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Chapter Text

Obi-Wan does not think she has ever failed anything quite so spectacularly as their encounter on Mustafar.

"I won't kill Anakin, Master. I cannot do it."

Master Yoda had clearly thought she could. 

But she could not do it. She'd practically raised him, for crying out loud. He's like her brother. She loved him and in spite of everything he's done she loves him still and so when he- foolishly, she’d always advised him against these sort of moves -jumps, she cannot deal the killing blow. She cannot deal any blow. He lands behind her and she turns around with her lightsaber weakly raised as the moment repeats in her mind. The missed opportunity.

He swipes at her face. He means to behead her then, Obi-Wan thinks numbly. Maybe present it to Palpatine once all is over and done with. It would be poetic in a way.

She stares in his eyes, his Sith eyes, acceptance and grief coursing through her and though only hate and mania stare back there's a flicker of...something. He disables his lightsaber at the very last moment and hits Obi-Wan across the cheek with the hilt instead.  

He’s still in full swing. The blow throws her to the ground. Her entire world tilts. Anakin has grown into a strong and tall man. Somehow she hadn't truly noticed until the very moment he choked her minutes ago, he'd loomed over her, almost intimately close as his durasteel hand squeezed her airways shut, his other hand like a vice around her wrist. It'd hurt and she'd never felt more helpless as she scrambled to get his hand off of her and he didn't even budge.

Objectively she'd known, of course. But actually experiencing him using that advantage had shaken her worse than she would ever admit. She'd only managed to stop him by kicking him where it hurt. A dirty tactic, but panic and an intense desire to live and make this all stop, had kept her lucid enough to do it.

She squeezes her eyes shut to keep the world from spinning and then looks up at Anakin, who could have killed her four times over by now. Her cheek burns, she's sure he at least cracked her cheekbone. Her former padawan looks down at her with a pensive expression. It makes her almost hopeful, he looks more sane than he has ever since he caught sight of her.

"Anakin", she says, her tongue feels too heavy in her mouth and she tastes blood. He raises a hand and calls her lightsaber to his it, it flies easily out of her weak grip. "Please look at what you're doing. You're not like this. This isn't-"

"Why didn't you kill me when you had the chance?", Anakin interrupts her, he sounds almost calm. He clearly knows how badly she failed. She snatches her hand from the ground when she finally notices just how hot it is. Her palm stings. One push from Anakin and she's in the lava.

"You know why", she murmurs, incredibly ashamed.

"Answer the question.", Anakin snarls. He's suddenly kneeling in front of her, at eye level and Obi-Wan can't bear looking into his eyes. It’s so wrong.

She looks at his shoulder instead, like this she can pretend she's just talking to a very agitated Anakin. Almost. The ruined tethers of their Force bond are between them, from where Anakin furiously pulled at it as he screamed at her after choking Padmé. It’d been almost as excruciating as the realization that Anakin was truly lost.

"You were my brother, Anakin", she chokes out, "I loved you."

A wide grin appears on the Sith's face, his satisfaction reaching her even through their broken bond. She lets out  a small gasp of pain, when his hand comes to rest on her cheek. 

"This will bruise", he notes. "But considering the alternative, you should be grateful I was this merciful."

The implication chills her to the bone. She feels the heat of the ground beneath her reach the skin of her legs through her clothes. 

“You will let me go?”, she asks disbelievingly. He lets out a laugh and his eyes light up with genuine mirth. She pulls her face away with a small moan as he jostles against her jaw.

“No, obviously I can’t risk that. You will be coming with me”, he says as he gets up, looking down at her expectantly. She stares back. Surely he does not think Obi-Wan will go willingly? 

“I will not”, Obi-Wan says, getting up just to get away from the heat. The movement makes her head spin once more “I will never go with you.”

“Well, then it seems that we are at an impasse”, Anakin says, all traces of mirth gone from his gaze. He looks coiled tight again, his handsome face strangely empty. “You can either come willingly or I will force you to come. Either way we are leaving this planet together.”

You wouldn’ t, Obi-Wan almost says, but this Anakin would. She can see the genuine threat in his eyes, can feel it through the Force. For a second she considers fleeing, but she doubts he would let her get very far. She’s still woozy from the hit to the head and clearly not willing to do whatever it takes to defeat her former Padawan.

She will have to go with Anakin, at least for now. 

“I will come with you”, she says and as she does, she’s hit with a burst of grief so palpable tears spring into her eyes. Despite her conviction that it is just temporary it still feels like she’s giving up, still feels like she’s betraying the Jedi order. All those people that Anakin and his new Master callously murdered. Her family. 

The younglings. Plo. Aayla. Quinlan. Mace. Ahsoka.

Despite the fact that Anakin is standing close enough to touch, she’s never felt quite this alone.

“Let’s go then”, he says gruffly, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her along none too gently. “Don’t try anything.”

The movement of walking hurts her cheek, but she doesn’t protest. Silent tears stream over her face as they make their way back over to the ship. What would Master Yoda say? He would condemn her now, she’s certain of it. When she gets away from Anakin she will go to him, beg for his forgiveness. 

Padmé is still on the ground where they left her, C3PO is kneeling next to her. Anakin rushes forward, cradling her pale face between his hands. Obi-Wan represses the instinct that makes her want to Force push Anakin away from her. He doesn’t deserve to touch her anymore.

He doesn’t deserve to touch the child in her belly, either. Obi-Wan’s heart aches for it. It doesn’t deserve to grow up with such a parent. Doomed to an existence bonded so closely to a Sith. All that darkness would no doubt do irrevocable damage to a young child, shaping it for its entire life.

“Obi-Wan!”

She looks up, startled at the exclamation. Anakin is already back on the ship looking back at her with a warning in his eyes, Padmé’s body in his arms. She looks unbearably small like that. Obi-Wan walks onto the landing, remembering how she’d stood there just mere minutes ago, self-righteous and somehow convinced she could win this.

Anakin looks down at her with a pinched expression on his face, as if unsure how to deal with her tears. In the end he decides not to. “Help me with Padmé.”

They lay her down on a bed. She’s still so pale. Obi-Wan puts a hand on her cheek. Her eyes flutter open and Obi-Wan’s heart skips a beat, hope coursing through her. The first bit of it she’s felt in what feels like many years.

“Obi-Wan”, she whispers. “Anakin? Is he alright?”

“I’m alright, angel”, Anakin says, leaning in close to them both. Obi-Wan wants to do anything but touch him right now, but she also does not want to leave Padmé alone with him. 

“Ani…”, she says with a smile and she looks over at him. Then she truly sees him. Sees the yellow eyes and tense lines around his mouth, sees all the monstrous things he’s done just by looking at his face. Her eyes travel to Obi-Wan, to the tears on her face and the bruise on her cheek. Her face falls and she looks so heartbroken Obi-Wan feels her own heart crack at the sight. Tears run over her cheeks. “No, you’re not him. You’re not my Ani.”

“But I am, Padmé”, Anakin says, sounding lost at the reaction. It reminds Obi-Wan so much of her former Padawan she looks at him only to confirm it’s still the Sith. “I’m sorry for losing control and hurting you, but I came back for you. For our baby.”

“No”, Padmé cries, grabbing Obi-Wan’s wrist and burying her face in her hand. Her tears are scalding hot on her burned palm. Obi-Wan doesn’t pull away. Enduring it because she hopes she brings at least some sort of comfort. “You’re gone! Don’t-”

Then her grip on Obi-Wan’s wrist goes lax and she’s unconscious again, looking deadly pale. 

“No!”, Anakin yells and he pushes Obi-Wan aside and his gaze is wild as he commands: “Get us to the nearest health station immediately!”

Obi-Wan doesn’t waste any time. She’s lost so much already, she won’t lose Padmé too. 

“Medically she’s perfectly healthy”, the medical droid informs them hours later. There’s bacta cream on Obi-Wan’s cheek and palm and she feels like this day has been going on for years, each second of listening to Padmé screaming only adding another ten. For a second she’s relieved. Then the droid continues: “But for reasons we cannot explain, we are losing her.”

“She’s dying?”, Obi-Wan asks disbelievingly. Anakin is quiet beside her, his eyes haunted. She can feel a frightening coil of chaos growing on his side of the bond. She does not dare reach out to him. “There must be something you can do.”

“I’m sorry, but it seems she has lost the will to live”, the droid says, sounding almost gentle. Anakin grabs the droid and shoves it against the wall so hard one of its arms breaks off. Obi-Wan looks on with bitter resignation filling her veins.

“That’s bullshit! You said she’s healthy, so you will save her”, he bellows. “If you don’t, I will destroy this entire kriffing station and every single entity within it!”

“You cannot scare a droid into doing impossible things for you”, Obi-Wan tells him numbly, the first words she’s spoken to him since leaving Mustafar.

“Shut up!”, he screams, spittle flies in her face and she takes a step back. Lest he see it fit to throw her against a wall as well. “You don’t tell me what I can and can’t do! That’s my wife in there and she…There has to be a way to save her! There has to be!”

“We have to operate quickly”, the medical droid informs them. “If we are to save the babies.”

Anakin stiffens. “Babies?”

“She’s carrying twins.”

In the end there is nothing to be done. After several more heart-wrenching minutes of listening to Padmé scream they are both ushered inside the room and a small child is pressed into Obi-Wan’s arms, smaller than any child Obi-Wan has ever held. 

“It’s a girl”, she croaks.

“Leia”, Padmé says quietly when Obi-Wan presents her to her. There is love in her eyes, but she does not reach out to take the child and Obi-Wan can practically see her wilting away.

No. No, this cannot be. Don't give up, Padmé.

Anakin lets out a choked sob as another baby is pressed into his arms. He takes a step forward to show him to Padmé.

“A boy”, Obi-Wan says, because it seems Anakin is incapable of speech. 

“Luke”, Padmé whispers and tears pool in her dark eyes.

They turn to Obi-Wan. “Please, take care of them.” Obi-Wan can only nod, making yet another promise she’s not sure she’s capable of keeping. Then they look at Anakin and anguish makes those tears fall. “I want to believe there’s still good…in you. Please, Ani…Please choose…”

But they will never know what Padmé wants Anakin to choose, because she sags against the bed and lets out her last breath. She’s still beautiful in death and Obi-Wan can only stare at the incomprehensible scene before her.

Everything in the room begins to rattle then and for a second Obi-Wan thinks it must be the world ending, because surely this all can't be real. Then she realizes it's Anakin, the onslaught of his grief and anguish nearly makes her knees buckle. The babies begin to cry. Anakin presses Luke into the medi-droids arms and leaves the room. Obi-Wan looks at his retreating back with relief and then looks down at the small girl in her arms. 

“Should they not be washed?”, she asks the droid.  

“Yes, mistress”, another droid says as it takes Leia from her. “We are sorry for your loss.”

And then Obi-Wan is left alone with Padmé’s body. She grabs her hand. It’s still warm and she can almost make herself believe Padmé can still hear her when she whispers: “I’m sorry, Padmé. I failed you, too.”

She wonders if it would’ve made a difference if Anakin had not been there. If not seeing him as a Sith would’ve made her muster up the will to be there for her children. Obi-Wan allows herself a second of wallowing in her own failures and misery. After all, who would punish her for it anymore?

“I will make sure your children are safe”, she promises belatedly. “I will not let him influence them.”

Only silence answers her promise and she pushes herself upward with great difficulty. Her cheek is stinging again and she leaves the room with a last look at Padmé’s face, peaceful in death. She can’t help the alarming ping of jealousy at the sight.

Anakin doesn’t return for hours. By the time he does return the twins have been put into beds and they’re both asleep. Obi-Wan looks at them through a glass window looking into the room. She’s so tired she feels like she might faint out of exhaustion, but it doesn’t feel safe. When will it feel safe again?

