Chapter Text
Once upon a time- No, scratch that.
Let’s start from the top, alright?
It all began…in a small village. Where one day, the floor of its catacombs collapsed! And out from its depths, a wrinkled, humanoid form emerged. It spoke with a woman’s voice and she said:
“I am the queen of a golden country that had fallen a thousand years ago.”
Clinging to the ground, she spoke of how her nation of gold was sealed underground by a ruthless, mad mage .
“We have remained there since.”
The villagers were terrified. Their hands clung onto their torches and shovels. The woman continued on, gaunt eyes staring.
“To the one who defeats the mage, I shall bestow upon them my entire kingdom.”
Then, she crumbled to dust and vanished .
Zoro could feel the sun on his face. He could hear his ears ringing and his body felt like shit.
Everything hurted.
Hang on…why could he feel the sun on his face?
Groaning, he rubbed his eyes and sat up, his hands running through the soft grass beneath him. In a haze, he opened his eyes and saw the bodies of his companions strewn across the meadow.
No mistaking it, he thought, we’re on the surface.
Zoro looked around and counted. Nami and Usopp were next to each other, so that’s 2 down. Nami clung onto her spiked club (for her dwarven stature, it was quite a large club) and Usopp clutched his ears.
Half-foots really are that sensitive huh.
He could hear Robin chanting as she knelt over Chopper, their deer beast-man healer. Her hands desperately running over him and releasing mana.
Quite a bit of red on Chopper there.
Zoro shook his head and wracked his memory. Who were the others with them? Then, it came to him as he heard the pained groans of 4 individuals.
Their party had allied with the party of one Trafalgar Law’s at the beginning of this raid. Alliances between parties were unusual, since most adventurers were out for their own skins. Zoro and the rest thought Law was no exception, considering the rumours of him being the “Healer of Death” (whatever that meant). But their leader Luffy trusted him and to Zoro, Leader’s orders meant Leader’s orders.
Law and his 3 party members: Bepo, Penguin and Shachi, laid near each other. Although, it was more like Law was crowded around by his panicked companions.
Someone was still missing.
A sharp pain hit Zoro as he looked around again. Six party members including himself and Luffy for their party, then Law’s party was four in total…
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…
Fuck.
It became very clear to Zoro what had just happened.
(Minutes before.)
After multiple trips cut short due to resurrection, their two parties finally reached the sixth floor of this dungeon. With their numbers and shared power within the alliance, nothing could stop them.
Wrong.
That was what one Roronoa Zoro thought as they saw a giant dragon with crimson red scales breathing down at them. His party leader, Monkey D. Luffy, beamed and marvelled at the creature. Of course, it responded by unleashing a fire breath.
A dragon this size should be no problem for their alliance. Hell, they had 10 people. 3 of whom were skilled mages and the rest (bar Usopp), excellent melee fighters.
Yet it all went wrong.
“ I’m really hungry, ” Luffy had groaned to the rest after he cast a protection spell on them all and punched the dragon square in the eye. Law had berated him for not following a plan but swiftly sent a lightning strike at the dragon’s torso.
Luffy was right, thought Zoro as he ran to support Nami after she was hit by the dragon’s claws. They were all starving.
And it made everyone so sluggish.
Their map had a minor mistake and though minor, it made them waste an entire day wandering. Then 3 days worth of provisions went down a trap.
Zoro saw Shachi charge at the dragon with his axe, but he and Nami (now healed by Chopper) were immediately blasted by fire.
Shit, this is bad.
He rushed to cover for them, drawing his second sword from its sheath.
No one was dying here, they were too far down.
As Zoro turned to get to Nami and Shachi, he felt two hands on his back.
“Oi Zoro! Look out-”
Then he heard the snapping of jaws.
Zoro looked up.
Luffy was in the Red Dragon’s mouth.
Huh?
“Luffy-ya!” Zoro heard Law shout, his breaths seemed pained.
Zoro felt his own muscles seize up. He couldn’t be frozen in fear, he thought as his hands trembled around his swords, he couldn’t!
Luffy was in the Red Dragon’s mouth, damnit!
Do something, anything!
We can’t fail!
Zoro stood up and got into a stance to kill. He could feel the burn and the pain in his legs. His metal armour thoroughly warmed by the surrounding fire.
“Get everyone out of here, Traffy!”
Then, there was a flash of light.
And the dragon was nowhere in sight.
A wave of rage flooded through Zoro as he recalled what happened. He got up, legs still a bit weak from the pain and stomped towards where a certain Trafalgar Law was.
That idiot elf had teleported everyone back to the surface, yet where the hell was Luffy?!
“Oi, Trafalgar…” Zoro seethed as he made his way to the tattooed magic user, who was clutching his staff and breathing heavily.
