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Chapter Text

Windclan's allegiance

Leader Froststar -a small, short furred, lithe, and dark tabby tom with a white head, tail and patches, and dark blue eyes.

Deputy Leafbright - a muscular, short furred, brown tabby she-cat with a white under belly, paws and tail tip, and green eyes.

Medicine cat Orangejaw  - she is a vibrant, ginger she-cat with silky, Medium fur, and orange eyes.

Warriors (Toms and she-cats without kits.)

(Cats responsible for above ground hunting and border patrols)

Foxcatcher - A sleek, dark ginger tom with a darker face, ears, paws, and tail, and blue eyes.
Apprentice, Darkpaw

Frigidleap - a blotched silver tabby and white she-cat with medium fur, and blue eyes.
Apprentice, Harepaw

Finchclaw - a dark brown tabby tom with long fur and big paws, and green eyes.

(Cats specialized in hunting and digging tunnels below ground)

Deeprunner - a small fully black she-cat with dark green eyes.

Thymefang - a light tom with a dark face, ears, paws and tail, and blue eyes.

Longpelt - a large, long furred brown she-cat, with yellow eyes.

Apprentices (More than six moons old, in training to become warriors)

Harepaw - a small brown tabby tom with large ears and bright yellow eyes.

Darkpaw - a small lithe tom that is an almost pitch black tabby with white patches on the underbelly and tail, and bluish green eyes.

Queen (She-cats expecting or nursing kits)

Danderwhisker - an older, light and gray tortoiseshell she-cat with a lot of white brindle and spots, and green eyes.

Singetail - a fluffy white she-cat with large ginger splotches along her head, back, and tail, and yellow eyes (Mother to Antlerkit, Gorgekit, and Bugkit)

Silkywind - a completely white she-cat with long silky fur, and yellow eyes (Mother to Cottonkit and Wolfkit)

Kits   (Cats less than six moons old)

Cottonkit - a medium furred mostly white tom with a cream tabby rump, tail, and ears.

Wolfkit - a large long furred cat that appears both she-cat and tom like. They are a light gray tabby with light yellow brindle and white paws and tail tip, and purplish blue eyes.

Antlerkit - a gray tabby she-cat who's right paw, tail tip and ears are white, and yellow eyes.

Gorgekit - a brown tabby tom with a white underbelly and nose blaze strip, and yellow eyes.

Bugkit - a dark ginger tom and dark green eyes.

Elders (Former warriors and queens, now retired)

Sooteye - a tortoiseshell she-cat with cloudy blind eyes, and shriveled whisker.

Frogleg - a small matted light tom with a darker ginger face, ears, paws, and tail, and blue eyes.

Chapter Text

“Orangejaw!” 

She shook from her sleep, leaving her den to see who had called her. As the medicine cat she needed to be prepared to attend emergencies at any time. 

A white she-cat stood outside, tail lashing and paws shifting in what Orangejaw could only assume to be anxiety and concern. 

“It's Cottonkit, he has been coughing and sneezing, I think he's come down with the same sickness that the elders have.” 

“Don't worry, Silkywind, I'll attend to it right away.” Orangejaw slinked back into her den where herbs were stored away. Wind clan had been plagued by sickness in recent times. It preyed on the old, sick, and weak, and now it was affecting the Clan's kits. She grabbed a few leaves of coltsfoot and met with the distressed queen at the nursery. 

“Can you cure him?” Silkywind mewed. 

She nodded silently, she was able to cure this sickness before.

The nursery was always warm, it was underground, tunneled away by wind clan warriors long ago, and the walls were insulated with moss, leaves, and bramble. Silkywind's mate, a tall orange tom named Foxcatcher, sat with a little white kit at his paws. Cottonkit gave a big dramatic sneeze, he was certainly sick but probably liked all the attention. She began making a poultice while the kit's parents fretted over him. 

He wasn't that little, Cottonkit has actually been very healthy, Orangejaw made sure to keep tabs on the kits and ensure they were growing at a good pace. She was actually more concerned with his littermate, Wolfkit, who was so much smaller. Orangejaw suspected the reason was their parents' prejudice, as Wolfkit had unfortunately been discovered to be very unusual. They weren't quite a she-cat and not quite a tom but sort of both. After consulting the other medicine cats at a half moon gathering she discovered that it was a rare occurrence in kits and it fortunately didn't affect their health. However it did affect the way other cats looked at them and Wolfkit's parents didn't take it lightly, instead devoting their attention to their ‘perfect’ kit. She focused her mind back to the task after she finished chewing the herbs and gave the mushy medicine to the sick kit. 

Cottonkit hesitated before Silkwind meowed, “it's OK sweetie, it'll make you feel better”. The kit then begrudgingly lapped it up. 

“He should start feeling better soon,” Orangejaw was happy to have made the poor thing feel better, but that wasn't the only kit in the nursery and she was worried about it spreading, but when she looked around she found no sign of Wolfkit. 

“Where is wolfkit?” she asked.

Silkywind froze, her expression was impossible to understand, but it finally gave way to guilt.

“I didn't want it to spread more sickness to my poor Cottonkit so, uhm, I may have…” “spit it out!” Orangejaw was losing patience. 

“We sent it to the spare den so as not to infect anyone else.” Foxcatcher finished for his mate. Orangejaw huffed in frustration before leaving the nursery. She couldn't believe how heartless Wolfkit’s parents were. She approached the spare den, it wasn't much, barely carved into the camp’s walls, only an old unkempt nest occupied it and inside a small gray and cream lump of fur curled inside. 

“Wolfkit?” she meowed, whenever she laid her eyes upon this pitiful kit, she was filled with remorse and empathy for the claws that starclan has delt them.

The kit lifted their head, their eyes were weary, they mewed back with a small, hoarse voice. “Orangejaw?” 

She really must be the only cat in the clan who cares for this kit if they recognized her so quickly. 

She sighed, gently picking up Wolfkit by the scruff and bringing them back to the medicine cat den. The camp was quiet and dark and the moon covered by the clouds. She tucked Wolfkit into a nest and began preparing another poultice of coltsfoot. 

