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Chapter Text

The surface of the lake is smooth as glass. No boats, no ripples, no clouds. Just a mirror reflecting back an uninterrupted expanse of sky painted in warm hues as the sun dips toward the horizon. A golden expanse of nothing.

If only the King's thoughts were so still.

This is the first moment of quiet that he can remember in ages. The months since the Darklings failed revolution have been packed with all number of councils, reports, and meetings upon meetings, every diplomat, every citizen standing impatiently by with some complaint or other. There doesn't seem to be a corner of this country that's not broken.

Nikolai tosses a rock onto the lake's surface, shattering it into thousands of rippling fragments.

Perhaps he should go find David. He's never failed to have a project brewing, anything to silence the restless thoughts stirring inside his head. They seem to be harder to quell these days.

"Excuse me, moi tsar."

Nikolai hadn't heard anyone approach, but he can see fragments of Corporalki red reflecting back on the waves.

He turns. Just out of reach of the tide stands a girl. Her hair is swept back in a tight plait, the same ebony as the Heartrender embroidery on her sleeves. The dying rays light her bronze skin, haloing her in golden beams like the images of Saints painted on the walls of chapels.

Well, he had asked for a distraction.

He's never seen her before, but that's unsurprising with the influx of recruits they've had since the fold was destroyed. The kefta hangs loosely from her shoulders, dusting slightly against the sand. She must truly be new or Genya would have had a fit and bustled the Heartrender off to a seamstress before she could become more of an embarrassment. He'd seen it firsthand when the newest batch of Sun Summoners came in.

"Is this how we treat the memory of our Saint?" Genya had seethed, pulling at the drooping ends of some poor boys Kefta, "She destroyed the fold for you to look like a bunch of children dressing up in your babya's clothes? Disgraceful. Nazyalensky, get them out of my sight before they can become more of an embarrassment."

Those Summoners had not had a good day.

Turning his thoughts back to the Heartrender, the King nods for her to continue.

"We've all been looking for you," The girl's eyes are wide as she slips her hands into her sleeves, "The First Army believes that an assassin from Shu Han is going to attempt to infiltrate the palace. When they couldn't find you-"

"But you're here." She shakes her head quickly, "I've been instructed to remove you from the grounds until we know more."

"An assassin?"

"Yes, moi tsar."

"Alright," Nikolai sighs, sweeping his hand vaguely, "Lead the way."

It's not as if this is the first threat from their enemies since his ascension and it certainly won't be the last. Over the past months, Tamar had begun to see threats from every corner, becoming increasingly suspicious of each new addition to the palace.

It didn't help that she was usually right.

Nikolai follows a step behind the Heartrender as she cuts a wide circle around the little palace, taking them just inside the edge of the woods. Shadows are stripping the ground at their feet, distorted to their longest as the sun hits the horizon.

"Rather flattering that the Shu think this country would fall to pieces without me, don't you think?" Nikolai straightens his coat, "Makes me feel important."

"And as King, I'm sure flattery is hard to come by."

A fair observation, if a little pointed.

"It's one of the more prominent parts of my job. Along with kissing babies and being a charming charismatic presence in the lives of Ravkans."

The Heartrender says nothing. Unwilling to be charmed then.

He'll just see about that.

Straightening and replacing his casual air with that of the King he's become, Nikolai says, "What do you believe the Shu mean to accomplish by killing me? It's not as if there aren't any number of nobles ready to step into place in the event of my untimely death."

"The Shu think that this country is barely holding together - between the civil war and loss of the Sun Summoner - and that losing three royals in a year will be enough to pull it apart."

"You seem rather well versed in the political views of the Shu."

"As I am part Shu it seemed important."

She glances up at him, her eyes glinting like the flash of a blade in the dying light. Gold, just like the twins. He hadn't noticed before.

When she had come to fetch him, he had only seen a Suli Grisha. A pretty one, no doubt, but he should have known better than to assume. Grisha are coming from all over now that the Darkling is no longer a threat.

"Well, I'm glad, at least, that some at court are keeping an eye on the political musings of our neighbors. Even if those strategies include my assassination, which does put a damper on the mood. Wouldn't you agree?"

The Heartrender bobs her head slightly, still unresponsive to his attempts at flattery. It's ridiculous really, everyone has something that he can use to endear himself to them. It should not be so difficult.

As the Heartrender slows, Nikolai catches her arm lightly, spinning her back toward him lightly.

Dropping a grin that he's seen girls melt for time and time again, Nikolai says, "I should apologize, you're supposed to be protecting me and I don't even know your name."

The Heartrender looks slightly seasick at the question. The Prince knows that expression well, to have taken a step confidently forward only to have the ground pitching under your feet. Surprise and unease all wrapped together.

"That's not really important, is it?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know, love. Things like this, they happen twice a week now. Take it too seriously and you'll soon be as paranoid as the Darkling was."

She seems to consider, tugging at the hem of her sleeves, "Tara, your majesty."

Nikolai takes her hand in his. He raises it to his lips, brushing them lightly against her skin as he traps her golden eyes with his, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Tara."

"And please, call me Nikolai."

He lets his hand linger, watching in satisfaction as a dusting of heat comes across her cheeks. It's silent but for the soft wind rustling through the trees.

"Are you certain, that doesn't seem-"

"I assure you, I am."

She smiles then, for the first time, looking up at him through her lashes. Her hand comes to rest against his chest as she leans in, warmth wrapping around him in the chill dusk air. Nikolai's pulse skips. This is a better distraction than anything David would have in his workshop. Far, far better.

In one quick motion, her other hand comes up, something slipping from the depths of her overlong sleeve, nothing but a flash of metal in the dying light. It pricks his neck. There's no pain, just a tingling warmth that radiates through all his nerves, smoothing the world into a soft haze.

She pulls back. The setting sun halos her in dying light, her eyes burning. All traces of the coy girl from moments before are gone only venom left in its place. She shoves away from him with such force that the King stumbles back a step, barely able to right himself.

"What did you do?"

The word slur together as Nikolai tries to force them out through muscles that no longer want to obey him. Barely audible even to his own ears.

He barely catches her words as the world goes dark, "You'll soon see, Nikolai."

Chapter Text

Rani was so tired of the snoring. Usually, with kidnapping, there were tears and snot and all manner of pleading, but Saints the snoring was worse than all of it.

The King's head is tipped onto his shoulder, swaying with each jolt of the train. Even with his hands bound behind him, arms pulled back at awkward angles, he manages to look at peace as he snores on. His lips parted slightly. And was that... Saints, is he drooling?

Who knew royals were capable of something so mundane?

Slipping the stolen Kefta from her shoulders Rani kicks it into a corner of the train car where it crumples amongst the shipping crates, dust gathering on its hem. By the time anyone finds it she will be long gone, the King with her, skipping over the border and back into the Shu Han. And no one will be any the wiser.

Well, no one but the Tavgharad. When she dropped this lout off and got her payment, she would be rolling in so much prize money that she would never need to do another job again. Not that she wanted to stop, not until Ravka is nothing but a memory.

Maybe, just maybe, Rani could take a break. Hell, she deserved it. She had pulled this off, after all. Kidnapped the Ravkan King. She could leave the country for a while, go to Ketterdam and see how much of her reward she could lose to ill-conceived bets and kvas before she came home.

That sounded alright.

The truth was, the job had been ridiculously easy. It had taken her half the time she thought it would. Clearly, the Ravkan's weren't prepared for a threat like her, just one girl, otkazat'sya, innocuous enough to slip through their defenses. It left them open to other threats. Spys. Bounty hunters.

Assassins.

Rani had expected more from the Shu's biggest foe, she really had.

How the Ravkan uprising had failed, she'll never know. Perhaps they are all as incompetent as the palace guards.

Across from her, the boy King stirs. Moonlight cuts a swath through the darkened car, revealing the glimmering crescents of his eyes as he blinks awake.

"Good, you're up." Rani steps forwards from her spot against the wall, kicking at Nikolai's leg to pull him fully into consciousness, "You snore more than my gran."

The King squints in the dim light, reaching for the memory of his last waking moments that are just out of grasp. His arms strain as he tries to move. It hits him then, that he's bound, and his gaze snaps up to her.

The moment drags on, punctuated only by the rhythmic clack of the rails as they fly closer and closer to the Shu border.

"Did you," Nikolai's voice cracks from disuse, "drug me?"

Rani taps her nose, smirking as the realization sets in on the King's face.

"I take it you're not in the second army then."

"Saints, how ever did you run your country into the ground with a brain like that?"

A wicked grin crosses his face as he sits back, "The people don't care about my brain, darling. Not when it comes in a package as handsome as this."

A disgusted laugh falls from Rani's lips, "To think people are afraid that Ravka might actually win the war."

"Is that what this is about? I told you that Ravka will go on just fine without me. All you'll be doing is making a martyr out of the people's most favored ruler."

"Favored." Rani glares at him, "I hardly think that Ravkans can favor a monarch who engages in such debauchery. Remember meer hours ago, how eager you were to tumble a soldier you just met in the woods."

The grin is back, only widening as he tips his chin up at her, "Sad you missed out, love?"

The King looks far too calm. As if the reality of his situation hasn't set in. As if he isn't afraid. Though perhaps that's because he doesn't realize the magnitude of what has happened, perhaps he thinks that she's simply some girl with an ill concived plan to take on a king.

He stretches his legs before him, reclining regally like he's still on his throne and not crammed between two dusty boxes of textiles on a train bound for the kingdom of his enemies.

"Listen, Tara, dear-"

The knife appears in a flash, slicing through the air. It lands in the wall sunk to the hilt, mere millimeters from his ear and the King wrenches back. The widening of his eyes catches the light, reflecting like a cornered animal in the night.

Stepping up to the King, Rani leans down, grasping the handle of the blade, "Do not use her name or the next one goes two inches to the right."

Why did she give him that name? It was a mistake, giving him the one thing that could make her lose all traces of sense, like handing him a loaded gun. Mistakes like that take people from this line of business.

Mistakes like that kill people like her.

Gritting her teeth, Rani pulls the knife from the wall, "I need you alive and recognizable." She steadies her breath as she taps the flat lightly against Nikolai's temple, "They said nothing about you being unharmed, so I would tread very lightly if I were you."

Nikolai takes a shallow breath, his eyes flicking over her face, "Noted."

"See, wasn't that easy."

Rani sits back on her heels, slipping the blade back into her belt. As the train propels them closer and closer to the Shu Han, to her prize, the King shifts slightly.

"I have one request."

She lifts an eyebrow silently, daring him to speak. For a moment something flashes in the King's face, a darkness like nothing she's seen before, just a moment before it's gone as if it never existed.

"Don't let me fall asleep again."

Chapter Text

The King was asleep again.

Rani considered waking him for a moment, but it turned out that the only thing more infuriating than the snoring was his unceasing attempt to try and charm information from her. At least asleep he didn't keep talking.

"How did you do it?"

The silence between them stretches.

"I'm assuming you were the assassin you warned me about?"

"I find it more interesting to use my own appearance as a diversion."

