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'*༻✧loop 21✧༺*' 

Frustration and something uglier boiled in Elena's belly as she grabbed Elijah by the back of his neck and pulled him down into yet another first kiss.

There was a startled half-breath from his side before she felt the fingers of one of Elijah's hands sliding into her hair, while the other encircled her upper waist and pressed against Elena's back.

Where was she now? First kiss number eighteen? Twenty?

Whatever.

Like in any of the preceding times where Elena initiated it, the kiss grew hungrier than it had been that true first time, when she'd turned around and was blindsided by the realization that the 'em' Katherine had sent her off to meet was Elijah Mikaelson.

She bit into his lip and let her nails cut into the skin on the side of his neck. A potent, familiar scent hit the air, and Elena let out a satisfied little growl near the back of her throat. She'd made him bleed. Good.

That's what he got for somehow getting her caught in a fucking time loop.

'*༻✧loop 1✧༺*' 

From a certain point, their second first kiss was more startling than even the real one.

After all it's just a little disorienting to go from feeling her neck crack under someone's steely hands at either side of her head — seeing the blurry flash of Katherine's dark curls at the edge of her vision — and stumbling in place, somehow fully upright over the wooden floorboards of the white gazebo she'd left more than an hour back.

Elena had barely taken measure of the surroundings when Elijah was there again.

"Katerina," he said, a little smile at the corners of his lips, his eyes running over her dress and the stolen jacket. As if he were really seeing her, even while Elena knew full well that he was looking at the wrong woman.

"I-" she swallowed her confusion — maybe a sign that weirdness had truly lost all meaning — and decided to let the scene play out, "Elijah. You're late."

As before, he seemed to ignore the rebuke, instead narrowing the space between them to run his fingers over the red strand she'd acquired a town or two over.

"You colored your hair," he said, again. "I like it."

"Thank you, I actually-" she was expecting it this time, and still Elena felt reality twist on its axis.

The kiss made whatever the hell was happening here real. For whatever reason, Elena had been given a second opportunity to fool Elijah. And why look a gift horse in the mouth?

She picked up her hand — the one not bearing the daylight ring which had betrayed her last time — clenched her fingers around the breast of his suit, and kissed him back.

It was a really great kiss, too, or would have been without the minor flaw of him thinking Elena was her psycho ancestor, or that carefully erected wall guarding her from sire bonds, her brother's death, and any and all possibility of potential butterflies. But none of those considerations took away from how warm his mouth was against hers, or the sensation of pleasure as his tongue grazed lightly against her lower lip.

Elena gave herself an extra few seconds of indulgence by chasing his lips when he started to pull back for that small, short peck that had closed their kiss last time.

So she was enjoying herself a little, so sue her.

"I missed you," Elijah whispered.

Right. Katherine.

"I missed you too," the words were sour on her tongue, and her smile felt a bit tight around the edges at returning the sentiment. Inside herself, Elena pressed harder against the switch until whatever that was about smoothed back into apathy.

"It's an interesting little town you've chosen to settle down in," Elijah commented, his shrewd eyes focused on her. "So, do you have it with you?"

"No, it's in a safe place," she said immediately as her heart jumped, skipping a vital beat. It seemed that in avoiding her previous mistake of not realizing that he was speaking of the Cure, she instead made a completely new one. Now that Elena was a vampire, she could hear it too, could hear how obvious a tell it was.

Fuck.

"I'll lead you there later," she powered through, hoping to switch tracks before the dots connected.

Elijah's eyes flashed.

"Elena," he said at once, "where's Katherine?"

Fuck.

---

"You listen very carefully to me, Stefan, if anything whatsoever happens to Katherine, I will descend upon Elena," he promised into the receiver of his cellphone, painting a vivid picture for Stefan's ears and making Elena roll her eyes.

Again.

Sure.

She was absolutely holding her breath in terror... not.

It wasn't that fear was kind of fuzzy with the switch in place. Though that was true. Or that Elijah had done absolutely nothing to harm or terrorize Elena the first time around, a version of this hour that was nowhere different enough to make her think that had changed.

Elena simply knew what it looked like when Elijah was genuinely angry. She even knew what he looked like specifically while considering the idea of letting Elena die. And irritated amusement wasn't it.

"You're both idiots," she said, bored, setting up to inform Elijah on that little detail Katherine had decided to exclude during her apparent latest seduction of the eldest living Mikaelson.

His girlfriend killed Elena's brother; was almost certainly using him to gain a deal with Klaus.

And if Elijah wanted to go around kissing Katherine, Elena wanted him to know that he was a naive idiot, thinking with the wrong head.

---

"Compassion is a gift, Elena, carry it with you, always and forever," she mocked.

"The writer sounds positively gifted," Elijah smiled at her, eyes soft enough that Elena felt like grinding her teeth. "I'm sure he meant what he wrote."

She was maybe feeling just a tad spiteful, because she couldn't help but dig into Elijah's soft underbelly again. Even sooner this time, she'd hurried the conversation along to this point quicker than before. Elena had things to say, and she planned to say them before Katherine crashed the party.

"I'm sure he did. And it felt good to watch that letter burn, along with my old life, and my dead brother and that stupid pedestal you all put me on."

"Us all?" he asked, an eyebrow raised in disinterested curiosity. Still, she'd seen the way his jawline moved when she'd mentioned the destroyed letter; the hit had landed just as it had before.

"Damon, Stefan, you, even Bonnie and Caroline," she flicked her wrist like shaking off dirt. "Like all that matters is my dead compassion, like my humanity is all I'm worth."

"You mistake me, Elena, I am well aware of your more ruthless side, I have met it before, if you recall," Elijah grinned, showing teeth, eyes gleaming with something like remembered respect. "It is not your lack of darkness I admire, Elena, I am not that blind. It is your strive to make the righteous choice when possible."

Elena clenched her jaw and felt nothing.

Beneath the ice, things might coil, but on the surface was the void within which Elena remained unmoved.

If she had not been straining her hearing the entire time they talked, Elena would have missed the third heartbeat closing in.

But it tickled against her eardrum, and Elena swung around on her heel in time to break Katherine's neck instead this time.

Except, the moment Katherine dropped, so did Elena.

'*༻✧loop 21✧༺*' 

Her back hit a pillar, and a flower pot fell over the gazebo railing, crashing on the ground and spilling dirt over the grass. Elena barely paid attention, too busy tearing at the tie around Elijah's throat.

