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Chapter Text

Prologue

National Competitive Examination - Philippine Science High School Entrance Exam

Phase 2 

November 20xx

The sun shines bright already high in the sky despite the early hour of the morning. Its rays bearing down onto thousands of young students, standing in neat lines. Nervous energy fills the open space, their facade of calmness betrayed by every curious look around and jittering in their spot. At the front, near the gates, Thomas hands his test permit and identification to one of the volunteers at the registration table. Once his name is checked off the masterlist, he is directed to the one of the lines to which he dutifully stands behind those who arrived before him. He cranes his neck trying to catch a glimpse of anyone he knows but is unable to find them. He shrugs it off, when they last checked, Aldo’s testing number was pretty far from his own so he must be in a different line somewhere. He clasps his hands together and takes slow breaths in an effort to calm his own nerves.

“Hello everyone! Good Morning!” A voice rings out from the speakers, capturing everyone’s attention. “We will now begin bringing everyone into their respective testing rooms. Please follow your assigned proctor at the front of the line.” Thomas turns his gaze to the front where an older student, wearing the school’s uniform is raising his hand and giving those in line a kind smile. “Everybody okay? Let’s go.” And they set off into the main building.

________

“Thomas!” He turns as he hears his name being called out. Thomas sees Aldo rushing toward him in an almost-jog. The exam is now over and the student hopefuls are now milling about the benches in the front lobby of the campus, debriefing from the exam and waiting for their parents or guardians to come and fetch them. 

“So, how was it?” Aldo says, slightly out of breath. “They weren’t lying when they said the second phase was harder than the first one.” Thomas sighs, “Already expected it when they said that this exam was going to be all math and science. There was no English or Filipino to carry us over.” Aldo groans at that. “Oh well.” He grumbles and crosses his arms, “We just have to wait and see, I guess.” 

________

January 

“MA! MA! MA!” A loud voice screams out from the outside. Inside their home, Ray is setting up the table for lunch when he looks up to his little brother’s screaming. Their screen door opens and Roland rushes inside with loud footsteps just as their mom comes in with a steaming pot that she places in the middle of their table. “Oh,” She says, putting her hands on her hips. “Why are you screaming? Lola Rosing from next door’s going to be mad at you again.” Roland takes a deep breath, to which Ray rolls his eyes his brother has always had a flair for the dramatics, and then he holds up a white envelope with both hands. He flashes a devious grin then says, “Kuya’s letter is here! I bet it’s his test results.” Ray feels the blood drain from his face as his mother gasps and clasps her hands together; still grinning, Roland hands the sealed envelope to his brother. Ray’s hands are shaking as he takes the envelope and for a moment he can only stare at it. “Oh, ano na?” His mom exclaims, “It’s not going to bite you, open it!” With still shaking hands, Ray tears into the envelope and opens up the folded paper inside. It’s too light, just one sheet of paper. He thinks to himself. I probably didnt-

“Dear Mr. Raymond O’Malley,” Roland reads aloud, Ray didn’t even realize that his brother was now beside him. “Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have successfully passed the National Competitive Examination and as such have gained admission into the Philippine Science High School - Main Campus in Diliman, Quezon City. Should you wish to confirm your enrollment, please call the registrar’s office at (02)8XX-XXXX. Provided below are the list of documents to be submitted upon enrollment on- KUYA YOU PASSED!!!” Roland ends in an exclamation suddenly shaking his brother’s shoulders. Ray is stunned as he’s enveloped by his mother’s arms. “I KNEW IT.” She loudly sobs. “YOU DID IT, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU.”  Only then is Ray shaken out of his stupor as he returns his mothers embrace and releases sobs into his shoulder.

_________

April 

Giulio trails behind his father as they walk through the hallways of the Science and Humanities Building. They came from the second floor, having claimed Giulio’s books for the next school year, they’ve finally finished with all the necessary steps for enrolling Giulio into his new school. As he walks behind his father, he curiously tries to gaze into every room that they walk past. Most rooms are closed, considering that it is still the summer and students are on vacation. But they walk by an open door and Giulio can’t help but stop in front of the threshold to look inside.

Giulio is looking into what seems to be a laboratory, he’s in the back of the room with locked cabinets lining up the back wall. To the front of the room there’s 4 blackboards arranged in an almost-cross, and in between them are four long tables. Two pipes cut through the middle of the tables and each table is surrounded by metal stools. To the side are more cabinets, desk space with sinks spaced between them. “Giulio, come on.” His father’s voice calls ahead of him, breaking him from his reverie. “We should go get lunch.” As they continue walking to where their car is parked his father continues, “You’ll learn to adjust when the school year starts. Keep in mind this isn’t like your previous school. There’s no aircon for one.”

May 

An open letter is laid out onto the dining table. “I don’t believe it.” Vincent says in a soft voice, he turns to look at his mother with wide eyes. His mother grabs him into a hug, “Believe it, Enteng. You’re going to Pisay.” Once he’s released from his mother’s hold he exclaims, “But enrollment’s finished! We’ve also bought the uniforms and textbooks for the other school.” His mother waves him off. “Don’t think about that, anak. Pisay is the better school anyway.” 

Vincent takes the letter into his hands and rereads it. Dear Mr. Vincent Benitez, We are pleased to inform you that you have been taken off the waitlist and have successfully gained admission to the. . . 

Vincent releases a slow exhale, “Ma,” he says softly, keeping his gaze in the letter in his hands. “Yes, anak?” His mother puts a hand on his shoulder, her touch immediately grounds him. “What if I can’t keep up?” He shakily says. His mother takes Vincent into another embrace. “Just do your best, Enteng. You’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.” She tells her son.

Chapter Text

Freshman Year

June 20xx

“Well, this is where we leave you.” Mrs. Benitez says as she and her husband drop off their son by the entrance to the school’s dormitories. “Are you sure you don’t need anymore help in unpacking your things?” “Yes, ‘Nay.” Vincent says putting on a brave smile for his mom. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you on Friday.” “Okay, if you’re sure.” Mrs. Benitez pulls her son in for a hug. “Have a good first week.” Vincent nods then moves to hug his father. “I’m sure you’ll do great.” Mr. Benitez says with additional pats on the back. “Thanks ‘Tay.” Vincent says as they pull apart. “Drive home safe.” 

Vincent waves his parents goodbye as they walk back to their car, and he watches until they’ve disappeared from view. Then he squares his shoulders and heads inside. In the lobby, there are several other students, most with their parents saying their goodbyes just like he did. Vincent pauses by the bulletin board which takes up the majority of the space of the wall beside the front desk. BOY’S HALL - ANNEX reads cutout letters at the top of the board and below it are more letters making up the ‘WELCOME FRESHMEN’ sign. He climbs up the stairs until he reaches the third floor, where his assigned room is located. 

“The annex dorms are for first years and second years.” Sir Gonzales, their dorm manager, told the Benitez family earlier while leading them to Vincent’s room. “The building in front is the main dorm which is for the juniors and seniors.”

Vincent reaches his room, 304 , and he opens the door to find that his roommates have arrived. He meets the eye of a taller boy wearing round-rimmed glasses. Vincent gives the other boy a smile that he hopes doesn’t look as nervous as he feels. “H-hi.” He says in a voice softer than he’d like, and he clears his throat and tries again. “Hi.” Thankfully, the other boy returns his smile with one of his own. “Hi.” On the other side of the room, another boy with a more serious expression gives Vincent a nod. Vincent closes the door and walks into the room. The taller boy walks towards him and raises his hand in a small wave, “I’m Ray, it’s nice to meet you.” Vincent smiles in relief, “Nice to meet you too, I’m Vincent.” Ray nods in acknowledgement. They both turn a bit to the side as their other roommate has taken steps towards them. “I’m Joshua.” He nervously shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “I guess we’ll be living together for the rest of the year.” 

Vincent gives Joshua a nod at that, “I guess so. Is it just going to be the three of us? I thought that there’d be four to a room.” “There’s still space.” Joshua nods towards the empty upper bunk above his bottom bunk. “But I guess he’s probably going to get here tomorrow.” “Maybe he doesn’t live too far away.” Ray adds. Vincent nods and an awkward silence falls onto the three boys.

“So,” Vincent says to break the mood, “Are you guys in Jade too?” “Yup.” Ray says with a quick nod of his head. “Me too.” Joshua replies. “Great.” Vincent says, “At least it’d be easier to borrow notes.” Ray softly chuckles in response. The room falls into another silence; and the three boys move to their own spaces. Ray sits by his study desk and takes out a book he was reading, Joshua sits on his bed with his back to the wall, facing the window, and Vincent follows suit and sits on his own bottom bunk. He sighs inwardly to himself and prays that the rest of the week goes by smoothly.

________

The lights in the auditorium are bright. Nervous chatter fills up the room as 240 freshmen are currently waiting in their seats. Vincent and Ray take seats on the last row that’s assigned to their section. Like many other students, they’re looking around the auditorium. Among his own classmates, Vincent observes a group of boys who seem to already be in conversation with each other. 

A short woman with short hair comes up to the front, where a mic stand has been placed. She takes the microphone in her hand and calls for the room’s attention.

“Okay!” The woman’s voice booms into the microphone. “Good morning everyone! And a very big warm welcome to our FRESHMEN! Welcome, welcome to Pisay, Batch 20xx!” A round of applause fills the auditorium. Once the clapping stops, the woman continues, “My name is Anita Clemente, and I am your batch adviser for this school year.”

“To start off, I want to say CONGRATULATIONS to all of you. Your being here means that you have surpassed the schools rigorous testing and high standards. You are the best of the best, the cream of the crop among thousands of other students.”

Vincent and Ray exchange a look. Vincent nervously adjusts in his seat.

“That being said, this is only the beginning of your journey.” She continues, taking turns to face the different sides of the auditorium. “Compared to other high schools, Pisay has a more stringent curriculum geared towards the math and sciences. I will tell you right now, that the school will test not only your intelligence, but also your grit and diligence. Many of you have graduated from your grade schools as valedictorians, salutatorians, top ten, all of these awards and achievements. With this in mind, I am fully confident that all of you are well equipped to take on the challenge of not just this year, but of your next four years.”

Vincent takes another deep breath as Ms. Clemente continues on with their orientation.

_________

After lunch, Vincent and Ray climb the stairs of the SHB onto the third floor, where they were told to meet with the rest of their classmates in what would be their main classroom. When they reach their classroom, several of their classmates are already there. As he and Ray take seats near the windows of the room, Vincent notices the same group of boys in a small circle near the teacher’s desk.

They didn’t have much time to wait when a group of older students came into their classroom. A girl with glasses and her hair pulled back into a ponytail goes to stand in the front of the blackboard, neatly in the middle while another girl and two boys head to the side where the teacher’s desk is located by the window.

“Hi guys!” The girl says in a perky voice with a clap of her hands. Several of the students in the room gave halfhearted responses. She only laughs in response and says, “My name is Elise Villanueva and I, along with these guys,” she gives a gesture to the others who are on the side, “will be your big brothers and sisters for the year. Guys, why don’t you introduce yourselves?”

After their introductions, Elise talks again, “As you already know from your orientation this morning, you guys won’t be having classes yet for today. For this afternoon, we will be spending the time with you guys, helping you guys get to know each other a little better. Then sometime later, Sir Tom Sanchez, your batch’s guidance counselor, will be here to talk with you guys.” 

Vincent inwardly groans, he’s not a big fan of icebreakers. He catches Ray’s gaze from the seat next to him and the other boy gives him a shaky smile. Seems like Ray’s not too fond of them either. 

“So now, how about everyone stand and push all the chairs to the sides and we can all sit in a circle?” Elise says with another clap of her hands. For the next few minutes, the room is filled with the screeches of the scraping of the desks on the floor. Soon enough, all the students were in a circle with some seated on the floor and others balancing themselves on the desks of their chairs.

“Let’s begin!” Elise proclaims in a cheerful tone, “Let’s start with a simple introduction. As we go around the circle one by one, tell everyone your name, where you’re from and what grade school you graduated from. Let’s start with,” Elise takes a pause as she looks around the room and much to Vincent’s horror, her gaze falls on to him. He breaks out in a cold sweat. “Why don’t you start for us?” 

“Uh, okay, um.” Vincent stutters, trying not to let his nerves get the better of him. Elise gives him an encouraging smile, which Vincent is grateful for. He manages a weak smile of his own, “Hi,” He says. “My name is Vincent Benitez, I’m from Manila and I graduated from Manuel L. Quezon Elementary School.” 

________

“So what do you think?” Vincent asks Ray as they walk out of the SHB and head to the cafeteria to see what snacks there are on offer. “I don’t think we can have a solid opinion yet.” Ray replies, “Actual lessons start tomorrow.” They reach the cafeteria and settle on one of the seats with their snacks. “I guess you’re right.” Vincent says.

“Do you think it’s weird,” Vincent carefully says, after several minutes of silence. Ray looks at him with a curious expression. “That we haven’t even started but I already feel overwhelmed?” “I don’t think it’s weird.” Ray replies. “I understand what you mean. This entire day was all about how hard lessons are going to be, ‘ How much is expected out of all of you’” Ray finishes with an impression of Ma’am Clemente. Vincent gives him a grin at that. After another minute of silence between them, Ray starts speaking again, this time in a smaller voice, “And to be honest with you, I miss home already.” This time Vincent lets out a sigh of his own. “Me too,” He says empathetically, “This is my first time living this far away from home.” Ray nods in agreement with a more serious expression. 

________

The rest of their week goes like a baptism of fire. Their science and math classes dive straight into their lessons and while Vincent generally enjoyed those subjects and considered himself good at them, the amount of new concepts that were taught overwhelmed him. Not to mention, he was starting to feel rather intimidated by some of his classmates. After all, several of them graduated at the top of their respective schools, some even the best private schools in the country. Vincent would be lying to himself if he wasn’t feeling a bit behind some of them. There would always be someone who raised their hands faster or had come to an answer faster just as he was finishing up his solution and those instances frustrated him, loathe he was to admit it even to himself. 

That Friday, during their breaktime, he’d told Ray that he wanted to sit on the bleachers of the grandstand that stood in between the school oval and the gym. Even though the weather was hot, especially in the early afternoon, there was usually a good enough breeze that it wasn’t too stifling. Ray was going to join him until he’d realized that he left his textbook for their Earth Science class back in their dorm room and he’d hurried off to get it. 

Vincent climbed to the highest seats of the grandstand. He sits and is content to gaze at the view and watch the students who were hanging out at the gazebos dotted around the oval and those by the benches in the back lobby. 

“Oh, Vincent, hello.” He is knocked out of his reverie by a low voice at his side. Vincent turns and is met with one of his classmates. Thomas Lawrence, La Salle Greenhills, usually seen with the other guy from LSGH, Aldo I think his name is. “Hello, Thomas.” He replies, giving the other boy a small smile. “Is it okay if I join you?” Thomas asks, motioning to the vacant seats next to Vincent. “Yeah, of course.” Vincent says, moving his bag further out of the way. “So,” Thomas begins, “How was the week for you?” Vincent takes a moment to carefully think of his answer. With a sigh he replies, “It’s been quite. . .something alright.” Thomas lets out a quiet laugh. “I know right.” Thomas concurs with a shake of his head. “I didn’t think that the first week of school could be stressful.” He says.

