Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I

♥ That damn habit stupid ideas have of disguising themselves as great ones ♥

“Sasuge! You lost!”
His friend was as tipsy as he was, sitting on the floor in front of the video game that had kept them company until then.
The air was a mix of cigarette smoke, alcohol, fried food, and sweat. Since neither of them really felt like celebrating that New Year’s Eve, they had decided to have dinner together and party their own way. Meeting again at university had been incredibly fun; Sasuke hadn’t changed one bit in all those years, still the same sulky, know-it-all misanthrope. Naruto had been genuinely happy to reconnect with him after they had drifted apart during high school.

“I beat you again, so drink!” Naruto chuckled, pouring him a shot.
“Oi, dobe, you’re annoying!”
“What’s the matter? Can’t hold your liquor, princess?”
Sasuke generally never backed away from a challenge, but drunk he became even more irritable and stubborn. “Give me that, half-pint. I can drink as much as I want and still kick your ass at this game at the same time.”
He was already dead drunk, much more than Naruto, who was still quite tipsy himself.

He downed the shot and touched his head, dazed. Naruto could hear the festive shouting, fireworks, and music outside the apartment.
“Happy New Year, Sasuge!”
He hugged him, holding that body far too closely against his own. He was so happy Sasuke had agreed to spend the occasion with him, just the two of them. He never would have thought he could have so much fun, feel so good with him.

He pulled back slightly, looking at his alcohol-flushed face. Sasuke’s eyelashes were rather long, casting small shadows on his cheekbones. He wore a dark stud earring, with other piercing holes still in the process of closing. Naruto wanted to kiss them one by one.
He was sure he could control any strange impulse, he had always been good at controlling himself around girls, so he wasn’t afraid of his odd desires.
Or maybe not?

He placed a hand on his cheek, eyes fixed on his lips. Sasuke looked on the verge of collapsing and reeked of alcohol. He had definitely drunk too much, and that left Naruto puzzled, since the Uchiha was always so controlled. Maybe something had happened with his father.
He brushed his thumb over his lips, unable to recall the millions of reasons why he shouldn’t. Any inhibition had gone far away, probably blown up with the fireworks still lighting up the sky.

Naruto didn’t move any further, waiting for Sasuke to say or do something. The lips beneath his thumb curved into a smile, parting slightly.

Naruto pressed his lips to his friend’s, sliding in his tongue and kissing him with almost ridiculous passion. He pulled him closer by his shirt and felt something strange under his fingers, it was as if Sasuke were wearing some kind of undershirt, but the strap was unusually thin. He was too drunk to think twice about it.

Sasuke pushed him away, leaving a strand of spit between them. “...Disgusting,” he muttered bitterly before slumping against the couch. “Don’t touch me,” he then snarled.
“Sasuke… I love you,” Naruto slurred, trying to pull him back. “I really, really love you.”
Sasuke had shoved him off forcefully, protesting vehemently. “Stay away from me!”
“Sasuke, please…”
The other shoved his face away angrily until he vomited on him, cursing at him. Then he passed out completely, collapsed from the alcohol. Naruto, shocked and covered in vomit, froze in place.

He remembered nothing else after that terrible way of being rejected. He only knew that he had thrown up as well and had felt endlessly pathetic. That had been the worst New Year’s Eve of his life.

♥

Two years later

“And so Sachi-chan wrote to me that she likes guys with a big appetite, like me! And she’s super smart and knows tons about books, movies, art, astronomy… she’s really cultured, maybe a little bit of a know-it-all, but she’s adorable when she acts like a teacher.”
Sasuke was silently eating his salad at the fast-food place near the university, while Naruto was tearing into his burger ferociously and talking with his mouth full.

“I wish she’d send me a picture, I bet she’s cute and pretty.”
“You shouldn’t get too excited about someone you met online.”
Naruto choked on a bite and gulped some water. “But you know I’m hopeless with girls. And besides, I don’t know, Sachi-chan seems to understand me, she seems to know me, I want to meet her.”

The Uchiha knew it wasn’t true that he was hopeless with girls, he was just bored of them. And Sasuke understood; Naruto hadn’t exactly kept his hands to himself, or his pants on, over the past two years.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Instead of talking about your romantic nonsense, tell me one thing: does your father still have that job to offer me?”
Naruto shook his head. “Unfortunately the event was canceled, I’m sorry.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he replied, already thinking about how to deal with the setback.

He’d have to cut back on spending that month if he didn’t want to risk the electricity being cut off. He glanced at the big clock at the far end of the room, noting he still had six hours to study and finish grading those tests Danzo had dumped on him, before he’d have to head to work. He also needed sleep, the pub where he worked always closed at two, and it wasn’t easy to attend classes after a sleepless night.
Then there was the bathroom leak, and the Wi-Fi that never worked, not to mention the fridge that sometimes shut off randomly.
A little organization and I can do everything.

At a table further ahead, two boys sat down. Sasuke noticed right away that they were holding hands, and Naruto seemed to notice too. When he realized Sasuke was watching him, he looked away.
“Bah,” he muttered with a hint of disdain.
Sasuke’s expression darkened. “What’s your problem?”
“Nothing.”

“Nothing.” Yeah, right. He’d said that “ bah ” with a note of disgust. Sasuke didn’t say anything.

He really cared about Naruto. No, more than cared. He had a stupid crush on him that he had long since given up fighting. He had denied it stubbornly for the past two years, seeking out other men, but he had never managed to shake Naruto’s face from his mind. His lifelong friend, the one he had lost touch with a bit during high school, and then found again at university, more handsome than ever, vibrant, exuberant, selfless, popular.
Homophobic.

And for Sasuke, who was even more eccentric than many queer men, sitting there wearing women’s lingerie under his clothes and pretending to be perfectly nonchalant, it truly felt like divine punishment.

At first, he hadn’t noticed this side of him; Naruto had never had problems with gay people, he had always seemed accepting. Then, suddenly, a few years earlier, he had started glaring at them, making really unkind remarks, tossing around the word “faggot” with ease, and voicing questionable and pointless opinions about certain gays who acted like “hysterical queens.”

Sasuke had never dared open his mouth. He didn’t even want to imagine how Naruto would react to knowing about his sexuality, but he had realized he had been storing up quite a bit of anger over all those disrespectful comments and some of the things that had genuinely hurt him.

“I’d like to ask Sachi-chan to meet me at the ball.”
“The ball your father organizes?”
Naruto nodded enthusiastically. “For all that it sucks, sometimes it’s not bad being the mayor’s son. I can get her in without her having to register. I mean, it’s a masquerade party, she might even accept, even if she’s reluctant… I don’t know, I hope so.”

Sasuke ordered a coffee, knowing otherwise he’d collapse over his books. “I guess it’s a good idea.”
“Today you’re strangely agreeable. You haven’t said ‘idiot,’ ‘dream on,’ ‘pathetic,’ or anything like that yet.”
Naruto missed Sasuke’s fleeting smirk. “Whatever I say, you’re going to go through with it anyway, so I won’t even waste my breath.”
“You’re coming, right?”
“Do I have a choice?”
Naruto shook his head. “I need your moral support. What are you dressing up as?”
He shrugged. “I’ll improvise.”
“Are you working today?”
He nodded.
“Why can’t I come see you? I want to see where you work.”
Sasuke shot him a glare. “I’ve told you a thousand times they’re really strict at work. I need this job, so you absolutely cannot come for any reason.”
Naruto pouted but nodded.
The Uchiha let out a breath of relief.

He worked every day at a gay bar, and it was honestly the one place where he could relax, maybe the only place he could truly be himself. He was among friends, and his boss, Orochimaru, was very kind; in a moment of desperation for Sasuke, he had given him a job and a place to take shelter. And he had desperately needed it at the time, ever since his father had stopped giving him a single cent. Orochimaru had also recommended a site where he could order lingerie without anyone judging him, since Orochimaru himself, unlike Sasuke, dressed entirely in women’s clothes.

He noticed his phone was almost dead. “Can I use your cell for a second? I wanted to call work.”
“No,” Naruto replied immediately. “You can’t, it’s full of porn pictures.”
“Like I care about your porn pics, just lend me the phone!”
Naruto pulled his hand back. “I said no,” he snapped.
Sasuke huffed loudly. “Your conversations with Mariastella , I don’t care.”
“Her name’s Sachi-chan, and you’d better respect her, because one day she’ll be my wife. I’m inviting her to the ball right now.”

And he started scribbling on his phone. Sasuke watched him with an amused smirk, saying nothing.
Of course, Sachi-chan wouldn’t come, she didn’t exist. But messing with Naruto by pretending to be a girl on that stupid chat site was a great way to vent his frustration. Truth was, Sasuke cared about Naruto, but his homophobic comments had lit up every ounce of his urge for revenge, so he had created that fake profile on the chat Naruto had signed up for and started writing to him.

The saddest and yet funniest part was that he hadn’t pretended to be some adorable, sweet, affectionate person. As Sachi-chan, he wrote exactly what he wanted to write, he chatted with Naruto as he normally would, without softening his personality or sugarcoating his sharp words, he had only used a fake name.
And yet Naruto had been captivated.

“She’s not answering, maybe she’s busy,” Naruto muttered nervously. “I hope she says yes.”
“You like her that much?”
“Yes. She’s a force of nature, brutally honest, doesn’t mince words, her lack of tact makes me laugh, and she seems really brilliant. Honestly, I think she’s out of my league, but it’s worth a try.”

Sasuke didn’t want to feel so flattered and warmed by those words. He knew that the moment Naruto found out Sachi-chan was not only a man but his best friend, all of those words would vanish.

He crossed his legs. “Maybe she’s hideous.”
Naruto shrugged. “You know, I don’t think I’d care. Looks attract us, but it’s personality that makes us fall in love. And if she’s my soulmate, I’m sure I’ll like her anyway.”

The Uchiha rolled his eyes. That soulmate stuff was a tune he’d heard to death. Naruto was seriously convinced by that nonsense, and he went on dates with different girls almost every day, hoping to meet “the right one.” Sasuke wanted to tell him that one date wasn’t enough to decide if someone was your soulmate, but really, why bother? After all, he hated seeing Naruto with girls, so it was better to keep quiet and watch him wander from one to the next, lost, searching for something that, as far as Sasuke was concerned, didn’t even exist.

Why did they even call it a soulmate?
If he thought about his own, it might very well be that idiot Naruto and he was nothing like him. In fact, he was practically his opposite.
Sasuke had renamed Naruto his “idiot soul,” since he was the intelligent one, and by chance the dobe had ended up being his idiot counterpart in the world. Sometimes he also used the term “poltergeist,” a haunting ghost, because the idea of being tied to that guy for eternity sounded more like a curse.

A guy at the back of the fast-food place snickered and snapped a photo of the two boys who had shared a sandwich. Sasuke caught the look of discomfort and humiliation in the eyes of one of the boys being photographed, and fought the urge to shove the rude photographer’s head into the fast-food joint’s public toilet.

At least they have each other.
In fact, the boyfriend motioned for him not to mind, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Sasuke wasn’t exactly envious of the scene, he didn’t consider himself the romantic type, but he still felt a sort of emptiness when he compared it to his own table.

Naruto had flushed red and looked full of disapproval, as if he hadn’t wanted to see that scene while eating.
“Why do they have to do that in public?” he grumbled. “I don’t want to see their crap while I’m eating,” he said bitterly.

Sasuke would have liked to reply, but he had no desire. He didn’t understand why Naruto had such a rigid opinion only on that subject. Toward everyone else he was accommodating, altruistic, open-minded, kind, and generous. Why did he have to harbor such narrow-minded views only about gays?

All Sasuke knew was that he felt rejected, rejected as a human being, as a friend. And yet that flaw hadn’t driven him away, because Naruto was an incredible person, and unfortunately he loved him. A small, optimistic part of him was convinced that if Naruto ever knew about his sexuality, he would change his attitude. He’d become a defender of gay rights, he’d accept him unconditionally for who he was.

But that hope was so small that fear crushed it completely, the fear of seeing on Naruto’s face the same scandalized expression his father had worn when he’d discovered his tastes. That had been the last time his father ever spoke to him.