"I mean, really I'm impressed, it's not just anyone who could break into the Ravkan Palace."

"Actually your security is fairly lacking when it comes to the second army. Seems that you find Grisha infallible even after your civil war."

The King goes silent, looking at her for a long moment. His lips part, understanding slowly passing through his face.

"You're not even one of them, are you?" He whispers, "Toops have been disappearing for months up and down the Shu border, we thought it was the khergud but its not, it's you isn't it? "

Rani lists her head toward him, her eyes meeting Nikolai's for the first time since he began to speak.

"Surprise."

The train continues to rattle along, with each moment bringing them closer and closer to the Shu border. The rhythm soothes her mind the same way that it lolled the King to sleep. The tension wracking her muscles has slowly started to unwind. She's not relaxed, Rani hasn't relaxed in years, but the steading rock of the train has brought the beat of her heart into sync, the whole world seeming to slow with it.

As her eyesight starts to blur another soft sound begins to unveil itself. It's there, a second rhythm beneath the trains rocking, an inconsistent beat that's barely audible.

She's on her feet in seconds her back pressed to the wall, door at her side. How the King hasn't awoken she can't understand. Perhaps he has people to do that for him, why wake when you have guards to do the protecting?

With each step that approaches, her heartbeat rises.

Ravkans? Or perhaps simply thieves? Either way, it won't be a problem, the most difficult part of her assignment has passed, after all.

The door slides open and Rani is instantly in motion, the blade slicing up to meet the intruder. Instead, it meets the flat of another, familiar eyes glinting at her over the top of the blade.

"Really Rani? Who's going to pay you if I die?"

She lets the blade drop to her side, the ghost of a smile flickering over her face.

"Li."

Her contact in the Tavgharad, the Shu royal guard, and the one who gave her this assignment. She's never seen Li outside the borders of the Shu Han, she didn't know the Tavgharad traveled so far.

Li lowers her knife as well, her eyes flash over Rani's shoulder to the dark form slumped in the corner, snoring slightly.

"He's shorter than I'd imagined," Li wrinkles her nose.

He's sleeping. Rani has to bite back the retort. It's not her job to ensure that the King is what Li expected. It's her job to get him and here he is. It's time for her payment.

"If you don't want him, I'm sure that the Fjerdans will pay handsomely, maybe more than you."

A moment of tense silence slices through the train car. Rani rocks back on her heels, worried that for once she's pushed too far. Li has always seen her as something of an inescapable nuisance, an offense to the Shu Han only to be tolerated since she gets results.

But her results are as undeniable as the presence of the King on this train.

"Don't be absurd. Do you think you could get all the way across that country again without the Ravkans coming for their king? They may be incompetent, but even they can't be that stupid." Li steps forward until she's shoulder to shoulder with the other girl, "I'll take him off your hands, tall as he is."

Rani nods toward the king, not daring to take her eyes off the guard before her, "By all means."

It happens between the rocking of the car. One moment they are standing in silence and the next Li's blade has plunged into her side, tearing the world into slivers of bright pain.

"Now that we have the Ravkan the crown is no longer in need of your services." Li turns the blades, slipping in deeper as she sneers, "And I no longer have to deal with you."

Rani staggers back, collapsing to the floor. Everything is turning in on itself, a swirling, roiling mass of pain.

"Saints, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to get rid of you."

The gasp barely passes Rani's lips as she tries to drag the blade away. Her hands slip, coming away empty and slick with her own blood. Should she even remove it? It could just make everything so much worse. Either way, there's far too much red staining the sides of her shirt, far far too much.

She can barely hear Li moving behind her above the harsh buzzing in her ears.

The world is screaming with pain. Or someone is screaming, whether it's the King or Li or simply her mind, she can't say.

And then nothing. Nothing but darkness is closing in on all sides, clawing its way into her nerves. Hands are there reaching for her from the dark, shadows coiling through the veins. A demon come to drag her away for all the sins she's committed.

They've come for her, heartless as she is. Come to drag her into hell.

A wall of pain rises around her. Then nothing but darkness.

Chapter Text

The world is there and gone again. Flashes of white and green. Snowy hills and branches scraping the sky beneath Rani's feet. Funny that, the flying. You would think hell would be below.

Because this has to be the end, or close to it. Why else would there be the beating of wings above her, the darkness swirling through her mind, and the endless waves of pain?

Time stretches and snaps back on itself, long moments of crystalline clarity followed by bright hot pain that surges through her. It comes from every side, her chest crushed in. When the next wave comes it knocks away what breath she has left. Plunging Rani back into the endless, vast nothing.

///

The world is filtering back in patches of light. Each one slices into Rani's mind, bringing with it waves of pain. The crushing in her chest is worse than ever.

It takes every ounce of concentration for her to slit her eyes open. There are only flashes of gold against the blinding light. And cold. So much cold.

Slowly her eyes adjust to the light, bringing into focus the crushing weight on her chest. The King is laying across her, the two of them sprawled amid a field of snow. He's unconscious, skin cold and pale in the stark sunlight. He might as well be dead, with how still he's lying.

Don't be dead, please, please don't be dead. That's all Shu Han wanted. Without the King as leverage, as a bargaining chip, she'll have nothing to stop them from attempting to kill her.

Again.

Rani raises an arm to feel for his pulse and a new wave of pain crashes over her. A scream rips its way from her lungs, her side splitting in pain. Her vision blurs, sunlight streaking in a million threads of gold, her whole body burning with fury and pain. If she ever finds Li again even the Saints won't be able to save her.

The King starts, sitting up quickly. As the pressure lifts from her chest the pain breaks, leaving Rani dizzy, bile rising in the back of her throat.

Nikolai's head whips around, taking in the scene. When his eyes finally land on her they grow wild with panic. She fully expects him to run, to go right back to his palace and leave her here to die in the snow.

Just another casualty under the heel of the Ravkan throne.

Instead, he scrubs his hand across his eyes, leaving streaks of red as he mutters, "I told you not to let me sleep."

"So sorry your highness," Rani hisses, pressing her hand against her side, feeling heat seep between her fingers, "But I have bigger problems than letting you get some royal beauty sleep."

Gritting her teeth, Rani pushes herself into a seated position, ignoring the waves of nausea and pain that roll over her with each movement. Tearing at the hem of her shirt, she tries to inspect the wound.

"Wait."

Her hands are shaking so violently that she can barely do more than stare at the gash in her side.

"Assassin."

Maybe it won't be so bad. If she can just get to the border... What? The Shu guards could finish her off. She can die in disgrace.

"Tara-"

"I told you not to use that name!"

The words end in a pained hiss. In her aggravation, Rani bolted up, the wound in her side sending a bolt of pain through her mind. Shattering the world into fragments of color.

Far too slowly, the snow-drenched landscape comes back into focus. Every shallow breath sends the needles of pain farther into her nerves. The spinning in her head is almost enough to make her heave.

"Let me help."

The King grabs her wrists, attempting to move them away from her injured side. Resisting only makes the world spin faster around her.

"Do you want to die in Ravka? The country you hate so much?"

He levels a look that can only be described as regal condemnation. How many Ravkan officials have folded under that same glare?

Rani clenches her jaw against the rising well of nausea. Trying her best to smooth away the pain in her voice.

"Fine."

Nikolai doesn't look at her as he sets to work, tearing strips of fabric from his jacket. It's already torn, ripped through the sleeves and back as if they had tumbled through the trees. Hadn't she thought they were flying before? But no. That's absurd. They must have been thrown from the train, crashing through trees as they tumbled down some wayward hillside.

They couldn't have flown.

Come to think of it they couldn't have gotten away from Li - not bound and unconscious between them. Not unless she had severely underestimated the King.

Thoughts are coming to the forefront of her mind slowly as if swimming through molasses to get there. None quite fitting in a cohesive narrative.

She had been so sure they were flying.

One step at a time. Once she's sure she'll get out of this forest then she can comb through the day's events.

Shaking the thoughts off Rani looks back at the King.

To her immense surprise, he's made quick and precise work of the bandages, not lingering a second longer than needed when his skin brushes hers. Brisk, adept, quite the opposite of his attitude outside of the little palace, where he had suggested anything but propriety was on his mind.

"You know how to do this?" Rani doesn't try to mask the incredulity in her voice.

"I was in the first army." Nikolai doesn't look up from his work, "And while I'm sure that won't earn me any favor from you, it does make the ladies at home swoon."

The King makes one last adjustment to the bandage before glancing up, a caviler smirk flickering over his face, the few moments without a coy comment proving too much for him. Rani only glares, pretending not to notice his hands shake as he drags them through the snow, leaving streaks of her own crimson blood behind.

"There's a town about three miles south along the tracks. It's dark, and it's not going to get any warmer," Nikolai gives her an assessing look, "Can you stand?"

Rani narrows her eyes, "Don't be daft."

As soon as she's on her feet the world starts to fade, patches of light swimming in and out of her vision. Her fingers dig into the King's arm as she catches at him, keeping herself from toppling back into the snow.

"I want to make one thing clear," Rani hisses, gripping his wrist and praying to the Saints he can't tell she's doing it to keep herself up, "You are still my prisoner. I am taking you back to the capital and turning you over to Shu Han. Let's go."

Nikolai lets out a slightly perplexed laugh, "You can't possibly-"

"I said, let's go." Rani grits out the words through clenched teeth, dragging the King a few steps in the direction she hopes is south. With her vision blinking in and out of focus it's hard to discern the patterns in the stars.

The King looks at her for a long moment. Rani doesn't dare speak, only glaring at the King with as much stubborn determination as she can muster.

After another moment he sighs, relenting.

"Alright. Let's go."

Chapter Text

It must have been hours since the pair began walking, making their way first back to the tracks, then following them South toward the border. Rani's every step is excruciating but she pushes on, pretending she can walk without the King's help even as it becomes harder and harder to hide.

If he pulled away, she could do nothing to stop him. He could leave her here in the snow. He should.

At some point the King began speaking, perhaps trying to distract her, Rani isn't sure. The time he began to speak was around the same time Rani stopped listening.

Breathing is becoming harder, each shallower than the one before. Spots dance in her vision, the patches of darkness like splotches of ink marring the scene around her.

"-Tara-"

"Oh, will you stop it with that!" Rani snaps. The sound of the name breaking through her disinterest.

"Did you have a different name in mind?"

She grits her teeth as her foot catches on a root, forcing a hiss of pain past her lips, "Make something up."

Nikolai's arm quickly snakes beneath her shoulders, pulling her back up, pushing them forward. Rani desperately wants to shake it off, to reject his help. But it's getting harder and harder to pretend a stumbling, shivering girl being pulled along has any volition of her own.

"I feel as though I should clarify, I don't-" The King has the decency to look slightly abashed as he clears his throat, "have amours, with my soldiers. Today was not my finest hour."

Rani sends him a vicious look, trying to head off any more discussion. Of amours or otherwise.

"Look, I know that you hate Ravka-"

"No."

The King looks at her sharply.

