Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Min Yoongi, for the first time in his life, was sitting at the bar of a gay club. He was trying very hard to ignore everything that was a sensorial aggression: loud thumping music, strobe lights and the stuffy air.
This wasn’t really his scene, but when he decided to go, he felt confident enough to do what everybody else could do: have fun, drinking an amount of alcohol that wasn’t recommended, dancing with strangers, flirt with them and maybe go home with one.

He took his time to get ready: he gave shape to his hair, put on make up, his “for special occasions” dangle earrings and a touch of cologne. For his outfit he chose a bad boy vibe. Usually his looks were not at all aggressive, but he really wanted to look confident and kinda like he didn’t give a fuck.

But he gave a fuck. In fact, his determination crumbled as soon as he stepped into the club: the amount of people dancing and grinding, the so not his kind of music too loud, beautiful, sweaty men that were obviously out of his league…all factors he didn’t fully take into consideration.
He swallowed. Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe this was too much out of his comfort zone, but since he was there already and got all dolled up, he decided to stay a little and drink something.

Yoongi didn’t even gaze at the crowd dancing. He just, timidly, looked for a spot at the bar and set all hunched on himself and already defeated at the counter.  On both his sides there were people drinking, talking, laughing…making out.
He thought he must have looked pitiful all by himself. Tentatively, with his hand barely mid air, he tried to politely draw the bartender attention to order a beer, but in the midst of such chaos, the guy didn’t notice him. After the third attempt, he was about to give up, but a guy next to him noticed how much he was struggling and called the bartender, that turned towards the man as if he shouted in a library.

”My friend here would like something to drink, please. On me.”

Yoongi jerked on his stool, eyes wide open, feeling the heat crawling on his cheeks, mouth gaping, looking at the muscular man in a very revealing top, who was gently smiling at him.

“What can I get you, sweetie?” the bartender asked.

“ I-I-no need..It’s-I..”, he was miserably tripping over his words, looking now at the bartender and then again at the very attractive man beside him.

“C’mon, Yoongi! It’s not like you never saw men before!”, he scolded himself.

The two men were both waiting for an answer, but Yoongi brain stopped working. After a few seconds, the big man chuckled endearingly.

“Would a beer be fine?”, he asked Yoongi, that diverted his eyes, hunched his back and just nodded, shyly, mouthing a “thank you” while hinting a bow.

He got his beer and before the bartender would pay attention to someone else, he asked for a straw…well, he mimicked one. The bartender look at him for a moment with a big question mark on his face. Yoongi catched on immediately. The way he mimicked a straw must have been confusing, especially in a gay bar. He cleared his throat and asked for a straw using his words. The bartender shrugged and gave it to him. Yoongi took it and put it in the bottle. He wanted to bury himself. The big guy beside him laughed and gave him a little tap on the back, and then went towards the dance floor with two colorful drink in his hands.

He took a sip of beer and finally turned towards the crowd dancing. He wished he was so…free and open, he wished he could befriend people so easily, laugh easily, have fun, but he wasn’t like that.

All of this was too much.

Too much noise, too many people, too much embarrassment. He sighed and turned towards the bar counter again. He decided to zone out and go back home when he was done with his beer.

Jung Hoseok lived for the weekend. What got him through the week and his boring office job, week after week, was knowing that the dance floor was waiting for him. Three straight nights of senseless thumping loud music and his own body reaction to it. It didn’t matter what kind, he would find a way to dance to it. It was like an obvious thing, like the sun rising every morning. Was he cleaning his flat? He would do it dancing. Was he taking a shower? And it was immediately a Flash Dance inspired move, feeling cool like in some sort of MV, slicking his wet hair all the way back. Even at the office, he would tap his foot randomly, but rhythmically.
Dancing at the club was his way to feel freedom, to feel truly himself and empty his head from all the week’s negativity. It was in a way his medicine and his driving force. It was an important piece of himself that he really loved.

Tonight was like the usual weekend nights: dancing, dancing, dancing, grinding, dancing. He didn’t mind being flirted at and flirt back. It was nice, he didn’t mind dancing with someone if it happened, he didn’t mind hands exploring either, as long as it was part of the dancing. Sometimes he would leave with someone to go on and do more than dancing, if in the mood, otherwise everything would start and finish with it.

He was sweating a lot, but it was worth it, so he decided to go to the bar to get some fluids back in his body.

When he arrived at the bar counter,he  leaned in with his arms and ordered a soda with lots of ice. While waiting, he noticed a man on his left side. Eyes fixed, absent, mouth open, in his hands a bottle of beer that…had a straw in it?

“What the…?”, he asked to himself, baffled but amused. He nudged the guy a little, to get his attention. He had to ask, he never saw someone drinking beer with a straw! The hunched guy jumped on his sit, leaning back the opposite side the touch came from, suddenly turning his head, eyes wide open and frightened as if a car was going to hit him.

Hoseok felt immediately apologetic towards the man, ”Ah, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you!”

Yoongi blinked a couple of times and then sighed, bringing his hand towards his chest, closing his eyes.

Hoseok gave him a sweet smile. He leaned on the counter bar again, looking at Yoongi with curiosity. He pointed at the bottle of beer.

“Why the straw?”, he asked with genuine curiosity.

“Uhm…”, Yoongi looked at it and blushed, then hint a bow and apologized.

Hoseok was puzzled, he didn’t really know how to take that.

To try and get his attention again, this time, he put a hand on the other man shoulder delicately, hoping it wouldn’t scare him again. What he got at first was a side look, then the man set his eyes on the hand that was touching him. He was wearing a splash of orange nail polish on his fingernails. Hoseok couldn’t tell if for the other man it was a “yes” or a “no”.

Hoseok tried again to strike up a conversation.

“It’s cute and funny”, he said, with a smile, “ I never saw someone drinking beer from a straw…it’s so…not macho!”, he tilted his head, smiling even bigger.

 Yoongi lowered his head again, hiding behind his bangs, “Ah…it stings…my lips”.

The other young man blinked at him twice and then scoffed and then immediately bite his lips, “sorry” he apologized quickly. He saw the other one shrug, his hands tighten around the bottle.

Hoseok got serious a moment and observed him: his hair were styled, but not in a obvious way. He couldn’t see much his face right know, but he was sure there was some color on his mono lids. The sharp metallic earrings were a contrasting frame to his round face. He was wearing a leather jacket, but under he was wearing a button down shirt. His bottoms consisted of very suggestive skinny jeans and boots. By his outfit, he looked like he wanted to have some eyes on him, maybe also some hands, but the shirt closed up to his neck suggested also not. In any case, he didn’t look interested in anything that was going on around him.

He took a sip from his soda and extended his right hand at him.

“I’m Hoseok”, he smiled.

The other one looked hesitant, but then his right hand left the bottle and went to shake Hoseok’s “Yoongi”.

“Nice to meet you!” He smiled big again . “So, how do you like the crowd tonight?” he tried to investigate. Yoongi just shrugged. Okay, not a talker.

“Would you like to dance? Wait! Do you…like to dance?” he emphasized the last part of the question.

Hoseok didn’t get an answer. The other man was obviously…checking him out? No, not really. It was more like he was looking at all of him and he must have liked it, because there was a hint of red on his cheeks.

“Are you okay?” Hoseok asked, tilting his head cutely.
The other man was looking directly in his eyes with…anger on his face? Hoseok couldn’t understand. Was he being such a bother? Maybe it was better lo leave the man alone, just…the man in question wasn’t letting go of his hand.
“Uhm…”, Hoseok started, confused and a bit uncomfortable.

“Would you like to spend the night…” Yoongi said suddenly, breaking eye contact. The question started with determination in the voice, but got lost  by the time he interrupted the sentence, “ with me…i-if you want a-and don-n’t have a boyfriend?” he kept going.