Vincent turns to him in surprise, “Really? You’re stressed?” “Why do you sound surprised?” Thomas curiously says. “I-” Vincent trips on his reply. “I guess I thought it seemed like you, and the others, were far more well adjusted than I am.” He finishes with a sheepish smile and rubbing his hand to the back of his neck. Thomas gives him only a ‘hm’ as a reply. They fall into silence for a few moments and Vincent fears that he’s offended his classmate. “I don’t think any of us is actually well adjusted.” Thomas says quietly. “We’re all new students here.”

_________

The next few weeks pick up speed exponentially. Soon enough Vincent and the rest of his classmates find themselves buried in quizzes, readings, papers, and various group presentations. He’s gotten to know his classmates a bit better and for all their faults, Vincent is glad that they’ve gotten along well (so far at least). 

Vincent’s academic performance was a growing worry as the days and weeks went by, not that he was failing but he had to admit that there had been a few close calls. Now he wasn’t a stellar student back in elementary but he wasn’t used to the feeling of having to worry about his grades. There have been several quizzes where he thought he did fine only to have it come back below his expectations. This caused a kind of anxiety to rise in the back of his mind. He didn’t think much about the possibility of failing. During orientation, he thought that the emphasis on getting kicked out was just a scare tactic but now, he wasn’t so sure.

Your grades from 0 - 100 is equivalent to 1-5 with increments of 0.25. Ms. Clemente had explained during orientation, The highest you can get is a 1.0 or an uno then a 1.25, 1.50 and so on; the “higher” the number the lower the grade. The passing grade in all of your subjects is 2.50. Now, when you get to the end of the year, a final grade of 5.0 or singko in any of your subjects means that you will no longer be able to enroll the next year; and getting a final grade 2.75 or 3.0 in two subjects will also mean that you are kicked out of the school. A 4.0 is probationary wherein you take a final exam which determines your final grade; passing means you get a 3.0 and failing means you get a 5.0

The auditorium had gone deathly silent during Ms. Clemente’s explanation. In a crowd of honor-students, the idea of failure was not an option or even a possibility on most of the entire batch’s mind.

So what happens if you get a 2.75 or 3 in only one subject at the end of the year? Ms. Clemente continued, Then your status for the next school year will be probationary. If you end that year still with a 2.75 or 3.0 in any subject, then you will be kicked out as well. Passing all of your classes for that year will mean a clear of your probationary status. Being probationary also means that your teachers will be keeping an eye on your grades as well and no extracurricular activities. 

Vincent sighs, leans back on his chair and closes his eyes. He’s currently in his dorm room, studying. Their next hurdle is a long exam in Earth Science. He hasn’t had a hard time keeping up with their lessons in class and he’d been doing fine for their quizzes; but he had said the same thing about math and that didn’t go as well as he’d hoped. He groans, Vincent thinks he has a headache coming on. 

“Hey Vince,” He hears the voice of Ray, who was also doing his homework, coming from the desk beside him. “Are you okay?” Vincent sighs and straightens up in his seat before he answers. “Yeah, I’m just getting really tired of studying, you know?” Ray chuckles weakly, “I know, right? I can’t believe we’re only halfway through the first quarter.” Vincent crumples into his desk. “One of the kuya’s said that Sir Ramirez’ exams for EarthSci are really hard. His lectures are fun but the exams are killer.” Joshua joins in, coming to stand behind them. “But whether they mean it or they’re just scaring us, I don’t know.”

Vincent doesn’t move from his position, “I don’t know about you guys, but after Math, I’m not feeling too confident.” “Hey,” Ray pipes, giving him a pat on his back, “You said your quizzes have been fine. This will be fine too.” Vincent straightens again, giving Ray what he hoped was a grateful smile, “Thanks.”

The next day, Vincent and his classmates were seated for their Earth Science Long Exam. They were arranged alphabetically by last name with 3 students for each of the 8 long tables, one student on each end and one in the middle, while the last 6 students were spaced along the countertops by the windows. Vincent sat in the middle of the second table and received the exam paper. He was surprised to see that they only had one sheet of paper for the exam. A pit of dread started to form in his stomach when he saw that there were only six questions for the whole exam. The pit only grew as he read through the questions.

1. In Syene, during the summer solstice, no vertical shadows are cast at noon, when the sun is directly overhead. Erathosthenes, who resided in Alexandria, measured the shadow a stick cast onto the ground at the exact same time and day and found the angle of the shadow to be approximately 7.2 degrees. How did he arrive at the approximate value of the Earth’s circumference, also given that Alexandria and Syene have a distance of approximately 800 km? Show your computation.

Vincent realized that all questions were related, if he wasn’t able to compute the answer to the first question, he won’t be able to answer the next four questions. His only relief was the sixth question which was an essay on Galileo and the Church’s condemnations of his experiments. Vincent wanted to laugh, it was Sir Ramirez threw in pity points just so you wouldn’t score a zero on the test. He dared to look around at his classmates, hoping to see the others just as bewildered as he was. He thought there was but much to his dismay, it seemed like most people were doing just fine. To his left, Aldo Bellini’s pen was flying on the paper. Vincent sighed, and turned his gaze back to focus on his own. Here goes nothing, He thinks to himself.

_______

“That exam just wasn’t fair.” Ray moans as he slumps onto his seat. Thankfully, Earth Science is their last subject for the day and Ray, Joshua and Vincent have decided to eat their feelings with a bunch of snacks in the canteen. “It’s not!” Joshua proclaimed, “We’ve been discussing theory and concepts in class. Why did the exam focus on computation?” Vincent could only nod in agreement.

“I guess this is what they meant by ‘don’t be fooled by Sir’ Ramirez lectures.” Ray glumly says. Loud voices erupt on the other side of the canteen, the three look up to see some of their other classmates arguing. Vincent spots Thomas to be among them, looking from Aldo to another guy with glasses. Geoff?- Goffredo, from Ateneo Grade School. They seem to be arguing about the proper solution to one of the exam questions. 

“You think they had a hard time with the exam too?” Ray deadpans. Joshua sighs loudly, “At least they have answers to argue about. I don’t even have that.” Vincent remains silent and keeps his gaze on the table with their open packs of chips and drinks, not even having the heart to join in his friend’s conversation.

_______

“I think I’m gonna throw up.” Ray says, his hands tightly clutching his bag as he and Vincent reach their classroom. It’s been a week since their horrific Earth Science exam, Sir Ramirez had told them in their previous meeting that he’s finished grading all test papers and would be giving them back today. “I hate that Sir said he’d give back our tests at the end of class.” Ray continues, “How am I going to focus on the lecture?” Vincent lets out a pained groan in agreement. “I know. I never want to see my test again. I wish we could just forget that it exists.”

They take their seats in the classroom and the lecture begins as soon as Sir Ramirez enters the room. There’s a nervous energy in the room with the entire class being silent. The only thing you can hear is Sir Ramirez’ voice as he teaches and the odd cough or sneeze or the nervous tap of a pen on the table. 

“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for.” Sir Ramirez says in a playful tone. Normally, Vincent liked the teacher’s demeanor, Sir Ramirez was one of the older teachers having been teaching in Pisay for decades. He was a good lecturer able to keep everyone’s attention with quips while still being able to break down the concepts that they were studying. But today, the teacher’s tone sent a chill down Vincent’s spine. He lets out a slow breath.

“I’ll be giving back your papers in alphabetical order.” Sir Ramirez says, “The passing score is 60% so that’s 18 out of 30.” tapping the papers he held once on the table. Vincent notices that all papers were folded. A small kindness, he supposes. 

“Bellini.” Sir Ramirez calls out, and Aldo stands to take his paper. Vincent carefully watches as he unfolds his test paper before he’s reached his seat and only a quirk of his brow betrays any emotion. He gets back to his seat and Thomas leans to ask in a whisper. Vincent is too far from the two to hear anything.

“Benitez.” Oh God, here we go. Vincent takes his paper, unable to look Sir Ramirez in the eye and hurries back to his seat. He clutches his paper in a tight grip, unwilling to unfold the paper to see the score. Ray nudges his shoulder. Vincent looks at him and Ray gives him an encouraging smile. Vincent sighs and worries his lip. Fine, rip off the bandaid. He opens his test paper.

11/30 glares back at him in red ink. Vincent feels the blood drain from his face. He folds his paper again, unable to look at his score anymore. Ray had gotten up to get his test paper and as he got back to his seat, Ray gave Vincent a shrug. “I passed but barely.” Ray said. Vincent only ruefully shakes his head. “Sorry.” Ray replies sadly. 

_______

After their class, Vincent broke off from Ray and Joshua, choosing to go to the grandstand. He needed to sort out his thoughts. He climbs the stairs and sits on the highest seats. He leans back onto the far wall and pulls up his feet to his chest. Since classes for the day were over, there were a lot more people on the field and even on the grandstand itself than when he was here previously. All the gazebos around the field were full of students. There were various sports clubs using up different spaces on the field itself. Several students were walking rounds around the oval. 

Vincent didn’t know how long he spent sitting in one position. He was sulking, but he couldn't help it. He’d never failed a test before. He thought he studied enough. Vincent’s mind was racing with a million thoughts. What if the next exam was just as hard? They had another long exam and finals before the end of the quarter. What if he fails those too? What if he fails the class? What if he ends the year failing Earth Sci? Vincent wants to cry but he stubbornly keeps his tears from falling, reminding himself that he was still in view of a lot of other students.

“Vincent?” Someone says suddenly out of nowhere. Vincent starts and looks to see Thomas. “Sorry,” Thomas says, taking a seat beside him, “I called you several times but you didn’t seem to hear me.” “Ah, Sorry.” Vincent replies; embarrassed at being caught in the middle of his spiral. “I didn’t hear you. I was too deep in my head.” Thomas nods and looks out onto the field. The two sit in relative silence for several moments.

“Were you deep in your head because of Earth Sci?” Thomas says, breaking the silence. Vincent looks at him blankly then sighs. “Yeah,” he says in a defeated voice. “It was rough.” “Wasn’t it?” Thomas replies, “Actually unfair of Sir Ramirez to have us do those computations out of nowhere.” “How did you do?” Vincent carefully asks. While he didn’t think that anybody did any worse than him, he was apprehensive about asking others how they fared on the exam. Thomas sighs before he answers, “17. A point below passing.” Vincent only looks at him with wide eyes. Thomas gives him a curious look, raising a brow at his reaction. “Sorry.” Vincent says sheepishly, “I failed too. But I failed a whole lot worse than you did.” “Sucks doesn’t it?” Thomas says. They fall into silence again. 

“I’ve never failed a test before.” Vincent begins in a contemplative tone, “So I’m taking it really hard.” “Hm.” Thomas replies. “I’ve failed a test before.” “You have?” Vincent replies, surprised. “Weren’t you salutatorian or something?” Thomas snorts before he responds. “Yeah, but I have, in Grade 6. I misunderstood the instructions for one of our math tests. Nearly got everything wrong. My parents got so mad at me for that. Even Aldo won’t let me forget about it.” Vincent lets out a quiet laugh at that. 

“It’s just one test.” Thomas says, “Who knows, there’ll be more we’ll fail in the future.” “Wooow,” Vincent dryly replies, “Thanks for the encouragement.” “I wasn’t trying to be encouraging, just realistic.” Thomas replies with a grin. Vincent playfully shoves the other boy. 

“I probably did the worst out of the entire class, to be honest.” Vincent says, turning serious again. “At least now we know what kind of exam Sir Ramirez gives.” Thomas replies. “We can all be more prepared next time.” Vincent quirks a brow in response. Thomas shrugs and continues, “There’s not much we can do about this test now. We both failed and it’s not like we can retake the test.” “I know you’re right.” Vincent says, “It just sucks.” “I never said it didn’t.” Thomas quips. They fall into companionable silence as the sun starts to set, bathing the entire field in an orange glow.

“Sometimes I think that I don’t deserve to be here.” Vincent quietly says, keeping his eyes on the view. “Why not?” Thomas asks. “I’m not-” Vincent’s voice catches, he clears his throat and continues, “I’m not like the rest of you. Valedictorians, Salutatorians, Top Tens, everyone here was at the top of their class. I was waitlisted . I only got to enroll because someone else said no.” 

Thomas remains quiet. Great, Vincent thinks. He probably thinks I’m crazy or dumb or both. As the silence grows, Vincent tries to turn the conversation, “Forget I-”

“You deserve to be here.” Thomas cuts him off.

Vincent’s eyes widened in surprise, “What?” 

“You deserve to be here.” Thomas repeats in a firmer tone. “If you didn’t then, you wouldn’t be here.”

Vincent snorts, “How can you say that?” Thomas shrugs, “We all passed the same requirements, took the same entrance exams. Who cares if you were waitlisted? We don’t even get to know our entrance exam scores, I highly doubt they’d get someone who outright failed it.” Vincent is stunned into silence, unable to formulate a response. “Like I said before,” Thomas continues, “We’re all new students here, I think you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. And to be honest I don’t think whatever rank or awards we got when we graduated in grade school matters so much now.” 

“You’re surprisingly very wise.” Vincent jokingly replies. Thomas laughs at that. “I am a year older than most of you.” He pointedly says, “Grade seven.” “Right,” Vincent grins, “ Private school kids. ” 

Thomas checks the time on his watch and with a start, he stands. “I have to go,” He says apologetically, “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was getting late.” “Hey, no problem.” Vincent replies as he also rises from his seat. “I should probably head to the dorms anyway.” The two make their way down from the grandstand and cross the field. They say their goodbyes as they part ways, with Thomas headed to the front lobby to be picked up and Vincent to the back lobby on the way to the dorms. “Hey!” Vincent calls out, and Thomas turns with a questioning expression. “Thanks for the encouragement!” Thomas laughs and only waves as he turns and continues walking.

_______

  January 20xx  

A list has been posted onto the announcements section of their chalkboard. As soon as their adviser leaves, several students of the Jade section hurriedly stand from their seats and go to see the list. Vincent observes the various reactions his classmates have. Some are loud in their celebration, others only smiling to themselves as they go back to their seats; while there are one or two who look disappointed. This is the Director’s List. The students who get a General Weighted Average of 1.75 or better for the quarter  make the list. The list is posted a few weeks after the end of the previous quarter sometime before their report cards are officially released. The scene amuses Vincent, even though he’s seen this happen twice before. He, on the other hand, doesn't move from his seat. He hasn’t made the list before, and after the disaster that was his first quarter grades (‘disaster’ in his opinion, thankfully passed all of his subjects at the very least), he never hoped to even though he’s done better in the subsequent quarters.

“Vincent!” Ray’s excited voice calls out to him and the tall boy walks in hurried steps towards Vincent’s desk .“What?” Vincent replies, startled. “You’re on the list!” Ray exclaims, slamming his hands down on the desk.

“Hahaha very funny.” Vincent unmovingly replies with a roll of his eyes. “I’m serious!” Ray says in a huff, “Stand and see for yourself!” Vincent stands in spite of his disbelief. He was afraid that Ray might actually shove him from his seat. “If this turns out to be a joke, I’m stealing your room key and locking you out.” He threatens Ray. He frowns and walks up to the list posted on the board. 

To his utter surprise, his name is on the list. Right there, class number six, Benitez, Vincent. His eyes are wide as Ray catches up to him in the front of the room. The taller boy grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him, full of excitement. “I told you!” Well damn.

________

“Congratulations.” Thomas tells Vincent as he sits next to him at their usual spot on the bleachers of the grandstand. “Please.” Vincent snorts, “It was a miracle.” “Miracle or not, you’re DL now.” Thomas replies. “And you’ve been DL since the first quarter.” Vincent challenges. “We’re not talking about me here.” Thomas says. 

