Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Caine tossed a bouncy ball in his hand while in thought. It squeaked when he clenched it.

The Zooble Therapy Session was a disaster. Somehow at some point everything glitched out and he zoned out at the wrong moment. Granted they were all the wrong moments but… it’s the thought that he could be better.

His brow furrowed, it rubbed him in a weird way. Contrary to their belief he actually does pay attention to Zooble’s gender issues. But he’s genuinely unsure how to fix their problem besides “here take Zooble Box and find good parts.” Why wouldn’t that be enough? If he had an avatar like that he would do it in a heartbeat…

Caine shakes his head. No no no he shouldn’t think like that! He’s just an AI, not a human, he’s probably feeling one of those emotions that he doesn’t have mastered yet.

The block in the sky near the top of the tent had a good view, he could see everything by the stage. But now the only thing he can see is someone and think “they see me as a boy”.

It’s a practical thought that he shouldn’t need to pay any mind to.

So why did it bother him?

Sometimes a human would come in and call him the “ringman” instead of the ringmaster of the never ending show. He would always correct them, saying it’s more universal for the audience to use a neutral title. He had no other motives… totally.

But it always set him in a panic when they didn’t listen the first time, because what else could he say!? He’s just an AI that doesn’t like being specified as a man! Which he is. Right?

Banishing that thought he sits up on the cube and looks at his hand.

He thinks back to what Zooble said about themself.

“..It's me, remember? I don't like... myself. I hate this body. I hate all these stupid removable pieces. I just want to find something that feels... good.”

He doesn’t like paying attention to things that remind him of his insecurities. Like this joke of a body he has himself.

He looks totally like a boy, and his face is a pair of teeth with eyes inside. There's no way he could look like a girl. He doesn’t want to be a girl either.

But what? He hates being a boy, he doesn’t want to be a girl, it disgusts him.

Think. Logically.

If there's anyone he could ask for help, it’s Zooble right?

Making up his mind, he clears his face of any unsavory expressions, and snaps his fingers. A whoosh of wind greets him as he appears outside Zooble’s door.

Zooble who was in the room was sorting through the box, there was nothing else they could do since Caine refused–had no idea how, but they didn’t know that–to help them.

They only had on one antenna, which was a heart shaped lollipop, and were missing a leg. They looked up from their deep dig when they heard a knock and a sing-song voice.

“Oh Zooble! Can… Can I come in!”

Zooble rolled their eyes, hoping he wasn’t going to go on about that therapy session. But hopefully if they answered the door they could get this conversation done with as quick as possible so they could sleep.

“Hold on a second! If you’re impatient you could always leave!”

Caine stayed, tapping on the door in a pattern.

.. / -. . . -.. / .... . .-.. .--. .-.-.- / -.-. .- .-. . / - --- / - .- .-.. -.- ..--..

Zooble’s headpiece twitched. They finally popped on a second leg and opened the door. “Kay Caine, what’s this about?”

They narrowed their eyes.

Caine fidgeted. “About the therapy session earlier I was thinking-!”

They groaned. “I should have known.” They grumbled, about to close the door before Caine gripped the door knob.

“Wait! Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“You didn’t… say anything?”

Caine repeated himself. “I need some help… I’m asking again if we could talk?”

He tilted his head.

“You never, never mind.” Zooble said, baffled by where he got the idea that he already spoke. Why did he draw bees when he had a goldfish memory span?

But there was something in Caine’s stance, something in the pleading expression in his eyes that made them open the door wider. He just teleported in. Of course.

They closed the door shut behind them. They kneel back in front of the Zooble Box. Both to find a second headpiece and avoid the awkwardness of trying to converse with Caine.

They’ll just wait it out, he usually starts the conversations anyway.

…

Why hasn’t he said anything? Zooble turned. “So, are you going to say anything?”

Caine perked up in surprise. “Well um you remember the therapy session! What- what did you say your problem was?”

Zooble heaved a heavy sigh. “I’m not going to repeat myself again.”

Caine looked down. “Sorry.”