Rani is having a hard time speaking around the pain radiating up her chest.

"I could care less about this Saints forsaken country."

And it's true. Ravka is not the problem.

Their King is.

Snow bleeds ice into her veins as she crumples to her knees. The cold has overtaken even the pain now, leaving nothing but bitter disconnect through her entire being. She never thought Saints forsaken snow would be the thing to end her.

"No, no. No time for that."

The King scoops her from the ground into his arms, the sudden motion sends another wave of pain erupting through her, too terrible to even scream.

Rani lets out a shuddering breath. Pain is making the images flash back through her mind, clawed hands and darkness. Fighting back the exhaustion that's clawing away at the edges of her mind, turning her vision to smears of light.

"Where did that thing go?"

Nikolai's sharp intake of breath is clear in her ear.

"It flew." Rani's eyelids flutter as she tries and fails to focus her eyes on the King's face, "I saw it."

"It know." The King looks away. "It's gone now."

Rani is fading now, fighting with every breath. She can not pass out again before this royal, not again.

With the darkness overtaking her she can't see his eyes go dark as he whispers, "It's gone."

///

Lights are flashing in and out, just as time is, as if she's watching the world through the gaps in train cars.

A moment of snow followed by inky darkness where Rani can't feel anything but the pain splitting her side.

A glow of light warming her eyelids. The smell of cedar smoke and spices, barely breaking through the haze of her mind.

Voices follow, though their words will forever be a mystery. The light fades, though the warmth does not, slowly thawing her frozen body.

Darkness envelops her again, this time without respite.

///

When Rani comes too again, she's laying in an unfamiliar room, sprawled on a bed atop the covers as if she's just been laid there.

Through the haze of delirium, urgency breaks in. She has to move quickly. There may not be another time where the King is so foolish as to leave her alone.

Ignoring the flash of pain that breaks through her as she kicks her feet over the side of the bed Rani stands.

She makes it only a few halting steps toward the window, arm wrapped around her torso, before her legs refuse to hold her any longer. She crumples to the floor, excruciating waves traveling through her body.

Gritting her teeth, she digs her fingers between the floorboards, dragging herself forward. Again and again, a singular thought in her pain-addled mind. She has to run. If the King manages to get her back to the capital, if Li finds her, she'll be as good as dead.

She has to get out of here. Has too. Has too.

The tips of her fingers brush the wall. Rani scrabbles desperately against it, trying to pull herself up as stabbing pain thrums through her nerves. Sweat is beginning to bead along her brow as heat rolls through her.

Stretching as far as her screaming muscles will allow her, Rani's fingertips graze the window's latch. She pushes against it and her grip slips, her fingers slick with blood from holding her side. She hadn't noticed.

Fingers shaking, Rani reaches up again. Something creaks deeper in the house, voices growing louder.

Another pang of urgency lances through Rani. She reaches out again, straining even further, her side screaming. Her hand fumbles against the latch, snapping it open with a creak.

A freezing gust of wind rolls through the room as behind her the door crashes open.

"Tara!"

Hands scoop under her arms, pulling her up.

"Not Tara." Rani's voice is rough, drowning in pain, "Let me go."

She tries to hit the King but the shift in her position has sent blackness crashing over her vision again.

She can hear other footsteps pounding into the room. New voices mixing in.

"Oh Saints, what was she doing?"

A woman's voice this time, though Rani can't see her.

"Must have been confused, tried to get some fresh air." Nikolai's voice is different, the normal charm shot through with false worry.

Pain crashes down again as she's lifted back onto the bed, sending her reeling back into unconsciousness.

Someone brushes the hair from her brow as the world disappears.

Chapter Text

Rani is awake.

Well it could barely be called waking really, her vision swirls in and out, time disappearing in stretches of feverous darkness. There are moments of near lucidity, where her senses are almost within her grasp, moments when she's close enough to the world that it scrapes against the edges of her mind before everything fades again.

In those moments she knows, something is wrong.

She's burning from the inside out, brow slicked with sweat even as shivers wrack her body. Each beat of her heart makes her vision shudder.

This must be dying. If this is health, it is not worth living in.

Her vision has come back. Rani is not sure if she was asleep or simply blinded by the pain.

An unfamiliar woman is leaving over her, trying to coax her into drinking something. She's in a room worn by time yet cozy, the faint smell of cedar smoke hanging around them.

The floorboard squeaks, someone outside of her vision approaching, and Rani slips back under the waves.

A floorboard squeaks its violent protest as Rani hops up and down.

Small hands shove her shoulder, but Rani continues to shift her weight against the screaming floorboard.

"Move Rani!"

"You will never move me!" She gasps between fits of giggles even as her frail, ten-year-old frame is dragged off the board.

"I just want to fix this so we can do something else."

Her sister kneels, placing her hands over the board that's been squeaking for weeks. Her face, the mirror of Rani's own, pinches in concentration.

Rani watches as the floor bends and warps under her sister's touch, boards popping, nails straightening as all signs of wear dissolve.

The other girl looks back up at Rani, a grin crossing her face.

The face before her morphs into a sad smile. The look of a Saint watching someone fall, knowing they can do nothing.

The King turns his head, speaking to someone out of Rani's view, "We won't be intruding on your hospitality for too much longer."

"Are you sure it's safe to move her now? Poor dear seems to be doing awfully."

The world around Rani moves like a dream.

The unfamiliar woman steps closer, peering down at Rani's prone form. Neither party seems to notice that she's awake. If she truly is. Perhaps she's simply dreaming once more, though this one is not as pleasant as the last.

"I've sent for the best healers I know. They can help her but I can't in good conscience keep intruding on your home."

The King presses the woman's hand between his in a gesture of thanks.

The woman smiles, "Your fiancé is very lucky to have you."

The world starts to slip away again as a fresh wave of heat tears through Rani's body, her side throbbing in pain.

Pain shoots through Rani's side. She's 16 when she hits the ground hard, dirt kicking up around her, caking its way into her newly laundered uniform.

"Where is she?"

Rani coughs, blood dribbling from her lips. Still, she can't keep the savage smile from her face.

"She's gone."

This time a kick comes instead of a punch, landing against Rani's ribs, making her curl in on herself.

"Stupid half-Ravkan bitch."

Not all Suli are Ravkan, but it's not worth bringing more of her Commander's wrath down on her by saying so.

"It is your sister's duty to serve, Private, the two of you grew up here. She can not just abandon our country because she disagrees with her placement. So tell us where she went."

Rani can feel the rage building in her chest, "You would have killed her."

"She would have progressed our country's understanding of her abilities. If she died it would have been in service to the country." her Commander sneers, "Let the Private consider her choices in lockup for a few days, maybe then she'll feel more like talking."

Rani hadn't lasted long in the army after that. She had thought that her days of being beaten by the Shu military were behind her. Li had clearly thought otherwise.

///

"Come on dear, wake up."

Rani's eyes crack open.

The same woman is standing beside her bed. She speaks like a matronly neighbor, continuously bustling around Rani's feverish form as if unable to stand still. It's hard to keep track of her without nausea rising in Rani's chest.

"The healers are here. They're going to move you. I thought you should be prepared."

She's only catching every other word the woman says, and hardly understanding any with the heat rolling through her in waves. Each breath makes the wound at her side throb, hot ropes of pain tightening across her chest.

"Your fiancé says he's a merchant. That the two of you were out on a trip for him to find new vendors when your carriage was attacked by highwaymen and you were hurt. You both were lucky he found his way to our home before you were out in the snow for too long."

"I know he's lying about some of that though," The woman leans down to adjust the blankets, speaking in a conspiratorial whisper, "He works in the castle, no merchant has connections to Grisha healers."

The woman smiles slightly, pulling away, "Whatever secrets he has are his business, but whoever you are to him I think you must be very important. I don't think he's slept the entire time you've been injured."

Light is beginning to fracture, fragments of color zigzagging across her vision. Rani fights against it, trying to stay awake, to see who the King brings to retrieve them. There's a chance that this will be the last time she's free for the rest of her, possibly newly shorted, life.

It's too much. Rani's world drops back to black, like a curtain falling over her vision, and everything stops.

///

Rocking pulls Rani back into the world.

Her eyes slit open. Above her the elaborately embroidered ceiling of a carriage rocks with the swaying of horses.

Another bump jars her fully back to reality, a groan of pain catching in her throat.

Faces flash into her view. One female, the other male. They look similar, all golden eyes and ebony hair. Rani has enough faculty to recognize that though they were supposed to be healers, they aren't dressed in the traditional Second Army keftas. Even so, they carry themselves with a conference that is only instilled by spending time in the presence of Royalty.

The male guard leans over Rani. He appraises her bleary eyes and fever-flushed face thoughtfully. She tries to fix her gaze on either of them as the world keeps swirling around her.

"She's so small," The female guard's voice hits the edges of Rani's mind, an incredulous bite to her words, "Nikolai how did she get the upper hand on you?"

Rani can't see the King, yet apparently, he's there, slumming it with his prisoner instead of riding in his own carriage.

The male guard is leaning close to check her heartbeat, and so he hears it when Rani rasps, "The snake is small, yet it bites."

The male guard smiles slightly. It's almost immediately it's replaced by a furrowing of his brow.

"The infection has progressed substantially," He looks away, probably back toward the King though Rani can't tell. Speaking has zapped what little energy she was able to garner.

"We need a real healer, this is beyond Tamar and me."

The pain has become such a regularity that Rani can no longer tell when it's magnified, but her body still knows. It drags her back down, her eyelids drooping despite her best attempts, exhaustion permeating her mind.

"Just keep her alive."

Chapter Text

It's quiet as Rani slowly becomes aware of herself again. Keeping her eyes resolutely closed, she tries to take stock of the past few days.

Her side throbs dully, probably the thing that pulled her back into conciseness. She's had some kind of care then, judging by the lack of excruciating pain. Rani moves slowly, afraid that despite the silence she is not alone, walking her finger slowly up her sides until she finds a bandage wrapped around her torso.

Cracking her eyes, Rani around up through her lashes. She is alone, in fact. The room is sparsely decorated, but every fragment of it oozes wealth. Gilded moldings surround a creamy ceiling that reflects beams of sunlight around the room, setting it aglow without any additional lights. The walls are painted a soft blue, the color of robins eggs, adorned with a pattern of faint white flowers winding together.

Rani is propped up on pillows that are far softer than anything she's ever felt. Silken sheets float like air against her skin, clearly fabricator craft.

The thought makes Rani want to shed her skin.

Throwing her feet over the side of the bed, Rani stands. Aside from a dull prickle in her side, she stays steady.

A quick search of the room reveals nothing of interest, no furniture aside from a bed and an empty nightstand. Nothing that Rani can use as a weapon. Aside from the table itself, that is.

The room itself seems to have no purpose. There are no doors leading off to other chambers, no shelves or vanities, as an empty sitting room had simply been found in the depths of the castle and repurposed to hold her.

Another quick check reveals that the door is unlocked. These Ravkans clearly have no concerns about restraining her.

