Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Togame likes to keep his house neat. If nothing else, this is the space he comes back to at night to rest and sleep off the tiredness of the day. It’s where he gets to roll out his bed and stretch his limbs, where he eats most of his meals. He isn’t the most diligent person in the world and his age — and temper — often get the better of him, choosing to do things on a more surface level so he gets to spend his time with something else. 

But today is a bit different. 

It’s past three on a chilly afternoon and Togame doesn’t fancy being outside with his toes out. He doesn’t have patrol until later. So far, no one has texted or called to ask for his assistance with anything, and even Choji seems to be too preoccupied with his own things to crave for Togame’s attention. 

He takes the chance to tidy up his home, sweeping the floors and washing his dirty laundry. He airs the blankets, washes the pans that have been piling up on the sink. He even goes as far as fluffing the few pillows on the couch and wiping the bathroom mirror to a clearer version. It’s oddly calming to do things that don’t require him to bruise his knuckles or bloody his fingers.

His grandpa doesn’t spend much time with him anymore, since his friend asked for his help on his plantation in the countryside, the old man hasn’t been back for more than two days at a time and even so he only stops by every month or so. 

Togame calls him a lot and he makes sure to answer when it’s the old man that’s calling. But mostly, he lives by himself in the old, idyllic house that has a small deck on the side where he can sit and enjoy a light breeze and enough space for him to not feel cramped indoors. 

He likes the small patch of land around the house, can navigate the interior and the exterior of the property with his eyes closed. 

He’s busy taking out the trash, going about it on automatic motions and it’s why he nearly jumps out of his skin when he bumps with someone standing outside of his gate.  

“Sakura?” Togame exclaims, eyes wide in surprise. 

This might be the most serious case he’s ever had of this is the last direction I was expecting my day to take . 

Sakura’s mismatched eyes avert to the side, that exasperated pout in place. “I told them this was a bad idea.”

Togame puts the trash bag just outside the gate, wiping his hand down on his pants. 

Sakura is here. Standing in front of Togame’s home, for once out of his Furin uniform and sporting a stubborn crease between his eyebrows. Sakura is here. 

“Them?” Togame latches onto it to keep the conversation going and not let his utter shock seep into it. He needs to keep it cool. He can keep it cool. 

Sakura is here!

“Your friends!” Sakura points a thumb behind himself. “I went to Ori first and they said I should just come to your house. Who does that?! I said I’d call but they said you wouldn’t pick up and for me to just come by! Tch .”

Despite his initial confusion, Togame smiles. “They’re probably right. I was cleaning up the place and honestly have no idea where my phone is.”

“There ya have it. You’re busy. I’ll come back another time.”

He turns around and Togame is slower than usual to grasp what is happening; he blinks at Sakura’s retreating back before his brain kicks into gear and he reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder. “Wait!”

Instead of lashing out at the sudden touch, Sakura whirls with a deep frown. 

“I’m not— busy, that is. I’m not,” Togame rushes to clarify, lifting his hands and waving them as if to flap Sakura’s worries away. “I already finished the chores I had to do. I’m free. Completely.”

Togame is immensely glad he doesn’t suffer from the same perpetual case of blushing that ails Sakura. Otherwise, he’d be red as a tomato right about now. 

Sakura looks to the side, his bottom lip jutting out in thought. “Ya sure?”

“Positive.”

Relief washes over him at seeing that Sakura is no longer trying to leave, but Togame is still curious as to why he’s here. Scratching the back of his neck, dressed in regular clothes. It’s nothing grand, just dark pants and a light gray t-shirt yet Togame can’t bypass how soft Sakura looks every time he’s out of his Furin uniform. He looks like a regular boy, someone who goes out to eat with friends and goes to the grocery store. 

Someone Togame could’ve met anywhere, bumped on the street on a random day. 

But this is Haruka Sakura. Someone whose bloody knuckles have grazed Togame’s frail skin and pulled him back to orbit, inside out. 

Togame has seen Sakura in different settings— at Ori, in the middle of a bridge, at the rooftop in Furin’s high school, in a Summer Festival, under the fireworks —and none of those could’ve prepared him for how fast his heart would beat at seeing Sakura here. At his doorstep. 

“Did you need help with something?” Togame asks after Sakura doesn’t offer anything else. Alarm bells begin to ring behind his eyes and he takes a step closer to Sakura. “Is everything okay at Makochi? Is Endo—?”

Sakura reels in surprise. “Wuh? Wh-what? No! I mean, yes. Everything is fine. This isn’t… I’m not here to ask for your help with another fight.”

Behind Sakura the street is quiet and empty. At this hour in the afternoon there isn’t much movement in his neighbourhood, but it is kind of unnecessary for them to be out in the open. “You wanna come in? I can make us some tea.”

He ponders it for an excruciating minute that has Togame almost curling up into a ball. Sakura obviously doesn’t know how socially inadequate Togame is too and that before Choji came along, he wouldn’t even consider having a friend over to drink tea and talk. He’s never bothered spending quality time with others like this, it was always a lot of work he didn’t have the energy to sustain. 

Whether Sakura partakes in the same notion, Togame doesn’t get to find out. The other boy just nods and murmurs an okay and then Togame is silently beckoning him in, closing the gate and leading Sakura through his front yard and into his home. 

They remove their shoes and step on the tatami and only then does Togame realize how small his house is. In the entrance hall, Sakura is close enough that Togame has to look down to talk to him. Oh, this is bad. 

“Why don’t you go sit there?” Togame points to the archway to his right where the living area is set. “I’ll go make the tea.”

Sakura’s shoulders are up in his ears, clearly nervous at being in an unfamiliar environment. It’s better if he has some time for himself and Togame could use a little bit of that too. 

He goes through the motions of preparing the tea leaves and boiling the water. When it’s just him, Togame prefers to go for simpler things, like the type of drinks and snacks one can easily access at the convenience store. 

Somehow, he feels strangely anxious, a warmth in his chest, thinking that he’s doing this for someone else. That Sakura is two walls away waiting for this tea and just like that, Togame’s fingers go about the task much more gently. 

He brings the tray with the tea set and finds Sakura sitting cross legged by the center table. Togame serves the steaming drink carefully, pointing at the couch after he’s done. “We can sit there if you want.”

Sakura holds the tea cup with both hands. He goes to take a gulp and Togame is just about to warn him that he’ll burn himself, but he seems to get to the same conclusion, choosing to blow on it first. “It’s fine.”

So Togame mimics Sakura’s position on the opposite side and takes a sip of his own tea. It tastes better than he thought. “Do you like it?” 

“Hm, Kotoha made some for me once and I didn’t like the taste very much. But this one isn’t that bad,” Sakura doesn’t put the cup on the table but keeps cradling it in his palms. “I’m more used to coffee. Drink it practically every morning.”

“Every morning? Is that healthy?” Togame knows that tea has some measure of caffeine too, only he has never decided to search more on the subject. 

“Dunno,” Sakura shrugs and it’s all Togame can do to not smile. He hides it behind another sip, absorbing the silence around them, the nature creaking outside of the windows he opened earlier to air out the rooms. 

He doesn’t want to ruin it. Togame can’t really remember the last time he was so at peace in someone’s company that wasn’t Choji or any of the guys from Shishitoren. 

He’s pouring himself another cup when Sakura finally speaks. He doesn’t meet Togame's eyes, thrusting his own cup in his direction for a refill.

“I came by to ask you something,” Sakura says. “I guess you could think of it as a favor, I don’t know.”

Togame watches as he gives off all the signs of being deeply embarrassed. 

A wider smile breaks off on his lips. “Okay. You can ask me anything.”

Sakura looks at him then, wide eyed, struck. He tsks , like he was expecting Togame to say exactly that. “Before that stupid war with Endo, we… Everyone at Furin, I mean, we started to train in preparation for it. Our senpais would spar with us and then put us against ourselves. Just a whole day of it until we could barely stand.”

Togame had a sneaking suspicion that they had done a thing or two to make sure everyone was in their best shape to face a gang as notorious as Noroshi. It must’ve been hard for the seniors to watch the younger ones facing that kind of pressure, even though they trust them fully. 

The fact that everyone at Furin took the time to diligently prepare and build their stamina together makes Togame’s chest swell in gratitude. He’s glad he is able to share the same space as these people and that now, he can finally see how lucky he is to be considered their friend.

“Up until that point, I never…” Sakura continues, staring intently at the steaming liquid inside his mug. “I never considered that it was okay to just exchange punches for the hell of it. Fighting someone without the goal of defeating them to teach a lesson.”

Togame can understand that all too well. “I know what you mean. There’s a big difference in clashing with someone because you respect them and want to improve, and then having to stick your fists out to defend and protect something.”

He learned that when he met Choji and the notion only grew stronger in Togame’s soul after fighting against Sakura. He can now appreciate the thrill and excitement from a fight with someone who is brave, someone who is fighting for meaning. It’s like Umemiya said, their fists carry a different weight when they fly with a noble intent. 

“Yeah, that,” Sakura sips some more from his tea and Togame takes the moment to, discreetly, take in Sakura’s features and the relaxation around his edges. Togame feels a sort of heat creep up the back of his neck, a sensation he is kind of familiar with, but doesn’t know how to act on without making things awkward. He scratches at his nape, waiting for Skaura to keep going. “It got me thinking… About our fight.”

Togame’s eyes widen slightly in surprise. “Our fight?”

Sakura hunches forth, shoulders rising in a defensive stance. He places the mug on the table, planting his hands on his knees. “Look, it’s gonna sound weird, but I… I thought back to how I felt then. How e–e–exci—ugh!”

From the pink dusting his cheeks, Togame has a pretty good idea of what Sakura is trying to say. 

“Excited?” he offers softly. 

Sakura’s response comes in a grumble. “Right. Excited. It was exciting at some point, when you stopped being lame and all.”

Togame huffs out a small laugh. Trust Sakura to always be so blunt and get away with it. 

“And I kinda… You know, sorta wanna do it again.”

The tea has gone lukewarm on Togame’s next sip. He swallows it while looking at Sakura’s forlorn expression, how he can’t meet Togame’s eyes. It’s like he’s been chastised, expecting Togame to reject what he’s saying. 

“You wanna… fight again?” Togame prods, though he has a suspicion that that isn’t quite what Sakura meant. 

“Not fight. Spar.”

The last word gets caught as it comes out of the other boy's mouth, a foreign concept he’s struggling to come to terms with. 

And then everything settles inside Togame’s mind and he understands. What brought Sakura to his doorstep, why he seems so unsure and misplaced. 

But behind Togame’s eyelids, the image of Sakura’s smile during their fight is engraved in blood and elation. He remembers how they soared on that stage, how their punches resonated as everyone else quite literally held their breath, how Sakura appeared to be just… happy. Light. 

“I’ve sparred with every guy at Furin, but for some stupid reason I can’t—” Sakura lifts his chin up and their eyes meet, Togame leaning back a fraction at the intensity in those mismatched irises. “I can’t shake the thought off. That I want to see what it is like to spar with you. That our… conversation, isn’t over.”

“Conversation?”

“It’s some bullshit Umemiya said. You get it, right?”

Togame thinks he does. Again, the memories are sufficient to allow clarity into him without Sakura having to explain much. He vaguely wonders if that moment they shared, if the shift that Sakura provoked in Togame will always follow them wherever they go. 

“I get it,” Togame answers truthfully. 

There’s no imminent war on the horizon. Shishitoren and Furin have become allies. Overall, life has gone back to normal and being on different turfs signifies that both gangs don’t have to interact all that often, if at all. So Sakura had no excuse to come to Togame, same as Togame didn’t have any excuse to invite Sakura to the festival that day. 

But that’s the whole point, isn’t it? They don’t need excuses, because Togame said they were friends and friends can hang out and do stuff together without an ulterior motive. 

It's as simple as that. 

Sakura fiddles with his empty mug, waiting for Togame to say something and it clearly grates at him, since his blush won’t go away. Cute , Togame thinks before he can stop himself. 

He really has gone and dug himself a deeper grave than he can probably climb back from, hasn’t he? 

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

-&-

They agree to meet up a few days later when neither of them has patrol duties. It happens through a short string of texts that basically consist of “3:00pm after lunch?” “okay” “see you there”. It’s no secret that they both suck at typing long texts, so Togame can’t gauge Sakura’s mood from those plain words. 

That afternoon in his house, before Sakura left, they came to the conclusion that it would be better to do this in a more neutral place, where they wouldn’t be taking space from either one of their gangs. 

Togame’s backyard isn’t all that spacious, so they go to an abandoned open court near Ori. It’s a scruffy terrain, with overgrown grass and weeds and discarded trash here and there. The basketball hoops are rusty and forgotten, and there’s barely any buildings around. 

It’s far from the more busy streets where the bars and pubs are located, people rarely venturing towards this side of town. 

But Sakura makes no comment about the state of it and Togame also doesn’t care as they begin to exchange blows. They don’t bother with foreplay, Togame getting down to his usual tackle stance and Sakura lifting both fists up, one leg stretched back to support his weight. 

They smile at each other. And lunge. 

At first, every move lacks the original heaviness due to this being, in fact, a sparring session. Their limbs collide fast though, Togame’s geta scrapes the concrete floor harshly; Sakura’s clothes swish roughly as he ducks and twists to avoid Togame’s arms from trapping his body. 

It’s swift, quick and precise, and any spectators would have to refrain from blinking in order to follow their movements. When the first punch lands, Togame has no idea if it connected to his body or Sakura’s. He hears the noise of meat colliding with bones and his grin widens; he catches Sakura flashing his teeth in exhilaration and his own heart soars to keep up with him. 

They go at it for who knows how long, but by the time they’re done, Togame’s sweat is dripping in rivulets down his face, hair sticking to his forehead. The flaps of his samue are askew and his skin burns with the adrenaline still buzzing through his veins. 

He looks at Sakura, panting, white shirt sticking to his torso, the rosiness on his cheeks for once not stemming from embarrassment. 

Togame averts his gaze to the afternoon sky, the sun beginning its descent on the horizon. 

“Was that what you had in mind?” Togame asks with a faint smile that Sakura mirrors after wiping a drop of sweat from his brow. 

“Yeah, felt good.”

There are no hidden meanings in his words and Togame has to remind himself they’re talking about fighting— no, sparring together. That Sakura came here for them to throw punches and sweat it out like good ol’ friends. 

He swipes a hand up to push his wet hair back. It flops down again messier than before. Togame scratches at his undercut and that’s when he realizes Sakura had been looking at him throughout this small patch of silence. 

His eyes widen minutely, but if it’s due to the residual adrenaline or something else, Togame is surprised to see that Sakura doesn’t overreact. He merely turns to walk to the side of the beatdown court and fetch the jacket he haphazardly discarded earlier when things became more heated. 

“I’ll be going then,” he says. 

Togame stays frozen for a millisecond before managing to utter an impulsive, “Same time next week?”

In all actuality, he wanted to be bolder than that and downright ask “same time tomorrow?”, but he stopped and changed it at the last moment for the sake of whatever this is, that they’re doing. 

He has to remember that Sakura has his own life, his other friends who he probably prefers to spend his free time with. And Togame does too, his day to day as the second in command of Shishitoren isn’t idle in the slightest. 

But he also has to acknowledge how much he enjoyed spending his afternoon with Sakura like this and how he desperately wants to do it again. It might be preposterous of him to assume Sakura does too, so immediately after the question slides unbidden from his lips, Togame’s entire demeanor morphs into a blank page, the shock simmering under his skin and rendering him speechless. 

Unlike Sakura who blushes and freaks out all the way to next Thursday when he’s embarrassed, Togame has a tendency to withdraw into himself and try to avoid the awkward situation. Much like a turtle hiding inside its shell. 

He’s just about to add a “unless you have something else to do, which is fine”, when Sakura swivels to look at him dead on and says, “‘course. You better be here on time.”

And then he turns back and walks off with hurried, stiff steps, like one of those robot toys that Togame used to own when he was a kid. 

He lingers in Sakura’s absence for a long time, pinching his cheeks to get rid of the perpetual smile that has taken over his face.

Neither one of them sustained any serious injuries from their sparring. Togame isn’t bleeding anywhere and he didn’t lose a single tooth. Sakura also came out unscathed, though he’s certain they both will have a myriad of bruises all over their bodies when they wake up the next morning. 

Somehow, this thought puts a lightness to his step as he walks home, draping his Shishitoren jacket on his shoulders and stuffing his hands inside his pockets. 

The sun is just shy of warming Togame’s cheeks further as it disappears for the day. 

-&-

Togame is shirtless and sipping from a bottle of Ramune when his phone vibrates in the pocket of his sweatpants. 

He’s hunched down over himself, elbows on his thighs in a relaxed pose; the small stool he’s sitting on sustains his weight on sturdy wooden legs and there’s still water droplets dotting his torso and arms. 

The bathhouse is busy for a Saturday afternoon and he had been quietly watching two elders playing a round of Go after finishing up refreshing himself. 

He fetches the phone thinking it’s just Choji spamming them on the group chat. 

Togame’s eyebrows raise to his hairline upon seeing Sakura’s name on his screen and an unread message. 

It isn’t entirely uncommon for Sakura to reach out to him these days, they’ve even resorted to more texts than calls, mainly because their conversations are short and simple. Togame still prefers calls though, especially on those sporadic occasions when Sakura is the one who initiates the contact.

Three weeks have gone by ever since that first day at the abandoned court and they steadily kept the same schedule, meeting up once a week to spar to their heart’s content. The hours they spend together usually fly by so fast that it feels like ten minutes or less. 

But Togame has come to anticipate those meetups with an eagerness that fills his chest with a fuzzy, inexplicable sensation. 

He’s so used to it that he barely notices the smile spreading across his lips as he opens Sakura’s text. 

