Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You might be wondering, “Shuriken, how the hell do you live a double life while also working part-time at one of Thieves’ Den’s most busiest cafés while also having an extremely overprotective sister?”

To be completely, totally, and sincerely honest - he doesn’t know. Like, he did, but if you were to ask him exactly how he’d accomplished such a feat, the words would leave him on the spot.

One thing that he could answer on the spot, however, was how screwed he was gonna be when he got back home.

You see, Shuriken had dealt with a scuffle in one of the shadier regions of Thieves’ Den - nothing that he couldn’t handle, right? He’s the Silver Shadow! The people love him. He’s literally almost gotten blown up before and walked out of it like it was nothing. Because he is a professional.

…Except there had been one too many thugs, and he’d gotten his ass beat and then served to him on a plate. Not that he would be telling anyone other than you, dear reader. The Silver Shadow cannot be caught lacking.

He’d technically won, yeah, but thugs didn’t miraculously disappear when you bested them in a fight. And Shuriken didn’t particularly have the energy to track them down right now. He could go and do it - a professional such as himself can outdo some street thugs who pickpocket little kids for fun - but perhaps this once he could be caught lacking. Just for a little bit.

And now he had a particularly nasty bruise below his eye where one of the thugs had managed to land a hit on him and if Shuriken didn’t find a way to cover it up before morning, Vine Staff was going to behead him and feed him as fertilizer to her plants.

“Oh, Shuriken, you should probably tell your sister! I’m sure she would understand!” Is what you may be thinking at the current moment.

And Shuriken would tell his sister, honestly, but he’d gotten himself caught up in too much trouble that it would be just a little difficult to explain that, yes, he had almost gotten blown up on more than one occasion. Not to mention that Vine Staff almost exclusively followed the Silver Shadow’s activities when they showed up on the news, which had led to several scenes where Shuriken had to literally watch himself on TV while Vine Staff ate breakfast.

Anywho, Vine Staff was one issue. But Sling? Oh, gods. Slingshot was something else entirely.

His sister was overprotective, but Slingshot could sentence him to the treacherous activity of dishwashing.

Shuriken hated dishwashing. At home, it was annoying, but the three of them didn’t really use up any plates.

But at the café? That was a literal nightmare. Anybody on dishwashing duty was given the deepest condolences by the other staff because of how terrible it was. There were always piles of plates that never seemed to shrink no matter how fast you scrubbed, and they were always nasty. Shuriken would rather give himself up to Vine Staff’s flytraps than have to deal with that.

Anyways, back to his bruise. Shuriken has quite the habit of getting carried away. The professional has lots of amazing thoughts to think about, you couldn’t really blame him.

Shuriken, due to the nature of his job, was quite proficient in hiding bruises. Did it involve some makeup that he had to steal from his sister? Yes, it did. But the Silver Shadow, vigilante of Thieves’ Den, couldn’t risk becoming plant fertilizer.

He wasn’t any sort of makeup expert (unless his arm design counted, since he did have to paint on the design every couple weeks or so), and he’d had to search up how to hide bruises on incognito mode on his crappy laptop when he’d first become a vigilante. But now he could effectively hide his bruises without a second glance.

The issue? He was out of concealer.

And so, the Silver Shadow, the professional, the master of disguise, was going to a makeup store to find himself some concealer. (Not that boys couldn’t wear makeup. Shuriken is very supportive of everyone and how they choose to express themselves, you know. What kind of vigilante would he be?)

Shuriken searched for any makeup stores, which literally all turned out to be closed. What if the people of Thieves’ Den want some makeup at one in the morning? What then?

He ended up just entering a convenience store, going into the beauty section in his complete vigilante outfit. The cashier doesn’t even bat an eye - they look tired as fuck and Shuriken honestly feels bad for them. Working in customer service does something to the mind that can’t be fixed.

But anyways.

The Silver Shadow is a man on a mission.

A mission to find the right concealer shade.

He ends up spending way longer than he should picking between two shades before just eventually doing the ancient, sacred ritual of eeny-meeny-miney-moe and picking the one he lands on.

Shuriken also buys himself a bag of sour candies (a professional needs his nutrients) and then a bar of chocolate. And then another, to ward off his sister if she does end up finding out about his bruise.

He goes to the register, staring at the cashier, who barely even seemed to notice that a literal vigilante was in front of them. But Shuriken didn’t really mind. He wasn’t some big hotshot or whatever - a good vigilante is humble and doesn’t have an ego that could serve as an atmosphere.

“Your total will be.. 17 dollars and 37 cents. Cash or card?”

Shuriken pulls out a wad of cash he estimates to be about twenty bucks and hands it to the cashier. The cashier counts the money before handing him his change, yawning.

He grabs his items, but he slides one of the bars of chocolate over to the cashier. “You can have this, dude.”

The cashier blinks a few times, and then seems to wake up from the customer-service induced state of dissociation. “Wh- oh. I- uh, thanks, man- er, Silver Shadow.”

“‘M just a normal guy behind his mask. Get some sleep, man.” Shuriken shrugs, ripping his bag of sour candies open and popping one into his mouth. They aren’t as sour as he would like.

The cashier nods, opening his chocolate bar. “Yeah.. I will. Thanks.”

Shuriken nods, and then takes off with his grappling hook. What kind of vigilante would he be without his grappling hook, honestly? Every good vigilante needs one handy.

And now comes the tricky part. Getting home without waking up Vine Staff or Slingshot.

But you see, Shuriken is an intelligent man. Everyone knew that Shuriken snored loudly - even Shuriken himself! He is very humble about his faults, yes, everyone should clap.

Anyways, to prevent any sort of suspicions about his nightly excursions, Shuriken would play an audio of him snoring that he’d recorded a while ago from his Bluetooth speaker and then leave.

A master of trickery, if he does say so himself.

Luckily, his apartment is not too far from the convenience store, and he makes it there easily with a few large swings of his grappling hook. He remembered to leave the window open (thank goodness, that window was so squeaky for absolutely no reason), and so now he makes his descent into his bedroom, like a true man.

Shuriken cringes at the sound of his own snoring, but it is a necessity for his vigilante life to go under the radar. He heads into his bathroom, which is only a hallway across from his room, and locks the door behind him.

The bruise isn’t as bad as he thought it was, but still something that could get him fed to plants if he didn’t cover it.

Setting down his bag, he opens the concealer before scouring his cabinets for the color corrector he’d purchased. This bruise was more purple-ish, which meant he’d have to use the yellow corrector.

Shuriken wipes off his first layer of face paint before applying the yellow corrector. Then, he swipes on the concealer, pleased with how smooth it blends into his skin tone. See, the method of eeny-meeny-meiny-moe never fails him.

He heads back to his bedroom, tossing the bag into a corner before changing into his pajamas. Shuriken has not let the city of Thieves’ Den down tonight - he even bought a man chocolate. Isn’t that just great?

All in a day’s work.

Chapter Text

If there was one thing that Shuriken could admit about himself (other than being extremely handsome and talented, of course), it’d be that he was nosy.

And so, when a trio dressed in perhaps the most conspicuous clothes you could be wearing in Thieves’ Den walks into the café he works at, Shuriken really couldn’t help himself but to eavesdrop. Hey, that line kind of sounds like the start of a bad joke.

Shuriken is on serving duty today, which gives him the perfect opportunity to listen in on the trio’s conversation. Shuriken is using his resources, okay? Don’t blame him. He knows exactly what he is doing because he is a professional.

Being a vigilante, Shuriken needs to know what’s going on in Thieves’ Den, just to get a feel of what might be happening in the further regions. And his method of doing that? Listening to people yap at the café.

He didn’t know what Slingshot put in the drinks, but Shuriken had heard some of the wildest things while he was serving coffees and pastries. There was definitely some sort of drug that just enticed people to spill all of their life out in the span of an hour-long yap session while sipping coffee. Like that one time he’d heard that some girl’s husband had an affair with her brother. He and Vine Staff had been waiting for a sequel since forever, but the girl had never came back in after that.

Had Slingshot lectured him at least once about spying on the customers? Maybe. But the Silver Shadow needed his intel somehow, and he wasn’t about to turn down a perfectly good intel-collecting spot.

The trio is clearly not from Thieves’ Den - they actually look to be from Lost Temple, which gives Shuriken the shivers. Not that he’s scared of anything - the Silver Shadow is a fearless man - but Lost Temple had all sorts of odd activities going on inside, and Shuriken had even heard a rumor of some sort of weird cult completely taking over the place.

Yeesh. Could a faction just not be normal anymore? Blackrock had been one thing with its killer robots and questionable government, but Lost Temple with its cults and violent population was a fierce competitor for the “most fucked up faction nobody would want to live in” award.

But anyways. Again, a vigilante such as him who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except his amazing thoughts. Even if it means getting carried away sometimes.

He wanders closer to the trio, with some waters meant for a table a few paces away in his hands.

“Who are we even meant to be here for?” One of them asks. He had an almost posh accent - certainly not a Lost Temple one - and yet he was clearly from Lost Temple. Odd. Shuriken couldn’t really place where the accent was from, actually. Not that he was stupid, unlike what his roommates insisted. He was very intelligent and could easily claim his title as the world’s smartest man if he really wanted to.

“I’ve been hearing whispers about a new vigilante around these parts!” Another one replies. Shuriken had to try his best to keep from dropping the waters. “He could prove as a nice thief for our family, don’t’cha think, Rifle?”

The third one hums, inspecting her claws in the sunlight. “Yea, yea, whatever. We need new recruits, is what Broker is tryna say. And nobody in Lost Temple seems particularly willin’, so we’re gonna hafta extend past that.”

“So we’re outsourcing acolytes?” The first voice questions.

“Bingo, Doc!” The second voice answers.

“Don’t call me Doc.”

Shuriken hurries away, dropping off the waters before rushing back to the kitchen.

This was just dandy. Wonderful. Splendid, even. He had some odd cult from Lost Temple following him. No problem! He was a professional. And professionals could deal with some overly religious weirdos any day.

—

Shuriken couldn’t really lie, he was just a tad bit nervous about his patrol tonight.

Not because of any looming cultists trying to find him - oh, no. Totally not because of that. Shuriken is a master of disguise, the Silver Shadow, the hero of Thieves’ Den! He can do anything.

..okay, maybe he’s a little scared. But with how out-of-place and unnerving the trio looked - especially the one named Rifle - Shuriken would be insane to not be at least the tiniest bit scared. A true man only shits his pants a little in the face of danger.

See? The Silver Shadow is a very humble man who can admit his fears when it comes to it. There is no reason to be seeking him out for some sort of ‘family’, whatever sort of cult that was. He just wanted to protect his city, you know? Normal things to want to do in life.

So, what does Shuriken do to calm him down?

He brings a bag of sour gummies with him. Like any sane person would do in this sort of situation. The Silver Shadow may be very manly and magnificent, but he also samples the most exquisite sour gummies in his free time.

And off he goes into the night with his grappling hook and his gummies.

Shuriken’s favorite perch is at the top of a giant temple in the center of Thieves’ Den, which serves as a spawn point for most demons. It’s tall, and virtually nobody can see him up there, which means that he can’t get jumped by any cultists.

Wow, Shuriken is good at avoiding weirdos. He should get an award.

Except when he gets up to the top, there’s somebody there.

Okay. Okay. No need to panic. Maybe it’s a fellow vigilante, even though Thieves’ Den is severely lacking in those. (Seriously, it’s almost concerning. Shuriken would like to have a vigilante buddy, but, you know. He has to do everything himself these days.) Hopefully. Maybe it’s just some harmless guy who likes scaling really tall buildings for fun. Shuriken did that. This guy was just like him! Surely.

Shuriken scales the temple and settles down some ways away from the figure, digging into his bag of gummies. “Hey, dude.”

The man turns, and Shuriken does his best not to piss himself when he realizes it’s the man from the café. The one who had said he’d be a nice thief. And, well, he is a very good thief, if he does say so himself, but he steals from the rich and the rich only. The sort of thief this man was implying was the type of thief Shuriken did not wanna be. He knew when not to cross the line. He’s very good like that.

“Well, hello, there!” The man greets with excess cheeriness. “Are you the vigilante I’ve been hearing so much about?”

“Uhh.. yep. That’s me.” Maybe not the figure of strength with that introduction. But, alas, this was Shuriken’s super secret technique of pretending to be some sort of loser guy who works at a café and steals his sister’s makeup before revealing himself to be amazing and really cool. Yup. All a part of the plan.

“Say, would you be particularly interested in joining my family? We’ve got loads of vigilantes just like you! I’m sure it gets lonely here, as the only vigilante.”

Shuriken shakes his head. “Nah, I’m good.”

The man pauses. “..that’s it?”

“Yep. Want a sour gummy?”

“I.. okay then!”

Shuriken pulls a few sour gummies out of the bag, picking out the flavors he doesn’t like in the moonlight (he isn’t gonna be that generous to some cultist who probably is way richer than he will ever be) and hands them over to the man.

The man stares at the gummies for a second. “Thank you, I suppose! I’d best be off now!”

Shuriken hums. “Have fun doing.. whatever you do in your free time, dude.”

“Oh, I promise you that I will!”

Shuriken glances away, and when he looks back, the man is gone.

..oookay. He just disappeared. Nothing that Shuriken should be worried about. At least he still has his sour gummies.

Shuriken thinks for a moment, wondering what he should do next. It was too early for him to return home - Slingshot would probably still be awake. What could he do now?

Well. Let’s see.

He could:

1. Go try and find another vigilante (unlikely)
2. Get some more snacks (good option)
3. Wander around (decent)

And then he remembers.

Thieves’ Den doesn’t have another vigilante, but what it does have is a hero.

Specifically, one named Hannya.

The issue is, Hannya doesn’t really come around anymore - some people said he went into retirement, or something like that. Shuriken didn’t really know, but the guy was a pretty big inspiration for him, and if there was anybody more magnificent than him, it would probably be Hannya.

Not that Shuriken would be telling anybody this normally. You’re special, dear reader. After all, why else would you be reading his 100% foolproof guide on how to live a double life if you didn’t want secrets about him? Just because you like his character? Yeah, okay.

Well, actually - Shuriken wouldn’t be too upset about that, honestly.

Shuriken pops another gummy into his mouth. Considering that there were creepy cultists in Thieves’ Den, who seemed to be the exact type of “corruption” Hannya was always promising on getting rid of, there was actually a solid chance Hannya would reappear tonight.

See, Shuriken does have some brain cells, unlike what Vine Staff says.

And so, he grapples into the night, on a hunt for Hannya.

—

Despite how mysterious Hannya was, Shuriken actually found the guy patrolling pretty easily. Because, you know, Shuriken is a talented vigilante who knows exactly what he is doing. Mhm. Totally.

And - okay, here comes a momentary fanboy ad break - Shuriken just might be going crazy because he’s pretty sure he’s the first person who has seen Hannya in a couple of months.

Hannya. The guy was a little bit too slow on his feet for Shuriken’s liking, but it was his morals that made him inspiring. Yeah, morals. Shuriken knows what that word means.

And so, what does Shuriken do?

He jumps down behind Hannya and follows him. Obviously.

Except Hannya spins around, slicing his katana through the air like it weighs nothing. But it clearly does, because that shit is huge.

Okay. Maybe trying to stalk Hannya was a bad idea. But it’s okay! Because Hannya is literally only a couple feet away from him, and he looks so cool with his hero getup, and Shuriken really should ask him who his designer is.

Focus, Shuriken.

“Oh, hi, dude,” Shuriken greets with as much casualness as he can muster. “I, just, uh- wanted to say hi. Because, you’re like, a really big inspiration of mine. And you’re super cool.”

Hannya pauses, very clearly surprised by the interaction. (And maybe even astounded by how awesome he is.) “Who are you? Why were you following me?”

“Oh- uh, I’m the Silver Shadow! A vigilante. Who is a very nice guy. I give to charities, you know. And I was following you because, like, you kind of disappeared and I was just a little bit shocked about seeing you again. And I’ve always wanted the chance to talk to you in person. Not in a creepy way, though- I’m not a freak.”

Hannya just stares at him from behind his mask. “I.. see.”

“So.. um.. why are you back out, Hannya? Cuz, like, everyone thought you retired or something.”

“There has been whispers of a corruption spreading through Thieves’ Den,” Hannya explains. “Have you seen anything of the sort?”

Shuriken scratches the back of his head. “Uh, well, there was this guy who tried to get me to join some sorta family when I started my patrol.. he was kind of weird. I gave him sour gummies, though. He liked those.”

Hannya sighs. “He has been plaguing this city for years. I thought I’d gotten rid of him by now.”

Shuriken stands there awkwardly. He doesn’t really know what to say. And he always knows what to say. You couldn’t really blame him, though, because he’s standing in front of the great hero Hannya. You would probably be speechless, too. Hannya just has that aura.

“If you see him again, Silver Shadow, do not let his words get to you. They are demonic and intend to destroy you.”

“Will do, man.” Shuriken really doubts that the guy was demonic, but, you know. He’d take Hannya’s word over that weirdo. “Want a sour gummy?”

Hannya tilts his head to the side. “No. But thank you for the gift.”

“You’re welcome, bro. I’ll be off now.”

And then, in a display of his awesomeness, Shuriken launches his grappling hook and does a flip mid-air. Because why not? He can afford to show off a little in front of his idol.

Today has been a great day to be the Silver Shadow, honestly.

—

(Hannya is bewildered by the vigilante. He is positive it is one of his neighbors, Shuriken, the one who has an affinity for backflips. They sounded far too similar and he was eating the same sour gummies Hannya saw him eating earlier while hanging out with his sister. It isn’t difficult to make the connection.)

Chapter Text

Shuriken, for one, single, glorious day, gets to be unemployed!

Well, unless being a vigilante counted as a job. He didn’t think it did, considering it went against the law (although the law enforcement in Thieves’ Den didn’t really mind him that much anymore, all because of Shuriken’s amazing aura), but, you know. Life has lots of paradoxes, like how Vine Staff had once said she was speechless and then continued to yell at Shuriken for the next forty minutes for knocking over her plants.

But anyways, because Shuriken didn’t have to work a shift today at Slingshot’s café, he’d decided to go out on an earlier patrol and stop crimes. And while Shuriken did like getting paid, he did not like having to scrub the floor in order to get paid. The woes of working at a café where people apparently cannot afford to not eat like toddlers.

He sincerely doubted any illegal activities were happening in broad daylight, but some people really were that stupid. Crazy, right? Unlike Shuriken, who is the most intelligent person on the planet. Yup.

(Somewhere some ways away, Vine Staff shivers.)

And while he should be staying away from the place of his employment (a very scary word, honestly), Shuriken has been patrolling the city for almost an hour now and there has been no crime. Which is a good thing, but, like, come on. Can’t he stop at least one mugging? Save a cat from a tree, even?

..gods. A cat from a tree? He’s getting desperate. He needs his sour gummies, but he ran out on his last patrol and Slingshot would definitely question his financial decisions when he did their expenses at the end of the month. He can already imagine his words: “Shuriken, why did you buy a stock of sour gummies that cost over a hundred dollars? You do realize I don’t have to pay you, right?”

The thought of having no sour gummies to munch on truly devastates Shuriken.

And so, with his awesome grappling hook, Shuriken makes his way over to the café.

“But, Silver Shadow, aren’t you worried about getting recognized by your roommate?” Is probably what you are thinking right now.

But Shuriken is a professional, a master of disguise, the Silver Shadow! He is above getting outed in a cat café in front of his roommate who had once had to wear a maid dress for a whole month. He is simply too good like that.

And when he strolls into the café, wondering what sort of pastry he should get, he walks into a robbery.

A robbery! At his place of work! How blasphemous. Honestly, the robbers of Thieves’ Den should know better. Shuriken gets free muffins weekly,  and if that is ever taken away from him, he will cry.

Slingshot is at the register, having an expression of deep ire on his face. It’s a bit surreal to see him as the Silver Shadow, but, you know. This sort of situation was bound to happen at some point or another. Slingshot’s café was one of the most successful in Thieves’ Den - if Shuriken was a robber, he’d probably steal from it too.

..woah. Hey. This is the sort of thief the weird cultist guy wanted him to be. And that was a big no-no.

“Hey, dudes,” Shuriken greets casually. “Kind of rude of you to rob, you know.”

“Dude, what the fuck are you talking about? We’re robbing this place! We have guns! ” Said one of the robbers incredulously, waving their gun around in the air. As if the Silver Shadow isn’t smart enough to see it. Honestly, do these robbers take him for an idiot? Because he is not an idiot. Shuriken, the professional, the hero of Thieves’ Den, is probably a lot brighter than these robbers, who are stealing from a café in the middle of the day. What amateurs.

“Oh, uh, sorry- was me walking in not apart of the script? Sorry, man. I’d hate to ruin your main character moment.”

“I’ll literally shoot you right now.”

Shuriken holds his hands up in surrender. “Woah, woah, woah. Shooting is not cool, dude. That shit kills people, did you know?”

You may be thinking, “Shuriken, what the actual FUCK are you doing right now?”

Watch and learn, dear reader. This is all a part of Shuriken’s master plan to stop crime.

The robbers are clearly not very perceptive - just as Shuriken thought, because he knows everything and he is super cool - , because they don’t seem to notice his namesake gear in between his fingers. They are very cool and badass, yes, everybody should be in awe of how awesome Shuriken is right now.

In one swift motion, he sends his shurikens flying towards the robbers, which nicely plant themselves into their bodies. The robbers screech, picking out the shurikens.

And by the time they’re done, Shuriken is already behind them. They don’t call him the Silver Shadow for nothing, right?

And because he actually does know what he is doing, the robbers are crumpling to the ground with a swift kick to the back of their knees.

Wow. Shuriken is so cool. Because he just did that.

Not that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, of course. He is a professional who has done this several times before. He is the Silver Shadow, the hero of Thieves’ Den, and he just stopped a robbery because he just has that aura.

