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Chapter Text

Once upon a time there lived a girl who loved to sing. Her name was Y/N. (not you I swear). One day she woke up and quickly threw her hair up inti a messay bun and began her descent to the kitchen. There she found her mother standing with a gun ppinted toward a man with messay long hair. “oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mother what are you doung!?!?!!?!!!!!!!!?????!?!?!?!?!?” Y/N screamed . “Y/N’s mother, I am so sorry I scared you but I am here to purchase your daughter, my name is harry styles, taylor swifyts ex and also memn=ber of hit boyband one direction?!!!!!!!!!!!” “woah really!!!!!” eclaimed Y/Ns moether as she lowweered her gun. “can I take herr then?” asks harry styles, taylor swifts ex and also member of his boy band ome direction. “k bye then Y/N”

In te tour bus Y/N meets the other member of the band. liM, ZAYN, NIALL, louise, all exchange greetugsn with Y/N.“top if the mornin’ to you lassy!!!!!” excitedly yells nail. “hey whats up ia am actually a ghost rip me”, lim tells her. Y/N looks around very cocnfused at her nerew life. “this is cray cray rn guys” she tells them. Harry styles tayor swyfts ex and also member of hit boy band one direftion looks directly into her blue round orbs. Then he reaches over and kisses her !!!!!!!!!!!! “I am in love with you Y/N wh ddo you think I bougjt you?????”. Y/N looks at him. She considers. She violently smacks him across the face ass she screams, “HOW DARE YOU KISSS ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT AND ALSO BUY ME WITHU TMY CONSENT!!!!! ALSO BUYING PEOPLE IS ILLEGAL !!!!!!” . harry styles, tayors wistfts. Exa nd also member of hit boyband ome direction is shocked. Zayn then looks at thm botha wakewaradel;yn, “giys can u not fight im sensitive and louise needs trigger warnijgs!!!!” louise is crying in a conrener. Nail then takes Y/N up to er bedroom. “whats the craic then eit you!” “nothung muvh tbh just been bought an dthe kissed s o allw sweel tbf” tells y/n. “up the ra nigel.” Saya mial. Y/N looks athim. “who is j=nigel’ she asks. “trust me you do- twigger warnoing yellinh- NOT want to know” despite saying this mial went on a two hour long rant sbout niagel farage and the englidh people in genral.

Lter in the day, harry styles taylor swifts exa andalso member of hit boy band one direction come to apolgise to Y/N with a guitar in hand. He begins playin g the guitar. “oh yyyyyyy/nnnnnnn I am so sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I did not mean to ofeenndddnnddnndnndndndnd youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu”. “that was a shit song bro.” Y/N blunty tells him. “you do better then!!!” yells harry styles taylor swifts ex and also member of hut boyband one direction. Y/N begins to sing, “remember when you hit the breaks too soon twenty stitches in a hostiplable roomwhen you started crying I did too!!!” “did you wrote that yourself?!” aska he. “ya” replies Y/N. “do not fecking klie to me I know my ex taylor soeft actually wrote it!!!!!”. “oh for fucks sake r u serious I thought you wouldn’t notice. Shit.” Says Y/N.

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It’s a newday. Nial comes down to see Y/N after the night befre, “do not be afraird yo r gods little cow”. He was glowing. “what are u a biblically accurate angel????”. “no just irish” he smiles.

Author’s Note: The previos author was hit by a car while writing this. They are on life support as we speak. I am the driver who was in the car. The author was holding this and writing when they got hit and before they blacked out they whipered, “This is my legacy. Continue it. Avenge me.” I, a humble chicken farmer for rural Tennessee ,will do my best to carry on their life’s work and will keep you updated on their condition in the ICU.

“What are you doing in my room?” Y/N asks. “I just wanted to make sure you were ok…” “I was ok until you broke into my room!” Y/N exclaims. “Right then,” says Niall, “I’ll see you later then.” Then he took his Guinness and flew off on a rainbow while doing a jig. The next day at breakfast Y/N did not make eye contact with Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction or with Niall. Lim was now gone- having left the band to ahunt a house, which added to the tension in the room. Zayn was attempting to comfort Louise who had not been given a trigger warning for awkward silences. Louise was deeply triggered. Y/N glanced up from her avocado toast to try and find the organic oat milk for her iced coffee. She spotted it beside Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction’s arm. “Pass the organic oat milk.” She said emotionlessly. Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction grabbed tge milk to pass it to her and then stopped, holding it above her head. “Why won’y you talk to me?” said he as he stared at her with his steely cold orbs. Y/N defiantly remainted silent. “Just pass her the milk.” Said Zayne. “IT’S ORGANIC OAT MILK!!!!!!!” screamed Niall and Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction at the same time. They stared at eachother in shock.m How did they both know Y/N only drank organic oat milk|?

Author’s Note: After being hit by my car (I was texting and driving and also drunk), the author has made a miraculous recovery and will be continuing the novel despite their 47 fractured bones.