Hoseok looked at him, mouth open. He was taken aback. Like a lot. He’s never been picked up like that by someone, especially in a club. He honestly didn’t know how to react. He didn’t go clubbing to go back home with someone that night, and this guy, he didn’t seem convinced of what he was asking. He tried to free his hand; when the other one realized he was holding it, he bowed a little to apologize. Hoseok just kept looking at him puzzled, but intrigued. He could tell lots of thoughts were happening in the other one’s head.
The guy wasn’t even looking at him, he was nervously scratching his right thumb’s hangnails. He studied him for a few seconds. Hoseok wasn’t sure what to answer.  It was just so unusual to be asked to fuck like that. Or maybe he was just used to the horny clubbing guys’ way of asking. The man in front of him didn’t look like that kind. He was…awkward, maybe really shy. Did he plan on asking him? Did he looked at him dancing all night and decided he wanted to ask him? Or was it a sudden thing, like it actually seemed to Hoseok? Honestly this guy didn’t even look happy to ask and now  he was avoiding eye contact at all costs.

A realization hit him.

“Uhm, Yoongi?”

Yoongi immediately looked at him. “Y-Yes?”

“I don’t mean to be indelicate or anything and it’s none of my business, but…you don’t look so sure…did you ever…?”

Yoongi sighed as if he have been caught, “Yeah…I have never…you know..”

Hoseok smiled big, “It’s okay, I don’t mind if you are a virgin. I don’t judge.”, he smiled big.

“W-what?” Yoongi was looking at him confused.

“I don’t mind having sex with someone who has never done it. Actually, I can be quite gentle.” He was using his reassuring tone.

Yoongi blinked a couple of times, “ I have done it before…” he said calmly.

Hoseok tilted his head, “You have?” he was confused

“Yes, many times.”

“But you said you’ve never..”

“ I’ve never picked up someone before.”, he quickly explained embarrassed. “Sorry i didn’t explain myself clearly”, he kept going, lowering his head, hiding his face behind his bangs.

Hoseok let out a heartily laugh. It was all so funny, but as soon as he saw the mortified and uncomfortable expression on the other man, he stopped and clear his throat.

“I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you. Sometimes miscommunication can have surprising results and I…well, I assumed things and that’s why I laughed.” he explained smiling.

Yoongi was looking at him with big insecure eyes, then he diverted them, mouthing a silent “Okay”.

Hoseok stayed silent for a moment, then he decisively gave his answer.

“I accept your offer. I will spend the night with you.”

“You will?” the other man looked so surprised, then for a moment there was panic in his eyes.

“If the offer still stand…”

“It does.” Yoongi answered, and Hoseok could tell he was trying to sound confident, but the result was kinda flat.

 “Can we…do you live alone? If i may ask.” He kept going, unsure, hand on the back of his neck, “You know, I don’t and it’s …if you don’t either we could just go to a hotel or..” he let his words out really fast and Hoseok stopped him before he could finish the sentence.

“I live alone. We can go to my place.” Hoseok offered.

“You smile a lot.” Yoongi suddenly stated, “Ah, sorry, I mean-“

Hoseok just smiled bigger and could see Yoongi turning into a blushing mess.

“I didn’t get here with my car.”,Yoongi informed.

“Let’s share a cab, then. I didn’t come with mine either.”

Chapter Text

The drive to Hoseok’s place was silent. Yoongi was looking out of the window, stressing in his head: was he supposed to talk about something during the drive? Was it okay to ask what kind of job Hoseok had? Was it okay to say nothing at all? Was he sure of what he was doing? Was Hoseok sure of wanting to fuck him? Yoongi original plan was to go home with someone, after all…but this guy didn’t really want to have sex with him, right? Why did he accept? What was he planning? What kind of sex did he expect? Could Yoongi meet his expectations? Could he, himself, enjoy it? Sex was sex, right? No need to be sentimental about it. It was enough to be mechanical about it and feel good anyway. Wasn’t that what fucking around was about? But could he do it? And why was he being so stubborn about it? Seokjin and Jungkook were right. He knew they were. He shouldn’t care about his ex sleeping around, it was his ex, after all. What was Yoongi really trying to prove? That he could do it too? But why? There was really anything to prove, right?

Yoongi must have looked nervous, because at some point, the other man took his hand and gently stroke it with his thumb gently. Yoongi was called back out of his head by the gentle touch. He looked at the other man’s hand. The fingers were thin and long, his nail polished fingernails had really gentle curves. A stranger was touching him. He then looked at his hand in Hoseok’s. And now what? Does he hold his hand back? Does he not? Does he break the contact off? Ah, he was in his own head again. He moved his gaze on Hoseok’s face, to see what kind of expression he had, to check if he was offended by Yoongi’s decision not to tighten the grip. He was smiling. He did smile a lot before, too. He noticed he was wet with sweat. Some of his hair were sticking to his forehead. He looked at the entirety of his face: it was long and oval, the curve of the eyes gentle, a long nose and defined, plump lips with what appeared to be a beauty mark right on the rim of the left curve of his upper lip.

He was attractive. Like attractive attractive, which was intimidating to Yoongi. Ugh, why the hell did this man accepted his offer? He couldn’t figure it out.

Hoseok instead was starting to wonder if it was right to go home with the guy sitting next to him. He looked…distracted, far away, tense. Hoseok started to seriously wondering if the man was really okay with all this. How could he make him comfortable? What was the best way of initiate it with someone so nervus? This wasn’t just nervous, was it? Goodness, Hoseok was feeling like he would be going against the guy’s will if he tried anything. His gut was telling him to get him home and offer him a hot beverage, nothing more. He really looked like he needed it.

Maybe it was better to check again, because Hoseok surely wasn’t feeling up for sex…then why was he taking him home?

He decided to take the other man’s hand, to calm him down, but maybe that freaked him out? He couldn’t tell. He was just staring with empty eyes at their hands and then at his face. He had to say something.

“Yoongi.” Hoseok called him.

“Mmh?” Yoongi gave him his attention, cheeks rosy the moment he realized he was staring.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this.” He tried to sound serious and not stern. He didn’t want to sound like it was a problem to change the plan.

“We shouldn’t?” Yoongi eyes got big with surprise, a veil of…disappointment on his face? Hoseok was getting really confused. Maybe it was just nerves, after all.

“You…are you sure about this? You look…I don’t know…”, he took Yoongi’s hand and put it on his lap. He started to examine it, touching with his other hand the knuckles. He noticed the contrast of the shape of their hand. “…like, you want to be somewhere else. I don’t claim to know you, of course…just, are you sure?”, Hoseok looked up, right in the other man’s eyes.

Yoongi felt his chest tightening, he swallowed. Yoongi, finally tighten his grip on Hoseok’s hand and lied through his teeth, “I’m sure. I’m just very shy.”

Hoseok looked at him, scrutinising him, taking in the answer.

“Alright, then.” He smiled. Not one of his best smiles, but still one.

Hoseok’s apartment was located in a residential area. He knew very well that kind of blueprint, he used to live in one; it was a three-room apartment: living room/kitchen, bedroom with a little balcony and a bathroom.

“Please, come in. Shall I take your jacket and handbag?” Hoseok asked, being a gracious host.

“Thanks.”, Yoongi handed over the jacket, but not the handbag. “I..uhm...” he pointed at the handbag in his hand, “I have stuff to freshen up...in here”, he explained. “...can I …freshen up?”.

“Sure. That’s the bathroom.”, Hoseok pointed to a door.

Yoongi was in the living room, the entrance door right behind him. On the opposite wall of the room, in front of him, there was a door, and another one on the wall on his right. As pointed by Hoseok, the bathroom was the room on the right.

“Do you want something to drink? Or to eat?”

“I-I’ll be fine with some water, thanks.” He hinted a little smile.

“Sure. Uhm, under the sink, there are some clean towels, in case you need them.”, Hoseok gave him another smile.