Are you free today?

The question doesn’t come with more details but Togame doesn’t need any. He could ask Sakura to elaborate, but he knows that the reason is inconsequential. His answer will be the same either way. 

Yes , he texts back. 

“Leaving already, Jo?” one of the old uncles enquires without removing his eyes from the game board in front of him, having seen from his periphery when Togame got up. 

He dawns the rest of the Ramune and tosses the bottle in a nearby bin. “Mhm.”

“I thought you said you didn’t have plans today,” the other uncle says with a knowing smirk that has the back of Togame’s neck heating up. Just what are they teasing him for? “You’re up for the next round after I win this one.”

“Hey, who says you’re going to win, bastard?”

Their bickering drives their attention away from Togame and he’s able to slip out before they decide to nag him more. He’s not very good at lying and for some reason the thought of saying “I’m meeting up with a friend” feels monumentally incriminating right then and there. 

He puts on a t-shirt and makes his way home after shooting another text to Sakura that takes an awful amount of time for him to type, his fingers unwilling to collaborate. 

I’ll be home in ten minutes.

Sakura replies in less than thirty seconds, Okay . 

The track back to his place is surprisingly quick, even though he’s wearing slippers. Togame arrives with a couple of minutes to spare. There’s nothing out of order, but he’s still self-conscious when he hears the knock on the front door. 

Sakura seeks him out these days to spar and that’s it. They do exchange a few words here and there, though the other’s mind seems to be always preoccupied with getting to the scruffing of knuckles instead of sitting down for a chat. Togame decided he wasn’t going to pry for more, not yet.

But he thought that eventually he would need to nudge Sakura into a more social get up if he wanted to give light to their friendship. 

He didn’t expect Sakura to be the one to take the lead. 

Nevermind that. Maybe Togame is reading too much into it and Sakura asked if he’s free simply so they can go to the court and do the same thing they’ve been used to for the past weeks. 

He squares his shoulders and opens the door with the carefree smile he can’t stop from blooming whenever Sakura is present. “Hey.”

The other boy lifts his head up from where he’d been staring at something in his hands and then he goes wide eyed for a split second. It happens quickly and it leaves a blush behind on his cheeks. 

Belatedly, Togame realizes that, in his rush to come back, he just put on his shirt while his torso was still wet from the bath and in the little time it took him to get home, the fabric didn’t completely dry. 

It sticks to his skin in damp patches over his pectorals and his shoulders. Not to mention his mess of a hair, standing in disarray from the water and the incessant carding of his nervous fingers. But that couldn’t be what got Sakura so flustered… right?

“Wassup,” Sakura grumbles. His embarrassment makes Togame chuckle and he steps aside wordlessly for Sakura to enter. 

He feels oddly lighter now that Sakura is under his roof and that he didn’t ask Togame to go straight to the court. He closes the door behind them and follows Sakura to the living room. 

The couch sinks under their combined weight and with no preamble, Sakura thrusts whatever he’d been holding on Togame’s face.

“What’s this?”

“A portable game console,” Sakura deadpans, crossing his arms and refusing to look at Togame after he gets rid of the thing. Togame holds the rectangular device in his hands, but doesn’t know exactly what he should do with it. 

“Are you… giving it to me?” he asks tentatively. 

Sakura humphs, pouting with an affronted shadow between his brows. “Kiryu gave it to me. He said he got a new one and that I could have this. As if I asked him for it!”

Togame inspects it, but doesn’t find a single sign that it’s been used before by someone else. It’s turned off and it feels kind of fragile in his hands. “Why did he think you would want something like this then?”

“Dunno.”

Since Sakura doesn’t offer up anything else, Togame hesitantly turns it around in his right hand until he finds the power button. The screen lights up with what he assumes is the brand’s logo and within a few seconds it switches to a home page full of small squares that portray the various games available in it. 

“So, do ya know how it works?” Sakura says much closer than he was before and when Togame looks up he finds him to have scooted over on the couch ever so slightly to be able to see what Togame is doing with the console. 

“No idea,” he answers truthfully, staring down at the little screen lest he give it away that he’s impressed by the details of Sakura’s profile more than he could ever be about some silly game console. “But I guess it’s pretty intuitive. See? These are the games you can play on it.”

“Mhm.”

Sakura’s body tilts more into Togame’s space as he keeps looking at the screen. He’s obviously intrigued by it and Togame speaks before he can think to be a bit more tactile. “You’ve never played with one of these?”

Sakura shakes his head. “No and I don’ care much ‘bout it either. ‘tis why I don’t get why he gave it to me.”

From what Togame has learned and seen of those Furin boys, he has an idea or two of why Sakura’s friends would gift him things he’s not very familiar with. Togame’s heart thumps and a slow warmth spreads in his chest. 

“Sorry to break it to you, but I suck at videogames,” Togame confesses, smiling apologetically as he tries to return the console back to Sakura. 

“Well, I suck too, so…” he doesn’t uncross his arms, nor does he go back to sitting farther away. 

They exchange a look and Sakura lifts his eyebrows as if saying what are you waiting for?

“If you’re bad at it and I’m bad at it, might as well see who’s worse,” Sakura shrugs, sticking his nose up and setting his face to a stubborn frown. “Go on, pick whatever.”

Togame bites the inside of his cheek, twisting in the couch to make the screen more visible for Sakura. They sit shoulder to shoulder, the crown of Sakura’s knee digging into the side of Togame’s thigh. It isn’t the most gratifying position, but it soon turns into a faraway nuisance, as Togame pulls up a random game and proceeds to be a total failure at it. 

It doesn’t really matter, though, because Sakura’s attention is stuck to the movement of Togame’s fingers on the buttons and he’s warm and real and alive next to him. 

And Togame doesn’t feel the least bit stupid for being so socially inadequate or inexperienced in this sort of thing. 

They wear the Saturday afternoon into nighttime and only stop playing after the console’s battery dies and Sakura declares he forgot to bring the charger. He doesn’t leave immediately, Togame asks if he wants some ramen and then profusely apologizes since it’s nothing fancy. 

Sakura waves it off, declaring he eats instant ramen practically every day which makes Togame feel even worse. He promises himself that the next time Sakura comes over he’ll have the cabinets and fridge better stocked to cook a proper meal. 

And then he instantly freezes upon realizing he’s already assuming there will be a next time. 

They eat instant ramen on the couch with the TV playing some old, crappy horror movie. 

It’s new but it isn’t weird and as Togame bids Sakura farewell later that night, leaning on his threshold to watch Sakura crossing the front gate, he comes to another realization. This one is a tad more frightening and no matter how hard he scratches at his nape, his brain doesn’t come clean from that thought. 

He spent the whole Saturday with Sakura. They didn’t do anything special, but they spent it together. 

And now that he left, Togame misses him.

Chapter Text

If their sparring sessions have become frequent, then Sakura hanging out in Togame’s house is practically routine by now. 

What happened out of the blue once, turns into an event that Togame opens his eyes in the morning already thinking about. Sakura has his own obligations and his other friends to spend time with, so their meetups aren’t fixed to a certain day. 

It causes Togame to be constantly hyperaware of his phone. Whenever it vibrates or dings in his pocket, he fishes it out in a hurry, fumbling to light up the screen and check the notification. 

Incidentally, people around him notice this behavior and don’t hesitate in exposing him. 

“Have you been possessed by something?” Arima asks, genuine concern lacing his tone. 

The Shishitoren members that aren’t on patrol gather at Ori, some lounging in the theater, others out front. Togame had retired to the rooftop, where Choji, Sako, Kanuma and Arima followed him wordlessly. Inugami saunters up the stairs not long after. 

It’s a considerable audience and even though they had been engrossed in a conversation that hadn’t yet piqued Togame’s interest. He was leaning on the railing, looking out at the street below where the other members were kicking a ball back and forth. His mind faraway, Togame was then thoroughly yanked to earth at the familiar vibration of his phone in his pocket. 

However engrossed the others were in a subject, it couldn’t escape them that Togame had almost thrown himself over the railing in his desperation to grab his phone. Whereas, if it was any other day, his friends would have to send a smoke signal to get his attention because Togame couldn’t give two shits about answering texts or calls. 

Togame turned to look at them, mustering up his ability to go blank faced and avoid appearing guilty. 

But this particular party could see right through him. 

Sako narrows his eyes. “He’s been checking his phone constantly. It’s weird.”

“I know, it’s creeping me out. I think I’ve only seen him holding it, like, one time since I joined the team,” Kanuma adds. 

Togame opens his mouth to defend himself, but Choji beats him to it. Their leader laughs, lounging on his folding chair with zero worries in the world. “Stop teasing Kame-chan. He’s probably waiting for important news or something.”

“You’re not even curious?” Arima presses, touching his chin in thought. “What if he’s in danger?”

“Danger of what?” Sako butts in. “Maybe it’s related to his family and he doesn’t wanna share it.”

“But not even with Choji ?” Inugami's perplexed frown makes Sako roll his eyes. 

“If it’s a private matter he can come to me whenever he feels comfortable, I’m not going to pressure him,” Choji says. He winks at Togame right after, which means that he’s definitely going to pressure him, just not in front of everyone. 

“You guys do realize I’m standing right here, no?” Togame waves a hand but they ignore it, continuing to theorize at his expense. 

“He seems to be more anxious than worried, though,” Sako offers. The others all nod in agreement.

Inugami points up, his eyes lighting up like a genius idea struck him all of a sudden. “He must be waiting for someone to get back to him.”

“That goes without saying, idiot.”

“But how come when we text him, he never replies?”

“If you need anything from him you should just call.”

“You’re right, he doesn’t text anyone.”

“I don’t think he’s very good at answering phone calls either, there was this one time—”

Togame sighs, giving up trying to defend himself. There isn’t anything he could say but the truth and voicing out that he’s been glued to his phone all day every day simply because he’s expecting to hear from Haruka Sakura is not the best course of action. His friends’ teasing then would be enough to drive him out of the country. 

He tunes them out and neither of them seem to care. Togame takes the opportunity to finally check his phone and a small smile creeps up on him at seeing Sakura’s name staring back at him. 

I have patrol until six today. 

Can I come over later?

Togame puts up a fight. He really, really does. Counting to ten to control his breathing, tapping his thumb on the knuckle of his index finger to ground himself. He waits graciously for the digital clock on the top right of the screen to go from 4:26 to 4:27. In the span of that one minute, his heart clenches so tight he has to remind his body to take a deep breath and not suffocate him to death. 

It’s fine. He’s totally chill. 

Sure , he types. I’ll make dinner. Feel like eating anything in particular?

Sakura’s reply comes within another minute and Togame wonders if his Furin friends find it weird to see him with his phone too, texting someone who isn’t them.

No. Whatever you want to make, I’ll eat anything. 

He can’t decide if Sakura’s answer is a blessing or a curse in disguise. He just knows he has to get home as soon as possible. 

But when Togame prepares to do so, he lifts his face to find someone who apparently had been paying attention to him all along, if the smirk he’s giving Togame is any indication. 

Choji jumps up from his chair and heads in Togame’s direction. “Leaving already, Kame-chan? Mind if I walk home with you?”

-&-

“Okay, spill.”

Togame is deeply concerned for the safety of his couch, what with how Choji keeps bouncing on it nonstop. He looks more energetic than a kid on Christmas morning, kicking up and down on his knees to peer at Togame over the backrest. 

He hasn’t settled for a single second since they arrived, but Togame expected as much. He busies himself in the kitchen, resolutely ignoring Choji for as long as he can. Togame removed his Shishitoren jacket, draped it over the hanger by the door and proceeded to pick apart his fridge for ingredients to make some okonomiyaki. 

Meanwhile, Choji made himself at home, choosing to pester Togame incessantly about whatever he saw on his face earlier. 

The problem here is that Choji knows Togame better than anyone, except for his grandpa. 

Their leader has an explosively bubbly personality, always filled to the brim with energy; it gives way to immense strength when he gets serious and ready for a fight, though he never loses his usual bright, buzzing attitude. Choji Tomiyama is the epitome of a hyperactive boy, but underneath all that he’s the most perceptive and considerate person Togame has ever met. 

He suspects that the only one who can rival Choji in that regard is Umemiya and that thought brings a smile to Togame’s lips. 

It’s an aspect that Togame has admired Choji for ever since they met. And it’s also why he’s in this current predicament.

He sighs, keeping his back to Choji while chopping the cabbage. “There isn’t anything to tell, Choji.”

“Aw, come on, Kame-chan. That’s not true,” he whines stubbornly. “I saw the way you looked at your phone. And you were typing a long text, I know it! You never type long texts,” he drags the word ‘long’ in a dramatic way that has Togame chuckling despite it all. 

“I text. You just don’t see me do it,” Togame transfers the chopped cabbage to a bowl and washes the knife. He moves onto the pork belly, making sure to slice it thin and even. “You’re usually paying attention to other things.”

“Liar,” Choji says without any real bite. “If you text, then it’s not to any of us. You ignore the group chat and I can testify to that. I always have to come get you when I need something.”

Well, Togame can’t really argue with that. He just doesn’t see a reason to keep responding to texts, when he sees his friends every day and they can say whatever they have to in person. And he’s grown used to Choji waltzing into his house to drag Togame wherever, so he barely contacts him through the phone. 

But with Sakura… It’s another story. It might not seem too grand a distance between here and the other side of the train tracks, yet Shishitoren and Furin had managed to stay out of each other’s business for ages before Sakura came to town. He can’t neglect his phone now that it’s become a fundamental, sturdy bridge in his friendship with Sakura. 

Togame can’t refute what Choji is saying without straight up lying to him, so he says nothing. His silence is all the answer Choji needs. 

“Mmh, I see. So you’ve been texting Sakura-chan, then?”

The knife almost chops off Togame’s thumb as it slips from his hand and clatters into the sink. He slaps himself mentally, feeling his nape heating up. “Why would you think that?”

Choji laughs heartily, clapping in ecstasy. “Kame-chan, you’re so obvious! Even if I was just guessing, you just confirmed it for me.”

Togame looks at the half chopped piece of pork belly, as if it’s going to liberate him from this conversation. 

Ultimately, he glances at the clock on the microwave and sees he still has an hour until Sakura finishes his patrol. He turns to Choji, leaning back on the counter and crossing his arms. Choji’s eyes shine in satisfaction. “Oh, boy.”

“I told you, there’s nothing to tell,” Togame reiterates. “We’ve been talking, yes, but you already knew that.”

“I knew you’ve been meeting up with him to spar, not that you’ve been talking every single day,” Choji puts one arm on the backrest and rests his chin on his palm. “He’s got you hooked, Kame-chan.”

Togame groans. “Don’t phrase it like that, Choji. We’re just friends.”

“That so?”

There is no judgement in Choji’s voice and gone is the teasing masked in accusations. He fixes Togame with trust and compassion in his eyes, showing him it’s okay to open up if he wants. But truthfully, Togame wouldn’t know where to begin. 

“He’s…” Togame starts, trying to find words that won’t require him to explain things he doesn’t understand. “He’s been coming over lately, to hang out. That’s all.”

“I see. It’s why you’re glued to your phone a lot these days.”

Togame shrugs. That wasn’t a question but he doesn’t have anything else to offer. He’s hopeless, helpless and all the other variations of those words. 

“Everyone knows you and Sakura-chan are friends, there’s no reason to be embarrassed about texting him,” Choji says. “I remember you used to pester even Wani-chan, talking about Sakura-chan over and over again.”

Yeah, how could Togame forget that . Updating Wanijima on everything when he was away entailed telling him all things regarding Bofurin and Sakura. And Sakura. And more Sakura. He had no idea that the first thing Wanijima would do after returning would be to expose Togame in front of everyone, including Sakura. 

But the fact is that Choji is right. Togame and Sakura are friends, he shouldn’t be acting this skittish. 

“Kame-chan?”

“Hm?”

“It’s not a crime to be spending so much time with him, you know,” Choji says. “So don’t act like it is. And you can talk to me, to us , about whatever. Whenever you want.

Togame is lucky to have such an amazing support system. His friends are truly great and he’s aware that he can rely on them. He just can’t explain to Choji or anyone else that what he feels for Sakura is still new, unshaped and fragile. He’d like for it to evolve more, to take form. 

He’s always been a straightforward person; however socially inept, for Togame things either have a solution or they don’t. 

Though when it comes to Haruka Sakura, unfortunately for him, nothing, not even a single interaction is simple. 

-&-

Sakura is very vocal in regards to how much he loves the okonomiyaki Togame made. He inhales two servings of it, nearly burning his tongue off in the process. For this food in particular, Togame suggested they eat at the table, so after he finishes his own portion, he can’t help watching Sakura enjoying the dish that eagerly. 

Togame is glad he managed to prepare it in time before Sakura arrived. He missed Choji by five minutes and Togame let out a breath of relief at that. Choji’s reassurances aside, he still didn’t want Sakura to deal with any potential teasing, afraid it might scare him off. 

“You’re a really good cook,” Sakura says through a mouthful, cheeks bunched up. Some people would think it rude, but Togame finds it endearing. He looks like a squirrel. 

Oh my god, I’m pathetic , he thinks forlornly. 

“Remember I told ya I’ve helped in a lot of stands at those festivals in the past? I actually got pretty good at cooking a handful of dishes.”

Sakura swallows his bite, humming thoughtfully as he picks up another piece. “What else can you make?”

Togame lists off everything that comes to mind, which has never been too impressive in his perspective, but seeing Sakura’s wide, marvelled eyes fills his chest with pride. “My gramps also taught me tons. And whatever I don’t know how to make, I’ll just look up the recipe and try it out anyway.”

Sakura nods. “I didn’t know homemade food could taste so different.”

Togame’s heart clenches. “A good type of different?”

“Definitely.”