It was as if her skin was on fire, and Elijah's hands had the cure.

There were startled exclamations from the street, but before Elena could think upon the presence of people's eyes on them and pull back — not that she was certain she would, it's not like it mattered, in another loop there would be no one to remember — she felt air whoosh around her before her back met stone.

She grunted. Not in pain — Elijah had softened the impact with his hand first — but with slightly impressed surprise. Elijah had sped them into an abandoned side alley and not even broken the kiss.

Just continued swallowing her every moan as his thumb teased against the surface of her raised thigh where the hem of her red summer dress met skin.

There were no too-near heartbeats around anymore. No one watching. Just her and Elijah.

'*༻✧loop 2✧༺*' 

She swayed in place, Elijah's lips already on hers, when the loop reasserted itself.

Elena let out a frustrated breath, but when in response, Elijah moved as if to pull back, she grabbed onto his shoulders with both hands and pulled him down, closer into her.

Breeching his lips with her tongue and heating the kiss exponentially.

She needed a minute to think.

It seemed this wasn't a fluke. Elena was caught in an honest to god time loop straight out of an episode of TV. Though apparently not a stable one if the way she'd been dropped mid-kiss this time was any indication.

She felt Elijah speak something she couldn't quite parse out against her lips, a little distracted by the latest curveball the universe had decided to throw at Elena.

Should she continue trying to fool Elijah? But for what purpose? Clearly, the Cure was with Katherine, not him.

"I missed you," he said, parting their lips but keeping his face pressed against Elena's cheek. Breathing in the scent of her skin, like he was writing it into memory.

Elena felt the wall shudder as if something within had lobbed a grenade.

No. Just... no.

She wasn't losing her freedom just because her humanity was carrying around a giant Doppelganger-complex.

So it turned out not even Elijah could tell her apart from Katherine Pierce. If anything, this was good news, as long as Elena managed to get through the conversation without any blatant tells, there might still be something to gain here.

---

"You listen very carefully to me, Stefan. If anything whatsoever happens to Katherine, I will descend upon Elena."

Well, that clearly hadn't worked out.

This time, he'd caught on after taking her by the sleeve of the black leather jacket as she walked past, placing her hand over his arm so that they could walk out onto the street as if it were the early nineteenth century and Elijah was there to woo Katherine for her hand.

He'd played with Elena's fingers until pressing his thumb against the stone of her daylight ring had made him realize she wore the wrong amulet.

'*༻✧loop 3✧༺*' 

"You listen very carefully to me, Stefan. If anything whatsoever happens to Katherine, I will descend upon Elena. "

'*༻✧loop 4✧༺*' 

"...I will descend upon Elena."

'*༻✧loop 5✧༺*' 

"...I will descend upon Elena."

Well, Elena supposed Elijah wasn't wrong. Give it half an hour more, and Elena would be back at the gazebo getting descended upon quite thoroughly again.

Which was honestly starting to be the one part of this whole thing that had any kind of pleasant side at all. Even if it was also becoming a bit... frustrating.

She was still hungry — Elena really should have fed on that redhead instead of getting distracted by the revelation that she and Rebekah had found the right town — and now, on top of that, she was kind of low-key turned on too.

The loops were nearly taking on the air of a steamy dream with the way Elena was getting wound up, stopped mid-best part — often with the cold-shower reminder that she was playing Katherine — and wound up again.

"You're both idiots."

Or maybe Elena was. She needed to kill someone.

'*༻✧loop 6✧༺*' 

She wondered how big a risk she was taking here. It might break the loop, but there was also the non-zero chance that Elijah immediately reacted by tearing off Elena's head.

On the other hand, she was pretty sure that going through with it was going to feel really good.

She took a careful glance at her watch. Fifteen seconds.

"And it felt good to watch that letter burn, along with my old life and along with Jeremy's body," she said nearly by rote, counting down the seconds in her mind.

And just as Elena reached 'one' she twisted on her heel, pulled out the the thin, sharp piece of wood she'd broken off of the gazebo a minute before Elijah had shown up for first kiss number seven, — carefully concealed by the summer dress, it hadn't caught his attention — and drove it into Katherine's heart.

Elena had just enough time to enjoy the sight of Katherine's shocked terror fading into the spread of gray veins before she felt the loop restarting.

Damn.

'*༻✧loop 7✧༺*' 

"And it felt good watching that letter burn, along with my murdered brother, and along with the humanity that Damon made me turn off," Elena smiled, something vicious in her throat.

"He did what exactly?" Elijah's eyes narrowed, a cold danger lurking in their depths.

Elena shrugged and let Katherine snap her neck in this one. Maybe she needed to let it play out, to get out.

'*༻✧loop 21✧༺*' 

She wanted to draw blood again. To tell him she'd burned his letter to ash. That while he'd been fucking Katherine, Elena was being turned into Damon's puppet. That even now she felt nothing, that he meant nothing, that even as she tore the buttons off his shirt, she didn't care that he thought she was-

"Elena," he moaned as her nails scratched red, possessive lines into the skin of his chest, only to see them heal without a trace.

Breath halted in her lungs as her eyes flew to his.

Elijah was staring at her like her pretense was translucent, gasping for air, starved and seeing her — wanting her — utterly. Except...

...except wasn't that how he'd looked before he kissed her, even that very first first time? Amusement and fondness flickering faintly in the depths of his eyes when she'd told him he was late? When he'd run fingers over Elena's hair to compliment it? Had he already known? Did he always know?

Had Elijah been kissing Elena the entire time?

'*༻✧loop 8✧༺*' 

She looked down at her wristwatch and realized that for the first time, the loop was starting ten entire minutes before Elijah was set to show up.

Which gave her... ten minutes to find someone to sate her hunger. Either kind, really. In fact, she could always skip this loop and have 'Katherine' stand Elijah up.

There was something dangerously attractive about that, something Elena chose not to poke at too deeply.

Abandoning the gazebo, Elena set her eyes on the bar on the other side of the street from the small park. It might be midday, but even if none of the patrons caught her interest, there was always a chance that the bartender was cute.

---

Score one for Elena, the bartender was cute.

Blond and sweet-faced in a way that reminded her a bit of Matt. Not exactly Elena's type anymore, but beggars couldn't be choosers, and Elena had earned herself a treat.

