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Chapter Text

*The beginning of this story has clippings inspired by the comic Star Wars Vol.2 #15 

“Master?”

Silence this time….inside and out.

“Master Qui-Gon?”

A lengthy breath escaped his lips. No answer.

He heard the sand cascading around him, felt the rocks and the remains of a dune lizard floating in the air. The usual disappointment of that silence filled his heart. The concentration broke and everything fell to the ground with a muffled sound. The sand….once again muting everything. Even the voice of his old Master sometimes. He inhaled deeply and opened his eyes. He was alone. As expected…. Master Qui-Gon was not always there for him.

After the first time he managed to speak with Qui-Gon’s Force Ghost, his ability to maintain the connection wavered. It depended on his ability to concentrate and on his purpose. Maybe this time his purpose was wrong. Maybe the isolation had finally gotten to him. Asking his old Master to appear, just because he was lonely….no, that was not the way the force worked. Maybe that is why often, Qui-Gon didn’t appear when Ben called him.

“Or maybe it is because I think of myself as Ben…and not his former Padawan…” Ben thought.

He gazed at the remains of the dune lizard with a frown. This meditation didn’t help him much. He felt spreading thin somehow. He had been trained to be a protector of peace, a guardian ….but never for isolation…for nothingness….

He closed his eyes “Master Qui-Gon, you never trained me for this.” His tone was austere.

The silence rattled his nerves. “You never trained me to fade away…”

The wind twirled around him.

“But I fear this is what is happening to me…” He whispered.

Only the sound of the wind replied as it slid through the animal remains.

He turned towards his Eopie. “Akkani? Ready to head home?” His reserved smile was intoned by the wrinkles at the side of his mouth.

He was not a young man anymore. Long gone where the days when he commanded star destroyers under the title of a High General. Middle age had crept up on him. Crept up…and threatening to go past him while he still recalled the past. Not the good days though…never those. His mind always found itself entangled with the failures….the misguidance…the mistakes….the code of honor he never betrayed, which he now doubted. Maybe that is why Qui-Gon didn’t visit him as often. He was not balanced anymore. He felt it. A shadow of disagreement stained his brow. He didn’t wish to get entangled in his own doubts about everything again. Not today at least.

He stood up and approached his Eopie. “Come old lady. I have some food for you back home.” He said and climbed on her back.

The suns were setting when he reached his hut in the Jundland Wastes. The old, abandoned hut with the moisture vaporator, which Ben found after drifting aimlessly for several months. When he left the cave two years ago, he promised to stay as far away from the Lars as possible. Nevertheless, close enough to help Luke when the need arises. This hut was 139 klicks from the home of Anakin’s son. Ben’s location didn’t bother them. Or so he thought.

Owen, stubborn as ever fed his disdain for Ben with every small excuse, even though the Jedi had kept his promise to stay away. He didn’t even try to visit to offer Luke a present on his birthday anymore. Nevertheless, Owen found reasons to scold him. Ben remained a silent sentinel despite all the misguided hatred towards him. It was Ben’s insistence to watch over the boy from afar and occasionally Beru, Luke’s aunt, who visited the old Jedi to offer him a plate of food occasionally, that made him feel like he still had a purpose.

This self-inflicted isolation…a burden and a punishment for his past mistakes was weighing heavily on him. He could have imposed his will on the Lars family. He could have remained close, choosing to train Luke from a very young age….but he chose not to. The guilt of how he failed his last padawan was still very raw. He respected Owen’s demand and watched…from afar. Quietly. When the time came…

“If the time ever comes….” He remined himself.

If the time came he would be there to train the boy…or at least give him instructions where he could find a much better Master than Ben had ever been. For now, all he could do was watch and protect. Which he made sure to do in advance.

The Tusken raids had lately become so severe that even the Jawa were worried. It was the drought. The worst he could remember. The moisture farmers couldn’t gather enough water for themselves, never mind using it for trade. Especially with the Water Taxes imposed by the Hutts.

This long-lasting drought had worried Ben so much, that he added it to his journals. When people didn’t have the basics to survive they could become dangerous. That held a bigger weight when it came to tribes like the Tuskens and criminal organizations like the Hutts. Vapor Farmers were the biggest targets. The Lars….

 He had few acquaintances from the Jawas, so he made a few deals. Mainly to protect them from the raids in exchange for parts that were rare to find on this planet.

Valuable parts meant to be used for the vaporators both in his hut and at the Lars farm, his speeder car and bike, an old x-wing he was hiding at a warehouse in Mos Espa and of course for his small projects. Mainly concerning lightsabers and marksmen. The rest he used to create a small data bank to store information for future generations. The information was from his perspective only, but it would have to do. Not many Jedi were left alive to tell the tale after Order 66. Especially Jedi of his rank.

The thought made his lips twitch slightly.  

He stopped his Eopie outside his hut and dismounted with a grunt of fatigue. Taking his time, he removed the harness and led Akkani to a sheltered recess he had built next to the hut. There he fed and watered her before finally opening the door to his hut. Tonight’s rest should have been well earned after a whole day of meditating, but he had accomplished nothing. So, when he washed himself and sat down to eat a frugal dinner, the disappointment rekindled. Maybe he could work on some lightsaber parts that needed fine tuning later.

That gave him a small sense of purpose, and it was enough.

An hour later found him leaning over the table with a screwdriver in one hand and a pincer in the other. Several parts were spread in front of him. The constant dark thoughts that were making him suffer the last few months had all been forgotten…for now.

That was until a knock on the door made him look up with a frown. Nobody ever visited him. Nobody with good intentions. He was a hermit. Apart from some Jawa, people kept away from his hut. He was the weird man who lived alone at the Western Dune Sea. Not to be approached. He stood up and raised his hand. His old lightsaber flew in his palm. He approached the door. “Who is it?”

“Open up!”

Ben straightened himself and pressed his lips. He placed his lightsaber on his belt and opened the door. “Owen.” He acknowledged. At the beginning of their relationship, Ben tried to sound pleasant when around Luke’s Uncle. Now he was typical. Mainly because of Owen’s expression, Ben knew he was about to be chastised again.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay away from us?” Owen grumbled.

“Hello to you too.” Ben sighed.

“Leave the pleasantries for those who care.” Owen brushed him off.

“What did I do this time to raise you irk?” Ben asked patiently.

Owen smiled viciously and showed him a large box he was holding.

Ben raised his brow without taking his eyes from Luke’s uncle.

Owen tipped it over and dozens of metallic parts toppled over. “I told you to stay away from us! I warned you!” Owen hissed.

“I did as you asked me.” Ben crossed his arms.

“No, you didn’t! What is all this??” Owen threw the box on the floor and showed the discarded parts.

“You tell me.” Ben rebuked.

“That’s you not leaving us alone!” Owen pointed at him angrily.

Ben remained silent.

“You may not come on person, but your presence is always there! Around us.” Owen frowned.

“That is my job. I am here to protect the boy.” Ben’s voice dropped low.

“Keep away!” – Owen pointed at him- “Keep your pets the Jaws away from us also! We don’t need your help. We don’t need the parts they are giving us because of you. We need nothing from you! Do you understand!?”

Ben inhaled deeply. “I know your vaporator is malfunctioning and the boy has a few parts that need replacement on his speeder car Owen.”  

“We can manage without your damned help! You destroyed one Skywalker! I will not allow you to destroy another one! Do you hear me!?” Owen spat vehemently.

The wound that had never healed in Ben’s heart suddenly tore open. His breath was shaky when he spoke. “I heard you.”

Owen’s eyes burned with the fires of hell as he stared at the old Jedi. “Keep your lightsabers and the curse you carry in your damned blood away from my son!”

“Nephew…His father was a legendary Jedi. You seem to forget.” Ben rejoined as calmly as the pain in his chest allowed.

Owen threw his hands in the air. “How can I forget? You don’t let me forget!!”

“I know you feel like a father to the boy. I promised to stay away from you, and I did. But you are not his father. Luke is his father’s son. He is so much more than this.” -Ben looked around him- “He is much more than this place. You cannot suppress or change that fact.”

“Luke is the son of the man you destroyed!” Owen’s eyes were red from anger.

Ben swallowed heavily.

“Your curse shall not touch my boy. Wherever you go trouble follows you! Stay away. Do you understand? As long as I am alive you will not approach him.” Owen spat.

“I will stay away, but the moment Luke is in danger I will return. The boy shall never come to harm as long as I am alive, to use your words. And one thing I know how to do well, is not die.” Ben rejoined. His tone had an air of menace that gave Owen pause.

“Fuck off Kenobi.” Owen snapped and turned on his heel.  

Ben never got the chance to reply, neither did he want to. The sound of the engine tearing through the desert made him jolt. He closed the door and looked at the parts that were spread across his floor. The dark thoughts returned with vengeance.

He was a child of the light. He had always been. Yet these thoughts…they shone brightly with a red color that scared him. They had been doing so for a while inside this world of sand and loneliness. Owen’s words….painful but real had awoken that red pulsating color in Ben’s mind. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. “Master Qui-Gon are you there?”

Silence once more…

Goddamn silence. He took his lightsaber to hand and rested his forefinger on the ignition. He wished to hear the humming of his weapon. He wanted it to ground him hard on the moment. He longed to see its blue light and forget the redness that glowed within. The moments rolled by in total stillness. Slowly a long-trapped breath released from his chest. His tightly knitted brows relaxed, and he placed his lightsaber on the table.

There was anger inside. Always dormant but now awakened by Owen’s words. Blind anger, regret and pain. So much unresolved pain. He used to be the one to purify Kyber crystals. He wouldn’t be the one to taint his with all that lingering pain. He wouldn’t touch his lightsaber…he wouldn’t come close to his crystal whilst under those uncontrollable emotions. He walked shakily back to his desk. After a few moments he tried to resume his previous work, but the confusion, the pain, the anger…the memories those words awoke were too intense. He was unable to do anything more than crawl to his bed.

He emptied his tired body on it and looked out the window. At the endless sand dunes and the dark sky. Out there somewhere was what remained of Luke’s father. His former padawan. His brother. He had no way of reaching out to him physically or mentally. No way of telling Anakin that his son was here on Tatooine. Safe and well protected. That his daughter was on Alderaan. Safe and well protected. That all that darkness that had consumed them would finally end. He couldn’t tell all that to Anakin, because he was dead….killed by his dark side. And that was a side that Ben was unable and even unwilling to reach.

Chapter Text

When he woke up the next morning he felt as if his body had collided with a sandcrawler. His hand was tightly wrapped around the token that always hung from his neck. He looked down with dazed eyes at the heart shaped crystal. A tiny lily was trapped inside. The symbol of peace from a love that he allowed to get lost into darkness.

He placed his forearm on his sweaty brow and blinked. He thought a good night’s rest would silence his shadowy thoughts, but he had been mistaken. He woke up counting not only the loss of his padawan, but also the loss of Satine and his Master. He pressed the heel of his palm on his eyes.

He had to center himself. Calm down. A cool bath would have done wonders for him, but during these times even his vaporator that was producing much more water than any other farm due to the location, didn’t have enough. He was saving as much water as he possibly could. He remembered the times when he was living at the Jedi Temple. Times of plenty, of peace, of comfort, of calm. Clean clothes, a beautiful room, time to meditate and exercise, to wash and rest. “Why couldn’t we have chosen a better planet to raise Luke? Naboo maybe?” He muttered.

The thought of diving headfirst in one of Naboo’s cold waterfalls made him angry at his sweaty body. Anger…. there was this feeling again. Constantly prevalent when the pain was not there. He got angry about everything, past and present. Only when he was meditating, working on his lightsabers and was amidst his animals did he feel relative peace. Also, when he was talking to his Master, who was apparently lost somewhere in the peaceful comfort of the Force.

At that moment he wanted nothing more than to drink some water and feel a little less dirty. He stood up and made it to the kitchen. His fridge had a dozen bottles stored. He consumed one of them hungrily. Then he went to the bathroom where he used some of his reserves to clean himself. Breakfast was out of the question. Nevertheless, he opened his storage room and chose a few selected weeds. Forgetting momentarily what had happened last night, he stepped over Owen’s mess and opened his door.

His herd of Bantha was there. A smile adorned his lips and his bright blue eyes glimmered with fresh hope for the first time since yesterday.

“Hello there!” He told them.

If there was one thing that could bring him balance once more, it was his animals. His only true and loyal companions on this planet. Ever since he was a youngling in the Jedi Temple he had shown an uncommon ability to connect with animals of all kinds. Either to befriend them, have them as guardians or to control them.

He used that ability during the Clone Wars vastly. He was using it now also, but for different reasons. The animals of the Western Dunes seemed to find the direction to his hut often, on their own. Eopies, Dewbacks, Etobies and of course Banthas. Mostly the latter. A herd of five approached his hut last year. They have never left since. They roamed the Dunes free but always returned to Ben’s Hut.

He had given names to all of them, and they responded eagerly when he called.  He used them for transport, especially when he had a heavy load to carry to one of the cities, but he never overburdened them.

“Good morning Willow, how are you?” He raised his hand, and the animal rubbed his nuzzle on it. When Ben showed them the weeds all the beasts circled around him with moans of happiness.

“Hello Gideon! Thorn you seem a little disheveled. Here my boy, try this.” He offered the wild plant and the animal almost swallowed Ben’s hand along with it.

“Dune come closer, or you won’t get a chance to eat any.” He smiled and then turned to a Bantha that was pushing him on the back with its head gently. “Good morning Crimson. I have some for you too.”

Having offered all of them the rare weeds he had gathered, he then leaned his body on Crimson and closed his eyes. His hand scratched the thick fur fervently. “Maybe today can be a good day after all.” He mused.

The rest of the morning rolled by in calm recollection with him tending the home and his animals. The memories of his rough wake up seemed temporarily buried along with Satine’s amulet under his shirt.

Later in the day after having finished all his work, he was contemplating travelling to Mos Eisley to sell Owen’s unused parts or staying home and working on his marksmen.

The difficulty he was having with credits made the decision straight forward. He may have been a high-ranking officer in the Clone Wars and back then that amounted to a lot of money in his accounts. However, after order 66 all his assets had been confiscated. Bank accounts full of hefty payments from the army, houses, investments….all gone. All apart from one of his accounts on Alderaan that Senator Organa managed to safekeep.

Ben could withdraw credits from it, under the safety that Bail provided, but he avoided doing so. Firstly, it was easy to be traced through the banking system. Secondly, that account held his Jedi pension and he was not growing any younger. He was working for his credits now. Fixing mechanical parts, scavenging, taking care of animals of farmers, paid protection from Tusken Raiders.

Anything he could do, he would. He managed, but for how long would that last? In the end his body would break down. He would be unable to work. He was not like Yoda to live eight hundred years old. He was going to need credits when old age took over…credits he didn’t have to labor hard for.

So today he chose to travel to Mos Eisley to trade Owen’s parts with some credits, some food and maybe the odd drink. The Vriichon brothers Cantina sounded really appealing to him at that moment despite being full of unsavory characters.

Lost in these thoughts he was when the blipping of a transmitter made him look up. He frowned and walked quickly towards a small chest next to his bed. It was Alderaan’s transmitter. Suddenly his blood froze. The memory of the last call he got from Bail when Leia went missing overflowed his mind.

This line was secure and to be used only in great need. He didn’t want to be traced, and he didn’t want anyone to trace Leia. Nevertheless, the young Princess had used it far more often than anticipated. Despite Ben’s and Bail’s advice…she had her own ideas about communications. That gave Ben some courage as he opened the transmission ready to hear the worst news.

When her happy face appeared though, a wave of relief washed over him.

Her smile widened. “Obi Wan!”

“Haven’t we said we don’t use any names?” -He chastised- “Why are you using the transmitter? Did something happen? Your mother? Bail?” The worry was evident in his voice.

 Leia pouted ever so slightly. “No everyone is fine.”

“You really worried me.” Ben pressed his lips austerely.

“I didn’t mean to forgive me Ben” Leia looked sadly at him.

“You don’t use that name either unless there is an issue of life and death.” He corrected her again.

Leia sighed deeply. “Honestly I just want to talk to you more often. I don’t know why you or my father can’t understand that. Why I must pretend….”

“You will understand when the time comes.” Ben stopped her.

“You both always say the same things.” She crossed her arms.

“Are you angry at me?” Ben smiled sweetly at her.

She gazed at him for a few moments before smiling also. “Not really.”

“Ok, now tell me why you contacted me?”

“Do I need a reason to contact my favorite….” -she thought for a few moments- “Uncle?”

Ben’s smile widened. “Nice way of sucking up.”

Leia waved him off. “I like talking to you. I like even more spending time with you…but no chance for that I guess.”

Ben’s smile slowly faded. “I am sorry…I wish I could.”

“I know.”

“Does your father and mother know you are speaking to me today?” Ben raised his brows.

“Of course not! He’d berate me. He doesn’t want me to bother you.” Leia rejoined.

“He doesn’t wish to compromise this safe contact.” Ben told her patiently.

Leia hmphed annoyed.

“Did you sneak into his rooms to steal the transmitter again?” Another small smile dawned on Ben’s lips.

“Of course! I took it and ran to the forest. See?” She turned the transmitter around and showed Ben the forest that surrounded her.

When he saw the great lake in the distance his heart was skirted. “It looks beautiful, but you shouldn’t sneak out this way anymore. You are too old for that.”

“I sneak out more exactly because I am older. You know I finished my basic pilot training last month.” Leia said proudly.

Ben raised his brows. “That my dear girl is solely impressive. I assume you did well?”

“Finished top of my class! My teacher said that I have an uncanny ability to fly so quickly because I can sense the danger before it even approaches.” Leia added eagerly.

Ben’s eyes turned reminiscent. “I believe that. Did I ever tell you….” He stopped suddenly.

Leia leaned in. “Yes?”

Ben looked at her long and hard. “Nothing….just that you are a gifted pilot.” The sound of his voice had a tone of darkness.

Leia’s face lit up. “Thank you Ben….but I sense that you wanted to tell me something else?”

“No names!” He raised his finger.

Leia instantly forgot that line of thought and hurried on. “Alright! You wanna know what I did?”

“Go on.”  

“I asked my father to lead a fleet of ships to Yavin. They are to be donated to the Rebel Alliance! I think he will allow me to do it!” She sounded very excited.

Ben’s brow filled with shadows. “You are too young yet to get involved in such perilous activities. The Alliance? What is Bail thinking?”

“You don’t trust in my abilities even though you called me a gifted pilot.” Her tone was accusatory.

Ben inhaled patiently. “Be weary of the Empire Princess. You don’t want to oppose them yet. Don’t become their enemy. Be mindful.”

“Ah, you sound too much like my mother now. She is trying to shape me up to become a young senator.”

“And you wish to become a warrior?” Ben tilted his head.

“I wish to help those who need me. I know about the Empire and what it has done. I know what is happening, what has happened, even though my parents try to shield me from it.” Leia sounded exasperated.

“The rebel you harbor inside might land you in trouble once more. Be careful.” Ben warned.

“When we first met Ben…my eyes opened to all these other worlds. To their suffering. That is something that I will never forget. It is something that I wish to fight for. Whether my mother likes that or not.” Leia voice filled with a passion that Ben had almost forsaken in himself after all these years.

“I won’t ever forget how you sacrificed yourself to save the ship and the people on it. To save us. How Tala did the same. Ben…I am sorry, but you have already shown me the way. That won’t change.” Leia rejoined solemnly.

I have shown the same way to you father and he was destroyed….Ben’s shoulders slouched. “The passion in you is admirable, but I fear ….I fear for you greatly.”

Leia approached and the smile on her lips was full of unspoken love. “Uncle… you walked a path I admire. Forgive me for not turning a blind eye on that kind of altruism and nobility. The world is so much more than a life of plenty in Alderaan….”

Ben’s eyes filled with unbidden tears. “I wish I could be there to protect you…”

Leia smiled warmly. “I know.”

“But your father is much more than I could ever be for you. Trust in him. Follow his lead. Be wary.” Ben rejoined quietly.

Young Leia’s regard had a depth that touched Ben’s broken heart. “I will Uncle. I promise. I will work with him against this menace. I will do it even if I must go through the Senate first.”

Ben’s lips formed a sad smile. Just like your mother.

“Uncle?”

Ben blinked feeling momentarily thrown off balance. “You will do what you must, but only when the time comes. Don’t rush headfirst into anything. Think…be…”

“…Mindful…I know.”

Ben’s smile faded.

“I follow the news about the Rebel Alliance every single day. My father and I talk extensively about what is taking place, yet the other day I saw him discussing with Tarkin.”  

Ben’s shoulders tensed visibly. “The grand Moff?”

Leia nodded. “We are a member of the Empire, despite supporting the Alliance behind the scenes.”

“Of course.” Ben replied thoughtfully.

“Visits from high Empire officials are usual.”

Ben nodded. “I understand.”

“My father didn’t tell me what they discussed. It’s for my safety, I am sure, but….” Leia looked at Ben carefully.

“You father is balancing precariously between the Empire and the Alliance. His job is hard.”

“I wish to help him.” Leia rejoined eagerly.

“Not yet…no…” Ben shook his head. His eyes filled with shadows.

Leia remained silent for a moment before deciding. “You knew Tarkin, right?”

Ben averted his eyes with a frown.

“You worked with him during the Clone Wars?” She nibbled her upper lip anxiously.

“He worked under General Piell. I had a couple of meetings with him, but I didn’t work with him directly.”

“What kind of a man is he?” Leia asked.

“A man you should keep away from!” -The answer was abrupt. Ben looked up and frowned deeply- “He disliked being bossed around by the Order. He didn’t think that peacekeepers like the Jedi should lead wars. Especially outrank him as Generals. I am sure he was all too eager to lead the purge …” -He stopped and closed his eyes – “We have said too many names already for safety. I don’t like this.”

“What does he want with my father? Should I fear?” Leia’s voice was full of worry.

Ben inhaled deeply. “Trust in Bail. That is all I am going to say.”

Leia looked away disappointed.

Ben’s lips tightened and he approached the transmitter. “Leia…will you heed my advice. Please.”

“I thought you’d help me more with Tarkin.”

“Stop using names!” Ben grumbled angrily and instantly regretted it.

Leia recoiled.

“Dear girl?” Ben’s voice was slightly shaky.

Leia shook her head.

“I used names too. Please forgive me. I don’t seem to be myself lately.” Ben winced.

Leia looked at him closely. “You know I didn’t call you to ask for that man. Neither to tell you about my new piloting skills.”

Ben frowned.

“I know you are not well Uncle.” She said after a few moments of heavy silence.

Ben placed his hand over his beard and looked out of the window.  

“I saw you in my dreams. Well, nightmares….” Leia resumed.

“I am well dear girl. I’m just a little tired lately. Forgive my angry outburst. It was completely out of place.” Ben said quietly.

“What about my dreams. You are always lost in them, in danger, fighting, dying…” Leia’s eyes welled up.

Ben caressed his beard and pushed for a smile. “Recalling our old times together? Bad times…bad dreams. I am sure there is nothing to them.”

Leia sighed and gazed at him searchingly. “So, you feel alright? Are you doing okay?”

Ben tried another half-hearted smile. “Yes. Couldn’t be better.”

“I am worried about you.” Leia sulked.

“A thirteen-year-old girl shouldn’t have to worry about an old man like me. I can take care of myself.” Ben’s eyes were reassuring.

Leia stared at him intensely for a moment before giving him a hesitant smile. “I can send supplies to you. Credits…do you need anything?”

Ben waved her off. “We do not compromise our locations. I have my work, my home and my animals. I am fine my dear girl.”

Leia pouted. “I am not solely convinced.”

Ben shook his head. “A young Senator should always question the declarations of others. Very good Princess. However, I am not lying to you.”

Leia didn’t have the time to answer him properly though. She suddenly looked up and flinched. “Oh heaven! My father’s private guards are coming! I must go!”

“Take care my dearest. It was lovely talking to you.” Ben returned.

Leia smiled at him widely and waved. “See you soon Uncle. Please be careful! I love you!”

Before he had a chance to say anything else the connection was lost. Ben sat back and looked at the transmitter long and hard. Tarkin had come too close to Leia. The Empire was brushing shoulders with her.

His skin crawled with an uncontrollable surge of anger. By staying constantly on Tatooine to protect Luke he sometimes feared he was ignoring Leia who was equally important. Luke had never come so close to an Imperial Officer of Tarkin’s status. Leia had and that made Ben suddenly very aware of the dangers that lay far away from this planet.

Living in such isolation made him forget about what was still out there. A nightmare which was of his doing. Speaking with Leia always reminded him that nothing had changed during the last decade. The nightmare was still out there. As she said, not everything is the planet you are living on. There is so much more out there. So much suffering, so much pain…

Which I helped create….

His face twisted in pain, and his fist punched the table hard. It took several tense moments to calm his shaking breath and open his eyes. He saw his trembling hand lingering over the dent his wrath created.

He closed his eyes and drew inwards. He had to find his lost balance once more. This was becoming too unpredictable. Too dangerous. For a moment he wondered if Anakin had felt like this when he was turning towards the Dark Side of the Force. Ben briefly questioned how he overcame the nightmarish death of Satine at the hand of his enemy without succumbing the need to give into the Dark Side wholly.

Why did he feel so unbalanced now? It was so much easier to disturb him with meagre reasons. The death of a beloved? A few words about Tarkin? No comparison. Unless…

You have so much wrath gathered inside you from all that has happened that you cannot control it anymore. Balance means less each day. All those deaths, those betrayals, the lies, those souls lost to the darkness you resent so much. Now it is closing in on you….beware…

As his thoughts gloomed, his breath became steadily harder. He couldn’t hear the moaning of his herd, nor the wind that was starting to pick up outside. The monotonous ticking of the humidifier and the humming of the ventilation unit. He drew inwards and allowed all those thoughts to clash with each other. Searching for answers that weren’t there. Angry that he couldn’t find the peace he longed for so much, he opened his eyes. The need for a drink was too strong.

He forced himself out of his home, emptied Owen’s box on his speeder car and raced above the Dunes that were turning reddish from the beautiful color of the two setting suns.

Chapter Text

When he reached Gonk-Stores Paradise, Gonker was already closing up shop. Without giving the droid any notice, he picked up Owen’s box and walked inside.

“Hey wait! We are closed!” Gonker shouted.

“No, you are not. Don’t play with me today. I am in no mood.” Ben ignored the droid and entered the trading center.

“Crirol is not here! How are you supposed to trade?” Gonker followed Ben inside.

“With you. Now get on with it.” Ben tipped the box and all the parts fell on the counter.

Gonker walked up the ladder and looked down. “If Crirol learns I traded with you he is going to pull out my new battery pack.”

“Do I look like I care?” -Ben pointed at the parts- “These are rare especially during these times and you know it. You don’t need Crirol. Make an appraisal and I will tell you if I agree.”

“What did you do? Rob a sandcrawler or something?” Gonker's robotic voice sounded amused.

Ben sighed deeply, calling on patience. “Come on…”

“These are parts only the Jawas manage to find.” Gonker rejoined.

“Do you want a pedigree for each part or to do business? Tomorrow your trading center will flood with customers when you put these collectables on display.” Ben gritted his teeth.

Gonker calculated for a few moments before turning his camera towards Ben. “Alright, but if Crirol sees them tomorrow and disagrees with our deal, we will come to your hut.”

“I’d like to see you both try. Honestly.” -Ben raised his brow and added in a monotone- “The appraisal.”

Gonker made several calculating blips before turning his camera to Ben. “A thousand …”

“You must be joking.” Ben started putting the parts back in the box.

“Wait wait! Eight hundred!”

“These parts can fix any vaporator no matter how old or damaged. You are selling me short. I will get a better deal at Mos Espa.” Ben continued packing the parts.

“Fine, twelve hundred but no more!” Gonker warned.

Ben stopped and looked up. “Fourteen hundred, Imperial.”

“I only have Republic.” Gonker rejoined.

“No deal. Those are too easily traceable.”

“That's all I have!” Gonker retorted.

Ben raised his brow and after a moment he tilted his head. “Either fourteen hundred Imperial credits or eighteen hundred Republic ones. They are far more difficult to exchange. Easily traceable. A risk to use.”

Gonker started blipping and moving erratically. “You are going to burn my circuits.”

“I’ve traded with you for years. Have I ever sold Crirol short?” Ben’s eyes thinned.

“No.”

“Then you either take my deal or not. Which is it?” Ben continued.

Gonker’s rectangular frame fizzled out. “Fine. Alright.” -He opened the safe and counted the credits carefully before giving them to Ben- “I have a feeling I am going to regret this.”

“You won’t. Tell Crirol that it is time to start trading in Imperial credits. Everything Republic is becoming obsolete. Good evening.” Ben replied and walked out of the store without a second look.

Gonker bobbed to the entrance and watched as Ben’s speeder flew away.

-.-

“Prow. Straight up.” Ben placed the credits on the counter.

“Distilled?” Rosjar, the bartender asked.

Ben shook his head under the hood. “Yes”. As Rosjar tended to his drink, Ben looked around at the commotion in the Cantina.

“Haven’t see you in a while.” Rosjar served him with one of his tentacles.

“Been busy. What is all this commotion about?” Ben took the small glass and emptied it in one go. Then he pushed it back to Rosjar.

The bartender reached back and took the bottle from one of the shelves. Then he placed it in front of Ben. “There is a large bounty hunt going on. I think tonight someone traced one of those infamous pushers here. They must be close by.”

“Pyke syndicate?” Ben asked and refilled his glass.

“Probably. I wouldn’t know…of course.” Rosjar replied.

“Of course. This establishment deals only with death sticks. Or at least that is what you want people to believe.” Ben emptied his glass and quickly filled it again.

“Not even that. We are an honest establishment here Mister Ben. By the way it’d be quicker to drink straight from the bottle.” Rosjar noted.

“Honest indeed.” -Ben smirked- “And drinking from a bottle isn’t civilized my friend.”

“Always that streak of nobility in you that doesn't go hand in hand with all your current professions.” Rosjar’s tentacles swished elegantly around him.

“Leave the bottle.” Ben rejoined and placed a few more credits on the counter.

Rosjar’s lumpy head bobbed. “If you need access to the private rooms call me. I promise we won’t give you any death sticks. It will be much quieter there today.”

“No, thank you.” Came the taciturn answer.

Rosjar shook one of his tentacles in front of Ben and then turned to serve the other customers.

Ben lowered the hood over his head and concentrated on his drink. He never asked for trouble when in the cities. He always kept to himself not seeking the company of anyone. Drawing attention for him was a nightmare. He was always quiet, paid well, kept good relations with the staff and the information about himself was frugal and short. To them he was nothing more than a hermit with an uncanny ability to fix anything mechanical.

Today the patrons of the Cantina seemed on edge, probably due to the active Bounty Hunt. So, Ben made sure to become even more invisible if possible. He took the bottle and found a small table in a dark corner. There he remained drinking and pondering on the last few days until it was late at night.

Feeling rather intoxicated, but also in a better mood he observed around him. The Cantina now had very few patrons and Rosjar was cleaning the counter boringly. Soon they would close shop. He was certain that even the patrons of the private rooms were either sleeping by now or had departed. He peeked at the empty bottle in front of him and raised his brow. His blue eyes glimmered cunningly. He would have gone for a second, but he was obliged to drive himself home. Next time he swore he would ride Akkani here.

He wrapped his cloak around him and raised his hand towards Rosjar in a silent salutation. The bartender reciprocated. When he walked out, the frozen air made him shudder. It was always extremely cold during the night. The exact opposite of his days. He walked towards his speeder, rather surprised that his steps were relatively steady. He was about to get in when he heard great commotion coming from a dark alley to his right.

Nothing unusual for Mos Eisley at this hour. He would have left without a second thought, hadn’t he perceived the distinctive hum of a lightsaber. He looked up sharply to see two red sabers clashing against each other inside the darkness. His hand went instictively towards his belt, but a wave of regret washed over him. He didn’t have his weapon on him. A trait he got used to from the moment he stepped foot on this planet. One thing that could instantly draw attention was his blue lightsaber.

It is not your place to get involved. Red lightsabers are none of your business. Get on your speeder and drive off.

Reason tried to reach him. Hadn’t he been drinking all through the night, he might have heard it. Against all logic though, he walked towards the dark alley, following the sparking of those red lightsabers like hypnotized. That is when a body flew over his head and landed behind him with a heavy thud. Ben glowered at the alley where the other lightsaber kept moving towards him.

“Get out of the way!” A heavy voice commanded.

A groan of pain made him realize that the body next to him belonged to a woman. He looked down unable to see anything under the dark cloak she was wearing. Nothing except knowing that she was a Sith. As was the man who was commanding him to back off. “I said move!” The man came into view.

Ben’s body suddenly tensed as a rush of adrenaline filled his blood. “A’ Sharad….” He acknowledged.

The man stopped and lowered his weapon. “Kenobi…of course.”

“Didn’t I tell you to stay away from Tatooine?” Ben’s eyes thinned.

“I am known as Darth Krayt now…” The man retorted with a cold smile.

“Does your new title muffle your ears?” Ben’s brow flicked as he looked at the red lightsaber.

“You are standing in my way…” Krayt pointed behind Kenobi.

“Your way of doing what?” Ben replied calmly.

“Getting rid of this useless Bounty Hunter.” The hard answer came.

“Oh, I see. You are the pusher?”

Krayt made to go past Kenobi, but Ben opened his hand and the woman’s lightsaber flew into his palm. He ignited it and the red color washed over his contorted features. “No, of course not. A Sith Lord cannot be a simple pusher. What are you doing here Hett?”

Krayt saw that and took an involuntary step back. “My name is not Hett anymore.”

“Do the Sith deal with Spices now? So uncivilized.” Ben gazed at him with repugnance.

Krayt raised his lightsaber and his grip tightened on the hilt. “What we do is none of your business anymore. You have retired or am I mistaken?” The command seemed to have left his voice the moment Ben repurposed the spare lightsaber.

Ben’s eyes turned to Krayt’s right arm, which was mechanical. “Retired of course. Now lower your weapon and turn the other way.”

Krayt looked at him with blazing eyes. “I will kill her Kenobi. She has been on my tail for far too long. No one will stop me. Not even you.”

Ben swished the saber elegantly around him, before assuming position. “Haven’t tried a red one in a long time, but I think I can manage to cut off your left arm before you reach her.”

Krayt sneered and looked at his arm. "You have cripled me in the past Kenobi. You dishonored me in front of my people. You refused to offer me an honorable death. You banished me from the planet. You have done enough. I won’t let you get in my way again. Move back!”

Maybe it was the intoxication or the recognition of the red lightsaber’s curved handle that made Ben hold his ground. No matter the reason, he assumed his position and prepared. “Haven’t had a proper skirmish in ages. Go on Hett.”

Krayt released a battle cry and attacked fiercely only to be met with the impenetrable wall of lightsaber work that was Ben’s specialty. He was a hermit, he lived in isolation, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t training. After the abduction of Princess Leia found him unprepared for Lightsaber combat, he promised to his Master to never stop training.

And train he did, almost every day with his Marksmen. Droids tampered to fire brutally fast and with an intensity that could seriously wound. So, when his old enemy attacked, even though Ben was drunk, he found it easy to parry every well placed strike. He protected his body and the fallen Bounty Hunter with an ease that instantly unbalanced Krayt.

The Sith Lord’s sudden doubt in his abilities is what offered Ben the opportunity to counterstrike.

Changing his form he used his old acrobatics to fly over Krayt, kick his stomach and then knock his head with handle of his lightsaber. As Krayt wavered on his feet and looked up dazed, Ben slashed through Krayt’s mechanical hand. The Sith’s lightsaber fell to the ground with a clanking sound. Quickly Ben raised his free hand, and the weapon flew to it. Krayt took several steps back and a low menacing growl echoed from his chest. “Kenobi….” His voice betrayed a hatred that would have frightened any other man.