“Ahh, captain! ” Bepo, their bear beast-man fighter, cried and shook Law hard by the shoulders. “It’s Roronoa-”
Zoro picked up Law by his tunic and shoulder cowl. The elf was tall but he weighed nothing to Zoro’s half-ogre strength.
“Put him down, you idiot!” Shachi shouted, drawing his axe.
“What the hell are you doing?!” Penguin screeched.
Zoro stared down at Law, his canines bared, and bellowed.
“Where the hell is Luffy?! Why didn’t you teleport him out?!”
“ Roronoa-ya- ” Law had wheezed out but Zoro paid no attention as he cursed at Law.
“I thought you were an expert at this! You-”
“Won’t you just listen?! ” Law screamed, tattooed hands clawing at Zoro’s actually clawed hands.
For a brief moment, there was silence. Then, reluctantly, Zoro dropped Law to the ground. He watched as the elf stood up, wobbly, with his black and wooden magical staff.
Zoro raised an eyebrow. “Well?”
“Ugh…” Law groaned and then coughed. “Spell couldn’t work on him.”
“What?!” Usopp’s shrill voice pierced through. The five of them turned their heads to see him, Nami, Robin and Chopper standing. Well, Chopper was being carried on a walking plant bed.
Law smoothed down his clothes. His breathing was still heavy, but his eyes were soft. “He got eaten, the spell couldn’t reach. Straw Hat-ya yelled at me to teleport you guys out.”
Zoro noticed Nami staring at Law with the most incredulous of expressions.
“That’s what happened.”
“That idiot…so you just listened to him?!” She screeched. “I thought you were the smart one in this alliance!”
Law clung onto his staff harder and bit his lip. He bit on it so hard that blood bursted out. “You think I listened to him?! I know how much that Vollidot cares about you guys so I teleported you all on my own volition! I listen to no one!”
Then he stomped at the ground and dug his nails into his staff, his hands trembling still.
“Great! We’ve left Luffy to be eaten!” Usopp threw his arms into the air.
Law seethed again. “I never said that, Long Nose-ya!”
“Can’t you all shut up! ” At the voice of Penguin, everyone turned their heads to look at him. He was kneeling by Chopper and using a basic healing spell. Robin rapidly flipped through her grimoire.
Robin breathed in heavily as she stood up. “I trust you all, but I’m announcing my leave here.”
“Robin…” Nami said, her hands holding onto her spiked club.
Zoro gritted his teeth. “So you’re just-”
“I will return to the party at a later date, Zoro,” Robin sighed. “...But Chopper is seriously injured.” Her voice shook as she closed her grimoire. “I’m going to have to take him back into town.”
Zoro stared at Chopper on the makeshift bed Robin made using plant magic. His tiny body was covered in wounds and breath weak from low mana.
“Nico-ya, I can just-” Law had started, his hand held out and ready to heal Chopper. But Robin cut him off.
“No, conserve your strength,” Robin said as she commanded the plant bed to move. “You’ll need it.”
It was a cryptic answer from Robin as always, with an equally cryptic smile, but they bid her and Chopper goodbye. Not long after, after they all reached some semblance of calm, Zoro placed his hand back on his swords and turned to speak to everyone else.
“I’m going back in,” Zoro announced to others.
“Excuse me?” Usopp stared at him, posing oddly.
“Luffy got eaten, ergo, he’s still in the dungeon.” Zoro scratched at his head. “So I’m going to go rescue him.
As he turned, he felt Nami yank at his arm.
“Now hang on a minute, Zoro,” she said, giving him a side-eye.
Zoro tilted his head. “What, witch?”
“Traffy’s spell there teleported all of us out.” Nami sighed and pointed at Law. “But, none of our inventory is here.”
Zoro furrowed his eyebrows. “So?”
Nami gripped at his arm harder. “ So? We’re fucking broke, dumbass!” Then she released his arm and poked sharply at his belly. “No money, no food, no nothing! How the hell are we saving Luffy like this?!”
Zoro thought for a moment. He usually operated with little plan, trusting his instincts much like how Luffy did, but no supplies was really a big issue.
“I could sell my armour…” He mused. Usopp’s expression twisted into a grimace.
“That’s so reckless!”
Zoro felt a vein in his forehead pop and he snapped at Usopp. “You got a better plan? It’s quick cash and we don’t have time to waste! Luffy could be digested while we’re all loitering to get ready!”
Usopp and Nami glanced at each other, then at their own hands. There was an uncomfortable silence.
“Zoro-ya’s right.”
Zoro was surprised to hear Law standing on his side, considering how pragmatic the man was.
“Captain-” Bepo reached a hand out to Law but was brushed aside.
Law rubbed at his temples and breathed. “Large beasts like dragons don’t move a lot after eating so digestion should be slowed. If we leave now, we should be able to resurrect Straw Hat-ya before he is fully digested. So, Zoro-ya’s right.”