She hadn't even needed compulsion, just some blatant flirting, and in five minutes she'd been invited into the back room where after a rather disappointingly lukewarm session of making out — he wasn't even bad at it, unfortunately Elena had been on the receiving end of a far more experienced mouth far too recently not to find the competition lacking — her fangs had instead slid into the flesh on his neck.

Blood coated her tongue and slid down her throat, filling up her belly and lighting up her senses into a buzz.

The cute bartender tasted as sweet as he looked, so it seemed this wouldn't be a total loss after all.

But of course, Elena was celebrating prematurely. She almost should have known.

"Katherine," he moaned, and something snapped. In half a second, the man lay dead on the floor with a broken spine.

And Elena's void was a coiling mass of something black and oily like tar. Did the bitch seriously compel the entire town?

"Was that necessary?" came Elijah's voice from the other side of the backroom doorway.

Because, of course, it did.

His jaw was tight with censure and... something else. She wondered how much he'd seen or heard before revealing his presence. Elena should have known to go somewhere further away from the gazebo if she didn't want to get tracked down when Elijah's date failed to show.

"I was hungry," she said, and raised her chin, looking at him.

If he called her 'Katerina' right now, she was going for the knife lying abandoned beside the cutting board of sliced lemons and reenacting that day at the lake house. It might not do much, but it would hurt, and it would ruin his suit, and Elena had earned at least that much.

"I see that," he stalked over to her, his frame tense, and wiped the blood from her bottom lip with his knuckles. He sighed. "What happened, Elena?"

She supposed she didn't feel all that surprised for giving herself away early this time, what with the fact that Elena hadn't been putting up her Katherine impression and had instead killed her snack for getting mistaken for her.

A bit of a dead giveaway, that.

"Oh, you know. Killed by your sister. Sired to Damon. Stuck in a time loop. The usual."

---

"Let me see if I understand correctly," Elijah said, "you have been reliving the same hour or two on repeat for the past seven-"

"Eight."

"-eight loops?"

"Seems so," she lay on the stones paving the ground under the bridge arching overhead, staring at the little lines criss-crossing the aging mortar.

"I see," he said, "is there a common denominator, perhaps?"

She thought of the way every loop — barring this one — had started straight before or during their kiss. But she hadn't felt like sharing that part, and as she'd avoided their initial meeting in this loop, he'd have no way to guess how familiar Elena was growing with the feeling of his lips against hers.

For all Elijah knew, he might think he found her with the bartender's tongue down her throat half the time.

There's a thought.

Oh, for fucks sake. Elena grabbed the goddamn switch and stomped on it. Really? Her humanity was acting up because Elijah had been sleeping with Katherine? Why the fuck should she care?

"There might be." But she didn't elaborate.

He hummed, and Elena's stomach tightened; she'd grown familiar with sounds very similar to that one, too. "How long until the end of this loop?"

Elena sighed, pulling up her wrist for another glimpse of her watch.

"A few minutes."

"Not enough time for me to contact a witch to investigate then," he said, seemingly to himself.

"No." And even if Elena tried to call Bonnie, even if Bonnie answered, it's not as if she could do much all the way from Mystic Falls.

"Well then, do me one favor, Elena." Elijah knelt down beside her loose frame to make her eyes catch his. They were full of intensity and something dark. "I noticed you never elaborated on that curious little tidbit concerning Damon Salvatore. I would... appreciate it a great deal if once you're out of this predicament, you’d contact me to correct that."

She shivered, fighting off both faint nausea and a flash of heat, before the minutes ran out and time looped back on itself once again.

'*༻✧loop 9✧༺*' 

The gazebo. A brief glance at the watch. And right in time for-

"Katerina."

Elena's fingernails cut little crescents into her palm as she smiled through her gritted teeth, narrowed the space between them, and grabbed Elijah by the back of his neck to guide his face down against her own.

At once, the fire that had been missing with the bartender blazed to life with a vengeance.

She kissed Elijah like she wanted to hurt him. And it didn't seem like he particularly objected, his fingers sliding into her hair at once, taking the punishment like he was seeking her forgiveness.

Somehow, this seemed to piss her off more.

"I missed you," she parroted his words as soon as he went to pull away, entirely sick of hearing them from Elijah.

There was mockery in the sentiment, and Elena saw him register it, something sliding shut behind his dark eyes.

"Elena," he acknowledged.

She shoved against his chest, and even though she knew he was stumbling back out of polite fiction, ever the great gentleman, Elena still found herself glad.

'*༻✧loop 10✧༺*' 

"Katerina."

Elena wondered if he'd let her break his nose.

'*༻✧loop 11✧༺*' 

"Katerina."

Maybe she'd ask Rebekah to break it in exchange for the Cure.

'*༻✧loop 12✧༺*' 

"Katerina."

No, Elena definitely wanted to do the breaking herself.

'*༻✧loop 21✧༺*' 

"Say it again!" she snapped.

"Elena," he said, and then again against her ear, "Elena," against her throat, "Elena."

She keened as his fingers trailed inwards and up her thigh. She was already so wet, and the slow glide of Elijah's thumb did not help matters at all.

"Elena," he said again, even as his fingers reached the edge of her underwear and she bucked against him.

She needed those fingers inside.

But Elijah had stopped the upward ascent, instead drawing circles on her inner thigh, which just barely teased touch.

He leaned back, pulling his lips from her throat, far enough so that their eyes locked, like he was trying to read exactly what was going on in Elena's mind. She supposed that was fair. But she didn't want to start a conversation.

She just needed him to touch her.

But she wouldn't beg; he hadn't earned begging, so Elena did something she suspected would hurry him along, if not out of anything else, then at least envy.

She took her own hand to slide it under the lace of her underwear. Taking a moment to tear it carelessly aside, letting it fall to the ground between them like a gauntlet. And then pressing her index and middle fingers against her clit for a little relief. Quite literally snatching the pleasure out of his hands.

Elijah's eyes darkened, heating further as Elena gasped, chasing her own peak for a few beats before Elijah visibly broke and jealously nudged aside her hand to replace it with his.

'*༻✧loop 13✧༺*' 

"You're not just a vampire, though, are you?" Elijah asked, seeming to read Elena as easily as a book he'd translated himself. "There's... something else. You're not yourself. You've abandoned your emotions, why?"

"I don't know, why have you abandoned all logic to shack up with Katherine?"