♥

Naruto came back home, kicking off his shoes and leaving them at the entrance.
His apartment was rather modest, considering that as the mayor’s son he wasn’t lacking in money. He shared the place with his best friend, Sakura.

In fact, when he went to the bathroom to pee, he found yet another wrapped sanitary pad forgotten near the sink.
“Sakura, your damn pads!”
“Shut up! I’ll pick them up when you stop scattering giant posters of Sasuke all over the house!”
He blushed and went to his room, muttering that he sometimes forgot them around and that it wasn’t his fault.

His room would have looked to anyone like that of a maniac or a serial killer. That’s why no one had the right to enter it, except Sakura.
Photography had always been his hobby, and he spent both time and money on it. Certain subjects or landscapes drew him in through the lens, and he dedicated hundreds of shots to them.
Like Sasuke.

Sasuke was his muse, and he had lost count of how many photos he had taken of him, when he wasn’t looking, when he was distracted, when he was far away. He would then print them periodically, plastering them all over the room.
His bedroom was therefore filled with pictures of him, some enlarged, alternating with breathtaking landscapes and picturesque images of sunsets or special nights.

He flopped onto the bed, once again postponing the moment when he would take down all those photos from his walls. By now he could move on, he had found someone he genuinely liked, even if he had never met her.

Sakura walked into his room in her pajamas, hair messy, round glasses perched on her nose. “You know I always get creeped out when I come into your room?”
“All artists have their muse.”
Sakura pointed at a photo where Sasuke was yawning. “You manage to capture the only moments when Sasuke looks awful. I should applaud you.”
She pointed at another one, where the Uchiha was shirtless. “If a cop walked in here, I think you’d be arrested for stalking.”

Naruto lowered his gaze, bitter. He knew that to anyone else his obsession would seem chilling and pathetic, but he loved photographing Sasuke. He loved focusing the lens on him, altering the colors, waiting for the right light to highlight that ghostly skin, those raven-black locks, those rosy lips, those sharp, defined features. Looking at those photos gave him a unique sense of satisfaction, not just because Sasuke was stunning, but because with his camera he had managed to capture moments of freedom, moments when Sasuke thought no one was watching, moments when he was relaxed. Unfortunately, Sasuke was still extremely discreet; he never changed clothes around him, nor had he ever allowed Naruto to visit him at work. Not that he intended to photograph him naked… maybe just a little.

“This one’s really beautiful though,” Sakura said, pointing at a picture where Sasuke was laughing wholeheartedly.

It was the only one where he laughed like that, and the light in his eyes was absolutely perfect.
“I’m not saying you should throw them away, you spent money on them and you like them, but, mmh, well, if you actually get yourself a girlfriend, I doubt this”, she gestured at the room, “will make her happy.”

Naruto knew that. He had never told Sachi-chan about his obsession with Sasuke; it was something he was deeply ashamed of, and aside from Sakura, no one knew. He had been so desperately in love with Sasuke.

Sakura unlocked her phone, showing him the latest post he had shared. “Does your internet girlfriend know you post anti-gay stuff? ‘There are more important issues than the gays and their glittery weddings’”, she quoted with disgust. “God, Naruto, you really piss me off when you do that.”
“This is the perfect cover. Especially with Sasuke.”
His friend rolled her eyes. “Sasuke doesn’t care about anyone. As far as he’s concerned, people can do whatever they want as long as it doesn’t bother him.”

Sakura didn’t understand, she didn’t know what it meant. Two years earlier, when he had found the courage to kiss him, Sasuke had whispered that “disgusting,” which had annihilated Naruto, before pushing him off like that, as if he hated even the idea of being touched.

He’d been rejected plenty of times in his life, an embarrassingly high number, in fact. Rejection always hurt, but never had he felt that same fragility and humiliation as in that moment. To be called disgusting after pressing his lips to Sasuke’s had been like a stab to the chest. But it wasn’t Sasuke’s fault; he was right. Naruto had acted impulsively and disrespectfully, kissing him so suddenly was the worst thing he could have done.

He had known he was bi for quite some time, but he tried not to think about the other side of it. He’d caught himself staring at a few guys, fantasizing about them, but it had always stayed just that, fantasies. With girls he was bold and reckless, but with guys he was as shy as a nun. Yet with Sasuke he hadn’t been able to resist. He was sure his obsession with his best friend was a little weird, but he had stopped fighting against his own brain. If his mind had decided he was in love with Sasuke, what could he do about it? At least now there was Sachi-chan to lead him back to the path of heterosexuality, because the other path had turned out disastrously.

He had often wondered if Sasuke remembered anything from that night; in any case, they had always pretended nothing had happened. Naruto prayed with all his heart that he had forgotten.

“I wish I had a picture of Sachi-chan. I’d fill the room with photos of her and replace these.”

He wasn’t creeped out by the countless black eyes staring back at him from those pictures; he just felt hopeless, because those eyes could only hold such shades when Sasuke was alone. He would never allow his face to show those kinds of emotions in Naruto’s presence. He would always remain on the other side of the lens, unable to break through the wall between them.

“Naruto, I think you’re putting too much hope in someone you met online and have never seen.”
“I know, but the way she talks to me… I can’t explain it, but it’s like we already know each other. Sometimes I even get mad at her, but I really want to meet her in person.”

“And what if this girl were actually a man?” Sakura dared to ask.
Naruto blinked. “What do I care if it’s a man? You know what I am, you know it’s an act…” he whispered, lowering his face.
“You could hurt people with your act, do you understand that?”

He did understand, but he was too afraid. Everyone knew him because of his father, and Sasuke’s reaction had been an ice-cold shower.

“Sooner or later I’ll come out of the closet, and everyone will say: ah, he was just a repressed gay, that’s why he hated them so much! And that’ll be fine. But for now, let me hide a little longer.”
“Fine,” his friend sighed. “Then explain why you had more giant posters of Sasuke printed? Seriously, there’s no room left here, and I’m not planning on dealing with that stare on me anymore.”
“Why, would you masturbate to it?”

He received a punch that knocked him flat. “You idiot, don’t put me on your same level!”

He turned on his camera and scrolled back through the images. “I’ve got something for you.”
Sakura leaned closer and saw a photo of Professor Kakashi smoking a cigarette and loosening his collar. He looked really sexy.
“Print it for me? Please.”
“What for?” he teased with a smirk.
“Okay, let’s just say in this case I’m on your same level.”

Naruto’s phone buzzed, and he saw it was Sachi-chan. He opened the chat, excited.

S: “All right, let’s meet at the ball.”

Naruto cheered, crushing Sakura in a hug. “I’m going to meet her, I’m going to meet her!”
“Good for you. In a suit you’ll already have a head start. What are you going to dress up as?”
“As a prince.”
“Oh, perfect then,” she said, winking at him.

♥

Sasuke was taking out the bar’s trash, lighting a cigarette. He was exhausted and couldn’t wait to crash into bed. Unfortunately, there were still three hours left.
He leaned against the wall, inhaling a drag of smoke.

After all, he had no choice. Itachi had worked day and night to pay for his university, and the money he sent him periodically for rent, Sasuke saved up to pay him back once he graduated. His brother deserved better too.

“Got a light?”
He looked up, cigarette between his lips. The man who had spoken was a good-looking guy, definitely a college student like him, but with an athlete’s look. Not exactly his type, and he was far too tired to flirt that night.

Still, he handed him the lighter without saying a word. Who knew if the guy liked men who did cross-dressing, these days it happened more and more often that someone dumped him for that reason. Not that he had dated many men; he was increasingly wary and rarely sought out flings.

Once Itachi had told him that people shouldn’t need love to be happy, but that you should first learn to be happy with yourself, and only then look for love; otherwise a relationship would be unbalanced and hard to hold together.

Sasuke wouldn’t call himself “unhappy,” but he wasn’t the picture of joy either. Estranged from his parents, broke, gay, with conflicted feelings for his homophobic best friend… well, things could have been a little better.

Still, even if he had been happy, he doubted he’d go looking for love. Relationships didn’t really appeal to him. Thinking about Naruto from afar was fine, but getting involved with someone? No, he had no interest or passion to try.

“I’ve seen you before, when do you usually work?”
“Ask someone else, huh?”
The guy grinned. “Come on, don’t be difficult.”
“Every day but Monday,” Sasuke answered flatly.

He knew he had to be polite with customers, but it happened far too often that some nut started showing up every day, trying to monopolize him and making his job harder.

The guy leaned closer. “Is that a bra under your shirt?”
Sasuke shot him a withering look. He knew it was impossible he could have seen it. “You shouldn’t eavesdrop on other people’s conversations.”

He dropped the cigarette and turned to go back inside when he felt a hand on his ass. “I’ll wait until you’re off. We could have fun, I’d do anything to you right here” and the hand pressed against the cleft between his cheeks.

Sasuke looked at him with disdain. “Don’t touch me, dickhead.”
“Wha—? How dare you? Is this how you treat a loyal customer?”
“Loyal? I’ve never seen you before.”

He got a slap in response, and the guy stormed out, furious. Sasuke touched his cheek.
Hysterical.

At least the girls had stopped slapping him for his cold or sarcastic replies since university, they’d matured. Apparently not everyone had.

He went back inside with a red cheek and a foul mood. He should have just gone along and then fucked that idiot senseless, taught him to think twice before hitting on someone so pathetically.

“Sasuke, dear,” said a mock-friendly voice behind him. “Where’s the beloved customer who followed you outside?”
Orochimaru had his hair elegantly tied in a bun and purple lipstick painted on his lips. His pale skin made him look almost like a geisha.
“Should I know?”

Suigetsu passed by, laughing. “Someone’s gonna get scolded by the boss again!” he sang as he served a martini.

The place was very stylish, with a brass-colored bar, sleek stools, tables and couches scattered around. The club music wasn’t too loud, giving people the chance to talk and be heard. Some danced on the small floor, but most were chatting intently at tables, flirting, kissing.

“Sasuke, you can’t treat every customer who hits on you like that.”
“The clientele of this place will thank me for chasing off that loser.”

At the bar, Deidara was laughing his head off. “Sasuke’s so sour because he never gets laid. If you want, I’ll take care of it.”
“I’d never sleep with someone who looks like Cousin Itt.”
Deidara crushed his glass. “What? How dare you, Uchiha?”

Orochimaru calmed him, offering him a drink. “Sasuke, I’d hate to have to punish you for that mouth of yours. Be good, apologize.”
“Why does everyone here talk like we’re in a gay porno?”

From the other side of the bar, Haku smiled. “I’d shoot a gay porno with you, if I wasn’t taken.”

Just then Sasuke’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He glanced at the sappy goodnight message from Naruto, meant for Sachi-chan.

N: Goodnight, Sachi-chan.
I can’t wait to meet you.
I wish I could see your face, so I could dream of you.
See you soon!

To think that the same dobe who burped, scratched his balls shamelessly, and lived in constant chaos could be so syrupy… Sasuke sighed.

Naruto probably pictured his beloved princess tucked under the blankets, a sea of black curls around her head, a fancy book on the nightstand, and a pouting expression on her face.

Instead, she was in a gay bar discussing blowjobs with swallow, thanks to Suigetsu going off-topic.
I’m sure if he were here, he’d die of a heart attack.

“Sasuke’s thinking about that guy he likes again, look at him, with that scowl,” Suigetsu teased.
“I was thinking about something else.”
Deidara twirled a blond lock around his finger. “Why don’t you bring him here?”
“Because he’d be shocked.”
“Mph, maybe, but he’d definitely agree with me that a blowjob without swallowing isn’t a blowjob.”

Sasuke sighed, exasperated.
I wonder what face he’d make.

♥

“Answering emails? Do I have the authority for such a task, Professor?”
Danzo gave him a rigid look. “I’m giving it to you. Wake up, are you still asleep?”

Sasuke stared at the overwhelming number of emails. “Some require your opinion, they’re about the exams and—”
“Handle them yourself. Tayuya and Kidomaru will help you.”

Yeah, right.

When he left the office, the two in question stood and stretched. “We’re going out for a smoke. You have fun.”
Sasuke looked at them with haughtiness. “You’d only slow me down, incompetents like you…”
“Oi, watch your mouth. You don’t want to end up doing our work too, do you?”