“Thanks.”

“I’ll take a shower after you are done, if that’s alright with you. I danced a lot.”

“I appreciate that a lot…I’ll go, then…”

He looked at Hoseok smiling at him for one second more, then he went to the bathroom.

It was tiny, but well organized.

He opened is handbag and took out his toothbrush to get rid of the bitter taste of the beer. Then he took out a clean towel from under the sink and took care of his important bits. Those trousers were really tight and sweated a little in them. Lastly, he re-touched his make-up and fixed his hair a little. When he was done, he took a moment to take a look at himself in the mirror.

He felt pretty undesirable after the break-up, and after almost a year, he still couldn’t see anything nice on his body.

Maybe this guy was nice enough to let him keep on the t-shirt he was wearing under the buttoned-down shirt. He could see where the tight jeans were cutting on his hips and his love handles were kinda showing. He turned on his side and lifted his clothes up. He touched his soft belly: it was protruding, yes. Indulging in junk food was one the break-up stage he went through, until Jungkook had enough and banned it from the house, claiming Yoongi was becoming junk food itself. He leaned over the sink to get closer to the mirror and cupped his round face. He sighed. The guy accepted, why was he worrying over the state of his body? If anything, he should feel a bit better about it and flattered.

He took a deep breath and exited the bathroom.

Hoseok was leaning on the kitchen counter eating grapes, scrolling on his phone, hips swinging left and right.

By seeing him in such a better a light, he could really see him. His body was slender with angular shoulders. The black sleeveless top was revealing some abs: they were, not exactly defined. His gaze was attracted by the hands: like he noticed in the cab, he had really beautiful, slender fingers, that were now bringing grapes to lips that looked perfectly crafted by some god.

He swallowed, nervous.

The other one noticed his presence and smiled at him. His cheeks full and up, his eyes looked even bigger every time he smiled. Why the fuck did this man say yes to him?

“Do I have something on my face?” Hoseok asked.

Fuck, he was staring. He immediately looked down at the very interesting floor. “S-sorry”.

He heard him walk towards him and laugh softly.

“Here is your water. It’s cold from the fridge, be careful.”, he passed him a little bottle of water, fingers brushing.

“Thanks…” he looked at the other one with timid yes.

“I’ll go take a shower”, Hoseok informed him, smiling. He lift one hand to reach Yoongi’s hair, but stopped mid-air and put the hand down nonchalantly, like nothing happened, like he didn’t get caught doing something spontaneously.

“O-okay. W-where do you want me to w-wait?”. Yoongi was a stuttering mess. He could fell his cheeks getting red. The only reason why he didn’t break eye contact, was because he was paralyzed.

“Bedroom? Would that be fine?”, Hoseok looked at him with a soft expression, endeared.

Yoongi lowered his head, nodded and just went straight towards the bedroom.

He looked for the switch on both sides of the wall. When he found it, he turned the light on and was surprised to see lots of colourful stuffed toys on the big bed.
It made him crack a smile.
Was it fucked up to think that the prospect of a nightstand was less scary because of…stuffed toys? He got close to the bed. He thought Hoseok must really like Snoopy. He had several kind ones in different size. He took one, smiling, then he looked around. It all looked so…neat, so in order. The line of the furniture was simple and clean; the colours were sober. The furniture didn’t look expensive at all. He made the room look sleek, almost like it was out of a magazine, as if the place of everything in that room was calculated down to the last centimetre: the lamps on the nightstands, the tall house plant, the big TV in front of the bed, the way the books were placed on, how his laptop was perfectly cantered on his desk.
Maybe sex was going to be too messy for a room like this.

He noticed a collection of toys on the bookshelf: colourful figurines, all in the same shapes but different sizes and colours. They too were well organized. Hoseok’s bedroom, to him, was so dissonant. Almost impersonal, but with infantile splashes of colours.

He suddenly remembered why he was there.

Sex.

Sex, sex, sex.

Right.

He looked around, trying to decide how to present himself. He looked at the bed. He didn’t know if he could touch his stuffed toys, so laying down on it was out of the question. Mmh. He could just sit at the feet of the bed and wait.
He could hear him whistle while taking the shower. In fact, he could hear the sound of the water too. Ugh, the walls were really thin. He made a mental not to not moan too loud.

 When he heard the water stopping, he started to undress. First the boots and the socks. He put them together, near the door. Next, he unbuttoned the shirt and took it off. Then it was the tight jeans turn. With some difficulties and some swearing, he was able to free himself. He carefully folded his clothes, looking around for a place where to put them. In the end he opted for the TV cabinet in front of the bed.
He went to look at himself at the full-length mirror beside the wardrobe. He fixed again his hair. He was now wearing black boxer shorts and a white t-shirt. He pulled the latter up. Nope. No. It was definitely staying on.

Fuck. He was nervous.

“Min Yoongi! This is not your first time! You are not a virgin!”, he thought.

He took a deep breath and went sitting on the corner of the bed, the one on the side toward the door. He could feel his hands and feet getting cold. Also, metaphorically.

He took a Pikachu stuffed toy and put it on his lap. He took another deep breath and started focusing on the details of it, like the stitching or reading all the useless information on the tag, just to calm himself down a moment.

A little later, the door opened. Hoseok entered with a smile, towel drying his hair. He was wearing a grey tee and a pair of dark green shorts. He sat on the left side of Yoongi, arms and thighs almost touching. Yoongi could feel the warmth emanating from the other man’s skin, as result of the shower. Since his anxiety was making him feel cold, he decided that proximity was alright.

“Is it lame?” Hoseok asked, while looking at the Pikachu in Yoongi’s hands.

“Uh?”

“Is it lame I like toys?” Hoseok took another one from the bunch on the bed and looked at it with an embarrassed smile.

Yoongi looked at him for a few seconds.

“It’s not.” he answered with certainty.

Hoseok looked at him and smiled bigger.

“I just…like them…they are cute!” It looked at the one in his hands again.

“You like Snoopy a lot.”

“Ah…” He giggled “I do. He’s the cutest and so cool!” he was smiling a lot.

He turned to take from the bunch of Snoopies, the biggest one and hugged it tight. Yoongi thought his heart was going to melt and couldn’t hold back a big smile.

The first one since that horrible night started.

Hoseok face lighted up at the smile, taken aback by the sudden positive reaction. Yoongi caught up on the reason of the other man's eyes lighting up and resized his smile, now a gentle curve on his lips. He focused his attention on the stuffed toy again and dared a muffled "You are both cute."

“Ah…thanks…” Hoseok was taken aback again, this time by Yoongi’s little compliment. He went back to hug Snoopy, feeling a little shy.

“Sorry…was that weird? I just…”

“NO!” Hoseok cut in immediately. “You didn’t say anything wrong! It’s all…okay!” He smiled and extended his pinkie to Yoongi. “I promise.”

Yoongi looked at him confused for a moment, then hold the other man’s pinkie back. “Okay, then.”

"It seems like you are relaxing a bit." Hoseok noticed, pleased.

"I…think so." Yoongi answered with a little surprise in his voice.

A shiver run through his back and Hoseok noticed.

“W-where are you going?” Yoongi asked alarmed when he saw the other man getting up from the bed.

Hoseok opened his wardrobe and took out a warm looking blanket. He unfolded it and put it on Yoongi’s legs.

“Here…you must be cold…actually I am too.” He smiled at him, as he sat beside him again, putting some of the blanket on his legs too.

Hoseok looked at Yoongi hugging Pikachu tight, hiding a troubled expression.

Hoseok waited a few moments before checking in, “Are you okay?”

“Are we gonna do it or not?” Yoongi suddenly asked, abruptly. He jerked his head up and looked at Hoseok, noticing immediately how harsh his tone was, “Ah—Sorry, I…”

Hoseok was looking at him with eyes wide open, not sure how to react.