'*༻✧loop 14✧༺*' 

"Who said I've abandoned emotions?"

'*༻✧loop 15✧༺*' 

"Jeremy's dead, Katherine killed him."

'*༻✧loop 16✧༺*' 

"I didn't."

"Don't lie to me, Elena," he said, eyes pinning her in place. "I think we've established by this point that I always know when you're being dishonest with me."

"Except I'm not," she threw back and broke his gaze to examine her nails with a yawn, "abandoning my emotions implies I had a choice in the matter. And I rather didn't."

"I'm sorry?" A hint of danger picked up its head in Elijah's tone.

"Do you know what I've learned since drowning in the river by Wickery Bridge?" she asked. "I've learned that vampires really love compelling away memories. I've also learned that sire bonds suck. One moment, someone's going about her day, and the next, she's turned into a walking, talking marionette dancing on the sire's string. And before she can count to ten, your girlfriend kills her brother, and her sire gives a little order."

Elijah stood very, very still.

"They told you to turn it off." His voice was quiet.

"And the grand prize goes to...!" Elena threw up her hands to twirl in place with a smile she knew was absent from her eyes. More so than it was natural for a vampire with their switch flicked, even.

"Which. One. Elena?"

"Take a wild guess."

"Damon, then," he said to himself, adjusting his cufflinks in a way that looked strangely familiar. Where had she-?

Right. Before Trevor. And after he'd pushed Rebekah against the car to get her off Elena. And before he'd smashed his foot into the ground to bring Elena into the old tunnels under Mystic Falls.

Elijah's sophisticated version of cracking the knuckles.

Then he stepped nearly as close as he did every time the loop started and lightly pressed against the side of Elena's jaw until she was looking at his face again.

"What else?"

"You mean, did he fuck his fantasy doll? Obviously. I mean, that was before Caroline figured out my yes-girl-persona was sired... but he probably lost those points ahead of time when he was tricking me into drinking from him, fresh-turned." She hedged absently.

The switch within seemed suddenly pressed down from both sides of the wall. Numbing everything that little bit extra. Her usually vocal humanity seemingly just as glad to be cut off from this moment as Elena.

"I see," Elijah said and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

She barely felt it.

The next instant, he was gone.

Elena wondered if he'd have time to find and kill Damon before the loop restarted. She took a glance at the wristwatch.

Twenty minutes.

Even odds.

'*༻✧loop 17✧༺*' 

"There's... something else. You're not yourself. You've abandoned your emotions, why?"

Elena's breath hitched; she closed her eyes, waiting until the crack smoothed and the sharpened rocks in her belly were buried. Until all was quiet again.

She looked over Elijah's shoulder.

"My brother's dead, your girlfriend killed him."

'*༻✧loop 21✧༺*'

Elena's knees buckled, and he pressed her closer against the wall, holding her up with his body while his hands were busy — one, pushing her toward the edge; the other, sinking into the stone wall behind her like it was unbaked clay.

Seemed Elijah had his own trouble with remaining on his feet and needed a third spot of balance.

Considering the hard length that was pressing against Elena's leg through his slacks, she didn't have to wonder much about the cause.

Pulling him even closer against her, she bit into the collar of his shirt to smother the sound. She was so close, so close.

"Elijah," she audibly moaned despite the fabric between her teeth, making him let out a sound that was somewhere between a curse she couldn't understand and a hiss. It seemed hearing his name worked on him, too.

"Tell me what you want, Elena," he coaxed, slowing down for her answer.

Considering the way she was currently fucking his fingers, it seemed pretty obvious exactly what Elena wanted. But if he insisted.

"Make me come."

'*༻✧loop 18✧༺*' 

There was such a thing as sexual frustration... and then there was whatever the hell Elena was dealing with here.

Because if she had to go through much more of this, she was just going to climb Elijah like a tree in the middle of a city park, in broad daylight.

She might have to christen it Plan B.

It wasn't as if Plan A was working out. She was neither getting closer to the Cure, nor did it seem that the loops were spontaneously going to end.

Every time she started talking, whatever she said, however she said it, Elijah caught onto the ruse, and Elena was back to square one.

So talking was out. But who needed talking?

Especially while Elijah's lips were hot against Elena's, following her lead now that she'd stopped him from breaking away twice already. Hand against her neck, seeming to draw letters into her skin with his index finger.

Elena wasn't really paying the shapes much attention, though. Too distracted by the sensation itself — the way it tickled lightly and sent pleasant shivers down her back. Still, she caught a few letters, a 'W' and an 'Y' with an 'S' right behind it, and a 'V' a few letters later.

She wondered what Elijah could be spelling. Though maybe he wasn't spelling anything, just tracing the letters that dropped in his mind. Elena didn't really care.

Couldn't care.

It was almost a shame, but the price was too high and Elena would not pay it.

'*༻✧loop 19✧༺*' 

"And it felt good to watch that letter burn," she said.

Elena wasn't even sure she meant the words anymore — not from any particularly stubborn dandelion of a sentiment, more in the way that she'd said them so often now that they were beginning to lose meaning entirely — but it sure felt good watching the way they made Elijah's shoulders tighten and his eyes fossilize.

It was almost like foreplay at this point.

Like she was playing with the Dagger against his throat, knowing that in a minute, he'd be kissing her.

It was vicious and ugly. But Elena was vicious and ugly at the moment, and it fit her. It fit her better than Katherine's jacket, shoes, and jewelry. It meant he'd be kissing Elena, even if he didn't know it.

'*༻✧loop 20✧༺*' 

The repeating hours were turning into a kind of crucible. Elena, armed with a double-sided blade that was quick to cut her, too.

When she wasn't kissing Elijah, she was thinking about it, constantly hyper aware that in fifty minutes, in thirty, in ten she'd be back under the canopy of the gazebo and his lips would be searing against hers; Elijah's hand would press against her back, or her neck, or slide between the strands of her hair, his nails lightly digging into her scalp and making Elena's eyes roll into the back of her head.

She was nearly to a point where just feeling Elijah's eyes on her felt like a touch.

"The writer sounds positively gifted. I'm sure he meant what he wrote."

"I'm sure he did."

Even now, the loop was nearly at its end, and still Elena could taste him.

'*༻✧loop 21✧༺*' 

"How, Elena?" Elijah teased, fingers slowing down even further into sudden torture, "like this? Or do you want my mouth?" he nipped against her jawline with his teeth, not breaking skin, but the sting still sent a jolt downward.