“It feels weird considering how my grades were at the start of the year.” Vincent says. “I told you, you just needed to get your footing.” Thomas says matter-of-factly. “Nyenyenye.” Vincent teases. “Wow, real mature.” Thomas replies wryly. The two then fall into companionable silence.

“You know what happens now?” Thomas starts. “What?” Vincent says with a quirk of his brow. “You have to maintain it.” Thomas pointedly says, and Vincent only groans in response.

“Please.” Vincent says, “I’m not as grade-conscious as so many of you. I’ve seen Aldo compute what grade he needs to get in a class to keep his GWA.” “Aldo’s an exception, we’re not all as bad as he is.” Thomas defends himself. “You don’t have to go that far.” “I don’t think I can.” Vincent replies. “I’ll spiral so bad and break my brain.” Thomas laughs at that. 

Chapter Text

Sophomore Year

June 20xx

It is early Monday morning and the entire class of 2-Sampaguita filed into their classroom for the first class of their sophomore year. Ray places his bag on the side of his chair as he settles on his seat. He inwardly groans as he takes out a notebook and a pen. It’s too early. He glumly thinks to himself. Just my luck that our first class is Geometry. On a Monday! And this is how all the Mondays for the rest of the year are going to look like. 

A loud thud takes Ray out of his thoughts. One of his classmates, Giulio Sabbadin, unceremoniously drops his bag and takes the seat that was empty next to him. Ray and Giulio were classmates from the year before although Ray couldn’t really call the two of them close. Giulio had been a part of the group of boys along with Thomas, Aldo, Goffredo and Joe Tremblay. Ray and Vincent, and some of their other classmates back in Jade, called them the private school kids. 

Now, in their new class of Sampaguita, Ray, Giulio and one other person, Agnes, were the only ones from Jade who are classmates again. Ray was also back in the dorms but with different roommates for the year. He knew it was bound to happen when Vincent had told him that he was going to be in Rosal. Still, Ray had to admit he was going to miss being in the same class as his friend. 

Beside Ray, Giulio groans as he slumps onto the desk part of his chair, folding his arms under his face. “Are you okay?” Ray ventures. “Far too early for math. ” Giulio grumbles, his voice muffled by his arms. Ray sighs and leans back onto his seat, “Can’t argue with that.” He forces himself to straighten when their teacher, a young man in his late twenties, comes into the classroom and takes his place on the teacher’s desk in front of the room. 

“Good morning class, my name is Sherwin Castro and I will be your teacher for Math 2 which is Geometry for the year. Now, let’s begin with. . .”

__________

There were no orientations or getting-to-know-you activities for the second year. After taking attendance and asking for all of the student’s nicknames, Sir Castro went straight ahead to his first lecture. By the end of class, Ray’s notebook has several pages of notes, illustrations and sample problems and solutions. As the bell signals the end of their first period, Sir Castro gives final reminders on their index cards and homework to be submitted by their next meeting. Ray and his classmates stand and take their bags, to head to their next class in a different classroom.

“Doesn’t it suck for the math department to be on the 4th floor of this building?” Giulio comments, falling into step beside Ray as they climb down the stairs. “Math’s already hard enough but to still have to climb up so many stairs just to get to the classroom?” Ray snorts, “Maybe the math department lost the draw for which floor they get to be in.” Giulio smirks, “Not to mention we have two math classes? Who thought of that, giving second-years geometry and advanced algebra in one year?” “They did say that second year had the worst subject load.” Ray replies. “Algebra, Geom, then we still have Bio, Chem, Physics, Comp Sci then the non-science subjects.” 

At the end of their freshman year, teachers and several upperclassmen had warned them about the heavy load sophomores had. Everyone had said that the first year was like an introductory year, “To help students ease into the curriculum.” One of their kuyas had told their class. “Second year is really where the ‘science high school’ part kicks in.”

They reach the first floor and head inside to where the Biology lab is located. “I wonder if we got art or drafting this year.” Giulio muses. Ray shrugs, “I don’t mind either. I’m not an artist but they say the art teacher is cool. Drafting seems cool in theory but I heard there’s a lot of projects.” “Wouldn’t art have just as many projects?” Giulio replies, entering their classroom and they take a seat on one of the square tables located in the Bio lab. Ray shrugs again, “That’s probably true.”

________

At the end of the day, Ray is exhausted. Mondays are their heaviest class days, ending at 4:10 pm. At least they get earlier dismissals for the rest of the week, he just has to get through Mondays. He and Giulio head to the cafeteria and they immediately spot their old classmates on one of the tables, even Vincent is there standing behind one of the chairs, choosing to lean on the back of the chair instead of sitting. Vincent’s eyes are amused watching as Aldo holds court among their peers. 

Ray and Giulio approach their table and Ray gives Vincent a pat on the shoulder. “Oh hey!” Vincent says, straightening up his posture. “How was your first day?” “I’m so tired.” Ray says with a sigh. “7:30 to 4:10 on a Monday should be illegal. What’s going on?” Ray asks as he motions to the rest of the table. Vincent smirks before he replies, “Aldo’s ranting about how he and Thomas are classmates with Geoff again.” Ray snorts, trying to not laugh. Aldo and Goffredo’s fights and debates were notorious among the students of Jade, if not their entire batch. Ray’s amazed how they can stand being in the same friend group if they hate each other that much. “It seems like the other guys act as a buffer.” Vincent mused, “Poor Thomas has to play referee.” Thomas for his part only said, “They don’t hate each other, they’re both just very opinionated and they both hate to lose.” Ray’s unsure whether he believed that that was it.

“Where is Geoff anyway?” Ray assumed if the other guys were here, he should be as well. “He’s already gone home.” Vincent replies. “Their class, Jasmin, gets out at 2:30 on Mondays, the earliest anyone can leave campus is 3:00 though.” “Wow, good for him.” Ray replies. “So, how was your first day?” Vincent lightly makes a face, “So-so I guess. I mean we already started on lectures for most of our classes; and we already have homework. We got art for this year though. We had our first meeting earlier.” “Is Sir Montenegro as good as everyone says he is?” Ray says. Vincent shrugs, “He seems chill, but I get the feeling we’re going to be doing a lot this year.” Ray sighs, “Isn’t that all of our classes though?” Vincent nods in agreement.

________

The rest of the week passes by in a blur for Ray. By the time the end of class on Friday afternoon rolls around, he is ecstatic over the thought of going home for the weekend. There’s actually a skip in his step as he heads back to his dorm room to pack. Thankfully their classes end at 2:30 on Fridays and that means he can leave as soon as he can so he can catch a bus back home before rush hour.

By 3:00 PM, Ray was already at the lobby of the dorm filling out the gate pass for their dorm manager to sign. He was one of the students who had authorization from his parents to leave on their own because he commuted from their town to the school. Admittedly, commuting on his own every Friday and Monday terrified him especially at the start of his Freshman year, as his mother was only able to accompany him during enrollment and when he moved into the dorm. At least now, Ray was more used to the commute.

________

“KUYA!” Ray hears his little brother scream as soon as he hops off the tricycle that he rode to their house. “You’re so noisy Olan,” Ray says with a playful roll of his eyes and a ruffle of his little brother’s hair which the younger boy tries to resist. Ray laughs and sees his mother approaching them. “It’s good to have you back home Ray.” His mother says as she takes him into a hug. “How was your trip?” “It was fine.” Ray replies, wrapping his arms around his mother. “Thankfully our class ends early on Fridays so I can get home earlier.” His mother nods as Ray is released from her hold. “Come on, you should eat something. You must be hungry.” His mother ushers the two boys inside. 

“So how was your first week of school?” His mother says as Ray takes a seat and immediately pours himself a glass of juice that his mother placed on the table. “It’s been fine, mostly.” Ray says. “Mostly?” His mother challenges with a raise of her brow. Ray takes a drink before speaking again, “We’ve already had lectures and homework and we have a lot of subjects this year. We already have a quiz in algeb next week.” “Well don’t forget to take care of your health.” His mother reminds him. “Don’t forget to eat and sleep on time. Are you sure you’re okay with not taking the meal plan for dormers this year?” Ray waves his mother’s worry off, “Yes ‘nay. The meal plan seemed pretty wasteful and far too expensive. I can manage.” “If you say so.” His mother says with a click of her tongue.

The weekend passes by far too quickly, in Ray’s opinion. Soon enough, it’s Sunday afternoon and he’s saying goodbye to his mother and little brother before he flags down the passing tricycle that will take him to the bus terminal. He wishes that he could just go back to school on Monday morning but his mother was against the idea considering how long the commute took. “You would be too tired to focus on your Monday classes.” His mother had insisted. 

By the evening, Ray was already back in his dorm room. After greeting his roommates and putting away his things, he sits down on his desk and eats the dinner his mother packed for him. Ray takes out a notebook to jog his memory on what he might need for the next day’s classes. He wasn’t able to study while he was at home; though admittedly, he didn’t really try, he liked not having the stress of school while he was at home. With a sigh, he resolves to at least read through some of his notes for tomorrow.

________

July 20xx

After the initial week of classes, the sophomores really began to feel the load of their classes. Between Algebra and Geom homework, Bio and Chem lab reports, Physics probsets, reading El Filibusterismo chapters for Filipino class, Readings for English, coding exercises for CompSci, papers for Social Science, their plates for Drafting (which they got instead of Art), and various quizzes for all of their classes. All the work they needed to do was piling up, and Ray felt like he hadn’t had a day to relax in weeks. 

It didn’t help them that the school’s annual Humanities Week was coming up. Every year, coinciding with August being Buwan ng Wika (Month of Language), Pisay held a week-long celebration and each batch had their own main program they had to present.

“Each second-year class is going to perform a folk dance which will be presented during Humanities Week.” Ms. Lou, their Filipino teacher, had explained to them. “You can decide as a class what you will be doing and the details. We will have some meetings devoted to your practice time. Now, don’t forget, it’s a contest and there will be bonus points for the classes who place first, second or third.”

That’s how the class of 2-Sampaguita ended up in the vacant space in between the two girls’ dorms practicing the Tinikling. It had been slow going for their class, arguments having erupted over role assignments and only having just decided on who was in charge of the choreography. “Well, this kinda sucks, doesn’t it?” Giulio grumbles, unceremoniously taking a seat right there on the cement floor. Ray sighs but follows suit. Their class president had decided they all needed a break for a few minutes. “Hum week is fun but I wish we’d just get this over with.” Ray admits. Giulio nods, “I only like the weeks ‘cos we get classes off but I hate that homework piles up before it.” 

“By the way, have you done the geom homework for tomorrow?” Giulio asks. “No,” Ray replies glumly. “I tried to start but geom feels impossible to me; proving sucks.” “Here.” Giulio grabs his bag and tears off a whole sheet of paper, handing it off to Ray. “What?” Ray says with surprise. “I am not copying your homework; and you’ve already done your homework ? I thought you usually waited until the day of.” Giulio snorts, “Sir Sherwin only gave us three problems. They weren’t that hard, I did them while I was bored in physics.” Ray can only stare at the other boy with surprise all over his face. “Fine.” Giulio continues, “Don’t ‘ copy’ it, use it as reference for when you do the homework.” 

“Okay.” Ray says, still unbelieving what just happened. “Thanks, I guess.” Giulio snorts again, “I guess?” he repeats in a mocking tone.

________

“You look dead.” Vincent tells Ray as he pulls out the seat beside the bespectacled boy. Their sections have the same break for the day and the two decided to meet up in the library. “I feel dead.” Ray responds dryly. “Math feels impossible, and while I’ve never claimed to be a math genius, it’s never been this bad.” “Which math?” Vincent asks. “Both.” Ray responds with a glare at the textbook and notebook in front of him. “Geom just a little more. ‘Prove that this is a triangle’” He recites with a mocking tone. “ Why? It looks like a triangle, that should be enough.” Vincent only gives him an empathetic look while holding in a chuckle at Ray’s antics.

“If you’re having such a hard time, you should be asking more questions in class.” Vincent says. Ray sighs before he responds. “I know. But the thing is, during class, all I can do is listen and take notes. My brain hasn’t absorbed enough to even know what to ask. It’s not like I can just be like ‘Hey Sir, could you repeat, everything?’ ” 

“Maybe you should.” Giulio says, appearing out of nowhere, taking the other empty seat next to Ray which was across Vincent. “Hey Vince.” Vincent nods at him in response. “Sir Sherwin seems nice enough.” Ray groans. “What brings you here anyway?” He asks the newcomer to their table. Giulio nods towards the computers located at the side section of the library, where one of their classmates, a really tall boy, was standing by the printers. “Willy said he was going to print out his paper for english. I went with him because it was getting too hot outside.” 

“How have your quizzes been in geom and algeb?” Vincent thoughtfully says bringing their topic back to Ray’s math woes. “Not great, to be honest.” Ray sighs and leans back on his chair. “I’ve been passing some, failing some. I think my grades for both classes are holding on because of homework.” Giulio lets out a low whistle and Ray gives him a light glare. “Oh I’m sorry, we can’t all be math wizards like you.” Ray jeers. “I am not a math wizard.” Giulio retorts. “Math is just easy to me. I blame Kumon.” “And Xavier education.” Ray snorts. “Rich kid.” Vincent lets out a quiet laugh. “Gio, maybe you should tutor Ray.” Vincent suggests and Ray and Giulio exchange a look. “I’m not a good teacher.” Giulio replies, “I’d just end up doing the problems for him because I’d get so impatient.” Ray only nods in agreement. “It’s okay you guys,” He says, giving his friends a small smile. “I’ll be fine. I just have to not freak out so much.” Vincent gives him a kind smile, “Well don’t forget to ask for help if you need it.”

_________

August 20xx

Humanities week had arrived, and Ray’s class had managed to pull together to put on a decent presentation although they didn’t place for the contest. The class that won first place was Ilang-Ilang with their sayaw sa bangko routine. “Is it fair though, technically only 3 pairs did the dancing on the benches.” Giulio had commented to Ray as they watched from their seats in the auditorium, “Everyone else was in the back or sides just clapping.” “I think the degree of difficulty did a lot of heavy lifting here.” Ray replied. 

Ray was grateful for the week of various activities, providing them a short reprieve from their regular classes and studying. Ray and his friends went around the various performances being put on from the Junior classes’ staging of the Ramayana and the Seniors’ staging of different Shakespeare’s stories. They ended the week by joining the entire student body in the front lobby which had been turned into this long runway for the annual fashion show of art students of the freshman class and the four sophomore classes who had art for the year. “What are the chances they got Joe to model for his class?” Giulio snickered as they found a bench that still had space for them to sit. “Apparently anyone can model.” Ray replies, “Agnes told me that someone from Dahlia tried to rope her into it but she said no.” “I would be so surprised if she said yes.” Giulio replied. “Gio! Ray!” Thomas walks up to them in hurried steps. “Can I join you guys?” “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be helping out your class backstage or something?” Giulio asks Thomas as they move over to let him take a seat. “I’ve done all that I could.” Thomas explains. “I don’t have much creative input so after handing over the supplies and being their runner, there’s really nothing else for me to do. Aldo’s still backstage, he’s not letting anything get past without his approval.” Ray and Giulio laugh out loud in response. 

Soon after, music blares over the speakers installed and two junior students take the makeshift stage as emcees. The program starts and cheers fill up the entirety of the front lobby as several pairs of students walk down the “runway” in outfits styled by their classmates. Thomas, Ray and Giulio cheered the loudest when it was their friends’ turn to walk. Moreso when Joe Tremblay did end up walking for one of his class’ entries. “He didn’t want to do it, refused them several times.” Thomas told the other two. “But Champaca was left with no choice since they couldn’t get anyone else. It was either he walked or they didn't get a grade.”

