Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Friday

Eddie sighs heavily as a prompt pops up on his screen, asking him to release his spirit. He clicks on the button and the screen gains a blue and grey tint, the ghostly form of his character appearing in a graveyard. That’s the fourth time tonight. This is why he doesn’t usually play without the kidlets. People can be really mean in this game. All he wants to do is the stupid dungeon, and not even for the loot. He wants the story, but there’s a group of people camped outside the entrance, preventing him from being able to get inside. This wouldn’t be a problem if he had the kidlets, because they all have higher-leveled characters to help get Eddie through contested territories.

All right, technically he’s going into Horde territory, but it’s hardly his fault Shadowfang Keep is over there!

He types a message into the world chat, asking if anyone wants to run the dungeon with him, simply to see if he can get any Alliance players to show up to help him just get past the camped Horde players. The dungeon itself won’t be a problem to finish alone, since Eddie is way over-leveled for it, but he can’t even get into it. Not for the first time, he grumbles at the kidlets. When Henderson insisted that Eddie play this game, Eddie immediately wanted to be a Tauren. But nooo. All the kidlets had already maxed out their Horde characters and they wanted to play Alliance, and if they all wanted to play together, he’d have to play Alliance. So now he’s a space goat, clip-clopping around Azeroth. Granted, being a shaman is pretty fun, and he’s enjoying the gameplay and he really likes the lore, but in his experience, no one else cares about the story, instead wanting to rush through dungeons just to get the loot.

Eddie wouldn’t even be playing by himself except there’s a basketball game or something that Sinclair is playing in, and all the kidlets are going to cheer him on. And while Eddie likes them all – willingly DMing their campaigns for years – sitting through a sports event sounds like literal torture.

Frankly, it should be embarrassing that a bunch of high schoolers have higher-level characters than he does, but he’s a grown adult with an actual job. Well, there’s also the fact that he’s only recently gotten a legitimate gaming computer thanks to finally having the money to splurge on such an expense. When Dustin harassed Eddie into playing this game, Eddie only acquiesced because it’s free to play.

And now he’s playing along and staring at the world chat, completely ignored.

Damn it. Eddie starts walking his character back to his body. He’ll try one more time and if he can’t get through to the dungeon, he’s going to log off and go to bed. Or something. He wanders over to where the Horde players are camped, three of them at level 73. Of course Eddie’s level 40 will do nothing against them. Fortunately, right now, he’s dead, so they can’t do anything to him. Eddie waits until the prompt to "resurrect now” pops up on his screen. He walks as far away from the camped players and his corpse as possible, like he has the other three times he died. He clicks the button and starts his character running in the opposite direction, hoping to get out of this stupid situation.

Fortunately, the players don’t follow him, apparently content to just keep him from entering the dungeon at all. Ugh. Eddie just wants the story. He knows it has something to do with the worgen, which was actually his first choice for a character race, but he couldn’t be a shaman worgen, so he went with draenei instead.

A message pops up in the local chat – a whisper directly to Eddie himself. He looks around, but he can’t see who’s speaking to him. Maybe they saw his message in world chat and just directly messaged him about it?

[TheHair] whispers: stay there.

Eddie frowns at his computer screen. He looks around again, still not seeing anything. He looks back towards the camped Horde players and startles when an Alliance player swoops down from the damn sky. He’s got a flying mount! Eddie watches, jaw agape, as this new player utterly demolishes the other players, killing them all in quick succession. As far as Eddie can tell, he didn’t even take damage. Everything happens so quickly that Eddie doesn’t even have time to blink before the character runs over to him.

He’s a human paladin with long golden hair, and the most intense armor set that Eddie has ever seen. The sprite looks like one of the elite NPCs instead of a player.

[TheHair] whispers: want help for the dungeon?

[TheHair] whispers: i can run w/ u

Eddie scrambles for his keyboard, trying to remember how to whisper to someone.

[Ixamos] whispers: YES

[Ixamos] whispers: THANK U SO MUCH

[Ixamos] whispers: those guys killed me 4 times

[TheHair] whispers: yeah, people can be awful

[TheHair] whispers: dont worry, i got u

TheHair, whoever he is, bows and then leads Eddie to the entrance of the dungeon. Before they walk inside, Eddie gets a pop-up inviting him to join a party with TheHair. Eddie accepts immediately and then follows him through the swirling blue mist and inside the dungeon proper. He watches the cut scene, completely invested in the story and what is happening with this keep. When he comes out of it, TheHair is just standing there, waiting patiently.

[Party] [TheHair]: watching the cutscene?

[Party] [Ixamos]: yeah

[Party] [Ixamos]: i like the lore

[Party] [TheHair]: cool

TheHair turns to the right and just starts killing everything in the vicinity. He doesn’t loot anything, but he also doesn’t move from the room until Eddie has gone through everything and looked everywhere. It’s really kind of him, just being calm and patient while Eddie pays attention to all the conversations and all the details the game gives him about the story.

[Party] [TheHair]: if u need me to carry stuff for u, i can

God, this guy is so damn nice. Eddie fumbles at his keyboard to tell him so.

[Party] [Ixamos]: just a regular knight in shining armor

[Party] [TheHair]: im partial to babysitting

Eddie snickers, even though that’s sort of insulting to him as a player. It’s still funny, because Eddie definitely needs the help whenever he can get it. Not that he’s bad at the game, but he grew up poor – video games were a luxury Uncle Wayne couldn’t afford. So this is really the first video game he’s ever played. So, yeah, he needs babysitting, but he’s not self-conscious about it.

[Party] [TheHair]: sry, i didnt mean that in a bad way

[Party] [Ixamos]: its fine

[Party] [Ixamos]: i know im bad

[Party] [TheHair]: ur not bad, just not experienced

[Party] [TheHair]: and u were getting ganked for no reason

God, this man is nice. Well, maybe a man. There’s a distinctive chance TheHair is a woman, though Eddie isn’t going to try to guess one way or the other. At this point, because the sprite is male, Eddie’s just going to use that until proven otherwise.

In any case, TheHair is being genuinely kind, which is a first for Eddie. Most of the time, Eddie plays with the kidlets, so he doesn’t have to interact with anyone else, but on the nights when he’s played alone, he’s run into a lot of assholes. Some people are nice, but it’s usually a short interaction – a warning of Horde players, an offer to trade, an acceptance to help Eddie run a dungeon – and as soon as the required communication is done, the person is gone again. This guy, whoever he is, is actually engaging with Eddie, and he’s being really nice about the whole thing, especially since this is so far below his ability, it’s not even funny.

[Party] [Ixamos]: u rly are a knight in shining armor

[Party] [Ixamos]: here to protect me and my self esteem, lol

[Party] [TheHair]: im not

[Party] [TheHair]: im just a guy

[Party] [Ixamos]: my hero <333

All right, so maybe Eddie shouldn’t be flirting with a stranger on the internet, but sue him. He’s been single for a long time, and he’s allowed to flirt if he wants to. Granted, if TheHair is actually a woman, that would be awkward, since he’s not interested.

Eddie rubs at his eyes. He’s not interested anyway, because this is online and whoever TheHair is, he probably lives across the country or something, and there’s no possible way that anything more than polite flirting will happen. Technically there could be more eventually, but Eddie’s never heard of people actually meeting people they’ve met in an online game. Online dating, sure, but actually having a relationship with someone through World of Warcraft?

Eddie just needs to get laid. This is why he’s just flirting with a random internet stranger.

[Party] [TheHair]: lol

[Party] [TheHair]: i get that one a lot

[Party] [Ixamos]: WHAT?!?

[Party] [Ixamos]: ur seeing other ppl?!

TheHair’s sprite starts laughing, which makes Eddie grin in victory. At least he can get random internet strangers to laugh.

[Party] [TheHair]: ur not the first person ive babysat, no

[Party] [Ixamos]: how dare u

[Party] [Ixamos]: there is NO ONE like me

[Party] [TheHair]: thats true

[Party] [Ixamos]: if u get called a hero all the time, i gotta find something better

[Party] [TheHair]: ???

[Party] [Ixamos]: princess

[Party] [TheHair]: ?????????

[Party] [Ixamos]: yep, ur a pretty, pretty princess

[Party] [TheHair]: ……………….

[Party] [TheHair]: u r so weird

[Party] [Ixamos]: yep

This might be the dumbest conversation Eddie has ever had in his life. For one, he literally doesn’t know a damn thing about the other player. Maybe he’s a guy who takes everything too seriously and is either going to report Eddie or throw a fit, or get all his high-level buddies to come gank Eddie ad nauseum for Eddie daring to make a joke. Still, Eddie’s a shithead, and he knows it. If TheHair doesn’t like the pet name, he can fuck off. Eddie’s having fun either way.

Eddie gets distracted as they walk into the next room, where another conversation happens.

[Party] [Ixamos]: IVAR BLOODFANG!

[Party] [Ixamos]: hes so cool

Eddie probably sounds like a total moron at the moment, thanks entirely to being too excited about lore.

[Party] [TheHair]: yeah, he is

Eddie blinks. Apparently, TheHair likes the story, too. Well, that’s cool. Eddie doesn’t feel so alone in this endeavor. Eddie watches the rest of the conversation and then turns towards TheHair.

[Party] [TheHair]: all right, o wise one

[Party] [TheHair]: ready to move on?

[Party] [Ixamos]: yes, princess

Eddie’s gut flips upside down at the endearment. He has no idea why he cares, since TheHair is still a stranger, but it… it feels really nice. Intimate, almost. Since it’s just the two of them in this dungeon, TheHair is only saying it for Eddie. And he hasn’t asked Eddie to stop the “princess” bit. So, he must like it. Or he’s just committing to the bit. Either way, Eddie’s sort of in love already. A guy who’s genuinely nice in a game that Eddie really enjoys playing – despite all his complaining about it – who has accepted Eddie’s form of flirting and, without batting an eye, gave Eddie his own endearment.

It’s… unexpected. But really, really nice.

Eddie follows TheHair into the next room, and the next, and the next, following behind and picking up all the loot as TheHair stands guard in the doorways. And, since Eddie doesn’t actually get a chance to do anything, he just keeps flirting in chat. It’s probably a bad idea, and TheHair is probably never going to want to interact with him again, but this guy is just so damn nice, and it’s been too long since Eddie’s met anyone nice.

[Party] [Ixamos]: wow, ur so good at killing things

[Party] [Ixamos]: awwww, thnx for the loot, princess

[Party] [Ixamos]: ur so pretty when u save me from enemies

[Party] [Ixamos]: PRINCESS <33333

They make it all the way through the dungeon, TheHair standing over the glittering corpse of Archmage Arugal and waiting patiently for Eddie to gather what he wants. At one point, TheHair stops in place and starts crafting, right there in the middle of the dungeon. And then Eddie gets a pop-up asking to trade. And then he gets a bag from TheHair, helpfully with more slots than any other bag Eddie’s ever had. Now, Eddie’s bags are almost full to bursting, and it’s thanks entirely to TheHair.

[Party] [Ixamos]: im completely in luv w/ u

[Party] [TheHair]: i get that a lot

[Party] [Ixamos]: not from me, princess

[Party] [Ixamos]: im special

Eddie bows to TheHair, knowing that he’s not ever going to see this player again. The world is too wide, and the requisite interaction is over. The dungeon is done, and TheHair has done his due babysitting. And this is also why Eddie just knows an actual relationship will never work through a video game. Ah well. It was fun while it lasted.

[Party] [TheHair]: yes, u are, o wise one

[Party] [TheHair]: any other dungeons u need 2 do?