Orangejaw nudged her nose to Wolfkit’s, encouraging them to take the medicine, after which, they quickly fell asleep. She checked the herb storage before giving herself a moment to relax. Making room for herself in the next and curling around the sleepy kit. She felt their tiny heartbelt echo against hers, felt their ribcage expand and contract, rubbing against her pelt. She was reminded of the many queens she helped to kit, how many versions of herself could have been a warrior, a queen. 

This was her kit now.

She looked around at the starry moorland before her as she realized she now walked the land of dreams. She walked forward curious to know what message her ancestors might have laid

before her. She had learned to recognize and interpret signs and dreams over the years, but she had not had such a direct and obvious one in a long while. 

She looked in wonder at the brilliantly lit up night sky as she came upon outlook rock, she felt as though whispers and hollers of hundreds of cats guided her steps up the stone. When she reached the top, Orangejaw took in the view of Windclan in her dream. In the distance something caught her eye, multiple somethings actually moving and slinking in the grass. 

A gray wolf strutted across the land, its eyes unreadable to her but its pelt had a glittering and godly shine, whatever it meant, it felt good to her. The connection seemed obvious to her, drawn back to reality for a moment, feeling the small warm body tucked into her pelt. Suddenly a second wolf showed itself, it looked identical to the first wolf however its pelt was dim and dull, covered in scars and stained by blood, it grinned an evil grin, as though it had risen from the dark forest, it let out a horrible howl. 

For a moment, the wolves just stared at each other, it felt everlasting before finally, the dream turned red. Their jaws and limbs became entwined as their burning hatred towards each other grew. Their violent dance showed no signs of ending nor a sign of a victor. The louder and uglier the battle got, the darker the dream got. 

The sun beamed through her eyelids and frantically lifted her head, awake once more. She wondered which wolf in her dream would have survived, one driven to rage and bloodlust or one resilient and honorable. Orangejaw desperately wished she could have seen the end of the two wolves’ battle, that she could have seen Wolfkit’s fate. 

That was not a privilege she had, but she did at least have the privilege of being given the power to sway the destinies of this warrior and maybe so much more.

Chapter Text

Wolfkit yawned, waking up from their nest in the medicine cat den. The medicine cat to them felt like a nursery, and spent all their nights in it since they were just a moon old. Orangejaw must be out herb gathering since she was not in the den at the moment. They stretched before padding out of the medicine cat den which always smelled of earth and herbs. 

Orangejaw told them today at sun high they would be named as an apprentice alongside Cottonkit. They kept hearing rumors from the warriors that Silkywind and Foxcatcher smooth-talked Froststar, because Froststar was the brother of Foxcatcher, into letting Cottonkit be apprenticed by the deputy. They also heard that the deputy, Leafbright, was one of the best moor runners to ever live. Wolfkit overheard a lot of things, nobody cared if they were there or not. It wasn't all that bad though, it meant nobody ever noticed if Wolfkit was getting into trouble. They had snuck out of camp numerous times and they were only ever caught once when they came face to face with a tunneled warrior. The camp had already woken up, Wolfkit noticed warriors already leaving for morning patrols and the elders were sunning themselves. They weren't sure what to do in anticipation of their apprentice ceremony, they knew that they may be apprenticed to a moor runner or a tunneled, some of the younger kits that Wolfkit saw playing around camp would chatter about wanting to be a tunneled like their mother. However Wolfkit learned from Orangejaw how dangerous it was, how many cats were lost to the tunnels. Honestly Wolfkit wanted to be a medicine cat more than anything, Orangejaw had always taken care of them and they already studied the ongoings of a medicine cat religiously. They even already memorized many herbs like coltsfoot, dock, catmint, thyme, and juniper. They imagined the shapes of the leaves and stems of each herb as they listed them in their head. Besides Wolfkit wasn't very good at warrior things, at least not so far, the younger kits always complained that he wasn't a good enough enemy warrior for their games. No, Cottonkit was better, he had always kept an eye on his bigger littermate and he was a lot stronger and dedicated to the whole warrior routine. They always saw him training with Foxcatcher. 

“Hey kit!” 

The raspy meow of an elder distracted them from their train of thought. It was Froglegs, who was resting besides Sooteye. Froglegs beckoned them before asking a question. “Say are you frozen with fear for your ceremony today” the small, matted, tom let out a laugh, Wolfkit responded simply. 

“Well I was just thinking, that's all.” 

Sooteye looked at Wolfkit, well sort of looked, she was completely blind after being caught in a fire, her whiskers were still damaged and short from the incident as well. She told the story a million times to any ears that were available. 

“So what do you think Froststar is going to make you?” 

Sooteye had a voice a lot raspier than Froglegs's but was much quieter and softer. Wolfkit responded immediately, the answer had always come easily to them. “I want to be a medicine cat, just like Orangejaw!” 

Sooteye smiled, touching noses gently with Wolfkit. 

“I always loved it when you brought me and Froglegs poppy seeds and helped us with our ticks.” Froglegs giggled, he always found joy in every conversation or moment. 

“Just like Orangejaw, huh, a fine she-cat, she’s done so much for this clan, best that she not leave the clan in empty paws.” 

Sooteye nodded, “And to have such a mature and sweet kit to start training.” 

Wolfkit was very happy that the elders thought the same as them, that they would make a good medicine cat. 

“Now go off kit, you'll need your energy for when you Start training, don't worry about us old warriors.” Wolfkit obeyed and left the two to their sunning. They thought it would be best if they filled their stomach before sunhigh. Can't start training without breakfast after all. Wolfkit approached and examined the fresh kill pile, only a few stale pieces were left from the previous day, the clan was hungry as always. They picked a small finch from the pile and planned to return to the medicine den however was interrupted by a parade of kits. Two tabbies and a ginger and yet they looked exactly the same otherwise. And curiously enough the odd one out always took the lead. 

“Halt!” said Bugkit “we won't let an enemy warrior get away with Windclan freshkill.” 

