Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Regulus sits on the steps outside his apartment building. He didn’t usually wait outside, but the weather had finally turned warm, and Regulus wanted to take advantage. Besides, he had been sitting inside his apartment waiting, but then inside had started to feel stuffy. He frowned, turning his wrist to check his watch. Sirius was late.

He tapped his foot. Maybe he wouldn’t come. Or maybe Regulus would go out on a walk, wait it out and he wouldn’t have to go. Deep in his bones, Regulus wanted to run away, scatter into the wind piece by wicked piece until there was nothing left of him.

So he wasn’t exactly in a good mood when Sirius showed up, 10 minutes after he said he would, on his sleek black motorbike. Regulus approached him cautiously. Sirius grinned, and held out a black helmet to Regulus “Sorry I’m late, traffic was awful.”

“No,” Regulus said, crossing his arms and not even attempting to reach for the offered helmet.

“Oh, come on” Sirius pouted. “It’s only a 20 minute ride there.”

Regulus glared, “A 20 minute drive that you will be making alone.” Regulus can feel the anger coiling in his gut like a snake and he clings to it, lets it lash out, “This is just like you. You know I hate the bike, but you like it, and so I have to bend to your fucking will. And you can tell Minerva I said that when you see her.” With that Regulus turns around, stalking back to his apartment building. This was a bad fucking idea, Regulus knew it was a bad idea. He never should have entertained it.

“Wait, Reg” Regulus hears, and the sound of the metal hitting the pavement. He picks up the pace but Sirius is quicker and grabs his arm. “Please Reg, I’m trying, I am.”

Regulus stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Regulus, not Reg,” he corrects. “And if you were really trying, you wouldn’t make me ride that metal deathtrap.”

Sirius sighs, and tugs on Regulus’s arm. Regulus allows himself to be pulled, and the two brothers are facing each other. Sirius chews his lip before explaining, “Moony borrowed my car. His mom is in the hospital, it was an emergency. It’s why I was late too, I wanted to make sure he was okay before I left.”

Regulus looks down. Of course. Sirius hadn’t done anything malicious, he had a genuine reason to bring the bike, and a reason to be late. But Regulus hadn’t even given him a second to explain, just assuming the worst of his own brother. Sirius had his own problems to deal with, he didn’t need Regulus being a moody git on top of that. “Is she okay?”

Sirius grins, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Hope? Course, she’s a trooper.”

Regulus doesn’t know what to say next. Is he supposed to ask what’s wrong? Or is that too invasive? He decides to ignore it. “You will be driving the speed limit the entire way,” Regulus demands.

Sirius beams at the agreement, and nods vehemently. “Pinky promise,” he agrees. He holds out the helmet again, still in his hand.

Regulus takes it this time. He heads over to the bike, and calls to Sirius, “Now hurry up, we’re late.”

The drive isn’t as bad as Regulus had feared. Sirius sits in the front, with Regulus behind him, holding onto Sirius. At one point Sirius reaches down to Regulus’s hand and pries it from it’s tight grip on Sirius’s side, digging into the skin. Regulus loosens his grip reluctantly. Sirius’s body blocks most of the wind, but the sound of screaming wind is loud as the air whips around them. At first Regulus keeps his eyes tightly closed, but after a few minutes and no crash, he feels safe enough to keep his eyes open.

Sirius does end up going the speed limit the whole way, which means they’re still running late. Once parked outside the building, the two brothers rush inside.

The inside of the building is bright and clean, and it puts Regulus on edge. They leave their names with the lady at the front desk. She looks a bit older, with grayed hair, and a sweet smile. Her nametag reads ‘Poppy’.

Sirius and Regulus take a seat in the waiting room, but it’s less than a minute when the door to the back area opens, and a tall woman with a stern face calls out “Sirius and Regulus Black?”

The two brothers glance at each other. Sirius gives Regulus a small smile. Regulus can feel his heartbeat rising as his nerves set in. He schools his face carefully, and they follow the woman into the back. She leads them into a room, and Regulus has to admit it’s more inviting than the waiting room. The room is covered in earth tones, with a comfortable looking couch and matching arm chairs.

The woman introduces herself as Dr. Minerva McGonagall. “But you can call me Minerva,” she says.

“How about Minnie,” Sirius asks with a wink. Minerva raises an eyebrow at him unimpressed. She gestures towards the couch, and takes a seat in an arm chair.

The brothers settle on opposite sides of the couch. There is a moment of silence. Regulus’s mind is reeling, are they meant to start talking first? He didn’t know how this worked, but he assumed she would lead them. But then Minerva says, “It’s very nice to meet you both. Reaching out for help is never easy, so I must commend you for doing so.” There’s silence again, and neither brother moves to fill it. Minerva continues, as if she hadn’t paused, “Can I ask why you both decided to seek out family therapy?”

Going to therapy together hadn’t been an easy decision. There had been many fights, and pushes from friends before they could even think about it. But they both knew the house they grew up in was full of hatred and twisted values and had left the brothers covered in scars, both physical and otherwise. Ever since Regulus had gotten out of his parents house, Sirius had been persistent, adamant in being a part of his brother’s life. Regulus had pushed him away at first, feeling betrayed and vulnerable. But it was nice to see that his big brother did care for him, and did want him in his life. They blew up at each other, of course, but they were brothers. Well, they used to be brothers, and maybe someday, with some work, they could reach that again.