Zoro nodded, despite their early altercation, he was happy that Law was supporting him. His logical reasoning was a lot more convincing than Zoro’s regular bluntness.
“Therefore, I will be disbanding my party.”
Nevermind that logical reasoning he was praising Law for because what the fuck did he just hear him say?
“Captain!” Bepo, Penguin and Shachi shouted.
“Dude, what? ” Nami stared at Law, horrified.
“I won’t have any of them be eaten.” Law crossed his arms and huffed. Then Zoro saw him turn towards where he was. “And I’ll be joining you, Nami-ya and Nose-ya. You’ll need a strong magic user after Nico-ya and Tony-ya left.”
Zoro glanced at the three members of Law’s party. Understandably, they seemed very slighted by what just happened.
“Oi Law, you can’t just do this!” Shachi stomped.
“Yeah! We’ve been with you since the start!” Penguin punched at the air.
“I agree with both of them!” Bepo pointed a thumbs down. “Boo!”
Law clutched his staff. “My decision is final!” He yelled and instantly, the three of his party members were quiet. “...Find another employer in the mean-time. Don’t burden yourselves with this. I couldn’t get Luffy-ya out in time, so I’m going back in to help rescue him.”
Zoro stared at him alongside everyone else.
“Our alliance is not over yet, I can’t have him dead.” Law stared at the six of them. There was an unusual softness in his gold eyes, Zoro noticed, and a subtle blush on his cheeks.
“...Okay, Captain,” Bepo whispered, twiddling his furry thumbs. Then he rushed to pull Law into a hug. Zoro couldn’t help but snort at the sight of the scary elf mage being squeezed by a fluffy polar bear beast-man. Penguin and Shachi joined the hug, though their shorter statures as a gnome and a dwarf meant they were hugging at the other two’s legs.
“Stay safe, okay!” Bepo sniffled.
“You’re suffocating me-” Law wriggled and coughed. “And you two, get off our legs!”
“Sorry.” Bepo promptly released Law from his furry hands. Zoro could definitely admit then, the scary Healer of Death had a soft side.
After a few more tearful goodbyes from Law’s now former party members, the remaining four stood together.
“So…” Usopp crossed his arms and looked at the rest. “What now?”
Zoro put his hand under his chin. There was a pregnant pause amongst them.
“You and Nami can leave if you want,” He finally said to Usopp.
“Huh?!”
Law merely huffed.
Zoro looked at the shocked faces of Nami and Usopp. “Not going to drag you guys into this just so you’ll get eaten like Luffy-”
He promptly felt Nami kick him hard in the shin. Though short compared to his height as a half-ogre and half Tall-man, Nami was really strong. Zoro winced in pain and yelped.
“‘Scuse you, Zoro! Luffy’s our leader, ‘course we’re coming with you to save him!” Nami huffed then grabbed Usopp. “You agree, right, Usopp?”
Usopp’s legs were visibly shaking but his face was full of determination. “Yeah that’s right! I’m saving my best friend! We’ll do anything!”
Zoro grinned. He really could always trust them.
“Also you can’t find your bloody way around a dungeon even if your life begged you to and I’m not about to let Traffy suffer with that,” Nami said, pointing a finger at Zoro.
Law nodded. “Thank you, Nami-ya.” Zoro shot him a look of betrayal.
And so with a new party established (or salvaged), the five of them began to make their way to the dungeon. On the way, they began to take notice of their hunger as sharp rumbles quickly crossed all of their ears.
“But we really should eat first, huh?” Usopp sighed and rubbed at his belly. “There’s cheap meals at the public dining hall…Ooh or we could go to Laughing Wolf Tavern, they’ve got huge portions!”
Nami pointed at another restaurant after looking around the streets. “That one’s got a great menu too! Their meat dumpling soup is to die for!”
Zoro took note of how she and Usopp drooled as they thought about what to eat. Then he thought about what Luffy had said about monsters. Zoro glanced at Law, who seemed to have understood what Zoro was thinking.
“We’re going to the dungeon now,” Law announced flatly. Zoro nodded.
“What? But you need to eat,” Nami said, looking at both Law and Zoro. “We quite literally almost died because we were too hungry.”
“Can’t waste time looking for a restaurant,” Zoro yawned. “Come on.”
Stomachs still empty, the party soon arrived at the dungeon entrance. Its darkness was foreboding yet exciting.
“We’ll be getting all our food from the dungeon.” Zoro pointed at the dingy entrance. Law nodded firmly, his arms crossed.
“What?!” Nami and Usopp shouted in unison.
“Dungeons are full of monsters, so therefore it must have an ecosystem,” Law began, his face deadly serious. “Carnivorous monsters eat the herbivorous and the herbivorous eat the plants. The plants need water, light and dirt to grow.”
“Therefore!” Law slammed his staff. “We humanoids must be able to sustain ourselves within the dungeon too!”