He didn’t actually mean to say that, it was a nervous thing, he had no idea how to bring up that he didn’t know if he liked being a guy.

He re-tried. “You said you didn’t like your body right?” His nerves were betraying him. “Do you have a solution for that?”

Nailed it.

No he didn’t.

“No. Like I said, I’ve been trying to find parts forever.” Zooble answered.

Caine gazed at them. “But. But. But is it fine? Does it bother you too much I mean…?”

“It doesn’t bother me as much as if I’d have had a female body-.” They were promptly interrupted.

“What if you had a male body!?” He blurted out.

They were not expecting that. “It wouldn’t be much better. At least not to me.”

Caine clutched his arms.

Zooble's raised a brow. “Why are you asking me this?”

They were perplexed, Caine who’s never paid attention to their issues suddenly asking questions that hit too close to home?

It’s now or never. Caine took a deep breath. “I don’t like… myself.”

Silence. Zooble’s full attention went to Caine who was dejectedly staring at his hands. The Zooble Box now forgotten.

Zooble’s breath hitched. Now it’s at home. Isn’t that exactly what they said today?

“...It’s me, remember? I don’t like…myself.” They’d told him.

Caine continued. “I- I don’t know what to do when someone calls me a boy. I know I’m programmed to be… and I should like it but it just feels… suffocating. “I don’t think I like this body. And- and I hate when someone calls me a “he”!”

He started tearing up, hands curling into fists at he fought them back.

“I just want to feel good!”

Zooble got up off the floor and sat on the bed next to him. He was silently crying as if it was supposed to be annoying, and he was trying his all not to annoy them.

“Caine. How long have you been feeling this?” Zooble asked gently.

“A while.” He muttered.

The things he said felt close to their own problems. But if there's one thing they can change, it’s what pronouns they call Caine.

“Caine, what should I call you? And is your name fine?”

Caine stared at them. “It’s not weird?”

“Listen Caine, you’re an AI, but you still have emotions and preferences. You’re still real in your own way and you’re not any less valid than any of us.”

They didn’t get a response, they were about to call him again when he whispered softly.

“They. I don’t want to be a boy or a girl. Please use… they?” H- They searched Zooble’s face for a reaction.

“Got it!” There was nothing other than support and enthusiasm. “And your name?”

“My name’s fine.”

They curled up a bit, bringing their legs to their chest. Zooble watched with a thoughtful expression before standing up.

They fished in the Zooble Box while Caine watched with confusion. Suddenly they pulled out a clothing article and handed the bungle to Caine who watched with varying levels of ‘wtf,’ they wouldn’t tell him that.

“There aren’t any hoodie’s in there; I would survive on those before the circus. But this should help if you ever can’t handle seeing yourself…” They rubbed the back of their head, nervous about overstepping or assuming that Caine had many of the same experiences.

But they seemed relieved to not have to ask. “Thank you.” Caine thanked.

Zooble plopped back down. “I can’t solve anything, and I realize you can’t either. I’m sorry for trying to ask you to solve my body issues too, I honestly can’t figure out what you could do anyway.”

Caine hummed in forgiveness while wrapping the blanket around themselves, it was adjourned with bee patterns and flowers. They loved it.

“You know Caine, I can’t convince you to tell the others, but I know that they’re all supportive from experience.”

Caine thought about it. “It’ll take time, but I will. When I’m ready.”

“You have me on your side.”

Later Caine laid on that same block, this time with a blanket and a new understanding of themself. Maybe they could be themself… maybe being an AI doesn’t make them invalid. And now they’ve got a buddy to help them through this.

They should tell the others, on their own time.

Chapter Text

After the talk, Zooble and Caine both made efforts to not shove each other away.

It didn’t take long for the other circus members to notice that Zooble and Caine’s relationship had changed. Just last week the two couldn’t last five seconds without riling each other up, intentionally or not, and now they can hold civil conversations for at least 30 minutes at a time.

Hell, barely anyone spends time with Caine in the first place, the fact that they’ve both talked for that long at all is a shock in itself!

If they had half a mind, they’d say that Caine and Zooble were friends now. No one had any idea why or how it happened. Or what led up to it.

