Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Look at her. I would die for her, I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.” -Gomez Addams

———————————

Wake up, shower, get changed, go to work, go home, eat dinner, go to bed.

Repeat.

Over and over.

Every day.

Hongjoong never saw an end to this cycle, it was driving him mad.

Wake up, shower, get changed, go to work, go home, eat dinner, go to bed.

Repeat.

Over and over.

Every day.

It’s exhausting. Usually routine is something Hongjoong enjoys, an environment he thrives in. But now it was draining the life out of him, he felt like a corpse. Most of the time, he was sure he wasn’t really living. He was going through life looking through someone else’s eyes, they weren’t his. 

It was true; money doesn’t buy happiness. He could live in the biggest house, have the nicest car, and have a private chef, but he wasn’t happy.

His drive to work went as usual: he listened to the morning radio station, watched the same older woman walk her tiny maltese, and stopped at the crosswalk for the class of preschoolers to cross the street. Only this time, his routine was broken.

He doesn’t think he has ever seen someone so beautiful. He had to blink a few times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, that they weren’t a figure of his imagination. Long silver hair, definitely dyed, covered most of their face, but Hongjoong could see their sharp features even through his tinted windshield. The smile that played on their lips stole the air right out of his lungs. For once, Hongjoong didn’t even care if the person in front of them was male or female— they were ethereal, their own species walking among humans. There was absolutely no way they were human.

Hongjoong didn’t realize he was able to go until the car behind him beeped at him, snapping him out of the trance the silver haired angel pulled him into. He sat up a little straighter in his seat as he stepped on the gas, falling back into his usual routine.

—go home, eat dinner, go to bed.

Repeat.

———————————

One Day Later

Moving into the city wasn’t something Seonghwa planned. He preferred the quiet of his hometown— not quite remote but not as busy. But he needed a change, and work took him into the city.

He loved his job, working with kids was something he was good at and enjoyed. Having a family was a dream of his, but he knew the chances of that happening was low. Not only would he have to find someone willing to put up with him, but they’d have to be open to having a family with him too. It wasn’t in his cards to even think about that right now. He was struggling just to put food on the table for himself, he wouldn’t be able to support a family.

Working with kids was his compromise. He was able to live out his dreams of being a parent without the financial responsibility and stress of actually raising them. 

Their morning walks tended to be the hardest for Seonghwa. His kids were good, but he worried about them running off or the idiots in cars speeding down the one way roads. He was very grateful that the assistant teacher was willing to come with him, just to have another set of eyes and hands in case things got messy. It settled some of his anxiety, but he still worried. 

Seonghwa knew there were some big businesses in the city, ones run by people making triple the amount of money he was. Triple was an understatement, but he couldn’t fathom the amount of money they made just in one day, let alone a year. But actually seeing one of those expensive cars was shocking. As he crossed the street with his kids, his eyes settled on a sleek, black Bugatti. Sure, he’s seen these cars online and in movies, but actually seeing one in person and in front of him was surreal. He couldn’t see much of the man inside due to the tinted windows, but he knew he was just as sleek and refined as the car he drove.

He has never wanted a sugar daddy so bad.

———————————

One of the benefits of working at a rather fancy restaurant in a city with fancy people were the tips. Normally, Seonghwa would dread working two jobs, especially waiting tables. But when his tips were almost more than his paychecks, he couldn’t complain. It was enough to cover health and car insurance as well as the payment on his car. He was able to breathe a little. But his student loans, rent, and other daily expenses were the main struggle. 

The restaurant didn’t pay him well, their reasoning being that tips would suffice, and the preschool was less than the already low teacher wages. When you’re living in a city where everything is already expensive, money goes quickly, and balancing two jobs on top of attempting to take care of himself is overwhelming. 

There have been nights he’s cried himself to sleep begging for a break, for some time to catch his breath. But he didn’t have that option, and he probably never will. It’s a never ending cycle for him until he’s able to find a job in his chosen field. But no matter how much he writes and the stories he has begged to get published, he couldn’t get his big break in the journalism industry. 

So he deals with the odd comments from big business executives, the offers for him to warm their beds with the promise of compensation. Part of him was starting to consider it, but he had too much pride to actually agree.

But that was before Kim Hongjoong.

———————————

For once Hongjoong was able to leave the company building /early/. Technically he could leave whenever he wanted to, he made his own hours, but he wasn’t really able to. He was in no mood to cook, not that he was great at it regardless, so he settled on finding something on his way home.

He’s heard of Star 1117, it always received good ratings from what he’s seen online. It could do him some good to try something new for once… He pulled into an empty spot towards the front of the building, stepping out and heading to the front door. Of course, he made sure to lock his doors, hitting the button twice so he heard the beep. Even if it was in his means to replace the car, paranoid Kim Hongjoong would really rather not.

“Just one?”

“Yes just-,” Hongjoong’s eyes widened a little as he looked up at the host speaking to him, “Just one.”

If you told him that his waiter was the same angel he saw earlier, he wouldn’t believe you. But the man who walked him to his table had the same silver hair and beautiful smile. He was in a waiter’s uniform, of course, very different from the white turtleneck he was wearing earlier. 

“My name is Seonghwa, I’ll be your waiter,” The man handed Hongjoong a menu once he was sitting down, “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“I think I’ll just take some water for now. Thank you, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong smiled back up at him, hoping he looked even the slightest bit as attractive as the taller man did.

“Of course, I’ll be back in a moment,” Seonghwa bowed before leaving to grab his drink for him. His eyes followed him until he was out of sight, letting out a small sigh as he tried to compose himself. Hongjoong wasn’t very superstitious, but it was too coincidental that he crossed paths with this man twice today. It had to have been fate, but he wasn’t a very lucky man. 

“Here you go,” Seonghwa returned a few minutes later with Hongjoong’s water, giving him a small plate with lemon wedges arranged perfectly on top of it. 

“Thank you again, Seonghwa.”

“Of course, do you know what you’d like to order?”

“Honestly, no,” Hongjoong chuckled, “This is my first time here, do you have anything you recommend?” 

Seonghwa seemed to think for a moment, staring down at his notepad, “Honestly, no.” He parroted, smiling shyly.

“Well, whatever is the most popular I’ll take. You haven’t had any of the dishes here?”

The taller man shook his head, pink dusting his cheeks as he averted his gaze, “It’s a little out of my price range.”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened a little, stopping himself before he choked on his water, “They don’t give you anything like…for free?”

“No sir,” Seonghwa giggled, “Nothing comes for free. Even with the employee discount I wouldn’t be able to afford it. But I guess that’s how you know it’s good quality and very tasty, it’s the best of the best.”

“That’s not necessarily true,” Hongjoong put a lemon wedge in his water, appreciating that Seonghwa brought them over without him asking for it, “Most of the amazing meals I’ve had were from family owned, small businesses. Theatrics don’t taste better than love.” 

Seonghwa was noticeably shocked, not expecting an answer from a man such as Hongjoong, “You really think so, sir-“

“Hongjoong. You can call me Hongjoong,” He smiled up at him, “The formalities make me feel old.”

“Alright, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa’s blush seemed to deepen, his smile shifting from formal to something more genuine, “Any dietary restrictions I should know about?”

“Nope,” Hongjoong took a sip of his water, “I’m alright being surprised.”

———————————

As much as Hongjoong wanted to prove his point that the price tag doesn’t ensure quality, the food was delicious. Seonghwa was busy most of the time he was eating, but he still made sure to check in with him every now and then. He refilled his water when he needed it, brought his check when he noticed that Hongjoong was done eating, all of which Hongjoong appreciated. Seonghwa’s attention to detail despite being so busy was admirable, and he’d be a liar to say watching him hustle around the restaurant wasn’t adorable.

He couldn’t help himself, so he had to give Seonghwa a generous tip. Alongside the small wad of cash tucked into the envelope holding the check, he slipped his number written on a napkin into the envelope. He thanked Seonghwa again on his way out, bowing politely as he went to his car. Deep down, he was praying he’d get the “Hey it’s Seonghwa!” text later that night.

———————————

Seonghwa was stressed, more than usual. It was just so busy and he was annoyed that he couldn't talk to Hongjoong more. Despite being, obviously, very rich, he seemed to be humble— something Seonghwa doesn’t see often. He was also just nice to talk to, his presence was warm and welcoming. It calmed Seonghwa’s nerves momentarily. 

He couldn’t hide his frown when Hongjoong stood up to leave, but he knew he probably had to get to bed before work tomorrow. Seonghwa absolutely wasn’t expecting the polite bow from Hongjoong. He was lucky if the people he was waiting on even said thank you, but Hongjoong wasn’t like his other customers. Very clearly so.

Grabbing the check off Hongjoong’s table as he walked by, he couldn’t stop himself from peeking through the window to watch him leave. What he wasn’t expecting was that same black Bugatti from earlier, and definitely not Hongjoong getting in the driver’s seat. He also wasn’t expecting Hongjoong’s number tucked in with an absurdly large tip.

Unlike other customers who tried to pull the same trick, Seonghwa actually considered texting Hongjoong.

Who was he kidding?

He was absolutely going to text him.

Chapter Text

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting— leaving a note for a pretty waiter who he was most definitely receiving mixed signals from. It was Seonghwa’s job to be nice to him, but Hongjoong selfishly hoped it was more than that. He’d give anything to be the reason behind that genuine smile, the way his eyes squinted and his cheeks flushed. 

Seonghwa was all he could think about, even days after they first met. His phone never pinged with a message from an unknown number, his phone never rang with the “Unknown Caller” ID on the screen. Maybe he really was reading too much into the talker man’s generosity and kindness.

He repeated to himself that he needs to let it go while he took his evening shower. He didn’t have work the next morning, so he decided to do some much needed self care. As the warm water cascaded down his body, he closed his eyes and let himself breathe. It wasn’t that big of a deal, he’s been turned down before. But he didn’t ask people out often, so maybe that’s why it stung more than usual. 

It started to get a little too hard to breathe from the steam, so he finally got out of the shower. While he towel dried his hair, he got a good look at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t help but frown looking at himself. He wasn’t ugly, he knew that, but seeing how his figure had started to go soft made his stomach churn. With how busy Hongjoong’s schedule has gotten, he hasn’t had time to work out even at home. That on top of the stress and general aging made him feel unrecognizable. It didn’t help that there were white scars painting his upper arms and thighs. While he should be proud of himself, proud that he quit harming himself years ago, it felt as though he wasn’t ill enough to be worried about. He felt much more sick than he looked.

Hongjoong’s eyes settled on the razor on his bathroom counter. It was a straight razor, preferring. the blade over the shitty ones they use in store bought razors. They always made him break out or it gave him razor burn, so he opted for the straight razor he remembered his barber used. No guard, no shitty, dull blades. Just one sharp, pristine blade.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by his phone vibrating on the counter. Reaching for his phone, he finally exhaled. Hongjoong hadn’t realized he was holding his breath, but he felt that same air being pulled out of his lungs when he saw the text.

Unknown Number: hi it’s seonghwa! 

Unknown Number: sorry it took me so long to reach out, i was a little scared ><

His heart fluttered in his chest, his fingers moving faster than his brain did.

Kim Hongjoong: No worries Seonghwa :-)

Kim Hongjoong: How have you been?

Maybe he really was overthinking it. They were both adults, Seonghwa was probably just busy. He was in disbelief that he almost resorted to relapsing over something so small. 

———————————

“No way! He really answered? If I were him I would’ve left your ass on read, Hyung,” Mingi giggled from the sink where he was washing dishes.

“You’re so mean! Besides, if he’s really some big shot CEO like you’re saying, he was probably busy anyways.”

“Not the point. I don’t think he would’ve bothered leaving you his number and a huge tip if he wasn’t interested.” 

Seonghwa hummed in response, “You’re right. I definitely thought too much about it.”

“Who knows, maybe he can be your sugar daddy.” Mingi splashed some water in Seonghwa’s direction, “Or maybe he’ll give you another big tip at some point.”

“You!” Seonghwa used his towel as a whip, smacking Mingi in the butt, “Watch your mouth!” Despite acting like he was angry, the blush on his cheeks gave Seonghwa away easily. 

“Okay I’m sorry! Ow…” Mingi pouted a little, “So, did he ask you out or anything?”

“If you must know,” Seonghwa huffed, going back to drying the glasses Mingi was handing off to him, “He’s picking me up after work.”

“What?!”

———————————

Seonghwa paced around the work bathroom anxiously, biting at his nails as he tried to calm himself down. 

“Hyung,” Mingi sighed, drying his hands, “You look great, I promise. If it’s really that big of a deal ask him to drop you off to change first.”

“Absolutely not! I’m not asking a man who owns a business and a sports car to bring me to my shitty apartment, Mingi.” 

Mingi smiled a little, “You think he’s going to let you walk home?”

Seonghwa’s eyes widened, groaning, “I didn’t even think of that!” His hands ran through his hair nervously, “He’s going to see my shitty apartment. I didn’t get to clean or anything.”

The younger watched him, half amused and half in awe that he is making a mountain of a problem from a molehill of an issue.

“Maybe I should just go home instead. I’m such a mess I can’t see him like this.”

“Okay first of all,” Mingi put a hand on his shoulder, “You look great, especially considering you were just working. Second, maybe just spend the night with him?”

Seonghwa started at Mingi, first in disbelief, but then like he was onto something, “But that would mean I sleep with him.”

“Not necessarily, but that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.” Mingi chuckled, looking at Seonghwa’s phone that was on the counter next to the sink, “He’s calling, he’s probably here.”

“Fuck!”

———————————

As much as he tried to not worry, Hongjoong’s stomach dropped when Seonghwa didn’t answer his call. There were many reasons why he could’ve missed it— his hands were full, he misplaced his phone, busy, etc etc. But his fears that he shoved deep down inside were starting to resurface. Maybe he’s being stood up? No, Seonghwa is too sweet to do something like that.

He stepped outside his car to smoke, lighting up a cigarette with a shaking hand. He tried not to think of every single possibility, but they were all rushing through his mind regardless of if he wanted them to or not. He held the cigarette between his lips like he had so many times before, leaning against the side of his car when he felt like his legs would give out. He was so nervous, so anxious, not even the nicotine or taste of tobacco was enough.

“Hongjoong?” 

His head snapped up, meeting Seonghwa’s gaze, “Oh…good evening Seonghwa.”

“Were you waiting long? I’m sorry, my last task of the day took so much longer than anticipated,” Seonghwa bowed and Hongjoong could see the remorse in his body language.

“No I wasn’t waiting long, you’re alright,” He chuckled, “Ready to go?”

“Yes I’m ready,” The taller stood back up, smiling at him, “You really shouldn’t smoke. You’re still young, don’t kill your lungs so early.”

Hongjoong put his cigarette out with a smile, “I don’t usually smoke, so don’t worry. My lungs are quite alright.” He walked to the other side of the car, opening the door for Seonghwa.

“Well aren’t you a gentleman,” He poked Hongjoong’s nose before getting in the passenger side seat, leaving the older man flustered as he walked back to the driver’s side.

“Have you eaten yet?” Hongjoong glanced at him while putting his seatbelt on, “It’s on me, so don’t worry.”

“I haven't, no. Have you?”

“No. I came right here after my last meeting. We can find something on the way home if that’s okay with you.”

“Sounds perfect.”

———————————

Seonghwa was sitting up straight, barely moving. He couldn’t believe he was in a fucking Bugatti, let alone Hongjoong’s Bugatti. It smelled like leather and something uniquely Hongjoong; maybe his cologne. If he smells like this naturally, Seonghwa might get addicted quicker than he expected.

It was so fancy, far fancier than any vehicle he has been in. He felt like a princess sitting there in a fancy car with a hot, rich man next to him. 

“Oh, I got you something,” Hongjoong broke the silence when he stopped at a red light, “It’s in the back if you want to look at it.”

“Oh Hongjoong, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Seonghwa turned around and found the most beautiful bouquet he has ever seen. He couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped when he saw a white bunny flush hugging the base of the arrangement, “Joong.. oh my goodness.”

Hongjoong smiled, “Like them? Sorry if stuffed animals aren’t really your thing, I just thought it looked like you.” 

Seonghwa was already hugging the bunny when Hongjoong said that, his cheeks flushed, “You think it looks like me?”

“Mhm, besides the hair color of course,” The elder chuckled, glancing over at Seonghwa every now and then, “Though I think you’re cuter.”

He was so distracted looking at all the different flowers that he almost missed what Hongjoong said. His grip on the bunny tightened as his heart fluttered, “You’re so sweet. Thank you so much. Though I think the bunny is definitely cuter.”

“Agree to disagree,” Hongjoong placed a hand on his upper thigh, gently squeezing it. Seonghwa put his hand over his before he was able to pull it away, holding it. He was watching Hongjoong drive with one hand, he could spare the other one for Seonghwa’s enjoyment.

Hongjoong’s hands were smaller than his in length, but thicker and rougher than his own. But he wouldn’t have it any other way. The way Hongjoong held his hand was as if he was made of glass— gentle yet with purpose. Seonghwa couldn’t stop staring at the veins on his hands and arms. Hongjoong’s sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, thankfully giving Seonghwa a perfect view of his forearms.

“Do you work out?”

“Sorry?”

“W-Well…you just have nice arms. I thought you might work out frequently.” 

Hongjoong squeezed his hand gently, “I appreciate it, Darling. In all honesty I haven’t had much time recently, so I’m glad you think I’m still somewhat built.”

The pet name alone was enough to make the butterflies in Seonghwa’s stomach run rampant, his heart fluttering at the same speed as their wings. 

Darling…  

He kept repeating it in his head, absolutely loving how it sounded coming from Hongjoong’s lips. It sounded so natural yet so special, like it was meant specifically for Seonghwa. And maybe it was, but he didn’t want to get too ahead of himself.

———————————

Seonghwa held onto the arm of Hongjoong’s jacket as they walked into his apartment building. Already, it was so much nicer than his. His building didn’t even have an elevator and this one had not one, not two, but THREE elevators. He felt so out of place, he definitely didn’t belong in such a nice place. 

“You seem uncomfortable,” Hongjoong placed a hand on top of Seonghwa’s, “I can take you home if you’d rather, I don’t want to force you to hang out with me.”

“That’s not what it is at all, I promise,” Seonghwa smiled, “I’ve just never been in a place so nice, I don’t think I belong here.” 

“You do,” Somehow everything Hongjoong said was with certainty yet it was still so open ended. When Seonghwa raised an eyebrow, he finally elaborated, “You’re with me. On top of that, you look like you could be royalty even in your work clothes.”

“Royalty?” Seonghwa laughed a little as he stepped into the elevator with him, “That seems like a little much.”

The elder shrugged, “Not to me.” He gave Seonghwa a small smile before hitting the button marked P.

“What’s the P for? Isn’t that usually parking?”

“Sometimes yes. But in this case it’s for the penthouse suite.”

“I’m sorry, penthouse?”

That made Hongjoong laugh, his thumb rubbing Seonghwa’s knuckles, “Yes darling. Penthouse.”

He didn’t even have time to process what he was saying as the elevator doors opened. Hongjoong led him into said suite, opening the front door for him, “Here we are.”

Seonghwa looked around with wide eyes, the main living room area was bigger than his entire apartment! Everything looked so modern, like it would be in a sci-fi movie, yet still homey in a way. There was a set of stairs that he assumed led to Hongjoong’s room, but there was also a hallway with multiple doors. He’d have to explore a little more when he wasn’t so starstruck.

“Why don’t you come sit at the island and I’ll get plates,” Hongjoong led Seonghwa over to said island, pulling out one of the stools for him. 

“Thank you…this place is amazing. I can't even imagine living here.”

“It’s nice, I agree. But it gets lonely honestly,” Hongjoong went to one of the cabinets to grab the plates and two cups, “So much room but only one body to occupy it. It’s weird how quiet it is.”

Seonghwa frowned, feeling bad for Hongjoong. With how sweet he is, he’s surprised he wasn’t at least engaged. Surely there’s people practically begging to go on at least one date with him, right?

“Well…hopefully I can come here more to keep you company.” Seonghwa half mumbled, embarrassed he was saying such a thing.

“I would love that,” Hongjoong sat next to him, taking their take out containers out of the bag, “You don’t seem like you’re only in it for my money. But even if you were…at least you’re here.” 

“Joong…I’m not here because you’re rich,” He reached out to hold his hand, stopping him from what he was doing, “I’m here because you were so sweet to me when I was working. You seemed so wise and humble, I wanted to get to know you more.” 