“Rrrhg” says lim. The gang weer in the haunted house in which,im haunted and resisded. After the dramnatic growl jus heard from lim, the gruup gave rond if appulayse for his scary abilities, like monusters univeristirs. Haarry Sdtyles, talor swift;s ex and also member of hit boyband one direvtion felt jealous and burxst into song, “BBQ YOU LUGHT UP MY LIFE LIKE NOBODY ELSE!!!” Lim grew angry at Harry Style’s, talor siwft’s ex and also member of hit boyndand one direction and started a fist fight with the nearest ghost- walaugi. “WAAAAAAAAA” screamed Walaugi as Lim hit him in face. Y/N stood between the tow and like Bella Swan in twilight, begged tgem to stop fighting. They dud. Then a flight came down from the ceiling, illuminating Y/N. She bagn to sing and as she did she ascended to the heavens because she was aactual;y the chosen agnel queen. The on=ther one driecrtion members and also walugli watched as asshe ascended. Nail slapped hi knees, “right! Well we best be off thrn!”. The gang left the haunedt house and went homr.

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Text

It was the day after the asscention and the gang were hanging out in local reseraun, Burger King- bar Lim, he had to work. Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hti boyband One Direction was the only one who had ordered any food. The others just sat there. “What are we going to do without Y/N?” asked Louise helplessly. Zayne just sighed, “I don’t know anymore.” Nail butted in, “We dealt fine without her before, we’ll be fine now.” His tone had a slight edge of anger, he was clearly hiding how hurt he was. The table fell silent. “I bet it was your fault.” Muttered Nail underhis breathe, glaring at Harry Styles, Taylor Siwft’s ex and also member of hit boyband one Direction with his emerald green orbs. Harry Style’s, taylor Swift’s ec and also member of hit boyband one Directioon’s head snapped up from ghis burger. “What did you jus tsay?” He siad coldly≥. A pin could’ve dropped and yiu could’ve hear it it was so quite. The tebsion in the room was unbearable, even for bears. “You heard me>’ said Nail. Then he stood up from the table and left. “Good riddance.” Aid Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also meber of hit boyband oNe Dirwextion, glaring at Zayne and Louise when they did not join in. “Yippee” they both said, intimidated. Now there were three.

Nial stared at his reflection in the mirror. His emerald obrs had never klookd so sad. Deep down he was truly hurt by Y/N’s accention to the heavens. When the band first dpurcharde her he would’ve never guessed what a connection they would’ve fromed. Sure he glowed in the dark and also broke into her room sometimes to check if she was ok, but usn’t that cheanugb? He splashed his face with water in an attempt to calm down, then took a deep breath ad went back to the table,. Harry Style’s, Tayklor Swifts ex and also member of hit boyband On eDIrection was now gone. “Where’s Harry Style’s, Taylor Swift’s ex and akso member of hit boybanbd One Direction?” asked Nail. “he’s gone back to the tour bus.” Responded Louis. “and where’ss Zayde?” asked Nail. “He quit the band,” siad louise, “the fans are devestatde.” Nial sighed,” Id imagine so. Remember how they reacted when Lim left to work in the haunted giyse?” “Yeah, my mailbox was full of chcolates. Was not good for my dogs>” said Louis.He sadly looked at the picyue of his old dog who had died fro m cafburys. “bro that is so sad dude sucks to suck rest in oeice lil bro” said the waiter who was easvedroping in the “”””’’’’bands “”””””’” conversation.

Author’s Note: This novel is being written by the chicken farmer from Tennessee. While riting it the first time I grew engrossed in the story and the drama and stole the original author’s log in. Hoewever the original author has found out abut my ecret sequel and has decided to put a stop to my writning. Aftee a dramaytic fist fight I was defeated. Just as the author was about to delete all my work they read it and were deeply emotionally affected. They have now decided to continue my work, but in their name, while I am trapped in the basement, being used for ideas. yasssss

“fuck off dude” bluntly said harry styles taylor swifts ex and also mem,ber of hit boy band one direction. “dsamn k”. “b te dubs iam back in ze band n done my silking” said harrystekys taylor swufts ex and aksomy meberr oif hit boiyband fobe directiong. “burrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppppp” said nqil. Louixd faints. He wants not givenm a trigger arning for the burp. “fucking pussy” said the contualling eavesdropping wiater. All of a sudden there is a bright ass kight. “what da fuq” says lim, whi has finished hius shidft at the hauinted house. From the brightlight emerges Y/N. She lnches thee avedropping wiate r innt eh face “you fartmonger!” “yasss queen” yealsls zayn who only preteneded to quit for the dramamammamammmammamamama. Then allof another sudden Kamala Harris arrives and exclaimds “I AM NOW PRESDIENT!!!!!!!!!!” everyone cheers. “yaass mamala we love a confindent queen you tell that uglt faatso trump!!!” exclaims nail. “my first decree as pesidet is to have a dance pqrtyb in honour of ny win!!!” “yippeeeeeee” eckamss lim, who is an avid ancer. The grouo begin to dance. The eavesdropping waiter I still lying on the fdirty burger kings floor uncocncious.

The party begins to die down as the other customersi ninthe burgr king head home to their little hosues nd little cosy beds. “so Y/N wht da hekll aheppend?” asks zayn. “nothing muvh tbh just met god, shes a women”. “thatis so cool but keep your voice down when u say gid aourd lim, he is sacrdd of giods.” Telels nail. “too late I m having. Aoiancic attack rn” cries lim. Haary styles taylor siwfts ex and also member ofnbhit boyband one direction comes into ther room, ‘can I talk tou you alone Y/N?” Y/N looks at the others. She consierre. “alright the” she says following harry tsyles taylor sifts exa ans also meber of hit boyband one idreftion out. “okay so I wnatdd to apologiese for purchasing you nand thennkissin gyou, that was. Areal jerk move”. “you don’t say” Y/N replies sarcasticaky. ‘can younjust accept my apology and we can ,ove on?” “people don’t have to accept ur half assed aplolgis u know” interrupts nail whomhas followed them. “bro do u not know hat privately menas?” yells harry styles taylor swufts ex and also mmber of hit boybnand one direction. “we r brother bro there r no secrts here” says lim who was hiding up in the vents eavesdropping. “plus u r a freaky dude we cant raally trust you” says zayn who wasnhding behind the cuch.