The Uchiha swallowed his pride, knowing he didn’t have the time to take care of their tasks as well, and besides, for the moment those two had him by the throat.

“Why don’t you get us some coffee before you start?”
He opened his mouth to spit out an apocalyptic insult, but Tayuya showed him the picture on her phone: Sasuke caught kissing a sleeping Naruto.

It’s the dobe’s fault, even if he doesn’t know it.

It had been one damned moment of weakness—just one in his entire life—and now he was screwed.

He went to fetch their coffee, teeth clenched. His assistant position under Danzo was too important; he desperately needed top grades, tuition covered, and as few problems as possible. Ever since his father had cut him off, everything had collapsed on him. Naturally, Naruto knew nothing about it, otherwise he’d have to explain that Fugaku had stopped supporting him because of his homosexuality, and that wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation.

All he had to do was finish replying to the emails, then study, and finally head to work. And tomorrow it would all start over again.

The line for coffee was endless, and he ran a hand over his face. He glanced at his phone, reading Naruto’s latest message to Sachi-chan.

N : I know you’re a nerd, but don’t wear yourself out first thing in the morning. That professor still enslaving you?

Naruto was convinced Sachi-chan was a poor girl, which was true in a sense; Sasuke was poor, extremely poor. His brother sent him money to cover everything, against their father’s will, but he wasn’t much better off himself. Sasuke was saving it all to give back in the end, he wouldn’t allow his brother to work himself to death for him.

S: The usual. I have to answer emails.
N: And the other assistants? Still assholes?
S: I’m bringing them coffee.
N: Why do you let them treat you like that? If you told me who they are, I’d teach them a lesson.
S: I don’t need your help. It’s just a matter of putting up with it for a bit. Their childish pranks don’t really bother me.

When Naruto was furious, he typed fast and made a ton of mistakes. Sasuke could picture him, all fired up, hammering furiously at the keyboard.

He balanced the two coffees, slipping his phone back into his pocket. Last time Tayuya had spilled one on him, so this time he dropped them on the desk without a word and went back to his station.
“Thanks, darling.”
“Fuck you.”

He glanced at his phone, where Naruto had written a whole poem. Someone really needed to teach him the gift of brevity.

N : I know you don’t need my help, you’re a strong person, but I’d still like to do something for you. It’s ridiculous that none of your friends help you. Anyway, don’t overwork yourself, seriously, didn’t you faint not long ago? And you keep insane hours, how do you even manage to follow classes too? I wish so much I could help you. Don’t make me worry, and remember that if things ever get too heavy and unmanageable, I’m your lifeline, just tell me when and where, and I’ll come give you a hand.

Sasuke tilted his head back with a sigh. He never knew what to reply to that kind of message. If only Naruto knew the truth, what would he do then? He tried to picture his face, but it was too frightening to imagine.

He couldn’t help but tell him, through chat, about problems he never shared with him in person. He had collapsed from exhaustion a few nights earlier, on his way home, and even though he’d felt pathetic, he had wanted to write about it. Because Naruto’s concern made him feel less alone, and it was nice to read his worries, even if they were only messages on a screen. They gave him a sense of warmth, twisted and cold as it was.

When he thought about certain things, he wanted to smash something or get drunk. Naruto could only worry like that about a woman, a short girl maybe, with black hair, a round, adorable face, plenty of curves filling out a bra, who, if she fainted, would let out a feminine sigh. Sasuke was the opposite: tall, muscular, with sharp, chiseled features, protruding shoulder blades, and certainly no curves, his body was all edges. Well, except that he wore women’s lingerie. He pictured Naruto’s reaction if he saw him in lingerie and laughed, just to keep from crying.

Better to focus on the emails.

He cracked his knuckles and started typing.

♥

Naruto realized that Sachi-chan wouldn’t be replying for a while. He sighed, glancing at his father arguing over the phone.

He had been roped into helping with the ball preparations, and although he was glad to help his father, right then he would have preferred to be anywhere else.

The mayor of Konoha’s mansion was quite large, but it had belonged to his mother’s family for generations. It was far too big for just the three of them, so they had made it available to university charities. His parents preferred living in an apartment, but his father hosted many events there.”

Konoha was a small town, mostly made up of houses and residential complexes, with one main street lined with shops, a cinema, and hotels. It was known for its university, which attracted plenty of young people, but aside from that, there wasn’t much to see. As the mayor’s son, Naruto was known everywhere in town, and people always treated him warmly and kindly.

Minato approached him, dressed in a suit and tie. “Naruto, I really need you to be the photographer at the party.”
He yawned. “I don’t think I can do it this year.”
“Please. And here, could you hand out these flyers?”
Naruto took them reluctantly.

The masquerade ball was an annual charity event sponsored by his father. It was held a few days before Valentine’s Day. Admission was inexpensive, and all proceeds went to a nonprofit supporting single mothers.

Naruto was always happy to help his father with the organization, but he was getting extremely tired of spending that party alone every single year. Though this time, he wouldn’t be alone.

He felt his mother’s arms strangle him from behind the armchair. “Sweetheart, why don’t you come by to see us more often?”
“Mom, you’re suffocating me.”
She let him go, smiling. His mother had an enviable mane of red hair, and despite their age, both his parents were still quite attractive, though maybe that was just a son’s bias. Minato was the kind of man who didn’t throw jealous fits, but instead bound to himself any man who got strange ideas about Kushina, forcing them into a friendship that kept them from thinking that way again. Naruto, on the other hand, was more like his mother: stay away from him or I’ll kill you , that was much more his style.

“This year are you bringing someone?” she asked, perching on the arm of the chair.
Minato rolled his eyes. “You’re always afraid he’ll bring a girl.”
Kushina shot him a withering look. “Naruto, there’s no rush. When you find someone you really like, you’ll bring her. But you’re young, you can still enjoy yourself.”
Naruto looked at his mother, slightly offended. “This year I will bring a girl, if you really want to know,” he retorted sharply.

Kushina and Minato both looked at him in surprise. “A girl? Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious! Why are you looking at me like that? You’re my parents, for crying out loud, don’t make those shocked faces. And besides, I’ve had dozens of girlfriends.”
Minato looked gloomily at the painting in his study. “Yes, I know, I still have your last one’s signature on it.”
Naruto glanced at the marker scribble that the girl in question had left on the painting. He didn’t remember it well, he’d been drunk and thought it a good idea to have sex in his father’s study.
“How many times do I have to apologize for that?”
Kushina was already bristling. “And who is this girl?”
“I’m not telling you anything.”
She kissed his forehead. “All right, I’m sure that if you like her, I’ll like her too.”
Minato smiled. “After all, Naruto and I have good taste in women.”
Kushina let herself be wrapped in her husband’s arms. “Very good taste.”
“You two make me sick.”
“Naruto, what about Sasuke? You hardly ever bring him here anymore. How are things between you two?”

He immediately tensed up at the mention of his best friend’s name. He had never openly spoken about his feelings for Sasuke with his parents, but it was rather obvious that they had noticed something. Especially his father, who had once made the unfortunate mistake of stepping into his room at the apartment near the university. Back then, he didn’t have all the photos he did now, but even so Minato had been concerned, asking his son if he was all right. 

Out of humiliation, Naruto had nearly burst into tears, just the memory still made him feel bad. But Minato had been extremely kind, as always. He hadn’t judged him in the slightest, though he had tried to gently suggest that maybe he should stop photographing Sasuke in secret and asking for permission.

And Naruto really had tried, but it was stronger than him. It wasn’t like he followed Sasuke around or hid outside his house. It was just that whenever he saw him at university or out and about, he couldn’t stop himself from snapping a picture.

So his parents had probably picked up on something. They were open-minded people, and their household had always been progressive, but still Naruto had never felt like he could face that kind of conversation with them.

“Sasuke’s really busy with work and school. I’m a little worried, he always looks exhausted, sometimes he even falls asleep in class.”
His parents exchanged a glance. “If he’s having trouble, we can help him.”

They had known Sasuke since he was a child. Minato and Kushina had once been friends with Fugaku and Mikoto, but ever since the latter’s death, Sasuke’s father had cut ties with everyone. At the time Sasuke had been only six years old. Mikoto had died in a banal household accident, hitting her head.

“Sasuke isn’t the type to ask for help,” Naruto sighed, disheartened. “It would all be so much easier if he were honest.”
His parents gave him a “look who’s talking” kind of expression, but said nothing.

Sachi-chan replied on his phone shortly after, and Naruto’s face lit up, the bitterness from a moment before vanishing from his expression.
He sprawled more carelessly across the red velvet armchair and went back to chatting.

S: “Just because I don’t reply for three seconds doesn’t mean you need to freak out.”
N: “Sorry… I should probably play hard to get a bit more.”
S: “If I had the faintest idea how to send emoticons, I’d send you an exasperated one.”

Naruto chuckled under his breath. Sachi-chan didn’t seem very used to chatting, but from what he’d gathered she was a rather solitary person, maybe without many friends.

N: “Anyway, really, if I message you too much just tell me. Unfortunately I’m the excitable type, so I don’t notice, dattebayo.”
S: “You actually type that in chat too…”
N: “Huh?”
S: “Nothing. I was saying that if you were annoying me, I’d tell you. I don’t think I’ve ever kept quiet about what bothers me.”

Naruto sighed happily, smiling like an idiot. He couldn’t wait to meet this girl.

N: “Sometimes I get paranoid. You’re the first person I’ve felt something serious for since my last heartbreak.”

Maybe he shouldn’t have laid it on so thick, but it was stronger than him. He wanted to take it slow, play hard to get, but it just wasn’t in him. His enthusiasm and feelings spilled out of him like he was some kind of living pollinator, and he couldn’t suppress them.

S: “Last heartbreak? Don’t tell me someone broke your heart.”

Naruto stared at his phone, sighing. He couldn’t exactly tell her that the one who’d broken his heart was his best friend.

N: “Sort of. I had this massive crush, couldn’t think about anyone else. I couldn’t tell anyone and it lasted years. When I finally kissed her, she told me I was disgusting. I should have asked her first, I was out of line. Saying it like this makes me sound even more like an idiot -^-.”

Writing it hurt, despite his attempt to make light of it; remembering how Sasuke had vomited right after and shoved him away with all his strength. He must have been deeply nauseated by Naruto’s behavior, and Naruto was truly grateful he had forgotten it all and pretended it never happened. At least he could still have his best friend.

Sachi-chan was taking a while to reply this time. Had he scared her off?

S: “Asking is always better, but I doubt that someone who replies in such a cruel way deserves anything from you. There are more polite ways to answer. It happens to everyone, anyway. Maybe your breath stank.”

Naruto blushed and pouted.

N: “My breath didn’t stink! You’re mean!”
S: “It’s easy to embarrass you. You know mints exist, right? You’re not planning on kissing me with ramen breath, are you? I hate ramen.”

Naruto ran a hand over his face, chuckling.

N: “All the more reason to kiss you right after a bowl of ramen.”
S: “Do it and I’ll make you spit noodles out of your ears.”
N: “You’re so cute when you say terrible threats like that.”
S: “‘Cute’? You’ve never even seen me. And I’m serious, how would I kiss you after that?”

Naruto started bouncing his leg up and down quickly. Just knowing she wanted to be kissed was thrilling.

N: “You’d press your lips to mine, wrap your arms around me, and then let me take over.”
S: “Not a chance. You’d kiss me, and I’d take care of the rest…”

Naruto had already guessed that Sachi-chan had some experience, but it didn’t bother him at all, nor did he feel the need to dig deeper. He’d had his own experiences too, but they were in the past and didn’t matter.

N: “I wish I could have you here, right next to me.”
S: “What would you do to me?”

Naruto hesitated, wondering if he could dare answer honestly.

N: “I’d kiss you…”
S: “Mm, and then?”
N: “I’d move down to your neck, kissing the side, nibbling it.”
S: “I’m sensitive on my neck…”
N: “Really?”
S: “What else?”

Maybe better not to bring up boobs right away. Boobs were always a tricky subject for a lot of girls, what if she didn’t like hers? Better to stay vague.

N: “I’d slip a hand under your shirt, brushing your skin, you told me once it was pale, right?”
S: “Yes…”
N: “It’d be nice to make it blush with my lips.”
S: “And when do you get to my bra?”