She feels Anakin before she sees him. His Force signature is still full of grief and agony, but the chaos has calmed down. He rounds the corner with hunched shoulders, when his eyes fall on her he rights himself somewhat, as if for a second still concerned about how Obi-Wan sees him. 

It’s almost laughable. There’s nothing the Sith can do to make her look at him with respect again. Nothing.

He seems to come to that same realization, because as soon as they’re close he reaches for her, his hand buries itself into her hair and he bodily pulls her close to him, crushing her into an embrace.

Whatever it is she expected, this was not it. She’d expected anger. She’d expected blame. Not…whatever this is.

“Anakin!”, she protests, her skin crawls at his touch and her cheek hurts where it’s pressed into his chest. She struggles against his hold. “Let me go.”

“No”, he says stubbornly, voice as cracked as the bond between them. “You said you loved me and I’ve just lost everything. You will comfort me. You have to.”

“You still have your children”, she protests, pushing at his chest more insistently because all she can think about is how the hand cradling her head held the lightsaber that killed younglings just yesterday. How that same hand curled around her throat and choked her with the intent to murder. Fear is an emotion she’s not very familiar with, she’d grown used to pushing it away and forcing tranquility instead. Now it coils in her gut and it’s so overwhelming she can’t even hope of releasing it into the damaged Force. She does not wish to harm it anymore than it already has been.

“I have them”, he acknowledges. “But I have you as well. You will not leave me, I will not allow it.” It sounds so possessive the fear spreads through her body, along with his force signature wrapping itself all around her. If it were Anakin doing so it would’ve been comforting, but it’s not. The darkness seems to take and take until eventually she slumps in his arms and bears his touch, squeezing her eyes shut as she tries to bring up her shields at least somewhat. 

Some part of her still hopes this is all just a nightmare, maybe even a horrible vision of the future like she used to get when she was younger. She could still change it if that were so.

“Obi-Wan”, he says into her hair. “Say you will stay with me. Tell me you won’t leave me. Promise me.”

“I will stay”, she tells him, voice soft. For the children. For now.

Chapter Text

They leave with the children some days later, each holding one. Obi-Wan looks down at Luke sleeping in her arms. She brushes away a stay tear from his small face. He’s been crying all morning, seemingly sensing the change coming.

He’s clearly force-sensitive. As is Leia. 

“Where are we going?”, she asks Anakin. He looks as close to horrible as Anakin can look, hair in disarray and bags under his eyes. He’s been in and out of the station, clearly preparing for something. She doesn't think she has seen him sleep the entire four days they’ve been at the station. 

“Naboo”, he says. His voice hitches. “She’d want them to grow up there.”

“Yes, I suppose she would”, Obi-Wan acknowledges warily. “Will me being there pose a problem? Naboo is part of the Republic, is it not?”

“It’s the Empire now, you will do well to remember that”, Anakin snaps. “And it will not. My Master sees the value in you being there to raise the children.”

His new Master. Lord Sidious. 

“I see”, Obi-Wan murmurs, bringing her shields up high so he doesn’t feel her hurt that statement brings. The ship awaiting them isn’t Padmé’s ship. The boarding ramp opens up and Obi-Wan’s breath stops short when she sees the clones waiting for them. 

For a horrible second she thinks Anakin’s changed his mind. That he does want her dead and this is just his very roundabout way of doing it. She takes a step back and clutches Luke closer, drawing a little whine from the newborn. 

Anakin puts a hand on her shoulder, shaking his head slightly. “They’re not here for you. They’re under strict orders not to harm you. You’re one of mine.”

One of his. 

Four clones step towards them and bow to Anakin. “Lord Vader.”

Anakin nods back. Vader. Right, that’s his new title. Darth Vader. Sith Lord Darth Vader. The man who wiped out nearly all Jedi and started the new age of the Empire. 

It makes her feel sick.  

“You have your orders”, Anakin tells them and they nod before walking towards the entrance of the med clinic with drawn blasters. Dread rises up in Obi-Wan. 

“What are you making them do?”, she asks, stubbornly refusing to move as Anakin pushes her forward.

“What I warned that kriffing droid I would”, Anakin says darkly. “I don’t make empty promises.”

“No”, she whispers, eyes wide. “Anakin, no. You can’t let them do this. There’s innocent people in there. Sick people and newborn babies.”

Anakin doesn’t look the slightest bit moved. “They should’ve thought about that before they let her die.”

“Padmé chose to die”, Obi-Wan cries and she wishes she could shake him to make him realize that somehow. “She chose to, Anakin! It wasn’t their fault.” It was ours. “There was nothing they could’ve done!”

“Then they should’ve kept her alive anyway!”, Anakin thunders and at once the twins start crying, like they do everytime Anakin loses his temper. Obi-Wan has half a mind to join them, but she’s cried up all her tears in the past couple of days. 

“Anakin, don’t do this”, she implores, looking into his unfamiliar eyes. They’re so full of bitterness she almost looks away. “This isn’t right.”

They soften the slightest bit, but the stubborn set to his jaw stays. “I can’t make empty promises, Obi-Wan.”

And that’s apparently that. He pushes at her shoulder more insistently and she has no choice but to move. She only has the Force and he can defeat her easily like this, there’s clones still on the ship and no matter how she looks at it, it would be a waste to throw her life away like this. She has a promise to keep, after all. 

They make it into the ship just as the blaster shots start ringing out of the building, the screams quickly follow. Obi-Wan wishes she could cover her ears. Instead she puts her forehead against Luke’s and closes her eyes, whispering reassurances. It’s as much for herself as Luke. She’s never felt more like a failure

The house on Naboo is so luxurious and big Obi-Wan is sure they must’ve landed on the wrong property. Jedi have no need for such luxury, so she never even imagined herself living in a place such as this. She almost wants to ask Anakin if they’re at the right place, but he starts moving as soon as the hatch opens, Leia in his arms.

R2-D2 doesn’t follow him closesly like he usually would, he stays next to Obi-Wan instead. Eventually she does move, too uncomfortable with only the clones as company. They follow her at a small distance. It doesn’t bring her the comfort it usually does. It makes her neck tingle, expecting an attack. She would’ve felt just as safe with a platoon of armed Separatists walking behind her.

Some droids are waiting for them, their builds slender and homely, clearly made with the purpose of cooking and cleaning. 

“Hello, Lord Vader”, they say in unison, voice feminine. Anakin doesn’t bother responding to them and that’s just all wrong. Her friend has always made it a point to be kind to droids, even if it often resulted in the ridicule of others that didn’t believe in treating such beings with courtesy.

“Hello Miss Kenobi”, they say. Miss. Not master. No doubt a command from Anakin.

Obi-Wan smiles, readjusting Luke. “Hello there.”

The boy is awake, staring at the sky above him with big eyes. He’s never seen it before. The amazement in his big, blue eyes fills her with affection. She chances a glance at Leia. The little girl is still asleep, one hand curled around the fabric of Anakin’s dark shirt. Well, she’ll have plenty of chances to admire the view around her.

Naboo’s always been one of Obi-Wan’s favorite places to visit. Its natural beauty was just astonishing. They’re currently a good ways away from the capital, surrounded by mountains and on the shore of a lake with water so blue it reminds her of her own Kyber crystal. She glances at it longingly attached to Anakin’s belt. 

It’s a beautiful prison, all things considered. A lot better than the small room she’d had on the medical station. 

The thought of that place makes her smile entirely vanish. By now every single living thing in there must be dead. She thinks about the babies that Luke and Leia had shared the room with, about the parents that had asked Obi-Wan about her babies. She hadn’t told any of them that they weren’t hers, opting to divert the question back to them instead. That usually got her out of having to explain.

It’s been strange. As a Jedi she’d long accepted that she wouldn’t have any children. But even after only a couple of days with the twins, she’s grown incredibly attached. Alarmingly so. The need to protect them is almost unbearable. Is this what it was like having children? Had those parents fought ferociously to protect their babies, only to watch them be ripped away so cruelly? So needlessly?

“Obi-Wan”, Anakin snaps. “Watch your shields. You’re upsetting Luke.”

It must be bad if Anakin of all people is reminding her of her shields. Luke is indeed starting to fuss, small lips trembling in distress as Obi-Wan’s no doubt turned into a beacon of hopelessness by now. She quickly brings her shields up, rocking him gently.

“Sorry Luke”, she whispers gently. “That was thoughtless of me.”

“Thoughtless indeed”, Anakin says as he falls into step beside her, like he used to when they were both Knights. She quickens her steps, but he easily keeps up “You’ve never been so careless with your emotions. Is something on your mind?”

The smile he gives her is more of a leer. Is he mocking her? After everything? 

“Everything is fine”, she says, nearly shaking with sudden rage. 

He raises an eyebrow. “Really? You’re sure there’s nothing?”

“You’ve made it very clear just how inconsequential my input really is to you”, Obi-Wan reminds him tightly. “I shan’t waste my breath trying to make clear to you just how monstrous what you just did was.”

“I did nothing”, he says, nodding to the clones. “The credit is theirs.”

“Credit?”, Obi-Wan repeats softly. “You truly are lost.”

“Lost?” Anakin is frowning now. “Those droids deserved what they got. I warned them of the consequences. It’s not my fault they did not heed it.”

Obi-Wan shakes her head, keeping busy with asking the droids questions about the house as they’re given a tour. Everything is better than engaging in any more conversation with Anakin. It seems every word that leaves his mouth is rotten and in direct contrast with her Anakin. The Anakin she knew and loved. 

The children’s room takes her breath away, everything about it just screams Padmé. From the flowery wallpaper and plants scattered across the room, to two beautiful, wooden cribs and finally to the tall window that looks out onto the lake. The setting sun streaming through it bathes the room in a cozy orange glow. 

Anakin must think so, too, because his breath catches in his throat. 

“We got your descriptions and tried to replicate it to the best of our abilities”, one of the droids says, her voice slightly nervous. “We hope it is satisfactory.”

“Their mother would’ve loved this”, Obi-Wan reassures her when Anakin doesn’t speak. Though this time she’s sure it’s emotion rather than arrogance preventing it. Artoo beeps in what she can only assume is agreement. “It’s lovely.”

“Thank you, miss.”

They finish the tour and after bathing the babies, feeding them and putting them to bed, she and Anakin sit down to eat. She nervously looks around. This is the first time they’ve been truly alone since he embraced her on that horrible day. The clones have left to guard the door and the droids are either in the kitchen or preparing their chambers.

“So, what do you think?”, he asks. She hesitates, wondering if this is a trick question. 

“It’s beautiful”, she says honestly.

“So you don’t mind staying then?”, he asks with a small grin. Once again, it’s more of a leer. As if he’s trying to tease her. Given the subject matter, it just puts Obi-Wan more on edge.

“I’d prefer to leave.”

His jaw sets, anger flicking across his handsome features. I already told you you're not leaving me."

"I'm not staying for you", she snaps. It's always about him, isn’t it?

He's always been a little selfish, always thinking about himself first. Sometimes not even reconsidering the consequences of his actions on others. 

She'd tried hard to get that habit out of him, but had ultimately given up, figuring his good heart would lead him sufficiently in his decision making and compensate. She'd created a monster, is what she'd done.

Always looking the other way when it came to the worst of him. Always too desperate to see the good in the Chosen One. Always thinking about Qui-Gon's last words, drawing comfort from his beliefs until eventually they'd become her own.

Is that where she'd gone wrong? Had she been too soft on him? 

"You should", Anakin says. "I'm your responsibility, my Old Master. My children need you."

"Never", Obi-Wan says, surprising herself with the viciousness with which she utters the new words. "call me that again."

"Why?", Anakin asks snappily. "It's the truth."

"You aren't him. You don't deserve to say it", she seethes. Suddenly an invisible force is around her throat, squeezing tight. Not tight enough to steal her breath away yet, but certainly tight enough to hurt. She gasps, grasping for her throat.