He scrapes his plate clean of any remnants of crumbs and sauce and Togame is tempted to cook him a new batch just to get Sakura to compliment him more; to look so content and full after eating something Togame made.

“Say, Sakura, what’s your favorite food?”

The other boy doesn’t have to think at all to answer that, “Omurice.”

“Really? I’ve never made it before,” Togame says. “I’ll give it a shot in the future. Would you be willing to be my test subject?”

Sakura rolls his eyes as he gets up to help Togame clean the table. “You ask that as if it’s a great sacrifice.”

“You never know, Omurice might be the one thing I suck at cooking,” Togame smiles, accepting the dishes and putting them in the sink. 

Wordlessly, Sakura takes the drying rag and stands by to wait for Togame to wash everything so he can dry. The action is incredibly mundane, but it makes Togame’s heart skip a beat. 

“I’ll take my chances,” Sakura says. 

And so Togame makes a mental note to search for the world’s most infallible Omurice recipe later. 

-&-

It’s an inconspicuous Friday night. He got the late patrol shift from Monday to Thursday, but switched it up with Wanijima on Friday because it was the only day Sakura was free in the afternoon and he asked Togame if they could spar. 

It hadn’t been hard to arrange his schedule and it was even easier to invite Sakura over afterwards. They ate and went to the couch to catch up on a TV series Togame had roped Sakura into watching with him. 

But soon enough it becomes clear that Sakura’s thoughts are drifting. Togame sits on his side of the couch, occasionally stealing glances to see if Sakura is showing any signs of returning to normal, but he keeps gazing off into the distance instead of at the screen.

The episode plays out and Togame queues up the next one. He’s lowering the remote control onto the armrest when he hears it. 

Sakura’s annoyed grumble, so low and affected by his pout that Togame nearly doesn’t catch it. “I just don’t understand.”

Togame frowns. “Don’t understand what?”

In turn, Sakura hugs his own body tighter, sinking further into the couch. It’s clear he wants to vanish from this conversation, struggling to elaborate on the topic.

“The other day, Endo said that he’s… he’s…” Sakura blushes, looking on the verge of dangerous, the redness climbing up his neck and ears. Togame feels momentarily scared that the boy will simply combust and disappear into thin air. 

As surreptitiously as he can, Togame fetches a glass of water he strategically placed on the center table earlier, thrusting it at Sakura. “Take your time.”

Sakura takes it and quickly dawns the liquid to the last drop. “I’m not a child! Don’t tell me what to do.”

Togame’s smile, much like every other reaction he expresses in front of Sakura, is involuntary. He guesses a lot of people get endeared upon seeing Sakura blush so furiously while clinging so viciously to his stubbornness. He’s hot and bothered by the conversation, but his resolve doesn’t waver. 

Waiting on him to push forward with what he has to say, Togame sits more comfortably, maintaining his legs in a width apart that won’t crowd Sakura too much. Again, this space is usually occupied by him alone, so Togame has never had to be so self-conscious of his own size. When Choji is around, he doesn’t take a lot of space and he isn’t bothered by Togame’s proximity like Sakura might be. 

Might… This is such a big conundrum. Togame hates, absolutely loathes, the mere idea of making Sakura uncomfortable or making him feel pressured in any way. He’s seen, first hand, how hard it is for Sakura to talk about his feelings openly, to accept change and greet other people into his tight knitted circle. 

It’s like he’s constantly having an internal fight with himself, where half of him wants to speak up and be free and the other is trying to choke said part to death. Togame knows all too well what that’s like, has experienced the prickly tendrils of trauma and how they can trap someone into a dark box of fear and self-doubt. 

But whereas his trauma comes from the bad decisions he’s made and the questionable things he’s done, Togame has a faint idea that Sakura isn’t the same. His inability to communicate and let other people in perhaps stems from something else entirely, a different layer of protection he can’t break through at a simple whim. 

Togame sees him trying, though, to be free. He remembers the festival, where he told Sakura that if he had a lot on his mind that he could come to Togame, lay it all out for him. Sakura’s efforts to unburden himself and rely on people is a parade he has to lead on his own, but it’s majestic how he allows his friends to help him up there. And that he trusts Togame this way too. 

Precious. There isn’t any word that Togame can think about to describe Sakura and what he brings into other people’s lives. He’s precious. A precious someone who deserves to be happy in whatever way he wants and deserves. 

So Togame doesn’t push him. He keeps looking at the TV, conscious of how close they are on the couch. Of Sakura’s body heat right there within reach, covered up by the casual clothes he’s wearing today. 

“He said…” voice back to a normal crescendo, Sakura grips the empty glass with white-knuckled fingers. “He said he’s infatuated. In love with… w-with Takiishi.”

Oh. Yeah, Togame did not see that one coming. A thin wave of panic climbs up the back of his throat. He knows, deep down, that Sakura isn’t stupid nor a hateful person. From what he can tell, he’s been nothing short of fully supportive of their friend, Tsubakino, so Togame doesn’t think that is a conversation he needs to have. But Sakura is red as a tomato again, meaning that something related to those two must be going through his brain. “He said that to you?”

“Yeah, during our fight. He kept saying that Takiishi was a god or whatever,” Sakura huffs, putting the glass on the table. “Then by the end of it, he was saying that he liked me too.”

Now it's Togame's turn to choke on thin air. Did this Endo knock his head on a brick wall or something? “He was coming onto you?”

Hearing the strain in Togame’s voice, Sakura turns to him with a raised eyebrow. “He’s insane! But I-I didn’t pay him no mind. And he says weird shit all the time when we meet, so I just learned to tune him out.”

You blush at the single mention of two people dating, Togame thinks with a minimal urge to go up to Endo Yamato right now and bash his face right in. 

He also has half a mind to demand to know why Sakura keeps meeting up with this weirdo, but decides against it. Sakura is his own person and he’s a good judge of character at that; he can befriend and spend time with whoever he wants.

Still… 

“Is that what you don’t understand? Why he likes you?” Togame asks. He could give Sakura a reason or two —or fifty— as to why someone would like him.

“No. I don’t care about that,” Sakura keeps his eyes on the TV too while he speaks and Togame switches his eyes to him. Balance. “I can understand liking someone and all that bullshit, it’s whatever. But the other day I went to meet him and they were… Huh.”

Togame takes a second to find his thoughts. “They were what?”

Time stands still as Sakura rubs a hand down his face, pink rising high on his cheeks. “ Theywerekissing .”

A character on TV drops something heavy and the clang of it hitting surface resonates through the screen and around the four walls of Togame’s home while he strains to make out the jumble of words that left Sakura’s mouth. 

“Sorry, what?”

All the bashfulness leaves Sakura at once. He straightens and turns to Togame with an angry blush. “I said, they were kissing!”

Togame’s eyes slowly widen in realization and the pieces come together as to why Sakura might look so… Hot under the collar. 

He doesn’t want to assume anything, though, not when it comes to Sakura. “And you don’t… understand why they would?”

“I mean— I mean…” Sakura wilts as he stutters and Togame is helpless to hold off the little smile that breaks off on the corner of his lips. Sakura sees it and rushes to point an accusing finger at Togame. “Don’ make fun of me!” 

“I’m not. I’m just trying to know why you’re so bothered by it.”

Sakura’s shoulders relax at the placating tone of Togame’s voice. He grabs the lone pillow that’s sitting between them and hugs it to his chest. “‘m not bothered. It’s… It’s weird, that’s all.”

Togame gives up on the series altogether, preferring to grant Sakura his full attention instead. He could stay silent and let the subject drift away, prevent himself from pushing Sakura across bridges he’s not ready to cross yet. But Togame won’t treat Sakura like something on the verge of breaking, like he’s an innocent flower that needs to be secured under a glass dome. 

He needs to trust Sakura to come forth with what he wants and what he doesn’t want. To put up his boundaries, that Togame will always make sure to respect.

This. This is a normal conversation that they can have in the safety of this house and that Togame guesses has more meaning to Sakura than he’s letting on. 

So, Togame twists on the couch, propping his elbow on the backrest and staring calmly at Sakura’s profile. He has this crazy thought that Sakura will never truly comprehend how mesmerizing he actually is. 

“What’s weird? Kissing? Or seeing them do it?” Togame asks softly, enunciating his words with careful curiosity. 

The tips of Sakura’s ears are a violent crimson as he looks down at his own lap. “Why do people do it? ‘tis what I don’ get.”

“Mhm,” Togame hums thoughtfully for a moment, trying to converge the sudden jumble inside his brain into something coherent. “I guess because it feels good.”

He expects Sakura to lash out in confusion, but what he gets is a pair of mismatched eyes staring at him with sheer childlike wonder. Like Sakura has just arrived to this world five seconds ago and Togame has all the answers to his questions. 

It ignites a slow fire right there in the middle of Togame’s being, behind his bellybutton. The sensation spreads gradually up through his breastbone, climbing at will to take root in places Togame can’t even begin to grasp. 

“When you’re attracted to someone, you kiss them,” he does his best to not break eye contact, holding Sakura’s eyes with his. “It doesn’t have to be that deep, though if you like them a lot it’s also something you’ll probably want to do. But what I mean is… People usually do it just because they want to. There’s no deeper purpose.”

Sakura nods once, seeming to mull over the thought for a while. Togame waits with bated breath, doesn’t even know why his body is reacting so viscerally to an ordinary conversation. 

“Does it really…” Sakura begins but stops short, picking at one corner of the pillow he’s holding. “Feel good then? Is that why they were doing it?”

Togame makes a conscious effort to breathe like a normal person, but it comes out shaky and stuttered. He taps his fingers on the backrest of the couch. “Yeah, it does. Again, I guess it has more to do with the person you’re doing it with, but if you just want to kiss for the hell of it, it can be good too. Your body will likely respond to the act of it. But it’s hard to explain.”

“No, I…” Sakura stops to clear his throat. “I think I get it, sorta.”

Togame clenches and unclenches his fingers. The urge to reach out and offer some type of comfort, of reassurance, to touch Sakura just to feel his solidness— it takes Togame like a storm. “But just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean you have to kiss them,” he adds. “In fact, you don’t have to kiss anyone at all, if you don’t want to. It’s completely normal to go about life without kissing someone.”

“Is it though?” Sakura quirks one eyebrow, skeptic. 

“Of course, Sakura. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I know that!” 

He can’t imagine the amount of bravery it took for Sakura to be open about something like this. He trusted Togame would listen and wouldn’t make fun of him for his naivety, if one can even call it that. 

They fall silent and Togame tries to bring his mind back to earth, to pay attention to what’s happening on the TV. It’s a losing cause, however, and so he perks up immediately when Sakura speaks again. 

“Have you done it?” He asks quietly. 

Togame isn’t certain this is a follow up from the previous subject, “What?”

Sakura wrings his hands on the pillow. Togame sees him chewing his bottom lip, redder on the cheeks than before. “Have you ever kissed someone?”

Thump-thump . Togame’s heart causes a raucous in its attempt to escape. 

“I have.”

“Oh,” Sakura’s lips form the shape of the word as he peeks at Togame through his eyelashes. 

The air around them bends, hard to think straight. Tension clings to Togame’s tendons and he wonders if Sakura feels as suspended in time as he does. If whatever this is that they’re doing has gotten his heart jackrabbiting too.

“It’s no big deal,” Togame says. “It was a long time ago.”

But it appears Sakura is undeterred. “How long?”

Togame scratches at his undercut, counting it off to give the most precise answer. “Like a couple of weeks before that first day under the tracks?”

“What day? The day we met? ” Sakura sputters in indignation. “That doesn’t qualify as a long time ago!”

“It doesn’t?” He supposes it isn’t an awful amount of time, but to him it’s like years have gone by since he and Sakura had that first encounter. 

“Absolutely not! You—” He halts then, expression clearing as if someone dumped a bucket of icy water over his head. “Wait. Nevermind. I’m being stupid, this is none of my business.”

“Sakura…” Togame shakes his head, he smiles as their eyes cross. “You can ask me anything, haven’t I said that before? Talk to me.”

Sakura balks, telltale signs of his indecision in the way he averts his eyes, on the stiffness of his shoulders.  

“This shit is making me confused, it’s all.”

“Okay,” Togame says. “If this is something you wanna talk about with your other friends, there’s no problem. Just… whatever you need.”

From their shifting in positions to be able to face each other, they came closer in the small space. Togame’s knee bumps into Sakura’s at a mere tick in the pattern of his breathing. 

Sakura sustains the physical contact, but sighs harshly and leans back against the backrest, propping his head on it to stare at the ceiling. Unabashedly, Togame keeps looking at his profile. A loose strand from the dark side of Sakura’s hair falls to the side and it is a few inches away from where Togame’s hand idles. His fingers twitch again. 

“Who was it?” Sakura’s voice has become quieter, a lull trapping Togame’s soul. He inches the tip of his index finger toward that lone strand of hair.

Togame’s timbre is nothing but a whisper. “Hm?”

“Who did you kiss. Back then,” Sakura clarifies. 

“Oh, it…” Togame has to strain in order to fall back into the subject. He got distracted fast, you see, when he finally grazed the pad of his finger on Sakura’s hair. It’s soft. “Just someone I used to know from school. We hadn’t seen each other for a while but then I was doing rounds in the pub street and saw him working in one of the stores. It was no big deal, more like, killing our curiosity? Ah, it feels silly putting it like that.”

A hum reverberates in Sakura’s throat. Togame has never felt so simultaneously tense and elated at the same time. He toys with the loose strand, suddenly unable to help it. Sakura must feel it. He must see it from his periphery, but he says nothing, blinking at the ceiling. 

“He. So it was a guy too,” he says. 

Togame lifts his hand to try and fix the loose strand in place. It falls. He brings it between his thumb and index finger. “Yeah.”

“I see,” Sakura looks at him sideways. Now he definitely knows Togame is toying with his hair. “You were just killin’ your curiosity. So that wasn’t your first kiss?”

“Nope. But I had been curious for a while as to what it would feel like kissing him . Like I said, we had known each other for some time.”

“So you don’t like him… like that? Like Endo and Takiishi.”

Togame shakes his head. “It isn’t like that at all. Besides, I was still lame then, remember? It was right before our fight, when I had a one track mind in keeping Shishitoren in one piece, so I didn’t have time for that kinda thing. Being into something.”

Sakura presses his kneecap harder against Togame’s. Actually, it isn’t that much of a change, but Togame is wired raw in the moment, so any shift in their atmosphere has him in a bind. “You kissed him because you knew it’d feel good.”

“I was hoping it would, yeah”, Togame admits. 

“Okay, I— I get it. Thanks for tellin’ me all that stuff.”

 “Anytime, Sakura.”

The TV plays a couple more episodes, though neither of them really watches it. Togame gives up on trying to be discreet, maintaining his eyes on Sakura as the other one stays deep in thought. Whatever it is he’s stewing in his mind, now all Togame can do is wait. 

He begrudgingly forfeits the privilege of touching Sakura’s hair, moving to the kitchen to wash out the dishes from dinner. 

Togame is assembling everything to begin cleaning, when he hears the faint sound of Sakura walking to the kitchen too. He stops at the threshold, and Togame peers over his shoulder to find him leaning on it, arms crossed, eyebrows creased. 

“It’s pissin’ me the hell off,” Sakura snaps out of nowhere. 

Togame is startled. He turns fully, catching Sakura basically drilling holes on the floor with his eyes. “What is? Did something happen?”

There’s an obstinate gleam to his aura, irises burning with it. “I can’t stop thinkin’ about it.”

He lifts his eyes and he stares hard at Togame. Hard and defiant. It leaves Togame speechless. “I wanna know. I wanna know if it really feels good.”

The words tumble out of his lips as if he’s swallowed broken glass. It’s scratched and rough and it looks like a great pain to say it. Togame’s breath hitches. So that’s what he means. 

Jesus fucking christ. What is he supposed to say? With Sakura pushing down on his own reservations, placing his trust on Togame like a crown, giving in to let Togame do with that what he will. 

Sakura’s eyes are alight in a blazing forest fire, engulfing Togame in it. Scorching his skin, melting his heart. 

Hopeless, helpless. 

Is this also just a thing that friends do?

“We can give it a shot. If you want.” Togame summons an armor of courage from the bottom of his spine. He’s a chill, laidback guy; he can do this. He can help out a friend asking him to make use of his experience. He can be cool and collected. 

Sakura’s nod is excruciatingly slow. “I’ve never done it before, though.”

It goes unsaid that Togame already figured that part out. He dries his hands off on a rag and shortens their distance. “It’s okay, I’ll show you how.”

He tries to smile reassuringly, the letters and syllables tumbling out in a drawl to convey some sort of normalcy to it all. 

Sakura looks up at him awestruck, from Togame’s words or their proximity, it’s unknown. The lights are out in the rest of the house, only the kitchen and living room providing clarity from behind each of their backs. 

Togame lifts a hand, quirks an eyebrow as if to say is this okay? and at Sakura’s silent agreement, he touches the other boy’s left bicep, feeling him shake under his palm like a stray leaf. “Sakura. Are you sure about this? You seem nervous.”

“‘Course I’m nervous! This is— I’ve never—” he sighs, frustration seeping from it. “I dunno what the hell am I supposed to do.”

You and me both.

“You don’t have to do anything. I said I’ll show you, so you just have to stand there and let me lead, ‘kay?”

The reluctance is clear as day on Sakura’s face, the weight of these specific words hitting him at once. Togame chuckles despite himself. It helps lighten his own nervousness; he glides his hand up slowly, cupping the side of Sakura’s neck. His pulse beats rapidly under the pad of Togame’s thumb, like the crazed heartbeat of a hummingbird. 