Slingshot just stares at him for a few seconds, and then shrugs. “Thanks, dude.”

“No problem, man,” Shuriken replies easily. “Say, can I get a muffin?”

“I’m not giving you a muffin for free.”

“Wh- I just saved your life, dude!” Shuriken sputters, throwing his hands in the air. “I deserve at least one muffin.”

“Yeah, but I need to pay rent. You either pay or you don’t.”

Shuriken groans, and then eventually digs out the money needed to pay for the muffin. Gosh. He does all this amazing and magnificent work for the faction of Thieves’ Den, and he can’t even get a muffin on the house.

Slingshot takes the money, placing it neatly into the register. “Thanks for saving my café.”

“It’s all in a day’s work,” Shuriken answers. “By the way, your shoes are sick, man.”

“Thanks, dude. I bought em’ myself.” Slingshot glances down at his shoes, which are perhaps the cleanest Air Jordans Shuriken has ever seen in his entire life. Shuriken doesn’t even remember seeing those in the apartment. Slingshot must keep them in a vault someplace safe. That was probably what Shuriken would do.

Shuriken turns to leave, but then Slingshot freezes. “Wait a minute. You- you sound a lot like-“

Oh.

Oh no.

He cannot get recognized now.

“Hah, gotta go, dude! Got crimes to stop, you know the deal,” Shuriken says hurriedly, in a noticeably deeper voice, before grappling away.

—

Slingshot is going insane.

Because he is fairly confident that the Silver Shadow, the most well-known vigilante in Thieves’ Den (and the only one, but, ignore that) is his roommate. His twenty-two year old roommate who exclusively eats cereal for breakfast and cannot wash his own clothes for the life of him.

He just wants to pay rent. That’s literally all he wants to do.

And buy some new shoes, too. He’s a bit of a sneakerhead.

He is actually really stupid for not figuring out earlier, and the entire time he was talking to the guy - who is Shuriken, gods, that is so weird to think about - he was just like, “huh, that guy sounds familiar. Oh well!”

And- oh, what is he gonna tell Vine Staff? Shuriken’s sister was not a force to be reckoned with when she was mad. She had almost threatened to get rid of his Air Jordans.

And-

Wait.

If Shuriken was the Silver Shadow, didn’t this mean Shuriken had almost gotten blown up before?

Slingshot slides down against the wall, putting his head in his hands.

He can’t do this anymore.

—

Remember his phrase, “a true man only shits his pants a little in the face of danger”?

Yeah, Shuriken was actually shitting his pants quite a bit at the moment. Well, not actually, he isn’t a toddler - gods, why did he phrase it like that?

Ignoring that fun sentence, Shuriken is not excited to go home. He is scared for his life.

And professionals don’t get scared, but in this sort of situation, they honestly should be.

Because at home, Shuriken is actually not the fearless Silver Shadow, but rather just Shuriken, who plays video games in his free time and puts his right socks in his right drawer and his left socks in his left drawer. Because he’s got too much free time on his hands. Hence the whole vigilante thing.

Shuriken is praying that Slingshot didn’t tell Vine Staff. If he did, Shuriken might as well lie down in the dirt and let the earth reclaim him as its child. It would be a less painful death than whatever Vine Staff had in store for him.

Shuriken grapples home with his heart pounding out of his chest, and when he crawls through his window, Slingshot is there. Waiting. With a very menacing expression on his face. Shuriken has only seen the guy this pissed off when someone tried to get a coffee for free with a coupon to a completely different store.

“Oh, uh, hey, dude- crazy coincidence that I just happened to grapple into your house, isn’t it? Like, totally. I’m not trying to stalk you though. That would be weird,” Shuriken rambles, although he knows his fate has been sealed.

Slingshot pinches the bridge of his nose. “You are in so much trouble.”

—

Shuriken is now sitting awkwardly on his bed, still in his vigilante costume, while Slingshot paces in front of him.

“Do you know how stupid this idea is? I- you’ve almost gotten blown up before! How in the world have you not died yet? I- I am astounded. I need a minute.”

Slingshot pauses, sighing deeply. “This is fine. This is fine.”

“I-“

“Not now, Shuriken.”

“No, dude, like, where is Vine Staff? Because, like, you’re scary, but she-“

“She’s still working. I’m supposedly on my break right now. And you should be home doing the laundry, but, you know. You can go ahead and be a vigilante. That’s cool too.”

“I did the laundry, though,” Shuriken replies. See, he is a good roommate who does the laundry for other people. What sort of roommate would he be otherwise?

“Good job, Shuri,” Slingshot says, in the tone of an exhausted mother caring for five children at once. “How did you even hide this for so long?”

“My fear of you and Vine Staff has made me a master of disguise.”

Shuriken winks at you, dear reader. Yeah, you should be lucky. Shuriken does not wink at just anybody. Well- no, that sounds really wrong. Shuriken is not trying to imply that, dear reader. He just has that natural charisma.

“There’s nobody else in the room other than us- who are you winking at?”

Shuriken shrugs. “Nobody.”

“Oh gods. I can’t deal with this. Nope. You know what, Shuriken? Go out and be a vigilante. I literally do not care. Just- ugh, just don’t die. And you still have to pay your portion of rent.”

Shuriken breaks out into a grin. His aura has prevented him from a painful death of being eaten by flytraps. “And, like, you didn’t tell Vine Staff, right-?”

“No, Shuri. This is the sort of thing she has to find out by herself. I’m too tired to try and explain to her that you’re the Silver Shadow when we literally got robbed today.” Slingshot seems to collect himself with another sigh.

“Cool, cool, cool. Just making sure. Uh, I’m gonna go and do some more crime-stopping things, now. Do you want anything from the store?”

Slingshot blinks. “Uh- buy some more onions. We need them for dinner.”

Shuriken nods, and then bolts out the window before Slingshot can get mad at him again.

—

Slingshot will literally never understand his roommate ever again.

Chapter Text

Shuriken, the fearless vigilante of Thieves’ Den, the Silver Shadow, a professional , a master of disguise, is being bested by a spider.

And, to be fair, so are his roommates. Shuriken isn’t completely at fault here.

It had all started during breakfast, when Shuriken had went to grab his usual cereal in the pantry. Because cereal is what all vigilantes should be eating in the morning, especially when they have an eight-hour shift of dishwashing ahead of them. (As it turns out, Shuriken had not been able to evade Slingshot putting him on dishwashing duty, and now he was stuck doing it for an entire week. A week! Shuriken is truly devastated.)

But, anyways, back to the spider.

He had been having quite the jolly morning, apart from Slingshot glaring at him across the table, with his poor, poor sister in the middle. Oh, how clueless she was.

..not that he wanted her to find out about his vigilante thing, of course. He just didn’t want his dear sister to suffer the wrath of Slingshot’s fury towards him. See? He does care for his sister. Shuriken should get the “best little brother” award, honestly. Every other brother in the world is lacking in his magnificence.

Anywho, Shuriken had gotten up to serve himself some cereal - and also to get away from Slingshot’s piercing gaze. He wasn’t really too sure on how long Slingshot would be mad at him, but the last time Shuriken had fucked up (which was referred to as the Air Jordans Incident), Slingshot had taken about a month to fully forgive him again.

And do you know, dear reader, what Shuriken saw when he went to go get his beloved, sugary cereal with no nutritional content whatsoever?

A spider.

And not a tiny, little spider that can do no harm - no, those are the spiders Shuriken quite likes, actually. No, this spider something of a nightmare, because it was way bigger than the average spider and it was colorful. Any fauna or flora that is brightly colored in Thieves’ Den has a 99.9% chance of being lethal. He had learned that the hard way when he had almost gotten eaten by a carnivorous plant once.

If there was something Shuriken hated about his faction, it was the amount of spiders they had. And literally none of them were “normal” spiders - they all had to be poisonous or have insane jumping lengths or being immune to death or something.

“Hey, um, guys?” Shuriken said slowly.

“Hm? What is it, Shuri?” Vine Staff asked, glancing up from her very balanced breakfast of toast, eggs, and berries. Yuck.

“Now, I don’t want to alarm you, but- uh, there’s a spider in the pantry.”

“WHAT?”

—

They are all currently hiding in the room furthest from the spider. Safety precautions, y’know?

Slingshot seems to be temporarily scared out of his anger at Shuriken - which is perhaps the one good thing the spider has done - and is entirely focused on getting rid of the spider.

His catchphrase, “a true man only shits his pants a little in the face of danger”, seems to be losing its meaning quite rapidly. Who wouldn’t shit their pants when there is a brightly-colored spider in their house? Honestly.

“We need a sacrifice,” Slingshot declares, and then turns with a glint of malice in his eye to Shuriken.

“Woah, woah, woah, dude, hey, let’s talk this out, alright? You know, you don’t have to do this. Why can’t you be the sacrifice, huh? Or Vine Staff-“

Vine Staff glares at him. Shuriken puts his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, sorry, wrong thing to say. But why me?”

Slingshot stares at him incredulously, and opens his mouth to reply, but then seems to realize that Vine Staff does not know why he is torturing Shuriken in this way. “It’s because you got my Air Jordans dirty,” Slingshot says instead. Shuriken is silently grateful that Slingshot has not decided to out him as a vigilante in front of his sister today.

“I did not! ” Shuriken squawks. “Maybe you just don’t take good care of your Air Jordans.”

Vine Staff gasps. Slingshot looks murderous.

Shuriken has fucked up big time, he realizes.

—

Shuriken is now the sacrifice.

He brought this upon himself, really. It is never a good idea to insult Slingshot’s Air Jordans, dear reader. Do that, and you will end up baked into one of his pastries. Learn from his mistakes, dear reader. Shuriken has a plethora of life lessons that can be learned from his blunders. Yes, he admits it. Only occasionally does he make mistakes. It is quite surprising to hear, I know.

But anyways. The Silver Shadow, the hero of Thieves’ Den, is now bait for a spider.

What a terrible way to die.

“Look, Sling, I’m sorry I dared to insult your holy Air Jordans, I won’t do it again, please-, dude, I can’t go into that room alone. Dude. Please. Vine Staff, help me.” Shuriken pleads, trying to make his best puppy face as Slingshot pushes him towards the kitchen. That method usually works. At a very young age, he has discovered that being cute is a weapon to be utilized.

Vine Staff simply shakes her head. “I think you brought this upon yourself, Shuri. I can’t help you.”

Shuriken is this close to knocking over a plant, just to spite his sister.

But then he remembers.

The chocolate.

Dear reader, if you have terrible memory, let me refresh you - back in the convenience store, Shuriken bought two bars of chocolate. One for the cashier, and then one for Vine Staff.

But Shuriken hadn’t given her the chocolate yet.

He smirks. Everything is going to plan.

“Well, I guess you won’t be having the chocolate bar I bought you,” Shuriken sighs dramatically.

Slingshot’s eyes widen in panic, immediately catching on to his spectacular plan of getting out of being sacrificed. “Vine Staff, no. Don’t listen to him. He’s lying.”

But Vine Staff is already gone. Because if there is one thing Vine Staff loves more than her plants, it is chocolate.

“You have chocolate?” Vine Staff whispers.

Shuriken nods, grinning. He knows he has won this bottle. “Yup. Sea salt caramel, too.”

Slingshot groans. They both know that there is no convincing Vine Staff when sea salt caramel chocolate is on the line.

Vine Staff rushes towards Slingshot, freeing Shuriken from his evil grasp.

“Sister, you deserve ten sea salt caramel chocolate bars,” he says in thanks as he scrambles away from Slingshot. “I will personally fund your sea salt chocolate campaign.”

And then, a devious, quite malicious idea pops into his head.

Shuriken starts pushing Slingshot into the kitchen. And Slingshot isn’t wearing any long sleeves today, which means he is more at risk of the spider jumping on him. Vine Staff catches on, and with the power of pure sibling magic, they trap Slingshot in the kitchen.

Slingshot screams bloody murder as he desperately tries to escape the kitchen, but Shuriken has successfully captured him. It’s almost like Pokémon.

“You two are both going on dishwasher duty after this,” Slingshot promises with a murderous glare. The words almost feel like a threat. But Shuriken fears nothing from a man who is currently trapped in the same room as a spider.

But just as Shuriken is about to celebrate his victory, Vine Staff freezes.

“Shuriken. The spider is on your arm.”

—

Slingshot locks the door of the apartment behind them. Shuriken is shaking from fear. Vine Staff pats his back reassuringly.

“It was nice living there,” Slingshot murmurs mournfully. “I guess we’ve got to live on the streets now. In a dumpster, maybe. Do you think I can convince Skate to let us live with him?”

Shuriken is far too traumatized to speak. The Silver Shadow, the professional, is, like, 90% sure he just pissed his pants.

Vine Staff peers at the next door, which is where their lovely neighbor, Katana, lives. He speaks exclusively in proverbs and keeps telling Shuriken to “think before he acts” (which is probably the most lame thing he has ever heard). Recently, he seems even more watchful of him, which is like, totally weird. He even tried making small talk. It was a scary experience.

“Do you think we can get Katana to kill the spider for us?” Vine Staff wonders aloud. Shuriken turns to her as if she is the SFOTH themselves, because, with this sort of epiphany, she is an angel in disguise.

Slingshot is already knocking on Katana’s door. Within a few seconds (and some very heavy-sounding footsteps), the door opens.

“Hi, Katana!” Shuriken greets the man casually, as if he isn’t trying to recruit him into a suicide mission to kill a spider.

“Katana,” Slingshot says seriously. “We need you to kill someone.”

Even though Katana is wearing a mask, Shuriken knows his eyebrows just shot up in surprise. He’s an intellectual like that. “Pardon me?”

“What Slingshot means,” Vine Staff interrupts hurriedly, her expression sheepish, “is that we have a spider in our apartment and we need you to kill it.”

Katana huffs. “A spider?”

“A really big, colorful, scary spider,” Shuriken confirms with more fear than someone recollecting a murder.

Their neighbor sighs, and then nods. “Give me a moment.”

Slingshot unlocks the door for Katana, and then salutes him. Vine Staff and Shuriken do the same. Katana will need all the support he can get.

Katana goes in, and Shuriken holds his breath. This is a very suspenseful moment, reader, if you couldn’t tell.

Katana exits not even a minute later. “The spider is dead.”

And now, the Silver Shadow, the hero of Thieves’ Den, can finally rest easy.

The trio of roommates thank Katana profusely before returning back to their humble abode, which is now spider-free. Shuriken can admit that, just this once, the Silver Shadow needed just a tiny bit of help with killing a spider.

But there is just one, tiny, small thing bothering him. Because Katana sounds so familiar, like he’s talked to him before - which, he has, but not very recently, but he could’ve sworn he’s heard his voice before someplace else-

Shuriken gasps out loud.

Hannya, his idol, perhaps the best man ever (apart from himself), is his neighbor, Katana.

And what does Shuriken do after having this revelation?

He goes and buys some more sour gummies.

—

“Uh, do you know why Shuriken just gasped, or-?” Vine Staff asks inquisitively, turning to Slingshot with a bewildered expression on her face.

Slingshot sighs. “He probably just found out that I ate the last of his chocolate.”

“Wait- my chocolate?”

Whoops.

Chapter Text

Shuriken is going to stop some actual, real-life crime today!

You see, dearest reader, Blackrock has been a major issue to Thieves’ Den, with all of its nasty pollution and the such. Because, you know, when can Blackrock do anything right?

(Someplace far away, Medkit smiles.)

And so, Shuriken is taking it upon himself to completely wreck one of their closest facilities. Because why not? He can do anything! He is the Silver Shadow, after all. And the Silver Shadow helps out his faction when he can like a good citizen.

..Okay, actually, maybe he should think this through a little. Blackrock is one of the most dangerous factions to be in, especially as an outsider, and specifically targeting their facilities would probably result in ten Biografts on his trail.

But Shuriken would be so cool afterwards. Like, yeah, he completely wrecked a facility that’s been polluting his faction for years. Hell yeah.

And - this secret stays between Shuriken, you, and the author, reader - if he’s being completely honest, he’s just the tiniest bit nervous. Just a smidgen. Barely noticeable.

But he is a true man. And a true man only shits his pants a little in the face of danger.

Shuriken should get an award for best quote, honestly. That is such a good line. He should probably trademark it.

—

Shuriken can tell he’s getting closer to Blackrock because the temperature drops significantly. And because Thieves’ Den is a lot warmer and more humid, it means that Shuriken’s vigilante costume - which is made to be breathable and light - is not helping to combat the weather.

But Shuriken is an intellectual, and so he wore a hoodie on top of his normal clothes. Genius, right? He can’t really afford to make an entirely new vigilante costume suitable to Blackrock’s climate, so this is what he’s gonna work with.

He isn’t as used to having this sort of extra weight on him while he’s patrolling, but, you know. Shuriken is not gonna let some corrupt capitalists ruin his faction. (If you couldn’t tell, Shuriken hates corrupt capitalists. Everyone could clap now.)

Thankfully, the facility he’s targeting in particular is one of the closest to his faction that he knew of, which meant that there was a pretty low chance the temperature would drop to subzero. You really never knew with Blackrock, though. Last he’d heard, they’d gotten rid of all their living scientists and replaced them with robots. Because that was totally the most logical thing to do. Yep. 100%.

And so, in all of his magnificent, amazing aura, Shuriken slips into the facility with little to no trouble at all. He is on the lookout for any sort of security cameras, though, because gods know what sort of booby traps they have in store for him. There’s probably some sort of noxious poison that kills him slowly and rots his body or something like that.

(Subspace gets a bad feeling someplace far away. Honestly, Shuriken has no idea how he keeps doing that. He’s just That Guy.)

Not that he’s going to die, of course. He’s way too awesome for that.

..and, also, Vine Staff would probably kill him if he died.

Shuriken sneaks through the hallways of the facility, taking out any cameras he sees with a quick flick of his wrist and his namesake gear. He feels so badass right now. Like an actual, honest-to-SFOTH hero. This is probably something Hannya would do.

Or, rather , Katana . Because his forty-something year-old neighbor who drinks herbal tea has been his lifelong idol. Just another day for Shuriken, y’know?

..actually, come to think of it, Katana probably wouldn’t do this. Probably because - and don’t tell anybody that he is about to slander Katana’s name - the guy is way too slow and his gear is way too noticeable to be sneaking into a Blackrock facility. Shuriken, on the other hand, who is super cool and awesome and is the hero of Thieves’ Den, is the stealthiest man that ever lived and does not have an excessively giant gear.

Well, that is, until he crashes into somebody, and gets promptly punched in the gut.

Shuriken clutches his stomach, hissing under his breath. “ Ow! Damn, dude, did you really have to do that?”

But when he looks up, he’s, like, 90% sure this guy is not from Blackrock. And he’s thankfully not a Biograft. He doesn’t think Biografts can punch you in the gut without impaling you.

The demon stares at him for a second, confused, before crossing his arms. “What are you doing here? Are you a spy for Blackrock or somethin’?”

Shuriken laughs at the thought, then winces at the pain that follows. “Do I look like a spy for Blackrock? I’m clearly from Thieves’ Den, dude. Are you blind? You should probably get your eyes checked.”

The demon doesn’t look impressed. “Blackrock has pulled this sorta bullshit on me before, kid. Better get your ass outta here before I knock you out.”

Geez. This guy is aggressive for literally no reason. Shuriken’s just a chill guy, man. He doesn’t want any trouble. He just wants to get rid of some corrupt capitalists.

And, also, he’s not a kid. Just because he plays Pokémon does not mean he is a child.

The guy blinks at him. “You play Pokémon?”

Whoops. He must’ve said that aloud.

“Yeah, bro. I’ve got a shiny Scyther, you know? He’s super overpowered.”

“Oh, sweet, dude. I’ve got- I mean, dude, what the fuck are you talking about?”

But Shuriken grins. What are the odds that he and this random other guy are both invading a Blackrockian facility and they both like Pokémon? Honestly, today is a great day to be the Silver Shadow. Being a vigilante can get you lots of new friends, kids. Well, it can also get you a lot of enemies, too. But only if you’re not the charismatic and charming Silver Shadow, which you obviously aren’t, because you’re reading fanfiction right now.

The guy crosses his arms, amused. Shuriken takes note of how fucking jacked this guy is. He’s gotta be a boxer or something to have biceps like that. Like, it’s impressive. He can appreciate a guy who goes to the gym a lot.

.. not that Shuriken likes looking at other men because of their muscles. He isn’t gay. He is an ally, he’ll have you know. Because gay people are cool. What sort of vigilante would he be if he was homophobic?

Gods, he’s getting off-track. One moment, you’re invading a Blackrock facility, and the next, you’re assuring the reader that you aren’t gay. The duality of man.

“So, you’re looking to get rid of these bullshit Blackrock facilities, too?” The man asks.

Shuriken nods. “Yep. They’ve been polluting the crap out of Thieves’ Den.”

“Well, I just hate Blackrock, but, good for you, man.”

He snorts. Whoever this guy is, he likes his vibe. Shuriken wishes there were more vigilantes in Thieves’ Den so he could have conversations like these.

Speaking of. He should probably ask for the guy’s name. Y’know, just in case. It’d be a shame if he never caught the name of a guy who hates Blackrock and loves Pokémon.

“What’s your name, dude?” Shuriken asks curiously, straightening himself upright.

“Coil,” he responds, “but I go by a lotta names nowadays.”

Shuriken is fairly sure the guy is using his real name, and judging by his clothes, he’s probably not from Thieves’ Den. It wouldn’t hurt to use his real name with this guy, right?

“Mine’s Shuriken,” he replies. “Now, can we go attack this place or what?”

Coil grins. “I thought you’d never ask.”

—

As it turns out, him and Coil make a pretty good duo for getting rid of corrupt capitalists.

Coil’s plan had been to completely wreck the main communication systems in the facility, and Shuriken’s plan had been- well, he didn’t really have a plan. He was relying on the ancient method of “fuck it we ball”, which usually never let him down.