“Yeah!” Piped up Antlerkit before Gorgekit echoed as well. 

Wolfkit rolled their eyes before dropping the finch. Dramatically waving their paws before gently yowling, “Oh I simply stand not a single chance against three whole powerful wind clan warriors.” They spun around before falling on their back. 

“I am too afraid to ever walk on windclan territory ever again!” Their sentence ended in a giggle. Bugkit pounced on Wolfkit's exposed belly, huffing and puffing with his fur on end. “That's right, never ever again.” 

Soon Wolfkit was underneath a pile of kits and it was no use trying to get up. “Enough, kits come here” a voice rang out from the nursery entrance. A long furred, white, and ginger she-cat stood with her paws delicately tucked underneath her tail. The kits leapt off of

wolfkit and sauntered to Singetail one by one. Antlerkit dragged the finch that was just half her size to her mother. Singetail hesitantly looked back at Wolfkit before they nodded and she grateful took the freshkill. The queen and kits retreated into the warmth and darkness of the nursery. 

Wolfkit felt today was filled with a great kind of happiness, radiating from the sun that always watched over moorland. 

They forgot all about eating before they heard yowls from the other side of camp. In a sandy clearing, Cottonkit and Foxcatcher were training again. They thought that Cottonkit must be really dead set on becoming a great warrior, but that didn't explain the yowl. At least not until Wolfkit noticed the glistening steam of blood, hard to see amongst the Foxcatcher's red fur. 

“Oh, you all better sheath your claws, I'll go get something from Orangejaw.” They noticed Cottonkit rolling his eyes at Wolfkit before they left, but as they padded to the medicine cat den they remembered that Orangejaw wasn't here right now. What herb was good for scratches again? Wolfkit desperately tried to remember from all the times they studied what Orangejaw did. Dock? No that wasn't the best, maybe fennel, no they couldn't even remember what that did. As Wolfkit sat before the many stores of herbs in the medicine cat den. Dread washed over them, why did there have to be so many different herbs? “Looking for something?” A familiar soothing voice gave instant relief to Wolfkits ears. They turned around, met by the warm, welcoming face of a ginger she-cat. 

“Oh thank starclan, someone got a scratch during training and I was struggling to remember which herb we needed.” 

Orangejaw blinked, “hmm, a scratch? Don't tell me Foxcatcher is pushing Cottonkit too hard again.” she reached for a stem of yellow flowers. 

“Foxcatcher was the one bleeding this time, though you could hardly see it with how red his fur is.” Wolfkit tried to recognize the herb. 

“That is…?” They spoke hesitantly. 

“Goldenrod, you remember how to make a poultice right?” 

Wolfkit nodded, grabbing the herb before they left, giving Orangejaw a muffled, “thank you.” Wolfkit returned to where Cottonkit and Foxcatcher were still training and now they both had a few new scratches despite wolfkit telling them to keep their claws sheathed earlier. They huffed before they defeatingly began making a poultice as the warrior and his kit finally noticed that their medicine had arrived. 

Wolfkit didn't really know how to feel about their parents and littermate. Indifference, they supposed, like any other clanmate. Wolfkit forced Foxcatcher and Cottonkit to stand still as they applied the goldenrod to their scratches. 

“hey, dad I bet I can win next time” Cottonkit always had a mischievous look on his face despite such an innocent sounding name. 

Foxcatcher laughed with a booming, deep voice, far more befitting of his name sake than any cat. 

“Yeah and rabbits fly!” 

“But rabbits do fly.” 

Foxcatcher and Cottonkit both looked at them with an odd expression and wolfkit realized they owed an explanation.

“When the osprey catches rabbits it brings them high into the sky and that sounds like flying to me.” to Wolfkit it made complete sense. 

Cottonkit snorted, “I guess…” 

“And you'll be the one to catch an osprey one day. Right, baby?” Silkywind appeared behind Cottonkit with that sickeningly sweet voice, but Wolfkit knew Cottonkit found it comforting because he immediately leaned into the long, white fur of the she-cat. 

“Now it's almost sunhigh so let me clean you up while we wait for Froststar.” She guided Cottonkit and Foxcatcher to the meeting hollow. She never glanced once at Wolfkit who was left in the messy clearing with a few scraps of stems and petals. Wolfkit thought they should clean themselves as well before the ceremony, and began licking their fur until it was neat. Before anybody knew it, a tall dark figure stood upon tall rock, his silhouette only broken by his white tail and patches of fur. 

“Let all cats old enough to run the moor gather around tallrock for a clan meeting!” Even though he was as small and lithe as a Windclan cat, let alone a tunneler, was expected to be. His voice still commanded a unique power over the clan. Orangejaw always told Wolfpaw stories about how her previous mentor had visions about Froststar. 

Cats quickly filled the meeting hollow and surrounded tallrock. 

Froststar briefly paused until all the cats were still again. His voice filled the camp again. “Cottonkit, Wolfkit, step forward." 

Cottonkit excitedly rushed before the tall rock, his tail lashing with energy, he had such a hopeful look in his eyes. 

Wolfkit meanwhile slinked between the crowd, they were intimated by the looming presence of tall rock, this was a monumental moment in their life, and they rehearsed the exact words again and again in their head. 

“Cottonkit, you have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Cottonpaw. Your mentor will be Leafbright, I hope they pass down all she knows to you.” 

He turned to his side where the deputy was situated. Her expression wasn't surprising or exciting, of course she wasn't. She was the deputy she had trained apprentices before. No, her expression was more stoic. 

“leafbright, You are more than ready to take on an apprentice as you have moons before. 

Knowing that you are my greatest warrior, your mentor trained you well, and I know the tenacity and strength that they gave you will be passed onto young Cottonpaw.” 

The entire clan roared and cheered, they were all so happy to see another apprentice under the training of one the best warriors to live. 

Amidst the uproar, Cottonpaw cheerfully padded up to Leafbright and touched noses with the she-cat. A symbol of their relationship as a mentor and apprentice. 

As the clan quieted down, Froststar began Wolfkit's ceremony. 