When the program ended and all the excitement had died down, the three boys got up from their seats to join their friends. “Ray!” Vincent calls out as he jogs over, “Are you going home yet?” Ray shakes his head before he replies, “Nope, not this weekend. Since we were finishing late today I told ‘Nay I’d stay at the dorms this weekend instead. I have to study anyway since one of the first things we’re doing next week is the geom long test.” Vincent nods, “Well, I’m staying for the weekend too. We can study together.”

________

After Humanities Week, the days all blur into each other into a mess of tests, homework, reports, and other requirements that Ray felt like he was running a marathon. Before he knew it, it was finals week. He was still stressing out about his grades, especially about his two math classes. He had a lot riding on doing well in both of his finals.

The day before their final exams started, Ray, Giulio, Vincent and Thomas gathered at one of the gazebos around the field after their classes. The table was littered with their notebooks, scratch papers and an open bag of chips and candy. Thomas proved to be an effective tutor, patiently going through proving solutions with Ray. Giulio and Vincent chimed in every now and then with their own tips. Their study session lasted until the sun had set and it was too dark to read in the gazebos. 

“God, I think I’m gonna be sick.” Ray says as they clean up and pack away their things. Giulio throws him a look, “Don’t be so dramatic. You’ll be fine.” “Easy for you to say.” Ray retorts, you’re not at risk of failing. “You’re not going to fail.” Giulio, Vincent and Thomas say in unison, startling Ray. He only sighs and shakes his head, “I hope you guys are right.”

“We should go.” Vincent says, “It’s 6:30, we have 30 minutes to get dinner before curfew.” Ray nods. “Thanks for staying late you guys.” Ray tells Giulio and Thomas. “No problem.” Thomas says, “I needed the review too anyway.” Giulio gives them a mock salute. Vincent and Ray wave goodbye to Thomas and Giulio as they walk towards the front lobby where the cars that were picking up them were waiting.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous for exams before.” Ray says as he and Vincent put their trays carrying their food down on the table of the cafeteria. “And to think that I was an okay student last year.” Vincent gives him an encouraging smile, “Try to relax. Being too nervous might do you more harm than good tomorrow. Don’t stay up all night studying.” “You’re one to talk.” Ray chides his friend. Vincent shrugs, “Do as I say not as I do.”

________

That Friday at noon, the final bell rings, signaling the end of finals week. Students file out of the SHB with loud voices filling up the hallway, finally able to relax. Ray, Giulio, Vincent and the others are sitting on the cement benches in the back lobby. Aldo and Goffredo were arguing over their answers, rapidly switching between subjects that no one else could keep up in their debate. Not that the others really tried to keep up, since having the two of them argue about exam answers was a regular occurrence after every exam they had.

Ray was quiet, not joining in on any of the conversations happening around him. His mind was filled with a thousand different thoughts, all related to their just-concluded exams. “Hey,” Giulio said, snapping his fingers in front of Ray’s face. “Exam’s are over. You can relax now.” Ray tilts his head, “I don’t think I can relax until I see how I did.” He says glumly. “Aren’t you going home today?” Giulio asks. Ray nods, “Yeah. I’m kind of dreading having to tell ‘Nay about exams.” “You didn’t tell her it was finals?” Giulio says, raising his brow skeptically. “No, no. I did.” Ray says with a shake of his head. “But of course as soon as I get home she’ll ask all about it and I don’t want to worry her by saying I don’t know if I did well.” “Just say you did the best you could.” Giulio replies. Ray gives him a surprised expression in reply. “That’s not a lie.” Giulio says simply. 

_________

“Ray?” A voice says along with a knock on the door. The door opens to allow his mother to enter the bedroom Ray shared with his little brother. “Yeah?” Ray says as he sits up in bed. “Are you feeling okay?” His mother says in a worried tone. “You’ve been in here since after breakfast and it’s almost lunch time. Ray waves off his mother’s worry, “Sorry, ‘Nay. I’m fine. I’m just tired from this past week.” His mother looks him over, Ray fidgets under his mother’s gaze. “How were your final exams?” She says after a moment, coming closer to sit on the bed. “Harder than I thought.” Ray admits, “But I think it’ll be fine.” For several moments his mother is quiet, keeping her gaze on his face. “I hope you know, anak. ” She says putting a hand to her son’s face, “If you need anything, or if you’re having a hard time, you can let me know.”

“I know, ‘Nay.” Ray says, taking hold of his mother’s hand on his face.

________

September 20xx

A few weeks into their second quarter, Ray’s biggest fears have materialized. He had snuck off after their classes for the day and climbed up to the 4th floor of the SHB. On the other end of the floor, opposite the math department, were their classrooms for their music and drafting classrooms; and unless there were classes, the hallway there remained relatively empty. He had come up here precisely for that reason, he wanted to be alone. 

He sits on the floor, with his back against the wall of a locked classroom. From his bag, he grabbed the index cards given to him by Sir Sherwin and their algebra teacher. On these index cards, his grades for both subjects for the first quarter had been written. The two teachers had let the class know of their grades ahead of the distribution of report cards which was coming up. 

He had failed. Both classes, algebra and geometry. Just as he’d feared all quarter.

Ray lets his head fall back on to the wall behind him and he groans. The worst part here is that he had to give back his index cards to his teachers, but they had to be signed by his mother. That meant telling her ahead of receiving his report card. He couldn’t decide whether it was better for her to know ahead of time or not; but he didn’t have much choice. His teachers told him that he had to return the index cards by next week, so his mother had to sign them this weekend.

Oh God, He groans again. Ray really didn’t want to cry. He closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing, trying to calm his racing heart down. He doesn’t know how long he stays there, unmoving in his position. Ray thinks he probably looks as pathetic as he felt; alone in an empty hallway, slouched against the wall with his legs stretched out in front of him and his hands still holding on to the index cards with a tight grip. He keeps his eyes closed, unwilling to open them. Maybe if he kept his eyes closed, he can will all of this or himself away.

Ray senses someone come into the hallway. He prays that they go back the other way or just leave him alone. Much to his chagrin, he hears the footsteps come closer and takes a seat next to him against the wall.

“Go away.” Ray says. His eyes are still closed, he doesn’t feel welcoming to whoever’s come to give him empathy. “We were all wondering where you’d run off to.” Is the dry response. “Geoff suggested betting on who would find you first before Vince told him off for being insensitive.” Ray opens his eyes and is admittedly surprised to see Giulio sitting next to him on the floor. “Well, I’m here. I’ve been here.” Ray says, with a strained smile. “You can go now and tell everyone else.” Giulio doesn’t respond, and only looks at Ray. 

Giulio sighs and turns his gaze to the opposite wall, “How bad is it?” He asks. Ray purses his lips, not willing to say anything. “Putting off talking about it is just going to make things feel worse.” Giulio says, addressing his words to the wall instead of the boy beside him. Ray worries his lip, mirroring the turmoil that he’s feeling. Unable to bring forth the words, he hands over the index cards he’s holding over to Giulio with a slight shake in his hands. Giulio takes them, his gaze only flickering briefly over Ray's face then focusing onto the index cards to read what they say.

Math 2 - Geometry

2.75

Math 3 - Advanced Algebra

3.00

Giulio hands them back, wordlessly. The two of them stay silent for several moments. Ray fiddles with the cards in his hands. Then with a sigh, Giulio breaks the silence, “I thought you said that geom was your worst subject?” A pained laugh is punched out of Ray. He leans back, turning his gaze to the ceiling. “I don’t even know what happened.” Ray says. “Some of my tests were bad, sure but I didn’t think it was this bad.” 

“What did Sir Sherwin and Ms. Chiu say?” Giulio says. “There will be review sessions twice a week, scheduled after class. It’s open to everyone but attendance is mandatory for those with failing grades.” Ray says with another sigh. “And I have to get these signed by my mother this weekend and bring them back to them next week.” “Well, that sucks.” Giulio responds. “I know.” Ray whines. “I mean, I guess it’s better that she knows now than when we get our cards but I don’t know how I’m going to tell her.”

“Is she going to get mad?” Giulio asks. Ray shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so; But she’s going to be so disappointed.” The two fall into another silence that stretches across several minutes. “Well, it’s not the end of the world.” Giulio says, “It’s only the first quarter. You still have another three to pull up your grades.” 

Ray snorts at that, “Easy for you to say. I’m the one who’s failing here. What if I’m not able to pull my grades up? What if my algeb grade drops to a five? What if I end the year with the same grades? Those two subjects failed! I’d get kicked out. Oh God.” The words are spilling out of Ray now. “Hey hey hey.” Giulio says, putting a hand on the other boy’s shoulder. “Breathe.” He motions Ray to start taking deep breaths, helping him to calm down. 

Once he’s relatively calm, Ray speaks again. “I’m not like the rest of you.” He says in a much smaller voice. “You guys were already in good schools even before transferring here. Hell, you could’ve chosen not to come here. I was in a small public school and getting into Pisay was my big chance. Coming here and finishing high school here means that I can get into a good college, maybe even get a scholarship, then I can get a good job then I can help out with our expenses back home. I can’t get kicked out. If I do, I’d have to go back.” 

“You are not getting kicked out.” Giulio firmly says. Ray blankly stares at him, disbelieving. “I mean it.” Giulio says, “The teachers are already going to help; and we’ll help you out too. We can rope Thomas into teaching you geom, he’s surprisingly good at explaining the lessons.” Ray snorts at that. “And I’m sure Vince is gonna be willing to help, we can help you practice for algeb.” Giulio continues. “It’s going to be hard, and you’re going to hate it. But you’re going to be fine.” 

Ray is silent, ruminating on what the other boy has just said. For the first time since he’d arrived at the empty hallway, he cracks a small smile. “You know what, that’s oddly reassuring.”

________

“ Anak, what happened?” Ray’s mother asks him. It’s now Saturday afternoon, Ray is home for the weekend; and he’s decided to rip off the bandaid and tell his mother about his grades.

At first his mother was quiet, and for a brief moment, Ray was worried that she might actually get angry. His mother had only ever been truly angry a handful of times and never at her children. He’d hate for this to be the first time she got angry at him. Even though I deserve it. He thinks to himself. 

But his mother doesn’t get angry, much to Ray’s comfort. “I don’t know why it got so bad, ‘Nay.” Ray admits, his head dropping. “I was studying, but maybe not hard enough. Maybe I let the stress get to me. I don’t really know.” “I can’t say I’m not disappointed.” She starts her response and Ray flinches at that. “But, I think you feel bad about it. So now how can I help you?” 

Uncontrollably, Ray bursts into tears at that. He had refused to cry since receiving his grades but hearing his mother comfort him seemingly unlocked the dam holding back his tears. His mother takes him into her arms and Ray lets himself sob into his mother’s shoulder. “Ssshhhh, it’s going to be okay.” She says, rubbing her hand onto Ray’s back.

“I’m so sorry.” He says into her hold once his tears have stopped flowing. “It’s okay, anak. ” She says.

________

Ray catches his breath as he reaches the landing of the fourth floor of the SHB. Then he heads to their geometry classroom. As instructed by his teachers, he has review sessions every Tuesday and Thursday. He greets Sir Sherwin, who is already writing down their sample problems on the whiteboard and takes a seat. As he takes out his notebook and pen, the seat next to him is taken.

“Why are you here?” Ray says in surprise. Giulio drops his messenger bag on the side of his chair. “I could use the extra review.” He deadpans as he takes out sheets of paper and a pen. Ray only blinks. “No, you don’t.” “We told you we won’t let you suffer in the review classes alone.” Giulio says, “We might even drag Aldo into one of these.” Ray snorts in disbelief just as their teacher calls the attention of the students present.

________

March 20xx 

Ray is holding his breath as he is handed his report card. The school year has ended and their exams have long been graded. The card he holds is going to determine his fate for the next school year. He releases the breath he’s holding and finally reads his report card.

Math 2 - Geometry

2.50

Math 3 - Advanced Algebra

2.25

Ray sighs a long sigh; and for the first time, seemingly in the entire year, he feels a weight lifted off his shoulders. He clawed his grade in algebra up from the 3.0 he got in the first quarter, one step at a time and Ray could actually say he was happy about his final grade. On the other hand, geometry remained his worst subject. He was able to raise his grade to passing in the second quarter only to have it fall back to 2.75 in the third; he is greatly relieved to have pulled it back up for the end of the year.

Ray sighs again and their class adviser teases him with a “congratulations”. He can only give her a weak smile in response. He keeps the report card in his bag and he leaves the classroom. He finds Giulio and the others by the benches in the back lobby. The group’s conversation dies down as Ray approaches them. “Hey guys.” Ray says. For a moment nobody says anything, Ray looks around in amusement; silence is a rarity for this particular group.

Then someone groans, “Well?” Goffredo says. Ray snorts then answers. “It’s fine. I finally passed everything.” And around him, his friends break into cheers. Giulio throws an arm around Ray’s shoulders. “See? I told you, you’re not getting kicked out.” Ray laughs, feeling the lightest he’s felt all school year.

Chapter Text

Junior Year

May 20xx  

“I can not believe this. You’ve got to be kidding me.” A loud exclamation rang out throughout the front lobby. After which the sound of laughter from a group of boys soon followed. Aldo Bellini groans and buries his face in his hands pushing up his glasses.

Thomas gives his friend a pat on the shoulder. “There there, Aldo. Think of it this way, we’re still classmates, three years in a row. More if you count how many times we were in the same class in elementary.” Aldo groans before replying, “I have no problems being classmates again with you, Thomas. Him, on the other hand.” He points to another bespectacled boy who scoffs at him and rolls his eyes. “If it’s any consolation,” Goffredo rebuts, “I’m not excited about spending another year with you either.” He ends with crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

The rest of their friends only give the bickering pair a shake of their heads then proceed to make their own conversations. “Hey guys,” Vincent arrives, joining their little circle. He spots Aldo and Goffredo glaring at each other. “What’s going on?” He curiously asks. Thomas signs before he explains, “Aldo, Geoff and I are in the same class again for third year.” Vincent’s eyes widened with surprise at that, “Wow, three years in a row. Keep it up for next year then you guys will officially be soulmates.” Aldo lets out an affronted scoff, “No way. If that happens I might actually drop out.” “Oh please do.” Goffredo replies snarkily. “That’s better for me actually.” 

Thomas looks at them with a dejected expression on his face, he turns to Vincent with a ‘do you see what I have to put up with?’ face. To which Vincent only responds with a laugh. “So which class are you guys in?” He asks Thomas. “Beryllium. What about you?” Thomas asks him in turn. “Ah, Potassium. Ray and I are classmates again.” “Lucky” Giulio chimes in, “Looks like Joe and I are the odd ones out this time. I’m in Strontium.” “Magnesium.” Joe says, then after a pause he says, “I haven’t been classmates with any of you guys since first year, I think.” 

“Hey, I think you’re in the same class as Agnes.” Vincent says, “I ran into her in the registrar’s office. At least I think she said Magnesium.” “Ah well. I haven’t been classmates with her since first year either.” Joe replies with a shrug. 