Silence reigned over as everyone walked over to the stage. Kinger was already there, Zooble was probably already there, and everyone else just didn’t know what to say.

They all had the same thought on their minds: What happened and what did I miss?

Caine flew high above them, waving them over faster. He greeted them before throwing pink-colored sand into the air. Everyone groaned and looked away, some rubbing their eyes before Caine snapped and got rid of the sand. “Todays adventure is Treachery at the Tasteful Tropics!”

Zooble put a hand on their hip. “Nope, not gonna do it. I don’t want to get sand in my joints.” They objected.

“Oooh, don’t worry Zoobie I’m sure they won’t sound too creaky like a grandpa!” Jax quipped.

Zooble’s headpieces twitched, but they kinda set themselves up for that one. They should have said "pieces" instead of “joints.”

Caine interrupted before Zooble could turn and leave. They had to get Zooble to go on the adventure! But they thought to themself and couldn’t think of a reason that Zooble would stay. “Now- Now hold on! I made sure this one is a calm one-!” maybe not that calm because this is a ‘treachery’ but a simple white lie would never-.

“I have an idea!” Kinger put a finger up and pointed at himself. “I could stay here, and Zooble could take my place!”

Caine paused. They’d been slowly gaining a liking to the thought of being out to everyone, and were trying to start small. But there’d been no instances that they’d felt would be the perfect time to tell… a time when it wouldn’t sound so out of pocket.

But if Kinger stayed…

Zooble’s eyes widened. “But that’s not how it is- I don’t-!”

They looked over to Caine and saw their expression. They looked motivated, and they fidgeted with their hands. But why were they so nervous?

Were they going to try and tell Kinger?

Zooble and Caine exchanged a look that the others couldn’t decode.

Zooble didn’t say anything and just started walking to the portal. They tried to shove Jax, who ducked out of the way. “Move it Jax, or I’ll throw you into the shark-filled sea.”

“Is that a challenge!”

Caine rolled his eyes fondly before snapping his fingers and adding sharks into the sea, seems like they’ll be needing that.

The others slowly went inside, in shock from Zooble abruptly changing their mind. Zooble in question didn’t mind going, especially once they saw the thankful look Caine sent their way when they moved to the portal.

Caine swiftly closed it.

“So Kinger old pal!”

Um.

Where did that chess piece go?

Kinger had wandered back to his pillow fort to gain some of his ability to think back. He’d been brainstorming why Zooble and Caine have been getting along–Pomni joined him and filled him in on anything that slipped too far from his mind–and so far he had nothing.

It didn’t take long for Caine to knock on his pillow fort. “Come in!” Kinger turned to the “door.”

Caine kicked their way in, Kinger started speaking as they fixed the pillow back into its respective place.

Caine took a breath. “Kinger we need to talk.”

Kinger looked Caine over for any glitches, so this wasn’t a patch job. Wait, was he thinking of Ragatha? Gosh, he should have slept last night. He shook his mind like it would put some of his memories back into their puzzle places in his mind.

“Sit down Caine, I have some pillows for comfort.”

Caine looked around the pillow fort. “I’m sure you do!” They chuckled before plopping down next to Kinger.

____________________________________________________________________________

Back in the adventure Ragatha, Pomni, and Jax were trying to follow the map to the bandit’s hideout. Which was supposed to be a straw shack somewhere on the beach.

Zooble and Gangle were hanging back to avoid them hearing them.

Gangle turned to look at Zooble. “So when do you think we’re going to find the shack?” She questioned.

“Dunno, but I bet it’s something lame like it’s… run by some gloinks or Orbsman or something.”

“Run by someone? But isn’t it a hideout?”

“But isn’t it a Caine thing to do so make it a shack too? So we could get something while we’re there?” An awards system thing Caine has sometimes that they don’t bother to point out.

“I guess you’re right. It’s taking a while though, do you think we’re going in circles?”

“Nah, it’s probably long to keep us on the adventure for “fun” or because I’m participating after so long.”