Zoro nodded along. “What he said.”
“ HUH?!?! ”
The utter shock persisted as they began to descend into the dungeon. Usopp and Nami stared at the other two, questioning what sort of logic ran their brains. Zoro was not surprising, but for Law to be such a…
“We’re really eating monsters?” Usopp groaned as he fiddled with his leather belt.
“Every meal,” Zoro answered, his armour clanging as he walked down the steps.
“Even with our one trip together as an alliance, some of those monsters must have looked tasty to you both,” Law said, his tone flat as always.
All the monsters they had ever seen crossed Usopp and Nami’s minds after they heard Law and not one looked like they could be eaten or even be… tasty .
“No they weren’t!” Nami grabbed at Law’s tunic. “Are you insane?!”
Law stared at her, unsmiling with a singular raised eyebrow.
“Zoro! You can’t possibly be agreeing with Traffy’s crazy plan?” Usopp begged.
Zoro glanced away from him. “I mean Luffy also wanted to eat monsters, and his reasons really did seem sound.”
Usopp groaned.
“Also he told me that lots of people here hunt monsters for food, so quit being wimps,” Zoro sighed and continued walking down.
“That’s because they’re criminals who were banished down here??” Nami pulled at her hair. “And they’re always sick from food poisoning, blowing chunks from both ends! ”
“...That is also fascinating,” Law said. Nami could not believe what she was hearing.
Great, he’s also weird about medicine and health conditions.
“What else can we do then? Like you said, we’re broke.” Law then leaned down until he was almost eye level with both her and Usopp. “And you did also say that you’ll do anything to save Luffy-ya?”
Nami frowned, “...That was Usopp, don’t pin that one on me.”
“Hey!” Usopp had protested but Nami jabbed him in the ribs.
“Anyway, didn’t say I’d eat monsters, Usopp too,” Nami huffed. She was Nami of Cocoyashi, trained by dwarf warrior Bell-Mere, elf mage Trafalgar Law did not scare her.
Law merely raised an eyebrow at her. Zoro seemed to be trying to not laugh. Nami was going to punch them both in the head, their heights be damned.
“Plus! We could all die from poisoning if we ate monsters!” Usopp crossed his arms and stood on his tiptoes, trying whatever he could to seem intimidating.
Law sighed and rubbed at his temples. “I can just heal-”
A loud scream cut him off. Everyone turned to see a group of adventurers running in their direction, their faces horrified.
“RUN!!!” The leading man screamed as he ran from whatever was chasing him and his party.
Which…was a Walking Mushroom.
With a single bonk, Nami killed the mushroom with her club.
The four of them collectively stared at the mushroom, wondering what was so menacing about it.
“They gotta stop letting rookies in,” Nami grimaced. “I swear if they’re that scared of a Walking Mushroom then- Huh?”
Law picked up the dead fungus.
“Oi! Oi, Traffy…Traffy!” Usopp bit at his nails.
Zoro stared at the Walking Mushroom in Law’s hands. “Guess that’s our lunch.”
Law nodded.
Usopp and Nami stared at them.
“THAT’S GROSS!!” Usopp lamented at the top of his lungs, then he began to writhe on the floor, even doing a headstand. “Ew nope, nope, nope, NOPE! Not happening, NOT eating that!”
Nami looked at Usopp, then at Law and Zoro. She sighed, “Is that even safe to eat?”
Zoro dug around his rucksack and pulled out a slightly dilapidated book. “I mean according to Luffy’s Monster Gourmet Guide, it is.” Luffy had given Zoro the only book he actually read for safekeeping, since it kept falling from his rucksack during fights.
“Luffy reads books?” Usopp stared in disbelief.
“He only paid attention to this one,” Zoro shrugged, then he went back to the book. “Says here the mushroom is a basic ingredient and has a mild and meaty flavour.”
Nami inspected the book, its spine was flaking and creased and its pages had been dog-earred into oblivion, there were also tags everywhere.
“He read this a lot, huh?” Nami tilted her head. Her eyes widened a little when Zoro took the book from her and put it back in his rucksack.
“Let’s go somewhere open and cook this thing then,” He sighed.
“Just mushroom is plain.” Law leaned his head back and closed his eyes, breathing in the damp dungeon air. “We need more ingredients.” Then, his rounded and long ears perked up. There was a distinctive scuttling nose nearby.
“Oi, Zoro-ya, there’s a scorpion.” Law smirked.
“Heard ya, Traffy,” Zoro grinned and ran off with one sword drawn.
“Lost my appetite.” Usopp frowned. “Oi, Zoro! You’ll get lost!”
And so, the remaining three followed Zoro to the Adventurer’s Hall, located on the first floor of the dungeon. It was once where the catacombs of the nearby village were and connected to the dungeon proper 6 years ago, now it was filled with merchants and adventurers. A bustling stop for all who came to raid the dungeon.