"Sorry!”, Yoongi tried, all frantic, to explain “I’m just nervous and- and I-I-it’s the first time I do it with a complete stranger! The first time I do it in a long ti-“

Hoseok shut him up by putting his index and middle finger on his mouth, then took a deep breath.

Hoseok knew he had to follow his instincts. He was quite sure the night wasn't going in the sex direction, and it was fine with that.

He freed Yoongi’s lips from his fingers and took one of his hands instead.

“Do you really want it?" he asked with the softest tone possible.

Yoongi looked at him a moment, his lips moved but nothing came out.

“Yoongi?”

“You asked me this already.”

And Hoseok took that as avoiding answering his question.

“Do you want it, like, right now? It's okay if you don't. Also, I think our night is going in another direction and maybe tonight it’s not the night, you know, and that’s totally fine for me.”

“Oh…” Yoongi lowered his eyes, and with those, Hoseok noticed his shoulders going down too, but he couldn’t tell if in a relaxing or disappointing way.

“I guess I’m not that attractive out of those clothes, uh?” he said quietly.

“It’s absolutely not about that!” he said with vehemence, tightening his own hand around Yoongi’s, “You are hot!”.

Yoongi looked at him with uncertain eyes, “’Kay, uhm…you don’t need to say that, really…”

“But it’s not about that… Look…I..” He stopped a moment to think about the words he was gonna use. "I feel like I'm getting mixed messages and it's fine, we can just clarify things. My gut, though, is telling me you don't want to have sex, and that's fine." He marked the last word.
He waited for Yoongi to give a reply to that, but the other man just stayed silent, eyes on the floor.
Then Hoseok kept going "I don't know the reason why you are...pushing yourself to do this and it's not my place to investigate about it, I just...it's fine. It really is. Even if sex it's not involved, I don't mind the company. I don't want to have sex if you DON'T want to, alright?" He put a hand on Yoongi's head and started caressing the hair.

Hoseok waited a few moments to let his words sink in, then he spoke again.

“You know what, how about a cup of tea?” he smiled at him.

“Aaand”, he got up and took a what it look like a remote control and pointed towards the ceiling. The air conditioning made the typical ignition sound, “the room will get more welcoming in the meantime! Sorry, i didn’t think about heating it up as soon as we arrived.” he said apologetic and a bit embarrassed.

“Oh…it’s okay…”

Hoseok took a moment to look at him: Yoongi looked pensive. He could tell is brain was shooting thoughts at him. He got close and started to fix the blanket properly around the other man. Yoongi was just following every gesture he was doing and letting him doing them.

“So, I’m gonna prepare some tea, I’ll be right back. You get properly on the bed, unless you want to be on the couch.”

“Uhm…wherever you prefer, really…”, Yoongi shrugged.

“Let’s seeeee” he made a face like it was a hard decision “you look very cute on my bed with all the stuffed toys, so yeah, let's drink the tea here!" He chirped, and with that he exited the room.

After a few moments, Yoongi noticed a familiar sound, like a buzz. It must have been his phone that was in his handbag. He got up to reach it, suddenly anxious that something might have happened. He unlocked the phone nervously, Jungkook was calling him.

"Kookie?”, he asked trying to stay calm.

"Yoongi! Fuck! Jin! He answered!” the young man sounded relieved.

“Are you guys okay? Did something happen?” Yoongi asked now anxious.

“We should ask that to you! Do you know how worried we were?” Jungkook was very agitated and Yoongi was taken aback.

“ I don’t unde-“ it was all he managed to say.

“MIN YOONGI!” Ah, Jungkook must have passed the phone to Jin. He was pissed.

“Jin, why are yo-”, he was unable to finish the sentence.

“Do you know how many hospitals I called because you didn’t fucking care about answering your fucking stupid phone? WHO the hell leaves a note that says ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, like the one you left, UH? Do you have any idea how worried we were? I almost called your ex-fucking-boyfriend! Where the hell are you? Tell me this istant!!!” Jin voice came out angry out of concern.

Yoongi was so taken aback that he couldn't answer.

“Yoongi?”

“…I..s-sorry..” tears swelled up in his eyes, feeling overwhelmed by his friend anger. He sniffed.

“Are you crying?” Jin asked taken aback. “No, no, no, don’t cry, sorry!" He plead "I was so worried! I thought you were half dead somewhere!” there was panic in his voice and Jin was cursing at himself.

“I am fine…just…you guys don’t need to know everything I do, you know?” Yoongi was trying to keep his voice steady.

“I…I guess you’re right…Sorry. Are you okay? Will you come back home?”

Yoongi just left a note that said "'going out". He wasn't specific, because he knew his friends would have opposed the reason why he decided to go out on a Friday night, so they were rightfully concerned.

“I don’t know yet. I’m with a guy.” He sniffled again, but at least the tears weren't falling out.

“You are? Why? Who is he? God, tell me you are not with Seokjun.” Jin tried not to sound alarmed, but failed.

“Calmed down…not him. Someone else. I know you like to take care of people, but it's okay, I can take care of myself."

“I know that.”

“Good, then.”

“Can you at least send me your location? It’s safer, don’t you think?”

“Fair enough. I will the instant we’ll close the call.”

“Good, good. Okay then…uhm ..have a nice...continuation and sorry, you know? For the screaming.”

“Sure, thanks. Bye, Jin.”

The moment he closed the call, Hoseok entered the room with two cups of tea and he immediately noticed Yoongi’s red eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked alarmed.

“Yeah, just my...friend.” He showed him the phone in his hand. “Nothing to worry about. Uhm, I’m sending him my location in case I’ll…spend the rest of the night here. He's very worried”

“Sure, no problem! I'm not gonna murder you anyway!” he joked.

“Right, thanks for sparing my life.” he curved a little his lips upward.

Yoongi was sitting more on the centre of the bed now and Hoseok did the same. He gave the other one his cup of tea and got his legs under the blanket again.

“Thanks.” Yoongi gave him a little smile.

“Is your friend very protective of you?”

“Yeah, I’ve been staying with him since a while. He’s been very generous. I’m very grateful to have someone like him in my life.” He took a little sip of tea.

“Friends are really precious.” Hoseok stated. "Sometimes they are closer than family" there was a hint of sadness in his voice.

“You have someone like that too?”

“I do. I’m very grateful to have someone like him too. For a while I haven’t been fair towards him. I was acting like I total asshole at that time, and he stayed by my side anyway.”

“ you don’t look…like an asshole.”

“It was kind of a complicated situation.”

“Like? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Well…at that time I was very much in my head. I was feeling very insecure about everything, about the relationship I had at the time... and I got insecure about him too.”

“Like in a boyfriend way?”

“A boyfriend way?”

"Like, getting insecure about your boyfriend. Something similar happened to me too.”

“Ah, no…uhm”, he paused, looking a way, like he was reminiscing some painful memories. “I got insecure about him and therefore insecure about my relationship." Hoseok tried to explain, but by Yoongi’s expression, he got that it wasn't clear.

"Like...you liked your friend and got insecure about your boyfriend?"

Hoseok let out a laugh. "Okay, first of all I should clarify that I had a girlfriend, since, you know, I’m into women too."

A big "oooh" came out from Yoongi's mouth. "And no", he kept going, "I didn't like my friend like that. I thought he was jealous of my relationship and I thought he was trying to sabotage it."

"Fuck! But he didn't, did he?" Hoseok was surprised. Yoongi seemed quite invested in the little pieces of information he was giving him. He decided to keep going.

"He didn't, and it wasn't at all about that. He was trying to open my eyes about the person I had beside me. But all I could think of was that he didn’t want me to be happy and wanted to destroy what I had." He explained smiling.

"Woah...that must have been...intense."