“So,” Joe continues motioning his head at Aldo and Goffredo who are still bickering. “You guys think they’ll be okay for another year together? You would think the teachers know all about their classroom debates and fights by now.” Giulio snickers, “Maybe the 3rd year teachers think they can handle it. I bet they’re gonna get the strictest one for their adviser. Ha! Remember when one of the teachers threatened an incident report on both of them last year?” Vincent laughs, “I forgot about that. All I remember is how the entire batch was talking about it by the end of the day; the rumor even got so bad that I thought an IR was actually filed.” “Oh God help us all.” Thomas says exasperatedly. “ Especially you , I think.” Vincent teases, playfully wagging a finger at Thomas. “Playing referee for another year.” Thomas only responds with a groan.

_______

June

“Alright class, remember your essays are due next week. I’ll see you on Friday.” The teacher dismisses the class and the classroom immediately fills with chatter. Joe swings his bag over his shoulder as he quickly leaves the classroom to head to the chemistry lab early. They were having an experiment today and he’d lent his lab gown to Giulio who was in the class before theirs. He hoped to get there before their class left so that Joe could get his lab gown back. Their chemistry teacher was strict, no lab gowns meant that you were absent for the day.

As soon as he reached the first floor, he turned toward the direction of the chemistry lab. “Gio!” He calls out, seeing the other boy by the door of the lab. Giulio nods his head as a greeting, then tosses the blue lab gown over to Joe. Joe instinctively catches the lab gown in the air with one hand. “Thanks,” he says. “How was it?” Giulio shrugs, “Simple enough, then lab report as usual.” Joe nods then heads inside the lab, as the rest of his classmates arrive behind him. 

Later, the class has been divided according to their assigned groups and each one preoccupied with the experiment that’s been tasked to them. Joe was carefully adjusting the flame under the beaker that held the solution they were bringing to a boil. On the end of their table, one of his groupmates, Agnes, was writing their notes down in their lab notebook. While they had been classmates back when they were freshmen, Joe admittedly didn’t talk to her much beyond any requirements that they’d done back then. 

He finishes with the setup as they wait for the temperature to reach boiling. Joe glances at the notes being written on their notebook. “Are you sure about the computation?” He asks Agnes. She stops writing, pen hovering over the page. She makes the slightest turn of her head and raises a brow, “Is it wrong?” Joe instinctively takes a step backward. “I just wanted to be sure.” He replies as he reaches for his calculator and puts in the formula then double checks the answer he got to what was written in their notebook. “Hmm.” He murmurs. “What?” Agnes says, putting her pen down. “We got different answers.” Joe says, “Let me try again. Can I see the solution you used?” and he holds out a hand, asking for their group’s shared lab notebook.

For a moment, Agnes gives him a blank stare. Joe starts to fidget under her gaze. He thought she looked like she wanted to say something, but instead Agnes wordlessly hands over their notebook. “Uh, thanks.” Joe says and then scans the computations written, running a finger along the page as he checks each line. 

“Oh.” Joe says, tapping his finger on one line. “Here.” “What?” Agnes says, standing from her seat and to get a better look at their notebook. Joe lowers the notebook back on the table, “You cancelled out the wrong number. “Did I?” Agnes says, leaning to take a closer look at the computation. Joe looks up to reply but is momentarily startled at the sudden proximity. “Ah. Yeah, but don’t worry, it's a common mistake.” He says, clearing his throat. “We should correct it before we submit our notebooks. Now where’s my pen?” He looks around their table. “Here.” Agnes says, holding out her own pen she was previously. “Oh, thanks.” Joe says, grabbing the pen and making the necessary corrections; crossing out the previous lines and writing down the new computations to get the correct answer. They finished their experiment and their submission just in time when the bell rang signalling the end of the class. 

As they were packing up their things to head to their next class, Joe hears his name called out by the door. He looks up to see Goffredo waving him over. “What?” Joe says when he reaches the other boy. Thomas and Aldo are walking up to the lab, and Joe nods at them. “Can I borrow your lab gown?” Goffredo says. “Don’t any of you guys have your own lab gowns?” Joe near-whines as he takes out the blue lab gown he’d folded into his bag. “We do.” Aldo says, waving a hand to motion at him at Thomas. “But we can’t share.” Joe rolls his eyes. “Give it back at lunch.” Goffredo only grins as the three of them head into the lab. Joe walks at a faster pace to catch up with his classmates. When they reach their next class, he takes his seat and brings out his notebook. He takes the pen he keeps in the chest pocket of his polo uniform and with a start he realizes  that it wasn’t his own. Joe takes a glance and sees Agnes sitting on the other side of their classroom. He looks at the pen in his hand and figures he’ll give it back later.

_______

The next Monday afternoon, Joe was in the library wanting to finish up the essay they were to submit for their Social Science class. History wasn’t his strong suit, and they were doing world history this year. He forced himself to stay at the library after class because he knew that if he put off writing this essay to do at home, he’d only get distracted. 

Joe was flipping through one of the books he’d taken from the shelf when a shadow fell on the page he was currently reading. He looks up to find Agnes looking at him from where she was standing by the table he was using. “Hi.” He says in a soft tone as to not disturb the general silence of the library. “What’s up?” “Do you mind sharing the table?” Agnes asks, motioning to the rest of the tables which were all being used by other students. “Oh. No, of course not.” He replies, and pushes his things onto the other side of the table. “Thanks.” She says with a tight-lipped smile. He nods and brings his attention back to the book and the draft of the essay he was working on.

The pair work on their separate schoolworks in silence. Joe focuses on his paper and gets several paragraphs into his essay. His focus is only broken when he hears the rhythmic tapping of a pen. He looks up from his work and sees Agnes frowning down at her yellow pad paper. “Is something wrong?” He ventures with his voice in a soft whisper. Agnes lightly jumps and turns to face him. “Sorry.” Joe hurriedly whispers, “You just looked like you were trying to set the paper on fire with your eyes.” Agnes scoffs but the side of her mouth twitches up in an almost-smile. “Our chemistry homework.” She replies with her voice just as soft. “The computations always manage to confuse me.” She finishes with a sigh. “Oh.” Joe says. “Can I check?” 

Agnes eyes him warily but hands over her yellow pad and notebook. Joe takes them and begins to look over their homework. “What are you working on?” Agnes asks, trying to angle her head to get a look at his draft. “Oh um, it’s our essay.” He replies. “For SocSci, you know the whole ancient Greece city-states.” Agnes only responds with a “Hmm.” She then reaches over to take his own pad of paper to read through his draft. After reading through, Joe was fully aware of how short it currently is; thank you very much, she hands it back to him without saying anything. 

“What?” Joe prods with a slight frown forming on his face. “Nothing.” Agnes replies. Joe raises a brow at her. “You clearly have an opinion on my writing. Just say it.” He challenges. “It’s exactly that.” Agnes says. “Nothing.” “What is that supposed to mean?” He says, irritation seeping into his voice. “You’ve written nothing.” Agnes says, offering clarity on her statement. “It’s all just a restatement of the facts you’ve read with no analysis or input from your end.” Joe only looks at her, taken aback. He opens his mouth but closes them again, unable to find the words to defend himself. In the end he purses his lips tightly and frowns. He knew she was right. 

Joe sighs and lightly throws up his hands, “Okay, you’re probably right. Essays aren’t my strong suit. That’s why I’m here, forcing myself to work on it so I at least have a draft I can improve before submitting.” Agnes doesn’t reply right away, cooly taking in what he’s just said. Joe pauses, waiting to see if she says anything. Without a reply, he turns his attention back to Agnes’ chemistry homework. “There.” Joe says, putting down the paper and pointing towards one of the computation lines with his pen. “The same thing that happened in the lab last time.” Agnes leans in to get a closer look with her brows knitting together in a frown. “Hmm.” She says after a while. “Oh. You’re right.” She leans back into her chair and crosses her arms, “That always gets me.” She huffs in annoyance. “You have to watch out for it.” Joe says, trying to keep the amusement away from his voice. “It’d be a waste to make a careless mistake.” 

“You still need to analyze the facts for your essay.” She replies. “I know.” It’s Joe’s turn to huff out his reply. “I just find history so boring.” “Typical.” Agnes says with a snort. “Okay, what does that mean?” He replies, tilting his head and raising a brow in offense. “Just the usual. You’re good with numbers and computation but not great with essays.” She says matter-of-factly also raising her brow as if raising him a challenge. Joe narrows his eyes at her, but doesn’t say anything. He hands back her homework, still silent.

The pair then go back to focusing on their own works. Only this time, there’s a slight tension in the air. Joe puts his pen to his paper and goes to read the book he’s referencing. Only after several moments, he realizes that he’s made no new writing and he’s read and reread the same page several times. He puts his pen down and sighs. “Hey,” Joe whispers and taps Agnes’ elbow. Agnes wordlessly turns to face him and only raises a brow in response. “How about a trade?” He offers. Agnes frowns, not understanding. “Trade what?” She replies. “Help me write or proofread my essays and I can help you with Chem.” He proposes. “Help you with essays, only for SocSci?” Agnes clarifies. “Well,” Joe says. “Maybe also Eng and Fil. I can also help you with Trig or Physics, if you need it.” 

Agnes mulls over the boy’s offer in her head. It’s not like her grades were bad. She has consistently made the Director’s List since freshman year. But, she would also like to maintain the current status of her grades. She felt like she was cutting it too close with how computation-heavy their subjects were for the previous year. While she and Joe weren’t close despite being classmates when they were freshmen, she didn’t dislike him; and he always was good at their science and math subjects. 

“You know what, never mind.” Joe says after several beats of silence with heat rising to the back of his neck. “It was a dumb idea.” “Actually,” Agnes says. “Okay.” “Okay?” Joe parrots. “Yeah.” Agnes says with finality, offering a rare smile. “Your writing’s not terrible but just needs. . . something.” She says with a vague gesture of her hand. “And you are pretty good at chem and math and the other stuff.” “Okay.” Joe says again. “Well great. I’ll finish this first draft and I can hand it over tomorrow. When do we need the chem homework done?” “By Wednesday.” Agnes replies. “Do you want to come back here tomorrow after class? I’ll try to finish chem by tonight.” Joe asks. “Okay, sure.” Agnes says. “Great.” He replies.

______

August

“Hey Joe.” Aldo says as he arrives at their usual tambayan. This was one of the gazebos that they’ve taken to hanging out in, after school. Surprisingly enough, they’ve never had to compete with anyone for it, and it’s just stuck among their friend group. “Hey.” Joe replies. “Where’s Thomas and Geoff?” “Thomas had to be picked up early and Goffredo had to stay behind in STR with his groupmates. What are you doing?” Joe sighs, “The short story thing for Fil. You know, last year I was wondering what we’d end up doing for Fil classes this year considering we already read Noli and Fili for the last two years. Just my luck it’d be Malikhaing Pagsulat (Creative Writing)” He complains. Aldo laughs, “It’s not like there’s world literature written in Filipino.” 

“Hey guys.” Vincent and Ray come up to the gazebo and take their own seats around the table, and Aldo and Joe both greet the newcomers. “Where’s Gio?” Aldo asks. “With the robotics team.” Ray says. “I think they have a competition coming up or something?” “Wow, good for them.” Joe says. 

“So Joe. I have a question.” Ray says conspiratorially, scooting a bit closer. “What?” Joe warily says, with a raise of his brow. “Are you and Agnes close now? Carla says you guys have been hanging out a lot after class.” Ray says, in an expectant voice. Joe rolls his eyes. He looks around to find that Aldo and Vincent are giving him looks. “What?” He then frowns at his friends. “We study together. Agnes agreed to help me with writing my papers and I helped teach her chem and trig; sometimes physics.” “That’s it?” Ray says and Joe swears he sees his friend deflate at least a bit. Joe resists the urge to smack him on the head. 

“That’s it.” Joe mocks and Ray sticks his tongue out. Aldo and Vincent burst out laughing. “But anyway.” Joe continues. “Carla loves to just make stuff up.” “I could always just ask Janusz. Isn’t he classmates with you guys this year too?” Ray says. “And he’d tell you the same thing.” Joe proclaims. “Yeah we study together, so?” 

“You’re being defensive for some reason.” Vincent suddenly chimes in and Aldo has to purse his lips to stop from laughing again. “You are!” Ray exclaims with an accusing finger. “I am not. ” Joe says, exasperated.

“Who’s defensive?” Giulio suddenly appears, moving in between the gap in the benches to take a seat. “Joe.” Ray says with a smirk. Giulio turns thoughtful for a moment then says. “So are you and Agnes dating? Or courting?” Joe’s mouth drops open. “No!” He exclaims; then he turns to Ray. “You’re a bad influence.” Ray only shrugs. “He was there when Carla told me about it.” “Ugh.” Joe says with another roll of his eyes. “I mean, to be fair, if you were, good for you.” Giulio tells Joe. “Agnes is out of your league.” And the others all burst into another round of laughter. Joe only gives Giulio a murderous glare. “We. Study. Together. After Class. That is. It.” Joe grinds out. 

“I don’t know you guys. If you ask me, he’s still kinda defensive.” Vincent says to a fresh bout of laughter.

_______

October

“This feels impossible.” Agnes says suddenly, looking up from their chemistry problem set. The pair are in the library again doing their homework together. “Come on. It’s not so bad.” Joe replies encouragingly. He picks up his own copy of their problem set and reads,

“Silver is often extracted from ores as K[Ag(CN)2] and then recovered by the reaction

2K[Ag(CN)2](aq)+Zn(s)→2Ag(s)+Zn(CN)2(aq)+2KCN(aq)

1. How many molecules of Zn(CN)2 are produced by the reaction of 35.27 g of K[Ag(CN)2]?
2. What mass of Zn(CN)2 is produced?”

Once he’s done reading, Agnes only gives him a glare. He smirks and says, “Come on. What’s the first thing?” “I hate that you already know the answer.” She says glumly. “I can’t just give you the answer, you know. What’s gonna happen during the test?” He warns. “Now, what’s the first thing?” Agnes purses her lips in another attempt to be stubborn but sighs and straightens up in her seat, taking another look at the problem. “You.” She drags out the word as she thinks. “Convert the grams into moles?” Joe smiles and replies, “Okay, and then?” He motions for her to start writing down her solution. She does so and enters the numbers into the calculator.

“Then you convert from the ore to zinc cyanide based on the reaction.” Agnes replies, busy writing down her solution. “So now you’ve got it in moles but then you need to know how many molecules. You can convert that with?” Joe says as he guides her through the problem. “Avogadro’s number.” Agnes says with a sigh. “Yup; and now you know how to compute the first question.” He replies. “And for the second, you convert the number of moles to grams. You can get the mass of zinc cyanide from?” For a moment Agnes looks stumped. She worries her lip as she thinks. “Oh.” She realizes. “The periodic table.” “That’s it!” Joe exclaims in a loud whisper, remembering that they are in the library. Agnes sighs a long sigh but finishes up writing the computation and boxing the final answers. 

“Did you know that someone used to steal silver from the chemistry lab?” Joe says before they move on to the next problem. “What?” Agnes says, surprise coloring her voice. “Who? And how? Is this recent?” Joe grins, amused at her barrage of questions. “It was several years ago, way before we enrolled here. Apparently one of the old lab assistants in charge of the supplies. They would steal the solution from the lab then extract the silver. The other chemistry teachers noticed that they would quickly run out of the silver solution and they had to figure it out because constantly requesting it was expensive.” Agnes’ eyes widened in surprise at the tale. “Seriously?” She says. “Yeah. Sir Cruz told us at the last Chem club meeting.” Joe replies “It’s so smart but so evil.” 

“Better than poisoning someone with mercury I suppose.” Agnes says dryly. Joe snorts at that and replies “Only by a bit. Is that really the reason why the school no longer awards a valedictorian and a salutatorian?” Agnes shrugs. “Probably. It’s insane to even think about.” Joe only nods solemnly in agreement.