Author’s note: it’s the og auther here again. I have no creative juices left and auither two has escaped so I cannot consult. Her.

Harry stylkes taylor swifts ex nd also member of hit boybanmd one direction fractures nails jaw. “HUH” yells Y/N. “oh em geeballs” says lim who then faints. Nail then begind to beat the shut out of harry stykes taykr swifts ex and also mwber of hit boyband one fiderction. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NAIL THIS ISNT YOU!!!!Q!!!!±!!!±!!!!!!” Sscreams Y/N. She then does the christ part thuing. “clever girl” says zayn whoi swatching the echnge. “ew zayn nevr sya tht aagain” sauys louise. Louise ethen thirewss uo. “yucky” says nail, stioppung beating hrry styles taylot swifts ex and also memer of hut boyband one direction. He then resumes the fight. “STOOOOOPPPPPPPPP” yells Zayne suddenly. Everyoe dtops and oooks at him even Haryy Stykles Taylor Swifts ex and also member of hit boyband one direction, who has a black eye. “I’m late for my CAMHS appointment.” He then quietly leaves the room. “is he okay’ asks louise. “no|’ reploes lim, the empath. Nail wins the fight. “im irish” he smiles. “skibi toilet that was cray zay” says Y/N. “bro muy hands wont stop sjsking ater thar fight” says nail. “hey nail can we gongt ice cream?” asks Y/N “sure”.

Y/N ns nail aee in the ice cram shop. Y/N asks the iceccream perso, “can I get a vamilla cone and a honeycone in a cone tiub so hes environtmenrtlayb onciuosc?”. “absouleyly babes”. They get tyhier ic cream ans sit down together. “hey Y/N I hav esometh8jnng9t totell you…” “yas” “ip i-I -I -I -I -i- l-like you-u” “oh em gee me too” “you like urself? Narcasssits” “no u feckingidioy – I mean I do- but I like you too” “woah can inikiss uthen” “sure” ethey kiss. “vcan we hard launch on insta” asks Y/N. “sure babe”. They post s pic on Y/N’s instagran striy. Harrys= sytles taylor swifts ex and also member of hit boyband one direction see it and cries.

Author’s Note: dia dhut b1tch3esssss. Slainte oooooor whgfrat o rwirhgt k. MAKE SURE TO DO UR WORDLE BITCHES.

The post immediatelt went viral on Instagram, twitter, tiktok, facebook, tumblr, ao3, youtube shorts, pintrest, reddit, quora, yahoo answers, myspace and even on Instagram! The world was gripped with theis new found imformation so much so that neither of them could go outside without being swarmed by people. The thing is thst at the time the post went viral the band were on tour and the tour bus had broken downs io everone was staying in a hotel instead. Everytime one of them opened the hotel rionm door a crowd of people woiuld tyr get in so no one coukd get outside. Y/N was staying in room 304 qand nail was stayuing in room 307. They could niot see eachoteher at all and they cvoukd only talk via ohone call.
Author’s Note: Thank you to Virgin Media for sponsoring today’s chapter. If you are also trapped in a hotel room and can only communicate through phone calls, know you can rely on Virgin Media.

Nail said it was like being in a long-distance relationship and he’d never had one of those before (excluding the time he spent three months in a monster truck forum chatting up a 37 year old man). Y/N didn’t mind not hanging out wwith nail all the time eacuese he was lowkey annoying sometimes. He was always drinking tea that was made way too strong or he was drinking guiness. He did jigs when he was appy wich may be cute but hes happy quite a lot and jigs quite.a loy.

Eventually the crowds doed down because hhye had no y/n x nail inerrtactions naymore. The band begin baclon thei tgiur and thw wfre frlalalowed to leav eythiernoroms. Y/N and nail began to go o edates. NS ALSO eegualt dates. And then even regulardates. One of thes efyaedw ss to a cricket match. Nail was nlt having a good time as he hate crikect.m it was an fuck ass enlgish sport full of fuckmass peretentouou sass dfuckers who thye they are better rthan everyone. “TIOCFAIDH ÁR LÁ UP THE REPUBLIC” he scaremed. He then started a mexcian wave. No one joined in. Y/N alos did not. Nail gared at her for not joining. “qwhy wont youjoin my mexcaimw wave dnt you beilibve inna unite irelnad?” “itsno tthta… its just.. your embarrsing me.. and … wekll… erm…” “what is it?” he asks, now concerned. His emerald orbs, shining like the emerald isles began to fill with tears and he reconised the emotion on her face: the ‘I’m about to break up with you face’. “oh for fucks sake not again.” He cries. 😢 . Y/N gets ancry “I haven’t even said it yet, stealing my bood thunfer yu are”. She gets more aggressive. “this is why I want a real man. Not one whp cxries all the time. For god’s sake you cried at the sainsbury’s Christmas ad.” “IT WAS EMOTIONAL” he protests. “Even Harry fucking Steyles, tauykor swifts ex and also member of hit boyband one direction was more of a man than you!” she shouts out. “so… this is it?” “yes. Goodbye.” She walks away.