He could see Hongjoong blush, but he never took his eyes off of Seonghwa. It’s obvious he wasn’t expecting an answer as honest as that, and his bewildered expression was adorable.

“I’m glad I made such a good first impression. I was worried you thought I was a weirdo,” Hongjoong let out a small laugh, giving Seonghwa’s hand a squeeze.

“Even if you are, that would make me a weirdo for liking it,” Seonghwa finally let go so Hongjoong could continue his task of opening the containers, “But just from our texts and the moment you picked me up, you have been nothing but sweet. I don’t know what I did to deserve such kindness.”

“I think everyone is deserving of kindness no matter what they’ve done,” Hongjoong replied matter of factly, “But I understand. It’s hard to wrap your head around.”

“Yeah…It is.”

“Most of the time, people are only nice when they’re getting something out of you or expecting something from you,” He used the corkscrew to open a bottle of red wine, flinching a little when the cork finally came out, “So I don’t blame you for feeling as though you don’t deserve it. But I don’t want you to think I’m trying to get anything out of you.”

Seonghwa was in utter shock. He wasn’t really thinking that Hongjoong had any ulterior motives, but hearing that reassurance that he just wanted him was unbelievable. “You really don’t want anything from me?”

Hongjoong shook his head, “Other than your presence. And if you decide things went well, maybe your approval to take you out on a real date.”

“Well I’d consider this a real date. We don’t have to go anywhere for it to be a date.”

“Okay, okay,” Hongjoong poured each of them a glass of wine, sliding Seonghwa’s over to him, “Then your approval to take you out on a second date.”

“Can I say yes now?”

“Of course you can. Say the word and I’m all yours.”

Seonghwa hummed, thinking about the implications of what Hongjoong was saying. Deciding to be bold, he smiled over at the smaller man, “All mine hm?”

“Mhm…” Hongjoong tensed up a little, giving Seonghwa everything he needed to know.

“After dinner we’ll continue this conversation. For now, be a good boy and eat your dinner.”

Hongjoong flushed a bright red all the way from the tips of his ears to his cheeks, averting his gaze, “O-Okay…”

Watching the older man squirm under his gaze and seeing how much he reacted just from a simple request sent Seonghwa’s heart on fire. He was going to enjoy breaking down this otherwise powerful man, one who assumed he’d be the one in control between them.

But he was going to prove him wrong.

One way or another.

———————————

Seonghwa sat on the edge of Hongjoong’s bed, one leg crossed over the other, “I need to know if you have any hard limits.”

“I mean…I guess like anything gross? Like don’t vomit in my mouth or anything”

“Hongjoong ew!” Seonghwa squealed, lightly hitting his shoulder, “Obviously I’m not going to do that!” 

Hongjoong smiled, “What about you?”

“I guess just don’t be super mean to me. Like I’m okay with dirty talking but…don’t be an asshole.”

The elder nodded in understanding, “Do you have a preference? Like if you stop or bottom?”

“Well…” A small smirk played on Seonghwa’s lips, “I would say I bottom, but I very rarely sub.”

Hongjoong tilted his head to the side, a confused expression on his face, “What do you mean?”

“Would you rather me show you?” Seonghwa leaned in, his lips ghosting over the shell of Hongjoong’s ear, “Or I can tell you just like this…” The smaller man shivered feeling Seonghwa’s breath against his ear, but he didn’t answer him.

“I’m going to assume you’re okay with this then,” Seonghwa played with Hongjoong’s hair while talking low into his ear, “I like watching my partners fall apart under me, seeing their legs shake while I ride them to my heart’s content.” He watched as Hongjoong’s muscles stiffened, letting out a shaky exhale. 

“Or when they beg me to let them cum, because they’re not allowed to do anything without my permission,” Seonghwa’s hand rested on Hongjoong’s shoulder, his chest pressed against his arm, “Amongst other things…things you’ll have to figure out on your own, baby.”

Hongjoong tried to steady his breathing, not wanting to let on how turned on he was just from listening to Seonghwa talk, “I see…” He swallowed thickly, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible, “Do you have anything you want me to call you? Just your name?” 

“Hm…no,” Seonghwa nuzzled Hongjoong’s cheek, smiling to himself.

“You’ll call me Mommy.”

Chapter Text

Hongjoong shivered as Seonghwa kissed at his neck, leaving small hickeys towards his collarbone. He appreciated that the younger didn’t leave any where he wouldn’t be able to cover them, he had a reputation to uphold of course. He let Seonghwa straddle his hips, leaning his back against the headboard. Hongjoong’s hands rested on his waist, his thumbs navigating under his shirt to rub at his exposed skin.

Seonghwa hummed, finally disconnecting his lips from Hongjoong’s neck. He started to unbutton his shirt, taking his sweet time just to tease the elder. Hongjoong knew what he was doing, but he didn’t protest— he knew better than that.

“You know,” The man in his lap spoke quietly, “I didn’t peg you as the type to be so reactive. Or the type to submit so easily.”

“When it’s someone like you it doesn’t take much,” Hongjoong blushed, his hands sliding up to Seonghwa’s waist.

“I never thought I’d have a big shot CEO squirming under me like this,” Seonghwa cooed, taking Hongjoong’s shirt off of him, “It’s taking all your self restraint to not grind against me, isn’t it?” He was really hoping the younger wouldn’t notice, but when he’s sitting on his lap he was bound to feel the bulge in his slacks. Hongjoong didn’t say anything to that, his breath hitching told Seonghwa everything he needed to know.

“We’ll work on getting you to use your words when I speak to you, but for now I’ll go easy on you,” As his hands came to rest on Hongjoong’s shoulders, he positioned himself right on his growing erection. With every grind of his hips, Hongjoong had to stifle a moan. His grip on Seonghwa’s waist only tightened by the second, his eyes screwing shut.

“Does that feel good, baby?” Seonghwa cupped his cheeks, kissing each of his cheeks while continuing to grind against him, “You like Mommy’s ass rubbing against you? Such a needy boy aren’t you?” 

That made Hongjoong moan, immediately moving one of his hands to cover his mouth. 

“No,” Seonghwa moved Hongjoong’s hand to rest back on his waist, “I want to hear you. You sound so pretty, baby.” Hearing Hongjoong start to unravel beneath him was music to his ears, reminding him of his own arousal. But his own pleasure wasn’t his main concern, he just wanted to get Hongjoong off.

“Mom-Mommy,” Hongjoong mewled, grinding up to meet Seonghwa’s movement.

“That’s a good boy,” Seonghwa giggled, giving him a few more kisses all over his face, “You’re so pretty like this. Was there something you wanted, baby?” 

The elder could barely speak let alone figure out what it is that he wanted. All he could think of was Seonghwa: the angel in his lap. He leaned into Seonghwa’s touch, his moans sounding more like whimpers, “You…Just need you.”

“That’s not very specific, my love,” He ran his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair, “Do you want to keep rutting against me like the puppy you are?” Hongjoong moaned into Seonghwa’s shoulder, nodding immediately. “Alright, then I’ll stop moving and you can get off on Mommy.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa’s waist and thrusting upwards. His mind flooded with images of actually fucking Seonghwa, not just rubbing his clothed erection against him. It was all too much and he chased his orgasm, finally cumming with shaky gasp.

“There you go, so good for me,” Seonghwa continued to run his fingers through the older man’s hair, letting him ride out his high. Listening to his moans and feeling him come undone beneath him was enough for him, he didn’t have to actually cum as well— having such a powerful man beg for him sent Seonghwa into a power high. He could feel the dampness of Hongjoong’s slacks even through his own pants, not being able to stop himself from grinding down against him a little even after Hongjoong’s orgasm died down.

“Mommy please…it’s too much.”

“I know baby, I’m sorry,” Seonghwa smiled, “I couldn’t help myself.” He slowed his movements until he stopped, feeling the man beneath him sigh of relief.

“You did so good for me, baby. Who knew you’d be able to get off just from grinding against me.”

Hongjoong squirmed under him, “Stop teasing me…”

“You’re too cute not to, I’m sorry,” He absolutely wasn’t sorry he made sure Hongjoong could hear it in his voice, “Now don’t fall asleep yet. At least get changed into some clean pajamas.”

“Yes Mommy.”

———————————

“Park Seonghwa, start talking,” Mingi leaned against the ledge of the kitchen window, “What happened last night?”

“Well aren’t you nosy,” Seonghwa smiles, folding napkins into neat little shapes, mostly flowers.

“Yes, I am. It’s not everyday one of my friends goes out with a rich as hell CEO. Especially you!”

“I’m going to pretend that that wasn’t an insult,” Seonghwa shook his head, “Nothing really happened. He picked me up obviously, we got dinner and went to his place. That’s about it.”

Mingi sighed from sheer disappointment, “Seriously? Well, was his house cool at least? Was it like three floors and hallways you could get lost in?” 

The elder shook his head, taking the next napkin out from the laundry hamper, “He lives in an apartment. It’s just him, what would he need such a big house for?” Seonghwa purposefully left out the penthouse part of “apartment”, not wanting to feed into whatever Mingi was assuming about Hongjoong. 

“Interesting, very interesting,” Mingi tapped the wooden ledge, “Fine, keep your secrets. I’ll figure them out eventually.”

Seonghwa rolled his eyes, shaking his head a little, "You're impossible.” 

———————————

Juggling both jobs was starting to drain Seonghwa. He wasn’t sleeping as much, not with late nights at the restaurant and early mornings at the preschool. He was lucky if he got a nap in between shifts and more than five hours of sleep. All he could do was consume coffee and other forms of caffeine throughout the day to not feel like a zombie. Though it did little to help how tired he was mentally. 

He washed each of the tables in their classroom, his eyelids painfully heavy. Most of the kids were asleep for nap time, giving him about an hour or two of calm until they’re cranky from waking up. He loved his kids, but sometimes they’re a lot.

“Hyung,” Yunho’s voice came from behind him, startling him, “Sorry I thought you heard me.” 

Yunho was Seonghwa’s preschool bestie, usually working at the same time as him and assigned to the same classroom. He was younger than him, but Seonghwa fully believed they could pass as the same age. He was silly yet reserved, a mix he didn’t think was possible until he met Yunho. 

“Hey Yunnie. How has your day been?” He smiled up at him, “Did you still want to come over later?”

“Ah…” Yunho averted his gaze, blushing, “If that’s okay with you.”

Another thing about Yunho: he was Seonghwa’s first baby. It started rather casually, Yunho staying the night at Seonghwa’s when school was stressful. Then it turned into platonic cuddle sessions, Seonghwa rubbing his back while Yunho escaped out of his head for a little while. Then it was little kisses when both of them felt hopelessly romantic. Neither of them had time for things like that, so they found solace in other, not so conventional methods. 

“Of course it is, puppy,” Seonghwa patted his head with his free hand, “You’re welcome any time, even when I’m working.” While the pet name doesn’t usually leave either of their apartments, sometimes Seonghwa lets it slip when no one is listening. He likes the way Yunho’s lower lip sticks out in a small pout every time he springs it on him. 

“I’m not going to come when you’re working. Last time I did that I missed you too much.”

“Ah that’s true,” The elder reminisced about that night. He got called in while he had Yunho in his arms, having to scramble out the door to cover a shift. When he came back, he found an exhausted, pouty Yunho waiting by the door. He sat on his knees, waiting ever so patiently for Seonghwa to return home. To this day he doesn’t think he’s seen him do something so dog-like and it still makes him smile when he remembers his face. “Do you have evening classes today? You haven’t sent me your schedule yet.”

“No I don’t. I was able to fit most of them into the two days I have off from work. It makes things a lot easier,” Yunho smiled, “So I’ll be free more at night.”

“Good. I’m taking a gap year to try and get myself somewhat stable financially, I think I told you that.”

“Yeah you did. How is the other job?”

“It’s nice. I have some fun coworkers, the clientele is mostly rich people. It’s interesting how different their lives are compared to ours.”

“I can only imagine,” Yunho helps to try off the tables once Seonghwa is done wiping them down, “Maybe you can hook me up with a sugar daddy or something.”

“God no. Almost everyone there is snobby and just gross.”

“Almost everyone?”

“Almost…”

———————————

The walk back to his apartment with Yunho was short but sweet. They stopped at a cafe to get some drinks and a croissant for Yunho, who was starving, before they headed home. Seonghwa fiddled with his keys before opening the front door.

“I’m sorry if it’s a mess. I’ve been so busy I just haven’t had any time or energy to clean.”

“Hyung if this is a mess I don’t want you to come over to my place…”

Seonghwa giggled, closing the door behind them as he took his shoes off, “I’ve seen it.”

Yunho’s cheeks were a bright pink, both from embarrassment and the brisk air outside. He looked at Seonghwa for further instructions, patiently waiting before he moves from his spot by the door.

“You can go to the spare room and get your collar on. I’m going to change quick, did you bring a change of clothes with you?” 

“Mhm I did. I usually do.”

“Good boy,” Seonghwa pats his head, cupping his cheek for a moment before heading towards his room, “I’ll be right back.”

———————————

Yunho sat on the floor nervously, his eyes pinned to the carpet he was kneeling on. So much was running through his head, too many what ifs. But he knows he’s safe, that he’ll be taken care of. Seonghwa always did.

Seonghwa clipped the leash to the front of Yunho’s collar, leaning down to meet his gaze, “Thank you for waiting so patiently. Sit pretty for me, puppy.”

With that, Yunho sat up straighter, his shoulders rolled back. He searched Seonghwa’s face for any sort of indication that he was doing as he asked, for any sort of praise. But Seonghwa’s face stayed stone cold. Yunho stopped himself before he could frown, quickly fixing his mistake and resting his hands on his lap.

“That’s a good boy,” Seonghwa finally smiled, kissing Yunho’s forehead, “Hm…what should Mommy give you as a reward?” 

Yunho waited for the slight nod from Seonghwa to indicate he could answer, “Can I ask for something silly?”

“Of course you can, baby,” The elder giggled, running his fingers through his hair.

Yunho leaned into his hand, kissing his palm when he was able to reach it, “I wanna fuck you against the wall, Mommy…”

“Puppy that's not silly,” He leaned down to nuzzle his nose against Yunho’s, “But for something like that you’ll have to prove how good you are, can you do that for me?”

The taller man nodded enthusiastically, “Anything!” 

Seonghwa’s eyes darkened, his smile turning slightly more sinister, “Then I’m going to ask you something actually silly. Can you hit Mommy?”

Yunho stared up at him, blinking a few times while waiting for clarification. When it didn’t come, he opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Seonghwa shaking his head. 

“I didn’t say you could speak, pup,” Seonghwa’s hand left Yunho’s hair as he moved to sit on the edge of their bed. His eyes stayed on Yunho, who seemed to match his height even from where he was sitting on the floor. “Come.”

With a small nod, Yunho crawled over to him. He held onto Seonghwa’s calf, kissing up from his ankle to his inner thigh. The elder hummed in response, pleased with the affection he was receiving, “Are you ready to use your ears for more than decoration, puppy?” Another nod from Yunho, who was now laying his head on Seonghwa’s lap.

“I’m going to repeat it only once more, I suggest you listen. I asked you to hit Mommy, right here,” Seonghwa pointed to his cheek, “Do you understand?”

Yunho nodded, standing up so he was now in between Seonghwa’s thighs. He was hesitant, scared even, and Seonghwa could tell. But he didn’t reassure him, he stood silent to see what the younger would do. He stared into his eyes even when Yunho’s hand came up to rest against his cheek, flinching a little when Yunho gently slapped the area he just touched.

“Harder.” 

“H-Harder? Mom-“

“Harder, puppy,” Seonghwa said sternly, glaring at Yunho. The man physically shrunk under his piercing gaze, nodding again as he pulled his hand back. This time, it stung. Seonghwa gasped a little once his brain registered the hit. 

“F-Fuck…”

“I’m sorry-“

“I didn’t say you could speak, puppy. And I was just about to praise you.”

Yunho whimpered, high and whiny. Seonghwa was almost convinced he really was a puppy. 

“Do it again. Harder. Make it hurt, baby.” 

This time he didn’t hesitate, slapping Seonghwa’s cheek even harder than he did last time. Seonghwa audibly moaned, holding onto Yunho’s waist to stabilize himself, “A-Again-“ Yunho didn’t let him finish before he hit him again, watching as Seonghwa’s cheek started to turn red. 

He didn’t expect Seonghwa to laugh after the final hit landed, some tears prickling his eyes. Of course he was concerned, but he couldn’t deny that he was only getting more turned on seeing how red he made Seonghwa. 

“You’re perfect. God you’re perfect. Such a good boy,” Seonghwa managed to say in between laughs, “Okay okay, I think you’ve earned your rewar-“

Yunho picked Seonghwa up and laid him down on his stomach, lifting his hips up. He didn’t say a word, just slid Seonghwa’s sweats down to his knees. 

“Puppy? Wh- Ah!” He was, once again, interrupted by Yunho smacking him. Though this time it was on the ass. His back arched trying to remind himself to breathe. Another hit landed on the same spot, the burning sensation making Seonghwa moan into the sheets. 

Yunho’s breathing was staggered as he watched the man squirm beneath him. He felt so powerful. He had Seonghwa in a position he couldn’t leave. For once he felt like he was in charge. 

“Fuck, baby…baby please keep doing,” Seonghwa hiccuped, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Yunho simply nodded, watching how Seonghwa’s ass just turned more red by the minute. Every slap, every hit, looked like it might leave bruises. Though he’s certain Seonghwa wouldn’t mind it.

Once he has had enough, he picks Seonghwa up yet again, this time pinning his back up against the wall. After taking his sweats off completely, he wrapped his legs around his waist. Yunho leaned in to his kiss neck, eliciting quiet moans from the elder. It wasn’t until Seonghwa felt his teeth nipping at his neck that he realized just how into this Yunho was.

“Such a good boy, so good,” Seonghwa breathed out, his hands running through Yunho’s hair, “Fuck me please, give Mommy all you’ve got.”

Yunho didn’t need to be told twice, lining himself up before ramming into Seonghwa. He didn’t give him any time to adjust, thrusting up into him while still nipping at his neck. Seonghwa couldn’t do anything to stop him, all he could do was lean his head to the side and take it. Yunho grunted as Seonghwa clenched around him, panting against his neck. 

“M-Mommy…mommy…” He chanted like it was the only word he knew— which isn’t too far from the truth. 

“My good boy,” Seonghwa closed his eyes, “All these muscles just for you to be a dumb mutt for me.”

This seemed to strike something within Yunho who increased his pace, biting into Seonghwa’s shoulder. He could feel him flinch and instinctively push him away, but he only dug his teeth further into his skin. He didn’t stop until he tasted blood. Yunho knew from Seonghwa’s body language that he wasn’t going to last much longer, and with how tight he was around him he wasn’t either. 

“Gonna cum in Mommy, puppy? Gonna breed me so full my stomach swells?” 

Yunho whined again, though this time it was mixed with a moan. He didn’t last long after that, halting his movements when he was as deep in Seonghwa as he could get. His hips stuttered as he came inside him, a whimpering mess even with his teeth in Seonghwa’s shoulder.

Seonghwa wasn’t far behind him, the feeling of being stuffed so full sending him over the edge. His thighs trembled as he painted both his and Yunho’s chests with his release. His fingers continued to run through Yunho’s hair, whispering praises to him while he came down from his high. 

“Mommy…” Yunho finally pulled his teeth away from his shoulder, admiring the bite with glossy eyes. 

Seonghwa cooed as Yunho put him down, “So fucked out aren’t you, puppy? I’m going to get cleaned up then I’ll help you, how does that sound?”

Yunho nodded, a small pout on his face as he knelt down next to the bed. 

Even in such a state, Seonghwa was proud that Yunho knew how to behave. He pet his head on his way to the bathroom to get cleaned up. When he returned, he was wearing a fluffy white robe and holding a towel. 

He sat on the bed, leaning back against the pillows, “Come here pup,” Yunho stood on shaky legs, crawling onto the bed to lay next to Seonghwa. He let the elder clean him up and get him dressed, staying perfectly still for him.

“Such a good boy, thank you,” Seonghwa pressed a kiss to his forehead, pulling him to lay his head on his chest. 

“Thank you, Mommy…” Yunho mumbled, closing his eyes while hugging onto Seonghwa’s waist. He was much bigger than him, but when Seonghwa played with his hair and let him lay on him like this, he felt so small.

