly, Genya tensed. “But I hope not, and if you keep thinking about it. You’ll worry yourself to death before it ever did.”

Genya nodded at that, sighing softly and relaxing in his older brother’s embrace. Listening to Sanemi’s breaths once more, and nuzzling into the boy’s collarbone.

“Thanks… Nii-chan.” Sanemi didn’t answer, but his hand on the back of Genya’s flexed and smoothed his Mohawk briefly before settling once more. The older boy staying wide awake until he felt Genya’s breath lapsed into a lull. And followed shortly after with a silent promise that he would never allow that dream into fruition.

At sixteen now, Genya didn’t know if he was asking to be put in a early grave or succumbing to becoming more pathetic then he already was. 

The dark was ever suffocating, he’d been wanting to turn on the light to illuminate the space. But considering he’d been standing in front of the door for fifteen minutes now, he thought, what was a minute longer?

He had that dream again.

The acrid smell, the burnt bodies. The house, moving farther and farther away no matter how hard he ran. How Sanemi turned his back on him.

He tried not to dwell on that last part. The years have changed, and in the end, Sanemi had come back. Even if it wasn’t the same that it used to be. 

Genya breathed in, looking down at his hands. Barely seen in the light that the moon seeped through the window at the end of the hallway. They were shaking, the dream always got to him no matter how old he got. It creeped up on him through the years, and after what happened, it came back tenfold. But tonight? His heart hurt too much and Sanemi was just across the hall from his room, would it be really so bad?

He got second thoughts the moment he reached the door and raised his hand to knock on the hardwood.

The teenager shook his head. Of course it was a bad idea. After everything, especially last night’s argument over that stupid test Genya got a B on at school in Math of course. Was Genya really gonna come crawling into his bed like he was a kid again?

Balling his hands into fists, he pressed one against his forehead. Sighing once more, shaky as his breaths stuttered at the end of his throat.

No, he wouldn’t go in. He’d turn around, pretend everything was fine. And in the morning, if the man decided to ignore him or not, it’ll be silent until Genya was dropped off at school before Sanemi drove himself to work like he always did. Like he hadn’t brought Genya under his care and sheltered and fed him and made sure he kept up with his grades after the funeral that consisted of more then one grave to fill.

Letting out a final sigh, he turned. Blinking the tears from his eyes that threatened to fall. He could do this, it wasn’t a big deal. It was just a dream. 

Dreams aren’t reality.

He made it two steps before the door creaked open behind him

“Why the hell you up at two in the goddamn morning?” That familiar rasp grumbled making the teen wince. Sheepishly looking over his shoulder to view Sanemi’s figure standing there. He had turned on the light of his bedroom, the glow of the room silhouetting his form dressed in boxers with his chest in full view and his toned arms and thighs and six pack on display. It always amazed Genya at how much the man bulked up compared to when they were kids. Although, the teen supposed Sanemi hadn’t been the only one. 

“I… uh-” What the hell was he supposed to say?

Sorry Nii-chan, I had a nightmare. Can I sleep in with you tonight and pretend this was all a dream in the morning?

The man would surely kick his ass down the hall and tell him to fuck off to his bedroom. Slamming the door behind him hard enough to rattle the walls of their apartment that always felt too small even if it was just the two of them occupying it.

Nervously, his hands clasped and he started to twist them. “I…uh… bathroom?”

“Bathroom?” Sanemi replied flatly, raising a brow. Eyes half lidded, there wasn’t anger in them. Not yet, but his older brother’s temper was like a storm that rolled in unexpectedly to shower the land with blistering cold rain and howling winds that rattled the windows.

“Yup! I uh… must have got turned around.”

“You’ve been in this house for four months and don’t know where the bathroom is?”

“Well it’s dark and I’m tired.” Genya winced at how irritable he sounded, waiting for Sanemi to snap. But the man just stared, and he didn’t know if that made it worse. 

Instead, Sanemi shifted to lean against the doorframe, crossing his arms and head tilting in consideration. Eyes roving the boy up and down, Genya taking the chance to step back.

“I'm going to… get going now—"

“How about you tell me what’s really going on without the bullshit.” Sanemi said flatly. “You’ve been standing at my door for the past fifteen minutes.”

“You were awake?”

“You're not exactly subtle.” He didn’t say that he was actually a light sleeper, Genya knew he was. Hell he should have figured that, but with how things have been. Many things had been slipping lately with the weight on his shoulders.

Genya shook his head, looking at the floor. “It’s nothing, just… it’s stupid.”

“Stupid enough to wander around like a cryptid?”