Naruto was startled that she had been the one to bring it up. Could it be that… she was touching herself while writing to him? He had to catch his breath, because he was getting aroused too, right there in his father’s study, no less. He stood up and slipped into the bathroom with an excuse, sitting on the toilet.

N: “Impatient?”
S: “No. Let’s say at that point I’d be the one to continue. My hand would probably slide down to your crotch.”

Naruto unbuttoned his own pants, slipping a hand into his boxers for relief. He shouldn’t have been jerking off to something like this, it was dirty maybe. Sachi-chan surely didn’t expect this of him.

N: “And then?”
S: “Impatient?”
N: “Yes.”
S: “Ku ku ku. I’d rub my hand over the fabric, undo the button, and slide it gently into your boxers. I won’t ask if you’re big, you’d only say yes anyway.”

Naruto burst out laughing, though his arousal eased for a moment.

S: “You could send me a picture, you know?”

Naruto froze instantly. He swallowed, panicking.

S: “Kidding, relax. Anyway, I’d touch you down there. You said you’re blond, right? I wonder if you’re blond there too, I’d like to play with those golden strands.”

Naruto had started touching himself again.

S: “Are you masturbating right now?”

The question caught his breath.

N: “Maybe. And you?”
S: “Could be.”

At that reply, he came, panting.

N: “Sachi-chan… I can’t wait to meet you.”

♥

Sasuke looked at his hand covered in semen. He grabbed some toilet paper and wiped himself off, cursing under his breath.

What the hell had gotten into him? Why had he started an erotic conversation with the dobe?
Had he really masturbated to what Naruto had written?
I can’t do this.

It was too much, far too much for his self-control. He had even asked for a picture of his dick. He was a shitty friend, a bastard traitor. There had to be something seriously wrong with him, maybe he was basically a stalker or something. This went beyond revenge and his feelings; he couldn’t justify it so easily anymore. He was deceiving Naruto completely. Naruto was jerking off to a woman, not to him.

I’ve become a catfish, the worst kind of people in the world, right after lawyers and fascists.

He decided to study, putting his phone on silent, but first he glanced at the package that had arrived.

He had found a hideous bikini online, something unwatchable, and yet he’d bought it.
He pulled it out of the wrapping, staring at it. It was army green with little bowls of ramen printed all over it. Not lingerie, but a swimsuit. He didn’t even know why he’d bought it.

He undressed and put it on. He tied the strings of the thong around his waist, then those on his shoulders and back. He looked at himself in the mirror, tilting his head.

He knew anyone else would judge him grotesque, but he couldn’t help it. He saw himself as attractive, sexy, with those briefs barely holding him even when soft, and the colorful bra standing out against his pale skin.

He took it off, while a wicked idea crept into his head. He picked up the thong and snapped a photo, then sent it to Naruto through chat.

S: “I’ll be wearing this at the ball, under the mask. Who knows if you’ll be lucky enough to see it in person.”

He smirked when he saw the other typing.

N: “You want me dead. Now I’ll never be able to wait until the ball. You’re the woman of my life.”

The reply had been instant. Sasuke found himself laughing, trying not to think about the consequences.

Shortly after came an unpleasant message from Tayuya.

T: “Danzo sent you some emails, check them and deal with them. We’re forwarding you ours too.”

He let out a weary sigh and went to fetch his computer, swearing loudly. He would find a way to make them pay.

“I don’t believe this…”

There was so much to read, even important emails from the dean. He bit his lip, humiliated and furious, but started working. He had no choice. Danzo was what allowed him to have his damn tuition covered, so that Itachi could catch a breath. He couldn’t afford to screw it up.

By eleven at night, he was so exhausted his eyes were closing, and he hadn’t even studied on his one free evening.

He stood, pulled on a hoodie, and headed out, deciding to walk to Naruto’s apartment. He’d also stop by the 24-hour store, since his fridge was basically empty.

He needed to… see him. It was stupid of him to seek Naruto out in those moments of weakness, especially since Naruto had no idea of Sasuke’s disastrous situation.

He lit a cigarette, burying his face into the high collar of his jacket. He had a free night, and where were his feet taking him? To the homophobic idiot who was his best friend.

Let’s not think about that now.

The apartment Naruto shared with Sakura was in a small complex, reached by climbing a short ramp. The different doors to the apartments were lined up along the landing.

He rang the bell. He had already sent Naruto a message, but he probably hadn’t read it.

Naruto opened the door, wearing a worn hoodie and sweatpants. His hair was messy, he was barefoot, and he held a camera in his hand.
“Sasuke! What are you doing here?” he asked, startled.
Sasuke held up the bag. “I went out to buy a few things and thought I’d stop by to ask for my charger back.”

It was an excuse, but so be it.

Naruto seemed to remember. “Oh, right. I’ll grab it.” Then he glanced over his shoulder, as if worried about something. “I’ll walk you home. You… wait here.”

Sasuke didn’t say anything, just gave his silent assent. He had known Naruto would offer. It had been ages since he had set foot inside Naruto’s place, but then, he no longer had time to even go out with him once in a while.

A few minutes later they set out. Naruto had put on a jacket and shoes and was yawning.
“When are you going to quit smoking?” he asked, watching Sasuke flick his cigarette butt into the proper container.
“When are you going to quit eating ramen?”
“Those are two completely different things.”
Sasuke rolled his eyes. “How’s it going with your mystery girl?”
“Good, I guess” he broke off with a sigh. “But I don’t want to talk about her right now. Sasuke, I’m kind of worried about you. You’ve always been pale and antisocial, but lately you really look like a ghost. You fall asleep in class, you’ve got dark circles, you’re stressed out…”

The Uchiha cut him off with an irritated gesture. “I’m fine.”
“You can tell me if something’s wrong, maybe I can help. Don’t tell me you’ve got a crush on someone?”
Sasuke flinched. “What the hell are you babbling about?”
“Well, it looks like you’re suffering over someone.”
“Yeah, I’m suffering for that one neuron left rattling around in your brain.”

And it wasn’t even a lie.

Naruto sighed, annoyed. “Whatever you say, Sas’ke.”
Sasuke glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “And you? Honestly, I don’t think I ever saw you this hung up on a girl before this one. Have you ever had a crush? I mean a serious one.”
Naruto seemed caught off guard by the question. He turned to look at him, as if expecting Sasuke to say something else. “Yeah, I told you about it before,” he murmured, his voice hesitant.

Sasuke stopped for a moment, puzzled. He had told him before? When? He had no memory of it whatsoever.
“That’s not true, I never knew anything about it. Who was it?”
“Nobody important.”
“Do I know her?”
Naruto let out an exasperated sigh. “Forget it, I’m not telling you who it is.”

Sasuke couldn’t understand his sudden reticence. But he avoided pressing the matter, maybe he’d manage to pry the name out of him through Sachi-chan.

They kept walking. “So why didn’t it work out?”
Blue eyes were studying him, examining him, and Sasuke didn’t understand the reason for that intense look. “She told me I was disgusting. She pushed me away with all her strength, like I was attacking her, and she even threw up.”
Sasuke blinked. “I see.”
“Seriously, you don’t remember?”
“I told you, you never mentioned it to me.”

Naruto nodded, but he didn’t look like that was the answer he’d been expecting. “Anyway, I brought it on myself. I shouldn’t have said or done anything.”

Sasuke wondered who this woman was, and why she’d treated Naruto that way. Naruto wasn’t the type to suddenly make a move; to Sasuke it seemed like an overreaction. He had his flaws, true, but his qualities were far greater, and if he said so himself, then it had to be true.

“She hurt you that badly? I didn’t even notice.”

Naruto’s expression was so bitter that Sasuke realized just how different this crush was from all the others. He wasn’t lying, he had really suffered for some mysterious woman from his past.

How is it possible I never noticed? And why has he never told me?

“I knew I didn’t stand a chance, the obstacles were too big. And when I told her I loved her, she said I was disgusting.” He stopped, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I think I was the last person on earth she wanted a confession from, and she wasn’t wrong.”

Sasuke kicked him, nearly making him fall.
“Hey!” Naruto protested.
“You are disgusting in almost everything you do, from eating to burping. But getting a confession from you… there’s nothing disgusting about that. There’s nothing disgusting about the feelings you had for this girl, so stop talking nonsense.”

Naruto stared at him wide-eyed. Sasuke regretted speaking that way and looked away.
“Let’s go, I’m tired.”
“You know I’m doing you a favor by walking you home.”
The Uchiha waved a hand irritably. “I didn’t ask you, remember?”
Naruto rubbed his eyes. “Sometimes I want to strangle you, teme.”
“That’s actually my line” he saw Naruto stride ahead, quickening his pace. “Hey, slow down, wait up! Usuratonkachi!”

♥

Chapter Text

♥ It takes two to thong tango ♥

The day of the ball had arrived. Sasuke had bought a cheap pair of little devil horns and fake fangs, and Suigetsu had given him disposable red contact lenses. Unfortunately, Danzo had loaded him with extra tasks and he’d been stuck at the university the whole day; he’d only taken a break to go home and change. At least Orochimaru had given him the evening off.

Sasuke was finishing grading the freshmen’s midterms, exhausted. He had shown up directly in a suit and tie, since otherwise he would’ve been late for the ball.

That formal suit was the only one he owned; it had once belonged to his brother, it was a bit old, but it still looked good, especially on him. Black suited him well.

Tayuya and Kidomaru burst into the office, brazen, with trouble written all over their faces. They were already half-drunk, dressed up and ready for the ball.

Tayuya was dressed as a sexy mummy, the bandages wrapped around her body in strategic spots. Kidomaru, on the other hand, had gone for a ninja look with a plastic kunai and some oriental-style clothing.

Sasuke took a deep breath, trying not to let their harassment give him an ulcer.
“Tayuya, look how elegant Sasuke is! You think he’s heading to the ball?”
The girl sat on the desk. “Probably to pick up some hot guy to fuck him properly.” 

“I’m finishing work for Danzo. Could you leave me alone?”
“Ugh, sure, your majesty. Who are you aiming for tonight? I bet Kidomaru would gladly screw you.”
“Gross,” Kidomaru shot back. “I wouldn’t screw a man even if I were dead.”
Sasuke glared at them with contempt. “At most he’d get screwed. I’m a top, usually.”

Kidomaru pulled a disgusted face, while Tayuya laughed. “Come on, maybe you’ll hook someone tonight.” She tugged at his suit. “This outfit aged badly, Sasuke. You’d expect the Uchiha to always look sharp, but look at this. How come Fugaku’s son doesn’t even have money for an evening suit? You could at least get paid by the men you sleep with.”

Sasuke sighed. Their hatred was understandable; when he first arrived at university, he hadn’t had financial problems yet, he’d been solitary, arrogant, conceited. He ignored them without interacting, and they had taken him for a snob. And in a way, he was. Now he was paying for it. “I’ve got work to do. Go bother someone else tonight.”
“I wonder if your brother’s doing any better.”
“That’s enough,” he snapped. “Incompetents like you shouldn’t even dare to talk to me.”
“You’re getting too heated, man,” Kidomaru said. “Maybe you should cool down a little.”

Before Sasuke realized it, Kidomaru poured his beer over his head. He jumped back to keep from soaking the tests and stared at his drenched jacket in shock.
“Much better. You should come in a dress anyway, since you like playing the woman in your life.”

The two left, and Sasuke stormed toward the bathroom. Water dripped from his hair onto the floor.

At that hour, the restrooms were empty; everyone was getting ready to head to the party. Night had fallen quickly outside.

He rinsed his face and took off the wet jacket, left in just his shirt. He didn’t have another formal suit, no way to get there on time except by metro, and even then he could only stay until midnight when it closed.

Not that he had ever cared about going to that stupid party anyway. After all, he wasn’t Sachi-chan, and he couldn’t let himself be seen. Naruto was waiting for her, not Sasuke.
Naruto was waiting for her, not Sasuke.

Enough. I’ll just go home, read a book tonight. Maybe drink while I’m at it.

At that moment, his phone rang. It was a call from Naruto.