Now that it had been put on the table, his fingers suddenly didn't quite feel like enough.

"Yes," Elena gasped and moaned when that seemed like all the permission he'd needed. In a blink, he was on his knees by her feet, and her leg had moved from its hook around Elijah's thigh to resting on his shoulder.

And then Elijah's fingers were joined by his mouth, and all Elena could do was remember not to melt like ice cream on a hot beach.

His long, powerful fingers worked her from inside with every inward thrust, even as his lips encircled the little nub that sent pleasure rocketing through her every time she felt his tongue.

He tasted her like he was performing worship, and the short pause she'd taken in upward trajectory when Elijah had slowed down was forgotten in moments. All she cared about was that encroaching peak that kept teasingly staying just out of reach.

She was about ready to cry; she was so close.

Frustrated Elena tried pushing herself over the edge, raising her free arm against her breast — the other tangled in his hair, holding on for dear life — sliding it beneath the edge of the bra to squeeze the oversensitive nipple she found there, but even that just increased the pressure.

It was as if there existed a wall between her and the object of her chase. Pleasure built, and built, but couldn't quite break through.

It was like something wouldn't let her. Like there was more for her to feel, and unless she let in everything, she wasn't getting anything.

Elijah's mouth sucked against her clit, and in sheer desperation to finally come, Elena smashed the wall into glass shards.

Holy-

'*༻✧loop 21(earlier)✧༺*' 

Elena blinked open her eyes, and for the first time, Katherine's face was there at the start of a loop instead of the end.

Elena was halfway to standing, across from her and Rebekah in the booth at the diner, Katherine's shoes already on her feet, clearly moments from leaving.

She froze.

And then it seemed she was halfway over the table, moments from ripping out Katherine's throat.

Rebekah was faster.

"Shit!" the blonde cursed, holding Elena away from the other Doppelganger with her elbow, while keeping her right arm clenched around Katherine's shoulder to stop her from using the opportunity to vanish. Rebekah sent Elena a look that looked nearly concerned. "What is it?"

Elena breathed, glaring daggers and trying to wake up the frigidly rational half of her brain.

Had to remind herself that she'd have the opportunity to kill Katherine at the end of the loop if she wanted. Still, Elena took one more half-hearted swipe at Katherine's face, knowing full well that Rebekah would be able to divert it to the side before she forced herself back into calm. A deadly, enraged calm.

"Nothing," she said eventually, deciding that it wasn't worth it to try to explain the loop to Rebekah. And suspecting that if she did actually share all the details, Rebekah would probably threaten her to never ever do it again in any of the proceeding loops on pain of a sudden — and this time permanent — death. "It's nothing."

"Are you sur-?"

"Yes. You can let me go. I have to go meet 'em'. " Meet him. Maybe kill him. Who knew at this point?

Rebekah pulled back, but cautiously, still looking at Elena a bit strangely. Elena glared at Katherine a moment longer. Doing her level best not to notice the subtle smirk she'd missed that first time around.

Elena bet that Katherine thought Elijah would kill her.

Showed what she knew.

'*༻✧loop 21✧༺*' 

Elena screamed with the orgasm, her every nerve ending lighting up with fireworks that weren't in a hurry to go out. Elijah's fingers still inside her, mouth still against her centre, dragging out her pleasure into longer seconds of bliss that edged on agony.

Maybe whatever buried corner of Elena that had been fighting to keep her from only half-feeling it had been right. It wouldn't have been like this without the full kaleidoscope of color, not like this.

Not the sudden giddiness. Not the sensation of closeness. Not the feelings that had been barely acknowledged, but stubbornly sticking to Elena's skin whenever she'd looked at Elijah and seen him already watching.

Whatever it was, she'd have felt would have barely been a shadow. It was her humanity that made this... something; anything; everything.

Reality crashed back into Elena like a derailed train.

She'd broken the wall.

"Elijah," she gasped, feeling her stomach already beginning to drop. Starting to slide bonelessly down the side of the wall, immediately caught in Elijah's arms as he moved to cradle her against his chest.

"Elena? What is it?"

She couldn't speak — her throat already closing — so she kissed him instead. Letting herself feel it the way she was meant to.

She'd had more than a dozen first kisses with him by now, but it felt like this one might be the only one that counted.

It was warmer, lighter — in both senses of the word — and it was theirs in a way none of the others could be. Not with the bit of deception that shaded them on both sides, or the fact that Elijah didn't remember most of them, or that Elena hadn't really felt the others.

His mouth moved softly against hers. Hands against the back of her neck, and caressing the side of Elena's face. Her palm pressed against his exposed chest. Everything golden, and calm, and wrapped up in the scent of the other.

Tasting herself and him underneath it.

Grief was waiting. So was rage. Her hatred for Katherine for killing her brother. Damon's betrayal. His many betrayals. Her guilt. Her hurt. Her fear of the sire bond.

All of it, waiting. Because relief got there first.

But it wouldn't wait forever, and she needed Elijah to help.

She broke the kiss the way she remembered it from him, from before the first loop, when he'd rocked back to place a fond little peck on her lower lip.

"I need you to look inside my head," she said, eyes shut, pain beginning to bloom like a blood-soaked flower.

"Why-"

"Because I need you to see it, I need you to help me, and I don't think I have time to say it."

"Are you certain, Elena? I will see-"

"Everything. I know, but I need you to. I need you to!" Tears threatened her cheeks, but if she started crying, she would sob, and she couldn't afford it right now.

"Alright, Elena, everything's alright." Confused, yet calm. Ready to ground her in the here and now. Funny how that was literally what she needed.

Elijah kissed her brow, and a moment later, she wasn't alone.

She tried not to throw everything at once. But she was young, she'd been a vampire only a few months, and in that time she'd belonged to herself only while half of her was buried alive. She didn't know how to show parts.

So it was everything.

The sire bond. Her death. The loops. The kisses. The way she'd felt nothing but also the way it had hurt, something Elena couldn't perceive at the time, but could now, that she was whole again. The way Katherine Pierce was a scar that kept getting torn open. The way this time, Elijah had done the tearing.

Elena knew it, and so she felt Elijah see it.

Until everything became too much, and for a little while, Elena knew nothing.