"Don't say that", Anakin says, fury in every line of his body. "Why do you keep saying that? I'm still me. I'm Anakin Skywalker."

"I thought it was Darth Vader now", Obi-Wan chokes out, she can almost smell the sulfur in the air again.

"Darth Vader is just a title my new Master gave me", Anakin snarls, surprisingly looking murderous just talking about Sidious. He removes the pressure on her throat. She takes a grateful, gulping breath.

"Somehow you don't seem very happy talking about him", she croaks.

Anakin gives her a short look, hesitates and then shakes his head. "You're not ready to hear."

Alright. Clearly there's more to that story. She won't ask, being choked once is enough.

The droids come on with their food. It's good, but it hurts to swallow, so she leaves half of it untouched. Anakin doesn't comment on it, eyes unreadable.

"We need to establish some ground rules", Anakin says when they're done. Obi-Wan just wants to sleep. She's done with seeing Anakin act like this. 

"Hmm?"

"You must never hurt me or the children '', Anakin says, holding up a finger when she bristles. "I’m just establishing the rules, Obi-Wan."

"As if I would ever hurt the children”, she can’t help but murmur. “And clearly I’m not capable of hurting you either, you would not be sitting here otherwise.”

“Maybe so, but people are unpredictable”, the younger man shrugs. “You will also not leave these premises without my permission and if I give it to you, you will do it with a clone or droid at your side at all times.”

It’s not exactly a surprise, but she still has to swallow down her protests. At least he’s allowing her to leave. That’s something. She nods curtly. 

It’s temporary, she reassures herself even as his Force signature wraps itself around her again and makes her heart beat faster in terror. Just temporary.

“Failure to do so will result in harsh consequences”, Anakin warns her, yellow eyes looking into hers intently. He reaches out to grab her wrist. “Because make no mistake: if you run, there is not a place in the galaxy you can hide where I will not find you. I know you, Obi-Wan and I will find you. You know it, too. I don’t want to put a tracker on you, but I will if you make things difficult.”

She senses no lie on his side of their Force bond. Though it is a good thing she can still read him like this. So far he has made no effort in pulling up his shields, perfectly content with showing her his most inner emotions. A part of her wishes he would’ve actually severed it that day on Mustafar. It’s hard enough hearing him say the words he’s saying. Sensing-even if on a surface level (because she’ll be damned if she searches further and finds only what her heart knows to be true)- that he also means them wholeheartedly makes it all even more horrible.

“I understand”, she says, looking at his eyebrows instead. She finds she can never look into his eyes for a long time before dread starts swimming in her stomach. “May I be excused? I’m rather tired.”

“It’s eight o’clock”, he frowns. “You’ve never gone to sleep this early.”

“Do you want me to just sit here and pretend everything’s alright then?”, she asks, forcing herself to stay calm and level-headed. “Pretend that you didn’t do what you did?”

He tightens his grip on her wrist. For the first time he looks uncertain, like even he doesn’t know what he wants from her. “I just…I want you to treat me like you always do. I told you already, I’m still me.”

He’s not. Her Anakin would never hold her prisoner. Would never to put a tracker in her like she’s some slave he can do whatever he wants with. That, he would never do to anyone. Not even his worst enemy.

Of course she doesn’t say those things, but Anakin must read them all in her eyes anyway. He abruptly pushes Obi-Wan’s arm away from him like it’s personally offended him and leans closer, furious again. She tenses for his next words that are sure to hurt more than a Force choke ever could. “You’re so ungrateful, you know that? If it weren’t for me you’d be dead like the rest of your precious Jedi order. If it weren’t for me you’d be nothing but ash by now! By all logic you should be on your knees thanking me, my old Master.”

She grits her teeth, simply staring back. He scowls at her lack of reaction. “But that isn’t you, is it? You could never let me enjoy a single victory. Always judging. Always holding me back.” He takes a deep breath and his eyes are colder than Obi-Wan has ever seen them. “Well, guess what? Things are different now. From now on, you will obey me. I’m infinitely better than you, you even said so yourself. It’s high time we acted like it.”

With that he stomps out of the room, leaving her alone with her thoughts.There was so much bitterness in his last statement it leaves her feeling cold. Had her Anakin thought like that as well? Had she never shown him how much she cared? Had it always seemed like she was just holding him back from his full potential? 

Is that where she’d messed up?

She shakes her head. She would drive herself insane with thoughts like that. For now she relaxes and releases her conflicted emotions into the Force. She’s glad he hasn’t taken that from her at least. She’s certain she would go mad within days.

As it stands he’s clearly not thought this through either. Does he want her as a friend or as a glorified slave? Does he even know? Is there a difference in his eyes?

She helps the droids with cleaning the dishes, checks up on the twins and then goes to bed as well. Her room is right next to Anakin’s and she stares at the wall. She can practically see the conflicted chaos of his Force signature through the wall, that’s how potent it is. She turns her back to him and attempts to sleep.

Chapter Text

Anakin leaves for the first time three weeks later. On some assignment from the Emperor. She’s glad to see him go, things have been tense between them since their conversation that very first night. He’s angry with her, she can tell. If things were normal she would attempt to smooth his hurt and anger over with soothing words and an embrace, like she used to when he was younger. 

She doesn’t do that now. Let him stew. Let him be as miserable as she is. 

The only thing making things bearable are Luke and Leia. They’re Obi-Wan’s beacons of hope. They’re the only reason she’s still standing, she’s sure of that. They also mellow Anakin out. He’s always gentle around them, always smiles at them with a tenderness she’s missed dearly and the chaos of his Force signature diminishes into something almost peaceful. Sometimes she swears she sees a hint of blue in his eyes. He loves them, that much is clear. As much as a Sith can love, at least.

“Take care of them, Obi-Wan”, Anakin says as they stand on the landing platform, the hatch to his ship is open and some clones are waiting for him to enter. The children are asleep at home and he looks pained to leave them. 

“Of course I will”, she says, almost reassuring. She wonders what he expects from her now. A goodbye hug? A ‘ Good luck, Anakin. I wish you much fortune in hunting the last survivors of our family’ ? She pulls her tunic tighter around herself with a shudder, keeping her arms crossed.

“You’re cold”, he frowns. Naboo’s seasons are slowly changing. The weather is getting colder, especially at night. They don’t leave the children’s window open anymore. “You should’ve dressed more warmly.”

“I didn’t exactly get the chance to pack a lot of clothes”, she says with a small eye roll. Her closet is filled with clothes, but they remind her so much of Padmé she can hardly even bear to look at them, let alone wear them. She wonders what Anakin would say if she were to wear them. Probably nothing, he would be too busy Force choking her to say anything.

“You should have clothes in your closet. I specifically told the droids to make sure they were filled”, he frowns.

“Yes, but they’re Naboo fashion”, she murmurs, looking away.

“Is that why you’ve been wearing the same three outfits this entire time?”, Anakin asks, amusement coloring his voice. “I thought… Well, nevermind that. Wear them, I don’t mind. I’ll buy you some clothes on Coruscant, so you can wear those when I get back.”

She feels thankful for a split second and then she remembers just who she’s having this conversation with. She stiffens the tiniest bit and looks back at him. There’s a weak smile on his face, a flicker of hope in his horrible Sith eyes. 

“I don’t need anything from you, Anakin”, she tells him coolly, feeling stupidly guilty when his face falls. His expression immediately shifts to one of cool indifference.

“Good thing I’m not asking then”, he says waspishly. “I won’t lose you to some common cold, old woman.”

With that he turns around and walks into the open hatch, leaving her staring after him with astonishment with two clones by her side. Old woman? That’s so incredibly childish it leaves her floundering. 

She’s only 37, that’s not old…right?

She glares at the spaceship as it flies away, opening her shields just to send him a wave of fury and indignation before he’s too far away to feel her anymore. Let him stew on that. She slams her shields back down before he decides that the best payback would be to invade her mind or something equally horrible. 

Thankfully he does nothing of the sort, neither does the ship abruptly turn around so he can punish her in a more physical way. 

Small victories. 

She watches the clones and droids closely for the next couple of days. The clones mostly patrol around the house, two on each exit at all times. In total there’s six of them. She doubts very much Anakin would employ someone they knew for the task. And even then, even if Cody were behind one of those helmets, he clearly wouldn’t help her. She still hasn’t fully processed that he’d tried to kill her while her back was turned.

She blinks sudden tears away. She had thought she knew him, had thought they were good friends even. Clearly she’d been wrong. Anakin is right about one thing at least. People are unpredictable. 

The droids mostly stay indoors, one or two only leaving when Obi-Wan goes on a walk with the babies in a stroller. Anakin has given her permission for that daily walk. She prefers it to be with the droids. A clone will sometimes join them, but more often than not they just watch as she walks by the shore, she never really leaves their field of vision anyway. The entire lake and its shore is visible from the house.

Those are her favorite moments of the day. Just getting to watch the sunset over the mountains and the lake as Luke and Leia look at her with their big eyes from their shared stroller. She talks to them softly then, telling them memories of her lost friends. The droids always let her be.

“Master Qui-Gon is the reason I trained your father”, she says softly. One of the droids, H-03, is silent behind her, keeping a respectful distance between them. Artoo is next to her, silent but a comforting presence nonetheless. He always joins her on her walks. “He knew Anakin was special the moment he saw him and was convinced he was meant for great things. At first I just thought he was a dangerous little boy that was there just to take my place. I didn’t like him very much.” 

She thinks back on it, looking into his innocent blue eyes with disbelief and something close to resentment as Qui-Gon all but told the council he’d like to replace her with him. And yet. “…I’m still happy I made Qui-Gon that promise. Isn’t it strange that I would want to re-experience all of it again? The happy years, I mean? When he still cared for me?”

The babies fuss. Leia moves her arms erratically, face pinched, whilst Luke just juts out his trembling bottom lip, tears in his blue eyes. She quickly sends them a wave of affection and love. That settles them, Leia blinks sleepily and Luke yawns. The sight is enough to make her melt.

“Thoughtless once again”, she murmurs apologetically. “I’m sorry, little ones. I need to stop thinking about Anakin when I’m with you.”

Easier said than done, of course. Although she’s glad he’s not here to remind her of all her failures, she can’t help but let her thoughts stray to him. What is he doing right now? Is he alright? What would happen to her and the children if he wasn’t? There would be no reason for her to be alive then. Sidious would enjoy breaking Anakin’s children just as he had him. She’s just in his way. She has no illusions that there’s any other reason that she’s still alive but Anakin vouching for her.

The thought of the glib man shaping Luke and Leia into adulthood sickens her. She would die before she let that happen. 

She wishes she could comm Anakin to talk to him, ask him those questions. 

But then the thought of seeing that beloved face and only hearing the sith’s poisonous words fill her mind and that desire dissipates. She’ll just have to wait for him to return.

One droid also leaves the house at least twice a week when a supply ship lands on the landing pad. She looks out of the window of the children’s room with interest some days later as the pilot exchanges words with H-014. Artoo  joined them as well and she can practically hear his loud, excited beeps when the pilot pats his domeq. She lets out a small chuckle, careful not to wake Leia. The girl has been restless these past two weeks, Obi-Wan wonders if she misses her father.

She looks back to the landing pad. The man seems kind. She wonders if she could convince the droid to let her join them. A human being on her side would be the most viable option to escape. As if sensing her thoughts the pilot looks up. From this far away she can’t see his face, but she knows he’s looking straight at her.

She looks away first. Hope can be a dangerous thing. She doubts very much she could convince H-014 to let her meet the man and chances are she’ll never even exchange words with him, let alone convince him to take her as well as Darth Vader’s two babies away from this supposed paradise.

She lets out a heavy sigh and looks down at Leia. The girl is finally asleep, her little face still red from crying. 

