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I could never ask for anyone other than you.

Summary:

During an unexpected visit from Rui, Tsukasa comes to realize his feelings for the director. But how will he react when Rui follows up with another unexpected action?

- or -

one of my chatfics ruikasa moments turned into a fanfic story, or basically a continuation of chap 7–10 from "Untitled Group Chat !! (chatfic)"

my first actual fanfic btw

Chapter 1: Your presence

Summary:

mfmfmfmfhfh gay

whole chap is angst, the end is fluff

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

These past few weeks had felt off. For Tsukasa, at least. It almost felt like the small fragile bottle of emotions that he duct taped together to keep it from overflowing had already started breaking again. Small waves of stress had come for him, One, two, three, slowly but surely they started drowning out his mind. His worries about taking care of Saki, of memorising script after script to achieve his dream, of not being good enough, of having to be perfect to help others: all of them took over. All at once.

Was it because of school? Maybe their upcoming show? — or perhaps he simply felt overwhelmed by everything.

This feeling had no explanation. It bound itself around Tsukasa's heart and made it ache agonizingly. He couldn't stop it. There was no source to them, just flooding emotions coming for his sanity, crawling out of his past mistakes, leaving the blonde hurt, his thoughts disorganized and his body shaken.

Arms covering his eyes and body half-covered with his thick warm blanket, he suddenly let out quiet sobs leaving his mouth, with tears streaming down his face, leaving two red trails connecting his eyes and jaw. It felt like he was experiencing everything at the same time. Tsukasa tried his best to keep quiet, especially this late, but he had to bite down his arm to keep himself from being loud. He didn't want to wake up his siblings.

Hopefully they didn't notice.

Soon, he heard a notification on his phone. Lazily, Tsukasa flung his arm onto the nightstand, grabbing the electronic, and checked for the time. 9:08 PM. It was quite late, isn't it?

 


 

mizook:

i just found out full cover of chigau is out i literally forgot it existed

and OMG THOSE VOCALS???

RUI TSUKASA ?????? TEACG ME YOIR WAYS PLEASE

rui :3:

thank uu!!

what if i used psychic powers to duplicate and transfer my vocal range to you

i think i could pull it off

 

Of course, Rui had to reply with a silly answer. It really made Tsukasa question whether or not he was serious or joking.

 

tsukasa!☆:

hmm

id suggest hydrating, going outside for fresh air and eating healthy!!

not to mention that staying healthy is important in itself too!!!!

Nenene:

the difference between them both is insane

EMU♪:

YEAHH !! ♪☆

 

Looks like Tsukasa pulled it off pretty well. No one questioned the way he acted. Of course no one did, he'd always been the greatest when it came to acting–

 

 

 

saki<33:

youre one to talk tsukasa i know ur little ass isnt doing well either

YOU NEED SLEEP

 

 

Fuck. How did she notice?

 

 

rui :3:

shes right

you dont have to pull all nighters jist to memorize and practice scripts for us

if you domt i will break itno your house

 

Tsukasa really didn't want to worry anyone about his frequent emotional episodes, especially since they've been the cause of his insomnia. It leaves him with no choice but to surrender.

 

tsukasa!☆:

WHAT RUI ITS NOT EVEN THAT LATE

FINE I PROMISE I WILL SLEEP

 

Hopefully that'll convince them. He doubts it.

 

rui :3:

how do i know you will keep your promise though ,':/

tsukasa!☆:

IF YOU DONT TRUST ME THEN YOUNCAN COME OVER URSELF

rui :3:

ohoo?~ is that an invite from tsukasa himself?

i neednt break into dear tsukasas house anymore??

tsukasa!☆:

WAIT NO I DIDNT MEAN

rui :3:

too late! im at ur door

tsukasa!☆:

THAT QUICKLY??

rui :3:

as i said i have psychic powers

tsukasa!☆:

you scare me

 


 

It's true, Rui truly scares Tsukasa sometimes. To think he'd come here this quickly, just to check up on him... It was comforting, but alarming. He can't let them see him like this. Not in this embarrassing, pathetic vulnerable state.

The blonde pushed himself off the soft mattress, his body weight dipping down before standing up and balancing himself on the wooden floor. In a hurry, Tsukasa grabbed a tissue near his nightstand. He wiped away his tears, blew his nose and rushed down the steep stairs, careful not to trip.