So they talk, stilted as it is, with Minerva about it.

“It’s just hard, because it feels like we don’t know each other anymore,” Sirius is saying. Minerva listens attentively, nodding slightly. “We didn’t talk for almost 7 years. How are we supposed to get along if we barely know each other?”

Regulus had been sitting back for the most part, letting Sirius do most of the talking. But this was something he could speak on. “Sometimes,” he admitted quietly, “it’s like looking at a stranger. A stranger who has all the same childhood memories as you, but a stranger nonetheless.”

Sirius looks down, fiddling with the rings on his fingers from where he sits at the other end of the couch. Regulus can tell he looks sad to hear this, but he doesn’t disagree.

Minerva hums, considering this. “Perhaps it would be a good idea to spend more time together. Relearn each other's habits, and interests.”

Regulus' eyes flicker to his brother, and he sees Sirius wince slightly. “We’ve been trying to do that,” he admits. “It’s just a bit difficult because the tour is coming up.”

Ah yes, Regulus thinks bitterly. The tour.

“The tour?” Minerva echoes with a frown, glancing down at her notes.

Sirius outs a hand on the back of his neck and gives her a half smirk, “Yeah, I’m actually in band, called the Marauders. You might have heard of us, we’ve been getting good press lately, and after we signed with Gryffindor Records, they booked us a European tour.”

Minerva’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “That’s quite the feat. Congratulations Sirius.”

With a wolfish grin, Sirius says “You should check us out, you might like what you hear.” He continues, his smile lowering, “The tour though, it’s soon. Well, I actually leave in two days. We’ll be gone for months, and I won’t have much free time to call Reggie.”

“Regulus,” Regulus corrects automatically.

Sirius rolls his eyes, “Regulus,” he echoes.

Minerva watches the exchange with pursed lips. “I do see how that would make it difficult to spend time together,” she admits with a wry grin. She eyes Regulus. “What do you do for work then?”

“I write,” Regulus says simply.

Sirius cuts in, “He’s a novelist, and a good one. On the New York Times Bestseller list too!” Regulus glares at him, but Sirius just shrugs, “What, if you’re not gonna brag about yourself, I will.”

Regulus wills himself not to flush. He wants to hate Sirius sometimes, for pushing himself into every part of Regulus’s life. But a part of him - a very small part, he forces himself to think, likes knowing his older brother is proud of him. He pushes that part down to the depths of his mind.

Minerva makes a triumphant sound. “Well, that sounds like something you could do while traveling.” Regulus frowns, not comprehending, so Minerva continues, “What if you go with Sirius on the tour?”

Regulus stares at her incredulously. He shakes his head. “No way, absolutely not.” He does not look at Sirius, does not want to know what expression is on his face.

Minerva nods slowly. “Can I ask why not? What’s keeping you here?”

What’s keeping him here? What kind of question is that? His entire life is here in London, his flat, his book manager, his friends. “My friends,” he says. Regulus could live without his flat, could find somewhere else to live, but he could never leave his friends. Barty and Evan, his best friends since school. Dorcas, his Editor. And Pandora, another author under Dorcas’s care. The five of them had been a team, ever since Regulus met Dorcas, and dragged Barty and Evan with him, while Dorcas dragged along Pandora. They had become inseparable, best friends who understood each other on a deep level. Regulus would call them family, but considering where he grew up, that would be a disservice.

“They could come too,” Sirius says eagerly, too fast. Regulus looks at him, and sees the hope that Sirius is desperately trying to hide. Regulus frowns. Did his brother really want him to go on tour with him? So much that he would invite Regulus’s friends too?

“I don’t know,” Regulus says cautiously. “I don’t want them to just uproot their entire lives to accompany me.”

Minerva nods. “Of course, you don’t want to force them to leave everything behind if they don’t want to come.”

Regulus nods quickly, glad she understands.

Minerva smiles, except it’s closer to a smirk. Regulus doesn’t know why, but he feels like a fly caught in a spider’s web. “Of course,” she says again, but then, gentler, “But you won’t know whether or not they want to come unless you ask them.”

Oh. Regulus realizes. She has a point. Regulus knew his friends well, and could guess how they would respond. But that’s different from actually giving them the chance to respond. Regulus considers this, absentmindedly twisting the silver snake ring on his middle finger. He looks up at Sirius, who had been watching him. Sirius looks tense, and Regulus realizes he’s waiting intently for Regulus’s decision.

The guilt and insecurity in the pit of his stomach gnawed at him. “You really-” he starts, then shakes it off. “I mean, it’d be okay if I came with you?”

Sirius’s eyes widened in hope. He nods vehemently, exclaiming “Yes! Yes, that would be amazing! You could watch me play! And we could just, hang out and stuff.” Sirius glances at Minerva, and Regulus realizes with humor that ‘hang out and stuff’ is likely code for ‘get drunk and party’.

But Regulus needs to make sure everything will work out before he can let himself think about it too much. “And my friends? There would be five of us, including me. Are you sure that’s not too many people to add at the last minute?”

Sirius hesitates, frowning. “I think we can make it work.” Then nodding to himself, “Yeah, I’ll talk to Marlene, I’m sure she’ll help figure it out.” Marlene, the Marauder’s manager. Regulus had often heard Sirius say the Marauder’s wouldn’t be half as popular without her there to help them.