“Stupid enough that I don’t want to talk about it!” Genya snapped, and he flinched as silence settled between them. Heavy now. Spying Sanemi’s fingers that lay across his bicep flex. The corner of his lip twitching downwards so fast, if Genya hadn’t been watching, he would have missed it. 

“I-I’m sorry.” Genya backtracked, flushing and turning away hurriedly, hands shaking harder. “I-I’m gonna head to the bathroom now. S-sorry for waking you, g-goodnight-”

“Was it that nightmare?” Genya stopped in his tracks, frozen mid-stride, eyes widening. He didn’t turn around right away, but he could feel Sanemi’s gaze pinned on his back.

Clearing his throat the teen straightened, forcing himself to keep his hands straight at his sides instead of curling them into fists. Unsure what to say as he opened his mouth, the words fading on his tongue. 

Make an excuse, something to distract him! Nightmare, what nightmare Nii-chan?

“Yeah.” He said instead, and he cursed himself

You idiot, you IDIOT! Now he’s gonna think your the stupid kid he thinks you are and tell you that your being stupid and—

“Must have been pretty bad tonight.” Sanemi muttered, and Genya glanced back. The way the man’s voice almost softened. That caught him by surprise more than anything.

“Yeah.” Genya whispered again, gaze drifting down towards the ground. Pink tinging his cheeks that never fully lost the baby fat.

It was silent for a beat again, the AC kicking on in the background. It be a hot day tomorrow, it been the hottest summer of the year in Japan so far. Even the nights weren't as cool as they used to be. Thankfully Sanemi had one of those automatic AC's that didn't allow the apartment to become a boiling oven.

Genya decided he should just make the first move with how Sanemi was still staring at him. He'd walk to the bathroom that was only a door down since he was going with that story now. But instead, in his bewilderment Sanemi turned around and spoke over his shoulder without looking back.

“Come on.”

“Come… on?” Genya echoed, gawking as his brother turned off the light, and made his way to his bed. Far bigger than the beds they had grown up with, a king sized bed lined with bamboo sheets and plush pillows that were far too smooth to the touch.

He listened as Sanemi settled in the darkness of his room. Body sliding under the sheets, the shuffling of fabric before it stilled once the man found a comfortable position.

Genya didn’t move, was he supposed to? He wanted to, so bad, he really did. But… he wasn’t a kid. And, what if this was a test? Maybe Sanemi was playing with him, mocking all the times they were kids to toughen him up. After all they weren't kids anymore, and the grief they went through had morphed into bitter arguments between them and tense silences. Maybe they were past all of that now.

The teen stay rooted at the door, making out the man’s breaths before his voice spoke up cutting through the silence. “Either get in the bed or get in your own bed. Don't need you standing there all night.”

Wincing, the teen considered, hesitation digging deep into his bones. Maybe this was the real test, to show how much of a man Genya was and to prove to Sanemi that he didn't need to feel safe in his arms anymore. That he was as independent and not a kid anymore as Genya claimed to be.

Despite the rationality screaming in his head directing him to turn around. In a moment of weakness, his feet led him towards the bed.

Tip toeing quietly, even if Sanemi was very much awake, he reached the edge. Hands clenching the bottom of his t-shirt unsure. But he reached out with a shaky hand and carefully pulled them back. Slipping underneath the sheets until he faced away from the man and towards the wall.

It was still… too still. But Sanemi’s presence behind him was comforting. Heat radiating off of him, Genya’s back barely brushing his older brother’s much broader one. It reminded Genya of times past, the nights Genya would come crawling into his bed. Scared and weeping until he fell asleep against Sanemi’s chest. A part of him still wanted that, to turn around and bury his head into Sanemi and tell him how he felt, feel the puffs of air a top his head while arms cradled him into a lull that scared the nightmares away.

But for now… this was enough. It was a start. It was something and he felt something unspoken settle between them. Even if his back was turned towards the man.

And when the teenager finally drifted off, eyes fluttering shut and throat producing a snore that always tapered into a wheeze before each inhale. The older man behind him stayed awake until he did so. Before turning in the sheets to face the teenager's back. Looking at the Mohawk that trailed down his baby brother’s hair, having grown significantly since they were kids. Even if Genya was still one. Reaching out gently, an action Sanemi thought he didn’t think he’d remembered after so many years. Pulling the boy's back flush against his own body, one arm under the pillow while the other draped Genya’s side. Tucking the boy’s head under his chin like he’d done many times before back when it wasn’t just the two of them.

Eventually closing his own eyes, and just basking in his baby brother’s warmth that still trusted him after all this time. Letting him settle into a state that would make sure no nightmares would plague the boy this night.