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She doesn't talk anymore.
No matter how many times Yang Cheng begs furiously and cries pitifully for her to say anything, to say something, she doesn't open her lips.
He would accept it if she yelled at him. He deserved it, he deserved to be yelled at and cursed at for failing the people he cared about— the people that they cared about.
But Xue doesn't say as much as a word every time he wishes and begs for a response. She doesn't grant him one and the silence somehow feels worse than any words would.
She hasn't said anything since that night.
And at first he didn't blame her, it was a lot. Too much had gone on in that one week span. They had both lost one of their first true friends, Yang Cheng had trained non stop preparing for his fight with E-Soul and he had won.
Afterwards he expected Xue to finally say something when they reached the tower but if anything she had drawn herself away from him more.
She stayed near him only to not cause more strain and pain in their already fragile bond.
It was around that time that he realized she hated him. Hated him for being too slow, hated him for pushing Xia Qing away.
He doesn't hold it against her, he can't, he hates himself too. There is always a deep feeling of self loathing, and whenever he thinks of that night it only amplifies.
Xue has always been one to know his mood and tells. So whenever he found himself thinking about it that night she would be in arms reach. She doesn't perch on top of him anymore like she used to in the past to offer him comfort, that too she stopped doing that night Shang Chao died.
He doubts she'll even talk to him again. He imagines that the day she'll finally open her lips is just to tell him what a failure he is. He was doomed to leave people disappointed in him, he was doomed to push everyone who ever cared for him away. And in some cases he was doomed to cause death to the people he loved.
His mom and dad? Dead.
Shang Chao? Dead
Xia Qing and Pomelo? He pushed them away.
And now even his own Daemon wanted nothing to do with him.
It's peaceful. The crashing of waves is rhythmic almost making him relax the fresh smell of the air and crisp salt water only adding onto the effect the scenery has on him.
He remembered before all this as wistfully researched college's he had landed on one that was near a beach. Perfect blue water and sand that looked inviting to walk the shore on. Xue at the time had gone one about how pretty it was and if they went there they could go everyday.
They wouldn't afford that though, they both knew that.
On that day when they went with Xia Qing he saw how the Daemons eyes had filled with joy as she watched the waves.
At this moment she wasn't like any of those times. She was drawn in tightly against his armor. She hadn't even perked up at the sight and smell of the ocean.
Like all things he didn't blame her, she knew why they were here.
E-Soul stands straight, his arm out and as he positions himself for the killing aim at Moon.
She's preoccupied with the appearance of her savor but from where he's at he can't quite get a clear look at the person's face. It doesn't matter. He was sent her for a mission and he would complete it all the way through there was no room left for errors. Rock wouldn't allow it and E-Soul himself would not fail in the trust the other man had in him.
He fires.
The bullet speeds off into the air connecting right into the temple of Moon. It was a kill shot, no doubt about it he knew from the blood pouring out dangerously, and from the loud screaming of the man that was before her. As her body falls away he sees him. And the sight he feels his whole world tilt.
"Shang Chao."
Shang Chao.
It's Shang Chao.
E-Soul is in front of him in an instant travelling the distance between them in a flash reaching out to cradle a face he hasn't seen in years. Shang Chao isn't so welcoming he attempts to thrash out of reach but E-Soul won't let him go.
He can't let him go.
He has Shang Chao...maybe if he shows Xia Qing maybe they'll all be friends again. Maybe if Xue sees him... she would talk again.
The other is still putting up a fight, yelling, screaming and kicking as he attempts to shove off E-Soul.
"Lin Ling!"
His eyes snap to where the source of the tiny voice is. E-Soul eyes finds a squirrel deamon. For a second his concentration is thrown off but in that quick second Shang Chao flips him over making him land on the sand with a thump.
His gaze is still locked in on the Daemon; its frame is small and it's not at all what Shang Chao's Daemon was.
He blinks.
The fog that has been gradually filling his senses disappears into something more like clarity.
This isn't...it's not...
"It's not," a voice too small and too raspy making its way into the air. "He's not Shang Chao."
Xue's voice is the smallest it's ever been, her vocal cords weak and hoarse from disuse. He understands her all the same.
He backs away, back to the shoreline, away from Lin Ling. He peers at the man for only a bit, looks at his hair and eyes, looks at the blood, that causes a shiver to run down his spine.
Then he looks at Xue, she looks back at him, her gaze tired and worn, sad at him or sad for him he doesn't know, probably a mixture of both. He stopped guessing long ago.
"Let's go home."
When he gets back to the tower after filling in Rock that he completed the mission he picks Xue up softly.
She stared at him unblinking, not saying a word.
He is once again back at square one.
He holds her close to his chest so their warmth is mingled together as one.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
He doesn't get a response he knew he wouldn't. But that does lessen or fade the feeling of hurt when he does not get one.