The comms system of the facility, as Coil had put it, was the part they needed to take down first, as it would completely ruin their plans of trashing the place if a message got back to Blackrock. Shuriken got the distinct feeling Coil was very experienced in this sort of work- which, honestly, Shuriken found super cool.

See? Even the Silver Shadow can appreciate other people’s aura sometimes. His aura in particular is just the best.

“So, do you just blow up Blackrockian facilities for fun, or-?” Shuriken asks while they’re walking to the comms room.

“Yeah, that sums it up pretty well,” agrees Coil without a beat of hesitation. “In fact, you could call me something of a vigilante.”

Oh boy. Shuriken is talking with another vigilante. Today might just be the best day ever. And this guy knows what he’s doing, clearly, as he isn’t dead yet and speaks about these facilities as if he knows them like the back of his hand. 

“Well, I’m Thieves’ Den’s one and only vigilante!” Shuriken chirps with pride. “The best in the faction!”

“Well, if you’re the only one, you’re automatically the best-“

“Okay, man. Too far.”

“I’m literally just stating the obvious.”

“Too far.”

Coil shakes his head, muttering. Shuriken grins like an idiot from behind his mask.

He and Coil arrive at the comms room, which has two Biografts stationed inside. Shuriken doesn’t think his gear will do anything to these guys - they seem hella armored. Like, more so than the usual Biograft.

Not that the Silver Shadow can’t take a challenge. Shuriken has his dagger for situations like these where his gear isn’t really the most useful thing to be using.

He slips the dagger into his hand, watching Coil tense up and bring his fists in front of his face. The tubes on his arms start to glow red, and Shuriken isn’t sure about you, but if some guy starts charging towards you with his body modifications turning red, he’d probably piss his pants. Coil turns to him, and then nods.

And in a super epic battle fight scene, Shuriken and Coil throttle the fuck out of the Biografts. Those hunks of metal didn’t stand a chance.

Dismantling the comms system is probably the easiest part of the entire process - Coil literally just starts punching everything and doesn’t move on until sparks fly.

Maybe not how Shuriken would’ve done it, but it gets the job done, he supposes.

Once Coil is done completely beating the shit out of the comms systems, he wipes off his hands and turns to Shuriken. “We’ve got two options, here, kid. We can either blow the place up, or we can disable the main systems and call it a day. Your choice.”

“I’m not a kid. I’m twenty-two!”

Coil pauses. “Damn. Thought I was older than you.”

Shuriken stares, mouth agape - not that Coil can see with his mask. “You’re younger than me!?”

“I’m twenty. Now answer my question.”

Coil seems to be in a bit of a hurry to forget about the fact that he’s two years younger than Shuriken and is taller than him. Taller than him, the great Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den! Today is a terrible, terrible day for the 5’7” community.

“I think it’s easier to just blow the place up,” Shuriken answers, collecting himself. He doesn’t really care about what happens to a place that is run by corrupt capitalists.

Coil laughs. “I like the way you think. Now, c’mon, I’ve got an idea.”

Shuriken wanders over to where Coil is standing as he kneels over the Biograft he completely obliterated , flipping the thing over and popping out the back hatch. Inside, there’s an orange crystal, pulsing with energy. In fact, it kind of resembles the one stuck onto Coil’s horn.

“These crystals are hella explosive when they react with heat. It’s why Biografts completely break down when they overheat. But, if we take all the crystals out and light em’ on fire, we can effectively blow up the place and leave no trace.”

Shuriken blinks. “Dude, have you done this before?”

Coil scoffs, as if what Shuriken said personally offended him. “Whaddya think? ‘Course I have, bro. Go scout out the place for Biografts and take their crystals, then come back.”

Shuriken nods, then runs off into the hallways, his mind whirling. This is probably the wildest thing he’s ever done, ever. He hates Blackrock, yeah, but he’s never blown up their facilities before. He didn’t even know you could do that without dying.

But he is a man on a mission.

A mission to kill some Biografts.

—

When he returns, his arms are full of crystals. As it turns out, Biografts are pretty stupid and fairly easy to kill when they’re caught off-guard.

Coil takes some of the crystals out of his arms, and then beckons for him to follow. Shuriken stumbles behind, very careful not to drop any of the crystals. Coil leads him to a room with fucking lava beneath them, which is totally not terrifying. Because, you know, Blackrockians can afford to have lava floors for fun. Why not?

On the side of the wall, there are several vents where the heat can escape. Shuriken can already tell what’s going to happen, and by the SFOTH, is he stoked. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience!

“When we drop the crystals in, we’ve got about a minute before they explode. You better be fast, dude, or else there’s no savin’ you.” Coil explains.

“Don’t worry about me, dude. I’ll be fine. Now, c’mon before my roommate wonders where I went.”

Coil yanks one of the vents open, nods, and then dumps all the crystals inside. He doesn’t even wait for Shuriken before he bolts, and Shuriken hastily shoves all of his crystals inside the vent, too, before chasing after him.

Gods. Coil is cool, but not waiting for him? That’s truly devastating. What if Shuriken gets blown up, huh? What then?

Oh, crap. If this ends up on the news - which it most definitely will - Slingshot is never going to let him go outside again. He’s screwed.

..well. At least he got to blow up a Blackrockian facility. That’s not something you get to do everyday.

Because Shuriken is so agile and awesome and amazing, he’s speeding out of the facility in no time at all, and even when he’s outside, he doesn’t stop running. Neither does Coil, for that matter.

And then it happens.

The facility explodes.

It is loud and it is huge, and the ground shakes beneath his feet, but Shuriken only laughs in elation. He is so fucking badass for that.

Once he and Coil are a safe distance away, he wipes off his costume and sighs. “Wanna go get some burgers?”

—

Coil and Shuriken are now eating burgers in Thieves’ Den.

The diner they found is one of the only places that serves 24/7 burgers, and even though it’s not cultural food (which Shuriken still devours, by the way), it still slaps. Note to self - if he wants to eat some good burgers, do it after he blows something up for maximum effect.

At this point, he’s spent enough time with Coil where he doesn’t really care about his mask anymore. Besides, the guy isn’t even from Thieves’ Den - it’s not like he’s gonna snitch on him to Vine Staff. A real bro wouldn’t do that.

..also, Shuriken can’t really eat his burger without taking off the mask. So. Y’know.

Coil, as it turns out, is a ravenous creature of the night, and is downing his third burger with no end in sight. Shuriken worries for him.

They’ve exchanged numbers, too, for Pokémon related chats. Because if you meet a Pokémon bro, you don’t leave him hanging. You make him a lifelong friend.

And now, Shuriken can finally say that today has been quite a good day.

All in a day’s work.

Chapter Text

Shuriken is having possibly the worst day ever. Like, he’s pretty sure that it cannot get much worse than this. Actually, no, it would be really bad if he ran out of his sour gummies, but luckily, he’s stocked up on those.

His first issue of the day had been Slingshot absolutely grilling him about blowing up a Blackrock facility as soon as Vine Staff left the house. Like, the dude had been livid. Shuriken has actually never seen the guy this pissed off before, although a close competitor would have to be the Air Jordans Incident, which Shuriken swears to never speak of again to save his own dignity.

“Look, I was skeptical about the vigilante thing, whatever,” Slingshot had said, putting his hands up in the air as if he were surrendering. The guy was probably surrendering all his aura to Shuriken, who is the most aura-ful person ever. “But you literally blew up another faction’s building in their territory. Do you know how fucking dangerous that is, Shuriken? What if someone had spotted you!? What then?”

“But I didn’t get caught,” he had argued. And Shuriken’s logic was basically foolproof. If it didn’t happen, why worry about it? Seems like a big waste of time. “Look, dude, I know what I’m doing, alright? I’m not an idiot.”

Of course, Slingshot hadn’t listened to him. And Shuriken kind of understood where he was coming from, but, like, geez. If Shuriken was stupid enough to get caught - which he isn’t, by the way, because is an intelligent professional who knows exactly what he is doing - he probably would’ve gotten caught already.

And now, Shuriken is on a month of dishwasher duty, at home and at the café. An entire month! Him, the courageous Silver Shadow who had gotten rid of corrupt capitalists in a very awesome and badass way, was being subjected to peasant work. He wouldn’t stand for this.

But this isn’t about his month-long dishwasher duty. He has bigger fish to fry here, man.

And that fish was the fact that he is wounded - quite badly, if he does say so himself - and he’s scrambling to hide away his bloodstained vigilante getup before either of his roommates get home.

Okay, maybe that fish was a little too big to fry. Sorry, reader. But there is really no nice way to phrase that he has been brutally injured and is bleeding out on the streets as you read.

Shuriken isn’t gonna sugarcoat it - the wound hurts like hell. It’s absolutely nothing like he’s ever dealt with before, and, like, it does not feel awesome sauce. In movies, injuries looked badass, but in Thieves’ Den, they made Shuriken look like a haggard man who is on the brink of death.

He has literally no idea how he got injured in the first place, too. He only knows that he got ambushed - which is ridiculous, honestly, because he’s meant to do the ambushing here - and got fucked up on a spiritual level.

..And he just might be trembling out of pain and he might be fighting off the urge to cry and go vomit into the toilet. Which is not very aura-ful of him, if he does say so himself. He has a reputation of magnificent, amazing aura to uphold, and he is not gonna let some pesky wound in his side ruin that for him. Even if the wound hurts like a bitch.

Gritting his teeth, Shuriken picks himself up and stumbles towards the bathroom, where he can hopefully clean up this whole mess before Slingshot can give him a billion years of dishwashing duty. That, along with running out of sour gummies, would be universally declared as the worst day ever.

But as he’s on his way there, Shuriken hears the worst thing ever.

Vine Staff’s voice. In the house. When she is meant to be out and about .

Shuriken isn’t a very religious guy, but he starts praying profusely to the SFOTH, because there is no way he is going to survive this interaction with his sister without some divine intervention.

(On a comparison chart between an open wound and Vine Staff when she is angry, Vine Staff is 100% more lethal.)

—

There are lots of emotions running through Vine Staff’s head right now.

But before she can even think about being mad, she is immediately overcome with perhaps the biggest wave of sisterly protection that she has ever experienced in her entire life.

“Shuriken, what- what happened to you? ” She breathes, dropping her arms full of groceries onto the floor with a thud.

Shuriken grins weakly at her. “Do you promise not to get mad?”

And Vine Staff knows immediately that Shuriken is in big trouble. Because any younger sibling knows that asking someone if they “promise not to get mad?” is essentially the same thing as saying “I’m in some deep shit, please don’t kill me”.

Vine Staff rushes over to her brother - who is dressed in the same exact clothes as the Silver Shadow, and-

Oh.

Oh.

Her brother is the Silver Shadow.

Her- her brother, who can’t even fold his shirts properly, is the Silver Shadow.

The gravity of this connection doesn’t hit her until much, much later. Because right now she is entirely focused on making sure her brother does not die. She deserves the “greatest big sister” award after this, truly.

Vine Staff ushers Shuriken to the bathroom, ordering him to take off his shirt. Shuriken sighs, winces, and then tugs off his garb, which is stained crimson from the blood.

And seeing her brother injured, with a giant wound in his side, makes Vine Staff see red.

But she cannot afford to be angry right now. Right now, she needs to heal. Only later can she worry about murdering the person who dared to lay a finger on her brother.

Vine Staff summons her gear in one, smooth motion, a sprout forming in the palm of her cursed arm while her other hand hovers over the injury.

She isn’t exactly sure how she heals. She just feels the life energy from the plant and funnels it into whatever bruise or scrape or rash she’s healing at the moment, and then it just turns out good as new, as if nothing had ever happened. She is praying that it works with Shuriken.

With a few minutes of intense concentration, the gash is sealing itself back together, and the skin is healed, no stitches needed.

Shuriken sags with relief, and then wraps her arms around her in a tight hug. “ Thank you, ” he whispers, and his tone is so genuine that it genuinely surprises her. Not that her brother isn’t genuine, but he rarely shows it through words.

And then, when they are done hugging, she puts her hands on her hips and offers Shuriken a glare that could kill a grown man. “You better have a good explanation for this.”

—

Suffice to say, Shuriken is cooked.

He’s 100% sure that he is never going to be able to patrol again after he has just received the absolute worst lecture ever. Not even the promise of a sea salt caramel chocolate bar paired with a bouquet of hyacinths - Vine Staff’s favorite flower - can get him out of this one.

It was nice knowing you, dear reader. But there is a very good chance Shuriken is never going to be able to leave the house again without Vine Staff finding out in one way or another.

…

SIKE!

Oh, boy, you should’ve seen the look on your face. Yeah, right. Shuriken is way too good to give up his vigilante career just like that. Also, that shit was expensive, and Shuriken would literally rather scrub the floors of the café for all eternity than to give up his getup for free. Shuriken is a man of business, you see - surely you understand,

He’s still in trouble, yes. He has still suffered the wrath of his sister and barely made it out alive, yes. But the Silver Shadow is going nowhere.

“I can’t stop you from sneaking out, can I?” Vine Staff had murmured at the end of her screaming/lecturing speech.

Shuriken had shrugged. “You’re a lot scarier than whatever I’ve seen out there, Vine. I’m pretty sure you can.”

Vine Staff had smiled, softly. “But if you ever get injured like that again, you will come directly to me and tell me the name of the person who did that to you, do you understand?” Her tone was suddenly more serious than an army general, and Shuriken got the vague feeling that it was a threat.

Shuriken had nodded profusely, thanking her over and over and over again. Because, like, he had been entirely convinced that he was gonna be screwed after that confrontation.

But Shuriken is just That Guy, and so he can evade getting his ass beat by both Slingshot and Vine Staff. His name is going to go down in the history books . He is so awesome and cool, everybody should be clapping- no, a standing ovation. Yeah, you heard that right.

You know who did get his ass beat when he got home? Slingshot. Because Slingshot had known about his secret identity as the Silver Shadow, and he had intentionally not told Vine Staff. And, not that Shuriken enjoys watching over people suffer for fun - he isn’t weird - but he would never let go of the memory of Slingshot’s terrified expression while getting grilled by Vine Staff. Like, it could be considered the eighth wonder of the world. It was an enlightening thing to see.

But after everything had calmed down, Shuriken had called them both into the kitchen for a very important meeting. One that could change their lives forever.

He clasped his hands together, taking a deep breath in while his roommates waited in anticipation.

“So.. what’re we having for dinner?”

—

(As it turns out, his roommates had not found that funny whatsoever. As if Shuriken isn’t the most humorous, comical, and hilarious man on the planet. His roommates really need a lesson on how to appreciate other people better.

Also, they ended up getting vegetable pizza just to spite him.)

Chapter Text

Something terrible has fallen upon Shuriken.

He is ill.

Him, the infallible Silver Shadow, the master of disguise, has caught the plague. And now he is going to die.

..okay, maybe he over-exaggerated a little. He hasn’t caught the plague, but he has certainly caught something, because he can’t breathe through his nose and his throat is dry even after chugging an entire bottle of water.

He looks back on the days where he was healthy and joyous mournfully. How foolish he was for not appreciating those days to their fullest. Everyone should be appreciating how healthy they are right now.

Shuriken is currently as snug as a bug in a rug. He is fully capable of walking around, but he doesn’t particularly feel like doing that the moment, so he remains bedridden. He will be treated like a pampered, pretty princess. A princess who is flying through tissues like it’s nothing, but still a princess.

How has he caught this plague, you may be asking?

Well. Don’t tell his roommates, but he may have gone on patrol while it was raining outside. Supposedly. Allegedly.

But thankfully, Slingshot has made him chicken noodle soup, which he is eternally grateful for, because chicken noodle soup while you are sick is like crack. Slingshot probably did put crack in the soup, come to think of it.

.. heh . Cocaine soup. That’s funny.

Shuriken starts giggling at the thought of cocaine soup while blowing his nose at the same time. He is a master of multitasking, he’ll have you know. Nobody is doing it like he is.

He sips a spoonful of cocaine soup while staring up at the popcorn ceiling.

Shuriken discovers that he hates popcorn ceilings after staring at it for a few minutes. They are ugly and they do not match the vibe right now. Shuriken requires maximum vibey-ness to recover from this condition that has befallen him.

Carefully, he places the cocaine soup on his nightstand and wobbles to his feet while on top of his bed, trying to reach for the ugly ceiling. Stupid, stupid ceiling. Who even thought that this style of ceiling was a good idea? He is determined to get rid of the ceiling himself, all while ignoring his temporary dizziness from standing up so suddenly.

Slingshot pushes the door open, holding a plastic bag in his hand. He stops and stares at Shuriken, who only stares back like a deer in headlights.

“Shuriken, what the hell are you doing?” Slingshot asks, exasperated. He looks entirely too tired to be dealing with this right now.

“I’m getting rid of the ceiling. It’s ugly,” he responds matter-of-factly. Because it is a fact. This ceiling is a crime to beauty and he is going to cleanse it from this world. Shuriken doesn’t know how Slingshot has lived so long with such an unattractive ceiling.

Slingshot offers him a dead glare. “You can’t get rid of the ceiling, you idiot,” he states.

“Yes, I can.”

“No, you can’t.”

“Yes, I can! I am the Silver Shadow. I can do anything. I have evaded the police before.”

His roommate groans, shaking his head like a disappointed father. “The Silver Shadow, grand vigilante of Thieves’ Den, is the same guy trying to get rid of the ceiling when people literally live above us. I can’t believe this.”

Shuriken stops. “Did you just call me.. grand?”

“No, dude, I was being sarcastic. Are you slow?”

“Oh my SFOTH. Slingshot just called me cool, guys. Oh my gosh.”

“Who- who are you talking to? This is the second time you’ve been talking to someone else when we are the only people in the room.” Slingshot looks mildly weirded out. He just can’t fathom Shuriken’s insane amounts of aura. Sucks to suck, he supposes.

“The reader,” Shuriken says ominously while turning to look at you. Yeah, you.

Slingshot drags a hand down his face, looking like he aged a thousand years. Jokes on him, Shuriken has been blessed with eternal youth. He is so awesome like that.

“Y’know what, Shuri? I am going to eat your sour gummies.”

Shuriken gasps dramatically, clutching his heart. “You wouldn’t!”

“Yep,” his roommate says dryly. “I’ll do it if you don’t get down and take your medicine.”

Shuriken sticks his tongue out at Slingshot, crossing his arms. “I am not taking my medicine. I hate pills. You know this, Sling.”

“I got it in liquid form. And it’s grape flavored.”

Shuriken considers this for a moment. Grape flavored is a lot better than asshole hair flavored, like most pills are.

He settles back down into his bed. The ceiling may have won the fight, but it will not win the war.

—

Shuriken has taken his medicine. It tastes alright. His vitamin gummies taste a lot better. But his sour, non-vitamin gummies remain outmatched.

Speaking of his sour gummies, he wants one. Right now. And he will not stop until he goes and eats one. A blue one. He craves a blue sour gummy.

Except Vine Staff has confiscated his sour gummies until he gets better. He loves his sister, but this is simply a crime. Restricting his access to sour gummies is like keeping the author away from garlic bread.

Wait, what?

Shuriken shakes his head and tiptoes his way into his sister’s room, using his awesome and super cool stealth skills to sneak in. Because he is just so amazing like that.

And there is his beautiful bag of sour gummies, waiting for him on the nightstand. It looks like just he remembers.

Shuriken makes his way towards the bag, before pausing. This seems too easy. Whenever Vine Staff hides something from him, it is never this out in the open.

But the gummies are right there . He can just go and grab and leave like nothing happened.

Shuriken leaps forward, snatches the gummies, and scurries back to his room like the gremlin he is. He is not ashamed of the person he becomes when sour gummies are on the line.

He picks out a blue gummy and pops it into his mouth. It is one of the best things he has ever tasted, ever. It is like a bite of heaven. Shuriken will never be able to give these up.

Shuriken considers settling back into his bed, but then an amazing thought strikes him.

He could just.. go out on patrol. That way, his sour gummies can’t get taken away again!

Wow. Shuriken is such a genius. He deserves an award and a nerf gun. Why does he want a nerf gun? Well, to shoot all the criminals, obviously.

Shuriken quickly changes into his costume (which has been cleaned of all of its bloodstains thanks to his amazing sister, Vine Staff) and ignores the growing headache he has or how he feels both hot and cold at the same time. It is no challenge for him, the Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den! He’s literally gotten stabbed before. The plague will not stop him now.

—

Shuriken feels like shit.

Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have gone out on patrol while he is still sick. But he thought that he had nothing major and that it wouldn’t affect him too much while on patrol.

But he was severely, severely wrong. Because he is seeing doubles and he just might pass out on this rooftop he’s on. At least his sour gummies are still safe.

Shuriken coughs into his arm - and it isn’t a normal cough. It is a sickly old man cough, the type of cough you hear at the store and make a face at because of how nasty it is.

He is so screwed.

Shuriken is way too lightheaded to even attempt to grapple at the moment, and he has no clue where his apartment is. So now he is effectively lost while he has the plague.

He sneezes. Once, twice, thrice. And then he stops. Come to think of it, he’s never sneezed more than three times in quick succession. Did he have to pay for the quadruple sneeze game pass?

Shuriken giggles at the thought. Quadruple sneeze game pass. He’s gotta be the first person to think of that. He is just so hilarious like that.

But then he sneezes again. Ugh. He really should’ve let himself be a pampered pretty princess at home.

But nooo. The city is calling for him, you see. He’s like Batman. But if Batman was an Inphernal and ate onigiri.

Shuriken stands up, and then immediately loses his balance and almost falls off the edge of the rooftop he’s on while his vision swims.

Okay.

That’s totally fine.

“Silver Shadow? Are you alright there?”

Shuriken turns and finds Hannya standing behind him. Or, er, Katana. He doesn’t really know what to call him by anymore.

“Hey, dude,” he greets, his words slurring together. “Want a gummy? They’re so good.”