“You’re welcome puppy, get some sleep.”

———————————

Usually Yunho’s weight on top of him was enough to lull him to sleep, but Seonghwa was restless. He hasn’t heard from Hongjoong in a while, and it was starting to worry him. A phone works both ways, he thought, so maybe he should be the one to reach out. With a quiet sigh, he reached for his phone to text Hongjoong. 

Hwa~: hiii hopefully i’m not disturbing your sleep ><

Hwa~: i just wanted to make sure you were okay 

He felt so stupid, what if he scared Hongjoong off that one night? Maybe it was his janky apartment that put him off, he seemed to be into getting dominated. Then again, Hongjoong was a busy CEO. He could be overseas or drowning in work. Either way, he missed the little man.

Kim Hongjoong: Hello Seonghwa :-)

Seonghwa couldn’t help but smile at the emoticon. Their age gap wasn’t that big, but it certainly felt like Hongjoong was decades older than him.

Kim Hongjoong: Yes I am OK. Sorry I didn’t text you sooner. I have been so busy lately. My place tomorrow @ 10?

If he wasn’t being crushed by Yunho he would be jumping with joy. He prayed that what he had with Hongjoong wasn’t a one night thing, even if they didn’t actually have sex. He really enjoyed his company, even if he felt like he was constantly embarrassing himself. 

Sure, he’s had his moments of intimacy (hence Yunho sleeping on top of him), but it felt different with Hongjoong. It was a different kind of love he felt, it wasn’t the same type he had with Yunho or even Mingi. It was something so much more complicated. It was something romantic. 

He couldn’t believe he was starting to fall in love with a man like Hongjoong. But oh, what bliss?

Chapter Text

This time, Seonghwa had time to get into a more presentable outfit before Hongjoong came to pick him up. His bed was a wreck as he tried to figure out what he was wearing, laying out different articles of clothing and seeing what fits together. He settled for a navy blue sweater, jeans, and a white turtleneck underneath. While it wasn’t cold enough out to wear a coat, he wanted to make sure he was warm enough. A sigh left his lips as he settled on his outfit, at least he had one thing figured out. 

Next was taking a shower. While this would be a normal task for any normal person, Seonghwa wasn’t exactly normal. He dug through a drawer containing different scents of body wash, lotion, perfumes, and anything he might use in or out of the shower. He thought about what Hongjoong might like— he didn’t seem like a guy who was into florals, but anything too sugary could be nauseating for a man his age. Sexy wasn’t really the vibe for today, and Seonghwa wasn’t in a masculine mood to settle for cologne. Now he was starting to stress again, looking to see if he could find anything that would match his criteria he made up in his head. 

“Ah!” Seonghwa smiled, grabbing a baby powder scented body oil. It wasn’t super strong, but the oil was sure to keep his skin moisturized in the brisk air outside. He took pride in his skin and its condition, so he needed an extra layer of moisture. For a lotion, which he puts on underneath as his base layer, he decided on a light vanilla scent. It's versatile while also not overpowering the baby powder that would sit on top, and it’s also not so sweet he would accidentally give Hongjoong a headache.

So much meticulous thought into what he was putting on his body was something Seonghwa didn’t expect anyone to understand, it wasn’t for everyone. Most people would step out of the shower and call it a day, but not him. Everything had a routine, everything had a step-by-step guide he stores in the back of his head. It made his days easier, having such routines. 

Whether it was meticulous note writing, list making, or organizing, Seonghwa had his ways of keeping himself tidy— mentally. His apartment was usually spotless aside from days he has been too exhausted to tidy up, If only it was that easy to keep his mind in check.

As he stepped under the shower head, he closed his eyes and let the water trickle down his neck and chest. Cold showers were not a trend Seonghwa would get behind, he enjoyed his steamy showers and baths more than whatever health benefits a cold shower could give him. He ran his hands through his hair, getting it completely wet before lathering shampoo starting at his roots. Everything had a routine, everything had a process. It made his days easier.

He used his blow dryer to defog the mirror before he started to dry his hair, his eyes trailing up and down his body. He only had his towel wrapped around his waist, the rest of his body on display. A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips seeing his collar and chest bones, something he has grown to love. The ridges of his pecs and abs were a close third. His hip bones were second. 

Being so sharp, not just in his facial features, was something Seonghwa took great pride in. Most people didn’t see the parts he loves, but it didn’t matter. He saw them, and he loved them. While he had some muscle on his arms and a toned body, he felt a sense of euphoria seeing his bones and looking frail. Something about him made him feel so light, like an angel or a fairy, or like he could grow wings and float away.

These thoughts only resided in his journal, never on his lips. What he felt or what he had done for the way he looks was only his problem, not anyone else’s. Not only did he not want to burden anyone, he didn’t want to be hovered over. Mingi once expressed concern when Seonghwa went his entire shift without eating which irritated Seonghwa to no end. He knew what he was doing, he had control. He was in control.

He had control.

———————————

When his phone started playing its usual, chipper ringtone, Seonghwa was quick to answer.

“Hello this is Seonghwa!”

“Hi love,” Hongjoong’s voice came from the other end, immediately settling his nerves, “I’m outside. Take your time though, I know I’m early.”

“That’s alright, I’ll be right out!” Seonghwa hung up right after, letting out a groan as he rushed to put his shoes on. He didn’t mean to be so short with him, but he was super nervous. It’s not like this is their first date, but he’s still overthinking it. 

After doing one more look in the mirror, he reminded himself to breathe. He took a few deep breaths, slow and steady, before grabbing his apartment keys and walking outside. Hongjoong was leaning against the hood of his car, a cigarette perched between his lips. It was almost identical from when he picked him up for their first date— Seonghwa could get used to this.

“There you are,” Hongjoong smiled, still holding the cigarette between his lips even as he spoke, “Well don’t you look pretty?” 

Seonghwa blushed, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. Of all things he expected Hongjoong to say, none of them were “pretty.” It made his heart flutter in a way he hadn't felt before, a sense of satisfaction he’s never felt spreading through his veins. That’s exactly what he wanted; to be pretty. And Hongjoong somehow knew this. 

But a man shouldn’t be pretty, Seonghwa often said to himself. While times have changed and gender is a much wider spectrum, what would his parents think if he expressed himself in public? He wasn’t supposed to be feminine in any way: no skirts, no flashy makeup, nothing. He was a man. That was beaten into him from a very young age. 

However, with Hongjoong, he didn’t feel the need to please and conform. He could be whoever and whatever he wanted. Hongjoong expressed to him over text that the ‘Mommy’ thing didn’t bother him, that he has never been so turned on submitting to someone like that. But he also mentioned that Seonghwa fit that role perfectly— loving, gentle yet firm, and that he had this glow about him that made him seem all the more perfect. The bedroom name was something Seonghwa indulged in only with Yunho (who happened to be the one to suggest it), but it came out so naturally with Hongjoong. For once he didn’t feel like he was trying to prove he could be a man, that he needed to be in control the way one would expect a masculine figure to be. He was powerful in his own right, in his own genderless way. 

Hongjoong opened the door for Seonghwa, the younger happily taking his hand when he offered it to him. Hongjoong pressed a kiss to his knuckles before helping him into the car, making the tips of Seonghwa’s ears turn red. 

Once he was in the car, he looked over at the angel in his passenger seat, “Have you been to the art gallery in the outskirts of the city? I can’t remember the name of it.”

“No I haven’t, but I’ve heard really good things about it,” Seonghwa smiled, already missing Hongjoong’s glasses he only wore at night. 

“Well we’re going to go there. They have a new exhibit I think could be interesting.”

“What is it?” 

“It’s by a fashion designer from Seoul. Their work is remarkable,” Hongjoong pulled out of the parking spot, one hand on the wheel per usual, “Their goal is to prove that clothes don’t have gender, and the genders of the models are purposefully left out.”

Seonghwa listened intently all while wondering if Hongjoong was psychic. It would be all the more concerning if he was able to read his mind. “That sounds wonderful, I’d love to see it.”

“I figured you might.”

“What is that supposed to mean?!” The younger retorted more defensively than he intended.

Hongjoong chuckled, reaching over to hold his hand, “Nothing, lovely. I just think their designs are things you’d wear. You’d look fucking amazing in them too.”

Seonghwa felt bad snapping at him like that, shrinking down into his seat. He held Hongjoong’s hand back even while he was trying to hide from him.

“It’s alright,” Again, it seemed like Hongjoong could read his damn mind, “Traditional gender norms are still very much expected, even now. So I’m sorry if I made it seem like it was targeted. I thought maybe you’d feel a little more confident seeing other people also being confident.”

“You’re so sweet,” Seonghwa kissed his hand, hugging onto his arm without pulling him down, “I didn’t know you put so much thought into it.”

“I overthink a lot,” Hongjoong didn’t mind Seonghwa hugging onto him, not like he’d be using that hand until he goes to park anyways, “So I tried to make today perfect.”

“It already is.” 

———————————

Hongjoong kept his fingers interlocked with Seonghwa even when they made it inside the art gallery. Because of Seonghwa’s sweater sleeves and the slightly long sleeves of his own jacket, it looked like they were just standing uncomfortably close to each other. Any strange stares they got were immediately shut down by Hongjoong, glaring at anyone who looked at Seonghwa longer than needed.

He’s been to this gallery before so he’s seen most of the pieces. This time he watches Seonghwa not so subtly. Seeing the way his eyes sparkled under the gallery lights was a work of art in itself. He almost wonders if Seonghwa has never been to an art gallery before— he looked at every piece meticulously and with the same amount of enthusiasm. It was beautiful, Seonghwa was beautiful. Far more beautiful than Hongjoong thinks he’ll ever understand.

Trying to capture Seonghwa in all his glory would be a difficult task, but Hongjoong made it his personal mission to get at least one good shot of him in the gallery. Whether he was right next to him or on the other side of the room, Hongjoong snapped a picture of him. Sometimes Seonghwa looked at the camera, smiling or even posing, but most of the time he was too entranced by the works in front of him to notice. It made for some beautiful candid shots, Hongjoong just hoped Seonghwa would agree.

The pair finally reached the guest exhibit, walking into the slightly smaller room to look at the mannequins dressed in all colors and textures. Seonghwa walked a little bit ahead of Hongjoong, looking at every outfit with wide eyes. The elder smiled as Seonghwa walked down the aisle, looking at each mannequin and the corresponding runway photo. 

Hongjoong almost ran into Seonghwa when he stopped abruptly in front of one particular display, his eyes wide with sparkles as bright as stars reflecting off of them. He traced his line of sight, seeing exactly what he was looking at: a skin tight leather top with a tear shaped chest window, adorned with rhinestones and gems Hongjoong couldn’t quite name. The left side of the top seemed to be asymmetrical from the right, leaving another sliver of skin exposed. A pair of matching leather pants accompanied the top, a waist chain sitting elegantly on the mannequin. It was so beautiful— so Seonghwa.

Making a mental note of the outfit and which show it was featured on, he followed Seonghwa as he kept walking. He eventually stopped again, this time in front of a dress. It was red with crystals and embroidered flowers decorating the entire length of the dress, bell sleeves sitting right on the mannequin’s wrists. While the dress was long (at least ankle length) there was a deep slit that reached the upper thigh. The neckline was your standard halter top, the two sides seemingly tied behind the neck, but a rose made of the same fabric as the dress sat on what Hongjoong assumes is a choker. Red tulle sat on the hips of the mannequin, adding volume to the otherwise body conforming dress. It was beautiful, likely hand sewn by the artist, and it was also Seonghwa. Taking a mental note of this one too, he caught up with Seonghwa who reached the end of the exhibit.

———————————

“That was amazing! I don’t think I’ve seen so many pretty designs in one place before,” Seonghwa beamed the entire way back to the car.

“I know, it’s incredible isn’t it?” Hongjoong smiled, his hands in his pockets, “Do you have a favorite?”

“Ah it’s so hard to choose,” The younger stood quiet for a bit, trying to think of at least his top three, “Okay, I really liked the leather set. But the green and navy sets were also very pretty.”

Hongjoong could listen to him talk for days, his voice like music to his ears. He couldn’t get enough of him.

“But that red dress…oh my goodness,” Seonghwa sighed almost dreamily, “I envy anyone who can pull that off. It takes a certain kind of person.”

“I agree,” Hongjoong looked straight ahead to hide the small smile playing on the corner of his lips, “I’m surprised that wasn’t the centerpiece.”

“Well the wedding dual set definitely belonged in the center,” Seonghwa chuckled, “That was also so pretty.”

Hongjoong opened the door for Seonghwa, something Seonghwa still wasn’t used to. Hongjoong treated him like a princess, like he was something special, and he absolutely adored it.

“Alright,” The elder sighed as he sat down, putting his seatbelt on, “Do you want anything to eat before I take you home?”

“Ah, no thank you,” Seonghwa smiled sweetly, “I had plans to make dinner tonight. I left some chicken out to defrost.”

“Sounds good. Maybe I should join you one night,” Hongjoong gave him a kiss on the cheek before starting the car.

“Maybe.”

———————————

Seonghwa didn’t take chicken out, in fact he didn’t take anything out. His “dinner” was a Diet Coke and maybe some ice chips if he really needed something. He didn’t need anything more, not when he ate the night before. 

Rather than taking the time to relax, he started his usual workout routine— the one he did two or three times a day. It wasn’t anything too strenuous; pushups, planks, curl-ups, light ab exercises. It wasn’t much but it did its job. When he’s already so fatigued, he’s not able to handle anything too intense. High intensity workouts were for his days when he had enough in his stomach to burn off. Tonight wasn’t one of them.

All he could think about as he fell to the floor after one too many pushups were the models from the gallery. They were all so slim, so sharp. Their clothes looked perfect on them, not too tight or unflattering. Every waistband and cut of shirt complimented their bodies. Nothing was unflattering. 

Seonghwa stopped to get a drink, sitting on the edge of his bed. He saw himself in the mirror, sweating and out of breath. He’s not supposed to be sweating or panting, this should be easy. He’s supposed to be feather light— effortless. But his shirt clung to his chest and back, sweat rolling down his forehead. It’s not supposed to be doing that. 

Standing up, Seonghwa took everything he was wearing off aside from his boxers. He looked himself up and down, numerous times, over and over. He stood to the side, held his arms out, turned around and leaned down to look at his spine, nothing looked right. Seonghwa didn’t look right. 

He was so fed up, so exhausted. Glancing at his calendar hanging above his desk, he crossed out the words “End Fast” from tomorrow’s date. Instead he rewrote them to the date two days from tomorrow. Seonghwa could do three more days, it’s only been two. His stomach felt as though it was eating itself and it was euphoric. 

Seonghwa had control, Seonghwa was in control. 

He would never be out of control.

Chapter Text

Every night with Hongjoong was pure bliss. His hand either holding Seonghwa’s or his thigh while he drove, the subtle flirty comments that only Seonghwa could hear, how he spoiled him. It was all so perfect, he couldn’t wrap his head around what he did to deserve such adoration.

Seonghwa often debated offering to be Hongjoong’s live-in house keeper so he could leave one of his two jobs. It got him out of his otherwise shitty apartment and took some of the stress off of him, but it was too much to ask of someone he’s not even dating yet. He often wants to ask Hongjoong if they’d ever be official, but it already felt like they were. It’s like they skipped the talking stage and immediately became a couple that first night, and honestly Seonghwa was okay with that. But he also wanted to see how Hongjoong felt about it. 

“Joongie?” Seonghwa looked over at him from where he was sitting on the couch, leaning back against the leather cushions. 

“Yes darling?” Hongjoong replied but didn’t look up from his laptop. Seonghwa knew he was working, but Hongjoong always took the time to pay attention to him when he needed it.

“Would you say we’re a couple?”

That caught Hongjoong’s attention, “Why do you ask? Would you rather keep things casual?”

Seonghwa shook his head, “No not at all. I just wasn’t sure what you thought…”

“Well I think I want to be with you,” The elder smiled, putting his laptop on the coffee table in front of him, “I should’ve asked to be official sooner, but I think I was worried you’d say no.”

“Why would I ever say no?”

Hongjoong shrugs, leaning over to rest his head on Seonghwa’s propped up knees, his arm slung over his legs in an awkward hug type of situation. It didn’t look entirely comfortable to Seonghwa, but Hongjoong himself didn’t seem to mind. His cheek pressed into his kneecap, his thumb rubbing circles on Seonghwa’s calf. It was an odd position, but the younger smiled and ran his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair, “What are you doing?”

“Laying on you,” Hongjoong replied matter of factly, closing his eyes, “And to answer your question, I just didn’t think you’d want to settle for someone like me.”

“What a silly thought,” Seonghwa giggled, still playing with Hongjoong’s hair, “I’d love nothing more.”

The man laying on his knees tilted his head up to look at him, “This might be too much, tell me if it is. But do you want to stay here with me for a little bit?”

“Like overnight?”

“Like a few days. I can take you to work and all that, I don’t need to be in the office as much anymore.” Hongjoong smiled, silently pleading with his eyes.

“Sure…baby are you sure you can’t read minds?”

“No darling I can’t,” The elder laughed, “Why? Were you thinking about asking to stay?”

“Not quite,” Seonghwa looked away bashfully, “I just…was daydreaming of staying here and helping around the house for you. And maybe leaving one of my jobs..”

Hongjoong hummed in understanding, “I don’t see why you can’t. I have the space.”

“Joongie, I can't afford rent here!”

“I’m not going to make you pay rent,” Hongjoong kissed his knee, “Listen, if you can cook here and there and help me around the house I’m not going to make you pay for anything. I have enough disposable income.”

“I’ll have to think about it,” Seonghwa leaned back down against the cushion, “Because I’ll have to pick which job I’m keeping and how much longer I have on my lease. It was just kind of a thought, I wasn’t expecting you to take it seriously.”

“Well I take you seriously, so of course I would.” Hongjoong’s eyes were back on Seonghwa, still rubbing his leg, “I don’t mind you staying here. It gets lonely anyways.”

“You’re very sweet, baby,” Seonghwa smiled, “Now come here and cuddle me properly.” With that, he held his arms out and leg Hongjoong lay on top of him, his head on Seonghwa’s chest. 

He listened to his heart beat, taking his glasses off and putting them on the coffee table. Seonghwa was warm, he smelled amazing, and he loved Seonghwa’s nails rubbing his head or his back. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this safe.

“I’m going to draw something on your back, try to guess what it is,” Seonghwa giggled before smoothing out Hongjoong’s shirt, immediately getting to work drawing. “Okay, what do you think it is?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know? What's the category?”

“An animal.”

“Hm…Do it again,” Hongjoong kept his eyes closed as he paid close attention to Seonghwa’s fingers on his back, “A bunny?”

“Yes it is! Look at you, you’re so smart,” Seonghwa kissed his forehead, smoothing out his shirt again to draw something else. After many rounds and lots of laughing over the ridiculousness Seonghwa was drawing onto his back, the younger started to drift off to sleep. 

When Seonghwa stopped moving, Hongjoong tilted his head up to look at him. Even while sleeping, Seonghwa was beautiful. He couldn’t see too much of his face due to the angle, but everything he could see was beautiful. Every curve, every line of his face, he was perfect. With a small smile, Hongjoong laid his head back down and closed his eyes. It didn’t take long to fall asleep listening to the rhythm of Seonghwa’s heartbeat. 

What bliss.

———————————

“What do you mean?!” Yunho practically whined at Seonghwa while they finished handing out lunch to the kids.

“You heard me Yunnie,” Seonghwa smiled, sitting down at the rather tiny table, “I’m leaving in two weeks or so. I’ll still be around obviously, but Hongjoong said I can stay with him to take some of the work load off of me.”

Yunho was still pouting, helping one of the kids open a small pot of applesauce, “You’re really leaving me?”

“I’m not leaving you. You’re still welcome to come whenever you need to.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird? Like…Have you talked to him about our,” The younger brought his voice down to a whisper, “Arrangement?”

“Mmm no not yet…I probably should.”

“Exactly.” Yunho huffed, opening his own applesauce, “Are you going to eat with us Hyung?”

Seonghwa shook his head, “I’m going to get lunch when I leave here before I have to go to the restaurant. It’s better to eat then so I’m not hungry until after my shift.

Yunho nodded in understanding but part of him didn’t exactly believe Seonghwa. When he spent the night a few weeks ago, his hyung looked so frail. Part of him was worried he was going to snap him in half— of course that was part of the thrill but he means literally. “Just make sure you’re eating enough. You’re so busy, you need the energy.”