Regulus is still on edge, as he thinks through the idea. It would drastically change the next few months of his life. But that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Regulus loved that he could work as a novelist, but he was in a bit of a writing block lately. Perhaps the travel would provide some inspiration? “I’d have to talk to them,” Regulus warns Sirius, “Before agreeing for sure.”

Sirius seems to buzz in his seat, then starts jumping up and down on his seat like a child. “Is that a yes?” he asks eagerly.

Regulus rolls his eyes. Trust Sirius to only hear what he wanted to hear. “It’s a maybe,” Regulus says firmly. Sirius just grins, still jumping up and down in his seat.

Minerva smiles, “Well, I think that could be quite beneficial for both of you, if it works out.”

________________________

“AHHHHH! Oh my god Reg tell me you’re joking!”

Reg winces, rubbing his ear after the shrill shriek. Pandora was standing in front of him, stars in her eyes. Regulus grumbles, “I wish.”

Pandora shrieks again. The five friends had gathered in Barty and Evan’s apartment. It was their typical meeting place, since the two shared, and it had the most space.

Dorcas grabs a bottle of wine from on top of the fridge, and pours herself a glass. “That would actually be really cool,” she says casually. “I’ve listened to some of their stuff, they’re pretty good.”

Regulus turns to her, glaring daggers. “You’ve listened to them?” he demands. “You’re meant to be my friend. Traitor.”

Dorcas rolls her eyes. “I thought you and Sirius were getting along? I assumed that negated the standing order to not listen to his band.”

Regulus huffs, “You assumed wrong.”

Evan, from where he’s sitting next to Barty at the kitchen table, says, “Do ya think they’ll have any job opening? Like crew or security or something? Only thing is, I’d have to quit my job at the office, I don’t think I can just bunk off for a few months and expect to pay rent.” Currently, Evan was working as a receptionist at a doctor’s office. He was good at his job, but it was obvious to his friends that it wasn’t fulfilling for him.

Barty, not raising his eyes from where he’s typing frantically on his phone, pipes up, “Seconded on the job thing.”

Regulus shakes his head, “I don’t know, I guess I could ask Sirius. But you don’t have to quit your job for this, it was just a stupid idea.”

“Too late,” Barty says, setting down his phone. Regulus eyes follow the movement with concern.

“What?” Dorcas says, taking her wine to the table and taking a seat.

Barty shrugs, gesturing to his phone. “I just texted my resignation letter, effective immediately.”

Evan’s eyes widened. “Barty!” He chastised. “We haven’t even agreed yet.”

Pandora hummed in disapproval. “I think we should do it. Me and Reg can work on our writing. Dorcas can manage us from the tour, since we’re her only clients right now. And I’m sure there will be some kind of work needed on tour that the two of you can handle.” Her eyes glowed as she thought through her plan. “Besides, Barty already quit his job for this, so honestly it would be rude if anyone else didn’t go through with it.”

Regulus groaned. “Barty, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you.”

Barty leaned back in his seat, unapologetic. “I’ve been looking for a reason to quit for ages,” he admits. Which is true enough. Barty’s (previous) job was in construction. The work was fine, the pay was shit, and his manager was an asshole. Or at least that’s how Barty always described it.

Evan shrugs, “Yeah alright. I’ll call my manager to let her know I’m not coming back.

Regulus looks at Evan incredulously. “Seriously? The two of you are just going to quit your jobs on a whim?”

Pandora scoffed,. “It’s not a whim, Reggie. It’s a full European tour with a famous pop punk band.” Her eyes lit up. “Oh my god, I have to check out the tour schedule. Where are we going? Oh I hope we get to go to Paris!” She paused to spin around, as if imagining herself in the city already.

“The first stop is Madrid,” Dorcas informs them. Regulus doesn’t want to know why she knows that off hand.

Pandora gasps, eyes wide. “I have nothing to wear for a Spain trip,” she wails.

Dorcas rolled her eyes. “You have plenty to wear Pan, you literally turned your second bedroom into a walk in closet.”

“But I don’t have anything to wear while touring with the Marauders! I need an entire new wardrobe!” Pandora’s eyes narrowed onto Regulus, who felt very brave for not recoiling at the intensity of her gaze. “You don’t have anything to wear either.”

“I have plenty to wear, thank you,” Regulus says, offended.

Pandora glares, “You are not wearing dark jeans and a green sweater to a Marauders concert.”

Before Regulus could defend himself, Barty piped up, “Especially if you wanna impress James ‘the hunk’ Potter.” Barty smirks, looking proud of himself. James ‘the hunk’ Potter had been a name that Barty started, and repeated so often on social media that the Marauders’ fans had picked up on it, and it had become an affectionate nickname for the singer from his fanbase.

Regulus refuses to rise to the bait, not even bothering to turn towards Barty. “Well I don’t, so I guess my current wardrobe will be sufficient.”

Dorcas laughs, “Yeah, I’m sure you don’t care what Potter thinks about you. He’s only been your favorite topic for the past seven years.”

Regulus stiffens. He didn’t talk about Potter that much. “Because I hate him,” he reminds her.