Ben approached with a smile and kicked Krayt to the ground. He crossed the lightsabers on his neck and looked down. “That was easy. Now tell me what’s stopping me from killing you right now? If your criminal past was not enough, now you have embraced the dark side…”

“The Jedi code of honor which you hold so fucking dear is stopping you!” Krayt smiled maliciously.

Ben’s lips curled up in disgust as his grip on the lightsabers tightened.

“You are not Anakin Skywalker. You can never be him. He murdered my whole tribe without any remorse. Whilst you couldn’t kill me even when I was begging you to do so back then! You are unable to kill an unarmed man!” Krayt’s eyes pierced through Ben.

 Ben’s eyes filled with fire.

“The goddamn Jedi code is stopping you from killing me….” -Krayt offered him a victorious smile– “What are you going to do now Kenobi? Are you going to cut off my other arm and exile me from the planet again? What’s to stop me from returning to kill you…or better yet revealing your location to the Empire?”

Ben’s grip on the handles turned his knuckles white from tension. It should have been easy. A clean cut on Krayt’s throat and there would be no more threats. Merciful as the code ordered. With the exception that Krayt was on his knees and without a weapon. That would be a cold-blooded kill. Ben knew it was impossible to let him live after what he said, however the thought of ending him was equally unbearable. The battle within him raged on as his hands began shaking. That is when the voice of his Master echoed inside his mind.

He is right Obi Wan. You never allowed the darkness to command your actions, even under the most grave circumstances. You are a creature of light and as such you must recognize that sometimes darkness will exist. You cannot control all the outcomes of life. End his life in cold blood and stain your soul. Let him live and let fate decide for him….

Let fate decide for Luke also? Ben thought.

The Daughter of Light helped you, walked beside you, and protected you on Mortis. Light surrounds you even in these dark times. Let it show you the way. Don’t waver my son.

“Wavering with indecision General? I knew you couldn’t do it. Let me live and I will hunt you down. Or better yet I will reveal your location to the Empire. There are many people there who would love to know your secret hide out.” Krayt’s smile was full of confidence.

With a speed rarely witnessed anymore Ben crashed the handle of the lightsaber on Krayt’s temple. The man fell like a sack of potatoes. “Do shut up…” Ben snapped.

The threat of Krayt revealing Ben’s location to Vader was enough to make him consider killing the man in cold blood. Luke couldn’t….wouldn’t be endangered as long as Ben lived. Krayt was either going to leave this planet in shackles or dead.

Ben at that moment preferred death, but he didn’t allow his emotions to control his better judgment. Even debating the second option went against everything he had ever stood for. With an angry exhalation he turned around and walked towards the fallen Bounty Hunter. She was sure to have some restraints on her.

That is when he heard a soft rustle come from behind him. The lightsabers instantly ignited and created a shield on his back.

When he turned he saw Rosjar standing next to the back door of the Cantina. He was holding a weapon in one of his tentacles. A small dart was embedded in Krayt’s throat.

Ben turned around fully and deactivated his weapons.

Let fate decide …don’t rush. Trust in the Light. It surrounds you. Always. The voice of Master Qui-Gon echoed in his mind again.

“Don’t want him to wake up after you leave.” Rosjar whispered and looked around at the houses. The racket hadn’t bothered the locals. They were used to the sound of weapons. Not a single window was open. No one was peeking through a blind to see what was happening.

“I didn’t intend to let him lay there.” Ben raised his brow.

“What did you intend to do with him?” Rosjar asked as he tucked away his weapon- “This man is wanted by all the Bounty Hunters on Tatooine and you Mister Ben….you don’t seem like a man who wants to draw any unwanted attention, correct?” -Rosjar’s watery eyes gazed at Ben’s lightsabers- “Hadn’t seen one of those in ages.”

Ben inhaled deeply and tilted his head. He remained silent.

“You seem rather skillful with them.” Rosjar added.

Ben started weighing his options.

“Too much so.”

“What do you want Rosjar?” Ben spat.

Rosjar wiped a few watery droplets from his forehead. “I want you to give me this Bounty.”

Ben straightened and frowned. “This filth belongs to that Bounty Hunter.” He pointed to the fallen woman behind him.

“Who might be dead already. Besides she didn’t capture him Mister Ben.” Rosjar retorted.

“Neither did you.” Ben rejoined coldly.

Rosjar rubbed a couple of tentacles in front of his face. “No, you did, but Mister Ben…I am not sure you wish to draw attention by claiming this Bounty. Am I right?”

Ben’s nose flared.

“My species have the reputation of a strong smell which we use to make good drinks and food, but we are not well known for our sharp eyesight.” Rosjar said carefully.

“Go on.” Ben encouraged.

“You wish to remain hidden, I want the Bounty, which is hefty. I think we can help each other.”

“How?” Ben raised his brow.

“I deliver this man to the bondsmen, and I forget what I saw and heard tonight in this alley.” Rosjar smiled knowingly.

“I don’t react very well to threats. Just a heads up.” Ben lips stiffened.

“I am not threatening you!” -Rosjar raised his tentacles in defense- “Far from it. I simply offer a collaboration Mister Ben.”

Ben heard a low groan coming from the fallen Bounty Hunter. He turned and looked at her.

“You can take her away. I never saw her either.” Rosjar was quick to add.

Ben’s solemn face turned towards the bartender. At that moment he didn’t have many choices in front of him. Rosjar had seen, had heard. He needed to deal with the bartender and figure out his true intentions later. There was a woman possibly dying behind him and they were too exposed.

The decision was forced upon him by the circumstances. “The Bounty is yours, but this isn’t over.”

Rosjar wide mouth formed a smile. “You don’t need to worry about me Mister Ben. I am blind as a bat.” The alien slid towards Krayt and wrapped all his tentacles around the unconscious Sith Lord.

“Not blind enough to aim that dart perfectly.” Ben muttered and walked towards the woman.

He placed his hand on her back. She was still breathing. He turned her around carefully and pushed her hood away. He wasn’t shocked to see her face. Her lightsaber had already betrayed her. The only thing that made him raise his brow irritably was the long white hair that surrounded her face. “Hmmm, not sporting the bald look anymore Ventress?” He checked her pulse.

Her eyes fluttered. “Kenobi?” She whispered.

He tilted his head. “That goddamn name has been heard in this alley so many times that I feel truly uncomfortable.”

Ventress’ eyes closed tightly, and she gasped for air. A small trickle of blood was at the side of her lips.

“I admit your new hair suits you. A lovely sight indeed.” He grimaced as he tried to find her wound.

She didn’t respond and that made him worried. “Come on open your eyes. Don’t tell me that someone finally beat the fight out of you.”

She took a shaky breath and her eyes opened slightly. “That is my line…High General.”

“Well, consider it borrowed.” Ben sulked. He pushed the garments away to reveal a blood trail coming from the left side of her stomach. The wound looked deep. She needed immediate attention.

She grasped his forearm tightly with a trembling hand. “Krayt, the Bounty….”

He tore a long piece from the bottom of his robes and wrapped the cloth around her waist. “Unfortunately, I beat you to it. And then someone else beat me to it.”

Ventress closed her eyes as he made a tight knot. A groan erupted from her chest. “No…no…I need him…”

“Well, you may need him, but all you have right now is me. Now stay still.” He replied. He tucked the lightsabers on his belt and placed his arms under her.

“I need to…”

“You need to stay silent, because we have already caused a lot of racket in this alley.” He rejoined and picked her up. He looked at the main street. There was no one on it.

“Krayt…” She whispered.

“Is long gone….You lost your bounty and I have lost my mind most probably. I was not counting on bringing a Bounty Hunter in my hut today. So, this night has gone awry for all of us.” Ben added and walked swiftly towards his speeder. He placed her carefully on the passenger seat.

Ventress leaned against the door. Ben checked on her wound as he got into the driver’s seat. Then he fired up the engine and flew through the streets of Mos Eisley as quickly as possible.

-.-

He laid her head carefully on the pillow and winced. Finding a doctor in town would have been a much easier and safer option for her. Safer for him though was bringing her here. He chose the latter and now he was irrevocably burdened with her healing process.

“Master Qui-Gon, any advice right now would be really welcome.” Ben said as he looked around his hut.

No answer of course.

He had knowledge of healing basic wounds since he fought in a galactic war for several years, but he didn’t know how extensive the damage was in Ventress’ internal organs. He took off his cloak, washed his hands and gathered quickly a large basin, towels, disinfectants, medication and as much clean water as he could from his vaporator. He boiled it before returning to her with all the supplies.

He sat next to her and looked at her face for a few tense moments. “I should have stayed home today.”

He moved the cloak away from her body and looked at her wound. It was cauterized as all the wounds from lightsabers, but that didn’t mean her internal organs were in good condition. He dipped the towel in the water and wiped her mouth clean. A cut at the side of it made him exhale in relief. That blood was not coming from any internal bleeding.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, he decided to pull her shirt up to check on the wound properly. “This is so unseemly.” He muttered with a scowl. The point of entrance was black and sizzling. A good amount of blood had stained her stomach, but it was turning the color of rust. That meant that outside at least there was no more bleeding. He looked at her face that was lost in oblivion. “Ventress I know you will hate this, but I need to clean you up.”

She didn’t respond and that suited him.

He dipped the towel in the boiled water and slowly he began cleaning her wound. The last thing he had been expecting today was fall face first upon one of his old archenemies.

Not Hett or Darth Krayt as he preferred to be called now, but this woman. He had sparred with her one too many times during the Clone Wars. She used to be a Seperatist Assassin, a ruthless killer who had ended the lives of many people. Jedi and clones alike. He should have left her to rot in that alley, but a few memories stopped him. Once upon a time she had helped him survive an attack from two Sith Lords who had managed to overpower him. And another even more important time she had assisted Anakin’s padawan when she was caught in a rather tough spot.

This Assassin who turned Bounty Hunter, had assisted Ashoka in her darkest hour and that for Ben was more than enough. His eyes turned darkly reminiscent as he continued his work. Cleaning the wound itself and applying the disinfectants on it. He didn’t know what Force machinations brought this woman in his path again, but he wasn’t going to be the one to let her die in the middle of a dark alley.

When he finished a thorough job of cleaning and securing the wound, he wrapped it in a clean bandage. He pressed his lips and looked at her face. She hadn’t changed much through these years if you excluded the hair. Thin and strong as ever, with an air of haughty defiance even in her unconscious state.

He leaned over. “Ventress can you hear me?”

No response.

He patted her cheek. “Come on darling. You need to open your eyes.”

She moaned. “Kenobi…”

“Yes, we have already established that. Now open your mouth. You need to drink this.” He placed a small bottle on her lips and raised her head slightly.

She cringed and tried to pull away.

“Now don’t act like a child. This will help protect you against possible infections. Come on, drink up my dear.” Ben rejoined patiently.

Her eyes cracked open ever so slightly. “Always the chivalrous one….” She whispered.

“Yes, we have established that also. Now drink up. Then you can sleep.” Ben scrounged his lips.

She closed her eyes but opened her mouth. Ben managed to feed her all the dose carefully. He laid her back to the pillows and wiped her mouth with the towel. Then he removed her black robe and boots before sitting next to her once more.

He had done all he possibly could without disturbing the already sealed wound. Yet her weakness…worried him greatly.

Use the Force Obi Wan…-The voice of his master resonated in his mind- Use the Light surrounding you to help her heal.

“I have never tried that technique Master. Only Grand Master Yoda…” Ben whispered.

Allow the Daughter of Light to guide you. Close your eyes and allow your strength to flow through you.

Ben sighed deeply and raised his hand. It lingered above her dressed wound for a few moments in uncertainty. The silence felt heavy around him. He had never tried something like that with anyone. He wasn’t sure he could do it, but it really couldn’t hurt her more.

His hand came down slowly until it rested above her wound. She visibly trembled. Ben inhaled deeply, closed his eyes and slowly drew within. It took him long to find his balance after tonight’s skirmish, but when he finally felt the warmth of the light filling up his chest he sighed in contentment.

Let it flow through you….

Ben felt the heat gliding down his arm and reaching his palm. A strong tremor shook him as that beautifully warm energy left him and entered the body of Ventress.

After that he completely lost all sense of time and place.

They remained as such for several hours, without Ben even realizing. Him offering and her greedily taking until the first rays of the morning light appeared behind the Dune Sea.

Chapter Text

It was close to midday when Ben finally managed to open his eyes. He felt completely drained. His body was so weak, the thought of moving felt like a joke. It was as if someone had sucked out all his strength with a thin straw. He was sprawled unceremoniously on a chair with his feet resting on a footstool. His robes were wrapped tightly around him, and he was still wearing his boots. He slowly moved his head and felt his neck screaming in pain. “Oh, my Force.” He croaked.

The memory of the previous evening was very blurry. That damned bottle of prow must have really gotten to him. The throbbing headache that had awakened alongside him wasn’t helping either. He looked towards his bed where Ventress was sleeping under the blankets. A groan of regret rumbled in his chest. He covered his face. “I really should have stayed home yesterday.”

He closed his eyes again and resettled. The thought of forcing his body out of this chair seemed impossible. Primarily because every single muscle on him was sore from sleeping this way. Secondarily because of that dreadful weakness he felt from within. “This woman sucked me dry.” He murmured and a sly smile formed on his lips.

He didn’t know how long he remained in the same position, in no mood to dislodge himself. It was the sound of a speeder bike that made his eyes fly open again. The memory of his sparring in the alley and Rosjar witnessing everything flooded him. He remained immovable, following the sound, trying to discern its direction. When he made sure it was coming towards his hut he pushed himself up with a loud groan of pain that resounded inside his home. “Damn!” He spat and steadied himself on the table.

The bike’s engine turned off and he heard footsteps coming towards his door. He lifted his hand, and his lightsaber flew to it. Then he dragged himself towards entrance knowing that had that been Rosjar Ben would have a difficulty defending himself in the state he was in. The knock that came was gentle though and that gave him hope. He opened the door ever so slightly and sighed in relief. “Beru…” He whispered and leaned upon the casing.

Luke’s aunt was standing in front of him with a big pot and a frown on her face. “Good morning. You look like death.”

“Oh, I am sure I do. What are you doing here?” He scowled.

Beru pushed him aside and entered the hut. “I have been unable to sleep after learning what Owen did to you yesterday. I came here to make amends.” -She placed the pot on his table and looked around. When her eyes fell to the bed she covered her mouth- “Oh Ben, I am so sorry. I didn’t know you had company.”

Ben followed her inside tiredly and discarded his lightsaber. He leaned over the pot and lifted the lid. “Is this your famous steak soup?” His stomach growled angrily. He suddenly remembered that yesterday he had barely eaten anything.

Beru approached Ventress. “Is she alright?” She turned to look at Ben.

“I think she is going to be.” He replied and took a spoon to taste some of Beru’s soup.

“What happened to her?” Beru touched Ventress’ forehead.

“That is a long story my dear.” -Ben replied as he took a generous bite - “Your cooking is divine.”

“Do you need any help with her?” Beru was looking at Ben’s patient cautiously.

Ben noticed and left the pot with great regret. He came over and checked Ventress’ temperature. Then he pulled back the blanket and saw the bandage was clean. Her breathing was calmer than last night, and the color had returned to her usually pale features. “Don’t worry Beru. Everything is ok. She just needs to rest.”

“You…know her?” Beru asked carefully.

“An old acquaintance that fell into some unfortunate circumstances yesterday.” Ben explained.

Beru sighed with a smile. “Alright, then you shall need more homemade food. You need to nourish her back to health and your ready meals won’t cut it.”

Ben wrapped his hand around her bicep and walked with her towards the kitchen area. “If Owen finds out that you are bringing me food he is going to …”

“He is going to do what?” -Beru pulled her arm free and looked at Ben angrily- “Owen is my husband, and I love him, but he is foolish and stubborn and that will land us into serious trouble one day!”

Ben pressed his lips.

“You know I am right! Remember what happened when that Fourth Sister or whatever her name was, came for Luke. You were away! Whose fault was that?” Beru looked angry.

“Please keep your voice down.” Ben asked gently.

Beru gazed towards the bedroom and nodded.

“The fault was not Owen’s. I needed to leave. I had to….help someone off planet. I told you before.” Ben stumbled on the words.

Beru waved him away. “Spare me! The way Owen treats you is ungodly.  It is your prerogative to never help us in our time of need. No one would blame you! Above all me!”

Ben smiled kindly and clasped her hand. “You know I will always be here to help. No matter Owen’s difficult moods.”

“You are being too kind with him Ben, but that is you I guess.” -She reciprocated the friendly touch- “Allow me to apologize about my husband’s attitude yesterday.”

“There is no need.”

“The food is my way of saying that we need you in our lives. We need you in Luke’s life. At least me and the boy.” Beru’s eyes welled.

Ben pulled her hand to his mouth and offered it a gentle kiss. “I will be there always, and I will do what I must for the boy. Don’t fear.”

Beru closed her eyes and wiped a tear away. “You are such a noble soul Ben.”

“I am a fool, but if I can help then I will.” He smiled.

Beru wrapped her fingers around his forearm. “The parts Owen brought back to you….” She hesitated.

“Yes?” He frowned.

“Do you still have them?” Beru’s eyes were pleading.

A wave of guilt rushed through him. “I sold them at Mos Eisley yesterday.”

Beru’s body deflated, and she lowered her eyes. “You did well. He deserved that, but we got punished alongside his fucking ego.”

“It is not ego that guides Owen’s actions. It is the fear that Luke will end up as Anakin did. I cannot blame him.” Ben patted her hand.

“Whatever his reasons, we are suffering with him Ben. We needed those parts for our vaporator.” Beru’s scowl was formidable.

Ben closed his eyes and sighed. He took the wallet from his belt and placed it on the table. “Go buy them. They are in Gonk Stores Paradise. Don’t let Crirol ask more than nine hundred for them.”

Beru looked at him bewildered for several moments.

“There is more than enough here to buy back Owen’s parts and a few to spare.” Ben smiled quietly.

She pushed back the wallet with a deep scowl. “I cannot take your money Ben.”

“I am giving it to you.” The simple answer came.

Beru’s eyes welled once again. “Even if I accepted your noble offer, Owen would raise hell if he saw the parts back in our house again. It was wrong for me to ask.”  

Ben leaned back and crossed his arms.

Beru’s lips formed a beautiful smile as she observed him closely. “You my dear Ben, are an amazing man. Has anyone ever told you that?”

He exhaled. “More women than I can count.”

Beru laughed and looked towards his wallet. She pushed it back. “Keep your credits my dear Ben. They may help Luke one day….When Owen is wiser to accept your help.”

Ben pressed his lips. “How can I help you with your vaporator? At least take some water from me.”

Beru smiled sadly. “I will accept the water and will repay with some homecooked meals.”

Ben nodded. “Deal.”

Beru stood up. “Have to hurry back. Cannot let Owen figure out where I am going with his speeder.”

Ben escorted her to the door. “Be careful out there. The Tusken Raiders are becoming bolder. Don’t take the less travelled routes.”

“I won’t.” Beru opened the door.

He reached out and held her bicep. “Before you leave….”

Beru turned to him with a tender smile. “Luke is doing well. He is growing strong and healthy. He hunts womp rats with his T-16 skyhopper. Your toy really rubbed off on him. Didn’t take him long to convince Owen to get a real one for him.”

Ben nodded with a smile.

“We don’t allow him to take the less travelled routes either. He is exceptionally handy with all kinds of machinery. He is a happy boy, Ben. He is well.”

Ben released her arm with a sigh of relief. “I am so glad to hear that.”

Beru gripped his hand. “I wish I could bring him to you.”

Ben’s smile faded. “It’s okay. I don’t wish to compromise the boy’s location. It is better to keep him away from me. Especially now.” He remembered the woman who was sleeping on his bed and last night’s dangerous sparring.

Beru offered him an apologetic smile. “I am sorry for Owen.”

Ben nodded gently. “You don’t need to be.” -He gave Ventress a quick glance before turning to Beru- “It will be best to avoid coming here for the next couple of weeks. I fear my location may have been compromised.” He whispered.

Beru frowned. “By her?”

“No…”

Beru sighed. “Alright.”

Ben smiled. “Now go. Take all the water you need. I have plenty of pitchers in the storage area next to the vaporator.”

“Thank you for everything Ben!” Beru said quietly and waved at him. Ben stayed at the door and mused after her for a few moments before closing it. He walked broodingly towards his storage. Looked around in it, picked up a dose of medication and then walked back to Ventress.

He looked at her for several quiet moments before sitting next to her. “Good morning, can you open your eyes?”

Ventress sighed and opened them much quicker than yesterday. She still looked heavily dazed, but she was clearly more responsive.

“How do you feel?” He smiled at her.

“Obi Wan….” She whispered. Her voice was barely heard.

“Are we on first name terms now?” His smile turned lopsided.

“You are looking at me with pity.” She slurred.  

“That means there is still a chance for you. The pity will leave my eyes only when I feel that you are ready to join the Force in peace.”

“Am I ready?” She mumbled.

“Not yet my dear. You still have a lot of life force inside you. Now come on, you need to take your dose.” He placed his hand gently behind her head and lifted her up.

She moaned in pain and grasped his forearm. “My ….Bounty….”

“Open your mouth…there…” -He said and fed her the medication- “Unfortunately Krayt was taken by another Bounty Hunter. I am sorry.”

Ventress’ eyes closed tightly, and she gasped. “The credits.”

“Are gone.” He pressed his lips and laid her back down smoothly.

Ventress’ fingers gripped his forearm weakly. An unexpected sob rattled her chest, which made Ben frown. He clasped her cold hand. “You need to rest, to regain your strength.”

“You should…have left me…to die.” She whispered with a broken voice.

Ben’s heart squeezed when he heard those words. “A fate surely not reserved for a woman of your talents and exceptional physique.” He forced a sly smile on his lips, that felt fake.

Ventress released a sound that was something between a grunt and a laugh. “Told you before…don’t flatter…yourself.”

Ben hmphed. “I won’t. Now close your eyes. Time for sleep.”

She closed her eyes and her body slowly relaxed. He covered her up and contemplated upon her features for a few moments. This time, with much less reserve, he reached out and placed his palm on her wound.

He closed his eyes, turned within and forgot the immense fatigue he had felt upon waking up. For some reason the need to heal her fast prevailed over every other thought.

-.-

Ben stood in front of his door, musing towards the orange colors of the two setting suns. Last night he slept on his chair again and his body punished him for that. All day today he battled through several aches as he tended to his animals and home. The constant weakness that was coming from within made him unable to perform any other task than the absolute necessary. Beru’s soup had helped, but his continuous meditation over Ventress’ wound undeniably drained him.

He looked at her above his shoulder. Sleeping quietly since yesterday morning. She had turned on her side during the night, which gave Ben some courage. She wasn’t plighted by fever and when he changed her bandage this morning, the wound was clean and healing. Despite his doubts, apparently his meditation was helping her.

But it was not helping him. He wrapped his robes around his aching body and looked towards the caves that were adjoining his hut. An early night’s rest was the only thing he craved tonight. Just lay down and close his eyes. Have an uninterrupted sleep. For this evening, he decided to fix a small bed in the cave he used for meditation. A couple of blankets and one of his pillows was more than enough. He couldn’t bear one more night sleeping upright in his chair. This hut was not made to accommodate more than person. For the moment, that individual was Ventress.

He watched his well-fed herd of Bantha gathering in a circle, getting ready for sleep also. With one last look around the Dunes he came inside, and the door closed. He went to his storage chest and picked up the last bottle of medication he owned. Tomorrow he had to head to Mos Eisley to purchase some more. A good opportunity to see Rosjar and establish how things stood between them. He took off his cloak and walked to his bed tiredly. As he sat down, Ventress moaned and stretched.

A sad smile dawned on Ben’s mouth. “Good evening. How do you feel?”

Ventress mumbled something unrecognizable. Ben cupped the back of her head and turned her gently. “Come on, you need to take your medicine.”

She shook her head and scrounged her lips. “It tastes horrid.” That was the first time her voice sounded steady, but still heavy from sleep.

“That’s the taste of healing…” Ben rejoined and fed her slowly.

When he finished he placed her down. Her eyes fluttered open. “I prefer how your hand feels when it comes to healing.”

Ben snorted amused and shook his head. “Don’t flatter yourself.” He covered her up.

“Those are my words…again…” She murmured as she turned to her side and looked up at him.

He snuggled the blanket under her chin. “Consider it borrowed…again. Now sleep.”

She gave him a nod and closed her eyes. After making sure she was well tucked and with a steady breathing, he walked towards his dining table. He took a plate of Beru’s soup and his diary. There he sat, eating slowly and writing under a soft light that he made sure didn’t bother the eyes of his patient.

It was much later when her voice broke his concentration. “Is this your home?”

He looked sideways at her. “My hut…yes.”

She blinked and looked around her slowly. “It’s small.”

“I don’t’ need much.” Ben placed his pen down and closed his diary.

 “A High General of the Republic Army living in such a place? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.” Her words sounded harsh, but her voice was soft.

“Why should my fate be better than that of my peers Ventress?” Ben frowned.

She was quiet.

“My brethren were slain. So many soldiers fell, so many citizens. Innocent families, children….”

“Jedi children…” She added quickly.

“It matters not!” -Ben was unable to keep his voice steady- “Whole cities were destroyed…whole planets…So many souls were gone during that accursed war. Their losses are still being mourned.”

Ventress sighed quietly.

“Living in poverty is not the worst fate in the times that we are living in. However, remaining alive to grieve for the people you lost …is.” Ben rejoined heavily.

The silence that came from her was tense.

“Are you hungry?” He asked after a few moments.

“A little.” Her voice was barely heard.

He tucked his diary away and walked to the kitchen. With his lips pressed in disagreement towards the thoughts that engulfed his mind, he prepared a plate of soup and a cup of water. Then he returned to her. He placed the food on the table and brought it closer to the bed. Then he looked down at her. “Come on.” He offered his hand.

She held it and tried to sit up but cried halfway through the effort.

He exhaled patiently and sat next to her. Then he wrapped his arm behind her back and pulled her up slowly. Her hands clasped his shoulders for support. “Thank you.” She muttered.

“It’s okay.” -He replied calmly and brought the plate closer to her- “Can you manage?”

She released his shoulder and tried to reach out for the spoon, but she inhaled sharply and pulled back her arm. She tucked it between herself and his chest. She shook her head. “It hurts still…”

He secured her on him and turned her head until it rested on his shoulder. “Come on, lets try it this way.” He took a spoonful and brought it carefully towards her lips.

She gazed at it.

“Do I have to beg in order to feed you?” He raised his brows.

She looked up at him for a moment. Then she shook her head and opened her mouth.

“There we go…making slow progress. I like that.” He said and took another spoonful.

After swallowing she spoke. “My words upon waking up were rude.”

He shook his head and fed her another spoon. “I am well acquainted with your fierce nature Ventress. Don’t worry.”

“What I said about the Jedi younglings was …” She paused, looking for the proper words.

“…not well thought off. That can happen.” He replied quietly as he gave her another spoon.

Ventress ate it slowly and nodded.

His smile was weary. “You have a rather good appetite. That is good.” He ignored her words of remorse. He knew her of old. He could say he knew her well. He had sparred with her during the Clone Wars on more than one occasion. He had witnessed dark things from her, but also good. His nature was to see the best of people as often as possible. Maybe that is what allowed him to go on…to not fall apart.

That is what made him feed her patiently at this moment, instead of letting her die in that alley.

“Did you cook this? It is very good.” She said and swallowed another spoon.

“Bought from a cantina in Mos Eisley. I don’t cook that well unfortunately.” Ben replied. Ventress was not going to learn about the presence of the Lars. Nor about Ben’s reason to be here.

“So, you fall short somewhere…. that’s satisfying to know.” Ventress rejoined with a small smile he missed.

He offered her another spoon. “Is my extensive knowledge in every subject overwhelming for you?”

She swallowed it and spoke. “It always was…” -Then she raised her hand to stop him- “I ate enough for now. Thank you.”

He nodded and picked up the glass. “Have some water.” He placed it under her lips carefully.

She took a couple of sips. “That feels so good.”

“You are dehydrated.”

She drunk some more water before pushing it away.

He placed the cup at the table and lowered her back down. “Do you feel better?”

She closed her eyes when her head touched the pillows. “I do.” She whispered.

He pulled back the blanket and began unwrapping her bandage. “Now stay still while I check this. Then you can sleep.”

Her eyes opened and she looked at him broodingly. “Being rescued by General Kenobi hadn’t been in my plans when I landed on this planet.”

“Rescuing you hadn’t been on my plans either when I walked out of the Cantina three nights ago.” He rejoined with a lopsided smile as he checked her wound.

Her eyes gained a depth he didn’t see as he applied some disinfectant on a clean towel and cleaned her. “Krayt….I lost him.” She let her thoughts drift.

“I would rather remember him as A’ Sharad Hett and yes you did.” Ben frowned.

Ventress shuddered. “You knew him?”

“Of old…He was padawan of Ki-Adi-Mundi amidst others. That Master was part of the Jedi Council, but we didn’t always see eye to eye.” Ben replied with a thoughtful look towards her wound.

“The man I am hunting is no Jedi. He is a Sith Lord….” Ventress frowned.

Ben looked away and raised his brows. “Indeed, he was taken by the Dark Side of the Force in the end. However, that is not how he started.”

“The Bounty on his head was large.” Ventress tried to find his eyes.

He missed her penetrating stare as he dressed up her wound with a clean bandage. “A Separatist Assassin hunted a Sith Lord for that Bounty. I bet it was big.”

Ventress’ lips curled up in repulsion. “I’d rather not be called that anymore.”

Ben secured the bandage and raised the blanket over her body. His eyes looked at her silently for a few tense moments. “Forgive me.”

Ventress’ eyes narrowed. “The Sith betrayed me Kenobi. They destroyed my family too…my sisters are all dead because of them…because of that war.”

He inhaled slowly and engaged her demanding eyes. “You are mourning too. My words were inconsiderate.”

Her eyes welled so suddenly that she looked away fast. “I have been a Bounty Hunter for more than thirteen years now.”

“And as such I will see you henceforth.” His voice was solemn.

It took her a few moments to look back up at him. “Despite my red lightsabers?” A careful smile formed on her lips.

Ben smiled more openly. “Of course.”

A sudden thought dawned on her. “Where are they?” Her hands started searching around the bed frantically.

He clasped her forearms and smiled down at her. “Calm down, they are here.” He looked towards the display table. Her lightsabers were next to Krayt’s.

She fell back down with a heavy sigh of relief. “Thank you for not leaving them behind.”

“These weapons are rare. They are not to be left laying about.” Ben released her arms.

“How did you find me?” She asked after a few moments where she tried to calm down her breathing.

“Happened to be in the same city as you at the same time. That’s all.” Ben pressed his lips.

“Kenobi you have been a magnet for trouble ever since I’ve first met you. Now tell me really. How did you find me?” Ventress insisted.

Ben sighed and crossed his arms. “Very well, I was leaving the Cantina, and I happened to see a couple of red lightsabers clashing in the dark alley that was across my parked speeder.”

“Many happenings going on with you.” Ventress smirked.

He snorted.

“And of course you couldn’t resist checking that lightsaber sparring, correct?” Ventress looked rather amused.

“You know me too well.”

A dark shadow crossed over the brow of Ventress. “How did I fall? I remember…” She searched for words.

Ben caressed his beard and waited for her.

“I left him an opening…I didn’t get a chance to block him…I….” She looked around, trying to remember.

Ben hmphed.

Ventress remained quiet for several moments before cupping her forehead. “I was bested by him…wasn’t I?”

“One must accept victory as well as defeat.” Ben spoke evenly.

“Your Jedi teachings don’t counter the fact that I lost a lot of money, because I allowed him to get the better of me…” Ventress’ voice was surging with darkness.

“Do you think you are the only one to have been bested?” Ben’s brows met.

Ventress looked at him silently.

“I have fallen…more than once. I was just happy that someone was there to help me…on most occasions.” Ben continued cautiously.

She remained quiet.

“Only by accepting defeat can you become stronger and overcome the difficulties.” Ben stroked his beard.

Ventress’ eyes welled once more and this time she didn’t try to hide it. “Those teachings may mean something when you live in the Jedi temple, but not when you are homeless. Not when you have no money to eat or find a place to sleep. Not when you have no damned credits to get a ticker out of Tatooine, never mind buying a ship. Do these teachings help you now that you live in poverty here Kenobi?”

He inhaled deeply and allowed her time to unfold her thoughts.

“That Bounty was the only way of getting my life back on track…and I lost it. I lost my only chance.” -Ventress added and a tear ran down her cheek. Angrily she wiped it off- “I lost my only chance.”

Ben’s lips thinned as he looked at her reflectively.

Ventress exhaled roughly, feeling annoyed at herself. She turned to her side, showing Ben her back. “I want to rest.”

Ben sighed and clasped her shoulder soothingly. “I will not bother you. Sleep. Maybe tomorrow your thoughts won’t be so dark anymore.”

Ventress wiped another tear that rolled down her cheek silently. Her stomach clutched hard as a tight ball of emotions threatened to overcome her. She closed her eyes and tried to hold it in.

Ben tucked the blanket around her and squeezed her shoulder. “I will sleep in the caves next to the Hut tonight. I will leave this small transmitter here next to your pillow in case you need anything during the night. Alright?”

Ventress nodded wordlessly.

Ben pressed his lips and stood up. He cleaned the table but left a glass of water close to her. Then he made sure the temperature on his space heater was good, before turning off all the lights apart from one in the kitchen area. He then walked outside and checked on the peripheral security system.

When he was sure that everything was in order he walked towards his herd of Bantha. He sat heavily close to Crimson and crossed his legs. That conversation with Ventress turned unexpectedly deep and left him feeling raw. The last thing he wanted now was to sleep. He buried his hand in Crimson’s thick fur and began scratching.

The Bantha moaned appreciatively. Ben remained like that, musing at the two moons in the sky and the billions of stars surrounding them. That took him far into the night. The last thing he recalled was Anakin’s voice echoing in his ears.

Did your damned Jedi teachings help me, my Master? Or did they destroy me? Did they help you?

Ben’s body felt even more tired than his soul at that moment. He was unable to take a single step towards the cave to sleep. He leaned on Crimson and cuddled upon its fur. “You don’t mind if I sleep with you, do you? Good night my friend.” Ben murmured. The Bantha called with a long-drawn moan and wrapped itself around its Master to protect him from the cold night. That is how sleep found Ben that night. Next to his animals, under the moons of Tatooine with a former sworn enemy sleeping on his bed.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t the blazing suns which were burning Ben’s head that woke him up. It was the sound of a speeder bike in the distance. He sprang to his feet and glared at the horizon. Crimson’s moan made him realize that his Bantha had remained with him instead of following the rest of the herd when they went to feed. Ben smiled sweetly. “Thank you Crimson. Now go to your friends. I am wide awake.”

As if understanding him, like most animals seemed to do with him, Crimson stood up and shook his body awake. Then he shoved its muzzle on Ben’s back. “It’s going to be okay. Go my friend.” Ben whispered and absently rubbed Crimson’s neck. His eyes narrowed towards the horizon. The Bantha turned around and lumbered away.

Ben remained quietly observant at the stillness of the Dunes as his ears picked up the slight changes on the clutch of the incoming speeder. Recognition dawned in his eyes. He dashed to his speeder bike, fired it up and shot above the Dunes with great speed. He met Beru at a safe distance from his hut. The moment she saw him coming she braked.

Ben stopped next to her and took off his protective glasses. “Didn’t I tell you to stay away from the hut for now?”

“Good morning back at you!” She smiled.

Ben tilted his head.

Beru sighed in defeat. “Yes you did, but I have things here you need!”

Ben leaned over and gripped her forearm. “Beru, the woman sleeping in my bed right now is not a friend. She is an old enemy for heaven’s sake.”

Beru’s face turned ashen. “Oh, my…”

“A Separatist Assassin…a former one, but you can understand the implications. Correct?” Ben raised his brows.

Beru was at a loss for words. “Why in the name of heaven did you bring her to your home then?”

Ben released her arm and rubbed his face. “I couldn’t just turn my head and pretend she wasn’t heavily wounded. That’s not me Beru.”