“Of course. Don’t worry Yunnie, I’m taking care of myself.”

———————————

Seonghwa hustled around the restaurant as usual, refilling drinks and bringing dishes to and from the kitchen. His legs hurt but he pushed through, weaving through the aisles of booths and tables expertly. It wasn’t until his ears started to ring that he felt something was wrong.

“Sir, is it okay if I take my break?” He went up to the manager on duty, internally pleading that he’d agree. The manager gave him a small nod before going back to his conversation with a customer, Seonghwa scurrying off to the break room as fast as he could. Once he was inside, he fell to his knees in a hunch. The world around him was spinning, his heart was pounding, and he could feel his vision going white. He tried his best to breathe and try to keep himself up, but a hand on his back made him jump.

“Hyung! What’s going on?!” It was Mingi who was extremely concerned. He knelt down next to Seonghwa, feeling his forehead to see if he was running a fever. “Are you not feeling well?”

“Not really. But I’ll manage, I’m okay.”

“Like hell! Let’s get you something to eat and get your blood sugar back up.” Mingi stood up, walking over to one of the vending machines and getting him a bag of chips. “Here,” He handed the bag to Seonghwa, who was still sitting on the floor. 

Seonghwa took it from him, his hands trembling. He didn’t want to eat, he wasn’t supposed to be ending his fast today. But with Mingi’s eyes watching him he had no choice. He’ll have to work it off later and find some form of punishment for himself. “Thank you Mingi..” He opened the bag, taking one out and putting it in his mouth. At first he grimaced, then chewed slowly as if it was hurting him. 

Of course, Mingi noticed, “What’s going on with you? Don’t lie to me.” 

“Nothing, I've just been nauseous lately.”

“I said don’t lie to me. Have you eaten anything since coming from the school?” A quiet shake of Seonghwa’s head made Mingi roll his eyes, “You can’t do that, Hyung. You always make me eat something before my shift, maybe take your own advice.”

“Pretty harsh, Min-ah.”

“That’s what you need right now. Otherwise your stubborn ass won’t listen.”

Seonghwa smiled. Mingi was absolutely right, but hearing it from him was funny. He finished the bag, albeit slowly, “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. You know I’d do anything for you,” Mingi helps him stand up, slowly. 

Since he’s on his break, Seonghwa uses this time to check his phone. He finds a message from Hongjoong that was sent a few hours ago, already feeling bad he hadn’t answered him yet. 

Joongie 🤍: Hi love. I’ll pick you up after work? I have something for you. :-)

He couldn’t help the smile that played on his lips, texting him back.

Hwa~: that sounds lovely :)

Hwa~: tell meee what is ittt? 

Joongie 🤍: No. 

Seonghwa was expecting him to say something else but no other messages came through. He sighed before putting his phone back in his pocket, leaving the break room to return to work once he was less nauseous. 

———————————

Hongjoong pulled into the space he usually parked in when he picked up Seonghwa. He was so excited he almost wanted to pull Seonghwa out of work early, but it was only ten minutes until his shift was over so he decided to just be patient. He could see Seonghwa cleaning off a table near the window, so focused he hadn't noticed Hongjoong’s car yet. He smiled, watching his white haired angel until his phone buzzed. 

Wooyoung: hyungieee~

Wooyoung was a family friend of Hongjoong’s. Sort of… He was the son of his father’s best friend, so he and Hongjoong were friends growing up. At the time, Hongjoong thought it was annoying that his father was making him hang around a kid several years younger than him. But Hongjoong has grown to love him. However, he didn’t text Hongjoong often, usually just showing up to chat with him at any point in time. This fact made Hongjoong roll his eyes a little.

Kim Hongjoong: Yes, Wooyoung?

Wooyoung: wellll it’s not often you buy my piecessas especially not the more pricey ones

Wooyoung: you’re definitely not wearing them, who are they for? ;3

Hongjoong sighed. Of course Wooyoung heard about it before he was even able to give them to Seonghwa. There was no point in lying to him, Wooyoung would find out one way or another. He loved him to death, but god he’s annoying.

Kim Hongjoong: My partner. Nosy much?

Wooyoung: partner?! 0A0

Wooyoung: since when have you been dating someone?!!!

Kim Hongjoong: We haven’t been together long. You’re not missing anything, Wooyoung.

Wooyoung: clearly i am! i wanna meet them plssss

Kim Hongjoong: Maybe, we will see.

Wooyoung: ugh fine! btw, thank you for getting me the spot in the gallery, i really owe you ;w;

Wooyoung: i’m excited to transfer closer to you! i miss you smmm

Kim Hongjoong: I miss you too. Stay safe.

Wooyoung wasn’t too much younger than him, probably a year or two younger than Seonghwa if he’s remembering correctly. But he was still protective over him, even if he got on his nerves often. Wooyoung had a tendency to get himself into trouble, especially when he drank too much. Hongjoong was half expecting this conversation to be Wooyoung asking to bail him out of jail or pick him up who knows where. Hongjoong definitely would in either situation, but he’d give Wooyoung a scolding on the ride home. Their age gap wasn’t huge, even if it was bigger than his and Seonghwa’s, but Hongjoong still felt like he was babysitting him. 

Speaking of Seonghwa, the younger knocked on Hongjoong’s passenger side window. He unlocked the door for him, smiling when Seonghwa sat down, “Hi angel. How was work?”

“It was okay. I almost passed out, so if you see bruises on me anywhere that’s why.”

“Are you okay?!” Hongjoong’s heart sank, immediately checking for a fever like Mingi had a few hours prior.

“Yes baby I’m okay,” Seonghwa giggled, “My blood sugar just tanked. I’m feeling much better, especially with you here.” He took Hongjoong’s hand off of his forehead and kissed it, “You gonna tell me what the surprise is now?”

“It’s better if you see it.” Hongjoong said with a smirk, starting the engine.

———————————

Seonghwa held onto Hongjoong’s arm in the elevator and during the walk to his penthouse, half nervous and half excited for whatever Hongjoong had planned. His mind raced with possibilities of what it could be, shoving most of them down and saying that it was “too much”. But part of him hoped Hongjoong found something perfect. 

“After you,” The elder held the door open for him, letting Seonghwa go in first. Once he was inside, he turned the lights on in the living room. Standing on the carpet were two mannequins, the same ones displayed in the gallery. One was wearing that leather set Seonghwa admired, the other in that beautiful red dress. 

Seonghwa knew without Hongjoong having to say anything that they were for him, “Joongie…baby…”

“Mhm. They’re yours.”

He walked closer to the mannequins, his hands tracing the embroidery on the dress, “You…I can’t believe you actually got these.”

“I did say that I thought you’d look amazing in them,” Hongjoong chuckled, sitting on the couch, “I was thinking you could wear the dress this weekend.”

“This weekend?” Seonghwa glanced at him, one eyebrow raised.

“I wanted you to come to a party with me. It’s mainly for networking for other company owners, but the man hosting it is someone I strongly dislike.”

“So then why are you going?”

“To dig up some dirt on him. If we’re going to be in his house we can probably find something,” Hongjoong smiled up at him, “When I strongly dislike him, I mean that he’s evil and needs to be dealt with.”

“Huh…” Seonghwa looked back at the dress, “And you want me to come?”

“I do. So I’m not alone and so I can brag a little. I’m looked down upon often because I’m “single”, so having my beautiful partner on my arm would shut them up.”

Seonghwa blushed, his cheeks bright pink, “But wouldn’t they think even less of you for dating a man?”

Hongjoong shrugged, “Maybe, but I don’t care. And you’re not just a “man” darling. You’re an angel sent from the high heavens.” He pulls Seonghwa to sit on his lap, his hands resting on his hips, “Besides…I don’t think they’d be able to tell with how beautiful you’re going to look.” He gave Seonghwa a quick kiss, nuzzling his nose against his.

“Your lips are dripping in honey, Joong,” Seonghwa couldn’t help but smile, “You’re too sweet with your words.” 

“But isn’t it delicious, angel?” He took the opportunity to kiss him, this time for longer and deeper. Seonghwa leaned into his touch, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him closer. He jumped when Hongjoong nipped at his bottom lip, his grip on him tightening.

Hongjoong pulled away with a huge smile, “Alright alright…go try on the leather outfit for me. I’ll stay right here and wait for you.”

“Fine. But you better not ruin it in the first ten seconds.”

Seonghwa rose from Hongjoong’s lap and walked back to the mannequin, carefully taking the set off of it. He kissed Hongjoong’s cheek before going upstairs to change. All the while, Hongjoong was growing impatient. He’s been itching for this moment all day, maybe even longer, and yet it still wasn’t coming fast enough. 

Luckily Seonghwa didn’t take too long to change, making his way back over to Hongjoong and standing in front of him. The elder’s eyes trailed up from his thighs to his face, taking in the sight before him. It fit perfectly, hugging Seonghwa in all the right places while still being flattering. He could see his pecs and chest bones through the bust window, making his mouth water. The cut on Seonghwa’s side showed off a little skin as well as his hip bone, and Hongjoong felt ravenous. 

“So?” 

Snapping out of his daze, Hongjoong made eye contact with Seonghwa, “You look…incredible. Fuck..”

“Incredible hm?” Seonghwa smiled, sitting in his lap again, “And?”

“And? Aren’t you greedy,” Hongjoong tried to hide how flustered he was getting behind a laugh, but the growing tent in his slacks gave him away far too easily. 

“Come on baby. Tell Mommy how pretty she is,” Seonghwa cooed, leaning in closer to Hongjoong’s ear, “What’s going through your mind right now, hm?” 

“G-God you’re a wet dream come true,” Hongjoong’s eyes screwed shut when Seonghwa used his hips to grind against him. 

“Eyes on me when you’re speaking.”

His eyes snapped open, not wanting to disobey or anger Seonghwa, “I’m sorry Hwa-”

“Sorry, what was that?” Seonghwa grabbed his neck, gently squeezing it. It wasn’t enough to cut off his air flow, but enough to make him choke on his breath.

“M-Mommy…I’m sorry Mommy.”

“That’s a good boy,” Seonghwa let go of him, his hands now trailing up Hongjoong’s. His fingers slid over his inner forearms, feeling the small bumps there from healed scars, “Take your shirt off.”

Hongjoong obeyed, of course, taking his shirt off like Seonghwa instructed. The younger took in the sight of his chest, his tattoos, and the scars on his hips, “These are old, right?” Hongjoong nodded, his stomach dropping when he realized what Seonghwa was referring to. But when Seonghwa held his arm to his lips and kissed on his scars, that uneasy feeling immediately melted.

“So pretty,” He smiled, his tongue tracing the straight line on Hongjoong’s lower forearm. He felt how the older man squirmed beneath him, the tent in his slacks twitching with each little kiss. “I have an idea. Tell me if it’s too crazy.”

“Yes Mommy…nothing is too crazy.”

Seonghwa smiled, satisfied with Hongjoong’s answer, “Why don’t you give Mommy a pretty scar too? How about…” Seonghwa looked down at himself, motioning towards the cutout on his hip, “Right here?” Hongjoong’s eyes blew wide. Of all things he expected Seonghwa to say, this was not one of them. 

“Are you sure..?”

“I’m so sure,” Seonghwa giggled, kissing him before pulling away to keep talking, “Are you able to draw a star?”

———————————

Hongjoong sat between Seonghwa’s waist, holding the straight razor in his hand. He looked hesitant but eager to please, looking at Seonghwa for confirmation that he’s doing the right thing.

Seonghwa smiled up at him, sensing his hesitation, “I’m alright, baby. I’m the one who asked. If you don’t want to, I’m not going to force you” He pulled his waistband down so Hongjoong would have more room to work on his hip. 

“No, I want to. Fuck…I really want to,” Hongjoong used his free hand to squeeze Seonghwa’s thigh, “Are you ready?” A small nod from Seonghwa made Hongjoong take a deep breath, leaning down to get a good view of his hip. His fingers traced the line of his hip bone, angling the blade to be above it. Cutting over his bone would be too dangerous and painful, so he settled on the area above it after confirmation from Seonghwa that it was okay.

Finally, his hands stopped shaking and he made the first cut. Seonghwa sucked air through his teeth, watching him with a wince, “Fuck Joongie…you can keep going. Please keep going..”

Hongjoong nodded, adding a second one to finish the first point of the star. He watched as the cut that started white started to turn red, the gap filling with Seonghwa’s blood. The metallic smell filled Hongjoong’s nose from how close he was, that familiar stir in his groin arising yet again. He worked on the next point, watching as Seonghwa’s thighs trembled. At first he was worried he was overwhelming him, but seeing the tent in those tight leather pants and the way he was panting told him that Seonghwa was enjoying himself. 

With newfound confidence, Hongjoong finished the star with ease, watching as Seonghwa trembled and whimpered with every drag of the blade. Hongjoong couldn’t help it, he couldn’t help himself. He used the towel in his hand to stop any blood from falling onto his sheets, but he used his tongue to clean up the rest. Seonghwa moaned as Hongjoong cleaned him up, his eyes glued to him. Watching the older man lick up his blood and kiss at the fresh cuts like that was what sent him over the edge, cumming untouched in his pants. Hongjoong chuckled and slid Seonghwa’s pants down so they wouldn’t get too dirty, “Couldn’t wait to take them off? And you were worried I was going to ruin the set.”

“I-I wasn’t expecting it to feel so good!” Seonghwa was still in the aftershocks of his orgasm, panting heavily while trying to keep his eyes on Hongjoong. “Are..are the pants okay? Fuck I’m sorry.”

“They’re fine, angel,” Hongjoong held the towel to the star on Seonghwa’s hip, applying some pressure to stop the bleeding, “And your star is all done. It’s beautiful…”

Seonghwa smiled, slowly starting to regain his breath, “I want to see. Can I get up?” Hongjoong nodded and let Seonghwa hold the towel. He got up not so elegantly, sliding his pants off completely so he could make his way to the mirror in Hongjoong’s room. Carefully, he took the towel off of his hip, admiring the neatly done star right above his hip bone, “You’re right…It’s beautiful.” 

“I’d say I did a pretty good job,” Hongjoong chuckled.

“Can you take a picture of it for me, please?” Seonghwa looked at him through the mirror, smiling still.

“A picture? Uh…sure,” Hongjoong took his phone out and walked to where Seonghwa was standing, kneeling down next to him and taking a few pictures of the freshly cut star. He took them at different angles to give Seonghwa a variety of shots, “Alright. I’ll let you pick the ones you like.”

Seonghwa ran his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair while he was kneeling next to him, letting the man rest his head against his thigh. He took the phone from him, taking a mirror picture of Hongjoong leaning on his thigh right below the star. He took another of Hongjoong kissing it, blood all over his lips and chin. 

He knows he’d have the scar for a while, but he hoped it would last forever. It was perfect.

Either way, what bliss.

———————————

Once Seonghwa was asleep, Hongjoong escaped to the guest bathroom. He held onto the ledge of the kitchen counter, trembling. He tried to sleep, he really did, but his mind got the better of him. All he felt were hands. Cold, hard hands. They weren’t Seonghwa’s, Seonghwa wouldn’t.

He could feel his legs starting to give out beneath him, his skin feeling foreign and far too heavy. He fell to the ground in a heap, scratching at his arms and shoulders like he needed to peel his skin off. Nothing would stop them. The hands never left. 

Every touch, every slide down his chest. It never left, they never left him alone. Hongjoong felt disgusting, like a piece of meat. He leaned his head against the cabinet, his skin turning bright red under his blunt fingernails. His breath came out in pitiful attempts at cries for mercy, for a chance to breathe after being suffocated. His skin was too heavy, too dirty. Hongjoong forced himself into the shower, letting himself sit on the floor while the water poured onto him. He didn’t bother taking his clothes off, letting them stick to the curve of his body until it made his skin too heavy. 

His head rested against the tile of the shower wall, hitting the back of his head over and over as if to stop the screaming in his brain. Begging for mercy, pleading on deaf ears, the silence of defeat. Hands all over him, up and down his sides and between his legs. A choked sob escaped his otherwise thick throat, his voice hoarse and pained. His eyes were too heavy, they’ve seen too much, he couldn’t keep them open. But every time they closed he saw the shadows of what was once himself, memories of a smile that no longer seemed so genuine. So many years of his life are gone, all because he wasn’t given the chance to say “no”.

Sometimes he wonders what he would be like now, had things not gone the way they did. Would he have the same laugh he so desperately tried to change? Would he be less ashamed of his interests and how passionate he is about them? Would he be at home in his own body? Now he just feels like an imposter, the fake version of who he truly is. He made up his entire persona to please. What would he be like if he was held just a little bit longer?

Hongjoong looked down at his arms, watching as the water trickled down the bumps and ridges of his scars. Trying to just “get up and go” like his father said just shoved everything down so deep that it started to fester. Forgetting about what happened only worked in the short term— he doesn’t remember a lot of the specifics, but he knows what they did to him, how they changed him. They were both so young, but he was younger. It didn’t matter that they both weren’t adults. It didn’t change how it made him feel after.

He felt so disgusting. Tainted. Ruined.

What bliss? Is there even any?

Chapter Text

Waking up next to Seonghwa was nothing short of a dream; the golden rays of sun shining against his face, making his silver hair look blonde. Hongjoong smiled as Seonghwa stirred a little, rolling over to hug onto Hongjoong’s waist.

“Good morning angel,” Hongjoong ran his fingers through his hair, earning a groan from the younger. Seonghwa kept his eyes closed as Hongjoong cuddled him, already falling back asleep on the man’s chest. If they could stay like this forever, they would.

“We have to get up baby, it’s already almost ten,” Hongjoong kissed his forehead, letting his lips linger on his skin. Seonghwa stayed snuggled up next to him, only slightly nodding in response. He wasn’t going to make him get up yet, not when he’s already so comfortable. Giving him another kiss, Hongjoong laid his head on top of Seonghwa’s, “Sleepy still, hm?”

“Mhm…you left me last night.”

“I took a shower, I didn’t want to wake you up so I went to one of the other bathrooms.”

Seonghwa giggled, “I can’t believe you have more than one bathroom.” He tilted his head up to look at the elder, smiling, “Very rich man of you to go to your other bathroom to not wake up your boyfriend.”

“A thank you would be nice,” Hongjoong pressed his nose against Seonghwa’s, gently nuzzling them together.

“Okay I’m sorry,” Seonghwa’s hands slid up from where they were holding onto his shirt to cup his cheeks, “Thank you my love.”

“You’re welcome, angel.”

———————————

While Seonghwa stood by the stove, making breakfast for Hongjoong, part of him wondered if he should make himself a portion. If Hongjoong would be eating here, he should probably eat with him. Concerning him wouldn’t be ideal, not when things are already going so well. He sighed, cracking another egg into the pan. While they’re eating together, he should probably bring up Yunho and get his opinion on it. If Hongjoong isn’t comfortable with it, he’ll likely have to end that arrangement with him. He refuses to stop being friends with him, but he’d also understand if Hongjoong would rather him not be involved with him in that way. 

“You seem lost in thought,” Hongjoong was sitting at the island on one of the stools, smiling while he watched Seonghwa cook.

“A little,” Seonghwa glanced back at him, “I just needed to talk to you but I was planning how I was going to bring it up.”

“Well you can talk to me now. What’s on your mind?” 

“One of my good friends, Yunho…I think I mentioned him,” Hongjoong hummed in response, nodding. Seonghwa continued once he was reassured Hongjoong knew who he was talking about, “We have this…thing. He goes into this subspace when he gets stressed and I take care of him. I wanted to see how you felt about that.”

“I don’t think there’s an issue with it. Were you planning on continuing that with him?”

“Maybe, but not in a sexual manner. Just so he has someone to take care of him,” Seonghwa took a seat next to him after putting a plate down in front of him, “If you’d like, I can ask him if you can be there with us. I don’t think he’ll mind being doted on by someone else besides me.”

Hongjoong smiled, “Hm…I’ll think about it. Does he also call you Mommy?”

“He does. He’s the one who inspired me to start using it, honestly.”

“How sweet,” Hongjoong chuckled, starting to eat while Seonghwa kept talking.

“Mhm, he’s my puppy. I think you’d like him. He’s quiet, sort of reserved at times. But he’s sweet.”

“I’m sure I will. If you love him so much I’m sure I’ll also love him.”