“Yeah, seriously guys, ease up” Evan says, standing up. He walks towards Regulus and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We’re going on this tour to support Regulus, and help him get along with his brother again.” This doesn’t make anyone look apologetic, but Regulus appreciates the sentiment. But then Evan gives a wolfish grin, “And when Reg and Sirius are doing better, Reg can focus on pining after his brother’s best friend.” They all laugh.

Nevermind, Regulus hated his friends.

“I hate you all,” he says, pushing Evan’s hand off. Evan lets it go with a laugh.

“No you don’t,” Pandora says sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

“Yeah,” Barty agrees, fluttering his own eyelashes at Regulus too. “We’re too pretty to hate.”

Regulus glowered. “I hope our plane to Madrid crashes, and we all die in a fiery wreck,” he declares.

“Does that mean we’re going on the tour,” Dorcas says with a grin. The others lean in, awaiting Regulus’s decision. Regulus realizes that, although they had all agreed individually, they were letting Regulus have the final say in the matter.

Regulus glares at Dorcas, because he’s still angry. But he also remembers the look of hope on Sirius’s face when he thought Regulus might go on the tour with him. “Fine,” he says.

Pandora squeals, running to Regulus and wrapping her arms around his waist. Regulus holds himself stiff at first, but then allows himself to wrap his own arms around him. She whispers in his ear, “Now can we go shopping?”

Regulus rolls his eyes. “As soon as I talk to Sirius,” he promises. “I need to let him know we’re going, and ask about jobs for Barty and Evan.”

Pandora releases him immediately, “Call him now!” she demands, then darts off towards the front of the apartment. She digs through her bag and pulls out her phone. “I’ll start looking up shops!”

Regulus groans, and pulls out his own phone. He doesn’t particularly want to talk to Sirius, they had done quite enough of that earlier at therapy. He opts to text instead.

 

From: Regulus
To: mon frère agaçant
3:24pm

Would there be two jobs available for Barty and Evan? Something in crew or security.

 

From: mon frère agaçant
To: Regulus
3:25pm

Let me check.

3:27pm

Yeah, I can get them both into Security.

 

Regulus looks up from his phone. Barty, Evan, and Dorcas are at the table, heads gathered as they talk about the Marauders and the upcoming tour. “Does Security work?” Regulus asks.

Barty and Evan glance at each other. Evan shrugs. Barty says, “Sure.” And the three go back to gossiping about what songs they think the Marauder’s will be singing. Regulus is irritated to find they seem to know a lot of the Marauder’s discography already.

 

From: Regulus
To: mon frère agaçant
3:28pm

Okay

 

From: mon frère agaçant
To: Regulus
3:28pm

Okay???

Does that mean you’re coming???

 

From: Regulus
To: mon frère agaçant
3:29pm

Yes.

All five of us.

From: mon frère agaçant
To: Regulus
3:29pm

!!!!!!!!!!
OH MY GOD!
THIS IS GONNA BE AMAZING I PROMISE
I’M SO EXCITED!!!!!!
🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

 

From: Regulus
To: mon frère agaçant
3:29pm

Sirius. For both of our sakes. Lay off the emojis.

 

From: mon frère agaçant
To: Regulus
3:29pm

NEVER!!!
😎😎😎😎💩

3:30
The last one is because you’re a piece of shit (affectionate) <3
ALSO! We’re having a ‘going away’ party tomorrow night, at mine and the bands. Since it’s our last full day in town. You should come, bring your friends.

 

From: Regulus
To: mon frère agaçant
3:31pm

I’ll think about it

 

From: mon frère agaçant
To: Regulus
3:31pm

Does that mean yes?

 

From: Regulus
To: mon frère agaçant
3:32pm

It means I’ll think about it.

 

Regulus sets his phone down, ignoring the continued buzzing. He’s dealt with his brother enough for one day.

—-

 

Shopping with Pandora is equally interesting and exhausting. Regulus and Pandora both come from wealthy family lines, so money has never been an issue. They go to upscale shops together, and Pandora drags him around each one, demanding him to try on different outfits. Sometimes Regulus feels like a doll that Pandora is dressing up

Right now, Pandora is shopping for herself though. She rifles through stands, muttering to herself as she goes. She pulls out a light pink ruffled dress and considers it, before shaking her head.

Regulus frowns. “I liked that one, it’s very ‘you’.”

“It’s nice,” Pandora expressed, looking back at it longingly “But it’s not the right aesthetic for a pop punk concerts.”

“It’s not like we’ll just be going to concerts. It’s their first big tour, I’m sure there will be a party a night.

Pandora pauses, considering this. “I’m gonna need so many new outfits,” she says with a grin, and grabs the ruffled dress and throws it into her cart. She then looks back at Regulus, glancing up and down at him. “And so are you,”

And with that she’s off again, stalking the aisles. Regulus groans, but it’s half-hearted at best. If Regulus is going to be traveling with a band for a European tour, he’s gonna look damn good doing it.

“Here!” Pandora calls from the other side of the store. Regulus hurries over before Pandora keeps shouting across the store. She holds out a man's shirt and Regulus immediately shakes his head.

“It's literally see-through,” he argues.

“But tastefully!” Pandora explains.

The shirt is thin black mesh and the lower part of the shirt is covered in embroidered red flowers. It is tastefully done, Regulus thinks wryly.

“There's no way I'm getting that,” Regulus tells her.

“There's no way you're not getting this.” Pandora counters.

As always, Pandora is right.