Eddie stares at the screen, heart in his throat. Yeah, he’s enjoying playing with TheHair, but he didn’t think he would get to experience anything more with this guy.

[Party] [TheHair]: but only if u want to

[Party] [Ixamos]: my princess… still taking care of me

[Party] [TheHair]: of course

[Party] [TheHair]: gotta take care of my wise one

Yeah. Eddie is definitely in love already.

Eddie plays for hours with TheHair, flirting incessantly, because why the fuck not? And, inexplicably, TheHair flirts back. Eddie has no idea who this guy is, but he has a sarcastic sense of humor that meshes perfectly with Eddie’s. And he’s still overwhelmingly patient and kind. Every dungeon, every questline, every little thing that Eddie needs or wants to get done, TheHair just follows along without hesitation or complaint. TheHair kills anything that even thinks about doing harm to Eddie, waiting calmly while Eddie loots, and making sure Eddie gets to have the time to read through all the quests, to listen to all the dialogue, to gather all the lore. And, when Eddie realizes it’s past midnight and he’s going to be miserable at work unless he goes to bed immediately, TheHair waves him off with a “sleep well, o wise one”.

Eddie likes it all too much, considering he’s never going to see the man again.

Saturday

“You played without us?!” Dustin yells in affront.

Eddie looks over his DM screen, eyeing all the teenagers settled around the table. He’s only got the boys today, because the girls decided that they wanted to go shopping at the mall or something. “I am a grown adult. I am allowed to play games without you.”

Dustin huffs out an irritated breath. “But we introduced you to the game! And we’re supposed to be leveling together!”

Eddie props his chin on his palm, more amused than anything else. “Then why are you all five levels higher than me?”

Dustin opens his mouth, realizes that he’s not about to win this argument, and decides, as usual, to go even more on the offensive. “We can’t make sure that you get the full, immersive experience if you run off without us!”

“Don’t you like playing with us?” Will asks, pulling his binder out of his backpack.

“Yes. But I also just like playing the game,” Eddie tells him. “Do you think this is the only D and D game that I run?”

“You DM other campaigns?!” Mike asks, mortally offended.

Eddie loves these absolute morons, he really does. But they can be so aggressively dense. He holds his arms out to encompass the whole room around them. “I own a game store. Not only do I run other D and D games, but I’m also playing in one right now. To say nothing of the Magic the Gathering decks I have, or the Yu-gi-oh tournaments I run. Contrary to popular belief, my life does not run around your personal interests.”

“Why do we even play WoW with you if you’re just going to run around without us?” Lucas asks the other kidlets, content to ignore Eddie’s very good argument.

“You are all on your third or fourth characters each,” Eddie reminds them.

“Yeah, but these characters were supposed to be with you,” Dustin retorts.

“Then why are you all five levels above me?” Eddie repeats the question.

None of them have an answer, because they absolutely play without him. Eddie doesn’t mind. He’s a grown adult and can play video games on his own.

“Well, how did you even get to Shadowfang Keep anyway?” Mike demands. “Horde players usually camp outside the entrance to gank anyone Alliance who wants to do that dungeon.”

“I noticed,” Eddie replies, mildly. “I got some help. A max-level paladin swooped in and walked me through the dungeon.”

“Really?!” All four boys perk up with interest.

“What’s his name?” Will asks.

“The Hair.”

Eddie feels like he’s in a fishbowl when four pairs of eyes stare at him, jaws agape.

“You met The Hair?!” Dustin all but shrieks.

“What’s he like?” Lucas demands.

“I can’t believe after all our years of playing you got to meet him!” Mike complains.

“That’s so cool!” Will bounces in his seat. “What was his equipment like?!”

Eddie gets overwhelmed by the four all demanding answers and explanations. He just sits there, silently waiting for them to wind down. It takes a few minutes, but eventually they all shut up. Mostly.

“I can’t believe you. You don’t play with us for one night and you get to meet The Hair!” Dustin whines.

“First of all,” Eddie begins, “I play without you four all the time.”

His words are apparently the equivalent of a bomb going off, because all four begin shrieking at him again. Once again, Eddie just waits for them to calm their shit. It takes longer this time.

“Secondly, he was very nice.”

Even Will rolls his eyes at Eddie. “Yeah, we know The Hair is nice. Everyone knows he’s nice.”

“I can’t believe you got The Hair to run you through Shadowfang Keep,” Lucas mutters.

“I don’t understand,” Eddie admits, “who is The Hair?”

“He’s only the coolest, most powerful, most awesome player in all of World of Warcraft,” Mike reports, almost irritated that Eddie does not know this.

“Guys, remember, I’ve only been playing for a couple months,” Eddie reminds them, “so I don't know all your fancy lore yet.”

“The Hair isn’t lore,” Will mutters, “he’s a legend.”

“He’s an Alliance hero,” Lucas adds. “He’s done every single thing in the game like ten times over.”

Eddie loves these kids, but seriously, they have to work on their ability to explain anything in a way that makes sense.

“Wait, is this guy why you four always chant ‘hair’ into chat three times before entering a dungeon or raid?” Eddie asks.

“Yes!” All four boys chorus, looking at him with mild irritation.

Eddie holds his hands up in surrender. “So… he’s a really good player?”

The sigh that Dustin lets out is so disappointed that Eddie almost apologizes, even though it’s not his fault the kids never explained anything to him. “The Hair is more than a player. He’s a good luck charm. Every raid he does is successful. If you’re lucky enough to have a raid with The Hair involved, you’re going to get the best drops of your life that raid.”

“He’s huge,” Will adds, “everyone knows about The Hair.”

“He’s got like a dozen guilds worshipping him,” Mike agrees, nodding solemnly.

“The Hair Fan Club, Followers of The Hair, The Hair’s Greatest Hits, We Love The Hair,” Lucas lists off. He shrugs. “If you chant ‘hair’ into chat before a dungeon or raid, it gives you better drops. Not always perfect drops, because that only happens when he’s in your raid, but better than if you don’t.”

Eddie listens to the four wax poetic about this guy for another ten minutes, silently trying to put the picture they’re painting together with what he knows of having met the man. None of the kidlets have ever had their raids graced with the arrival of TheHair, and they’re all disappointed about it, but they all know someone who knows someone who has been blessed by TheHair’s luck, so they are devout believers in the Cult of The Hair – which is also apparently its own guild as well. The guy didn’t seem to be a WoW cryptid when Eddie was flirting incessantly with him, but to be fair, Eddie pays very little attention to the social side of the game, preferring to focus on the story.

“Well, I’m probably never going to see him again. So, shall we continue your campaign or do you want to just talk about how much you love this guy you’ve never met before for the rest of our time here?” Eddie asks.

Well, he successfully offended the children into focusing on D&D, which isn’t much, but at least it’s something he’s actually good at.

Sunday

The next time Eddie logs onto the WoW server, he sees a little envelope icon on his minimap. He has no idea who is sending him mail. It might be from one of the kidlets. Eddie hovers his mouse over the envelope and it tells him the message is from TheHair.

Huh. Eddie has no idea why the man is sending him anything at all, but he’s not about to argue. Eddie is going to have to go to the postbox to find out what was sent, but he already knows the kids are going to lose their collective shit when they learn Eddie is receiving stuff from TheHair himself. They’re all busy at the moment, but they’re going to join him later, and when they hear about this, they’re going to freak out.

Eddie opens the message with only a little trepidation.

O Wise One – I found some stuff that might help you out. Use it, or not. Whatever is best for your build. Oh, and let me know when you want to run Firelands, and I can babysit you through it. Can’t be leaving my wise one without protection. – Princess

Oh. Oh, no. Eddie really is in love with the guy already.

Attached to the letter is a ton of gold and a slew of equipment, some of it is a little higher than Eddie’s current level, but all of it is better than what he’s using. He happily swaps the better equipment on. Then, because he’s actually a masochist, figures out how to write and send a letter back. He doesn’t have any money or equipment that would be of any use to someone like TheHair, but he can at least show his appreciation.

My darling princess graces me with gifts that I am unworthy of! Thank you so much. I really appreciate you running me through stuff and saving my butt from higher-level players. I will let you know when I am ready for Firelands, but I’m pretty sure I’d die if I tried that now. Thanks again, princess. – The Wisest of Ones

Eddie sends that note away with the dumbest grin on his face. And then he goes through his quest log, trying to decide what he’s going to do while he waits for the kidlets to get online. He could run over to the Badlands to try to get some levels, and hope that there’s not too many Horde players lurking around…

[TheHair] whispers: what are u up to, o wise one?

Eddie’s heart stops in his chest and he can’t help the semi-hysterical giggle that bubbles out of his chest. He quickly types a message back.

[Ixamos] whispers: trying 2 decide what 2 do

[TheHair] whispers: i can run w/ u

[TheHair] whispers: if u want

[Ixamos] whispers: i would love nothing more, princess <333

Eddie waits for TheHair to add him to a party and then tries not to lose his damn mind that he’s getting another opportunity to play with his new favorite person.

[Party] [TheHair]: do u want 2 voice chat?

[Party] [TheHair]: its easier than typing

Voice chat? Eddie is going to get to hear TheHair speak?! 

[Party] [Ixamos]: YES

[Party] [Ixamos]: so… how do i do that?

[Party] [TheHair]: lol

Eddie fumbles for the headset that Dustin insisted he get, while TheHair types out instructions for Eddie to follow in order to set up a party voice chat. It takes a few minutes, and in that time, TheHair’s character shows up, standing next to Eddie’s character patiently. As Eddie is scrolling through the options and double-checking that his microphone even works, he realizes that a crowd is gathering around where they’re standing. A similar thing happened the other night while they were playing, but Eddie didn’t think it had anything to do with them.

Now, he can see people bowing and in the local chat people are losing their absolute shit, fawning and begging for a scrap of TheHair’s attention. It’s kind of overwhelming. And somehow, TheHair can just ignore all of it for the sake of paying attention to Eddie.

Being more interesting than a literal crowd of fans gives Eddie butterflies.

“Can you hear me?”

The velvet tones of TheHair’s voice wrap around Eddie like a soft blanket. Oh, fuck. TheHair is a guy. And his voice is gorgeous. Eddie swallows tightly, trying to keep his voice from cracking, because he was already in love and now he’s utterly smitten.

“Yes! Can you hear me?”

TheHair chuckles and that is problematic for Eddie’s sanity. First of all, he’s nice. And then, he’s generous. And he also is funny and smart. And now he’s got the voice of a god. And him laughing in Eddie’s ears is going to do things to Eddie that are highly embarrassing for a man of his age.

“Yeah, I can hear you, wise one.”

Oh. Oh, no. That is fond amusement in TheHair’s voice! This is the worst thing to ever happen to Eddie ever in his life.

“Good god, could you possibly be less sexy, princess?”

Yeah. Eddie’s an idiot. Why would he say that to a literal stranger? A stranger who is apparently a cryptid of this godforsaken game.

TheHair laughs again. “You first.”

Eddie drops his head onto his desk with a groan. This man is too gorgeous for words and Eddie knows exactly nothing about him. “Seriously. You’re going to kill me.”

“Don’t die. Then who would I have to babysit?”

“Literally any of your adoring fans,” Eddie replies, sitting upright. “Look around, princess, your crowd loves you.”

He sees TheHair turn around, watches the way the other players lose their damn minds about it, witnesses the things people yell – things that span the spectrum of appropriate and adoring to aggressive innuendos to blatant remarks that would get them banned from the servers entirely if they got reported. It’s… really disgusting actually. Eddie wonders why TheHair even likes playing the game when he’s treated like public property. Eddie got ganked by Horde players just for existing, but TheHair has it worse. He’s loathed by the Horde because he’s good at the game, and he’s ogled like fresh meat by the Alliance.