Her bare feet slip against the cold tiles as she races down the hall. Blessedly empty as well.

Rani passes into a larger hall. The ceiling is made up of high ribbed vaults, each with a skylight at the highest point. Small pools of light dot the floor every few feet. Rani races in and out of the dappled light, like fish flashing through water.

The corridor is lined with windows on one side, revealing a lake below far. The closer wall is spotted with niches every few feet, interspersed with intersecting halls.

Rani curses faintly as a group of people at the far end of the hall passes through a pool of light. Before the King or his two guards can see her, she ducks down a new hall. Though their voices are lowered, they echo down to her.

The female guard is speaking.

"Of all the questionable decisions you've made, this is the one I despise the most."

"So you've said."

Another group passes into the corridor, their voices obscuring that of the King. Rani inches closer to the corner, trying to catch any fragments of their conversation.

"-It almost killed her... we were supposed to have It under control by now... not allow that to happen again... and it was clear that she saw, she knows..."

The way the King refers to It is strange. Like a proper noun, like something unknown, something to be feared.

The other group has passed now, leaving just the voice of the King, "We can't just release her into Ravka, not knowing what she knows."

Rani already knew that, knew that there was no chance of being released.

The real question is why they are keeping her alive.

"I'm not suggesting we release her." The female guard's voice is thick with implications.

That sounds correct.

Their footsteps get closer and Rani prays they simply walk past, toward the room she recently vacated.

"She was able to break into the palace without assistance and go undetected. Clearly, we have some holes. We make her a security advisor."

"Terrible idea."

For the first time, the male guard speaks, "As Tamar has so bluntly articulated, you can't truly expect her to help Ravka."

The female, Tamar, cuts in, "Need I remind you that her entire intention was to turn you over to the Shu Han government? She will do it again, given the chance."

True enough. At least one of them seems to have their head on straight. It makes the King's mistakes all the more infuriating.

Innocents die when someone in his position makes mistakes.

A gasp behind Rani makes her spin. Someone is rushing at her from the other end of the hall. She shifts her weight, preparing to run, to fight, anything, when she hears something that makes her freeze.

"Tara!"

The girl sweeps Rani into a hug that lifts her from the ground, causing her purple kefta billows out behind her. Rani is frozen as she's spun around in a crushing embrace.

"People are saying that you were killed," The girl shakes slightly as she releases Rani, "but you're here."

Rani feels vaguely sick as she watches the disbelief fade from the girl's face, watches as it is flooded with euphoric relief instead.

She clasps Rani's hand in hers, her eyes shining, "How are you?"

Bile is rising in the back of Rani's throat, but she can't respond with the thoughts flashing through her mind.

I just want to fix things, someday it won't be so hard.

What's going to happen to me at a palace?

He's going to make a difference, Rani, I have to be a part of it.

"I'm not Tara."

Rani's voice breaks over her name. She could never be Tara.

Tara believed in things.

Rani hasn't believed in anything in a long time.

"Oh," The other girl steps back, her face crumpling. It's like someone has thrown their fist into Rani's gut, making it hard for her to breathe. She tries to keep her face blank, even when a few silent tears trace down the other girl's face.

Behind her someone clears their throat. Rani curses under her breath, knowing deep down who it is.

The King and his guards are standing on the lip of the hallway, surveying the scene.

"I see you're feeling well enough to find your way around the castle without assistance."

The King seems amused at Rani's insistence on escape. She can feel her stomach turning at his smile.

"Yes, I am well enough," Rani takes a step toward the group, rage boiling in her chest. Her voice hardens to steel, "and my life will be your worst mistake."

"You should listen to your advisors because they are right, I will never stop trying to ruin you. You've been so corrupted by the demons that ran your country before you, you've practically become one."

Nikolai laughs, the sound harsh and humorless, "You have no idea."

Tamar seizes Rani by the arm, dragging her away from the King. His eyes have taken on a hollowness as Rani screams, viscousness the only way to cover the chasm opening in her chest.

"You will have to kill me because I will never work for you. I will not!"

The guard pulls Rani around the corner, and the King disappears from sight.

She will not trust the King.

Rani will not make the same mistake she did.

Chapter Text

The Durast is still crying.

Nikolai doesn't like it when people cry. He never knows where to look. Not when he's supposed to be their proper, stoic leader. Kings aren't there to comfort their subjects.

The assassin is long gone, dragged off by Tamar to Saints knows where. He's not sure which of those two would be a more violent foe, and a fight between the two would be a reckoning.

"Excuse me, moi tsar."

The Durast has looked up, now pretending that she's no longer crying, though silent tears are still tracking down her face.

"Why was she here?"

Nikolai raises his eyebrows, "You know her?"

"That was Rani Khatri, yes?"

Nikolai files that name away for later.

"Know her. Not really, no. Tara talked about her, but I thought she was in Shu Han. I didn't think she had any interest in coming here."

The fury on the assassin's face flashes through the King's mind.

Clearly, she still doesn't.

The Durast looks as if she's about to excuse herself, but Nikolai steps forward quickly, getting the question out before she can leave.

"Who is Tara?"

\\\

Rani wishes she was a Grisha. Then instead of just glaring at the girl across from her, wishing it would stop her heart, she could actually do it.

She has been deposited back into the vacant room like a damsel in need of protecting.

Or guarding.

Tamar only smiles in the face of Rani's fury, her hands grazing over the hilt of an axe strapped to her waist.

"Please do something stupid. It would make my day so much more interesting."

"If you want to kill me so badly, why wait for the King's blessing."

Rani steps forward until she's eye to eye with Tamar. Adrenaline is still thrumming through her veins. The urge to be reckless, to take some action - any action - to feel something other than the memories clawing at the back of her mind is overwhelming every rational thought.

She had been mistaken for Tara.

"I tried to kill him and now you want to kill me," A lingering tinge of pain crawls up her side, "So do it. Why wait for permission when you could take out a threat to the kingdom right now."

A muscle in Tamar's jaw jumps. Her eyes burn. Her fingers twitch toward the blade at her side.

Rani's grin hardens into something feral.

"Do it."

The door swings open. Tamar steps back quickly. The male guard cuts an undistinguishable look at Rani as the King strides in.

He faces them down like an avenging angel. His level gaze cuts through the haze of anger hanging around Tamar in a cloud. It's no wonder people follow him to their death, not when he looks as regal and commanding as the visage of any Saint ornamenting a church window.

"Rani Khatri."

Hearing her own name is almost as painful as hearing Tara's, but the shock of it is far worse. It must show. She can see the triumph on the King's face as the name hits her. But it came too unexpectedly for Rani to prepare.

Nikolai waves a dismissive hand, turning away as if Rani is not worth even half his attention.

"You are now in service of the Ravkan throne and will be called upon for advice pertaining to security and espionage. Until such time as you can prove that you are no longer a threat to the throne or myself, you will remain in this room. You will be allowed out only with an armed guard and authorization. You will of course be allowed no weapons, though any other items you wish to request may be granted."

As if she would agree to this. As if she would serve him, this crown that strews death behind it recklessly, like a child scattering flowers before an altar.

Rani is still simmering, anger writhing under her skin. It boils away every thought in her mind, every feeling besides pure and unadulterated rage.

"What exactly inspired this act of altruism?"

Ice cuts through her words, so opposite the fire running away with her.

The King tilts his chin up, offering nothing but a single word of explanation.

"Tara."

"I warned you about that name."

Then Rani swings.

\\\

Nikolai tilts his head back, pinching his nose to staunch the bleeding.

"Why do women keep punching me?"

"At some point, your majesty, you must realize the commonality."

Nikolai raises an eyebrow at Toyla, though it's Tamar who answers.

"You."

Nikolai tilts his head to the side, considering.

"I suppose it's possible. Though I can't imagine why when I'm so limitlessly charming."

"Now that I think about it, I haven't given it a go yet." Tamar grins, flexing her fingers, "Want to double your luck."

"Amusing."

Nikolai lowers the cloth from his face, folding it so the blossom of crimson is replaced with crisp white cloth. Like crisp white snow. Blood streaked beneath his fingers, the back of his hands, crusted under his fingernails.

So much blood.

"Why provoke this?" Toyla shifts forward in his seat, "Why dredge up this pain instead of allowing her to live? After what the Durast said-"

"What did the Durast say?" Tamar cuts in, "Why did you send the assassin to the little palace?"

"He's made a very ill-advised decision that will probably go terribly, but there's enough of a chance it will work that he can convince himself it's genius."

"So the usual." Tamar clarifies.

Yes. The usual. But not the impossible.

The improbable.

Chapter Text

Grisha scatter before the phalanx of guards that parades Rani through the halls of the little palace. Taking her, on the King's orders, to Saints know where.

Ridiculous, this entire thing.

That she would work for him. That he would continue to drag her along in whatever charade he's designed.

Whispers echo after their small party. Eyes following them through the halls. It's clear that prisoners are not often in the little palace and Rani's appearance is an object of curiosity. Especially when she has the face of a fallen Grisha.

She tries not to hear her sister's name in the murmurs that follow her.

Their small party stops abruptly. Nothing seems to distinguish this door from all the others they've passed in the little palace, but one of the guards gestures for her to enter. Rani waits. When it's clear the guard isn't golfing to open the door himself, she rolls her eyes, pushing the door open herself.

Despite the grandeur of the palace, the room before her is somehow homey. Almost every surface is covered in some sort of vibrant fabric. Blankets and curtains, pillows and rugs, all woven in intricate patterns, bright colors making the room feel warm even in the cold winter months.

Cautiously Rani takes a step forward. The air inside is stale, despite the comfortable atmosphere. Each step swirls up dust, dancing in moats of light from the vaulted windows. Even that is bright with color from tinted panes set into the windows. The entire room vibrates with it.

The door snaps closed. Rani doesn't turn. She's frozen in place, her eyes locked on a scarf folded carefully over the back of a chair, the only plane item in the vibrant room. Threadbare and dull and far too familiar.

A standard Shu military garment. She had been given one when she was drafted.

So had Tara.

"Stop fussing, Rani, you'll get us caught."

"It's cold in Ravka. You'll thank me once you're trekking through the snow on the other side of those mountains."

She looped that scarf around her twin's shoulders, tucking the ends hurriedly into her coat.

"There." She shoved Tara away from the edge of the army camp. "Go before they come looking for you."

They had found out about her. It didn't matter how, but they had. Now they'll come. They can't have a Grisha in the Shu army. They would kill her.

Or worse, they wouldn't.

Tara had taken a step toward the darkness, toward Ravka.

And hesitated.

"Go, what are you waiting for?" Rani hissed.

Instead, Tara had thrown her arms around her twin, shaking, crushing her until neither of them could breathe. Whispering the words she had never said before, "I'm scared, kebben."

Rani shut her eyes and pushed down her own fear. She couldn't be scared, not when Tara needed her to be strong.

"You'll be safe in Ravka."

She hadn't been.

Crossing the room in a few short strides Rani tears out the third drawer from the top of the dresser. Reaching into the empty slot, she rips out the bundle taped to the top. It only confirms what she already suspected.