__________________________-

 

The next night Regulus and his friends arrive at his brother’s house for the going away party in Dorcas’s SUV, and immediately Regulus wants to turn around and go home. The music pounding through the house is so loud that not only can they hear it from outside, Regulus is pretty sure the foundation is shaking.

In fact, he says as much to his friends. “Turn around,” he instructs. Dorcas just laughs, and parks the car. Pandora, Barty and Evan all pile out, and Regulus follows sullenly.

There are people loitering outside, smoking and laughing. Regulus and his friends ignore them, walking straight into the house. The inside is even worse, there are people everywhere, all in various stages of drunk or high, talking, chatting, laughing, grinding. The last applies only to a couple, who both seem rather inebriated. Someone else slaps the man on his back, saying a slurred, “Good one, Frank.” Regulus sneers, he isn’t sure what’s ‘good’ about it, given both ‘Frank’ and the girl are moving unrhythmically to the music. It’s hardly dancing as much as it is literal foreplay.

Regulus looks around, searching for Sirius’s familiar black hair. He spots him pretty easily, sitting on a ratty beige couch, and talking emphatically to a lean man with light brown hair, who nods occasionally, looking only slightly amused. Regulus recognizes him as the pianist of the Marauder’s, Remus Lupin.

Regulus turns the other direction, and announces to his group, “I’m going to get a drink”. He heads to the kitchen, not caring if any of his friends follow. He needs at least 5 drinks before he can be even somewhat okay with the amount of lights, noise and people in one household.

He pokes around the kitchen, ignoring the stacks and stacks of beer. He spies a large cocktail dispenser with some pink liquid with orange slices in it and makes a beeline. Typically he wouldn’t take a drink without knowing where it came from, but he trusted Sirius enough to not throw a party where someone would lace the drinks. He also trusted Sirius enough to know that whatever was in the jug would be very strong. After pouring himself a cup Regulus raises the drink to his lips but before he can take a sip, a voice calls out from behind him.

“Cosmopolitan. Good choice baby Black.”

James Potter. James Potter is standing in the doorway to the kitchen behind him. Regulus freezes for a second, then carefully lowers his cup. He takes a deep breath, turning to look at James with a bored look. “Go away, Potter,” he says, then walks forward, as if to walk past him.

James steps to the side slightly, so Regulus can’t get around him unless he shimmies between James and the doorway. Regulus doesn’t think he could do that and walk away with his dignity intact, so he remains in place, albeit reluctantly. James gives him an amused grin. “This is literally my house, you can’t tell me to go away.”

“I don’t care.”

This only serves to make James laugh, which infuriates Regulus. Potter says, “So, I hear you’re coming on tour with us?

“Leave me alone.”

“I’m just trying to make conversation! We’ll be stuck together for the next few months, we might as well get along.”

Regulus glares, “Leave. Me. Alone. Potter.” He ensures each word is enunciated carefully, so there is absolutely no confusion.

“Or what?” James says, grinning. Regulus hadn’t noticed before, but he’s swaying slightly, moving side to side in the doorway. It seems like he’s already had a few Cosmopolitans of his own.

“Or I’ll hang you by your toes, cut off your arms, and watch you bleed to death,” Regulus threatens, without a hint of emotion. He desperately wants to leave this conversation, he feels trapped in this small room, and he doesn’t know how long he can put up with a drunk Potter.

“Jesus” James says, eyes widening in shock. He steps to the side, almost reflexively. “Alright, fine. You win.”

Regulus smirks as we walks out. None of his friends fall for his intimidation tactics anymore, so he’s happy to see they still work on normal human beings. Not that James Potter is normal.

As he walks away though, he hears James say to himself, “Yeah, these next few months are gonna be interesting.” Regulus can’t help but agree.

Chapter Text

James Potter is having a great night. He’s in his house with all of his favorite people, and tomorrow he’s heading out on a European tour.

A tour. Just for them, the Marauders. They weren’t just an opener. People had bought tickets just to watch him (and Sirius, and Remus, and Peter) perform.

James had known, ever since the four friends had started banging together pots and pans in his parents garage, that they were gonna make it big someday. They had it. That special something. Maybe it was Sirius Black’s theatrical stage presence, as bassist and backup vocals. Or maybe it was their legendary drummer, Peter Pettigrew, who led audiences on an emotional journey with his drum solos. Or maybe it was their pianist, Remus Lupin, who’s fast fingers on the keyboard and casually confident appearance made women weep.

And of course, there was their lead singer’s charisma and charm, if James does say so himself.

It was all of that, and more. If you had told James all those years ago, that the four of them, the Marauders, would be here, with thousands of adoring fans, and sold out concerts? He would have shrugged, and said, “Yeah, of course we’re famous.”

What James wouldn’t know is how it felt. To hear people scream his name, to see an audience full of people, just waiting to hear his music.

All that to say, James Potter was having a great night.

So when he saw Sirius’s brother in the kitchen, the brother who Sirius had just recently started making amends with, who had grown up in the same shitty household as Sirius, who had never liked James for a reason James never understood, well, James decided there’s no time like the present.

But then Regulus, one of the most important people in Sirius’s life, had said to James, Or I’ll hang you by your toes, cut off your arms, and watch you bleed to death.

James had to hold back a full body shudder. Why did Regulus hate him so much? James had never done anything to him. Plus, Regulus and Sirius were working through their issues. What made James any different?