Eddie is not about to add to the pile.

“And yet none of them compare to the sheer love and affection I have for you, as the one you have to hard carry through easy dungeons,” Eddie adds, trying to change the topic. “Speaking of that, what did you want to do this fine evening?”

“Whatever you want to do,” TheHair says, voice a little on edge. “Hey, I’ll be right back.”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Eddie mutters.

“I do want to,” TheHair interrupts him, “I just don’t think we need to have an audience.”

“I was going to run over to the Badlands,” Eddie tells him.

“I’ll meet you there, wise one.”

TheHair’s sprite runs off, the mob of people following diligently behind him.

Eddie melts in his seat. Fucking hell, TheHair is too much for his poor brain to handle. Eddie wanders over to the flight master to catch a griffon over to the Badlands, ignoring the few players who stayed behind probably to figure out who he is. He starts running around, muttering to himself the way he always does.

“Why are there so many earth elementals?”

“Die, ye ogre.”

“A-ha! Take that!”

“Oooh, loot.”

“Oh my god, you’re so cute.”

Eddie shrieks, all but falling out of his chair as TheHair’s voice comes out of fucking nowhere. “Fuck me, princess, are you trying to give me a heart attack?!”

“You’re too young for a heart attack.”

Eddie looks up to see TheHair on his flying mount. He can hear the smile in the man’s voice. “I’m thirty-one, thank you very much. I will be thirty-two in six months.”

“Still too young for a heart attack,” TheHair replies.

“As opposed to you, oh high and mighty one?” Eddie asks.

TheHair laughs. “I’m thirty.”

Jesus fucking Christ, and the man is actually Eddie’s age. Eddie should really stop talking to this guy. Immediately. He’s getting unduly attached to a guy who probably lives across the country. He’s got to stop. He should go out one night, to a bar or something, pick up a cute guy, and get his rocks off, because he shouldn’t be falling in love with a guy on World of Warcraft!

“Mmm sexy age, princess.”

But apparently Eddie is a moron, who just has to flirt.

TheHair keeps laughing, the sound lighting Eddie up from the inside out. “We’re the same age!”

“So, I know what I’m talking about.”

“You really are so damn cute,” TheHair replies.

Eddie’s face starts to burn. It doesn’t make any sense, though. He’s been flirted with by attractive guys before. He even did one of those online dating websites once as a dare from Chrissy, so he’s even gotten compliments and flirty comments from strangers on the internet before. Something about TheHair is different, earnest and real in a way that Eddie hasn’t really experienced before.

“Well, you get to have the fun job of babysitting a newbie,” Eddie tries to change the subject because he really has no idea how to handle whatever the hell is happening right now. “Aren’t you lucky?”

“I am,” TheHair agrees. “I get to follow your cute butt around and listen to you talk to the enemies and get excited over loot.”

“And I get to have my own knight in shining armor protect me from anyone who would do me harm,” Eddie flirts right back, because he just cannot help himself. “Seriously, princess, you should strike a heroic pose or something whenever you rescue my dumb ass.”

“Seriously, you’re doing really well,” TheHair argues. “I’ve helped a few players with this game, and you’re doing awesome. Especially since you’re into the story. A lot of people start playing and then give up on the lore really fast in favor of running dungeons and raids and leveling up.”

“Oh, voice chat with all your adoring protégés?” Eddie asks, because he is actually a masochist.

“No. Just my wise one.” TheHair says the words with just a hint of self-consciousness, like he’s not sure how Eddie’s going to take the reveal. Silly man, Eddie is already planning their wedding.

“You mean I am the only one lucky enough to experience my sweet princess in all his gorgeousness?!” Eddie gasps, trying to get another laugh out of TheHair.

He succeeds, TheHair’s bright giggles infecting Eddie until his face hurts with his grin.

“You’re so weird.”

Eddie laughs. “Yes, I am. But not too weird, right?”

TheHair hums. “No. Exactly the right kind of weird.”

Eddie feels like he could fucking fly at the compliment.

“Anyway, I’m sorry about the people earlier. I usually don’t stop in one place for too long, or I attract a crowd.” TheHair sounds chagrined. “I hope no one bothered you.”

“Nope. Why do you get followed around anyway? Like, I know you’re max level, but that’s a little creepy.” Okay, so maybe Eddie has already gotten the scoop from the kidlets, but TheHair doesn’t need to feel any more self-conscious about his popularity than he obviously already is.

“You don’t know?”

“I know that people chant ‘hair’ into chat before going into a raid or a dungeon,” Eddie says, honestly. “But you’re just a guy, right? Like you’re not one of the devs or anything, right?”

TheHair huffs out an incredulous breath, like he can’t believe Eddie doesn’t know. “You’re a lore whore, wise one, and you don’t know about me?”

“You’re in the lore?”

“No, I…” TheHair sighs heavily. “No, I’m just… I’ve been playing since the game came out. A few of my early raids were really lucky, and we all got the best drops. And then one raid went viral. Some idiot ran off before the group was ready and I had to hard-carry the whole raid. Managed to win by the skin of our teeth, but I became a sort of legend after that. Technically, you can get ‘Hair’ as a title in the game, now, if you get a certain achievement.”

“Well, I’ve only been playing the game for two months,” Eddie tells him, “and there’s a lot of story. Besides, my character is barely leveled enough for raids at this point. So, no, I didn’t know about any of that.”

“I…” TheHair sighs again. “I kinda hoped that, after last time. When we played, I… I got the feeling that you thought of me as just another player. It’s really nice. Just being a person again.”

Eddie chews on that for a moment. “But you aren’t just a person.” He can hear TheHair suck in a breath, probably about to duck out as quickly as possible, afraid that Eddie is another adoring fan. Which, to be fair, Eddie absolutely is, but not for the raid stuff. “You’re my pretty, pretty princess. And I would like to run around and get levels, if you don’t mind.”

TheHair huffs out a surprised laugh. “As you wish, oh wise one.”

Eddie runs around the Badlands with TheHair for a while, flirting incessantly, because he really cannot help himself, and falling more and more in love with the guy behind the computer screen every passing second. Eddie refuses outright to talk about TheHair’s cryptid status or the fact that sometimes, when they stop for too long, Eddie can see other players starting to gather. He tries to keep their long stops outside main hubs to avoid the crowds. TheHair is just as patient and kind and charming as he was over chat, but now Eddie can hear his laughter, can experience the sarcasm firsthand, and Eddie might not know a damn thing about this man, but he wants to sink to his knees to ruin him.

Okay, maybe he’s just horny.

“Shit. I’ve gotta go, wise one,” TheHair says, sounding full of regret.

“No! My princess abandons me to my fate!” Eddie replies, making TheHair chuckle.

“No, it’s my roommate. She’s back with her girlfriend. I have no intention of being forced to third-wheel because they just can’t keep their hands off each other.”

“Good luck,” Eddie replies.

“Hey, when are you going to play next?”

Eddie’s heart flips in his chest. “Probably tomorrow night.”

He can hear TheHair smile. “See you tomorrow night, wise one.”

And then TheHair is gone. Eddie sighs and drops his face onto his desk again, breathing hard. Somehow, he came out of this interaction not like a complete moron while also having the biggest crush known to mankind on an actual stranger.

God, he’s so fucking weird.

When Eddie finally looks up at his screen, he can see Dustin’s sprite jumping up and down in front of him, yelling at Eddie to pay attention to him. The other three boys are not far behind, and they all excitedly start spamming chat, which, as usual, gets overwhelming quickly.

[Ixamos]: hey, can we voice chat instead?

It takes the boys approximately ten seconds to get everyone in a party and then Eddie gets the dulcet tones of four teenagers screaming in his ear. Okay, maybe voice chat was a mistake.

“How do you know about voice chat?!” Mike yells.

“We haven’t taught you that, yet!” Lucas adds.

“TheHair taught me,” Eddie admits. “He was just on, helping me level.”

The outraged shrieking from the four boys is absolutely worth it.

Chapter Text

Wednesday

Eddie’s listening to the plan. Really. He promises. It’s just… hard to focus when TheHair is being so damn confident and attractive, giving out orders without sounding rude or patronizing or anything. When he first arrived at the raid, he felt entirely out of place, a large group of people already waiting. He’s only here right now because TheHair said that he would be here. Several people were already chanting ‘hair’ both into chat and with their voices as they waited for the raid to fill up.

And then in world chat, TheHair’s name comes up, declaring that he is going to do the Firelands raid.

Eddie got to witness in real time as all the players around him lost their collective minds. TheHair swoops in like the knight in shining armor he is, and is immediately in charge, without saying a word.

He’s been looking around at the make-up of the group and giving out orders ever since. It’s pretty damn hot. TheHair refers to everyone by their screen name without even stumbling over the odder pronunciations. And then he looks at Eddie, the only one without a job.

“Stick with me, wise one.”

All right, so Eddie would like to actually do things in the raid, but he’s also grateful that TheHair is looking out for him and will make sure he’s not killed or left behind.

“All right, this is an immersion run,” TheHair declares, “so no running forward until cutscenes and conversations are finished. We want everyone to have a good time.”

Every time Eddie thinks he might have a handle on his entirely undue crush, considering they’ve only been playing together every night for the last three nights, TheHair goes and does something like that, being sweet just because he can. And, the best part is, he just made the decision without Eddie having to ask, so no one is going to blame Eddie for slowing the raid down. Besides, no one is going to argue with TheHair.

Eddie sticks by TheHair as best he can, but the guy is leading the raid, so he keeps running forward to protect everyone as best he can. Eddie does his best to fight enemies when he can and pay attention to the story as it goes by, but he’s constantly distracted by TheHair wandering around, checking on everyone in the group. The raid itself takes longer than Eddie anticipated, but somehow, no one has died by the time they get to Firelord Ragnaros.

Eddie hears the murmurs of the other players, admiring TheHair and his confidence, the same way Eddie himself is. He hears one or two comments about himself, about why TheHair is babysitting him of all people, but no one confronts Eddie about it, and no one says it loud enough to distract TheHair from leading them through the raid. Eddie doesn’t speak until TheHair checks on him specifically, because he knows he doesn’t have anything of value to add and he doesn’t want to bog down the chat.

TheHair stands over the dead boss, making sure the loot is managed in a fair way so that the lower leveled players have a chance to get better gear before the upper level players just scrounge around. And when everything is said and done, the other players bow to TheHair, thanking him for a successful and amazing raid – apparently someone got the rarest loot drop, but Eddie wasn’t paying attention to that part – before running off to their own corners of Azeroth.

Eventually, it’s just Eddie and TheHair.

“God, you’re gorgeous.” The words fall out of Eddie’s mouth before he can stop himself.

TheHair clears his throat, and Eddie knows he just crossed a line, so now TheHair is never going to speak to him again and his life is over thanks to his dumb fucking mouth.

“Thanks, wise one,” TheHair says, “but you don’t even know what I look like.”

“Gorgeous isn’t physical, it’s a state of being,” Eddie replies, because he apparently has to dig the hole deeper.

“Is that so?” TheHair chuckles.

“Yep.”

“Then, you must be the most gorgeous man in all of Azeroth.”

Eddie’s whole face feels like it’s on fire. It’s one thing to flirt with TheHair like a complete dumbass. It’s quite another to have TheHair flirting back! And yeah, he’s been flirting, but every time he does it short-circuits Eddie’s brain. All of the responses that Eddie can think of are nothing short of pornographic, because he’s actually a whore, so he chews on his lip, mind struggling to come up with anything to say.