The place was bright as always but Zoro paid no attention. Sure he got lost a lot but he didn’t this time, he did actually follow the sound of the scorpion scuttling.
But nevermind his sense of direction, he thought as he kneeled down near where the scorpion’s hole was. How was he going about hunting this thing?
Zoro thought for a moment, then the idea came to him. Growing up in the island village of Shimotsuki, in the Eastern Archipelago, he hunted crayfish with the kids at the dojo. Scorpions had pincers and so did crayfish. The principle must be the same.
And so it was. He wrapped his sword in cloth and pushed into where the scorpion was. Very quickly, he felt something grab on. Grinning, Zoro pulled the scorpion out and smashed its head.
Nearby, a blond-haired elf watched what happened and gasped in horror. He followed Zoro as he went to rejoin the others.
As Law waited for Zoro with the other two, he found his mind wandering a little. Monsters were sometimes rumoured to be surface creatures changed by dark magic, other times they were rumoured to be from the depths of Hell. Either way, they attacked without hesitation. Could they be protecting something?
His thoughts were interrupted by the voices of Nami and Usopp chastising Zoro, who had returned with a freshly caught scorpion. Though, its head was completely smashed in.
“So you caught it like crayfish?” Nami stared at the scorpion.
“Did you really have to smash its head?” Usopp frowned in disgust.
“Rock was the closest thing, too hard to get out my knife.” Zoro shrugged.
Law sighed. “Alright, how about we get cooking? Or does your party always waste so much time having meaningless conversations?”
“Oi.” Zoro grimaced at Law then teased, “I’m only doing this for practical reasons, but you seem a little too into eating monsters. Some kind of weird fantasy of yours?”
Law felt his face flush at Zoro’s words and cursed at his mind for thinking about how Luffy also had the same monster eating ideas as him. This was not the time to reminisce.
“...Saving Luffy-ya is the only thing on my mind,” Law managed to choke out those words without dying. He hated how red he probably looked as he took note of Zoro’s smirk.
“Sure it is, mate,” Usopp muttered, then he turned to Nami and whispered, “Freak?”
Nami nodded. “Freak.”
Law clutched his staff tightly. “Can’t believe I joined your party.” Then as Zoro began to take out their cookware, Law joined them for preparation.
Usopp was fine with gathering water, at least they weren’t at the step of actually eating the monsters yet. But he was getting seriously embarrassed by all the stares their party was getting for scooping the water from the fountain.
“We seriously have to cook here?” He questioned, placing the water filled saucepan onto the makeshift stove Nami and Zoro made.
Nami sighed, “We’re broke, there’s water right next to us.” Then she pulled at her hair. “Ugh all our money!!”
Usopp patted Nami on the shoulder, then he sat down and looked at Zoro and Law. “So, how are you guys planning on cooking this?”
The two men stared at their ingredients: a walking mushroom and a dungeon scorpion.
“Boil,” Zoro said with full chested conviction, then he took a knife and set the mushroom to cut.
“I’ll go prep the fire,” Law sighed. “Nami-ya, Nose-ya, mind getting firewood with me?”
Nami and Usopp shrugged and after a few minutes, they gathered the firewood they needed. Law, using his magic, set them alight. As the three of them worked to control the fire, they heard a rather loud grunt from Zoro.
“What’s going on?” Nami looked over.
“Cutting the mushroom sideways is harder than cutting vertically.” Zoro stared at his own knife. “Guess when you’re dealing with Walking Mushrooms, slash straight up and down instead of diagonally and sideways then.” Nami was amazed by how Zoro’s normally angry eyes became filled with childlike wonder when he’s in his element, in this case, fighting.
Nami picked up one of the mushroom slices Zoro had managed to cut. “Huh! It does look more like food now.”
Usopp stared at Nami as he held firewood. “No it doesn’t,” He said in disgust.
After chopping the mushroom into large diced cubes, Zoro dropped them into the boiling water and readied to put the scorpion in.
“Woah, hang on…you’re putting the entire thing in?” Nami frowned.
“Aren’t scorpions poisonous??” Usopp gulped.
Zoro hesitated briefly but then Law took the scorpion from his hands.
“The venom is quite mild, it won’t hurt us if we eat it,” He sighed as he dunked the entire thing into the pot. “Luffy-ya’s book says it’s safe to eat.” He pointed to the laid out book, much like how a chef referred to a recipe book.
“You sure?” Usopp frowned. “That book does not look trustworthy.”
Zoro grumbled and set the ladle down. “Here, I’ll prove it to you.” Then he tore off the tail with his bare hands and bit into it. At that exact moment, Zoro felt his bowels contract in protest and pain. Quickly, he kneeled on the ground and retched.
“Karma.” Nami tutted as she ran her hand across Zoro’s back.