“Don’t think too much of it. In this case, you lend me control to show you how it’s done,” he steps a bit closer, until their socked toes are touching. Sakura inhales, tilting his head back to be able to fully look at Togame. He doesn’t blink, just stares enraptured at Togame’s green eyes. “And then, after you get the gist of it, you can do whatever you want.”

It’s funny because even though Togame has just basically given Sakura the power to rule over him, he’s never felt more powerful. His head swims with it as he lowers his head to touch the tip of Sakura’s nose with his. 

Togame is way out of his league and the way Sakura is coiled in a taut stance does nothing to ease his mind. But he has to remember that Sakura is waiting for him to take the lead. Sakura’s hands balled into fists at his sides, his shoulders up to his ears. Of course he’s uncomfortable, Togame thinks dejected, he’s never done this. He’s probably in fight or flight mode and Togame…

Togame has never wanted to kiss anyone this bad. 

He reasons that Sakura isn’t averse to him, but frightened of the unknown. 

“Our lips are about to touch, Sakura,” Togame whispers. “If at any moment you wanna pull away or—”

“I know! Just do it already!” he grits through his teeth and it comes out breathy, jagged. 

There is an invisible string connecting Togame’s heart to his bellybutton and it snaps, his organs flying all over the place as he leans in and finally kisses him. 

An intake of breath. A slight shift in the air. 

He forgot to close his eyes, so he does it now, lowering his eyelids to savor the warmth of Sakura’s mouth against his. The last thing he sees are those heterochromatic irises, wide and quivering, surprised. 

It’s what Togame called, literally, a touch of the lips. Dry, warm, almost surgical. 

Then, seemingly upon realizing the lack of a threat, Sakura relaxes into it like the gradual fall of a cherry blossom, seeking the ground after disconnecting from its branch.  

Togame’s heart thunders and trashes and an instinct gets him to bring his thumb to Sakura’s chin. He pushes it down softly, coaxing Sakura’s lips open to slot them better together and the pressure of their mouths becomes a tad more insistent.

A tug on the fabric of his t-shirt tells Togame that Sakura has gotten a hold on the hem of it. He doesn’t pull, just holds it steady. As much as Togame aches to have Sakura really putting his hands on him, he promised to take it slow. So he does. 

He places his other free hand on Sakura’s face as well, cupping it with the utmost care and puts his entire focus into demonstrating to this boy what it can be like. 

The background fades, their lips connecting and disconnecting in the midst of the chaste kiss. Sakura explores it with the novelty it demands, sometimes more forcefully, other times just letting his lips graze on Togame’s, sharing oxygen, sighing into it. 

Togame keeps them rooted to earth as his brain floats away and he kisses Sakura with the calm of a still lake. Until their lips are tingling and his self-control begins to slip, overtaken by a haze that he fears has more to do with Sakura’s effect than the actual act of what they’re doing. 

When Togame musters up the will to pull back, he nearly falls to his knees. 

Sakura’s eyes are glazed over, bright as the sun. His lips are moist, kiss-bitten and red. 

Togame did that . 

He can’t stop it, indulging some more. He traces his fingers to the white side of Sakura’s hair, pushing a few strands behind his ear. “How was it? Do you understand it now?” Togame’s voice goes low with a tinge of uncertainty. 

Whatever Sakura’s verdict might be, he’ll have to deal with it. Maybe he doesn’t like kissing or the way Togame did it was too superficial to get a real taste. Too many possibilities hang over his head, rendering him a mess of nerves as he stares down at Sakura’s open expression. Togame wants to kiss him again, but then he feels Sakura tugging at the hem of his shirt, curling his fingers tighter. 

He says it husky, scratched, like he hasn’t spoken for days. “Yeah. But I—”

God fucking damnit. Togame’s want is a feral bullet throwing a fit inside his stomach. He sways, knows without a doubt he’s caught in a trap he can’t get out of. “But what?”

“I think I—” Sakura licks his lips and simultaneously does something that brings Togame’s whole world to a grinding stop. Oh, no . He tilts his head back a fraction, tipping his chin up. Like he’s asking for it. Like he too can’t help it. “I need to do it again. Just— just to be sure that I like it.”

The next moment, as they crash into it again and again and again , Togame pretends he doesn’t notice the ticking of the time bomb. The gravity of his heart being swallowed whole, stolen for good. 

Chapter Text

Togame has been restless for some time now. Hours, to be more precise. 

He’s occupying a lone seat in the theater at Ori, hunched over himself, elbows on his knees. Flipping a pen between his fingers and staring ahead at the decrepit stage where Wanijima is teaching Inugami an intricate martial move that has the latter sprawled on the floor in a sweaty heap. Next to Togame, Choji is practically vibrating out of his skin, begging Wani to teach him that too. 

But Togame can’t hear a word or sound; he’s so out of it that it takes him an embarrassing amount of time to notice when Sako blocks his view of the stage, standing with his arms crossed and a deep frown aimed at his aloofness. 

“Oh,” is all Togame can say. He blinks several times, slow as it is, before Sako relents. 

He sighs, jerking his head towards the exit. “Our shift begins in ten minutes. We should switch up with the others.”

Crap. Togame had been so absorbed in his thoughts he completely forgot that he and Sako were supposed to have the late shift today. Some good second-in-command he is, letting his personal matters get in the way of his obligations. 

Thankfully, neither Choji nor the other members catch onto his distress and Togame manages to slip out after Sako. 

Because they’re situated in the pub district, their patrol goes way into the night. Although it’s common for the shops to have their own hired security, it is Shishitoren’s inherent obligation to keep the order on their turf, so the boys make sure to walk down the main streets but also the alleys, snatching any stragglers that are trying to cause trouble in the shadows. 

Togame and Sako join three other members and go on their way, sauntering through the rowdy patrons coming in and out of different bars. He decides to take up the rear, hands deep in his pockets, actively forcing his brain to focus on the job instead of drifting off somewhere else. 

To someone else. 

An array of scents and sounds waft out of the numerous establishments, mixing into the chilly night air to create a dizzying atmosphere. Togame isn’t a big fan of this hectic nightlife, but he can kind of see the appeal in being in the company of people enjoying the same drinks and foods; laughing with his friends around a table while dawning something to warm him up inside, grilling meat on a sizzling plate. 

The lights are overwhelming on the various banners, people shout and wave at them at the sight of a handful of Shishitoren jackets. 

But Togame can’t unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth to reply to any of them. 

It’s half an hour into their patrol when Sako gives up being nonchalant and slows his steps to match Togame’s and walk by his side. Albeit he keeps his eyes ahead, Togame’s nape pricks with the knowledge he’s in for an impromptu conversation he did not sign up for. 

“Look,” Sako starts talking in a volume for only Togame to hear. “I know I’m not Choji, so you can totally ignore the offer, but I can see there’s something bothering you and… You know, if you want to talk about it, I can listen to it. I’m not gonna promise to give super useful advice though.”

Togame ponders if he should give in and confess and just how much of it he’s willing to share. He and Sako aren’t the most intimate, but Togame considers him a friend and really, despite not being a man of many words, there’s only so much he can keep to himself before he does something drastically pathetic like going to Makochi right now and asking Sakura if he hates him. 

It’s only been five days, after all. Five whole days of radio silence that have Togame climbing the walls and losing sleep while staring at his phone for hours until the battery dies. 

But five days without a sign from Sakura is a call for worry in Togame’s perspective, considering they’ve been seeing each other regularly. And considering… The other thing. 

Communication goes both ways, sure, but Togame promised himself he wouldn’t reach out first because he wanted to give Sakura the due space and time to come to terms with what they did that day. 

They didn’t just kiss for minutes on end until their lips were chaffed and numb. They didn’t just kiss until Sakura’s hands migrated to Togame’s lower back and Togame’s fingers made a mess of Sakura’s black and white hair. They didn’t just kiss until they were breathless and Sakura had to ask for a moment to sit down, Togame feeling his own knees wanting to give out from how much his bones were melting under the sensations. 

It wasn’t just a kiss. An amount of kisses, no. It was also Sakura’s first time doing it and Togame had no way of knowing what was going through his mind afterwards. 

They said goodbye that night like they always did, like it was any other day. But in the midst of it all, Togame forgot to ask Sakura when he wanted to meet again and Sakura didn’t say anything either. 

So that was it. And for the following days, they didn’t text, didn’t call. And Togame is at a loss. He’s stranded, crushing over a boy who likely sees him as a perpetual friend and nothing else, struggling to stay afloat and not become a clingy weirdo over something that reads like nothing more than an experience to Sakura. 

“Say, Sako,” Togame makes a point to stare onwards too, the neon colors from the signs blurring on his periphery. “You ever get stuck before making a decision for fear of coming off too strong? Too insistent.”

He doesn’t have to look to know that Sako is frowning again. He does that a lot. As one of the most headstrong and decisive —albeit stubborn— people Togame has ever met, Sako refuses to halfass his words. He’s not impulsive in his attitudes. 

The boy huffs out a breath, shrugging once. “Well, you’re talking to a professional grudge holder, so that’s basically the story of my life. Though the grudges can often be a byproduct of my own pride, I’ll admit.” He points it out easily, like stating a fact. Togame is caught off guard and turns to him then, finding Sako’s expression to be clear of any distress. Recognizing that he was prone to that in the past, of holding onto a bitterness born out of his own inertia, it takes a lot of growth. He did come a long way after his fight with Hiragi, didn’t he? “It’s just easier to hide behind the fear of being too demanding, but can the other person read our minds? No, and yet we certainly wish they could, don’t we?”

He peers up and when their eyes meet, Togame lets out a soft scoff, because isn’t that a slap to the face. Sako smiles ruefully, a silent understanding passing between them. 

Without explicitly telling Sako what has been troubling him, Togame managed to score the answer to his prayers. In reality, he already knew that, but hearing his friend say it out loud has Togame’s hand unconsciously clutching his phone inside his pocket. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” he says, his shoulders slumping as the weight is progressively lifted off of them. 

“Sounds simple, huh. Now tell me why it is so hard for us to get to that conclusion on our own before embarrassing ourselves,” Sako complains with a sigh. 

Togame can’t argue with that. “Easier to hold a grudge?” he offers. “Or some other excuse.”

The other members are way ahead of them, so when they stop near a vending machine to get drinks, Togame and Sako do too, standing a little to the side to continue their conversation. 

“It made me feel like a coward, you know, afterwards,” Sako says. “I should’ve said how I felt, but then what? Not saying anything and keeping a distance is easier than being outright rejected or having your words disregarded.”

Their situation is slightly different, though, but Togame doesn’t say so. They wait for the boys to get their drinks to continue patrolling. 

“So, it’s better to act on what we’re feeling and not let the doubt fester,” Togame concludes. He can understand and accept that, but he still doesn’t regret giving Sakura the space to assimilate what happened. He just misses him and he’s… A bit scared too. That Sakura regrets it. And that he’ll never want to see or talk to Togame ever again. 

“To put it bluntly, yes. But don’t be an annoying prick, just, you know. Take a stand and be honest about your feelings. Either way, whatever this is about you— the fuck ?! What are you doing here ?”

Before Togame can follow the direction Sako is looking at, his heart skips several beats and leaps into his throat, nearly choking him to death. It’s because his brain is so wired that in the split second it takes for him to make out the lone figure walking towards them, Togame thinks he’s going to meet a pair of heterochromatic eyes. 

It’s not Sakura, though, and disappointment causes Togame to stop moving altogether. Sako does too, his entire body locked up and stiff at the sight of Hiragi just casually popping up in the middle of the street. The other Shishitoren members look from the Bofurin newcomer to Togame, clearly conflicted as to how best proceed, but Togame just motions for them to continue on. 

Hiragi, who had been staring down at his phone, looks up at Sako’s outburst. He takes in his friend next to Togame, both in the telltale orange jacket and then settles his attention solely on Sako. 

“Oh, I was going to text to say I arrived a bit early,” he turns to Togame momentarily, only to say, “What’s up.”

“Hello,” Togame replies.

Sako’s answer comes a bit delayed. “You— What— Why are you here?”

“Didn’t we agree to meet up here later?” Hiragi rubs the back of his neck, seeming genuinely lost. 

“That’s— that’s tomorrow!” Slapping a hand on his face, Sako groans. But between his fingers, Togame can faintly see the blush creeping onto his cheeks. It reminds Togame of someone who has a very similar reaction and the empathy he feels for both Hiragi and Sako in that instant has him wanting to teleport to wherever Sakura is, regardless if he hates him or not. “Oh my god, you seriously don’t even know what day it is?”

Hiragi looks utterly confused for a second, before checking his phone and looking at Sako. He does this three times, then a sheepish smile forms on his lips. “Jeez, you’re right. I think Umemiya has finally made me go senile.”

Sako humphs, letting his hand slip to glare at Hiragi. “Be for real, you’re a teenager. This must be a side effect of all that crap medication you keep taking.”

“But those are for my stomach,” Hiragi says meekly.

And it’s like Togame is not even there; they only have eyes for each other, even though Sako is being harsh and Hiragi is lacking his usual imposing stance as Umemiya's right hand. They don’t look like gang members who talk with their fists. They look like… Teenagers. Awkward, stupidly smitten teenagers. 

Togame can relate. 

“I’m on patrol today,” Sako’s tone is forlorn. “That’s why I told you we could meet tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I know, sorry,” Hiragi looks ready to turn tail and leave, dejected as he sounds, “Just had one of those crappy weeks. I guess I got mixed up ‘cause I couldn’t wait to see ya.”

Sako’s groan is high pitched and aggravated. He covers his face with both hands this time, but his blush is so severe that it goes to the tops of his ears. “ Why are you saying this? Don’t talk like that in front of people! ”

For his part, Hiragi isn’t the least bit reprimanded by Sako’s reaction, he just stares fondly at the backs of Sako’s hands like he’s hiding the moon and stars behind it. 

My god, does Togame look like that too when Sakura is around? If so, then he’s in bigger fucking shit than he expected. 

He decides to free them both of their misery. “It’s all good Sako, you can go with Hiragi-san.”

Sako peeks at Togame through his fingers to screech out a, “ Huh ?”

Togame waves a hand to dismiss whatever protest he might have. “I can finish the shift with the other guys, it’s not even one of the busiest nights.”

“But—”

“Sako,” Togame slaps a hand on his shoulder, smiling at his friend. He wants to tell Sako that it’s okay, but not just now, today. That it’s okay . He wants to say it to himself too and to Hiragi while he’s at it. Sako must remember the conversation they were having though, because he deflates and then his eyes slowly shift to Hiragi. Again, Togame is basically forgotten. “You can cover for me on patrol some other time, no worries.”

However reluctant he is at first, Sako ends up following Hiragi to wherever it is they agreed to go to beforehand. Togame waves at them and catches the grateful look Hiragi throws at him over his shoulder. 

The two just walk side by side, but Togame can’t help but notice that they’re closer than Togame and Sako were, their shoulders bumping with every step. As they’re about to turn a corner and disappear from sight, Togame watches Hiragi reach out a hand, casual as can be, and place it on the small of Sako’s back. 

Togame shakes his head, smiling to himself. Maybe things aren’t as complicated as he’s making them out to be. 

-&-

He gives it a night. The patrol shift ends up nearing midnight, and Togame comes back home with heavy legs and heavier eyelids. He sleeps soundly like he hasn’t in days, but when he wakes up the thought forms with clarity and solidity.

Is it ridiculous that he hasn’t given Sakura a full week? Yes, but enough is enough. He needs to know if the other boy is okay or if he’s feeling so repulsed by Togame that he never wants to see him again. 

That last possibility makes bile rise up in his throat and Togame skips breakfast altogether. He changes into his usual samue and Shishitoren jacket getup and leaves the house with his hair still damp from the shower. 

Belatedly, he realizes he can’t just waltz into Makochi at this hour of the day. Sakura is probably at school and the citizens would be really distressed to see a lone Shishitoren member out in the open on their territory. He slows down by the time he’s already under the tracks, pulling out his phone to finally break their six-day long drought of no texting and ask Sakura if he’s free to meet up later. 

He never gets to send the message. 

When he looks up, Sakura is crossing the arc in his Furin uniform, eyes widening upon coming face to face with Togame. Both of them halt, a good ten steps away from each other. 

“Sakura,” Togame says. Like a dumb fucking log, unable to muster up a bit of social adequacy. Not even a hi, how are you . 

Sakura recovers from the surprise quicker than Togame ever could. “You… going somewhere?”

“No, actually I was— Hm,” Togame pockets his phone to have something to do with his hand. Has it ever been this awkward between them? He remembers what Sako told him, that no one can read his mind. Sakura really has no way of knowing. He can’t know that Togame has dreamt of nothing but the taste of his lips ever since they parted on that faithful evening. “I was on my way to see you.”

Sakura’s shoulders rise up to his ears. “Really?”

“Yep,” Togame lets out a weak chuckle, eyes turning to crescents. He forgets all about his nervousness, self doubt and the very real chance of Sakura punching him in the face and calling him a creep. He forgets the entire world, for that matter, because Sakura is right here and his cheeks are faintly pink and he’s averting his eyes in that cute way he does that makes Togame want to push all his buttons. “It just hit me that you might be in school and I was gonna text instead. By the way, shouldn’t you be in class?”

“I was! I mean— I was going to… go.”

Nevermind their natures to solve things in a fight, Togame feels the urge to reprimand Sakura for skipping class if only to get him more flustered. But something in Sakura’s tone causes him to wait and listen.

The boy’s conflicted and it is evident in the shape of his mouth, the tick of his eyebrows. Togame itches terribly to touch him. 

“But I— You— That day, I— Ugh, why is this so freakin’ hard?” Sakura tightens his fists on each side of his body and Togame wishes he could read his mind then, to free him of this agony. However, Sakura is stronger and his determination wins out at last. 