Chapter Text

Iys been a moneth since the break uop. Nail is not taking it well. “is fearr gaeilge briste, ná béarla cliste” nail says while eating his breakfast. In an attemot to empathise with nail, zayn ha slearnt german, hoiwvwe he does bot elaise that learning any language that isn’t wnglish is not the same thing as speaking gaeigle. “Kann ich ein tasse kaffee haben, bitte?” Louise is stuck in the middle of it all, being monolingual and stupid. There was a voicemail from Lim: “se fache soupa de pui”. 🐔🐒⚣. The phone beeped as the coicemain ended. No one moved to get the phone. Then there was a mysterious knock at the foor. Onca gai no one moced. The knowck came again but louder and more aggressive- it was not a pleasant listening experience. So Louise got up to answer the door. Thd door swung open and who was standing on the other side? It ws Henry Cavil whom is also superman. “Whp are you?” asked Louose. “Why do you want to know?” asked Henry Cavil whom is also superman. “Because you atre at my houe?” replied Louise. “No this is my house.” Said henry cavil whom is also superman. “what.” Siad said lousie. Then Zayn called, “er ist unser neu mitbewohner!” “what the fuq, zanye? Yu think I soeak Fenech?” called bach lousie, annoyed. “he’s our new roommate loser” zayne shouted. Louise turned back to Henry Cavill whom is also superman and held up a finger to be like ‘one minute’. “Ok bu wwehre’s he gonna saty?” lousie shouted to zayne. “harry style’s, taylor swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband one direction’s old room.” Zayne shouted. Louise sighed. Held up his finger to Henry Cavill whom is also supemand again and walked into th kitchen. “Zayne.” He said to Zane, “You do know that Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction hasn’t moved out?” he hissed. Zayne went pale. “What?’ he said quietly, “I thought he quit the band.” “No that was Lim.” Lousie corrected him. “Then can’t he have Lim’s old room?” asked Zayne. “No we turned tht into a gym room. We’ll just have to tell him that he has to find a new place to move in.” Louise turned around to leave. “No, you can’t do that!” soited zayne, stopped louside with his arm. He beckomed Louise closer and whispered tohim “Louis I have a lot of gambling debt and Henry Cavill whom is also superman is the only way for me to get rid of my debt.” “There’s no room in the house.” Louis whispered back. “He can stay with Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of it boyband One Direction.” Whisperd Zayne, his poop brown orbs filled with desperation, “It was his room I advertised on Craigslist.” “YOU FOUND US A ROOMMATE ON CRAIGSLIST!!!” screamed Louise, outragged. In the meantime Nail had went to the door and invited Henry Cavill whom is also superman in. At least Henry Cavill whom is also Suepream assmed he had been invited in – he didn’t speak any Irish. I mean Nail took his bags inside for him. As Zayne and Louise were in the middle of the argument, Henry Cavill whom is also Superman entered the kitchen. He smiled politely and asked, “So where’s my room?”

Nail had brought Henry Cavill whom is also Superman’s stuff to Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction’s room. Henry Cavill whom is also Superman was standing in. the middle of the room admiring it. “There’s something we have to tell you…” said Louise to Henry Cavill whom is also superman. “There’s something that wasn’t on the listing…” continued Zayne. Before Louise could explain that Henry Cavill whom is also Superman would have to share his room with Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction, Henry Cavill whom is also Superman interrupted him: “Guys I’m chill with you two.” Louise and Zayne looked confused while Nail just stood in the corner silently with the 100 yard stare. “I’ve had gay friends before.” Continued Henry Cavill whom is also Superman. “We’re not-“ Louise started. He looked at Zayne. Zayne did not seem as outragged at being called gay. “Ok then.” Said Louise cutting himself off. He just assumed he was in a gay couple now. That is how it works, right? Someone calls you gay and you either deny it or don’t, right? Then he and Zayne left the room without explaining to Henry Cavill whom us also superman about the unexpected roommate. Nail continued to stand in the corner with the hundren yeard stare. “Nail?” Henry Cavill whom us akso superman saudb caustiosuly. Nail’s head snapped round to make direct and intense eye contact with him. “You can leave now.” Henry Cavill whom is also superman said feebly. Nail left the room, slowly shutting the door after himself. When the door was closed Henry cavill whom ius also sieprman shivered with fear fo nail.

Now tha he was alone he breathed a sigh of relief and begain to unpack his bags. It was nice of them to clutter up the room beforehand so he could feel at home, but Henry Cavill whom is also superman pregered his own clutter. “I’ll do it tomorrow.” He said, thinking aloud. He bagan to unpack his clothes. When he opened the wardrobe it was already full of clothes. “It’s so nice of them to provide clothes for me!” said the fool, Henyr Cavill whom is also superman. He hung up his clothes neatly and tucked them in amongst the clothes already in the wardrobe. Then he checked his phone. He was late for a business meeting. He scrambled down the stairs and out the front door. As he was walking down the front path he passed Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also hit member of boyband one direction coming up the path. “It’s nice he still visits the band after quitting.” He thought to himself. Meanwhile Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband one direction thought “Oh no they;’re gonna ask us to compose another song for another film 🙄”