Needless to say, James was no longer feeling weightless. How was he meant to enjoy his tour, their tour, the tour they had been working on for years, when someone coming along had decided they were mortal enemies? Because that’s what it felt like dealing with Regulus sometimes. Like they were on opposite sides of a war. James just wished he knew what he was fighting for.

He must look as despondent as he feels, because as he makes his way back out to the rest of the party, a hand on the shoulder stops him. He turns to see his drummer, one of his best friends, Peter. Peter frowns at him. “Alright, James?”

James shakes his head, smiling at Peter, “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks Wormy.”

Peter looks unconvinced. “I saw baby Black come out the kitchen a moment ago,” Peter says, glancing towards the living room, where Regulus has entered, and started speaking to one of the people he came in with, the guy with dark brown hair. Peter leaves room for James to respond. When he doesn’t, Peter asks, “Did you talk to him?”

James grimaced. “Not really,” he admitted.

Peter sighed. “I can’t believe Sirius asked him to come on the tour without telling us first.” Seeing James about to interject, he continues quickly, “I get why he wants to bring Regulus, really. I’m glad they’re working through everything. Lord knows it’s time. But two days' notice isn’t a lot, especially not to prepare for Regulus Black.” Peter grimaces, and they both look back at the younger Black. The dark haired guy he’s talking with is laughing, and places a hand onto Regulus’s arm. Regulus doesn’t back away from the contact, if anything he moves into it. James frowns. Why is Regulus so unwilling to engage James in conversation, but will talk to this guy? Who is that guy anyway?

“Who is that guy anyway?”

Peter frowns. “Who? The guy with Regulus? I think that’s Barty. One of Regulus’s friends, coming on the tour with us.”

James frown deepens. Coming with them? So Reg intentionally wanted to spend time with this guy. James shook his. “Whatever. We have to at least tolerate them, for Padfoot’s sake.”

Peter shrugged, “Yeah. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’ll go say hi.” With that Peter darts away, weaving through the crowd. He pops up next to Regulus and ‘Barty’, and says something to them. Regulus responds. He doesn’t look happy, but he also doesn’t look angry. They talk back and forth for a minute, Barty interjecting every once in a while. James frowns. They’re having a conversation, he realizes.

Maybe it’s just him then? James realizes dejectedly. He’s the only one that Regulus hates. He turns away once he’s sure Pete’s not coming back. He glances around the room, taking in all of his friends (and even more strangers), all gathered together. It warms his heart to see them all having a good time. He scans the room for familiar faces. The two women that Regulus came in with are dancing energetically to the music. The other guy that Regulus came in with, not Barty, is standing off to the side, chatting with someone James vaguely recognizes from school. Benny? Benji? Something like that.

Finally, he spies Sirius sitting on the couch with Remus. Breathing out a sigh of relief, he walks over, and leans over to ask them both, “Wanna go out for a smoke?”

Remus grins. “Desperately,” he admits.

Sirius raises from the couch and waves a dismissive hand. "Eh, I think I saw Reggie, I’m gonna try and talk to him. You guys go on without me.”

Out of the Marauders, Moony was the one who smoked the most, almost a pack a day. Sirius had followed Remus’s example, taking up the habit because he thought it looked cool. James tended to smoke more socially, or if he was particularly stressed. Peter, the good lad, would only take a cigarette if he was drunk when someone offered it to him.

The duo head out to the front. The sun has set but in the full moon the front yard is still visible, with people scattered throughout, smoking or chatting. James knows he should be talking to people other than his bandmates, but right now he really just needs a smoke and a friend. They settle in front of the bushes, far enough away from anyone else they wouldn't be able to hear any conversation. James pulls out a cigarette box, taking out a single cig and sticking it in his mouth. He pulls out a black lighter with red spiderwebs, and first lights Remus's cigarette and then his own

They puff in silence for a bit. But the silence feels suffocating to James, so he asks, "How's your mum doing Moony?"

Remus sighs, and a puff of smoke escapes his mouth. James watches it twist and twirl in the air before dissipating into nothing. "Just a flare up," Remus says. "She's okay." He doesn't voice the rest of the sentence, ‘For now’.

Hope Lupin, Remus's only family after his father had left them, had been diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer 2 years ago. A month ago, the doctors informed her and Remus that it had progressed to stage 4. Terminal.

There was a week the Marauders weren't sure they would go on tour. Moony was a mess, and refused to leave his mother all alone. But one day, he came back from the hospital with dried tear stains and told his three bandmates that the tour was on.

He never explained, and the Marauders didn't push. Remus had always been private. But James secretly theorized that Remus had tried to tell Hope he was gonna call off the tour, and Hope reamed him out, giving him the classic Hope Lupin pep talk.

But then Remus had found out his mother's house nurse brought her back into the hospital 2 days before they were supposed to leave on tour, well. James wasn't sure if they'd still be leaving or not. But Remus came back from the hospital and started chatting to James about the setlist for the first show, so James had taken the hint and assumed the show was still on. He hadn't wanted to ask about Hope then, because it was obvious that Remus hadn't wanted to talk about it. But now James had had a few drinks, and he decided Remus shouldn't go away for months before talking about his mom with someone.

"How are you doing?" James hazards.