Beru shook her head. “I know. You don’t need to explain Ben. I trust you. You decided to help her, and I trust that also.”

“I just need you to understand the danger…” Ben tightened his grip on the handles of his bike.

Beru nodded eagerly. “I do. I will stay away from your hut until you give me notice. Does that sound good?”

“That sounded good yesterday also but look at us now.” Ben pressed his lips annoyed.

 “I really thought you’d need these. Especially now with your guest.” She pointed at a box behind her.

Ben frowned. “What is that?”

Beru got off her bike and picked up the box. “New clothes for her, food and several bottles of medication. I suppose you have used all your reserves on her already, right?”

Ben looked at her with a cranky smile. “I honestly wonder sometimes, what I would have done without you Beru.”

“You’d be a miserable old man. Now take it, my hands are killing me.” She offered him the box.

Ben took it and arranged it at the back of his bike. “Thank you, but please….”

“…I will stay away, I promise.” -Beru climbed on her bike and then paused for a moment- “So do you think she could be a danger to us?”

Ben features twisted with uncertainty. “I had an unexpected skirmish in Mos Eisley. She was part of it. I don’t know who posses a threat or not at this moment. The best thing you can do is stay away.”

Beru looked around them at the endless Dunes. “Alright Ben. Will you be okay?”

Ben frowned with a smile. “I think so.”

Beru nodded and extended her hand to him. He held it warmly. “Please be careful.”

Ben nodded. “Take care of your family my dear.”

Beru’s eyes betrayed a shadow of fear as she fired the ignition of her bike. “Ben you know we’d be lost without you, right? You have done so much for us. Take care of yourself, because I don’t know what we will do without you.”

Ben’s eyes offered her quiet reassurance. “Everything is going to be okay. Now go.”

She pressed her lips, turned her speeder around and flew above the Dunes. Ben stayed behind observing her for a few moments before pointing his vehicle in the opposite direction. When he arrived at his home he checked the peripheral security system. There was no breach. From outside or from within. He entered his hut and arranged Beru’s supplies as quietly as he could. He took fresh water out of the vaporator and placed several bottles in the fridge.

Then he looked towards the bed. Ventress seemed to be sleeping quietly. He inhaled deeply in relief and that is when a rather musky smell came to him. He sniffed with a look of disgust and tried to find the source of that disturbing smell. Then with mild resignation he sniffed his sleeve. Of course it came from him. He had slept on Crimson all through the night. He looked towards the bathroom. He had enough water for a bath, but the sound would arouse Ventress.

That left him only with one choice. He took clean clothes from his chest and walked outside. This morning, he was going to take a bath close to the caves. He took his time arranging the buckets of water. When he was ready he found a shadowy spot that was relatively concealed close to the cave entrance, and he stripped down to his underpants. Baths on Tatooine were a privilege, so having one was a real pleasure, since it didn’t happen every day. Ben intended to take his time and enjoy it thoroughly.

When he finished, he got dressed in a pair of pants, boots and a short sleeve shirt. Today he opted out of his usual Jedi robes. He started organizing the buckets and the pitchers at the storage area in front of the vaporator when he suddenly saw Ventress leaning on the wall of his hut, observing him closely.

He stopped and frowned. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough.” She shrugged.

He tilted his head and his eyes narrowed on her.

“That was a lovely sight to wake up to.” She smirked. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her stomach.

He hmphed annoyed. “Those are my words.”

“Consider them burrowed.” She retorted with a smirk.

“You must be feeling better since you are in a mood for word play.”

“Did my words make you feel uncomfortable dear Kenobi?” Ventress forced a smile on her lips, even though it was clear that she was in pain.

 “After everything I’ve seen and heard from you, nothing makes me uncomfortable.” He walked towards her with a raised brow.

“A pity. I was counting on that.” She rejoined.

He stopped and gazed at her from head to foot. That intense expression was not lost in her. “How do you feel?”

“Good enough to see how far I could go before collapsing.” Ventress grimaced.

“How did that work for you?” He crossed his arms.

“Not very well as you can see.” -She whimpered and then her eyes fell to his exposed arm. It was deeply scared from the wrist and up to the sleeve of his shirt. There was a drawing of what looked like a black flower half hidden under his sleeve - “You have a tattoo.”

“Oh, do I? I will keep that information to mind.” He scrounged his lips.

 She leaned her head to the wall and closed her eyes. “As sarcastic as ever.”

“Especially in this situation no one can blame me.” -He offered his hand - “Need help back inside?”

“I can handle.” She winced and pushed away from the wall. She began walking slowly, with unsteady steps. Her arms tightened around her stomach.

He followed her closely.

“How come did the Jedi Council allow you to have a tattoo?” Her voice was strained.

“I didn’t know it was forbitten. Many Jedi have….” -He paused for a moment, and a darkness covered his eyes- “…had tattoos.”

“Not the poster boy of the Jedi Order.” Ventress smirked, but he didn’t see her.

“I am the poster boy…?” Ben snorted.

“The ideal Jedi… always. Annoyingly so.” Ventress threw him a quick look above her shoulder.

“Thank you for the compliment.” He said evenly.

“Even after knowing the Jedi teachings failed, you feel what I said is a compliment?” Ventress stopped. She leaned against the wall to catch her breath.

“The teachings never failed. We failed to interpret them correctly.” -He approached and gripped her shoulder- “Are you in pain?”

She looked at him panting. “Yes.”

He wrapped his arm behind her back and pulled her on him. “Let me help you.”

She accepted his help wordlessly. As they walked inside the house she frowned. “You smell good.”

That evoked a laugh from him. “You are lucky you didn’t get a whiff before I took the bath.” He led her back to bed and helped her sit.

She closed her eyes and pushed her hair away from her face in annoyance. “I need to take a bath also. I feel filthy. Do you have enough water?”

Ben sat next to her on the bed. “I do, but you are still under recovery. Be patient.”

Her eyes fell again on the flower tattoo on his bicep. It was disfigured as was his whole arm. His skin looked roughly healed as if from a devastating burn. She frowned. “Who managed to scar you so badly?”

Ben’s lips thinned as he looked at his arm. After a few moments he turned to her. “A very powerful adversary.”

“They must have been. I never came close to doing this much damage to you during the war.” Ventress’ smile was cautious.

Ben tilted his head with a nod. “Indeed.”

“Neither did Savage, Maul, Grievous and so many others….” She continued cleverly.

He caressed his scared arm and hmphed.

After a few moments she relented. She understood that he was not willing to give any more information about this apparently heavy wound. So, she reached up and wrapped her fingers around the chain of Satine’s amulet. “So many surprises from you today. When you are not covered in all those robes there is a whole new world to explore.”

He didn’t push her away, but he felt an invisible hand tightening uncomfortably around his stomach. “I am glad you are entertained.”

She gazed at the amulet with mild interest. “What about this?”

He scowled. “What about it?”

She looked at the crystal. “It’s the same flower as your tattoo. You like lilies?”

“Apparently I do.” His smile was reserved.

She released the amulet and wrapped her arms around her stomach again feeling the pain throbbing. “I didn’t see anything while you were bathing.”

“I didn’t ask, did I?” His brow lifted ever so slightly.

She looked up whilst fighting for breath.  “When I realized that I caught you in a private moment I looked away. Waited for you to finish.”

“Thank you for being discreet.” He pulled her arms apart carefully and looked towards her stomach.

“It was hard for me….” She forced a sly smile.

Ben tilted his head and laid her down. “I bet it was.”

“I like male bodies. Dead or alive.” Ventress closed her eyes when he placed her arms at her sides.

“Preferably dead, I am sure.” He unwrapped the bandage.

“Exactly.” Ventress hissed as he touched her wound with his fingers gently. 

Her eyes cracked open. “So how does the perfect Jedi in you feel now that I caught a small glimpse of you bathing?”

“Pretty calm.” Ben eyes fell on hers.

She gulped. The pain was getting worse. “You don’t feel violated? Don’t you want to meditate the indecency away?”

Ben observed her wound for several moments, before looking up to her. “You have such fixed ideas about the Jedi Order.”

“Are they wrong?”

“Some of them no…. but some yes.” Ben rejoined.

“I am sure you have fixed ideas about me also. A Separatist Assassin…right?” Ventress frowned.

“I don’t know any Separatist Assassins anymore.” Ben’s smile was genially kind.

Ventress felt a tremor running through her body. Her eyes concentrated intensely on his face as the pain in her stomach pulsated angrily.

“But you are right about one thing.” Ben added.

“What thing?” She sulked feeling the pain from her wound exploding all over her midsection.

“I do need to meditate, but not for me….” Ben’s smile was eloquent.

She remained nervously silent.

“I will meditate for you.” Ben tilted his head and opened his palm above her wound.

She inhaled sharply.

“You said you liked my hand when it came to healing….” Ben’s smile turned shrewd.

Ventress closed her eyes and grasped his forearm.  She nodded but couldn’t utter any words.

“Then allow me….” Ben inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He silenced all the sounds, the scattered images in his mind, the thoughts, their conversations and the very familiar innuendos that went years back. Then he slowly pulled inwards. His concentration felt like a heavy blanket slowly sliding over his body until there was nothing else in the world but him and the Force.

His meditation felt to her like a warm balm covering her wound. Mellowing her pain so much that she choked on unbidden tears of relief. She closed her eyes grateful he didn’t witness how much this was affecting her.

Time was lost to him as he got enwrapped by the blinding Light of the Force. Time was lost to her as her wound now pulsated from the warmth that was coming out of his palm, not her pain anymore. She felt dazed, being enclosed wholly in that pulsating heat. Her eyes cracked open, and his hand seemed to be emanating a bright light. That couldn’t be. She blinked in confusion, and the white glow was gone.

She closed her eyes tight. Did she imagine that? Was that light real? Did she care? The warmth that was surrounding her told her that she shouldn’t care. That she should close her eyes and pull all that warmth to her. Savor an experience the likes of which she hadn’t felt before.

She felt no pain, no discomfort, no cold, no hunger, no thirst, no anger, no longing, no emotions….just a hallowed peace. The gorgeous, heated strength was entering her, invigorating every single cell in her body and at the same time calming her entirely. He was offering her his strength….his life Force…it was entering her, and she wanted to drink up every drop of its incorruptibility. She was craving its pureness. She could feel it submerging her mind in such wholesome feelings of harmony that her whole body tremored heavily.

Is that how it felt to be inside Kenobi’s mind?

The Sith…the Sith never felt such peace, such warmth…such immaculate completion. Such pureness of strength. There wasn’t a single drop of hatred, loathing, wrath… need for destruction, for corruption, for ultimate power in the energy that was entering her body. She had never felt something so wholesome deriving from the Dark Side of the Force. She had never experienced something similar when she was a Jedi padawan either. The teachings she had on either side of the Force never reached such levels of profound connection to it.

A few more tears trickled at the side of her cheeks as she abandoned herself in Kenobi’s Force healing and for a moment she wished she could die right there. With his hand warming her very soul. That is how abandon found her. As her consciousness drifted away she felt thankful to him for showing her something so utterly spectacular.

-.-

It was close to afternoon when Ben heard Ventress moving restlessly in bed. He looked up from his marksman and waited. After meditating on her, she fell into a heavy sleep that he didn’t wish to disturb. Drained once more he dragged himself to the kitchen. He helped himself to some of Beru’s amazing cooking and then decided to sleep upright on the chair once again.

He woke up after a couple of hours, feeling slightly better. However, no amount of sleep could replenish the depletion of energy from his constant meditations on her. He needed to go to his cave and meditate for himself this time. He decided to leave that task for tomorrow, as tonight he wanted to visit Rosjar. That was a lose end that worried him.

 As he waited for the suns to set, he decided to bring his marksmen up from the cellar and work on them on the dining table. That is how her waking up found him.

“Master Kenobi?” Her voice was barely heard.

He looked up from his work. “You mean Ben.” His smile was friendly.

She shook her head ever so slightly. After the experience she had with his Force healing she felt profoundly humbled. “No, I mean Master.” She murmured.

He frowned ever so slightly. “Are you okay Ventress?”

“What you did before to my wound….” She tried to find the words.

“Are you in pain?” Ben leaned his arm on the table. He had taken care to dress in his Jedi robes again, the moment Ventress fell asleep. He didn’t wish to have any more questions about his burned arm.

Now you will suffer Obi Wan…Your pain has just begun…

The voice of Vader echoed in his mind, making his brow fill with shadows if only for a moment. He rubbed his arm slowly and pushed himself to look at her. Ground himself in this moment at his hut, not in the past.

Ventress pushed herself up. She seemed able to move more freely now. “Did they teach you that ability at the Jedi Temple?”

Ben nodded. “Force healing was part of the basic training, but some pupils were better than others.”

“You?” Ventress was looking at him with an intensity he didn’t recognize.

“I was a better swordsman than anything else. A guardian if you must.”

A tentative smile formed on her lips. “And a negotiator.”

He reciprocated the smile. “Of course.”

“Your Force healing is …” She stopped at a lack for words. How could she explain what she experienced before? Did she want to?

He frowned. “Did it help?”

She swallowed and averted her eyes. “You have no idea how much.”

“I am glad.” His face lit up.

Ventress forced herself to lift her eyes to his. “Master, I think you are much better at this than you believe.”

Ben offered her a bewildered smile. “Master again?”

Ventress shook her head and then nodded. “Yes.”

“We spend all our time in the battlefield bantering when we didn’t try to kill each other and now you decided to call me like that?” Ben looked very confused.

Ventress turned her eyes towards her hands. “Yes” Still she was unable to find the proper words.

He took a bottle of medication and walked to her. Then he sat on the bed and placed it in her hand. “Did something happen during your sleep that made you wake up a different person or something?”

Ventress looked at the bottle and frowned. “I don’t think so.”

“Then stop behaving like this because you are confusing me to no end.” Ben pursed his lips.

She didn’t look at him.

“And drink this. You are doing much better. We don’t want to hinder your healing process. Soon you will be able to leave.” Ben stood up and walked to the kitchen. There he began preparing a plate of food and some juice for her.

“Leave…and go where?” She murmured and drank the medication. With a wince of disgust, she gazed at him as he placed the food on the table close to her.

“Back to your exciting life as a Bounty Hunter. I am sure the days you have spend in this isolation must have driven you crazy. Hence the way you were talking before.” Ben raised his brow and pushed the plate and the juice close to her.

“I have no money. I cannot go anywhere…” A hot flash of shame burned through her stomach, making her very tense.

Ben stayed silently observant of her.

She pushed herself to look at him. “Krayt’s Bounty was my last chance. I told you before.”

Ben sat next to her and picked up a spoonful. Then he lifted her hand and placed the spoon in it. “Don’t deal in absolutes. It is not a good trade. Now eat.”

She placed the spoon down. “I don’t have any appetite.”

Ben sighed deeply. “You still have your Identification Marker and your lightsabers. The Ventress I know doesn’t need anything else.”

Ventress blew out in disappointment. “I am not the woman you remember Master. The war took away everything I had.”

“Please resume in calling me Kenobi if not Obi Wan. This is seriously terrifying.”

Ventress smiled and looked up at his bright blue eyes. “I will try.”

Ben nodded. “Now taste some of this food. It is exceptional.”

She looked at it curiously. “Bought again?”

“Yes.” -He said and stood up- “I must go to the city tonight. Will you be alright by yourself?”

“Mos Eisley?” She asked eagerly.

“Yes.”

“I want to come with you!” She pushed herself up and then grasped the table for support.

“You can barely stand.” His look was worried.

“I need to come and see what happened with Krayt. The city will be bound to have news about him.” She winced and took several unsteady steps towards her lightsabers.

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Ben crossed his arms as he observed her closely.

“Why? Don’t you want to be seen in the company of a Bounty Hunter?” She turned to him with a smirk.

“I would prefer not to be seen with anyone.” Came the steady retort.

“Why…Obi Wan?”

He remained unmovably silent.

She weighed her lightsabers and then looked at him above her shoulder. “Are you hiding in this planet?”

“Of course. Can you blame me? Do you see many Jedi living a free life around the galaxy lately?” Ben rejoined.

Her face fell. “No, you are right. The inquisitors are still hunting what remains of your Order…Bounty Hunters are doing the same.”

Ben’s eyes turned heavily solemn for a few moments. “Tell me Asajj, had you seen a Bounty on my head, would you have taken it? Especially now that you need the money?”

A shudder ran through her when she remembered the pureness of his strength. She wondered if he knew what he emitted from within when he was one with the Force. It took her a few moments to form her thoughts into words. “I wouldn’t ever help the Sith achieve their goals. Never.”

The hatred that dawned in her voice made him scowl deeply.

She remained poised looking at him with a rigidity he recognized of old. Only this time it wasn’t directed towards him. “So, when are we leaving?”

Ben shook his head. “We aren’t going anywhere. You are going to eat and then rest some more.”

Ventress gritted her teeth. “You have no idea how grateful I am to you at this moment for everything…but when I decide to do something, I let no one stand in my way.”

“I remember that well.” Ben walked up to her calmly.

“I am coming with you, and I am going to find out who took Krayt from me!” She pointed the handle of her lightsaber towards him.

“Missed that fire in you my dear. It is always invigorating to witness.” He approached and touched her forehead gently.

Ventress’ eyes closed and as she fainted he caught her in his arms. Her lightsabers fell to the ground. “However, I am too tired to quarrel with you tonight.” He said evenly as he picked her up.

He placed her in bed and covered her. Then he brought the table with the food and the juice close to her. He leaned over her and touched her brow. “Sleep well.” He whispered.

He placed her lightsabers on the display table before walking towards the door. In a moment of hesitation, he stopped and looked back. Then he opened his hand and Krayt’s lightsaber flew in it. Blue lightsabers could attract the attention of many in the city. Red ones didn’t. With that thought he closed the door behind him. After making sure the system protecting his hut was secure he jumped on his speeder car and flew above the Dunes.

Chapter Text

Ben entered the Cantina with his cloak wrapped around his body and his hood low over his face. His eyes swept the establishment swiftly. Tonight was much quieter. Only a couple of customers were around. There was no active Bounty Hunt anymore. That suited him perfectly.

The moment Rosjar saw Ben entering, he glanced around him nervously. As if he was preparing for a quick escape. Ben walked to the bar and sat down. Wordlessly he looked at Rosjar from under his hood.

The bartender reached with one of his tentacles and took a bottle of Prow. He placed it gently in front of Ben with a clean glass. “Good evening friend. On the house.”

“Take the bottle and escort me to the private rooms.” Ben tilted his head to the back of the Cantina.

Rosjar’s huge forehead rippled with apprehension. “The bouncer will escort you in. The private rooms are on the house also today my friend. Just for you.”

Ben stood up. “Take the bottle. You are coming with me.”

Rosjar was frozen in fear.

Ben motioned to him. “I said follow me.”

“I need to serve the customers. The Brothers are going to kill me if I let the bar unattended.” Rosjar was scared stiff.

Ben’s hand moved so fast no one saw it. He caught one of Rosjar’s moving tentacles midair. “You are coming with me.” He repeated calmly.

“Didn’t you hear the man? He is here to serve us!” The client who was sitting at the stool next to Ben grumbled. He was visibly drunk.

“Rosjar is here to serve only me tonight.” Ben’s voice was serene.

The alien settled down calmly. “Rosjar is here to serve only you tonight.” He droned.

“You can take care of his job while he is away.” Ben continued unfazed.

The alien stood up and walked behind the bar. “I will take Rosjar’s place while he is away.”

“You will serve all the customers and cause no trouble.”

“I will serve the customers and cause no trouble.” The alien repeated quietly.

Ben released Rosjar’s tentacle and looked at the bottle. “Now that you have a replacement, pick up the bottle and follow me.”

Rosjar did as he was told. When they reached the door that led the private rooms, the bouncer stopped them. “What the hell are you doing Rosjar? Who’s that guy behind the bar.”

“The new bartender.” -Ben waved his hand calmly- “Now open the door for us.”

The Bouncer’s eyes glazed over. He quickly did as he was told. They entered a long corridor with low lights of a blue hue. All the doors were closed as the clients who paid for these rooms needed the foretold privacy. Intimate moments with the best girls on the planet, spice dealing or using, intricate massages from the most knowledgeable aliens and extravagant baths with stolen waters from Tatooine’s farmers. You could get anything in there if you had enough money, but especially if you were a collaborator of the Hutts.

They reached the last room and Rosjar opened the door. Ben entered and removed his hood. He looked around at the expensive furniture, the luxurious bed and the small waterfall that was recycling the water of a fish tank. He shook his head in disapproval. The Vriichon Brothers had created a small paradise with their intricate criminal activities, while the rest of the planet was suffering. The Drought hadn’t touched these backrooms. His eyes fell on a bottle of Blue Milk at the table. Luke’s favorite. Even that was scarce lately. The Banthas needed more water to produce this beloved beverage. Sometimes the beasts didn’t have enough to feed their young.. Yet here was a bottle waiting for the next rich customer.

Ben looked at Rosjar as the alien sat across from him. “This Cantina is an offense to the suffering of the people of Tatooine.”

Rosjar looked at his tentacles silently.

A thread of anger awoke in Ben’s heart. “I won’t lie Rosjar. You have seen enough already to make your own assumptions. Hadn’t I been in need to keep a low profile, I would have torn this place apart.”

Rosjar didn’t dare look up.

“People are dying from thirst out there, from hunger….” Ben snapped.

“I have a family to feed too, Mister Ben! The brothers are paying me well.” Rosjar hurried to explain.

Ben tried to control his feelings. To balance himself. He was not here to become a vigilante for Tatooine’s people. His purpose was different. He reached out and served himself a cup of prow. “You know why we are here.”

“The Bounty Hunt….” Rosjar nodded quickly.

“Whom did you give it to?” Ben drank quickly. He needed that anger towards what he was seeing to settle down. It had come on suddenly. Out of nowhere. A little while ago when he was Force Healing Ventress he had felt so calm. This unpredictability alarmed him. That fear angered him even more.

“What makes you think I gave the Bounty to someone else?” Rosjar’s watery eyebrows wavered.

Ben hmphed and drunk his second glass. “Do you even know whom you took from me the other night?”

Rosjar crossed all his tentacles and avoided Ben’s eyes.

“A ‘Sharad Hett. He used to be a great Jedi, the son of a great Jedi. I’ve met him on the battlefield. As an ally, but also as a foe. Not once, but twice. I know him well. Now, Rosjar do you think I believe that you gave that Bounty Hunt to the bondsmen yourself?”

Rosjar shook his blobby head. “No.”

Ben tilted his head. “Whom did you give Hett to?”

Rosjar fidgeted for several moments before deciding. “Zarek Razorfang.”

Ben frowned as he tried to remember. “Isn’t he stationed in Mos Espa with his crew?”

Rosjar nodded quickly. “Yes, but he was here the other day when the Bounty Hunt was on. I found him the moment you left. He gave me a hefty price for Krayt.”

“How much?” Ben frowned.

Rosjar shook his body and stood up quickly. “That doesn’t concern you Master Kenobi.” He snapped.

Ben’s hand twitched with the need to activate Krayt’s lightsaber. That anger in him hadn’t been mellowed by the drinking. He forced himself to inhale evenly. “I see you heard my name well that night in the alley.”

Rosjar turned to him with a smile. “I cannot wield a weapon, so I must keep myself safe somehow. Knowledge can do that.”

Ben remained silent.

“And you cannot use your mind tricks on me General. My species are immune to them.” Rosjar smiled.

 “I am aware.” Ben replied steadily.

“The hunt for the remaining Jedi has dithered the latter years, but I am sure someone will be very interested if your name suddenly pops up. And I know you cannot kill me since the Jedi never kill an unarmed man. You couldn’t get rid of Hett either. I saw it!” Rosjar rejoined almost happily.

Ben didn’t speak.

“You are afraid I am going to speak….” Rosjar pointed a tentacle towards Ben.

Ben lifted his brow slowly.

“And I might…because you know…my species tend to have very loose tongues. I mean if the price is right. Unless…” Rosjar pretended to think.

“Unless?” Ben’s voice had fallen several octaves.

“You provide protection for me. For the establishment.” -Rosjar began pacing in the room- “A Jedi Master of your caliber protecting the biggest spice dealership on Tatooine. How perfect is that? If the Brothers learn about my idea, they are going to give me a raise. Promote me to partner possibly.”

Ben refilled his cup, and his eyes turned penetratingly towards Rosjar who continued his monologue.

“Yes, yes! You protect us against rivals, and we protect your name! It cannot get better. No Inquisitor will be able to touch you, and no other syndicates are going to go against ours.” Rosjar looked at Ben happily.

“Are you done?” Ben’s gaze was austere.

Rosjar sat down with a plop and nodded. “I don’t have anything against you General Kenobi, but you must understand… when someone comes across a man of your talent…one cannot let such an opportunity go to waste.”

Ben leaned over and crossed his hands patiently. The anger still lingered, but thankfully it hadn’t become uncontrollable. “I can understand but there is a small flaw in your overall plan my friend.”

Rosjar frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Your species may be untouchable to my mind tricks, the Ranats are not.” Ben’s mouth formed a lopsided smile.

Rosjar’s lips twitched, and his already pale color turned ashen.

“I only must plant the idea that you are stealing spice from the private rooms, and they will get rid of you. I might not be able to kill an unarmed man, but they will.” Ben continued calmly.

Rosjar began shaking his head nervously. “What? Wait a minute..!”

Ben raised his hand. “You see I might be able to bend my ethics enough to convince other people to do the job for me. When the circumstances are dire enough.”

 One of Rosjar’s tentacles reached out and tried to grasp Ben’s shoulder. “Listen…what I said before….it wasn’t well thought of…”

“No, it wasn’t.” Ben shook his head.

“I mean you have always been my friend…..”

“Until you had the chance to blackmail me, which you did….” Came the cold reply.

Rosjar’s tentacles fidgeted nervously in front of his face. “My friend, wait…let’s rethink this….”

“We don’t need to rethink about anything. Tell me how much Zarek gave you for Hett.”

Rosjar’s shoulders visibly deflated. He didn’t speak.

Ben drunk his last cup of Prow and then stood up. “Very well, I shall have a talk with the Brothers tomorrow. Until then make sure you don’t do anything stupid.” He said and pushed his cloak back to show the lightsaber hanging from his belt.

Rosjar jumped from his seat. “Three thousand!” He yelled.

Ben turned to him fully and crossed his arms. “Three thousand for a Bounty of twenty thousand?”

Rosjar rubbed his tentacles as his eyes darted around. After a few tense moments he grunted. “Six thousand and I am not lying.”

Ben caressed his beard. “Where do you keep your credits?”

Rosjar shook his head but didn’t reply.

Ben pressed his lips. “Don’t make me waste my time.”

Rosjar lowered his eyes. “At home.”

“Very well, I shall escort you home and you will bring me three out of the six thousand.” Ben wrapped the cloak around his body and walked to the door.

“What?!” Rosjar cried.

Ben turned to him. “My friend, you decided to insert yourself in a rather perilous situation the other night. The price for that is three thousand. Feel lucky it isn’t six.”

Rosjar eyes were wide with fear. He opened his mouth to say something, but when he saw the bulge of the lightsaber under Ben’s cloak he opted for silence.

Ben allowed Rosjar to walk in front of him, but before leaving he took the bottle of blue milk from the table. Rosjar turned to him with a confused expression.

“These things are rare and tasty. Don’t judge.” Ben rejoined tight-lipped.

The bartender was too worried about Ben’s saber to comment on anything at that point. They exited from the same backdoor that Rosjar had used the other night to watch the lightsaber duel.  The roads were silent and without many occupants. Ben followed Rosjar to his home.

When the door opened, Ben heard the playful yelling of children. The warm welcome of Rosjar’s wife. He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, tucking the blue milk under his cloak. Despite everything else, he didn’t wish to harm Rosjar. He just needed to make sure that his life here, his connection to the Lars wouldn’t be compromised. Ok, also maybe gain some money out of this endeavor. A small smile dawned on his lips, which was short lived as the door slid open again.

Rosjar walked out and gave Ben a heavy pouch. “Here.” He sounded disheartened.

“Do I have to count it?” Ben raised his brow.

“It is all there as promised.” Rosjar rejoined. He looked drained.

Ben nodded and placed the pouch in his pocket.

“That goddamn Sith cost me more than I thought he would. I shouldn’t have meddled with Krayt at all.” Rosjar said.

“I am glad you understand.” Ben replied and got ready to depart, but within a few seconds everything turned into red hued mayhem.

What happened could have been attributed to the drinking that Ben did in that private room not long ago. He was not attuned and that almost cost him more than one life that night. Ben felt the disturbance in the Force a mere moment before a boot connected with his face and sent him rolling to his side. The bottle fell from his grip and broke into a dozen pieces, which penetrated Ben’s palm as he tried to stop himself from rolling further. He heard the vicious battle cry and saw two red lightsabers coming down towards Rosjar’s head.

With a Force Leap of several feet, he ignited Krayt’s lightsaber and landed next to Rosjar, blocking Ventress a mere moment before she slashed the alien’s throat. Rosjar yelled in fear and backed towards the wall.

“I heard you saying Krayt’s name! Where is he? Where did you take him? He is mine!” Ventress tried to break through Ben’s blockade, but it was impossible.

“Please no!” Rosjar made to escape and that left an opening that Ventress used to launch another attack towards him.

It was quickly parried by Ben again.

“Get out of the way Master!” She warned.

Ben’s eyes shone bright. “I can feel your anger….Asajj stop!”

With a swift turn she managed to get away from Ben’s lightsaber and crash the handle of hers into Rosjar’s head. The alien fell heavily. “Tell me where you took Krayt, before I kill you!”

The door opened with a swish and the bartender’s wife appeared with an expression of shock on her face. “Rosjar!”

Ventress turned to the newcomer and made a quick maneuver which brought her behind Rosjar’s wife. She placed the lightsaber on her throat and looked down. “Tell me where Krayt is or she dies!” She snapped.

Ben raised his hand. His Force push was so strong Ventress rolled back several feet. “Get him inside now! Lock the door!” He commanded. Rosjar’s wife, pulled her husband inside a mere moment before Ventress stood back up and run towards Ben.

She attacked him with both lightsabers, which he blocked skillfully. They remained there locked in a fierce stillness that sent waves of Force energy towards the ground from both. Her eyes were burning with the red heat of a thousand suns. His eyes were surging with the blue of a thousand seas.

“Stop …please…” He begged.

A low hiss left her lips. “What did you have to do with this Master? Did you take Krayt’s Bounty?”

Ben shook his head and felt his eyes welling. An upsurge of uncontrollable emotions filled him suddenly. “I beg you…Don’t do this….”

Don’t make me do this… His inner voice screamed in pain.

Ventress’ eyes spat the very fires of hell, while their lightsabers hummed above their heads.

“I beg you….” He whispered.

The yell that erupted from her chest was animalistic. Ben recognized the wrath in her eyes. He had seen it before. “Don’t…” He choked.

Her arms begun trembling as she was losing her newfound strength fast. Her legs were shaking and the pain in her stomach was all consuming. She couldn’t defeat Obi Wan. He could easily disarm her with a single move, yet it was his voice that sounded pleading.

That plead pushed her anger back for a moment and that left an opening. She was sensing him, as he was sensing her through the Force. The pain she felt from him stole her breath away.

He gave her a soft nod. “Please…”

 With an exhalation of defeat, she deactivated her lightsabers. Instantly he did the same and wrapped his arms around her. Stopping her a moment before she collapsed. She felt her heart breaking inside her chest. “Obi Wan….” She whispered and grasped his tunic tightly.

“It’s okay….” Ben was breathing heavily. He looked around. There was no one close to them. The people occupying the road further away didn’t seem to care about the red lightsabers that ignited with such fierceness a few moments ago. Blessed Tatooine. The planet that knew how to mind its own business.

“I am so sorry Master….” Ventress muttered as she desperately reached out through the Force, trying to sense him again. That eruption of pain, that rush of uncontrollable feelings. It was nothing she would have thought possible to feel from Kenobi. From the perfectly balanced Jedi. The beacon of Light. The sassy warrior that no one could break.

He looked down at her with unreadable eyes. “Can you walk?”

Apparently he was not searching for her apologies. She nodded. “I think so.” She tried to grasp his hand for support, but it was very slippery. She looked down and it was covered in blood. Then her eyes turned quickly to the broken bottle behind him. “You are hurt.” She spoke under her breath.

He ignored that also. He wrapped his arm tightly around her waist and took most of her weight. Then he led her steadily towards his speeder car. Speechless Ventress stumbled along with him, not knowing what to say to make this better. What to tell herself to justify this explosion of anger that led to nothing. He opened the door and helped her in.

When he took his place in the driver’s seat he wrapped a piece of dirty rug around his hand. Then he ignited the engine, but for a few moments he didn’t move.

Ventress felt confused, scrutinized. She was trembling, unable to look at him.

“How did you come here?” Ben’s voice now sounded recollected. Calm again.

“Burrowed your bike.” Her voice was subdued.

Ben closed his eyes with a deep exhalation. “You mean you stole my bike.”

“Burrowed it! And you Force Sedated me! Just so you know I did not appreciate that!” Ventress found some of her spank when that memory returned.

“Tried to avoid all this mess… which you managed to create anyway.” Ben retorted heavily. 

Ventress fumed for a few moments before laying her head back. “It was wrong of me to steal your bike. I can follow you on it. We cannot leave it here.” She wanted to give him a small peace offering. He looked calm on the outside, but the coldness of his voice bespoke of other things.

 “I will bring it back tomorrow.” He rejoined flatly and then sped down the road.

The trip back to the hut was so quiet that Ventress felt tears staining her cheeks. Tears of regret for not thinking her actions more closely. Tears of guilt for allowing her anger to blind her once again. Tears of confusion about the pain she had sensed from Obi Wan. Tears of her own pain and disappointment for how her life had ended up in ruins. Running after an already lost Bounty Hunt and failing her mission. Once she was feared, now she was a disaster.

When they arrived at the hut it was already late. Ben assisted her inside and helped her to bed. His blue eyes were full of shadows as he looked at the untouched food. “You didn’t eat….”

Ventress shook her head. “Master…”

He raised his hand. “Stop calling me that. Your hunt for Krayt is done. He has been already taken off planet by Zarek and his crew. I presume he is delivered at the bondsmen by now.”

Ventress inhaled sharply and a thunder of anger slashed through her heart again. “He was mine…”

“What is done cannot be undone. You almost killed an innocent creature and his wife for the hunt of a mere ghost.” Ben sounded disappointed and that bothered her even more.

“Innocent? He was talking with you about Krayt!” Ventress’ eyes turned to him demandingly.

Ben’s eyes closed. “I suggest you eat some food. Your performance today proved that you are doing well. I think it would be best to complete your healing and move on. Both of us.”

Those words nettled her. “Why were you two discussing about Krayt?” Ventress insisted.

Ben sighed and crossed his arms. It took him several moments to compose his thoughts. He wasn’t going to lie to her. “Krayt fell by my hand that night in the alley. I couldn’t claim the Bounty, and you were out of action. Rosjar offered to get him out of my hands. I agreed. I went to Mos Eisley today because I wanted to make sure there were no lose ends from Rosjar’s side about this unfortunate incident.”

“So, you are the one who gave up Krayt.” Ventress’ eyes narrowed.

 Ben’s already austere face stiffened more. “Did you expect me to act as your assistant in this? Claim the Bounty for you?”

Ventress didn’t know what to say to that.

“You seem to forget that I am a Jedi.”

“Unfortunately.” She spat.

“Sorry to disappoint.” His retort was hard.

The silence from both fell heavy. She knew what she told him was unfair and that piqued her. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and her shoulders deflated. “I want to curse you for not claiming the Bounty Hunt for both of us …”

“That is not who I am Ventress….” Ben sounded repulsed.

Ventress glared towards the table. “No, you are not.”

Ben approached the table and placed a heavy pouch on it. “This is yours.”

Ventress looked up with a frown. “What is it?”