“Wolfkit, you have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Wolfpaw.” Wolfpaw felt something drop in their heart, ‘warrior name’ surely it didn't mean anything, he probably meant to say medicine cat. 

“Your mentor will be Deeprunner. I hope she will pass down all they know to you.”

Wolfkit felt horrified, they had such a clear idea of what this was going to be and it was completely swept out from under them. They were too stunned to speak. Orangejaw however was not, as they quickly interjected. 

“Froststar, we had already discussed this, I told you already that Wolfpaw would make a wonderful medicine cat, that their place was walking with Starclan.” she seemed almost as visibly distressed as Wolfkit was on the inside. 

“I understand however, you still have plenty of time left and can wait for when Singletail or Danderwhisiker’s kits become old enough.” 

“but I specifically requested to have them apprenticed to me.” she nodded to Wolfpaw, and lashed her tail, obviously frustrated by this seemingly sudden change of plans. 

“Besides, Windclan has become larger and I need all the paws I can get at the ready.” Froststar seemed put off by the barrage of objections, he quickly looked at Deeprunner, Wolfpaw’s supposed mentor. She took action, standing confident despite her small stature. “I also requested an apprentice, Tunneling is a crucial role in the clan, and cannot wait. As the dangers of the underground constantly limit our warriors.” 

Orangejaw's frustration grew. 

“You think having one extra tunneler is more important than having another medicine cat to care for the clan?!” Deeprunner stood unwavering, completely unbothered by Orangejaw's words. “Any queen would love for one of her kits to take on your role; however it's much more challenging to get a queen to allow their kits to take up the honorable duty of tunneling.” After Deeprunner finished speaking, Orangejaw shot Silkwind a glare so spiteful and sharp one might mistake it for the glare of an enemy warrior. She scoffed while the Silkywind looked away. Instead she turned around and stared directly into Froststar's eyes with that same spiteful glare. “You will regret this, No cat, no warrior, no leader can play with the destinies that Starclan has laid out without consequence!” she stridden back to her den, with each stomp she dug her claws into the ground. 

Wolfpaw, still awestruck, was sitting before tallrock, aimlessly staring and mindlessly breathing. Meanwhile Froststar was embarrassed by this mess of a ceremony, licking his shoulder briskly before slinking back into his den. He didn't even finish Wolfpaw's ceremony but it was clear who they commanded that he become. Deeprunner approached Wolfpaw, and touched noses with them. Flinching them awake from their anxieties and back to reality. 

“Are you ready to start training?” Her voice tore into Wolfpaw’s head. 

“Yes,” they meowed, defeated. 

“Good, let's begin, follow me and do not get left behind.” 

She started padding towards the camp entrance. Wolfpaw solemnly followed, shooting one last look at the comforting and familiar view of the medicine cat den.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2 

Each paw step felt like they were dragging a giant fox with them, its teeth clasped around their tail. But that wasn't the case, all they were doing was following Deeprunner out of camp. The black she-cat glanced back at Wolfpaw with a stare that could shatter the branches of fourtrees. Wolfpaw really didn't want to be here, the shock of what happened at their ceremony was flooding over them.

But what could they do, nobody cared that they were wronged, only Orangejaw did, and Froststar refused to listen. Nobody wanted to stand up for some weak kit who was born with a deformed body.

What was Deeprunner even saying about queens and tunnelers anyways. Did Silkywind specifically allow this? She wasn't even like a mother to Wolfpaw, she abandoned them! “Wolfpaw!” Deeprunner's sharp meow awakened them from their storm of thoughts of spite and confusion. She tried to stand over Wolfpaw but, since she was small for a warrior, and they were big for an apprentice, it was only by a mouse length. 

“You must take the first steps it takes to be a tunneler.” She nodded to a tunnel entrance behind her. It was a wide gaping hole, pitch black inside. 

“This exact tunnel has been used for ages to train tunnelers, follow me and do not lose track of where I am.” Her dark coat blended in seamlessly with the void. Wolfpaw looked back in the direction of camp, was this their life now, lost in the dark?

“Wolfpaw!” They was caught off guard again, it was worse since Deeprunner’s voice was so venomous. They quickly leaped into the den, hoping to ignore their fears. But instead found themself running face first into Deeprunner’s rump. 

“Watch it!” she growled, “Hare-brain!” 

Her harsh words didn't help Wolfpaw’s mood. 

“What? Badger gotcha tongue? You haven't spoken the whole time we’ve been out here.” She had turned around and now the only thing Wolfpaw could distinguish in the gloom was her big green eyes. Staring, accusingly at Wolfpaw. 

“I just didn't plan for this outcome,” they weren't sure what to say, they just didn't really want to say anything at all but knew she wouldn't take silence as an answer. 

“Outcome? Silkywind was right about you being a strange kit.” she looked disgusted, what had Silkywind told her to make her so spiteful and harsh to Wolfpaw. Was silkywind behind this too? And Foxcatcher, since he is Froststar’s brother after all, probably convinced him to deny wolfpaw their rightful path as a medicine cat. Awful paranoia kept seeping into their thoughts.

“Keep up!” 

As soon as Wolfpaw refocused their attention. Deeprunner was gone or at least looked as though she had disappeared in the darkness. They really didn't like it, the musty, earthy scents were overwhelming and Deeprunner's scent was hard to pick out amongst the stale badger smell which was quite disgusting. Suppose this must have been a badger den before it was abandoned. No wonder it is so roomy. They only knew what the brutes smelled like because Foxcatcher brought a badger cub's body to camp for the apprentices and kits to see. Foxcatcher wasn't named that for no reason, he had a reputation among the clan as a predator among predators. He would've been a much better mentor, albeit akward, than this unfriendly she-cat. Wolfpaw did their best to stay behind the she-cat, her paws were surprisingly quiet even in the cramped clumsy darkness. She walked as though she knew this tunnel like her own tail. 

“Stop” her voice cut through the air like an eagle's talon. Her green eyes were almost invisible now that they were much further in. 