“Finally got my wise one speechless, I see,” TheHair teases.

“I’m trying to think of a response that won’t get me banned,” Eddie complains.

“Oh?”

No. No! Eddie is not going to give in to the blatant challenge from TheHair. Especially not when the temptation to say something utterly debauched is almost overwhelming him.

“Don’t want to scare my princess off,” Eddie says, instead.

“I doubt you could if you tried.”

Eddie swoons on his desk.

“Shit. Sorry, wise one, I’ve got to run.” TheHair sounds more than a little upset about that fact. “I forgot I’ve got babysitting duties tonight.”

“You do like babysitting,” Eddie reminds him.

TheHair laughs. “Yeah, but not when I’ve got my wise one to handle.”

“Go. Have fun with the children.”

“They’re teenagers,” TheHair corrects, “and it’s a favor for my roommate’s girlfriend, because she’s supposed to be watching them tonight.”

“If they’re teenagers, why do they need to be babysat?” Eddie asks.

“Because when these idiots get together, they will absolutely run off and almost end the world.”

Eddie shrugs, though TheHair cannot see him. “Fair enough. Well, until tomorrow, my sweet princess!”

“Bye, wise one.”

Every single time TheHair signs off, Eddie slumps at his desk, mind replaying the whole evening as he moons over this literal stranger.

This crush is becoming a serious problem.

Thursday

“How come you keep playing without us?” Dustin asks.

Eddie finishes looting the boar and turns to Dustin’s character. “What?”

“You’re a higher level than us,” Will points out.

“You must be playing every night or something,” Lucas adds.

“Then get on my level, newbies,” Eddie teases, knowing it’ll be like dropping a bomb on the idiots.

He’s right, because they all start complaining and yelling at him, offended because they have school and homework and then the other night they couldn’t play because none of their parents trust them to be alone, so they had to get babysat, which is just offensive on every level, because they’re teenagers!

Eddie listens to them rant. It’s pretty funny. It’s why he occasionally makes comments to rile them up just for the pure entertainment value.

“Well, since you’re so good at this game now, we can do some higher raids!” Dustin says, both sarcastic and excited at the same time.

“Yeah, I ran Firelands a couple nights ago,” Eddie agrees.

“Did you chant ‘hair’ like you’re supposed to?” Mike demands.

“No.” Eddie refuses because it’s fucking weird and also TheHair is, at the very least, a friend.

All four kidlets start groaning.

“He showed up anyway.”

The shocked silence lasts for approximately two seconds and then they’re screaming at him again.

Eddie has no intention of telling them that TheHair seeks him out on purpose, that he and TheHair have agreed on times and places to meet up to run around together, that he’s in love with the guy. First of all, he’d probably give all four of them aneurysms. Secondly, they’d get mad at him for not introducing them to the man, the myth, the legend – TheHair himself! And thirdly, but most importantly, TheHair is his friend. And Eddie isn’t about to sic a bunch of adoring fans on the guy. Not on purpose anyway.

“Are you gonna whine all night or are we gonna quest?” Eddie says, when they start winding themselves down.

“How are you so lucky?!” Mike complains.

“We’ve played for years and never met him,” Will adds.

“Two months and you get him three times!” Lucas grumbles.

Dustin then goes off on a tangent about how unfair life is and woe is him for having never been graced by TheHair, and yet their young grasshopper has been blessed by the WoW gods to have multiple interactions with TheHair in one week! It’s a pretty impressive monologue, Eddie cannot lie, but it does put a damper on his mood. The kidlets don’t know, they can’t possibly know, but it’s upsetting to have put TheHair up on such a pedestal when all he wants to do is just play the game and enjoy himself.

Eddie bites his tongue, because the last thing he needs to do is get involved in an argument with the teenagers, especially because that would reveal his friendship with TheHair and all the four idiots would take away from that conversation is that they need to bother Eddie incessantly about meeting TheHair, rather than the fact that they need to stop treating TheHair like a god of the game.

“If you four don’t want to play, we can always just run some of your campaign instead,” Eddie suggests, offending all of them at once.

Well, at least it gets them to focus on the video game and not TheHair.

Thursday

TheHairWatch is pretty fucking creepy, if Eddie says so himself. It would probably be less creepy if anyone in the guild actually talked to TheHair ever, but they don’t. No, they just lurk around Azeroth, and when one of them spots TheHair, they make a mass announcement on the world chat. There’s even a website keeping track of TheHair’s movements in the game. They’re actually pretty accurate most of the time, but there are times, like now, where they are just completely off the mark.

“Did you know that you’re apparently in Silithus right now?” Eddie asks aloud.

“Oh my god, I thought we agreed not to look at world chat!” KingS, previously known as TheHair, whines. It’s a pretty cute whine, Eddie’s not gonna lie.

It only took two days of playing together before KingS showed up in front of Eddie’s character. In a whisper, he called Eddie “my wise one” and then they partied up and started a voice chat, which is when Eddie learned that this man has a few secondary characters that he uses when he wants to be invisible in the game. KingS is also max level, also a paladin, because apparently this guy has a type, but this character is a draenei instead, matching the aesthetics of Eddie’s shaman. And now, it’s been a full week of playing together every single night, because Eddie is utterly hopeless.

“I’m just saying! It’s all the times that they’re blatantly wrong which takes the scenario from creepy to kind of funny, in a creepy way.”

“It’s just creepy!” KingS whines.

“Why don’t you delete the character then?” Eddie asks. “Or just stop playing him ever. You have other max level paladins to run around in.”

“Well, sometimes it is fun. Being so popular and stuff. And whenever I enter a raid, people shut up and listen to me. And not everyone is creepy, just a select few. A lot of people are just really nice.”

“No one is nicer than me,” Eddie declares, “for I am the favorite protégé of the most gorgeous man in all of Azeroth.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” KingS mutters.

“I hope you’re blushing, princess,” Eddie tells him, “I bet you’re so cute when you blush.”

“Only for you, wise one.” KingS clears his throat. “So, you wanted to run through which dungeon tonight?”

“Nope. You’re not changing the subject!” Eddie decides. “Are you blushing?”

KingS lets out a groan that has Eddie thinking all sorts of inappropriate thoughts. “No.”

Eddie grins. “You are! Oh, I bet you’re fucking cute. I would do so much to get a blush out of you.”

“You don’t even know what I look like,” KingS protests.

“So? I can imagine. I have a very good imagination.”

“Well, imagine the blush I’d have if we were in person.”

Eddie chokes, because he has imagined that. Many, many times. In many, many situations. All right, that’s a lie. In one situation, specifically, but Eddie is not about to admit that aloud to anyone ever, but most especially not the guy he’s been fantasizing about fucking for over a week.

“Sorry, what?”

KingS chuckles, the sound dark and sensual in a way that Eddie has heard time and time again, but never put together until just this moment was another sign of flirting from the other man. “I’m just saying: you have a mental image of me, and it’s probably wrong.”

“My mental image of you is a golden Adonis with long, flowing hair and big, beautiful eyes, looking like a god of sex come to life.”

Wait. Shit. Eddie wasn’t supposed to say any of that! Especially not to the guy he’s in love with!

KingS starts giggling incessantly, the sound making warmth well up in Eddie’s gut. “That’s not me at all!”

“Well, it’s impolite to ask a princess what he looks like,” Eddie replies, sniffing haughtily to get KingS to giggle some more. It works and Eddie grins to himself.

“What does a god of sex even look like?” KingS asks.

“You,” Eddie replies without missing a beat.

“Oh my god, could you stop being charming for one second?” KingS whines.

“Nope.”

“Fuck…” KingS murmurs, under his breath. Eddie is certain he wasn’t supposed to hear that, but he can’t just not hear it either.

“What’s up, princess?”

“Hmm? Nothing, just… had a thought.”

Now Eddie is even more curious. “What thought?”

KingS hums for a moment, trying to decide if he’s going to answer. “I want to kiss you.”

The squeak Eddie makes cannot be heard by anything other than dogs, and heat rushes over his face as his heart stutters to a stop in his chest.

KingS lets out a nervous laugh and the next words spill out of his mouth in a rush, “but, that’s insane, right? After all, we’re online, and it’s not like you’d want me to even if we were in the same room.”

“I’d want you to!” Eddie blurts out, like a moron.

KingS falls silent for a long moment before his voice comes out soft and full of hope, “...really?”

A semi-hysterical giggle bursts out of Eddie’s chest. “Oh my god, princess, you’re a moron.”

“Uh… what?”

Eddie waves his hands around emphatically even though he knows KingS can’t see him. “I’ve been flirting with you since we met! And you think I don’t want to kiss you? Jesus fucking Christ, I’ve been masturbating to your voice for a week now!” God damn it. Eddie needs to stop letting his mouth run away from him. He rushes to blabber on, hoping against hope that KingS glosses over the absolutely disaster of a Freudian slip Eddie just had. “I mean, come on, princess, I’ve been following you around like a puppy in every dungeon we’ve done since we met. And I don’t know how often you get pet names, but you let me call you ‘princess’ upon meeting me. That, in particular, should tell you how pitiful I am for you. Besides, I was really nervous when we first met that you might’ve been a woman, because I was flirting with you, yeah, but I am horrendously gay, and that wouldn’t’ve gone well if you weren’t a guy.”

“Breathe, my wise one,” KingS gets out through his chuckles. “I let you call me ‘princess’ because I like it. I like you. Talking to you, playing games with you, listening to you bitch about your loot drops, laughing with you… hearing you call me your princess is just… I really like it.”

This is probably the stupidest conversation Eddie’s ever had in his life. “Well… I’m glad I didn’t run you off with my antics.”

“No. The opposite, actually.”

Eddie melts onto his desk. “God, you’re so fucking charming. It’s unreal. How are you so charming?!”

“Me?!” KingS sounds offended. “You’re the one with the sexy voice and infectious laugh and gorgeous giggles and sarcastic jokes!”

Eddie thinks he must be dreaming, because there’s no way that a man as kind and sweet and funny as this one is as obsessed with him as he is with them. It’s just not possible.

“I am already in love with you, you don’t have to keep flirting with me!” Eddie complains loudly and then, under his breath, “I’m obsessed with a guy and I don’t even know his name.”

“Steve.”

Eddie stops breathing.

“My name is Steve.”

“Hi, Steve,” Eddie barely gets the words out before he starts giggling helplessly into the top of his desk.

“Oh my god, you’re so cute,” Steve sounds almost disgusted by this new information. It’s really fucking adorable.

“King S!” Eddie realizes aloud. “King Steve!”

“Yeah?” Steve sounds confused. “What did you think it meant?”

“I thought you just capitalized ‘kings’ weird!”

Steve bursts out laughing. “No, it’s… a nickname I had in high school.”

“King Steve,” Eddie repeats, softly. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you. My name is Eddie.”

Steve lets out a semi-hysterical giggle that Eddie wants to devour. “The pleasure is all mine, Eddie.”

Good god, Steve needs to never say Eddie’s name ever again.

“I’m sure it is.”

Steve chuckles again. “So, now that you know my name, are you gonna tell me about these fantasies you’ve had where I am the focal point?”

Eddie regrets ever picking up this stupid game. “No.”

Steve laughs, the sound bright and delighted. “Aww, why not, wise one? I thought you liked my voice.”

“I do. Too much,” Eddie admits, under his breath.

Before Steve can respond, Eddie hears a crash over the line.