"Oh, it was intense alright! I would fight with him and being a real jerk. I was in denial and confused and I was taking it out on him. He didn’t give up on me and I’ll be forever in debt with him because of it. “, he was smiling and, to Yoongi, he almost looked proud of having a friend like that.

“I bet there was a lot of hurt to heal.” Yoongi stated.

“Yeah…it sucked. But!” He looked at Yoongi this time and gave him a proper smile, “it gave me the chance to learn a lot about myself. Of course it left a lot of scarring, but…” he was looking at his own tea cup “at the end of everything I was glad I was out of that relationship and had Joonie still on my side.”

There was silence. Hoseok's eyes fixated on his tea and a smile on his face, thoughts clearly far away. This guy was always smiling and Yoongi wasn’t sure about what to say.

“Uhm…are you okay?” he stretched out his hand and lightly touched Hoseok forearm. The other young man didn’t jerk or jump at the touch, he just lifted his head and smiled big at Yoongi, who at this point withdrawn his hand.

“I didn’t mean to tell my not requested almost break-up story with my friend, I apologize.” he let out a little giggle.

“Ah, it's okay, I don't mind." he reassured him

"At least I forgot why I got here tonight." Yoongi attempted to joke. "I guess I didn't really want to have sex."

'I guess so, which it's fine."

"Yeah..."

“If you don't mind me asking...is that what happened to you, some sort of break up? you related to me at the beginning of my story” Hoseok asked curios.

Yoongi “Yes, my boyfriend of a long time left me and I had two great friends helping me."

Hoseok took a sip from his cup. “What happened?”

“He just left.” He shrugged. “I came home from work and his stuff was gone.”

Hoseok eyes went big, mouth open. "Like...just gone?"

“Yep. Just like that. It was very surreal."

"Did you guys had a fight or...?"

"Nope. There was no warning. No signs." He stopped to think about it, " Well there were signs. I think, like it happened to you, I was in denial and ignored them. I got scared."

"Fear can be quite...well, it can be a bitch." Hoseok stated.

Yoongi nodded, agreeing. "We were having troubles connecting since a while, you know...on ...every level.” he kept going, looking at his tea. “I guess I got comfortable thinking we were just going through a rough patch, you know? It’s not like it didn’t happen before. But when I realized that he really left, I started panicking. I would try to call him on his phone but he turned it off. He was ghosting me and didn’t have any intention to give me any explanation.” he took a pause and then kept going. "I kept trying and trying and trying to reach him and the more I tried, the more I felt like my air was being sucked from my lungs. That night I had my first panic attack."

“What. the. actual. fuck!” Hoseok exclaimed, eyes wide open, like he couldn’t believe it.

“I know. I tried for hours. HOURS! It wasn’t until the middle of the night that I called in the depths of despair my friend. I was sobbing so uncontrollably I couldn’t make out any words. So, he decided to come to our...my place, packed a beg of my stuff and took me away. I’ve been with him since. It’s been nine, no, almost ten months already.” Yoongi raised both his eyebrows and hissed “It’s really time for me to move out from there.”

Hoseok snorted, he looked pissed. "Who the hell disappear like that?'

"Cowards. That’s what my friend says"

"Well, he's right. And he’s a fucking good friend!” Hoseok exclaimed still pissed off.

“Why are you angry?” Yoongi laughed, amused by Hoseok reaction.

“Because fuck the guy!” he put the cup on the nightstand and got up, hand on his hips. “You can't disappear like that! Not even an explanation! He IS a fucking coward!” He was gesticulating a lot.

Yoongi was now laughing wholeheartedly “why are you swearing?” he asked between his laughs.

“'Cause!”

“’Cause???? Okay, then. Calm down, now…come here.” He offered his hand, Hoseok looked at it for a moment and then took it and went sitting right beside Yoongi.

“Too much energy?”

“Yeah…do you have any neighbour?”

Hoseok suddenly slapped his left hand on his mouth, eyes wide.

“Fffffuuuck!” He swore in a low voice.

“Yeah, it’s kinda late, you know?”

“Ugh, well, I’ll use my charm if I’ll get in trouble!” he winked.

Yoongi just couldn’t resist and let go himself to more laughing. His laugh then became a shy smile when he realized that Hoseok, at some point, took his free hand and was squeezing it with his own's. He decided not to break the contact.

Chapter Text

“Is it okay if I ask more?” Hoseok asked curios.

Yoongi nodded, “You are enjoying the tea, uh? No pun intended”.

“You were too! Your eyes brighten or something when I was spilling MY tea!” Hoseok giggled.

“They did not.” Yoongi rolled his eyes, but he was amused a little smile on his lips.

"I can't, then?" Hoseok tried again, a little apologise n his voice, because he was, in fact, insisting.

"You can. Shoot!"

“Did you ever got to know why he left?”

“Uhm kind of? Like, about a week later, in the middle of work hours.”

“Tsk, this guy, seriously…”, Hoseok rolled his eyes hard, disapproval on his face.

“Right?! At work I tried to conceal my bad mood as much as I could. But I was so on edge that as soon as I saw his number on the screen....my already very fragile mask crumbled instantly. But!" He paused for drama, "I had to answer. Who knew when I was going to hear from him again. So, I hold the mask on until I reached the emergency stairs to answer the call.

"Right" Hoseok answered, understanding Yoongi's reasoning.

“I told myself “Min Yoongi, stand up for yourself”. I answered and you know what?" Yoongi expression changed into an outraged one, "the first thing I hear it’s him sighing! Not "hi" or "sorry if I didn't call before" or "how are you! No, he had his like…like…”, he was looking for the right word, “like I was an annoyance! A chore!" Now Yoongi was gesticulating animatedly, upset. Hoseok didn’t know how, but Yoongi managed to not spill any tea.

"The hell????" Hoseok was surprised, but a good amount of disgust was crawling on his face.

"And you know, you see me irritated right now, but at the time I started crying immediately. I thought “Am I such a burden?”, and you know, just because I say this, it doesn’t mean that’s factual, I know that…”, Yoongi demeanour, changed almost suddenly; his shoulders went down. “I mean, probably he was sad too, right? Maybe sighing is his way of coping when breaking up…”, Yoongi’s face became a grimace of desperate hopes and a hint of panic.

"No, don’t do that. You know in your heart he wasn’t fucking coping! And I know it hurts like a bitch, but fuck him! Such an asshole!”, he was very pissed, Yoongi could tell. He could not let go of a laugh, seeing the stranger inn front of him being so invested.

“Why are you laughing? I’m defending your honour!”

“You know, you smile like an angel and it’s weird to ear you swear this much!”

Hoseok laughed blushing, “You want me to stop or you like it?” he asked cheeky, to cover up his embarrassment.

“I like it!”, Yoongi smiled big, his gums showing.

Hoseok was a little taken aback, in a nice way. He couldn’t take his eyes way from the other man smile, so he urged him to keep going with his story.

"Right…so...he keeps sighing and he still doesn't say anything!" Yoongi puts his cup in Hoseok's hand, who is forced to let go of the other man's hand, and watches him getting up.

"And, and nothing! I can't say anything because I'm trying not to sob and he just sigh again! Can you believe that?"

"I CANNOT!"

"And then at some point he just says "Look, I had to leave. I tried my best, but a quiet life it's not for me." He kept going, mimicking the tone of his ex-boyfriend. "What does that even mean?" He asked angry, not specifically to Hoseok, but more like to the universe. 

“So…basically he didn’t really explain a thing.” Hoseok state with dismay.

“Exactly. I couldn’t even have some closure about why he broke up with me!" Yoongi was panting a little. He got really worked up again, so Hoseok got up and just gives him a hug.

Yoongi didn't tense up at all at the contact. Actually, he wanted one.

Hoseok then broke the contact and guided him to the bed  and gave him back his cup of tea.

Yoongi took a sip and relaxed, all his high energy gone.