Hannya shakes his head. “No. Thank you, though.”

Shuriken pops another gummy into his mouth. Eugh. A green gummy. He hates the green gummies. Which is ridiculous, because green is his favorite color, and they should make the gummies that are literally the same color as him at least taste somewhat good.

“Are you sure you should be out here today, Silver Shadow? You sound ill.”

Shuriken cracks a grin behind his mask, even if Katana can’t see it. “Nah, dudes. ‘M fineee. I just, like, can’t tell if there’s two of you or not.”

Hannya sighs. “You should be resting.”

“Nuh uh. I am perfectly capable of- of-“

Shuriken sneezes mid-sentence. Gosh. His body can’t even let him finish talking. How rude. His body needs to learn some manners.

“-of taking care of myself, bro,” he finishes. His head throbs, but he won’t let Katana know that. Also, his eyelids are really starting to feel heavy. A nap would be good right now.

Katana sighs deeply, walking over to him before hoisting him into his arms. Shuriken sniffles. “What’re you doing, bro? ‘M not a baby.”

“I am taking you home. You are clearly not fit for a patrol at the moment.”

“ Hmmm. Thanks, Katana,” he mumbles. His head hurts.

Katana pauses for a second, and then huffs out an amused breath. “You truly are perceptive, Shuriken.”

Woah, woah, woah. Hey. Wait a minute. Katana knows. He-

He kind of wants to go to sleep, actually.

Yeah, that sounds good right now.

—

Slingshot opens the door to find Katana holding a fast-asleep Shuriken, clutching his sour gummies like a lifeline. He doesn’t even care that Shuriken is clearly in his vigilante clothing. He doesn’t care.

Because Vine Staff would actually kill him if he had lost Shuriken. And if he gets yelled at by her for the second time this week, he is going to go jump off a cliff.

“Thank you, Katana,” he mumbles. He’s secretly relieved that Shuriken is perfectly fine, apart from being sick. Even if Shuriken is constantly testing his patience, Slingshot does care for him. “Can you take him to his room?”

Katana nods, following behind Slingshot as he leads the way to Shuriken’s room. It reeks of illness, but Slingshot could give less of a shit. He just wants to take a nap knowing that Shuriken isn’t running off in the streets or whatever the hell he does.

Katana places down Shuriken carefully on his bed. He actually looks peaceful, his expression not one of mischievousness or pure chaos. It’s just.. relaxed. It’s a nice change, for once.

“How did you even find him? I’m assuming you’ve known about his whole vigilante thing for a while now.” Slingshot asks, peering up at the man. Gods, he is tall. The Lakers could use him. The guy could probably dunk on LeBron.

Wait, the Lakers don’t even exist in this universe. What the hell is he talking about?

Katana merely shrugs. “I simply did.”

…oookay. Being oddly vague. But Slingshot is really not in the position to care, so he simply nods his thanks and lets himself collapse onto the couch as Katana leaves.

He finally takes a nap.

Everyone cheers.

Chapter Text

Shuriken is currently being chased by a big, scary woman with a gun.

Yes, you heard him right. A gun! Somebody dared to draw a gun on him, the great Silver Shadow! Like, come on, dude. A gun is just an unfair advantage, especially in a place like Thieves’ Den, where gears like those aren’t really all that common.

And the gun is bad and all, but the worst part about all this is that the woman chasing him was one of those weird cultist freaks. He thought he’d gotten rid of them after he’d very politely told the man on the spawn tower no, but, he supposed that these people were just really adamant on getting him to join. Shuriken didn’t really think he was that popular in Lost Temple, but it appears that word of his magnificence has transcended factions.

The lady has been showing up more, though, now that he thinks about it. She’s always with either the man at the spawn tower or the one with the crystal in between his horns (which actually reminds him of the one Coil has - he should probably ask him if he knows the guy) at the café, but whenever he comes by to eavesdrop, Shuriken can never get any good gossip. A tragedy, really.

What was her name again, anyways? Rifle? Yeah, Rifle.

That’s actually pretty a badass name, if he does say so himself. Of course, nothing is more badass than Shuriken, but he can appreciate other people’s badassery at times.

Sadly, no matter how badass the name is, a scary woman with a gun is still a scary woman with a gun. One who is approaching very quickly.

The few seconds it would take for him to grapple away would probably result in him getting caught by Rifle, so he resorts to jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Shuriken is actually very well trained in the art of skedaddling, so clearing the distance isn’t really that difficult. Of course, nothing is difficult for him, the hero of Thieves’ Den.

Unfortunately for him, though, so is Rifle. And don’t tell anybody that he said this, but the fact that Rifle is clearing the jumps with ease scares him. Just a little, though, because he is way too spectacular and cool to possibly be scared by someone holding a gun.

Okay. On second thought, maybe he should be scared of someone holding a gun.

But it is actually ridiculous that Rifle is this good at rooftop-jumping. Like, seriously, get a job, or something. Shuriken gets the pass because he actually does have a job, and he can assume that Rifle’s job is harassing vigilantes to make them join her cult. That just screams unemployed, if you ask him.

So, like the true man he is, Shuriken keeps running. His shoes, which Slingshot had so kindly bought for him, are probably going to be all scuffed when he gets back home. Hopefully he can clean them before Slingshot jumps off a cliff.

The guy has not been having a good week, and Shuriken refuses to think that he’s actually the cause of most of his distress. Because he is way too awesome sauce to be giving someone a bad time.

Anyways, back to skedaddling. Shuriken is wondering why Rifle hasn’t used her gun in him yet - not that he wants her to, obviously, but that kind of seems like the most logical thing to do in this sort of situation.

“Dude, what do you even want from me?” Shuriken asks, turning his head back to glance at her. The sound of bells follows her every footstep, which is kind of stupid and un-stealthy of her. Shuriken, the stealth master, knows exactly what he’s talking about, by the way.

“Yer a promisin’ recruit, n’ since Broker can’t seem ta do his job right, I’ve gotta step in for ‘im,” Rifle replies casually, as if she isn’t actively chasing him. In fact, she seems barely out of breath.

Also, what kind of idiot tells the guy they’re chasing about their evil, malicious plans? That seems really counter-intuitive. Yeah. Counter-intuitive. Shuriken has been reading his dictionary lately, he’ll have you know.

Shuriken turns back to look at Rifle, and then promptly falls down one of the alleys in between two buildings.

Of course, since he is so agile and cool and awe-inspiring, he immediately reaches for his grapple and hooks it onto the nearest ledge he can find.

And now, the Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den, master of disguise, is hanging in the middle of an alleyway with his grappling hook.

Rifle just stares down at him for a moment before laughing. “Fer such a slippery little thing such as you, yer pretty stupid.”

Shuriken gasps. “How dare you! I am very intelligent.”

“How do ye spell ‘onomatopoeia’, then?”

Oh, that’s just dirty. Who even knows how to spell onomatopoeia, anyways?

“Can you even spell that?” Shuriken barks back indignantly.

“That don’t matter right now, kiddo,” Rifle replies, in a tone that suggests that she, in fact, doesn’t know how to spell onomatopoeia, either. He should’ve known. “Anywho, I’ve gotta kidnap ye now. Try not te squirm, will ya?”

Wait, what?

Shuriken climbs up his grappling hook, but Rifle is simply too fast. Which is ridiculous. Shuriken is the fastest guy ever. Well, other than Skateboard. The dude reaches Mach 3 while on his board like it’s nothing.

Rifle hoists him up on his hook, stares at him for a moment, and then whacks him on the head with the butt of her gear.

And despite all of his incredible aura, Shuriken is knocked out cold.

—

Shuriken wakes up. His head hurts terribly .

And when he tries to go rub his eyes, he finds that he is tied to a chair, with his arms tied behind his back.

Wow. Cliché, anyone? Like, seriously, could the author not think of a better way to kidnap Shuriken?

Wait. What is he even talking about?

Shuriken shakes his head and glances around the room. There is somebody beside him. Actually, somebody he knows pretty well.

“Wh- Coil? What the hell are you doing here?” Shuriken asks, confused. Because it is very unlikely and out-of-character that these cultists actually managed to tie Coil up and he hasn’t escaped yet.

Coil glances at him. “Oh, hey, dude,” he greets casually, as if they aren’t both kidnapped and trapped in a room with no idea where they are.

“Why are you not scared? Do you even know where we are?” He questions, trying to get a good look around the room.

Coil snorts. “ Pfft. Scared of these guys? Yeah, right. No, they’ve actually done this number a few times before. They’ve got, like, a fetish for vigilantes, or somethin’.”

“A what for vigilantes?” Shuriken does not wanna be here, tied up to a chair, if Coil is telling the truth.

“Forget I said anythin’. Anyways, these guys have been tryna convince me to join their stupid ass cult for a while now. I’ve been saying no, but sometimes they’ll try and force me to. It never works, obviously.”

Shuriken blinks at him a few times, opens his mouth to reply, and then shuts it. Coil is acting like this is just a normal thing that happens to all Inphernals, which it clearly isn’t.

“So.. like.. do they just question you, or-?”

“Uhh, yeah, pretty much. It’s usually that Broker dude, but sometimes it’s some guy named Medkit.”

Broker. That must’ve been the guy he spoke to at the spawn tower, since that was the one Rifle had said wasn’t doing his job or whatever. See? Shuriken is an intellectual. A detective, even.

“They really can’t force you to join.. I dunno why they even waste their time tryna kidnap us, if I’m being for real. Peer pressure, or somethin’.”

Shuriken is still very thrown off by how casual Coil is being right now. But he seems to know what he’s talking about, so Shuriken doesn’t really question it.

“So..” Shuriken runs his tongue along his teeth, unsure of what to say next. This is probably the one situation he has never been prepared for before. “Should we, uh, break out, or something? Cause, like, me and my roommates were meant to go out and eat sushi tonight and I don’t really wanna miss sushi night.”

Coil snorts. “Fuckin’ hungry ass.”

“You eat more than me! You had three combo meals of the spicy burger last time we saw each other.”

“Yeah, cause we had fought off some clankers earlier.”

“I- okay, actually, that’s fair. But I got chased by Rifle for ten minutes straight. I am allowed to be hungry. I’m a growing boy.”

“You’re literally older than me. You’re more grown than I am. Also, we’re both adults. We don’t grow anymore, dude.”

Shuriken scoffs. “How dare you question my logic. This is a crime.”

Coil laughs a bit. “Well, I am a criminal.”

“Wait, dude, what? I know being a vigilante is technically against the law, but, like-“

“Shut up! ” A voice barks from behind the door. “Gosh, do ye two ever stop yappin’?”

Shuriken glances at Coil. Coil glances back. They both start giggling like a bunch of idiots. Not that Shuriken is an idiot. Why would you assume that? Because of last chapter? That was a vulnerable moment, okay?

After they’ve both collected themselves, Broker enters the room with a wide grin on his face. “How fun! Two vigilantes in the same room. It appears from your little.. ehm, chat .. that you are already getting along splendidly!”

Coil rolls his eyes. “Dude, can you just cut the crap and let us go? We aren’t gonna join your stupid cult.”

Broker’s smile falters for a second. “But we could offer both of you protection. I know that Ban Hammer’s been a real pain to deal with for you, Coil. If you join us, he’ll be out of the picture, and you’re free to explode as much of Blackrock as you’d like! Maybe that way we can stop sending Medkit out there. The man really is not fond of his old faction.”

“Ban Hammer? That old man? Couldn’t catch me if he took off his blindfold for once, I’ll tell you. Also, that kind of gets rid of the thrill, lowkey.”

Shuriken literally has no idea what is going on. He just wants to go home and not miss sushi night, honestly.

“And you, Shuriken,” Broker continues, completely ignoring Coil. He has that faux cheeriness in his voice that gives Shuriken the shivers. He isn’t scared , obviously. This man, who is clearly not a spring chicken, talks like a ten year old girl. “You would also be granted protection, too, obviously - the Family offers the same love to all of its members! - but you would be paid much better than at that café of yours. Although, even though I can’t taste, those pastries truly are delicious.”

Wow. This guy is pretty stupid. Shuriken has literally never been motivated by greed in his entire life. Well, except for when it came to sour gummies. But he sincerely doubts that this guy is gonna convince him to join a really shady cult with sour gummies.

“I’m good,” he replies.

Broker stares for a few seconds at the two of them.

“Well,” he says in a strained tone, clasping his hands together, “it appears the two of you need some more time to think on this, it seems!”

“We’ve already thought on this, old man,” Coil spits out. “We say no. Now, can I go back home?”

“Yeah, man,” Shuriken agrees, nodding his head. “I need to get back home for sushi night. They’ve got all-you-can-eat, tonight, and last time Sling won.”

Coil murmurs something that sounds a lot like ‘fatass’ under his breath, but Shuriken chooses to ignore it.

Broker hums, and Shuriken’s eyes widen as he pulls a literal knife from nowhere. Shuriken’s gotta figure out how he does that. Broker inspects the knife carefully, which looks deadly sharp in his hands.

Broker walks over to him and tilts his jaw upwards with the knife so that he looks the man in the eye. Shuriken is currently about to piss himself.

”Our Family is one of the few places that you will ever feel truly at peace,” Broker says, his tone suddenly sincere. “Turning down this offer will not turn out well for you, I’ll have to say. And, Shuriken? Would you mind telling your.. ah, neighbor should give me a call? I’ve been meaning to speak to that traitor, you know.”

Shuriken stops. Katana? Traitor? What could someone as cool and manly as Katana have to do with this freakish cult? Surely he wasn’t a part of it, right? Right?

Also, he really does not like the look of the knife in Broker’s hands. He does not wanna get stabbed again for the second time this week. He’s already washed his costume!

”I said no. I’m not interested. If I was, there is really no need to kidnap me, I’d just come to you,” Shuriken says firmly.

“Fine, then!” Broker says in a clipped tone, stepping away pocketing the knife. “But, if you ever want to give us a call, the opportunity is always open!”

And then he leaves.

“Wow, dude,” Coil says in an impressed tone. “You scared him off with your gluttony.”

“I- okay, dude. You’re just mad you don’t get to have sushi tonight.”

Shuriken sighs, and then slips his dagger into his hand. Easily, he cuts open the ropes and stands up, stretching his limbs.

“You- you had that the whole time!?” Coil exclaims.

“Uhh.. yep!” Shuriken scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. He quickly cuts through Coil’s ropes. “Anyways, wanna come get sushi with me? I’m pretty sure Vine and Sling wouldn’t mind. Just, like, don’t mention this at all, or else I’m screwed.”

Coil considers the offer for a few seconds, before shrugging. “Sure, dude. I’ve never even had sushi before.”

“WHAT!?”

—

(As it turns out, Vine Staff and Slingshot were a little bit more than apprehensive to have some random, jacked stranger join them for sushi night. It also became pretty awkward when they all discovered that Slingshot and Coil both knew Skateboard and that Coil had been living in the guy’s basement for a few months now.

But Shuriken got his sushi. That’s kind of all that matters, really.)

Chapter Text

If there is one thing that everybody can agree is the best thing to ever grace this planet, it is instant ramen.

You simply can’t go wrong with instant ramen. It’s quick, it’s delicious, and you can find it pretty much anywhere, especially in Thieves’ Den. And while actual, authentic ramen is amazing, Shuriken doesn’t really feel like spending thirty dollars for one singular bowl when he can spend the same amount on a ten pack of instant ramen. He is very responsible with how he spends his money, unlike what Vine Staff says. It’s not his fault that the sour gummies brand is so good at advertising!

However, nobody eats instant ramen like Slingshot.

It’s almost scary. Only almost, though, because Shuriken is scared of nothing. Of course. He is the Silver Shadow, after all. The people love him. He gets all the ladies.

..okay, maybe he doesn’t get any ladies. But that is irrelevant information. Why are you so obsessed with his love life, huh? What if he doesn’t even want ladies? What if he is perfectly fine by himself? Geez.

Anyways. Back to instant ramen.

You see, on this particular day, Shuriken was trying to get some sleep. His shift at the café had been particularly brutal, and if he has to try and explain to another customer that they couldn’t pay for a twenty dollar order with only seventeen dollars, he is going to combust. Like, how did some people even get through high school without failing? It astounds him, truly.

But nooo. Because when he turns around and flops onto the other side of his bed, Slingshot is just.. there. Staring at him.

See, this is why Slingshot had to wear a cat maid dress for a month straight at the café (don’t ask). Because who the fuck does this that is completely human and not three cats in a trenchcoat? Honestly.

And, also, Slingshot has not blinked. Like, at all. Shuriken is sincerely wondering if there is a skinwalker next to his bed right now. While he is cuddled up in his Minecraft creeper blanket. Like, can it wait for him to at least brush his teeth? He doesn’t think being eaten alive is very pleasant with his morning breath.

Don’t tell anybody, but the Silver Shadow suffers from a lethal case of morning breath. 

Shuriken groans and throws his pillow at Slingshot. He immediately mourns the loss of his fluffy, cool pillow, but it is all for a good cause.

Which is, obviously, to get rid of Slingshot.

“Shuriken, we are out of ramen ,” Slingshot says. Shuriken has never seen such fear in his eyes before. People have explained murder scenes with less terror. His roommate honestly looks like he’s about to piss himself. It’s kinda funny.

“Even the extra two packets you keep under your bed?” He mumbles, rubbing his eyes.

“ Yes. Wait- how do you know about that?”

“I know everything,” he says ominously. In reality, he’d been snooping around Slingshot’s room because he got bored. But a magician never reveals his secrets, you know. You better not snitch on him.

Slingshot grabs his Minecraft creeper blanket and throws it against the wall, far away from Shuriken’s reach. He is immediately blasted with the frigid AC of his apartment air, and it is a brutal thing. Like, how do Vine Staff’s plants survive in this cold? It’s like the tundra.

How dare Slingshot do this. He needs his Minecraft creeper blanket.

“We’re going to get instant ramen. Come on.”

Shuriken sighs and checks his phone, which informs him that Slingshot has woken him up at midnight to go get ramen.

Yeah, he’s definitely a cat in disguise. No human does this.

So, Shuriken, dressed in his Pikachu-themed pajamas, reluctantly follows behind Slingshot to go get some ramen. Because, you know, who doesn’t go to get instant ramen at midnight with their roommate? It’s just a normal day for the Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den.

But just as Slingshot is about to open the door, something terrible happens.

“Where are you two going?”

Shuriken turns, painstakingly slow, to face his sister, who looks like she just crawled out of the depths of the ocean. Her hair is tangled and her face paint is all smudged. Not that he is going to tell her this, obviously. He values his life quite a lot, actually.

“Just.. getting instant ramen. Y’know, normal things to be doing at midnight,” Shuriken explains, glaring at Slingshot from the corner of his eye.

Vine Staff sighs. “And whose idea was this?”

Shuriken points to Slingshot. Slingshot points to Shuriken.

“Dude! You woke me up from my beauty sleep to go get ramen! Why are you blaming me!? ” Shuriken squawks in offense.

“Because you ate the last of my secret packs!” Slingshot retorts. “I was saving those!”

“Okay, okay, can we just go get the ramen so I can go back to sleep?” Vine Staff says, yawning.

“We?” Shuriken might as well wake up the whole city to go get some instant ramen, at this point. 

“I don’t trust either of you two at midnight to go to the store alone.”

Slingshot opens his mouth to respond, then shuts it. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

—

“I want to sit in the cart.”

“I am not pushing you around in a cart, Shuriken. You can walk.”

Shuriken stays firmly where he is, holding onto the cart while staring Slingshot in the eye. If he cannot get his beauty sleep, then he will still be treated like a princess. Because he is the prettiest princess of them all.

Slingshot lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Why did I decide to wake him up, again?” He asks, turning to Vine Staff. She simply shrugs.

Shuriken takes this as a win and scrambles into the cart. Because riding around in a shopping cart at twenty-two years old while wearing Pikachu pajamas is the figure of awesomeness. He is 100% gonna pull all the ladies now. Nobody is doing it like him.

Slingshot reluctantly starts pushing the cart around and makes a beeline for the food section, before he starts searching the shelves for his ramen like a madman. Like, can he not go without it for one day? Gosh. Slingshot is gonna need rehab at this point.

Meanwhile, Shuriken pulls out his bag of sour gummies and starts eating.

“What the- Shuriken, have you had that the whole time?” Vine Staff asks. She looks a little worried. “Are you addicted to those things?”

Pfft. Worried? Why would she be worried?

“Look, sis, I’ve been eating these things every day for a year and I still haven’t gotten addicted. I’m just way too spectacular like that,” he replies easily while popping another gummy into his mouth. “unlike Slingshot, who apparently has to make it everyone’s problem to get some ramen.”

“Hey!” Slingshot’s voice protests from another aisle.

Shuriken looks around, confused. “Is that a mosquito buzzing by my ear?”

Vine Staff rolls her eyes, struggling to hide her smile. Shuriken is just a comedian like that. He should get a job in stand-up comedy, but he’d rather sit down.

Okay. That wasn’t really his best line, he’ll admit it.

But it’s fine! He is the Silver Shadow. He is That Guy™️. He doesn’t need to worry about what people who read fanfiction in their free time think about him.

Anyways, Slingshot returns with two five-packs of instant ramen. And since Shuriken is an intellectual, he can come to the conclusion that that results in ten servings of ramen total. He dumps them in the cart, and Shuriken has to shove the giant packs behind him. He refuses to do anything for Slingshot after he’s forced him to wake up from his beauty sleep.

They start to make their way towards the registers to pay for their instant ramen, but then.

Shuriken spots the best thing ever.

A nerf gun.

It looks like an absolute unit. It looks like it can kill a man. It is everything Shuriken has ever wanted in life.

Except it is almost a hundred dollars.

Shuriken scrambles out of the cart to look at it, re-checking the price tag, juuust to make sure he isn’t misreading that.

Well. Shuriken has done so much for the faction of Thieves’ Den, y’know. Surely he can have this one thing on the house? And it isn’t like he’s stealing from a family-owned business, you know. This is a corporation that can be seen all through the faction - they clearly have lots of money.