“Steve? You okay?”

Steve swears. “Yeah. My roommate is a colossal bitch!”

“Shut up! I need to speak to this guy you’re obsessed with!” A female voice comes across the line, muffled but intelligible.

“Absolutely the fuck not!”

Steve disconnects from the game before Eddie can hear another word.

Eddie once again collapses on his desk, giggling to himself like a complete moron. He’s got a crush on Steve. And Steve likes him back. This is both the best thing to ever happen to him and the worst. He doesn’t even know where Steve lives, or if Steve is even willing to attempt a long-distance relationship, or if Steve even wants a relationship. Maybe he just wants to flirt and that’s it.

God, it’s gonna be so fucking worth it, either way.

Friday

“Hello, my darling princess, the light of my life, the best thing that has ever happened to me, the most gorgeous man in all the world!” Eddie greets the next day.

Steve starts laughing before Eddie even finishes. “You’re so fucking cute.”

Eddie grins. He doesn’t even care what else happens for the rest of the day. And maybe he should be a little more mature about this, being over thirty and mooning over a stranger on the internet constantly, but he can’t help it. Steve makes his gut flip over, his heart stutter, his face heat up, and most of all, he makes Eddie laugh like nothing else. And Steve is just overwhelmingly sarcastic and sweet. Every word out of his mouth and Eddie wants to find where he lives, tear his clothes off, and ruin him.

All right, that’s pretty inappropriate. But sue him! Steve is so fucking attractive, it isn’t even funny!

“If you were here, I would kiss you for that,” Eddie tells him. It’s not the first time he’s thought it, not the first time he’s listened to Steve’s laugh and longed for more, not the first time he’s considered giving Steve all his personal information just in the vain hope that he maybe gets to meet Steve one day, but it is the first time he’s said it aloud.

Based on the way Steve chokes on the line, he wasn’t expecting it.

Shit. Maybe that was too much, too soon.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Steve mutters. “You’re going to kill me, wise one.”

“Don’t die, princess. I need you alive to fuel my every fantasy.”

Steve chuckles. “The fantasies you won’t tell me about?”

Shit. “Yes, those.”

“I’ll get them out of you one day,” Steve vows.

“If you make it worth my while,” Eddie agrees.

Steve falls quiet for a long moment. “Deal.”

Eddie has not a single fucking clue what he just signed up for. “What?”

“If I tell you one of my fantasies, then you have to tell me one of yours.”

Holy shit. Eddie is royally fucked. And not in the fun way. Because Steve isn’t here in person. Even if he was, Eddie knows he’s a kinky little shit, and there’s not a single possible way that Steve would be even remotely interested in the more profane things Eddie likes to do. Maybe he can just make up something vanilla, even though his mind has been filled with ropes and gags and blindfolds whenever he thinks about Steve.

“I don’t want to scare you off,” Eddie murmurs.

Steve laughs. “Try me, oh wise one.”

Eddie swears and drops his head onto his desk. “I thought we were playing WoW.”

“Sure,” Steve sounds a little disappointed, but he doesn’t push the issue. “Where did you want to go this afternoon?”

Eddie feels bad, because he does want to flirt and see how riled up he can get Steve, but isn’t this too fast? They’ve only been talking to each other for like a week. Eh, fuck it. Flirting with Steve is way more fun anyway.

“I just keep thinking about sucking you off while you’re trying to run a raid,” Eddie admits aloud, heart in his throat.

Steve chokes and then curses under his breath. “Fuck, Eddie. Are you trying to kill me?!”

Eddie laughs at the indignation in Steve’s voice. “No. You’re incredible at this game. I bet you could win a raid without a problem, even though my mouth is very talented, if I do say so myself.”

Steve curses again. His voice comes out soft, barely audible, like he’s afraid to say the words aloud, “if you were here… I would want to try that.”

Eddie grins, all but melting on his desk. He purrs into the line, “really, princess? Want to see me on my knees, taking every inch of you down my throat, while you’ve got a mob of your groupies following you around like lost puppies? How even do you think you could keep your voice? How long would it take before even they notice that their illustrious leader is panting and moaning like a whore online? And all because of my hot, wet mouth.”

Steve moans, actually moans, and it’s nothing short of pornographic. Eddie is going to have to get his hands on the man at all costs. He doesn’t care if he has to fly across the fucking world. For that moan, Eddie will move mountains, spend his entire life savings, and murder someone. Eddie’s cock throbs in his pants, getting hard just from hearing Steve. His whole body feels like it’s vibrating, anticipation and arousal flooding his every sense.

If they keep going down this road, Eddie is going to die. He’s going to die and it’s all Steve’s fault for being so gorgeous.

“Do you like that, princess?” Eddie continues, because if he’s going to die, he’s going to die like the whore he is. His voice drops, a rough gravel entering his timbre, the way it always does when he’s horny beyond reason. He hears Steve make a tiny noise – high-pitched and desperate – and Eddie doesn’t think he can even breathe anymore. “Do you like the image of me swallowing every inch of your hard cock? I have a lot of practice. I like being used, so you better fuck my face, Stevie.”

The noise torn out of Steve is pitiful, half a moan and half a whimper. “Gonna kill me,” he whines, the sound burrowing into the marrow of Eddie’s bones until he feels fucking feral.

“You don’t like it?” Eddie teases, lightly.

Steve chokes again. “Jesus, Eds, I’m hard just thinking about it.”

“Wish I could see you,” Eddie admits under his breath. “All strung out and horny. Bet you’re so damn gorgeous like this.”

Steve sucks in a deep breath. “I want to kiss you so bad right now.”

Eddie’s precious princess likes kissing, which is great because Eddie likes that intimacy far too much. “First, tell me yours.”

Steve groans softly. “How did I know you were going to make me reciprocate?”

“You made the deal. Quid pro quo, princess.”

Steve sighs and goes quiet for a long moment. His voice comes out soft, hesitant, and nervous, “I want your cock.”

Eddie regrets asking, because now he’s harder than he’s ever been in his entire life and he can feel his cock leak in his jeans. His legs jiggle up and down, restless energy filling him because he knows that he’s got not a single chance of getting his hands on Steve any time soon. “You have it,” he swears, “however you want it.”

Steve huffs out a laugh. “Trying to take such good care of me, wise one.”

Eddie’s lips pull up in a smile. “Anything for my princess.”

Steve takes a deep breath and his words spill out in a nervous rush, almost as if he’s afraid Eddie won’t like what he has to say, “Iwantyoutofuckmeovermydesk.”

Good god, Eddie really is going to die.

On one hand, Eddie wants to respond immediately, but on the other, his Stevie is trying to get out of giving Eddie details of his fantasy. And, considering how explicit Eddie was, that’s completely unfair. Besides, now is the perfect opportunity for Eddie to test the waters on how obedient his princess is.

“What was that?” Eddie pretends not to have heard Steve’s adorable ramble.

“You heard me, wise one,” Steve says with such confidence that Eddie wonders when he became so transparent.

“Yes,” Eddie agrees, “but you can do better than that. I will only do what you want if you can ask properly. Use your words, princess.”

Steve sucks in a sharp breath and Eddie wonders if he pushed too hard, but then a tiny whine comes through over the line. Apparently, Steve likes this back-and-forth. “I want you to fuck me over my desk,” he murmurs, still hesitant, lacking that confidence that comes so easily to him when they’re playing the game. Eddie thinks maybe his sweet Stevie hasn’t done any phone sex before, or he’s afraid to ask for what he wants. No matter, because Eddie has whored around enough for the both of them, and he’ll get Steve out of his shell in short order. Still, the shy way Steve is asking for what he wants is both adorable and also sexy in its own way.

Eddie moans his approval, giving Steve a reward for being honest. “Jesus, princess, ask and it’s yours. I will fuck you over any and every piece of furniture that we both own. Get my hands in that famous hair while I thrust hard into your gorgeous ass. Bet your hair is so soft and easy to pull, hold you in place while I ride you through more pleasure than you’ve ever felt in your life.”

Steve groans and when he speaks, his voice has gained a little confidence, “I want you to fuck me so hard I black out.”

Eddie chokes, falling back in his chair, because holy shit does Steve learn fast. Eddie grips the arms of his chair like a lifeline, because they’re telling each other fantasies, and masturbating is definitely crossing a line. His cock doesn’t care, leaking and throbbing in his pants with torturous temptation. “Every day of the week and twice on Sundays,” Eddie promises. “I’m yours, princess. I’ll fuck you so good you forget your name. Any position, any time, I will fill your ass until you can’t sit down without feeling me inside you. I will give you everything you have ever wanted in your life plus so much more.”

Eddie can hear Steve squirm in his chair and his arms shake with the urge, the need to get his hands on Steve. He has no idea where Steve is right now, and that’s probably for the best, because Eddie is a split second from hunting down the man to give him every little thing he asks for. Especially if Steve keeps using that soft, whiny tone, the one that digs under Eddie’s skin until he’s crazed with desperation. Eddie’s cock seems perfectly happy to ache and twitch without any physical input from Eddie at all. Eddie rocks his hips up, the awkward bunching of his jeans giving him the barest amount of friction. It’s not enough to cum with, but it’s better than nothing.

The thought occurs to Eddie that maybe Steve is touching himself, not having the same restraint that Eddie does.

Fuck, if Steve is masturbating right now… Yeah, Eddie is going to die and he’s going to love every second of it.

“You’d…” Steve swallows tightly. “You’d like that, Eds?”

God, he’s so sweet and sincere that he almost sounds naïve. Eddie wants to ruin this gorgeous man.

“I would kill someone for the chance to worship you, Stevie,” Eddie swears. “And you’re going to ruin me for anyone else. You’re so gorgeous that I’ll never be able to even think about anyone else for the rest of my life. Shit, I want you so bad, princess. You’ve already ruined me.”

Steve lets out that semi-hysterical giggle that Eddie is fucking obsessed with. “So, if I wanted to ride you until I see stars, you wouldn’t mind?”

Fuck.

Eddie thought shy Steve was going to destroy his ability to think, but confident Steve is going to demolish every sane thought Eddie has ever had in his life.

Eddie moans, long and low, squeezing his eyes shut and clinging to the arms of his chair. It’s fortunate he doesn’t know what Steve looks like, because otherwise he’d be picturing Steve on top of him right now. Eddie hears Steve suck in air, liking the sound of Eddie’s pleasure all too much. Good god, Eddie has to get his hands on this man if it’s the last thing he does. He fights back his arousal by the skin of his teeth, trying to keep his hands to himself, despite the desperate demands of his cock, leaking uncomfortably in his pants.

“I would not only not mind, princess, but I would actively participate,” Eddie promises, “my hands on your hips, digging my fingers in just to hold on while you destroy me.” Steve’s breathing hitches, appreciating the picture Eddie is painting with his words. Well, he’s always been good with words. “What else do you want?”

Steve chokes. “What?”

Eddie takes a deep breath, trying to keep himself as calm as possible, which is basically impossible with Steve panting in his ears, the way he tries to bite back his moans, the shuffling of clothes while he squirms in place… Steve’s driving Eddie absolutely insane without even trying. Fuck, Steve is probably jerking off right now, the way Eddie wishes he was. Eddie almost reaches down, almost relieves the pressure on his cock, but refrains by the barest thread of control. “Tell me what else you want, Stevie.”

Steve stops breathing. “Uhh…”

Eddie lets his voice gain the tiniest edge, just enough to give Steve a gentle warning. “Tell me what else you want,” he demands. “I’m making a list of all the things you want. I’m going to do every single one to you, until your brain leaks out of your ears. I want to hear your gorgeous voice begging me for more, whining and whimpering as I put your body through so much pleasure that your whole body aches when you finally cum all over me.”