Remus throws the end of his cigarette on the floor and smashing it with his foot before immediately pulling out another. He takes a puff and breathes out a long sigh. "I'm not the one in the hospital right now," Remus murmurs.

James frowns. "No, but your mum is. You're allowed to feel upset about it."

Remus scoffs. "What, you want me to scream from the rooftops how unfair life is?"

James thinks that could actually be therapeutic, but based on Remus's current mood decides not to say so. He just shrugs, "If you want."

Remus rubs his eyes. "Well it is," he says. "It's unfair that my father left before I could get to know him. And it's unfair that my mum is dying and there's nothing I can do except go on this godforsaken tour."

James' heart aches for his friend. With both of his parents safe and loving, he didn't know exactly what Remus was going through. But he knew Remus was in pain, and if one Marauder is going through it, they all are. "There's still time," he offers, even though it hurts a part of him, a part of his soul. "We can still call it off if you wanna stay here with your mum."

Remus shakes his head and smiles slightly at James. "Thanks, but no. I promised mum." Remus's gaze becomes less focused as he continues, "Do you know what she said? When I told her I didn't think I could do the tour? She said she would never forgive me."

James brows furrow in concern, but there's still a fond smile on Remus's face. Remus says "She told me she would never forgive me for giving up this opportunity. She would be disappointed with me for the rest of her life." Remus laughs lightly, and his eyes are shining in the pale moonlight. "How was I supposed to refuse that?"

James smiles. "That Hope Lupin," he says fondly. "She really is something else." He's reached the end of his first cig, so replaces it with a second, and takes another long drag.

"Yeah," Remus agrees. "She is." Then Remus's gaze focuses in on James. "What about you?" He asks.

"What about me?" James asks with a frown. Remus doesn't respond, just pointedly eyes the lit cigarette in James mouth. "Nothing," James says, attempting a smile. "Guess I'm just nervous about heading out tomorrow. Our first concert is in just 3 days after all."

Remus hums lowly. "I've never know James Potter to get nervous a day in his life."

James lets out a laugh. "That's a lie and you know it," he says, pointing an accusing finger at Remus.

Remus shrugs. "Maybe." But he's still eyeing James. "But it's not just the tour is it?"

James sighs as he thinks back to his interaction with Regulus. He's not sure which part was worse, the anger or the indifference. "I don't know," James mumbles, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and rolling it between his fingers. Then, "Do you think I'm a bad person?"

Remus startles. "What? Prongs you are quite literally the best person I know." When James starts to shake his head, Remus pushes, "No seriously, you are kind to everyone, whether they deserve it or not. You're generous, and caring. Where did this come from? Did someone say something? Do I need to beat someone up?"

James laughs, batting a hand at Remus. "No, no, there's no need to defend my honor." The laughter fades though, and James feels a sour taste in his mouth. "I don't know, I mean, I know I talk too much. And I can be overbearing. I never leave well enough alone."

Remus's eyes soften. "You never leave well enough alone because you care so deeply. You want everyone to be as happy as you are."

"Am I?" James ponders. "Happy?"

Remus's eyes are full of concern, and opens his mouth to say something, when they're interrupted.

"Prongs! Get in here, they're gonna play our song!" Sirius is yelling out to the front yard, searching for James among the loitering smokers.

"James…" Remus says, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

James deftly dodges the touch, suddenly needing to get away from this conversation. "Well, duty calls," he says with a grin that he's sure doesn't reach his eyes. He stomps out his half smoked cig and quickly retreats to the front door.

"James," he hears again from behind him, but he ignores it.

Sirius brightens the moment he sees James, which in turn makes James grin. He reaches for a hug, and Sirius immediately embraces him like they haven't seen each other in years. James laughs, feeling lighter than ever in his familiar arms. Sirius pulls away, keeping an arm around James' shoulders. "Which song are they playing?"

Sirius grins, his hand tightening around the back of James neck comfortingly. "Our song" Sirius says again. James doesn’t think that quite narrows it down, given they have one album and a handful of singles out together. The music inside the house has been paused, but as soon as they enter, Sirius calls out to someone, “He’s here! You can play it now!”

The first few chords start to play, and James finally understands, “Ohh,” he says. “Our song.”

One night, the two of them hadn’t gotten pissed and started singing platitudes to each other. This was actually a common occurrence, but in this particular instance, Remus, who was also pissed, had said in a huff, “Just write a song about each other, why don’t you.” And really, Remus should have known better, because James and Sirius had just grinned at each other, and got to work. The co-wrote the lyrics, and worked on the chords together, and eventually came up with a Marauder’s single, “Partners in Crime”

The song is playing already, and everyone is watching Sirius and James, so they grin and put on a show. James hops up on the empty couch, and sings into an air microphone he makes with his own hands, “Casually chaotic, we are supersonic. Higher than the top of our dreams!”

Sirius jumps up next to him, and grabs James’s fake microphone “The well runs deep but to our love they can’t compete, You are the other half of me,” Sirius sings passionately, staring into James eyes, which just makes James laugh.

“More than best friends, more than brothers, we’ll show them what love is,” James sings back, leaning in as if to sing into the fake microphone that Sirius holds out for him.

The crowd is singing with them, and James feels like this is where he is meant to be. He’s just standing on top of a couch, but he feels like he's standing on stage singing to thousands of fans. Together, they sing “We are partners in crime! The greatest of all time.”