---

When Elena opened her eyes, she was no longer in the alley, and for a moment, there was only terror, because if time had looped, then Elena was alone; alone with the memory of what she and Elijah had just shared; alone to-

She lay in a bed, in what looked like a hotel, an expensive one, the kind that-

"Elijah?" Elena's voice came out shaky.

"I'm here," he said. Quietly, not quite the way Elena was used to hearing him.

She switched around to lie on her other shoulder, facing him now. Elijah sat at the foot of the bed, just beyond easy reach. Like he didn't want- or, no... she looked at him, at the shadows under his eyes, shadows that were not quite circles but would have been if he were human. This wasn't Elijah not wanting to touch her; this was him afraid that Elena would recoil.

Elena glared at him instead.

"I'm not made of glass," she ground out through clenched teeth. Yes, her chest was full of grief, yes, she felt guilt pouring in like there was a waterfall above her. But that did not make Elena broken.

"That's not-"

"Did I feel particularly fragile when you were fucking me against a wall with your fingers?"

"Elena-"

"Or when you were eating me out?"

His jaw clenched as he breathed a hiss through his teeth, and she felt a satisfied pulse between her legs. No, she imagined Elijah had felt something else entirely; in fact, she'd bet quite a lot on him still feeling it, after all, only one of them actually managed to get off. And he hadn't been the lucky one.

Her point must have landed because in another beat, Elijah was kissing her.

It didn't turn out to be a very long kiss, with Elijah halting it a little suddenly, but while it was going on, it was hot and deep, and Elena did not feel very much like a glass vase he was afraid would crack.

He breathed heavily against her lips, visibly tempted to continue. But clearly, he had something to discuss.

"I contacted a witch," he said abruptly, "there might be a way for me to anchor you to this time when the next loop strikes."

"There is?" All simmering fantasies and painfully threatening flashbacks took a back burner in Elena's head. She quite emphatically did not want to remain caught in the loop any longer.

Especially with her humanity back in place. She suspected that in this state, she would be driven insane very quickly.

"Yes, you need to burrow into my mind the way you do a human's when you're compelling them. Except, instead of trying to change something, you'll have to grab hold," he explained carefully, his hand still resting against the side of Elena's face. She felt him begin caressing her cheek with his thumb.

"You're an Original, I can't exactly-"

"I will allow you in, Elena," he assured her, and moved to take her hand between his, squeezing it. "You just need to hold on."

"And how is that going to stop the loop?"

"It won't. But as it is your mind that's being flung back, it might be enough to anchor you temporarily to a mind that the loops are not seizing." Meaning him.

"And that will break me free."

"Ideally, yes."

Elena's eyes narrowed. It was too simple. "There's something more you're not saying."

Elijah hesitated, visibly weighing the pros and cons of honesty. Elena hardened her eyes, daring him to lie.

He smiled at her ruefully and nodded.

"If the loop is too strong, I might instead be dragged into the next one with you, in which case we would have to find a different solution." Elijah acknowledged.

Elena swallowed. She didn't want that for Elijah, but she also didn't want to be alone.

Or for him to forget this loop, the way he had all the others.

She opened her mouth to ask if he was sure when a third likely possibility occurred. Elena wasn't dumb. If one result was her being anchored to this time, and the second was Elijah joining her in the loops, then the third was that as she was flung away, she tore bloody lines through Elijah's psyche.

"Or I tear your mind to shreds," she voiced.

"That-" he grimaced, "is not the most likely scenario. And even were that to happen, it is not as if it would matter. This time would cease to exist."

"But-"

"Elena, it is the best, most prudent plan that has a chance of working, and yes, I'm sure," he looked away, but not quite fast enough that she missed the brief flash of something drained. "But if you cannot accept it as something I will do because you matter to me, Elena. Accept it as me, rather hoping for there to be a tomorrow. You are the one who remembers, but all of us have been trapped."

---

When the loop struck, Elena had her hands on either side of Elijah's face, their gazes locked as if by magnets.

She wasn't exactly seeing anything, the way Elijah had with her, but... she did feel. The way Elena's touch on his face warmed him; the way the hunger to taste every inch of her skin against his lips was becoming a fixture; and the way rage simmered patiently in the back, because there was someone Elijah wanted to kill quite badly.

Even odds. A lingering trace of Elena's void-self whispered.

The loop struck, but this time Elena clung to the shore. To the now. It was as if there was a rope tied in a knot at the back of her skull, pulling, tearing flesh in an attempt to make Elena give up.

But there was a hand on the shore. A hand that would not let go unless Elena did. It would ground her as long as Elena needed grounding.

Mine. The rope at the back of her brain seethed.

Wait. Not a rope. A chain.

The loop wasn't tearing at her mind, only at the sire bond within it. For a brief moment, Elena felt terror; she hadn't even noticed that it was there when her humanity had returned. How long would it have taken for people to realize that Elena was still enslaved? Would she have gone back to Damon the first time he uttered, 'I wish your feelings for me were real'?

And then she realized the opportunity.

She couldn't break the sire bond. But maybe she could let the loop tear it out?

Elena strengthened her hold on Elijah. And then she turned her focus inward. At the rotten roots invading her heart, at the way every one of them seemed to whisper another kind of plea — 'look at me', 'love me', 'be with me', 'be mine'.

'No,' she thought.

And tore herself free.

'*༻✧∞✧༺*' 

Elena opened her eyes, and the windows were dark. It was night.

She sat up, taking in the low lights of the hotel's bedside table lamps. Lamps that were turned on because it was dark outside. She could see the crescent moon through the window.

Elena started giggling. And then she continued to do so for at least a minute. And then... then she cried.

Because she was free. Of the time loop and the sire bond. But also because Jeremy was still dead. And so were Jenna and her parents. Because Damon had betrayed her by making her turn off her humanity, and Stefan had done so by telling him to do it.

Because she hadn't felt anything for weeks, and now she felt everything at once.

For a minute, she cried alone, and then with the arrival of a slight whisk of air, she started crying against Elijah's shoulder.

---

"Where did you go?" Elena asked, maybe an hour later.

She lay, listening to the sound of Elijah's heart beating beneath her ear. Feeling wrung out, exhausted, but also warm and comfortable.

"To acquire the Cure, it is still far too dangerous to allow it to fall into the wrong hands," Elijah said, fingers running over the surface of Elena's hair in a similarly soothing rhythm.

It did not stop Elena from freezing as soon as the words registered. Her stomach cramping at the bolt of pain that grazed against the inside of Elena's chest.