Later that day it was 9pm. Henry Cavill whom is also Superman had been at business meetings all day and Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband one direction had been at home guitaring. At 9:03pm Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband one direction came into the living room and announced to the rest of the band that he was going clubbing. He was handling his “separation” with Y/N uch better than Nail, who refused to watch anything but RTE kids for some reason. Not even regular RTE, just the kids channel. No one could be bothered questioning it. At 9:04pm Harry Styles, taylor swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband one direction left the house. At 9:06pm Henry cAVIll ehom is also superman came back from his business meetings. In a strange stroke of luck their schedules were exact opposties so they were never in the house at the same time. At 9:07pm henry cavill whom us alsoi superman came into the lving room and sai d”hey guys im back from my busy business meetings. They were very boring so Im going to bed.” Nail only staredd at him and Louise and Zayne said “we probably will too since Nail’s hogging the TV”. Nail hissed at him. He definitely was not taking the breakup well.

It was approximately 2:17am and Henyr Cavill whom is also superman was cosied up in bed. He had thought it was a little bit weird that the duvet smelled like another person instead of smelling like laundry detergent but it was cosy nonetheless. He was fast asleep, dreaming. Of cats or smth. How am I supposed to know? I’m a writer not an all knowing deiety. (but I am. He was dreaming of a randong ginger man with a shirt cut too low). Downstairs there was a rattle at the door. Harry Styles, taylor swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband one direction was back from clubbing!!! Harry Styles, taylor swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband one direcyoon was very tired after all the times he had danced the cha cha slide. He staggered up the stair ands towards his room, not knowing there was someone else inside…

Chapter Text

Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction slowly opened the door to his room. He couldn’t be bothered turning on the lights so he got ready for bed in the dark. Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction was so blackout drunk he literally could only see black. I think someone drugged his drink. He flopped down into bed and felt something under him. He screamed. the thing screamed. Louis e and Xayen woke up and screamed. Nail did not scream: he was still too sad. Louise and Zayne rushed into the room and Louise flicked on the lights. Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex nad also member of hit boyband One Direction and Henry Cavill whom is also suoperman were stood screaming at eachother. “What are you doin gin mu room!!” they shouted at the same time. “Your room? This is my room!” They said perfectly syncronised. Then they both turned to Louise and Zayne, who knew they were in deepshit now. “erm what is up guys!!!!” says louise. “louise what the fuck I sgoung on” asks henry cavill whomi slao s superman. “well…yu…see………..” there is a dramatic apuse. “I gots to go” louise aai dwhyile runnin from the room. Zayn is standngthere alone. The unexpected roomates look to him. “zayn I swear to go dif you urn away an ddontnasnswerr us” says ahryy styles taylor swifys ex and also memneber of hit boyband on didrection. Zayn runs nonetheless. The two of them are left in the room together. “Actually who tf even are you?” says Harry styles taylors wifts ex nd member of hit boyband one direction to henry cavill whom is also sperman. “I’m Henry Cavill” replies Henry Cavill whom is also superman. “Who?” asks Haerry stylews taylros swifts ex and also member of hit boyband one direction. “Superman.” Says an exasperated Henry Cavilll whom is also superman. “OH SHIT!!!!” shouts HAeey styles taylers swidfyts ex and as member of hit boybdan one dircetiojn. “Please don’t kill me! You cqn have me room! I swear just pleas e dongt leaser me!!!!” “You know tats’ fake?” says Henru Cavill whom is also superman. Harry sTyles taylor swifts ed and also member of hiy bouyanjdm one dierceyyon, is cowering in fear: “Take me bed! Just ddont kill me!” Henry Cavill whom is also superman is too tured and goes to sleep in the bed anyways. Harry Styles tayklors siwfts ex and also meber of hit b-yband one direction sleeps on the floor that night.

The next day louise and zayn aere in the kitchem. “do you thibk I towlrked?” asks azayn. “I think it will tka e a. it more pushing but it will. Turyst m,e. my plans enevr fail.” Replpieis louisoie. “what plan?” ask shenry cavil who I s also superman , who I swakking in for his brrwakfsst. “nothing!!”m ecxcliams zyan. “hmmm…. Okay… if you say so…” reppies henry cavill wehom I sals superman. Harry styles talky7iio3 e ssiwfte dx and member r olf hit boytband oned irevritonn enters the room. He glances around and spots Henry Cavil whom is also Superman and choses to siyt as far away as possible at the table. “Sleep well?” Henry Cavil whom is also Superman asks Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction. “Yes.” Harry Style’s, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction replies quickly, staring down into his freshly poured bowl of cereal. Once again the kitchedn is full of tenmsion. All the rooms in this goddam house always seem to be filled with some kind of tension. It sucks. Louse makes a mentall note to take everyone to group councelling at soeem point. Zayne, in an attempt to break the awkaward silence so Louise doesn’t get triggered, asks “where is nail?”. Suddenly, everyone looks up. WHeere is Nail indeed? “I’ll go check!” everyone says in unison in an attempt to escape the room. “I’ll check.” Louise repeats solemly. “I’ll come too babe” says Zayne. He knows that id Nail has gotten into the secret stash of Irish Tayto Louise will have a panic attack. They both exit the room, holding hands, which befuddles Harry Style’s, Taylor Swifts ex and also member of hit boybdan one direction as he was not there when Zayne and Louise became gay. 🏳️‍🌈 Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction and Henry Cavil whom is also Superman are left alone in the kitchen. They eat in silence for a while before henry cavil whom Is also Superman starts up a friendly (but one-sided) conversation.