He ran to the entrance of the house, footsteps loud but not enough to wake up the sleeping. Infront of him stood a tall, cat-faced stage director as Tsukasa opened the door.

 

"Ah, Tsukasa-kun!... May I come in now?"

"Y-yes, of.. of course! Come right in!"

 

The star stuttered, his conjured smile twitching slightly, being careful to not talk too loudly. He's aware of the volume of his natural voice, after all.

Rui looked around the house — the usual mischievous look appearing on their face —, hand on chin, eyes scanning the room, walking around in circles and that occasional "fufu" sound.

Unlike Rui and his special enthusiasm in causing chaos making it's grand entrance, Tsukasa felt like his completely vanished. He felt dizzy, tired, every positive and energetic feeling drained from him, even. Was it because it was late? He wasn't sure, but decided to blame it anyway.

God, did he feel exhausted.

 

"Tsukasa-kun? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just-.. just tired, that's all."

"Shall we go to your room, then?"

 

The blonde nodded. The inventor steadied him and took him upstairs, carefully and gently guiding Tsukasa to his bedroom, ready to put him to rest.

But a longing feeling emerged inside his chest.

A part of him wanted Rui to go away and leave him alone, but another wished for them to stay by his side.

As soon as Rui placed Tsukasa on his bed and prepared to leave, without thinking, the blonde grabbed onto his sleeve and pulled him closer. He really was desperate, huh?

 

"Wait! Uhm... sorry."

"No, no, it's fine, don't worry. Is– is there anything you need?.."

 

Tsukasa couldn't get the words out of his mouth. It's like his airway had been blocked as soon as he made that decision. But despite that, he tried his best to let out anything, even if just a sound. He opened his mouth, his words coming out as raspy, dry cries for comfort.

 

"Could you, could you please stay with me for the night?.. Of course, if you don't want to, then I–"

"No, of course. I'll stay here as long as you want, okay?"

 

Rui cut off his sentence, almost as if he knew what Tsukasa would've said next. The star nodded, letting go of their sleeve, allowing the directors arms to move. He sat down next to him, the bed dipping lower as he did.

Tsukasa felt relief. Relief, that Rui didn't reject his request, that he decided to stop Rui to even ask him such a favor, that his thoughts are finally cleared. He felt comfort after a while, leaning his head against the taller's shoulder, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. He could hear the soft but quick rhythm of Rui's heartbeat. It made him feel calmer than before.

Even much so, to the point he never noticed the small, glistening tears running down his cheeks. Rui stared at his face, with worry and pity.

Tsukasa frantically wiped away the tears with the sleeves of his shirt, the sensation in his eyes growing stronger.

 

"Tsukasa-kun... Are you alright?"

"Yes– yeah, of course!... Why wouldn't I be?–"

"Tsukasa, please. Stop it."

 

Rui pleaded, worried but strong. Enough to make Tsukasa aware that they know. Of course they know, what did he expect? Rui is an intelligent person — and his friend. Of course he'd suspect something is off.

 

"If you ever need someone to talk to, then you can talk to me, alright? I'm always here for you."

 

His voice slowly seeped into Tsukasa's mind, and as soon as he processed those words, he almost immediately broke. Like a bottle had fallen and broken, letting all that's inside escape the compressed space. Wild, messy sobs escaped the blonde, tears flowing down like rivers. He closed his eyes and clung onto Rui's cardigan, trying to numb the sound of apologetic cries out. His face was pressed against the director's shoulder, staining the cloth wet with his endless tears, trying to hide his face.

Rui didn't waste a time comforting the star. He put his hand onto Tsukasas back and rubbed soothing circles with their thumb. The other hand ran through the blonde's hair, running his fingers through the soft, golden locks.

 

"I-I'm,–... I'm sorry, I–.. I can't stop it, I'm so sorry Rui, I can't–"

"Shh, It's okay, don't worry, I'm here for you. You don't have to explain anything to me."

 

Rui reassured, patting Tsukasa's back as an attempt at comfort. The director wrapped his arms around the star, giving him a soothing hug. He allowed the blonde to cling onto them, letting him cry and cry until he ran out of tears to let out.

 


 

They stayed together for a while, and eventually Tsukasa had calmed down his thoughts and emotions. Not so soon, an uncomfortable silence bestowed upon them.

 

"T-.. Tsukasa-kun... Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah..."

"That's great to hear.."