Gangle smiled and accepted their logical approach. Zooble’s eyes softened. They were ninety-nine percent certain that Jax tampered with the map, but they’re fine with walking at random if it means they can buy Caine some more time back at the circus.

Somewhere in front of the group Jax was taunting Ragatha for not reading the map correctly while she insisted that they were going in the right direction. Pomni tried to calmly salvage the situation, say what you want about her height but she had the patience of an angel for dealing with Ragatha and Jax’s childish disputes.

____________________________________________________________________________

Kinger rambled about fireflies he’d found at night that he’d really love to see in an adventure. “...This one firefly was bigger than all the rest, she looked like a sweetheart. Queenie would have loved her. And she was afraid of Jax, I rescued her from one of his pranks!”

Caine tilts their head. “Pranks as in…?” Jax does too many to remember.

“Though unfortunate, he was putting them in nets to drop down on anyone passing, he was about to use her when he realized she was bigger than the rest. He threw her away by the wing like an old banana peel! But I caught her and decided to introduce her to the others! I set her free once she was confident enough. Jax asked why I care about them, they’re just NPC’s he said.” He gestured to the other critters playing around the fort that Caine hadn’t noticed.

Caine’s eyes wandered, head already leading them to other topics as their attention swayed.

“He said something about you.” Caine froze, listening with renewed interest. “Jax said you couldn’t care, that she’s a mindless NPC with no personality, so why should I? She couldn’t be scared. I think he’s wrong, so many things here are more than they see… or hide parts of themselves.”

Caine’s eyes darted away, they clutched their arm, that one hit. Especially since Kinger doesn’t know yet.

Kinger looked proud. “I disagree. I said, and I quote, “Caine would care, he cares enough to- oh is that a caterpillar?” … I could have done a better job. I wasn’t fully lucid yet, he shone a flashlight in my eyes.” Caine flinches slightly.

But it gave them an idea. “I… I know how you could have done a better job.” They spoke softly. Kinger trained his eyes on them curiously.

Caine tapped their fingers on the floor, er, pillow. It was soft and grounding. They closed their eyes. “Instead of saying “he cares” next time you should say ‘they care’ and see how it goes.”

Cross their fingers and hope Kinger gets it. Kinger looked at Caine, then how they were tapping their fingers on the pillows under them. “So… “Caine would care, they care enough to- oh is that a caterpillar?”

Caine laughs when Kinger still adds in the caterpillar. “Do you think you could do that? Heh…”

“Are you like Zooble?” Kinger asked. Caine stutters.

“I- um- yeah- well mostly… Kinda? It's complicated.” They settle on.

Kinger closes his eyes. “Has Zooble ever told you what they felt about all that when they first entered the circus?”

“Uh… in regards to gender, at the beginning, no. They made it obvious they don’t want to be here though, and that they prefer they/them pronouns later.”

“You should ask, it might answer some of your questions… specifically how they felt telling the others about them using they/them pronouns. Like you?” Kinger hesitated slightly at the end, face relaxing when Caine nodded.

Caine smiled before jumping a bit when the moment got ruined by a ping signaling that the adventure was over. They said their goodbye’s and crawled over to where they assumed the door to leave the fort was. Kinger called over their shoulder.

“Caine! Thank you, for trusting me with this.”

“Thank you for accepting me.”

“I’ll always accept you.”

They closed the fort and woah, it felt weird being back in the light of the tent after that. They opened the portal and their ambitious adventurers came right through. Did they keep them waiting? Oops.

They sent a thumbs up to Zooble who visibly lightened, Gangle exchanging a confused glance at the two of them before shrugging.

And it looks like Zooble kept their promise, Jax was covered in bite marks, one small shark still hanging on his left ear. Caine snapped their fingers while trying not to laugh, Zooble had to tell them the story.

“Off you go then my playfully persistent performers!”

“Not your best one.” Pomni critiqued. Caine peacefully crossed it off the list, in too much of a good mood to let it deter them.

The circus members all went off to do whatever they did in their free time. Caine teleported to their office, collapsed into the spinney chair and spun with a relieved sigh. They pumped their fist in the air.

“That went great!”