H.C: “So must be fun being part of One Direction”

H.S. “Yes”

H.C. “Do you like living with the band?”

H.S. “Not really”

H.C. “Why not?”

H.S. “BECAUSE THEY RENT MY ROOM OUT TO STUPID FUCKERS LIKE YOU!!!!”

All Henry Cavil whom is also Superman was sit with his mouth wide open. He was in pure shock. Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband one direction was seething with built up rage. He’d been this angry since Y/N left. He’d always been angry, but he hid it through song, dance and clubbing. It was all coming out now on the unfortunate victim, Henry Cavil whom is also Superman. Henry Cavil whom is also Superman began to tear up. His beautiful blue orbs were filled with tears. They began to trickles slowly down his cheeks and Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband one direction’s face fell. He now realised how much he had hurt Henry Cavil whom is also Superman. Frantically, he began to apologise: “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it! I’m so sorry Henry Cavil whom is also Superman! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He, too, had begun to cry. Quietly, Henry Cavil whom is also Superman whispered something to Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction, “Just call me Henry.” Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction wiped the tears from his eyes, “Just Henry? But that’s so… personal.” “You deserve to know me personally.” Henry said quietly smiling. Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction breathed deeply. “Then just call me Harry.” He said hesitantly. “Harry?” Henry whispered, testing out the name on his tongue. “No! Too personal!!” Harry Styles, Taylor Swift’s ex and also member of hit boyband One Direction blurted out quickly. Henry sighed deeply. There was a brief silence. “How about Harry Styles?” Harry Styles asked gently. “Harry Styles.” Henry repeated, thinking it over. “I like that.” He admitted. The two men, Henry and Harry Styles, sat quietly in the kitchen, looking into each other’s eyes in a swift moment of bonding. Zayne and Louise came down the stairs with Nail and just like that the moment was over. The two sprung up in their chairs, breaking eye contact immediately. “Sorry we took so long.” Zayne said, “Nail got into the Irish Tayto again.” Nail looked to be recovering from a feral outburst. “It wasn’t the cheese and onion this time, so it could’ve been worse.” Says Louise, smiling weakly. They help Nail sit down for breakfast and Henry and Harry Styles exchange their own smiles. That morning Nail said his first word in English again: “dickheads.”

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Dearest readers, since part 3, my co-writer and I have run out of creative inspiration. We are like Seamus Heaney and Robert Frost, staring into wells and only seeing our own reflections, nothing deeper. I fought my way through writing the first half of part 4, but I fear I too have run out of my creativity. Perhaps, we simply need to enter into another car crash or house fire: everyone always seems so inspired after one of those. Perhaps, the two of us will take a short coma and return revitalised. I will keep you updated, dear readers. Thank you for your devotion.

Meanwhile, Y/N had been brooding in her room for several weeks. In preparation for the brake up she had purchasewd aw microwave and 24 mini microwavable pixzzas. Today, however, she had run out of food and had to come out of her room. She was terrified of seeing Nail again. Her bedroom door was covered in scratches from when Nail had been on a crisp frenzy. She worried how he’d react when he saw her, even without the influence of tayto crisps. Preparing herself with calming breathing exeficses, Y/N slowly openedn the door tyo her room. She looked left and she looked right. No oine wss there. She was safe… fror now. She had planned toi make a dramatuic exit put her windo wot go to the sjops but hjad realised that her bedsheets tied to gether would nnot ne long enough to acompkish this. Her new plan was to sprint out of thew house so dfast that no one would even see hjer. So she sprinted down the stairas and out the door, all while screaming. Zayn and Lousie were sitting in yther kitchen at the time. All they saw was a blur and a scream and then the slamming of the front dfoor. “What was that about?” asked Zayn. “I dunno babes” said Luoise. Then they kissed. Zayn was so glad he turned gay.

Y/N was loose. Loose on the streeets, running on her own two feets. She felt like a zebra, but a zebra that was running really fast. She had no plan as to where she was goiong or what she was going to do. She just knew she was free from the One Direction house. Why hadn’t she moved out? Technically she had been purchased by One Direction as a band and due to the contract signed she was unable to leave. This wasn’t a massive issue, merely inconvenient. Y/N continued to run, street after street, past houses and shops and tescos. She was dashing across zebra crossings and pelican crossings and puffin crossings at lightening speeds. Sudeenly… BAM! Y/N was hit by a car…

Chapter Text

“Omg are you ok?!” a voice came from above Y/N as she lay motionless on the pavement.
“W- what?” Y/N croaked out as she sloswly opened her eyes. Her eyelids fluttered open to reveal a familiar face above her: Lim.
“Oh my fucking Walawigi! I just hit you with my car!”
“Wh- how?” Y/N managed to croak out.
“Wdym how?” asked Lim, “I was driving my car, going over the speed limit because apparently that;s cool, and then I saw you and tried to break but because I’m a ghost my foot couldn’t touch the breaks and I tried to swerve but because I’m a ghost I couldn’t grab the wheel and then I hit you full speed with my car.”
“Ok I guess.” Said Y/N.
Then she passed out again as the ambulances’ sirens screeched in the distance.