“So how’s your short story for fil going?” Agnes says, changing the subject. Joe sighs. “There is a story. I guess. Is it a good story? Probably not.” Agnes laughs at that. “It can’t be that bad. You’ve gotten better at writing in Filipino.” Joe only shoots her a disbelieving look. “I’m bad enough at creative writing as it is, what more having to do it in Filipino.” Joe whines. “This is probably why we do have this subject.” Agnes comments. “To balance out students like you.” Joe scoffs in response. “Come on, I’ll let you read my draft later. Now, last 2 questions on the prob set.” Agnes lightly laughs and only shakes her head at him avoiding the topic of their short story requirement.  

______

January

“You know if you keep staring, they might melt.” Vincent suddenly says coming to stand next to Joe by the stairwell. He nearly jumps out of his skin at the sudden appearance of his friend. Several students of the junior year have gathered by the lobby of the Advanced Science and Technology Building where the practice for the cotillion of this year’s Junior-Senior prom was being held. Within the view from where they were standing, a group of several students paired together were practicing a set of choreographed steps. 

“ How did I let you guys rope me into this again?” Joe groans and crosses his arms on his chest. Vincent shrugs in response. “Most people in the batch are in it so why not? Besides, there was no way we were getting out of it with Aldo being on the prom committee.” “Gio’s not here.” Joe says pointedly. “Apparently he told Aldo, and I quote ‘I would rather drink bleach.’” Vincent says, giving a stern impression of their other friend. Joe snorts in response.

“Are the seniors doing something for prom too?” Joe asks and Vincent shakes his head. “Nope. Juniors are always in charge of the prom program and stuff. They did it last year so this time, all the seniors have to do is attend.” “I guess that makes me hopeful for next year.” Joe says.

“So are you asking Agnes to prom?” Vincent says and Joe stiffens up beside him. Joe stays quiet and tries not to respond, until Vincent elbows him and he sighs and hangs his head. “I don’t know if she’d even want to go with me.” He says. “Isn’t that why you ask?” Vincent counters. “ Yeah but.” Joe stutters. “I don’t” “I also think you know her well enough how to ask.” Vincent cuts him off. 

With their prom being a month away, several “promposals” from junior and senior boys have happened around campus. The most prominent one being one senior getting the rest of his batchmates to hold up illustration boards on the field to form a giant sign that said “ANA WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?” Joe’s class being on the fourth floor of the SHB that time, they had a perfect view of the field and the sign. While they were nowhere near to actually hear Ana say yes, they later found out that the two were already dating anyway. 

Vincent’s words had caused a million thoughts to race through Joe’s mind. What kind of flowers would Agnes like? Would she even like flowers? Or the idea of having to walk through an entire day of class with a bouquet of flowers like others have? One of the more popular girls in their batch had two guys ask her in one day and she had to deal with flowers from both, though Joe had no idea who she ended up saying yes to. Agnes wasn’t the type who would like something so public. Should he even ask in the first place? Vincent was curiously watching the taller boy as he looked like he was solving one of their harder math problems. Vincent could practically hear the gears working in Joe’s mind.

“Cheer up.” Vincent says, clapping a hand onto Joe’s shoulder. “I for one am very supportive of you asking her to prom. It’ll be fun, especially since we were all classmates at one point.” Joe only gives his friend a blank stare. Vincent can’t help but lightly laugh, “You’ll figure it out.”’

_______

“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;

I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.”

Joe reads, trying to capture the lines of Shakespeare’s play to his memory. Their SocSci teacher had surprised them by adding the famous speech in the coverage of their long test on the Roman empire.

“Do you think Ms. Estrella would actually require us to have the speech memorized for the test?” Agnes says from beside him at their table in the library. Joe sighs, “I don’t know, to be honest.” He leans back on his chair. “This is supposed to be world history. We’re supposed to be studying world literature next year.” “Literature reflects history.” Agnes points out. “You’re not wrong.” Joe says, “But I think my memory can only take so much.” Agnes softly laughs at his reply. “It’s been a whole year and you’re still falling for the same pitfalls.” Joe frowns at her statement. “What do you mean?” 

“Remember what Ms. Estrella said at the start of the year?” Agnes says, “Don’t just memorize the facts, understand what happened.” Joe blinks once, then twice. Then he ruefully sighs, “You know I don’t think I even understand what she means by that.” Agnes shakes her head with a laugh, “History isn’t just a barrage of dates, names and places; that’s boring. It’s one long story. When you focus on why and how something happened then it becomes more interesting.” Joe has no reply for her. He thoughtfully processes what she just said. “I know you’re right.” Joe carefully says, “But it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still one long story.” 

When they were done at the library they packed up their notes and books and readings into their bags. Joe pauses, casting an apprehensive look at his bag before closing it up. “Are you ready?” Agnes says from behind him. “Uh, yeah.” He replies, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Do you want to get a snack or something from the caf?” Joe says as they leave the library. “Sure.” Agnes replies.

“Is your sundo here already?” Agnes says as they’re paying for the snacks they got from the cafeteria’s mini-grocery. Joe takes his phone from out of his pocket and checks for any messages and Agnes pops open a can of soda. “Hmm. No.” Joe says, clicking through his inbox. “I think they’re going to be late.” “Oh. What do you plan to do?” She asks him. Joe shrugs as he pockets his phone. “I think the other guys would’ve gone home already. Vince and Ray might still be out somewhere unless they’re back at the dorms.” 

“Do you want to go around the field?” Agnes says. “Let me put my bag in the dorm then I’ll head back out.” “Okay, sure.” Joe says. He walks behind her when she turns to him again. “Actually, can you wait here?” She says. “I won’t be long.” “Oh. Okay.” He says, confused. Then he motions to one of the empty tables and she nods before she heads out the cafeteria. 

A few minutes later Agnes is back at the cafeteria. “Let’s go?” She says and Joe nods and they both make their way to the school’s field. They talk casually about varying topics as they make their rounds around the oval. Given the late afternoon hour the sports teams practicing on the field have concluded, and there’s not as many students around but there are still a few sitting around the field and on the grandstand. Mostly dormers idling around before curfew.

“Are you okay with carrying your bag?” Agnes says as they make their third round around the oval. “Maybe you should leave it on the grandstand. It should be fine as long as it’s still within view.” “It’s okay.” Joe says, adjusting the cross-body strap on his shoulder. “I left most of my books in my locker anyway.” They fall into companionable silence as they continue walking. 

“Oh.” Agnes says, making a sudden stop. Near the back end of the field, several kalachuchi trees line the facade of the SHB. During this time of the year, the flowers of the trees are in full bloom with several flowers falling from the tree branches as they are blown in the wind. Agnes moves away from the cemented path of the oval to the base of one of the trees. Joe stays in his spot but turns to watch as she inspects some of the flowers that have fallen on the ground. 

The sun was setting, painting the entire sky in a golden glow with hues of purple. Joe feels a smile form on his face as he watches Agnes reach for a flower on the ground and picks it up. She holds it up to her nose to smell its scent. With a smile of her own, she walks back to Joe, the kalachuchi flower still held between her fingers.

“Hey Agnes.” Joe says as she reaches him. “Hmm?” She responds, bringing the flower to her nose again. 

“Do you want to go to prom with me?” He says all in one breath. Well, there goes nothing. 

Agnes doesn’t say anything. In fact, she doesn’t even move. Joe holds his breath. The silence stretches on for several minutes. Then Joe starts to spiral in his mind. Oh god, this was a bad idea. She hates it. She hates me now. It was nice knowing you all, I can never come back to school-

“Yes.” Agnes replies.

“What?” Joe replies dumbly.

“Yes. She says again, a smirk forming on her face.

“Oh.” He says; his brain seems to have short-circuited. Then he breaks into a wide smile and laughs at himself. “Great!” Agnes steps closer and good naturedly shoves him in the shoulder and continues walking. 

“By the way.” Joe says, fumbling lightly with his bag as he catches up to her. “This is for you.” He holds out a singular fabric rose with green ribbon glued around a thin stick as a stem. Agnes takes the flower, eyes widened in surprise. “Really?” She says. “Yeah.” Joe replies, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. “That should have come with the question but, yeah. For you.” He clears his throat and looks away. 

“Thank you.” Agnes says in awe, keeping her gaze in the flower in her hand. 

“You’re welcome.” Joe says with a smile. 

Chapter Text

Senior Year

June 20xx

The white lights of the library shone brightly. Far too early, especially for a Saturday. Aldo grumbles as he slumps on the table, bringing his hand to cradle his cheek. Around him, are his batchmates all in positions similar to his own, illustrating how they all felt to be in school on a Saturday. 

“Good Morning Seniors!” A voice booms out from the entrance of the library. Standing by the door is a short man with side-swept hair and glasses with thick black frames. This is Robert Gonzales, their batch guidance counselor, fondly called ‘Kuya Rob’ by their batch. Aldo and several of his classmates straighten up in their seats. “First of all,” Kuya Rob continues. “I want to say thank you for coming in today, I know it’s hard to be at school on a Saturday.”

“What else were we supposed to do? It was required.” Goffredo grumbles under his breath. Aldo gives him a look, but he can’t say that he didn’t share the sentiment. 

“The reason we’ve called you all in today is because now that you guys are in your fourth year, we will be helping you guys prepare for your college applications and entrance exams.” Kuya Rob explains. The room stays silent but Aldo notices that his batchmates are more alert now. “Especially the UP College Admissions Test or the UPCAT.”

Aldo breathes in a sharp inhale, he feels a crick start to form in his neck. College applications He thinks, Can’t believe we’re here already. He rubs the back of his hand along his eyes and takes a few deep breaths to steady himself. 

“We will be distributing the application forms later on and you guys have several weeks to fill up the form and submit it along with your photo and the other documents required. Your application forms will be submitted to your homeroom advisers and the guidance office will process the entire batch’s application with the university.” Their guidance counselor continues, “Aside from the processing of your application, we will also be having review sessions for you seniors. So, every Saturday until the UPCAT in August, you will be having your review classes, with two mock exams to assess your readiness for the exam.”

A groan and several murmurs ripple around the room. Aldo and his friends exchange looks around the table. “So, regular classes from Monday to Friday and review classes on Saturdays?” Giulio mutters, frown evident on his face. “That sucks. ” “I can’t believe I spent the summer in a college entrance exam review program only to keep having to spend my Saturdays on the same thing.” Aldo remarks dryly. “Like you wouldn’t be spending your weekends reviewing on your own anyway.” Goffredo says. Aldo glares at him but his response is cut off by the distribution of brown envelopes among the students.

“Everyone, get one envelope. Inside these envelopes,” Kuya Rob says holding up several documents, “You will find the UP Application Form, the list of documents you need to submit, and the catalogue of undergraduate programs of the entire UP system. Now, admission to UP is determined by your overall UP grade or UPG. Your UPG consists of two things, one, the major factor is the score you attain in the UPCAT and, two, your GWA in the last school year. There’s no need for you to request for your transcript as we will be submitting this for the whole batch when we process your application.” 

Kuya Rob puts away the set of documents that he was holding. He lets the students leaf through the documents on their own for several minutes before he calls for their attention again. “You will have several weeks before your application forms should be submitted to your advisers. So take all that time to think carefully about your choice of campus and undergraduate program that you will choose.” Kuya Rob says. “A reminder, admission to UP Manila generally requires a higher UPG than UP Diliman, so it is not advisable to put UPD as your first choice with UPM as your second.” 

Kuya Rob straightens and puts on a more serious expression. “I would also like to remind all of you that you signed a contract with the school when you enrolled. Following the conditions of the contract, you are all required to enter college under an undergraduate program in the sciences, math or engineering. Not doing so will require you, consequently your parents, to pay the penalty to the school amounting to the entirety of your tuition for the four years of your high school education.” 

Aldo once again feels the crick in his neck, like his spine being pulled taught by a string. He clasps his hands together and places them on the table to keep them from fidgeting.

“Now, any questions?” Kuya Rob finally asks, “If you don’t have any questions right now, you can always come to the guidance office anytime.”

Several hands go into the air and the guidance counselor dutifully answers all of them.

“Are we all required to take the UPCAT? What if we don’t plan on going to UP?” Giulio asks, Aldo raises a brow at him, “What? It’s a possibility.”

“Yes,” Kuya Rob answers, “You are all required. A batch’s UPCAT passing rate is one of the statistics that the school monitors. The guidance office will also be distributing application forms for those who want to take the entrance exams for Ateneo de Manila and De La Salle University in Taft but you will have to file those applications for yourselves.”

Goffredo raises his hand, “Are we all required to check yes to the ‘are you interested in being considered for the IntarMed program?’ even if we’re not considering going into a pre-med course?”

“Yes.” is their counselor’s answer. “The school also monitors how many students are accepted at least into the interview of the IntarMed program.”

Goffredo looks skeptical but says nothing more. Vincent leans in from the table next to them and asks, “What’s IntarMed?” “IntarMed is UPM’s accelerated Medicine program where students take up a comprehensive two-year pre-med program before going on to medical school for four years then one year internship, before graduating. So instead of being in MedSchool for nine years, you’re in it for seven.” Aldo answers him. “Huh,” Vincent replies. “Weird that we all have to say we’re interested though.” 

“It’s extremely competitive,” Thomas adds, “Each IntarMed batch only has fifty students. The top 200 scorers in the UPCAT are called in for the interview.” “If it’s that competitive, it doesn’t seem fair that we’re still gonna check yes even if we have no plans of going into medicine.” Ray comments, joining them. “Feels like taking a slot from someone else who wants it.” Aldo sighs before replying, “It’s an extremely tight grade requirement to get in, and besides if someone in the top 200 says no then they can call in someone else for the interview.” “I guess.” Ray concedes.

“If there are no more questions,” Their guidance counselor says, “You are all free to go for today. Now don’t forget, your first review session starts next Saturday.”

_________

That evening, Aldo is seated at his desk having taken out the documents received from earlier’s session. Today’s events have placed him in a contemplative mood. He had already informed his parents of the day’s events, especially adding that he will be having to come into school for review on Saturdays starting next week. They had been pleased with knowing about the review sessions. When Aldo quipped about how maybe the classes he took weren’t necessary, they only brushed him off.

“Be glad of the opportunity.” His father had said earlier at dinner. “It’s good that you have all the chances for review.”

“So,” His mother cuts in, “Have you decided what course you’ll take?” 

The question startles Aldo that he pauses his hand with his spoon midway to his mouth. He calms and continues the bite, to delay having to give an answer if only for a little bit. He thoughtfully chews and swallows, taking his time.

“No, not yet.” He carefully answers. 

“Ah, it’s early yet.” His dad says. Aldo gives him a curious look until he continues, “There are a lot of Pre-Med courses to choose from. Though it would benefit you to already choose UPM for your first choice campus so you already know the place by the time you get to Med School.” 

Of course. Aldo thinks. He schools his face to show no emotion. 

“But Diliman is so much nicer.” His mom replies, “It would be nice to be in that campus before you have to stay in Manila.” 

“Diliman is the bigger and more green campus, sure.” His dad says with a chuckle. “But if you qualify for IntarMed then that’s as good as already being in medschool.”

“We’ll see.” Aldo says keeping his voice as nonchalant as possible.