“You will stay here until you can find a way out, you are not allowed to come back the way we came, I will block it with a bramble so you cannot go back. You will be able to find other ways out through the den, you will be rewarded at camp if you are not too slow.” 

“But what if I get lost or it caves in? What about food or water?” Wolfpaw was horrified, so many things could go wrong, and they haven't given a single thought to warriors training their entire kithood. 

“Tunnelers must be prepared for any situation, and you will find that there are streams and critters if you are in here for as long as you think you will, but just know I expect you to be back at camp by tomorrow’s sundown.” She was completely unsympathetic to Wolfpaw’s concerns, not even when they were trembling before her in the dark. And before wolfpaw could say anything she had disappeared once again, presumably back to the entrance in order to block it. 

Wolfpaw sat there for a moment, today everything had managed to change and shock their world. Everything was being taken from what they dreamed of. They could have been picking herbs with Orangejaw, healing Cottonpaw after his training, instead Wolfpaw was left in the middle of a pitch black tunnel that smelled horrible. 

Their thoughts wouldn’t keep quiet.

“I don't want this” their voice and body trembled. 

Their claws were unsheathed and digging into the ground, failing to stop their shaking. their throat tightened and heaved. 

Why couldn't they breathe? Their chest was tight, as though vines were squeezing them. Yet no vines could be seen amongst the shadows.

Why were their lungs not working? Wolfpaw had never had such awful feelings in their chest. It was the worst pain  they had ever felt in their life, worse than any little accident they ever had as a kit. It was more like they were being pierced through the heart with a giant claw, Wolfpaw couldn’t see it, not in the dark quiet of the burrow, but they knew it was there.

Wolfpaw began to wander, they needed to move, to distract themself from this feeling. But when their attention went back to the abyss, it swiftly became impossibly empty, like there were claws and teeth reaching out to grab Wolfpaw, swinging them around and shoving them into walls. Up could not be distinguished from down and as though they were an injured foal, their legs buckled beneath them, with a pathetic, sad, thump, they were sprawled on the rough floor.

The barely six moon-old apprentice felt themselves choking on their sobs, they crawled and rolled onto their belly, bringing their paws to the chest and their tail around their body. No matter what position they were in or whether or not they closed their eyes, the panic and the darkness remained the same.

“Wh.. what is this…?” They were out of breath despite not having run or exercised. “What is wrong with me?” This all felt so wrong, why were these things happening without reason, weren't they meant to be a medicine cat, wasn't that what Starclan wanted, if Wolfpaw wasn’t meant to be special, then why were they born to be so different than everybody else, why did their family abandon them, why did Silkywind hate them.

Wolfpaw remained there for some time, hollow of anything but the beating, throbbing sound of their heart. They longed for dreams or sleep, for just one peaceful moment but none came, instead a suffocating quiet darkness let their thoughts fester and spread. 

Wolfpaw wanted nothing more than to go home and be near Orangejaw, the only cat they have ever been close to, the only cat they ever loved, the only cat that felt like family.

Suddenly Wolfpaw heard a ghostly yowl. 

“Who’s there!?” they hissed, shocked. 

Fear gripped them, holding them in place. The scent of badger was stale in this den, but what if it had come back? No, it couldn’t be. They were sure that yowl was not a sound any animal made. Wolfpaw raised their heads, peering through the darkness. The silence did not change any more and all they could hear was the roaring in their ears.

Finally Wolfpaw caught sight of movement, curling up with their hair on end in response. 

Then they saw the white of an eye, a feline’s eye. But that didn’t make any sense, a cat’s eye is made up almost entirely of the iris. They opened their maw, trying to take in the scent but frowned when the scents of the tunnel did not change. Wolfpaw shivered, trying to ignore the dread that threatened to swallow them whole. 

“Wolfpaw.” a hushed voice called out, but no matter how much they stared, the eyes did not change or move. 

Without a sound it disappeared in the blank of an eye.

Wolfpaw didn’t move, uncertain of what they witnessed. 

The voice whispered to them again. “Follow.”

They looked in the direction they had seen the eyes, hesitating before slowly crawling forward. 

“Starclan in our hearts, in our claws, in our fangs. You hunt with us in life, we hunt with you in death. May my ancestors bring upon me honor and glory. May my mother’s mother bring upon me generosity and temperance. May my father’s father bring upon me courage and strength.” They recited a classic warrior prayer. Then they pursued the voice where it came last. 

It felt like forever before the darkness slowly gave way to something entirely different. Moss, ferns, and mushrooms littered the tunnel, somehow illuminating the way, they showed Wolfpaw the way, wherever that may be. The darkness began to glitter in a way they couldn’t understand and stars of silverpelt appeared above and below. 

Light flooded into the tunnel as they finally reached an exit, Wolfpaw couldn’t help but smile and whimper with relief but it was quickly replaced with awe as they looked upon where they were. It was most certainly not Windclan, but it had to be Starclan. The sparkling lush leaves and plants, the grass was as soft as feathers. After a moment, the cat approached them, it was a She-cat, but her fur leaked light from every direction, it almost hurt their eyes, and it certainly hurt their soul to look upon such a sacred place. They thought they had been doomed to the life of an ordinary warrior, to never walk so closely to their ancestors as the medicine cat did. Underneath the light she emitted, a short tabby coat could be seen, a reminder that this cat had once been like any other amongst the clans, alive and well. 

Wolfpaw hesitated before solemnly saying. “I’m not supposed to be here.”

The she-cat shook her head, with a voice like sweet herbs. “You were always supposed to be here.”

“I don’t understand.” They tilted their head. 

“The world has not been kind to you, but it will need you soon enough.” She turned away, observing the heavens as if it might reach out and pull her in. 

“When the sunset finally disappears below the horizon, a wolf will pick the same flowers at night. Don’t be the one that crushes them.” She twisted her head to lock her eyes on Wolfpaw, then she pounced, flying with the unmistakable elegance of a godly warrior, into the sparkling undergrowth. Before Wolfpaw could think to do anything, the territory of Starclan suddenly melted away, revealing Windclan territory as the sun cast an impossible magnificent and orange glow upon it. The sun was setting.