In the hospital Y/N is lying in the hospital bed. She has sustained multiple injuries that means she will be bedridden for a while. She also is in a coma. When in the coma she had lots of visitors. So many people were so concerned for her wellbneing that the doctors had to form a physical barrier with thwir toned ab bodies to stiop people from entering the ward. However, Lim was by her side each day and each ni9ght. He brought her flowers and cards and blankets and chocolate even though she could not eat because she was in a coma. He sat beside her bed and sung all the One Direction hits to her such as, “What Makes You Beautiful” and “Story of My Life”.

Four weeks later Y/N awoke from her coma. The doctors were all shocked because they had a bet going that she would die. Severall of them had lost money :c. Once Y/N was awake she looked to her bedside as in her coma she had heard the beautifukl voice of a beautiful man singing to her, but there was no one there. The doctor came in.
“Y/N, you have made a miraculous (ladybug) recovery. We needed to replace your femaur.”
Y/N ghasped. “Who was singing to me when I was asleep?”
“the same man whp gave up his femur for you in the femur transplant.”
“Who was he?!” she asked desperately.
“I don’t knowww” the doctor replied.
“How could you not know, you operated on him and took his femur.”
“I do a lot of medical malpracyive.” Dr. House said as he slowly backed out of the room, leaving Y/N in confusion.

There was a man out there. A man without a femur. And Y/N was going to find the beautiful voiced beautiful man without a femur.

-----

Upon being discharged from the hospital Y/N was sent back to the One Direction house. Luckily she was on bedrest and did not have to see Nail. She would save that problem for another day.

Meanwhile, Lim was hiding out in his haunted house (he was the haunted part). He hadn’t driven since the incident partially due to trauma but also because his. Car was wrecked. He couldn’t stop thinking about Y/N. He had been so stupid. He felt so guilty. He couldn’t bare seeing her awake because he knew he had hit her with his car. He looked down at his floppy, femurless arm and felt a faint twinge of joy, knowing that femur had been given to the one he secretly loved…

Meanwhile meanwhile, Harry Styles and Henry were still trying to get used to their shared room. They were relativey civil with each other and a bond had been formed. Howveer, there was still a lot of tension as they still only had one room and one bed. There was no room for another bed… they checked. They just had to suck it up and act like the two very straight men that they were. Definantely no tensiuon. None. It was late on a Thursday night, 3:48am to be exact. Henry Cavil was laying in the double bed, alone. He counldn’t sleep. Harry Styles had went to the clubn because he still had that crippling alcoholism in him. Even though the two men acted like they hated eachother Henry was worried for Harry considering Harry’s drink had been spiked many a time. Just as Henry closed his eyes again in an attempt to get sione sleep, he heearf footsteps in the hallway. The bedroom door swung open and there was Harry, drunk and leaning against the doorframe,. HEnru sat up immediatelty in bed. Because he was in bed but then he sat up. Yeah.
“Where have you been?” Henry demanded, the worry evident in his voice.
“The clurb.” Harry Stgyles slurred back.
“I know you’ved been in “The Clurb” but why are you home so late?!”
“Don’t act like you care!”
“but… but I do care.”
Silence overtook the room. Oof.
Harry Styles gingerly lowered himself onto the endge of the bed. He refused to make eye contact with Henry.
“Are you ok?” Henry eventuall y asked.
“I’ll be fine.” Harry Styles replied gruffly. He was clearly deflecting his true feelings.
Harry Styles slowly got into bed, without bothering to get changed apart from taking off his shoes and his shirt. Henry lowered himself back into bed. The two lay there, backs to eachother, in some sort of weird standoff. Was it because they were mad at each other? Was is because they were in love with each other and too scared to admit it? Was it because they didn’t want to open their eyes in the middle of the ngiht and accidentally make eye contact? Idk but probably the last one.
A moment passed before Harry Styles quietky wahispered in the dark,
“I’m sorry.”
A small smile graced GHery’s face as his cheeks glowed a faint red. But he would never admit that…

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The next morning Y/N awoke from her slumber and decided to do something productive. After checking to make sure Nail wasn’t about, Y/N wwent on a mornin g jog. While out the wind flurried through Y/N’s hair, reminding her of the fateful bight od the car crash. She once aghain fekt like a zebra, but this time, a lovelorn zebra. Her thoughts drifted to the beautiful singing voice of the presumabely beautiful man in the hospital.
While lost in thought Y/N managed to run right into a man holding a coffee. The hot beverage splashed all over Y/N’s and the man’s shirts. Y/N let out a loud gasp and began to format an apology in her head. As she looked up she ended up in intense and deep eye contact witgh Lim… again. Y/N stood ,mouth agape, lost in Lim’s [colour] eys.
“OMG Y/N! Are you alright?!” Lim said urgently, tossig his coffee to the ground in order to grip both of Y/N’s shoulders.
“no I was in a coma.”
“that sucks. The person who hit yu with hius car must be a rwal asshole.”
“Well- yopu are what youy eat”
Lim held back ag asp. He didn’t eat assholess. Suddenly she rtemebrrs.
“YOU FUCKIJNG DIPSHIT HOW THER FUCK DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO DRUVE YOU LIVED 19 FLIPPIN YEARS AND DIDNTY LEARN TO DRIVE PROPELRY YOU7 USKLESS PEIECE OF SHIT”
“pardon” aska lim
“YOU HIT ME WITYH UR CAR YOU FLIPPING STUPID PIECE OF SHIT YOU WERE CLEARLY NEVERLOVED AS A CHULD”
“ok harsh. But also fair.”
The tension was muy palpable.
“well listen maybe you shoukd hve been runiing around in the dark have you considered that?????” exclaims lim
“do NOT victim blame here.” Says y/n sternly.
“im gthe vivtim here hVING TO listen to you ll yhe flippib time… AND YOU SPLIT MY COFFE”
“what the hell” says y/n sadky
“im not sorry”
The tension was even more palpable.
Then… lim edged forward.. and… and… and…. He kissed her.
“why did u kiss me witgout my consent???? That is so hashtag rude” asks y/n
“well… can I have ur consent to kiss you pretty pls”
“its way less hot when you ask for consent yoi know”
“well why the fuck did you jump down my thoart about asking for it then?”
“I make it my mission to educate men and that involves the etaching of the importance of consent in relationships”
“damn-“ but he was cut off by y/n surging forward and kissing him. Their tongues battled for dominance.
“did you know that phrase cam froma drarry fanfic” y/n says
“wha phrase are you goung crazy what ar you talking about rn”
“oh mothing nevermind” and then they kissed again.