Steve cries out, the sound muffled like he covered his mouth. Eddie can hear the breathy moans, the soft squeaking of Steve’s chair… Unless he’s utterly mistaken, he’s positive Steve just had an orgasm.

And Eddie missed it entirely. That is a crime against humanity.

“Princess, did you just hide yourself from me?” Eddie asks, voice low with disapproval.

Steve pants hard into the microphone, apparently unable to speak.

“Tell me,” Eddie orders, “did you just cum and try to hide it from me?”

Steve lets out a tiny noise of affirmation. Eddie groans, hips rocking upwards as his body seeks out an orgasm, too. Just knowing that Steve has already cum – has cum thanks entirely to the words pouring from Eddie’s throat – is enough to put Eddie on edge in an instant. He’s going to cum in his damn pants and it’s all Steve’s fault for being so unfairly gorgeous.

God, Eddie hopes Steve’s blushing. He’s so infuriatingly cute in general, but right now? After literally having an orgasm while listening to Eddie talk about all the ways he wants Steve in the most carnal sense? Shit, Eddie’s going to get diabetes if the man gets any more sweet.

Eddie clicks his tongue in disappointment. “I wanted to hear it, princess. Hear you fall apart the way I’ll get you to fall apart on my cock.”

“S-sorry,” Steve slurs out, still coming down from the orgasmic high.

“Next time, let me hear you,” Eddie replies, letting his tone lighten up a bit. “I bet you can get me to cum untouched with just the delicious noises you make.”

Steve chokes. “Fucking hell, Eds…”

“I’m a whore, Stevie.” Eddie shrugs, completely unapologetic for the utterly unhinged commentary his mind is capable of.

Steve breathes for several long moments. “Do… do you think I could?”

Eddie hums a question.

“Do you think I could get you to… with just my voice?” Steve asks, skipping right over the word he finds embarrassing to use. It’s so damn cute. Eddie wants to get his hands all over this man, but more importantly, he wants to kiss Steve senseless.

“Do you want to try?” Eddie asks, genuinely curious.

“I mean… yeah, but also… only if you want to, you know,” Steve stumbles over his words, trying not to seem overeager.

“I have not touched myself this whole time,” Eddie interrupts the adorable rambling. He hears Steve stop breathing entirely. “Try, princess. Use your beautiful voice and those sexy noises; get me to cum.”

“I-I don’t know what…”

“I’m so hard right now,” Eddie tells him. “I swear to god, I have never been harder in my life. I haven’t even unzipped my pants. My cock is leaking and throbbing, and trapped in my jeans.”

“No touching,” Steve orders. Eddie moans, because holy shit Steve has suddenly decided to be confident again and it’s enough to drive Eddie wild. He’s so damn close, and nothing has even happened.

“No touching,” Eddie agrees, pleasure fogging up his mind so quickly that he feels light-headed. “You’re the only one who gets to touch. It’s not my cock, it’s yours. Yours to use however you want.”

“Mine,” Steve agrees.

The blatant claim is apparently a trigger that Eddie didn’t know he had, because his whole body arches out of his chair, seeking out the elusive high of orgasm just from one godforsaken word.

Steve chuckles, hearing whatever pitiful noise Eddie just made and understanding what that means. Every word out of his mouth gains a little more assurance, a little more confidence that he knows what he’s doing. “You like that, wise one? Like belonging to me? Because you do. Ever since I found you and rescued you from those stupid Horde players, you’ve been mine.”

“You’re right, princess,” Eddie agrees, breathlessly. “I do like it. Too much. Shit, I’m dripping right now. Gonna cum so hard.”

“Are you?” Steve asks. “Gonna cum for me, wise one? Let me hear you. Wanna know how bad you want me. Please?”

It’s the “please” that does it. Eddie’s always been a sucker for begging, and when it comes from the lips of a man who has been the center of all Eddie’s recent fantasies, he’s on a hair-trigger for it. Eddie’s orgasm slams into him, making him jerk uncontrollably in his chair. His mind fogs over, nothing but ecstasy wrapping around him. His hips thrust upward in tiny little motions while his cock spills, making his underwear stick to his skin uncomfortably.

Eddie sucks in air, blinking blearily at his ceiling. He’s never been talked to orgasm before, and it’s an experience that has completely ruined his ability to be anything but obsessed with Steve.

“God, I fucking love you,” he declares.

“It’s Steve, actually.”

The joke is so fucking terrible and Eddie’s mind is still coming to grips with the intensity of his orgasm that he bursts into giggles, the sound uncoordinated and unattractive in all possible ways. He hears Steve join in, tiny little snorts marring his laughter in the most adorable way. Shit, Eddie is addicted to the sound already. He’s going to do whatever's necessary to hear his Stevie so helplessly giggly as often as possible.

“Shit, you’ve ruined me,” Eddie announces to his ceiling. “I don’t think I’ve ever cum so hard in my life.”

“You ruined me first,” Steve tells him.

“Good.” Eddie pauses, listening to Steve’s soft breathing. “I want to kiss you so bad right now.”

Steve lets out a giddy laugh, like he was thinking the same thing. “Was this stupid?”

“Yep,” Eddie replies immediately. “Regrets?”

Eddie can hear the smile in Steve’s voice. “Not one.”

“Me neither.”

Eddie’s phone rings before he can do so much as flirt. He looks at the screen and curses.

“Something wrong?” Steve asks.

“Yeah. Work is calling. I’ve got to go, princess,” Eddie says, voice full of regret. Chrissy wouldn’t be calling him on his day off unless it was an emergency.

“All right.” Steve doesn’t sound upset, but Eddie doesn’t want Steve to get the wrong idea about anything.

“Just so you know, I am only leaving you with the greatest reluctance, because I was about to give you my phone number and also my address, because I want to ask you out, and I don’t care if you live across the country from me, princess, I will find a way to your side.”

Steve starts giggling, the sound just on this side of hysterical. “Go handle your job, wise one. You’re not getting away from me that easy.”

Eddie grins and logs off the game before snatching up his phone. The sooner he handles whatever drama is happening at his shop, the sooner he can get back to his Stevie.

Chapter Text

Saturday

“Why do you keep playing without us?” Dustin asks, slouching in his chair. Eddie looks around at the four teenagers, all trying to not seem too invested in Eddie’s response, but all pouting in their different ways. “I thought World of Warcraft was our thing!”

“I have other friends,” Eddie tells them, gently. “Just like how you four play together without me all the time, and sometimes just a couple of you play together without the others.”

“Let me guess, The Hair is your new best friend,” Lucas snorts, obviously not believing it.

“I don’t usually play with his main,” Eddie admits. “We’re able to travel around easier when he’s on his secondary.”

The teenagers all stare at him like he just grew a second head.

“You know The Hair?!” Will’s voice cracks in the most unfortunate way.

“Oh my god! The universe is so damn unfair!” Mike complains, throwing his hands up.

These kidlets are so melodramatic that Eddie has to bite back his snickers, lest they think he’s mocking them. That’ll just start an entirely different shitstorm.

“Now, you have to introduce us!” Dustin demands. “If you’re best friends with The Hair, we deserve to have good raids, too!”

“I’m sure Steve’ll run you through whatever raid you want,” Eddie agrees, more amused than anything else.

Once again, all four fall silent and Eddie doesn’t know why.

“Steve?!”

Oh. Shit.

“You know his name?!”

Eddie gives up on the campaign entirely. He sighs and props his chin on his palm, watching the four boys lose their minds at too many revelations all at once. They all have their own ways of handling this information – Will bemoaning the fact that he’s never been lucky enough to meet TheHair even once, Mike swearing up a storm of complaints of how unfair it is that Eddie has become friends with TheHair, Lucas alternates between yelling at Eddie in frustration and commiserating with Mike and Will, Dustin goes on a rant about how Eddie owes them to introduce them to his new best friend TheHair – and it takes everything Eddie has to not laugh at them.

When they finally start winding down, Eddie clears his throat to get their attention. “First of all, I don’t owe you boys anything. You’re not entitled to another human being ever, so cut that shit out. Secondly, the world is not fair, so get over it. And thirdly, I will ask if he is willing to meet you guys. If he agrees, which he probably will, then we can set up a raid so you can finally meet him.”

The teenagers grumble at him.

“So, now that we’ve dealt with that, do you want to keep trying to get through this dungeon, or would you rather talk about WoW more?” Eddie gestures to the table, indicating the full encounter that they’ve all completely abandoned.

It’s absurdly easy to distract these kidlets. Within a couple minutes, they’ve forgotten all their frustrations with Eddie and have gotten into not insignificant trouble in the dungeon, because of a couple terrible rolls and some poor decision-making. Eddie knows how to mitigate their shenanigans though, so nobody dies, though Lucas tries his level best. Normally, Eddie would just let them figure their own way out of their own bullshit, but this is a new adventuring group, and they’ve only had the characters for a couple sessions. Usually, Eddie waits to let them suffer the consequences of their actions until later in the campaign.

Mike’s phone dings at some point, and he glances at it. He groans. “Nancy isn’t picking us up today.”

“Too busy making out with her girlfriend, probably,” Dustin complains.

“Hey, Robin’s nice,” Will interjects.

“She’s sending Harrington,” Mike reports, scowling at his phone.

“This wouldn’t be as big a problem if you didn’t fail your driving test,” Lucas tells him.

“You failed yours, too!” Mike snaps.

And then they’re arguing about driving tests. Honestly, Eddie loves listening to the teenage drama. It’s really fucking entertaining. He starts cleaning up, recognizing that the game isn’t going to keep going now that they’re bitching at each other for only having learner’s permits and not one of them even has a car, so they couldn’t drive anywhere even if they could drive alone. Eddie gets all his things in order to put in the box he keeps in the back for their campaign. He’s got boxes for each campaign run at his shop, just for ease for the DMs to not have to haul basic supplies everywhere. He gets to his feet to put everything away – there’s another campaign coming to take this room in an hour – and the kidlets finally start cleaning up their messes.

“I never have to worry about finding you shitheads, because you’re all so damn loud.”

Eddie freezes, heart stopping in his chest. He knows that voice.

Eddie looks over to the curtained doorway and stops breathing.

He’s as tall as Eddie is, with shoulders for days, and long arms, corded with muscle. His polo does nothing to hide the strength in his frame, the way his body tapers down towards his jeans. He’s built lean, like an athlete. He’s got big, brown eyes, and they sparkle with affection, even though he’s insulting the kidlets. His hair, fuck, his hair is gorgeous beyond reason. Brown and fluffy and just dying to be mussed from tugging fingers. His smile is wide, his eyes crinkling in the most adorable way as he looks down at the teenagers, hands on his hips. And then he turns that smile onto Eddie.

“Hey, thanks for looking after these morons. I know they’re a handful.”

No. No, this is just fucking rude.

Eddie shakes his head, rage and frustration and a rude amount of arousal filling his chest. “No. No, the fuck not. No. You better turn your ass around and fucking not.”

Steve’s eyes widen at the vitriol in Eddie’s voice, but then his face goes slack, jaw dropping in utter shock.

Eddie’s moving across the room before he even thinks about it, needing to get his hands in that fucking hair. He recognizes that he should probably stop moving, and not just throw himself bodily at the man, and it takes everything he has to stop a breath away from the man who has been his every fantasy for the past week.

The teenagers are squawking behind him, demanding answers, but Eddie only has eyes for Steve – his Stevie.