 

Once again, they both sat in silence. 

 

"I-.. I'm sorry for what you had to see earlier. I've been feeling.. under the weather lately? I don't know how to explain it, I–..."

"It's fine, take your time."

"It... it feels like everything is suddenly after me. Everything suddenly feels so overwhelming, and then the stress just comes naturally, y'know?.. I feel like I'm worrying too much. Overdramatic, even. I can't tell where these feeling are coming from."

"... I understand."

"I'm just worried about... My friends, Saki, you, everyone. I want to be in the best condition so I can care for them, and– and everything was fine, but now, it really just leaves me... Confused. I don't know what's going on anymore."

"But you're not. You're not overdramatic over anything. As long as you're honest with your feelings, how you react to them is just as valid as any other way."

"... Huh?"

"Tsukasa-kun. No one is perfect. You're allowed to cry, to worry, to feel like this is completely normal. Not having an answer to one's emotions, may or may not be the answer itself. Be honest with yourself, embrace the pain to keep on forward. So please... Take better care of yourself, alright?"

 

Tsukasa's eyes widened, surprised by Rui's speech. He was moved by how he seemingly knew how Tsukasa felt and reflected on it. He never deserved such an amazing friend like them. His heart fluttered, as small watery pearls formed at the corner of his eyes.

 

"Rui... Thank you. Thank you so much for–.. for being here with me. I appreciate it."

"It's nothing. I'm always here for you."

 

Rui gave the blonde a soft smile as he took the blanket and let his body rest for the day, but soon his expression changed to that of shock as Tsukasa pulled him under the covers with him.

 

"Tsukasa-kun–?"

 

He didn't reply. The only response heard was a quiet grumble as the star wrapped his arms around the inventor and held him close. Rui was frozen in place, stuck like a fly in a sticky trap. The only thing they could do was to embrace it.

And that's exactly what he did.

Rui pulled Tsukasa tight to their chest, hiding their flushed face by burying his face into Tsukasa's hair. His heart was beating miles an hour, how did they go from this to that?

He didn't know what to do. Tsukasa just invited them to cuddle right after a vulnerable moment, just like that? Rui couldn't blame the star, though. Perhaps he had longed for this kind of comfort for a long time, maybe he was touch starved. The director gave up and gave into the melting touch. The two of them shifted beneath the blanket, as the exhausted couple slowly drifted to sleep, for the realization will only hit them once they wake up in the morning. 

Notes:

i got kinda lazy at the end mb

tsukasa self insert btw

i appreciate any kudos or comments <3

Chapter 2: Your reason

Summary:

fluff chap

had to reqrite rhis cuz i accidentally clicked on post instead of edit and i got scared asf bro

btw rhis work is updating slowly cuz uhh i suck at writing teehee skedaddle

almost clicked the delete button on accident you can NOT imagine the intense fear and panic in my eyes bro IT WAS 1 AM.

I GOT RUI FROM THE NEW KASA6 BANNER :D... in 180 fucking pulls. THATS 54K GEMS. and i need 36k more to spark im gonna cry.

(i made a new acc just for that banner)

this ones pretty long

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The sun's glow was blinding, even through the curtains it shines brighter than Tsukasa remembers. The soft embrace of the blankets make him sink into the bed, melting to the touch of whatever was holding him close. The star blinked slowly, enjoying the moment with Rui.

He looked around, noticing the time on his clock. 6:58 AM. The alarm was supposed to go off at 6:45. Did Toya change it? Maybe Saki? No, they wouldn't do that, his loving siblings always make sure he gets up when the clock doesn't work. Otherwise, why would they–

Oh, fuck.

Tsukasa panicked, the sudden realisation hitting him like a truck, one part of him worrying about the alarm and the other about the director clinging to him, who he didn't notice earlier. Of course they changed the alarm, he is literally sleeping in the same bed with Rui right now!!

Suddenly, chaos errupted in his mind, thoughts endlessly spiraling around a certain, purple-haired stage director. Surely, Rui didn't mind sleeping in the same bed with Tsukasa, right? They're just a friend — Just a friend, right?

Tsukasa felt an intense heat rise in his face, heart hammering chaotically and irregularly against his ribcage — which Rui probably noticed in his sleep — butterflies in his stomach, a stark panic of immense, beautiful terror. A warm wave washed over him, rethinking and remembering every little interraction and brief touch, replaying the scene from last night, and now this. Fear started growing in his throat, his breath catching desperately. He wouldn't stop thinking about him, he couldn't! What is this feeling?!