This is where Tara always hid what she didn't want to be found, back in their shared room in Shu Han.

Yanking open the envelope, Rani pours the contents onto the desk. Letters from their parents, pamphlets with news from the Shu Han, and postcards Rani had sent her from Ketterdam. They all cascade over the desk, causing the paper already there to fall to the floor.

Her shaking hands snatch that paper from the floor.

The spindly scrawl of her twin sister's writing covers the page, ending in a messy blot. That draws Rani's concern, but she forces her eyes back to the beginning of the letter where her name is written.

Written, but never sent.

---

Rani,

I know that you are concerned. You were correct with everything you said in your last letter. The civil war worsens as the Sun Summoner attempts to find the Darkling. Ravka fractures and even here Grisha are no longer safe.

But I can not come home.

They are fighting for something here, the chance to change the way the world views Grisha. I have told you that their Prince has spoken of this before and he is closer now, to making it happen. They are having some party now, his birthday I think, and I have no doubt that even the small act of having Grisha and Otkazat'sya together at an event will continue toward this goal.

I believe he will change things, so I will stay and be a part of it.

---

The blot then. Ink splashed across the bottom of the page as if someone had split the bottle. Another line after, as though in explanation.

Something has happened, I must go.

Ranis clenches the letter in her hand, squeezing until her fingers ache.

Her fist slams into the door. It opens after the second hit.

"Take me to him," She barks at the guards.

He hesitates for a moment, his face full of confusion.

"Take me to your King!"

\\\

"What the hell was that?"

Rani slams her way through the door to the sitting room, her face hot with anger. The King looks up from a stack of papers sitting before him as Rani storms across the room. She's almost to him when Tamar appears, pushing her back.

Rani ignores her, brandishing the letter at the King.

"Did you plant this for me to find? To try and convince me of all your piousness?"

Even as she says it, she knows it's ridiculous. That letter was in Tara's handwriting. The room was caked in dust.

The King looks surprised as his eyes flicker from Rani's livid face to her clenched fist, "What?"

Tamar snatches the crumpled letter from Rani's hands, tossing it to the King. He takes his time straightening the paper, leaving Rani's blood to simmer.

When he finally looks up his gaze goes not to Rani, but to an empty point above the hearth.

"Well, that does seem damning."

Rani seethes, trying to push the Heartrender off her.

"Let her go, Tamar."

The King sighs, running a hand over his eyes. Rani breaks from the other girl's grip, pushing past her until she's standing before the King.

He waves the letter absently, his eyes still far, far away. "I did not know about... this."

"That's all you have to say?"

"Yes."

He finally looks up at Rani, plaintive eyes tinted gold in the low dusk from the window, like an angel who knows it's to be sent to damnation.

"I could offer you more than the other families of Grisha who passed. I could offer you her memory and I hope it brought you peace."

"Peace," Rani snarls, "You thought rummaging through some scraps of her things would give me peace."

"My sister came to Ravka for asylum, for safety. When your civil war happened, she had no right to be involved, no right to fight for a country she doesn't belong to. Everyone knows Durasts are not warriors." Rani swallows, her voice hardening to keep the emotions at bay, "She believed in you, she followed you, and when the Darkling came that got her killed. You had no right to let her fight!"

"She had a choice, they all did." Nikolai's eyes have darkened, the gold melting away, "Do you think that makes it any less of a weight? Do you think I forget how much carnage my family has left behind, how much I have added to it?"

He's standing now. The same anger that roils under Rani's skin crackling in the air around him.

"I will not let that be in vain. Too many people have died but if you are so hell-bent on adding to their numbers then you will have to do it yourself. I will not have you killed."

"Your sister thought I was trying to do something worthwhile. I suggest you decide if you truly want to spend your life working against her."

And with that, the King left.

Chapter Text

A week passed before Rani saw the King again.

A week in which she cursed and raged and swore up and down about the bastards that lived in Ravka as she paced around her tiny room. A week in which she pushed back the thoughts tugging at the edge of her mind.

The King was right.

She could not work against Tara.

Spending her life knowing that she had ended the movement Tara believed in... she couldn't.

If that meant she had to work for this facetious excuse for a King then so be it.

So a week after she had been to Tara's room, she walked into a meeting with the King and his advisors. Dressed in nondescript clothes that resembled neither Ravkan nor Shu uniforms, but were still military cut nonetheless, her hair pulled back on the same tight braid as always.

The King had grinned when he caught sight of her walking through the door, a cheeky look of triumph that sent Rani's heart rate spiking. Anger that she tried quickly to soothe into placid indifference. It's the same look that the others in the room give her. It's clear that news of her failed kidnapping attempt has not spread beyond the King and his two Grisha. Or if it had, these advisors did not know that she had been the perpetrator.

While the rest of the group meanders around, discussing trade agreements or using the land destroyed by the unsea or other equally dull things, Rani makes her way straight to the table, sitting as close to the door as she can.

Better to have the opportunity to escape if needed.

Far too quickly the King appears at her side. Even in the low light indoors, his hair appears like threads of gold, like sunlight itself has been trapped within. Ravkas golden child. The perfect King that would save them all.

Annoying.

Nikolais eyes glint with mirth as if he can see the thoughts crashing through Rani's mind.

"I see you decided to join us instead of doing something rash."

Rani grips the arms of her chair to steady herself, "That is not yet off the table."

His grin only widens. "I think this will be much more interesting."

It's hard to look at him and not let herself be filled with anger. But she will try. For Tara. Because she deserved it.

Taking a slow breath Rani forces her eyes to meet the Kings. They are dancing with amusement that Rani lost long ago, the moment Tara left her forever.

He is not the enemy. Not anymore.

It's hard to look at him and not see deception and hate. But she will try.

For Tara.

Rani tries to read anything deeper in the King's eyes. It's all but impossible.

"My sister believed in you. Fine, I respect her, but do not mistake my presence here for allegiance to you."

"That's fine," The King leans forward as if to share a secret. His breath stirs the loose strands of hair by Rani's ear, sending shivers across her skin, "but I admire you, so I do not intend to let you waste your talents on ill-advised revenge."

Is that what Tara had been to? Talent to use and replace like a pawn on a chessboard.

Before that's what she would have believed. Now thought... she's not sure.

Rani leans slightly in, mimicking his closeness as she whispers, "You enjoy knowing someone in your palace would as soon have a knife to your throat as help you?"

"Oh, I count on it, keeps my wits sharp."

That quicksilver smile again.

When the King moves away, going to take his palace at the table and start the meeting Rani is no longer certain she knows anything about him at all.

\\\

The meeting goes by in a haze. Rani's attempts to listen are always thwarted by the dullness of the subject matter. Hadn't the King intended for her to discuss security, warfare, something other than the level of import tax on Kerch goods? Did he really think she would have an opinion on such things, or was this some sort of twisted punishment for her attempt to remove him from his crown?

"Anything thoughts from our newest advisor?"

A string of curses runs through Rani's head as she meets the King's eyes. The corner of his mouth is pulled up in a cheeky grin. Insolent royal. He had waited until he was sure she wasn't listening to bring forward the reason she was here.

"We were just discussing the problem of our Second Army troops disappearing along the Shu border." The King raises an eyebrow, a mockery of a question, "You wouldn't happen to have any information about that, would you?"

He knew. He knew because she had told him. Too proud and too sure of her victory to deny the trap she had set for all of them.

No reason to stop being proud now.

"I do." Rani matches his smirk with a harsh grin of her own, "It was me."

"You killed-"

"Not killed." Rani cuts Tamar off, "Removed."

The room is shivering with silence, all eyes locked on their newest member. Rani leans back slightly, mirroring the confidence all the other advisors carry, "Ask me why I did it."

There is horror on everyone's face. Everyone except the King. His eyes are glinting with something close to excitement.

"Why?"

"Not everyone is so unwaveringly intent on being in your army? It might not be a coincidence that all your missing troops were not Ravkans. They all had a choice" Rani shrugs, twisting the words the King had said about Tara back against him, "and now they are all living cushy lives in Ketterdam far away from your idiotic war."

Lives funded by the downpayment the Shu army gave her for capturing the Ravkan King.

It was a tidy little plan. Get as many Grisha out as possible on the way to the capital, funded by her downpayment. Capture the Ravkan King. Hand him over to Shu Queens and get the rest of her money. Travel back along the border liberating more Ravkan Grisha on the way to Ketterdam. Then live out the rest of her life there in a haze of alcohol-induced bliss believing that she's avenged Tara and righted a wrong.

Li had a different idea. The King had a different idea. Anyway, she's not so sure anymore, that life would have been blissful in Ketterman. It might have been drowning and pretending that she was not. Pretending that life could move on after revenge.

"Don't ask me where they are, I won't tell you."

"I won't ask."

The rest of the meeting passes without so much as a word being directed her way. It's clear from the swift glances and the way the advisors shift ever so slightly away from her that they have figured out exactly who sits amongst them and are not pleased.

Rani is about to escape back into the hallway after the meetings end when the King's voice stops her.

"Perhaps try not to undermine me quite so much in the next meeting."

It sounds like a threat, but when Rani turns she sees the same amusement as before written across the King's face. Not even the hours of tedium can shake the permanent lively spirit from him.

"Are you always so chipper after these things?" Rani waves a vague hand around the room.

The King sighs, leaning beside the door, "It's the only way to get through them. I will say that your addition made things far more interesting than usual."

The fire that is so easy to stir, rises inside Rani's chest again. "Glad I can serve as amusement, your majesty."

"I've already told you it's Nikolai. I think after attempting to kill me, you can at least extend me the courtesy of using my name." He doesn't wait for any affirmation from her as he goes on, "You're here to speak your mind. Do you think anyone in that room - save Toyla and Tamar - is trying to do more than gain my favor? I need a voice of dissent. Any amusement I get from watching those stuffy bureaucrats interact with you is simply an added benefit."

He wanted dissent. Fine.

"You may be able to force Ravkans to fight for you, but it is heinous to lure in Grisha from abroad with the promise of safe haven only to force them into your war."

For the first time that smile fails.

"I know." Nikolai's eyes drift past her, focusing on a stop in the mid-distance, "I believed that we had reshaped the second army after the civil war. I did not know there were still those who felt they had to fight for us. I never intended to make people stay that did not want to."

"Except me, because I can not leave."

Rani cruses herself for saying the words aloud, for tempting the King to go back on his decision.

"No, you can not, but you are certainly welcome to stay in that room and enjoy the benefits of the castle."

She can't do that. It has to be plain to anyone that she's incapable of sitting still, of allowing life to pass by in a cushy, monotonous drawl while the world spun on outside her walls.

She searches the King's face, looking for any signs of anything besides the bland openness which he shows the world. What does he expect her to do? To say yes, to while always time in that room until she's no longer a threat. She searches, from his eyes to the set of his jaw, and comes up with nothing.

Maybe he hadn't expected to lead her sister to her death for his own end. Maybe he hadn't expected Grisha to fear the crown so much that they would stay and fight instead of leave.