“Wise one?” Steve murmurs, voice barely audible, especially over the teenagers.

Eddie’s heart clenches almost painfully in his chest, and then his face does hurt, his grin all but splitting his face open. “Hey, princess.”

Eddie loses the battle and the war and everything in between. He has just enough time to register the brilliant smile spreading across Steve’s face before he gets his hands in that fucking hair, pressing forward to find out what pure joy tastes like. Eddie kisses Steve like he’s never going to get another chance. It’s probably stupid, especially since they haven’t actually talked about what they want, or if they just wanted to keep flirting online, but Eddie can’t help it. Steve is here, right here in his arms.

Steve’s chest rumbles, the sound inaudible over the shrieking of the teenagers, and he pushes closer, hands coming up to cup Eddie’s jaw. Steve is unfairly good at kissing, tongue and lips teasing and tormenting Eddie until Eddie feels his brain dribbling out of his ears. Eddie could stay right here forever, crowding close to his Stevie. Well, it would be better if the four idiots stopped screaming, but he’ll take what he can get.

Steve pulls back, just a hair, and it’s the fucking worst. His grin is so wide and fond that Eddie’s chest hurts with the affection. He presses their foreheads together, breathing hard. His voice comes out soft and full of hope, “is this real?”

“You bet your gorgeous ass it is,” Eddie replies.

They both dissolve into hysterical giggles. Steve has those tiny little snorts that are so fucking cute, and Eddie drops his forehead onto Steve’s shoulder, clinging to him helplessly. Eddie has no idea how this happened or what good deed he’s done in the past to deserve someone like Steve, but dear god, he is never letting go.

And then they’re being pelted by paper balls and pencils because the boys have apparently lost all patience. Not that they had much to begin with, but whatever.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Dustin demands.

“Oi, language,” Steve snaps out automatically, glaring over at the kidlets.

“God, you really are a babysitter,” Eddie mutters, reluctantly releasing his grip on Steve’s hair. Steve slides his hand down, tangling their fingers together absently. Warmth bubbles up in Eddie’s gut and he squeezes Steve’s hand gently. Steve shoots him a tiny smile, and tries to focus on the kids.

Eddie knows if he gives them a chance, the boys will go off on tangents for at least half an hour. So, he clears his throat, demanding their attention in the same way he’s able to get them to focus in their D&D campaign. All four look at him, expectantly, and even Steve looks his way, impressed that he was able to curb the children so quickly.

“Let me go first, and then you can get out all your shrieking in a minute,” Eddie tells them.

They grumble at the notion of “shrieking” because it’s not manly or some such bullshit. Eddie ignores them.

“This is Steve,” he introduces.

“Yeah, we know who Steve is,” Dustin snaps, irritably.

“No.” Eddie shakes his head. “This is Steve.”

Will gets it first, jaw dropping. His eyes all but bug out of his head as he stares at his babysitter, seeing him in a whole new light. “The Hair?” He whispers.

Steve sighs heavily and glances at Eddie. “You told them my name?”

“It slipped out,” Eddie says apologetically. He looks back at the kidlets, sees the realization on all four faces and barks out the next words before they get going. “Yes, he is The Hair. Yes, we’ve been playing together without you. And yes, he’s unfairly gorgeous, because he’s trying to ruin my sanity completely.”

The boys can stay silent no longer and a wall of sound bounces around the room as they all freak out in their own ways.

Steve lets out a tiny snicker. “Says the man standing there looking like a god of sex come to life,” he mutters under his breath.

“What does a god of sex even look like?” Eddie teases.

“You.” Steve shoots him a wink that has Eddie’s knees going weak.

“You are unfair, you know,” Eddie tells him. He makes a show of looking Steve up and down. “Seriously?! How are you more gorgeous in person?”

Steve laughs and tugs Eddie forward to kiss him, silencing the ramble about to emerge. “God, you’re cute.”

Eddie’s face starts to hurt with all the smiling he’s doing. “You can kiss me any time you want, princess.”

“Well, it got you quiet for all of three seconds,” Steve points out.

“Are you two dating?” Will asks, voice cutting through the room. Abruptly, the other three go silent, all of them looking at Steve and Eddie in expectation.

“Yeah,” Steve says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Eddie loves how easy it was for Steve to admit it aloud. And maybe he’s technically an adult, but Eddie’s never been the most mature individual, so he sinks a hand into Steve’s fucking gorgeous hair to kiss him. It’s a reward for both of them, because Eddie held himself back for like a whole minute, and Steve didn’t even hesitate in announcing his intention to date Eddie.

“I’m completely in love with you,” Eddie murmurs.

The smile that breaks across Steve’s face is so beautiful that Eddie swears to himself that he is going to get that smile out of Steve every single day for the rest of their lives.

And maybe the kidlets start shrieking again, but Eddie can invest in some ear plugs.

Totally worth it.

Unfortunately, as quickly as Eddie was able to find his precious princess, he has to let him go. Steve has to drive the boys back to Mike’s house and hang out there until their parents show up, and Eddie is technically working, so it’s not like he can tag along like he so desperately wants to. The way Steve’s grip tightens on Eddie’s fingers just before he leaves the shop tells Eddie that the feeling is mutual.

Eddie gives himself busy work, trying to pretend like he’s not upset that he had Steve and lost him all in a few minutes. He cleans up the disaster of the D&D room, straightens up the back room a little bit, catalogues the new shipment of Magic the Gathering cards, and even sells a few board games. But then he can’t find anything else to do, so he slumps over his register, bemoaning his life. He just got his Stevie in his arms and then had to let him go already. It’s unfair. But, as he so succinctly told the teenagers, life isn’t fair.

“Is that the guy you’ve been mooning over for the past week?” Chrissy asks him, leaning on the counter beside him.

Eddie nods, miserably. “He’s so gorgeous.”

“He’s pretty hot,” Chrissy agrees. She gives him a sideways look. “Why are you still here?”

Eddie looks at his best friend. “Because I own this place?”

Chrissy sighs heavily and shakes her head. “Your boyfriend just walked out the door. And you’ve only just met him in person. I repeat: why are you still here?”

Eddie stands up with his own regretful sigh. “He’s got to babysit the kids, so even if I were to stalk him, it’s not like we would have any time together or anything.”

Chrissy shrugs. “Well, let me know when he’s free, because I am absolutely going to kick you out.”

“What did I do?” Eddie complains.

“You’re insufferable when you’re whiny,” Chrissy says, “and you’re annoying when you’re mooning. So, if getting laid puts you in a better mood, I’m going to take it.”

Well, she’s not wrong.

The bell over the front door jingles and Eddie looks over, hoping for a distraction.

Steve stands there, eyes bright with mischief and smirk spread across his lips. “Hey, wise one. Want to play hooky?”

Eddie pins Steve to his front door, tasting every delicious moan that pours from Steve’s throat.

“Don’t stop,” Steve complains, when Eddie pulls back.

“We’ve got to get inside, princess,” Eddie tells him breathlessly, “unless you want all my neighbors to see me fucking your gorgeous ass.”

Steve grumbles, but stops torturing Eddie with his lips so Eddie’s trembling fingers can get his front door open. Steve doesn’t even look around, instead shoving Eddie’s back into the front door to slam it shut, and then he’s pressed against Eddie like there’s a chance of Eddie escaping. As if. Eddie would rather die than go anywhere without his Stevie. He fumbles for the lock, making sure there’s not a chance of them being interrupted while Steve tugs impatiently on Eddie’s shirt.

Eddie drags his shirt off over his head, laughing as Steve gives him exactly no time to get his bearings, already running his fingers along every inch of Eddie’s torso. He presses forward, all but writhing against Eddie in his need. He’s so fucking sexy that Eddie knows he’s going to lose his damn mind before the end of this night.

“Princess, breathe,” Eddie manages to get out when Steve trails his lips along his jaw. Steve makes an amused noise, and keeps playing, placing kiss after kiss to the length of Eddie’s neck. He nips here or there, the edge of his teeth making Eddie’s legs go weak.

“Should’ve fucking known you have tattoos…” Steve murmurs, like it’s a problem that Eddie’s got ink. But the wild ferocity in Steve’s eyes tells Eddie that he should go get a few more tattoos.

Eddie gets his hands on Steve’s hips, dragging him closer to rock his hips forward, a silent reminder of both their erections. Steve moans, the sound vibrating through Eddie in a way that he’s already addicted to. Eddie doesn’t even know how he’s going to survive this evening, not with Steve in his arms, demanding more, more, more with every move and sound he makes. Eddie makes a half-hearted attempt to move Steve, to get them into the apartment properly, but Steve just pushes back, fingers trailing along the ink on Eddie’s chest while his lips and teeth torment Eddie’s throat.

All right, maybe he just fucks the guy against his front door.

“Stevie…” Eddie groans, because he can’t fuck Steve against the door, because he doesn’t have any supplies and that might be the most heartbreaking realization of his life.

“God, you drive me insane,” Steve mumbles into Eddie’s skin.

“What did I do?!” Eddie asks, a little affronted.

“You’re too damn sexy,” Steve tells him, pulling back the barest amount to shoot Eddie the hungriest look known to mankind.

Well. Okay then. Eddie takes the opportunity to shove Steve back a step. Steve whines, like separating from Eddie is somehow painful, and Eddie stops letting himself get pushed around. He bends down and hauls Steve over his shoulder in one smooth motion. Steve yelps, startled by suddenly being in the air, while Eddie strides through his apartment to get to the bedroom.

The air whooshes out of Steve’s chest when Eddie tosses him on the bed, his eyes wide and dilated and full of shock. “Jesus fucking… you’re gonna kill me.”

Eddie chuckles. “Hopefully not. Princess, you’re overdressed.”

Eddie goes for his bedside table while Steve scrambles at his clothes, snagging the lube and condoms that are necessary for them to do anything at all. Steve fumbles with his jeans and Eddie groans when he sees Steve’s shirt already off. His knees actually do give out on him, because Steve has chest hair. He sinks onto the edge of the bed, breathing hard because how is Steve so fucking perfect in every way.

Steve has apparently decided that he’s done waiting, because he sits up to get his hands on Eddie’s arms, dragging him on top of him. Eddie isn’t about to deny his princess anything, so he obligingly lets his weight pin Steve to the bed. Steve is naked and hard and almost too far gone to his arousal to function.

“Breathe,” Eddie orders. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“No, you are not,” Steve agrees. And the fact that he could respond with a full sentence is a good sign.

“What do you want, princess?” Eddie asks.

Steve looks at him, utterly astonished that he’s being asked to say the words out loud. But Eddie isn’t about to let all his good manners fall to wayside, no matter how horny he is.

“If you can’t say it, I’m not doing it,” Eddie adds, making Steve huff in irritation.

“I want you to fuck me so hard that I feel it for days,” Steve tells him, voice coming out clipped. He’s got a flush high on his cheekbones that is beyond arousal. Despite sounding so confident, he’s embarrassed to be asking for what he wants. Well, if Eddie has his way, he’ll train that shame out of Steve in no time.

“That I can do,” Eddie agrees easily.

“Hurry up then,” Steve grumbles.

Eddie kisses Steve, both because he wants to and also to reward Steve for being honest with his wants. Steve melts into the contact, which is such a heady sensation that Eddie forgets how to breathe for a moment.

Eddie quickly strips his pants and underwear off, without moving off of Steve. Now that he’s got Steve where he belongs, he’s not about to give the man any leeway to derail the plan. And Steve absolutely will derail the plan with how hyper and horny he is. He grabs the lube to do as much preparation as possible before Steve goes insane with need.