“Thank you for being so understanding, baby,” Seonghwa leaned over to kiss his cheek, “I suppose it would only make sense if he called you “Daddy”, right?”

Hongjoong stopped dead in his tracks, his ears and cheeks turning bright red. He assumed that would be the case, given Seonghwa is “Mommy”, but hearing him say it was a whole other thing.

“It would, yes,” He finally spoke, meeting Seonghwa’s gaze, “I’m alright being Daddy.”

———————————

“Holy shit Hyung!” Yunho looked around the penthouse, not expecting it at all when Seonghwa said they’d be in Hongjoong’s apartment.

“Ah ah. Use only pretty words, pup.”

“S-Sorry,” Yunho’s voice came out quieter this time, “But this isn’t exactly what I was expecting.”

“I didn’t either when I came here for the first time,” The elder chuckled, leaning over the couch to kiss Hongjoong’s cheek, “We’re here, as you can probably tell.”

Hongjoong smiled, hugging Seonghwa with one arm, “I see that. Hello Yunho.” He stood from his seat on the couch, circling around to greet him properly. 

“Nice to finally meet you,” Yunho smiled, bowing politely, “Hyung has said good things about you, sir.”

“You don’t need to be so formal. But I appreciate it, pup.” 

Yunho’s eyes widened a little, taken aback that Hongjoong was already using the pet name. He was told by Seonghwa that Hongjoong was willing to try and work around their arrangement, even saying that he was interested in partaking. But he assumed it would take the elder some time to warm up. Though it seemed like he was already filling his role.

“Why don’t you let me put your collar on, Yunnie,” Seonghwa snapped him out of his thoughts, “I know how much you like wearing it.”

“Sure, thank you Hyung,” Yunho smiled but Seonghwa made no effort to move, one of his eyebrows raised like he did something wrong. He shrunk under his gaze, looking away, “Sorry..Mommy.”

“That’s my good boy,” Seonghwa finally walked over to him, helping to secure the collar around his neck, “Daddy got you something as well, what do you say?”

“Thank you..” There was some hesitation from Yunho. Not because he was uncomfortable, but rather that he was shy, “Thank you Daddy.”

Hongjoong smiled, leaning back over the couch and showing Yunho what he prepared. It was a set of what looked to be golden retriever ears and a matching, fluffy tail. His eyes sparkled seeing them, excitement starting to bubble up in his chest. 

“These are for me?”

“They are,” Hongjoong reached up to place the ears on his head, “Mommy told me you remind him of a golden retriever, so I found these and had the. overnighted so you could have them today. I know you don’t necessarily see yourself as a dog, but they were too cute to pass up.”

If his tail was real, Seonghwa was certain it would be wagging. The way Yunho melted as Hongjoong put the ears on him, the dazed look in his eyes, it was everything Seonghwa could’ve wanted. They haven’t known each other for long, but they seemed to get along so well already. 

While Hongjoong finished up his work, he let Yunho lay his head on his shoulder. He didn’t mind being squished in between the taller man and Seonghwa, if anything he loved how close they were. He brought his hand up to pet Yunho’s hair, his other resting on Seonghwa’s thigh, “I’m almost done. Are you two getting antsy?”

“No Daddy,” Yunho said quietly, his eyes closed while he was half asleep. Seonghwa on the other hand was definitely getting antsy. His leg was bouncing up and down to try and expel some of that energy, but it did little to soothe him. Hongjoong closed his laptop after saving his progress, looking over at Seonghwa.

“I’m all done, darling.”

“Thank goodness. While I respect that you have to work, I can be selfish at times,” Seonghwa hugged onto his arm, kissing his shoulder.

“Well now you both have my attention. What is it that you two want?”

“A nap,” Yunho mumbled, also now hugging onto Hongjoong’s arm, “Sleepy..”

“Why don’t you take him and lay down for a bit? I’ll come in in a bit, I’m going to clean up the kitchen first.” 

“You can do that later if you also want to lay down with us,” Hongjoong squeezed Seonghwa’s thigh. He was starting to worry that something was wrong, that he might be anxious or worried about something. But his reassuring smile quieted his concerns.

“It’s okay. I promise I will be in as soon as I can.” Seonghwa kissed his cheek before standing up, giving Yunho a kiss as well, “Go take a nap, puppy. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

A very sleepy Yunho nods, sitting up and stretching before also standing up. He looks at Hongjoong for approval and directions on where to go. The elder led him to their room, helping him get settled under the covers.

“Thank you.”

“For what, pup?”

“Taking care of Hwa-Hyung,” Yunho called him by his name to express his sincerity and importance of what he’s saying, “I worry he doesn’t take care of himself. He’s not very kind to himself. I’m worried about him withering away before he realizes what he’s doing.”

There was a lot to unpack in what Yunho was saying, but he tried his best to interpret it the way he needed him to. Seonghwa didn’t seem to be in a bad place— he was all smiles and oozed confidence, his heart was big and he had so much love to give. He couldn’t quite figure out what Yunho was talking about, but he couldn’t question him yet. Not with him already almost asleep.

“You’re welcome. But in all honesty, he takes care of me too,” Hongjoong ran his fingers through his hair, “It’s fifty-fifty.”

“Good. He’s very good at that,” Yunho half smiled, “Goodnight…”

“Goodnight pup.”

———————————

Seonghwa didn’t lie when he said he was going to tidy up the kitchen, but his true reason for doing it now of all times wasn’t just because he was restless. He needed an excuse to get some exercise, to burn off as many calories as he could. Since staying with Hongjoong he hasn’t been able to continue his long fasts or intensive workout schedule, which should be a good thing but he felt the complete opposite. He doesn’t know if he’s gained any weight or if he looks any different, Hongjoong doesn’t have a scale in any of his many bathrooms. So he tries to keep himself busy; pacing throughout the day, working out the entire time Hongjoong is out of the house or at the office building, limiting his portions and blaming his small stomach. He did everything he could to limit the amount of weight he was putting on.

It didn’t help that the party Hongjoong asked him to go to was tomorrow. He didn’t feel ready, he wasn’t nearly where he wanted to feel good about wearing a dress like that. When he looked in the mirror, he didn’t see the chest or collar bones that he took such pride in. If they were there, Seonghwa didn’t see them, if he lost weight or even maintained, Seonghwa didn’t see it. That damn dress is the reason he’s pacing around the kitchen and disguising it as cleaning. He needed to look good, to feel good at this party tomorrow. Turning down any drinks and food there will be near impossible, so Seonghwa needed some wiggle room just in case. 

He prayed to whatever higher power that may be listening that he would fit in that dress, that it would hug his body in all the right ways without showing any of his flaws. He didn’t want Hongjoong to regret it— bringing him or buying that dress for him. He prayed that whatever he had going on in his mind would be quiet for at least a few hours, so he could enjoy himself. But it wasn’t possible, he knew that. There was no making that voice in the back of his head shut up. 

Every time he wanted to stop, to sit down and give his legs a break, he saw the dress in the corner of his eye. It was like it was taunting him, telling him to keep pushing himself. But it had the same voice as the one deep in his brain, the one that tells him he’ll never be enough. They seem to be working together just to make him miserable, and it was working.

God, it was working.

———————————

Hongjoong fixed his tie in the mirror in his room, humming a little as he straightened out his suit and touched up his hair. He’s sure his hair will frizz up or get at least a little messy by the end of the night, but he needs to look good going into it. He hasn’t seen Seonghwa since he entered the bathroom at least an hour ago, holding the dress in his arm. He asked him if he needed help with the dress itself, but Seonghwa said he was fine and just needed time to do his hair and makeup. Whatever he was doing, Hongjoong knew he was a goner. Seonghwa was beautiful without adoring all this preparation, he can’t even imagine what he’ll look like when he steps out.

He didn’t have time to even consider imagining it before Seonghwa finally returned from the bathroom. Hongjoong could’ve sworn he stopped breathing for a while. His hair wasn’t put up in any sort of style, but it fell so perfectly over his face and neck that he knew Seonghwa meticulously styled it. His makeup was natural for the most part, aside from the bold eyeshadow and eyeliner painting his eyes. His lips were tinted an almost sinful red, one that mimicked the color of blood. It almost made him look like a vampire, yet somehow more beautiful. The dress hugged his waist and hips in all the right places, the plane of his chest accented by the cut of the neckline. That slit on the side rode up all the way to his upper thigh, the star scar covered by a lacy red garter. He doesn’t remember Seonghwa buying it, but it’s possible he bought it with the intention of wearing it tonight. The last thing he saw were his shoes, more specifically his heels. They were all black aside from the red painted on the bottoms, Christian Louboutins. Hongjoong was the one who bought them, but actually seeing him wear them was an entirely different feeling. Seonghwa was beautiful, deliciously so.

“You’re staring. Do I look weird?” Seonghwa twirled a strand of his hair around his index finger.

“Fuck no..not at all. You look amazing, darling,” Hongjoong walked closer to him, his hands resting on his hips, “Beautiful…you’re so beautiful.”

Seonghwa blushed, smiling a little, “Thank you baby. I just feel like it doesn’t fit me as well as the model.”

“It fits you better, actually. I can’t believe you’re real, Hwa.” Hongjoong leaned in to kiss his cheek, smelling the sultry sweet scent of his perfume of choice. It wasn’t the same scent that he usually smelled on Seonghwa, but it was just as intoxicating. 

“You’re so sweet to me,” Seonghwa’s hands slid up to rest on Hongjoong’s chest, letting him kiss at his neck, “Don’t leave any marks, not yet.”

Hongjoong wasn’t satisfied with his answer but he nodded regardless, letting go of him. He took a deep breath before finally letting go of him, “Okay. Let me get my keys and we can leave, if you’re ready.”

“Hang on,” The younger pulled down Hongjoong’s collar slightly, leaving a red kiss mark where his collar met his neck. It wasn’t so obvious that he’d be walking around the entire night with it, but if he moved his head just right anyone could see it. “Now I’m ready. Let’s go,” Seonghwa smiled, shyly tucking a loose strand behind his ear. Hongjoong doesn’t know if he’ll be able to last tonight with Seonghwa looking this good. He might need to take him home earlier than expected. 

———————————

The party was already in full swing, music playing throughout the manor and a good handful of people chatting amongst themselves. Seonghwa held onto Hongjoong’s arm, a little nervous when he felt several eyes on him. People were staring, he couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

“You’re okay,” Hongjoong whispered to him, keeping their arms linked together as they walked to the main foyer.

“But people are staring at me.”

“How could they not? You’re breathtaking, darling,” He kissed Seonghwa’s cheek, thankful that the shoes he was wearing added some height so he doesn’t look too short in comparison. 

“Kim Hongjoong!” A voice called out to him, making him tense up and hold Seonghwa tighter. He glanced to his right and saw where the voice was coming from, making eye contact with the man. 

“Mr. Jung,” Hongjoong replied flatly, but Seonghwa could sense the tension between them, “Nice place you moved into.”

“Why thank you,” The man didn’t seem to be too much older than Hongjoong, leading Seonghwa to believe they might’ve grown up around each other, “Are you still in that penthouse suite?”

“I am. I quite like it.”

“With a man of your status, I would assume you moved somewhere nicer. Especially with this gem you have,” The man motioned to Seonghwa with a somewhat sinister look in his eyes, “When did you meet her?”

Seonghwa went to open his mouth but Hongjoong replied for him, “A while ago. Now if you’ll excuse us.” With that, Hongjoong pulled Seonghwa away from the man. His eyebrows were knitted together and he had this aura about him that made even Seonghwa uneasy. 

“Joongie, who was that?”

“That’s the guy we’re here to try and dig up dirt on,” Hongjoong mumbles to him, “Ignore him. He’s a weirdo.” There was definitely more to the story than Hongjoong was letting on, but Seonghwa didn’t question him further. 

Hongjoong didn’t say much after their run in with this “Mr. Jung” guy, looking around the manor for any sort of sign that something is amiss. After a while of watching Hongjoong walk around aimlessly and getting increasingly more frustrated, Seonghwa grabs his hand. 

“Baby. Why don’t we go back to the party? Maybe dance a little. Might help you clear your head.”

“There has to be something…anything.” Hongjoong looked crazed, like he was chomping at the bit to find anything that could be incriminating, “Something…”

“I don’t think he’d leave anything out while there’s a lot of people here,” Seonghwa tried to reassure him, kissing his cheek, “Come on baby. Let’s at least try to have some fun.”

The elder nodded, though he didn’t look any less stressed or aggravated. He followed Seonghwa back to the main area where people were chatting, drinking, and dancing to whatever slow song was playing. He put one hand on Seonghwa’s waist, using the other to hold his hand, “Thank you for coming. I’m sorry I’m so out of it…”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Seonghwa knows something isn’t right, but he hasn’t got a clue what it could possibly be. Hongjoong didn’t seem like himself at all. That usually toothy smile wasn’t anywhere near, his shoulders sunk down, and he had this far off look in his eyes. It was like he wasn’t really him, like he was disconnected from his body. It was alarming, but Seonghwa assumed he was just stressed out.

“You look so beautiful. I don’t want to ruin this for you, not when you look so good.”

“Nothing is ruined, my love,” Seonghwa smiled, resting his forehead against his, “I’m here for you, nothing else.”

Hongjoong finally smiled a little, the corners of his mouth angling upwards, “Do you want to head out soon? This party blows.”

Seonghwa giggled, “Sure. Whenever you’re ready.”

———————————

Once they were in the car, Hongjoong’s lips were on Seonghwa’s neck. His hands trailed up his sides, eventually landing on his hips, “You make me feel crazy. Fuck Hwa.” 

Seonghwa leaned back and let Hongjoong kiss him, his breath hitching when he felt his teeth nipping at his neck. Even though they were in the back seat now, there wasn’t much room. Their bodies were pressed together, Hongjoong in between his thighs. 

The elder slid his hands down to Seonghwa’s exposed thigh, snapping the garter against his skin, “When did you get this?”

“Yesterday,” Seonghwa squeaked, jumping when the elastic snapped back against his thigh, “Do… Do you like it?”

“I fucking love it,” Hongjoong moved down to kiss at Seonghwa’s thigh, taking the garter between his teeth and sliding it off. He kissed the scar on his thigh, “I’m so glad you wanted another one…”

“After the first one how could I not?” Seonghwa laughed breathily, his breathing already staggered, “I’d let you cover me in as many stars as you want.”

Hongjoong continued to kiss at the scar, his tongue dragging against the indent in his skin. It’s likely that the scar will start to raise as time passes, but for now it left an indent in Seonghwa’s thigh. Most deep cuts will leave a raised scar, in Hongjoong’s experience. But part of him hopes it won’t lose its shape as time goes on. It’s hard for him to choose which he loves more; the one on Seonghwa’s hip or the one on his thigh. They’re both so beautiful, he was utterly obsessed with them. 

“You’re so tiny, Hwa,” Hongjoong finally pulled his lips off of his skin, “My hand wraps around your thigh perfectly. Do you see that?”

Seonghwa looked down, seeing how Hongjoong’s smaller hand almost completely wrapped around his lower thigh. A blush rose to his cheeks, his heart pounding in his chest. Hongjoong thought he was tiny. Hearing those words leave his mouth was euphoric. He played it over and over in his head. 

“Tiny enough that you’d break me?”

“Yes,” Hongjoong leaned back up, his lips just centimeters away from Seonghwa’s, “I guarantee you if I were to fuck you like this I could see myself inside you. The way your stomach would bulge out.”

Seonghwa audibly whimpered at that, his hands reaching up to hold onto Hongjoong’s shoulders, “Joongie please…please.”

“Please what, angel?”

“Fuck me?”

Chapter Text

A yellow and blue Winnie The Pooh blanket, a brown furred bunny with a purple neck bow tie, and a small closet with racks he couldn’t reach— things Hongjoong found in his childhood room.

His dad usually worked third shift, leaving him home with his mom in the afternoon and nights. He was oblivious to the family troubles his parents dealt with, all he knew was what he loved. He loved silly cartoons and Transformers, rabbits with floppy ears and cotton tails, and the songs his mother would sing to lull him to sleep. 

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping. I dreamed I held you in my arms.

Hongjoong closed his eyes as he hugged onto his mother, breathing in the scent that was uniquely her. Her hands rubbed his back under his shirt, her nails gently dragging across his skin. He asked her to rub his back like this, not satisfied with the flat palmed, over the shirt back rubs he usually got from his preschool teachers. Hongjoong was always particular about nearly everything, including his back rubs. 

When I awoke dear, I was mistaken. So I hung my head and cried.

When his father was home, he enjoyed watching whatever science show he had on. Usually he found himself watching some show about how they made certain everyday items and foods, it was interesting to little Hongjoong. He also found himself unnecessarily afraid of black holes due to the space shows his dad watched. What if a black hole swallowed them whole? It was very rational for little Hongjoong.

‘Guitar Hero’ was a game he played with his dad, only playing on easy since his little fingers could only hit three keys. He stood next to his dad in front of the basement TV, focused as the notes hit the bottom of his side of the screen. His dream was to play as good as his dad did when he grew up, to play on expert mode like he did. 

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray.

When he got a little older, Hongjoong played baseball. His dad helped coach from time to time when he moved to working the first shift, but it was his way of bonding with him. He loved playing, even if the other kids on the team didn’t talk to him much. It broke him when he got injured and needed to stop playing all together, he sobbed into his mother’s chest until he cried himself to sleep. The entire time she rubbed his back and sang to him to try and soothe him. 

From then on he focused on art— drawing in his free time, taking up music classes and playing in his school’s band. He was a nerd by the other kids’ standards, but Hongjoong didn’t care. That’s when he met Jihoon, a boy in his year that enjoyed one of the same shows he did. They had art together and grew close ever since. He would text Jihoon secretly from his phone that didn’t have a real number. His mother gave it to him to play games on, but he figured out how to download apps without his parents knowing.

Sometimes, he and Jihoon would roleplay their favorite characters and Hongjoong started to make up his own. He had fleshed out backstories and designs for his characters and loved them dearly. It didn’t take long for Hongjoong to start catching feelings for Jihoon, even though they were only in 6th grade. Technically, Jihoon was older by a year and Hongjoong skipped a grade, making their age difference about two years. But one night Hongjoong finally confessed after talking about who they had crushes on. From there on out, they were a couple in secret due to Jihoon’s homophobic parents.

They only had each other, and that was all they’d ever need. They talked about moving to a different country, somewhere they could be themselves. They talked about getting a golden doodle and maybe some cats, maybe adopting a baby boy. It was so far in the future, but it still seemed so clear.

You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.

Hongjoong spent too many nights arguing with Jihoon, swearing up and down that he didn’t have eyes for anyone else. All the while, Jihoon threatened to leave him and so much worse. He felt helpless, like his life would end without the elder. He was his first kiss, his first love. They had characters who loved each other as much as they did, what would happen with them if they broke up? But Jihoon was convinced Hongjoong was always cheating, that everyone had a crush on him and Hongjoong did nothing to cut them off. But at the same time, he made sure Hongjoong was isolated from everyone, that he was only his.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping. I dreamed I held you in my arms.

When they entered seventh grade, Hongjoong convinced Jihoon to join the school band, helping him with anything he might’ve been confused about. They did extracurriculars together, stayed after school to participate and everything. One day after school, Jihoon convinced Hongjoong to hide in the bathroom by the band room instead of going to said extracurricular. Hongjoong agreed, not wanting to upset him. But he wasn’t expecting Jihoon to lock the door and crash his lips against his. Hongjoong reciprocated, they’ve done this before, but Jihoon’s hands slid under his shirt and the rest was a blur. He remembers kicking and trying to yell for help before Jihoon took advantage of him, but no one was around to help. He left the bathroom with a limp, conveniently running into the band instructor who promptly alerted both parents. Jihoon blamed it on Hongjoong, saying he was the one who did it. His parents took Jihoon out of all extracurriculars and forbade him from seeing Hongjoong, who developed separation anxiety from him. 

He cried himself to sleep, hugging his knees to his chest as his forearms burned with the aftermath of dragging a dull box cutter into his skin. He longed for his mother, but she had no clue what was going on. He longed for his father, but he would surely make it into something it’s not. He only had himself, and he felt so dirty, so used.

When I awoke dear, I was mistaken. So I hung my head and cried.

They broke up and got back together more times than necessary, and Jihoon never stopped taking advantage of Hongjoong’s devotion to him. The phrase, “You’d do this if you loved me” was a common one; one that got explicit pictures and acts out of the younger. Hongjoong equated love to what he did for Jihoon, his worth was amounted to sexual acts and favors. No one would love him the way Jihoon did, he often told himself. He was dirty, tainted. Only the older boy would love him. 