“Ugh…” Zoro groaned and wiped his mouth. He grunted in anger. “I’m slicing that sucker up.”
Since no one wanted to deal with a pissed off Zoro, they watched as he readied both the knife and the scorpion to be sliced into sashimi. Or more accurately, Zoro’s victims as Nami and Usopp became acutely aware of what was going to happen to the poor scorpion.
It would not look like a scorpion after Zoro’s lovely bladework.
“Hands off that scorpion, Mosshead!”
The four of them turned their heads to see a beautiful, blond haired elf running in their direction. His hair which covered half his face was long and braided and he had a horned helmet. He wore armour atop a fur-lined dark blue tunic and some black trousers. Most distinctively, half of his left ear was missing and he had curly eyebrows.
“What the-”
The elf snatched the knife and the scorpion from Zoro’s hands and placed himself where Zoro was sitting, disregarding his personal space.
“Can’t believe this! If I weren’t mistaken, you were about to destroy this beautiful scorpion!” He yelled at Zoro. “You know what? You already did! Why is its head smashed in?”
Zoro stared at the elf, momentarily distracted by how blue his eyes were. “I- It was the quickest way!”
Law slapped himself in the face and muttered, “Roronoa-ya”, under his breath.
The blond elf stared at Zoro as if he had another set of horns. “You couldn’t have just stabbed its head?” He shivered then set his eyes back on the scorpion before him. Zoro glanced at Law, Nami and Usopp. A random elf had just appeared and was now taking over their cooking. Zoro looked at them for some kind of guidance, to which Law responded by motioning him to shut up. Zoro felt insulted.
“Honestly…” The blond elf muttered. “Anyway!” He smiled. “You four are making scorpion and mushroom hot pot, correct?”
“Yes…?” Nami hesitantly replied. The blond elf immediately lit up at the sight of her.
“Amazing choice, Miss! I will serve you the best dungeon hot pot you’ve ever tasted!” He was almost squealing in delight but coughed to regain composure. “...Better than what Mosshead here would've cooked.” He glanced at Zoro with a frown.
“ Temee- ” Zoro readied himself to curse at the elf in his native language. He couldn’t believe what was happening.
“To prepare the scorpion, cut off its pincers, head, legs and tail,” The elf began, doing exactly as he said. Zoro stopped to look at the elf’s knifework. It was immaculate, he cut with confidence, something Zoro admired.
“I overheard what you folks were saying about the tail. It is edible, but…it’ll give you the runs. Best to throw it out.”
Zoro and Law frowned. Guess Luffy’s guide missed some trivia.
“Next, you slice the sucker up by the segments so it heats evenly and the juices seep out.” The elf grinned. “You’ll get all the flavour this way and it’s easier to eat.”
The four of them stared at the now evenly cut up scorpion. Huh.
“Next, you pull out the innards, like so.” The elf put his hand through each segment and dragged out black, stringy innards. “It’s bitter and the texture’s all wrong, not suitable for eating.”
Then, the elf grabbed what’s left of their mushroom. “For the Walking Mushroom, skin it and lose the butt, but save the feet and throw ‘em in the pot.”
“The feet?” Law questioned. Whatever this elf was doing was fascinating, it was like he’s been cooking monsters for years.
“They’re delicious and have a unique fragrance,” he smiled. “Have a smell- Oh, an elf…Whatever, you’re hungry, so I’ll feed you.”
Law stared at him. He spoke with such disdain about elves yet he was one himself… However, he was cooking for them and seemed to pose no threat. Law sniffed the mushrooms offered to him by the cooking elf.
“Smells good?”
“Fascinating…” Law muttered.
Nami and Usopp merely stared at Law. Foot fetish?
The blond elf hummed and gathered all the cut ingredients. He frowned when he saw the pot the four had been using. “Too small…we’ll just use mine.” To everyone’s surprise, he pulled from behind him a giant, black wok style pot.
“You are oddly prepared…” Usopp observed.
The blond elf set his pot down on the stove and transferred all the ingredients in. Then he stared at it. “Little bland with just scorpion and mushroom…Oh!” As if stars struck him, the elf stood up and rushed to cut some of the vines growing on the cobble walls. He then scraped some algae and promptly returned to where the stove was.
“Add this,” He announced bluntly. Usopp stared at what he brought and wondered if this elf was joking.
“Okay now hold on a sec! You can’t put those in!” He shouted.
“Why not?” The elf tilted his head.
“I am not eating that!” Usopp crossed his arms across his chest as if it were an X. He then pointed behind him at the gravestones and coffins. “You see those! Those are corpses! I’ll eat a monster if I must but not plants from a graveyard!”
Usopp then rushed to grab the remaining slice of mushroom and stared up at the elf, shoving the mushroom at him. “Tell them this tastes fine on its own! Also, who the hell are you anyway?!”