When the sunset finally disappears below the horizon, a wolf will pick the same flowers at night.

The words of a being greater than themself hung heavy in their heart. 

Do not be the one that crushes them.

Chapter Text

When they returned to camp, they found Orangejaw waiting for them. She had been worried all night and morning after she found out that Deeprunner had left Wolfpaw to the depths. 

She nuzzled over them, checking the young apprentices’  health. “Are you okay?” her voice was strained and tight with worry. “Tell me you don’t have tunnel sickness.”

“I am alright, and I have something to tell you.” They reassured her, returning the affection. It warmed their hearts to receive Orangejaw after missing her all night. She had always left for herb gathering in the day but never had Wolfpaw been the one to be far away on Windclan territory. 

“So you escaped, and so soon, I would have expected a tiny leaf-brained cat like you to still be lost.” Deeprunner made herself known, her voice uncaring. Orangejaw took offense to this. “What is wrong with you!” she hissed, spitting in Deeprunner’s face. Although Orangejaw was much bigger than Deeprunner, the black she-cat kept an apathetic smirk, so unmoving a bird might mistake her face for a roost. 

“I am training the way all tunnelers have learned. And what do you care, you did nothing to kit Wolfpaw, you share no blood.” Her words only served to fuel the fire that was burning inside Orangejaw, who now stood on edge with her tail lashing and ears pinned back, she has been angered one too many times since Wolfpaw’s apprentice ceremony. 

“I am that kit’s mother! Do you hear me?” it caught Wolfpaw off guard, Orangejaw had never been so blunt about their relationship. Admittedly as a kit, They had called Orangejaw mother often but grew out of it after receiving unwelcoming stares from clanmates. All the time that Wolfpaw spent in kithood after they finally weaned off of Silkywind’s milk and were left in the spare den had been spent with Orangejaw, they didn’t need to explain it to themself, it was a bond they had felt strongly. Even though medicine cats weren’t supposed to cleave too close to their kin and especially not have kits. Orangejaw was all Wolfpaw had. Yet, Deeprunner was a little taken aback, mouth ajar, she collected herself quickly, now standing to still look up at Orangejaw. However, it was cut off as the medicine went off on a tangent. 

“I am the only cat in this clan that cares about them, because for some Starclan forsaken reason, all of you struggle to give them the respect that they deserve as our clanmate.” She took a breath, her eyes were dilated and anxious. “Why is that so hard for all of you to do, they are barely a paw! Just tell me why by the holy starflower!”

Orangejaw sighed, the anger that tensed her fur and paws alleviated after she lashed out. Yet Deeprunner now had a scowl on her face, Wolfpaw could tell she had a rant of her own to dish out. 

“It’s not that hard to understand.” Somehow Deeprunner always found a new way to be colder than leafbare. “Every single warrior has heard the rumors, that thing is a pathetic, herb-chewing, barren, freak of a kit.” She was staring into Orangejaw as if she was a sick rat. “It tried taking the easy way out, memorizing pretty flowers, but no she-tom cursed by the dark forest could possibly be blessed by our ancestors!” 

“What does Barren mean?” Wolfpaw muttered to Orangejaw, leaning into her soft silky fur, the color of a Fox-and-cubs. They wish they could do anything to comfort her, or to make this awful cat disappear. 

“Oh, no, you’re not-” Orangejaw was cut off by Deeprunner. “It means you will never bear kits, no heir to your line, serves you just as much, Cottonpaw is much more deserving of Foxcatcher’s legacy.”

“Is that true?” They tried to lock eyes with Orangejaw, but she swung her head away, her voice quieter now that her anger had stopped boiling. “There hasn’t been anybody like you for generations, I… I don’t know.”

Wolfpaw looked back down at their paws, they were covered in long cream and gray fur, and unlike when they were kits, Wolfpaw now had paws bigger than Cottonpaw’s. They tried to imagine anybody that would like them, and what it would be like to see a kit with the same features as Wolfpaw. What should it matter to Wolfpaw anyway, if they really wanted to be a medicine cat they would forget about ever having kits. Even if it hurt them to be Forsaken like that. 

They realized droplets of tears sprinkled below them, “Orangejaw?”

Deeprunner scoffed, “What a mess, best it will ever do is die for Windclan.” and before Orangejaw could think of a retort, the small lithe warrior already retreated into the warrior den. The medicine cat moved to sit beside Wolfpaw, their flanks rubbed against each other. Her tail wrapped around Wolfpaw’s rump, she began to groom their fur, it brought comfort.

“Orangejaw?” they sounded like a mouse, their voice was broken.

“Yes, Wolfpaw?” She didn’t stop grooming the newly-made paw. 

“What am I supposed to be?” 

She sighed then spoke. “Whatever path Starclan wills you to walk will be your destiny.”

That didn’t help. “Then why was I born wrong? Deeprunner doesn’t even talk to me like I’m a cat, and she's not the only one who thinks that!” 

“Some cats are foolish mouse-brains who fear and hate what they don’t understand, that doesn’t make what they say, true.” Their mother nuzzled her head against theirs.

“Then what is true?” 

“Whatever you want it to be.” she paused, glancing at the apprentice den. “Let me walk you to your new nest.”

Wolfpaw was reminded that they would not be sleeping with Orangejaw anymore, they aren’t considered a kit anymore, even if that’s what they feel like they are. 

“Okay.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

Rain pitter-pattered on the ground, seeping into the cracks and sliding off the stones. Most of the dens in Windclan were open to the sky, so that they may welcome Starclan as they sleep. The elders always complained that the only thing that it let in was rain and cold. Deeprunner said that it hardened apprentices into warriors to be exposed to the elements. Wolfpaw didn’t care that much, it was hard to notice when they were deep in thought. Their attention diverted from their wet squelching nest to the dreary idea of how they were supposed to get through Deeprunner’s training. It had only been a few days since their ceremony and they had already been worked to the bone. 