Well.. he does hate corrupt capitalists, doesn’t he?

Surely nobody will notice.

Shuriken grabs the nerf gun and hides it completely non-conspicuously behind his back. Because - in case you’ve forgotten - he is the master of disguise. He can hide that he is trying to steal a hundred-dollar nerf gun from his roommates with ease. You must sincerely doubt his abilities if you think he can’t.

As they approach the registers, Shuriken notices something amiss. His spidey senses are tingling.

He notices two masked men by the registers.

And they have guns.

The store is getting robbed.

Oh, man. This really seems like a situation his super cool alter ego, the Silver Shadow, could deal with.

Dear reader, Shuriken is about to aura farm so hard.

Vine Staff squints, seemingly catching on. “Oh my SFOTH,” she whispers. “We have to get out of here. Shuriken, are you-“

But Shuriken is gone.

—

“Where did he go!?” Vine Staff exclaims, glancing around the store worriedly. He’d been in the cart the whole time, apart from when they had gotten near the registers - which are currently being robbed-

Slingshot’s face dawns with realization. “Oh, no.”

“What? What is it? Do you know where he went?” She asks, panicked. Shuriken disappearing in the middle of a robbery is really not a comforting thing.

“No. Look.”

Slingshot points as a figure suddenly jumps down behind the robbers.

And-

Oh, gods.

It’s Shuriken. Except he is now the Silver Shadow, complete with the full outfit and mask.

“How- wasn’t he just in his Pikachu pajamas?” Vine Staff wonders aloud, completely appalled. Her brother is a lot of things, but sometimes she has trouble processing that he’s also a vigilante.

Slingshot pinches his nose. “I don’t know, man. I don’t question whatever the hell he does anymore.”

—

He is so badass.

Shuriken might be outnumbered, but these guys are slow. Like, literally and figuratively.

And of course, Shuriken is a professional. He can best some random, no-lifers who attempt to rob a store any time of day.

His aura levels are currently at an all-time high. Nobody is ever going to aura farm this hard ever again. He’s going in the history books.

The robbers are really no big issue - with only a few well-placed hits to their kneecaps and  chests, and they’re out. He’s like a ninja.

But for good measure, Shuriken pulls out his newly-acquired nerf gun and shoots them both in the legs.

He wipes off his hands on his pants and bows at the cashiers - a common way of greeting or showing respect in Thieves’ Den - before speeding out of the store and grappling away.

Oh, man. Shuriken is literally that guy. He is so awesome for doing that.

..he might get yelled at when he gets home, though. But he’s literally saved the city! And he acquired a nerf gun, too, all for free. Like, come on! You can’t say that isn’t literal awesomeness.

—

When his roommates get back home, he is lying on the couch, back in his Pikachu pajamas, acting like he didn’t just save Thieves’ Den. Because he is a humble man. He does not ask for a lot in life.

Apart from his nerf gun, which he cradles close to his chest.

“Oh, hi, guys,” he greets casually.

“Shuriken, do you know how dangerous that was? Oh my SFOTH! You scared me, Shuri.” Vine Staff cries, running over to him and hugging him tight.

Shuriken returns the hug. “I’m fine, sis. Those dudes were, like, so lame. They didn’t stand a chance against me.”

Slingshot frowns at him. “Where’d the nerf gun come from? Did you pay for that?”

He smiles sheepishly. “About that..”

(Later, Shuriken is scolded for almost thirty minutes straight. But, hey, at least he got it keep it.)

Chapter Text

Today is a very special day, dear reader.

A day that comes around rather rarely, in fact - once every year. A day that simply cannot be passed by. A day that changes your life forever.

And no, it isn’t Shuriken’s birthday. Yeah, he knows, it’s pretty sad that there’s only one day a year to appreciate how spectacular and amazing he is. But, on the other hand, that day could technically be every day, if you put your mind to it.

This is a sign for you, by the way. A sign for you to sign a petition that every day should be called “Shuriken Appreciation Day”, where people give him gifts for free and he gets to eat all the sour gummies he wants. That sounds like a great day, especially for guys named Shuriken. Or girls. Or nonbinary pals.

See? He’s a great guy who supports the LGBTQ community. Everyone should give him a round of applause. Not that he’s special - you should be supporting the LGBTQ community too, you know. Because, like, it’d be totally uncool if you didn’t. And Shuriken would probably be sad.

Well, he is special and unique in his own awesome way. But you can clearly see the point he’s trying to make here.

Anyways, the thing he is trying to say is that today is Katana’s birthday.

And since Katana did save him from falling off a rooftop and almost losing his sour gummies when he had the plague, Shuriken owes him.

How is he going to do that, you might be asking?

Well, that is in the form of a surprise birthday party, of course. Because what else would he do?

Except Shuriken is currently staring at a selection of birthday candles and now he is realizing that he may or may not have forgotten how old Katana was.

Don’t blame him, okay? He knew that Katana was somewhere in his forties, but, like, who even keeps track of age at that point? Like, get past thirty, and you’re officially grandpa status. Really no point in remembering past then.

Unlike Shuriken, of course, who is the figure of youthfulness. He is agile and awesome and does not have creaky bones.

Shuriken bites the side of his cheek, shifting from side to side while staring at the candles. Dude, he is so done for if he can’t even remember how old Katana is turning.

Forty.. two? No, that doesn’t sound right.

Forty-five? Ehh.. it’s in the middle. Close enough, right?

But Shuriken is pretty sure Katana is younger than forty-five. Then he’d surely remember, because, like, geez - do you even do anything at that stage of life? Most Inphernals are considering going into retirement then.

Okay, maybe not that early, but still. Shuriken doesn’t even understand how Katana has the energy to be a hero while also having achy bones and whatever other stuff old people deal with. A failing liver, maybe. Amnesia, probably. Although Katana seems to remember with perfect clarity the time that Shuriken accidentally destroyed his vase.

Of all the things. Like, why doesn’t Katana remember things from his childhood, or something? Why remember that moment specifically? This is very unfair.

Shuriken eventually goes with forty-four. He’s pretty sure that even if he’s wrong, Katana is too old to remember anyways.

Alright. He’s acquired the candles.

Now, he needs to get a gift.

What kind of gifts can he get for a guy who says he enjoys meditating, though? A meditation buddy? How lame is that, honestly? Like, does Katana have no hobbies of his own other than “hunting down the corruption”?

Ehh.. maybe he can skip out on the gift. Surely Katana won’t notice.

Shuriken drops the candles into his basket and continues to search the shelves for decorations. He’s on decor duty, while Slingshot is on food duty and Vine Staff is on gift duty. They make a splendid party-planning trio, if he does say so himself.

Of course, he’s the best out of them three. Everyone should already be aware of this, but some people actually don’t have Katana’s freakishly good memory. Yeah, he knows - it’s shocking.

Shuriken buys a bunch of red balloons (since that seems to be Katana’s preferred color - in fact, once, Vine Staff found him a teal-colored quilt and the man very politely refused and never touched it again) and other red-themed decorations. Shuriken really doesn’t like the color red, but, you know, whatever makes the guy happy.

When Shuriken finds himself at the registers, he notices a very.. peculiar looking man.

That is to say, he looks nothing like he’s from Thieves’ Den. Seriously, what is it with people dressing as if they want to be out-of-place? It seems really stupid to him, especially because he’s the master of stealth and disguise.

The man looks like he’s from Blackrock, actually. Which is never a good sign. As he learned from Coil, a Blackrockian is never to be trusted.

Weird enough, though, he’s wearing a helmet. Like, not a sports helmet - no, a full-on helmet that covers the guy’s entire head and face. Seems a bit overkill, if you’re asking him. Which, of course you are. Why else would you be reading his 100% foolproof guide to living a double life?

..it does kinda look cool, though. Just not for casual wear.

But the guy is holding a bottle of sake. Which is a traditional Thieves’ Den drink. So either he’s just a tourist - which is pretty unlikely, because Blackrock doesn’t usually let its remainder of living inhabitants wander around freely - or this man is using an alcoholic drink for nefarious purposes.

And Shuriken will not let any scheme go under his watch unnoticed.

Because he’s, like, a vigilante.

The Silver Shadow. Who gets all the ladies.

And that’s the type of stuff he does.

Anyways.

Shuriken pays for his items and very stealthily and inconspicuously follows behind the man, a whole lot of thoughts flying through his head. Because a person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts.

Wise words, truly. He should trademark that.

His suspicions about the man don’t cease as he comes closer and closer to Shuriken’s apartment complex. Like, the guy seems completely normal, but Shuriken can tell there is something much more sinister about him. His spidey senses are tingling.

And then the man goes inside the building.

Like, hello? What the hell? This is not normal. Why is a Blackrockian going in his house?

This is blasphemy. He does not want any Blackrock scum near his property.

..wow, geez. Coil is kind of rubbing off of on him.

Maybe this guy hates Blackrock too and he hasn’t left, for whatever reason. And he’s visiting Thieves’ Den for no reason. Why not? Shuriken can confirm that his faction is the most awesome sauce and that everybody should visit at least once.

Yes, yes, that’s it. Shuriken supports everybody. He is very willing to see things from everyone’s perspective, y’know. He’s almost like an empath.

Except for the corrupt capitalists. He hates those losers.

Shuriken races up the stairs to get to his apartment and is even more astounded to find the man hovering in front of Katana’s door. Like he knows the guy.

And not that he’s gonna brag or anything, but he sincerely doubts that this Blackrockian even knows about Katana’s identity as Hannya. Only Shuriken knows that, because he is That Guy™️.

“Sorry, dude, who are you?” Shuriken questions. “‘Cause, like, you’re kind of standing in front of my neighbor’s door. And I need to get in. For normal neighbor reasons.”

That sounds a lot weirder than he intends it to be. Oh, gods. Is this guy gonna think he’s a freak? He is not a freak. He is the master of disguise, the Silver Shadow! Shuriken is way too spectacular to be a freak.

The man turns to him with the bottle of sake still in his arms. “You are Katana’s neighbor?” He asks, very annoyingly avoiding Shuriken’s question.

“Yeah, man. And I am trying to plan his birthday party before he gets back home, so can you move?”

The man shuffles awkwardly out of the way. “..Sorry,” he responds after a pause. “I have a gift for him, actually.”

Shuriken raises his brow. “A gift? You- you know Katana well enough to get him a gift?”

“I wouldn’t say I know him, but we’ve spoken several times. He seems to particularly enjoy this drink whenever we talk.”

Dude, what the fuck does Katana get himself into whenever Shuriken isn’t paying attention?

“And when do you talk, huh?” Shuriken presses on.

“We drink together,” the man explains.

Woah. Hey. Katana drinks with a guy from Blackrock? What next, Shuriken hates eating sour gummies? Gods. This is so weird.

..and, also, Shuriken has literally never known Katana to be a drinker.

The man shifts awkwardly from side to side. “I guess I didn’t introduce myself properly. My name is Hyperlaser.”

Okay. Wait. That’s actually a pretty cool name. He might consider being chill with this guy.

Just might, though.

Shuriken hums and then opens the door, letting Hyperlaser follow behind him. Inside of Katana’s apartment, the living area - which is sectioned off with shoji doors - has been arranged with all sorts of different treats, most of which are authentic Thieves’ Den cuisine.

“Just, uh, put the sake on the table. Me and my roommates are help setting up - I think Sling should be around here somewhere,” Shuriken says before rushing off to another room. Inside, Slingshot is scrolling on his phone.

Slingshot glances up at him. “Oh, hi, Shuri.”

“Dude, I think Katana has a boyfriend.”

Slingshot chokes on his spit, coughing for a couple seconds before eventually collecting himself. “I’m sorry, what?”

“There’s this guy in the house and he says he’s, like, Katana’s drinking buddy and he brought him sake.” Shuriken is wide-eyed. Because he really never would have guessed Katana swung the other way. Not that he’s, like, homophobic or anything. Shuriken just thinks that at Katana’s age, maybe he shouldn’t be trying to get a boyfriend. Just a thought to keep in mind.

“And.. how does this show that Katana has a boyfriend?” Slingshot asks, brow furrowed and his hand beckoning for Shuriken to go on.

Shuriken rolls his eyes. “Dude, it’s, like, the most obvious thing ever. Katana literally never leaves his house and he never talks to anybody. Now he has a guy he talks to at the bar? Is that not how you get a boyfriend?”

“Like you would know about how to get a boyfriend,” Slingshot mutters wryly under his breath.

“I am plenty capable of getting a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. You doubt my aura, Sling.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, bro. Anyways, can you go set up the decorations? Vine Staff is gonna be here soon which means Katana is coming back home.”

Shuriken groans, and then reluctantly beings putting up the decorations.

—

Shuriken is very impressed with his handiwork, if he does say so himself.

Katana’s apartment  isn’t too overly decorated, but it’s clear that a special event is taking place. Shuriken is pretty sure that the guy wouldn’t want his house to be completely cluttered, which is reasonable, he supposes.

Vine Staff has returned, too, her arms filled with bags. She gives a swift hello to Hyperlaser, who has been simply sitting awkwardly until Katana gets back.

Talk about a desperate boyfriend. Shuriken is the #1 Katana and Hyperlaser shipper, he’s decided.

If nobody else is gonna do it, he might as well do it himself. Because he’s just so marvelous like that.

Vine Staff peers outside the window after organizing her gifts. “He’s coming! Everyone, hide!”

They all duck behind a counter that is placed close enough near the door, bating their breath as the door creaks open.

There is a pause.

“Wh-“

They all leap out from their spots - well, except for Hyperlaser, since he’s old, and he just quietly reveals himself instead.  Loser.

“Happy birthday, Katana!” They all cheer.

Katana seems to short-circuit for a second.

Then,

“Thank you,” he murmurs after breathing a sigh of relief. “You had me temporarily worried, with the state of my house.”

Shuriken grins and grabs his wrist, dragging him over to Hyperlaser. “Okay, okay, happy birthday - now, go talk with your boyfriend!”

Katana coughs. “Pardon?” He asks, looking at him with a mixture of confusion and surprise.

Shuriken only offers a big, knowing grin before skipping away, taking it upon himself to eat the mochis offered on a plate.

Shuriken watches with glee as the two men start to chat with each other. He has successfully done it. He has gotten Katana a boyfriend. He’s like a super awesome, cool wingman.

What a great day it is.

These mochis are good, too.

—

(Shuriken doesn’t fail to notice how Hyperlaser lingers at Katana’s place even after he and his roommates have left. He hopes to be there at the wedding.)

Chapter Text

There are two items that, if you took them away from Shuriken, he’d probably start bawling and then Vine Staff would kill you for doing so.

What are those two things, you might be asking? Well, the first one is his sour gummies. Obviously. Shuriken can’t really function properly without those. You, dear reader, should know this by now.

And the second thing is his amazing, wonderful, splendid, beloved fidget spinner.

It is the fidget spinner. It is, like, so awesome. It’s his favorite thing in the entire world and he bought it from a convenience store three years ago because he got bored. And Shuriken has never lost it since. Because he is very skilled in the art of keeping his things organized, you know. Even despite what his dresser looks like.

Until today.

Today, he has lost his fidget spinner in the skatepark in Crossroads.

So, now, the Silver Shadow is on a mission, and one mission only.

He needs to find his fidget spinner.

The good thing is that it’s later in the day, almost sunset, which means most demons are either going home or- actually, he didn’t know what else they would be doing. But no matter. What Shuriken means to say is that nobody is at the skate park, so he can walk and not have to worry about getting run over.

The issue is that the skate park is pretty damn big, and his fidget spinner pretty damn small.

This, dear reader, seems to be quite the predicament.

But it shouldn’t be too hard to find it, right? It’s bright green . How hard can it be to find a bright green fidget spinner in a gray skatepark?

(As it turns out, it’s pretty difficult. Shuriken has been at the place for, like, two hours, and he hasn’t found it.)

But he will not stop on this expedition. Shuriken is way too cool and spectacular to possibly be giving up now.

And then, just as the sun is setting, he sees it.

His beloved fidget spinner, sitting on the ground, by some weeds growing out of the concrete.

Shuriken has never felt such joy before in his life, honestly. Actually, no, he has - it was when he tried sour gummies for the first time. That was a great day. This goes in second place, though, probably. Because he found it! Shuriken is whole.

Shuriken runs over to his fidget spinner, scoops it off of the ground, and spins it a few times. The world is at peace again.

Shuriken has his fidget spinner. The sky is blue. The grass is green. Everything is in harmony.

That is, until he gets the fucking wind knocked out of him and he feels himself fall and something collide with him.

And he drops his fidget spinner, too. Because apparently the Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den, master of disguise, can’t have a moment of whimsy. How rude.

Shuriken’s head hits the pavement.

And he gets fucking KO’d. Like a loser.

—

When he wakes up, two people are talking to him.

Well. They’re not talking to him. They’re talking about him. Because he’s so popular and awe-inspiring. He can’t help it, y’know? He’s just got that aura. He’s That Guy™️.

“Dude, you- ran him over? Are you fuckin’ stupid?”

“Nah, bro! I swear, I didn’t see him!”

“Look, he’s kinda short, but he ain’t that short. Were you fuckin’ high again?”

“..no..?”

“Why do I even bother, dude? Of course your ass was high. Now he’s fuckin’ knocked out and we gotta break the news to Slingshot and Vine Staff that your dumbass got him injured.”

“Not my fault he was at the skatepark during the night!”

“Yeah, it wasn’t! But you know what was your fault? Fuckin’ RUNNING HIM OVER!”

Shuriken frowns. Run over? That’s just ridiculous. He doesn’t have any memory of getting run over. And, also, his aura would probably protect him from even being run over in the first place. His infinite aura supply works wonders, y’know. It’s like a shield.

..speaking of, he can’t really remember.. a lot. Like, he knows stuff, but not really what he’s done the past day or two. Or, like, what month it is. Or where he is. He doesn’t remember a lot of stuff about right now, actually.

But it’s fine! It’s all good. Shuriken is just having a temporary setback. Nothing defeats the great Silver Shadow, the haver of many ladies.

And then he hears footsteps.

And then-

Who are these people?

Well. He knows that he knows these people. He just.. can’t remember their names very well. And the memories of them are just the tiniest bit fuzzy.

Eh, whatever. He’ll figure it out. Shuriken’s literally the Silver Shadow! He can do anything.

…apart from remembering the month. Or what he ate for breakfast yesterday. That is completely irrelevant. Nobody should be worrying about him, because he is doing positively spectacular and he can remember most things.

“Shuriken? You good?”

He looks at the guy talking to him.

And-

Woah. He’s jacked.

Like, it’s almost ridiculous. Like, why is he so jacked? It’s kinda stupid to be that jacked.

His brain is screaming at him. He knows this guy. Shuriken is friends with a bodybuilder who looks like he could snap him in half. And, like, he’s kinda good-looking, too. He isn’t gay, though. Yeah, he’s talking to you. Shuriken does not like men. Of course, kudos to anyone who does.

Anyways, being friends with this guy is like.. so awesome.

And the other guy.. he seems a little bit more familiar. And he smells like weed. But, of course, the name isn’t coming to him.

“Uh, yeah?” Shuriken replies. “What about you , huh?

The first guy exchanges glances at his friend for a second. They look concerned.

That’s just funny. Why would they be concerned about him? All he did was get a headache and pass out. Shuriken is of the utmost health , y’know. Cause, like, his diet of sour gummies has been keeping him in tip-top shape.

“I’m- fine? You got a concussion, dude. And I dunno how hard your fall was, but I got experience in that typa stuff. It ain’t fun.”

This guy’s accent was funny. Not from Thieves’ Den, obviously.

“I’ve just got a headache, bro,” Shuriken answers, waving him away. “I’on wanna hear it.”

The second guy shuffles around awkwardly. “I might’ve ran you over, bro. But I swear, I’m not to be blamed here! You’re not supposed to be in the middle of a skatepark at night, man.”

Skatepark? Is this guy going insane? Shuriken hasn’t been to a skatepark at all today.

He doesn’t know what he did at all, actually.

Oh well. If it wasn’t really that important, then it probably didn’t matter much that he forgot about what Shuriken did today.

The jacked guy squints at him. “Shuriken, what day is it today?”

Shuriken thinks.

And thinks some more.

And thinks a little bit more.

And eventually, he comes to a scholarly, educational conclusion.

“I dunno.”

“Fuck you mean, dunno?”

“Like, I don’t know, dude. I don’t remember.”

The jacked guy turns very slowly to the guy who apparently ran him over. “Bro, you fuckin’ gave him amnesia.”

“‘M surprised you know that big of a word, lowkey.”

“Skateboard. I’m being serious.”

“I can bet 10 bucks that he doesn’t know our names.”

Coil groans out loud. “That’s not how it fuckin’ works, dumb shit.”

Skateboard rolls his eyes, plopping himself onto a nearby chair. “Yeah it is, dude. My advice is, like, top tier. A-plus.”

“I am not takin’ advice from you, dude. You said to put a fork in the microwave once.”

“I didn’t know!”

“Uh-huh.”

Shuriken clears his throat. Do these people ever stop bickering? He’s really tempted to ask if they’re dating or not, because this is giving old married couple behavior.

The jacked guy peers at him. “Do you know who we are?”

Here comes the concerning part.

He doesn’t.

Well. He does. Shuriken knows these people, and he knows that he talks to them. But some of the memories are fuzzy, and some are just.. simply not there.

“I mean- like, I do know you, but I don’t know you. Does that make sense?”

The jacked guy sighs. “No, it doesn’t. But it’s fine. We have got to get you back home to Thieves’ Den.”

The guy who (allegedly) ran him over shakes his head. “No, no. Do you know what’ll happen if Sling finds out I gave Shuriken a concussion? Dude, he’ll kill me!”

“Just lie, dude. Say it was some other punk,” the jacked guy responds without missing a beat.