"So...." he kept going, sadness in his voice "naturally, after that I fell in an endless circle of possible explanations why my boyfriend left. And I found many, even stupid ones, and they felt very real...still feels like that, sometimes”

“Ah yes, the self-torturing and self-doubting." Hoseok said, knowing all too well that feeling. "Is it a little better, now?”

“Clearly not.” There was a hint of shame.

“Clearly?”

"Hoseok...this is going to sound very pathetic", he started, warning him.

"I won't judge, I promise."

"I went to the club to hook up with a stranger because I've been told by my friends that they saw Seokjun leaving a club with one."

"Oooh…"

"See? pathetic!"

"Stop it..." Hoseok scolded him gently. "You are in pain. Sometimes people in pain...how can I say it? Some of their actions happen because they want to feel closer to the people they lost."

"You think that's what this was?" Yoongi looked at him confused.

"Why did you offer to have sex with me?"

"I wanted to prove it I could do it too. Sleep with a stranger."

"How do you know it was a stranger?"

"My friends saw everything, from the flirting to the leaving."

“Alright. So, you wanted to prove that you moved on or something like that, right?"

"Right."

"To whom?"

"What do you mean?

"To whom do you want to prove it? Him or yourself?"

Yoongi thought about it for a moment, and then swallowed, ashamed.

"Him..."

"Alright. And how would he know that you went home with me, tonight?"

"I..." Yoongi didn't know what to say. He knew the plans for that night didn't make sense. "I guess he wouldn't", he said finally. "I'm not even sure if he goes to that club."

"My point is" Hoseok started with the gentlest tone he could use "you hoped this decision of yours could somehow reach him. That he would know and think about you and therefore you could feel him closer to you. "

There was silence.

Hoseok looked at him, waiting for a reaction. Yoongi's eyes were fixed on the tea. It looked like he was thinking hard.

Hoseok scooted toward the headrest an lend on it with his back, "I don't claim it's exactly like that. That's just how I see it, I guess."

"Uh...it doesn't sound...wrong...just, I have to think about it."

"You are not pathetic, Yoongi." Hoseok stated. Yoongi lifted his eyes and looked at the other man's face. He's expression was deadly serious. He felt a bit uncomfortable by it, but weirdly that comforted him, because it meant he did mean the words he just spoke.

"Thank you" Yoongi finally said, in the most sincere way. "That makes me feel a bit better about myself."

Hoseok looked a t him all serious again. Then suddenly he just smiled big. "C'mon, give me that cup! The tea must be cold."

Yoongi obeyed. He watched Hoseok getting up, and leave the room with the two cups.

When he was back, Yoongi kept staring at him.

"Do I have something on my face?" Hoseok asked jokingly, then he got at the centre of the bed, back again against the headrest. He said a quiet "Come here" and patted the place on the bed on his right, signalling to Yoongi to move beside him.

"No, just...I'm impressed." In a couple of movements, he shifted next to Hoseok.

"By what?"

"By what you said, I guess...also by how this night turned out. My friends are right, I should go out more often."

Hoseok laughed. "Am I a nice surprise then?"

"Very." Yoongi answered honestly.

"Seems like you really got comfortable and relaxed after your little burst during your story." Hoseok said pleased.

"That was one, wasn't it? He snorted.

"Maybe you need that. " He looked at Yoongi with a fond smile. "Very happy to be of assistance with any concerns you may have."

Yoongi let out a little laugh. "You work in an office, don't you? And deal with customers."

Hoseok looked surprised. "How do you know that?"

"Very happy to be of assistance.", Yoongi mimicked Hoseok's chirping ton eof voice and then laughed a proper laugh.

Hoseok clicked his tongue,"Aaaah...you got me."

"Am I a customer right now?"

"Uhm..." Hoseok slided down until the head was on the pillow. He turned towards Yoongi, on his side. "Nope, you are not! " He kept going "I don't work during the weekend!" He smiled big, amused.

There was some laughing and then silence. The energy level was getting really low. After all it was late and they were both feeling the tiredness of the week. The room was nice and warm and the bed cover so soft.

Hoseok suddenly got up.

"What's wrong?" Yoongi asked alarmed.

'it's all right. I'm just tired. You take the bed, I'll take the couch."

"No need, I'll take a cab and go home."

"Uhm.." Hoseok started unsure, "It's really late and you are basically ready for bed. You sure you wanna go? I mean I understand why you would, but I don't really mind."

Yoongi thought about it for a moment. He was feeling tired and lazy.

"Alright" he caved in fast. " But I take the couch and you the bed."

"It's alright, really"

"Yoongi protested some more "but the bed is something so personal, I shouldn't take it from you."

Hoseok let a giggle out “Sure, but to be fair, you were looking for someone to get “personal” with!” Hoseok made bunny years with his hands.

Yoongi answered back with a fake pissed off face.

Hoseok couldn’t help but giggle at that. He got closer, leaning on the bed with one knee and supporting himself on his left. He brought his right hand to the left side of Yoongi’s head, and carefully put a lock of hair behind Yoongi’s right ear. All of it while looking him in the eye and a smile on his lips.

 “I want you to stay and I want you comfortable.” He stated, “I promise I’m gonna be fine, I’ll watch some TV on the couch and fall asleep, alright?”

Yoongi forgot how to breathe. His heart started to pound in his chest, so loud in his ears, like a drum in the middle of the night. His lips parted a little, but he couldn’t think of anything to say, except maybe a thank you. He knew his cheeks were red. He couldn't avert his eyes, this time.

Hoseok instead, was staring at him with confidence, smirk on his lips. He was amused by the little mess he have made of Yoongi.

Yoongi swallowed and cleared his throat.

“You are stupidly confident.” he muttered, pouting. He reached for his ear and rubbed it. He was blushing so hard.

Hoseok got up from the bed and left the room, leaving Yoongi, who felt his face sizzling.

Chapter Text

When Hoseok came back, a few moments after, Yoongi was still feeling red on the face, while the other man was still smiling pleased.
He observed him preparing the bed he, a stranger, was supposed to sleep into. Hoseok put away his stuffed toys. He was doing it with care, putting each one of them to their own place. He could tell the other man was following a pattern. Like he told him before, he didn’t think it was lame at all to own stuffed toys, if anything, to him it meant Hoseok had an innocent side.

“I could give you a pair of my bottoms to sleep with. Do you prefer something long or short?”, Hoseok asked, looking in the dresser.

“Long it’s alright.”

Hoseok handed him a pair of pink pair of trousers with cartoons characters on it and Yoongi couldn’t help but smile. He gave back Hoseok the blanket, which he folded and put back.

Yoongi quickly put the trousers on, feeling embarrassed by his naked legs.

“Alright! All set. Goodnight!”, Hoseok said, going for the door.

“Wait!” Yoongi stopped him, “I get you want me to sleep comfortably, but…”, he stopped diverting his eyes, “It’s your bed. Sleep with me, if you want.” There was a moment of silence, Yoongi could feel Hoseok sight on him.

“Alright. Which side do you want?”, Hoseok said calm.

Yoongi looked at him surprise, then he adjusted his face to a non chalant one.

“Which side do YOU prefer?”, he answered back.

“I sleep in the middle, usually.”

“What if you get in bed as if I’m not here and I just…like, adapt?”, Yoongi proposed.

“I want you comfortable, though...”, Hoseok whined.

“I will be, it’s a queen size bed.”, Yoongi gave him a little smile.

“Alright.” Hoseok got under the covers and sat, fixing two out of four of the pillows behind his back, so he could comfortably watch the TV.

Yoongi, then, got under the covers too, on Hoseok’s right side. He got very close, head down because of all the redness happening on his face. He was half laying down and half sitting on his left side, legs bent and hands between his thighs. His knees were touching Hoseok’s legs and his head was against the other man right arm. He was tense, by the little touches that were happening, but it looked like Hoseok didn’t mind at all.