A bonk on Obi-Wan's door wakes her up that night. She sits up in bed, blinking blearily. She senses no danger, so she puts on a robe over her pajamas and opens the door. Artoo is standing in the hallway, eerily quiet. 

“Artoo?”, she whispers, when he pushes past her and into the room. “What’s wrong?”

For a second she wonders if Artoo misses C3PO and has come to her for comfort, the two of them had been very close despite their bickering. Anakin had done them a great disservice by separating them. That makes the little droid’s sudden attachment to Obi-Wan make a lot more sense. She and Artoo had never been very close, she’d complained about him more often than not.

She closes the door after a look around. There’s no one.

“What’s all this about, Artoo?”, she asks quietly. He beeps and when she stands before him, opens one of his flaps. A piece of paper falls to the ground before her feet. She looks down at it, scarcely believing it. Who would try to communicate with her? Is it from one of the clones? Or could it be…the pilot?

She quickly picks it up and reads it. 

Master Kenobi

Master Yoda has informed me of your duel with Darth Vader on Mustafar, as well as your subsequent defeat. I am sure you fought very hard and I want you to know no one blames you for this unfortunate event. We are glad you are well. 

Recovered security footage from a destroyed medical station in the system has given us much clarity on the situation. It is clear you are being held against your will and we will do what we can to get you out of your current situation. Discretion is key.

The pilot of the supply ship is a part of the rebel alliance, he will do whatever he can to get you out of there. Use R2-D2 to communicate with him via messages such as these.

We will help you get out of there. May the force be with you, Master. 

Bail

A different message is scrawled in messy writing beneath Bail’s neat one.

Master, I will get you out even if it’s the last thing I do. I come by on Mondays and Thursdays, 1PM. I will always try to check if R2-D2 has a message. 

People are still fighting, have faith. Destroy this message as soon as you read it.

P.

She hardly realizes she’s fallen to the ground in tears until she becomes aware of Artoo’s panicked beeps. He pushes against her and she lets out a teary laugh, pushing back against him. Master Yoda hasn’t given up on her, neither has Bail. They’ve forgiven her for her failings. She can’t help but bury her face in the paper, closing her eyes.  

“Calm down, Artoo”, she says when he pushes against her again, but she’s smiling through her tears. “I’m perfectly fine.”

And for the first time since arriving on Naboo, she truly means it. 

Obviously she can’t just escape half-hazzardly. Her good mood is ruined somewhat when she comes to the realization that realistically the escape isn’t possible for at least another year. She can’t take the children with her when they’re this young. They should at least be able to sit independently. If not walk. She’s also not sure if getting baby formula is possible wherever she’ll be going.

She looks at herself in the mirror the next morning. Her auburn hair has grayed a bit around her temples. There’s fine lines around her eyes and mouth she hadn’t truly noticed before. She’d always been a bit vain, she’ll admit that, she’d always enjoyed the attention from both genders. 

The past couple of weeks she’d looked horrible, deep bags under her eyes from the nightmares that kept her up every night, hair always loose and frazzled. A bruise slowly turning yellow on her cheek. People might have turned their heads if they saw her now, but not for any good reasons. She’d judged Anakin for his shabby appearance, but truth be told: she hadn’t looked much better. Probably worse, since he had the advantage of youth. 

Her eyes are bright now, grey-blue staring back with a renewed vigor. For once there’s no bags under her eyes, she’d slept well. She smiles and gathers her hair to put it in intricate braids for the first time since Mustafar. 

Then she puts on the clothes the droids had prepared for her. It’s truly gotten too cold for her Jedi tunic. It still feels wrong to wear the clothes that look like they were made for Padmé, but…well, she’ll just have to deal with it.

She’s pondering what to write back as she walks to the children’s room. She knows this is about the hour they both wake up. Then H-014 rounds the corner. “Miss Kenobi.”

“What is it, H-014?”

“Lord Vader’s ship is in orbit, he will be here within five minutes. He’s requested you greet him personally on the landing pad.”

Her heart catches in her throat, good mood ruined.. “He’s back?”

Two weeks. Is that how long every mission of his will take? Maybe. Maybe not. She’ll have to keep it in mind next time he leaves.

“Yes, mistress. You should go greet him.”

She goes back to her room to grab a coat, it’s an intricate thing made of satin, but covered with fur on the inside. The morning air bites at her face when she leaves the house. She’s had to cover the children well before going on their walks these days. She wonders if it will snow soon.

She puts her arms around herself and walks towards the landing area. The wait seems endless and she’s all too aware of the clothes she’s wearing. Will Anakin be angry after all? He told her she could wear them, but maybe actually seeing her in them will set him off after all? She feels utterly insane, stressing about Anakin ’s reaction to her clothes. 

Had someone told Obi-Wan two month ago she would be doing so, she would’ve laughed in their face. Or well, maybe not exactly. She’s a Jedi after all, she would’ve been outwardly stoic, but she certainly would’ve questioned their sanity. 

The ship is there within five minutes. The hatch opens and Anakin steps out onto it with bags in his hand. His steps heavy. He seems to carry a physical weight on his shoulders. She tentatively reaches out through their bond and inhales a sharp breath when she realizes that the chaos is now a storm, dark and roaring. It screams back at her.

“Oh Anakin”, she whispers, not sure if what she feels is grief or disgust. Maybe it’s a bit of both. What he must’ve done to reach that point… She does not even wish to think about it. Anakin freezes when he sees her and at once she’s remembered of her wardrobe choice. 

She stays very still, heart beating rapidly in her throat. She curses herself. She should’ve just worn the jedi robes, no matter how cold it was. If only as a message. Anakin turns around and gruffly says something to the clones. Then he walks towards her. The hatch closes and she only realizes that they’re leaving when Anakin drops the bags and crushes her into his arms.

Again.

His force signature is there again, the storm suddenly surrounding her and greedily drinking her in. Sucking her dry. She gasps, completely overwhelmed. He doesn’t go past her shields, but it’s a near thing. Though their bond has been mostly restored, she knows the intimate action still strains them both.

“Anakin”, she wheezes.

“Yes”, he murmurs, pulling her even closer and burying his face in her shoulder and breathing her in. He’s hunched over almost comically to accomodate for their height difference. 

“Anakin, that hurts”, she rasps, pushing at his chest. He leans back a bit, hands still on her waist. His eyes fly over her face and he grimaces. He backs off in the Force, still hovering close but no longer surrounding her. His signature is no longer a storm, it’s just that familiar coil of chaos again. 

“Sorry”, he says, his own voice is wrecked. “I’m just glad to see you. It’s been so long.”

It hasn’t been that long. During the Clone Wars they often had missions where they didn’t see each other for a month or longer. She doesn’t point that out.

“Why do you do that?”, she demands, trying to ignore his hands still on her waist. This is the longest he’s held her since he was a child still searching for affection after leaving his mother. She’d been wholly uncomfortable giving it to him then. To her he’d still been that boy that had all but been thrust upon her.

Looking back she hadn’t been fair to him, she should have been more open to his affections. Should’ve welcomed him with open arms when he was so young, instead of awkwardly allowing him to crawl into bed next to her and letting him cling to her back, never once turning around to offer him any comfort in return. She’d gotten better at it eventually, but she knows she was too distant those first few years.

She hadn’t been ready to fill in that role for him. Even now, she’s never seen Anakin as a son for even a second. Even if she knew Anakin had tried to shape her into the role of a parent. That had abruptly stopped after he lost his own mother three years ago.

“You look nice like this”, Anakin says, ignoring her question. She feels a twinge of discomfort at the look of approval in his eyes. She didn’t wear it for his approval. Though she supposes it’s better than the alternative.

“I didn’t want to wear these”, she says, attempting to step out of his embrace. He doesn’t let her go. “It’s just cold.”

“You’re right”, he says. “We should get inside, your entire face is red.”

“It is not”, she rolls her eyes. 

“Oh, but it is”, he winks and for a second she can almost pretend this is Anakin teasing her.  It’s only then that she notices that his eyes are back to blue. No wonder it’s been so easy to look at him. “Anakin”, she gasps. “Your eyes.”

“A little trick I learned from my Master”, he informs her as he picks up the bags with one hand and pulls her along with the other. He blinks and his eyes are back to yellow. Her heart sinks. He blinks once more and they’re blue again, like Luke’s. “I noticed they seemed to make you uncomfortable and it’s easier on missions. I’ve found it’s easier to negotiate with people when they aren’t pissing their pants just by looking at you.”

He grins. “And when I do need them afraid, I can just change them.”

She nods. She hates that he’s right. It does put her at ease to look into his familiar eyes again. They had bothered her more than she would ever willingly admit.

“I see.”

“I thought you’d be happy”, he says. Obi-Wan looks up at him. Again, there’s a strange sort of vulnerability about him. A part of him still cares what she thinks, she realizes. Even if he says otherwise, even if he wants otherwise. 

She can make use of that. She doesn’t want to resort to pity manipulation tactics on him, like she used to when she was still the Negotiator, but it will be easier in the long run. If he trusts her, it will make it easier to get away. He might loosen his own rules. 

She smiles weakly and pulls her jacket tighter around herself. “I do.”

He seems satisfied with that. “Oh right, before I forget. These are for you.” He hands her the bags. “They’re the clothes I promised you. I hope you’ll like them.”

“I’m sure I will”, she says and she means it. Anakin would pick something she likes, he knows her well enough. She peeks into the bag and sees muted colors. Similar to her Jedi outfit.

“We will have to get rid of your old clothes”, he says as they get into the house and she immediately shakes her head. She wants to win his trust, but she’ll be damned if she’ll let him walk all over her. Those clothes are all she has left of the Jedi order. 

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on, Obi-Wan”, he sighs. “It irks me to see them.”

“Well, that’s too bad”, she says, attempting and failing to keep her voice level. “Seeing how I have no intention of throwing them away.”

“Don’t be difficult”, he snaps. “They’re just clothes.”

“If they’re just clothes, there should be no problem with me keeping them”, she argues, hating this conversation to her deepest core. 

“You’re attached to them then. I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi”, he says nastily and that hits exactly where it hurts. She stops walking. He stops as well, halfway up the stairs. He looks down at her with his fake blue eyes narrowed. 

“Yes”, she admits, heart clenching. “Though I have never claimed to be a perfect jedi….and you have made sure there is nothing left but those clothes to be attached to, haven’t you?”

“Not exactly.” He grins. “There’s still me.”

"Answer the question.", Anakin snarls. He's suddenly kneeling in front of her, at eye level and Obi-Wan can't bear looking into his eyes. It’s so wrong.

“You were my brother, Anakin”, she chokes out. “I loved you.”

She staggers away from him, suddenly being in the same space as him is unbearable. “Ask a droid to help you with the children.

The next couple of weeks are much the same as their first month together. She can’t describe it as anything other than playing house. Anakin is there when she goes to the children when they wake up, she misses the comfortable buzz of H-014 when she changes either Leia or Luke and dresses them as the droid does the same with the other twin.

Anakin is silent as he does so, occasionally cooing something. Little Leia is clearly overjoyed at her father’s return, she sleeps through the nights and clings to him almost ferociously. Luke is, as well. Though there is little difference in his behavior.

He’s there when she feeds them and when she meditates while the children have their nap. He also joins them on their afternoon or evening walks. She hates that he does that now. It was her alone time. Her chance to relax and talk.

Now she can’t, because Anakin is right there. His dark force signature content and relaxed, but dark nonetheless. 

“You can go on these walks by yourself, you know”, she informs him dryly when he looks at her expectantly at the 6 o’clock mark. The children have eaten and are ready to sleep.

Anakin frowns. “Yes, but the droids told me you like these walks. Don’t you want to come?”

It’s true that it isn’t the same as it was, but it’s still nice to get out of the house. The wonder of it had worn off within a week. “I suppose it’s better than staying here.”

She’s clothed in Coruscant fashion today, a thick coat keeping her warm.