Maybe, deep down, he hadn't expected anyone to be loyal to him at all. Not really.

\\\

When Rani returns to her room, there's a small piece of paper folder on her pillow.

Her mood darkens as she scans the words. There's no fireplace in the room, so instead she tosses the paper into the pitcher of water on the nightstand. The paper slowly dissolves until the only thing left of the threat is a bitter taste in the back of Rani's mouth.

Kill him this time and we'll let you live.

Chapter Text

It was close to one when Rani finally gave up on sleep. It has been a useless pursuit after she saw the note that Li left, but she had tried anyway. Some part of her had desperatly hoped that sleep would bring her clarity.

The room is too small for her thoughts. They seem to bounce against the walls, pressing in on her with each passing moment.

Going to the window, Rani slides up the pane. It had taken her a day to figure out the best way to leave her room undetected. There were no exist beside the main door. No false doors, no fireplace to climb, just the windows. Two stories above the ground. That drop was the best way out and besides she had survived a higher drop weeks ago.

Tumbling through the sky, branches snapping around her, sharp claws digging into her skin.

Rani is still not sure what happened that night when she and the King were thrown from the train, not sure how they had gotten so far from the track. That mystery, however, has been relegated to the back of her mind.

Swinging her legs out the window, Rani twists until her stomach is pressing against the sill. Her grip tightens on the edge as she slips back until she's hanging only by the tips of her fingers.

The ground still seems far, far below, but Rani doesn't give herself a moment for hesitation. She drops, knees bent, rolling back into the grass. The shock sends a lash of pain through the knife wound in her side. The last reminisce not yet healed.

Inflicted by Li, probably the same person who had directed that note to be placed in her room.

Rani moves aimlessly through the grounds, forcing her thoughts to order with each step.
Tara, Li, The King. Freedom and money and ideology all warring against one another inside her mind.

She is certain of one thing, even with the paths branching before her.

She won't kill the King.

Rani has known that since she read the letter. It is to spite Li as much as to honor Tara.
She could leave, escape now before the Tavgharad or Tamar decide she'll be less of a burden to them dead. She could say here, fight like Tara did, and probably die as she did. She could take her chances trying to turn the King in again, maybe to Fjerda this time. It would probably get them both killed and would leave the world in more wrecakge than before.

Or she could tell the King.

She would run the risk of him thinking she is in league with them. That this was some intricate ploy to kill him. Or perhaps she would gain his trust.

From the corner of her eye Rani sees a flicker, a dark shadow blotting out the moon.
Her stomach curtles. Holding her breath, Rani searches for another flicker of moment, a sound, anything. The air is still, suffocatingly heavy with heat. Even the drone of nighttime creatures has silenced, owls retreating back into the woods, the whole world holding it's breath.

Ranis footsteps are the only noise in the dense silence. The quick crunch of grass beneath her feet as she moves back toward the palace. Her nerves ache. The wrongness of the world thrumbing in her veins.

The quiet seems to scream.

She's running now, not bothering to find her way back to the open window. She's gone farther than she relized, curving around the edge of the lake. Her eyes snag on a small, abandoned dock. Somewhere to hide.

She can hear ir now. A sound that makes her blood run dry in her veins. Like the beating of giant wings.

Her feet pound over the boards. Her skin prickles. She lunges forward, twisting, ready to swing herself under the dock.

Rani plunges into the water, feeling talsons sink into her shoulder. She's pulled from the depths, up and up, her feet finding purchase on nothing, her hands scrabbling at the thing that holds her to no avail.

The world spins beneath her. A breathless moment of disorientation. Darkness and searing, simmering pain.

Rani's slambed back into a hard surface. Talons are still locked in her shoulder as she skitter down the slanted surface. The roof, its gold plated surface flashing behind that thing.
For the first time her eyes fasten on it, the monster from the train, the demon that's haunted her dreams for weeks, all coiling shadow and talons, wings and teeth.

Pure, undiluted terror rocks through her.

This is no creation of the Saints. This thing should not walk this world. It is made of terrors and darkness and pain. Monster seems too hollow a word.

Demon.

Nightmare.

Abomination.

Panic sets in. Rani jerks her arm. The skin at her shoulder tears, but she doesn't feel it. Without the haze of pain and death from before, it's all to real. She had wanted to know, wanted to assure herself it was more than a death addled haluicaintion. She had been mistaken, it was better left in the shadows. Better never known.

Nightmare.

Demon.

Monster.

Rani screams.

///

Nikoali awoke with blood on his hands.

Again.

The chains on his bed lay broken, stratched and warped until the metal yeilded under the demons claws. At some point during the night the banistar had snapped, gave way under the stress of that thing straining agians its chains. They had constantly to cycle in new beds as the monster tore through them, not to mention the number of sheets it had destroyed.

Stepping out of the wreckage, Nikolai moves toward the wash basin on unsteady legs. The blood it has to be his own this time.

It has to be.

Water sloshes over the edge of the basin as he scrubs at the red staining his hands. The cloth turns pink in his feavered grip, his knuckles white beneath the blood. It's on his hands, his chest, his face. He's drowning in it.

Drowning is the blood of so many.

A nock comes from the door. Nikolai curses, scrubbing the towel once more over his face and hands before calling for them to enter. Zoya flounces in. She takes in the wreckage of the room, the blood smeared around the washstand, with no reaction other than a single arched eyebrow.

"Your liability has proven herself again."

It takes a moment for Nikolai to remember who she's talking about. In that moment Zoya speaks again, "She's gotten herself on the roof of the place."

Rani.

"No one's gotten her down?"

"She's refusing to come down." Zoya casts a pointedly nonchalant look toward the wash stand and adds, "Apparently there's blood."

Chapter Text

Nikolai expected blood. He expected carnage. For the assassin to be lying prone once again, once again almost killed by his hand.

He did not expect his soldiers to be firing at the roof.

A crowd has assembled at the edge of the palace, where one of the sunrooms opens out onto the gardens. The large glass doors are thrown open, panes shattered, glass glinting amongst the gravel.

The bullet from the first army soldier's gun pings hollowly off the roof. In answer, a flash of gold comes hurtling down, scattering the guards below like ants running from a boot. It lands amongst the gravel, similar artifacts are littered over the ground and in the nearby garden hedges.

It takes a moment before Nikolai recognizes the projectile. Gilded roof tiles and ornaments, all being thrown with vigor at the soldiers below.

Despite himself, despite the fear still thrumming through him, he grins.

It's short-lived. Another soldier hoists a rifle, aiming at the roof.

Nikolai storms forward, "Who gave you the authority to shoot at her!"

The guard glances at the King, lowering the gun slightly. "She won't come down." He says it as if in explanation.

"You are dismissed," Nikolai raises his voice, "In fact all of you p, go find something better to do. Now."

The soldiers scatter on the wind, leaving only Zoya and him on the garden path. He comes to a stop beside one of the golden ornaments, a snake curling around itself, fangs bared in an angry snarl. From this vantage, he can't see atop the roof, but he can imagine her sitting up there, bracing again for a hail of bullets.

"Please stop destroying my palace!"

A face peeks over the edge, an answer coming back in rapid, angry Shu. The sentiment of which would make even the bawdiest pirate cringe.

A grin flashes over his face, "I'll try not to take that as a comment on my character."

"You want me to get her down?" Zoya looks exceedingly bored, examining her flawless nails as if even they are not up to her standards.

Another ornament comes down, a golden-plated falcon that narrowly misses Zoya as she jumps aside. Another string of curses follows. Nikolai doesn't hear all of it over the Squallers snarl, but he catches the last word.

Monster.

Zoya's hands are in motion, readying to sweep gales over the roof. Nikolai puts out his own up to stop her, "No, I'll talk to her."

It only takes Nikolai a few minutes to get back inside, climbing through the palace, up the ladder to the hatch onto the roof. Zoya had dismissed herself in a huff, sending Toyla to watch over him in her stead. Probably for the best, considering the state Rani is in.

The trap door gives an inch under his hand but stops, leaving only a slice of sky visible. It shutters as something hits the back side of it. More Shu follows, "I will cut your hands off and feed them to that demon if you try to move me."

Toyla seems rather amused at that. It's lucky most of the guards can't speak Shu, or else she would be proclaiming his ailment for the entire palace to hear.

"Last time you tried something like that it didn't go so well."

This time a foot lands on the other side, causing it to drop a few centimeters.

Nikolai curses, branching himself against the door. Over the din of her stomping, he shouts, "I know what you saw."

Golden eyes appear in the slit. They stare down at him, wide and distrusting. Waving a hand for Toyla to back away, Nikolai lowers his voice, "Let me up, Rani."

After a long moment, something shifts. Slowly the door creaks open.

Nikolai tries not to flinch at the sight of her. He had expected, known that she must have been the one the demon attacked last night, but this.

Her face is bloodless. Three long cuts run from her left ear to her collarbone, shallow but crusted with blood. Puncture marks are sunk into her other shoulder. Strips from the bottom of her shirt are torn and warped messily around the wound, the green fabric stained almost black. She clutched another gilded tile, hefted over her shoulder to throw at any moment. Most of her hair has come loose from its braid in long wild strands, the rest tangled in a mess at the nape of her neck.

Her eyes are the worst. Even in that forest, stabbed with an infection ravaging her, she had been fiery, angry certainly, but never afraid.

Now though, her eyes are wild, terror stark on every plane of her face.

"And have you come to finish off the job that beast started?" She hisses like a corned animal.

"No."

"I don't believe you."

"You do," Nikolai extends his hands, a show of peace. He keeps his voice low, afraid at any moment she'll throw the door closed on him, "or you wouldn't have opened the door."

Rani stands still for a long moment. Ever so slowly she steps back, lowering her makeshift weapon. Even that slight movement sends a flash of pain over her face, though she tries to hide it. There's just enough space for Nikolai to follow her onto the roof, but he waits. There's enough pain still lacing her eyes he's worried she'll run him through with one wrong move.

Bracing his arms against the opening, Nikolai leans forward, "Is your plan to just stay here, bleed out, and chop Ravanks into tiny bits."

"I don't have a knife." Rani's words are soft, like an apology, an invitation.

Nikolai steps onto the roof.

Chapter Text

"Let's get you to a healer."

"I can't." That's when Nikolai sees her knee. It's twisted awkwardly. Rani shifts, leaving all her weight on the other leg. At the look, she snorts, "Did you think I was just staying up here because I was dramatic? I only started throwing things when they started shooting."

Nikolai grimaces, "I did not authorize that."

"After last night, a few bullets aren't enough to scare me."

Right.

Last night, when the demon had almost killed her. He had almost killed her.

Again.

"Let me help-"

"-because you were in the army and you're strangely good at treating injuries. I know." The assassin's words are the closest she's ever come to complimenting him and Nikolai has to force back a smile.

Instead, he carefully examines the mess of fabric tied around Rani's shoulder, "You, apparently, are not so skilled."