God, he wanted some contact, after all. He decided that amount of it was fine. Yoongi stayed still in silence, watching the television with too, then Hoseok slowly moved his right arm and put it around the other man’s shoulder, pushing him closer to himself.

Yoongi adjusted his position, head on Hoseok’s chest where the arm attaches to it, placing, hesitantly, one hand on his stomach.

Yoongi could perfectly ear Hoseok’s heart beating; it was oddly relaxing. He sighed, feeling the tension melting away. He really didn’t expect his night to turn out the way it did, but he didn’t mind it, it actually turned out the best way possible. He decided that was nice. He was super red in the face, he was sure of it, but it was nice. He could feel the other man was relaxed too and between the heart beat and the sound of the television he was able to fall asleep quickly, and he could swear he felt Hoseok giving him a little kiss on the head right before he closed his eyes.

Yoongi opened his eyes: it was dark in the room, except for some rays of light peeking through the heavy curtains. It took him a moment to realize he was at Hoseok’s, who wasn’t there in the bed. He then noticed some clattering coming from outside the bedroom, followed by a nice smell of breakfast.

He wrapped himself in a hoodie he found at the feet of the bed, and went out of the room.

Hoseok was dancing in tiny while washing the dishes, music coming from his phone at a low volume.

“Don't leave me, loving you

 Whatever you do

 Don't leave me, loving you

 If you tip toe out in the morning, I need a warning”

“Are you…” the shorter man began, “dancing to a sad love song?”, he asked puzzled.

Hoseok turned and smiled, without stopping his little silly dance.

He started to sing with passion at a higher volume, while walking towards Yoongi.

“Don't leave me, loving you, babe

Whatever you do, baaaabe”

Once he was close enough, he grabbed Yoongi’s wrists and started to move the arms up and down to make him dance.

“Don't leave me, loving you, babe

Whatever you do, baaaabe”

Hoseok kept singing, dragging the last word, out of tune. Yoongi could tell he was trying to be funny and smiled, letting the other man using him as a puppet for his ridiculous dance.

Hoseok laughed seeing the other one complying to his will and started to make him spin. Yoongi knew he looked absolutely awkward moving like that, but he found himself not caring about it. Actually, he was enjoying it.

Then Hoseok, very smoothly, passed his left hand around Yoongi’s waist, bring him closer to him, lower bodies touching, while with his other hand he took Yoongi’s. He started to move, hips going from left to right, dragging the slightly shorter man with him, who was mostly moving his feet in an irregular way, at first, but the adapting immediately.

Yoongi’s eyes were big, face in flames by the sudden closeness, while the bastard was innocently smiling. In a spur of the moment bravery, he put the free hand on the other man’s shoulder and decided he wouldn’t have let the man make him all flustered again.

He gave Hoseok a awkward smirk and decided to be smug and flirt.

“Tell me…are you good at…leading?” he asked emphasizing the last word and lightly squeezing the other one’s shoulder.

“Oh, definitely.” Hoseok answered with confidence, “At least I think I am.”.

“I see. Well, I’m very good at…following.” He replied, emphasizing again the last word and enunciating it slowly.

Hoseok slowed down his movements and stopped. He looked at him for a moment.

“Why are you…talking like that?”

“Like w-what?”, he asked insecure, his courage dying. His attempt at flirting and get revenge, wasn’t working?

“You know, like saying the last word weird.”.

“Uhm…”, Yoongi started. He was making a big fool of himself. He felt like such a huge dork.

Hoseok kept looking at him with curiosity.

“F-flirt-…ing?”, Yoongi tried to explain.

“Ooooh. Fffflirtiiing…I see.”, he repeated with an expression that was both surprised and perplexed.

“Aish!”, Yoongi exclaimed, letting go of Hoseok’s shoulder and hand. He squatted down, dying of embarrassment.

Hoseok, quietly chuckled and squatted down too, hugging Yoongi from behind.

“It’s alright!”

“I swear I can flirt, I just need to get to know someone better in order to do that.”, Yoongi justified himself.

“It’s okaaaay!!! That was cute!”

“Cute? That’s not comforting.” Hoseok could ear the pout in the cadence of Yoongi’s words.

“Still! Some people like cuteness!”

“Right.”, he replied, not believing him at all.

“For real!”

“You don’t need to make me feel better. I know I didn’t look cute. I do realize that I looked like an idiot.”

“You didn’t! I’m slow, sometimes!”

“Sure.”

“Can I ask you why were you try to flirt with me?”, Hoseok asked with genuine curiosity.

“…’Cause.”.

Hoseok chuckled again. “C’mon!”, he encouraged him.

“…I…wanted to affect you, like you are affecting me, I guess.”, the pout in his words still strong.

“Oh, I see.”

“I don’t wanna have sex, though.”, he clarified.

“Of course.”

“…’kay.”

“I’m flattered, really.”

“You must be popular at the club.”

“I do okay, I guess, but not as much as you think.”

“Impossible.”

“Impossible???”, Hoseok laughed, “Very possible!”

Yoongi insisted, “No way.”

Hoseok laughed again, “Aish! Stop or you’ll make me blush!”

“Okay.”

Hoseok kept giggling.

There was silence for a few seconds, then Yoongi talked.

“Hoseok?”

“Yeah?”

“My legs hurt.”

“Oh right, shit!”, he got on his feet and helped Yoongi up. “How about some nice breakfast?”, he continued.

“Yes, please. I’m starving!!!”

Hoseok took Yoongi’s hand and led him to the little kitchen isle, offering him a stool.

“It’s not much, I have to go do grocery.”, Hoseok said apologetic.

Yoongi looked at the toasted bread, that was smelling so good, garnished with peanut butter and sliced banana.

“No worries, it’s enough.”. Yoongi dived in immediately and started moaning. “MY GOD!…This is SO good! Seriously! Peanut butter is so good! What the fuck?!”, he exclaimed.

“Woo, okay! I didn’t expect that!” Hoseok was delighted by Yoongi’s reaction.

“I had peanut butter, like, only two times!”, he was eating deliciously, as if he hadn’t eaten in a week.

“That should be a crime.” Hoseok joked, eating his portion of what he considered “heaven”. “I could make you toast and peanut butter for breakfast every time you are here, if you like.”.

Yoongi smiled big, “I would very much like that.”.

“Perfect! I’ll add it to the list, then.”, Hoseok reached for a little piece of paper and a pen thar were there on the isle.

“Oh, like, you have to go today?”

“Well, yes. I need to if I want to feed you something for lunch. I mean, I need to if I wanna eat too.”

“Oh. Am I staying for lunch?”

Hoseok raised his head from the paper. “I mean…if you want. Sorry, I don’t know why I assum-“.

“I’ll stay.”, Yoongi cut him off. “I mean, if you want.”

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

“Are you sure it won’t be too much trouble?”

Hoseok reached for Yoongi’s hand and put his own on it. “It’s not.”, he smiled softly, reassuring him.

Then I guess I’m coming with you to the grocery store.”

Hoseok looked surprised. “Won’t you be bored?”

“Not at all. I like to do grocery.”

A light appeared in Hoseok’s eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah. You do your nice list and when you are there you take your nice walk among the supermarket shelves and start to cross off all the items, one by one.” Yoongi closed his eyes imagining he was in the supermarket. He looked like he was transcending the plane of existence while holding his invisible list, imitating the de-listing gesture with his invisible pen. “All the while you’re comparing prices and product quantities.”, his hands remained up mid-air.

He actually never cared for grocery, but after the break up it felt like it was something he could control.

Hoseok broke in a loud laugh, hitting the kitchen countertop with his left hand.

Yoongi open one eye, enjoying the other one reaction.