By sophomore year, Hongjoong finally ended things with him. The more time they were apart, the more he realized just how sick Jihoon was. He hated himself, his body, and what happened to him. He was ashamed. Every time he saw anything related to the characters they made or Jihoon himself, he had a full blown anxiety attack. No one was allowed to touch him anywhere, and any relationships he attempted to have failed nearly immediately. He was a lost cause, and he only spiraled more.

Jihoon wasn’t happy about them breaking up, if anything he was livid. Dirty looks turned into shoving Hongjoong against the lockers, spreading lies about him both online and in person, making sure he had no more friends to go to. His goal was to torture the younger until he finally broke. He wouldn’t stop until he did.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray.

Nothing seemed to work. No matter how many times he went to the principal or the dean, Hongjoong never got any help. It was already too much trying to recover from what happened to him, but being bullied on top of it by said abuser didn’t help. It was always “You have no evidence” or “It’s not an abusive relationship”, or “Sexual assault doesn’t happen between two kids”, never any empathy or attempt to help. Nothing seemed to work— not the blade across his skin, the picking at his face and arms, or the constant dyeing of his hair and changing of his appearance. His pain never ended. 

His only way out was to leave. Leaving the school or town wasn’t an option. His only way out was to leave the Earth all together. 

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.

Seeing his mother cry next to his hospital bed and beg him to stay while getting his stomach pumped was heartbreaking for Hongjoong. He wanted to stay, for her. His dad was more quiet about his despair, instead consoling him in his own special way. It didn’t matter if he cried to the school authorities or swallowed every pill in the medicine cabinet, nothing changed. He was a lost cause. 

His senior year was spent at home, doing school online just so he can graduate. He wasn’t able to go to prom, do any senior activities, nothing. He didn’t even want to walk at graduation for the fear of seeing Jihoon, who was left completely untouched. He had a friend group, a family who supported him regardless of the claims Hongjoong made. He was still living and going about his life completely unscathed. It was infuriating, but he couldn’t do anything.

Well into his adulthood he watched Jihoon prosper. He became the CEO of his father’s company long before Hongjoong inherited his father’s, making sure to rub it in his face. His success was something he would gloat about whenever Hongjoong was in the general area. Their town wasn’t huge, making it nearly impossible for him to avoid Jihoon. Even as he moved to the city nearby, Jihoon was always there. 

Jung Jihoon was always there, always nearby. It wasn’t always a physical appearance, but he lived in the back of Hongjoong’s brain like a parasite. He was always there to remind him how pathetic he was, how he was nothing more than a body and unworthy of any type of happiness. 

And Hongjoong felt it, even when he made a name for himself. He felt those hands on his body, the hold Jihoon had on him. 

But no one would listen.

No one.

———————————

Seonghwa woke up with a sore back, his legs screaming at him to lay back down. The sun peeking through the curtains made him wince even more than he already was, trying to remember what day it is and if he needed to work today. He shakily got out of Hongjoong’s bed and made his way to the bathroom, flipping the lightswitch on. A small gasp escaped his lips when he saw the state of his body.

His sleep shirt had a low neckline, showing off his collar and neck bones. His skin was covered in red hickeys and bite marks, very obviously Hongjoong’s doing. On his waist and hips there were bruises in the shape of Hongjoong’s fingertips. They were shades of purple and red, but they were so beautiful. More bite marks cascaded down his thighs all the way to his ankles. If he hadn’t remembered the night before, he would think he was mauled by a bear. His entire body ached, but his heart was full. 

While he was brushing his teeth, Hongjoong joined him in the bathroom. The shorter man wrapped his arms around his waist, laying his head against his shoulder sleepily. Seonghwa welcomed his embrace, hugging his arms with one of his own. 

“Good morning Joongie.”

“Hello my love,” Hongjoong smiled, kissing his shoulder, “How did you sleep?”

“I slept alright. But I’m a little sore now,” Seonghwa rinsed his mouth and his toothbrush, turning to hug Hongjoong properly. “You did a number on me, baby.”

The older man blushed, letting go for a moment to let Seonghwa turn around. Once he was facing him, his arms were wrapped around him yet again, “Sorry. I got a little carried away.”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” Seonghwa giggled, “I loved every second of it. Who knew you were so good in bed?”

Hongjoong kissed him to make him stop talking, making Seonghwa lean back against the counter a little. Their lips weren’t connected for long as Hongjoong pulled away, “Are you hungry? We could get breakfast.”

At first Seonghwa debated saying no, that he would be alright until lunch. But for once, he felt like he was allowed to eat; that he earned breakfast with Hongjoong. For once the disordered voice in the back of his head was quiet. 

He finally had some peace of mind. What bliss.

———————————

Thankfully, the restaurant was closed today. Seonghwa didn’t have to limp around the restaurant, anxiously pulling up the neck of his sweater to hide any of the marks Hongjoong left on his skin. He got the day to sit back and relax. 

Unfortunately, Hongjoong had to go into the office today. Seonghwa always missed him when he had to go into work, but he made sure dinner was warm and ready for when he returned. Most of the time that Hongjoong was away, Seonghwa kept himself busy with household tasks or trying different exercise videos he found online. But he was never able to just sit there, he needed to be doing something. Lately he’s been considering going back to school earlier than he anticipated, now that he’s only working in the evenings at the restaurant. It would also give him something to do during the days Hongjoong wasn’t working from home, which is becoming more frequent due to some sort of deal he’s trying to make with a smaller company. It’s a lot of business talk that Seonghwa doesn’t quite understand, but he listens when Hongjoong tells him about it. 

Seonghwa groaned as the minutes ticked by ever so slowly, his body twitching as he itched to do something. Standing up from where he was sitting on the couch, he opted to clean Hongjoong’s room and the guest rooms on the main floor. Hongjoong’s room was one he didn’t really touch, letting the older man clean it himself so as to not mess up his order of things. But now that he himself has been staying there, he understands how Hongjoong likes his things organized and arranged. 

His room wasn’t particularly messy, just clothes scattered across the room and his dressers were disorganized with random items. Seonghwa took the time to put everything into its proper place and start a load of laundry, going back to sweep the floors and dust some of the surfaces in his room. While dusting off a particularly high dresser, he found what seemed to be a fallen picture frame on the top. He got up on his tip toes and took it off of the dresser, looking at the photo inside. It looked to be a family photo taken around Christmas time, a man that looked almost exactly like Hongjoong holding a baby boy in his arms. The mother was right next to him, smiling at the camera. She didn’t look much like Hongjoong, but she had this presence about her that screamed Hongjoong.

Seonghwa smiled looking at it, immediately recognizing the happy baby as his Hongjoong. He had the same exact smile as he does now and the same, bright eyes. He found a photo album next to where the picture frame was, also taking it off the top of the dresser. It wasn’t really snooping, but he did feel bad that he was looking through it without Hongjoong knowing.

Most of the pictures were of Hongjoong as a baby, but a few included his parents. One that made Seonghwa laugh was of him and his dad with whipped cream in their mouths, a goofy smile on Hongjoong’s face. Another was of his first Halloween, dressed up as a butterfly of all things. As Hongjoong got older in the photos, his smile grew smaller and smaller. His eyes lost that childish shine in them even while he was still so young, and it made Seonghwa’s heart clench in his chest. What looked to be a school band performance with Hongjoong focused on the sheet music in front of him was the next photo that caught his eye. He was focused, but there was something deeper in his expression, something he couldn’t quite place. His sleeves were rolled up a little, showing the beginnings of bandaids covering his forearms. He still looked so young, too young.

The more he flipped through the photo album, the older Hongjoong got. He made it to his high school years, finding a photo of him at what looked to be the homecoming dance. He was standing with a boy who looked similar to the man he met at the party, the one Hongjoong dragged him away from. It started to make sense to Seonghwa; Hongjoong didn’t want them interacting because they had history. But it had to go deeper than that, he was sure of it. A frown spread across Seonghwa’s face as he watched Hongjoong’s eyes grow more sad, more tired. He looked drained, exhausted just from living. Eye bags were an accessory he wore in all the following pictures, long sleeves covering his arms and jeans covering his legs. He had a different hair color in almost every picture, changing from vivid colors such as red and blue to dark colors like black and maroon. Hongjoong just seemed to get sicker and sicker in every photo, all the way until the end of the album.

The last photo was on his graduation day, sandwiched between his parents while holding his diploma. He smiled for the camera, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. It looked like there were a thousand other places he’d rather be despite this being a means for celebration. Seonghwa couldn’t believe this was the same Hongjoong, his Hongjoong. What happened to him when he was younger? He looked like he grew up before he even hit middle school and it tore Seonghwa apart. He guessed this was the reason the photos were out of sight, out of mind.

What happened to Hongjoong? What wasn’t he telling him? Seonghwa had more questions than answers, but he rushed to put everything back when he heard the front door open.

———————————

Seonghwa never brought it up to him, never mentioned that he saw the pictures or that he flipped through the photo album. But his eyes haunted him. Little Hongjoong’s bright eyes that gradually dulled into a void haunted his dreams and the space behind his eyelids. He wished he could hug him, to tell him that he’d grow up to be the sweetest man he’d ever met. But he was far too late, and he didn’t want to tell Hongjoong that he looked through the album. 

So instead, he stuck close by him whenever he was able to. Whether he was laying his head on his shoulder while he worked or holding his hand in secret while they were out, Seonghwa found a way. 

“Baby?” Hongjoong snapped him out of his thoughts while they were getting ready for bed.

“Hm? Yes?”

“That man that tried to talk to us, Mr. Jung,” Seonghwa’s heart sank a little, “I hired an investigator to look into him.”

“Oh wow. Did they find anything?”

“Unfortunately,” Hongjoong sighed, closing his eyes as he tried to quiet his thoughts, “Apparently multiple boys, girls, and women have gone missing after being seen at his place.” Seonghwa’s eyes widened as he listened to him, staying quiet so Hongjoong could continue, “The investigator has a feeling he’s a part of that trafficking ring we keep reading about.”

“Oh fuck…Joongie that’s terrible! They found evidence right? We can try and turn him in!”

“I tried,” Hongjoong opened his eyes to look up at him, “He paid off the police. I don’t know what else to do.” There was silence between them, both men thinking long and hard about their options. If the police department wouldn’t help them, what else could they do? Maybe they could go to government authorities, they might take it more seriously. 

“I think we have to kill him, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa jumped a little, “Hongjoong absolutely not! We can’t kill someone no matter how evil he is!”

Hongjoong’s eyes were watering. Seonghwa could see it even as he tried to hide behind his arm. As much as he hated the idea, his need to support Hongjoong overtook his moral compass. 

“I can’t…I can’t let him keep doing this to people. I can’t,” Hongjoong’s voice broke, not able to stop the tears from flowing.

“Joongie…What happened to you?”

“He abused me Hwa. For years,” Hongjoong sobbed, leaning his head against the younger, “And he’s still doing it! He’s completely unscathed and untouchable. I can’t let this continue. I don’t care what I need to do.”

Seonghwa hugged him close, letting the man cry into his chest. He could feel his body trembling in his arms, making his own eyes water. Hongjoong looked terrified, like years of unresolved trauma came crashing back over him. Right now, he resembled a scared little boy shaking in his mother’s arms, “You’re okay my love…it’s okay…”

“Hwa…can you rub my back? Under my shirt please, and if you could use your nails it feels really nice,” Hongjoong choked out in between sobs.

“Of course,” And he did just that, his nails gently dragging across the planes of Hongjoong’s back. He was trying to keep it together for him, to stay strong when he needed the support. But all he saw was that little boy in the pictures, the same one that haunted his dreams. He could hear Hongjoong humming to himself, so Seonghwa quieted his breathing to listen to him. 

It was a lullaby, shaky and pained, but there was something eerily soothing about it. Eventually Hongjoong started mumbling the words, sniffling every now and then between words.

“Please..don’t take my sunshine away.”

———————————

The days following Hongjoong’s confession moved too slow, they were too quiet. Hongjoong was too quiet. He spent every day cooped up in his office working, occasionally coming to sit with Seonghwa while he cooked or to watch a movie with him. But something was just off about him, he was too quiet. 

Seonghwa loved sweets and anything fruity, but his morning tea was too sweet: it made him grimace as he tried to drink it. It was odd, he hadn’t made it any different than he usually does. He was able to finish it but it left him feeling weirdly nauseous afterwards. He saw Hongjoong get up early to start working, waking up when the elder pressed a kiss to his forehead. Rather than bothering him, Seonghwa settled on surprising him with breakfast.

Pancakes weren’t hard to make and they were incredibly versatile, so that was what Seonghwa settled for. He sliced some strawberries and bananas, each piece the exact same size as the last. He couldn’t shake that odd feeling he had, one that he blamed on the overly sweet tea he had so early in the morning. Seonghwa flinched when he accidentally cut his finger, wincing as he dropped the knife on the cutting board. He cursed under his breath before rushing to the sink to clean it out, watching as the water from the tap washed away the blood that seeped from the cut. He’s not this careless, he’s been cooking and using a knife for years! Something is just off, something is wrong. Maybe he’s too occupied in his thoughts, making him slip up more than he’s comfortable with.

After putting a bandaid on, he plated Hongjoong’s pancakes. He made a little flower out of the strawberries and surrounded it with the triangles he cut from the bananas. Once he was satisfied with the arrangement, he picked up the plate and went to bring it to Hongjoong in his office. 

He stopped in front of the door, seeing a sticky note stuck to it. His eyes scanned over the words, slowly processing what they were saying.

Hwa, please don’t come in. Just call 911 when you see this. I don’t want you to see me like this.

Seonghwa dropped the plate he spent so long perfecting, panic setting in once he realized what he wrote.

“Hongjoong!!” He cried out, trying to open the door. It, of course, was locked. Seonghwa tried pushing it open to no avail, it was stuck, “Hongjoong!!” 

He was hyperventilating, fearing for the worst. As he tried to figure out what the hell to do, he rushed to the kitchen to find something to open the door with. He had no clue how to pick a lock, so that was out of the question. While trying to steady his breathing, he found a toothpick in one of the cabinets. The door handle had a small circular hole in the middle of it, maybe he could slide the toothpick in to unlock it. Worst case scenario, he breaks the door down with anything he can find. 

Seonghwa leaned down and tried to push the toothpick into the small hole in the door handle, his hands shaking too much to line it up correctly. 

“Fuck! Hang on, Joong!” 

He took a deep breath, finally steadying his hands and pushing out the lock. Dropping the toothpick, he slammed the door open. He saw Hongjoong sitting by the window, his back turned to him. 

“H-Hongjoong..? Baby?” Seonghwa approached him slowly, spinning his chair around to look at him. He gasped seeing a large and deep gash in his forearm. The vertical slit was enough to drench himself in blood, the splatter from any nicked arteries painting the window and floor in front of him. Seonghwa half screamed, trying to stop the bleeding with his shirt, “You fucking idiot! You idiot, don't do this to me!!”. Hongjoong opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t get the words out before he went unconscious.

The rest was a blur. Seonghwa doesn’t know when he called 911 or when he got in the ambulance with Hongjoong. He held his hand the entire ride there, sobbing and pleading with him to stay with him. He felt the elder squeeze his hand, turning his head a little to look at him.

Hongjoong wanted to say something, anything, but he could barely keep his eyes open. 

All he saw before falling unconscious again was Seonghwa’s face— pale, horrified, tear-stained. It was terrifying. But he couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t comfort him and tell him he’d be okay. 

He held onto Seonghwa as tight as he could manage as his vision started to go blurry. 

Please don’t look at me like that.

Don’t look at me.

Chapter Text

Everything was loud— but it was also way too quiet. The beeping of the vitals monitor was deafening, reminding Hongjoong that he was very much still alive. His arm ached even with the pain medications he was on, but his heart hurt more. He was a coward, a failure. Rather than facing the problem he continued to run and find ways around it, easier ways. No amount of hurting himself would erase what happened, denying it and pretending it didn’t hurt wouldn’t make it go away. There was no cure, no way to cut the barbed wires around his heart. No amount of medication and jokes as a means of coping would take those hands off of him.

He doesn’t remember it ever being this bad. Hongjoong was the type to just do things no matter how he was feeling. His own well-being was put on the back burner when it came to work or anyone he cared about, so why now? Why is it suddenly eating him alive and making him feel this way? It was never this serious, he was never this affected. He felt so numb yet his head swirled with despair, it just didn’t make sense. Hongjoong had anything a man could want: a nice apartment, a car, a good job, a loving partner-

Seonghwa.

Seonghwa.

The barbed wire around his heart squeezed and dug into the flesh, pressing until blood seeped from the wounds. All he could see was Seonghwa’s face— pale, almost ghost-like. It was horrifying. He let out a choked sob as he tried to shake the image out of his head, whimpering as the stitches holding his arm together pulled against his skin. It hurt. It hurt so bad.

“Shh. Baby I’m here.”

Hongjoong’s eyes were too heavy to open, but he could feel a warm hand holding his own. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know who it was, if anything he was afraid to. He couldn’t look Seonghwa in the eyes, not after subjecting him to the shitshow that was himself.

“Are you in pain?” 

A small nod from Hongjoong— so small Seonghwa almost missed it. 

“I can see if the doctor can up the medication-”

“N-No…” Hongjoong choked out, his throat feeling as though it were on fire, “Different hurt..”

“Oh baby,” Seonghwa leaned over him, pressing a kiss to his forehead, “You’re okay, I’m here with you. I hope that’s enough.”

“It’s more than enough,” Hongjoong felt so small, smaller than he usually felt next to Seonghwa. He didn’t hate their size difference, if anything he loved it. But he felt inferior this time around. So tiny, so insignificant— not worthy of Seonghwa’s attention or the love he was receiving, “You’re too good to me…Fuck Hwa. Why are you still here?”

“Joongie, why wouldn’t I be?” The question seemed to offend Seonghwa, “I love you! I wasn’t going to leave you here!”

“I just…I feel so horrible for letting myself slip like that. You don’t deserve it.”

“And you don’t deserve to have to put up with me. Hongjoong we are both sick, but that doesn’t make either of us any less worthy of each other,” Seonghwa pressed his forehead to his, “Joongie…I want to get better. I want both of us to get better.”

Hongjoong nuzzled his nose against Seonghwa’s, finally gathering up the strength to open his eyes. Seonghwa sounded so genuine, so sincere. It was refreshing and even encouraging, “You mean it?”

“I do. I want us to cheer each other on, motivate each other to recover. How does that sound?”

“Perfect,” Hongjoong pressed a soft kiss to Seonghwa’s lips, “Absolutely perfect.”

What bliss.

———————————

Seonghwa was grateful for Mingi and Yunho’s help while he supported Hongjoong’s recovery. The hospital didn’t want to release him until they were sure he was in a good headspace, but Seonghwa missed him as the nights grew colder.

Yunho stayed with him often, Hongjoong encouraging them to stay in his apartment even though he’s not there. Somehow that turned into Mingi also staying with them. He didn’t mind the company, if anything he loved having two of his best friends by his side. But he felt guilt, worried that he’s relying on them a little too much. They reassured him constantly that they’re there for him, not out of pity. 

It was only natural that the two formed a connection, spending quite a bit of time together either with or without Seonghwa present. The elder came back to the two of them quickly moving away from each other to hide the fact that they were cuddling on the couch more times than he could count— it was adorable. His best friends were falling in love with each other, it was beautiful. His nights, while lonely without his Hongjoong, were suddenly less dull with them in the apartment with him. They cooked dinner together, somehow finished the entirety of ‘Breaking Bad’ in a few weeks, and just enjoyed each others’ presence. It was everything Seonghwa could’ve ever asked for, but having Hongjoong there would make it a dream come true. 

There were some nights the hospital staff allowed Seonghwa to stay past visiting hours, finding that Hongjoong did better with him by his side. His days were usually filled with physical therapy and therapy in general, leaving him drained by the time dinner rolls around. But he always lights up when Seonghwa arrives, using his healthy arm to hug him. Hongjoong is struggling with mobility on his injured arm, finding it difficult to close his fist tightly or sometimes closing it at all. While he was grateful it was his non-dominant hand, it still frustrated the hell out of him. Not to mention the scar it left. It was wide and didn’t seem to be healed even after all this time. Of course it would take a while to completely heal, but Hongjoong found it repulsive. He usually wrapped it in a bandage or wore long sleeves when Seonghwa was around, ashamed of it. Seonghwa tried to reassure him that seeing it wouldn’t change anything, but Hongjoong was still hesitant. He hated looking at it, he couldn’t subject Seonghwa to it as well. 