Back in his room, Aldo skims through the catalogue of programs. He feels the anxiety rising up in him. Technically he should only be looking at the courses in the College of Science or Engineering. To his surprise he finds a new emotion brewing in him, anger. If I didn’t have any restrictions or expectations, what would I want to do? He thinks to himself, and it only makes him angrier that he doesn’t have an answer.

________

July

The weeks pass by and the answer that he’s looking for still evades Aldo. During the weekdays, he is preoccupied enough with schoolwork. Much to his chagrin, he is once again in the same class as Goffredo. During their enrollment earlier in the year, when he’d found out that they were going to be classmates in Muon together again, it didn’t even surprise him anymore. Instead he’d just cursed all of his friends who likely manifested this to happen simply by predicting it so much. Thomas being assigned to Charm, breaking their streak of being in the same class, just added insult to injury. 

But his petty rivalry with Goffredo was the last thing on his mind. Between all their academic requirements, writing for the The Science Scholar for his english journalism elective and their Saturday review sessions, Aldo thought he had a lot on his mind. 

That Saturday, the seniors had their first mock exam of the UPCAT. The mock test was designed to mimic the conditions of the actual exam; a total of five hours, broken up into four sections: math, science, reading comprehension and language proficiency in English and Filipino. While taking the test, Aldo felt a wave of gratitude over the review sessions that they’ve been having. Most of the items on the test were on lessons they took up the previous year, with the Pisay senior year curriculum having calculus, economics, and non-newtonian physics; Aldo thought that he would’ve definitely forgotten the topics for the test if they weren’t reviewed on it.

“How did you guys find the test?” Joe asked, their mock exam was over and the seniors were on break for lunch before they would go back and discuss the answers. “The math was so much harder than expected.” Vincent replied. “Nobody said there would be word problems in Filipino.” Ray complained, “That took up a lot of my time.” 

“Kuya Rob said that the mock test was designed to be much harder than the actual test.” Agnes adds, having arrived at their table, taking the empty seat beside Joe. “I could believe that,” Thomas says, “But it could also make me complacent when we take the real one.” 

“Is the UPCAT really right minus wrong?” Ray asks. “What? It is?” Joe says, alarmed. “No, not really.” Aldo replies, “It’s right minus one-fourth wrong; so for every wrong answer you get you get deducted 0.25 points.” “Hmmm.” Goffredo says, “So it’s still worth shotgunning answers when you run out of time” Aldo nods, “They say don’t leave anything blank, even if you guess wrong you’d get deducted 0.25 points anyway.” 

“Have you guys submitted your application forms yet?” Agnes says, opening a bottle of soda and taking a drink. “I have.” Giulio says. “Me too.” Ray adds. Vincent also nods his head. “I forgot we needed to give a photo.” Thomas says, “I’m going to get one then submit mine next week.” Aldo is quiet until he feels that Agnes has turned her gaze onto him. “Just” He says, “Finalizing some things, I’ll submit it soon.” “Well, the deadline is Friday next week.” Agnes reminds them. Aldo simply gives her a nod.

_______

“Come in.” 

Aldo opens the door to their Guidance Counselor’s office. “Hi Sir.” He says as he enters and closes the door behind him. “Ah, Mr. Bellini, how can I help you?” The older man says with a kind smile, “Here, take a seat.” He motions toward the extra office chair placed next to his desk. Aldo nods and takes a seat. 

“I-” Aldo starts but is unable to formulate the words. “Hmm, I’m sorry. I’ve been having a lot to think about.” 

“No problem.” Sir Rob says. “Take your time.” 

Aldo gives the older man a tight-lipped smile. “I guess,” He starts again. “I’m having a hard time filling up the application form for UP.” 

“What about it in particular?” Sir Rob says, his voice calm and kind as ever. 

“I’m torn about what course to put in.” Aldo admits, dropping his head in defeat.

Sir Rob nods in understanding, “Which programs have been on your mind?” He asks Aldo. 

“My parents are both doctors.” Aldo explains, “Several aunts and uncles are doctors, and some of my cousins are currently in medical school.” 

“And your parents graduated from UP Med?” Sir Rob guesses, “And they would prefer for you to follow in their footsteps?” Aldo nods and adds. “Dad took his pre-med in UPM and Mom in UPD, so they say they don’t mind either campus but either way UP Med is the goal.” 

“You don’t want to go into medicine?” Sir Rob asks him directly. 

Aldo pauses and tries to sort out his thoughts before he answers. 

“I never thought about what I want, to be honest.” He says carefully. “It’s what they’re expecting. For the most part I thought I was okay with it.”

“So what’s keeping you from choosing?” Sir Rob asks. 

“I guess it’s that, I wish I had more of a choice.” Aldo says slowly, as if carefully deciding which words to string together. “The school requires us to only choose a science or engineering course.” He sighs, “My family expects me to follow them into medicine. It feels like I’m being asked to define the rest of my life right at this moment.” His head falls into his hands. 

Sir Rob doesn’t say anything right away. He gives Aldo a comforting hand on his shoulder and gives him the time to collect himself. 

“Do you want to know something?” Their guidance counselor says after he sees Aldo calm down.  Aldo slowly takes his face from his hands. The student says nothing but raises a brow.

Sir Rob gives him a kind smile. “The course you put in your application form doesn’t have to define the rest of your life.” 

Aldo remains quiet, taking in his words. The guidance counselor continues, “Getting into a pre-med course doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll go directly into medicine. The courses in biology, molecular biology, chemistry and others can lead you to a career in research, teaching or even corporate. Think of choosing your undergrad as what subject matter you would be interested in studying. Then you have the years in college for you to figure out how you’d like to apply what you studied.” 

“And, for some off the record advice.” Sir Rob says at Aldo’s continued silence. “If you really end up disliking the program you’ve chosen, you can always shift or change majors after a year; even shift out of science.”

This takes Aldo by surprise. “That’s allowed?” Aldo asks with his eyes widening.

Sir Rob shrugs, “ Technically, your contract says that you have to enter a science or engineering undergraduate program.” He says conspiratorially. “It doesn’t say you have to graduate.” 

Aldo’s mouth opened in further surprise. The guidance counselor lets out a low chuckle, “It’s not exactly fair, to strictly enforce that condition is it? You were eleven or twelve years old when you signed the contract, even if your parents agreed to it, it’s not our place to lock anyone’s future like that.”

“A school’s job is to teach; and arm you with the knowledge and skill as much as we can to prepare you for the choices you have to make, not just in college but for the rest of your life. While we hope for the best that the majority of you will become the siyentista ng bayan (scientist for the nation), we also recognize that somewhere along the way you could find other ways to better yourself and society. Look at Jessica Zafra or Aureus Solito, both have found fulfilling careers in the arts and the school couldn’t be prouder to call them alumni.” 

Sir Rob leans back on his office chair. “So don’t think about the undergrad program you choose as a dead end, but as something new to try. And once you’ve tried? Then you can decide again, besides, figuring out that you don’t like something is just as valuable as figuring out what you like.” 

“Thank you.” Aldo says, giving their guidance counselor a small smile. “That’s still a lot to think about but a lot better than my previous thoughts.” 

Sir Rob smiles kindly, “I know it’s daunting but I believe that you will be fine.” 

“One last question.” Aldo says. “Sure,” their guidance counselor replies. “Does psychology really not count as a science course? There’s a Bachelor’s of Science degree for it?” Aldo asks.

Sir Rob shakes his head, “Sorry, but still no. It’s under the College of Social Sciences and Philosophy in Diliman. You guys are supposed to enroll under either the College of Science or Engineering.”

“I tried.” Aldo replies; and with a final deep breath, he rises to leave, “Thank you again Sir.”

“Anytime.”

_______

August 

It is early on a Saturday morning, the sun has only just risen in the sky. Aldo is standing in line with several other students waiting to be led inside the building that will be their test center. National Institute of Geological Sciences the sign on the relatively small building reads. Aldo looks around, feeling nostalgic as he is reminded of the entrance exam he took four years earlier; and scattered in the other buildings of this massive campus of UP Diliman, his friends and batchmates will be in the same situation. After a while, the line they’re in moves and they’re led inside to a classroom where they’ll be in for the next five hours.

______

“So how do you guys think you did during the UPCAT?” Vincent asks as they gather together after class the next Monday. 

Ray sighs before answering, “To be fair, our mock exams were actually harder than the actual test turned out to be. But I’d be lying if I said I’m very confident about it.” 

“The test itself was fine.” Giulio remarked, “But someone in our classroom ate candies throughout the test and the crinkling of the wrappers got annoying at some point.” 

“Our venue was so cold even the jacket I was wearing wasn’t enough to keep me from shivering.” Lawrence says.

“I for one am happy we’re done with Saturday review sessions.” Goffredo declares to their little group and the others murmur their agreement; even Aldo nods at that even though he doesn’t say anything.

“Are you guys all taking the Ateneo and La Salle entrance exams too?” Thomas asks and everyone nods. “To be honest I highly doubt I’d go to Ateneo even if I got in, their tuition’s so expensive.” Ray comments. “Didn’t you submit their scholarship application too?” Vincent asks and Ray nods, “Yeah because that’s the only way I can afford to go there.” 

“Did any of you plan to take the SATs?” Giulio asks. “What’s the SAT?” Ray replies. “The SATs are standardized tests that you need to take if you want to apply for universities in the States.” Giulio explains. “I did.” Thomas says. “Me too.” Aldo and Joe join in. “I hate that we have to take an English exam as well, aside from just the SAT.” Joe says. “It’s such a scam, imagine paying 200 dollars just to take a test to prove we can speak english.” 

“200 dollars? That’s more than 10,000 pesos!” Ray exclaims. “I know.” Joe says with a sigh. “But it’s worth trying I suppose.” “Or at least that’s what our parents say.” Thomas says with a snort. “Even if tuition in the US is practically highway robbery.” “Unless you get into an Ivy.” Aldo says, “Or MIT” “MIT is practically two million pesos a semester.” Thomas dryly remarks. “That’s not happening without a scholarship.” “You could always get a scholarship.” Aldo replies. Thomas sighs, “Let’s worry about getting admitted into anywhere first.”

“What do you guys think about Singapore?” Vincent asks. “National University of Singapore is the best university in Asia.” Thomas says, “Are you applying?” Vincent shrugs, “It was suggested by some teachers. But I’d also need a scholarship.” “At least you won’t need the English exam for Singapore. I think.” Joe says. 

Aldo sighs, listening intently to his friends’ various conversations. For all the hype the UPCAT brought to their batch, it was only the beginning.

_______

“What’s been up with you lately?” Goffredo suddenly says taking the empty seat beside Aldo after his seatmate had gotten up. Their Economics teacher was not present for the day so their class had a welcome break that morning. 

Aldo looks at Goffredo with a raised brow. “What do you mean?” He replies. Goffredo waves his hand in a vague gesture. “You’ve been off lately, at least for the last few months. At first we all thought it was the added stress of the UPCAT but it’s been a few weeks since then and you’re still weird.” 

“ Weird? ” Aldo parrots with a frown forming on his face. “And who’s we? ” “The Holy Spirit.” Goffredo mocks and Aldo rolls his eyes at him. “We meaning the rest of us. Vincent pointed it out and I had to agree with him. You’ve been a lot less combative lately.”

Aldo gives Goffredo a blank look. “Maybe I’ve matured. Fighting constantly gets to a point you know. You should learn to do the same thing.” He says. “No, I don’t think that’s it.” Goffredo remarks and Aldo scoffs at him. “I think all this thinking about college has driven up your neuroticism.” Aldo stays silent and keeps his face free of emotion, not wanting to give the other boy the satisfaction of being right. “We’re not even halfway through the school year yet.” Goffredo continues, “It’s far too early to start getting sentimental.” 

“Like you’d be the type to be sentimental about anything.” Aldo grumbles. “So what did you end up putting as your preferred courses?” Goffredo suddenly says. Aldo raises a skeptical brow at him, “Why do you want to know?” “Because I’m bored and there’s still at least thirty minutes before English.” Goffredo says dryly. “Is it some big secret? You guys already know I put down applied physics and math in UPD.” Aldo sighs and says, “Fine. MBB, Molecular Biology and Biotechnology for my first choice and Biology for the second, in Diliman.” “Hmm, MBB, a quota course.” Goffredo remarks, “But really, Diliman? I thought you’d choose Manila.” “I put it as my second choice campus.” Aldo says. “Didn’t they tell us not to do that?” Goffredo replies. “They said it wasn’t advisable.” Aldo reasons. “But whatever, Diliman has the better campus and yes, selfishly I don’t want to move out of the metro.” Goffredo smirks at that. “That’s something we can agree on. Personally I’d rather go to Ateneo than have to go to Los Baños if I didn’t get into UPD.” Aldo snorts in response.

“Are you still thinking about going to Med School?” Goffredo asks, which brings Aldo to a pause. “I don’t know.” Aldo replies, surprising himself when he’d been so used to automatically saying ‘yes’ to that question. This also seems to surprise Goffredo who actually straightens up in his seat. “Really?” He says in a conspiratorial voice. “Shut up.” Aldo says. “They say MBB’s too much research for a premed but who knows. I actually enjoy Bio in class so whatever. Besides, what do you plan to do with applied physics anyway?” Goffredo shrugs, “I enjoy studying physics. Except when I talked to Sir Andres in the physics department, he and the other teachers said that straight up BS Physics is very theoretical and abstract. Considering I liked the computational aspect of it, they thought applied would be the better choice.”

“That’s surprisingly comprehensive of you.” Aldo says, stunned by the other boy’s reasoning. “ Tsk. You still have this misguided belief that I operate without reason.” Goffredo says but shrugs it off. “As for after, who knows. Further study in the academe, somehow get a job in NASA, or go to law school.” 

“Law school?” Aldo remarks. “My dad and his brothers are all lawyers.” Goffredo explains. “And my two older brothers with one of my older sisters currently in law school.” “Huh,” Aldo dumbly replies. “‘Family tradition’” Goffredo continues doing airquotes to emphasize his point. “Usually only expected out of the men in the family.” “And science courses can be prelaw courses?” Aldo asks him. “Anything can be a prelaw course,” Goffredo explains. “As long as you have the required Gen Ed classes of whatever law school you’re getting into.” 

“But I don’t know if I’m going to be a lawyer.” Goffredo continues. “I already told my family I had little interest in it.”

“That’s” Aldo says slowly. “Actually surprising to know.” And the other boy only shrugs in reply.

_____

November

“GUYS!” A loud voice is heard followed by frantic knocking. Vincent, being nearest the door at the moment, stands from where he was lying on his bed in their dorm room. His roommates also stopped what they were doing to face the door in curiosity. Vincent opens the door to find an energized Ray on the other side. “THE RESULTS ARE OUT.” Ray practically screams in Vincent’s face. “UPCAT RESULTS ARE OUT.” Behind him, Vincent hears his roommates scramble onto their desks, gathering around one laptop trying to load the website. 

“Have you seen it?” Vincent asks Ray with wide eyes, “How did you do?” “Not yet.” Ray says with a shake of his head.

“FUCK,” One of Vincent’s roommates exclaims, “Of course the site is lagging. Or our wifi is terrible again.” “Because of that.” Ray says with a motion of his head. “But my roommate was only able to load the first page, it’s in alphabetical order so it’s gonna be awhile before I can check.”

In the hallway, Vincent and Ray hear the opening of several doors of the senior’s dorm rooms along with varying exclamations as the news spreads and each of the students go around to their friends’ rooms on who miraculously is able to load the page of the test results.