“You’re good with them”, Anakin says conversationally. It’s been two weeks since he’s come back and this is the first time he’s tried to initiate conversation on their walk. They’re usually quiet. Maybe he was waiting for Obi-Wan to speak first. 

“I occasionally helped the creche masters with the young ones, you know that”, she says tightly, hoping that’s enough of a hint for him to stop talking. 

His handsome features tense for a second, but he keeps talking anyway: “Yes, but they were never this young. For someone with no experience, you’ve done really well. Doesn’t it make you sad you never had children of your own?”

“No”, she says, refusing to think about it. “I was perfectly content.”

“Could you see Luke and Leia as your own?”, Anakin asks, seemingly unbothered by her rebukes. She stares at him, confusion coursing through her. His face is pensive.

“They’ll grow up and see you as a mother”, he continues. “Maybe we should let them think you are. I won’t be there half of the time and-”

“Anakin”, Obi-Wan interrupts, horrified. “Listen to yourself. I’m not their mother. I never will be. Padmé is.”

“Yeah well, Padmé isn’t here though, is she?”, he snaps, anger and grief flashing in his eyes. It’s the first time she’s heard him speak her name in months. “She clearly didn’t think me or the children were worth living for! So tell me, why should I grant her the right of being a mother? Even in spirit?”

Obi-Wan stares, heart breaking all over again for Padmé. “How can you say that? She loved you, Anakin. She loved her children.”

“No, she did not! She would still be here if she kriffing did!”, he screams suddenly, burying his head in his hands. Leia lets out a whimper and Luke starts sobbing. Obi-Wan sends a wave of comfort to them, but Anakin’s chaos is overpowering. Anakin looks at them through his fingers and surprisingly reigns himself in. His arms drop and suddenly he just looks miserable. “How could she, Obi-Wan? Everything I did, I did for her and still she left me. She left us . All I did…it was all…”

“She never wanted you to do any of that, Anakin”, Obi-Wan says quietly when it’s clear Anakin will not continue speaking. A lock of her hair has gotten loose from her braid and the cold wind blows it in her face. The young man reaches out seemingly thoughtlessly and puts it behind her ear. His fingers are unbearably hot on her skin. She’s still radiating comfort for the babies, but he picks up on it as well. His eyes soften and he cups her cheek before bringing their foreheads together.

Obi-Wan stands incredibly still, hardly believing this is happening. Her heart hammers in her throat. One of his curls tickles her cheek.

“But you’re still here”, Anakin whispers and his force signature is close again, but not greedily taking like it usually does. It just basks in her comfort. “Even after everything, you never left me or the twins.”

Suddenly she realizes just how broken Anakin will be when she leaves, taking the children with her. Her and these children are the only life line he has left. He would be devastated. 

Don’t, she thinks sharply at herself. A sith doesn’t deserve to raise these children. Though his eyes seem blue now, they aren’t actually. He’s a liar and a murderer, he’s hurt her before and he will hurt the children. He’s fallen. No one has ever come back from that. 

“I can never replace their mother, Anakin”, she says quietly, leaning away from him. “Not for them…and not for you, either.”

“I haven’t seen you as a parental figure in years”, he argues, eyes dark. “I thought you knew that.”

That’s not what she meant, but she refuses to elaborate. Maybe he doesn’t realize what he’s doing. How intimate he’s being with her. She won’t bring attention to it. She hopes, once he’s processed Padmé’s loss, that he’ll stop on his own. That he’ll realize that he was just projecting that position onto her again. Like he did with his mother at first.

He keeps a hand on her back as they walk and she wills herself not to worry yet.

When Anakin leaves a week later he presses a kiss into her hair, gives her a comlink and promises to comm her. She stares after him with big eyes, feeling completely out of her depth. Her conviction of him seeing Padmé in her has never rang more true. It leaves Obi-Wan feeling strangely hollow. Somehow it’s almost disappointing, like she’s not even good enough as herself anymore. She’s happy the children will never have to see a dead woman in her.

She goes straight back to her room, picking up a paper and pen and finally writing a reply. She hadn’t dared to when Anakin was home.

Dear P.

I’m sorry this reply has taken me so long to write, I could not risk it while Vader was here. I understand the risk you are taking for me and appreciate it greatly. Sadly I must ask you to keep this act up for many more months. I cannot leave the children behind. Leaving them to grow up with a Sith would be cruel and inhumane. It would not be what their mother would want.

I implore you to wait for at least 9 months. The twins are only 2 months old now. Once they are around the 11 month mark the escape would be plausible.

My eternal gratitude, 

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Obi-Wan folds the paper, before immediately unfolding it and reading it again. Would he understand?

Yes, he would, Obi-Wan tells herself firmly. She goes to Artoo’s loading station and hides it under that same flap. 

The pilot would accept her request or he would not. Obi-Wan wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. Taking her away from Anakin is one thing, taking his children is something completely different. She just had to wait until next thursday to get a reply back. 

Master Kenobi

The more I think about it, the more I understand your request. Those children are in as much danger as you are if they were to be left alone with that monster. Don’t worry, I will wait for you. Like I said, I will get you out of there even if it’s the last thing I do. Whether that’s tomorrow or in 9 months doesn’t matter to me. 

Do you have a place you can go where you think you will be safe? 

P.

Relief courses through her when she reads his reply later that week. He’s willing to wait and take the risk. His question does make her think, though. Where would she be safe? She knows one thing for sure: Anakin would stop at nothing to get his children back. 

He would go to every single place she might consider at the top of her head. It is detrimental that she goes somewhere he does not expect. A place he will never even consider.

Even before she’s finished that thought the answer is clear: Tatooine. 

He grew up there as a slave. His mother died there in his arms. It’s no place to raise a child. It’s ironic that that makes it absolutely perfect.

Anakin stays away for nearly two months this time. They do keep in contact via comn and he looks worse each time they call. Showing them the twins never fails to bring a smile to his face, though.

By the time he comes back the twins have both given her their first smiles and can sit when she holds them securely in her lap. It’s incredible how fast they’ve grown. Before long she can stop giving them baby formula and start with baby food. She wonders what the edible fruits on Naboo are. Even if there are any, it’s only just warming up again. She doubts any will be growing yet She’ll have to ask their supplier.

“Hello Leia”, she whispers and the baby looks up at her with brown eyes the exact same shade as Padmé’s from her crib. She smiles. Luke is still asleep. “Let’s go ask H-014 if she can ask our pilot to bring us some fruit next time.”

She puts Leia into the crook of her arm and makes her way downstairs, softly talking to her about the fruits she’ll ask for. Instead of H-014 it’s Anakin waiting for them in the kitchen, conversing with H-03.

She’d been so busy with Leia she hadn’t even noticed his presence. She freezes in the doorway, blinking at him rather stupidly. He immediately comes over to them. For a second there’s dread, but then-

“Hello, little lady”, he says with a smile as he gently takes Leia from her. Leia stares at her father with big eyes, clearly trying to place him somehow. Their force signatures clearly recognize each other and she doesn’t get upset when he hugs her close. Though she does fuss when he tries to envelop her with his signature, Anakin turns his attention to Obi-Wan instead, immediately surrounding her. In a way that’s become familiar at this point. It’s still not comfortable.

He’s not the storm he was last time. Clearly he’s had time to pull himself together before coming here. He wouldn’t have risked coming in and seeing Leia otherwise. She can, however, feel that it’s coated in darkness again. Like whatever he’s done these past few weeks has left its mark on his very soul, coated it in tar. 

It feels like he’s using her signature to cleanse himself, she realizes suddenly. 

Why would he want to do that? For a second she feels hope. Then she realizes the reason. He probably doesn’t want to scare the children with his chaos and his storms of darkness.

“You’re back”, Obi-Wan says, a little breathless, as she looks up at his face. There’s a new scar on his chin. She hadn’t noticed it through the holo.

Anakin snorts. “Clearly.”

“How did that happen?”, she asks as she taps her own chin. 

“Where’s Luke?”, he asks instead of answering, bringing Leia with him to his chair. Obi-Wan follows, still caught entirely by him in the Force. It makes her steps sluggish and eyes droop as she fights to keep up her shields. She sits down next to him. 

 “He’s still asleep”, she informs him. “He usually sleeps longer than Leia. I think she’s having growth spurts. She hasn’t been sleeping very well the past couple of days.”

“Aw, baby”, he tuts, pressing a kiss onto the small girl’s head. His eyes are the exact shade of blue as Luke’s. She wishes she could believe it was because of them, but the Force doesn’t lie.

“Look what she can do now”, she says, reaching out to turn Leia around and make her sit in his lap. Anakin’s arms go around her and then Leia’s perched upon his lap, looking up at him with big eyes. 

“Wow”, he says, looking down at her with a proud smile. “You guys have been busy without me, huh?”

Leia smiles back and Anakin’s breath hitches. Obi-Wan looks away as he wipes at his face. His signature warms noticeably, enveloping her in the comforting feel of it. It takes her a while to notice that it’s Light. She gasps, but then he’s pulling away and when she, almost instinctively, reaches for him, he brings up his own shields. Barely there, but a clear message. 

She looks at him and he stares back with wet eyes, blinking rapidly. “They’re smiling now, too?”

She nods mutely. Before she can say anything Luke starts crying. She gets up to go get him, Anakin follows. He blinks at them blearily, hair a mess. Obi-Wan chuckles and strokes it back so it looks less like a bird’s nest. “Hello, little man. Did you sleep well?”

Anakin hands Leia over to her and picks him up to hug him, too. Luke immediately melts into his arms, happily bouncing his arms. 

“Anakin”, she says. Another week has passed and she hasn’t asked him about the flash of Light she believes she saw in the Force yet. The children are in bed and he’s in the living room, tapping away on his datapad. His hair is getting longer and he looks perfectly content, no bags under his eyes and a smile on his face.

“What’s up, Obi-Wan?”

“Do you believe you’re completely Dark?”, she asks, staring intently into his eyes. Like she expected, he immediately scowls. It’s why she waited for the children to be asleep to start this conversation. 

“What kind of a question is that”, he demands. “You know what I’ve done. How could I not be?”

“I’m not asking what you’ve done”, she says, voice impassive. “I’m asking what you feel.”

“I’m a Sith”, he says slowly, letting the yellow bleed back into his eyes. Her heart sinks at the sight. “Sith don’t feel anything Light.”

“So you don’t feel love when you look at your children?”, she asks abruptly and before he can answer she speaks again. “You do. I know you do. That doesn’t make you a very good Sith, does it?”

“It wouldn’t make you a very good Jedi either”, he argues, getting up so he can crowd her against the wall. She represses the terror that brings forth, pushing it away into the Force. “Wouldn’t you say, Obi-Wan?”

“I’ve already admitted to that. I love the twins. I loved you”, she says, voice still level. “It doesn’t mean I would bring this world to ruins if I lost them.”

 He’s silent, just glaring down at her. 

“Does your Master know how much you love them?”, she asks then. “He could kill us, you know. To get rid of that attachment. Or he could find a new apprentice to replace you and kill us regardless.”

His hand closes around her throat, the flesh one. He squeezes warningly, not enough to take her breath away, though. She keeps pouring her fear into the Force. She needs to keep this conversation going, needs to find out. “Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about! You have no idea what I’ve been doing for him!”

Those children are in as much danger as you are if they were to be left alone with that monster. 

“I can guess”, she gasps, keeping her hands firmly at her side. “Anakin, be honest with me. Is there a part of you that’s still Light, like Padmé believed?”

If he says yes, she thinks she might stay. 

His hand tightens and suddenly she can’t breathe anymore. It’s a mockery of the intimacy he’s shown her over the past couple of months. He’s trembling in rage and his eyes flash with it, they’re like pools of lava and instantly she’s transported back to Mustafar. Sulfur burns her nose, her palm stings and their bond is in shambles between them. Her concentration breaks and suddenly all she feels is fear.