“Hello?”
“ Sasuke, where are you? You said you’d come early to keep me company. I’m a nervous wreck .”
He leaned against the sink. “I can’t make it after all, something came up at work.”

There was a long pause. “ Sasuke, you can’t bail on me now. I’ll talk to your boss, I’ll explain the situation !”
“No, forget it. Have fun.”
“ It’s not fun if you’re not here .”

Sasuke flinched slightly, closing his eyes halfway. “Sachi-chan will be there, so you don’t need me. See you tomorrow.”
“ Yes, I do need you! I need your support. You’re such a bastard teme! You can’t just ditch people like that. Tsk, see you tomorrow .”

He would end up doubly disappointed. Maybe Sasuke would even come up with an excuse for Sachi-chan too, so as not to hurt him too much. The damage was done anyway.

Sasuke brought the midterms home, deciding to finish them in bed. Shivering, he dragged himself back to his apartment, brooding over the whole miserable situation.
If only he’d never fallen for Naruto, if only he’d gotten infatuated with literally anyone else in the world.

The usual night noises filled the complex he lived in, distant voices, a barking dog, cars rushing past on the street.

He stopped, noticing a familiar car parked in front of his building. It had to be a coincidence; lots of people drove that model.

He went upstairs and froze in the doorway.
“Hello, otouto,” Itachi smiled from the hallway, holding a cup of tea. “You got back just in time.”

He was barefoot, dressed in home clothes, he must have been there for a while already. He looked tired.

He had the same calm, reassuring face as always. Maybe it was because Sasuke was tired and disheartened, but seeing him made his chest tighten in a warm contraction. He held back the urge to throw himself into his arms and sob like a child. That wasn’t how they acted.
“Nii-san, what are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“Because, as usual, you would’ve found an excuse to postpone. I haven’t seen you in months. Come on, I made some tea.”

Sasuke took off his shoes and jacket, stepping into the small kitchen, which was only separated from the living room by a counter.
Itachi was sitting at that counter. “So, what brings you here?”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s a party tonight, isn’t there? Even I know that, and I don’t live here.”

Sasuke hoped his brother didn’t catch the smell of beer. “I’m not going. I don’t care.”
Itachi tilted his head. “Then why are you dressed like that?”
He shrugged. “Look, I can’t go anyway. My only suit got ruined. Thanks for dropping by. Have you eaten yet? I’ll fix you something.”

His brother studied him carefully. Sasuke hated that look, it was worse than a lie detector.
“Sasuke, you look exhausted. Is everything all right?”
“Yes. If you came here to stick your nose into my life, then leave.”

He immediately regretted being so rude, but it had been an endless day and he was truly worn out.

Itachi stood. “That wasn’t my intention. Come, I have something for you.”

Sasuke looked at him, puzzled, and followed his brother into the bedroom. Luckily his aniki wasn’t the type to snoop through his drawers, otherwise Sasuke’d have died of anxiety at the thought of him finding his lingerie sets. He probably already knew about that hobby anyway; Itachi always knew everything, even if he pretended not to.

On his bed lay an evening suit, covered by a transparent plastic sleeve.

Despite his passion for lingerie, Sasuke wasn’t as knowledgeable about suits. He cared about not looking shabby, but he wasn’t particular about brands or accessories.

Yet he froze immediately, realizing it was an Armani suit. “Aniki, have you lost your mind or what?”
“You don’t have a suit of your own. I thought it was right you should have one.”

He stepped closer, biting his lip. “How the hell much did you pay for this?”
“Don’t worry about that. It’s a gift, and now you have no excuses not to go.”

Sasuke let his eyes wander over the soft, silky fabric, the somber and fascinating color. “You don’t need to spend all this money on me.”
He felt Itachi’s hand rest on his head. “Sasuke, I spend my money on what I want.”
“I won’t make it in time anyway. The metro closes at half past midnight, so if I leave now, I’ll barely have any time. And I have work later.”
“You think I’d let you take the metro in an Armani suit?” He handed him the car keys. “Here. Bring it back in one piece.”

Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek. “Nii-san… why did you come here tonight?”
“Because I was worried about you. You always answer so curtly on the phone now, I can’t get through to you anymore. Your fridge is empty, full of energy drinks, and from the way you look, you’re not eating properly. I’ve got a few days off and I’ll be staying here with you.”
“I don’t need a babysitter. Thanks for everything, but I can take care of myself.”
Itachi pressed his forehead against his. “I know. But every once in a while, let me take care of you like when you were a kid. Since you’re not even using the money I send you.”

Sasuke flinched, looking pale. “Nii-san, I…”
“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Now go, or you’ll show up when the party’s over.”

♥

Naruto was snapping pictures around with a restless air. The ballroom of that mansion was enormous; it was an old Western-style mansion used for public events.

After the antechamber, a grand staircase opened onto the vast ballroom. At the far end, two other circular staircases led up to the balconies.

An open bar had been set up at the back, and the restrooms had been divided between men and women. A DJ handled the music from the stage, alternating vintage tracks with modern hits. Upstairs, mostly adults lingered, but the ballroom was filled with young people, university students, workers, foreign students, and anyone who had bought a ticket.

On the balcony, Minato surveyed the ballroom with satisfaction, dressed as Hercules, while Kushina, in a Megara costume, danced embarrassingly with other older folks. Naruto was grateful they were far away from him.

Girls kept asking him to dance, but aside from the fact that he had to take photos, he didn’t want Sachi-chan arriving just as he was dancing with someone else.

He was dressed as a prince, but he just looked like an idiot. The white tights were unbearable, he had this bluish French-style soldier’s jacket, a scarf tied around his neck, white gloves, tall black boots, and, to top it off, a thin crown.

Sakura was also there, dressed as Catwoman, pestering Professor Kakashi, a friend of his father’s, who had come dressed as a scarecrow. All around there were costumes of every kind, and Naruto wondered what his Sachi-chan might be wearing. She hadn’t hinted at anything, except for that thrilling thong.

If only Sasuke had come with him, he wouldn’t feel so alone. He still couldn’t believe Sasuke had ditched him.

At that moment, he noticed a strange kind of silence. The music kept pounding, but many girls were staring at the entrance. He turned and met Sasuke’s red eyes.

He had actually dressed up after all.

He wore a breathtaking all-black ensemble, looking like some sort of tempting demon, a black pearl. His raven hair was slicked back with gel, exposing his pale forehead, and two small red horns peeked out between the strands.

“Is that Sasuke Uchiha?” a girl whispered to her friend.
“Looks like it. I thought he was too much of a snob for this kind of thing…”

The appreciative comments made Naruto want to wrap Sasuke in one of the heavy red curtains and hide him away somewhere.

He hurried toward him, dodging the girls trying to stop him. Sasuke had contact lenses in, and those blood-red irises gave Naruto chills.

Sasuke felt the intense gaze of blue eyes fixed on him. Naruto was waving exaggeratedly to get his attention as he approached.

“Sasuke…” Naruto murmured in astonishment when he got close.

Sasuke seemed embarrassed, though maybe it was only Naruto’s impression. “Yeah?”
“You’re late,” he muttered, avoiding his gaze.

He had the camera slung around his neck, he was probably the photographer for the party. He too was dressed in formal wear, though vintage, and it looked amazing on him. Sasuke imagined ripping off that officer’s jacket, sliding his hands under the flared sleeves of the shirt until he reached the nipples. Then he’d strip off his pants and…

“I thought you weren’t coming,” Naruto said then.
“I managed to free myself,” Sasuke replied, showing the small fake fangs.

The blond studied him closely. “Wow, Sas’ke, such details! Are you supposed to be a devil?”
“Only for tonight,” Sasuke smiled alluringly.
Naruto tried not to melt. “Only for tonight? You’re a devil all year round.”

Naruto noticed the hungry stares focused on Sasuke. It wasn’t unusual, but in that elegant outfit, he had all eyes magnetized on him. Black truly was his color, he looked like he was wrapped in obsidian, a dark, gleaming jewel.

He had slicked his hair back and was wearing a red shirt. 

Normally Sasuke didn’t wear thongs when out with people—except at the club—he preferred the comfort of boxers or briefs, limiting himself to just the bra. But this time he had made an exception, wearing the infamous ramen-bowl bikini, though it was seriously uncomfortable. The fabric quality had to be terrible.

“Can I take a picture of you?” Naruto asked timidly.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Is that really necessary?”
“Just one, come on. You look so good tonight, you’re hot as hell.”

The Uchiha tried not to look too flattered and nodded. He hated posing for photos; he always got stiff and awkward.

A girl passing by decided to join the photo, slipping an arm around Sasuke’s waist and smiling.

Naruto looked slightly annoyed but said nothing and snapped the picture.
“Want to see it?”
Sasuke shook his head. “Sachi-chan?”

That struck a nerve. He saw Naruto’s face darken. “She hasn’t written me again. She ditched me, it’s obvious,” he murmured with a sad smile. “I don’t know why I expected anything else.”
Sasuke tried to ignore the pang of guilt. “Maybe she’ll show up.”
“Maybe,” Naruto said, though he didn’t really believe it.
“Anyway, what do you care? We’ll just drink over it and be done,” Sasuke remarked, bored.
“I’m super nervous. I wish I had your irritating calm.”

Sasuke actually was calm, maybe because he had seen his brother again. Itachi always had a way of soothing his anxieties with just a few words, even if they still needed to talk when he got back.

“Your suit is amazing, I’ve never seen you wear it before.”
“My brother gave it to me.”
Naruto smiled at the slightly hesitant tone. “Your brother definitely has good taste! I haven’t seen Itachi in ages. Is he staying for a while?”
“A few days.”
“Then maybe I’ll stop by and say hi before he leaves. He’s always been an incredible playboy, maybe he’ll give me some advice.”
Sasuke gave him a look of disdain. “My brother was never a playboy. He just had a lot of success with people.”

Naruto perked up when a song he liked started playing. He checked his reflection in his phone screen, trying to fix his blond bangs. Sasuke studied him intently, focused. All that effort for a girl who didn’t even exist. How would he react if he found out Sachi-chan was standing right next to him?

“Let me fix that scarf.”

He came up behind him, bringing his hands to Naruto’s neck. Naruto stiffened slightly. “Thanks, my dad was super busy.”

Sasuke could smell the shampoo in his blond hair, and the cologne, an intoxicating scent on his tanned neck. He wanted to bite him, to leave the mark of his teeth there.

The people around them blurred into a wash of colors in that moment; neither of them paid them any mind.

“Now you almost look like a prince,” Sasuke teased, handing him back the camera. “An idiotic prince, let’s say.”
“Teme! At least I came with someone tonight! Well, in theory.”
“If I’d wanted to come with someone, I would have.”

They looked out at the dance floor, where dozens of couples had formed. Naruto immediately felt irritated as one of those whiny eighties slow songs his parents loved started playing. He hated slow dances, having to shuffle around like idiots at a snail’s pace. The only upside was being able to hold another person close.

The couples swayed slowly to the saccharine notes of Hopelessly Devoted to You from Grease , a song Naruto found disturbingly fitting. The colorful outfits no longer twirled, no one was singing at the top of their lungs. Some people were chatting near the open bar, others had sat on the couches, but most were dancing.

Naruto wondered what it would be like to slow dance with Sasuke. The image was so grotesque that he forced himself not to think about it further. Sometimes it was true, he came up with ridiculous ideas. As if they could ever dance normally in the middle of everyone, two guys. Who would lead, anyway? Him or Sasuke? And yet, how romantic it would have been to dance with him, he would have let Sasuke lead, because Naruto was a terrible dancer.

He half-closed his eyes, trying to focus on Sachi-chan instead. He hadn’t checked his phone yet, but finally gave in and looked. Once again, disappointment.

“Want to dance?”

He jolted at hearing that question come out of Sasuke’s mouth. Sasuke was watching him with those red eyes, even more unreadable and cruel than usual.

But baby can’t you see, there’s nothin’ else for me to do
I’m hopelessly devoted to you
But now there’s nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside
I’m not in my head, hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you…

The chorus repeated, making the situation painfully awkward. Sasuke burst out laughing at Naruto’s frozen expression.
“Relax, I was only joking.”
Naruto fumed. “Don’t ask me faggy shit like that.”