He relaxes limb by limb, but Togame knows they have all the time in the world. He would explode the world if it tried to interrupt Sakura right now. 

“I wanted to— to— see. You .” He chokes out.

Togame blinks in slow motion, allowing the words to sink in and ruminate. Otherwise he’d mistake this for a dream, one of those that made him wake up sweating and heartbroken. 

“You did?” He asks when it looks like Sakura won’t offer anything else. 

The Bofurin boy meets his eyes and nods. “I jus’ wanted to tell ya that… I don’t feel weird about that day. I didn’t text because I was— I needed to. Think.”

The pauses in his phrases and the gruffness of his voice betray how difficult it is for Sakura to be saying all this to Togame’s face. Like that kiss and many other things he’s been through ever since arriving to this town, this is likely the first time he’s had to have a conversation about these types of feelings. 

Togame’s heart begins to beat faster than his lungs can keep up. “Yeah, I understand. I didn’t reach out either ‘cause I wanted to give you some space.”

There. He said it. It didn’t make his throat bleed and Sakura doesn’t laugh at him. No, instead his expression softens and he gives Togame an imperceptible smile. “Thought you might. I knew you wouldn’t be mad or anything but Tsubakino said I should be upfront about what I feel or whatever, so you wouldn’t think I was—”

“Tsubakino?” Togame wonders where one of Furin’s kings fits into this but then he realizes the implication and grins. Sakura averts his gaze, seemingly disconcerted that he let the name slip. So Togame wasn’t the only one drowning in his thoughts, enough that someone had to come and save him from it. Sakura too talked about this with a friend. 

It isn’t just something that happened within Togame’s walls anymore. It’s taking shape, even if they haven’t called it anything other than an “experience”, its meaning is travelling around their lives and drawing other people in. 

“A-anyway,” Sakura continues. “Just so we’re clear, what happened— it’s totally fine, ‘kay? I don’t mind it.”

Togame’s insides that had been stewing in fear for days, finally crumble to dust. They dissolve and take form again, as Sakura reassembles him with his words. He feels lighter than he has in days and it spurs him on to believe he can have a little more than he deserves. 

“Sakura,” Togame swirls the name in his tongue to compel the other boy to look at him. The modest surprise in those heterochromatic eyes has shivers climbing up Togame’s nape. “If it’s totally fine and you didn’t mind it, does that mean you’d want to do it again?”

-&- 

There are pieces of furniture that simply weren’t made to bear the weight of two grown boys laying on top of each other and Togame’s couch is unfortunately one of those. 

The wood creaks in complaint as Togame unconsciously presses Sakura down into the cushions with his own body. He’s doing the most to not crush Sakura’s lithe frame under his broader build, but Togame knows Sakura is sturdier than he looks and if a kick to the face won’t phase him, then Togame’s weight won’t either. Yet he’s trying to be mindful. He really is. 

But the kiss is very distracting, what with Sakura nipping at his lips incessantly while he frames Togame’s waist with his knees, hands mapping out the muscles of Togame’s back through his t-shirt. 

Jo Togame is only so resilient. He almost rips out the upholstery in his haste to cling to the backrest in place of yanking at Sakura’s hair like he wants to do. He’s going decisively insane with desire and this was supposed to be a chill night at that. 

Chill. Right . 

See, when he asked Sakura if he wanted to do this again, he meant it like in the experimental spectrum still. In light of Sakura being new to this, Togame had envisioned something else entirely when he suggested Sakura come by his house later after they were both done with their personal matters. 

Watch something mindless on the TV, have dinner, make out a little. All in due time and with proper etiquette. Togame was not an animal . He had been stellar at following this simple script up until after they were done eating and Sakura had put on a random action movie that neither of them could give two shits about. 

And it did start innocent. They were sitting down next to each other and Togame had barely grazed Sakura’s awaiting mouth with his own; things were aiming for a much more tranquil direction as Togame let Sakura take the lead, exploring the angles and textures however he wanted. 

But the problem is that Sakura has never half assed a single thing in his life and he was a quick learner. Like, a champion at learning quickly . 

Now it’s like Togame is engulfed in a profound spell; he can’t remember who pulled who first, but as their kiss turned deeper, Sakura ended up sprawled on the couch with Togame on top of him. The position hinders Togame powerless to move anywhere else, trapped between Sakura’s legs as he is while simultaneously struggling not to hurt him. 

He puts his frustration in the kiss, licking at the seam of Sakura’s lips till he opens up for him, letting Togame’s tongue slip inside languidly. Sakura gasps, his fingers twitching on Togame’s shoulder blades and Togame feels it, Sakura pulling him closer, arching into him so their chests touch. 

And just like that, Togame doesn’t think anymore. He forgets about the predicament of their position as all the strength vanishes from his hips and he lowers his waist into Sakura. The noise he receives in response is one of approval and it comes from the back of Sakura’s throat, right before his tongue begins moving too, tangling up with Togame’s in a hesitant nudge. 

Fuck, how can he still be uncertain in a situation like this? Can’t he sense that he’s got Togame hook, line and sinker? 

He removes his hand from the backrest and cradles Sakura’s chin, tilting his head to break the kiss. Their lips pop apart with a wet sound that makes Togame’s crotch throb. 

“Sakura,” he whispers it directly into his mouth, unable to get even an entire inch away from him. 

Sakura’s answer is husky and broken, eyes completely glazed over when Togame blinks his own open to stare at him. “Hm?”

Togame can’t resist it. He sticks the tip of his tongue out to lick at Sakura’s bottom lip, while looking straight into his amber and grey eyes. He does it to watch how Sakura’s eyelids flutter, to feel the sigh that escapes him as he tries to chase Togame’s lips again. 

Do people die from this? Surely he can get dangerously addicted to it and have a heart attack. It’s not normal to want to ravish someone this bad. 

“Follow my lead, remember?” Togame says softly. His lower belly actually burns where it is connected to Sakura, their clothes doing nothing to quench the heat of their skins. “Don’t think too much, just…” he dives in for a better demonstration, initiating a kiss that lasts for a split second, only to lick into Sakura’s mouth and tease his tongue into moving. He speaks without detaching their lips, “Do it how I’m doing. However feels right for ya.”

Yes, Haruka Sakura is a good fucking learner. 

He laces Togame in his deft hands quicker than he can process what’s happening. Closing his knees tighter, gripping Togame’s shirt till the fabric bunches and crinkles; they go at it with a hunger that clouds Togame’s vision, his judgement, his reason. 

It isn’t until much, much later, when he is grinding into Sakura like a brainless dog that Togame manages to come back to himself. 

He yanks his hips away, sitting up with shaky breaths. His fingers tremble and Togame doesn’t dare to look down at the clear tent on his pants. Shit. He just went and got as hard as a tree trunk and Sakura is—

Sakura looks utterly debauched. From kissing for god knows how long, heaving for oxygen like he hasn’t had any intake of it in a millenia, his t-shirt askew to expose his taut stomach and thin waist. Hair tousled. Fingertips twitching on Togame’s forearm. 

Something else twitches too, on Togame’s lower half and he grinds his jaw, holding onto the couch and Sakura’s calf to tether him to earth. He needs to be more responsible about this. Pace things, for Sakura’s sake. 

But he was weak before ever tasting him and now it’s even worse, with Sakura owlishly blinking at him, confused, tender on the edges from kissing Togame. He poses a small, “What’s wrong?” and Togame’s shoulders slump like the air being sucked out of a balloon. “I—”

Sakura doesn’t let him finish. He tugs at Togame’s arm, pushes himself up on his elbows. He’s blushing so much, there are splotches of it dotting his neck and arms. Togame muses whether his thighs look the same under his pants and then immediately scolds himself mentally. Not the time . 

“It felt good. Why’d ya stop?” Sakura inquires, almost flirtatiously. On the precipice of desperate. 

This is Togame’s fault, through and through. He was the one who told Sakura that people kiss because it feels good and of course the boy would latch onto this over simplified explanation to justify wanting to keep doing it. It doesn’t have a deeper, more significant meaning to him. His nerve endings are responding to the stimulation, so why would he want to stop? The fact is that he trusts Togame to help him explore this and he has no idea that for Togame this is more than just two friends fooling around together. 

He sighs, reaching out a trembling hand to card it through Sakura’s bangs, transfixed by how the white and black mix up between his fingers. “Fuck, Sakura, I— don’t wanna scare you off.”

That much Togame can admit, but he isn’t brave enough to pull away completely. Not when Sakura is putting an effort into keeping him in place. 

He shakes his head, knitting his eyebrows as if he can’t think of a single way in which Togame could do that. “You won’t,” he grabs a hold of Togame’s hand and lightly yanks at it. The delicate urgency in his body language has Togame swaying into him again. “You won’t. Come back here.”

He does so at once, because ultimately this is all for Sakura. Ever since that day at the Ori, when Sakura returned Togame to his former self and everything that happened in his life afterwards, he was bound to the other boy with no shot at recovery. He’ll do anything, risk everything. 

Togame hangs onto a thread of control that is as feeble as a spiderweb and just as lethal, but he does it. He lowers his body into Sakura, but doesn’t follow his desire to move and just kisses him. Worrying at his lips and deepening the kiss whenever Sakura demands it of him. 

The side of Sakura’s waist is warm and chiseled as Togame slides a hand beneath his shirt, skimming the muscles and the goosebumps that rise in his wake. He lets Sakura scratch at the trimmed hairs on his nape, courtesy of his undercut. Nuzzles at his temple, peppers kisses down the column of his throat and actively ignores the throbbing between his legs. 

He doesn’t think about how he can feel that Sakura is just as hard, how his thighs shudder and give minor spasms every time Togame’s crotch comes a hairsbreath closer to his. Like he’s anticipating the contact, craving it. 

But it’s too soon. Togame is so not prepared for this part and he doesn’t figure Sakura is either. 

Togame knows that the moment he unravels like that with Sakura will be a point of no return to him. And that thought is too terrifying to face now. 

That isn’t to say that he is a saint, no. He’s the farthest from that as one can possibly get. 

After Sakura leaves, which isn’t an easy fit with Togame pressing him against the threshold on his way out to give him a last goodnight kiss, he goes to bed in a daze. 

He strips mechanically, down to his underwear, but even the light caress of his blanket is like rubbing sand on his sensitive skin. So he caves in and touches himself. His digits are rough, dry and yet Togame is on the edge of the abyss before his hand is fully wrapped around his cock. 

He can review the consequences in the morning, after he pumps his hips up into his fists to chase the feeling. After he closes his eyes in the dark of his bedroom to escape from the shame. 

Way, way after he cums with Sakura’s name hanging on the cusp of his kiss-swollen lips. 

-&- 

The very real, inescapable problem of kissing Sakura is that once Togame got a sample, he wants the whole thing all the freaking time. 

He doesn’t try to hide it anymore while he’s around his friends from Shishitoren and they all decide to blatantly nag him for every meager switch in his behavior. 

It’s there for everyone to see, that when his phone vibrates, Togame is a goner and no one can snatch his attention away from it. Or that most days when he has afternoon patrol, he vanishes right after and no one can get a hold of him. 

Choji has even resorted to texting first before bursting through Togame’s front door, something he’s never done in all the years they’ve known each other. According to him, it is better to be safe than sorry, but Togame did tell him the chances of him getting an eyeful are slim to none. 

He and Sakura don’t do anything too indecent in or outside the house. 

Okay, sometimes they kiss in places where other people can see, like that one occasion when Togame walked Sakura to the tracks after one of their sparring sessions, the other one had to go back to Makochi and couldn’t hang out at Togame’s house. Which was alright, they didn’t have to spend that much time together. 

That day the weather had been nicer than usual and a light breeze made the sweat dry on Togame’s skin as they trudged through the pub district. He stopped at a vending machine to get a Ramune for them to share and he and Sakura chatted about this and that. It was a normal exchange between friends. 

But then Sakura had turned to bid his goodbye and Togame did it on reflex, almost like muscle memory. Leaned in, gave Sakura a gentle peck on the lips. Maybe someone saw, maybe no one did. It was lightning quick and Sakura went cherry red all over, before bolting to his side of town. 

And there was that other instance when Togame had been stranded with Wanijima in a raging storm during one of their patrols, and that caused him to come down with a vicious cold that forbade him and Sakura from seeing each other for a few days. 

Well, it would have kept them apart, but Sakura refused to stay away and when he knocked on his door, Togame begrudgingly let him in. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Togame said then, through a stuffy nose and a pounding headache. 

Sakura ignored him, marching into his home and going to the kitchen to place a plastic bag on the table. “I got bedridden a few months ago and my… friends, brought some things over. Things that I might need in case— Anyway, I know you have your own friends, but I just thought…”

It was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for Togame and next thing he knew, he was smothering Sakura in a bear-crushing hug. Upon realizing he should be maintaining a safe distance so as to not infect Sakura with his germs, Togame pulled back and apologized. But Sakura is Sakura and since he wouldn’t leave, they ended up bundled up under a blanket on the couch watching TV. 

And Choji may or may not have stopped by to check on Togame that night, only to find the other two tangled up on the small couch, sound asleep with Togame’s head on Sakura’s shoulder. 

There was nothing indecent about that! 

It’s just… Sakura got sick too; he woke up with a terrible cold the next day and rumors started to spread like wildfire. Gone were the good ol’ days when Shishitoren and Furin barely even spoke, because now with so many of them intertwined, it seemed like Sakura and Togame were a very common subject within a number of groupchats. 

Togame can’t even defend himself, even if he wanted to, he’d end up in a bigger mess. It’s pointless to reiterate that he and Sakura are just friends and nothing else. 

Like, who is he going to fool with that? Friends don’t kiss like they’ve been doing and no one would buy that crap about him teaching Sakura. Some stupid long lesson that would be, considering it’s been weeks since that first time. 

But to Sakura that’s what it is. Friends. He and Togame. Kissing every other day of the week, cooking together, sparring, humping each other on his couch. 

In his inclination to help and be a trusting aid for Sakura, Togame might have made him think this is normal and that they can go on like this forever. Or worse, that it would be normal for Sakura to do it with his other friends. 

Togame’s stomach twists. No. He’s not going to think about that. Not now, not ever. 

“Yo, scraggles! You listenin’?”

Sakura’s call brings him to the present, to where Togame’s hip is resting against the counter while he supervises Sakura’s newborn chopping skills.

This scenery is different from the kitchen at Togame’s house. They’re at a restaurant deep into Shishitoren’s territory, a place Togame is very familiar with. 

The owner is an old friend of his grandpa and there had been many occasions in the past when Togame dropped by to land a hand and learn a thing or two. It’s mainly a fried noodle joint, though they have other dishes on the menu. 

Togame and the other Shishitoren members have eaten at this shop many times and the owner is always welcoming to them, so he didn’t hesitate to reach out and ask for Togame to rescue him and take over the restaurant for a few hours as he had an emergency to tend to. 

There is only one other employee, a guy who serves the tables and cleans the space, everything else is handled by the owner and his oldest son, but both are currently absent. Since the restaurant had opened for the day before the emergency happened, the owner was reluctant to tell his customers to leave, so in came Togame. 

Admittedly, there aren’t that many people at this hour of the afternoon and most of the ingredients are at the ready to be cooked, so he could’ve taken care of the orders by himself. Really, he’s been through worse. 

But then Sakura texted him earlier with a question to come over and Togame had instead given him the address for the restaurant, telling him to come through the back door once he arrived. 

Sakura hadn’t been surprised to see Togame sporting an apron, elbows deep in preparing dish after dish. He’s seen Togame cooking before, in his own kitchen and at the festival. So Togame gave him a rundown of the situation and they swiftly morphed into a seamless team, working around the tight space to fulfill the incoming orders. 

That was three hours ago and despite night nearing, movement has slowed down to only a couple patrons. It’s why Togame had finally taken five minutes to rest, supporting his weight on the counter to watch Sakura meticulously chop for a fresh bowl of fried noodles. 

Togame’s eyebrows lift as he recognizes what Sakura said. “What’s with that old nickname?”

Sakura glares up at him, tapping the point of the knife on the cutting board. “I called you six times and you kept on staring at nothing, so I thought you might respond to that.”

“Sorry,” he huffs a chuckle, sheepish to have spaced out. He can’t exactly say what he had been thinking about when the subject of his thoughts is right there. 

“Is something wrong?” Sakura asks oddly softer, like a look at Togame has him understanding that something’s amiss. Like they’re attuned to each other. 

“No,” Togame pushes off the counter to rest a hand on Sakura’s shoulder, looking over it at the neatly cut vegetables. “Just thinking about stuff. You done?”

“Am I done,” he scoffs, but visibly relaxes at the touch. “You invite me to come do this shit for ya and then stand there doing nothing.”

Togame feigns an offended gasp. “Hey, I asked for a helping hand, that’s all. And you chopped them perfectly, by the way.”

“Did not,” he mutters. Stubborn. Cute. Unable to take the praise for what it is. Togame wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him all the time. “You don’t have to be nice about it.”

He squeezes Sakura’s shoulder, musters up a professional lilt. “This is a serious establishment, you know, I wouldn’t joke if you did a crappy job. This looks really good. Let me stir fry it and put the noodles to boil.”

Togame starts to prepare the food and Sakura hovers to watch. Awestruck, he comments more than once how it smells delicious, even though he’s been caked in grease from working in the kitchen all day. They don’t talk a lot, but every time Togame passes by him, he touches Sakura in some way. 

After the vegetables are done, he gives a piece for Sakura to taste and when Sakura’s face lights up in pleasure, Togame smiles. He leans into his space, unthinkingly, but Sakura bristles like a frightened cat. 

He swallows the bite, jumping a good foot away from Togame. “This isn’t your kitchen! Stop that!”