“Hey newly-pawed!” Wolfpaw flinched, straightening themselves to look at who hollered at them. Two tomcats stood side by side, a brown tabby and pitch black cat, with a white belly and tail tip. The two were of similar structure and size, however Wolfpaw could see the shine of rain droplets flow between the grooves of the black apprentice’s muscles. They knew the two well enough, not that they had never shared tongues, but Wolfpaw knew that the tabby tom with, upon closer inspection, rather large ears is named Harepaw and the black supple tom is named Darkpaw, both are accurately named. 

“Do you need something?” Wolfpaw spoke softly, still absent-minded. 

“Foxcatcher and Frigidleap are gathering all the apprentices for combat training!” Harepaw bumbled about, brimming with excitement. Normally someone so ecstatic would infect Wolfpaw’s mood but nothing has been normal recently. They still needed to catch up, training would be useful. After spending their entire kithood learning about medicine has not lent them a fair paw at this whole ‘warrior’ thing.

Cottonpaw and Foxcatcher would be there, Wolfpaw had often watched them spar and train, tending to any wounds afterwards since the stubborn flea-brains couldn’t keep their claws sheathed. Of course they never joined in the sparring, that was never a need when they still thought they were going to be a medicine cat, Spiritual leaders don’t need to fight. The tortoiseshell she-tom was grateful regardless, The rambunctious father and son are better company than Deepunner, because even if they didn’t treat Wolfpaw like family, they almost treated them like a clanmate. They stood up, stretching. They decided it was better to stay wet than risk shaking water onto his clanmates, besides it’s still raining. 

“Hurry up, Freakpaw!” Darkpaw called, already heading out. Harepaw pinned his ears against his head, “Hang on, that's a little too mean!”

“Why do you care? Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?” Darkpaw shot back, narrowing his eyes. Wolfpaw padded behind them quietly, they felt invisible. 

“Well-yeah! I just don’t think you should be so mean to your clanmates.” He lowered his head.

“Mmm, I only said it because I heard Mom call him that.” The tom began to brood. Wolfpaw realized who Darkpaw’s mom was. The resemblance was suddenly very obvious, it hurt them to know that Deeprunner was spreading her hatred everywhere she went, but they stayed quiet.

“Why do you care?” Harepaw said after a while, the three of them reached the camp entrance, the brothers continued, but Wolfpaw paused for a moment, they must know where they are going, probably to meet up with Cottonpaw and their mentors. The fluffy tom sprung forward, catching up, for another moment they looked upon windclan territory. Wolfpaw was very proud of being Windclan, even if they kind of hated some of the cats in it, probably not any worse than the other clans and a lot better than any lone queen could take care of them. They stayed behind the two toms, they were still deep in conversation, Wolfpaw almost felt bad for sticking around but it was kind of on the two apprentices for talking about them while right in front of them. 

“-needs to get off her high rock and actually treat us like her children, she’s so frustratingly indifferent and awful to everybody even her own kits. What kind of queen does that?”

Darkpaw unsheathed his claws, uprooting dirt as he walked, leaving behind scars in the ground.

“I know you want her to act more… motherly, but she’s Deeprunner, not some queen, and she’s certainly no Danderwhisker!” Harepaw was being very sincere. “And she’s what we get, and that’s it, and there is a very slim chance that she is ever going to change.” The exchange was very heartfelt, but Wolfpaw just hoped that they still knew where they were going. 

“I’m just tired of Deeprunner ignoring us to go work on her ‘project’ as she’s calling it” Darkpaw said with disdain. The rain no longer roared as loudly as it had before.

“Was she talking about me?” Wolfpaw blurted it out without a second thought, and now Harepaw and Darkpaw stood with their heads twisting back to look at him with wide-eyed expressions. 

“Have you been there the whole time?”

“Oh, uhm, I’m so sorry!” Wolfpaw realized this was incredibly awkward, they are not ready for this confrontation. “It’s just you were talking about me… so I didn’t- really care and then you started getting like- all deep and I-I didn’t know what to do. Just please forgive me. I just wanted to… I just want to get to our training, okay?” The young apprentice felt very small as they stood before their peers. The rain petered out into a sprinkle, then it was gone.

Darkpaw’s breath disturbed the silence and the dark tom’s chest heaved with exaggerated movements. His fur was on end with his ears pinned like an osprey's wings, he was visibly embarrassed. 

“I hate you!!!” Then he pounced away, Harepaw called out for him to wait before following suit. And then Wolfpaw was alone.

Chapter Text

Wolfpaw finally had a moment to take in their surroundings, the wind rolled the grass in mesmerizing waves, and on that wind, was many scents from far, far away. Hills and landmarks jutted out from a distance, and the most famous landmark of all, to clan cats anyways, was the tall, mountainous hills that contained the moonstone. It could be seen no matter where in Windclan territory you were. Wolfpaw supposed that they better meet back up with Darkpaw and Harepaw and the rest of the training regime. They briskly followed the scent trail that the brothers left behind, their pawprints barely left a trace in the tall grass. Finally Wolfpaw heard some cats meowing up ahead and were relieved to find that it was the group they were looking for. Their training grounds were a muddy clearing, evidence of the recent rain.

Harepaw noticed Wolfpaw first, and he grinned at them, “Hey, Wolfpaw! You finally made it.” At his meow, Darkpaw turned his head and fastened his much less friendly scowl to Wolfpaw. Frigidleap, who was in a fighting stance against Cottonpaw, stood up straight and meowed to them. “Alright now that everybody is here, we can stop fooling around.” At the She-cat’s words Cottonpaw whined “What? We were just about to spar! Ugh!” 

“We spar plenty, but it’s time to learn some real, gritty stuff.” Foxcatcher assured. “Especially since the rest of the apprentices are not as… dedicated as you, so please let us begin.” 

The warriors and apprentices arranged themselves for a lecture. Frigidleap and Foxcatcher stood side by side, a tail length apart. While the apprentices lined up together, Harepaw and Darkpaw sat close together, brother next to brother and Cottonpaw sat near Wolfpaw, brother next to… sibling. Sometimes they hated that there was never a simple word for what they were.