Sasuke’s smile vanished, but he said nothing. “I’m going to the open bar. See you later.”

Naruto watched him walk away, wondering what the hell had gotten into him all of a sudden.

Just then his phone buzzed, startling him.

S: “Not a bad party.”

Naruto’s heart swelled with happiness.

N: “I thought you weren’t coming.”
S: “I came. But I don’t want to be found.”

♥

Sasuke sat at the open bar, sipping a glass of whiskey, even though he wasn’t much into strong liquor.

That bastard. And I actually held myself back.

He glanced at his phone.
Naruto deserved all of this, he deserved to get hurt. So quick to wound others with his careless words, when he, more than anyone, should have been there to support him.

He swallowed another mouthful, bitter.

N: “What do you mean you don’t want to be found? Are we playing a game?”

Sasuke didn’t reply. He finished his drink and decided not to write back anymore. He spent the rest of the evening avoiding Naruto.

First he went to chat with Sakura, who, squeezed into her tight Catwoman costume, showed off a rather sexy figure.
Then he greeted Minato and Kushina, who bombarded him with questions about his health, his studies, and his family. Questions Sasuke answered only vaguely.

He knew Naruto’s parents were progressive, Minato organized charity events for transgender people and always hired a drag queen band for music nights, went to Pride with Kushina, and even had the flag on his Facebook profile. He truly couldn’t understand where Naruto had picked up such closed-minded, narrow ideas.

A couple of times, he saw Naruto wandering aimlessly around the hall, nervously glancing at the girls, then staring at his phone and looking deeply disappointed.

He asked for it.

At one point he decided to dance and accepted a girl’s invitation. His phone vibrated in his pocket, but he tried to ignore it. After switching partners a few times, he suddenly felt Naruto grab him and spin him around toward himself. 

Sasuke stared at him in shock, and Naruto laughed, joined by a few chuckles around them, as if they were clowning around as usual. Kiba, dressed as a werewolf, let out a whistle. “Come on, show us how good you are.”

Sasuke clenched his teeth at the little show, and when Naruto pulled him closer, he resisted. “Let go of me.”

The other wrapped his hands around his neck with fake seductiveness, swaying. “Why are you avoiding me? Come on, let’s dance.”

It was more of a grotesque tug-of-war than a dance, sparking laughter from those around them. Sasuke wanted to make him swallow that stupid crown.

Naruto’s fingers slid down and, without realizing it, brushed against the strap of the bikini top Sasuke was wearing under his jacket. He suddenly yanked him closer to force his hands back up around his neck in a rough gesture, and Naruto jolted, crushed against him.

Just for a moment, though, Naruto held him with more gentleness, an intimate look on his face. “It’s not that bad,” he murmured.

Sasuke looked into those blue eyes, but slipped out of his hold. He couldn’t stand the chuckles around them, couldn’t stand that it was all a game, a joke. He wasn’t the type to put up with that kind of fooling around.

He walked away, ignoring Naruto’s disappointed look and the whistles from the onlookers.

The thong was killing him, so he decided to lock himself in a room on the second floor to fix it. It was a small, dusty study with an open balcony.

It was almost midnight, and he was supposed to head to work. Not that he was having much fun being made fun of by Naruto.

He sat down in the armchair, listening to the muffled sound of music outside the door. Finally, he checked his phone and saw the two thousand messages Naruto had sent to Sachi-chan.

N : “Tell me where you are.
Please.
You don’t know how much I’ve been waiting to meet you.
Please don’t do this to me.
I really, really like you.”

He couldn’t believe he actually felt guilty. Naruto had brought this on himself, he should have shown some respect, or at least thought before speaking.

He looked at the phone again, frowning at Naruto’s latest message.

N: “I really care about meeting you. I know I won’t be disappointed.”

That line made Sasuke laugh in a cruel, joyless way. “I won’t be disappointed.” Poor idiot. He could already picture his horrified, betrayed, shocked expression.

He brought the phone to his face, seeing his father’s face in his mind. He clenched his teeth and tried to adjust the thong, tugging the strap out from under his pants. In the meantime, he decided to reply.

S : “I’m not what you think I am. You’re really too naïve, Naruto. Trust me, you’d be disappointed.”
N : “That won’t happen, I know it. You won me over with just a few words. I know I’m weird, but somehow I already know I’ll like you so much.”
S : “You say that now…”
N: “Don’t worry about that crap! Answer my question: do you like me, are you interested in me?”

Sasuke hated those direct questions of his, they dismantled any possible strategy. He shifted nervously in the armchair.

S : “Yeah…”
N: “Then I don’t need to know anything else. Tell me where you are.”

Sasuke looked at those messages and sighed loudly. How could anyone be this idiotic? Some people ought to be protected by society for their naïveté, Naruto was one of them. He hadn’t meant to drag the prank out this far, but now he knew for sure Naruto would take it really badly. He should have stopped replying ages ago, or at least refused this stupid ball idea.

He tried to get up and realized the thong strap had gotten caught on the armchair. As he struggled to free it, he heard an unfamiliar tune coming from his phone.

To his horror, he realized Naruto had sent him some kind of love song through chat, and it had started playing automatically.

“What’s that song? Hey, there’s a phone ringing in that room!” shouted a voice outside the door. “Oi! A phone, is it someone’s?”

Sasuke turned pale. He heard footsteps approaching the door, and he hadn’t locked it.
“Where?” came Naruto’s unmistakably loud, booming voice.

Had Naruto suddenly decided to get strategic? Damn bastard, he had really tricked him with that move.

This time he truly froze. He yanked at the strap and the thong came off entirely, left hanging from the armchair handle.

Oh, shit.

He ran to the door and managed to lock it just as the handle was being pressed down. “Sachi-chan? Is that you? Please, open up.”

Sasuke looked around, terrified.

“I don’t want to force you. If you’re not comfortable, that’s fine, you don’t have to open the door. But you have nothing to fear.”

Sasuke inhaled, trapped now. He had downloaded a program to alter his voice, in case Naruto sent audio messages. He hadn’t thought he would need to use it, but he had tested it and it wasn’t that bad.

His heart was pounding, his fingers tightening around the phone.

“ If you knew who I was, you wouldn’t want me. ”

The words came out in a female, slightly mechanical voice, and Sasuke felt a wave of alienation hearing them. He wanted to cry, he hated all of it.

“I promise you it won’t be like that.”

“ You hate people like me .”

He sensed a confused silence. “I don’t hate anyone. And I could never hate you.”

Sasuke stared at the trim of the door, his contact lenses burning his eyes. He longed for those words far too much.

But they weren’t meant for him.

The great grandfather clock by the armchair struck midnight and let out an infernal doong.

He glanced around in panic and spotted the open balcony, scrambling onto the railing. Luckily, it wasn’t very high. After a deep breath, he jumped. He landed in the bushes, cushioned but scratched up by the branches. He prayed with all his heart he hadn’t ruined the suit.

The thong was gone now, hanging from that chair, and he was without underwear. He stormed off as fast as he could, cursing himself and his brilliant ideas.

♥

Chapter Text

♥ If the thong fits... ♥

Sasuke was sitting in the library studying, but he couldn’t concentrate.
He had long since learned that every man eventually hits the lowest point in his life.
He’d been convinced that had already happened when his father found out about his homosexuality, but clearly he’d been naïve to underestimate fate.

Now he had truly hit rock bottom, he’d practically dug his way there, and he couldn’t wait to humiliate himself.
He kept thinking about that thong he’d lost at a public party, and his only current wish was to die.

I’m the idiot here, what the hell was I thinking? Did they find it? What on earth must Minato have thought?

He had to calm down. There was no way they could know it was his, for sure they would assume it belonged to a woman, so he was safe. He just had to pretend nothing had happened, and he was really good at pretending.

The words blurred before his eyes, mixing together in confusion. He realized he was actually panicking.

Naruto sat down across from him at the table. “Hey, Sas’ke!” he exclaimed, making him jump.

He was wearing the usual orange hoodie that had seen better days, the strings chewed up and the print faded. Strangely, he seemed to be in a great mood. Since the ball, Sasuke hadn’t heard from him, and he hadn’t replied as Sachi-chan either.

“We’re in a library, could you lower your voice?” he shot back icily.

But the blond was too hyped up to care about those cold words. “I have to show you something.”

He rummaged in his backpack and placed on the table the thong Sasuke had lost at the ball. The Uchiha stared at it blankly for ten seconds, then prayed to some god to drop a bookshelf on his head and put him into a temporary coma, or make him lose his memory, or better yet, make Naruto lose his.

This is the moment in my life when I change my name, move to another city, and leave everything behind.

No, after all the exams he’d taken, there was no way in hell he was dropping out of university.

“Sachi-chan left these in a room, she must have done it on purpose.”

He felt a moment of relief realizing Naruto still hadn’t figured it out, but his relief vanished at that last sentence.

“What?”

Naruto turned the thong over in his hands, running his fingers over it gently. Sasuke wished he didn’t feel that shiver of arousal, seeing his best friend’s fingertips brush the fabric that had been on his own body.

I really am a shitty friend.

“This thong is hers, she sent me the picture before the ball. She must have left it there for me, so I’d go looking for her.”

“Looking for her?” Sasuke choked out at that last statement.

Naruto nodded. “And look, these panties are tight, she must not have very wide hips I think.”

“Maybe her hips are narrow, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t muscular,” Sasuke muttered, stung by that remark.

His friend didn’t pick up on his offended tone. “Well, I don’t mind women who are a bit more statuesque, and even if she were muscular or fat or really skinny, it’d be fine with me.”

Sasuke stared at the book in front of him, though he had already read the same sentence ten times.

“A ramen thong, she must be my soulmate.”

You think that now, dobe.

“I have to find her.”

Sasuke rubbed his eyes, then lifted his face in a furious expression. “I’m trying to study, Naruto. I’m happy for you, but let’s put this conversation off until tomorrow.”

Naruto snatched the book from him. “As my best friend, you’re obligated to help me. Especially after how you just disappeared at the ball! I mean, what the hell was that? You show up, make your big damn entrance stealing all the attention, and then, poof! You vanish. If you’d stuck with me, maybe we would’ve found her, dattebayo! Don’t tell me you slipped away with some girl?”

Sasuke tried to grab the book back, kicking him under the table. “It’s none of your business. And what do you expect me to do? You’ve fallen in love with a thong!”

Naruto shook his head. “It’s Sachi-chan’s ramen thong. It belongs to my soulmate, I know it. And you’re going to help me find her.”

That whole speech was giving the Uchiha a pounding headache. “First: that’s a shitty idea, and honestly I couldn’t care less about your soulmate, I just want to study. Second: how the hell do you plan to find the owner of those panties? It could be anyone, and she might slap you in the face for swiping her underwear. And damn it, don’t you ever study?”

Naruto cut him off, raising a finger. “Studying means nothing compared to love. Sasuke, do I have to explain everything to you? It’s obvious these panties come with a matching bra.”

“You looked it up on the internet.”

“Yes, I did,” he admitted, trying to hold on to some dignity. “So all we have to do is find the girl with the bra that matches this thong.”

Sasuke wished for a lightning bolt to strike him dead right there. He never thought he could do something so unbelievably stupid. Him, who always tried to stay unnoticed and act cautiously. It was the stress, mixed with exhaustion and the negative influence of that idiot. His brain had been fried, like he’d smoked a hundred joints in a row. He had always been a genius; it was impossible he had gotten himself into this mess.

“Fine. Good luck trying to get into every girl’s pants at the university just to find out who’s got your magic bra. Now,” he snatched back his book, “let me study. I have work in a few hours, so either sit here quietly or leave me alone.”

Naruto pouted. “I’m not going to sleep with anyone but her, my heart already belongs to her.”

“You haven’t even seen him!”

“Seen him?”

“Uh, her, you haven’t even seen her!”

“Yes, but I’ve been talking to her in chat all these days, and she was… I don’t know, not particularly sweet or affectionate, but so sharp and at the same time witty, and mischievous in this way that… ah! She got me turned on just through text. And then I genuinely cared about her life, I wanted to help her. And she knows so much, her tastes for example. Did you know she likes Russian writers, just like you? You two would even get along!”

I want to kill him with this book, slit his throat with the paper.