The blonde tried shaking it off. He needed confirmation for something, reaching for his phone next to him and opening a search engine. He researched about romantic feelings– and now came to a conclusion:

Tsukasa is in love — in love with no other than his best friend, the person currently resting in a deep slumber next to him, Rui.

The star couldn't do much than accept his feelings for them, but it still felt overwhelming to him. He knew from the bottom of his heart that he wasn't good at dealing with his own feelings, but a new emotion? That was too much for him, like an ant trying to carry a large boulder. Tsukasa didn't know what to do with his newfound discovery — should he confront Rui about it, or ignore it? Hell, he wasn't even sure if Rui liked him back. The inventor is just as affectionate to him as anyone else, after all.

What a fool he is.

Oh, whatever. He shouldn't let a minor nconvenience ruin his day.

Embarassed, he looked at Rui's face and hesitantly cupped their cheeks with his hands. Without him — hopefully — noticing, the blonde gave the sleepy director a small but gentle, loving kiss on his head. Even with Rui resting soundly, Tsukasa still felt flustered, intense heat rising in his cheeks. Not long after, he carefully moved their arms, making sure not to wake them up. It didn't matter much, since he knew the inventor was a heavy sleeper as soon as he goes to rest after countless of sleepless nights. He knew this from experience.

The blonde sat up the bed, glancing at Rui's bed-ridden hair, his eyes shut like glue as he layed on his side, his slender arms no longer grabbing onto what ended up being the eccentric friend for the night. Not many minutes later, someone's footsteps could be heard behind the door. Then, it opened with a click, and a bluenette stood at its entrance, on their way to wake up the blonde.

 

"Tsukasa-niisa– huh?"

"Ah, Toya-kun! Uhm, I–"

"Oh, don't worry. I saw what happened yesterday in the chat, I expected Kamishiro-senpai to stay here for the night."

"Thank you, Toya..!"

 


 

Rui could feel the absence of something– or rather, someone. His hands explored the bed, trying to feel the missing puzzle. The blanket shuffled left and right, as the inventor rolled around with their eyes closed, stubbornly refusing to open them, in fear of being blinded by the morning light. Giving up on the search, he opened his eyes and quickly closed the curtains, still hiding underneath the blanket to avoid the warm rays of the sun.

Slowly but surely, memories of last night seeped into his mind.

Wait– WHAT?!

Never in his like did he ever predict to end up cuddling in bed with Tenma Tsukasa, the world's future star, their troupe leader, his own crush?! It shocked Rui so that they almost jumped out of bed like a cat dodging a snake.

Upon waking up, the blonde was nowhere to be seen. The only noticeable thing was the alarm on the bedside table, ticking the numbers 7:32 AM. Had he really been sleeping for this long?

The director started panicking, uncontrollably so. If anything, Rui should be worrying about school instead of Tsukasa, though the thought of him kept spiraling in his mind. The way he snored adorably, chest rising and falling, the warmth of his body againt Rui's, his face keeping it's beauty even during his sleep— every tiny detail they could fit in their memory capacity.

He quickly snapped out of it once the sound of creaking was heard behind the door. Light, rhythmic footsteps, but unrecognisable. A short, bubbly figure apeared at the top of the stairs, the exact ones leading to Tsukasa's 'room'. More like an indoor-balcony with two walls and a comically large window replacing the third.

Even then, the Tenma siblings never failed to give Tsukasa the privacy he needed, even if his bedroom was made for the opposite. The best sibling awards go to Saki and Toya.

Two tied ponytails, hairtips covered in a rose pink that blended beautifully with the blonde base, skirt wavy as it fluttered in the non-existent wind — it was none other than Saki.

She marched in, expecting Rui to be deep asleep, based on Tsukasa's description before he left. Instead, she was faced with the purple haired friend sitting on the edge of the bed, pose slouched, looking like they'd gone through multiple cups of coffee in one sitting, fainted and woke up with backpain.

 

"Oh–, Rui-san! Looks like you're already awake. If you need some, breakfast is downstairs."

"Ah, yes.. thanks, Saki-kun."