“The second reason I visited Mos Eisley today.” Ben pressed his lips.

She reached out and opened it. When she saw the considerable number of credits in it her mouth dropped open. She looked at him shocked and speechless.

“A small part of the amount that changed hands for Krayt. It is nothing close to the Bounty, but more than enough to help you buy a ticket out of this planet and start new somewhere else. Minus the ticket, it amounts to a couple of rents upfront for a decent house in Coruscant’s lower levels.” Ben said quietly.

 Ventress’ eyes couldn’t leave Ben’s. “Master?...” Her voice was barely heard. The thudding of her heart drummed in her ears.

Ben shook his head in annoyance. He walked to the kitchen and searched for a bandage and some disinfectant. Then he walked past her but stopped close to the door. “I need to rest. I will be in the caves. Good night.” He said and before she could say anything to him, he walked out of the house. Leaving behind him an air of stillness that made Ventress jolt when the door closed with a heavy whoosh.

There she remained for a long time, her eyes alternating between the valuable credits and the closed door. When she finally lay back to bed she was unable to stop the tears from cascading down her cheeks and staining Ben’s pillows. She had disappointed herself, but also him…and that for some reason made her upset.

Chapter Text

Ben observed the walls of the cave that surrounded him. He stared at the Jedi Runes that covered every surface. Runes carved by him patiently through the years. Dictating the jedi teachings with each patient strike of his chisel, laying the Jedi Code in stone to be remembered by the next generations. His hand was bandaged and Krayt’s bloody lightsaber was in front of him.

Ben sulked at it. Tonight, he almost lost two lives because of the Dark Side. That ancient Darkness which called Ventress so effortlessly had almost taken Rosjar’s life as well as his wife’s.

Three lives…

He recoiled. He had almost lost Ventress as well inside that uncontrollable rage he knew of old. He came ever so close to striking her down. She hadn’t been unarmed. She had become a danger to innocent creatures. His job was to protect lives. He recognized that wild look in her eyes and it filled him with excruciating pain. He had seen the same look in Anakin’s eyes…twice.

I hate you!...

On Mustafar, when Ben held Anakin’s life in his hands, he didn’t strike. He didn’t kill. He allowed the Force to decide the fate of his padawan…Likewise he allowed the Force to decide Vader’s fate when Ben defeated him on that barren moon two years ago. Did the Force decide wisely both times?

Master Qui-Gon, when did I begin questioning the will of the Force?

He recalled how close he came to striking down Ventress today and the agony that had engulfed him at that moment. The old familiar pain, which was now transformed to disappointment and anger. Anger once more… towards himself. Hadn’t he been drinking so much, he would have been able to sense her through the Force long before she approached.

The memory of her eyes blazing with irrepressible animosity washed over him and the aching in his chest reignited. He always saw Ventress as a redeemable individual. Forced to choose the Dark Side, because of the unfortunate circumstances in her life. Today’s events had shaken this belief. Maybe he was unable to offer her the understanding she needed. Maybe he couldn’t show her the way towards the Light. Maybe he was not enough to help her. Maybe sometimes he had to accept defeat. Accept failure. That thought flooded him with more suffering. The face of Anakin revisited him with vengeance.

I am not your failure Obi Wan. You didn’t kill Anakin Skywalker. I did….

A moan of sorrow left his chest, and a few tears stained the slits of his closed eyes. He hadn’t been able to help his padawan. What made him think he would be able to help this woman?

I am sorry Master Qui-Gon….

His emotions had been overwhelming the moment Ventress attacked Rosjar and his wife. He felt them flowing out of him in fiery waves of agony. The same emotions throbbed inside him now. Silenced, more subdued, but always there.

The path to healing isn’t linear my boy.

The voice of his old Master made Ben jolt. He opened his eyes and the tears cascaded down his cheeks. Qui-Gon was sitting cross legged across from him.

“Master?”

Qui-Gon smiled at him peacefully. You are still healing.

“This is a nightmare… not healing.” Ben whispered overawed.

Remember that feelings are natural. We must accept them, but we mustn’t allow them to control our actions. Qui-Gon replied patiently.

“Today I came very close to doing so.” Ben grimaced.

But you didn’t. Came the quiet reply.

Ben looked at his Master silently.

You didn’t my boy. Qui-Gon’s smile was full of acceptance.

 “I don’t think I can help this woman Master… I don’t think I was ever able to help anyone…” Ben stopped abruptly.

Anyone? As far as I know you have helped thousands of people all these years…You my boy are creating a legend… You just don’t know it yet. Qui-Gon smiled.

“I wasn’t able to help Anakin!” Ben snapped.

You are comparing two different people Obi Wan. That is not fair. Qui-Gon tilted his head.

A wave of abrupt pain coursed through Ben’s heart. His whole body shivered.

Don’t let your past dictate your present….nor your future. Qui-Gon continued evenly.

Ben found it difficult to swallow. “Three lives were almost lost today Master…”

But they weren’t…because you acted wisely despite your pain. You didn’t act on your feelings, even though they consumed you. When you raised Krayt’s lightsaber against Ventress you didn’t do so in anger…. correct? Qui-Gon’s eyes were piercing.

Ben shook his head. “No…”

You did so in prayer….  

Ben’s eyes burned with unshed tears.

You pleaded for her soul…for her salvation… for her life. I heard you. I was there. Qui-Gon resumed.

Ben wiped tears from his cheek. He nodded. “Yes.”

You haven’t lost your way, my boy. The Daughter of Light, the Winged Goddess is still holding your hand. Don’t fear the stormy path of your healing….

Ben closed his eyes and frowned. Those words meant so much to him.

Today you made me proud once more. Qui-Gon’s smile bespoke of genuine love.

 “Thank you Master.” Ben whispered.  

Qui-Gon raised his hand and pointed at Ben. Close your eyes and pull inwards.

Ben did so.

Calm your breath.

Ben inhaled deeply and felt an abrupt clenching in his stomach as more tears congested his chest.

I can sense them. Accept them…let them flow through you. The serenity of Qui-Gon’s voice soothed Ben down.

He breathed out deeply and allowed the feelings to run through him. Slowly the constriction in his throat and stomach began to release.

“There is no emotion, there is only peace.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

There is no death, there is the Force.” Qui-Gon’s voice was quiet as Ben got engrossed fully in his meditation.

 When the Force Ghost of Qui-Gon disappeared with a content smile, Ben didn’t even move. Time accompanied him through the night as the energy he had depleted upon Ventress the past couple of days, raised up from the ground and buried itself inside him. Krayt’s lightsaber obeyed the Jedi Master’s silent command and floated in the air. It ignited, without Ben seeing the cavern glowing red. As Ben’s meditation deepened and peace enveloped him fully, Krayt’s weapon started dismantling until all the parts floated in front of Ben. The red Kyber crystal glowed angrily as Ben’s internal balance flowed around it, demanding entrance. Asking it to change its purpose, to be cleansed.

The battle between Ben’s internal Light and the lightsaber’s Dark energy lasted till the suns of Tatooine made their appearance behind the Sea of Dunes. When finally, Ben opened his eyes he felt his soul at perfect harmony once more. He was hovering in the air, along with several rocks and the disassembled lightsaber. He reached out and took the Kyber crystal in his hand. The color was not red anymore, but a bright shade of orange.

Not fully purified yet….

Ben placed the crystal back and allowed the Force that surrounded him protectively to assemble the lightsaber. When he finished he lowered himself back down slowly. The lightsaber and the cave around him followed his command. Ben sighed deeply and blinked towards the entrance. The red light of dawn threw streaks of fire on the cavern floor. The need to check on Ventress was too dim in view of the blessed peace he felt at that moment.

Without any thought he wrapped himself tightly with his cloak. The last thing he looked at before he closed his eyes was Krayt’s half purified lightsaber and the bloodied handle. The sleep that came over him was heavy.

-.-

When Ben opened his eyes again, someone was at the entrance of the cave observing him quietly.

“That rock looks terribly uncomfortable.” She spoke.

Ben blinked, feeling dazed. Slowly he began recalling last night’s powerful meditation. “What time is it?”

“Past noon.” She took several steps inside the cavern and looked around her impressed.

Ben pushed himself up. His body felt rested and replenished. He rubbed his cheek and looked at her. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, I woke up feeling much better than yesterday. However, when I realized you were taking too much time to come check on me, I decided to do it instead.” Ventress stopped in front of him with crossed arms. She looked far better indeed. Holding her usual haughty stance almost to perfection.

“Truly, time has slipped by me as it seems.” Ben rejoined quietly.

“Did you carve all those runes?” She pointed at the walls around them.

Ben nodded. “Yes.”

“That must have been very time consuming.” Ventress’ tone was cautious.

“I have all the time in the world as you can see.” Ben’s smile was halfhearted.

“Teachings for the next generation of Force Sensitives?” Ventress smirked.

Ben raised his brow. “More like a proof that we survived the great Purge. That Darkness didn’t get all of us.”

“No, it hasn’t. I can attest to that.” She remembered the dazzling light she had felt from him the other day when he was healing her. An experience difficult to forget.

Ben’s silence was heavy.

“I am sorry about your hand… are you okay?” She looked at the bandage wrapped tightly around his palm.

Ben hmphed. “No, I am annoyed about the bottle of Blue Milk I lost.”

“You like Blue Milk?” She pushed for a smile that was reluctant.

 “I might as well.” He sounded dry.

This morning, she found it hard to evoke the usual sass out of him. Which was excused after what happened last night. She made another attempt. “This is Krayt’s lightsaber…”

“Was…” Ben stood up slowly.

Ventress frowned up at him.

“It is not anymore.” Ben opened his hand, and the weapon flew up to him.

Ventress’s brow twitched in confusion. “Will you keep it?”

“Yes.”

“I thought that red wasn’t your color.” She really disliked the monotone of his answers.

“Orange might be.” Ben ignited the new lightsaber, and the bright orange hue came between them. He lifted his blue eyes to her in a penetrating stare that made her throat go dry.

It took her several moments to speak as she looked at the new lightsaber. She was admittedly impressed. “You have purified it.”

“Not yet fully.” He turned it off so abruptly that she jolted.

“That is remarkable. I have never witnessed the purification of a Kyber crystal. Not even when I was a Padawan.” She said in all earnest.

“Hmmm… sometimes I forget you have ever been one.” His words were pointy.

She could have retorted something nasty to that, but she knew he had every right to be angry. So, she opted to continue unfazed. “I would like to learn the process. Maybe one day I will try to purify my crystals.”

“You will need to infuse them with a new purpose that doesn’t include fear, anger or the need for power. Nor your yearning to kill. Your purpose will have to be untainted to purify the crystals. A difficult task.” His tone was cutting. He walked past her and out of the caves.

She followed quickly. “Which I could learn how to do!”

“I don’t think you are ready for that. Not after what I saw yesterday.” He replied dryly.

“I felt that.” She winced.

“Good, maybe there is a lesson to be learned here.” He countered.

“Maybe there is, and I am willing to learn.” Ventress followed him whilst biting her lip in annoyance.

He didn’t reply to her. When they entered the hut he placed his new lightsaber on the display table.

“Obi Wan?” She tried to keep her voice steady.She wanted to reach out to him somehow.

“What?” he turned to her.  

“I miss you calling me darling….” Ventress placed her hands on her waist and flicked her brow at him.

“You are in a mood I cannot follow. Not today.” He pressed his lips.

“Fine. I want to talk to you.” Ventress frowned.

Another interruption. “You look well enough to take a bath.” He moved towards the kitchen and picked up the bag of clothes that Beru had brought him.

Ventress’ eyes narrowed. “You won’t listen to me, will you?”

He stopped in front of her with the duffel bag. That pause from him was full of strain. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. “Last night I almost lost three lives Ventress.”

She felt the blood draining from her face.

“Rosjar, his wife….and you. I almost lost all of you, because you allowed the anger to consume you.” Ben placed the bag on the table.

Ventress stomach clenched painfully.

“You raised your lightsabers in hatred, in fury…” -Ben glowered- “…with the purpose to kill.”

Ventress’ eyes welled up. She took a step back as his words felt like an attack, even though they bespoke of the truth.   

“The Sith deceived you, they manipulated you, used you and then tossed you aside. They sought to kill you, but the moment you ignited your lightsabers you did so according to their teachings.” Ben’s brows furrowed while his eyes turned contemplative.

“I don’t know how to act otherwise Obi Wan. This has been my life forever. I don’t know how to use the Force in any other way.” Ventress’ voice had an apologetic tone in it that he hadn’t ever heard before.

Ben remained broodingly silent.

“What I did yesterday…it was wrong. Forgive me. I never meant to kill anyone, but the thought that I lost Krayt angered me. Without him, I have no money. I will end up in the streets begging for food. Do you know what that feels like?” -Ventress walked up to him- “Do you?” The palm of her hand pounded his chest upon uttering those words.

Ben’s eyes seared through hers.

“I know the Jedi Code well. There is only peace, there are no feelings. Right?” -Ventress smiled bitterly as her eyes burned with fresh tears - “I could have sworn you have none, hadn’t I felt them through the Force yesterday… my dear.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed.

Ventress tilted her head with a knowing smile. Her fingers wrapped tightly around the lapels of his tunic. “I felt everything in you Kenobi and you were bursting with so many emotions you almost choked me with them!”

Ben’s brow lifted slowly. His silence was heavy.

“You are surging with emotions even though your code commands you not to have them. You live in agony even though you are supposed to feel only peace. You just learned how to suppress them! Admit it!” She demanded.  

His lips became tight and his eyes closed, but he remained immovable.

Her fingers pulled his tunic hard. “I have feelings too Kenobi, but the only ones I have accepted for many years now are those of anger and pain. They are what kept me alive! Can you at least acknowledge that?”

Ben wrapped his hand around hers and held it tightly. “I can.”

“Then show me another way! Help me purify myself like you are doing to that Kyber Crystal! Meditate on me, with me…for me. Show me!” Ventress hissed ardently as she pulled his tunic again.

Ben’s brow filled with shadows. “I am not here to be anyone’s teacher.”

Ventress’ lips twitched in anguish, and she pushed him away. “Of course you are not. What am I asking?”

Ben took a shaky step back.

“You are here hiding from the Empire. A hermit in the desert. You are no wise Jedi Master. No one’s teacher anymore.” Ventress smiled bitterly.

Ben felt the blood draining from his face at that. “I am not. I am simply trying to survive.”

“One Padawan under you was enough, right? After Skywalker you don’t want to help anyone else. You are done.” Ventress smirked bitterly.

His heart flared with unbearable pain. “No more padawans for me ever again.” His voice was raspy, his tone full of ghosts Ventress couldn’t recognize.

The pause from her was long. “I didn’t mean to kill those creatures…” She whispered finally.

Ben shook his head. “I sensed you. The purpose to kill was there. Until you admit that we cannot take a step in the right direction.”

She looked up sharply and her eyes were red. “I stopped!” She cried.

Her passion drained all the blood from his face.

When she continued her voice was more subdued, but her eyes still held that fire in them. “You begged me, and I heard you Obi Wan! I stopped.” 

His eyes were piercing.  

“I chose to stop. That must mean something, right?” Her voice was now barely a whisper.

He nodded softly. “It does.”

“Maybe then we can both learn a lesson from this, like you said.” She added quietly.

He raised his blue eyes at her. His gaze was solemn.

“I can learn how to stop my will to kill. You can learn not to judge so harshly. Not to be so dogmatic. We are people, not codes. Not rules written in cavern walls. We are people Obi Wan… and we are flawed. All of us. Even you.” Her eyes were full of tears.

He could sense her distress, but the ability to approach in any manner was imprisoned behind a barrier of those codes and rules she bespoke. The ones who had ruled his life since childhood. They were the same rules that always stopped him from hugging Satine back when she fell in his arms so many times in the past. From kissing her… from expressing his love for her. That thought tore through him like a fiery dagger. He buttoned up against that internal assault.

Ventress observed her hands for a long time before nodding in quiet resolution. His silence said everything. She took a few steps back and emptied herself on the bed. “What I said before about the purification. That was utter bullshit. I hope you know that.”

Ben looked at her carefully. “Asajj, there aren’t many Jedi left alive in the Galaxy. There are even less Masters, possibly counted on the fingers of one hand, who can undertake the demanding training of a former Separatist Assassin.”

“I thought you didn’t see me as such anymore.” Ventress looked up with a bitter smile.

Ben’s eyes turned pitch black.

Ventress flexed her shoulders. “Please forgive me for acting in that manner towards those creatures last night. They didn’t deserve it. Neither did you.”  

“I already have.” Ben replied softly.

For a few tense moments she didn’t speak. When she finally decided to do so, she had at least composed the tone of her voice, if not the wild beating of her heart. “You know I think I feel well enough to travel.”

Ben scowled. “On the contrary I think you need a few more days to recover fully.”

Ventress shook her head quickly. “I am grateful for what you have done for me Master, but I feel well now. Besides I think Yavin 4 will be an absolute oasis at this time of year when compared to Tatooine. Ever been?”

Ben was taken aback. “Yavin? You are heading for a Rebell Alliance planet?”

“Would you have preferred if I went to Korriban?”  Her tone was pointy.

Ben grimaced and his eyes filled with remorse. “Of course not Asajj…”

It was her turn to ignore his regretful tone. She gazed at the bag. “What is this?”

“Some clean clothes…” Ben lips tightened. He felt like he had suddenly lost something important from her…. Something he didn’t know he had up till that point.

“Can I take that bath you offered before?” She was avoiding his eyes on purpose.

Ben felt his stomach dropping. “Asajj listen … If I had the ability to teach you I would have done so. However, I am not the proper teacher for you.”

“For a Separatist Assassin you mean?” Her lips curled up in dismay.

Ben’s brows knitted. “Those words were unforgivable. I shouldn’t have uttered them. Please forgive me.”

She shook her head, unwilling to reply to that. “What about that bath?”

He sighed in resignation. “There is enough water. If you need any help….”

Ventress stood up and took the bag. “I won’t Master. Don’t worry.” She threw a glance at him over her shoulder and walked to the bathroom.

Ben emptied himself on the chair and crossed his hands at the table. What had just happened? How did he go from waking up fully at peace to being so deeply scrutinized and confused at that moment?

Feeling rather shaken from their confrontation Ben decided not to remain in the house to listen to the water running plentifully in the bathroom. He needed to collect himself. He took care to serve her a plate of Beru’s Franikhad along with a glass of cold water. Then he placed the last dose of medication on the table next to the glass. He gazed at them lost for a couple of minutes before deciding to make himself useful outside the house.

She needed her space, and he needed his. After feeding and watering his Bantha, he saddled Akkani and took along his 84-U rifle. The need to find a quiet spot to meditate again, this time away from his home was all consuming at that moment.

Chapter Text

Early afternoon found Ben lost somewhere in the Dune Sea. Detached from reality, pulling energy from the ground and from the air that surrounded him. Concentrating at the very pits of the stormy sea that enclosed his mind. There he encountered the Force once more which offered him the blessed peace he always sought. The fight between Light and Dark that was forever present when he was emotional, was for now done. The Daughter of Light was by his side once more. Slumping over his shoulders, whispering ancient wisdom in his ears. He was focused so deeply that he didn’t hear the heavy steps of Crimson. Yet, he knew his friend was there, carrying with him a valued cargo.  

Ventress dismounted the Bantha and gazed around her. The warm air of the desert made her long white hair flow over her shoulder. She turned towards her old adversary and scowled. He was sitting in the middle of the desert, cross legged. Covered in his usual brown robes, with his hood drawn over his head. She observed the familiar face of General Kenobi. The man she knew for so long now clad with the rough tunics of a monk. She had fought with him so many times in the past, she always saw him as a soldier. Forgetting that he was a Jedi at times. “For a keeper of peace, you sure led the 212^th to slay countless separatists with no remorse, General.” She whispered.

His answer was soft. “No remorse?”

She walked closer and stood in front of him. She didn’t speak.

“Peacekeepers cannot be soldiers. Darkness blinded us to that truth. I won’t ever live that down.”

Ventress exhaled slowly.  “Good evening Master.”

“Good evening Ventress.” He added and opened his eyes slowly.

She could almost feel the peace that was emanating from him, probing her for entrance already. She remembered his Force Healing and a sense of longing seized her. “I interrupted your meditation. I am sorry.”

“Why ask forgiveness when you actively sought me out?” Ben’s smile was calm.

She crossed her arms and looked around her at the endless Dunes. “Well, I couldn’t find you anywhere close to the house and unbelievable as it seems I got a little worried.”

“About me? That’s surprising.” Ben added.

She felt mildly annoyed. “Then your Bantha actually…”

He spoke over her. “…led you to me. I know.”

Ventress glared at him. “Did you instruct the animal to do so?”

“I sensed your need to find me. I... asked Crimson to assist you.” -Ben tilted his head and then pointed in front of him- “Take a seat.”

She rolled her eyes. “Take what seat in the middle of the desert?”

“A seat that is full of sand, but also peace. For I assume that is what you are seeking?” Ben raised his brow.

With a last worried look around her, Ventress sat cross legged in front of him. “We are going to be easy pray for desert lizards and Tusken Raiders.”

“I can feel all of them. Do you trust me?” Ben’s eyes narrowed.

She opened her mouth to say something witty, but then she remembered how Crimson the Bantha obeyed this man’s command from so far away. She wasn’t sure about anything anymore. She nodded wordlessly. There was so much to be learned about the Light Side of the Force. She wasn’t even close to understanding. It would be foolish to assume that she knew the true depth of Kenobi’s connection to the Force. Or what that entailed. She opted for once to remain silent and maybe listen… but also offer. Some form of truce after their last conversation. Normally she wouldn’t have given a second thought to that confrontation, but now for some reason… a resolution was important to her.

She couldn’t just go back to his hut without a few words of remorse. He was looking at her serenely. He was surrounded by that tranquility she desired so much. Her stomach clenched as she scooted closer to him. Then she reached out and touched his bandaged palm that was resting over his knee. She cleared her throat, feeling suddenly very tense. “Does it hurt?”

“Much less than your wound, I am sure.” He responded gently.

She licked her lips and with some trepidation she began undoing the bandage. “When I was part of the Nightsisters we could use Magicks to heal wounds. Mother Talzin used dark potions, a kind of dark side aligned healing.” -At that she smiled sadly. She placed the bandage aside and looked at the cuts across his palm. Still red and raw, but clean- “She couldn’t understand the Force Healing of the Jedi. How they willingly sacrificed some of their own life force to aid others. She thought that was too weak.”

“Do you think so too?” Ben looked towards his hand. She was holding it gently between hers.

“No, your way of healing is noble… giving part of yourself to another. That is why it is so purifying. The Force would have never offered such an ability to Mother Talzin.” Ventress replied.

Ben’s lips formed a quiet smile.

“Did it hurt you to Force Heal me?” Ventress frowned.

“It drained me.” Ben didn’t lie.

“I am sorry.” She winced.

“I did it willingly and I would do it again. As many times as you required.” His voice was steady.

She felt her heart pinching. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure… always.” His smile was genial.

Ventress nodded. “I wish I could offer you the same. As an apology for my behavior at noon…”

“You don’t need to apologize. I spoke harshly also.” Ben tried to pull his hand away, but she kept firm hold of it.

“I want to. I cannot heal you by using the Force, because no one has taught me, but I can use some of our old Magicks…” Her fingers slid up his wrist and then moved gently over his palm. A green vapor followed them.

Ben scowled deeply at the sensation. “I don’t want any dark-aligned magic on me Asajj.” His voice was deep.

Those words stopped her. Her gray eyes looked up to his. The green vapor disappeared. “You are right. I shouldn’t touch you with any Darkness. You are pure Light.”

Ben pressed his lips. “I appreciate the thought and the words.”  

Ventress swallowed heavily. “Can you show me how to heal you through the Force?”

Ben’s eyes gained a depth that made her shiver.

“You are not here to teach… I know.” She sounded and felt disappointed even though he didn’t say anything to her.

His eyes turned to her fingers that were still touching the middle of his wounded palm.

“I wanted to offer you my sincere apology for our confrontation this noon. I was too forthcoming Obi Wan. You didn’t deserve it.” She spoke quietly.

“The fire in you is too strong to be contained by the social constructs of politeness Asajj. It is part of your allure. Accept my apology for using heartful words also please.” Ben’s mouth formed a lopsided smile.

She felt a wave of relief running down her spine and suddenly her shoulders let go of all their stiffness. “Can I try?”

Ben’s eyes became confused.

She grazed her fingers on his palm. “Can I try to meditate for your hand? You don’t have to teach me. I can just, give it a try.”

His throat suddenly went dry. That offer was made with such pure intentions that he sensed it through the Force.

“It will help me feel better.” Ventress continued quietly.

Ben closed his eyes and lowered his head. A soft nod came from him that elated her heart. She closed her eyes and tried to silence the voices in her head. She made a sincere effort to concentrate on his hand, to push her life force towards him. To offer him part of herself and heal his scars. He allowed her the time, by remaining still and silent. He was patient as she struggled with herself. As she battled with an ability no one taught her how to use. The honesty of her effort touched him deeply.

When he felt her frustration reaching its limits, he stopped her. “Asajj wait…”

She opened her eyes with a grunt. The disappointment was clear in them.

His hand reached up and slid over her temple. She inhaled deeply and her eyes fluttered. His fingers brushed the trimmed part of her long hair, which revealed one of her tattoos. She shuddered. “Let me feel you for a moment.” He whispered.

She silenced her voice, but she couldn’t do the same with the noise in her head. Apprehension overwhelmed her. She didn’t want him to witness the chaos inside her.  

He touched her temple gently and frowned while he sensed her. She held her breath, hoping to hide the darkest parts of her. Yet, knowing that it was hopeless. “There is so much clatter in your mind. So many voices, so many arguments…” He murmured.

Ventress closed her eyes. “I know.”

That is why I long to experience the peace I sensed through your healing…That incorruptible blessed serenity that resides inside you when you are one with the Force… Her mind said. When she realized it was too late.

He had already heard that thought. His eyes flew open.

She looked at him nervously. His gaze was penetrating. She felt under such deep scrutiny that all her defenses instantly went up. She tried to pull her hand away, but this time it was he who held it tightly. “I don’t think I want to do this anymore.” She stammered.

Ben raised her hand to his mouth and offered it such an unexpectedly soft kiss that her body settled down within moments. She stopped struggling and her eyes got lost in his. “Force Healing is to offer part of yourself to help others, remember?”

She nodded entranced.

“Allow me to do it once more for you.” Ben’s brow furrowed as his eyes penetrated the depths of her soul.

Ventress opened her mouth, but no words came out. She was already being pulled into this, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to stop it. He was going to show her something sacred again. She could feel it.

“Allow me to listen to your mind and silence your thoughts.” -Ben said softly and pulled her closer. She leaned over as his palm touched her temple again- “Close your eyes.”

She swallowed heavily, feeling her eyes burning. Being so openly vulnerable to someone was evoking emotions that were threatening to choke her. “I only wanted to use the Force in order to heal your hand.” She murmured.

“You cannot offer part of yourself to help someone, when you are out of balance. You need to silence your mind.” He rejoined gently.

“I don’t know how to do it.” She whispered crushed.

“How long has it been since you have meditated? “

The question caught her unprepared. “I have never meditated. I am no Jedi.”

“Count Dooku never showed you how.” Ben frowned with his eyes closed. Sensing her trepidation upon hearing that name.  

Her answer was quick. “No.”

“The Nightsisters?”

“They meditated as one entity, but not in the ways of the Force. They used Dark Magicks to do so… they could sense the Force but were unable to use it. To be one with it.”

The silence that came from him was so long she got lost in it with him without even understanding it. That silence started to slide gradually over her, without her noticing. When his voice was heard again, its intensity sent a wave of electricity down her back. “In order to meditate you need to silence all your thoughts. To draw within yourself. Towards the void, the dark depths of your core.”

She nodded, not daring to move. It felt as if an invisible hand deliberately turned down the volume of her mind. The constant yapping, the debates, the scolding, the guilt trips… sounded less…until there was nothing left. That is when Ventress was allowed to breathe in freely for the first time in forever. Her eyes welled up at the beautiful stillness inside her usually busy mind. “Oh, my heaven….” She whispered, feeling conquered.

 “Draw within… dive deep… feel the void around. Allow yourself to fall into the nothingness….” Ben’s voice resounded in her mind.

She shuddered and imagined herself diving headfirst into a dark abyss from a tall rocky outcrop. Fear rapidly flooded her. She didn’t want to take that leap of faith.  

“I can sense your fear. I am here.” Ben whispered.

She tried another breath of freedom. So rare, so precious, so unique. She wanted to keep it forever. With that thought in mind she dove into the void, with his voice as an anchor. The expectation was for panic to settle in. She thought that diving would make her jerk awake and open her eyes shocked. Nothing of the sort happened. She didn’t know if he was assisting her on that first deep fall within herself, but she felt detached from her body, from that fear, from the lingering panic.

Until in the end there was nothing. Nothing but her and a strangely peaceful void, the likes of which she had never encountered before. She lost all sense of time and place. She forgot that her palm was touching Obi Wan’s palm. That his hand was warming her temple. That they were sitting crossed legged, facing each other in the middle of the Dune Sea. That she was recovering from an almost fatal wound. She forgot her physical form. She existed only in spirit, only inside her own dark void. Breathing so deeply, so freely, so openly.  

That is when she landed softly at the bottom of her core. She gazed around her at the nothingness mesmerized. “Obi Wan?” She whispered. She wanted to find him inside that abyss even though it felt so familiar. It was her own. Herself. But she needed his presence to guide her. His guiding light.

It was as if he had heard her wish. “Your Master Ky Narec never showed you how to search …how to seek what is within.” Ben’s solemn voice resounded in the depth of her meditation.

She inhaled sharply. “No…he taught me how to fight. How to assist those in need.”

“But never to find balance…”

At those words a small fissure appeared at the peace that Ventress felt inside that void. “He did his best. He was stranded all those years on Rattatak. Hunted to be killed.”

“How did he find you? … From Pirates? … he saved you from them… took you under his wing.” His voice was calmly pondering.

“I escaped from those damned pirates alone …” She murmured.

“Those pirates, they didn’t abduct you from Dathomir, they…” -Ben’s voice stumbled- “… you were… Talzin forced your mother to give you to Siniteen criminals as payment of some dept… you were so young…so innocent…”

The fissure cracked even further. The image of her mother holding Asajj as she was crying. Ventress trying to hold on. An overwhelming wave of agony rose to the surface. She heard her mother’s voice. She thought she didn’t remember it. “Azzi, I am so sorry….”

She choked on unshed tears.

“There is so much unhealed trauma inside your void….” Ben’s profound voice made her whole-body tremble.

“It was not my mother’s fault ….” Ventress’ voice cracked.

“Not your mother’s fault? Was it neither the fault of your Master when the Warlords captured you?” He continued his steady probing.

“No… my Master tried his best to help me!” She shook her head violently.

“He failed. You blame yourself for his failure.” His tone was hard.

The image of her Master losing her to that Vollick warlord came out of nowhere with such violence that she felt her knees buckle.

“They used you, they sold you, they failed you.” Ben’s voice returned heavy.

She nodded, feeling her eyes burning with tears. “They did…” She muttered overawed.

“The Warlords used you, the Nightsisters traded you for old depts, your Master failed you…. You have so much pain inside to feed the Dark Side… so much hatred for those who gave you up. Pain and suffering for those you lost.” Ben continued calmly. The serenity of his voice seemed to shake the foundations of her core.

“Stop….” She begged.

But was he wrong? He was speaking the truth and that pained her even more. The image of Mother Talzin welcoming her back to the Nightsisters after Dooku betrayed her came to undo her. She healed Asajj and offered her a home once more. A place to belong. Only for Asajj to realize that Talzin was using her to connect with the Force. The betrayal came quickly when the circumstances didn’t fit Talzin’s plans. Once again… deceived. As for her sisters… they followed the Mother’s orders and in the end they all perished because of her.

“Talzin used you … for your skills. You never meant anything to her. Like you never did to Lord Tyrannus. Who trained you to kill upon command but never cared enough to show you how to connect with the Force … how to find your place inside it.” His voice felt like the whips of a lash on her naked back.

“Please stop….” She covered her eyes.

“I can sense it all. Your hatred for the Sith, the betrayal of Dooku, the disappointment for your mother and the Nightsisters, the treachery of Talzin, but above all the pain when you lost your Master. When he died in your arms.”

She shook her head and began crying in all earnest. “Stop…stop … stop….”

He didn’t stop. “I lost my Master when I was a Padawan. He died in my arms also… Azzi.”

The heaviness of that confession combined with the resonance of his voice when he spoke her real name, made Ventress scream so loud inside her mind that she was ejected from the depths of her meditation forcefully. She pushed back and opened her eyes breathlessly.  

His eyes were open already. His gaze was full of calm recollection. Hers was full of madness and agony. “There is Darkness inside you Asajj, but there is also Light… It is hidden, but it yearns to come out. I sensed it.”

She was trembling hard. “Is that what meditating with you feels like? What you did to me was horrible Obi Wan.”  

“Unless you resolve the reasons which keep that anger and pain alive, you will never be able to find your balance. Remember how it felt when you first pulled deep within? When all those noises in your head got silenced?” Ben’s hand wrapped around hers.  

“I do…” Her voice was barely heard.

“Silence, the void and peace… that is what you wish for.” Ben frowned.

She nodded. “You gave them to me; you allowed me to take my first free breath since I remember myself and then… you took it all back.”

“You must walk through hell to find your heaven. I am sorry.” Ben removed his hand respectfully.

Asajj’s eyes turned hard on him. “Don’t ever use the name my mother called me again Obi Wan. In my mind or elsewhere.”

He breathed deeply and gave her a nod. “As you wish.”

Asajj looked around her disoriented. “I need a moment to myself….” Then she stood up and tried to take a few steps before staggering.

Ben made to help her, but she raised her hand to him.

“Let me be for a moment….” She said with a voice empty of any emotion.

Ben watched her carefully as she walked away from him. His command to Crimson was silent, but his Bantha followed Asajj for a little while, before she decided to climb on it. Then it lumbered slowly towards Ben’s hut.

It took Ben some time to settle down his own thoughts after that deep probing, which brought to the surface unexpected information. What he saw and sensed in her had truly shaken him.

“Master Qui-Gon, you always said that we should try to help those who are lost. I am not sure I have helped her much with what I did.” Ben’s eyes narrowed towards the Dune that Crimson got lost behind.

The Force Ghost of his Master appeared sitting next to him. On the contrary I think you helped her immensely.

“She is not ready to face her demons and seek peace. There is so much Darkness inside her…”

But also, Light as you said… Qui-Gon noted.

“She is too stubborn to listen…” Ben pursed his lips.

Well, that reminds me so much of you Obi Wan …Qui-Gon smiled.

Ben scowled at his Master.

Have you forgotten how hot-headed and rebellious you used to be when you were young?

Ben sighed and crossed his arms.

That was the reason I chose you as my Padawan. I saw a little bit of myself in you. Qui-Gon smiled.

Those words made Ben smile also. “Well, that is a compliment.”

Qui-Gon nodded. You are deeply troubled by her; I can sense it.   

“She asks for guidance, yet she is not open to it.” Ben rejoined pensively.

My boy, this was the first time Ventress allowed someone to witness the depths of her emotions. She allowed you to have a glimpse inside her mind. She let you witness the dire circumstances that created her personality. Don’t minimize that. Qui-Gon wised.

“Did she allow me, or did I force my will upon her?” Ben sounded uncertain.

She sought you out, she called you, she asked you to enter the meditation with her.

“I don’t think she understood how much I would perceive, Master. I am afraid what happened might have repulsed her from trying ever again.” Ben resumed reflectively.

The path towards healing isn’t linear, remember? Healing hurts. Your teaching is as painful as it should be to offer her enlightenment.

“My teaching? I really don’t want to teach anyone, Master.” Ben’s brow darkened.

Don’t contradict yourself. You are here to teach Luke when the boy is ready. Why not teach also this lost soul who was brought to you by the will of the Force. Qui-Gon raised his brows.