He shouts: “Why do you keep hoping there is?! Am I not enough for you? I’m me. I’ve always been me. I’ve killed and I will keep killing, because it is power I need and desire. To get that I need to do this, don’t you understand? Why do you always have to act like you’re better than me? Why do you always have to hold me back?! Why can’t you just accept what I am?”

He pushes her harshly against the wall and Obi-Wan brings a hand up to his, desperately digging her nails in as she attempts to pull him away. He lets her go with a hiss. She slides down, staring at the ground as the reality of the situation crashes down on her once again as she takes deep, gulping breaths. 

For the past couple of days she’d hoped that maybe…but no, even if there was even a small flicker of Light still there, it wasn’t enough. Obi-Wan wasn’t enough to bring it forth. They had too much history, he bore too much resentment for her. Maybe if Padmé were still here…

She blinks away tears. She will not cry in front of him again, she bites her lip so hard she’s sure she draws blood. 

A hand cups the back of her head and Anakin buries his face in her hair. She flinches away from him, but he doesn’t let her get very far. He whispers in her ear. “You need to stop challenging me like this. I want us all to be happy here. I want you to be happy here, Obi-Wan. I can’t if you keep doing this.”

“Please stop touching me, Anakin”, she says, her voice comes out wrecked. The last slithers of fear are still at the edge of her mind, for a second she’d been terrified Anakin would not let go. She does not fear death, though a part of her does doubt the Force will accept her now,  but he needs to be alive to keep her promise to Padmé. She’d already failed Qui-Gon, she would not fail Padmé and the children too. 

Neither would she want Anakin to kill her in a fit of rage, it would only push him further into ruin, would only make him more Sith. She does not want to give Sidious that satisfaction. 

“Alright”, he whispers. “Let me get you some bacta cream.”

She watches him leave, her resolve set: she will leave when the time is right. No matter what.

Chapter Text

Over the next nine Standard months Anakin comes and goes sporadically. Sometimes he’s gone for a couple of days, sometimes a couple of weeks. The children grow, eventually they can sit on their own and eat solid food. She still waits for them to start walking before even considering escaping. They’ll need it on Tatooine. 

Leia still has a hard time whenever Anakin leaves and it breaks Obi-Wan’s heart that she’ll have to take her away from her father. It’s for the best, though. The pilot has told Bail and Master Yoda of her plan and they’d agreed with her.

Master Yoda had sent her the following message through their pilot:

Agree with you, I do. To Tatooine, should you go. With their family, should you all stay. Owen and Beru their names are.

Agreed to take you in, they have. Their coordinates, have I given to your pilot. Bring you there, he will when the time is right.

Visit you, I cannot. But. In my heart will I keep you, Master Kenobi.

She doesn’t know these people, but apparently they’re trust-worthy enough for Master Yoda to recommend going to them. It’s a relief that she won’t have to search and pay for a place to stay by herself. Tatooine isn’t very kind to people not native to the planet. Despite her cunning, she'd be out of her depth there with two babies. She’d probably manage to get herself indebted to Jabba The Hutt within a week. 

That wouldn’t be any good. Life as a farmer isn’t exactly how she’d wanted to spend the rest of her life. In fact, she’d tried to avoid it for the better part of her youth. In a way it’s almost ironic that that which she had run from so desperately would end up being her faith. 

Infinite sadness, indeed.

At least she would have the children to cheer her up, she thinks as she lies down after destroying the message. She falls asleep quickly. 

“Don’t try it”, she pleads.

Anakin stands before her, angry and glaring. “You underestimate my power.”

He jumps and Obi-Wan should kill him. She should, but she can’t-and yet her lightsaber moves before she can think. She cuts off his remaining limbs in one smooth move. He falls to the floor with a dull thud, his limbs following. 

The sounds they make as they land nearly make her gag. She stares down at her former Padawan, his yellow eyes stare back with so much pain it feels like a part of her dies at the sight. His entire body screams agony.

“I hate you”, he screeches as he slides down, so close to the lava she can smell his flesh starting to burn. She wants to help, but she can only watch in horror as one of his legs catches fire. 

Can only watch as soon his entire body burns. He doesn’t look away even as his skin melts. Hate, pain and disbelief shine in his eyes. As if he can’t believe she’s allowing this. That she isn’t helping him. Obi-Wan can’t bear to look at him anymore. She turns away from him and starts walking-

“Obi-Wan!”

She starts awake, heart beating rapidly in her throat. She sits up and puts a hand on her heart. She can still smell the burning flesh. Anakin-

Obi-Wan turns around wildly. Anakin is sitting on her bed, looking at her wearily.

“Anakin?”, she asks, desperately checking him over. He still has all his limbs, minus his durasteel arm. She didn’t hurt him, after all. She hadn’t left him to burn. Tears push at her eyes. That had been a horrible dream. Instinctively, because all she can think about is how it’s still Anakin in front of her and he’s breathing and not irrevocably burned and mutilated, she leans forward and buries her face in his shoulder. “Oh, blast it.”

“What was it about?”, he asks quietly, stroking her hair with his flesh hand. She can’t help but sag against him. “You’ve been having nightmares for a long time, but this time I could practically feel how horrified you were.”

“Mustafar”, she says by way of explanation. 

“Mustafar?”, he parrots. “Is that what you’ve been dreaming about all this time then?”

“Mostly”, she admits wearily, leaning her head on one of her hands. “Don’t you ever think about it, Anakin? How many times one of us could have died? How painful it would have been to…to see?”

“Sometimes”, he admits. “Mostly I think about how you could’ve struck me down, but didn’t. It’s the only good thing that happened that day. I was so angry with you, angry enough to kill you even. But then you did what you did and I felt all the love I still had for you return twice as strongly.”

“You loved me?”, she asks quietly. She’d known he was attached to her, of course. She’d have to be blind not to see it, but love... She thought that had only been reserved for his wife and his then unborn children. 

Maybe for her when he was still her Padawan, but since his mother’s death she’d felt him pull away. It’s then that the lying began. And then with the war…at some point the youthful boy that had looked up at her with so much trust and affection had turned into someone else. Someone influenced by Palpatine and Padmé alike. And then after the Reiko Hardeen-fiasco…she’d hardly recognized him sometimes.

He nods.

“I had no idea”, she says. If only she had known. Attachment is forbidden, of course, but love could be a beautiful thing. Maybe if she had known she could have shown him how much she loved him in return. So he didn’t feel like he had to turn to Palpatine for guidance and affection. Maybe that love could have made a difference. 

But then. She hadn’t really realized it either, had she? How much she cared for him in return. So terrified had she been of potentially breaking the code with that attachment, that she had released it into the Force and shrugged off whatever disappointment she might have felt at the growing distance between them. She’d purposefully looked the other way and just…let him be happy. Because that had been enough for her.

“I still do”, he says huskily, breaking her out of her somber thoughts. “Don’t you see, Obi-Wan? I know it doesn’t make me a good Sith, but I still do. I want to. Isn’t that enough for you?”

“What are you saying, Anakin?”, she asks, sitting up rather stiffly. She can’t really see his expression in the dark, but she can feel his excitement in the Force. Along with something else she can’t quite place.

“I’m saying we don’t have to keep a distance between us. There’s nothing holding us apart here. I know you still love me, even if you say otherwise. You wouldn’t still be here if you didn’t. And I love you, too. So why not just give in?”, he asks, suddenly very close. His nose touches hers and she realizes what he’s about to do just in time to turn her face away. His kiss lands on her cheek instead. He groans annoyedly.

Desire. That’s what she’d felt in the force.

We’re Jedi. I used to be your Master. It’s unimaginable. It isn’t done. 

But she knows none of those words will get through to him.

“You’re confused”, Obi-Wan tells him tautly, desperately trying and failing to center herself and navigate them around this unexpected development. 

Though it’s not that unexpected, is it? She’d just hoped it would go away on its own. Once again refusing to examine it more closely and looking the other way until it all came to a blow.

She pushes at his chest, but he doesn’t budge and she pours her mounting panic into the Force. Obi-Wan doesn’t want to believe he would force her to do anything against her will, but he’s not her Anakin anymore and she hates that she’s not sure. 

He’s stronger than her. He could hold her down if he really wanted to. She could use the Force, but even then he would win. It’s not even a question. She hasn't fought in nearly a year, whilst he’d been out honing his skills. No, Obi-Wan would lose and on top of that, she could kiss whatever development she’s made with him over the past couple of months goodbye. He might even take the Force away from her as a punishment. She’s so close, she cannot afford that right now.

For a horrible second she considers just letting it happen.

“Think about it, Obi-Wan”, he says, breath hot against her cheek. She shivers. “You think I’m attractive, don’t you? I know you do, I’ve seen you look-” She might have stared once or twice, truly seeing just how much her Anakin had grown. How handsome he’d gotten. But she never-“You were jealous of Padmé, weren’t you? You wished it was you instead.”-Familiar disappointment had filled her stomach when he left their sleeping quarters with a weak excuse to go to Padmé’s instead. They hadn’t seen each other in weeks and she might have tried to make him stay, but never-”You want me, Obi-Wan. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself.”

Letting it happen would mean Anakin's hands on her breasts, his grunts in her ear as he thrusts himself inside of her. 

She thinks of a little straw-haired boy looking at her with big, innocent eyes.

She can't.

“You’re wrong”, she gasps, finally pulling out of his grip and scrambling out of the bed. “You’re like my brother, Anakin. I-”

He gets up as well, thankfully leaving the bed between them. He rolls his eyes. The moon peeking through the curtains bathes him in an almost ethereal light. “Oh please, that’s just an excuse. I know I used it all the time for you. Doesn’t mean I never got a hard-on when we sparred. Or when we had to sleep in the same bed. Don’t tell me you never noticed.”

“You were a teenager”, she utters, hating that he’s twisting their memories like this. It feels foul. “It’s normal for teenagers to experience that sort of thing, Anakin. Of course I noticed, I was just tactful enough not to mention it.”

“Last time it happened was during the war, not even two years ago. I wasn’t a teenager then, was I?”, Anakin argues and she refuses to think about that. It’d been awkward enough as it was, waking up to feel Anakin’s erection pressing into her thigh. “I know what I feel, Obi-Wan. I know I want you.”

No, you don’t, she wants to shriek. You’re just lonely and you see your dead wife in me. I’m not the one you want. 

She balls her hands into fists and forces herself to think, Obi-Wan, think. 

Anakin’s adamant about this. Somehow he’s convinced himself this is the truth. She doesn’t want to indulge him, but making him angry right now is probably the most dangerous thing she could do. 

And so, with her stomach in knots, Obi-Wan lies: “Maybe there is some truth to your words.” His Force signature brightens with hope. She purposefully makes her voice gentle as she raises her arms in a placating gesture. “But you need to give me time, Anakin. This is all so new and I don’t want to rush into things without being completely certain. Especially after everything that’s happened. You understand, don’t you?”

He steps onto the bed and she almost mindlessly scolds him for it, but then he sits down in front of her and grabs her hands, pulling her so she stands between his legs. Like this they’re about the same height. She has to look down a bit. His pretty features are pensive as he looks up at her and when he speaks again his voice is almost painfully gentle. “I understand.”

He brings her hands to his mouth and kisses them. His hair smells of the shampoo he always uses, it’s all so achingly familiar that for a second she forgets the situation she’s in and feels safe in a twisted way. “I’ll give you all the time you need, Obi-Wan. I love you and I always will. Even if sometimes I don’t show it the right way.”

The strangest urge to hold him comes over Obi-Wan and she allows herself to give in, she puts her arms around his shoulders and pulls him close. For a second he freezes and then he crushes her against him. It’s a goodbye if nothing else. Next time he leaves, she’ll contact her pilot to prepare for her escape. The children are nearly a year old, they’re ready.