The guy who ran him over pauses for a second, considering this proposition intensely. Or he could just be slow and taking an extra couple seconds for the words to chain together in his brain. “Y’know, I gotta hand it to you, dude, I think that sentence took your full brain power to articulate. Kudos.”

The jacked guy doesn’t respond. Shuriken feels like he’s intruding on something intimate here.

“So, uh, what are your names?” Shuriken asks nervously.

The jacked guy pinches the bridge of his nose. “Gods, you sound like a loser, dude. I’m Coil, and the guy who almost killed you is Skateboard.”

Coil. Skateboard.

Shuriken.. he knows those people.

He blew up a Blackrock facility with Coil, didn’t he?

Yeah. He did.

But as soon as the memory resurfaces, it fizzles back into a sad little puddle in his brain.

Shuriken hates this. Someone as spectacular and awesome as him literally can’t remember shit - not to mention that it’s about the people that are closest to him.

The Silver Shadow is being caught lacking. This is not good.

“Well, uh, Shuriken, do you wanna go, like- get some food? Maybe it’ll help. I dunno.” Coil offers. Shuriken nods, standing up before being hit with perhaps the worst headache he’s ever felt in his entire life.

“Nope. Nope. I’m good. I- ow . Ow.” His head hurts like a bitch. Shuriken never wants to experience this pain again. By the gods, it hurts and it pounds in his head like nothing else he’s ever felt before. And, like, Shuriken isn’t supposed to be bested by a headache. He’s supposed to be bested by some supervillain with robotic arms and laser eyes or something. That would be cool.

Coil hovers for a second. “Well. Uh. I’ll bring food back, then. You just- I dunno, dude, just fuckin’ lay down for a bit.”

Shuriken lays down on the couch pillow. Skateboard went- actually, he doesn’t even know where Skateboard went, nor does he really care.

His head still hurts. It’s not very nice of his head, you know. He’s the Silver Shadow. Shuriken is meant to be saving the city right now, but, noo , he’s bedridden because he got ran over by a skateboard. Allegedly. He really has no memory of the event happening.

You know what he could really use right now?

His sour gummies.

But, alas, this place is not his house. And there are no sour gummies here for him. It’s devastating. What if Shuriken came to your house and was deathly ill and the only thing that could save him were some sour gummies? What then? He would probably die because nobody has sour gummies, that’s what.

Today is a terrible day for the Shuriken community, y’know. He has gotten himself concussed and now he doesn’t remember anything.

Shuriken does remember Slingshot and Vine Staff, though. Just not anybody else. And his neighbor, too, but his name is a little blurry. It starts with a K, though, he’s sure.

—

At some point, he dozes off, because when he wakes up again, Coil has food.

And do you know what Shuriken was given?

A kid’s menu toy.

Today is the best day of his life.

He starts eating his burger slowly, staring at Skateboard and Coil while they bicker back and forth.

Gosh. Shuriken is just the witnesser of gay couples, now, he supposes. Because, like, there is no way that they don’t like each other. It just wouldn’t make sense.

He hopes to be there at the wedding.

Shuriken takes another bite of his burger. It’s pretty damn good.

And then, out of nowhere, Skateboard says, “Yo, what if I hit Shuriken on the head again? Would that fix his memory?”

Coil tilts his head a little bit. “Are you being serious? That’s not how it fuckin’ works, dumb shit.”

“You never know, dude. I think we should try it.”

Shuriken blinks slowly. “And what if it doesn’t work? Do I just get more brain damage than I already have?”

Skateboard considers his words for a second. “Yeah, sounds ‘bout right. But, like, you’ll be fine, bro. Just trust me.”

“Oh, gods,” Coil mutters. “Never trust Skate, Shuriken. That’s my rule of thumb.”

“You’re also a wanted criminal, bro,” Skateboard replies. “I don’t think your advice is helpin’ you a lot.”

Coil almost looks offended. “I worked hard on my crimes, bro. Don’t blame ‘em on my advice. I did that shit myself.”

Shuriken snickers. This Coil guy is funny.

Skateboard tosses his trash into the trash can in one clean throw. “Anyways, we doin’ the bonkin’ or no?”

Coil turns to Shuriken. “I mean, if you want more brain damage, go ahead.”

Before Shuriken can respond, Skateboard whacks the side of his head with his board.

“ Ow! ” Shuriken cries, one hand hovering over the side of his head. “Dude, I didn’t even say yes!”

Skateboard shrugs. “Didn’t need to, bro. I saw it in your eyes. Can you remember now?”

And..

Oh, gods.

He can.

The fuzzy parts of his memory become clearer - they’re still a little foggy, but not nearly as much as they were before.

And-

“Oh my gods,” Shuriken murmurs dramatically. Coil leans forward.

“What is it, dude?”

Shuriken takes a deep breath in.

“I forgot my fidget spinner.”

(Coil ends up chaperoning Shuriken to bring him to the skatepark to find his fidget spinner again.)

Chapter Text

Shuriken is going to admit one of his deepest, darkest secrets to you, dear reader.

Now, if you are familiar with him, you know that green is sort of.. his color. Like, you think of green, and you think of him. And if you don’t, you really should start doing that, because, like, he’s so awesome. And cool. He’s the Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den! Why wouldn’t you wanna think about him?

Well. Maybe if you were a stalker. That would be weird. Don’t think about him in a stalker-ish way. That’s just weird, dude.

Anyways. So, Shuriken has a sister.

Yeah, I know. Pretty crazy.

And his sister’s name is Vine Staff. And Vine Staff has pink horns.

If you haven’t connected the dots by now, you just might be screwed. Just a thought.

Anyways, since Shuriken is related to Vine Staff biologically (he doesn’t really know how, either), it only makes sense for him to have the same horn color.

Which he does.

Yeah, you heard him right. Shuriken has horns that are naturally baby pink.

And while pink is a very nice color, and boys can certainly wear pink, Shuriken just kind of likes having green horns more.

He’s just a green guy. Like, you know the green M&M’s? Yeah, he’s like the greenest M&M. Shuriken is so green.

So, Shuriken buys horn paint to combat this.

Horn paint has got to be, like, his holy grail. It’s (usually) waterproof, it stays for a while, and its only real issue is that it’s fucking expensive and it comes in tiny bottles. Like, come on! He’s the Silver Shadow. Shuriken has literally gotten kidnapped before, and he still has to pay full price for horn paint. It’s ridiculous.

The problem is, he’s run out of horn paint and now he can see the pink starting to fade back in.

Which really wouldn’t be a problem, except that.. y’know, the public recognizes him by his green horns. Shuriken has a reputation. And that reputation centers around him being green.

So, he needs to go buy some more.

The issue is that Shuriken doesn’t really exactly know how to paint his horns all that well.

Yeah. He admits it. There is one thing in this world that Shuriken cannot do, and it is paint his horns.

For, like, his entire life, he’s always asked Vine Staff to do it. No matter when or how she does it, the paint is never streaky or shitty or whatever. Because his sister is awesome. Not as awesome as him, obviously, but still pretty awesome.

And, also, she’s really the only one who knows the shade of his horn paint by heart. Shuriken may or may not have forgotten in the past few months.

He’s got a limited brain space, okay? Something as trivial as horn paint cannot be taking up space in his brain when he could be thinking about sour gummies all the time.

But there’s just the teeniest problem.

It’s midnight, and Vine Staff is fast asleep.

So, Shuriken has concocted a plan. A completely foolproof plan that will not get him turned into plant fertilizer.

He will wake up Vine Staff, get the horn paint with her, and let her fall back asleep while he paints his horns himself. It can’t be that difficult, can it?

—

“Shuriken, I am not going to the store with you to buy one thing when it is midnight and I work a shift tomorrow.”

This is not going as expected.

Shuriken pokes his sister again. “Come onnn, Vine! Just this once?”

Vine Staff groans at him, burying her head further into her pillow. “Just pick the closest color yourself. It’s your horns, after all.”

“No, but what if I get it wrong? Will I even be Shuriken anymore?”

Vine Staff uses her wooden arm and whacks him. Shuriken rubs the side of his head, muttering about mean sisters.

“Fine. I’ll go. But after that, I’m going right back to sleep.”

Shuriken perks up. “Deal!”

Vine Staff crawls out of bed with her hair full of curlers and in her flower-themed pajamas. “Let’s go.”

“You’re gonna go in your pajamas?” Shuriken asks. It’s certainly a fashion statement. Of course, he would know, since he’s the master of fashion.

Vine Staff glares at him. “I literally could not care less about my appearance right now. It’s midnight.”

Shuriken shrugs, opening the door and letting Vine Staff lead the way towards the horn paint store. He is a very polite man who opens the door for other demons. Seriously, where the hell is his trophy, huh?

He trails behind his sister while she walks the sidewalks of Thieves’ Den, leading him towards the horn paint store. Unlike most factions, Thieves’ Den is pretty safe to wander at night, especially where their apartment is at. Of course, when he goes on patrol, it’s further away, so he tends to get beat up more.

..not that he’s gonna air out this info to Vine Staff. She might know he’s the Silver Shadow, but she does not need to know all of his business. That’s just rude.

Vine Staff makes a few turns, completely ignoring the odd looks other demons throw her, and walks into a nearby store without missing a beat.

And since Shuriken is an intellectual, he can tell by the way Vine Staff grips the door and opens it that she is the slightest bit pissed. See, it’s what he likes to call his little brother sense. It’s just an ability he has, to be able to tell whenever his sister is in a bad mood.

And it might also be the fact that she is, like, literally stomping around the store and knocking things over without picking them up. That might be an indicator as well.

Whoops!

Vine Staff grabs three bottles of horn paint and brings them to the register and pays for them faster than he can blink. His sister tosses the bottles towards him and wipes her hands.

“There. Now you’ve got horn paint. Can I go back to sleep now?”

Shuriken nods fervently. “Yeah, yeah- thanks, sis!”

Vine Staff waves him away. Shuriken grins.

He is gonna look so badass.

—

Okay. He’s reached a bit of a predicament.

Shuriken does not look badass.

As it turns out, doing your own horns with horn paint is a bit of a difficult thing.

He looks at himself and the mirror and finds that his horns are all.. ugly.

Him. His horns. Ugly! That’s, like, ridiculous. It’s an utter crime. He should sue.

Okay, Shuriken probably shouldn’t sue. But the paint looks all streaky on him and it’s dull and it’s thicker in some places and thinner in others and, like, all in all, this type of look is gonna make him lose severe amounts of aura.

There are three things he can do about this sort of situation.

1.) Go wake Vine Staff back up and ask her to do his horns for him (risky, but worth it)

2.) Deal with these horns and get them done another day (also pretty risky, might make him crash out)

3.) Embrace his pinkness and become the Pink Shadow or something (lame and boring)

None of these options are really too appealing to him. Which is bad. He can’t go out looking like this! Shuriken looks like he had to sneak onto Earth from another planet.

So.

He only has one choice, since he doesn’t feel like embracing the pink.

Shuriken must go face his sister.

He quietly tiptoes over to her room, peers at her peaceful, sleeping form, and hesitates.

Should he really wake her up again? He’d probably get fed to her plants if he did. But at least his horns would look cool.

Yeah. Shuriken needs to look cool.

With this in mind, he firmly shakes his sister awake.

“Shuriken, I swear, what do you want now-?”

“Can you paint my horns for me?”

“Oh my gods.”

—

Vine Staff sits behind Shuriken, who is currently sitting on a chair brought from the living room, meticulously painting his horns.

The silence is a little scary. Just, like, a tad bit. Because he can feel Vine Staff’s pissed-offedness, and it’s, like, interfering with his aura levels. Shuriken can’t let all of his aura go to waste if he gets fed to a plant!

“You are so annoying for making me do this at midnight,” Vine Staff mumbles, still pretty sleepy. “Just learn how to do this yourself, Shuri.”

“But it looks better when you do it!” He complains. “I tried to do it and it looked like shit, sis.”

“Well, maybe it was really good and you looked like shit,” Vine Staff teases, although her voice is so dry and groggy he can’t really tell if she’s actually being serious or not. There’s a very fair chance it could be both.

“I do not look like shit! I am the Silver Shadow! My appearance can’t be caught lacking.”

“Mmm. I doubt that. Your appearance is caught lacking pretty often.”

“It’s not! I have a great sense of style!”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“I- okay, that’s just mean. You’re bullying me, Vine. You’re harassing me! This is unfair.”

Vine Staff flicks his ear. “This is not harassment, Shuri. You’re just being dramatic.”

Shuriken scoffs, crossing his arms.  “You’re the one acting like it’s gonna be the end of the world if you don’t get every hour of beauty sleep you need to go serve water all day tomorrow.”

“And you’re the one acting as if your horns not being repainted immediately is going to completely ruin you.”

“But it will!” Shuriken throws his hands up in the air. “You just don’t get it, Vine.”

Vine Staff sighs, her breath tickling the back of his neck, before lifting the paintbrush used to color his horns and placing it onto a nearby paper towel she set out. “There. Your horns are good now.”

Shuriken cracks a grin and gives Vine Staff a hug. “Thanks, sis!”

Vine Staff returns the hug, but then holds him by the shoulder. “If you ever wake me up for this again, I’m going to eat all of your sour gummies and feed you to the flytraps.”

With that, Vine Staff adjusts a curler and goes back to bed.

Wow. Talk about overreacting, huh?

Shuriken wanders over to his bathroom and turns on the light and inspects his painted horns in the light.

And-

Oh my gods.

His horns are the wrong shade of green.

(Later, Slingshot begs Vine Staff to take the day off early so that she can redo Shuriken’s horns with how much he pesters them the rest of the day.)

Chapter Text

Shuriken is fairly sure that the SFOTH did not intend for such an amazing man like him to be stuck working customer service for eight hours straight, but, y’know. Life has strange ways of working against him.

Look, Slingshot is a pretty good boss. But sentencing him, the great Silver Shadow, who saved him from not one, but two robberies to working at the register- it’s pretty much an insult to him. He’d much rather go and serve food (and also show off his amazing parkour skills), but, of course, Slingshot just doesn’t seem to notice his potential.

It’s fine, though. Shuriken supposes that he’ll learn on the third robbery. Or the fourth. Slingshot’s luck is pretty ass when it comes to that.

Of course, he also works ridiculously early in the morning so he has a lot of free time later to go do his vigilante duties. Even if he isn’t a morning person. Shuriken must thug it out.

And he has been thugging it out. He’s the master of not being affected by how stupid most of the customers were. He’s the master of everything. Shuriken can accomplish the impossible. He’s just That Guy™️.

Of course, until he walked in.

See, it had all started back when Shuriken had been trying to refill the ice. Because it’s summer. And it’s hot.

Seriously, Thieves’ Den summers are brutal. They’re humid. Who wants humid summers? Literally nobody.

Anyways, because it’s summertime, everyone has been ordering their coffees iced. So, Shuriken needs to refill the ice.

Yeah. Critical thinking skills, you’re seeing here. He has those in abundance.

And when he’s done refilling the ice and he goes back to the register, he sees him.

Coil.

At his workplace. During the day. When he’s not the Silver Shadow, and instead dressed like a loser in an apron.

Which is, like, illegal. Coil is strictly a vigilante-only friend. He is not a café-friend.

Also.

Shuriken has not once told Coil about where he works. Coil probably thinks he’s unemployed, for SFOTH’s sake!

..Shuriken wishes he were unemployed, but that’s besides the point. 

So, out of some insane luck, Coil just happened to walk into the café he works at.

Oh, man. Shuriken did not ask for a crossover episode today. What kind of sense of humor does the author have, man? This is just plain diabolical. It’s nefarious, even.

Shuriken ducks behind the counter and starts wiping down the counters, whistling while he does it. He prays that Coil doesn’t notice him, even though he’s wearing bright green. 

Look, can Shuriken not be just the tiniest bit delusional? Let him live.

Jeez.

And then Skateboard and Boombox walk in.

And then-

“Yo, Shuriken! What’s up, bro?”

Shuriken’s eye twitches.

The day he catches Skateboard is not going to be fun.

Shuriken nervously peers out from behind the counter and smiles sheepishly. “Uh, hi, Skate! Sling’s in the back.”

He completely refuses to make eye contact with Coil. Or to even look at him. Or to even acknowledge him. He isn’t letting this happen today.

Shuriken just wants to get paid and go buy some sour gummies, man. They’ve come out with watermelon-flavored ones, and Shuriken really wants to try them.

Is that really too much to ask for, universe?

“Shuriken, I never knew you worked at a cat café,” Coil says snarkily. “Turns out you aren’t so mysterious as you thought you were, huh?”

Shuriken silently pleads with him. Please, no. Don’t out me in front of Skateboard and Boombox.

Coil just grins.

He feels like killing a man.

—

Okay, this isn’t as terrible as he thought it would be.

Of course, it’s still pretty bad. But Shuriken is a humble man. He can resist the ragebait. He’s just simply on another level. Shuriken is nonchalant.

Shuriken does not fall victim to stupid little jokes. The Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den, master of disguise, is a professional ragebait avoider. He lives with Slingshot, after all. Anyone who knows Slingshot personally knows that you must become a wall to ragebait in order to stay friends with him. That’s just how it is.

So, Shuriken carries on with his day. He makes drinks, and Coil still stands there, spectating him, saying some stupid shit every now and then.

If he’s being completely honest, it kind of feels like he’s being graded on his performance, or something. Because there is absolutely no reason for Coil to be watching him this intently.

It’s almost a little scary. Key word: almost.

Because, y’know, the Silver Shadow fears nothing. Not even Coil looking at him for the past thirty minutes without saying anything.

“Instead of looking at me, you could’ve, like, blown up at least two Blackrock facilities by now,” Shuriken mutters. “Aren’t you a wanted criminal? What’re you doing in public?”

Coil shrugs. “I was hungry.”

“Then order something.”

The other demon snickers. “Me? Buying something from Sling? Yeah, right.”

“You’ve been here before!?”

“Well, no. But Skateboard’s always yappin’ about how good the damn place is, and so he’ll bring back shit for me and say it’s from Slingshot. And you will never catch me eating Slingshot’s food.”

“It’s one of the best in the faction, though.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I don’t care.”

“So you’re just here to annoy me.”

Coil taps his chin for a second, wondering. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“Why don’t you go hang out with Skateboard or something?” Shuriken asks, cleaning a cup in his hands.

He narrows his eyes at Shuriken. “‘Cause Slingshot would probably kick me out if he saw me. Duh.”

Shuriken shrugs. “Just a question, dude.”

“So, now, because I can’t make fun of Slingshot, you’re my next best option.”

He scoffs, wiping off his hands on his apron. “Why don’t you get a job, dude? You could use one.”

Coil blinks at him. “Did you forget about the fact that I’m a criminal?”

“So are, like, 90% of Inphernals. I’m sure you’d be okay.”

“Yeah, but Ban’s after me. And the reward outweighs most people’s morals. So, no, I’m not gonna get a job, Shuriken.”

Shuriken hums, before cracking a smile. “Sounds to me like you enjoy being unemployed.”

Look, if Coil’s bothering him, it’s only fair he does the same. The Silver Shadow may the one of the best in Thieves’ Den, but you really won’t catch him being the bigger person in a situation like this.

“I’m on the run from the government. What part of that screams unemployment?”

“All of it, honestly.”

“Dude. Y’know what? I guess I’m gonna stay here until the end of your shift, then.”

Shuriken turns very slowly. “You’re gonna what?”

Coil smirks. “You heard me.”

Oh, SFOTH. He’s so screwed.

—

If Coil doesn’t shut the fuck up, Shuriken is sincerely considering resigning from being a vigilante and turning into a villain. Evil Shuriken, in fact. Evilken, that would be his name.

Coil has stood there and ragebaited him for almost thirty minutes now, pointing out his apron with the little cat embroidered on it and how it makes him look like a twink.

He is not a twink. He is the Silver Shadow. He is the manliest of them all.

Shuriken supports all twinks, though. He just isn’t one.

..don’t cancel him.

And, also, Coil needs to take a step back. Like, honestly, he’s all sweaty from walking outside in the heat and Shuriken is willing to stuff him into the cooler at this point.

What makes this all even worse is that Skateboard and Boombox have abandoned him for Slingshot. Without them, Coil can make as many vigilante jokes as he wants and Shuriken cannot do anything about it.

“Oh my gods,” Shuriken groans. “Would you stop? I’m trying to get my job done here.”

“Dude, you work at a fuckin’ cat café and make coffee. What could possibly be so urgent?”

“Just because I work at a café does not make me any less mysterious, dude.”

“It kind of does.”

“It does not!”

“Does to.”

“You’re- you’re so fucking annoying, you know that?”

Coil snickers, crossing his arms. “What’re you gonna do about it? At the moment, you’re making your twenty-fifth iced matcha latte of the day. I sincerely doubt you’re gonna stop, either.”

Shuriken’s hand tightens around the drink he’s making, almost popping the lid off and spilling some of it.

This is not good. The ragebait is getting to him. His rage is getting baited. He’s not a fish! If he was a fish, his name would probably, be, like- he didn’t know, Shurifin or something!

“Just fucking stop. I’m trying to get my job done, and you’re making it a lot harder for me.”

Oh, no.

Shuriken is raging.

This is not Silver Shadow behavior. This is not mysterious and awesome and auraful like he is supposed to be.

This was something much more sinister. Something much less auraful and makes people wrinkle their nose at him.

Shuriken takes a deep breath in. He’s fine. It’s all fine! Coil is not ragebaiting him. Coil is a minor inconvenience. A temporary setback. He’s not gonna get harassed by a guy on the run from the government and who has never tried sushi before. That’s just lame.

“Yeah, okay. Poor Shuriken can’t get any work done. What a shame. It’s just like how you don’t get anything done as a vigilante, either, y’know. You kind of just.. wander. It’s pretty stupid, actually.”

Okay.

Actually, scratch that.

Shuriken is pissed.