"No problem!☆"

 

Rui lifted himself off the soft mattress, standing upright. They followed the shorter blonde downstairs, meeting at the dining hall. Then he remembered the time: 7:32 AM. Hell, maybe it's already eight, considering how much time they spent having a gay panic.

The director excused himself, quickly took the neatly prepared nutella bread with him and left the household without a word. Saki didn't seem to surprised, it wasn't the best time to be waking up for school after all.

 


 

Today was the last day of school. Tsukasa leaned against the back of his chair, his eyes fixated onto the clock above the classroom door. Ticking the numbers 12:44. He observed it, waiting as the seconds ticked down.

The star was still reminded by last night — he couldn't keep his mind off of it, off of him. And now, that same 'him' is glued onto his phone during class, because he claimed the lesson "wasn't worth paying attention to". Sure, maybe Tsukasa is obligated to report Rui to the teacher and should do so — as a rule-abiding student and hall monitor — but he wasn't in the mood for it and let it slide.

At least the last hour will be fun.

Before the fifth hour ended, the director invited Tsukasa to the rooftop for a 'surprise'. Was this one of Rui's extreme tests again? Or maybe it could be a love confession– no, it couldn't be. It's impossible.

He felt both excited and dreadful, but still curious about this. Whether or not this will be a good or bad thing, he will see soon.

A loud melody rang through the halls, reaching every room and corner in the building. The signal that the class had ended. Quickly, as his classmates prepared to leave, Rui jumped from his seat and bursted through the door as they dragged the blonde with them. Tsukasa almost yelped from the sudden action.

The inventor rushed through the halls, climbed up steps weirdly faster than usual — since he's not the sporty type — while Tsukasa barely couldn't keep up with Rui's new energy. The duo was so fast, voices about "not running in the halls" could be heard from behind them.

 

"Hey– Rui!– I can walk by myself, y'know!"

"But what if you leave me behind, Tsukasa-kun?"

"What are you.. forget it."

 

Shortly after, the two of them arrived at the rooftop. There, a large and long object was seen, covered with a rough grey cloth of some sorts. The star stared at the covered gadget, questioning what in the world Rui had created. Tsukasa swallowed, mentally preparing himself for what cruel trials he will make him do this time.

It turns out that this wasn't some special last school day experiment at all.

 

"Rui, what are you going to make do with that thing."

"Oh, don't worry, I won't let you do any experiments this time."

"Well, whatever that is that's in front of me says otherwise!"

"Fufu~.. You will see."

 

Rui approached the large item on the ground, held onto the cover and pulled it aside, revealing a grand gun-like device. This seemed to scare the blonde even more.

 

"I'm still convinced this is one of your crazy tests again."

"Do you not like it? I decorated it with stickers just for you!"

"For me?– Well then, I shall gladly accept it.. once you explain to me what we're doing with this!!"

 

The taller chuckled as they heard those words, turning to the gun-like gadget they made to start it. Rui gestured the star to come over as he tinkered around. Tsukasa hesitated, but stepped forward, now closer to this abomination of an invention.

 

"I introduce to you: The mega hydra water balloon star launcher 88!! Emu-kun helped me name it."

"The what now–"

"Y'know, since we have an upcoming water balloon fight?"

"Oohh, that's right! Are you going to test this on me?"

"No, of course not! It's for you, Tsukasa-kun."

 

The blonde was shook to the core, speechless even. Rui spent his time to make a water balloon gun, just for him? Just so they could win a silly water battle together? His heart melted, a slight warmth rising in his cheeks.

 

"For–.. for me? Well, uh, thank you very much.. Rui! I apprechiate it!"

 

For a moment, he admired the odd but amazing gift, the colors beautifully painted by hand. Tsukasa noticed that most of the stickers were the ones he gave the inventor. Looking at the gadget reminded him of memories of him and Rui. Almost like these stickers held a short but meaningful story behind them.

The star picked up the launcher, surprised by how light it is, considering it's size.

 

"So, Rui... mind telling me how to use this?"

"Why wouldn't I, Tsukasa-kun. Oh, looks like the others are already outside. We can start testing it right away."

 


 

2:04 PM

 

lesbiAN:

GUYS THE WATERFIGHT IS STAFTING !!!!

GET REASDY

 

It's starting already. Perfect for a practice session.

Rui swiftly instructed Tsukasa on every little thing the launcher can do and taught him how to use it. The star quickly got the hang of it, thus equipped and prepared for the hydro battle.