Chapter Text

Y/N and Lim were both feeling awkward about the kiss. Shortly after the kiss Lim had asked Y/N out on date. So they went back to the coffee shop to replace Lim’s spilled coffee. The both were still covered in coffee stains but it didn’t really matter because they had the power of love and friendship (and anime) on their side. Y/N ordered a pumkin spice layte but freezing tho with no cream. Just kidding shes like those other girls. She ordered a black coffee for señorita awesome. Lim got an iced matcha. Together they sat at the table in the coffee shop, barely able to contain their passion. It was making everyone else in the coffee sjhop very uncomfortable.

Y/N broke the silence, “so, have you learnt to drive yet (dumbass)”

“Excuse me.”

There was more tension that followed. Partially because they were both kinda pissed at eachother but partly bc they just kinda wanted to kiss again. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin after all.

“Y/N I cant be bothered with all this date shit do you just wanna go back to my haunted house and hookup?”

Y/N gasped, “That’s not very polite to ask that I am a lady after all.”

“OMG! Stop giving in to outdated gender sterotypes!”

“Youre right. But ill drive since you clearly can’t (dumbass)”

---------------

Y/N drove herself and Lim back to his haunted house. Well the house wasn’t really haunted when he wasn’t there. He kinda made up the ‘haunted’ part of the haunted house. So when they were away it wasn’t a haunted house but now that Lim is home it is a haunted house again. Because hes a ghost in case you forgot. They hooked uo HARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. Like all night. Carzyr stuff.

Y/N woke up in the morning and rolled over in bed. She was shocked that Lim was beside her. The memories came flooding back- they had hooked up. What Y/N had failed to mention was that she may or may not have been really high yesterday. Like on all of the drugs. Therefore, the hookup was kind of a spur of the moment thing. And now she may be regretting it. She carefully got out of bed, trying not to wake Lim. She then went to the en-suite bathroom (it was a very fancy haunted house) and looked in the mirror. What was reflected back was her own face of regret. Y/N splashed water on her face and took a few deep breaths. Just then she heard a noise from the bedroom. It was Lim. In an attempt to recreate the wonderful memories from when Y/N was in a coma Lim began to sing:

“You’re in ze car! Dunno wot 4! UR Turni gheads when u walk thru da dooOooOOoooOOOOrrr!!! Don’t makeup. To cover up. Being the way thT you r is enoiyffffffffffff!!!!!”

“erm..” mumbles y/n. ‘what di I say to him’ she thinks gto herlsf.

“everyone in tha room can see ut… everyone elsebut YOUOIUOUOOUOUOOUUOUOUOUOUOUOOUOUOUOO!!!!”

“this isn’t even bros line” says y/n to herself

“BABAI YOU LIGHT UO MY WOLRD LIKE NO BODYYY ELSEEE!!! THE WAY YOU FLIP YOUR AHRI GETS ME OVERHWLEMED BUT WHE YOU MSILE AT THE GROU ND IT AINT HARRD TO TWLLLLLLL YOU FOMT KMOW OHNOJHHH UYOU DONMT MOW YOUR BEAUYIFUL!!!”

Y/N decides she must face her perbvious niughts lover and opnes the door. She sees lim dancing and twirling aorunf the room. ‘what was IN those drugs oh my good god’ she thinks.

“iF ONLY U SAW WHAT I CAN S EEEEEEE” lim continues.

“listen lim..-“ tries y/n

“YOULL UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT YOU SOOOOOOOO-“

“lim my bro dude-“

“DESPERATELYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-“

“LIM LISTEN HERE.” Yells y/n

“erm… yes..?”

“I was on mega drugs last night andthus I don’t actually like you and it was just a hookup”

“oh”

“yea” says y/n going to pick uo all her stuff.

“so all that.. was…. Nothing to you…..?” asl slim slowly

“ye pretyy muvh”

“what the fuck bro why woud= you do this ti me”

“idkbro I literally sai di was on mega drugs”

“get. The. Hell. Out. Of ymm. Haunted hoise.”

“ots literally no even hauntd uf y aren here you kmow”

“OUT. “ demands lim

“goodbye bro” and y/n leaves the hanted haoue.