There was a lot for Hongjoong to unpack, but he didn’t have the energy for it— not yet. He missed his parents, his mother’s arms wrapped around him. Most nights he found himself silently crying while counting the stars in the sky. 

Hongjoong just wanted to be held. He wanted to be loved. 

———————————

Seonghwa came to visit Hongjoong after his shift at the restaurant, wearing a smile so bright the elder almost winced. 

“My Joongie! How are you feeling today?”

“I’m alright darling,” Hongjoong smiled ever so slightly— a blatant lie. It wasn’t hard to see it in the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes or his nails digging into the raised scars on his arms.

“What’s going on?” Seonghwa took his coat off before joining Hongjoong in his bed, moving a few strands of hair out of his face. His hair has gotten longer since he was admitted into the recovery program, but Seonghwa could tell it was starting to annoy him. “Did something happen?”

“No,” The smaller man closed his eyes, letting Seonghwa mess with his hair and the collar of his shirt he was given via the hospital staff. “Just a bad day. I feel like part of me is missing.”

“Oh baby,” The younger pressed a kiss to his forehead, “Do you think you know what it could be?”

“I miss my parents, more specifically my mama,” Hongjoong’s voice wavered as he got the words out, doing everything in his power to keep himself in check, “Usually when something like this happens she’s by my side… Dad too.” He searched Seonghwa’s face for any sign of uneasiness— but he found none.

“I’m sure it’s difficult,” Seonghwa laid down next to him, pulling Hongjoong into his arms and having him lay his head on his chest, “I’ll hold you until she’s able to get here, how does that sound?”

Just the thought made Hongjoong screw his eyes shut to repel any tears. It did little to stop the way his heart ached, “Thank you…”

Seonghwa hummed in understanding, his hands trailing under Hongjoong’s shirt and rubbing his back the way he loves; using the tips of his nails to rub his skin and occasionally make Hongjoong shiver. He could feel the older man’s body start to relax as he rubbed his back, eventually humming quietly to soothe him further. Hongjoong kept his eyes closed but his expression relaxed listening to Seonghwa’s humming. 

“I’m so proud of you, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa stopped humming so he could speak to him, “Mommy’s so proud of you.”

He didn’t need to tell Seonghwa, Seonghwa just knew. He filled that hole in his heart, the one that burned through his very soul. Hongjoong never had to tell him that his parents would never come visit, that his mom wouldn’t hold him like this ever again; Seonghwa just knew. He was grateful, knowing that he’d struggle to get the words out had the younger not figured it out. His heartbeat was a symphony so alluring to Hongjoong, his steady breathing in between hums making his head rise and fall with his chest. He could feel Seonghwa’s heart beating against his ear, but he didn’t mind it one bit. He let his arms lay slack around his waist, mumbling just loud enough that Seonghwa could hear him, “Thank you…”

“I know it’s not the same,” The younger added, running his fingers through his hair, “But I hope it brings you some comfort.”

“It does, it really does,” Hongjoong suddenly felt like he couldn’t inhale, sniffing to try and clear his nose. He hadn’t noticed that tears were staining Seonghwa’s shirt or how stuffy his nose had gotten. His problems seemed so insignificant when he was in his arms like this; his worries slipping away the second Seonghwa’s arms wrapped around him. The burning of his upper forearm after scratching the living hell out of it didn’t cross his mind, the weak grip of his injured hand seemed to be irrelevant. Nothing else mattered, no one else mattered— not even Jihoon?

Who was he kidding, that would be too perfect. Hongjoong didn’t deserve perfect or even normal, so of course Jihoon still ate him alive from the inside out. The only person who hasn’t seen him as a burden or a body in their bed was Seonghwa. He felt human, like he mattered in ways that meant more than sexual release. He was enough for Seonghwa, and Seonghwa was more than enough for him. 

Hongjoong would never bring it up, but his heart soared seeing the color return to Seonghwa’s face. His face filled out better, he had more energy— Seonghwa was just better. But he knew better than to assume he’s making recovery his bitch, it’s what Seonghwa wants him to see. Deep down, however, Hongjoong cheered him on as he started to take care of himself properly. He had a glow about him that he didn’t know could burn any brighter, but oh was he wrong. Seonghwa shined brighter than any of the stars he counted each night. Hongjoong thinks he might even be able to go head to head with the sun itself. It was beautiful, he was beautiful. 

He’s been clean since the attempt, taking care of the wound on his forearm while it healed. Hongjoong hoped Seonghwa thought the same about him— gushing with pride that his lover was getting better. But he didn’t feel better. He still felt sick, even if his body wasn’t showing it. He’s sure Seonghwa is feeling the same, it’s obvious in the way his eyes linger on his reflection in the mirror longer than a normal person should. Or how he meticulously adjusted his outfit so it hid his curves. Hongjoong always noticed, just like how Seonghwa always noticed. Maybe that’s why they’ve been doing so well already— they keep each other in check. It’s a possibility, they love each other more than words could express. One would think they’ve been married for centuries based on how deep their bond is, no one would believe they haven’t even been with each other an entire year yet. 

But oh… what bliss.

———————————

Since Hongjoong was starting to do well in recovery, they let him go out with Seonghwa more often. Usually he just followed him around while he ran errands, but this time he’s going with him to some appointment. Seonghwa didn’t really clarify what “appointment” meant, but Hongjoong assumed it was for his hair or something along those lines. He wasn’t expecting Seonghwa to bring him to a piercing shop.

“Darling. Why are we here?” 

“Well,” Seonghwa seemed bashful while he sat in the waiting room with him, “I… took great pride in my collarbones and being able to see my chest bones. So I thought maybe getting dermals would sort of mimic the feeling of seeing how pretty they are.”

Hongjoong held his hand, smiling up at him, “I think that’s a great idea, baby. But won’t they scar or reject at some point? I haven’t really gotten body piercings, only on my ears and my lips at one point.”

“They might, but I’m adamant about recovering,” Seonghwa rubbed Hongjoong’s knuckles with his thumb, “You had a lip piercing? How have you never told me that?”

“I had a bit of a rebellious phase. I let them close up when I inherited the company.”

“What a shame,” The younger sighed, “I’m only going to get the four on my collarbones; two on each side. For my chest…I haven’t really decided what I want to do, so that’s an adventure for another time.”

The piercer called Seonghwa’s name, letting Hongjoong join them in the room as long as he stayed sitting on the side. Hongjoong was grateful, both not wanting to leave Seonghwa’s side and because he was curious about the process. He could tell he was nervous, his eyebrows furrowed together while he nibbled on his bottom lip. When they made eye contact, he gave him a reassuring smile. 

Once the piercer marked where she’d be putting the dermals, Seonghwa looked in the mirror standing in the corner of the room. He nodded before sitting back down in the chair. At first he thought he was dreaming— he’d only seen these piercings in photos online, never on someone he’s seen in real life. He closed his eyes when the piercer made the first hole, her hands working quickly to make room for the stud before putting it in place. It hurt at first, as all piercings do, but with how quickly she worked Seonghwa didn’t mind it. Before he knew it, all four were done.

“You’re all set! They look so cute I’m obsessed,” The piercer gushed as she finished leaning around the jewelry, “I’ll give you an aftercare pamphlet, but try not to wear any sweaters or shirts that could catch on the jewelry.”

“I won’t, thank you so much,” When he was free to stand up, Seonghwa looked at himself in the mirror. The gems were small, but when they caught the light his eyes sparkled alongside them. They were absolutely perfect. He knew this was a rash decision he made over the course of a few days, but he’s so happy he decided on it. Truthfully, he was starting to get frustrated by his body starting to fill out again. But seeing the new piercings in a place he used to obsess over calmed that anxiety. He adored them.

Hongjoong seemed to be equally obsessed with them, his eyes glued to Seonghwa’s chest even as the piercer covered them with bandaids so he could put his jacket on without any issues. Seonghwa caught him, of course, and giggled seeing the way his cheeks flushed bright red. 

“I really like them,” Hongjoong admitted once they were in the car. For once, he was the passenger, something he’s not at all used to, “I was a little hesitant when you were talking about it, but they’re really pretty.”

“Thank you, love,” Seonghwa smiled, kissing his cheek before he turned the car on, “I really like them too.”

———————————

Hongjoong never told Seonghwa what sent him over the edge, but he figured it out— he always did. Jihoon decided that Hongjoong looked a little too happy, so the night following the party he went to the media to talk bad about him. It started as simple as, “I don’t like him,” but it turned into “He lies about me abusing him, which isn’t fair to real victims.” Of course, the public was enraged that Hongjoong would do such a thing, causing an uproar online. He knew Hongjoong saw all of it, that he read every single comment and took all of it way too seriously. But he also knew Hongjoong didn’t say anything to defend himself. 

He wasn’t the type to get himself involved in drama, especially when it came to Jihoon. But Seonghwa wished he did something to defend himself, to prove that he wasn’t the one in the wrong here. Instead, Hongjoong just took it. He always did.

Seonghwa was committed to finding something on Jihoon, something to prove that he was not a victim in any sense of the word. He spent countless nights digging through articles and complaints by people online, none of it seemed to help his case. All of the articles praised him for being smart and selfless, but Seonghwa knew that wasn’t the case just from meeting him that one time.

Somewhere deep down in his Google search, he found a mother begging for help. She said her daughter went missing after attending a company event at Jihoon’s manor, the same one Seonghwa was just at. Many people in the comments sympathized with her, begging for the media to cover the numerous missing persons cases that followed Jihoon’s events. One concerned husband said he was sued by Jihoon’s legal team after trying to get the authorities involved. It was starting to click; everything Hongjoong said about Jihoon paying off the police and how he was still hurting people. He wasn’t just taking advantage of them, he was holding them hostage. 

Seonghwa felt there was more to it than just kidnapping people. He had an awful feeling it went deeper than that, that Jihoon was instead trafficking them.

The thought made his stomach churn, but now he was even more dedicated to bringing this man down. So, he found his personal line in Hongjoong’s phone book and sent him a text.

He didn’t expect him to reply nearly immediately.

Chapter Text

Having been convinced that Hongjoong was starting to do well in recovery, the hospital staff decided to finally discharge him. 

Being back home with Seonghwa was much more healing than being stuck in a hospital room or forced to talk about his feelings in a therapy setting. Seonghwa was home, his apartment was also home even if it was quite large.

But Seonghwa seemed to be hiding something— shielding his phone from Hongjoong’s eyes while typing or running off to take phone calls. It rubbed Hongjoong the wrong way. What if he was cheating on him? Maybe it was an affair Seonghwa got wrapped up in while he was in the hospital? Maybe he found someone better and more stable than him? Whatever it was, it was only making Hongjoong’s anxiety worse. It’s bad enough he’s trying to clean up whatever mess Jihoon started at work, but now there’s tension between him and Seonghwa. He needed answers, and he needed Seonghwa to give them to him.

———————————

Hongjoong held Seonghwa against the wall of their shower, his tongue already deep in its exploration of his mouth. Seonghwa whined against his lips, his fingers tangling in his hair. He pulled away for a moment, trying to slow Hongjoong down.

“Joongie… baby what’s gotten into you?”

“You’ve been weird…I’m making sure you remember you’re mine.”

Seonghwa’s eyes widened, looking deep into the elder’s, “Baby do you think I’m being unfaithful?”

“No I’m just.. making sure you aren’t,” Hongjoong felt a pang of guilt in the back of his throat, averting his gaze.

“Look at me and listen,” Seonghwa pulled him back to look at him, “I’m not cheating on you, I’m just trying to make your life a little easier… and work on getting revenge.” He leaned in to kiss him again but Hongjoong stopped him.

“Revenge? For what?”

Seonghwa smiled something sick and sinister, nuzzling his nose against Hongjoong’s, “Against Jihoon… let me ruin his life for you, please?”

Hongjoong doesn’t think he’s been any hotter than he is right now, practically begging him to let him take revenge. He almost wants to agree, the words “Okay” about to leave his lips, but he settles on something else.

“Not without me. You’re not doing it alone. I want revenge just as much as you do, if not more. And we need to make sure no one else is in danger.”

“Sounds good to me. Now get back here,” Seonghwa crashed his lips against Hongjoong’s again, pressing his hips against his. He could feel Hongjoong’s arousal against his thigh, making him smile a little. He let him grind against his thigh while they continued to make out, one of his hands sliding down to wrap around his length. He finally pulled away when his body decided it, very rudely, needed oxygen, “That’s my good boy. There you go.” 

Hongjoong whined, leaning his head against Seonghwa’s shoulder, “Mommy…fuck please.”

“Please what, baby?” Seonghwa ran his other hand through Hongjoong’s damp hair, not caring that the water from the shower head was starting to run cold. It was hot, the water helped ground him.

“Wanna fuck you, plea- please,” Hongjoong’s breath hitched when his thumb brushed against his slit, picking up any accumulating precum, “I-I wanna make you feel good t-oo.”

“I’m already feeling good just having you like this. You tried so hard to get me to submit and I’m proud of you. But remember your place, my love,” Seonghwa’s tone was almost menacing, like there would be a consequence if Hongjoong tried it again. “You can have control when I say you can. But remember you’ll never take it from me.”

“Yes Mommy I’m sorry, -‘m sorry,” Hongjoong slurred, sounding more like he’s babbling now, “I’m sorry, please forgive me. I won’t do it a-again.” His back arched when Seonghwa started to move his hand again, choking back on a moan.

“I’m sure you won’t. You’re gonna be good from here on out, right?”

Hongjoong nodded desperately, “Y-Yes! I’ll be good!” He could feel his thighs trembling, barely able to keep himself upright, “-so good. I’ll be so good for you.”

“You better.”

Seonghwa pulled his hand away, turning off the shower and grabbing towels for both himself and Hongjoong. Part of him was giddy at leaving him without release but it didn’t show on his face. The elder took the towel that was handed to him and dried himself off as quickly as possible. He had this pout on his lips that almost made Seonghwa feel bad, but it didn’t work as well as it could’ve.

“Go lay down on the bed. I’ll be right there,” Seonghwa took out two bottles, a toner and a moisturizer while he looked at Hongjoong through the mirror. He could tell just how impatient the older man was getting, but he nodded and left the bathroom just like he was told. Seonghwa breezed through his skincare faster than usual, but only because he had something else up his sleeve. 

Rather than changing into his usual, silky pajamas, he dug through some clean laundry and found exactly what he was looking for— a one piece lingerie set. It was black, tulle framing the hips to fall on his waist like a skirt. There was lace trailing up from the skirt to his chest, flowers and intricate leaves framing his pecs. While he didn’t have the breasts the piece was made for, it still fit him as if he did. The high collar was a shiny, ribbon like material that tied in the back. The lace decorating his chest cinched his waist even smaller than it already was, giving him a sense of euphoria. His collarbones were completely on display, the piercings there exposed and not at risk of catching on the lace. Seonghwa touched up his hair as much as he could, knowing it would get messed up in no time. With one more deep breath, he joined Hongjoong in their, now shared, bedroom.

Hongjoong’s breath got caught in his throat seeing Seonghwa. He was already getting impatient waiting for him, but seeing him in this skimpy little number only fueled his desire. “When did you get this?”

“Mmm maybe a few days ago?” Seonghwa kneeled on the edge of the bed, crawling towards him, “Like it?”

“Fuck.. yes I like it- I love it,” Hongjoong’s voice sounded more like a whine, a plea for anything Seonghwa would give him.

“I see that,” Seonghwa giggled, his slender fingers trailing up the underside of Hongjoong’s length. He watched the older man flinch and melt under his touch, cooing quietly, “Already so hard again, hm?”

“You just… you look so good Mommy,” Hongjoong admitted, pushing his glasses up once they started slipping.

Seonghwa straddled his hips, letting Hongjoong’s tip catch on his entrance, “Is Mommy pretty, baby? But I think you’re prettier.” Hongjoong mewled, his hands shooting up to hold Seonghwa’s waist. His fingers danced across the lace against his skin, memorizing every twist of the thread. Seonghwa decided to take pity on him, carefully sliding himself down on his shaft. It’s been a while since either of them have had each other like this, so the stretch and slight uncomfortable tightness wasn’t a shocker. The younger sighed, resting his hands on top of Hongjoong’s, “Remember to breathe baby. I can’t have you passing out on me.”

Hongjoong had his bottom lip in between his teeth, his eyes glued to Seonghwa’s chest and the silver jewelry on his collarbones.

“You like them?”

A small nod came from Hongjoong, his grip tightening on Seonghwa’s waist as he bottomed out. Seonghwa hummed, his back arched as he adjusted to Hongjoong’s size. “I’m glad, I like them too. Are you gonna let Mommy fuck you like the good boy you are?” Another eager nod from Hongjoong who looked up at him over his lenses. “Good. Hold onto me if you need to, baby.” With that, Seonghwa started to move his hips. Hongjoong’s breath hitched as Seonghwa started riding him at an agonizingly slow pace, resisting the urge to buck upwards into him. He wanted to be good, to please him, so he channeled all of his energy into self restraint. 

Hongjoong instead distracted himself by taking one of Seonghwa’s nipples in his mouth, his teeth grazing over the bud as Seonghwa ran his fingers through his hair. The elder trailed kisses from his pecs all the way to his collarbones, eyeing the jewelry there before kissing the protruding bone before his tongue made contact with the cool metal. Seonghwa shivered in his lap, his grip on his hair tightening as Hongjoong kissed, bit, and marked up his neck and chest. He gasped when Hongjoong wrapped his arms around his waist and thrust upwards into him, pulling his head down to rest against his chest. Hongjoong went back to suckling on his nipple like a man starved, setting a bruising pace as he listened to the symphony that was Seonghwa’s moans.

“Joongie baby, I can’t- God keep fucking me,” Seonghwa kissed his forehead, his hands rubbing the nape of his neck. Hongjoong obeyed, his hips stuttering as he chased his orgasm. It didn’t take him long, not with Seonghwa moaning so sweetly right by his ear. He buried himself to the hilt inside him, letting himself come undone underneath Seonghwa. He whined every time he exhaled, riding out his orgasm while filling Seonghwa to the brim.

“Such a good boy,” Seonghwa purred, still shaken up by his own release, “So good for me.”

Hongjoong nodded, closing his eyes and letting himself go pliant against Seonghwa. The younger kept running his fingers through his hair, not minding that Hongjoong was still deep inside of him.

What bliss.

———————————

Seonghwa adjusted his earpiece while he was still outside, tapping it a few times until he could hear Hongjoong’s voice.

“Hwa?”

“Hi, I can hear you now.”

“Alright, good. Please be careful… I don’t want anything happening to you,” The worry was clear in his voice and Seonghwa could swear he heard the pout on his lips.

“I won't, my love, I promise. I’ll let you know when I’m inside.” Seonghwa made a small kissing noise as if to reassure the elder, walking up to the manor’s gate and hitting the call button. He looked into the camera with a smile, adjusting his low cut shirt. The gate opened shortly after, letting Seonghwa make his way to the front door. As his shoes clacked against the cobblestone, he started to feel the anxiety. This was risky, very risky, but what other choice did he have? It was too late to go back, he was too far in. 

He had to see it through.

Seonghwa knocked on the front door, the double doors immediately opening to reveal a more than pleased Jihoon.

“Seonghwa, how are you?” He smiled, holding his hand out to seemingly shake his hand.

“I’ve been alright, yourself?” Seonghwa smiled sweetly, taking his hand to shake it. Jihoon, instead, kissed it and led him inside.

“Perfect. I’m glad you’re here.”

Seonghwa felt disgusted, wanting nothing more than to wash his hands until his skin was raw from scrubbing. The disgust mixed with anxiety didn’t help the unsettling feeling in his stomach one bit. 

“Of course. We’ve been talking for a while, I’m glad I can finally see you.” It was a lie— he thought about canceling this “meeting” at least ten times on the car ride here.

“I’m just glad you left that loser Kim Hongjoong,” Jihoon laughed, “You’re better off without that fucker.” Seonghwa was enraged, it was taking everything in him to not choke this man out.

“Yeah…” Was all he managed to say. If he let himself say more, he knew this mission would fail.