It's mind-blowing, how the inventor hasn't gotten terminated yet, with how well-built this water balloon gun is. It's range is high, storage almost unlimited, the device itself simple and easy to use. The star aimed and launched the balloons from the rooftop, while Rui filled them with water from the nearby sink, one by one, neat but fast.

Tsukasa hadn't had so much fun in activities outside of doing shows for a long time. Maybe a little too much fun. Surely he's allowed to go a little crazy with his new gun, right?

 

lesbiAN:

WHAT RHE SHIDINGLE SHIDANGLE BRO

mafyuf:

im glad kanade didnt come.

closeted gay:

HOLY FUCK WHERE ARE THE WATER BALLOONS COMING FROM???

toyaa<3:

the rooftop

good thing they arent aiming at me

 

 

Looks like it's going well. Tsukasa did feel a bit sorry for the students, so the least he could do was avoid hitting Toya and Saki.

Special thanks to Nene for teaching him how to aim.

 

 

Haru🐧:

this is kinda unfair ngl

rui :3:

you cant invent stuff for ur own entertainment L

skill issue

tsukasa!☆:

WONR WE GET IN TROUBLE FOR THIS??

rui :3:

dont worry i dohble checked the school rules

theres nothing against water balloon launchers during events

tsukasa!☆:

OK GOOD

IF WE GET IN TROUBLE ISTG

 

 


 

Things are going very well for Tsukasa's side. Him and Rui are teaming up against the others, hitting them with water balloons one by one. Soon, they'll achieve victory!—

If it wasn't for some people who have monster-like strength, enough to be able to hit them from the school yard. Yes, from down there! For some reason, Airi and Emu are capable of hitting them from what, 30 meters away?!

Well, it doesnt matter. They still have the upper hand! Rui even made sure to lock the door, just in case someone tried to get them upstairs. And who knows, maybe they have a special trick up their sleeve.

Or so he thought.

Something obviously has to go wrong. Apparently, the same genius inventor who made this perfect launcher had forgotten his custom made water-balloon blockers outside. It wasn't that surprising, honestly.

What was more surprising was the fact he told Tsukasa that it was all staged.

 

"You forgot the barrier on purpose?!"

"Shh, be quiet and just play along. I have a genius idea!"

 

Rui soon took over the water balloon gun and aimed at the two people who had found out about his missing invention — Akito and Toya. Before he could shoot, Tsukasa stopped him, afraid he'd hit Toya on accident.

 

"Wait, Rui! What if you hit Toya?!"

"Don't worry, you're not the only one who learned how to aim from Nene~"

 

And just like that, the director perfectly avoided the bluenette and shot the ginger, causing one to slip and fall and the other left spared from getting a water balloon directly hit in the face.

The star was left confused — how was this commotion supposed to be planned?! Should he even trust Rui with an absurd plan he doesn't even know anything of? Tsukasa didn't want to question them, the director always had crazy ideas. Contrary to what others might believe, but most of the time they all worked out without issues. But the chaos behind this felt too real.

And just as he was about to confront him and ask about the idea he had in mind, Rui pulled him closer. They met eye to eye, creating eye contact at an awkward distance. The blonde stared deeply, eyes wide open, into his deep gold-ish eyes. The same warm sensation he kept feeling made it's way into his cheeks once again.

"I'm sorry about this, Tsukasa-kun."

Rui whispered, apologetically. He leaned in, and before Tsukasa could even blink, he felt an unfamiliar touch on his mouth. Their faces met, lips to lips.

Notes:

yes rui calls saki "saki-kun" just like emu

sorry if it gets confusing sometimes bc of ruis pronouns i like ro use rhem both randomly (he/they) :9

sorry (not sorry) for the cliffhanger yall 😈😝

ik the end might sound confusing but once chap 3 is out i swear ir makes sense 🙏

Chapter 3: My feelings

Summary:

angst chap MUAHHHAAHHA

edit: i just realized theres a difference between blond and blonde. blonde is for females. i misspelled blond for the past two chapters. im gonna cry.

short chap cuz my writing block is back *cries*

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

A countdown begins. Three, two, one. The ground shakes, waterdroplets flying in the air, windflow disrupted from the sudden water pressure explosion. A typical outcome to one of Rui's inventions.

He had planned this all along. Every step was calculated and played out perfectly — aside from Emu and Airi's water balloons.