“Breathe for me,” Eddie tells him, and Steve sucks in a deep breath. Eddie presses a finger forward into Steve’s ass as Steve breathes out, tearing a moan from his chest with the gentle motion. Steve spreads his legs wide, which makes Eddie shake, his own arousal making itself well-known now that he’s got loud and clear approval from Steve.

“Good job, princess,” Eddie murmurs, watching Steve’s face avidly while he works his finger in and out of Steve’s hole. Steve sucks in a sharp gasp, his whole body trembling for one long moment before he melts back into the mattress.

Oh, good god, his sweet Stevie has a praise kink.

Eddie is going to have to start praying to some deity or something as thanks for sending him the most gorgeous and perfect man in all of existence.

“You’re doing so well for me,” Eddie lets words fall from his lips, unable to regulate himself now that he knows how much his princess likes it. “Sitting so nice and still. Letting me prep your gorgeous ass. Thank you, princess.”

Steve lets out a keening whine, eyes unfocused as Eddie’s praise sinks into his hindbrain. He’s apparently lost the ability to speak, just rocking his hips up to get more of Eddie’s finger. Eddie sinks another finger inside Steve, working a slow stretch of his ass. Eddie loses track of time for a moment, just stretching Steve, murmuring sweet words of affirmation, and watching the ecstasy crash over Steve’s face with every word, every touch.

“Eddie…” Steve whines, writhing beneath him. He meets Eddie’s gaze. “Please.”

Fuck.

That word undoes all of Eddie’s carefully held self-control in an instant.

Eddie quickly adds a third finger to Steve’s ass, because he’s bigger than two, and he’s got to get a move on if he wants to be inside Steve before either of them cum. Steve moans, throwing his head back into the pillow.

“Don’t stop,” he begs.

God, stopping is nigh impossible with Steve so gorgeous and strung out on bliss. Eddie fumbles for the condoms, hands shaking with his own arousal. Steve snatches the condom away from him, batting Eddie’s hands back when Eddie tries to help him. Steve looks at Eddie with a look so self-assured and smug that Eddie wonders when he lost control of this whole scenario.

“No touching, remember?”

A growl of approval tears itself out of Eddie’s chest, the sound dark and sensual. Steve shivers in place, but isn’t distracted from his mission of wrapping the condom around Eddie, of grabbing the lube and slicking his cock up, of driving Eddie up the fucking wall with every motion. Eddie grits his teeth to make himself hold still so Steve can do what is necessary, despite how torturous it is to have Steve’s hands on his cock.

“Good boy,” Eddie tells him, voice ragged and full of gravel. He can see Steve submit, body going lax beneath him, and hands lying limp on the bed. Eddie slides his fingers out of Steve and grabs Steve’s wrists, pinning them to the bed above his head. Steve moans in approval, hooking his legs on Eddie’s hips to tempt him forward – to get more.

Despite his need, Eddie takes great care to slowly push his way into Steve’s ass, unwilling to hurt his precious Stevie for even a moment. He watches Steve’s expression as he slides home, their hips meeting in a way that is so fucking perfect, Eddie knows he will never be able to have this sort of bliss with anyone else for the rest of his life.

Eddie stays there for several long moments, addicted to the feel of Steve’s tight heat around him, and entranced by the waves of pleasure rolling through Steve, the flush on his face, and the way he pants for air. Steve meets Eddie’s gaze, eyes desperate and needy.

“You’re so gorgeous, princess,” Eddie murmurs, unable to help himself.

Steve licks his lips. “Please. Fuck me.”

Eddie’s hips move before he consciously thinks about it, obeying the begging without question. The moan from Steve’s lips is fucking ambrosia, driving Eddie insane with need in a split second. Eddie drives his hips forward hard, trying to give Steve everything he is at once. He forgets how to speak at all, drunk on the tiny moans, the little grunts punched out of Steve’s chest every time Eddie slams their hips together.

Steve writhes beneath him, unable to do anything but take the delicious pleasure, and he’s fucking gorgeous from it. His hair is mussed, strewn out of the pillow, his eyes wild with desperation, his lips kissed red, and the whole time he just keeps looking at Eddie, only breaking their gaze when his eyes flicker shut when a particular thrust overwhelms him with pleasure.

Eddie is going to die, pinning his gorgeous princess to the bed, and it’s going to be the greatest death known to mankind. Delicious friction grips his cock every time he bottoms out into Steve, arousal and pleasure rising in his chest until he feels insane with it. His hips move almost on autopilot, his body seeking out his orgasm despite the fact that he refuses to cum until he gets his princess there, first.

Steve’s brows gain a little line between them, his face screwing up a little as his orgasm starts to build, threatening his sanity. He’s so fucking cute like this, sitting on the precipice of pure ecstasy.

“Want to cum, princess?” Eddie asks breathlessly.

Steve nods, chewing on his lower lip while his body tightens around Eddie.

“You know you have to use your words,” Eddie reminds him.

Steve curses, the word bursting out of his chest with enough vehemence that Eddie thinks he really has fucked the man to insanity. “I want to cum all over your stupid, gorgeous body,” he complains.

“Then do it,” Eddie tells him. “Cum for me, princess.”

Steve throws his head back, eyes slamming shut as ecstasy slams into him. His whole body tightens while a wail of pleasure tears out of him. Eddie tries to keep thrusting, to ride Steve through his orgasm, but his own orgasm crashes into him out of fucking nowhere. Eddie drops his head, panting as he thrusts idly into Steve. His vision threatens to black out on him, his cock throbbing within Steve.

Eddie breathes hard, fighting through the pleasure and lingering high of his orgasm to check on Steve. He blinks a few times to clear his vision and when he looks down at Steve, the man is already watching him with such fondness that Eddie’s chest gets tight.

Eddie has to kiss him before that emotion explodes out of his chest. He leans down, tasting every inch of his Stevie’s pleasure until his head goes light from not breathing.

“You are unfairly gorgeous,” Steve tells him, when he pulls back.

Eddie starts laughing, and then Steve joins in, and then they’re both giggling hysterically. Eddie releases his hold on Steve’s wrists, and Steve takes the opportunity to get his hands all over Eddie. His hands trail along all the skin he can reach, his fingers tracing every tattoo, every line of muscle, and Eddie wants to melt into the fucking mattress at how good it feels.

Eventually, Eddie has to clean them up, because he’s got to take care of his princess if it’s the last thing he does, so he sits back on his heels. Steve makes a little complaining noise when Eddie pulls out, and then another one when Eddie gets out of reach of his hands. It’s so damn cute that Eddie steals Steve’s hand and presses a kiss to his palm.

“One minute, princess. Gotta clean up.”

Steve hums his agreement, though he’s still pouting. Fuck, Eddie didn’t account for the pouting. He’s so fucking gone for Steve it isn’t even funny.

It doesn’t take long for him to clean the sweat and semen and lube from their bodies, and Steve all but tackles him to drag him bodily onto the mattress. Eddie ends up on his back with Steve draped over him like the world’s best blanket. Steve hums happily, tangling their legs together absently. Eddie gets his fingers interlocked with Steve’s and presses a kiss to Steve’s fingertips.

“Is it completely uncalled for if I tell you that I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you?” Steve asks, voice sleepy.

Eddie shrugs. “Probably. But I’ve been declaring my devotion to you since we met, so you’re actually taking your time with this.”

“We just met, wise one,” Steve reminds him.

“In person,” Eddie nuzzles into Steve’s hair, addicted already. “But we’ve been talking for like a week.”

Steve starts giggling again. He leans up on his elbow to look down at Eddie. “A week. We’ve been talking for a week, and you don’t think me being in love with you is a little presumptive?”

Eddie shrugs again. “Nope. Besides, I’m figuring out the best way to ask you on a date. Considering we already had sex, it’s going to be awkward, I just know it.”

Steve snorts on his laughter. “You’re so weird.”

“But exactly the right kind of weird, right?” Eddie has to check.

Steve steals a quick kiss. “Mine,” he declares in lieu of an answer, the sound so full of self-satisfaction that it makes Eddie grin. He likes belonging to this gorgeous man more than words can describe.

“Yours,” Eddie agrees.

Steve grins and leans down to kiss Eddie. Eddie’s fortunate that he’s already on the bed, because his legs turn to jelly at the chaste contact. “Yes, I’ll go on a date with you, wise one.”

“Oh. Good.”

Steve nods happily and settles himself securely against Eddie’s chest.

“Hey, I love you, too,” Eddie has to tell him.

Steve bursts out laughing, the tiny little snorts making warmth well up in Eddie’s chest. He’s never felt so comfortable, so safe, or so happy in his life, and he’s going to do everything in his power to keep it.

Six Months Later

“How are you still so good at this game?!” Eddie complains, because he’s dead. Again.

“I’m a tank, wise one. I’m not supposed to die,” Steve laughs.

“But you’re not even level twenty!”

Eddie feels gentle fingers sink into his hair and scratch at his scalp. He purrs happily, forgetting all his irritation at once. He turns to see Steve’s brilliant smile and has to taste that joy. As always, it’s addicting and sweet, an ambrosia that fills Eddie with more love than he thought he could feel.

“I’m really good at paladins,” Steve reminds him.

Well, Eddie can’t exactly argue there. And it’s not like he’s playing a new class for all that they started new characters together.

“Oh, I found a thread talking about you,” Eddie tells him, turning back to his computer to focus on running back to his body.

“Again?” Steve also goes back to the game.

“Yeah. You know how the Alliance has been bragging on having The Hair for years now? Lording it over the Horde every chance they get?”

“Let me guess: the Horde is now lording me over the Alliance.”

Eddie can’t see it, but he just knows Steve rolled his eyes. He runs his character over to where the blood elf is helpfully standing over the tauren body to kill anything that respawns to make sure Eddie can resurrect without issues.

“I’m not even max level on this character!” Steve complains.

Eddie shrugs and hums. “Well, apparently, you’re still good luck. And somehow, despite the fact that you’re a fucking cryptid, no one has stolen any names even remotely related to The Hair.”

“Yeah, I’m surprised The Hair Too even worked,” Steve agrees. He shoots Eddie a smirk over his shoulder. “And how has no one taken Muahaha yet?”

“Not a clue, princess.”

“Will you two stop flirting?!” Dustin’s voice screeches over their headsets.

“We agreed no flirting online!” Lucas adds.

“We’re not flirting!” Eddie protests.

“Sounds like flirting to me,” Mike mutters.

“Not really,” Will argues.

“It’s Eddie’s birthday, we can flirt if he wants,” Steve tells them all.

“Apparently, if we use pet names, that counts as flirting, princess,” Eddie tells Steve.

“Well, looks like they’re going to have to hear flirting then, wise one.”

Eddie turns to grin at his boyfriend. Steve leans forward to kiss him, like he can’t help himself.

“Ew! Are you two kissing?!”

“Love you, Eds,” Steve murmurs.

“Love you, Stevie.”

Eddie steals another kiss, because he can, and turns back to his computer.

Steve takes charge, as he does whenever they play together. “All right, shitheads, let’s go. Ten bucks says I can tank The Evalcharr before we get back to Valormok.”

Eddie grins to himself, happiness bubbling up within him. He didn’t think this stupid game was going to give him the best thing in his life, but he’s glad it did. He should probably find those dumb Horde players who were ganking him. He’ll have to thank them for being assholes, because it got him the most gorgeous boyfriend on the planet.

TheHairToo turns to face Eddie’s character and waves. “Come on, wise one, before the kids lose their minds.”

God, Eddie loves Steve so much.