Togame laughs heartily and Sakura stares at him dumbfounded. The funny part for him is that he didn’t remember at all; that they weren’t in his home. That he shouldn’t be kissing Sakura so thoughtlessly. But then Sakura rolls his eyes and steps closer, looking up at Togame with a scowl. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this here,” he reinstates quietly, shortening the gap as if there’s a magnet pulling him into Togame. The older one can only wait for what’s to come, instinctively wrapping one arm around Sakura’s waist when he’s close enough to touch. “So be quick.”

But instead of kissing him on the lips, Togame places a kiss on Sakura’s forehead. “Okay. Later then.”

The Bofurin boy stares at him, blushing, lost. Togame is too. He’s lost and fucked and he can’t stop himself from falling deeper. 

A couple hours later the owner returns, bowing to them at least ten times. Togame has to keep repeating that it was no bother, but the man is relentless. He seems to not even notice that Sakura isn’t a member of Shishitoren, just thanks them profusely and stuffs their hands with containers of food to take out. 

And it’s a pleasant night when they’re officially released from duty, so they don’t move far, sitting by a rickety table behind the restaurant. It’s an empty, poorly lit alley, but they get a clear view of the starry sky and the food tastes amazing because they made it. The both of them. 

Togame is getting used to it. To using the word “both” and thinking about a them , a pair. 

He should say something. Anything. Clear the air. Give it a name. 

He can’t read your mind . 

But Sakura is devouring his food with enthusiasm even after a day of hard labor and he’s talking about their overdue eating competition, and Togame can only smile at him, agreeing to whatever he says. 

Because just then Sakura smiles too. A little fragile thing that blooms on his face and Togame refuses to ruin the moment by giving life to his feelings. 

Some other day, maybe.  

Chapter Text

Sakura considers giving Umemiya a roundhouse kick to the face. He could do it. Logically, no one would be fast enough to stop him since he’s the one closest to where Umemiya is standing. Sugishita might be fast, however his Umemiya-triggered instincts work, but Sakura can still land some damage. 

Anything. Even a light push just to throw him off so he can escape this torture. 

He’s irritated to the point where he can feel Suo’s amused giggles by his side. He can’t hear it, though, no. The only thing Sakura hears is the angry roar of his blood as it rushes to his face while he tries to hold in his explosion. 

Seriously, how much long is this going to take?

“But then, look here, everyone,” Umemiya cheerfully lifts up a plastic vase where a variation of all the other greeneries in his plantation sticks towards the sky. “This one is often used to make salads, isn’t it pretty? It tastes amazing too.”

Sakura huffs through his nose, tapping his foot impatiently on the hard floor of the rooftop. He knows he’s drawing attention but he can’t stop it, seconds away from jumping off the ledge to find some type of freedom. 

Apart from Tsubakino and Sugishita, both of whom don’t have eyes for anything other than Umemiya, everyone else is holding in their laughter at Sakura’s obvious flustered state. And yet no one has the heart to ask Umemiya for a pause and so they just wait. 

The worst part is that Sakura actually appreciates Umemiya’s green thumb and every delicious food that comes out of the ingredients he cultivates with such care and affection. 

But did the guy have to summon everyone here just for this? It’s been an hour of him updating them on the progress of this vegetable and that vegetable and— Sakura can’t even remember the names! What’s the point of this?!

Their classes have ended already and he just wants to go home. He doesn’t have patrol today, which means he can go back to the house, take a shower and then text Togame and—

His mind shuts off suddenly and Sakura stiffens. 

Yeah, that’s another thing that’s been bugging him lately.

Jo Togame. 

He has a slew of thoughts zigzagging around his head about the Shishitoren second in command, things he’s not ready to dive too deep into, mainly because he doesn’t understand where he should go from here. What he’s allowed to want, to own. His brain is fizzled out, wired to this one person he can’t seem to shake. 

Sakura had always been uncomplicated in his relations, he either hated or tolerated. And then he came to Furin and his world crumbled down into these tiny little pieces he needed to assemble back into what he’s come to recognize as his persona. 

He’s been changed and shaped by the people around him; those who told him it’s okay to feel, to take up his space, to open up the tightly shut door of his heart.

It took everything in him to let Nirei, Suo and the other Bofurin boys into his life, not to mention the other people at Makochi who devoted themselves in showering Sakura with their gentle gratitude. There was also Kotoha, the people from Umemiya’s orphanage, the ones from Roppo Ichiza… He was surrounded by a degree of affection and care he’d never even known was possible for someone to handle without combusting. 

And then there was Togame. 

For Sakura to explain what Togame meant in his life would be a struggle harder for him to surpass than any other. He was only capable of identifying its beginning and it was no surprise to him to find that Togame had been taking roots in Sakura’s life as late as their first fight at the Ori. 

From being annoyed and pissed off with him, blending into intrigued and amazed, to trusting Togame with his own safety, the safety of his friends. They progressed to a level where Sakura couldn’t spend a single day without Togame fleeting through his mind, even if momentarily. 

He didn’t know what that was about, but his body urged him to be around Togame more and more, and Sakura is nothing if not obstinate to do what he wants. And he wants it. He wants to be with him and be with him, and yet he doesn’t understand why. 

Togame cooks for him and he touches him like Sakura is some precious artifact, and he looks at Sakura with that smile— the one that makes Sakura feel lightheaded, a bubbling sensation in the pit of his stomach. He listens, he shares his thoughts and when they kiss… Sakura is not that educated or well-versed in social matters whatsoever, but he knows deep in his bones that the way his body vibrates and melts as they kiss means more than any of them would ever be able to say. 

He likes that with Togame everything is easy. Even as his heart is ready to pound right out of his chest and with how many reservations Sakura still has, he craves for Togame’s steadiness. It’s confusing, but also addicting. Sakura isn’t just drawn to him, he’s magnetized. 

He’s antsy when they spend too much time apart, which is why he’s going ballshit crazy at Umemiya’s lack of common sense at that moment. 

Sakura may be crass and explosive, but he does respect their ultimate leader and that’s the only reason why he’s willing to wait for Umemiya to finish speaking before he can bolt. 

He needs to get his phone out and talk to Togame as soon as possible. 

It’s been too long since they last saw each other, way more than a week since Sakura went over to their turf to help Togame at that fried noodle restaurant. 

That day was one of his favorites and he was reluctant to see it end. It was also so unlike the time he spent with Suo and Nirei; nothing like an afternoon at Pothos with Kotoha and Tsubakino gossiping away with Sakura as an unwitting spectator. Sakura wanted to stay there longer, but he had no idea how to ask for it, so he said goodbye and Togame gave him an almost imperceptible kiss under the tracks. They hadn’t met after that, school and patrol taking over their freedom. 

But the weird thing, the one that was nagging at Sakura nonstop, was the fact that he hadn’t heard from Togame in days. Normally, even if they couldn’t meet right away, they’d still text or call, even if it was just to hash out a time and place where they could come together later on. 

Yet it was dead silent from Togame’s end and Sakura didn’t know what to do. They did go through something similar before, but it had been a mutual reaction born out of the awkwardness post their first kiss. 

This time, however, Sakura had texted. Multiple times. And Togame never replied back. 

Days. He hadn’t replied in days and Sakura is a bit unnerved, because of course Togame could just be busy. He could’ve lost his phone, maybe his charger broke. 

There’s also the chance that he doesn’t want to talk to Sakura anymore, but Togame would never be this cowardly. To simply cut him off without an explanation? A single text or phone call? No, there was something else. 

They didn’t live that far apart, but Sakura held out from straight up storming into Shishitoren until he had the time to spare, lest he made himself look stupid by worrying over nothing. 

It’s just… Odd, that Togame hasn’t said a single thing for the past week. If he’s in trouble then—

“Earth to Sakura,” Suo waves in front of Sakura’s face and only when Sakura’s eyes focus back does he realize he spaced out. It’s quieter than before, meaning Umemiya has finally finished his tirade. 

Bofurin’s leader is chatting animatedly with a few others, so Sakura takes that chance to turn around and leave. But his friends don’t let him get that far. 

“Is everything okay, Sakura-kun?” Nirei asks, sounding genuinely concerned with his attitude. 

Sakura halts, sighing as he twists to look at the quartet that is always accompanying him. Kiryu and Tsugeura have matching expressions of calm curiosity, though it’s clear they can notice something is amiss. Suo is sporting his average unperturbed close lipped smile and Nirei looks the picture of agonizing concern, pinched eyebrows and all. 

“I, hm,” Sakura clenches and unclenches his fists trying to find the right words to wriggle out of this. It’s not that he doesn’t trust them or think they’d be unhelpful, but he has no idea how to voice this without having to explain to them what he and Togame have. 

And Sakura himself doesn’t even know what that is. 

He’s not actively keeping it a secret and he did go to Tsubakino a while back for advice, yet to come forth and say it to his friends like this... Intrinsically, Sakura is aware that what he and Togame have been doing isn’t something one does with all of their friends. 

He got a clue or two from how badly he blushed and started to hyperventilate every time he went to sleep at night and couldn’t stop thinking about Togame. Togame’s hands running up and down his sides, Togame’s tongue in his mouth, his taste, the scent of him, how he looked completely blissed out whenever Sakura scratched at his undercut… Those weren’t normal things to relate to a simple friend. 

The thought of staring into the eyes of these four people and describing that to them is not a prospect Sakura is ready to face yet. 

It all becomes worse when the anxiety plaguing him doesn’t have to do with anything like that. How does he tell them that Togame has been sort-of-but-not-quite missing and Sakura’s heart is in disarray because of it? That going so many days without a signal from him is making Sakura spiral?

Well, thankfully for him Suo is apparently a mind reader. 

“Does it have anything to do with your constant trips to Shishitoren’s turf?”

Sakura chokes on his spit, sputtering for several seconds until he can formulate something that resembles a sentence. “The hell are ya sayin’?!”

He sees Suo’s satisfied little smile and the furrow between Nirei’s eyebrows and knows he has no hope trying to deny it. 

“I just…” Sakura humphs, frustrated at his own inability to come forth and just say it. Maybe they can tell him he’s being stupid for worrying over nothing, that his heart skipping crucial beats whenever his phone pings and it’s not a text from Togame isn’t that much cause for a fuss. “I haven’t heard from Togame in a while. Was thinkin’ bout going over there later to, you know.”

“Oh,” Nirei exclaims, understanding dawning on his face. “You’re worried about Togame-kun?”

“It’s just that—” We text every day. We’ve been kissing. I feel a hole in my chest when we go too long without speaking. 

“You should totally go there to check things out,” Suo nods. His hands are clasped behind his back, but just then he brings one of them up to point his index fingers towards the sky, an expression of clarity coming to life, like he just had a brilliant idea. Sakura stops breathing. “But also, maybe Hiragi-san can help. I heard he keeps in touch with that one member from Shishitoren regularly. Perhaps he knows what’s going on. We should call him over here.”

“Wait, no—” But Sakura isn’t fast enough and before he knows it, Hiragi is walking to them and he has no choice other than to relay everything he said to Suo and Nirei in a jumbled repeat to their upperclassman. 

“Now that you mention it,” Hiragi says thoughtfully. “Sako told me the other day he was gonna be busy and wouldn’t be able to reach out for a while. I guess it has been over a week.”

He excuses himself saying he’s going to call Sako and it leaves Sakura feeling incredibly silly. He didn’t want to voice out his worries for this specific reason—he knows it sounds stupid. They are all essentially gang members, for fucks sake, there’s nothing to be concerned about that Sakura himself doesn’t go through at least three times a week. 

Togame is definitely fine. Probably. Hopefully. 

But when Hiragi comes back with a deep frown between his eyebrows to inform them that Sako didn’t pick up any of his four attempts at contact, Sakura’s heart sinks all the way to his stomach. 

“I’m sure they’re good, ya know,” Hiragi assures him with a hand on Sakura’s shoulder. Suo and Nirei have matching expressions of sympathy, but all Sakura can feel is Togame’s absence and it nags painfully at the left side of his breastbone. 

“I’m going home,” he announces to one in particular and leaves on big strides. 

None of his friends try to follow him, although Sakura hears Nirei mumbling his name in a regretful tone as if he wanted to comfort Sakura in some other way. 

Sakura doesn’t need comfort, though. He’s not a wife whose husband left behind after going to war — curse Kiryu and those stupid movies he made them all watch during a sleepover — and he sure as hell ain’t Togame’s boyfriend.

But Togame has touched Sakura with a reverence and tenderness that no one ever has. He made Sakura experience things that he never even thought were possible, all the while being his friend, a beacon of trust, someone Sakura enjoys spending his time with. Someone he misses when they’re apart. 

Someone he misses a lot. 

His small apartment isn’t so empty or barren anymore, a courtesy from his friends insistence on gifting him with a bunch of crap he didn’t need before, but that now he can’t live without. 

When he enters it, he sees the few pots and pans he’s been using quite often and the discarded packages from the dinner he had last night. There are traces of life here and there, trash he has to take out, a new hanging rack by the door that Tsugeura installed with the help —very unhelpful— of Kiryu, who read the instructions aloud to him. 

His room has gotten the most attention though and as Sakura strips out of his uniform, he looks around at his bed and pillow, the gaming set, the curtain and all the other trinkets strewn about that give the space a homey feeling. It’s nothing like Togame’s house. Despite looking lived in, Sakura’s place still has that hollowed out silence within, like he’s been occupying it for a couple of days and not months. 

Whenever he enters Togame’s home, Sakura understands that those walls and floors have housed more laughter and love than anything he could ever dream of touch. The furniture is worn but preserved, and there are pictures of Togame and who he assumes is his grandfather scattered throughout the walls and surfaces. There’s a peculiar way in which the sun shines through the living room window whenever twilight is near and Sakura has been caught staring at the light dancing on the walls and floor many times as he spends the afternoon there. 

Sakura likes having his own space and even though he doesn’t say it, he’s subtly grateful to his friends for wanting to spend time within this pocket box he calls a home. But he likes Togame’s home too, maybe even more, and now he misses his ratty couch and old TV and Togame won’t answer his texts and—

He sighs, feeling defeated for the first time in forever and his phone doesn’t offer any respite because it stays silent throughout the day as Sakura stares at it in despair. 

He tries spending the time doing things that would consume the most hours, like napping or trying to play the games Kiryu has left for him. 

But when Sakura goes to bed that night, he finds that he can’t sleep. His combo of underwear and t-shirt feel wrong against his skin, like they’re made of sandpaper. He knows Togame can take care of himself. It’s just that… After going so long with him being a part of Sakura’s every week, it feels weird now being unable to talk to him. 

He has nothing else to do, so he just lays there staring at his ceiling, wondering if it would be too ridiculous to go beyond the tracks and take a peak around to see if he can spot a Shishitoren jacket. Their turf is definitely alive at this hour with all the pubs and restaurants that only open after eight p.m. Sakura would just briefly look around, he wouldn’t linger.

Skin buzzing, he’s almost convinced himself of getting up and walking to Togame’s house, the hell with turf limits or whatever, when a knock sounds on his door. 

Sakura gets up lighting speed, steps flying to the door and forgetting all about self-preservation. It could be a crazy psychopath at this hour or one of his sketchy neighbours, but he seriously isn’t thinking. He yanks his door open and the sight before him has his eyes going wide in shock. 

“The hell?!” 

The relief from seeing Togame on the other side of his threshold vanishes as soon as Sakura takes him in. 

Under the silver moonlight, Togame is a wreck. His face is all bruised up, one of his eyes won’t open with how purple and swollen it is, hiding the enticing green of his irises. There’s a bandage covering the left side of his jaw; the skin on his knuckles is raw, dry blood painted all over it. Not to mention how dirty and stained his clothes are. Sakura can barely make out the orange of his Shishitoren’s jacket. The flaps of his Samue are open, and under it Sakura can just make out a myriad of other bruises. 

Sakura is no stranger to violence. Damn, he’s walked home far worse than this on many occasions, clinging to a thin veil of conscience just to then collapse on his bed and sleep for days, waiting to recover. 

But it’s different seeing someone else in this state. Fuck… Seeing Togame in this state. Sakura’s heart plummets to his feet before he takes a deep breath and reminds himself that Togame is beaten and bruised but he’s alive. He’s here. 

“Sakuraaa… Sorry. Were you asleep?” there’s a lisp to his syllables and Sakura sees that one of his cheeks is swollen. God, is there an inch of him that isn’t severely mauled?

“No, I— what the hell happened to you?”

“Ah, good. I was afraid I might’ve disturbed your sleep,” Togame slurs, what looks like a smile forming on the corner of his lips. But with the split skin and the way his eyelids keep drooping, it comes off more deranged than he probably intended. “I asked someone else for your address. Sorry. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Togame,” Sakura is taken aback by the tone of his own voice. He sounds… afraid. This is reality, he knows he’s awake, yet he can’t help but wonder if his worry-addled brain has conjured up some twisted illusion to satisfy him in Togame’s absence. “What the fuck are you saying? Don’t change the subject. Who did this to you? What happened?”

But it’s as if he hasn’t uttered a word with how Togame sways and Sakura has to unconsciously reach out to hold him and stop him from falling face first and cracking his skull open. 

“Stupid body,” Togame chides quietly. So quiet, in fact, that Sakura nearly doesn’t hear him. “Think I’m gonna pass out, sorry.”

Sakura’s throat runs dry at this. Togame is heavier than usual in his hold and it’s obvious that it’s because he literally doesn’t have any strength left. All of his weight is on Sakura’s smaller body and it dawns on the younger boy just how dire the situation is. “If you apologize one more time—” He grumbles, pulling Togame in with one arm snaking under his armpit to slide across his back. This close, Togame smells like dried blood and sweat. “Forget that. Come on, let's get you seated.”