First, they would 'accidentally' announce that the director's selfmade water-balloon-proof barriers were missing and left outside, as bait for the students down below. It just so happened that the BAD DOGS duo went searching for it, a perfect time for Rui to show off his skills.

The barriers were made to auto-sabotage itself and self-destruct if no water balloons were hit. Hence why the inventor took the launcher from Tsukasa and stopped shooting at the other students altogether.

Normally, it would seem suspicious if Rui didn't continue the water battle and just stood there without a word, so last but not least, they decided to fill that missing piece with a distraction.

And now he's here.

Kissing Tsukasa in front of everyone they knew, like it was the end of the world.

It didn't matter. Of course it didn't, the blond was oblivious enough to not notice the countless times Rui stared at him in admiration, touched his hand purposely longer than what should've been a brief moment, not even the day he turned a love confession into a show just for Tsukasa.

Hell, he would believe Rui if they said it was just a distraction for the whole chaos happening, falsely admitting how it didn't mean anything, and the star would simply shake it off like it was a normal Tuesday.

And that's exactly what Rui will do. It was obvious enough that Tsukasa won't return his feelings, anyway.

Or so he thought.

 


 

On the other hand, the star stared wide-eyed at the director, beyond surprised. He froze in place, completely unable to move no matter what he did. Tsukasa didn't know what to do.

The kiss lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to make his mind malfunction, nearly beyond repair. Dumbfounded, Tsukasa stood still, needing a minute to reboot himself. The gold-peach gradients of hair stuck to the blonds face from sweat. He could feel the temperature rising in his face, spreading all the way from his ears to his neck.

Screaming and yelling could be heard from down below, the aftermath and the sudden distraction shocking the students to their core.

 

"Hah... Rui?.."

 

The director didn't answer. He simply took over the role of shooting everyone full with water balloons, making sure to receive that guaranteed victory.

Does this mean..?

 

"...What was that for?!"

"I had to make sure the others didn't notice my secret plan, so what better way than to distract them?"

 

Rui's voice didn't falter, almost like whatever just happened never took place. They didn't even turn around to look at Tsukasa.

Oh.

So that's how it is.

If Rui didn't think anything about it, then it means only one thing: He doesn't love him the way Tsukasa does.

Of course, how could he even hope the director would ever return his feelings? They loved and treated everyone equally, he wasn't any more special. Simply a friend. Fuck, he probably isn't even attracted to the same gender.

Tsukasa observed as the scenery slowly faded, the world stopped right in his tracks. He wanted to go home, to take a break, to avoid breaking down in front of everyone. He could feel how the tiny bottle of feelings stuck in his chest slowly cracked, the pressure inside attempting to escape. He called out to the universe, wishing that the sky would open up and swallow him whole.

Looking down, he watched a few students flee, some fight back, others dramatically waving white flags as they surrendered. Looks like the bell rang already, signaling the end of the day — the end of school, huh?

 

"Oh, haha, looks like school is over!– Have a great summer break, Rui!" he spoke in a hushed tone, ready to leave.

"Wait, Tsukasa–"

 

Confused, Rui turned around to see what the hurry was. Before they could react, the blond had already rushed to the rooftop entrance and closed the rusty teal door behind him. Running down the stairs, he almost tripped countless of times, pearly tears forming in the corner of his eyes as he went.

Through the back door, Tsukasa left the building out of anyone else's sight to avoid suspicion or confrontation. He ran, and ran, and ran, ignoring the obvious fatigue in his legs. He ran for his life, ran away from the problem he conjured in his mind, the one who broke him without knowing.

As he arrived at his destination, Tsukasa rummaged through his bag in search for the house key, took it out and desperately tried to open the large front door as quickly as possible. Several failed attempts in getting it inside the keyhole later, the star slammed the door behind him shut.

Finally, home at last.

 

"I'm home.."

 

Looks like no one is here.

Tsukasa tossed his bag aside, leaned against the closed door, sliding down onto the floor as he sat in silence. He pulled his legs close into a hug as he sobbed quiet cries into his knees. His heart ached painfully, both from running and from a certain someone.

Once again, it was too much for him to handle. To be heartbroken on the same day Tsukasa fell in love is too much of a cruel move. Punishment in its prime, in the form of fate.