“We should ask the guys at home.” Vincent says motioning for Ray to come into their room as he grabs his own laptop to see if they can at least get to messenger. The two sit on the floor by Vincent’s bed. It was getting late, and at 10:45, it was only fifteen minutes to lights out. But considering the circumstances, the seniors took their chances.

“Ugh this is actually nerve-wracking.” Ray remarks anxiously tapping his fingers on his knee. “When was the last time an entire batch passed?” “Two years ago.” Vincent replies. “It actually feels terrible that it wasn’t that long ago.” Ray says. Nobody wanted to voice out the possibility of not having the entire batch pass. It made them anxious enough to think of their own results but the added pressure of not passing and being responsible for your batch not getting a 100% passing rate? Nobody wanted to be that person. 

“Thomas and the others are online.” Vincent says, finally being able to log on. “I’ve sent them a message. Maybe they can get the page to load faster than we can.”

_______

Aldo had just decided to go to sleep when he’d received the text message from Thomas telling him to get online quickly and that their UPCAT results were out. Any feeling of drowsiness went right out of Aldo’s mind as he sat back on his desk. As he’d loaded the landing page, every click seemed louder to his ears. He had seen Vincent’s message about the site loading in alphabetical order and was taking a while to get to the last names in the latter part of the alphabet.

THIS SUCKS. Goffredo had sent into their group’s chat window, with him having no choice but to wait. Giulio and Ray had agreed with his sentiment.

As the list for those whose last names started with a ‘B’ loaded, Aldo closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. If anything at least he’ll be put out of his misery sooner. He scrolls down the names and he feels his heart stop beating for a moment.

UP COLLEGE ADMISSIONS TEST

LIST OF QUALIFIED EXAMINEES

NAME DEGREE PROGRAM

BELLINI, ALDO MARIA S. BS MOLECULAR BIOLOGY AND BIOTECHNOLOGY

Aldo slides down on his chair. His computer continuously makes the ‘ding’ noises of messages constantly incoming as his friends send them into their group. Aldo keeps his eyes on the ceiling, willing his heart to stop beating so fast. He’s passed, if anything else at least he has a school to go into the next year.

After a moment, Aldo sits up in his chair and finally reads everyone’s messages, scrolling back up. 

ge0ff_tedesc0: VINCE AND ALDO PASSED

vincent_b: 😮

glsbbdn88: Ugh. Last names starting with a B, unfair.

j0e_tremb1ay: I know right.

t_lawrence: Are you clicking through every letter as it loads????

ge0ff_tedesc0:  YES

vincent_b: aldo are you there?

t_lawrence: he should be, his status says online.

<BUZZ> 

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glsbbdn88: EVERYBODY STOP BUZZING FOR FUCKS SAKE

Aldo types out a reply as his friends continue to send varying messages as they all nervously and excitedly wait for the pages to load. It is well after midnight by the time he’s finally able to turn off his laptop and head to bed. He had briefly considered going to his parents to tell them of the news but he popped out of his room to find all the lights in their house already shut off meaning that they’d long been asleep already. 

As he’s lying in bed, Aldo’s mind is still racing. Thankfully, he and his friends had all passed and gotten their first choices of both campus and programs. Tomorrow, they’d find out how the rest of their batch did. He can’t help his thoughts from drifting to what could be happening in the next few months. This is only the first result they received. Soon enough they’d know about all the other universities they applied to. By this time next year, they would all be in different places. There was no other way around it. Aldo surprisingly feels a lump in his throat, but he takes a deep breath. It’s not like high school could last forever. They all knew that.

______

January

When the new year rolled around, the immediate future of the seniors were looking a lot more definitive. As the deadlines of the different universities waiting for the students to confirm their attendance loomed, near. It was becoming clearer who was headed where. Though in the midst of their college preparations, they still had a lot of their regular classes to contend with. After all, if they wanted to get to college, they had to graduate first.

Aldo was preparing for the presentation of their research paper at the school’s annual Youth Math, Science and Technology Week or YMSAT. Their Science and Technology Research teacher had returned their paper with a lot of revisions and Aldo was stressing about whether they’d be able to get everything done in time. 

At the very least, unlike his initial application submission, he’d already filed his confirmation to enroll for UP Diliman. While his parents, specifically his father, had expressed disappointment that he wasn’t selected for IntarMed, they were happy overall at the results that Aldo had gotten.

Aldo stops in his writing, looking around at the gazebo where he and his friends had commandeered for the afternoon as they all caught up with various schoolworks. He glances over to Goffredo, who was preoccupied with their Econ problem set. Much to Aldo’s own surprise, he looks back on his previous conversation with Goffredo. Even though months have passed from his initial introspection about the uncertainty of his future, if he were to be honest, he hadn’t gotten any clarity since then. Loathe he is to admit it, he’d envied Goffredo when he’d told Aldo that he told his family of his intentions of not going into law. Though he didn’t know whether he envied Goffredo’s courage or conviction in his decision more, Aldo wasn’t sure. 

His thoughts and the relative silence of their gazebo was broken by Joe’s arrival. The tall boy had arrived looking paler than the usual with a distant, distracted look in his eyes. He had slammed himself down onto the available seat, without even removing his backpack. Aldo and the others exchanged looks with each other over their friend’s sudden arrival and demeanor. 

“Hey Joe,” Giulio ventured. “What’s up?” 

Joe looks up and blinks, as though he’s surprised to see his friends. “Oh, um.” He tries to say but a catch forms in his throat. Joe clears his throat and tries again. “Agnes got into NYU.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “And she’s decided to go.” 

A moment of silence befalls the group and Joe’s gaze turns distant again. “Well,” Vincent says, breaking the silence. “That’s good for her isn’t it? NYU’s an amazing school so I’ve heard.” “Oh I know!” Joe says, mustering up as much enthusiasm as he can. “It’s an amazing opportunity and of course she should definitely go.” He stops, unable to continue for a moment.

“Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for her and there’s no way that I would ever discourage her from going.” Joe finally says, carefully choosing his words. “I guess I’m just thinking that, well, New York is so far away.” Thomas reaches over to throw an arm over Joe’s shoulder, in an attempt at an empathetic hug. 

_______

February

It was a Friday afternoon, and their last YMSAT week had just ended. Aldo and the other seniors were taking down the tarpaulin poster of their Science and Technology Research experiment. He and his groupmates spent their free time for the week taking alternate shifts for their research exhibit explaining to their teachers, batchmates, lower years who were tasked to go around all exhibits. As relieved as he was that the week was over, he felt a twinge in his chest at realizing that this was the last major event they would have before graduation. 

Aldo said goodbye to his groupmates as they parted ways. He headed to the gazebo that had become the regular hangout place he shared with the others. When he got there, most of his friends were already there. “All done?” Vincent asks him as he puts down his bags. “Yeah, finally.” Aldo replies and takes a seat. “Well, there’s still the final paper and publishing and binding and whatever.” Vincent nods. 

A few moments later, Ray and Giulio arrive with their arms full of snacks and drinks. “Wow, what’s all this for?” Vincent asks as he and Thomas help push aside various notebooks and papers to make space on the table. Giulio shrugs after they put down all the food. “It’s the last time there’ll be outside food in school for the year. Might as well make the most out of it.” “Are you actually feeling sentimental, Sabbadin?” Aldo teases. Giulio scoffs at him, “For the food maybe.” 

“It’s kind of crazy to think that we’re down to our last month actually.” Vincent says. “Can we please get through finals before we get emotional?” Thomas bemoans. “Not to mention the revisions we have to do for STR. I’d prefer to have the final list of graduates before I think of anything else.” “You’re one to talk.” Ray tells him, “Out of everyone here you and Vincent have the least worries about graduating out of all of us.” “Come on you guys, we’re all graduating.” Aldo scolds all of them. “We’ve all gone through so much to fuck up now.” Giulio snorts but agrees. 

“Graduation.” Vincent sighs, “Then enrollment, but in a totally different place. By this time next year, everything will be so different.” Nobody offers up a response, falling into silence.

“I don’t think it’ll be too different though.” Goffredo says, much to everyone’s surprise. “How so?” Aldo challenges. Goffredo smirks before replying, “Except for Thomas and Gio, we’re all going to UPD. We’ll be scattered between different colleges, sure. Gio’s going to Ateneo which isn’t far from Diliman.” “That’s perceptive of you.” Aldo says. “Don’t sound so impressed.” Goffredo replies quickly with a smirk. Aldo rolls his eyes.

“Why are you going to Ateneo?” Vincent asks Giulio. “Family tradition. Starting from my grandfather then my dad; he and my mom met in Ateneo too.” Giulio says. “There was no way I wasn’t going to go there too. I only took the UPCAT since we all had to.” He pauses to think. “And I guess for the slim chance I didn’t pass the ACET.”

“Look at this guy,” Goffredo jeers, throwing a crumpled piece of paper at Giulio. “ ‘UP is my safety school.’” He mocks, “Fuck you.” Giulio grabs the paper thrown at him and throws it back, aimed at Goffredo’s head. “You’re one to talk, you only took the UPCAT. What if you didn’t get in?” 

“That wasn’t going to happen.”

“Fuck you.” Giulio and Aldo said in unison this time, and the others burst into laughter.

“We’re going to miss you, Thomas.” Vincent says, when their laughter has died down. “Don’t forget us when you get to NUS.” Thomas groans, “I’m not leaving yet! Honestly, I still don’t know how I let you guys convince me to go to Singapore for college.” “It wasn’t just us.” Aldo says, “Your parents were all for it.” Thomas groans again. “I still have half a mind to take it all back and just go to Diliman with you guys.” “Don’t!” Vincent says, giving him a comforting smile. “It’s a great school.” Aldo nods his head in agreement.

 “So,” Aldo says after they fall into another silence. “This really is it, isn’t it?” Their banter from earlier is gone, with his friends only nodding solemnly. Aldo takes a deep breath. They only had a few weeks until finals and then, graduation. He turns to face the view of the field, the sunset bathing the sky in a golden orange glow. 

Chapter Text

Epilogue

March 20xx

The sun is setting, bathing the sky in its signature orange glow. In the field in front of the school’s grandstand, Pisay’s senior batch stands surrounding a woodpile placed on top of a sheet of metal, placed to protect the grass. It was the send-off for seniors and they had spent the entire day with each class competing against each other in various games running around the field. Now, it was time for their last activity, a bonfire. 

As a torch is ignited and is placed by the foot of the pile, the wood catches flame and ignites. The bonfire shoots tall into the sky alongside the cheers of the senior class. Final exams and requirements have long been over and the official list of graduates have been released; this was it. All that’s left is the baccalaureate mass and finally, graduation. 

Their batch adviser for their senior year, Mr. Allan Martinez, a tall and stout man who taught economics, takes the position in front of the bonfire where a microphone and its stand was installed. He calls for everybody’s attention. 

“Our dearest seniors, here we are at the end of your four years of high school. Forgive me for the cliche, but time truly flies. I would like to take this moment to simply say what an honor it has been; not only to have been your batch adviser for this year but to have been your teacher and mentor as well. And I’m sure that this sentiment is shared by all of your teachers.” Mr. Martinez motions to the line of their teachers and advisers behind him.

“We know that the last four years have been everything but easy. You have laughed, cried, had your hearts broken, both academically, socially and, dare I add, romantically.” A round of laughter goes through the students. “In the midst of all of this, you have grown; And we cannot be more proud of all of you. The last four years here in Pisay have taught you a great number of lessons but out of all of them, what we hope that you will always remember is that learning never stops.

One day, you will forget all about Pythagoras and his theorems or Einstein and Newton’s laws of physics and getting the derivative of anything will long be gone from your mind. But what we as your educators hope that you will always remember is the discipline and the thirst for learning not just for yourself but for the world around you. Keep that curiosity and use what you have learned to better the world and the people around you. 

There is a much bigger world out there, and there’s no doubt that you will be facing much harder challenges, but we are confident that you are capable of rising above those challenges. Now, we are sending you off to various corners of the world and we are hopeful to meet the kind of people that you will become. Once again, congratulations to all of you.”

Mr. Martinez finishes his speech to a thunderous round of applause and several wet eyes from the students. 

“Now,” he continued. “You may remember that we told you to bring any old test papers, essays, or homework that you may have kept from the last four years. As a way to symbolize the end of your high school years, you can take all of those papers that you brought, and throw them into the fire. ”

The entire batch breaks out into loud cheers and excitement and once the first student threw in a crumpled up old test paper right into the center of the flame, everyone else followed suit. The next moments are filled with laughs and shouted curses over failed tests and pages of readings and essay drafts that all turned to smoke and ashes. 

Once the sun has set, the excitement has died down and most of the papers have been burned. Mr. Martinez let the batch of students go with final words and reminders for the upcoming weekend’s graduation activities.

To the side of the field where the grass meets the cement of the oval, a group of students are seated gazing at the shrinking flames of the bonfire.

“So, are you guys ready for Saturday?” Vincent says into the night breaking the silence, keeping his gaze fixed on the bonfire.  “Define ‘ready’” Aldo replies, and some of the others laugh at that. “It’s a weird feeling, isn’t it?” Thomas says. “Technically, all we have to do is show up.” Giulio replies. “But it does feel weird.” He says with a shrug of his shoulders. “At least don’t forget your toga.” Joe tells him and Giulio snorts in response.

“Are you ready with your speech, Vince?” Ray asks. Pisay doesn’t award an official valedictorian or top ten students, instead the students who attain a grade-point average of 1.50 or higher are awarded with the distinction of graduating with high honors. As for who makes the speech for the graduating class, the privilege goes to the student who has the highest average for their science subjects. This year, Vincent had earned the honor. He sighs and hangs his head, “ No. I started working on a draft but I’m drawing a blank. What do I even say?” He whines into the darkness.

His friends give him sympathetic looks. “You’ll figure it out.” Thomas says. “Try not to make it too long.” Goffredo teases and the others laugh in agreement while Vincent only groans. “I still can’t believe I have to give the speech.” He complains. “It should’ve been someone like Joshua or someone else, he’s a far better speaker than me. I bet if they counted our english or filipino skills he would’ve gotten a higher GWA than me.” Aldo gives him a pat on the shoulder, “Just your luck that only our science subjects count.” “You’ll do fine, Vince.” Ray comments, “You just have to write your speech I guess.” Vincent groans again. “I might just have to wing it, you guys.” “Don’t.” Aldo reprimands him. “You might regret it if you do. Especially if you say something weird.” Vincent sighs, “I know.”

They fall into silence. The bonfire has been put out, and now the field is bathed in darkness, save for the lights coming from the lampposts dotting the perimeter of the field. “You know, for all intents and purposes, I am going to miss this place.” Vincent says into the night. “Me too, actually.” Ray replies, and with a light laugh he says, “But I guess that comes with having lived on campus for the last four years.” “I may not have lived on campus, but I definitely will.” Thomas adds. “Don’t say goodbye yet.” Giulio warns. “There’s still time.” Thomas sighs. “I know, and school for me starts in September so technically summer’s gonna be longer for me.”

“Well, it’s been fun.” Goffredo says, surprising the rest of them. The other boys look at him curiously. “What, I can’t be sentimental?” He says. “You can,” Aldo replies. “Can’t deny it’s weird though.” Goffredo rolls his eyes in response. 

“It has been fun.” Vincent repeats in a contemplative voice. The others fall into silence, waiting for him to continue. “Fun, in a confusing, stressful, manic kind of way.” Vincent says, breaking into a grin. “But it was still fun.”

“That could be your speech.” Joe says in an encouraging tone. “You just need an extra thousand words.” Vincent groans and lies down on the oval as everyone breaks into laughter.