“Why don’t you come with me to my room, hm? Show me what those hips can do other than walk,” Jihoon’s smirk sent shivers down Seonghwa’s spine.

“Um… maybe in a little bit. I still don’t really know you a-“

“It wasn’t an option, sweetie.” 

Seonghwa’s blood ran cold, freezing as he tried to think of what to say. He could reach down and grab the knife tucked into his pants, but his body seemed to betray him and instead stay perfectly still. Jihoon kept getting closer, way too close— his lips were almost on Seonghwa’s.

“N-No!” He tried to push him away but Jihoon was much stronger, his hand reaching up to choke him. Seonghwa gagged, struggling to break free. The more he struggled, the more oxygen he used. His vision was going blurry.

“H-Hongjoong-”

“He can’t help y-”

BANG

———————————

Seonghwa coughed as he was released, gasping for air as he came to his senses. Once his vision cleared up, his eyes focused on the floor in front of him. It wasn’t always red.

His head shot up, seeing Hongjoong standing before him. Both of them were covered in blood, Jihoon laid lifeless next to Seonghwa. 

“J-Joongie-”

BANG

Another gunshot, this time right to Jihoon’s head. Hongjoong dropped the gun and knelt down in front of Seonghwa, “You’re okay, darling. I got him.”

“You killed him! We weren’t supposed to-”

“Come on, let’s check his office for what we need,” He helped Seonghwa up onto his feet, holding his hand as he searched for Jihoon’s office. Seonghwa was still shaking, trying to keep his breathing as steady as possible. Hongjoong was the complete opposite— calm and collected. 

They stepped into his office, Hongjoong closing the door behind them. Before Seonghwa knew it, his lips were on his. He could taste the blood— metallic and astringent. At first he wanted to pull away, to tell Hongjoong he’s insane. But he melted into the kiss. Hongjoong’s arms wrapped themselves around Seonghwa’s waist, deepening their kiss as he pressed his back against the door. He could feel the blood smearing all over his face, how damp his clothes were with the aftermath of Hongjoong’s crime, and it only fueled the growing fire in his abdomen.

Seonghwa pulled away with a gasp, “Hongjoong… fuck.”

“Look at you,” Hongjoong cut in, “Covered in blood. God, you look delicious.” He kissed Seonghwa's neck, the tangy taste of blood covering his taste buds again. Seonghwa whimpered while holding onto Hongjoong’s shoulders, letting the older man ravish him. Seeing Hongjoong this deranged, this feral was something he would never forget.

He has never seen anyone look so incredibly sexy covered in blood.

He’d do it all over again to see him like this.

What bliss.

Chapter Text

Hongjoong took the time to clean up the body residing in the living room, on his hands and knees trying to get blood out of the carpet. There was so much yet also nothing running through his head— images of Jihoon, his younger self crying in his bedroom hugging his bruised knees to his chest, the sting of the metal lockers he was pushed into. Every scrub on the carpet was a new memory, the blood soaking his clothes stuck to his skin and made him shiver.

He could hear little Hongjoong’s cries ringing in his ears. It didn’t hurt in the sense that it was piercing, but that it was gut wrenching. With how high pitched his sobs were, he knew it was well before he was truly able to understand just how ruined he became. Not old enough to have hair on his chest, or get a job, or start learning to drive. Too young to start thinking about college, but dreams of his future started to dim. Hongjoong wanted to go to space, to see the stars as close as he’d be able to get, but that dream started to slip between his fingers.

His hands started to tremble as he rinsed out the sponge for the hundredth time, his throat feeling like it’ll close at any moment. The cries never stopped, it was almost like little Hongjoong was right there behind him.

“I’m so gross!”

“Why does it hurt so bad? I can’t!”

“How am I supposed to hide all of these! My parents will kill me.”

“No one will ever love me. I’m broken.”

He’s not sure when he started crying, only noticing when a tear splashed into the water pail beneath him. Sniffling, Hongjoong wiped his eyes as he tried to calm himself down. Seeing Jihoon’s lifeless body resting in a tarp he found in the outdoor shed only made him cry harder. What had he done? Sure, he definitely deserved it. But why does it hurt? What about his family that might miss him?

Hongjoong could feel the bruises starting to bloom on his knees, staring at his reflection in the water after trying to force himself to look away from Jihoon’s body. He couldn’t even recognize himself. The bags under his eyes, the scars all over his arms, the dull stare in his eyes. Seeing himself, so broken and helpless, just made him weep. He put the sponge down, curling himself into a ball by Jihoon’s body. He hugged his knees to his chest, feeling just how he did all those years ago.

It never got better, but it continued to get worse. He’d do anything to lose this curse that followed him throughout his life.

———————————

“Baby?” Seonghwa quietly walked into the living room after getting himself cleaned up. His hair was still damp and he was covered in hickeys and bite marks. What he wasn’t expecting to find was Hongjoong trying to make himself as small as possible on the floor, “Joongie?”

The older man didn’t even raise his head, his body trembling as he tried to soothe himself. Seonghwa joined him on the floor, lifting his head up for him, “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Hongjoong leaned his head into Seonghwa’s hands, sniffling as new tears started to dampen his cheeks that were finally starting to dry, “I’m broken, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa frowned, wiping his tears and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, “Says who? Baby you’re perfect, you’re not broken.”

“I am,” He closed his eyes, his bottom lip quivering as he tried to keep it together, “He broke me.”

“He didn’t do anything but hurt you. You’re not shattered, not broken beyond repair. You just… need to heal.”

“I’ve been trying to heal for years!” Hongjoong finally broke, clinging onto Seonghwa’s arms, “It’s never enough, it never goes away! Nothing I do stops the people talking, it doesn’t take his hands off of me, it doesn’t save the younger me that he killed.”

Seonghwa was speechless, but he held Hongjoong close as he continued to speak. He didn’t know what to say just yet, so he gave the elder the time to let it all out.

“I’m not the same, I haven’t been. Everything about me has changed, everything Seonghwa! My laugh, how I express myself, my entire brain is rewired and fucked up,” Hongjoong sobbed, leaning his forehead against his shoulder, “No one can love me like this…”

“But I love you.”

Hongjoong eased a little, his shoulders falling to relax. For once, the ringing in his ears and the pounding of his heart slowed and quieted. The world seemed to slow down for him, things weren’t so overwhelming. His body went pliant against Seonghwa, “I love you too…”

Seonghwa’s hands rubbed his back, remembering to use his nails on his bare skin just how he liked it. He didn’t mind Hongjoong putting all his weight on him, if anything he wanted to take some of the weight off of him. Being heavy didn’t seem to matter as much to him anymore. “I’ve got you, my baby… you’re okay.” Hongjoong let his eyes close hearing his words, what was once painful sobs turned into small whimpers. But he wasn’t sad, not anymore, just letting himself drift off. Seonghwa kept him grounded, letting Hongjoong slip into sub space without going too deep.

It took nearly forty-five minutes for Hongjoong to come back, lifting his head to look at Seonghwa, “You’re still here.”

“Of course I am, silly,” Seonghwa pecked his lips, moving his hair out of his eyes, “I wouldn’t leave you.”

“Did you mean it..? That you love me?”

“Through and through.”

———————————

Seonghwa was the one to drive home after disposing of Jihoon’s body. He put him in his way too big furnace and set it ablaze, going as far to leave a small trail of gasoline to eventually burn the manor down. He never looked back, only forward. Hongjoong held his hand the entire ride back home, except for when Seonghwa needed it to have both hands on the wheel or switch gears. He didn’t mind how quiet Hongjoong is, or how he needed to be constantly touching him. Today was a lot for both of them.

Hongjoong still seemed out of it despite being back in his body, exhausted yet afraid to close his eyes. Seonghwa’s singing seemed to keep him relaxed, otherwise he’d be stressing in the passenger seat. He was a good driver, but not a great passenger when it came to the city. But he tried to keep himself calm and not stress Seonghwa out, but every time Seonghwa wasn’t watching when a light turned green he worried the people behind them would honk or get mad. Seonghwa constantly told him that it doesn’t matter if they get upset, that it’s their issue, but Hongjoong doesn’t like it when people are upset with him or his lover.

He didn’t want this to end, he wanted to be holding Seonghwa’s hand forever. He was lucky enough that Seonghwa accepted his offer and moved in with him, but he wanted to be completely devoted to him. He lived and breathed everything Seonghwa, and oh what bliss.

“Almost home baby,” Seonghwa snapped him out of his thoughts, his thumb brushing over his fingers.

“Okay,” Hongjoong smiled, making sure the other could hear it in his voice. He continued to watch the maze of tall buildings and streetlights once Seonghwa started singing along to his favorite playlist again. The lights seemed more blurry than usual, long stems of light branching out in a way that made them look like stars. It was hard to see, maybe he needs to get his astigmatism looked at again. But they were as close as he would get to those stars he dreamed of.

Rolling down his window, he let the breeze hit his face. Hongjoong reached out as if he was grabbing the stars before him, his eyes glistening under the fluorescent lights. Seonghwa glanced over at him, smiling seeing him practically hanging out the window. He didn’t say anything, though, letting Hongjoong enjoy himself without feeling like he’s being judged.

No more tears were left in Hongjoong’s system, but his eyelashes felt so wet. His eyes couldn’t seem to stay dry, even with the wind blowing in his face. A smile spread across his face with each set of lights they passed. For a moment, he imagined he was in that spaceship he always dreamed of being in. He’d be wearing a white suit, buckled in while he fiddled with the control panel. Maybe his hair was slicked back so it was out of his eyes, or it fell freely on his head without much effort put into it. Normally he’d imagine random crewmates sitting in the ship with him, but now all he saw was Seonghwa. Seonghwa as his copilot, his partner in crime— his star. The stars weren’t anywhere near bright enough to rival Seonghwa’s smile, and Hongjoong is certain nothing is more beautiful.

Seonghwa parked in Hongjoong’s usual spot, getting out of the car while still holding Hongjoong’s hand. The pair didn’t care if anyone saw, not when they’re both so caught up in each other’s light that nothing else could be seen.

Once they were in the safety of their apartment, Hongjoong took a moment to breathe. It still smelled faintly of the candle Seonghwa burned before they left, warm and inviting. It was a bit of a mess from the two of them being so caught up in their own things, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Seonghwa was usually anal about the cleanliness of their apartment, but he could tell he wasn’t as upset as he would usually be about the mess.

“We’re home,” Seonghwa said with a smile, squeezing Hongjoong’s hand, “Want to get some sleep? You look exhausted.”

“Yeah… yeah I want to sleep.”

———————————

“Joongie!” Seonghwa called from the front door, “I’m home!”

Hongjoong looked up from his laptop, seeing Seonghwa with another man standing next to him, “Welcome home, who’s this?”

“This is Yeosang,” Seonghwa stepped aside to show him off, “He’s thinking about transferring here so I said he could stay for a day or two.”

Yeosang bowed politely, “It’s nice meeting you sir. Thank you for letting me stay.”

Hongjoong chuckled, “You don’t have to call me sir, Hyung is fine,” He looked at Seonghwa to see if they also had some sort of “agreement” like he and Yunho did. The younger gave him a small nod in return, Hongjoong returning the gesture.

“I know you aren’t very familiar with Hongjoong yet, baby. You don’t need to call him anything other than Hyung if that’s what you’re comfortable with,” Seonghwa squeezed his shoulder, “But, we’ll gladly take you in.”

“Yunho said he really liked him, so I’ll take his word for it.”

“He’s a good boy, Yunho,” Hongjoong added from where he was sitting on the couch, Yeosang’s cheeks turning pink from the comment.

“Speaking of, we can invite Yunho for later tonight if you’d like, Sangie. I know you like playing with him.”

Yeosang gave a small nod, though the eagerness showed in his eyes.

“Alright, I’ll see if he’s available. I might have both of my puppies tonight, isn’t that exciting Joongie?”

“It is, Mommy.”

———————————

Despite having been there multiple times now, Yunho was not used to Hongjoong’s big ass house. He had his collar on underneath his turtleneck, the metal name tag clanging against the buckle when he walked. Seeing Yeosang already sitting with Seonghwa gave him a sense of deja vu, though it wasn’t unwelcomed.

“Yunho-Hyung,” Yeosang smiled, visibly perking up seeing him, “I missed you.”

“My Sangie!” Yunho practically squealed, rushing to give him a hug, “It’s been way too long!!”

Seonghwa smiled and scooted over closer to Hongjoong, one hand placed on his thigh.

“Mommy and Daddy said you are still at the daycare,” Yeosang looked up at Yunho with the most lethal doe eyes, “Is everything still going well there?”

“Mhm,” Yunho took a seat next to him, filling him in on his promotion and everything exciting while the older pair quietly listened. Seonghwa’s gaze was fond, almost adorning while watching them. Yunho leaned up and nuzzled his nose against Yeosang’s, earning a giggle from the younger.

“Be gentle with him, Yunnie. You’re a lot bigger than he is,” Seonghwa commented, giving Hongjoong’s thigh a small squeeze.

“I am, Mommy,” Yunho pouted a little, kissing Yeosang sweetly. Their lips fit together perfectly, Yeosang’s parting to let Yunho’s tongue slip in between them. The two continued their make out session, Yunho’s hands reaching for Yeosang’s waist before getting cut off by Seonghwa.

“Nuh uh, no touching. That goes for both of you.” He said sternly, standing up from where he was sitting with Hongjoong. He stood next to the pair, each of his hands gently combing their hair back away from their faces, “And make sure Mommy can see you.”

Yeosang pulled away for air, panting quietly and looking up at Seonghwa. His lips were kiss bitten and a small trail of saliva still connected his and Yunho’s lips. Seonghwa cooed before giving Yeosang a kiss on the forehead, “Aren’t you pretty? My pretty angel. And you,” He turned to Yunho, giving him a kiss on the forehead as well, “My good boy. Taking such good care of Sangie.”

Yunho audibly whimpered from the praise, leaning into Seonghwa’s touch. His slacks tented in his lower half, already straining with his arousal. Yeosang wasn’t much better, a small wet spot forming in his sweats.

“My puppies are already so worked up. My my…Daddy,” Seonghwa glanced over at Hongjoong, “What should we do with them, hm?”

“Hm,” Hongjoong acted like he was thinking, but Seonghwa already clued him in on what he was planning, “I think Yunnie should show Sangie just how much he wants him and rut against him. Just like the pup in heat he is.” Yunho’s eyes widened as Hongjoong finished, “But their clothes need to stay on until we say so.”

“Sounds perfect. You heard him, Sangie lay down on your back, and you can go ahead Yunnie.”

Yunho, ever so eager to please, obeys their command and gets on top of Yeosang who is already laid back against the couch. Their hips touched, his bulge sliding against the younger’s, creating agonizingly sweet friction between them. Yeosang let out a quiet whine as Yunho bucked his hips up out of instinct. He slows down when he hears Seonghwa about to comment, kissing at Yeosang’s neck to keep himself grounded.

Hongjoong watched the two of them with wide eyes, his own arousal growing just from watching them. Seonghwa’s hand came to gently rub the growing bulge in his pants, smiling while watching the two before them.

“Y-Yunnie,” Yeosang held onto his shoulders, “Go faster..please.”

Yunho nodded and started to pick up the pace, eliciting a moan from the younger. He caught himself also moaning from the heat pooling in his abdomen, feeling how the wet spot in his slacks only grew. Yeosang already looked so fucked out and they’ve barely done anything yet. It only fueled Yunho’s desire as he bit into Yeosang’s neck, earning a yelp from the man below him.

“Gentle Yunho,” Seonghwa snapped, “Don’t hurt him.”

He whimpered, the only noise he was able to make to express his remorse when his teeth were still on Yeosang’s neck. Seonghwa saw how close each of them were getting, deciding that they’ve had enough then.

“Alright stop, Yunnie. Both of you can get undressed while we decide where we’re going to put you.”

Both men got undressed like they were told, seeing each other completely exposed made them bite their lips in an attempt to stifle any more noises from escaping.

After some conversation between the two older men, Seonghwa finally turned to the others.

“Alright, here’s what we’re going to do.”

———————————

Hongjoong positioned himself on the bed, kneeled down with his torso propped up by his arms. He never felt so exposed, but it was all so exhilarating. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, but mainly Seonghwa’s.

“Alright puppy,” Seonghwa smiled at Yunho, “I need you to be gentle with Daddy, you’re a lot bigger than him just like with Sangie. Remember our safe words and colors.”

“Yes Mommy I’ll be careful, I promise.”

“That’s my good boy. You remember how to prepare someone correctly?”

Yunho nodded, pressing two of his fingers to Hongjoong’s lips, “Open up please, Daddy.” Hongjoong’s lips parted, Yunho sliding both digits into his mouth. The elder took them both with ease, his eyes closing as his tongue ran over each finger. He’s not used to this, not one bit. But he’s definitely not opposed to it.

Once he decided his fingers were properly lubricated, Yunho pulled his fingers out of Hongjoong’s mouth and pressed them to his entrance. He could feel Hongjoong tense beneath him as he slipped them in, choking back on a moan.

Next to him, Yeosang was straddling Seonghwa’s waist, Seonghwa also prepping him just like Yunho was. Hongjoong glanced over at them, moaning when Yunho curled his fingers just right. He knew that men had prostates somewhere, but he never really felt it before. But Yunho found it with ease, whether it be experience or how long his fingers were. He started to thrust his fingers in and out, loosening up Hongjoong all while the older man trembled beneath him. He’s never felt anything like this.

“He’s ready,” Yunho looked over at Seonghwa who nodded to him. He pulled his fingers out, making Hongjoong whimper from feeling so empty. But he wasn’t left empty for long, Yunho sliding on a lubricated condom before positioning himself at his entrance. Next to him, Yeosang was positioned above Seonghwa’s cock with red plastered all over his cheeks.

As Yunho slid inside Hongjoong, he felt like he was being torn open from the inside out. But the pain mixed with the immense pleasure made Hongjoong’s eyes roll back. Yeosang let out a moan as he sank down onto Seonghwa, holding onto his shoulders for support.

Thankfully, Yunho gave him time to adjust. His sign to start moving was Hongjoong eagerly starting to grind back onto his shaft. Yunho chuckled before holding onto Hongjoong’s hips, starting to thrust into him slowly yet hard. Hongjoong felt like he was on fire, pleasure singeing every nerve in his body and making his head spin. With every thrust, Yunho hit his prostate and sent waves of pure bliss through Hongjoong.

“Feels good doesn’t it, Daddy?” Seonghwa cooed next to them, holding Yeosang’s waist as he rode him. He was looking down at Hongjoong who had his cheek smushed into the mattress.

All he could do was nod, his voice failing him aside from letting out pathetic moans. His fingers dug into the sheets, almost ripping them from how hard he was holding on. His own cock hung heavy between his legs, neglected and leaking all over the sheets. Seonghwa just giggled, thrusting up to meet Yeosang’s rhythm.

Yunho leaned down, his chest pressed into Hongjoong’s back. He could hear him moaning above him, increasing his pace without warning Hongjoong ahead of time. It was too much and not enough all at once, he needed all of Yunho’s weight crushing him— all of his strength threatening to fold him in half.

He’s not sure when he blissed out, but he felt the knot in his stomach tighten before it finally snapped, coming untouched beneath Yunho. The bigger man hugged onto his waist as he came immediately after, sent over the edge by Hongjoong tightening around him.

When he finally came to, Seonghwa was getting Yeosang cleaned up before moving to Hongjoong. He took a warm towel and helped clean him up, also making sure to change the sheets.

“How are you feeling, love? Does anything hurt?”

“No,” Hongjoong shook his head, helping Seonghwa with putting his shirt on, “I probably will be in the morning but that’s alright. They did so well.”

“They did,” Seonghwa giggled, seeing Yunho and Yeosang knocked out next to them. The two were cuddling, almost looking like they were fusing together with how close they were.

Seonghwa got in bed next to Hongjoong, resting his head on his chest. He listened to his heartbeat, committing it to memory.

“Goodnight, Hwa,” Hongjoong leaned down to kiss his forehead, “And thank you. I was worried about bottoming.”

“You did great, baby,” Seonghwa leaned his head up to look at him, “Let me know if you ever wanna try it again.”

Hongjoong blushed a bright red, so bright it was visible even under the dim nightlight plugged into the wall. Seonghwa had to hold back a laugh, squeezing him as he muffled himself in his shirt.

He doesn’t know if he’d ever let Seonghwa top, he would much rather be the one making him come undone.

But either way, what bliss.