Ben inhaled deeply.

She needs guidance and you are The Guiding Light… Have you forgotten?

That brought tears to Ben’s eyes. “That resides in the past.”

Past or present, that is something that will never change. Qui-Gon added and then his Force Ghost slowly dissipated.

Leaving Ben with a lot to think about. Both about Ventress and the awful circumstances of her life, but also about himself and his inability to stop meddling. He told her he was not willing to teach anyone, and on the same day offered her the first hard lesson in meditation.

What did that say about him and his resolutions?

Chapter Text

It was later in the evening that Ben returned to his home riding Akkani. The lights were on inside. He hesitated for a moment, not knowing how to approach this. After Asajj left the Dunes, bearing hard feelings towards their joined meditation, he couldn’t settle down. He tried meditating again, but it was of no use. Admitting defeat, he turned introspective. Wondering if his probing had been too much, if his teaching -as Qui-Gon called it- had been too strict. If he was minimizing that she allowed him to see part of her past. If he was indeed contradicting himself. Offering Asajj some guidance whilst declaring he was never going to do that to anyone else after Anakin.

He was there to protect but also guide Luke when the time came. So, his bold declarations of never undertaking any teachings were faulty from the start. Maybe it was fear that was stopping him. Fear of teaching someone who had so much darkness inside. So much hatred and anger… so much need for revenger. Anakin had been like that since he was a little boy, but Obi Wan ignored the signs. The Council did the same. The results were a catastrophe for all. That fear had become so deeply embedded inside Obi Wan that he was unwilling to mentor anyone who reminded him of his former Padawan.

Ventress used to be an assassin. Killing people in cold blood. Destroying without any remorse.

You led the 212^th to kill countless Separatists with no remorse too, General.

That truth echoing with her voice inside his mind, made him recoil. How could he judge her on war crimes, when he wasn’t less guilty of them? He was a Jedi Master, part of the Council and still was caught in the spider web of the Sith. Why did he demand something better from her? Wasn’t that hypocritical? Hard? Too judgmental? Could he come to terms with his failures and by proxy with hers? Was it even possible to forgive Asajj and himself for their past crimes? These questions lingered in his mind.

 Yet the fear… the fear of what his teaching could do to such a susceptible person. That was very hard to overcome.

He had to admit that his probing had been cruel. The intention was noble. To find the sources of her agony, so she could uproot them one by one. Slowly. By using meditation. He knew she would be distressed by the memories he dug up from her subconscious, but he never expected to become equally distressed when she left him that way.

Maybe he was getting too involved.

Yet, the need to approach her in some manner became almost dire as the war inside him raged on. On one hand he couldn’t unsee the Ventress who lifted her lightsaber in hatred towards Rosjar. On the other he couldn’t forget the purity of her purpose when she wanted to heal his hand by using the Force. Two sides of the same coin. Or maybe a dichotomy? So unbalanced… so human… so flawed, but also so real.

With those thoughts in mind, he decided to ride with Akkani to Mos Espa to seek a peace offering. Something purchased solely to make another person feel better. Last time he had felt that need was with Leia. The memory of the Princess’ face made his heart melt as he looked towards his hut. The sudden need to communicate with her overwhelmed him. Maybe he could try that later, after Ventress left.

He dismounted Akkani and walked towards his hut. When the door opened he looked at the emptiness inside. The bed was made, the kitchen was clean, and the only light left on was the one next to the dining table. Nothing was disturbed. No signs of her eating or sleeping in there today. On that recognition his stomach clenched with sudden apprehension. Could she have left without telling him anything?

That question didn’t have the time to settle in his mind, because he reached through the Force to sense her. The urgency with which he did that went unnoticed. The relief he felt when he sensed her in his caves though was … noticed. He turned towards their dark outlines and leaned against the wall with a strong exhalation.

Her leaving without speaking to him would have really troubled him. He didn’t feel the need to examine why at that moment. He closed the door and walked towards the caves, making sure to be as quiet as possible. He didn’t want to disturb her.

When he stopped at the entrance his lips formed an honest smile. She was sitting cross legged in front of his stone of meditation. Her two lightsabers were in front of her. She had her eyes closed and looked deeply concentrated. He felt a string of happiness awakening in his heart. The painful experience he offered her at the Dunes didn’t deter her from trying again, right? At that moment he felt proud of her perseverance. The strong, determined soldier he had crossed sabers with during the war was still in her.

Respectfully with an elated heart, he made a move to leave when she spoke.

“You don’t have to go.”

“I thought you were meditating.” He said quietly.

She opened her gray eyes. “Me meditating? Of course not.” She waved him off.

His lips scrounged.

“I am no Jedi.” Her smile was dejected.

When he heard those words his previous happiness dimmed a little. He had misread things. Remorse tagged his heart. He took a few steps inside. “You are a very strong Force Wielder. Becoming a Jedi is within your grasp.”

She hmphed. “I need a teacher for that and as you so wisely said, there aren’t many alive in the galaxy. Where would I find a Master strong enough to teach someone like me?”

He felt that jab straight into his heart. She was right. His previous words to her had been tactless and rough. “Strong enough indeed… “ He murmured.

She tilted her head with a smirk. “I am a challenge… and I won’t ever change that.”

He gave her a knowing smile. “Didn’t except anything less from you. Very good.”

She gave him a quiet nod of acceptance to his compliment.

He gazed at her lightsabers. He could sense her intent for them, but didn’t say anything. “Can I take a seat?” He asked carefully.

She pointed in front of her. “Take a seat amidst the roughness of the stones and the trouble you so seek.”

He snorted and sat down. “You have a knack of throwing my words back at me.”

“You too.” Her brow quirked.

“That is fair.” -He said and paused for a few moments- “How are you?”

She averted her eyes and tucked some white strands behind her ear. “Okay I guess.”

“You left so quickly from the Dunes.” He treaded with care.

She nodded wordlessly.

“Do you feel better?” He observed her closely.

The hesitation was clear from her. “Look… what happened there… it was heavy for me. I only wanted to heal your hand, offer an apology. Didn’t except to be drawn into something so crushing.”

“Yet, you allowed me to reach out to you.” Ben said quietly.

She shook her head. “I won’t lie to you Obi Wan. Your healing abilities have shown me a side of the Force that left me breathless. You emanate such tranquility when you are one with the Force. I don’t think you realize how much you can affect other people. When I saw you meditating the only thing I wanted was to experience that one more time.”

He averted his eyes.

“Instead, I was drawn into an experience that brought to the surface memories I didn’t wish to encounter.” She continued with a quiet tone of resolution.

 He took one of her lightsabers in his hands. He looked at it thoughtfully. “Forgive me for probing so deeply Asajj. My approach to you was a little on the rough side.”

“A little?” She gave him a sideway glance.

He pressed his lips. “I used to be a strict teacher with … my Padawan.” He had been willing, but unable to say the name of Anakin.

 “Skywalker deserves an award for withstanding you. You seem to be a very demanding teacher indeed.” Her tone was light-hearted, but it punched all the air out of his lungs.

I don’t want to make the same mistakes… His thought never made it to words.

She recognized that something had shifted in him and tried to balance things. “I suppose it was your demanding teachings though which made Skywalker the best Jedi of the Order… after you of course.”

His brows furrowed and he shook his head to get rid of the inner turmoil that had overtaken him so suddenly. He sought to turn the conversation around. “I think you should try these… they are supposedly the best pastry on Tatooine.” He pushed the bag towards her.

She recognized that she had missed something of great importance but was unable to backtrack. She allowed him to tread this easier path for the moment. “What are they?” She opened the bag.

“Dweezels… gooey pastry, berries, sugar and whatnot.” He shrugged.

She arched her brow curiously. “You are not out to poison me, right?”

“Took a lot of time to heal you, to undo that with a mere pastry.” He pinched his lips.

She gave him a nod of agreement. “True” - Then took a bite from one. Instantly her eyes rolled to the back of her head- “Oh, my goodness, this is absolutely divine!”

“Oh, my Force…” He corrected.

She laughed and stuffed her face with the remaining pastry. “How come I haven’t tried one of these before?”

“It’s a local delicacy.” His smile was worn.

“Are they sold in Mos Eisley?” She asked and took another one.

“Mos Espa only. Professor Umlaut keeps the recipe safe under arms. So, I heard.” Ben returned.

She swallowed a huge bite and looked at him bewildered. “Did you go to Mos Espa to buy these today?”

“Yes.” He nodded.

“Why?” She licked her lips and her brows furrowed in confusion.

“I thought you might like to try them before leaving. Besides, you need to regain your strength.” He rejoined nonchalantly.

Her eyes narrowed on him. Her silence demanded an honest answer.

He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. “Fine, they are an apology for my rather insensitive probing at the Dunes.”

She wiped her hands slowly and felt her throat contracting. “You didn’t need to do this.”

“I wanted to do it.” He lifted his eyes to find hers.

The thoughtfulness of that action stunned her. Her eyes became deeply penetrating upon him. “Thank you…” She whispered.

He winced. “Forgive me for seeing things, I shouldn’t have…”

She looked away quickly. She didn’t know what to say.

“I am sorry you had to go through all that Asajj…” The honesty of his voice touched her.

Her heart gave a mighty kick as she felt her eyes suddenly burning. I am so sorry Azzi… Her mother’s voice echoed in her mind. “Don’t ask forgiveness for something you didn’t do to me.”

At those words he felt his stomach clenching hard. He placed her lightsaber down and crossed his hands peacefully in front of him.

“Did your Master really die in your arms?” Her voice came after a long and heavy silence between them.

“Yes. On Naboo, by Maul’s hand.” He replied quietly.

She felt her whole body running with shivers. “I didn’t know…” She whispered.

“Few do.” He smiled bitterly.

Her brows met as she looked at her hands. “How did you resist being consumed by rage?”

“I didn’t.” Came the simple reply.

She looked at his blue eyes.

“I fought my Master’s killer with fury unmatched and almost died because of it.” He resumed as carefully as possible.

“Yet, the darkness didn’t devour you.” She said quietly.

“It came very close.” He admitted with unbidden honesty.

“You chose the path of the Light. I took the other path…”  She muttered looking defeated.

“The choices we made in the past must not dictate who we become in the future.” He responded.

“Do you really believe that?” Her eyes were looking at him with a keenness that moved him.

“I must… so do you.” His lips twitched with a small smile.

 She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “Thank you for this.”

He turned his eyes towards her lightsabers. “Tell me Asajj. Why did you come to the cavern today?”

Her smile was hesitant. “Believe it or not, I sought some peace and quiet.”

His eyes lit up when he heard that.

“I may be hesitant to try another meditation, but the silence of your cavern is something that I truly enjoy.”

“Me too.” His smile this time came effortlessly.  

“Besides I think all these runes that surround me, are truly inspiring.” She gazed around astounded.

His piercing gaze didn’t leave her eyes.  

“Proof the Jedi have survived the great purge, right?” She whispered.

“Or maybe teachings for the next generation of Force Sensitives.” He corrected.

“Now you are twisting both our words around.” She noticed.

“Your original observation had been correct. My words simply betrayed the bitterness of an old timer.” His smile turned sad.

“If any Force Sensitives find their way into your cave, they will be very lucky to read the words written by the legendary Kenobi.” Her tone was full of genial admiration.  

“One is already here.” His voice was solemn.

That made her look at him with a heavy frown.

“I hope she takes the time to read whatever she can before she leaves. Remember there can be no ignorance, only knowledge.” He returned.

Her eyes became somber. “You are putting your hopes into the wrong person Master.”

“I honestly don’t think I am.” -He muttered and looked at his bandaged hand- “You asked to heal me before…”

She gazed at his hand with apprehension. “I cannot use the Force to do it.”

“I am sure in the end you will manage that. For now, though, I think you should try the old ways.” He responded and removed the bandage from his hand.

“What are you doing?” She felt thrown off balance.

He placed his hand on her knee, with the palm facing up. “I would like you to heal me.” His eyes penetrated hers with so much honesty that her heart missed a beat.

“How?” She thought.

“Use your Magicks.” His answer was simple.

She felt all the hair of her body standing up. “And infuse you with dark aligned energy?” Her voice was barely heard.

“I will counter it. I am a Jedi.” He offered her a lopsided smile.

She was bereft of words.

“I don’t care what way you want to use. I care only about your intent. Your purpose.” He raised his brow.

“Is this another part of your teachings?” She muttered feeling speechless by his openness.

“Maybe this time I am teaching myself. Now let me feel your magic.” His voice was something between a proposition and a challenge.

She swallowed so heavily she believed he heard it also. Then she slid her fingers gently over his scared palm. “Had the circumstances been different I would have taken this as a very promiscuous suggestion.” She opted for banter. All of this was affecting her more deeply than she would have bargained for.

His head tilted ever so slightly, and a knowing smile formed on his lips. “If I like your magic on my hand, I might make other more uninhibited propositions. Now let me feel you…”  

The familiarity of his banter was aimed at making her feel at ease. Yet, the last words were spoken in such a quiet tone of softness that a shiver galloped down her back and pooled into the pit of her stomach. She closed her eyes and concentrated on calling the old magic that had always been infused inside her. Her fingers caressed the middle of his palm as her lips began chanting words he couldn’t understand. Green vapor slid out of her fingertips and covered his skin.

Usually when she healed someone as part of the Nightsisters, her intent was practical. Call the Magicks, channel them through the unity and aim them at the wound that needed healing. Quick, to the point and many times painful for the wounded. The Magicks didn’t work by caring about others, but by forcing the healing process quickly and effectively. Making the wounded often squirm in agony.

Yet, this time when she felt them pushing through her with their usual practical ferocity, she instinctively raised every barrier she could to protect Obi Wan. The magical energy splashed forcefully upon her walls and retreated with confusion. Ventress felt her whole body tensing as she was attempting to do something never tried before. To filter her Magick so carefully that it wouldn’t hurt Obi Wan at all. The dark aligned energy crashed upon her walls with even darker intent making her grit her teeth.

It felt as if the Magicks were yearning to have access to Obi Wan’s hand. As if they sensed this recipient was incorruptible and pure. He told her he could counter that darkness, but did she trust him. Did she trust herself?

As if listening to her thoughts, he spoke. “Let it go…”

Asajj felt the walls around her melting to the ground, allowing the immense capacity of that dark energy to flow through her and into him. She heard his groan of pain and reached out to hold some part of him. To ask forgiveness for allowing all this darkness to flow through him. Her hand clutched his nape and pulled him close. Their foreheads touched and she clenched her jaw as the green vapor got buried deep into his scared palm. “I am so sorry…” She gasped feeling the monumental strength of that dark energy virtually unstoppable.

His scared hand gripped hers tightly as he felt every single negative emotion suddenly arising inside him. The hatred, the agony, the pain, the fear… all sparked up from the bottom of his heart and surged through him. His body woke up so abruptly, every sensation he had forgotten came to remind him they had always been there. Buried deep. Just waiting for the opportunity to come alive and consume him. He groaned heavily, as his body rode ungodly waves of pleasure and pain.

You don’t know the true power of the dark side…

He bit down the need to throw caution in the wind and give in to all these intense emotions. Hadn’t he been tried enough in his life? What was stopping him from following this eruption home? Abandon himself inside these burning feelings? Forget himself and become someone else? The temptation was so close. Within his grasp… he could just reach out and take it. With his strength and knowledge few would be able to resist him. That thought almost broke him in half.

You underestimate my power Master…

It was the voice of Anakin that first penetrated the darkness of Asajj’s Magicks. Yet it was Leia’s smile that threw him the anchor. He remembered how warm her hug had been when he last saw her. How much he longed to hug her again. How he felt like a father to her even though he was neither her biological nor surrogate. He recalled how Padme died from a broken heart because Anakin was consumed by the same darkness that was trying to overwhelm him at that moment. How she gave up her life when she learned that Anakin had turned to the Dark Side. He remembered how Luke loved to hunt Womp Rats in his skyhopper. That Crimson and his herd needed him to take care of them. Akkani couldn’t be left alone… no. Above all Asajj, the woman whose hand was holding his nape so tightly… she had to witness the Light conquering the Dark.

With that thought Obi Wan called on all his reserves. He felt the hand of the Winged Goddess wrapping around his within moments of that call. She had never failed him even in the direst circumstances. The drive of positive energy he released pushed away all the negative emotions and buried them into to the depths of his soul. To be forgotten, for now. The violent awakening his body had felt retreated with a flow of relief. A blue hue covered every single inch of him and slid up Asajj’s hands and arms. Hovering over the green vapor of her Magicks and dissipating it. Making it slip off her body and bury itself in the ground.

A wide smile formed on her lips. “I can feel your warmth Master.”

He nodded and pushed for more, trying to cleanse himself and her at the same time.

“It is so beautiful.” She murmured enchanted. The same warm serenity she had felt during his healing was back again. Gliding over her body like the most delicate layer of harmony. Offering her what she desired the most. Making her eyes fill up with fresh tears as the Magicks she had learned from Talzin melted to the ground defeated. 

They remained like that, locked with their foreheads touching as the beautiful blue hue of his energy coursed through her body, until there was nothing more he was able to give to her. When he opened his eyes he saw her face flooded with tears and her hands trembling. A small smile appeared on his lips as he pulled back slowly. He took hold of her hand and removed it from his nape. “Open your eyes.” He said quietly.

She did so. Her gray eyes were looking at him bewildered.

He pulled his wounded hand away from hers. There were no more scars on it. “You healed me Asajj.”

She turned her eyes to his palm. “I … did that?”

He nodded.

“But the darkness of my Magicks… they hurt you. I felt them.” She frowned feeling both completely lost, but also at peace.

“No.” He shook his head.

“They wanted to stain your purity. They wanted to corrupt you. I tried to stop them.” Her eyes darted around her confused.

He touched her hand gently. “We countered them.”

She stopped and looked at him mesmerized. “No. You countered them. How did you do that Master?”

“Concentrate Asajj. Look at my hand.” He said calmly.

She did as he asked.

“You healed me. Thank you.” He said softly.

Her eyes burned with fresh tears. “I stained you with that darkness.”

He shook his head. “You didn’t.”  

“I don’t ever want to use Mother Talzin’s Magicks again. Even if my purpose is for the good. I want to learn how to use the Light Side of the Force.” Her tone was so sincere it touched an almost hidden part of his heart.

He wrapped his hand around hers. “You will learn it, if that is your wish. Are you alright?”

She nodded and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Yes. Are you alright?”

His smile was soft. “Yes. I hope I didn’t scare you again.”

She shook her head fervently. “Scare me? I want to feel this from you again… and again.”

He smiled widely. “Had the circumstances been different, I would have taken this as a very promiscuous suggestion.”

Those words tickled an sincere laugh out of her.

Even though his body felt truly depleted after this battle with Talzin’s darkness, he didn’t want to back out now. He had Asajj’s attention, and he wanted to give her more. Unbelievable as that was.

He raised his hand and her lightsaber floated in the air in front of them. “Now admit it. You didn’t come in the caves to find peace and quiet… did you?”

She wiped her eyes and pressed her lips. Then she shook her head. After this revealing experience today, she didn’t want to hide anything from him. And she wanted to learn everything he was willing to show her. Learn more from him, but also about him.

“You came with a purpose. A noble one.” He raised his brow.

She looked at his clear blue eyes enthralled. “Yes.”

“You want to purify your Kyber Crystals.” He said and moved his fingers gently. The lightsaber started dismantling itself.

“Yes, but I don’t know how to do it.” She murmured.

He raised his other hand and her second lightsaber floated in the air. It started dismantling also. “You will learn how to do that today.” His voice had regained its usual solemnity.

“You will show me?” She asked unable to hide her excitement.

He looked at the two red crystals that floated between them, surrounded by all the other parts of her lightsabers. “Can you still feel my energy inside you?”

She nodded keenly. “Yes.”

“Raise your hands and concentrate on your crystals.” He said.

She did as she was told.

“Close your eyes and feel that energy surrounding you. Offering you the peace you seek so much.” He continued.

She nodded. “I do feel it.”

“Embrace it, make it yours, accept it…” He continued as he lowered his hands.

The Kyber Crystals remained floating. She was controlling them. He smiled pleased.

“You have to infuse your crystals with a new purpose Asajj.”

“New purpose…” She muttered.

He reached out and steadied her hands gently. “Repeat after me. I don’t want to strike in anger. I don’t want to strike in hatred. I don’t want to strike in vengeance. I want to act in mercy. I want to preserve life, to protect it.”

A smile lit up her whole face. “I don’t want to strike in anger. I don’t want to strike in hatred. I don’t want to strike in vengeance.  I want to act in mercy. I want to preserve life, to protect it.” She repeated.

He removed his hands and nodded thoughtfully. “Now concentrate on this new purpose and infuse it to yourself and your crystals. Draw within and be one with yourself and with the Force. Repeat those words until there is nothing else left to say.” His voice was peaceful.

He saw her mouth whispering those words and her fingers moving gently as the lightsabers floated in front of her. He closed his eyes and offered a prayer towards the Force for Asajj.

Daughter of Light, please help her….

The Winged Goddess who was always standing protectively behind him, floated and stood behind Asajj. Ben exhaled in relief and after a few moments opened his eyes. Feeling satisfied that he had offered her the first proper experience of the Light Side of the Force he stood up slowly. Now it was her time to do this alone. She didn’t need any more assistance from him.

He wrapped his cloak tightly around him and walked to the entrance of the cavern. The experience he had with the Magicks of Mother Talzin was not something that he would easily forget. He had been tried and conquered the Darkness again… for now.

His body felt heavily bruised, his soul was still shaking, but the scars on his palm were gone. He looked over his shoulder at Asajj who was focusing on her Kyber Crystals. Another smile dawned on his lips as he walked away.

-.-

It was much later that he decided to check on her again. When he stopped at the entrance he pressed his lips. She was lying on her side with her lightsabers assembled again in front of her. He walked quietly inside and knelt in front of her. He cupped her cheek and smiled when he felt her warmth. “Did you fall asleep?” He whispered.

Her eyes fluttered. “I am tired.”

He lifted his hand and brought it above her wound. Then he closed his eyes and sensed it. When he made sure that she was well, he placed his arms under her and picked her up. That aroused her. “My lightsabers.”

“You and them need to go to sleep.” He said as he carried her to his hut. Her lightsabers floated behind him and lowered themselves on his display table, while he lay her on his bed.

She turned to her side and curled up into a ball.

That made him smile. “You did a good job today Asajj…”

A soft nod was all she could give him. He lifted the blanket and tucked her in carefully. Then he walked to his dining table and stayed there musing out of the window for a long time.

When he finally decided to open his latest journal, Asajj was in deep sleep. He stood still with the pen in his hand looking at the orange hue of his lamp. Did he want to write what he experienced with Asajj today? Did he want this to be documented for future generations? And what would they gain from this?

Maybe what he had gained?

Knowledge and not ignorance… about something he had never tackled before. And that was very important for him. Maybe Asajj had been brought here by the will of the Force, not only to be taught, but also to teach.

With that grave thought he leaned over his journal and began writing, whilst ignoring his physical fatigue. That was something that could wait.

Knowledge couldn’t…

Chapter Text

Sunset found Ben sitting close to a fire he had built outside his hut. A couple of womp rats were cooking slowly over it, spreading a lovely scent that made his stomach rumble. His eyes darted towards the endless Dunes. He was sensing something. Something which didn’t allow him to enjoy this momentary peace or the scent of the cooking meat. He had been sensing it since that morning. The dryness in the air, the cracking of the energy that was slowly moving around him.

A sandstorm was approaching, and this one was going to be bad. He had learned how to feel them over the years. He turned to look at Akkani. She was sitting down, facing the wall of his hut. Preparing. As was the herd of his Bantha. All gathering at the back of his hut. Sitting in a circle, close to the caves. Keeping their heads on the inside. A tightly knit ball of thick fur and heavy frames. Unable to be moved by the ferocity of the sandstorm. He wasn’t worried about them, yet he was worried about his vaporator. Soon he had to cover it up. He also had to move his speeder car into the meditation cave and hope for the best. A job to be undertaken after dinner of course.

His eyes got lost in the orange embers of the fire for a while, when he suddenly heard the door whooshing. Asajj had slept all through the day. She needed to replenish her strength after that demanding purifying session with her weapons yesterday. He took care not to bother her as he went about his work.

Her footsteps were light. He turned to her and without warning a tightness formed at the bottom of his stomach, which expanded up to his throat. He gazed at her lost for several silent moments. “Now that is a sight difficult to forget.” He said quietly. She had changed to the clothes Beru had brought him.

The long, rough woven, white tunic with the brown belt and boots complimented her thin figure so well that Ben found himself absorbed by her. She had drawn the hood over her head and her long white hair cascaded over her shoulder and rested above her chest.

Ventress’ smiled at him. “Back to your charming self again? Am I bothering you?”

He shook his head with unhidden admiration. “Of course not. These clothes fit you admirably well.”

Ventress tilted her head with a smile. “Thank you. Can I sit?” She pointed next to him.

He nodded and made some room for her.

“Womp rats?” She asked as she crossed her arms above cladded knees.

Ben nodded. “Yes.”

“Did you hunt them?” Her voice was calm.

“No, they decided to jump in the fire and cook themselves for us.” Ben’s mouth formed a lopsided smile.

Ventress chuckled. “I can honestly see you using mind tricks on them for that purpose alone.”

Ben snorted and then gave her a quick side look. “You slept well. How do you feel?”

 “I haven’t felt this good in ages, and you are to blame for that.”  

“Blame?” he said quietly.

“Praise I mean. Thank you for last night.”

Ben looked at his hands.

“Both with our meditation at the Dunes and in the cavern, you opened a new path for me. I will forever be grateful to you for that. The way you made Talzin’s Magicks dissipate not only away from you, but also from me… that was a unique experience for me. I hope you can understand how much it meant.” She returned earnestly.

“It was an experience that taught me also.” He rejoined.

The smile that awoke on her lips was rare for her usually austere expression.

He contemplated his words carefully. “Please don’t abandon this great effort you undertook yesterday. Try to meditate more, try to purify your crystals when you leave this planet. Take the path your heart desires, not the one which was laid in front of you by others.”   

She wanted to be honest with him. “I treasured the meditation I used for the purification of the Crystals, but the one with you at the Dunes scared me. I don’t know if I can attempt something like that again. Not without guidance Obi Wan.”

“You can do it Asajj, even alone. However, you need to battle the beasts within to gain your inner balance. When you manage that, you can summon the Light, by calling upon beautiful memories. Nice feelings. Calm thoughts.” Ben smiled.

“That’s a tall order for me.” Ventress scowled.

“There must be something that made you happy once. Family, friends, achievements, love.”  

Ventress raised her brows. “Love? Do you call upon memories of love when you want to connect with the Light?”

That caught Ben unprepared. He turned his eyes to the fire and remained silent for a few moments. “Sometimes yes …”

Her eyes fell on the V shape of his Jedi tunic. She remembered the amulet he was hiding under there. “Why do I have a suspicion that you didn’t exactly follow the Jedi code all the time when you were younger?”

His smile was sad. “I did…for the most part.”

“Not in the love department I am sure.” Her eyes were intense.

He didn’t reply.

Ventress hmphed partly amused, partly intrigued. “Who would have thought you to be such a philandering warrior monk. Consider me impressed.”

That woke up a genial laughter from him, which caught her unprepared.

She smiled also. “Monk is the only word that I doubt in that sentence by the way.”

“You are as impossible now as I remember you from the past.” Ben shook his head. He looked amused. The heaviness of their conversation had been uprooted by her light-hearted comments.

Ventress looked at the fire for several moments before nodding. “If I ever try to meditate again…” -Ben’s eyes turned to her intensely as she continued- “I will try to call upon any happy memory I can dig up. Anything. Even a simple kiss on the cheek from a friend… If I can find one that I remember.” She shrugged.   

Ben frowned. He didn’t know what to say to that. Having no pleasant memories to call upon in times of darkness was a curse. That made him feel an unaccustomed ache in his heart. He wanted to talk to her more about it, but he had already scared her enough. So, he decided to take an easier route. Using the teasing tone, she knew so well from the Clone Wars. Something familiar. Something comforting. “How is your stomach? Did you check on your wound or should I?”

“Oh, I am sure you’d have loved stripping me out of these flowy clothes in order to check on it.” Ventress’ smirk was coy. It felt much more comfortable to return to something familiar with him. To let the memory of the painful meditation fade away.

Ben understood and played along. “A proposition?”

Her look was incredulous. “Don’t temp me Kenobi.”

“I thought you’d tell me not to flatter myself again.” He rejoined with a smirk.

“That above all!” She gave him a lopsided smile.

“Hmmm, more like it.” He nodded.

 Her eyes turned to his hand. “How is it?”

“Fully healed, because of you.” Ben rejoined quietly.

Ventress’ lips twisted. “I wish I could have offered you that healing just by using the Light Side of the Force.”  

“I have a feeling that one day you will manage that Asajj.” His voice was serious.

That warmed up her heart. “Thank you.”

He tilted his head with a smile.

She allowed a few moments of silence to settle between them. “Master, I need to say it again. I am sorry about everything.”

Ben didn’t look at her, nor did he speak. He glowered towards the fire.

“Here you are, living in peace. Trying to keep a low profile and I came to knock you completely out of balance.” Ventress continued cautiously.

 He felt a sudden need to declare that no one could throw him out of balance, except for himself. Yet, something stopped him from speaking the depth of these thoughts. “You didn’t walk into my peace. I walked into your trouble.”

A knowing smile formed on Ventress’ lips. “If the trouble doesn’t follow you, then you follow it, right?”

Ben pressed his lips and looked at her. “Right.”

Ventress inhaled deeply and looked at her hands thoughtfully. “Will you believe me when I tell you that I really didn’t want to hurt those creatures last night?”

A shadow passed from Ben’s eyes. “I know these words. Have heard them before. From dear friends, from family. They were truthful declarations, much like yours. Offered sincerely. Still, your lightsaber almost tore the neck of Rosjar’s wife. The purpose was there, momentarily and subconsciously. That cannot be unseen.”

Ventress’ stomach dropped into a pool of icy water. “I understand. You have seen too much from me during the Clone Wars. That cannot be unseen either.”

Ben stayed silent for a moment. “Can you recall how you felt the other night? Remember the power you felt with the lightsabers in your hands? The uncontrollable rage as you placed your weapon upon her throat….”

Ventress’ stomach clenched painfully. “That moment is blurry…”

“It is so, because anger blurs all the lines of what is right and what is wrong. It is the reason why someone must never strike in anger. The whole purpose of that attack gets distorted. Anger clouds our judgement. Never lift your lightsabers when you are overcome by these feelings.” His voice had gained a tone of calm schooling, without him even realizing.

“Haven’t you ever lifted your lightsabers in anger?” Ventress’ eyes were penetrating.

The image of his Master Qui-Gon getting stabbed by Maul on Naboo reflected in his mind and Ben’s face turned grave. “I have and whenever I did so…I lost.”

“Lost?”

“I lost myself…if not the fight itself. I lost myself and I lost other lives. Don’t do it Asajj. Don’t follow the teachings that have ruined you all these years. Use your Force wielding for good. There is Light in you. I have seen it.” Ben frowned at the fire.

 Ventress clasped her hands over her knees. “Are you teaching me again?”

Ben paused and turned to her with a penetrating look that made her stomach clench.

Ventress raised her brow. “For someone who hates teaching you are doing well.”

Ben reached out and held her arm gently. “You are a formidable warrior. An unmatched adversary. You can use your knowledge for good. Don’t allow the Darkness to prevail.”

“The one within or the one surrounding us in the form of the Empire?”

“Both!...Don’t allow them to win.” Ben’s eyes welled up.

She felt the despair in his voice, but mostly she felt it through the Force. Another fiery glimpse of what was taking place inside his soul. Her throat constricted at the intensity of those feelings. “You know who could truly make the Darkness dissipate? Who could easily win over it? Who could make a big difference?”

Ben gazed at her intensely.

“You General Kenobi.” Ventress’ eyes were penetrating.

He blinked silently.

She approached him. “You are emitting such a bright light. Darkness doesn’t stand a chance with you.”

Ben removed his hand from hers and smiled towards the fire. “Now you sound like a delusional idealist. You remind me of someone else I knew. They died a dreamer. This world has no room for such delusions. Only realism.” His voice was bitter.

“You want realism? Alright Master. Dig yourself out of this grave. Come with me to Yavin. There are Rebel factions there. They are in desperate need of good leadership, I heard. Who can be better than the General who led the 212^th Attack Battalion in the Clone Wars. Renowned for his supreme tactical skills and first line attacks? You know the Sith, you know how the Empire works. You can predict their moves before they can even make them! I couldn’t get the best of you no matter how much I tried back then. Grievous feared you, Maul hated you and Dooku respected you. Come with me to Yavin and I will follow you to battle! I will learn from you! Change! We will find new people there to help, new friends.” Ventress voice filled with a passion that made Ben’s heart break.

He lifted his hand, and she stopped abruptly. “I am not a warrior Ventress.”

Her brows filled with confusion. “Not a warrior? What are you talking about?”

“The Jedi were peacekeepers. I don’t know how we ended up leading a war against a cause that proved to be a lie. A manipulation. So many lives gone for nothing. So many of my men died in my arms… for a war which was created by the Sith. I fought all those years for the Dark Side.” -His voice was shaking as he continued- “I lost so many people in that war. So many who meant the world to me. I was stripped of my teachings, my dignity and my very soul …until I was left with nothing.”

Ventress felt her eyes burning. She caught another glimpse of that unimaginable pain she had sensed from him the other night. It was all there. In front of her. Leaving her speechless… again.

“The Jedi are done. I am not here to fight anymore. I am not here to teach anymore. I am sorry.” His eyes were filled with unbearable pain.

Ventress took his hand and brought it to her lap. Then she cupped it with both hands. “Your words betray of unspoken pain, which you have shared with no one.”

Ben remained still.

“I felt a part of it through the Force the other night. I don’t know what happened to you.” -Ventress tried to find his eyes- “But I am sorry you had to go through all that.”

“I am sorry you had to suffer also Asajj.” -He rejoined- “Go to Yavin. Find new friends. Join them. Learn from them and protect the new generation of Force Sensitives. That is the only way to bring hope back into this accursed Galaxy. Use your gifts in battle for the side of the Light this time. Learn how to strike not out of anger, but out of mercy.”

 “You are teaching me again.” Ventress pressed his hand warmly.

His brow furrowed. “If that is so, then listen to this last piece of advice. The Rebel Alliance is yet too unimportant for the Empire. Keep it so for as long as you can. Don’t use big names, don’t lead great battles. Strike fast, strike small and strike constantly on key points. Tell them to grow silently, gather ships, ammunition, soldiers, allies but do it as quietly as possible. Until they find an opportunity they cannot ignore. Only then strike en mass and maybe the dent this Alliance will make on the Empire will be big enough to bring it down eventually.”

She lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed it respectfully. “Thank you General. You know you are giving all this valuable advice to a Separatist Assassin.”

He released his hand from her grip and cupped her cheek. “A Separatist Assassin who would rather die than help the Empire?”

She nodded fiercely. “A Bounty Hunter…”

“Who wants to go to Yavin and just tried to convince an old man like me to join her in order to lead the Rebellion?” Ben smiled at her gently and his forefinger caressed her jawline.

She gave him a sweet smile he wouldn’t have ever expected from a woman like her.

He concentrated on her face. “I can sense you through the Force Asajj… all the time.”

Her fingers wrapped around his forearm tightly. “What do you feel?” Her voice was hushed.

“Anger, pain, confusion, fear, eagerness… but above all… unbridled passion…” He leaned down and his lips touched her cheek.

Her eyes fluttered.  

His kiss was soft, just barely a touch, but it caused an eruption inside Asajj’s core. “You have an unbridled passion for life.” -He whispered as he pulled back from that unexpected expression of intimacy- “No darkness can truly stain that.”

She felt dazed. “Obi Wan?”