With a lot of effort to both carry him inside and not further aggravate his injuries, Sakura leads Togame into his room, hoping he’ll get better after he sits down. However, as soon as Togame touches the futon, it’s like that fizzling flame of energy he had a minute ago has been snuffed out and he collapses on his face right on Sakura’s pillow. 

Sakura stands there, blinking at Togame’s limp body until he sees the faint rise and fall that indicates he’s still breathing. It’s surreal, that ten minutes ago Sakura was losing sleep over Togame being unreachable and now he’s here. Battered and bruised, but alive and within Sakura’s reach.

He can’t quite process what exactly is going on, so for a long stretch of time, Sakura sits there, cross legged by the side of his futon, watching Togame sleep and not knowing what the hell he should do. He checks Togame’s breathing five times before convincing his brain that the rhythm is steady enough that he won’t just die within the next minute. 

He cranks up the heater and puts a water bottle next to Togame’s head. Then he sits with his back against the wall and keeps watch, pulling his knees up to his chest. 

To say Sakura is way out of his league would be an understatement. He never had to take care of anyone, least of all to this extent. Having someone under his roof, sleeping on his bed and not knowing if that person is okay, if they’ll pull through. He doesn’t know the extent of Togame’s injuries, how or why he ended up at Sakura’s doorstep and it gnarls at him painfully.

Sakura puts his chin to his knees and observes until he can’t keep his eyes open anymore. His heart has gone back to a steady beat and the relief of being under the same roof as Togame again finally takes the better of him.

He opens his eyes when sunrays assault his eyelids and a groan from nearby rouses him fully. Togame is trying, unsuccessfully, to sit up. Sakura blearily reaches up. 

“You’re gonna hurt yourself more!” he pushes Togame back down by the shoulders, before he’s even managed to completely rub the sleep from his eyes. His lower back cracks in complaint, a testament to spending the night sleeping while sitting down. 

Togame just groans, clenching his teeth in pain. Being the one intact for a change, Sakura can clearly see what it looks like when someone is trying to conceal their pain for the sake of someone else. To see Togame downplaying it makes Sakura incredibly angry. 

He kneels next to Togame’s head, fingers twitching to slap him for getting to this state. He settles for gingerly pushing Togame’s bangs away from his eyes. He’s laying on his back, torso fully exposed to the elements and Sakura can’t help but stare at the bruises marring his abs in various colors and sizes. He swallows the lump forming on his throat, glaring at Togame’s one good eye. “Now can you tell me what the hell happened?”

Togame offers him a couple of bleary blinks before he’s sighing something fragile and closing his eye entirely at the sensation of Sakura’s fingertips skating his scalp. “How long was I out?”

“All night.”

“Shit, Sakura I’m so—”

“I told ya to stop apologizing!” He makes sure not to yell, hissing the reprimand in a tone that makes it clear he has no patience left for this. 

Togame falls silent for a while, turning to stare at Sakura’s ceiling. Time rolls on for an eternity, Sakura doesn’t remove his hands from Togame’s hair but he’s curious as to how it remains so soft when it’s clear Togame hasn’t showered in a minute. He becomes a little distracted, Togame leaning into the touch, one of his hands coming to rest on top of Sakura’s exposed knee. 

His voice floats up quietly. “We had a scuffle with another gang. As you can see, it wasn’t pretty.”

“When?” 

Sakura can’t think to ask why, not yet. He scans Togame’s beaten down form, how he’s still lying on Sakura’s futon with his body covered in cuts and bruises. 

“When did it happen?”

Togame blinks once. Twice. “We left four days ago. We went to the next town over. They picked a location they said was neutral and Choji decided it would be better to do it somewhere we could guarantee no civilians would get in the way.”

Sakura wills the anger to wash down his spine until it simmers into a cloud of minor distaste, sour poison on his tongue. 

“Four… four days you’ve been gone, then.”

“We thought it would be quicker, but… Those guys were kinda insane,” Togame says. “I’ll tell you the details in a minute just let me— let me catch my breath.”

Sakura’s mouth hangs open. It crosses his mind that Togame probably has broken ribs that are getting in the way of his lungs functioning properly, to pair it up with his dry lips and the cuts he can see opening from all the talking. 

“Details,” he repeats. He releases Togame’s hair in favor of running a hand down his own face, trying to stop the ugly feelings boiling within him from spilling over. “You’ve been gone for four days, getting the shit beaten outta ya and you think I care two fucks about details?!”

The words come out laced with it anyway and Togame flinches slightly. 

“Okay, now listen, I left half of them looking way worse than I am. The thing is we were outnumbered and me and Choji had to take down more than ten guys each. I’m totally good, Sakura, a couple more hours and I’ll be good as new.”

“Good as new, you—” He could throttle Togame all the way to next Thursday right now. He’d love to punch something and scream and demand that Togame stop downplaying this. But he’s been scraped raw from the events of the past twelve hours, so he does the next best thing. “Take your clothes off.”

“Huh?”

“Clothes off. Now.” 

It would be comical, the way Togame’s eye goes wide and frantic, hands instinctively twitching at his sides, if Sakura wasn’t on the verge of exploding from barely concealed rage. 

“You're dirtying up my sheets,” he clarifies, pushing himself up to go search for a clean pair of pants he can wear. “Also, you stink. I’ll wash them for ya.”

“What? No, I’m not gonna trouble you with this,” Togame makes as if to sit, but he can only go as far as propping himself on his elbows before a hiss of pain brings him back down. “In fact I should just get going—”

“Togame,” Sakura turns to him after he’s properly dressed. “You can’t walk. I have no idea how you managed to get here in one piece, well, what’s left of ya anyway. Just stay there and give me your clothes. I’ll bring them back soon.”

Togame strips and Sakura can’t force himself to avert his eyes. He looks at Togame’s skin, all marked up, bruises covering his arms and legs too. He’s more muscular, bigger than Sakura, so it’s weird to look at him and see how breakable he is, how human he can feel in the morning light when his body is weak with pain. 

Sakura puts the dirty clothes in a plastic bag and watches as Togame lies down once more without having to be told, the action of taking his clothes off drained him so much his eyes close immediately upon placing his head on the pillow. 

“If you have the strength, you can take a shower, the bathroom is that way and there’s clean underwear in the closet,” Sakura’s cheeks burn up crimson at that and he averts his gaze in shame. He cannot fathom the thought of Togame in his underwear and he won’t even entertain the fact that those would likely be too small for him anyway. “Rest up, I’ll be back soon.”

He goes to the laundry room at the end of the street and puts the clothes there to wash, taking an absurd amount of time to stare at the Shishitoren jacket in his hands, thoughts swirling rampant. 

As he waits for the timer of the washing machines, Sakura runs to the drugstore to grab what he thinks will help Togame with the pain. He’s not familiar with this type of thing at all, his strategy had always been to wait for the pain and injuries to go away on their own and that always worked fine for him. The most he’s troubled himself with in the past had been painkillers for a headache and whatnot, but Togame has too many cuts and bruises and he might have internal injuries, which is something Sakura can’t even begin thinking about without feeling nauseous with terror. 

He grumbles to the pharmacist at the drugstore, trying to explain the sort of things he needs and the guy gives him some sort of ointment for bruises and three different types of painkillers with specific instructions as to how and when to take them. The hole in Sakura’s allowance savings is going to be hard to fill up. 

When he comes back Togame is sleeping again, but Sakura sees that he looks way better and clean, meaning he took up the offer for a shower and is now laying under the blanket smelling like Sakura’s shampoo and bodywash. 

He places the bag with the freshly washed clothes and the medicine to the side, and for lack of anything else to do, grabs that damn portable game console to keep himself busy. He can’t go out, but mainly he doesn’t want to, not when Togame is sleeping under his blanket, probably wearing only one of Sakura’s boxers and dreaming of God knows what. 

The game keeps Sakura pretty entertained. 

It’s not enough to keep his eyes from drifting off to Togame every now and then. Not enough to stop Sakura from scooting over just so he can rest the sole of his foot against Togame’s calf over the blanket, to feel his solid presence. To make sure he’s here and he’s not going anywhere for now. 

-&- 

It’s late into the afternoon and Sakura has snacked on a thing or two he got from the convenience store. He puts the console away when he sees Togame stirring, then sitting up. The blanket slides down to his waist and leaves his upper body completely exposed. Sakura surveys his broad back, relieved to see there aren’t many bruises there.  

It takes Togame a moment to remember where he is. When he does, he scratches the back of his head in that manner of his and gives Sakura a small smile. “How long was I out for?” 

Sakura shrugs. “It’s past four.”

The sun is on its way to setting when Togame finally sighs, throws Sakura’s blanket off to get up. Sakura gives him his clothes and practically forces Togame to take the medication he bought for him.  

“You didn’t have to do all that.”

“Well, I know I didn’t have to, but you look like you’ve been run over by a truck, so…” he thrusts the water bottle to Togame, avoiding the sheepish smile he throws at Sakura.

Togame swallows the pills under the instructions Sakura gives him, and proceeds to slip on the top part of his samue. 

Arms crossed, Sakura accesses him fully, coming to the conclusion that he does look infinitely better than he did last night. But it doesn’t stop him from being downright pissed off at the sight of him. “What the hell were you thinking, huh? Why didn’t you call to ask for help if it was that bad?”

Togame’s shoulders sag and he all but forgets to tie his samue closed. “We got it handled, Sakura. There was no reason to get anyone else involved.”

“But last time I got you involved.”

He knows he’s just being stubborn and that Togame is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, same as the other Shishitoren members. 

Togame’s face softens, he can even open up a slit of his swollen eye now and Sakura is left tongue tied at how his micro expressions have a way to twist him up inside. “That was completely different. We just had a bit of a setback this time, but everyone came back alive. That's all that matters.”

Sakura’s eyes fixate on the bandage on Togame’s face and the dried blood in it. He says, “At least let me change that.”

He goes to his closet to retrieve the rectangular plastic white box with a red cross on top. When he turns, Togame has already wordlessly sat himself on a chair, so Sakura places the first aid kit on his lap. His naked thigh, because Togame is still in only that tight pair of underwear and the top part of his samue with the godforsaken flaps open. Sakura moves to stand between his legs. 

“You’re awfully prepared,” Togame comments. In this position, Sakura is taller than him, but Togame tilts his head back to give him better access. It thumps against the drywall. 

Sakura wills his fingers to be gentle since they’ve never been deft, and carefully removes the dirty bandage from Togame’s jaw. 

“Suo and Nirei gave me this kit a couple weeks after the whole thing with Noroshi,” he says as he discards the offending thing, scanning the cut on Togame’s jaw. “They said that, with the life we live, every one of us should have one of these at hand.”

“They’re right.”

“How did you get a cut like this in a fist fight?”

The skin is broken in a deep cut that stretches for at least six centimeters horizontally across his jawline. The edges are sprinkled with dried blood and Sakura has a suspicion that Togame hasn’t cleaned it once before slapping that bandage on it. Tch. Reckless. 

“Someone had a knife,” Togame stares off at Sakura’s chest, unable to hold the look on Sakura’s face at this admission. The livid look on his face. “They were fighting Sako, but when I saw the blade I had to jump in.”

“You had to,” Sakura deadpans. 

“You know I had to,” Togame says.

The single greatest fucked up thing in this whole situation, from Togame going MIA and then showing up at Sakura’s doorstep thoroughly beaten down and bleeding, is that Sakura gets it. He fully and undoubtedly understands. And he absolutely hates that he does. Because if it was the other way around, he wouldn’t want Togame to worry and would try to play it off as something unimportant. An every day thing. 

Sakura grazes his thumb just under the cut, “Tell me who they are.”

“No.”

“Togame.”

“Sakura. It’s over,” Togame says, awfully soft. Devastatingly kind. “We beat them and we came back.”

“It took you four days, though.”

He digs into the first aid kit for a cotton swab and the small bottle of antiseptic, and begins to slowly clean the wound. This is so not a job for him. His hands are too clumsy and he keeps leaning too close into Togame’s face, afraid he’s being too rough or that he’ll only aggravate the wound. 

Togame doesn’t express the slightest sign of pain or discomfort, though, and busies himself with touching the side of Sakura’s thigh, fiddling with the hem of his shorts. If he notices the way Sakura’s breath goes erratic, he doesn’t point it out. Sakura’s fingers shake trying to hold the cotton swab steady. “But I came back.”

“Why here?” Sakura finally asks the question that’s been plaguing him since last night. “Why didn’t you go home to treat these and rest?”

“I—” he gets a distant look in his eyes and the tips of his fingers glide past the hem to touch Sakura’s thigh in a featherlight caress. Sakura feels it in his core. “I don’t know. To be honest, I didn’t have my phone with me so I had no way of knowing if you tried to reach out. But I assumed—”

He looks up at Sakura then. At Sakura’s familiar, heterochromatic eyes. 

“No, that’s not it,” Togame sighs, twists his hand around Sakura’s thigh, spanning his palm to the back of it. His fingertips reach the inner part, where Sakura’s skin is kind of sensitive and he feels the goosebumps forming everywhere. “I came straight here because I missed you. I took so many punches and that sorta rattled my brain a hundred times, but when I came to, it hit me that we hadn’t seen each other in days. I just came by because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Sakura blushes so furiously that he can’t speak. He stumbles over it incessantly before he strings up something that sounds a little like, “Y-y-y-you! Don’ say things like that!”

Togame just smiles and Sakura keeps blushing till he begins to sweat. It’s a monumental effort to keep his head straight as he finishes cleaning the wound and putting a new bandage over it. Togame’s words echo in his mind, making him dizzy. 

He spent an entire week thinking about this person, obsessing over his silence, worrying about his wellbeing and it turns out that, for the most part, Togame had been doing the same. 

“All done,” he says quietly after the bandage is secured. “Now you should— You should go home. The other injuries will probably take a long time to heal. And take those meds with you.”

But Togame’s hand never leaves him and Sakura is rooted in place like an ancient tree, roots travelling miles and miles under the earth. “Mhm, I’m fine, Sakura,” he drawls. 

Sakura’s next breath stutters as Togame’s other hand rakes up his calf and he slowly, gradually like falling snow, tilts forward until his forehead is resting against Sakura’s stomach. It takes him an embarrassing amount of three seconds to lift his hands and place them on the back of Togame’s head. “Fine my ass, you look like shit.”

“If you keep saying that,” Togame’s soft chuckle reverberates into Sakura from their point of contact. “I’ll start feeling offended.”

“That—” 

Togame is teasing him, of course, but for some reason at this moment in time Sakura doesn’t feel like deflecting. He stares down at the soft mop of dark hair, watching how the strands part when he cards his fingers through it, how the shortly trimmed hairs of Togame’s undercut have a different texture as he scratches at it. 

They stay in that position until comfort melts into tension. Till Togame switches from simply leaning his head on Sakura’s belly, to trailing kisses up and down his taut stomach over the thin fabric of Sakura’s t-shirt. Sakura’s face contorts at the sensations that bloom everywhere Togame is touching him, bare feet on the tatami, toes curling at Togame’s hot breath fanning over his skin. 

Sakura fists Togame’s hair with a little more force than he intended. 

“I missed you,” Togame whispers, muffled by how he opens his mouth right over Sakura’s bellybutton. 

Like ice cream left on the asphalt during a fiery summer day, Sakura’s gut swirls in a loose pool of want, melted. “I—I missed you. Too.”

The pause in his sentence comes when without a warning Togame begins to knead the soft flesh of Sakura’s thighs. It’s so very distracting, this boy with magic in his hands, erasing Sakura’s memory so suddenly he can’t remember what they were doing five minutes ago. He feels his knees begging to buckle, feels his own stuttered breathing when his t-shirt becomes damp with Togame’s saliva. 

“Here, let me prove to you that I’m totally, completely fine.” 

Togame slides the hands on Sakura’s thighs further up and at the same time gets up from the chair. Sakura’s shorts get bunched up where Togame’s hot palms are trailing a fervent path on his skin. 

He does it swiftly, faster than Sakura can process and soon has him crowded against the wall with Togame holding him up by the underside of his thighs. Dazed, alight and confused, Sakura opens his mouth to ask what the hell he thinks he’s doing, but Togame kisses him quiet. 

Oh, that’s right. 

It has been too long since the last time. So long, in fact, that Sakura’s mind instantly blanks at having Togame’s mouth pressed against his. He can only do so much to remember Togame’s injuries and be mindful of those as he reciprocates.

Sakura gasps when Togame’s tongue slides into his mouth with such surety, rocksolid ownership. Togame’s body on him feels electric, his naked chest covering Sakura’s front, a leg slotted between Sakura’s thighs. 

He doesn’t know where to touch, fingers flowing through Togame’s hair, sliding a hand under the open flaps of his samue to rest on his lower back where Sakura knows he doesn’t have any bruises. 

When Togame presses his crotch against his to kill any resemblance of distance between them, Sakura exhales into his mouth. Fuck, okay. He missed Togame too. A lot. A whole fucking lot. 

“S-slow down, moron,” Sakura whispers in between kisses, feeling Togame’s hand climb higher —higher— up his thigh, the other one moving to cup his face. “Y-you’re still h-hurt.”

“We’ll stop in a minute.”

But said minute stretches and stretches like a rubber band, unbreakable. Every time Sakura tries to pull away, Togame yanks him closer, kissing down his neck, kneading the skin of his waist with greedy fingers. And then when Togame tries to say they should let go, Sakura is the one who can’t bear the separation, using the loose fabric of Togame’s samue to fetch his lips into another kiss. 

His mouth has gone numb and it tastes of copper by the time Togame manages to fully extricate himself and Sakura is undone beyond repair. His fingers twitch, missing Togame’s warmth before he’s even two inches away.

He reminds himself that Togame is hurt all over and that he needs to go rest in his own bed, but Sakura has to actively bite down on his tongue to prevent certain words from escaping. Spend the night here again. 