The blond didn't bother to move from his spot for a long while. His face was a total mess: A stream of tears ran down his cheeks like waterfalls as noticeable red marks were left along it's path. Hair messily ruffled all over his face, skin wrinkled, the shine in his eyes long gone and leaving behind a look of lost hope.

Why did he catch feelings in the first place? Would he still be in love even if he knew Rui didn't love him? Does Rui know? What should he do now? Should he confront them and get it over with, or ignore it to avoid making it everyone else's problem too?

These questions flooded his mind like moths swarming a source of light, impatiently waiting for an answer. Tsukasa was scared, more afraid than he had ever been, afraid he would ruin everything with one choice.

What else could he do anyway? Be honest and confess his feelings awkwardly, expecting instant rejection while embarrassing himself? Go on about his day and act like there's nothing to worry about while suffering when sharing quality time together with Rui?

Tsukasa desperately clung onto the idea that he needed time to think, time for himself. He cried hollow wishes, hoping that it would all resolve by itself. Everything.

Wishing that he could learn how to accept his emotions, without crying ugly sobs. Wishing that he never felt like this in the first place. Wishing that it's all just a misunderstanding, that there wasn't a problem at all, that it never existed. Yeah, maybe it is. Tsukasa hoped that, maybe he was simply overthinking it all.

At last, the star pushed himself up with the help of the door handle next to him and made his way up the staircase to his room. Tsukasa fought against the exhaustion and threw himself onto the mattress. In that moment, Tsukasa simply wished to rest.

Maybe he should just go sleep early.

 


 

Saturday, August 23rd.

A warm radiance emitted through the clouds, taking it's form as a bright, golden light. Through hot is the sun, the wind said otherwise. A chilly breeze flew past Rui, softly blowing his hair back and making his shirt flutter, mimicking the flow of waves in the ocean.

It was the perfect weather. No bipolar changes, no strong wind, no sunglasses needed to block out any blinding sunshine. And the best for last: Somehow, cherry blossoms bloomed in Nonogi Park during late summer. A miracle, isn't it?

Earlier that day, the director woke up to a chain of messages, all coming in with a loud 'ding'. News had come that their middleschool buddy Mizuki and her friend — or now girlfriend — Ena, had gotten together. Which took quite some time, of course, but Rui couldn't be any happier for their friend.

Though a sour taste of envy did come to greet him, he shook it off and made his way to the meet-up spot. The fashionista told everyone to meet up at Nonogi Park for a celebration party for their get-together, inviting almost everyone from the group chat.

Will chaos occur? Perhaps. But it will be interesting and fun.

On their way, Rui stumbled upon Nene, who just so happened to also be making their way to the same destination.

"Oh, hey Rui. Are you here for the 'wedding' too?" She asked, as soon as they met face-to-face. "Apparently Akiyama-san and Shinonome-san got together. I'm happy for them, of course."

"Fufu, yes indeed. I heard Mizuki invited a lot of people. Normally you wouldn't attend anything like this, or social events in general?"

"You're right, but this one's an exception. I don't want to be an asshole and miss out on a friend's wedding."

"As expected from Nene." The inventor replied.

The songstress hated loud ceremonies, such time was better used for playing games she said. But what she hated more was to be viewed as neglectful for missing out on something important.

"Talking about weddings and relationships, what the hell were you on about with Tsukasa?" Nene's tone changed abruptly, their voice now annoyed and harsh.

"Oh, yesterday? I invented an automatic self-sabotaging barrier and a water balloon gun as a gift for Tsukasa before summer brea—"

"Not that, I meant the aftermath of the kiss!– Like, what was that for?"

"I meant it as a distraction, plus he doesn't think anything of it."

"How can you be so sure that he doesn't like you back?"

"..."

She was right. How could Rui be so sure about what Tsukasa feels? It was all speculation, they didn't have any facts or evidence to prove the blond doesn't feel the same as them.

"You ranted to be about how he literally pulled you into his bed to snuggle until the next day without a single explanation." Nene continued. "If he does like you back, now he probably thinks you didn't care about what happened on the rooftop at all."

"I—"

"You practically just indirectly rejected him! And now you two need to have a proper conversatiom, which is exactly what you suck at. Real great job Rui."

Shit.

He messed up.

Notes:

OH MY FUCKING HELL RUI YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT HE LOVES YOU

i yell at the nonexistent purple haired cat faced character while writng this chapter

ermemrmemememrmmrmfmmg hahahhaah my sanity and motivation is fading away help