"You mean you went to see Katherine," she said, trying to remain unaffected.

But she could still remember the smug look in Katherine's eyes when she'd sent Elena off to meet Elijah, fully certain that he'd probably dispose of Elena for her.

She didn't even think the pained nausea churning in her stomach was jealousy, or not just jealousy, it preceded even her having met Elijah. It was something born from when she'd woken up after her first night with Stefan and found that aged photo of a face identical to Elena's.

When Elena realized that she was a copy.

A copy that was loved not for who she was but for what she wasn't. Always found better than Katherine, but still eternally locked in comparison to her.

Elena was so tired of being the second opportunity for the men who were once seduced and discarded by Katherine.

And the idea of Elijah joining the lineup hurt.

She found herself extricating herself from Elijah's arms, pulling herself up to sit against the headboard of the bed.

He let her do so, though Elena also noticed the way the fingers of the hand that had just been running over her hair seemed to contract against the sheets.

Elijah sat up, too, mirroring her from the other side of the mattress. They stared at each other, neither one apparently quite knowing what to say.

Until-

"We need to talk," he said quietly.

And Elena felt her jaw drop.

There was only one way to respond to those words in these particular kind of circumstances. Elena grabbed the pillow beside her and threw it at him with all the vampire strength at her disposal. It might not have the effect Elena could hope for, but it was the only thing at hand, and something had to be thrown at Elijah's head.

"What?" It was possible that some of Elena's rage was still clinging, strong. Because if she was about to be on the receiving end of a 'it's not you, it's me' conversation, she'd- actually, Elena wasn't even certain what it was she would do, but there would probably be casualties.

There were still downy feathers floating down to every free surface around them, and another pillow already in her hand when he continued speaking.

"I haven't been sleeping with Katerina, Elena."

"I can't-" the second pillow froze mid-swing "wait, what?"

Elijah grimaced self-deprecatingly, but then caught Elena's eyes. Clearly baring himself for her judgment.

"We have been communicating through calls concerning the Cure, and the deal she hoped I would broker between her and Niklaus. And I do care about Katerina, despite the many signs that point to this being... naive. And yes, I had been considering the idea that there might have been something to salvage on a more personal note. But today was to be our first meeting since either of us left Mystic Falls."

Elena felt something swoop in her stomach. She couldn't quite tell if it was pleasant or not.

"But you-" kissed her, Elena was about to say, until she remembered that this wasn't actually true.

If he'd always known she was Elena, then none of his words or actions under the shade of the gazebo had been for Katherine.

"You are forgetting that I recognized you the moment you turned around, Elena. I cannot know what ran through the minds of my alternating counterparts, but I do believe I can guess."

"Guess what?"

"Guess that they- that I thought it an opportunity that I would likely not be blessed with again. I would never have forced your kiss, Elena, but I must have suspected that in keeping up the pretense, you would be willing to share in one."

She had been. In all the loops, she'd always known that to stop the kisses, all she'd have needed to do was lean away. It wasn't even the lie she was telling that had stopped her; it had been curiosity at the start, and a lot of things all at once, later.

"But it wasn't one kiss."

"No, and had I known that, — had I known that it would come to make you feel as if you were a substitute for someone else..." His eyes closed in regret. "I did not intend to bring you pain, Elena."

And for the first time, Elena thought about Elijah's motives. About the way every variation of him had been so instinctive in running fingers over the new bloom of red in her hair, the way Elijah always said he'd missed her. And the words once inked into paper, and then used by Elena to drive spikes between his ribs.

"But you did want me," Elena realized as she said.

Not simply in the moment, while Elena was tearing open Elijah's shirt, offering herself on a silver platter, legs parting for his fingers, already wet and waiting.

Wanting her right then might very well have just been Elijah being a man who found her attractive. And that she'd already known. She did, after all, wear a face he'd loved twice — something she knew they'd have to talk about some day, but Elena didn't need to root out every insecurity all at once.

But he'd wanted her before that.

When all they'd been able to offer each other were daggers to the heart, blood-poisoned glasses of champagne, and earth crumbling into darkness under feet.

"Yes, Elena, I think I've managed to unmask myself rather completely on that point," he said, eyes blazing momentarily with visible heat.

And in a blink, calculations having run their course, Elena understood.

Elijah didn't just want the woman whose compassion he admired, or the one who removed the Dagger from his chest. He wanted the woman who had driven the Dagger in, the one who watched him hold a glass with her blood and let him sip it without a word.

That was the woman who'd had him on his knees a few hours back.

Elena smiled.

She thought she might want Elijah on his knees a few more times, actually. How many loops had there been? She ran over them in her mind more carefully. Right. Well, it would be only fair, he'd suffered the frustration of no peak only once.

He could prove his regret by catching up with her on twenty-one.

Chapter Text

Frustration and something uglier boiled in Elena's belly as she grabbed Elijah by the back of his neck and pulled him down into yet another first kiss.

There was a startled half-breath from his side before she felt the fingers of one of Elijah's hands sliding into her hair, while the other encircled her upper waist and pressed against Elena's back.

Where was she now? First kiss number eighteen? Twenty?

Whatever.

Like in any of the preceding times where Elena initiated it, the kiss grew hungrier than it had been that true first time, when she'd turned around and was blindsided by the realization that the 'em' Katherine had sent her off to meet was Elijah Mikaelson.

She bit into his lip and let her nails cut into the skin on the side of his neck. A potent, familiar scent hit the air, and Elena let out a satisfied little growl near the back of her throat. She'd made him bleed. Good.

That's what he got for somehow getting her caught in a fucking time loop.

Her back hit a pillar, and a flower pot fell over the gazebo railing, crashing on the ground and spilling dirt over the grass. Elena barely paid attention, too busy tearing at the tie around Elijah's throat.

It was as if her skin was on fire, and Elijah's hands had the cure.

There were startled exclamations from the street, but before Elena could think upon the presence of people's eyes on them and pull back — not that she was certain she would, it's not like it mattered, in another loop there would be no one to remember — she felt air whoosh around her before her back met stone.

She grunted. Not in pain — Elijah had softened the impact with his hand first — but with slightly impressed surprise. Elijah had sped them into an abandoned side alley and not even broken the kiss.

Just continued swallowing her every moan as his thumb teased against the surface of her raised thigh where the hem of her red summer dress met skin.