“I didn’t know grocery was so important to you!!!” Hoseok could barely stand. He was, at first, bent on the kitchen countertop holding his stomach, then he fell on the floor.

“Is it such a ridiculous thing?”, Yoongi asked, his right eyebrow going up, disapproving of such reaction.

Hoseok had to put effort to climb up the countertop, managing to bend over it again, still laughing his guts out.

“It’s the way you said it, you silly man!!!”

Yoongi allowed himself a little laugh, pleased of how much the other man was having fun. He reached for the grocery list and started to examinate it.

It was written in an orderly fashion; the items divided in columns by category.

Hoseok managed to calm down a bit.

“What, is there something wrong with my list?” He asked jokingly while drying his tears.

“Nope. It’s a cute list. Should we go then?”, Yoongi asked, and Hoseok gave him a big heart-shaped smile.

Chapter Text

They took Hoseok’s car to go to the grocery store.
Hoseok noticed Yoongi was silent and visibly relaxed and excited, which made him smile a little. Who knew grocery could be so pleasant? For him it was just a chore. It was so interesting to him, the other man’s reaction. Sure, it was a way of copying during his break-up, but then that it became a joyful activity, like it was for him dancing.

Dancing and grocery. He chuckled.

Yoongi turned toward him.

“What?”, he asked in a neutral tone.

“Nothing. Just thinking.”

“Must be funny.”

“Just cute.”

“Oh, okay, so you don’t wanna tell me.”, Yoongi pretended, comically, to be offended and crossed his arms, looking the other way, out of the car window.
The pouting was strong.

Hoseok laughed. Yoongi had a weird sense of humour.

“You are cute!” he said confidently.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.”

“I mean I was thinking that, in a nutshell!”

“Oh. Thanks. I am sometimes.”

“A lot of times. Often. Often a lot of times.”

“That doesn’t make sense. It’s one or the other.”

“Alright. Always, then.”

“You have known me for less than a day.”

“Which from my point of view, “always”relates to the time I’ve known you up until now, therefore, it’s correct.

“Alright, Einstein.”

“Sure.”

Hoseok could see with the corner of the eye Yoongi biting one corner of his lower lip, trying not to crack a smile.

He took his right hand off the steering wheel and dared to put it on Yoongi’s thigh; palm well pressed, fingers open, covering a bigger area.

“Good thing I gave you a change of pants, uh? I can imagine people getting very distracted at the supermarket.”, he stated.

He was flirting, yes. He got carried away. He loved the bickering just now, and yes, he was craving contact. He enjoyed it so much having the smaller man sleeping in his arms the night before.

And maybe Yoongi didn’t mind the hand on him?! He looked a it tense, but on the embarrassed side.

“Is it fine if I keep my hand on you?”

“It’s fine…I’m just not used to this with strangers.”

“Alright, I’m taking my hand off. That was too casual, I’m sorry. I didn’t even asked if I could do that.”

Shit, he made him uncomfortable. He puts the hand on the steering wheel again.

There is silence and Hoseok is waiting for Yoongi to say something.

Shit.

“Shitshitshit!”

“Would you have really had sex with me?” Yoongi suddenly askes, dark in the face, not red anymore.

“What?” Hoseok was taken aback. Asking himself wat kind of thoughts led to such question,

“I wasn’t gonna be a pity fuck, right?”

“Of course not.” Hoseok was answered without hesitation, dead serious like he usually was when he meant something with all his being.

“It’s so stupid.”, Yoongi chuckled, his mood changing instantly.

“And I’m confused.”

“Well, I’m annoyed at myself for asking validation to a stranger. I mean, so what if I wasn’t gonna be a pity fuck? Does it mean I’m still desirable? Lovable?”

“I understand being all philosophical about it, but…Well, it could help if this sort of stuff helps you. Also, what’s wrong with compliments? You don’t really believe me, do you?”

“My perception of myself is pretty fucked up at the moment.”

“At least you are aware of it.”

“Seokjin says I should have gone to a therapist.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I’m a coward.”

“Or maybe you don’t want to let go.”

“Maybe I don’t, yes. You caught me, there.”, Yoongi let out a bitter laugh and then sighed, looking out of the car window.

Hoseok stayed silent. He didn’t want the mood to get gloomy, he didn’t want the man to get sad. He was starting to understand how much Yoongi was still hurting. He could relate to some level and he knew healing took a long time.

“Well, you are attractive to me, whether you believe me or not.”

“You are always so serious when you say these things.” Yoongi noticed.

“it’s to reinforce what I’m saying.”

“Almost scary.”

“Oh gosh! I don’t mean to be!”, Hoseok said with panic, and Yoongi laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’m just mocking you. Your eyes get as sharp as a knife when you are serious.”

“But it’s not bad, is it?” Hoseok asked, shifting on the driver seat, worried.

“Nah, it’s kinda…”, there was a pause, “…hot, actually.”, he said with decisively.

“Oh. Thanks!”

Hoseok worry melted away and smiled big. Not that he was insecure or anything, he just felt like Yoongi was someone to handle with care and he was aware they didn’t know each other well and knew, that if they were to see each other again, he might make him uncomfortable again. If they got close, they could learn about each other harmless looks, words, actions and face expressions.

And he did want to learn that about Yoongi. He was really hoping he could see him again.

Suddenly Yoongi’s smartphone started to vibrate.

“Good…ehm, afternoon Seokjin….yes, I’m okay, I’m...”

Hoseok’s felt the other man’s eyes on him.

“I’m great. Yes…mmh..I don’t know yet, we are going to get some grocery.”

For a few seconds Yoongi wasn’t saying anything, he was just listening.

“Oh for fuck-“, he started, looking at Hoseok, “…pete’s sake! I’m fine! I’ll e back when I’ll be back!” Yoongi’s tone wasn’t exactly angry, but exasperated.
“Yes! I will!”, there were a few moments of silence again, “Yes, I promise. Sorry.”, Yoongi’s tone got gentler.

“Sorry about that.” Yoongi, said apologetic. “He can be such an overbearing friend sometimes.”

“It’s alright. He’s just worried about you.”

“I’m an adult that can make his own choices.”

“That’s true too.”

Hoseok thought Seokjin must have been thinking his friend was in the company of a monster. He wasn’t offended by it. Either his friend was being too controlling or he had reasons to be so worried.

After all, from what he gathered, it was unusual for Yoongi to spend the night out with a stranger. He would be worried too if Namjoon started to behave like not his usual self.

But he also understood Yoongi’s reasons. He was still hurting. He was still trying to reach his former lover, somehow. Still desperate after almost one year. He wasn’t a stranger to such feelings and sense of helplessness.

“Are you alright?” Yoongi asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

“Yes! Yes, of course…just lost in thought, I guess.”

“Are you sad?”

“What? No, of course not! I was just…thinking.”

Yoongi was looking at him and could see that he was either not convinced or he was waiting for something else.

“Yeah, that’s what people usually do, like, all the time.”, said jokingly.

“Wow, I did not know that, but…maybe I don’t want to tell you, you know?” He smirked, a challenge on his face.

“Sure, you can not tell me. After the passionate night of oversharing, you may want to keep something to yourself…” Yoongi was trying to keep a straight face, but a smile was about to break.

“Yeah, you know, like in movies, I’m now being the asshole of the morning after. It’s simple as that.”

“Ah, yes, makes sense.”

“God, give me the strength!”, Hoseok thought, “I so want to kiss him, right now!”

“Ah, here we are!” Hoseok exclaimed, “Good lord, thank you!”

“I know it’s your grocery, is it okay if…”, Yoongi made a gesture with his hand.

“Take the lead?”, Hoseok asked while parking, “I’m good at following too, you know?”, he turned towards Yoongi and winked.

“’kay, your hands will be on the cart.”, he said, rolling his eyes jokingly, a bit red on the face, knowing he was mocking him for his attempt at flirting the night before.