“Oi Usopp, up!”
“ Up what?! ” Usopp turned to stare at Zoro. Then, he felt something gooey and cold drip onto his head. Very quickly, a green blob covered his face and Usopp felt like he was drowning.
A slime.
“Usopp!”
“Nose-ya!”
Usopp clawed at it desperately. He couldn’t breathe. Sharp pains stabbed at his chest.
“I’m going to blast the slime.” That was Traffy’s voice. Wait, don’t blast at my head!
“Don’t blast him!” Nami, you’re an angel. But I’m going to die here.
Not the first time though…Huh?
Through the green goo of the slime, Usopp saw a figure come towards him. It was the blond elf and with one stab of his knife, the slime fell off his face.
Usopp gasped for air and coughed.
“You okay?” Nami asked as she helped him up.
Usopp sniffled, “I think some went up my nose…” Then he sneezed. Sighing, Nami handed him a handkerchief.
Nearby, Law, Zoro and the blond elf stared at the remains of the slime. Law knelt down to prod at it with his fingers.
“So you can kill these with knives, huh?” Zoro said, amused.
“If you know where you’re stabbing, then yes,” The blond elf said as he scooped the slime from the floor and placed it into a different pot.
“Slime anatomy always fascinated me, but it is complicated when all you can see is a blob,” Law sighed. “In theory, it’s like if you turned a stomach inside-out and surrounded the head and organs with digestive fluid.”
“Mmhm,” hummed the blond elf. “They sense your breath and attack when you exhale. So if you throw a fit like the kid here,” he said, pointing to Usopp, “you’ll get slimed.”
Usopp stared at the elf, offended by the fact he got called a kid.
The blond elf ignored Usopp and sat down with the pot of slime. “Can’t eat these raw, so add hot water and a splash of citrus juice.” After adding those ingredients, the elf rubbed them in with hands. “Then, you can pat it dry or rub salt in it and sun-dry. After all that, you have one high quality ingredient. Starve it for two weeks if you can though, then dry it. It’ll taste so much better.”
The elf then pulled out another piece of equipment. “This is a portable slime dryer I made. Put the slime there and it’ll dry naturally as you walk around.” He put the slime he had just prepared into the dryer and set it aside. “It’ll be a bit until that one’s done…but, I do have a fully prepared one.” From somewhere in his bags, the elf pulled out a leaf bundle and unwrapped it to reveal a piece of neatly folded slime. It was white in colour with a gelatin sheen.
“We’ll add it to your pot!” The elf grinned as he began to chop the slime. “You don’t know how happy I am to find folks who love monster cuisine as much as I do!”
The four party members looked at each other, then Usopp and Nami looked at Law and Zoro.
Pretty sure it’s only Law who’s really into it.
“I’ve been studying the monsters in here and how to cook them for over 10 years now, you know?” The elf continued, still in his cooking bliss.
“10 years?” Nami repeated.
“Have the dungeon been around that long?” Usopp whispered, to which Nami shrugged.
Zoro noticed that the elf tensed when Usopp asked that question. It was unusual, but it was also rude to pry into someone’s business.
“Anyway,” The blond elf smiled, “everything will be ready in a bit. I’m sure you’re all starving.”
Then, like a dedicated blacksmith, the elf set off to work. Zoro watched as he chopped the ingredients efficiently as if practising swordsmanship, checking the fire as if forging and finally tasting the broth itself.
He knows his stuff, huh?
After around 10-15 minutes of boiling, the elf announced the hot pot ready and opened the pot lid. Steam rushed out and the smell of freshly cooked ingredients breezed everyone’s noses. Proudly, he named the dish “Giant Scorpion and Walking Mushroom Hot Pot”.
It was lunch time.
The elf served everyone present with a bowl of hot pot in the wooden cutlery they brought with them. Zoro, Law and Nami readied themselves to eat, but Usopp stared at what he was served.
“So scorpions turn red when boiled?” Zoro observed and poked at the scorpion slice with his chopsticks. “They really are like crayfish.”
“Looks way better than the one in Luffy’s guide,” Nami muttered, then she sniffed. “Okay it should not smell as good as it does.”
The blond elf giggled at that compliment. “You are most welcome, Miss! I’m so glad my cooking is up to your standards.”
Nami looked at him. He likes it when women compliment him, huh? I could use this…
“Cook it long enough and it shrinks, so you can pull the meat out easy,” the elf grinned and gestured.
Law plucked a piece of meat and promptly ate it. His eyes widened. It was fresh, flavourful and- “It’s really good.”
“Oh thank you- Why do you have to compliment me and not the beautiful dwarf lady?” The blond elf frowned. “Ugh, I hate elves.”
Law gripped at his chopsticks. “Oi Cook-ya, but in case you haven’t noticed, you’re an elf!”
“So?” The blond elf scoffed. “Whatever, glad it tastes good.”