“Don’t allow that darkness to prevail. Conquer it. Search for the balance inside you.” He kissed her cheek again lightly.

Goosebumps rushed down her spine. “You are kissing me.” She mumbled.

“Like you said. A kiss on the cheek from a friend. Just a small gift…a good memory to hold onto when the anger engulfs you.  Something to pull you out of that Darkness. A small way towards the light maybe? For both of us. Inside a world that is coming into ruins, something so small can mean so much.” He whispered close to her cheek. His fingers caressed her neck tenderly.

She tried to swallow, but her throat was tight. Yet, the smile that dawned on her lips was wide open. “Only you could have used that excuse to kiss me.”

“Well, during the war we tried to kill each other, beat each other black and blue, imprison each other, save each other, but I have never tried to kiss you my dear. Now I can delete that from my to-do list.” He pulled back to a safer distance and looked at her with a calm smile.

She tried but was unable to stop smiling. “Was it what you expected?”

“Could have gone for more if the circumstances were better.” He flicked his brow at her.

She chuckled, feeling impulsively cheerful. Something so rare for her. “Don’t flatter yourself! You are lucky to have caught me in a good mood, or I could have slashed your throat for this insolence!”

“I know my darling. Everything with you is a gamble of life or death.” His smile was genial.

Ventress giggled. “I knew I haven’t lost my sassy Kenobi.”

“My sassy? You are taking liberties not given.” He grinned and removed the meat from the fire.

She nibbled her lips as she gave him intense side glances. “Your decision about Yavin is irrevocable?”

He offered her a plate of well-cooked meat. “Yavin needs silence not the drumroll that will precede my name.”

She tasted the food with a moan of appreciation. “This is cooked to perfection,”

“That is a serious compliment from a serious adversary. I feel flattered.” He rejoined as he tasted his food likewise.

After a few moments of silent recollection from both sides it was Ventress who decided to speak first. “If you ever change your mind and you want to teach a former adversary… call for me through the Force. I will listen.”

He chuckled. “If I decide to forsake the Jedi Code and explore that kiss more, I will call you through the Force indeed.”

“I may not listen to that call.” Ventress flicked her brow.

“I will keep the word may. Nothing else.” Ben rejoined.

“Always the flirt.” Ventress smiled.

Ben pressed his lips. “Women deserve our adoration.”

“I wonder how many you managed to woe with that attitude when you were younger.”

“Some.” Ben inclined his head with a crooked smile.

“So, you had many relationships?” Ventress continued.

At those words a darkness seemed to pull over Ben. He stopped eating and gazed at the fire. His silence was palpable.

“You don’t have to answer.” Ventress hurried to correct that mistake.

“Only one.” Came the taciturn reply.

Only one who mattered….

Ventress looked at him emphatically. “The amulet around your neck? The tattoo?”

Ben remained quietly contemplative for a few moments before turning to her. “Such endeavors never have a good outcome. Attachments are not encouraged by the Jedi Order. I am sure you are aware.”

“I think that part of your teachings is wrong.” Ventress rejoined solemnly.

Ben scowled at her.

“I am not a Jedi. I can judge you as an outsider…and I think this part is seriously wrong. As well as the one talking about not having feelings. Only peace. To have peace you must acknowledge and embrace your feelings. You told me so a little while ago.” -Ventress continued unfazed by the serious look he was giving her- “If you just suppress your feelings then the peace you experience is superficial. The turmoil will linger under the surface.”

Ben’s eyes were penetrating.

“As for attachments…who can deny a sentient being the need for love…for companionship. That is plain cruel.” Ventress lifted her shoulders and tasted her food.

The face of Satine flashed before his eyes, and a sharp pain coursed through his heart. “Attachments are dangerous for us. They can be used as weapons against us…people have died because they grew attached to us. Because we… grew attached to them.” His voice was unsteady as he spoke those words.

Ventress stopped eating and looked at him searchingly. “You are talking about the amulet around your neck again. I can sense it.”

“Stop using the Force and listen to what I say! Attachments for the Jedi are like a bloody noose around the neck of the person involved. It is a death sentence!” He snapped.

Ventress’ gaze was profound. “Well, I am not afraid.”

That left Ben speechless, but with a heart that was drumming in his ears. Did she even realize the implications of what she had just uttered? “You should be.” His whisper was hair raising.

“I am not a girl easily scared my dear Obi Wan.” She smiled knowingly.

“I know.” Ben looked sullen.

 Ventress took a bite from her food. “You are not eating.”

Ben shook his head to clear his thoughts. He gave her an inquisitive side glance, which she answered with another smile. “I am full.” He replied and left his plate down. Unable to handle his thoughts and feelings at that moment he crossed his arms above his knees and concentrated on the fire.

She looked at him with an unreadable expression for several moments before deciding to pull her claws back. She had probed him enough. Maybe a bit too much. With unforeseen sensitivity she allowed him the time to process his thoughts and respected his wish. She didn’t use the Force to sense him.

It was long after she had finished eating that she decided to speak again. “Right now, I will admit that leaving this planet is not an idea that I like. However, I must think of it in the end.”

Ben blinked and inhaled deeply. “You are right. Yet unfortunately, you are bound to remain for another day at least. There is a sandstorm coming. I will take you to Mos Eisley when the weather clears up. The shuttle for the outer rim systems leaves every four hours.”

Ventress gave him a careful look. “Did you sense the bloody sandstorm?” She sounded amused.

Ben’s lips twisted. “More like felt it in the air. When you live out here, you learn to distinguish the subtle changes in the atmosphere.”

She nodded. “So will you sleep in the hut tonight?”

 “I have no choice. I cannot allow the storm to catch me outside. That damn chair will break my back whether I like it or not.”

“You could sleep in bed with me. I promise not to do anything inappropriate…..nothing to cause any attachments.” Ventress teased.

Ben puckered his lips. “Should have seen that coming a mile away. The Ventress I know…”

“Not my Ventress?” She smiled playfully.

 Ben waved her away. “Don’t flatter yourself. Go get some sleep. You need your strength, and I need my peace.”

Ventress gazed at him for a few moments, before standing up. “Good night Master. This night was truly illuminating. In more ways than one.”

“Cannot argue with that.” Ben nodded with a wry smile.

As Ventress turned and walked towards the Hut, Ben’s eyes followed her flowing garments until the door closed. He remained by the fire listening to the soft breathing of his Bantha for a long time. He then took time to check on them and Akkani to make sure they were safe. These animals knew well how to handle a sandstorm, but Ben felt responsible for them. Especially about Crimson. When he secured his storage area and vaporator, he turned towards the Dunes. He felt the wind starting to pick up. The storm was coming fast. He should have hurried to barricade himself in his hut, but the worry about Luke lingered. As always. It was as if an almost unbeatable force was beckoning him towards the boy. To check on his safety one last time before huddling inside.

His eyes darted between the oncoming sandstorm and the direction of the Lars homestead. If he was fast enough he had enough time to do both. Without any second thoughts, he got into his car and dashed over the Dunes.

Chapter Text

It was late into the night when Ben finally returned to his hut. He drove through the raising sandstorm, which blocked the engine of his car. It spluttered and died a klick away from his hut. He had to secure it as best he could near a hill of rocks. Then he treaded through the storm with his sand glasses on and his bandana covering his face. Before entering his home, he took one last look at his animals. Akkani had found better refuge in the middle of his Bantha herd, which were all cuddled together in a circle. More than satisfied, he entered. After the door shut behind him, he felt the silence inside his hut almost deafening. The roaring sound of the stormy wind had assaulted his senses. Nothing new for this old desert planet of course. He stumped his feet to get rid of the excess sand and took off his glasses.

“You look like a Tooka.”

He looked towards the bed. Ventress was gazing at him amused, buried between the covers.

He pursed his lips.

“The outline your glasses have created…” She tried to explain.

“I know.” He said and wiped his face with his bandana.

She pushed back the blanket and sat up. “Is it that bad outside?”

“Feel free to take a look.” He offered as he walked to his bathroom to wash his face and take off his dirty robes.

She took a seat and looked outside with a wince. “Oh, this is dreadful.”

“A bit on the rough side of a usual Tatooine storm. Don’t know how long it will last.” His voice came muffled from the bathroom.

She looked in his direction for a moment, before turning to the window again. “I thought you were coming right behind me when we said goodnight before.”

“I had to secure some things.” He rejoined as he walked out.

She looked at him. There he was again out of his usual Jedi robes. Just a pair of pants and a long-sleeved undershirt. She hmphed. “So, was everything secured?”

He went to the kitchen and took two plates. Then he began serving them both some food from Beru’s pot. “It was. Did you get any sleep while I was gone?”

She tilted her head. “I think I slept so much the last few days to last me a lifetime.”

He nodded as he brought the plates to the table. “You can say that again.”

“Isn’t it too late to eat lunch? I cannot even tell the time with this black mass of sand rotating outside.”

Ben pushed the plate towards her along with a spoon. “It is close to dawn and if you are hungry then you eat.”

She looked at the plate and her stomach rumbled. “I am hungry.”

He nodded towards her plate. “Go on then. No one will judge you eating out of schedule.”

She smiled and followed his lead. Soon their plates were empty, as were their glasses of fresh water. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, while she observed him quietly for a few moments. “You look exhausted. You haven’t slept at all tonight.”

He tilted his head. “I might get some sleep now if you don’t mind.”

“Where?” She frowned.

“Here is fine. Me and my chairs have a long history of sleeping together.” A lopsided smile formed on his lips.

She was unable to stop a smile of her own. “Before you do, you have to suggest to me some form of entertainment as we wait out the storm.”

“Your restless nature needs constant stimulation, and I am to be held responsible for it?” He cracked one eye open.

She looked at the hut with a critical gaze. “I mean there aren’t many things to do in here. Unless I try to seduce the monk out of you. That might prove to be fun.”

He looked at her sly smile and shook his head. “Won’t be easy. I am used to beautiful women.”

“I can use Dark Magick. You wouldn’t even know what came over you. Might wake the beast you only show in battle. That might prove very interesting in bed… hmmm…” She flicked her brow suggestively.

“That sounds like both a threat and a proposition. Could have been up for that if I wasn’t so tired.” He crossed his arms.

Ventress exhaled and slouched her shoulders. “You are too boring. Any other suggestions?”

He shook his head. “You can watch the storm, read one of my books or even meditate on your lightsabers.”

Ventress looked at him carefully.

“What a better way to get through a sandstorm than that?”

“I don’t want to meditate now.” Ventress pursed her lips.  

Ben raised his hand. “You can choose a book to read. There are plenty.”

Ventress looked at his library. “Indeed.” She murmured and stood up. She shuffled through the titles for a few moments, before pulling one out that didn’t have a title. Only the number thirteen. “What is this?” She sat down and made to open it.

His hand fell heavily upon hers. She lifted her eyes to him. His gaze was not tired anymore, just piercing. “You can choose any book apart from the ones that have numbers on them.”

She closed it respectfully. “Why?”

“These are my personal diaries. Not meant to be read….by…” He paused.

“A former enemy?” She smiled and placed the book back on the shelf.

“By anyone, until my death.” His voice turned hoarse.

She felt the change and nodded quickly. “I won’t touch them.”

He inclined his head in appreciation.

“You really should get some sleep. Use the bed. I am not sleepy at all.” She offered.

“I would prefer to meditate.” He scowled at his own thoughts.

She leaned her elbow to the table and crossed her hands under her chin. After a few moments of observation, she spoke. “Seeing you living here a hermit, always meditating, surrounded by books and silence. It makes me forget that you once led a war. You are now a true monastic.”

He rubbed his bearded chin with the heel of his palms. “Thought that was the only word you didn’t believe for me.”

“Your way of life shows it to be true, but I don’t believe it no.”

“Why?”

“I don’t believe it because of this.” -She reached out and wrapped her fingers around the leather string of his amulet. Before he could react she pulled it above his undershirt- “This is more interesting than a book. I am curious about it, and about that tattoo you hide so devotedly under your long Jedi robes.” She raised her brows.

His eyes gained a piercing depth that made her uneasy.

“It is a gift. From someone you loved dearly. I can sense it.” Her eyes narrowed.

“You are using the Force to connect. I don’t know if that bothers me or not.” His tone was heavy.

“She was someone you lost.” -Ventress continued undeterred by the austerity of his voice- “She was taken from you?” She frowned.

He pushed her hand away abruptly. “Enough.” The command was clear for the first time.

“Ah, the always balanced Kenobi just lost control.  There is anger in that memory. So, you do harbor feelings. There isn’t just peace inside you. You harbor pain and anger. I can relate to that.” Her smile is eloquent.

“I never denied that I feel angry at times. However, you use your anger to strike. I prefer not to. Now stop probing.” His retort was abrupt.

“So, it was fair for you to probe me during our meditation, but it is not fair for me to do the same? One rule for thee but not for me?”

A long moment of silence settled between them, before he finally spoke. “No, it is not fair.”

She gave him a nod. “Did you love her?”

Ben felt all the color draining from his face. “Not enough.” His answer was achingly truthful.

“Did she love you?” Ventress frowned.

Ben’s eyes welled up. He didn’t speak.

“How did you lose her?” Ventress let go of his amulet and crossed her hands on the table.

He quickly hid it under his shirt. “You have already sensed that someone used our attachment against me. They killed her in front of me to take revenge.” His tone turned harsh. He didn’t want to reveal Maul’s name this time. She had learned enough as it was.

His words rammed all the air out of her lungs. She looked at him shocked.  

“Remember the attachments I was talking about? The ones which can become dangerous for the Jedi?”

“And for the persons they care for…” Ventress nodded.

“Above all.” He raised his brow coldly.

“Did you earn that serious wound on your arm from that encounter?” Ventress looked at his arm that was hiding under the long sleeves.

“No…that came from another…. disaster. One I don’t wish to discuss, nor be probed for.” Ben rejoined gravely.

“I understand.” Ventress voice was quiet.

Ben shook his head, not knowing what to say. That conversation had torn open many half-healed wounds. She did have a knack to throw him off balance, but he wasn’t about to admit that.

Ventress rubbed her hands together and looked at the storm raging outside the window. She cleared her throat. “I was once in love. A pirate if you can believe it.”

That unexpected revelation made him look up sharply.

Ventress shrugged. “It is not fair for me to know about your love life and for you to know nothing. I like dealing in fairness lately. I may make a habit out of it.”

“What happened?” Ben couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“We were both involved in criminal activities back when I was working for Dooku. In the company of unsavory characters. We got ambushed one night. The blaster shot was meant for me. He fell in front of me and stopped it. He died in my arms.” Ventress looked away and found solace at the surface of the table.

“I am sorry.”

“Our relationship was intense…maybe toxic if you will, but I did love him. I never wanted him to die. Have no amulets from him. There must be beautiful memories hidden somewhere in my mind with him, but for the life of me I cannot recall them.” She whispered with a frown.

“I am sorry you lost your beautiful memories.” His voice was silent.  

Her smile was full of bitterness. “I am sorry you lost your lilies.”

Ben felt his heart aching. He gave her a quiet nod.  

“I lost my mother, my sisters, my pirate, my friends, my Masters….” -Ventress looked at him acutely- “You lost your family, your Master, your lilies, your brethren…, but what about your friends?”

“My friends?”

“You and Skywalker were the most famous duo of the Clone Wars. The ones the newspapers always talked about. Generals Kenobi and Skywalker. Not to mention that annoying little padawan of his….” Ventress’ didn’t get to finish, because Ben intervened.

“Little 'Soka.” That name was exhaled painfully from his lips. *

(*I know it was Master Plo <3 who called her that, but I will use it with Obi Wan in this story. I love it.)

“Yes, what happened to them after Order 66? Did they perish?”

Ben’s features turned ghostly.

That made Asajj realize that she had brought up something rather sore for him, but the need to know was dire. “Did Skywalker die on you?”

Ben lips opened but he was unable to speak. His fingers were trembling as he wrapped them around his bicep.

“Is this what happened? Is this what drove you to become a hermit? Is this what broke you?” She continued unfazed.

“I am not broken…” He whispered.

“I see otherwise…” -She continued as her hand gripped his scarred forearm- “I can sense profound pain from this wound…it is linked to the pain in your soul. It torments you.”  

By meditating with her, Ben had opened a door for Ventress. A door of unlimited knowledge, of endless possibilities, and the chance to connect with the Force in a way she had never tried before. It was a door she would soon decide she never wanted to close again. She wanted to learn how to use it to its full potential and at that moment he was her test subject.

“You are paranoid. Possibly projecting from your own experiences.” Ben’s jawline clenched.

Ventress withdrew her hand respectfully. She may have sensed him, she may have felt part of his trauma, but it was cruel to push him for more. At least for now. “Maybe you are right. I am sorry.”

Ben closed his eyes. His fingers were still gripping his bicep, slightly shaking.

Ventress leaned back and crossed her arms. “I know how difficult it is to lose a Master, but I cannot even fathom how hard it must be to lose a Padawan. Unless you count Savage Oppress as my apprentice. However, my relationship with him never went that deep.”

Ben’s eyes turned to her, piercing as ever.

“I know you have no love for that man. He tried to kill you more than once, but he met a nasty end. It was a waste of potential. He was a good soldier. Maybe even a good specimen for more than one uses.” Ventress eyes turned calculating.

“I have no love for the one he called brother either.” Ben spat.

Ventress pressed her lips. “Perfectly excused after learning what he did on Naboo to your Master. You know Maul is still alive. He has established the Crimson Dawn, a criminal Empire. The former Shadow Collective. Have you heard of it?”

“I don’t care about his activities.” Ben’s voice was hard.

Ventress hmphed. “If he crosses paths with you, he won’t come out alive. I think he senses it. Unless during your days as a hermit you have forsaken your formidable saber skills.”

“I won’t seek an unnecessary encounter with Maul unless someone provides information about my location to him, Asajj.” The warning was clear in Ben’s voice.

The realization of what he said made her scowl in annoyance. “I won’t betray your position Master. I will never assist the Sith with anything, above all with you.”

Ben’s eyes were piercing as he looked at her hard and long.

She didn’t avert her eyes. “Do you believe me?”

Ignoring her question, he inhaled deeply and stood up. Then he commenced a thorough search in his library. When he found what he was looking for he returned to the table. It was a diary with number four on it. He shuffled through it and then looked at her. “You can read this if you like. Some of my adventures during the Clone Wars. A mixture of faded memories.”

She reached out and took the book offered. “You said I was not to read any of your memoirs.”

“Changed my mind, but don’t try to read anything else without consulting me first.” Ben rejoined and took the dirty dishes to the sink.

“I won’t. Thank you.” Ventress looked at him puzzled.

“Does the offer about the bed stand?” He pointed at it.

Ventress nodded quickly. “Of course. I will sit here and read some. I am in no mood to sleep. Besides this is your home. I have taken over your bed far too long.”

“What was spoken here today…” He frowned deeply.

“Shall not leave these walls. I swear it, Master. If that means anything to a man like you.” She added quickly.

Ben nodded with a sigh. “Good night Asajj.”

“Goodnight Obi Wan.” She smiled at him, but he never saw it as he turned towards the bed.  

He emptied himself on it and without even covering himself up, he turned to the side. Her scent was embedded in the pillows, but that didn’t bother him. On the contrary he found it peculiarly soothing. Within minutes he began snoring lightly.

Ventress looked at him for several moments before standing up. She walked to the bed and picked up the blanket. Carefully she covered him and then rolled her eyes. “The things I do….”

With one last look at Master Kenobi, she walked back to the dining table and settled under the soft light. She opened the journal and began reading cautiously. Not expecting his writing skills to be anything special, after a few words she was pleasantly surprised by what promised to be an intriguing read. With that thought she concentrated and forgot the raging storm outside and Ben’s soft breathing.

 -.-

When he woke up, she had just finished reading his journal number four. When she realized that he was awake she turned to him with a genial smile.

“Well, good evening. You sure slept like a log.” She said and closed his journal.

He sat up and rubbed his face. “Good evening. How is the storm?”

Ventress stretched and yawned. “The weather is clear. I went out to check on your animals. They are doing well.”

He looked up surprised at that. “You did what?”

Ventress shrugged. “In between reading your amazing memoirs and tidying up the place…thought I’d check on them.”

Ben gazed at her bewildered. Then he realized that his floor had been swept, and the dishes had been washed in the kitchen.

“Don’t look so lost Master. I can be helpful when I want to.” Ventress smiled cunningly.

“I can see that. Thank you. How is your wound?” Ben frowned.

She touched it. “I feel good enough to travel.”

At those words he felt a small pinch in his heart.

“With great regret I will leave this small hut and it’s Master who offered me healing and his valuable teachings. Yet duty calls….” Ventress’ eyes had a gleam of sadness in them when she said that.

“I will take you to Mos Eisley first thing in the morning. After clearing up my damned engine from all that sand. Are your things ready?” He looked around his house.

“I only have a small bag with my old clothes…nothing else.” Ventress shrugged.

He nodded and placed his palms over his face. He could barely remember his dreams from that stupor.

Ventress caressed his journal and smiled at it. “I wanted to thank you for allowing me to read some of your memoirs.”

He inhaled deeply and looked at her.

“Your way of writing is captivating, but the stories you have been through are even more. I was part of some of your adventures. Wonder if you have written anything about me in the rest of your journals.”

“I guess you will never know.” His smile was lopsided.

She gave the journal another look that turned slowly solemn. She looked out of the window again at the setting suns. “This sunset is beautiful, but this planet is ghastly. Dry, sweltering during the day, freezing during the night, full of sand…no water, no seasons….no plants… tormented by storms that can hide the suns for days or weeks even… why did you choose this planet to hide Obi Wan?”

He sighed deeply and looked at his crossed hands.

“Why not hide somewhere else? It feels more like you are punishing yourself than hiding.” Her eyes were penetrating.

His stomach clenched painfully. “I enjoy the silence of the desert.”

Asajj hmphed and looked out of the window. “They say people who yearn silence are people who heard too much noise during their lifetime.”

“We fought in a war Asajj… I need peace…silence, solitude.” His voice was calm.

She nodded with a deep scowl. “What do you wish to encounter more than peace, Obi wan?”

 “What?” He looked confused at that sudden question.  

“What about the sunrise?” Asajj’s smile was warm.

His eyes slowly gained depth.

“In your journal you wrote that you longed to see every sunrise. You yearned to believe that its light will always prevail over the darkness of the night.”

“Over the darkness of the war…” He corrected.

“Maybe that is why you chose a planet that has two sunrises.” -Ventress shrugged with a smile- “Just to make sure one of the two will always spread it’s light on this world.”

Ben felt his eyes suddenly burning.

“I am sorry you lost so many men in the battle of Abrion Bridge. *”

(*Star Wars – Obi Wan – A Jedi’s purpose)

Those simple words of understanding released the tears from his eyes. “I am sorry too.” That was the only thing he could say.

“Did you see light Master? Did it prevail?” Ventress’ eyes were intense.

“It did and it always will, even through the most unrelieved darkness.”

Ventress looked away quickly at that. Her eyes turned to the window. “Your Light will prevail indeed. You are an exceptional man, Master Kenobi. The way you always see the Light. I envy you.”

He was bereft of words.

The silence from her was long, before he heard her voice again. This time more light-hearted. “But I don’t envy your planet! I will be happy to get away from all this endless sand.”

He looked at the back of her head. She lifted her hand and wiped her cheek quickly.

He frowned. “How about you Asajj? What is it that you need to experience more than anything?”

Ventress leaned back on her chair and kept her eyes at the endless Dunes. It was easier than seeing his eyes. “Up till recently money, a good hunt and a safe home. Maybe a crew I could trust?” She didn’t lie.

“Till recently?” His voice was quiet.

Without hesitation she turned to him. “Lately I understood there are far more important things in life.”

“Like?”

“Friends, connections, sacrificing yourself to help others… exploring all the good that is out there. Because there is still good out there, right?” Her eyes were searching.

 “There is.”

“I want to believe that the good will prevail as you say. That all the darkness which has surrounded me since I was a child is not the only solution. That the sun will rise for me this time too, maybe?” Her eyes held a depth that stole Ben’s breath.  

“It is a difficult path you are choosing to take, but also a noble one.” Ben’s voice was soft.

“Had a good teacher even though his tutoring was reluctant and lasted too little.”

“Never reluctant.” His brow wrinkled.

“What you showed me was painful, but exceptional.” She rejoined heavily.

“Use that lingering pain to heal, never to strike.”

She allowed a few reflective moments to pass before she nodded. “Have you done the same?”

At those words he felt a knife getting buried in his stomach.

“I think you must do the same. Face your pain and heal.” Ventress’ voice was brutally honest.

His throat felt constricted as he spoke. “Now you are the teacher, and I am the pupil.”

“Not even close…. especially with you my Master.” The graveness of Asajj’s features mellowed to an honest smile.

“My Master?” He raised both brows surprised.  

“You know in a perfect story I would ask to be you Padawan, and you would willingly accept.” She smirked.

He sighed deeply and looked away. “This is not a perfect story.”

“Neither are we, correct?” Asajj returned.

“No, my dear.” He rejoined with a hoarse voice.

She turned towards the window, and he looked gravely towards the floor. The silence between them was heavy and neither spoke for a long time.

In the end Ben made the decision to break that accursed silence with reality. “I need to go clean the engine if I am to take you to Mos Eisley tomorrow. Do you need anything before I leave?”

Asajj inhaled suddenly. It felt as if someone pulled her out of the depths of the darkest ocean. “No, my Master, I am well.”

He nodded and went to pick up his robes.

She cleared her throat and pushed herself to stand up. “Obi Wan, wait…” -She said and hurried to his fridge. She took a bottle of cold water and came over to him with a smile- “Don’t go out there without some of this. You haven’t drunk anything since we ate last night. That cannot be healthy.”

“That is very considerate, thank you.” He reached out to take it, but the long sleeve of her new clothes brushed hard against a small chest that was next to the display table. It tumbled to the floor, spilling all its contents. A few pieces of paper, some mechanical parts that looked rather rare and expensive, and an amulet. The latter caught the rays of the setting suns and glittered brightly.

“Damn, I am sorry.” Ventress knelt quickly to help him pick up the mess, but her eyes were drawn to that amulet. Her fingers wrapped around it.

Ben came down to one knee and began putting the pieces back to the chest. He gazed at the amulet with weary eyes, but he didn’t try to take it from her. “Accidents happen. Don’t worry.”

Ventress lifted it and tried to catch more fiery beams in its small crystals. It represented a star, inside a silver circle. A beautiful piece of craftsmanship. “Master Kenobi, you have too many amulets for my tastes.” She smiled.  

He hmphed and placed the chest back in its place.

“A token of friendship? Of love again?” Ventress looked at him with great interest.

He smiled and shook his head. “Of loyalty. This amulet was made for me by the Order when I became part of the Jedi Council. It was a tradition for every member.”

“What does it represent?” Ventress caressed it with her fingers.

“A star.”

“Was it the same for every member?”

“No, they chose a representation that suited each member best.” Ben said.  

“And for you it was a star?” Her lips formed a beautiful smile.

He shrugged. “Its name is Guiding Light.”

Her eyes lit up. “That is beautiful…”

He hesitated momentarily before deciding to speak his thoughts. “It was my callsign in the Jedi Council.”

Her eyes darted to him, penetrating as ever. “So appropriate. So much like you.”

He couldn’t help but smile.

“Why do you keep it hidden?” She frowned after a few thoughtful moments.

He looked at the amulet that was resting in the middle of her palm. “It is a token of an obsolete era.”

Her next question found him unprepared. “Why didn’t you give this to your Lily?

His heart screamed in pain and all the blood drained from his face. He stood up quickly and looked outside.

She understood that her question was inappropriate “I shouldn’t have asked, forgive me.”

“I was too dedicated to the Jedi Code back then to know any better. Thought people lived forever. I was wrong.” -He murmured and gave her a desolate look above his shoulder- “I am going to fix the car. Put the amulet back in the chest when you are done with it, please.”  

With those words he walked out, and the door closed behind him. She remained looking at the beautiful amulet of his prime Jedi years. She offered it a gentle caress and whispered. “It doesn’t look obsolete.”

Like it’s Master didn’t look obsolete either.

Wordlessly she placed it with care into the chest. Then she walked back to bed. Her mind was burdened with heavy thoughts. She lay down and opened Ben’s memoirs again. She didn’t intend to sleep, but sleep did find her a while later. With Ben’s journal open on her chest and her mind dreaming of the Guiding Light.

Chapter Text

When she woke up, it was the break of dawn. She looked at the sunrise painting the inside of the hut in a magical hue of fiery orange. Then her ears caught a soft breathing coming from the floor. She pushed herself up on her elbow and looked down. He was sleeping on the floor upon a few blankets. The respect he had shown her ever since he saved her from that alley, had stirred something within her.

She fingered the rough cover of his journal that was next to her pillow. She had finished it… twice, but she didn’t want to let it go. She placed it on the table with religious care. Then she pushed the blankets away and lingered in uncertainty. Debating if an act of spontaneity on her behalf would insult him. However, the need for closeness this morning was difficult to resist. She didn’t want to stay in bed, while he lay on the floor. She stood up as quietly as possible, walked around him and then knelt in front of him.

The depth of that orange hue was painting mystical shadows on his usually peaceful features. She nibbled her bottom lip as she debated if she should give in to her need for several moments. After a soft exhalation the decision had been made. She lay down and scooted as close to him as possible without touching. She leaned her head on her bicep and watched his face for several moments. Then before reason could stop her she reached out and touched his bearded chin with her fingers.

It was a feathery touch, barely felt, yet it aroused him. His eyes fluttered and tried to focus. “Asajj? What are you doing down here?” The coarseness of his barely awoken voice sent a shiver up to her nape.  

Her forefinger traced his jawline. “Good morning Obi Wan.” She whispered.

His brows met in a confused expression. “Good morning. Are you alright?”

Her smile softened. “I am fine. Do you want to come out with me?”

“Out?” He frowned.

Her hand moved up to his expressive brows, trying to soften the newly formed contours of worry. “Before I leave this planet, I want to see something with you.”

His eyes started gaining some clarity slowly, as he woke up. “See what?”

She gifted him a most beautiful smile. One which erased the usual strictness from her features. Then she pushed herself up and offered him her hand. “Come on, don’t be lazy.”

With a ghostly smile he reached out and clasped it. When he stood up to his full height, she paused for a moment. An internal dispute was raging inside her, which he could sense through the Force. It was so intense it caused his stomach to tighten. “Am I sensing… irresolution?”

Her usual defiance longed to deny, but it was of no use. “You are sensing right, but I won’t let that stop me. Now come on.” She rejoined and grasped his hand tightly. Then she led him out of the hut and walked until they could see the horizon in the east.

When they stopped, a smile of serenity illuminated her face. The colors had painted the sky shades of orange, yellow and deep mauves. It looked majestic. “Would you look at that….” She murmured, feeling entranced.  

“Why are we here Asajj?” He asked a question he already had the answer to. Yet, he anticipated hearing it.

“I wanted to experience what you did after the Battle of Abrion Bridge.” Her voice was inaudible.

He inhaled deeply to ease the tightness of his throat.  

“It is gorgeous…” She whispered.  

“It is hope… one grasps at anything that offers hope after witnessing so much death.” His voice was hoarse.

“I understand my Master. Without hope we have nothing. I don’t want to be left with nothing; I want to cling onto that hope… I want to see as many sunrises as life allows me! Every single one, until I die!” Her eyes grew wide with wonder.

“I can sense your passion for life again. It is intoxicating...” Ben’s eyes were searching.

Ventress turned to him fully. “Intoxicating?  I thought you’d scold me. The Jedi Code commands us to feel only serenity not passion. Correct, Obi Wan?”

He frowned and reached out to cup her cheek. “That command is not meant for you. That would be an injustice, which life wouldn’t forgive.”

She leaned her face into the palm of his hand. “That part of the Jedi teachings is also wrong, my Master.”

His eyes flooded with desolation.   

“What you said about me, should be said about you. Aren’t you human?  Shouldn’t you be allowed to feel passion? About everything… anything…” She said quietly.

“By allowing myself to feel passion I destroy the balance the Force needs to manifest its will through me.” Ben replied with a pensive frown. His thumb caressed her jawline tenderly.  

She felt that touch into the depth of her bitter heart. “So, you are just a vessel for the Force. Never yourself.”

Those words hurt. “Being a Jedi is sacrificing oneself to the will of the Force.”

Ventress wrapped her fingers around his hand and brought it over the middle of her chest. Her eyes gained depth that stole his breath. “This is an injustice for you. One you should have recognized and never forgiven all those years ago. You should have abandoned the Jedi Order when you had the chance, my Master. You debated it in the past. Many times. I sensed it in you during the Clone Wars. Maybe it was for your Lily, maybe for the sunrises, maybe because of all those deaths you witnessed. I still sense the storm in you. Swelling waves sweeping everything you had once been passionate about. Your intensity is astounding, yet you have given up all that to become a vessel for the Force. You have forsaken yourself and everything that mattered to you, right?”

The memory of Satine’s beautiful eyes as she declared her love for him assaulted Ben so unexpectedly that he felt physically ill.

Had you said the word I would have left the order… His own words to her, still raw and cutting deep.

He withdrew his hand from her grip slowly. “It’s too late for such rebellious notions Asajj. Time doesn’t heal; it just complicates. For years now, I am one with the Force and the Force is one with me.” He sounded calm, but inside the storm raged on, just like Asajj said.

“And everything else within you can go to hell, right?” Her eyes were sad.

He closed his eyes, not knowing what to say.

“This is unfair for you and for all the other Force Users. Are those teachings the will of the Force or the will of your Order? The Force must work in harmony with the user, not colonize them.” Asajj shook her head feeling angry at his inability to comprehend.  

His frown was filled with shadows. “If we allow ourselves to be consumed by feelings and passions we will become a liability. We might strike with negative emotions in battle. Our decisions will be distorted, like yours had been when you raised your lightsaber against Rosjar.”

“Or we can conquer our demons like you told me to do and find balance that way. By accepting our feelings and allowing space for both them and the Force within. That my Master, is true balance.” Ventress eyes were piercing.

He swallowed heavily and didn’t avert his eyes from her demanding gaze.

“Ky Narek has spoken to me about the ancient teachings. They were far more balanced. They spoke of harmony within whole families of Force Users. Harmony, which was achieved by accepting and embracing feelings, passions, flaws. The new teachings, the ones you grew up with are more authoritarian. So strict and heartless. They create the perfect weapon for the Light, but that weapon needs to become an empty shell to perform as wanted. Are you an empty shell Obi Wan?” She frowned.

Tears started burning his eyes.

“From what I sensed you are far from it. You struggle to find your balance like I do. That makes you human. Flawed but also perfect in your own way.”

“Another delusional dreamer… it is in my fate.” He whispered with a dark smile.

“I am neither. I am the realist you wish you were.” She flicked her brow at him.

He looked away at that and concentrated his burning eyes towards the fiery horizon. A soft nod was all he could give. “Maybe.”

She crossed her arms and glowered. “I don’t want to leave Obi Wan.”

That didn’t surprise him. He didn’t want her to leave either, but he never spoke that thought. It would be unfair to her. “Don’t worry you will find many sunrises in you adventures around the galaxy.” He forced a smile that felt phony.

“Not like yours though.”  

His eyes held such intensity that she felt her stomach flipping.

“Your double sunrise is unique, much like you.” -She nodded with a look of longing- “Who would have thought you were hiding such magic outside your little hut, General Kenobi.”

“Tatooine hides this magic my dear. Not me.”

“I think you are wrong.” She frowned.

Those words left them lingering in silence until the suns had fully risen. Neither wished to break it by expressing anymore thoughts or emotions. They were both pensive and in no need to push for more. They recognized that this part of the story was going to remain unfinished…

When she decided to bravely break that taut silence, he visibly started. “My Master, can I borrow your memoirs? Just the one you allowed me to read I mean.”

“Why?” He felt another unusual tug in his heart.

“I want to read it again.” She tried to find a smile in her heart.