There were no too-near heartbeats around anymore. No one watching. Just her and Elijah.

She wanted to draw blood again. To tell him she'd burned his letter to ash. That while he'd been fucking Katherine, Elena was being turned into Damon's puppet. That even now she felt nothing, that he meant nothing, that even as she tore the buttons off his shirt, she didn't care that he thought she was-

"Elena," he moaned as her nails scratched red, possessive lines into the skin of his chest, only to see them heal without a trace.

Breath halted in her lungs as her eyes flew to his.

Elijah was staring at her like her pretense was translucent, gasping for air, starved and seeing her — wanting her — utterly. Except...

...except wasn't that how he'd looked before he kissed her, even that very first first time? Amusement and fondness flickering faintly in the depths of his eyes when she'd told him he was late? When he'd run fingers over Elena's hair to compliment it? Had he already known? Did he always know?

Had Elijah been kissing Elena the entire time?

"Say it again!" she snapped.

"Elena," he said, and then again against her ear, "Elena," against her throat, "Elena."

She keened as his fingers trailed inwards and up her thigh. She was already so wet, and the slow glide of Elijah's thumb did not help matters at all.

"Elena," he said again, even as his fingers reached the edge of her underwear and she bucked against him.

She needed those fingers inside.

But Elijah had stopped the upward ascent, instead drawing circles on her inner thigh, which just barely teased touch.

He leaned back, pulling his lips from her throat, far enough so that their eyes locked, like he was trying to read exactly what was going on in Elena's mind. She supposed that was fair. But she didn't want to start a conversation.

She just needed him to touch her.

But she wouldn't beg; he hadn't earned begging, so Elena did something she suspected would hurry him along, if not out of anything else, then at least envy.

She took her own hand to slide it under the lace of her underwear. Taking a moment to tear it carelessly aside, letting it fall to the ground between them like a gauntlet. And then pressing her index and middle fingers against her clit for a little relief. Quite literally snatching the pleasure out of his hands.

Elijah's eyes darkened, heating further as Elena gasped, chasing her own peak for a few beats before Elijah visibly broke and jealously nudged aside her hand to replace it with his.

Elena's knees buckled, and he pressed her closer against the wall, holding her up with his body while his hands were busy — one, pushing her toward the edge; the other, sinking into the stone wall behind her like it was unbaked clay.

Seemed Elijah had his own trouble with remaining on his feet and needed a third spot of balance.

Considering the hard length that was pressing against Elena's leg through his slacks, she didn't have to wonder much about the cause.

Pulling him even closer against her, she bit into the collar of his shirt to smother the sound. She was so close, so close.

"Elijah," she audibly moaned despite the fabric between her teeth, making him let out a sound that was somewhere between a curse she couldn't understand and a hiss. It seemed hearing his name worked on him, too.

"Tell me what you want, Elena," he coaxed, slowing down for her answer.

Considering the way she was currently fucking his fingers, it seemed pretty obvious exactly what Elena wanted. But if he insisted.

"Make me come."

"How, Elena?" Elijah teased, fingers slowing down even further into sudden torture, "like this? Or do you want my mouth?" he nipped against her jawline with his teeth, not breaking skin, but the sting still sent a jolt downward.

Now that it had been put on the table, his fingers suddenly didn't quite feel like enough.

"Yes," Elena gasped and moaned when that seemed like all the permission he'd needed. In a blink, he was on his knees by her feet, and her leg had moved from its hook around Elijah's thigh to resting on his shoulder.

And then Elijah's fingers were joined by his mouth, and all Elena could do was remember not to melt like ice cream on a hot beach.

His long, powerful fingers worked her from inside with every inward thrust, even as his lips encircled the little nub that sent pleasure rocketing through her every time she felt his tongue.

He tasted her like he was performing worship, and the short pause she'd taken in upward trajectory when Elijah had slowed down was forgotten in moments. All she cared about was that encroaching peak that kept teasingly staying just out of reach.

She was about ready to cry; she was so close.

Frustrated Elena tried pushing herself over the edge, raising her free arm against her breast — the other tangled in his hair, holding on for dear life — sliding it beneath the edge of the bra to squeeze the oversensitive nipple she found there, but even that just increased the pressure.

It was as if there existed a wall between her and the object of her chase. Pleasure built, and built, but couldn't quite break through.

It was like something wouldn't let her. Like there was more for her to feel, and unless she let in everything, she wasn't getting anything.

Elijah's mouth sucked against her clit, and in sheer desperation to finally come, Elena smashed the wall into glass shards.

Holy-

Elena screamed with the orgasm, her every nerve ending lighting up with fireworks that weren't in a hurry to go out. Elijah's fingers still inside her, mouth still against her centre, dragging out her pleasure into longer seconds of bliss that edged on agony.

Maybe whatever buried corner of Elena that had been fighting to keep her from only half-feeling it had been right. It wouldn't have been like this without the full kaleidoscope of color, not like this.

Not the sudden giddiness. Not the sensation of closeness. Not the feelings that had been barely acknowledged, but stubbornly sticking to Elena's skin whenever she'd looked at Elijah and seen him already watching.

Whatever it was, she'd have felt would have barely been a shadow. It was her humanity that made this... something; anything; everything.

Reality crashed back into Elena like a derailed train.

She'd broken the wall.

"Elijah," she gasped, feeling her stomach already beginning to drop. Starting to slide bonelessly down the side of the wall, immediately caught in Elijah's arms as he moved to cradle her against his chest.

"Elena? What is it?"

She couldn't speak — her throat already closing — so she kissed him instead. Letting herself feel it the way she was meant to.

She'd had more than a dozen first kisses with him by now, but it felt like this one might be the only one that counted.

It was warmer, lighter — in both senses of the word — and it was theirs in a way none of the others could be. Not with the bit of deception that shaded them on both sides, or the fact that Elijah didn't remember most of them, or that Elena hadn't really felt the others.

His mouth moved softly against hers. Hands against the back of her neck, and caressing the side of Elena's face. Her palm pressed against his exposed chest. Everything golden, and calm, and wrapped up in the scent of the other.

Tasting herself and him underneath it.

Grief was waiting. So was rage. Her hatred for Katherine for killing her brother. Damon's betrayal. His many betrayals. Her guilt. Her hurt. Her fear of the sire bond.

All of it, waiting. Because relief got there first.