“Preparation totally changes the flavour, huh,” Zoro commented. “Guess I underestimated you, Curly.”
“What- Underestimated- ” The blond elf seethed at Zoro but soon turned his attention to Usopp, who was not touching his bowl. “Hey, shitty kid, you better eat that bowl, I’m not about to have someone go hungry.”
Usopp grimaced and inched away from his bowl. “I am not eating monster. Nada!”
“Come on, Usopp~~” Nami said in a sing-song voice and grinned. “Didn’t you say you craved lobster earlier?”
“Yeah, and this does taste really good, ” Zoro added, equally grinning.
Law hummed and nodded, still very focused on savouring the dish.
Usopp looked at his fellow party members, then felt his own hunger slowly creep in…
“Fine! I’ll try it!”
He grabbed his bowl and chopsticks and dug in. The first thing he grabbed was something stringy. They were purplish in colour.
“What are these?” Usopp grimaced as he asked the blond elf.
“Slime innards,” he smiled.
Usopp groaned, but his hunger overwhelmed him and he quickly gulped down his bite. Flavour exploded on his taste buds.
“ ....So good! ”
And so, for the rest of the meal, each party member enjoyed it in their own ways and each became intrigued by what exactly did the blond elf use to cook this hot pot. As Nami learned, the vines were actually stems of an upside down plant and as Usopp learned…the algae was just plain algae, which did ruin his appetite a little. But regardless, it was some meal indeed.
“Now that we’re all properly fed,” The blond elf began, “how about introductions?”
Zoro snorted and teased, “Rich for you to say, you just barged in and made food for us. Some introduction, Curls.”
“Shitty Mosshead…” The blond elf’s face turned red and his ears flushed. “I’ll have you know my name is Sanji, it means ‘third son’ in Elvish.”
Zoro laughed and promptly began, “Zoro. The lady you keep flirting with is Nami, our navigator.”
Nami waved and Sanji promptly grinned in a silly manner.
“The grumpy elf with tattoos is Traffy, our mage.”
“The name is actually Trafalgar Law - ”
“Anyway. And finally there’s Usopp, our picklock. He’s a Half-Foot, not a kid.”
“Damn right!” Usopp huffed.
Zoro watched as Sanji glanced at the four of them with his non-covered eye. “So you four are on some mission then?” he said as he packed up the cookware.
There was a pause as everyone looked at each other uncomfortably.
“...Our party leader got eaten by the Red Dragon on the lower levels,” Zoro explained, holding his swords. “Gotta save him before he gets digested.”
Sanji gasped and his eyebrow drooped. “I’m…I’m so sorry, that’s awful.” He stared at his hands for a second. “The Red Dragon…”
“...What about it, Curls?” Zoro furrowed his brows.
“If it gives you any peace of mind…large monsters sleep a lot to conserve energy, so their-”
“Digestion will be on the slower side,” Law looked down as he finished the sentence. “I hope that hypothesis is correct or else…”
Sanji scoffed, “Don’t be pessimistic, Shitty Mage.”
“Excuse me?” Law raised an eyebrow. “Shitty Mage?”
“You heard me! If you’re all that suicidal to go down to the dungeon with no prep at all, then you all must be filled with some crazy faith! So, you will save that leader of yours because I’ll be damned if you don’t,” Sanji huffed and packed up the last of the cookware. “And I’ll be joining your party, so of course you’ll be fine!”
Everyone froze in their tracks. Sanji? Joining?
“You’re joining us?” Law questioned.
“Yep, because Mosshead here can’t cook for shit,” Sanji grinned.
“Oi!” Zoro protested.
This elf was suspicious, Law thought, a pure-blooded elf in a dungeon with vast amounts of monster knowledge… As much as he wanted to agonise over the oddness of Sanji and what that would mean, they were in no position to do so. Luffy was in danger and frankly, Law was not going to let that Tall-Man die.
He was too much of a wild-card.
“Your experiences will be useful, Sanji-ya, thank you.” To his own surprise, Law bowed his head as he said this. I could be sick.
The tip of Sanji’s remaining, non-mutilated ear turned red and he blushed. “I guess I’m honoured by that.”
Then he turned to walk deeper into the dungeon. “Red Dragon…Red Dragon…Oh I have had so many ideas for recipes! We could make steak and burgers, classic option. Ooh! Maybe shabu-shabu? Or Oyakodon, if we have enough eggs…”
The four party members stared at Sanji as he walked deeper into the dungeon, musing about his plans to cook the Red Dragon. There, they all wondered.
Was it really right to eat what ate one of them?
No one said anything as they followed the enthusiastic cook down into the depths. It is as they say: Dungeon food is to eat or be eaten. There is no hierarchy to any of it, only that eating is the privilege of the living.
Dungeon Food, ah…Dungeon Food.