He didn’t have to think of that twice. “If anyone asks where you found it, say it was buried under the ruins of what used to be the Jedi Temple in Coruscant.”

She reached out with no inhibitions and clasped his hand tightly. “I will take good care of it and soon I will bring it back to you.”

“Don’t threaten me.” The hesitation was brief as he pulled her hand up and offered it a soft kiss.

The smile that formed illumined her whole face. Turning her usually angry haughtiness into something beautiful. What an exceptional change, even if it lasted for a little while. “I will go get my things.”

He nodded with a heavy heart while her footsteps sounded muted by the endless sand. When he heard the door closing, the hard held tears finally released from his eyes. He wiped them away quickly and shoved all those emotions their conversation had awakened, back to the most hidden pathways of his mind. To be forgotten. To be left unfinished…

He wrapped his cloak around him tightly and pulled the hood over his head. Then he watched the stillness of the Dunes. He mused at the brightness of the twin suns, and he tried to remember how desolate he had felt during the sunrise after the battle of Abrion Bridge. With everyone lying dead behind him. Men who wouldn’t ever see a sunrise again, because they were doomed to fight a war they never chose to be in.

Much like he did… Only his curse was to remain alive and mourn… always mourn…

-.-

The journey in his speeder car was silent. He was encased in heavy thoughts; she was debating if she truly wanted to leave. They purchased the tickets the moment they arrived. However, she told him she needed to buy a few more things before leaving. He let her go to the market while he took care to secure his bike behind his speeder car to tow it back home.

Then he waited for her patiently at the docking area, observing the passengers boarding the Shuttle. Even though the adventure of this past week had been unforeseen and possibly dangerous…he couldn’t deny that it felt like a ray of sunlight breaking through his usually mundane and solitary days.

Now that she was leaving, it was as if his old days of glory during the Clone Wars were departing with her. Her intense personality, troublesome as it was, had awoken a forgotten adventurous part of himself. He had missed that part so much. The part which stubbornly denied that he was waiting patiently to fade away on the infinite sand dunes of Tatooine. Their discussion about the Rebellion, despite being heavy, gave him new hope for the future. People were resisting still. They were out there, organizing themselves against the terror of the Empire. It was sad that he couldn’t be a part of it, but he was history long-gone. They were the future. Past and present couldn’t mingle painlessly.

The words of Leia came to his mind. The world isn’t only the planet we are living in. It is so much more… The world was so much more, but he was not really a part of it anymore. He represented the old ways. The authoritarian, heartless part of the past. The Jedi Order which was purged so the path could be open for a new hope. Just like Asajj had noted with such perception.

He was forsaken, obsolete and that hurt. Now was the time for others to pave the way. Leia with her cheeky bravery and sharp mind, Luke with his strong connection to the Force and fervor for life… Ventress who was courageous enough to become redeemable and bold enough to hold a mirror up to his face.

The new friends she mentioned on Yavin wanting to fight for the good of the Galaxy. Friends that Ben wouldn’t ever be able to make. Because he was still connected to his past. A relic which carried along with it the unbearable pain that Ventress had sensed in him. And he wanted so much to let go of that burden…but it was dangling behind him with the heaviest chains. A quiet ache which made him forget how to try … how to change.

“What are you thinking about?”

He looked up momentarily dazed. “Nothing. Did you finish with your shopping?”

Her eyes were searching. “I did; this is for you.” She offered him a net with two large bottles of Blue Milk in it.

He looked at it mesmerized for a few moments. Then his eyes searched for hers. “Why?” That was the only thing he was able to say.

She placed the net in his hand and approached him. “I broke your bottle that accursed night and these things are rare nowadays, correct?”

Her thoughtful gesture had taken him aback. “You shouldn’t have.”

“Of course I should have.” -She reached into her pocket and pulled out a wallet he knew well- “This is for you also.” She buried her hand under his cloak and pushed the wallet into his pocket, before he could react.

He looked at her with a grave scowl. “What are you doing Asajj? This was for you.”

She placed her hands on his chest and smiled knowingly. “Obi Wan, you found me in the most unfortunate circumstances and instead of letting me rot in that alley, you took it upon yourself to help me heal. Not only that, but during our sort time together, you decided to show me another path through life. Maybe a brighter one. That is something I will never forget. Despite our past, despite the pain I went through this past week, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Through this adventure I got to know the sassy General as a very gracious man. For that I am indebted…” Her smile was soft and giving.  

Ben frowned at her, feeling more emotional than he had bargained.

“You offered me a home, food, medicine, your patience…your wisdom. Above all your teachings, an experience I shall never forget. Maybe now I understand a little bit more about the Light Side of the Force and that for me is invaluable. A couple of bottles of Milk is nothing compared to all that.” Ventress continued.

Ben’s eyes were piercing. “And three thousand credits.”

Ventress smirked. “What is money in the face of what you have offered?”

He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

“Obi Wan, what you did for me deserves you all my honesty. That is something I don’t do often.” She frowned.

 “Honesty? What do you mean?”

She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and pulled him to her. Then her mouth brushed the side of his hood. Her voice was barely a whisper. “The Bounty on Krayt was from the Empire, so I hunted him on their behalf. My situation didn’t allow me to be picky. I am poor Obi Wan. I have no means to earn a proper life for myself. The competition in this profession is hard.”

Ben felt her breath caressing his neck. “I am aware.” He didn’t dare move.

“Yet, you don’t know why they had a bounty on him…”

He shook his head gently. “No.”

She faltered momentarily. “Remember the list of Force Sensitive Children that Bane stole from the Jedi Archives back in the day?”

His nod was barely felt. “That is something I will never forget.”

“Krayt and his acolytes got their hands on a copy of that list. So, they decided it was rather profitable to acquire those children for their own means. You see Force Sensitive younglings can be very helpful to the Crime Syndicates. They can sense danger before it occurs, correct?”

Ben nodded, feeling his body tense.

“They can be trained by self-declared Sith Lords like Krayt to become good sentinels for the clients who pay the right price. The children end up using their Force Wielding for criminal activities, not ever getting the chance to see the other side of the coin. Doomed from the start.” Her voice was solemn.

Ben’s hand grasped her waist. His fingers became taut.

“I can feel the fury raising in you my Master. Listen…there is more. The Empire had a Bounty on Krayt’s head because he is interfering with the Emperor’s plans. The Empire is also actively searching for Force Sensitive younglings, the most powerful ones for the Emperor’s “Project Harvester”.  To be trained as a secretive network of Force-sensitive spies to identify and suppress threats to his rule. The weaker ones are to be eliminated by the inquisitors. The last thing the Emperor wants is to have Crime Lords handling operatives of equal force to his. That is very dangerous… So, he wants the copy of that list, Krayt and his acolytes gone.”  

“All sides work for the Dark. All sides are willing to give and take blood money… sacrificing young children…” Ben’s voice was trembling from anger.

Ventress rested her forehead on the side of his neck and inhaled deeply. She shook her head wanting to disperse his anger. “I am ashamed for what I did in the past. I am ashamed that I worked as a Bounty Hunter for them, but I won’t allow that to define me. I can do better. I can help these children. I told you the other day that I will never work for the Empire anymore. I would rather die.” Her voice was deep with emotion.

Ben’s mouth turned tight-lipped. “So, what are you planning to do for money? This is your profession.”

“Do you think Yavin was always in my plans for travel?” She pulled back and looked into his eyes.

He scowled.

She shook her head. “I always intended to go back to Coruscant and search for the next profitable Bounty.”

Ben remained tensely silent. Waiting… needing to hear her.  

“It was here with you that I decided to go to Yavin instead.” Ventress gave him a small genial smile.

Ben’s eyes were sharp. “Why?”

Ventress visibly wavered. She removed her hands from his chest and averted her eyes. Searching for the proper words. 

His hand pulled her in by the waist. Then he gripped her hand and tucked it to his chest again. “Tell me why…” His tone was almost pleading.

“Because of you.” She paused.

His scowl deepened.

The moments until she continued were a true torment to him. “Your teachings are an experience I cannot describe. Your meditations. Your energy. The brightness that surrounds you. I sensed you Obi Wan. Through the Force. I haven’t ever sensed anyone like that. Not even my Master when I was a Padawan. The peaceful warmth that emitted out of you. The perfect balance. The Light flowing through you and entering me. I sensed all of it. Above all though I envied it. Training under Dooku never allowed me to sense the Force in this revealing manner. The Dark Side of the Force… is nothing compared to the all-consuming energy you channeled through me.”

Ben was bereft of words. His hand tightened around hers. A demanding touch.  

She took courage from that and continued. “After that experience, I want to explore the Light Side of the Force my Master….” -A small smile appeared on her lips- “I guess I didn’t really lie when I asked you to train me.”

He made to speak but she stopped him again.

“They need good hands on Yavin. Soldiers, mercenaries. People who want to help.”

A rush of adrenaline released from his body and surrounded her. An exhalation of relief left his chest. She felt it.

“The Alliance will be very interested in Krayt when they learn of his activities. Maybe they will listen to the advice of an old Separatist Assassin. Zarek is useless. Do you think he will manage to keep onto Krayt for long? And if he does manage to deliver him to Coruscant, don’t you think Krayt has enough Crime Lords who would be very interested in breaking him out of prison? Believe me Obi Wan, you would have done a better job than Zarek and Coruscant’s prison system altogether.”

Ben hmphed.

“And would have pocketed twenty thousand also.” Ventress smirked. Her voice had the familiar playful tone he remembered well.

“I don’t care about the credits. I care about the children.” Ben’s eyes came ablaze with a long-forgotten fire, she recognized well.

That made her frown. “I am not going to let him live Master. I am going to hunt him down even in the care of his bondsmen. Even in the presence of Empire. I will hunt him down and I will kill him! Not for any Bounty this time but for all these innocent children. For hope. You found hope in your sunrises… maybe I will find mine by helping the young not be like me.”

Ben felt his eyes tearing up from the depth of her words, but also from the anger that was directed towards himself. “My goddamn Jedi Code has gotten in the way of justice once more.”

She frowned confused. “What do you mean?”

“I had him. I had his head between my crossed blades, but I couldn’t strike…I couldn’t strike an unarmed man.” Ben’s eyes were surging with emotions.

Her hand gripped his chest tightly. “He was not your mission. He was mine. Don’t take on a burden that was never yours.”

“I am a Jedi Asajj. Criminals who abduct and sell children should be my job.” Ben’s voice was hard, but that harshness was directed towards him.

Ventress looked at him with a concerned frown.

Ben’s eyes narrowed. “His life had been in my hands once before in the past. Yet, I allowed him to live back then. I did the same a week ago. I haven’t learned from my mistakes. Please forgive me.”

Ventress’ eyes flooded with shadows. “You have a long past with him…”  

“Past is an understatement. He was a General during the Clone wars. After Order 66, he found safety in his home planet here. He became a Warlord and decided to reclaim their lands from the settlers. The raids against the settlers became bloodier by the day. I decided to intervene after I learned that his Raiders had killed seven innocent farmers in one day.”

Ventress was watching him tight-lipped. “No one comes out of dueling with you in one piece. His metal arm?”

“I severed it. Then I exposed his skin. That is a great offense to his people. They abandoned him and he begged me for an honorable death. I exiled him from the planet and asked him to remember the way of our people. He was a Tusken, but also a Jedi. Apparently when he left he decided to abandon our legacy and embrace the Dark Side.” His voice broke at those final words.

“So Krayt has a thing for you….” Ventress hmphed.

Ben looked at her mutely.

“Like so many others. You tend to become the nightmare of many people my Master Kenobi.” Her tone was light-hearted, but it didn’t alleviate the darkness of his thoughts.

“I tend to fail in stopping many people from becoming the nightmares of others.” Ben rejoined heavily.

 “I will find Krayt my Master. I promise. I will find Krayt, and I will kill him. I won’t allow this to continue. On my word of honor.”

“Forgive me for not stopping him Asajj….” His voice cracked.

His words betrayed a heavy past, which consisted of many mistakes he hadn’t forgiven in himself yet. She could sense it. The horn of the Shuttle shuttered the silence between them.

She looked at the last people boarding. Then her eyes turned to his face. A noble face, she knew of old, but had never seen it under this revealing light before. Without a word, she reached up and her fingers brushed his bearded cheek. Then she leaned in and pressed her lips to his in a gentle kiss that came out of nowhere, but also everywhere at the same time. It was a fleeting touch, warm and delicate, a silent whisper of affection. 

He pulled back slightly with a deep frown and cupped her cheek. She bit her lower lip, fearing she had scared him. “Don’t run away from that…” She pleaded.

He felt his heart quicken in response, moved by the quiet intensity of her gesture. His hand found the nape of her neck, fingers sliding through her hair, and he leaned in once more. “I won’t.” He whispered.

His kiss was fuller, unexpectedly passionate. A promise and an answer all at once. It was the kind of kiss that lingered, filled with longing. She melted into his embrace, her arms wrapping around his shoulders, their breaths mingling. She yearned to taste the old war in him, the old adversary, the new man she met here, the teacher, the light inside him... everything…

When at last they parted, no words were necessary. She was breathless and he was weak. A testament neither could ignore. He leaned his forehead to hers and his thumb slid gently under her earlobe. “I am sorry…”

“For the kiss?”

“For Krayt…” He scowled deeply.

“Don’t ever ask forgiveness for the Light that shines through you my Master. Never.” She whispered upon his lips.

The horn resounded twice.

Her gray eyes found his blue. “Your code forbids you to kill an unarmed man, and I admire you for that. I have no such reservations. Trust me to deliver justice. I will find him.”

Ben closed his eyes and held her close. He wanted to ask her to stay. He wanted to promise that he would help her. That he would break the Code and take a man’s life if that meant that he could help all those children. That he wouldn’t allow another nightmare to roam free so he could have moral high ground this time. That he would break the Code for her… Yet, no words left his mouth.

 The third horn called and Ventress looked at the Shuttle. “I don’t want to go, but I have to.”

Ben had to use all his will to push her away. “Go.”

“Please be careful…” Ventress’ eyes were pleading.  

“I am not the one who needs to be careful.” Ben’s voice was husky, full of unspoken words.

Ventress’ mouth formed a smile that looked self-assured, but her eyes were flooded with shadows. “You know my darling …. I crossed one from my to-do list also with that kiss.”

Ben lips turned into a bitter smile.

Ventress’ hand touched his cheek gently. “Remember how I always told you that you are not much to look at?”

Ben nodded with smile that was very hard to find. “Of course.”

She raised her brow. “I lied…every time.”

He pulled her in until their foreheads were touching again. “Remember how I always told you that you are a beautiful sight to behold?”

“Yes.” She murmured.

“I never lied.”

Ventress closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. “Thank you for everything Obi Wan. Past and present.”   

“Thank you for deciding to wound yourself on Tatooine and not some other planet.” He whispered.

Suddenly she felt him pushing the wallet of credits in the palm of her hand. She looked at it with a deep scowl. “I don’t want any blood money Obi Wan. I need to do better. For myself above all.”

His features were taut as he nodded. “Blood money or not, they can help. If you don’t want them, then offer them as a donation to the base in Yavin. A small gesture for your new friends.”

She closed her fist around the wallet. Her eyes were flooded with tears.

 “Go. Yavin is waiting for you.”

She gazed at him frozen.

“The future is waiting for you.” -He pressed for another faded smile- “Go. The Shuttle is leaving. May the Force be with you, my… dear.”

Those words so solemnly spoken by this man, reminded her that she hadn’t heard them ever since Ky Narec died in her arms when she was just a kid. A knife slashed through her heart and all those hard-held tears flooded her face. For the first time ever since the pirates tore her away from her mother’s arms, she felt like she belonged. Like she was part of something bigger than her. Something worthy and noble. Like the man who was standing before her.

“May the Force be with you my Master.” She felt the words sliding heavily from her lips. She hadn’t uttered them for so many years. When she saw his eyes brightening her heart rejoiced.

She wavered upon her feet for a few moments before giving him one last look that bespoke of a myriad words. Then with a groan of defeat she rushed towards the Shuttle, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to leave if she looked at him a moment longer.

Ben took a few shaky steps back and emptied himself upon a wall. With a drumming heart he saw her silhouette mingling with the last passengers as the doors of the shuttle closed. Her words if not her actions had torn him wide open. As the engines fired up, he felt his heart balancing precariously between the Light and the Dark. Asajj Ventress had come on Tatooine to shake his beliefs to the core and to bring his already tumbling balance into complete ruins.

As the Shuttle departed, Ben already knew that nothing would ever be the same for him after this day.

And he was right...

Chapter Text

(Breaking Canon, for those who skipped the previous notification.)

-.-

Ben stood frozen in front of his speeder car with his cloak wrapped tightly around him. Watching the busy road ahead but looking at nothing. The net of Blue Milk dangling from his hand. He made no move to enter his vehicle as he tried to settle down the unstoppable torrent of thoughts that were torturing his mind, but above all the uncontrollable emotions that seemed to have flooded the deepest parts of his essence.

He was so lost that he didn’t notice Rosjar and his wife walking past him. They exchanged worried glances to his direction before leaning closer to each other and speeding away. Hadn’t it been for a strong hand wrapping around his bicep, Ben would have probably remained frozen there till nightfall. He inhaled sharply and looked up with eyes, which looked haunted.

“What in the name of hell are you doing?” Beru hissed. Her eyes were darting around anxiously.

He recoiled, taken aback.

“For a man who wants to avoid attention at all costs, today you really messed up dear Ben.” Beru admonished.

Ben’s face shifted in confusion.

Beru pulled him to her. “That woman you rescued. The one who left with the Shuttle? Your former enemy? She was all over you! The city has eyes everywhere and most are not friendly.”

 “Beru wait…” Ben mumbled, making a great effort to pull himself together.  

She stopped him. “Get in your car. I will ride your bike. We will discuss this when we are outside the city!”

“Didn’t you bring your own speeder? How did you come to the city?”

“Owen brought me before he went to the market. Now get on with it! If he sees us discussing he is going to go nuts!” Beru instructed as she untied the bike from his car.

Unwilling to utter any more words Ben followed Beru’s lead and soon they were both driving away from the city. They reached one of the hillsides closest to the Lars farm without any incident. Beru got off his bike and opened his door. “Come out Ben.”

He took the net with the milk and followed her as she led him to a spot which was well hidden. They could see the farm, but no one could see them. She pushed him to sit down and sat crossed legged next to him. Then she wiped her face exasperated.

He was watching the farm quietly. His brow was heavy with unspoken thoughts. “How will you explain to Owen that you left the city on my bike?” His usually smooth voice was now coarse, unused.

“He is going to spend the whole day in the market. Shopping and hobnobbing with his friends. I was supposed to take the train back to the settlement in time to prepare lunch. I will tell him I missed it, and I took your offer for a ride back. He is going to be pissed, but I can handle it.” She replied.

Ben’s lips thinned as he observed the Lars home. “You virtually abducted me, and we are going to let him think it was me who offered you my bike? Right.”

“Someone had to get you out of there fast. As for Owen’s anger… I am sure you can handle it too.”  Beru shrugged.

Ben sighed and closed his eyes. He felt tired. Body and soul.

“View this as an assistance from a friend. Got you out of a tight spot and brought your bike half of the way back to your hut.” -Beru added with a small smile which he didn’t see- “But you must tow it the rest of the way. I am not making any more deliveries until I get a notice from you. Remember?”

He didn’t get attuned to the playfulness of her voice and that worried her.

“What happened at the docking area Ben?” She leaned closer to him.

He opened his eyes slowly.

“You are supposed to be living like a hermit. That is what the city knows about you. Suddenly they see you with a very sexy woman. A woman who also happens to be a famous Bounty Hunter by the way. Not a very fitting image for Ben the Hermit…” Beru tsked.

Ben covered his mouth with his hand and felt beads of sweat breaking on his forehead. “How did you know she is a Bounty Hunter?”

“Heard people talking about her. She is easy to notice… and to remember.” Beru rejoined.

Ben nodded quietly.

“You were kissing…” -Beru shook her head in disapproval- “The city will make a good story out of that one. They will start wondering about you now.”

 Ben closed his eyes.

“You were kissing a former enemy….” Beru tried to drive her point across.

“It was not something that was planned Beru. Enough.” Ben’s voice was strict.

“And that is my point exactly. You have been living here for ten years. All this time you have been extremely careful not to be noticed. Then suddenly this woman comes out of nowhere and you throw caution to the wind and make out with her in the middle of a busy road.”

“You sound like the mother I never got to know.” He was exasperated as the reality of her words began settling.

“Someone has to make you see how grave of a mistake that was.”

“I know that already.” Ben rejoined heavily.

That gave Beru some pause. She sighed. “I am not attacking you. I am not interrogating you. I am just trying to protect you.”

“Well, too late for that.” Ben’s lips tightened as he watched towards the quiet farm.

Beru looked at him for a few moments and then her hand wrapped around his forearm. “You have always been so careful Ben. What happened this time?”

“I don’t know.” -The words were silent, but honestly quick - “I honestly don’t know.”

“It’s alright… we will figure it out.” -Beru caressed his forearm and turned her attention to her farm. She saw Luke coming out with a glass of Blue Milk in his hands. He was yawning- “He woke up late today.” She said as she threw Ben another cautious look. Apparently what had taken place in the city today had stolen something away from Ben. He looked completely lost.

“Yes.” He muttered, feeling a timid burst of happiness at seeing the boy.

 “After drinking his milk, he will go clean his skyhopper. He wanted to do it since yesterday.” Beru smiled.

Ben looked at the net with the bottles. His lips twitched as he offered it to Beru. She looked at him with a frown. “It’s for Luke.”

She reached out to take it cautiously. “Thank you Ben.”

“You should thank the sexy Bounty Hunter. It was she who bought them.” Ben rejoined sullenly.

Beru’s mouth twitched with an uncertain smile. “For Luke?”

“For me.” Ben felt his eyes burning suddenly. Where were all these emotions coming from?

Beru looked at the net in front of her. “So, she wasn’t all bad, was she?”

Ben shook his head. “No.”

“Despite being a Bounty Hunter and an old enemy….?” Beru’s eyes were inquisitive.

He didn’t see her. His eyes were solely for Luke. “Despite all that.”

Beru sighed. “Maybe I can understand why you acted so foolishly at the docking area today.”

Ben turned his tired eyes towards her.

“When the heart speaks, logic takes the back seat.” Beru shrugged with a wistful smile.

Ben’s brows furrowed.

“Even hermits are allowed to feel sometimes… right?” Her smile was sweet.

“The Jedi cannot Beru. No.” His frown intensified, and clouds of darkness covered his eyes.

Beru hmphed and watched absently at Luke who was now taking water from the vaporator to clean his vehicle. “Maybe this is a match made in heaven… If Tatooine can be called that.”

“I met that woman amid hell, years ago. Heaven has nothing to do with any of it.” He whispered overwhelmed.

“Do you think we are wise enough to know what brings two people together Ben? Maybe your match was made in Hell and maybe that is for the best. You think a match made in heaven is the perfect way to go then? It will lack nothing? It will need nothing?”

Ben watched her silently.

Beru raised her brows. “Have I ever told you how I met Owen?”

“No.”

“We met in Anchorhead. We both had the same backgrounds, were raised with the same principles, wished for the same out of life. We matched…we dated, we fell in love…a match made in heaven. Everything aligned right?”

“Indeed.”

“Yet I was not blessed with the ability to have children Ben. You know that already.” Beru’s eyes burned with fresh tears.

Ben’s nodded and his hand covered hers quickly. He pressed it tenderly.

“If…I ever asked you… would you have been able to meditate on me? Like the Jedi do? Would you have been able to help my infertility?” Beru’s voice was barely heard.

Ben felt his eyes tearing up. “No, my dear. It doesn’t work this way. I am so sorry.”

“Would have been wonderful if I could offer Owen his own baby and Luke a sibling, you know.” Beru continued with a pained voice.

Luke already has a sister... Ben thought with a wince of defeat. He didn’t know what to say to Beru.

“Hadn’t it been for you bringing Luke to us, I would have never been a mother. That created a lot of friction between me and Owen in the past. He wanted to remain on Tatooine. Expand his homestead, have a large family. Be surrounded with children and grandchildren. Then came the devastating news that his wife couldn’t bear any. Can you imagine what a blow that was for him?”

Ben looked at her with eyes that bespoke of his care for her.

“Nothing is ideal my dear Ben. No match is truly made in heaven. People who align on everything. People who are so different. It doesn’t matter. Fate brings people together and they choose what to do with each other.” Beru shrugged. Her features were full of bitterness.

“Owen loves you.” Ben’s voice was thick with emotion.

“And I love him, but when he learned that I cannot bear children…we almost broke up.” Beru wiped the tears away.

Ben inhaled deeply and pulled her in for an unexpected hug, which she reciprocated instantly. “I am so sorry Beru.”

Her arms came around his back and she held onto him tightly. “Owen supported me in my darkest hour. He accepted that we couldn’t have a family. He said he only needed my love. I know he was lying, but he never left me. That was until…” She paused.

He pulled back and cupped her cheek gently. “Luke…”

She nodded fiercely and wiped her tears away. “You gave us the child we could never have Ben. You made us parents and for that I will forever owe you my life.”

“Luke is Anakin’s son…” Ben frowned.

“Yet it was you who brought him to us….” Beru held his hand tightly before bringing it to her mouth. She gave it a respectful kiss.

Ben pulled it away fast. “Don’t that… please.”

“Owen thinks that you are responsible for Anakin’s death. I know you are not.” -Beru’s eyes were piercing- “You are the one tasked with taking care of Anakin’s son…you couldn’t have hurt him.”

A knife slashed through Ben’s heart. He looked away quickly. Guilt falling over him like the thickest blanket. Suppressing his ability to breathe freely.

Beru continued with the same fervor. “You brought him to us and made out lives so much brighter. It was an outsider who offered us our heaven… even though everyone thought we were the perfect match.”

Ben shook his head ever so slightly.

“So, seeing you acting so impulsively at the docking area tells me that maybe… just maybe you can find your heaven with an outsider. Even though you two seem so different.”

“Your intentions are noble, but the truth is unforgiving.” -Ben’s smile looked wounded- “Yet I thank you for your words. They have helped me a lot.”

Beru clasped both his hands and looked into his eyes. “I am sorry if I sounded intrusive.”

“You are looking out for me. I appreciate that deeply.” He kissed her hand with a smile.

She squeezed it. “How will you handle all that attention you got today?”

Ben settled back and gazed at Luke who was cleaning his skyhopper. “I will trust Tatooine to do what it does best. Mind its own business.”

“And if that doesn’t work?” Beru scowled.

“I will figure it out. Trust me.” Ben’s eyes were much calmer when he gazed at her.

Beru sighed heavily and turned towards the farm. “I will trust you with that, but also with something else.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed.

“I am not sure I want to burden you with more. You have enough trouble of your own it seems.” Beru smiled.

“My trouble flew away with that Shuttle. So go on…”

Beru took a few moments to settle her thoughts before speaking. “I am worried lately about Owen, and I trust no one else but you Ben.”

 “What’s wrong?” Ben scowled.

Beru’s lips twisted in annoyance. “Owen hobnobs with several men from the neighboring farms.”

“Like he always did…” Ben frowned.

“Yet, now things are different. Their discussions are not about who has the best vaporator or who expanded his homestead more towards areas of higher moisture concentrations. Neither about family nor children.” Beru gave him a side-glance.

Ben sighed deeply. “Is he messing around the newest Tusken Raids?”

Beru nodded. “They have formed some sort of alliance if you will. At least fifteen large farms with Lars at their head. They are organizing themselves against the inevitable raids, which are taking place more and more often.”

“Strategically speaking that is not a wrong move. The more farmers organize into one faction, the less target they will be for the Tuskens. It is easier to target one, than many.” Ben wised.

“These are not the battalions of soldiers you were commanding during the war Ben. We are talking about farmers. Most of them cannot even shoot a blaster. Owen is the only one who had some proper training with his BE-29. Do you think they can resist a full Tusken Raid?” Beru sounded seriously worried.

Ben crossed his arms above his knees. He winced.

“No, you don’t. I can see your face. Now you understand why I am worried? Owen trusts himself too much and he has convinced others to join. If a raid happens, many will die. You mark my words. I just hope Luke and I don’t get caught in the middle.”

At that Ben turned to her with a heavy frown. “That is out of the question. The moment you see Tuskens approaching, you get Luke on your bike and head for my hut. This isn’t even a debate.”

“And leave Owen?” Beru scowled.

Ben reached out and clasped her arm. “Owen is a grown man; he can take care of himself. I assume you trusted me with this, because you need my help correct?”

She nodded.

“I cannot convince Owen to keep a low profile. The moment I talk to him everything will become worst. The only way I can help you is by giving you this advice. When you see trouble don’t argue with Owen, don’t try to convince him. Take Luke and ride to my hut. I will take care of the rest. Do you understand?” Ben’s voice was heavy.

“If you are there…” Beru rejoined solemnly.

“Where else would I be my dear? I am the sworn protector of the boy.” Ben scowled confused.

“You left us two years ago.” Beru’s eyes betrayed a lot of concern.

Ben released her arm and cupped his forehead. Between what happened with Asajj, his disturbed feelings about letting Krayt escape him, not knowing how safe he was from Rosjar and his wife and Beru’s demands he felt pushed to his limits. Suddenly the only thing he wanted to do was flee. Be somewhere alone to gather his thoughts. Not offer comfort to Beru… not feel his stomach clench at the departure of Asajj, not feel the usual anger raising for allowing Krayt to live.

Like you allowed Vader to live… and spread his terror across the galaxy.

Was he sure he wasn’t going to get off planet again? At that moment no, because no matter Ventress’ promise to hunt Krayt down, Ben wanted to do the same. Needed to see that man to an end. Knowing that Force Sensitive children were involved. Children whose names had been stored and protected at the Jedi Archives all these years ago… now being exposed to the malice of every Crime Lord in the Galaxy. That alone ruffled his feathers more than he could have bargained. He thought that fighting had been left behind him. That it was only reserved for Luke now, but was that true?

Come to Yavin…The Rebellion needs leadership…there are people there who will rejoice in your presence, in your guidance…

He shook his head at these unbidden thoughts and rubbed his forehead. “If the need arises for me to get off planet, I will provide you with a way to communicate with me safely. Will that help?”

Beru eyes were demanding. “And if there isn’t enough time for you to return?”

“Hide in my hut, the security system I have placed will keep you safe for a while. Be silent, be invisible, become a ghost... and I will find you. Trust me Beru. I will find you and the boy. No harm shall come to either of you.” The tone of Ben’s voice had dropped low.

“I worry Ben…I worry a lot.” -Beru looked towards farm where Luke was meddling around his skyhopper- “He knows nothing. He is still so innocent.”

He reached out and held her hand. “You know maybe that is for the best. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.”

Beru squeezed his hand and gave him a sad smile. “Thank you. I always feel better after I talk with you.”

“Me too.” -He reciprocated. Then he pointed at the milk- “Now go. These need to be refrigerated. The heat will ruin them.”

“Will you stay to watch Luke for a while?” Beru asked quietly.

The thoughts returned to rampage his mind. His face darkened with shadows. “No, I need to go.”

 “You still look disturbed Ben. Is it because that woman left?” Beru asked.

He stood up and shook his head. “It is because I cannot stop repeating my mistakes Beru and that costs dearly…..to the whole damn Galaxy.” He retorted gravely.

Those words made her hair stand on end. She remained seated looking at him walking towards his speeder with fresh tears staining her eyes.

-.-

It was a while later that Ben arrived in his hut. The inability to calm his thoughts led him to his cave. He entered with the best intentions to meditate. He sat on the stone crossed legged. Tried to calm his thoughts, to draw inwards. To concentrate, calm himself and put in order everything that had taken place, but a few of Asajj’s words raised hell inside him once more.

He abducts Force Sensitive children. Takes them by force and sells them to crime syndicates ….

The rage that exploded inside him upon that memory created ripples in the Force which were sensed across the Galaxy, to Dagobah. Grand-Master Yoda opened his eyes from his meditation and his brow furrowed with worry. “No.” He whispered.

I can feel it… Qui-Gon’s Force Ghost was sitting next to Yoda.

“Great disturbance there is. Unbalanced the Force in him it is. Great pain, fury, guilt torments him. Need help he does. But accept it he won’t. Not yet.” Yoda was scowling heavily.

I will speak to him Qui-Gon rejoined with a worried expression.

“Listen to you he won’t. Not now. Beware. Challenge his beliefs he needs to.”

Must that be allowed? Won’t that be dangerous? Isn’t that how Anakin fell?  Qui-Gon looked at his friend with apprehension.

“Anakin plagued by darkness since the start he was. Obi Wan is not. Light inside him always there is. Question his beliefs we must let him. Intervene you mustn’t.” -Yoda nodded at his thoughts- “Yes, yes.”

I fear that will be a serious mistake Grand-Master. Qui-Gon retorted solemnly.

“Assist him those mistakes will. Him and others…yes, yes.” Yoda’s head bobbed. Then without waiting for an answer, he closed his eyes and pulled himself into his meditation once more.

Qui-Gon stayed silently contemplative next to his friend. Feeling the ripples of Obi-Wan’s rage disturbing the Force with an intensity he hadn’t felt in years.

-.-

Ben paced inside his cave like a wild animal behind bars. “Let the Light guide me…” -He spat and took off his cloak. He threw it aside - “Let Light decide Krayt’s fate…” He removed his tunic and belt throwing them towards the entrance.

“Well, I did and where did that get us?” He spewed towards the emptiness around him. He placed his hands on his waist and looked around him- “Where did it get us!!!?” He roared. His voice resounded inside the cave. Making his Bantha herd move restlessly outside.

The fury towards this failure gushed in uncontrollable waves of heat that needed some point of release. He lifted his hand as his eyes blazed with hatred. Hatred pointed towards himself, but also towards the goddamn Jedi Code. The one he grew up with, the one he swore upon, the one he had dedicated his whole life to. The one which caused the Council to fail Anakin. The one which stayed his hand from slaughtering the beast who killed Satine in front of his eyes all those years ago on Mandalore.

The Force Push from him was so violent the entrance to his cave exploded outwards, launching large boulders towards the Bantha. They dispersed with moans of fear.    

The growl that rumbled in his chest was hair-raising as the Force Push tore through his door and the cellar trap door. Then all his marksmen from every single spot in his hut, flew towards the cave with a speed which made them unable to stop in time as they entered. Several of them crashed upon the walls and fell destroyed to the ground.  

Ben lowered his hand panting. “Not enough. That is barely enough.” His whisper was terrifying. There was no more balance inside him at that moment. Only hatred for the past. Hatred for Maul murdering his Master. Hatred for the Council failing Anakin. Hatred towards himself for believing them blindingly. Hatred for leading a war for the Sith. For kneeling in front of Palpatine. Hatred for his failure to protect Padme and help Ashoka when they both needed him the most. Hatred for his failure to save Anakin…. or have enough courage to kill him! Hatred towards himself when he was cradling Satine dead in his arms defeated, instead of unleashing hell to her killers. Above all hatred for not killing Krayt a week ago. Kill him and save all those children from being hunted. If not protecting them from every danger, at least eliminating one.

If hatred was not enough to ram the air out of his lungs, then pain followed closely behind. Strong enough to debilitate him. This didn’t feel like healing. This was an unravelling like he had never experienced before. “Master Qui-Gon!” His voice was not pleading this time. It was a roaring command, but no answer came.

Ben took Krayt’s lightsaber from his belt and ignited it. The dark golden hue illuminated his contorted features. The sweat on his brow. The fury in his blue eyes. A small wave of his hand ignited all the marksmen that weren’t destroyed when he pulled them forcefully into the cave. At least a dozen floated in the air. Ben took Qui-Gon’s battle form. Knowing in advance that he was doomed to fail. Master Qui-Gon’s form was aggressive. Not meant to deflect blasters effectively. Yet, Ben at that moment didn’t need to deflect them. He wanted them to shoot him. He wanted to fail. Because that failure against his marksmen would symbolize his failure with Krayt if not all the previous ones, which were meant to haunt him to his deathbed.