No matter how safe she feels right now, she knows this could’ve gone very differently. If she had angered him just now, he might have- She tightens her grip around him and buries her face in his curls. He clings to her just as tightly, almost to the point of pain. His body is hot against hers, she’s only wearing a thin nightgown. 

His voice is muffled in her shoulder “I love you, Obi-Wan.”

“I love you, too”, she says and it’s not a lie. No matter how much she wishes it was.

Anakin leaves a week later with a long embrace and a promise to return as soon as he can. She smiles back, feeling almost sick as she does so. His signature feels lighter than it has in months and she doesn’t want to imagine how it’ll look once he realizes they’re gone.

She sends the pilot a message a Standard day later.

Dear P.

The children are old enough and escape is plausible now. We should go within a Standard week. I’m not sure how long Darth Vader will stay away, but it might not be long.

Should I take care of the droids and clones? Or shall I sneak away?

Forever in your debt

Obi-Wan Kenobi

His answer is direct and clear.

Master Kenobi

I’m glad to hear you say that. Next Monday is the day we leave. The clones won’t expect a thing and if you make sure that the droids can’t send out a distress signal, I’ll take care of the clones.

Wait by the door and if I knock three times, it’s safe to come out. We’ll see what we can do from there. Make sure to bring water and other supplies.

P.

She reads it over and over again, nerves bundling in her chest. She hopes beyond hope that this isn’t the one time Anakin actually does come home earlier. Escape would be impossible then. She’s absolutely certain of it.

Thankfully he doesn’t return and when he comms her that Sunday it’s clear he’s still very much mid-mission. There’s large bags under his eyes and he’s weary, not in the more optimistic mood he gets in when he’s about to return home. 

He does smile when he shows her Leia stepping a couple steps on her own. Luke still needs a hand to hold onto, but he’s pretty stable. 

“Maybe when I come home, Luke will have gotten around to it, too”, he laughs delightedly.

“Maybe”, she smiles, it feels entirely too big on her face. “Wouldn’t you want to be there to see it, though?”

“I guess that’s-” He stops talking, glaring at something in the distance. He lets out a sigh. “Sorry, Obi-Wan. I have to go. I’ll comm you back next week, okay?”

“Okay”, she says, knowing full well she won’t be answering that comm. “Goodbye.”

“Give the twins a kiss from me.”

“I will”, she says and she switches off the comm before he can say anything else. Guilt is already eating at her heart as it is, she can’t hear him say he loves her again.

She places a hand onto Artoo’s dome later that evening, after she’s prepared a bag with supplies and walked past his charging station, only to abruptly turn back to stand before him. “Do you have a tracker in you that Anakin could possibly follow?”

His resounding, very outraged whistles tell her all she needs to know. “Alright alright”, she says with a small smile. “Would you like to come with us then, Artoo? I’d be awfully lonely without you.”

He lets out a string of enthusiastic beeps. “Good. I wouldn’t want to leave you here all alone.”

Luke and Leia have grown attached to the little droid, screeching happily whenever he rolls into a room and beeps at them. Anakin’s already attempting to teach them Binary. Obi-Wan rolls her eyes whenever she catches him doing so, telling him it’s useless in this stage of their development. Anakin always calls her a spoilsport. 

She pushes the memory away rather forcefully. 

The next day Obi-Wan carefully disables all the droids one by one. She raises a hand, closes her eyes and reaches out with the Force, pulling at their power coupling. She catches them before they fall, stuffing them in a supply closet. She feels horrible doing this. The droids have been a great help. Well, despite the fact that they have been relaying her every move to Anakin. They could still be fixed, though. She refuses to destroy them and she hopes Anakin won’t either.

The Sith certainly wouldn’t be oblivious to their escape for long. When she doesn't answer his comms and he can't reach the droid either he'll come check, of that she’s certain. 

At 1PM Standard Time the supply ship touches down, like it always does. The pilot steps out and disappears into the woods around the house. She holds her breath. She hopes he knows what he's doing. She grabs Luke and Leia in her arms and brings them downstairs to wait. Artoo rolls around them, keeping the twins entertained.

After several minutes of waiting with baited breath two dull thuds sound outside the front door and then there's three knocks, just like he said. She nearly falls to the floor in relief. She rushes forward to open it.

The pilot isn't a tall man. He's just a little taller than her, she doesn’t know why it’s so surprising to her. His skin is brown and his hair black and in a ponytail.

"Master Kenobi", he says with a little bow and a grin that reminds her an awful lot of Quinlan. Two clone troopers lay unconscious at their feet. Despite everything it’s still a relief he hasn’t killed them. "I'm here to rescue you."

She clasps his hand in hers. "Thank you, pilot."

He shakes her hand. “Call me Porter.”

“Good to finally meet you, Porter.” Then she picks Leia up and hands her to him. "This is Leia. Say hi to Porter, Leia."

Leia shyly waves at him, clearly a little uncomfortable in the stranger's arms but, like Obi-Wan expected, she doesn’t begin to cry. Porter waves back with a happy smile that’s just a little tense around the edges. Leia instantly relaxes, babbling happily.

Obi-Wan picks up Luke and throws her bag over her free shoulder. "And this is Luke."

Porter Waves at him. “Why hello, Luke.” Luke hides his face in her throat at the sight of the unfamiliar man. She pulls him a little closer, pressing a kiss onto his head. Artoo beeps. "And of course you know Artoo. We should go."

"You're right", Porter nods, securing Leia in his arms and quickly walking over to his ship.

"I noticed some cams and have tried to disable them all, but he'll know once he looks at his feed. If he hasn't already", their savior says. Artoo beeps in alarm.

Of course. The cameras. She hadn't even thought of that, she really is out of touch. Good thing Porter is here. 

"Then we'll just have to make sure we're gone before he can get here", she says, but she already sees it in her mind's eye. Anakin's imperial ship coming into orbit just as they're about to leave, catching them in a tractor beam before ever leaving the planet. She quickens her pace.

Luke whimpers against her shoulder and she shushes him. "It's okay, Luke. We'll be okay."

Thankfully they make it onto the ship without any issues and she straps herself in, holding Luke and Leia both in her lap as Porter readies for takeoff on the pilot’s chair. She waits with bated breath, looking at the sky. Thankfully it stays devoid of any ships and before she knows it they’re off. 

She watches her prison grow smaller and smaller and slumps in her chair once they’re in orbit, hardly daring to believe how smoothly their escape has gone. Leia pulls on Luke’s hair and he screeches. She gently disentangles the two, pulling them closer to her. She buries her face in Leia’s hair and breathes. They’re all safe. They’ve escaped. Anakin can never hurt her again. Neither can Sidious the children.

“Told you I’d get you out of here”, Porter says proudly as he starts preparing for a hyperspace jump. 

“Yes, you did”, she says, feeling faint. He catches her gaze.

“He can’t do anything to you ever again, Master”, the rebel says as he reaches out to squeeze her arm. “You’ve done it.”

For a second Obi-Wan considers telling him that it could’ve been worse. That he hadn’t hurt her many times, but she stops herself when she realizes just how that would sound.

“Thanks to you, Bail and Master Yoda”, Obi-Wan says instead. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough. The risk you took for me…”

“You don’t have to thank me at all.” Porter shakes his head and the stars around them start morphing until they just seem like lines. Reaching out endlessly. They’re in the hyperspace jump. Luke and Leia let out gasps as they see the phenomenon in space.

“Pretty impressive, is it not?”, she asks quietly as she too enjoys the sight of the jump. Before long Anakin will be seeing the same, scrambling to get home as fast as possible. “Pretty impressive…”

Chapter Text

It quickly becomes apparent that Owen doesn’t like Obi-Wan very much. He’s really kind to the twins, but whenever she enters a room he looks at her coldly. She would confront him about it, but he’s letting her stay in his house for nothing. It’s more than she deserves. She can handle his glares. 

Beru is nice, at least. She adores the children. She confides in Obi-Wan that she’s always wanted children of her own, but that it just didn’t work out that way. Her gaze grows very sad when she says that. Obi-Wan grabs her hand and squeezes, offering support in the only way she can right now. She’s still coming to terms with what’s happened in the past couple of months and doesn’t feel anything she can say would be sufficient or right. 

“Did he hurt you much?” Beru asks her quietly one night, when Owen’s out to empty the vaporators of their water and the children are in bed. 

She shakes her head honestly. “No, not often.”

“But sometimes?”

She swallows dryly. “Sometimes. When he got very angry. At the end, he wanted me to be something I wasn’t and…I was scared he would-” She can’t even say it, it still doesn’t seem real. “Well, that’s when I knew we had to leave.”

“He seemed so kind to Padmé when they were here”, Beru says sadly. Her big eyes are full of sympathy. “It’s strange to think he would change so drastically.”

“He Fell”, Obi-Wan says, looking down at the glass of water in her hands. Her skin is slightly red. She’s not used to the Tatooine suns. She really should’ve thought about sun cream before coming here. “He was manipulated by someone he trusted and turned to the Dark Side. He did…unspeakable things to become a Sith. He’s the main reason Padmé’s gone.”

“And where were you?”

She startles, looking up to see Owen standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He must’ve come back early. She hadn’t even heard him come in.

“Excuse me?”, she asks tensely. 

“I’m asking where you were when he was being manipulated?” Owen demands, ice in his eyes. “When he came here all those years ago Anakin told me he told his Master about his visions of his mother and that she urged him to forget about it, that the future’s always in motion. Why didn’t you take him seriously then? Maybe you could’ve saved her. To me that doesn’t sound like someone who was there for him.”

Obi-Wan is frozen in her seat. To think those things herself is one thing, to hear them spoken out loud, thrown in her face like a curse is a whole other thing. 

“Owen!”, Beru chastises. “How could you say that?”

“Look at her, Beru!”, the young farmer snaps, gesturing at her wildly. “She thinks I’m right, it’s written all over her face!”

“That’s enough”, Beru says firmly, getting up and placing herself firmly in front of Obi-Wan. “You have no idea what Anakin’s done to her. You weren’t there, so don’t try to lecture Obi-Wan about what she should or shouldn’t have done. Besides, after he got your mother, even you could tell something wasn’t right with him. You even said so yourself!”

Owen looks away with grit teeth. “If pushed far enough, any human being could do horrible things.”

Silence hangs heavy between them.

“Owen is right”, Obi-Wan says abruptly. “I did fail Anakin, I didn’t see the signs. In fact, I purposefully looked away, because I didn’t want to see them. I wasn’t ready to be his Master and he paid the price-” 

“Obi-Wan…”, Beru says sadly, but Obi-Wan raises a hand. 

“But I can still do right by his children, so they don’t go down a similar path. I’m trying, Owen”, she says, looking at him imploringly even though it feels like her heart’s ripping apart. “I am trying.”

Before he can say anything Leia starts crying, followed immediately by Luke. She and Beru go to comfort them. Leia takes one look at her and starts crying even louder. She’s not who she wants to see right now. The twins both miss their father. 

She picks the girl up, hugging her tightly. “I’m sorry, Leia”, she whispers into her dark hair. “It’s for the best.”

After that evening Owen doesn’t go out of his way to glare at her anymore. He even shows her how to operate the vaporators, so she feels useful. Artoo is a big help as well, even Owen can’t deny that. 

“I uh….I apologize if I upset you the other day”, Owen says a couple of days later as they’re trying to salvage one of his vaporator’s storage cisterns. The thing’s been leaking for days. Artoo’s poking around in it, trying to find the leak as they both hold him up. For such a small droid he’s certainly heavy, but Obi-Wan doesn’t want to risk using the Force in case anyone were to unexpectedly come by. The other farmers are already suspicious of their sudden appearance, them finding out she’s force-sensitive would only make things worse. She doesn’t want any rumors spreading around and potentially reaching the wrong set of ears. 