Because nobody walks into his café and insults his work. He’s done more for Thieves’ Den than literally anybody else.

Except for Katana. He’s cool.

Shuriken lunges over the counter and grasps Coil by the collar of his stupid ripped hoodie - who’s even wearing a hoodie in this heat?

Except Shuriken miscalculates just a little - look, sometimes he makes mistakes - and when he brings Coil close to his face, he-

He kisses him.

It’s not anything special, it’s quick and it’s over with faster than Shuriken can process.

Oh, gods. He just- he just kissed him, on the lips, without socks on-

And, also, he just fucking hit his nose so goddamn hard against Coil’s, ow-

Coil shoves him back, staring at him for a second, stunned.

“What the fuck was that!?” Coil barks, drawing the attention of the other customers. Shuriken really can’t start to formulate a response, because oh, gods, he just fucking gave Coil a kiss on accident-

“Dude, I- I didn’t mean to- I’m-“

Coil lunges towards the counter, all of his lighthearted and teasing energy gone in an instant.

And Shuriken is scared shitless.

His catchphrase, a true man only shits his pants a little in the face of danger? Yeah, no, scratch that. He’s shitting himself tenfold if he ever has to experience this again.

But before Shuriken can get his ass beat, hands reach out to hold Coil back.

Shuriken finds Skateboard grabbing Coil and yanking him backwards, whispering in his ear before guiding him out of the café. Boombox follows closely behind, apologizing profusely to everyone else before dashing out the door.

Shuriken is standing there, still trying to process what the fuck just happened.

Oh, man.

He’s such an idiot.

Yeah, you heard that right, folks. Shuriken, the Silver Shadow, is an idiot.

Why the hell did he do that?

He literally just kissed another guy.

Woah. Wait. Does this mean he’s gay?

No, wait. He did it on accident.

The question lies on if he actually.. y’know, enjoyed it or not.

Shuriken thinks on it for a second, and then decides that it’s better if he just pretended this never happened and that he continues on with his life as normal! Because this is all fine! It’s all okay, and he totally hasn’t just screwed up his relationship with Coil.

Yup.

It’s gonna be fine.

Hopefully.

Chapter Text

All Shuriken is trying to do is get home and go to sleep.

That’s literally it.

Which he can usually do without any issue - all he has to do is climb through his window and then change out of his vigilante costume and then go to bed. Easy, right?

Well, apparently not, because Shuriken’s standing on the fire escape next to his window.

His locked window.

Dude.

Either he accidentally locked his window - which he is incapable of doing, because, like, he’s the Silver Shadow, and the Silver Shadow can do no wrong - or one of his roommates did it for him. Even though they should be able to tell that the window is where he enters every night.

This leaves him with quite the predicament, truly. He can either:

1. Sleep outside and risk getting eaten by a carnivorous plant (not fun)
2. Go through the main, extremely creaky door and wake up everyone in a 10 mile radius (would get him killed)
3. Go sleep at someone else’s place (awkward, especially in his vigilante clothes)

He’s so cooked.

Shuriken contemplates by his locked window, offering it a few side eyes while he thinks.

Of course this had to happen to him. This is just so great. Like, really, he couldn’t go for something more convenient right now, especially when it’s humid and warm outside and the sun is nowhere to be seen. Because that’s just how Thieves’ Den is.

Shuriken sighs. The great Silver Shadow has been bested by a lock. And since Thieves’ Den also has a horrible bug problem, every window has a mesh, and Shuriken is not gonna risk a bug-infested room just so he can sleep in his Minecraft-themed bed. That would be hell.

He thinks.

And thinks some more.

And thinks a little bit more.

And then he pulls out a sour gummy and pops it into his mouth. It’s a necessity, especially in these trying times he’s going through.

And then an idea appears in his head. It’s almost like eating that gummy boosted his brainpower or something.

..not that he isn’t already insanely smart. Shuriken is smart! He knows lots of things. Like the square root of pi. Yeah.

(He does not know the square root of pi. Who even knows that, anyways? Why would you possibly care about a stupid number he’s never gonna use again in his life?)

Shuriken remembers that Katana, being the old man he is, keeps his windows open during the night. Because apparently, the bugs fear him. Shuriken has not once seen a bug in Katana’s apartment before. It’s scary. How does he do it?

Shuriken may never know. He can respect a magician and his secrets.

Anyways, since Katana’s windows are open, he can just sneak inside, sleep there for the night, and then leave before Katana wakes up.

See? Easy, completely foolproof plan!

Foolproof. That word seems familiar.

Alright. Mission impossible: sneak into Katana’s apartment. Should be no problem! After all, he’s basically Katana’s favorite child. The guy did save him from almost falling off a rooftop.

..fun times.

Shuriken scrambles up the wall of the building like a spider - because, you know, he’s basically a green Spider-Man - and then looks around the edges for Katana’s window.

The guy’s window isn’t really that hard to find, because, well, nobody keeps their window open at night. Katana’s a little weird like that. Maybe he’s going senile.

Shuriken carefully makes his way down the wall, sticking his feet into different footholds. Thankfully, because he has petite feet, (which is something he gets teased endlessly for. For whatever reason. Why are people even looking at his feet to begin with?), it’s not too much of a struggle.

And also because of the fact that he is a professional wall climber and knows exactly what he is doing. Don’t doubt him.

Shuriken knows that Katana goes to sleep ridiculously early, so he doesn’t have to worry about running into him and then having to skedaddle away before Katana chops him to bits.

He hums and enters the man’s apartment like it’s his, breathing in the faint scent of incense. Incense is pretty common in Thieves’ Den, but all the ones that Vine Staff buy are direct attacks to his nostrils.

And the first thing Shuriken notices is that the lights are on.

Katana, being the absolute madman he is, always either uses candles or keeps his windows open. Shuriken has never seen him with his lamp on before. It’s a nice lamp, but it’s basically decorative at this point.

And, secondly, there are two cups set out on the counter. With a bottle of alcohol set out nearby.

Oh, gods.

Katana got a date.

Okay, on second thought, Shuriken really does not wanna go into Katana’s bedroom.

He stands there for a second, thinking, Wow, Katana bagged someone before I did, and then he remembers The Café Incident with a certain Playgrounder.

Yeah, nope. He’s not thinking about that right now.

Shuriken silently moves across the room - where else would he get his iconic name as the Silver Shadow from? - and turns off the lamp, as well as cleaning up the two cups.

Because he is a good man. And he will clean up for his neighbor regardless of who he is bagging. Shuriken is supportive.

While he’s cleaning up, Shuriken’s mind starts to wander. How did Katana even manage to pull someone? He’s, like, forty. Who wants some forty-year-old man who only speaks in tongues and proverbs? Not him.

Well, obviously not him. Katana’s like his dad.

Shuriken blinks.

Woah. Hey.

He’s never really called Katana his dad before.

A lot of Inperhnals don’t have parents. Considering that you’re spawned in, the only parent you really have is.. well, the spawn point. And that can’t comfort you or keep you from falling off a rooftop when you’re extremely sick, so.

And he’s thinking about it, and, like, it doesn’t sound all that bad to him.

..Okay, how the fuck did he go from figuring out who Katana was bagging to Katana being his father? What the hell?

Ignoring that revelation, Shuriken still has yet to find out who Katana is sleeping with.

…That sounds really wrong. He’s never saying that again.

It could be that Hyperlaser guy, but it could also not be. Shuriken isn’t going to assume, even though he’s the number one Hyperlaser and Katana supporter. He’s been a fan since the start.

Well, the two cups of alcohol is a pretty big indicator of Hyperlaser being there - after all, Hyperlaser had said he was one of Katana’s drinking buddies.

And, at this rate, if Katana got with someone else that wasn’t Hyperlaser, it would most likely be considered an affair. Like, only a blind guy who can’t see without special help wouldn’t be able to see that.

(Somewhere that isn’t actually that far away, and is pretty close, Hyperlaser shifts in his sleep.)

Shuriken hums before making sure Katana’s door is closed and striding over to the couch.

Katana is one of those old people that would rather die than use their couch. Shuriken can see the guy in literally any other corner of his house but the couch.

Shuriken pulls out his phone to set an alarm for ridiculously early in the morning.

And then he realizes he literally could’ve just called his roommates to let him in.

Well, actually, no, he really couldn’t have, because Vine Staff sleeps like a rock and Slingshot probably would’ve ignored him.

Shuriken shrugs, puts his phone in his pocket, and settles down onto the couch.

It’s actually a pretty comfy couch, and it makes Shuriken wonder why the hell Katana never uses it. Like, it literally feels like he’s sitting on a cloud right now.

And before Shuriken can close his eyes and set off for dream land, he decides he needs just one more thing before he goes to sleep.

He needs a snack.

Now, he isn’t really sure if Katana is gonna kill him or not if he takes some of his snacks, but the hope is that Katana won’t even know he was there to begin with. And he just blames it on, like, a rat or something.

Not that Shuriken is a rat. Despite various people calling him that on more occasions than he’d like to admit, he is actually much more dignified than a rat is. If he’s going to be some sort of gerbil, he’s probably a mouse or something.

Mice are cute, he’ll have you know. And there’s quite a lot of them in Thieves’ Den.

Matter of fact, Shuriken once tried to convince Vine Staff to get him a pet mouse he found on the road, but then the mouse ran off and got eaten by a bird.

It was a life-changing day for little baby Shuriken.

Okay. He’s getting side-tracked. Time to lock in.

Shuriken starts to very quietly search the pantry for anything he can eat that won’t cause a mess nor make a lot of noise. Because he’s a respectful man. The Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den, master of disguise, is polite and has lots of manners.

And then he spots a little container of seaweed chips.

Which, to be honest, aren’t that clean, but they’re quiet enough if Katana is on the other side of the apartment.

Unless Katana has super-hearing. Which wouldn’t be all that shocking, honestly.

Shuriken carefully extracts the pack, tears it open with the utmost care, and chows down.

And just a couple seconds later, Shuriken is staring mournfully at his empty container of seaweed chips.

He remembers the days when they used to pack those things to the brim. Now, there’s only, like, ten.

Shuriken wipes away an imaginary tear. One day, he’ll get those seaweed chips back.

He tiptoes towards the trash can, throws his chips away, and settles back down onto the cloud couch. There is no reason the couch should be this comfortable. It’s ridiculous.

Shuriken yawns, lays down, and falls asleep like a baby.

—

When his alarm goes off in the morning, it’s a struggle to release himself from the clutches of the insanely soft couch. It’s a shame Katana doesn’t use it. Maybe he could convince the guy to give it to him.

Thankfully, nobody’s up yet, so Shuriken can get up, stretch, and start to make his way out without any trouble at all.

Except.

There is just one thing he wants to see.

Shuriken creeps towards Katana’s room, takes a deep breath in, and cracks the door open.

And there, on Katana’s bed, is another man.

A man named Hyperlaser.

And they are cuddling.

Shuriken wants to scream with joy.

See, Katana is way too loyal to Hyperlaser to give him up for someone else. Shuriken is never going to forget this moment. It’s beautiful. It’s gorgeous. And, thankfully, they’re both under the covers, so Shuriken doesn’t see more than he has to.

He pulls out his phone, takes a few pictures, grins, and then skedaddles away like the gremlin he is.

Wow. It is a beautiful day to be experiencing two gay men in love. Shuriken cannot stop winning.

With that, he grapples out the window and back towards his house.

—

(Katana cracks one eye open. Hyperlaser is still asleep, thankfully. He hopes that Shuriken is able to keep a secret.)

Chapter Text

Shuriken has something to confess.

Everyone knows about his super cool arm tattoo. The one he made in honor of his sister with the coolest design in the world? Yeah, that one.

Well. As it turns out, it’s actually.. well, it’s not a tattoo to begin with.

Shuriken would get killed if he actually got a tattoo - well, probably not anymore, but more so back when he was younger - no matter how sentimental it was. So, ever since he was small, he’s painted his arm with its design every couple weeks or so to honor his sister’s cursed arm.

He’s a great little brother, he knows. You don’t need to remind him.

But today is the day.

Today is the day he gets his arm properly tattooed.

Now, you see, Shuriken is plenty aware of how a full-sleeve tattoo is meant to be pretty painful. But what most people fail to keep in mind is that he is the Silver Shadow himself. He can withstand anything. He’s almost gotten blown up before on not one, not two, but three separate occasions, and walked out of all of them alive.

Shuriken’s, like, immortal. He’s like the immortal snail.

Actually, snails are pretty boring. Maybe he isn’t an immortal snail. Maybe he’s, like.. an immortal spider. Because he’s basically Spider-Man. He’s the Thieves’ Den version of Spider-Man. And a lot more awesome.

He’s getting carried away.

Anyways, since Shuriken doesn’t really know of any tattoo places in Thieves’ Den (most natives don’t really like tattoos for whatever reason, but he’s different), he asked the person he thought would be the most educated on this.

Skateboard.

Now, since Skateboard is like, a pretend gang leader or whatever, the guy tries to act all tough. And so, he has a good amount of tattoos. And Shuriken hasn’t really seen any of them get infected yet, so he assumes that Skateboard’s getting his done at a good place.

There is just one, teeny, tiny problem here.

You see, since Shuriken didn’t really feel like being alone while someone drilled into his arm, he invited Skateboard to come with him and watch him get his tattoo.

Except Skateboard thought it would be a great idea to bring some of his friends.

And Shuriken’s completely fine with Boombox. Boombox is just a chill guy who makes music. What could possibly be wrong with that?

No, Boombox isn’t the problem.

It’s Coil.

Skateboard had insisted that Coil was not going to be there and that he had an apparent “boxing match” he needed to go to today.

But no.

Shuriken was lied to.

And now he’s sitting in a tattoo parlor while Coil pokes fun at him. And Skateboard too. Because they’re all assholes.

“You finally got the balls to get yourself a proper tattoo?” Coil sneers at him.

“I finally got the time,” Shuriken corrects. Today, he is not falling for any ragebait. He learned his lesson the last time that happened and-

Nope. Nope, nope, nope. He’s not going down that rabbit hole.

Skateboard frowns. “Don’t’cha work, like, a part-time job, bro? Sounds to me like you got plenty of time.”

“No,” Shuriken begins slowly, “I work full-time, now.”

Okay. That’s a little bit of a lie. He doesn’t work full-time yet, but he has talked about it with Slingshot and it is gonna happen soon.

As much as Shuriken would hate to admit it, he is not unemployed.

Yeah. It’s a shame.

“What’s this tattoo even for, huh?” Coil asks.

“It’s in honor of my sister. Her arm is.. cursed. I’m gonna honor that part of her permanently.” He says firmly. Coil seems to get the message and actually doesn’t call him a sentimental sap or whatever the fuck.

As they’re all waiting, Shuriken keeps looking over at Coil and wondering, “Dude, how is he not beating my ass right now?”

Like, seriously. The guy is acting like nothing happened. And while The Incident did happen over a week ago, Coil’s pretending that he’s got amnesia or whatever.

Which is a personal attack, by the way. Because Shuriken actually has had temporary amnesia before. See, this is all just Coil’s way of making fun of him. He should’ve known.

The Silver Shadow will not stand for this.

Whatever the reason, Shuriken’s kind of glad that Coil hasn’t brought it up at all. It’d probably just make everything awkward.

But at the same time.. is Shuriken a weirdo for thinking about it? Maybe Coil’s normal and got over it and just overreacted a little when it first happened, and Shuriken is a freak who can’t get it off his mind no matter what he does.

Okay. Okay. Actually, it’s better just to stop this train of thought before it goes too far.

..you better not leak any of this, reader. Especially not to anybody he knows. Otherwise, Shuriken is never gonna be able to stop the gay allegations.

The tattoo artist walks over to him and smiles warmly, interrupting his thoughts. “Hi! My name is Chakram. Follow me to your seat!”

Shuriken stands and follows behind the other Inphernal, listening to the sounds of his other friends trailing behind. He settles down onto the chair, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“So, what’re we doing today?” Chakram asks, rearranging different scary-looking tools on a nearby table.

Of course, the Silver Shadow fears nothing at all. Especially not pokey metal things that look like they’d hurt.

Shuriken, being very prepared for this, pulls out his phone and shows Chakram a picture of the design. “I want this, like, sorta- wave pattern in this green color- kinda like my horns. I want it done on like, only the top part of my arm- the whole arm, but, not like the insides of my elbows or my wrists or whatever.”

Chakram peers at his phone for a second and then nods. “Alright, we can make that work. This design is pretty simple, but a half sleeve is gonna take around ten hours.. I’d suggest splitting that into two sessions, one for your upper arm and one for your forearm.”

Shuriken just nods. Okay, maybe he doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about. But it’s fine! It’s all fine. This will all be okay.

The tattooist smiles. “I’m assuming this is your first tattooing session, so I think breaking up the ten hours into two blocks is gonna help you with the pain. Of course, when I start tattooing, we’ll see how your pain tolerance is and go from there.”

Shuriken nods again. He has a pretty good pain tolerance, right? He’s the Silver Shadow, master of disguise, hero of Thieves’ Den! He can handle a couple of needles.

“Since your design is simple, the blocks are gonna be only about a week and a half apart. If you can handle the pain, though, we can do it all today.”

He’s, like, pretty sure he can handle the pain. Shuriken would lose so much aura if he started bawling his eyes out or something.

Shuriken readjusts onto the chair and watches as Chakram flicks on a light and grabs a small bottle and a cotton pad.

“This is just rubbing alcohol to help disinfect your skin,” Chakram explains calmly. Shuriken hums, and glances over at Skateboard, Coil, and Boombox.

As it turns out, they literally could not care less about his tattoo. They’re all chatting with one another.

Shuriken scoffs. Well, isn’t that just rude.

Chakram grabs another bottle, which is green and looks like a witches’ potion, and puts a few drops onto his arm. “This is stencil primer, which is gonna help prep your skin for the stencil I’m gonna apply. The stencil is basically there to trace out the design.”

Shuriken hums. The stencil primer reminds him a lot of the times he puts glue on his hands and peels off the layer - it feels tacky on his skin, but it isn’t exactly wet.

Chakram measures his arm and starts to draw out the design on a stencil nearby.

Now, safe to say, Shuriken is just a little worried. Just a little. He’s never gotten a tattoo before and he really isn’t too keen on getting an infection or whatever.  Thankfully, Chakram seems pretty nice and not the type of person to get his arm infected.

And before he knows it, Chakram is finishing the stencil and pressing it onto his skin.

It feels kind of funny against the stencil primer, which is all tacky and sticky now, and when Chakram lifts the stencil back up, the design of his waves are left in purple ink.

“This purple isn’t permanent,” Chakram explains. “It’s just a guideline for me.”

Chakram pulls out a very sharp-looking contraption, wipes it off, and then points it towards him. “Take a deep breath in for me, alright?”

Shuriken breathes in.

And-

Hey, it’s actually not that bad.

It-

Oh.

Oh.

It actually is that bad.

And-

And, okay, now he’s crying.

He doesn’t know what it is, but the needle repeatedly piercing into his skin is like a different type of pain. It’s consistent and it doesn’t stop, and while a tattoo in this area really isn’t meant to be that painful, it still hurts.

“Ow- ow, shit, OW-“ Shuriken swears under his breath, hiccuping in between each syllable. Skateboard looks up and snickers.

“C’mon, dude, I thought you were better than this. Chakram just started needling. You look stupid as shit right now. Actually- Boombox, where the hell is my phone? I wanna record.”

Shuriken is gonna reply, but the pain of the needle hurts way too much to give a proper response. He can’t even think straight, holy shit-

On second thought. Maybe his pain tolerance isn’t that good.

—

Thirty minutes in, and Shuriken is an absolute mess.

It fucking hurts. Everything hurts. His arm aches, his eyes burn from crying, the needle won’t stop, and to make everything worse, Coil and Skateboard are laughing at him and they’re both recording.

“Fucking- hic- stop it!” Shuriken says in between tears. What good friends he has, huh?

Coil is losing it, doubled over in laughter while Shuriken is in very real pain, wiping tears from his eyes while he laughs. “You look like a fucking toddler right now, dude. It’s ridiculous. Oh, gods, I need a minute. I never knew you were this much of a wuss, Shuriken.”

“‘M not a wuss!” Shuriken protests. He sees Chakram smile out of the corner of his vision. Gods, even his tattoo artist thinks he’s lame. He’s a vigilante! He goes against the law! He’s meant to be cool and mysterious and nonchalant!

Boombox is the only one providing comfort - bless his soul, really. Shuriken wouldn’t be here without Boombox’s help. Because Boombox stays real.

Hours pass, and really nothing changes. Shuriken does stop crying (because he is a manly man who does not cry), but that doesn’t mean the pain suddenly goes away like magic. No, it’s still there, and it still hurts. Thanks for asking!

And then, finally, Chakram lifts up her pen and sighs. “You’re all done for this session. Let me clean it up for you, and then you’re free to go!”

Shuriken looks down at his halfway-completed tattoo. It’s outlined in black and has the beginnings of shading, and-

Okay. The pain was definitely worth it. This is gonna look so much more sick than his normal paint job that he does.

Chakram wipes down his arm and starts to blot it dry. After Chakram’s done with that, she wraps a sheet around his arm that sticks to his skin just barely, sort of the way plastic wrap does.

Shuriken wipes his eyes, thanks Chakram, pays his money (which is a lot more than he expected, honestly, but he’s the Silver Shadow and he steals from the rich, so it isn’t truly that big of a deal) and listens to his friends make fun of his reaction to the pain all the way back home.

—

Back home, when he walks in, he sees Vine Staff waiting for him.

Shuriken gulps.

“Shuri, is that a tattoo on your arm?” Vine Staff asks.

Oh, man, he’s cooked.

“Yeah..?”

Vine Staff turns to him with rage in her eyes.

Yep. He’s done for.

Well. It was nice while it lasted.

Chapter Text

After long consideration and careful thought, Shuriken decides that he isn’t bonding enough with his fellow roommates as much as he should.