Frigidleap began. “We will demonstrate the move you will be learning today, and then you will practice with a partner, we will assist if needed.” She looked at Foxcatcher, as if passing the lesson by the flick of her icy blue eyes. 

“Cottonpaw will be with Darkpaw and Harepaw will be with Wolfpaw.” As he spoke, Darkpaw whined. “Why do I have to be with this, this kit?” 

“I’ve trained!” Cottonpaw dismayed. Foxcatcher shook his head, a little dismayed, himself. 

“Cottonpaw needs a challenge, besides I would think the two of you would go too hard on Wolfpaw.”

Frigidleap agreed. “Harepaw is a gentle soul, he's better for a more, uh, healer oriented cat.”

Wolfpaw’s ear perked up, looking at her with round eyes. 

“Do you really think I should have been a medicine cat?” She probably wasn’t expecting the quiet apprentice to say anything, and muttered something in response. 

“Well, I did, but…”

“Singetail’s kits are more deserving of that role, with her sickliness and all it might be her last litter after all.” Foxcatcher interjected his thoughts warmly as though he wasn’t crushing Wolfpaw’s dreams.

“But they want to be warriors…” They whispered to themself sadly. To think the kits wouldn’t be able to follow their dreams either, saddened the she-tom.

“Let’s just get on with our training already, I’m not here to cry over a ceremony, I’m here to fight.” Darkpaw scolded his own mentors.

“Right, now watch what we do.” Foxcatcher turned to Frigidleap and backed away, Then he let out a yowl before charging at her. Although she stood her ground with confidence, she was soon pinned underneath the warrior’s paws. Even with Foxcatcher’s claws sheathed, Wolfpaw couldn’t imagine any way for her to get out of such a hold, it looked impossible. And yet, Frigidleap suddenly let her body go limp, Foxcatcher feigned surprise and was quickly taken over when she slipped out of his grasp and wrapped her paws and muzzle around his scruff. They stood still for a few seconds, allowing the apprentices to take it in. Then she released her clanmate, looking back at them with a victorious grin. “And that is one of the ways you’ll get out of a hold, As Windclan cat’s we are agile and fast, empowered by the wisdom of our ancestors to outwit even the tallest warrior.”

Darkpaw snickered to his fluffy clanmate. “You be the dumb brute and I’ll be the honorable warrior, now go!” He sprung up, bouncing ecstatically around Cottonpaw, it seemed a little odd to see him so excited and kit-like when he was so standoffish before. Maybe he just preferred normal clanmates over Wolfpaw. 

Cottonpaw answered the call of his mischievous training partner and leapt forward. Putting all his weight forward to pin Darkpaw to the ground. The small dark tom almost disappeared underneath the swath of white fur, while being pressed into the mud below. Then a surge of movement changed the tide of the spar. It took only a second of limpness for Darkpaw to overtake Cottonpaw. Even though both apprentices knew the move before executing it, the younger apprentice was slower to react. And now Darkpaw pressed his paw hard against Cottonpaw’s chest. Wolfpaw imagined for a moment what it would feel like in a real battle, to have those claws unsheathed, they shivered at the idea. 

“Well done Darkpaw” Frigidleap called out. “I want you both to not only practice executing the move, but also not to fall for it. An inexperienced warrior may be fooled so easily, but a hardened warrior will know your tricks.” Darkpaw nodded at her words, releasing Cottonpaw so that they may spar again. 

“That goes to you two as well.” Foxcatcher added, looking to where Harepaw and Wolfpaw watched. Wolfpaw glanced meekly at Harepaw whose mouth widened into a grin. The small brown tom pounced, it wasn’t hard for him to pin little Wolfpaw whose never hurt a fly. Wolfpaw panicked and struggled hopelessly, this was the first time they had ever been in a spar outside of kit games. 

“Remember the instructions!’ Foxcatcher meowed sharply. And Wolfpaw was reminded of what they were supposed to do. They let their head lay against the floor and their limbs stopped pushing against Harepaw, which caused him to lose his grip. Then all at once Wolfpaw put all the energy they had into surging forward. But their opponent was not as inexperienced as Cottonpaw. Instead of allowing them to slip away, he reared onto his hind legs. It was clear he intended to slam Wolfpaw back into the ground, but the earlier downpour left it wet and slippery. Harepaw yowled as he began to lean backwards, legs frantically trying to stop it. He fell on his back and squelched into the mud. Wolfpaw lowered their ears, peering over at the apprentice.

“It was a good attempt, leveret. But I need to warn you against exposing your belly like that, and as you saw, or felt, standing on two legs is less stable.” Frigidleap spoke to Harepaw with a gentle, encouraging voice. How queerious, Wolfpaw hadn’t heard that word before, leveret. They wondered what it meant.

Frigidleap was nice, she gave feedback without rudeness or harsh words. Wolfpaw couldn’t say the same about their mentor. The brown tabby tom waved his tail at her words, a little defeated but certainly still spirited. He squeaked. 

“It was?” He smiled when Frigidleap nodded. Unexpectedly, Harepaw side-eyed Wolfpaw, then pounced giggling, rubbing mud all over their fur. When the rambunctious tom was done, they were both covered ear to tail.

“You’re really strong, Harepaw.” Wolfpaw meowed meekly, yet smiling and tail swishing. “I wish I was like you.” 

Harepaw chuckled. “If you’re anything like Foxcatcher I’m sure you’ll be a warrior for the ages.” Wolfpaw knew they didn’t mean anything by it, but they felt a sting of resentment that if they ever did accomplish anything in their lifetime, it would be attributed to the father that never cared about them. They wish they weren’t always frustrated with their clanmates and themself. 

“Are you ready to go again?” Harepaw’s voice cut through their thoughts like a kit’s claws. Wolfpaw didn’t feel very excited to train, but knew it was their responsibility as a warrior apprentice. Their face usually always looked neutral or disappointed, they didn’t usually smile unless they thought to do so or they were really happy. 

But Wolfpaw wasn’t.

“Yeah.”