She looks at the man, surprised. She didn’t expect an apology. Beru probably made him, she thinks ruefully. Obi-Wan blinks sweat out of her eyes and shrugs. “There’s no need to apologize. What you said was true.”

“Maybe some of it”, he says gruffly. “But it wasn’t fair to place all of it on you. In the end it was still his choice, no matter what might have happened to bring him there. That’s on Anakin, not on you.”

She nods slowly, mulling over his words. “Thank you, Owen. I appreciate you saying that. Really.” 

“Yeah, well”, Owen says, clearly uncomfortable. “It’s true.” He looks up at Artoo with a frown. Sweat is running over both of their brows at this point and their arms are trembling. She won’t be able to hold him much longer. “How much longer is this going to take, Artoo?”

Artoo beeps and sparks fly above. Clearly he’s found the leak and is welding it shut. She smiles at Owen, sweat dripping in her eyes. “Well, there’s your answer.”

Owen lets out a gruff laugh, seemingly surprising himself. “It seems so.”

Against all her expectations it’s Luke who speaks first a month or so later. Leia’s been the first to roll over, to sit and to walk. That’s what makes it so surprising when Luke points to her and clearly says: “Wan.”

They all freeze. They’re having dinner, Luke and Leia are in high chairs next to them, having already finished their portion of the food. 

“What did you say, Luke?”, Obi-Wan asks with big eyes as Beru squeels excitedly, telling Owen to grab a cam to film the occasion. Owen quickly gets up and does so. 

“Can you say that again, Luke?”, Beru asks, they’re both leaning close to him and Luke is clearly enjoying the attention, preening up at them with a smile. He’s taken to Beru quickly, naturally gravitating to her softer nature. “Obi-Wan. Can you repeat that?” She points to Obi-Wan. “Obi-Wan”

Luke points to her again and just as Owen starts filming Luke speaks again: “Wan!’

Beru giggles and Obi-Wan leans forward to kiss him on the crown of his head. “Well done, Luke! Right you are. I am Obi-Wan!”

Leia looks on, bemused at the attention her little brother is suddenly getting. As if out of spite she says her first word the very next day. 

“Obi”.

It makes Obi-Wan emotional, like all their accomplishments have before. Though this one is a sign they’re getting big. 

It’s strange, but her first instinct is to comm Anakin to inform him of this milestone. Of course, she can’t do that. She’s left the comlink in her room on Naboo and even if she still had it, she could never contact him. But she can just imagine the proud smile on his face at his children’s accomplishments. He would be devastated to miss it.

She confides in Beru as they’re hanging clothes to dry one morning. Owen is out to trade and Leia and Luke are playing around them. 

“Why do you think that is?”, she asks her friend, because she does see Beru as a friend. A good one, at that. 

“I think it just means that he was kind when it came to his children”, Beru says pensively as she studies one of Luke’s shirts closer with a hint of disapproval on her face. He’d stained it-they still haven’t figured out with what-and the stain hasn’t washed out. 

Obi-Wan sighs. 

“That’s one of his good shirts as well.”

“Hmm, I’ll comm Owen to ask him to ask the traders if they can get some fabrics next time. They’ll be growing out of any clothes we get them anyway. Might as well make them ourselves”, Beru says as she grabs a comlink out of her pocket and goes about doing that.

Obi-Wan finishes hanging up the clothes and then goes over to the twins. Leia is drawing in the ground with a stick as Luke watches attentively. 

“Leia”, she tuts, kneeling down next to them and gently grabbing the stick from the small girl. “Don’t do that over here. That’s your aunt and uncle’s floor.”

“Obi?”, Leia implores. 

“Wan?”, Luke says enthusiastically, getting up and throwing his little arms around her neck. She catches him with one arm, saving herself from falling over with the other. Her knees creak uncomfortably. 

“Hello, young one”, she laughs. “From your reaction you’d think we haven’t seen each other in days, when it’s in fact been…oh, half a Standard hour, give or take.”

He leans back and looks at her, eyes looking startlingly blue now that his skin has tanned so beautifully from almost two months in the Tatooine climate. His hair is bleached almost white. He reminds her awfully of the little boy Anakin had been when she’d seen him first. Though much younger, of course. And never with the same life experiences. She would make sure of that. As would Beru and Owen.

“Though I suppose it must seem longer for you”, Obi-Wan admits as Leia gets up and attempts to pull Luke away. Luke lets go and Leia replaces him in clinging to her, attempting to get her stick back all the while. 

“Why, you little”, Obi-Wan chuckles, holding her arm away. “No, no stick for you.”

Leia pouts at her, but stops her attempts and just sinks into her arms. It's a relief, Leia's been so upset every night since they arrived, trying to wriggle away from Obi-Wan's hugs.

She presses a kiss onto Leia's forehead and hugs back. Luke joins them, throwing his arms over both of them from the side, clearly envious at this sudden turn of events. Obi-Wan closes her eyes and enjoys this moment. For the first time since coming to Tatooine, she's truly relaxed.

When Owen and Beru hastily put the datapad away when she enters the room, Obi-Wan knows something's wrong.

"What is it?", she asks, dread forming in her stomach. Luke is on her hip, the first one to wake. He babbles happily when they enter, stretching his arms to Owen when they get closer.

"Unca! Unca!", he says, one of his new favorite words. Owen smiles, though it's still very tight around the edges, and reaches out to take Luke from her. He presses a kiss into his hair and softly speaks to him as he starts preparing his breakfast.

Obi-Wan sits down next to Beru and looks at her imploringly. "If something's happened, I want to know."

Beru and Owen exchange a gaze over her head and she frowns.

"Beru", she says slowly.

"She'll find out eventually", Owen says and Beru sighs,before handing her the datapad.

It's a news story. The headline reads: "ALDERAAN IN RUINS. TRAITOR BAIL ORGANA EXECUTED BY DARTH VADER IN CHAOS".

Luke's happy noises suddenly seem to come from very far away. Bail is dead. She reads it again and again, but it doesn’t miraculously change.

Executed by Darth Vader. Executed by Anakin. 

It doesn't take a genius to figure out why. Anakin must've found out he helped her somehow. He'd known they were friends, maybe he assumed... 

"Blast it", she says softly, grief taking her breath away and making her curl in on herself. She doesn't want to read anymore. She can’t read any more about Bail and his manner of execution. She knows Anakin wouldn’t have been kind. He would’ve been furious. Would’ve made it hurt. She lowers the datapad.

"How many people are dead?", she asks, bracing herself for the answer.

"Thousands", Owen tells her. "They're not sure if his wife is among them."

She's met Breha a couple of times. She was a proud, but sweet woman that clearly loved her husband more than anything. If she’s still alive, she would be devastated. Her home planet wrecked and her husband executed…

"I hope not", Obi-Wan whispers. It's strange. She'd thought she couldn't grieve anymore. With all she had lost. Clearly she was wrong. Bail… he'd been kind and good. And the New Empire had repaid him with death. 

Anakin had repaid him with death.

"He was part of the rebel alliance", Owen says firmly. "He knew the risk he was taking."

"Yes", Obi-Wan says as she releases her grief into the force. Her voice still breaks a bit. "But he was a very brave man and he deserved better."

Beru grabs her hand and squeezes. "This is what he wanted." She says. "He wanted you and the children to be free, away from Darth Vader's influence and cruelty."

It is a small comfort, but she nods. Luke, sensing her sadness, whimpers and wiggles when Owen attempts to put him in his high chair, reaching for Obi-Wan instead.

She gratefully takes him back into her arms, glad for the purity and goodness Luke seems to emanate in the Force. For once she understands why Anakin always wanted to take from their Force signature, it would be so easy to let Luke’s goodness completely wash over and comfort her. She refrains from doing so, though. She doesn’t want to taint the little boy with her own raw emotions. Luke presses a kiss onto her cheek and cuddles closer to her, clearly content to offer comfort in the only way he knows how. Owen puts a hand on Beru's shoulder and she leans a head onto it. They're not usually one to show their affection openly, they must also be shaken by the news.

“Ben sad?”, Luke asks. 

At some point the twin’s own nicknames had morphed together into ‘Bwan’, which had then turned into Ben. Obi-Wan doesn’t mind at all, the nickname fits her. 

“Yes”, she admits, looking down at him with a small smile. “But sometimes it’s okay to be sad. What’s important is that we don’t let ourselves be consumed by it.”

Luke nods wisely and presses another kiss onto her face, on the corner of her mouth this time. It’s a very wet kiss. Obi-Wan sputters and wipes the drool away with a short laugh.

“I have enough of that in my own mouth, thank you”, she tells him.

Luke just smiles at her innocently. Owen speaks then, detaching himself from his wife: “Alright, that’s enough of that. Leave poor Ben alone and let’s get some food into ya. You’re much too small for your age.”

Luke lets Owen put him in the high chair and preens as all the attention of the three adults is on him alone as he eats. 

The grief is still there, but Obi-Wan is not drowned in it this time, too distracted by Luke and Leia making faces at each other when Beru goes to get her some minutes later. 

The other woman attempts to teach her how to sew clothes when they get the fabric some weeks later. It pains Obi-Wan greatly to admit it, but it seems they’ve found something she’s not very good at. She just can’t seem to keep a straight line while using the sewing machine. Eventually Beru takes mercy on her and takes over with a pained smile.

“Maybe you should see if Owen and Artoo need help with something on the farm?”, she offers tactfully. 

“No, I want to learn”, Obi-Wan says stubbornly. “Just show it to me one more time.”

And so Beru does. A couple of more times. Eventually, after much more practice, she becomes somewhat decent at it. Leia does end up wearing one of her creations at some point, a pair of beige pants that are a little wonky if you looked at it a little too closely. The little girl seems perfectly content wearing it, though, so no one ever mentions it. 

As she sits outside one day, reading to the twins, comfortably warm in the setting suns and thinks that maybe she could get used to this. Farming isn’t as bad as she’d feared and they fit in perfectly with Owen and Beru. Owen is still gruff, but she eventually learned that that’s just Owen and Beru has become one of her closest friends.

It’s too good to last. She should’ve known. 

Beru shoos her outside one day, about six Standard months after they arrive, when it’s clear she’ll just never get the skirt right and Owen isn’t in need of help when she goes to him. 

“I’ll just go on a walk then”, she says, maybe in the mountains in the distance. So she’ll have some coverage. It’d be good for her to clear her head, maybe meditate while she’s at it. She hasn’t done that in weeks.

“Be careful, Ben!”, Owen calls after her. “The Tuskens don’t usually show themselves around these parts, but…you never know!”

She rolls her eyes. “I’ll be fine, Owen!”

She can hear him grumbling and suppresses a smile. So he does care. Who would’ve guessed?

The fauna on Tatooine isn’t exactly diverse, she muses as she makes her way over to the mountains, but one does come to appreciate it after some time. She sits down in a shadowy crevace, crosses her legs and gives herself over to the force. It’s not like it used to be, there’s not the sound of a thousand souls welcoming her home. It’s quiet and scarred, but she’s used to it now and it calms her nontheless. 

Then there’s a hum of something, of unrest and she pulls herself out immediately.

As soon as she exits the coverage of the mountains she knows for a fact something is wrong. There’s smoke coming from the farm. She stops dead in her tracks and stares, looking around to orient herself, for a second certain she’s come out the wrong end of the mountains.  

But she hasn’t. The smoke is coming from Owen’s farm without a doubt. She starts walking, hoping foolishly that it’s just a faulty vaporator, but the closer she gets the less that seems likely. It’s too much smoke. Way too much for one vaporator. 

No. Force. No. No. No. Please don’t let this be real.

As she gets closer she senses him. She doesn’t stop walking, breaking into a run instead. How could he be here? He would never return here. The closer she gets the more apparent his signature becomes. It’s Darker than it’s ever been, he’s not absolutely murderous. He’s also distracted, he hasn’t noticed her yet. Maybe there’s still a chance.