Rani allows him to take her arm, careful of the scratches running down it as he helps her to sit. "I was not a Prince in the army. There was no focus on making sure I gained useful skills, I was just another body to throw at the Ravkans"

The pain in Rani's voice is clear and so Nikolai tries very hard not to imagine what it was like when she had thrown herself at one specific Ravkan. Though that was admittedly for a different reason than he had hoped.

So he tries very hard not to think about the way sunlight had tinted the edges of her dark hair with a golden sheen, how warm her hand had been against his chest.

The almost kiss that has haunted him for weeks now. She had been beautiful that day by the lake before he knew the truth. It had been a quiet kind of beauty. The reality is a girl of glinting blades and hard truths, of fire and passion. She is all the more beautiful for it.

More dangerous too. For him and for Ravka.

Nikolai produces a flask from his pocket, taking a swig to clear his mind before passing it to Rani. She sniffs it tentatively, her eyes widening.

"A little early, don't you think?"

It definitely is, but as soon as Zoya told him what had he knew at least one of them would need a drink.

Some of the blood starts to return to her face as she takes a swig.

"Tell me about the army."

He says it as much to distract himself from her as it is to distract her from that knee. Resetting it will be painful enough without her focus there.

For a moment it seems as though Rani is going to object, her eyes going dark. When she starts to speak her voice is softer than he's ever heard, "I am not a soldier. It was never going to work for me, I don't like being told what to do."

Despite himself, despite everything, Nikolai laughs. "That has been very clear."

Rani tries to look annoyed, but her lips twitch.

"Tara and I were drafted at the same time. It only lasted a few months before they found out what she was and they didn't take it very kindly when I helped her get away. After that, I think they tried to dispose of me. I was moved around, given only orders that had slim chances of survival. I was even sent into the Fold once, to see if Ravka could be attacked that way."

Nikolai freezes. That was considered risky even in Ravka, with Squallers and Inferni to help. In Shu Han, without Grisha or expertise... It would be a suicide mission.

"In the end that's what saved me. One of the others in our group decided that desertion was better than death in the Fold. He shot the Commander. After that, everyone ran."

Nikolai moves without warning. There's a sharp pop. Rani hisses in pain, a few curse words spouting from her, but her knee looks normal again.

He lets this newest advisor catch her breath, Nikolai moves his attention to her shoulder. When she pulls away he says, "Well I can't very well send you to the healers like this. They'll think I did this shoddy bandaging."

Rani stills as he unwraps her hasty bandages, tearing the seam across the shoulder of her shirt to get a better look at the marks. Definitely from talons. From him.

Taking the flask back, he pours some on a relatively dry scrap of fabric before dabbing it on her shoulder. Rani flinches slightly. Her chest is rising quickly now.

"Why are you helping me?" Rani asks, meeting his eyes with her own golden ones, "Not some witty deflection. Why really? Why me?"

A grin flashes across Nikolai's face, the one he locks into place so quickly and so often it's second nature. "You can't confess your love for me if you're dead, now can you?"

Rani doesn't respond, just waits.

Stop. Stop asking. Stop looking at me like you're starting to think I'm not such a monster. I did this to you. Every moment you spend near me is more of a risk. I can't help myself around beautiful, broken things, not when they look at me like that. Like maybe I'm not too broken to fix.

You have to stop.

She didn't.

"If that thing kills you it wins." His voice breaks slightly, "I won't let it. I can't-"

I can't. I can't let you die. I can't kiss you. Stop, just please stop.

They sit in silence while Nikolai rewraps the bandages around her shoulder, not daring to meet her eyes in case she sees any remnants of truth in them.

Rani breaks the silence, "What was that creature?"

"A remnant of the Darkling and the war. A curse on us all."

Her eyes are sharp, always so sharp, as she studies him. She's going to see, she's going to know.

Stop looking at me like that.

"I am sorry about your sister." He's reaching out for anything, desperately, to push that wall back up between them, "I wish I had known her better. And I'm sorry about the shooting at you, really I don't know who decided that was the solution."

Rani doesn't say anything, just nods, and finally - blessedly - looks away from him.

And there's only one thought in Nikolai's mind.

Look at me like that again.

Chapter Text

Rani hasn't slept in three days. Not since the night of the attack.

It's no surprise then, that as the security meeting hits its fourth hour Rani's head bobs slightly. Every security hole she exploited to get into the palace had been discussed, rehashed, and pulled apart hours ago. Now the soldiers and advisors seem to be content creating committees and planning more meetings in which they intend to solve said security breaches, each of which Rani will have to attend.

It leaves far too much time for the heady weight of sleep to press in on all sides. Yet every time her eyes close she sees that monster reaching out of the darkness, every time her mind wanders she imagines what other demons could be haunting the halls of this place.

Her head is about to slip from her palm when the door opens. As Toyla enters, Rani straightens, hoping the boredom isn't too evident on her face.

His eyes slide across the table to her, "The King has requested your presence."

Trying not to look too relieved, Rani measures her steps, making sure not to run to the door. When it closes behind her, Rani throws her arms around the Grisha guard, "Thank you! Thank you for saving me from that bureaucratic hell!"

"Perhaps you should aim your gratitude toward the actual architect of your escape," Rani pulls back at the sound of the King's voice. His eyes are bright with the mischief that she's come to associate only with him. It dims for a moment as his eyes travel to Rani's hand still resting on Toylas arm then back to her face. Just as quickly the smile returns, as though it never faded to begin with.

Since their conversation on the roof, she has barely seen him. Only in passing between meetings or in the halls. At any other point, it would have been innocuous, would not have made a difference if he had not crossed paths with her for weeks.

But the King, he had been avoiding her.

He had not mentioned the attack, had not even come to check on her. Had breezed past it as if nothing at all had happened. Even now he shows no signs that he remembers.

That night has been locked in the forefront of her mind and he would not so much as acknowledge it.

Despite those recent injuries, there's no lasting pain. The attack that should have left her scarred bears no lasting signs, no lingering pain. No outward effects to show what's been plaguing her mind, to make him remember.

Fine. She could do that herself.

She had seen the way he looked at her, seen the way he tried to hide it.

He would admit it. He would remember because that night has been haunting her. Why should he get the pleasure of forgetting? Of thinking of her only with desire, pretending she hasn't been dying with every waking moment in these halls.

She could make him admit what he was so desperate to ignore.

That quicksilver smile is on full display as the King leans against the wall, "If you can't deign to embrace me, as you did Toyla, I suppose a kiss would suffice."

"Oh, I think it would more than suffice."

Beside her, Toyla chokes.

The King's eyes cut to her, a sharp look that tries to cut through Rani's mask. Tries and fails. "What are you suggesting?"

"That you think about kissing me often."

The silence between them comes on in a thunderous wave, a buzzing almost tactile thing. The King's grin widens, the glee of a clever fox coming upon an unexpected game, unaware of a snake waiting to strike.

"I am suggesting that I am a distraction to you." Rani steps toward him, allowing a sharp smile to cross her face, "Do I keep you up at night?"

Dimly she's aware of Toyla excusing himself.

Neither of them look at him.

Nikolai is still leaning against the wall, by all accounts the picture of relaxation but his eyes hold a harsh light. He watches intently as Rani moves toward him, tracking each step. Rani slows, giving ample time for his eyes to scan over her face, war with himself, then drag over the rest of her. She's faintly aware that the military cut of her clothes is not made for seduction, but from the way the King studies her - his gaze clinging to the places her body curves - it doesn't seem to be deterring him.

That thought threatens to bring heat to Rani's face, but she forces it away.

She will win. He can not just brush past this. He will remember what happened to her. Admit there are monsters here.

For her own sanity, he must.

Rani moves to brush past the King. His hand snakes out. She lets him grab her arm, lets him stop her so close that surely he can feel the warmth of her, lets his hand linger on her wrist. Rani examines that touch. Knowing that her lashes will dust her cheeks, shy and sure all at once.

She doesn't speak. Waiting... Knowing.

"And if I was," Nikolai finally starts. She looks up, catching him swallowing harshly as his eyes lock on her lips, "If I said you were a distraction, what would you do then?"

Rani waits, waits until his eyes meet hers. Then she strikes.

"I would ask if you were restless at the thought of my lips while I was bleeding on your roof."

The King's face goes blank, an eerie void of emotion that makes Rani falter.

A new kind of terror sweeps through her, turning the anger in her veins to ice. This should have been her winning strike, this should have sent him reeling, haunted by the thoughts of that night, remembering what was done to her.

Instead, he's studying her with a ferocity that makes her stomach turn. The desire is gone from his eyes. In its place is pure calculation.

This was a mistake. He's looking at her, not at the mask she had constructed but through to the truth. Seeing the terror. Seeing the exhaustion. Seeing the tumult in her mind.

How had this turned on her? She was to break him. She was to make him remember.

Their closeness is suddenly unbearable and every breath seems to bring him closer. Rani tries to pull away, to escape the look that tells her he's seeing far, far too much.

Nikolai's grip tightens. Not harsh, just enough to keep her close as he says softly, "I would say you're the one who hasn't been sleeping."

It's not a question. He's seen something in her eyes. Perhaps the terror pounding through her every nerve, perhaps something far more damning. Either way, he knows too much.

Rani's nerves are screaming. He's too close. He's seeing too much. She can't be here, can't let him.

But she can't move. Those hazel eyes keep her locked in place.

His hand hovers between them. Rani watches as if in a dream as softly, delicately, his thumb dusts over the circles beneath her eyes.

He's touched her before, patched her wounds and carried her through the snow, but this small touch feels far more intimate. His eyes have shifted again, the look soft, almost pained. The same way he had looked at her all those days ago on the roof.

Rani can't catch her breath, can't remember what she was doing, why exactly she had gotten this close to the King.

"I had intended to tell you of a new job," He shakes his head slightly, "But you are in no condition for that now. Instead, I ask you to go rest."

His words are so, so soft.

Rani shakes her head, feeling the terror slipping back into her mind, "I can't."

"Please try." His lips tilt up ever so slightly, "You think I am distracted now, imagine what it will be like when I get the message you've collapsed."

"Please sleep, for me."

All Rani can do is nod.

///

She isn't sure how she gets back to her room or when the King left. She isn't sure why this time is any different from the other nights she's tried and tried to sleep, if it's the golden afternoon light streaming through the windows, or simply pure exhaustion. But Rani's eyes grow heavy as King's words replay in her mind.

I won't let it hurt you.

For the first time in days, she drifts into a peaceful sleep.

Chapter Text

Rani wakes to the clanging of an alarm bell.

Her eyes aren't even halfway open when she's shoved out of bed, a voice hissing in her ear, "Get up useless Ravkan traitor."

Rani slips as she tries to get to her feet. The darkness seems to press in on her, a living, breathing thing with claws and teeth.

She's hauled up, a grip like a vice on her arm, sending panic snaking down her spine.

"Why isn't he dead?"

And that voice, even knowing its owner, is far less terrifying than the creature in her mind.

Fully awake, Rani can see the dim outline of the person holding her. There is still light coming through the windows, the muted light of dusk, but enough that creatures of nightmares are not yet treading the earth.