Togame puts the rest of his clothes on and then gives Sakura a chaste kiss on the forehead before he leaves. 

Unsurprisingly, Sakura can’t sleep that night. He lays there, nose buried in his pillow where Togame was hours ago. His head swimming with forbidden thoughts, his skin still burning with desire. 

-&-

It takes days for Togame to recover fully. He texts Sakura and calls too, updating him to his state, because Sakura refuses to spar with him until he’s a hundred percent better. He can totally gauge the hypocrisy, since on a regular day he’s got no regard for his own wellbeing, but for some reason, the thought of putting Togame at risk or causing him any discomfort is so unbearable that he becomes the poster boy for being responsible and cautious. 

In one of the occasions where they’ve been texting nonstop, Sakura is in the middle of brushing his teeth when he gets a message from Togame telling him that he’s going to the bathhouse to help heal him faster. 

“Hot water is good for your body, you know. And the steam is really relaxing.”

He talks about it endlessly and in excruciating detail, like he’s getting paid to advertise the wonders of showering with a bunch of other dudes. He speaks about how he likes to soak in the public hot pool, then sits in the sauna for half an hour, then goes to the massage chair, etc, etc. 

It’s come to a point where Sakura had to look up “japanese bathhouse” on his phone just to see what all the fuss was about. He’s never been to one before and after scrolling through a few pictures — he can’t go far in his search because he has no idea how the damn navigator works — it becomes clear that the ordeal involves a lot of water and a lot of nakedness. 

Togame has a bunch of stories to tell of his times in the bathhouse, but those had always involved the old geezers from his neighborhood. 

Now, as the entirety of Shishitoren is in a recovering period after their latest brawl, Togame says a few of them have been accompanying him to the bathhouse. 

Sakura receives a text one day from an unknown number and discovers that it’s Tomiyama. The message comes with a single attachment, a picture of Tomiyama, Togame, Sako and Inugami at the bathhouse. They’re all in various states of undress, fading bruises on their arms and faces, towels draped over their heads, around their waists. But Sakura only has eyes for the man right behind Choji. 

Sitting on a stool with a single towel over his lap and one around his neck, smiling to the camera with his eyes in crescents. His hair is slightly wet as is his body and Sakura just… He feels hot from head to toe. The sudden urge to be in front of Togame right that instant leaves him lightheaded. 

Without thinking, he texts Togame: I’ve never been to a bathhouse. 

Togame replies almost immediately and Sakura’s stomach does a funny thing when he reads it: 

No?

Do you wanna try it out? We could go together. 

Sakura types, Yes.

Great. Tell me when you’re free and I’ll take you.

-&-

Next weekend finds the two of them at Togame’s favorite bathhouse, just outside of the pub district. Togame makes it his personal mission to show Sakura how to navigate every single thing and Sakura realizes he’s going to be more embarrassed than ever. He’s completely naked, only a flimsy towel around his waist that Togame offered and that he refuses to remove. 

They go to the hot bath and Togame politely looks elsewhere until Sakura is submerged in the water. They stay there, a few other guys present making small talk, but mainly they just relax and Sakura finally understands what the fuss is about. It’s very relaxing indeed, he feels ten times lighter after spending so long under the hot water with steam surrounding them. 

“So, what’s the verdict?” Togame asks. Sakura turns to see him leaning against the edge of the pool, damp hair pushed back, green eyes glinting in expectation. 

His cut and bruises are almost fully healed and Sakura’s organs turn to bubbles at being able to look Togame in the eyes again. The green in them is hypnotizing and it’s a testament to his sanity that he doesn’t jump him right away. 

But Sakura does lean close, touches his lips softly with his own. It’s barely a kiss, but he felt like doing it and so he did. 

“I like it.”

Belatedly, he looks around afraid that someone caught them being this intimate in a public place, but there’s just the two of them in the pool, everyone else has left to do something else. 

He suddenly feels Togame’s hand on his nape, pulling him in and Sakura is helpless to fight it. He gives in instantly when Togame kisses him again; the water sloshes as their bodies come closer, but they don’t move much. 

The kiss is unhurried, unpretentious. Their lips connect over and over again, no tongue, no deeper intentions. Sakura places a hand on Togame’s abdomen, traces the lines of it. It’s nothing more than this. He doesn’t even get hard, but it’s one of the best kisses they ever shared. 

Togame pulls back, looks into his eyes. “I like it too.”

Later, they try out the sauna but Sakura can’t stand the heat for too long, so he switches up to the massage chair and stays there for thirty minutes straight. He loves the massage chair. 

Togame buys them ramune and then asks Sakura if he wants to come over to his place so Togame can whip them up something to eat. 

Sakura accepts readily. 

-&-

Togame’s wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, Sakura is leaning against the threshold that opens into the kitchen. He asked Togame twice already if he wants any help, but Togame waved him off, said he’ll be quick. 

Sakura is restless though, all the relaxation he felt earlier is gone. He’s blushing, looking at Togame’s back and thinking about their kiss in the hot bath, thinking about that day at his house… He’s almost combusting from it all. 

He took the chance when they got there to indulge a little and he’s been observing Togame’s every move like he can find on the movement of his limbs the answers to everything Sakura doesn’t know how to put a name to. 

But he’s fidgety and his thoughts are all over the place and he has never, in all the fifteen years he’s been alive, wanted to be close to someone like this. 

Without turning to look at him, continuing with the motion of chopping vegetables, Togame says in a drawl, “Sakura. Don’t hesitate too much. I can feel your overthinking from here. Just do what you wanna do.”

Sakura takes a hesitant step in Togame’s direction then. He cannot stay still anymore. He doesn’t know how to ask for it, he’s terrible at this. He’s always thinking that he’s overstepping, that he’s too awkward and inadequate. But his fingers are itching to be closer to Togame, which is crazy because they had been naked in a hot pool an hour ago, kissing, touching. 

But in the silence of Togame’s kitchen, in the warmth of his home, Sakura craves to be close again. Closer. 

He walks over and forcefully shoves his insecurities to the recesses of his brain, wrapping his arms around Togame’s waist and hugging him from behind. Sakura places his cheek between Togame’s shoulder blades, breathes in and out. His heart had been pounding like crazy, anxious, but it calms down gradually at the pace of Togame’s breathing. Sakura feels his solidness, smells the laundry detergent on his shirt. 

“Five minutes,” he mumbles, squeezing his eyes shut in utter mortification. “Gimme five minutes and you can go back to cooking.”

Togame lifts his hand and puts it over one of the arms Sakura is holding him with. His touch is hot, dry, real. “I can cook just fine like this. Stay for as long as you want.”

That’s a dangerous thing to say. 

Sakura does eventually loosen his hold but when he tries to move away, Togame reaches for him without looking. He hugs Sakura by the waist, kisses his temple and locks him in place by putting one foot in the way. 

They don’t say anything else. 

It’s a known fact that neither of them are good at keeping meaningless conversations going and Sakura can taste it in the atmosphere that this isn’t an occasion where either of them has to say something. Togame goes about the motions of preparing their meal, Sakura leans against the counter and observes and they don’t say anything. 

He knows he hasn’t been alive for long, but he can safely say he’s never experienced a speck of domesticity in his life. He believed he never would. To feel so comfortable, so at ease in someone else’s company while they’re doing one of the most mundane tasks possible. To look at someone being so close, touching him so simply and not being scared to be shoved away. 

Togame prepares the broth and noodles, touches the inside of Sakura’s wrist when he asks him to fetch the bowls from the cupboard behind his head. Sakura passes the dishes over to him and lets his fingers linger on Togame’s. 

Togame smiles at him, Sakura blinks owlishly. Wonders if he could climb inside Togame’s chest and live there. 

After they eat, Togame puts on a movie, their legs tangled on the couch. Not even twenty minutes in and they’re ravishing each other, hands under clothes, Togame pressing Sakura into the cushions. 

Everything is different about this night. The light from the lamp on the side table fights off the television’s blue glow, washing over them in a hue like burnt sugar. Their gasps sound moist and desperate to Sakura’s ears, a veil taking control of his rationality, because Togame is kissing the column of his neck and pressing his crotch down onto Sakura and the material of his shorts is so thin but not thin enough. 

It comes crashing like the destruction of a tornado, the need to scratch the skin on Togame’s back, to tighten his thighs impossibly around his waist to keep him trapped there forever and the way Sakura surrenders to it has them both moaning for more. 

Togame buries his face in the crook of Sakura’s neck, licks the sweat right off him. “Sakuraaa… Sakura.”

The timbre of Togame’s voice as he chants Sakura’s name has the boy in agony, that fire between his legs burning in violent crackles. He rolls his hips up, unable to hold it for any longer and feels the groan forming in Togame’s throat. 

He doesn’t pull away, doesn’t say they should stop. Instead, he pushes himself on his hands, hovering over Sakura and with their half-lidded eyes locked, grinds into Sakura with the barest of movements.  

It’s achingly good. 

It’s also sloppy, uncoordinated and the friction is just on the edge of not-enough, but Sakura’s brain positively melts because Togame applies the right amount of pressure and he’s bigger than Sakura remembered, sturdy and warm and he’s all over. 

Sakura has seen him broken, bruised, with a mean sneer and a gentle smile. He’s seen Togame bleeding, almost getting a fatal kick to the face and has been on the receiving end of his skilled fist more times than he can count. 

He’s never seen him so lost and glazed-eyed like this. Green irises darkened by lust, hair falling on his forehead, strands matted in sweat. 

The vicious urgency Sakura feels then, to rip Togame’s shirt off and have his skin on him. To touch him in ways he can’t explain. 

Sakura is burning up, every nerve on his body is on fire. Fire, fire, fire is all he can see. He’s so hard under his shorts that he knows Togame can feel him throbbing. 

But neither of them move to remove the rest of their clothes. They don’t say it aloud, but it’s not the time for that quite yet. 

Still Togame yields when Sakura applies a little bit of pressure on his lower back, their foreheads and the tip of their noses touching, breathing into each other’s mouth as they build a rhythm that isn’t too fast nor too slow. It’s just perfect for them.

Sakura isn’t a stranger to pleasure, has explored it in the shadows under his own blanket, alone and frustrated, mainly curious as to what would happen if he pulled here, prodded there. All of those had been rushed, hurried and practical. 

This is the first time that Sakura cums with someone else’s body on him, with Togame rutting onto his bulge in tandem, gasping into Sakura’s lips, making him leak needily, rubbing off on him to chase the friction.

It’s the first time Sakura cums scratching down someone’s back, moaning like he’s never done before, arching his back and clenching his thighs till their shorts are askew, till he’s unintentionally using the heels of his feet to pull Togame closer. 

Togame nips at his neck, licks the shell of his ear. He seems to be quite obsessed with it. “You’re doing so good, Sakura. You look so beautiful when you blush like this.”

Sakura shudders like a leaf, it wrecks through him in silent, intense spams as he releases with a guttural sound that wrenches up his throat. Togame kisses him at once, his tongue diving into Sakura’s mouth. 

Dazed and floaty, weakly holding on to his consciousness, Sakura kisses him back. He kisses Togame until he too is shaking and thrusting Sakura into the couch, releasing the pleasure coiled inside. It makes Sakura twitch in a fading aftershock, spent as he is. 

The wet stickiness becomes really uncomfortable really fast as they cool down, but neither of them break the moment. 

Their kiss morphs into subconscious pecks, and then Togame is nestled into Sakura’s neck again, nuzzling under his jaw. Sakura blinks up at the ceiling, counting their heartbeats, running his fingers through Togame’s hair. 

How does he put a name to this? The swirling, overwhelming emotions, the desperation of parting, the comfort in meeting. He wants to know, to learn, to stay. 

What a perfect word, he thinks. Stay. Staying. 

He’s overcome with its depth, its weight. He looks into the endless abyss of Togame’s green eyes  when he lifts his head some time later. Looks at Togame’s smile, allows it to mirror on his own lips. He brings a hand up, taps his fingers softly on Togame’s cheek to make sure he’s still real, still his and says, because he can’t not say it, “I don’t wanna leave.”

Togame turns his face, bumps the tip of his nose on his wrist, traces it up to his palm and then kisses it. Kisses it again. “You don’t have to. Stay the night.”

There it is. That word again.

“Just to sleep. Or whatever you want,” Togame says. “I’ll lend you some clothes.”

“Can I?”

“Always, Sakura. Anything you want.”

Chapter Text

ONE YEAR LATER

“See, I know many people don’t like eggplant, but if you grill it with the right spices it can taste amazing! And it is so chewy too, don’t you agree?”

“Hm, I don’t eat it that often, but this one does taste great!”

“Aha, you get it! I’m glad you liked it.”

Sakura watches this exchange with a hint of trepidation. He can’t decide if Umemiya singing praise about the different ways you can grill eggplant and Togame agreeing with him means that they’ll become even closer. It’s a terrifying thought to imagine the both of them hanging out to talk about plants and recipes, basically because it looks like they’d be at it all day if Sakura wasn’t there to intervene. 

They appear really happy, though, and Sakura only sighs, resigned to let Togame indulge in Umemiya’s endless stock of energy. They talk and talk, and Sakura remains sitting next to Togame on the picnic table, nibbling on his food and switching his attention to the noise around them from time to time. 

The rooftop of Furin High is brimming with people, Umemiya’s traditional get-together/barbecue party in full swing. Shishitoren’s orange mixes with Bofurin’s green and black, members of Roppo Ichiza stroll about chatting with everyone; Sakura watches Tsubakino and Shizuka walk to and fro with trays of food, laughing at some first years who are being yelled at by Kotoha as they try to navigate the grills. 

It’s kind of chaotic but it has become a place of familiarity where Sakura feels at ease. Where he can say that’s happy, even. 

He’s got one elbow resting on the tabletop, chin on his palm. There are no particular thoughts on his mind, no conversation he’d like to participate in. Togame chuckles at something Umemiya says, places a hand on Sakura’s thigh under the table. It’s discreet, neither of them react to it. 

Somewhere in the distance Choji is pestering Tsugeura and Inugami into arm wrestling him for the tenth time today. Nirei has practically stolen Wanijima for the day, absorbed as they’ve been in a far corner, where Sakura presumes they’re geeking out over fighting styles and such. But Suo is nearby, keeping Nirei grounded so his excitement won’t fling him straight out of the edge. 

Hiragi and Sako are nowhere to be seen, though Sakura saw them earlier. Probably left already, but they’re too discreet so no one commented on it. 

Not that Sakura thinks anyone would; everyone present on this rooftop can be classified as the nicest people Sakura has ever met. They’re the understanding, loving, sympathetic bunch that wouldn’t judge anyone on their past, on who they love. 

They joke around every day, teasing Sakura for a number of things, but never about this. 

Never about Togame’s recurrent presence on this side of the track for the last year. How he comes by whenever Sakura is on patrol, just to say ‘hi’ and bring him a bite of something he bought on the way, for no particular reason, he assures. They don’t point and laugh whenever Sakura gets too distracted and forgets he and Togame are holding hands in public and they don’t demand answers whenever he shows up in school with a half of a hickey peaking out of his shirt collar, because Togame was too excited the night before and didn’t remember he had school. 

They certainly don’t comment on how Sakura has been smiling more, how much more relaxed he is. Don’t say anything about the new things —clothes, items of decoration, a couple of polaroids haphazardly stuck to his wall—  scattered around his apartment, signs that Togame spends time there more often than not. 

But his friends do give him these soft looks that speak more than words ever could and they have embraced Togame, same as the other Shishitoren members, into the routine with a simple ‘hello’, no questions asked. 

Sometimes, Sakura truly believes he’s dreaming. 

“...and add that secret ingredient, I’m sure you’ll be able to make it,” Umemiya is saying when Sakura tunes back into the conversation. 

Togame taps his cheek in thought, “Wow, seriously? Now I have to try it out.”

“Do it and then tell me what you think. It’s a Kotoha special, though, so all credits go to her.”

Sakura has no freaking clue what any of it means, but Togame is genuinely engrossed in it and that’s what matters. He doesn’t realize he’s been staring at Togame’s profile until the subject of his admiration turns to him and Sakura notices the table has gone silent. His face lights up red and there’s no escaping Umemiya’s knowing grin or the glint in Togame’s eyes. 

“Why are you guys cooped up here all by yourselves?” Kanji arrives with his boisterous laughter and thankfully switches the attention away from Sakura and his embarrassed nonsensical grumbles. 

Togame greets Kanji with a wave, Umemiya perks up and then they fall into another conversation about food and plantations and Sakura decidedly clocks out. 

He can’t help it, preferring to observe them for the most part, soak up the interactions and bask in the sense of belonging that doesn’t demand for him to be speaking regularly. 

The sun is high on the horizon, cresting on that point at the top that indicates it’s going to come down soon, but no one is in a rush to leave just yet. 

Sakura’s stomach is full, his thigh is pressed against Togame’s and everything is exactly where it should be. He’s still in Furin, still living in the same rundown apartment, but now there are signs of life… of love, everywhere he looks. Now he doesn’t feel so dislocated whenever he’s padding barefoot in Togame’s house and he even —begrudgingly— participates in every sleepover that Kiryu hosts in his room. 

He still fights. He still spars with Togame and the other boys at Furin. Still goes to Pothos every other morning, but when he sleeps at Togame and usually can’t make it to eat Kotoha’s omurice, Togame gets up early to cook it for him. 

It’s not an extraordinary life, especially for a teenager. Yet it is an easy one, finally a calm one, it feels. 

Suo said once that it is what Sakura deserves, to have something good and calm, something he can rest his heart on. 

He thinks that maybe he’s too young to have reached this point already. 

But when Togame squeezes his thigh and smiles down at him with his crescent eyes, Sakura decides he won’t take it for granted. Not now, not ever.