“Anyway, I won’t sleep with anyone but her, and to find her I’ll need to ask someone I can trust. Like Sakura.”

Sasuke ran a hand down his face. “Naruto…” He took a breath. “This soulmate thing, you’ve got to let it go. That’s not how you build a relationship. I’m no expert, but I think a relationship should be based on trust, attraction, respect, and—”

“Hello, Sakura? I need to ask you a favor. Can we meet as soon as possible while you’re still on campus? Four o’clock? Perfect! Thanks a lot.” He hung up. “You were saying?”

Sasuke got to his feet, scooping up his book and notebook. “I’m going home. You won’t let me study.”

“Wait!” Naruto ran after him. “Sasuke, wait.”

He grabbed a pinch of his shirt just under the bra, and the Uchiha froze, instantly shaking his hand off. “Don’t touch me.”

Naruto raised his arms. “I’m sorry for bothering you with my nonsense. But aside from this thong, I really do like this person, I like her a lot.”

“You met her online! She could be… she could be a man!” he finally managed to growl.

Naruto lowered his eyes. “An intelligent person like Sachi-chan could never be some pervert.”

Sasuke’s face tightened as if he’d been slapped.

“So if it were a man, what would you do?”

“What kind of question is that…”

Sasuke crossed his arms, studying him carefully. “Why are you so hostile to the idea it could be a man? You come out with comments like that all the time.” He allowed himself a small cruel smile. “You wouldn’t be one of those ‘the louder you deny, the more you want it’ types, would you?”

He saw Naruto’s face pale. The blond froze, silent, his dobe brain clearly scrambling to recover.

“If she was a man, I think I’d throw up,” he continued calmly, laughing.

Sasuke wanted to grab his head and smash it against the edge of the table. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so furious.

Yet he remained perfectly calm, the same apathetic expression that hid every smallest emotion.

He felt that pulse in his throat and pictured himself shoving Naruto’s head against the floor, ignoring his protests and fucking him. Only to shatter that dignity he kept talking about.

No, those were horrible, mean thoughts. Why did Naruto reduce him to that state? He’d rather not talk to him at all if every time it left him so hurt.

“Well then, good luck. I hope you find her.”

He turned and walked away, in some way terrified of his last thoughts.

He didn’t even try to look back. He slipped into the bathroom and locked the door. Ripped off his shirt and bra, stuffing it into his backpack.

At least I can make you miserable with this whole Sachi-chan farce.

It had taken him years to get past the disgust he felt for himself, but his complete indifference toward others had helped. People’s comments slid right off him, simply because he felt above them, however petty that thought was. He couldn’t help it if he had a superiority complex, he’d been raised that way, in a wealthy, high-status family, surrounded by expensive paintings, exhibitions, museums, private schools, classical music.

The image of his mother flashed before his eyes, one of the many times she had fought with his father. Their arguments were always calm and composed, with a disarming coldness. Mikoto would curse in French when she walked away, after studying the language for many years.

She was very different from Fugaku, less pragmatic, her mind always in her research.

A withered branch cannot be bent. That’s what she had once said to him about Fugaku, it was an old Greek proverb.

Was that why he liked wearing certain things? To get her attention? For his mother? He didn’t know. He didn’t understand that pleasant feeling he got from putting on certain lingerie. It was probably a reaction to Fugaku’s iron control over his personality, over the way he dressed. His clothes were almost all gray, black, navy, or white. No bright or flashy colors, anonymous outfits. That had become his normal wardrobe after Fugaku’s attitude. It had started with his mother’s clothes, that time he’d played at wearing them as a child, he was only seven, he missed Mikoto, he liked smelling her scent. Maybe he had been stealing those clothes even before she died, maybe he just liked them and didn’t understand why they were forbidden to him.

After that episode Fugaku had thrown away every piece of his wife’s clothing, and Sasuke had never dared to even think about it again until he was sixteen. His father had grown paranoid about it, and Sasuke, feeling more and more suffocated, had minimized both the colors of his wardrobe and the degree of attention it attracted. Even now, he was uncomfortable wearing clothes that were too bright or noticeable.

Maybe it all stemmed from that, with lingerie sets, he could wear whatever he wanted, in any color, without feeling constantly watched and judged.

It’s useless to question it. This is who I am now; the reason doesn’t matter.

Was being accepted by Naruto really that important? No. He was just another withered branch, evidently. Maybe Sasuke was one too, too proud to lower himself into having a conversation about homosexuality with Naruto, too superior to try to change his mind. Maybe Naruto was simply too stupid to show respect and if there was one thing Sasuke hated, it was stupidity.

♥

Naruto was in the bathroom in the dark, a small red light illuminating his work. He moved the photo around in the tray filled with developer, while the image slowly bloomed on the surface. Black hair emerged, Sasuke’s pale skin.

It had been ages since he’d last developed a roll of film. His camera was digital now.

He’d kept that roll for two years, never wanting to develop it since it held the pictures of that disastrous New Year’s Eve.

He felt a little sorry about switching to digital; immersing himself in a darkroom and going through that process was something unique. It relaxed him and made him forget his problems.

He picked up the photo with tongs, moving it into the stop bath. He turned to look at the others he had already developed, hanging from clips on a drying line.

Some of the shots were blurry, Sasuke glaring annoyed at the lens. He was wearing that soft black sweater, Naruto could almost feel the texture of it under his fingers.

These would be the last photos of Sasuke he ever developed. It was time to move on, and if he wanted to find Sachi-chan, he had to put his whole self into it.

He slid the photo into the third tray, the one with the fixer. The smell of chemicals and detergent filled the bathroom, but he didn’t mind at all.

A knock came at the door. “Naruto, how much longer are you going to be? I need to shower soon.”

“Sorry, I’m almost done.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, but be careful with the light.”

Sakura cracked the door open and slipped into the bathroom. The red glow cast an eerie light over Naruto’s face, but maybe it was just that he seemed a little down.

Wearing her pajamas, she leaned in to watch his work. “It’s been so long since you did this, I missed watching you develop photos like this. You know, you’re pretty hot when you get into it and go all focused like that,” she teased affectionately.

“Took me ages to figure out how the hell to even do it,” he muttered.

She rested her chin on his shoulder, looking at the photo of Sasuke. “Why are you developing these pictures now? They look like they’re from a while ago.”

She turned to glance at the ones hanging up. Sasuke’s hair was a little longer than it was now, and Naruto still had his ear piercing, before some girl told him it looked vulgar and made him take it out.

“It wouldn’t make any difference to Sasuke, you know? If he knew how you felt.”

“I don’t feel anything for him anymore,” he grumbled defensively. “I’m over it.”

“I can see that. That’s why you’ve been developing his photos all afternoon.”

Naruto’s face twisted with frustration. “It’s my way of closing it off.”

“On New Year’s Eve he was dead drunk, I mean… maybe he didn’t even understand what was happening.”

His blue eyes fixed on her with disdain. “But don’t they say veritas vino?”

“In vino veritas, actually,” she corrected, “but it doesn’t mean anything. Maybe he was just sick and didn’t want to throw up on you. I mean, he probably doesn’t even remember that night.”

“Either way, he wouldn’t feel the same. Stop insisting, I’ve finally found someone else.”

Sakura crossed her arms, leaning back against the washing machine. “No, I wasn’t saying you had to tell him. I’m just saying that even if you had fallen for another guy, Sasuke would’ve supported you. He cares about you, even if he struggles to show it like other human beings.”

Naruto pulled the photo out of the fixer and clipped it up. If only Sasuke didn’t look so damn alluring even in black and white. He looked like an old movie star, with a cigarette between his lips, that mocking half-smile, and those deep, unreadable eyes.

“I just want to forget I ever thought such disgusting things about him…”

Sakura grabbed his arm. “There’s nothing disgusting about having a crush.”

Naruto said nothing. He was overwhelmed by all of it.

What he’d told Sasuke hadn’t been entirely a lie.

He hated the part of himself that felt those things, felt sickened by it. He didn’t know why it weighed on him so much. His parents had always been so open about the subject. Maybe it was because he’d spent his whole life hearing jokes about girls and how his children would be blond and beautiful; maybe because some of the girls he’d dated hadn’t considered him man enough. Maybe because the person who had given him the camera before dying, Jiraya, had been a real womanizer who always said, “Choose a nice, pretty wife!”.

“I’m not gay.”

Sakura blinked. “Yeah, I know. But it doesn’t change the fact that you like boys too, that you like him that way. Come on, I had to put up with your erotic dream confessions for a whole year. You were all, ‘Sakura, I dreamed about his… his dick! A dick invaded my dreams! And it wasn’t mine! I feel violated!’” She tried to laugh at the memory.

He wasn’t amused at all. “Yeah, but obviously that’s not normal. Maybe it’s because some girl hurt me, it’s just an extreme reaction.”

“You’re being an idiot now. You had a crush on a guy, it’s not the end of the world. More people go through that than you think.”

“I know. It’s just that I suck at everything, but at least I was good with girls here in college, and that gave me a bit of pride. Now everyone thinks I’m this big player women fight over. It makes me feel like a fraud, like those ’80s sex symbols adored by teenage girls who were actually gay! Maybe I don’t even like girls, I just did it for attention, I don’t know! Everyone else seems to get it, and I don’t understand anything about myself. I should just grab some random guy and try it out, if things go south with Sachi-chan anyway…”

Sakura grabbed his arm, but he shook her off.

He peeled off his latex gloves and walked out of the bathroom.

♥

Sasuke squinted his eyes. His face was mashed into the pillow, and his head and knees hurt like hell.

He pulled himself up on the bed, wrecked, looking around. He still had his bra on, but backwards; otherwise, he was naked.

He turned and found, right next to him in bed, some guy he had never seen before.

Shit.

He searched around for the condom, praying with all his heart he’d used it, and let out a sigh of relief when he spotted it on the floor, knotted.

He ran his hands over his face, scanning his room; it was a complete mess, all his lingerie scattered everywhere, tossed on the floor. What the hell had he done? He didn’t remember a thing. Alcohol had a devastating effect on him, which was why he usually tried not to overdo it.

The guy beside him stirred, yawning. He was blond, but that wasn’t a surprise, blond was his type.

Sasuke got up, paling when he saw the time. He could already picture Danzo’s unbearable scolding.

After that half breakdown in the university bathroom the day before, he’d spent the rest of the day in a mental state of blind rage, self-pity, and jittery nerves. He’d thrown two curt words at Itachi to tell him not to bother him, and at work he’d been so hostile, he had no idea how things had ended up like this.

His knees ached, and so did his hips a little. He really hoped they hadn’t done it on the floor around the house, since Itachi was still there.

Itachi.

Damn it. He’d definitely heard.

He woke the guy next to him without much gentleness. He was older than him, maybe a little too older. “Good morning. I’m really sorry. You need to leave,” he said flatly, poking him.

The other opened his eyes. “Good morning.”

“I need to get to university. Uhm, are you okay? It hurts somewhere?”

The guy gave a dirty grin. “I’m more than fine, pretty boy. Though after I gave you my ass, you let me put it in just a little before you collapsed. And I don’t like fucking people who’ve passed out.” Then he twirled a bra around his finger. “You could make it up to me now, I’m really in the mood for some morning sex. And why don’t you put on a nice thong?”

Sasuke turned red, unsure whether from anger or shame.

“Sure, maybe next time. Get dressed and please get out of my house.”

He stood up, pulling the bra off his head and looking for a pair of regular underwear. Why was everything such a mess? Had he had some kind of nervous breakdown? Some of his lingerie sets were in the trash…

“Last night was amazing,” the guy commented behind him. “You were really wild, Sasuke.”

He knows my name. But I don’t know his. Great.

The guy was touching himself. He stood up naked, hugging him. Sasuke shoved him away, uncomfortable, while searching for decent clothes and trying to pull his thoughts together.

He was pressed up against him, keeping Sasuke from moving as quickly as he wanted. He didn’t want to be that rude, but then he felt the guy’s hands trying to push him against the wall. “They told me at the bar you were some stuck-up prude, but to me you seemed pretty easy last night…”

Sasuke pulled on his own pants, shoving the guy’s into his face. “Get dressed! My brother cannot find you here, hurry up. Shit, I’m so late.”