"I'm working on it." Rani snaps at Li over alarm bells still trilling.

A lie. She had not thought of killing the King since she had read that note.

"Not for much longer you're not," Rani tenses, expecting another blade from the Tavgharad warrior. That's all she is to them, another complication to be removed.

"We have learned the King intends to send you away. How, praytell, will you kill him if you are not at the place!"

"He intends what?"

"You are to leave tomorrow on some ridiculous excuse of an assignment, assessing Grisha allegiance on the border, to get you far away from him no doubt."

Rani has stopped listening though.

I had intended to tell you of a new job. That's what the King had told her mere hours ago.

How many times had she yelled at him, screamed about the fact that he was letting Grisha fight for him that didn't feel any allegiance toward Ravka? At first for Tara, then because it was what needed to be said.

This had been his answer.

"I will turn down the assignment."

"Obviously," Li hisses, "Why do you think I'm here, for the company? With another Shu team infiltrating the castle, the King can't possibly send away his shiny new security advisor."

The alarm. It hadn't been a mistake. Li wanted them to know she was here.

"You will stay here and finish this." She said the words as if there was no doubt of Rani's allegiance, as if joining the King's council had been part of her task, as if she hadn't been stabbed by Li herself.

Rani only nods, not trusting herself with words. Anything she can think to say would shorten her life considerably.

///

However Li intended to leave the palace she was smart enough not to ask for Rani's assistance. When she left the guard in her room Rani half hoped she would get caught by some Ravkan, though explaining what a Shu warrior was doing in her room would surely complicate things.

The alarm bells are still clanging as Rani throws herself around corners, uncertain where to find the King but aiming for the study that she was brought to after seeing Tara's room. It appeared to be the Kings.

As she races around another corner, Rani almost trips over a wayward Grisha.

"Watch where you're going." The tone is so like Li's that Rani almost steps away. Before her stands the Squaller that tried to sweep her off the roof, her dark hair swept back from a face that seems to be frozen in haughty amusement.

"Where is your King?"

"I would hardly tell you."

Rani can't help herself as her face goes cold, "I didn't realize I could make an enemy whose name I don't even know."

The Grisha blanches at that, "I am general of the Second Army and if you continue to test my patience, I will show you why."

"Ladies, I really wish you wouldn't fight over me like this."

Rani whirls. The fox is there, all mischief and smiles as he surveys the girls facing off against one another.

She throws herself at him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. The King to his credit, pauses in surprise. After a moment his arms snake around her waist, pulling Rani close until her head is buried in the crook of his neck.

Zoya lets out an irritated huff.

She doesn't hear the words passed between them, the reason her King had been so intent on gathering the Shu assassin into his arms.

"There is a Shu spy in your palace."

Then Nikolai had pulled her closer, until her lips rested against his ear until he could hear her over the clanging of alarm bells. He had not quipped, had not asked if it was her she referred to, had only said, "Tell me."

As quickly and as broadly as possible, she did. Told him that the Tavgharad had come, knowing she was here and alive. That they knew she was going to be sent away from the palace soon. She left out that they had been here once before, that she had been told to kill him. Instead, Rani made it seem like Li had come to finish what she had started on the train and end Rani before she left for the border.

It was a flimsy, stupid lie but she couldn't tell him. Couldn't get the rest of the truth past her lips.

She told herself that it didn't matter. She didn't know who had been passing information to Li, only that it had happened.

It didn't matter that she lied to him.

But in her heart, she knew it wasn't true.

Chapter Text

Rani is well on her way to getting drunk. It seemed like the thing to do after the day she's had. Not only had Li come back into her life at the most inopportune moment, but then she'd had to face hours of accusations hurled at her from that Second Army General.

The entire group that she's come to think of as the King's trusted advisors had assembled. Well, trusted advisors and Rani. Over the course of their discussion, Zoya had implied Rani was the source of the castle breach so many times she had simply stopped counting. Tamar, to her surprise, had stayed quiet. She and the Heartrender seemed to be gaining an uneasy trust.

They had gone around in circles. There couldn't be a Shu spy in the Palace. Well, there was. Then it must be the Shu assassin that you plucked off the street and brought into your castle. Rani isn't up for discussion. Who else could have let a spy in? There's no one in the Palace we suspect.

Around and around like that until Rani was ready to bang her head against the table. So when they adjourned she headed straight for the kitchen, snagging a bottle of Kvaz before wandering aimlessly through the twisting palace halls.

So no, she wasn't drunk. But she was trying hard to remedy that.

Somehow she's back standing before the doors to the King's office. Rani swore she had taken the turn back to her vacant room, but this stupid place still had her wandering in circles even after all these weeks.

Leaning against the wall, she takes a swig of Kvas as her eyes bore holes into the thick oak. She's trying to pinpoint when she started trusting these Ravkans so much. It's infuriating. Especially since none of them trust her.None but their King, the man she hated so much.

Now she can't quite muster that same anger, not after everything.

The door before her swings open and, as if her thoughts summoned him, the King steps out.

"If you're here to kill me again, I'm afraid this is a bad time," He leans back against the half-open door, a smirk turning up the sides of his mouth.

Saints, even he knows that her allegiances were so easily turned. Rani had never thought of herself as a traitor. Then again, was she ever really loyal to the Shu Han? The only person who had ever had her loyalty was Tara. So as soon as she was adrift, alone in the world with no semblance of purpose - of revenge - few nice words, her sister's room, a shiny new job, and she was all theirs.

His gaze drops to the bottle in her hand and a brow flicks up, "Bad night?"

Rani doesn't respond. She just raises the bottle to her lips again.

The King leans back, opening the door further. A silent invitation. Rani doesn't hesitate to stalk through. As she passes, she sees the King flick a hand at the first army soldier down the hall. He backs away.

A dry laugh passes Rani's lips. Here she was thinking he trusted her and she had forgotten the guards that shadowed her day in and out.

Dropping onto one of the couches flanking the desk, Rani pulls her legs to her, cradling the drink in her lap.

Papers are strewn messily over the low table before the couch. Rani pokes at them as the King walks back, dropping onto the couch a few feet away.

"It has to be one in the morning and you're still working?"

"The country never sleeps."

"So neither do you?"

He shrugs.

After a silent moment, Rani offers the bottle to the King. He takes it from her, turning it in his hands for a moment before he takes a sip. His eyes are sharp, missing nothing, as he passes the bottle back to her.

There are so many things Rani could say in this moment, but the words that come out surprise even her, "You told that Ravkan couple I was your fiancé after I was attacked."

The King's eyes widen slightly. She's surprised him before, but it happens so rarely that every instance brings a small surge of pleasure. Each time that mask breaks is a victory, even if he slips it back into place a moment later.

"It seemed like a reasonable lie at the time."

"There are lots of reasonable lies. Why that one?"

The silence shifts between them, creeping through the room around them like another living thing. Rani's skin tingles and she takes another sip, waiting for the burn of alcohol. Nikolai's eyes are on her. For the first time, she can pick out each ring amidst the hazel, green and brown and blue all swimming into one another.

"Khatri you're gorgeous. You know that and you wield it like a blade. You're doing it even now. Yet I can't seem to stop thinking about kissing you." The King sighs, "So it seems I just make insensible decisions when you are involved."

He runs a hand through his hair, the low light weaving the strands into molten gold. Saints, he's so beautiful. She had known it the first time she saw him, but she hadn't truly been able to appreciate it then, not with all her anger, but now...

Rani spins the Kvaz bottle in her hands, watching the liquid sparkle in that same dim light.

"For some infuriating reason, I trust you, so you're not the only one making insensible decisions."

Nikolai's eyes gleam, "What happened to hating me?"

Rani's knees graze against his leg. She's turned completely toward him now and the distance between them has shrunk to almost nothing.

She lifts one shoulder, relishing in the tension buzzing through the air.

"Maybe it's the booze."

A wicked grin crosses the King's face.

"Sorry to break it to you, love," He plucks the bottle from the table, his gaze never leaving hers as he points to a few small words on the bottom of the label Rani had missed, "It's non-alcholic Kvaz. Durast made. We serve it at court functions we think could be particularly incendiary with alcohol involved."

Saints. No wonder she couldn't get drunk. She shifts to get a better look at the bottle, leaning closer to the King.

"I would say this situation is incendiary enough."

Her eyes snap back to Nikolai, inches away. This time there's nothing to blame for the surge of heat that rolls through her. That stupid smirk is back on his face because he knows it too. No alcohol pushed her this close to him, no clouding of her mind. It was simply because she wanted to. They both know it.

Something inside Rani snaps. Some tether she didn't know had been holding her back.

Surging forward, Rani crashes into him. Her lips find his as they tumble back, the space between them disappearing as Nikolais back hits the cushions. The bottle drops to the ground, spilling on the plush carpet.

Then he's kissing her back as he weaves his fingers into her hair, ripping it from its braid. It falls free, cascading over her shoulders as Nikolai cradles the back of her head. Her hand rests on his chest. A rush goes through her at the pounding of his heart beneath her fingers, just as fast as hers.

She hadn't realized how much she wanted this. Hadn't let herself think about all those smiles, all that kindness slowly working its way into her heart.

"Tell me you're not trying to prove something." Nikolai breathes against her.

"What?" Rani's brows knit together. The air around her runs cold. She sits up, pulling away so quickly that she almost topples back.

His hands come to her waist, steadying her even as his eyes scan her face intently, "Tell me you're not trying to prove that I'm heartless for letting you get attacked as you did earlier or prove that you could kill me whenever you want by slipping a knife out in a moment. Tell me you're not kissing me just so you can pull away and prove it means nothing to you, even without the booze."

Her chest tightens. It shouldn't - she's given him every reason not to trust her - but the wariness in his gaze makes her heart buckle.

Rani gently runs a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. His eyes flutter slightly and he leans into her touch.

So, so beautiful. No man should be allowed to look like this.

"I am proving," Rani leans forward again, "that you distract me just as much as I distract you."

"Then by all means carry on with your demonstration."

Nikolai's thumb traces an idle circle against the skin at her waist, skin that had been broken by Li's knife weeks ago. There's no scar, the Healers had seen to that, but it still feels sensitive and new. The touch flares through every last nerve in her body and Rani drags in a ragged breath.

Nikolai's eyes darken. He repeats the motion, this time forcing a breath from Rani's lungs.

That wicked grin is back, making Rani's blood boil, "You are distracted."

Then she is kissing him, and his lips are parted, and she drags her hand beneath his shirt, exploring the planes of his chest. Everything falls away but the touch of their bodies and his lips sliding against hers. They are barreling towards a cliff, about to go hurtling off it without considering the ramifications.

And she doesn't even care.

There's a knock at the door. Rani pulls herself off Nikolai quickly, tucking her hair back again. She's kicking the Kvaz bottle under the couch by the time he sits up, straightening his shirt. She doesn't look at him as she crosses to the door, throwing it open even as her heart thunders in her ears. Tamar blinks back at her for a brief moment before Rani pushes past the Grisha, disappearing down the hall.