He needed cleansing and for him that would come through pain.

The moment he closed his eyes, the marksmen started shooting from every direction and angle. Deflecting them would have been a game had he used his usual form. Yet now by trying to deflect the blasters aggressively with complicated acrobatics, he was already failing. When usually no marksman was able to get through to him even after long sessions, this time the first strike came only after a few minutes. One got him on his shoulder, and he dropped the lightsaber. The second shot through his leg and the pain made him kneel heavily.  

You have so many feelings inside. I felt them all…suffocating me.

Asajj’s voice fueled the rage, which was also triggered by the pain in his body now. The atmosphere was thick with tension. Suddenly, Ben’s expression hardened, a storm of emotions hiding behind his usually calm blue eyes. The Force gathered around him, palpable and electric. With a guttural roar, he thrusted both arms outwards, channeling pure, unbridled energy. The blast was overwhelming, distorting the atmosphere with a deafening roar. The marksmen had no time to react. The explosion came with unstoppable ferocity, vaporizing everything in its path before crashing against the walls of the cave and causing the very ground to vibrate under Ben’s boots.

Then there was only silence and burned fragments of metal which were so small they floated slowly to the ground. The only thing that remained of his marksmen. The air was heavy with the scent of burned wiring. Ben doubled over and a wail of suffering burst from his chest.

Why are you doing this to yourself my son?

The voice of Qui-Gon made Ben look up sharply. His eyes spewed the fires of hell, and he was breathing heavily. “Master…” He spat.

You have lost all balance. You are tilting very close to the Dark Side. This is uncontrollable. You are using illegal techniques. Had you used this against sentient beings, it would have been a direct violation of the Jedi Code. You have allowed the pain and the anger to consume you. Look at your new lightsaber. Qui-Gon had been unable to remain a simple observant as Yoda had suggested. When he felt Obi Wan using the Force Explosion he rushed quickly to his side.  

Ben turned his eyes at his weapon. The hue was not golden anymore. It was becoming deep red slowly. He was unwillingly bleeding the Kyber Crystal. With a hiss of revolt, he deactivated the lightsaber and threw it across the cave. “No…” He murmured.

Qui-Gon’s ghost sat at a stone across from Ben. He crossed his arms over his knees and frowned.

Ben covered his eyes with his hands. “This is not who I am….”

At this moment you have lost every sense of self my son. I have never seen you act with such uncontrollable emotions. -Qui-Gon stopped, and a sad smile formed on his lips- Well, I am lying. When you were a young padawan, you tended to be rather hot headed. Told you many times…

“And the Jedi did a good job of erasing that out of me correct?”

Qui-Gon gazed around at the destroyed marksmen and the blown entrance of the cave. After today’s performance I wonder myself.

“My peace, my balance… I fear. I fear greatly.” Ben muttered.

You fear yourself… Came the wise remark.

Ben didn’t reply.

Tell me what happened here today my boy….

The emotional eruption that came from Ben had long been expected. He stood up and raised his wounded arm towards his Master, trembling with rage. “Let the Daughter of the Light guide me! That’s what you told me in that alley a week ago. Let the Light decide that man’s fate! I did and look what happened again. I allowed a killer, a trafficker of children to roam free. I should have killed him whilst I had the chance. You were wrong Master!” Ben’s famous hot-headedness had seemingly returned in full force. “I left another goddamned killer on the loose!”

You are not a dealer of life-and-death Obi Wan… Qui-Gon sounded austere.

“Well apparently I should have been!” -Ben barked - “More than once. The Jedi Code has destroyed so many people. People I cared about!”

Qui-Gon remained silent.

“I should have broken the Code to save the people I loved. I should have done it to protect those unborn…the innocents!” -Ben smiled bitterly as tears sprang from his eyes- “There are no emotions, only peace? Where is peace when you know you have allowed the people you love to perish Master? When you know that innocents suffer because of you?”

Not everyone’s fate is linked to the Jedi Code my son.

Ben raised his hand and pointed at Qui-Gon fuming. “The fate of Anakin was! The fate of Satine was! The Jedi Code is too flawed, too hard, too absolute. It alienated Anakin. Left him vulnerable to outsiders… to the Sith! The Jedi failed Anakin! I failed him!”

Qui-Gon looked deeply concerned. The boy made his own choices. He had a disturbing past.

“You said he was the chosen one! We should have helped him, but the Jedi Council was always hard on him when the only thing he needed was support. Someone to hear his worries. As for me, I was so blind from the Jedi teachings to offer him the care he wanted. Anakin needed a father!” When he uttered those words Ben’s knees seemed to unlock. He emptied himself to the ground.

Qui-Gon looked at him tight-lipped. He did, that is true.

“I couldn’t be a father for him. I was too young… Anakin was my brother and I treated him as such. But brothers can sometimes become…too judgmental, too distant….maybe even…” Ben’s eyes darted as he searched for the word.

Qui-Gon found it. Cruel?

Ben looked at his Master. “I loved him Master. He was … he still is my brother, but I couldn’t teach him properly. I failed him.” His voice cracked.

Qui-Gon nodded. You didn’t fail him Obi Wan. He failed himself.

“By proving his loyalty to the Sith, who he was sure were supporting him? He didn’t know what he was doing, and no one was there to help him! Admit it my Master. The Jedi Council was autocratic, and I was too blind to see. You always told me not to base my decisions on the Council’s advice. To think for myself. I forsook that.”

Qui-Gon didn’t answer.

“You overlooked the Council’s advice so many times. You knew it was too strict, too firm.” Ben pushed.

Qui-Gon lifted his brows. Admittedly I found it much easier to bend the Jedi Rules when the circumstances needed it.

Ben felt his shoulders deflating. It was as if all the fight had suddenly left him along with the realization. “That is what Anakin needed from me. I couldn’t give it to him.”

Qui-Gon leaned over. You gave him what I asked you. You gave him a home, a brother, a Master to train him. The rest were his decisions to make. You cannot blame yourself for other people’s choices.

Ben took several moments to speak. “I should have died on Naboo instead of you.”

That made Qui-Gon’s features twist in agony.  

“Anakin would have had a father. The Galaxy would have never known Darth Vader.” Ben’s voice cracked.

Qui-Gon expression was one of pain and love combined. No, my boy. The Force’s will was for me to die and for you to lead. Don’t judge it’s will. You don’t know why these choices have been made yet. There is a greater purpose. One we are not aware of, and you are a big part of it. A much bigger part than I ever was. Trust in the Force. Trust in yourself. You are one with the Force. Always. Even during these dark hours.

“Was it the will of the Force that I allowed Anakin to live on, after our battle on Mustafar? That was my decision Master. I couldn’t kill him. The Force had nothing to do with it.”

Qui-Gon sighed deeply. You trust too little in the Force right now.

“I was blind to Palpatine’s machinations. I led a bloody war for a Sith Lord. That is something I will never live down.” Ben’s voice was barely a whisper. He felt weak inside and out. As if the Force itself was abandoning him.

All of us were blind. The Darkness of Sidious was too thick for even Yoda to see through. You are judging yourself too harshly.

“Even after all that I trusted the Jedi Code. I lived by it and look were that led us once more. I allowed a children trafficker to live.” Ben’s lips curled up in hatred.

Qui-Gon didn’t speak.

“Sometimes merciful killing can help immensely. I failed … twice. I won’t fail again.” The decisiveness in Ben’s voice concerned Qui-Gon.

I know you well Obi Wan. Light is always your ally. Don’t let the Darkness surround you. You won’t ever kill an unarmed man. You won’t ever let yourself be drawn down a Dark path. Qui-Gon’s tone was imploring.

“Merciful killing ….” Ben hmphed.

This imbalance in you…it does not derive only from the past. I can sense it Obi Wan. It comes also from the present.

Ben’s eyes turned piercing upon his Master.

The woman who left today. She came to Tatooine with one purpose and left with another. You helped her. Not only physically but above all you showed her a connection to the Force she hadn’t seen before. You only see failure, not success. She left with a hope for a new future and that was because of you. That means nothing?

Ben was silent.

Or maybe it means too much?

Ben’s eyes narrowed.

There is an attachment forming …I can sense it…An attachment that you might not understand well yet. Maybe it is the will of the Force for that connection to exist.

“Yes because everything we do must be guided by the Force. We can never feel something on our own. Never make our own decisions, correct?” Ben’s voice dropped several octaves.

You are questioning the Force again, my boy. You are questioning the Light that flows through you. You are questioning your very soul. Maybe this attachment is meant for good, but it might also be dangerous. You need to tread with care. The woman who left… she has stirred the past in you. You mustn’t allow that to cloud your judgement.

Those words came like a punch in his stomach. “An attachment you keep saying… like the one I had with Satine?”

Qui-Gon frowned.

“You know… the woman I loved. The woman I could have left the Order for. The woman Maul killed in front of my eyes, and I didn’t lift my hand to destroy all of them! Because of the Code. Because she believed in it too. She was a peacekeeper. She would never have wanted me to betray the Jedi Code for her. She died in my arms declaring her love for me and I couldn’t even reciprocate those words. Always afraid of the attachment, till her end. I didn’t save her… I didn’t avenge her. I never visited her tomb, but I always carry her on me.” -Ben grasped his bicep and dug his nails in it viciously- “Attachments you say….” Ben grumbled, while his whole body was trembling like a leaf - “I want to be left alone.”

Qui-Gon reached out. You need to meditate….

“I want to be left alone.” Ben repeated and looked away from his Master. For the first time in forever, dismissing him. The silence that followed fell heavy on him. When he turned around, Qui-Gon’s Force Ghost was gone.

Ben’s red eyes, full of unshed tears gazed around the cave. The large boulders spread outside the entrance. The melted marksmen littering the floor. Krayt’s lightsaber lay defeated at the far end of the cave. All the walls around him filled with his carved teachings, which at that moment meant so little. He had emptied all the darkness inside of him upon the cave, on himself and on his Master.

The innocent children once more falling because of mankind's failures, the memory of Satine’s pale mask of death, Asajj's promise to do better for herself and for others... her kiss and it's promise of life continuing even after all those deaths… and lastly Qui-Gon’s words about attachments sucked the remaining strength out of his body. He fell to the meditation stone overcome.

He lay there motionless, looking at the entrance of his cave for a long time, until the burning in his eyes forced him to close them. That is when an infernal sleep full of vivid nightmares crushed him like a ton of bricks.

Chapter Text

The cramped interior of the shuttle buzzed with the low hum of hyperspace travel. At the center, Ventress sat alone, near a window. Her icy gaze scanning a mob of rough-looking bounty hunters crowding the benches. They were watching her closely, leaning towards each other. Roaring laughter erupted from their midst, making the rest of the passengers very uncomfortable.

Ventress’ pale blue eyes turned towards the window. The coldness gave its place to a gloom that was difficult to hide. When the Shuttle was still close to Tatooine, she kept looking back at the planet she was leaving behind. Miserably picturing Obi Wan still standing in the docking area. Waving at her. It was the first time in forever that she felt her heart torn. A part of her was longing to reach Yavin and find a new beginning in life. The other was full of regret for abandoning Tatooine. That planet meant nothing to her a week ago.

Actually, Tatooine still meant nothing to her, but the man living there… that was another thing.

She wrapped her arms tightly around her tethered bag and felt her eyes burning with unbidden tears as she remembered their farewell. Their words… the kiss she decided to give him the last moment. The way he responded so openly, so fearlessly to her. As if he had been expecting it, possibly even longing for it.  

Why did she kiss him? She could dig up countless ways to explain her decision. A last farewell kiss. The to-do list he had teased her with. A test to see how an old adversary’s intimacy felt like. None of those were true though. She had longed for that kiss, probably more than he had. Not only now that she met him again in very different circumstances, but also during their time in the Clone Wars. That goddamn kiss had been eating her up for more than a decade and a half.

Nevertheless, it was one thing to long for a kiss, and another to pine after it. That was unfamiliar to her.

She tried to understand why this had such an impact on her. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t found themselves entangled many times over during their years in the war. Yet, this time something had been different between them.

Was it her, him or their circumstances? Maybe it was the way she saw him after she experienced his inspiring Force Healing? Could it have been her first meditation with him, which left a mark on her? How about the complexity of their conversations which came so effortlessly. Or it might have been the spontaneous way she had sensed him through the Force and the indescribable agony he had emitted towards her?

She had seen Obi Wan as a real human being this time. Bursting with uncontrollable emotions, instead of being the composed General who was full of backtalk. That volatile side of him had ignited a blazing fire inside her usually cold heart.

Unwillingly or not, he had exposed his vulnerability to her. An occurrence so rare, she was certain, that she yearned to feel more of it. She wished to feel more of him, which was now impossible since they had parted ways.

That thought annoyed her… possibly even hurt her.

Her eyes welled up again, making her mad. This kind of emotional turmoil was something she was not used to. On one hand it troubled her and on the other she sought to experience more of it.

When she arrived on Tatooine, her purpose had been clear. She was focused on killing Krayt and taking the twenty thousand. Then returning to Coruscant, finding a nice place to stay and collecting as many bounties as she could. She wasn’t searching for salvation, any kind of friendship, to be enlightened or to have her emotions affected in this revealing manner.

All this by a former adversary. A man she hunted for several years during the war. Back then she had viewed Obi Wan as a strong opponent. A more than worthy enemy that deserved her respect. He was difficult to control, almost impossible to stop. A highly tactical commander who was hard to kill and always stood in the way of Dooku’s plans. Her interest in him remained practical. Could she stop him? When and how. That was it.

She grimaced as she had to quietly admit that she did try some of her feminine allure with him back then. More in a teasing manner, hoping to draw his attention away from their sparring and get the best of him. Which always failed. It was a strategic maneuver she tried with every foe. It was her trademark. But she hadn’t desired a kiss from any of them.

Yet with him, sometimes after a skirmish, she had wondered… how he’d taste. As powerful as his lightsaber combat or as careful as his negotiation skills? Secretly she had pondered… and apparently so had he.

She took a deep breath. It was not just that kiss that she pined after though. It was also the persistent flow of his connection to the Force, which streamed through him and into her. That experience had awoken inside her the desire to seek the Light. His actions intended or not had changed her whole purpose of existing.

She was leaving Tatooine with the intention of offering her assistance to the Rebellion without any thought of compensation. She wished to fight against the Empire. Align herself with the light she had felt emanating from him. She wanted to connect with him through the Force if that was possible. She couldn’t lose someone so significant. Not now that she had felt him.

When once money was all she cared for, now the three thousand he gave her felt like iron shackles. She couldn’t wait to deliver them to the Rebellion. In the hopes that they would take her in.

She wanted to make her mother, him, but above all herself proud. His profound connection to the Force had touched her so deeply there was no way back for her now. That man had changed her world view within one week.

Or maybe it wasn’t just him… maybe you were open to guidance this time. Her mind argued.

It mattered little who initiated this change. She didn’t wish to feed off her anger and hatred anymore. She didn’t want to feel restless. Endlessly searching for money and power. Being consumed by greed. She craved the silence she had felt in his presence.

Master Ky, can you believe that after fighting so many years as a Dark Jedi, I now desire to ask another Master to have me as an apprentice? I wish I could complete my training under him.

These words resonated with so much truth that her eyes burned again with new tears. Had Obi Wan wanted an apprentice… she would have given her right arm for the opportunity.  

You asked him and he turned you down... Her mind whispered.

She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. He did turn her down, but he also taught her. A few but precious lessons that she would carry with her till the end of her life. She would have apprenticed under such a Master with great pride, but it wasn’t meant to be. Now all she could do was use her abilities to help the ones who fought against the Darkness. It was her way of redeeming herself in her eyes, but also in his. Her grip tightened around her bag, which contained his journal. A book she wanted to keep as a token…

May the Force be with you…

His voice reverberated in her mind, sending shivers down her spine. Obi Wan made her feel like she could belong and for that she owed him a dept that couldn’t be paid with money. Only with loyalty.

Something that she intended to honor… with her life if need be.

Those heavy thoughts left her with bloodshot eyes and a closed posture, which was duly noticed by a rough looking man sitting across from her.

“What is ailing you love? A sexy doll like you shouldn’t look so sad. Let Boleo cheer you up.”

She turned to him and the sadness in her eyes was instantly shrouded by cold calculation. She didn’t speak. Her warning was silent, and it came from her rigid posture and the austerity of her countenance.

A warning he apparently didn’t read or didn’t care about. “Are you mute, or don’t you want to talk to Boleo you sultry little cunt?”

Her eyes narrowed dangerously upon him.

“Look at the face of this silent little bitch. I can think of a dozen uses for it. Right boys?” He turned to his crew with a blazing smile. A roar of cheers disturbed the remaining passengers of the Shuttle. Oblivious to the danger he reached for her, his intent unmistakable… a crude attempt to assert his dominance over her.

Ventress reacted faster than a striking viper. With a sharp spin, she evaded his grasp, her eyes cold and unblinking. The bounty hunter chuckled, emboldened by the laughter of his companions, but the smile vanished as she drew one of her lightsabers. The yellow blade snapped to life, casting a bright glow across his armor.

He lunged, but Ventress sidestepped, her movements precise and quick. She slashed low, knocking his blaster from its holster before he could even aim. Then her boot connected violently with his nose, leaving in its wake blood and broken cartilage. The Bounty Hunter roared in pain and fell back to the chair, giving her the chance to pin him down.

In a single, graceful leap, she vaulted on top of him, the flat of her blade pressing against his throat. Her other hand was holding a knife right up to his crotch, and her leg had locked down his free arm crushing his wrist under the sharpness of her knee. “One wrong move and it’s either your throat or your dick.” Ventress hissed.

The bounty hunter gasped for air. Blood and mucus splattered between his fingers. His eyes were red and surging with tears, unable to focus as a wall of pain had blinded him.

Ventress pressed the knife on his crotch making him grunt in agony. “Your crew won’t be quick enough to help you before I undo one of the two. Now be a wise boy.”

Boleo grunted heavily, his eyes pleading.  

Ventress didn’t want to acknowledge that silent plea. She was trembling with rage. The audacity of him trying to touch her, made her wish to slice him in half. An action so familiar. The teachings of Dooku, so deeply embedded in her psyche all these years, could have engulfed her, activating the deadliest weapon in her… but that was a week ago. Not now.

Now it was the soft voice of Obi Wan that echoed in her mind, stopping her fury in its birth. Don’t use hatred to fuel your strength. Don’t use fury to strike. Use mercy… Let the Light guide you.

She felt her eyes tearing up without warning and scowled against those overwhelming emotions his voice had awoken. She shoved them down with a vicious growl. She had the time to cry over Obi Wan’s words, when she was alone.

Not now.

Now, she was going to heed his advice. A week ago, that brute would have been lying headless among his crew, and she would have highjacked the whole Shuttle. Today Asajj made a candid effort to find the equilibrium that Obi Wan had shown her. Her grip on the handle of her lightsaber tightened. “Let’s take a small lesson in manners, shall we?”

Boleo nodded with a whine of agony. “Yeth, yeth….” He spat.

“Can you touch women without their permission?” Ventress’ eyes narrowed as she focused on her prey.

Boleo shook his head hard. “No!”

“No, that’s right. What should you say to a woman you have offended with your uncivilized manners?” Ventress tilted her head ever so slightly.

 Boleo mumbled something indiscernible.

“Clearer and louder.” Ventress commanded coldly.

“Say you are sorry asshole!” One of his friends yelled.

Boleo nodded rapidly. “Thorry…I am thorry…” he slurred.  

Ventress felt another rush of adrenaline and tightened her jawline against it. I am here with you… dive deep within…. find your balance. Obi Wan’s voice resounded in her mind. Instantly calming her. The debate raged on, the battle of her violent past against the softness of Obi Wan’s voice. After a few moments that were laden with tension, the voices of the past withdrew their claws from her. She took a shaky breath. “Good boy. Now go to your friends and behave.” She spat at his face, before pulling away so abruptly that he recoiled in terror. He almost broke his seat in his effort to stay as far away from her as possible. He took an uncertain step onto the corridor and when he saw that she had settled down, he hurried to his crew.

After that unexpected incident the shuttle was heavy with silence. Everyone was looking at Asajj. Innocent passengers along with the bounty hunter crew. No one dared to speak or move. That was absolutely fine with her. She turned her head towards the window and looked at the darkness of space outside. Tatooine was nowhere to be seen. The soft voice of the man who stopped her from killing the bounty hunter was nowhere to be heard.

The tears she had shoved down before returned forcefully and she was unable to stop them. She hid behind her long hair and then she began crying in all earnest. Needing to hear Obi Wan’s voice one more time even if it was a creation of her own imagination.

-.-

A week later – Yavin 4 – Yavin City.

Cantina - The droid’s den.

Ventress gazed around her disheartened. She arrived on Yavin a week ago, with the intention of coming in contact with one or more Rebellion factions and offering them her services. Convinced they would hurry to enroll someone of her talents, quickly. Unfortunately, that proved more difficult than she had imagined. They were not only hiding, but the natives were keeping the location of those factions a secret also.

The Alliance was still new. Not well organized yet.

Just a couple of different groups coming together in this planet because of its remote location, the existing infrastructure and its natural defenses. Hiding from the Empire, working underground. Not yet strong enough to make their presence known to a wider audience. They feared infiltration from Empire operatives. She should have expected their reluctance to meet with her.

She thought about visiting the Massassi Temples herself, where she heard most of the factions operated and give her resume in person.

Yet, she knew no one from the Alliance. Her appearance would be deemed abrupt and possibly dangerous. The last thing she wanted was to be labeled an intruder. That left one other choice. Befriend some locals and trust them to do the job for her. A task she managed rather quickly with Kamcay. A huge Massassi who had opted to work the local Cantina instead of following the tradition of his warrior ancestors.

He was the first one who didn’t run away from her, when she asked about the Rebel Alliance. He admitted he knew several Rebel factions, but that approaching them wouldn’t be easy. She had to prove that her purpose there was true. After several long talks and quite a few drinks Kamcay reluctantly decided to undertake that task on her behalf.

Her job was to wait patiently to be contacted, if and when a specific faction had a need for a new mercenary.

Not very encouraging news. She arrived with the belief that all the factions would fight over who would have her first.

Delusional… as Obi Wan would have observed.

His thought brought a small smile to the surface. Alas, her days of glory during the Clone Wars were now long gone. The new generation of warriors didn’t know her name. Her legacy as a fighter meant nothing to them. So, she was just another mercenary out of the many that hang in Yavin City waiting for an opportunity to join.

Not inspiring at all. Especially since she had to rent a small, crumbled place over the Cantina while she waited. That meant that she was digging a hole in the credits that Obi Wan gave her. Something that annoyed her to no end. Promising for the hundredth time that she would put the credits back when she was finally drafted, she picked up her cup angrily and drunk it in one go.

“Careful with it. That is your fourth. That drink packs a punch.” Kamcay noticed while he wiped a glass with annoying precision.

“Didn’t ask for your advice.” She retorted grumpily.

“Getting drunk won’t help the Rebels notice you.” Kamcay added.

She shook her head. “I am here a week already. I have given you my information. They know where I am! What are they waiting for?”

Kamcay placed the glass down and crossed his arms over the bar. “How do they know you are not an Empire spy?”

He had asked that question before, and she didn’t know how to answer it. She had worked for the Empire. She knew its functions inside and out. Maybe if she told him she owned such precious knowledge, she’d get an interview with the factions sooner. Or maybe they’d see her as dangerous and get rid of her. “They cannot know, and I have no way to convince them, do I?” -She pursed her lips- “So that brings us to a standstill.”  

“They want to observe you…give them time.” -Kamcay shook his head and resumed his work- “Do you know how many mercenaries come here in the hopes of making easy money? That is not the point of the Rebellion.”

“I am not here for the money.” Ventress looked at him somberly.

“The Rebels must weed out the good from the bad. That takes time. Be patient.”

Be patient…. The voice of Obi Wan echoed in her mind with the same words. That made a shiver gallop up her spine. “There is only one man in the whole Galaxy who is allowed to command me to be patient. And that isn’t you.” Her voice grew heavier, with an undertone of warning.

Kamcay laughed at that. “Lucky dude. You are fire incarnate.”

Ventress struck her glass on the table. “Refill.”

Kamcay did as she asked and then raised his brow. “Be careful. The Rebels may decide to approach you when you are dead drunk. Not a good look.”

“My name should have been enough to resolve this damned issue already…” She said in a low, pulsating tone.

“You used to be famous then?”

She tilted her head. “Once upon another lifetime.”

Kamcay looked at the lightsabers that were hanging from her belt for the umpteenth time since she had arrived. “You know there are other Jedi who have joined the Rebellion. Not many though. Counted in the fingers of one hand…”

“Survivors…” -She murmured and took a sip- “That would have pleased him.”

“Who?”

She scowled at the Massassi.

“The only man who is allowed to command you to be patient?” Kamcay smirked cunningly.

She didn’t answer, but her eyes filled with shadows.

He noticed. “You Jedi are seriously dangerous people, but dreadfully useful. The Rebels will contact you soon. They won’t allow a lightsaber wielder to leave without at least meeting you one time.”

Ventress felt the tension melting off her body, the moment Kamcay stopped probing her about Obi Wan. She sighed deeply. “I hope that happens soon, because I am running out of damned credits.”

Kamcay gave her the once over. “If you ran out of credits, we might be able to find you a job here at the Cantina.”

“Doing what?” Ventress’ looked up in disgust.

“Entertaining clients? Your physique is admirable.” The Massassi hmphed thoughtfully.

“Don’t do that. I was just beginning to like you. I don’t want to kill you.” She shook her head with a haughty glare.

He laughed. “Jedi never kill an unarmed man! I know their rules!”

“Dark Jedi might.” She flicked her brow and then looked at him with a playful smirk.

That gave the bartender some pause.

“Now turn up the volume. I want to hear the news.” She said dismissively.

Kamcay pursed his lips and did as she asked. Then he walked away to serve the rest of his customers.

Ventress sat there, drinking her prow, thinking about the dead end she had come to, whilst pining for Tatooine for a long time. The newscaster was murmuring at the backdrop. Just as the sun began setting, Ventress was seriously debating if she should abandon the dream of Yavin and buy the first ticket back to Tatooine. Suddenly a name that was spoken from the HoloTV made her look up sharply.

“Turn the volume up!” She cried to Kamcay, who hurried to do her bidding. Several customers turned to see what the fuss was all about.

Asajj pushed her empty glass aside and concentrated on the alien broadcaster. “Good evening, citizens of the Galactic Empire and viewers across the Holonet. This is Mina Taro with GNN bringing you the latest on a story rocking the galaxy. Tonight, we report on an unprecedented security breach. A’ Sharad Hett, the notorious Jedi exile and former Tatooine warlord, has escaped custody. Details are emerging by the hour, and we have our correspondents stationed across the galaxy to bring you continuous updates on this developing crisis.

Authorities at the Maximum Security Detention Facility on Coruscant confirmed early this morning that A’Sharad Hett is no longer in their custody. Security footage reveals a accurately coordinated infiltration, with evidence pointing to external assistance and possible connections to underworld syndicates known for their expertise in slicing and stealth technology.

Hett, once a Jedi Knight of the Old Order, was apprehended after a long pursuit spanning several sectors and culminating in his dramatic capture on planet Tatooine by Bounty Hunter Zarek. His imprisonment was regarded as a significant victory for the IBS, given his complex history and formidable Force abilities. Now, with his escape, the galaxy is again on high alert. Investigations suggest that the prison break was not a spontaneous act, but rather the result of a long-gestating plan. Security analysts point to the deactivation of surveillance grids for precisely thirteen minutes… long enough for a breach team to bypass layers of defense droids and magnetic containment doors. Sources within the IBS suspect that sympathizers within prison staff may have relayed critical information to the infiltrators.”

Of course, for the Empire he was A’ Sharad Hett a Jedi of the Old Order and not the self-proclaimed Sith Lord Krayt. They insisted on pushing the propaganda of the dangerous Jedi. She stopped listening. What she heard was more than enough. Ventress’ tight fist punched the tabletop and the bottles rattled. Kamcay turned to her. “What happened?”

“I knew he would escape. No prison would have held him.” She barked furiously. She threw a couple of credits on the counter and stood up.

“Who?” Kamcay turned towards the HoloTV.

Nevertheless, Ventress was in no mood for small talk. She recalled her promise to Obi Wan vividly.

I am going to hunt him, and I am going to kill him. I promise my Master…

Without answering she strode out of the Cantina, fuming. Not only had Krayt escaped her on Tatooine, but now he managed to get out of prison on Coruscant. They mentioned the involvement of crime syndicates. She suspected the Black Sun.

Suddenly her need to contact the Rebels became obsolete. She couldn’t wait a minute longer on this planet for them to notice her. She had to find a ship. Obi Wan’s credits were hardly enough to buy her one. Her mind argued that maybe it was worth stealing one. A deed that Kenobi would find abhorring, but when circumstances were dire… one had to act accordingly. She needed to go to Coruscant and get information from the underground network. She had to find who took Krayt, on what ship and where he was headed. Her interceptor was not blinking with any coordinates. That meant that Krayt was not being chased by the Empire, at least officially.

With those grave thoughts she marched down the main street of the small city, not truly noticing anything around. Her mind was too involved in machinating ways of getting out of Yavin. Her heart was bursting with anger for failing Obi Wan so quickly.

Absent-minded as she was, she didn’t notice an old lady sitting with her legs sprawled on the side of the street. She tripped on the woman’s foot and almost fell flat on her face. Angry for that unwanted interruption she turned to curse the person involved.

Yet, when she looked at the old woman, something stopped her from speaking harshly.

“I am sorry my lady.” The old woman mumbled.

“It’s okay. Uhm, it was my mistake.” Ventress replied, brushing dirt off her sleeves.

“Do you have any credits to spare?” She showed Ventress her palm.

Asajj gazed around her. Everyone was minding their own business.

“Haven’t eaten in three days.” The woman added with a tired voice and leaned her head back to the wall.

Asajj looked at the woman’s tattered clothing and her skeletal frame. Her haunted eyes digging into the wrinkly skin, which looked paper-thin and stretched on her skull. Her fingers were trembling. Those credits were for a sacred cause. They were meant for the Rebellion, not for a random beggar.

Be careful. Judge who needs assistance with compassion. Don’t be harsh. Don’t be hasty… His voice reverberated in her mind.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. His voice always seemed to settle her down. No matter the circumstances. She placed her hands on her waist and gazed around her. Waiting for someone to step in and stop her before she committed a folly. However, no one seemed to care about Ventress’ haughty stance, nor about the frail old lady. It took her several moments to decide, but finally she relented with an exasperated exhalation. She knelt close to the woman and cleared her throat. “Don’t you have a family?”

The woman shook her head.

“Anyone to take care of you?” Ventress insisted.

“No, my Lady.” The woman’s voice was barely heard.

Ventress grimaced and threw a cautionary glance over her shoulder. Then she turned to the old woman again. “What’s your name?”

“Ashliz.”

Ventress pursed her lips, feeling annoyed at her inability to offer help more easily. All this was new to her. “Fine….fine…fine…” She mumbled under her breath. She took out the heavy wallet and opened it in order to get a few credits when suddenly calamity stroke. A surprise attack came from the tree above them. A shadowy figure leapt next to Asajj and snatched the wallet from her hand. Before she had time to realize what happened the small shadow dashed into the dark street with a playful laughter of victory.

“You little bastard!” Asajj yelled and run after them, pushing people out of her way.

The swiftness of that little thief surprised her less than the huge leaps they took to avoid obstacles in their way. Leaps one would consider… unnatural. However, that didn’t deter Ventress from her hot pursuit. That money was sacred. She was not going to allow them to get lost so easily. The chase led them into the dense jungle that surrounded the city and even though Ventress was quickly gaining ground, the leaps that girl took gave her ample advantage.

She would have made a clear escape, had not Ventress seen an outcrop of a huge rock next to a river approaching fast. She used her own Force Leap and jumped so high in the air that she landed right in front of the little thief. “Got you…” She hissed.

The girl screeched in terror and spun around in an effort to slip out of her grasp, but Ventress was quicker. She fell on top of the girl, and they rolled several feet before stopping next to the riverbed. The girl tried to kick her, but Asajj pinned her legs down with her knee. Then she grabbed the girl’s hands and ripped the wallet away. “You should be ashamed of yourself. Stealing whilst I was trying to help a poor woman!” She snapped and released the girl.

She stood up panting. “Well, I am poor too!”

“And that gives you an excuse to steal? Get away before I smack you black and blue.” Ventress waved her off as she checked to make sure all the credits were still inside.

Instead of taking her chance to leave, the young girl emptied herself cross legged in front of the river. “I am not going anywhere.”

Ventress placed the wallet in her pocket. “What?” She asked in disbelief.

The girl’s eyes welled up. “If I go home without any credits my father is going to beat the shit out of me.”

Ventress raised her brow. “After chasing you all over the city and into this muddy hellscape I am not in the mood to listen to your sob story.” She turned her back intending to leave when she heard a sniffle. That… stopped her.

“I am not lying Miss.” The girl mumbled.

She turned to her with a scowl.

“Can you at least give me some of those credits? My father lost his job on Yavin 13 and we came here in the hopes of a better future. He had been searching for a job for three months now. We have barely enough food to eat. My baby brother needs milk. My mother cannot make any, since she is always hungry.” The girl wiped her runny nose with the back of her dirty hand.

Ventress pressed her lips. “Nice story. You used the Force to make those leaps back there. You are a Force Sensitive, aren’t you?”

The girl looked up teary eyed. “Yes I am. So what?”

“The Rebellion wouldn’t have allowed the family of a Force Sensitive to starve. They need young people like you to be trained. Find a better story.”

“My family doesn’t want anyone to know I am Force Sensitive Miss. Didn’t you see what happened to all those kids at the Jedi Temple thirteen years ago?” The girl said.

That gave pause to Ventress.

“The Crime Syndicates and the Inquisitors are hunting us. Abductions and death. That is the future for children like me. My parents prefer poverty over that.” The girl shrugged.

Ventress crossed her arms and observed the girl carefully.

The youngling pointed at her sabers. “Are you a Jedi? Is that why you are asking about the Force?”

“I am working independently of any organization. Not that it concerns you. Now run along.” She waved her off and turned to leave again.

“Miss please?” The girl whined.

She stopped and breathed deeply. “Yes?”

“Can you at least give me some credits? So, I can buy milk for my brother?” The girl insisted.

Ventress closed her eyes, biting back every nasty retort that came to her. The familiar voice of Obi Wan spoke in her mind, spreading warmth all over her body. Judge with forgiveness, not with anger…

She gritted her teeth and took out her wallet again. Then she pulled out a couple of credits. “Look kid, I need this money. It is not for me. It is for a greater purpose. It is not even mine. I know I will regret this, but this is all I can spare. Maybe enough for some milk and food.”

The girl rushed to snatch it from her hand. Then bowed deeply. “I am so grateful Miss! Thank you!”

She thought she’d feel regret upon acting in this unfamiliar manner, but there was only silence inside her. The silence she had always yearned for. That made her smile confused. “Alright. Now go.” She commanded.

The girl wavered for a moment before digging at the back of her dirty pants. She pulled out a small piece of paper and placed it in Asajj’s hand.

“What is this?” Ventress frowned taken aback.

“Fulcrum wishes to see you. Come to the place and time that is written on the paper. Good night Miss!” The girl yelled and hurried into the forest.

Ventress gazed lost at the small piece of paper that had a time and some coordinates written on it. Then she placed her hands on her waist and looked towards the seemingly empty jungle around her. A small cunning smile appeared on her lips. “You little rascal.” She murmured.

That was the contact she had been expecting all week. They had found a very interesting way of doing it. Now she had to consider which decision was wiser. Use the remaining credits to get off planet and hunt Krayt alone, or contact this Fulcrum and try to convince them to do it with her?

What do you think I should do my dear Obi Wan? Her mind asked and she closed her eyes. Her countenance softened as she realized that she always kept seeking him out.

In mind if not in heart.