He grabbed the first bra he could find, slipping it on. He didn’t want that guy to see him, but at this point it was stupid to care. He finished dressing, gathering up his things.

Danzo would skin him alive.

“How about a little dinner…”

He shoved the guy into the hallway, ignoring him and dragging him to the door. With horror, he noticed another condom at the entrance. The guy laughed when he saw it.

“This was mine, you were so into it. I knew I could win over even the unconquerable Sasuke Uchiha. No one can resis-” He didn’t finish the sentence before he found himself outside the door.

“Sorry, I’ve got to go.”

“Wait! What the fuck, are you really kicking me out?”

Sasuke’s head was pounding. “I was drunk, thanks for everything, I’m really sorry. I’m sure it was amazing, goodbye Yuri.”

“THAT’S NOT MY NAME, ASSHOLE!”

He slammed the door in his face before the guy could say anything else. Itachi peeked out from the kitchen, sipping coffee.

“It’s not what it looks like…”

“People calling you an asshole at eight in the morning? The same old story” Itachi remarked, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t even know him!” Sasuke protested.

Itachi nodded. “At least you could try to remember their name.”

“No, this… look, this doesn’t usually happen!” he tried to justify himself, flustered.

He went back to his room, mortified, finishing gathering his things. He desperately needed a shower, he was sweaty and reeked of alcohol and smoke, but he didn’t have time. He went to brush his teeth, noticing with horror two huge hickeys on his neck.

“What the fuck.”

He grabbed his phone, realizing he’d received a message from Suigetsu.

S: Enjoy that blondie, huh? Blow off some stress and thank me tomorrow.

He went to grab a scarf, cursing everyone and everything. His ass hurt, even his dick hurt, he must have ripped off the condom or something like that.
“I’m leaving,” he said in a rush, heading out.
“Next time you bring someone over, give me a heads-up so I can avoid being here.”
Sasuke froze. “It wasn’t planned! Stop tormenting me.”
“Sorry, but falling asleep with some guy yelling certain comments about my little brother isn’t exactly ideal.”
He was sure his face had turned purple, Itachi had a teasing smile. 

He bolted for university, already coming up with a believable excuse to feed Danzo. He could tell him he’d been sick. He prayed with all his might that the guy from that morning wouldn’t show up again at the pub; he had zero desire to be insulted again.

He had a million things to do that day; he’d be paying the price for that unplanned night, already exhausted, and instead of sleeping he’d gone and had sex.
These were the moments when he longed for his damn money back. At sixteen he hadn’t been all there mentally; he had rejected what he was with ferocity, locked himself in his room reading everything he could get his hands on, avoiding contact with anyone. But even then, he had time, time to learn to play music, time to calm down when he felt bad, time to read, to try new experiences, to analyze his situation. Money had given him all of that; it let him get into a fight and come out without consequences, it let him expect everything from the future, aim for the top, never bow his head or swallow his pride, fooling around without worrying about the exact hours of sleep he’d lost.

Now he was barely managing to get through a single day without losing his sanity. Keeping up this kind of life was becoming brutally difficult, studying, being Danzo’s slave, and working nights, he couldn’t juggle it all anymore.
And then they asked him why he didn’t have a relationship. Before last night, how long had it been since he’d slept with someone? Way too long. The last one had ended it saying Sasuke was “too bossy and cold.” Easy for them to say, to play the affectionate ones, he’d have loved to see them grow up with Fugaku and Itachi. Because as much as he loved Itachi, you couldn’t exactly call him a champion of warmth.

After all, picking up random men was really hitting rock bottom for him, he didn’t like it one bit. He was actually a stuck-up prude, so he couldn’t loosen up with just anyone. It had happened that he’d stopped midway and walked out, and he wanted to avoid hearing again that he was an “impotent asshole.” Which he absolutely wasn’t, far from it. He simply wasn’t up for just any person, which was an entirely different matter. And lately it happened more and more that people hit on him with the intention of screwing him, but being a bottom hadn’t gone very well for him the times he’d tried. He was way too much of a control freak to let anyone else take charge; he had to be the one handling everything.

The university environment never put him in a good mood. He knew he was supposed to absorb, by osmosis, that air of freedom, civil rights, progress, young minds, but ever since he’d become Danzo’s slave, that place only gave him anxiety.
He’d had to sit through the lecture, laced with barely veiled insults about how the Uchiha “thought everyone was at their disposal” and “had no respect for anyone.” After the old man’s rant, he’d had to help him sort out some documents he’d lost, and he’d been sent running nonstop around the university looking for papers that had vanished somewhere in its labyrinth. He’d missed his first class of the morning and had to go to the next one instead.

He finished his cigarette, tossed it, and headed to his classroom.
It’s ten o’clock and I already need another coffee. Maybe two.
When he arrived, he realized the class luckily hadn’t started yet. But on the downside, a line of girls had formed in front of Naruto’s seat.
What the hell is going on now.
Of all the people he could have fallen for, he had to go and crush on the loudest, dumbest straight idiot he had ever met. His headache was way too much for all that racket.

He cautiously approached, slipping past the pack of girls chattering among themselves. He caught a bit of conversation that cleared things up.
“What are you doing here?” one girl asked, noticing her friend in line.
“Naruto’s looking for the girl he met at the ball. All he’s got of hers is a thong.” She giggled.
“He doesn’t remember the girl he slept with?”
The shocked tone made Sasuke’s mood darken, since that was exactly what had happened to him that morning.
Her friend shook her head. “Well, I wouldn’t remember all of them either if I were him. But that’s not it, he didn’t manage to meet her, but she left him the thong. Now a bunch of girls are claiming it’s theirs, and he’s asking questions to figure out if they’re telling the truth.”
What bullshit is that, Sasuke thought, stunned.

Her friend didn’t seem much more interested. “What a waste of time. Naruto’s funny and cute, but everyone knows he can’t stick with the same girl for more than a week.”

Fantastic. Truly fantastic. With his original plan, he’d been determined to teach Naruto a lesson, and instead he’d handed him a free pass to the bed of every one of those girls. Just when he thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse.
From what he’d heard, back in middle school and even high school, Naruto had been hopeless with girls, he wasn’t that popular yet and hadn’t figured it out. But at university, all his charm had exploded; maybe because the girls had matured and preferred a cheerful, sweet guy like him over the usual show-offs, or maybe because he himself had changed. Sasuke had seen him hit on girls plenty of times, and he was damn good at it. His spontaneity, mixed with a hint of mischief and curiosity, made girls feel special. Made him feel special. Because Naruto had this way of looking at you when he paid attention, like you were the only person in the world.

Sasuke pulled away, looking for a seat far from him, far from those girls, far from his thong that he’d never get back, which would eventually be worn by some girl who managed to convince Naruto she was Sachi-chan.
“Sasuke!” Naruto waved, spotting him.
The tone rang in Sasuke’s ears, as irritating as a gong struck right beside the eardrum.
He sidestepped the girls, ignoring what they were saying, and reached him quickly. “What a madhouse, so many girls showed up and… are you okay? You look exhausted.”

He nodded, sitting down and dropping his shoulder bag to the floor. His eyes were closing from lack of sleep.
“Sasuke, if this job tires you out so much, quit it. I’m sure your father would understand.”
It wasn’t the job that was wrecking him, but the extra tasks Danzo kept dumping on him, crazy, never-ending assignments with impossible deadlines. Although this time, a good share of the blame was on the sex.
If only I could remember it…
“Go back to your fans.”
“They’re not my fans, and I know Sachi-chan isn’t among them. She’d never show up to something like this, she’s too proud. She wants to be found, but not in such a crude way. Kiba spread the word and all these girls started showing up. But at least I hope Sachi-chan gets a little jealous.” He chuckled.
Sachi-chan is about to castrate you with a pocketknife.
“And what if someone showed up with the other piece of the lingerie set?”
“That wouldn’t be enough. I ask questions about the things Sachi-chan and I talked about.”
Sasuke rubbed his eyes.

He had to tell him the truth. He had to admit it was all a joke, he could avoid being found out and put an end to this mess. But looking at Naruto’s hopeful, happy expression, he realized Naruto would hate him for it. He wouldn’t forgive him easily for playing with his feelings.
“I think you need to stop looking for this girl,” he said seriously, pulling out his notebook.
“I won’t.”
“If she’d wanted to be found, she would’ve contacted you.”
Naruto huffed. “Sasuke, it’s obvious Sachi-chan is embarrassed. Maybe she’s overweight, or maybe she has some flaw that makes her think she’s not pretty. But she wants to be found, deep down, she wants it, I’m sure of it.”

He should’ve written that he needed to leave her alone, that she’d changed her mind. He’d taken this prank way too far.
“I think you’re wrong.”
Naruto gathered his things and sat down beside him. “See, it’s like with serial killers. They often leave clues, because part of them wants to be caught, like artists who want recognition for their work.”
“You haven’t gone back to watching CSI, have you?”
Naruto snorted. “The point is, if she didn’t want to be found, she would’ve written to tell me to leave her alone or to cut it off. Instead she just vanished into thin air.”
Sasuke avoided his gaze. “Look at how many girls want a chance with you. Give one of them a try, I’m sure-”
“I can’t do that,” Naruto cut him off. “I’m tired of running around from one girl to another. I only did it because I was hurting, I wasn’t looking for a replacement, just an outlet.” His tone turned bitter. “Sachi-chan is the only one who’s managed to make me forget…” He stopped before saying too much.

Don’t leave it like that.
He felt like a worm. That wounded, hopeful look in Naruto’s eyes was killing him. Had someone really hurt him so badly? And now Sasuke was about to do the same, crush him with a disappointment over a ridiculous prank. He had really gone too far.
How the hell do I get out of this one?

“Before trying a relationship, one should be okay with themselves. That’s why I have no desire to get a girlfriend.”
Naruto looked at him, puzzled. “You’re not okay with yourself?”
He didn’t answer right away, then tried to dodge the question. “What I have right now is enough for me.”
“I guess we’re just made differently in that regard,” the other replied with a half-smile.

Sasuke didn’t see it that way. He wasn’t interested in matters of the heart, he had never been even remotely romantic, but he would definitely have been a little happier if Naruto knew the truth and didn’t judge him. As for his feelings for Naruto, he had no hope whatsoever, so it wasn’t even worth thinking about.
He wasn’t sure he had ever fallen in love in his life. Probably not, but that was because no one had ever known him as well as Naruto did. He was the only person he’d formed such a bond with, so maybe that was the reason. He had no real examples of relationships that had worked out: his parents were two blocks of ice who had gotten married for some unknown reason; his brother was so discreet that Sasuke had never seen one of his girlfriends for more than a second in passing; and his best friend changed girls more often than his underwear.
Probably the only real example he had was Kushina and Minato, a solid and affectionate couple.

I just want to graduate, get my money and my time back, and pick up all those hobbies I’ve had to abandon. The rest doesn’t matter.

“Naruto-kun,” murmured a very pretty girl, “will you sit next to me today? We wanted to ask you some questions about this mysterious girl!”
“Thank you so much for the offer, but I need Sasuke to explain things to me during class.” He clasped his hands in a prayer gesture, winking. “But next time, count me in.” He flashed one of his big grins, tugging lightly at the girl’s hair and making her laugh.

Show-off.
Sasuke thought, feeling slightly embarrassed by how easily Naruto had brushed off those girls just to sit next to him. He knew it was an excuse, since Naruto never paid attention in class anyway and didn’t even bother asking him for explanations.
“I don’t want you sitting next to me,” he muttered, watching enviously as one girl walked away sipping her coffee.
Naruto handed him some coffee chocolates, those bitter ones Sasuke liked. “You sure?” the blond smirked.
“Fine, you can stay.”

After the first half hour of class, Sasuke felt himself being nudged lightly. He opened his eyes, blinking, and saw Naruto’s worried expression.
“Everything okay?”
He nodded groggily. “Yeah.” He lifted his head and looked at the notes that had appeared on the board, cursing himself.
Naruto pointed at the recorder. “Get some sleep. I’ll cover for you and give you the recording later.”
Sasuke shook his head, trying to follow along, blinking several times to force his eyes awake.

♥