And so, he has decided to bring them all together and bake a cake.

Easy enough, right?

Well. There’s just.. one small catch.

Shuriken and his roommates are going to perform the legendary blind, deaf, and mute baking challenge.

Because why the hell not?

And since they all had no shifts today, it proves to be the perfect opportunity to get together and make some cake. The SFOTH themselves came together to form this moment, truly.

Vine Staff and Slingshot all stand in the kitchen while Shuriken sets up the camera. Because, of course, this is going to be a core memory. A relic of their friendship to one another. He can’t bear to forget this splendid moment with him and his friends.

Anywho, Shuriken clicks record, and jumps back into the frame.

“So, Slingshot, since you bake, like, every single day, you’re getting the biggest nerf. You’re going blind,” Shuriken explains matter-of-factly. The great Silver Shadow has learned that if he wants Slingshot to even consider listening to him, he should speak with the utmost confidence.

…even if what he’s saying is absolute bullshit.

But that is not important right now.

Slingshot blinks once, twice.

“I’m gonna get nerfed to being blind? Are we serious?”

Shuriken nods. “Yeah, dude.”

Slingshot groans. “You just hate me, specifically. Why not give Vine Staff the blindness? Or you, huh?”

He gasps out loud. “How dare you suggest such a thing! Me and Vine Staff are simply too good to be nerfed with blindness. You just need to get on our level.”

“Also, I can’t really feel anything with my wooden arm, so,” Vine Staff adds on helpfully.

“That too.”

Slingshot mutters something under his breath, before Vine Staff helps the eye mask onto his face, making sure it doesn’t catch on his horns. Even though Slingshot’s horns are pretty stubby.

..which are totally unlike Shuriken’s, by the way, because Shuriken has the coolest horns that don’t look like cat ears.

Don’t tell Slingshot he said that. The guy’s ego is still bruised from the Maid Dress Incident.

“And, you, sister dearest,” Shuriken continues, “Will be mute. I think that’s the easiest nerf to deal with.”

Vine Staff rolls her eyes. “So you just don’t want to listen to me talk? I see how it is.”

Shuriken blinks. “..yeah, duh. If you’re mute and Slingshot’s blind, that means I’m deaf. So I won’t be able to hear you regardless.”

His sister takes a moment to process and then sighs. “Whatever. Just- pass me the tape.”

He hands over the tape to his sister, who takes her precious time taping her mouth shut. As she should. Look, Shuriken loves his sister to death and fears her more than he reasonably should, but she’s a yapper. Even more than Shuriken. Which is an accomplishment Shuriken can’t even begin to fathom.

Because, obviously, Shuriken is the number one yapper. That is a title he wears with pride.

“And that means I’m deaf! So I won’t have to hear Slingshot’s voice! See, it all works out, doesn’t it?”

Slingshot opens his mouth to reply, but Shuriken doesn’t fully hear it, as he slips the headphones on behind his horns and the world falls silent.

…he might be tweaking, but he’s, like, 90% sure Slingshot was about to call him a slur.

Oh, well! If he can’t hear it, then it never happened!

Shuriken looks at the camera. The camera looks back.

He needs to get a bowl.

“I’m gonna go get a bowl,” Shuriken says loudly, which he can just barely decipher with the headphones on. It’s kind of weird not hearing his amazing, wonderful voice, but, you know. Sacrifices have to be made, sometimes.

Shuriken grabs a bowl from the cabinet, places it down on the counter, and then pauses.

“I don’t feel like getting the ingredients,” he announces with flare. Because the Silver Shadow, hero of Thieves’ Den, master of disguise, is not going to carry his roommates today.

Yeah, yeah, he knows, it’s pretty surprising. But they must learn to do things without his amazing presence, he’s afraid.

And, also, he gets a chance to aura farm in front of the camera while Vine Staff gets out all the ingredients.

It’s a win-win situation for everybody, honestly. Who doesn’t wanna see him aura-farm? He’s the Silver Shadow himself, man. It’d be a major missed opportunity if you didn’t see him aura-farm in real time.

Vine Staff sets out all the ingredients needed - flour, milk, eggs, yada yada yada. Shuriken is too busy aura-farming to worry about the specifics.

Slingshot’s hands hover over the ingredients, before placing the bowl in front of him and grasping for the flour.

“Are we sure we should let the blind man do the mixing?” Shuriken asks skeptically. Slingshot whirls around and starts talking all up in his face, and, being the intellectual he is, he can tell that the guy is pretty mad.

But, you see, Shuriken is nonchalant. He doesn’t let Slingshot’s words get to him. He can’t even hear him.

What a blessing that is.

Vine Staff steps forward and starts measuring all the ingredients into a bowl peacefully while Slingshot is still yelling at him.

“Look, dude, I’m just tryna aura-farm here,” Shuriken says, holding his hands up in surrender. “Maybe you should worry less about getting your money up and get your funny up instead, huh?”

Shuriken makes out the words “fuck”, “bitch”, and a slur in Slingshot’s next few sentences.

Vine Staff sighs, turns around, shoos Slingshot away with a stern expression, and Slingshot reluctantly backs away, feeling around for the counters and various surfaces so he doesn’t crash into something on accident.

Vine Staff pauses with the whisk in her hand, and turns to Shuriken and starts beckoning like crazy.

“Sis, I’m the deaf one. And your hand gestures aren’t really helping me understand. You look like you’re doing some spinjitsu or something.”

Vine Staff facepalms.

She faces the ingredients, points to them, and shakes her head.

Shuriken frowns. What the hell is she trying to say? They don’t have ingredients?

“Are we.. missing something?” He asks cautiously, peering at the ingredients. They look like normal baking ingredients.

Vine Staff nods vigorously.

Okay. Shuriken is officially now the most intelligent man ever. Because he just did that. Without needing any words! He’s That Guy™️.

Slingshot, some ways away, stubs his toe on a corner and starts clutching his foot and hopping around. Shuriken tries to keep himself from laughing, because it’s actually really funny to see Slingshot on the verge of tears from just stubbing his toe.

You see, Shuriken, who is the best at everything he does, doesn’t cry whenever he stubs his toe. In fact, he doesn’t even stub his toe to begin with. He’s just awesome like that.

Anyways, Vine Staff opens the freezer and grabs the tub of ice cream they have.

Shuriken frowns.

“Hey, uh, sis? I don’t think we need that for the recipe.”

Slingshot carefully makes his way back to the kitchen, grabbing onto Shuriken’s arm like a lifeline.

What a loser. See, a vigilante who patrols at night - such as himself - is way more experienced with the art of Not Being Able to See a Damn Thing than Slingshot is, so seeing him struggle in this way is really sad.

Vine Staff points to the flavor of ice cream - vanilla.

Vanilla. Do you need vanilla in baking?

Shuriken does a big think and then realizes - oh, yeah, there’s a special little thing called vanilla extract that he may or may not have forgotten while buying the ingredients.

Whoops.

—

One short, chaotic shopping trip later, they have returned home with the vanilla extract in hand.

Also, Shuriken has Doritos.

A growing man such as himself needs his nutrients, y’know? And while he does love his sour gummies, the Silver Shadow yearns for something more savory. Especially because if the cake doesn’t burn the house down, he’s gonna be eating something sweet, so he should probably balance it out.

An intellectual, I tell you.

Because Vine Staff got tired of doing all the work herself, Shuriken and Vine Staff are now watching Slingshot struggle to pour in the ingredients and mix them together. Currently, he’s got batter in his hair and all over his clothes.

Man, today is such a great day. When else do you get to experience Slingshot going blind and making an absolute fool of himself? And get it on camera?

Shuriken sees Slingshot mutter something to himself, wipe a strand of hair with batter in it off his face, and continue mixing. What a soldier he is.

He walks over to the bowl, peers at the batter, and-

Okay. It.. doesn’t look.. desirable. Maybe they shouldn’t have nerfed the guy who bakes every day for a job that much.

But it’s fine! It’s all fine. Because Shuriken has a secret weapon.

He has sprinkles.

Rainbow sprinkles.

And while he might have eaten some earlier without anybody watching, there’s still more than enough to mix into the batter and effectively turn it into Funfetti cake.

After all, who doesn’t like Funfetti cakes?

“Vine Staff, sister dearest, would you fetch me the sprinkles that I bought?” Shuriken asks. Very politely and respectfully, he may add, unlike Slingshot, who has a current slur count of five.

..he didn’t really know that Slingshot would be so violent when nerfed like this. Shuriken will have to keep this in mind for when he pranks him.

Vine Staff runs over to the pantry, grabs the sprinkles, and passes them over to Shuriken. He thanks his sister with a bow, and then dumps a decent amount of the sprinkles into the batter. Like a man.

Because big, strong, manly men can enjoy rainbow sprinkle cakes, too. Shuriken doesn’t discriminate.

Slingshot, who hasn’t stopped mixing, turns slowly to face Shuriken.

He says something that looks.. mildly menacing, and before Shuriken can process, he is splattered with batter.

All over his body.

Shuriken gasps loudly - loud enough that he can kind of hear it with the headphones on - and looks down at his ruined outfit. Because his Minecraft hoodie now has rainbow batter on it.

This is a disgrace. This is a crime. It’s targeted.

And so, you know what Shuriken does?

He grabs the nearest throwable object - which proves to be the open container of sprinkles - and chucks it at Slingshot.

And all hell breaks loose.

Shuriken couldn’t really tell you what happened next if he tried, but when it’s all over, he’s covered in water, tears, batter, maple syrup, and sprite.

Don’t ask how the sprite got there.

And the kitchen looks like a nightmare.

He turns sheepishly to his sister, who wisely did not interact in the great Shuriken and Slingshot War of ‘25. And even though she can’t speak, she looks pissed.

He gulps.

—

While Slingshot and Vine Staff peacefully finish making the cake, Shuriken has been sentenced to clean-up duty.

Like, honestly. How rude is that? He’s the one who came up with this idea, after all.

His roommates can be so unappreciative sometimes, truly.

Cleaning up maple syrup on the floor is not a fun experience, by the way. He doesn’t recommend.

And while he’s wiping down a section of the floor that had sprite, syrup, and batter all in one spot, Vine Staff pulls out the cake from the oven and sets it gently on the counter.

Shuriken glances at the cake, and..

..it, surprisingly, doesn’t look like shit!

Of course, it isn’t particularly appetizing, but it’s a lot better than Shuriken was expecting.

He watches eagerly as Vine Staff frosts the cake with store-bought frosting - Shuriken isn’t a full-blown chef, alright? He’s not making his own frosting at home, only losers do that - and adds on the small remainder of sprinkles that didn’t get thrown on top.

Shuriken serves the cake onto different plates for them all to eat. Hopefully, the sprinkles will make the cake taste like sour gummies but on crack.

The trio take off their different restrictions, and Shuriken finds it so beautiful to be able to hear things again. It’s like a blessing.

“On the count of three, we all eat the cake. Ready? One.. two.. three!” Vine Staff says before popping a piece of the cake into her mouth.

And..

It..

Tastes pretty good, actually!

Shuriken is pleasantly surprised to find that the cake is airy and, quite frankly, delicious.

“See, guys, mission accomplished!” Shuriken proclaims. “With the power of friendship, amirite?”

“Shuriken, if you don’t shut up, I’m going to throw your sour gummies away,” Slingshot threatens.

…alright then!

—

Later, when Shuriken’s watching the video again, he is properly horrified at the words Slingshot calls him. He even calls him.. aura-less.

And an absolute motherfucker too, but that’s irrelevant. Because Shuriken has all the aura.

He will not let this slide.

Chapter Text

Shuriken will admit that he might’ve been slacking off the tiniest bit in his duties as the Silver Shadow.

Look, it’s, been, like, two whole chapters since he’s been in his Silver Shadow persona. That’s way too long.

Wait. Chapters? What the hell is he on about? Are these sour gummies laced?

Shuriken peers at his gummies. They look fine, and they taste delicious, so maybe he’s just going insane.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Shuriken is perched atop the spawn point temple, as he usually is during his patrols. Loaded up with his sour gummies and his grapple and his super-cool awesome vigilante outfit, there’s really nothing that can stop his aura at the current moment.

He isn’t really sure what to do right now. The city is.. surprisingly boring, and he’s already done a once-over of the most common areas for crime, and there was nothing for him to stop.

Which, is, like, a good thing, he knows. He doesn’t want people to get robbed of their well-earned money. Unless they’re corrupt capitalists.

But, jeez, he’s bored. More bored than he’s ever been, ever. It’s kind of like how the dentist wants you to have bad teeth so they get paid more. It’s the same concept.

Shuriken sighs, dropping another sour gummy into his mouth. This one is watermelon flavored - one of his personal favorites, if he does say so himself.

“Well, we meet again, don’t we?” A voice chirps from behind him.

Shuriken almost stumbles off the side of the temple, leaping to his feet. Who dared to sneak up on him, the Silver Shadow, master of disguise and trickery? Nobody can out-shadow him! It’s literally in his name!

“Wh- dude, did you really have to sneak up on me like that?” Shuriken complains, trying to recollect himself.

The owner of the voice steps into view, and-

Oh, gods. It’s the stupid Broker guy.

Dude, he thought he had gotten rid of those cultist freaks, and yet they’re still after him! Why are they so obsessed with him? Broker is, like, easily well into his forties. Why is a forty-year-old stalking a twenty-two year old? That’s just weird.

Broker smiles in the moonlight. “Given you quite the scare, have I? I wasn’t aware that the Silver Shadow was so.. easily spooked!”

“I am not easily spooked,” he says firmly. He is the most amazing, manly man that has ever manned on this planet, and he doesn’t get scared by random old men who follow him around at night because they’re unemployed. “How do you even get up here?”

Broker giggles.

Yeah, you heard that right. A forty-year-old man just giggled.

“I have my ways!” Broker replies in a sing-song tone. “Besides, you always seem to be here at the most convenient times!”

Shuriken frowns. “What’s so convenient about me being here?”

There’s something fishy going on here. He can sense it. He’s got that sixth sense - like Spider-Man, y’know? Except he’s way cooler than Spider-Man. He doesn’t need some random spider to bite him and make him superpowered. Shuriken’s just like that. He’s just That Guy™️.

Broker digs his hand into his pocket and easily pulls out a knife. It gleams in the moonlight, and Shuriken can barely make out bloodstains on the edges.

Oh.

So,  it appears that Broker is trying to kill him!

Cool, cool, cool. Totally fine. He can deal with this. He’s gotten kidnapped before, and Broker just threatened him with a knife. Surely he wouldn’t hurt him, right?

Right?

Shuriken turns around, pockets his sour gummies mournfully, and grapples off the edge of the temple without a second thought. Because he actually does want to live tonight - yeah, he knows, it’s kinda crazy.

He lands on a nearby rooftop, and then-

“Yer aren’t gettin’ away this time,” a familiar voice says beside him before there’s a crackle of energy and-

“Ow!” Shuriken feels the edge of a scythe-like object graze his arm, sending electric shocks throughout his body.

Okay, cool, he’s getting ambushed by both Rifle and Broker at the same time. And Rifle isn’t even using a rifle. She’s using a scythe. Because of course she is.

Dude, this is totally not fair. It’s a 2v1!

I mean, it’s pretty flattering, too. The weird Family cult needs to send out two people to kill him? Is he just that awesome?

Well, the answer to that is pretty obvious, if he does say so himself. But, y’know. Rhetorical questions and whatnot. He did listen in his English class, he’ll have you know.

Shuriken skids to the left, narrowly avoiding another slice from Rifle’s blade, and then leaps to a nearby rooftop. This time, he won’t make the error of falling down an alleyway and getting kidnapped. That would be bad.

In the meantime, he makes small talk.

“So, can one of you care to explain why you’re trying to kill me?” Shuriken asks as Broker - who just appeared out of fucking nowhere, by the way - lunges towards him with his knife.

“Gods, d’ye ever stop yappin’?” Rifle groans. “Ye ain’t supposed ask questions durin’ this, dumbass.”

Shuriken rolls his eyes. “I’m just curious, jeez.”

“I’ll sew yer mouth right up and cut out yer tongue myself if ye don’t shut yer fuckin’ mouth,” Rifle responds, exasperated.

“I can appreciate a talker!” Broker pipes up while narrowly missing the side of Shuriken’s leg. “Doc isn’t too keen on doin’ that, y’know.”

“I’m tryin’ te focus here, Broker, and yer really not helpin’,” says Rifle as she lunges towards Shuriken and almost makes him land face-first onto the concrete roof.

And - don’t leak this to anybody, reader - despite the banter going on, Shuriken is scared shitless. He’s only barely keeping himself from getting chopped to bits, and he’s already got a few nicks along his arms and legs that protest with every sudden movement.

Shuriken feints to the left again before sprinting off to the right, launching his grapple as fat as he can before Rifle or Broker kill him.

He miscalculates a little and ends up landing in a closed-off area, effectively trapping himself into a corner.

Oh, man. The Silver Shadow is so cooked.

Rifle and Broker easily catch up to him, somehow, and land in front of him, pressing him further into the little corner he’s in.

He didn’t even get to finish his sour gummies.

“Ye’ve been avoidin’ us for too damn long. Now ye gotta pay.”

Broker walks forward, dagger in hand, and points it towards his eye. The same eye Broker and Rifle have missing.

He raises the knife, and Shuriken braces himself for impact-

And yet it never comes.

Because Broker is knocked to the side by a figure clad in red and gray, and-

Oh, thank the SFOTH.

“Hannya!” Shuriken exclaims, almost catching himself saying Katana’s actual name.

Broker scoffs, all of his cheeriness gone. “You again. I never thought I’d see you face us off again after the first time, huh?”

“Leave the vigilante alone,” Katana says. “He has no business with your corrupted beliefs.”

Rifle narrows her eye. “Tch. What’re ye, his dad? Never thought I’d see ye go soft, ‘Tana.”

Shuriken keeps his expression neutral. Katana knows these people, personally.

That’s not comforting.

“It is my duty to stay the foul corruption that you preach,” says Katana super awesomely. “And I will not have you recruiting another acolyte for your sick cause.”

Rifle’s weapon starts crackling louder with energy. “Are ye challengin’ us, ‘Tana?”

Katana raises his blade. “That I am.”

Rifle’s laugh echoes into the night. “Say yer damn prayers, then.”

And then she charges.

The clang of metal completely ruins Shuriken’s eardrums, and he can only watch as Katana and Rifle battle against each other, each movement perfectly parried by the other. It’s almost like they’ve practiced this sort of thing before countless times.

Shuriken picks himself up, ignoring the pain that sparks up, and lunges towards Broker with his dagger out, and they start brawling.

And you might be on the edge of your seat right now, dear reader. Which is a good thing! Except the rest of the fight is honestly a blur.

Look, Shuriken is just way too locked in when he battles some random cultist losers. He doesn’t focus on the details. He just focuses on not dying.

He does remember landing a pretty good hit on Broker, except the guy doesn’t react. Like, at all. He doesn’t wince or hiss in pain.

Which makes Shuriken wonder. Does the guy even feel pain? Or is he just insane? Cause, like, both options are equally possible.

And, also, Rifle and Katana have been exchanging words this whole time. Well, it’s more like Rifle calling Katana a dirty traitor and Katana talking about some corruption.

Shuriken slowly makes his way over to behind Rifle, all while fighting off Broker, before slowly pulling back and jabbing his dagger into her side.

Rifle screams, whirling around, her golden teeth in full display while she snarls.

“Yer gonna fuckin’ regret that, ye little-!” Rifle grabs at her side, wincing “Let’s go, Broker.”

The two dash off into the darkness and disappear in a concerningly short amount of time, with not even the jingling of Rifle’s footsteps indicating where they went.

Shuriken turns to Katana.

“Thank you,” he mutters, suddenly feeling woozy. Maybe he overexerted himself just a little.

“You look unwell, Shuriken. Can you walk?”

Shuriken bites the inside of his cheek, ignoring the roiling nausea in his stomach. “Yep. Totally fine,” he replies in a strained voice.

“You are clearly not fine.”

“Nope. I’m fine, bro.”

Katana sighs. “This will be the second time I’ve had to carry you home.”

Shuriken is hoisted up into Katana’s arms for the second time in his lifetime. And he’s not really mad about it.

—

When they arrive at Katana’s apartment, Shuriken is feeling a little better, and he sits on the couch while Katana tends to his wounds.

“How do you even know those freaks, Katana?” Shuriken asks.

Katana pauses, his hand frozen mid-air.

“I used to be a part of them,” he says slowly. “Back when I was young and naive. But I realized the true corruption in their ways, and I left. They’ve been bitter ever since.”

Shuriken blinks. “You used to be a weirdo cultist?” He asks incredulously.

Katana sighs. “It is not my… proudest moment. But you must make sure that no matter what offer they make you, they will always find a way to twist it into their favor. Do not ever interact with them, Shuriken.”

Shuriken scoffs. “You wouldn’t catch me dead hanging out with them - a murder lady and a forty-year-old who talks like he’s a teenager? Yeah, hard pass.”

And while Shuriken can’t see Katana’s mask, he just knows that the man is smiling. Shuriken is just telepathic like that.

Katana continues to clean up his wounds in silence. It’s soothing, almost, to not have to worry about cleaning up all the evidence in his own house.

The older man finishes wrapping up the cuts, before handing over Shuriken a small onigiri to eat and a glass of water. “You will need to restore your energy.”

Shuriken takes the food with ease, gobbling down the onigiri in only a few bites. The water is genuinely one of the most heavenly things he’s ever tasted, especially after running for so long.

Once Shuriken is all done eating, he picks himself up and stumbles out of Katana’s apartment.

“Thanks for everything, Dad,” he mutters.

He stops.

Katana does, too, for just a second.

“You’re welcome, Shuriken,” Katana replies evenly.

Shuriken bolts out the apartment without another word.

—

(Katana smiles from behind his mask. He isn’t too against the thought of being a supposed father-figure.)