Peter pops up out of the crowd, and jumps up onto the couch with James and Sirius. “I can’t believe you were gonna serenade the crowd without me,” he says, loud over the music.

“Wormy!” James greets, hugging him. The next line is coming up, so James sings to Wormy, “I know you better than yourself, so put your worry on the shelf and cancel your afternoon lunch.”

Sirius is pouting, looking around the crowd. “Where’s Moony?” He asks. “We need him too!”

As if called by his name, Remus steps up onto the couch, “You left me outside by myself, remember?” he says wryly. Then, he sings in time with the song, “We’re going to fuck shit up!”

Sirius grins, unrepentant. The four of them sing through the rest of the song together, serenading each other and the other party goers. Halfway through the song, James notices Regulus Black in the crowd. But he’s not listening to the song, in fact, he’s walking outside.

But then Sirius is grabbing his hands and singing “We are a pair beyond compare, the Bonnie to my Clyde” and so James has to sing back to him, “So put on this mask, Let’s rob a bank!”

They finish out the song strong, and sing, even as the music peters out, “You are my partner in crime. We are the greatest of all time…”

After their impromptu performance, the Marauders are huffing and grinning at each other, drinking in the exhilaration of 'performing' in front of the crowd.

They eventually have to climb down from the couch, because everyone wants to talk to them. One aspect of being famous that James hadn’t been anticipating was the sheer amount of networking that had to be done. They had invited mostly friends to their going away party, but there were also some music executives and others that they had felt obligated to invite.

James is trying to get out of a conversation with a particularly boring exec when he spies the girls. Marlene McKinnon, the manager to the Marauders, is talking with Lily Evans and Mary Macdonald, who work on the Tech Crew for the band. The girls had all gone to school with the Marauders, so when the band was taking off, they decided to offer them jobs.

"Sorry man, I've gotta go talk to my manager real quick," James says, not sparing another look to the exec before darting off towards the girls. Slinging an arm around Lily, he gives a goofy grin to her, Mary and Marlene and says, "So, what did you think of our performance?"

"Sub par," Lily says immediately. Then with a smirk she follows up, "Oh sorry, did you mean the song?"

During their school years, James had been obsessed with Lily Evans. Her gorgeous hair, her whip-smart tongue and passionate speech had entranced him. He had been convinced they were meant to be, and had even started planning their wedding, much to Lily's chagrin. During Year 12, Lily had decided to give him a chance and they dated for a few months. It was at that point they both realized they worked better as friends. It had been hard, and James had cried for a week straight, but it worked out in the end, and now James was proud to call Lily a friend. Even when she teased him about his 'performance.'

He put a hand to his heart with a dramatic gasp. "How dare you insult my performance, I worked really hard for those three minutes."

This caused the girls to collapse in giggles. James figured they had already had a drink or three each to be that amused, but he'd take it. But then suddenly, Marlene turned her head up, pointing a stern finger, "What did I tell you about singing."

"Um," James says. "Many things?"

Marlene glares and huffs at him. "I told you," here she gestures towards the couch. "Not to strain your voice outside of rehearsals and concerts. Your vocal coach was very clear, you need to save your voices if you want to still be singing years down the line."

It was a very familiar speech, one he had heard from their vocal coach, and repeated by Marlene over email, text, and in person at the beginning of this party. James stroked his chin in thought, "Yes that does sound familiar."

Marlene swatted at him. But then she pulled in closer and whispered intently in his face, "Also, now that you're here, do you know who that gorgeous goddess is? The one with the braids." She pulled back only far enough to unsubtly peer behind James.

James' eyebrows rose. He turned around, and spied the woman Marlene was talking about. Standing next to a wall on the other side of the room was a tall woman, wearing a smart gray suit. Her natural hair had been pulled into large braids that framed her head. She was laughing at something the short blond woman next to her said. "She came in with Regulus, I think," James said, since that was all he knew about the woman. Regulus and Barty, James thought bitterly before pushing the thought away.

Marlene gasped, "Does that mean she's coming on tour with us? Is she Pandora or Dorcas?" James shrugged.

Mary and Lily snickered, and James had the feeling Marlene had been talking about this woman before he came over. Mary reached over to place a comforting hand on Marlene's back. "If she's coming on tour with us, maybe you should go and introduce yourself?" Mary suggests with a sly smile.

Marlene's eyes lit up. "Yes, I absolutely should. They were last minute additions, I want to make sure they feel welcome." With that, she weaved her way through the mingling party goers. James watched as Marlene approached the pair. The two (Pandora and Dorcas?) watch her approach warily. Marlene seemed to stutter her way through an introduction, which made the two other girls smile. They talk back and forth for a minute, until the blond woman excuses herself, walking outside of the house.

James turns back to Mary and Lily, who are equally interested in Marlene's antics, watching unashamedly. James laughed, "Well, it looks like there will be some drama during the tour."

Lily leans close to Mary and stage whispers, "My bet is they get together before the end of the night."

Mary narrows her eyes. "There’s going to be at least a week of pining first. Lesbians move fast, but not that fast.”

Lily’s eyes flicker with amusement. “You’re on. Five quid?”

James looks between the two girls. “You’re not seriously betting on your friend’s love life are you?” he asked, bemused.

“No, of course not,” Mary assured him, even as she reached out a hand towards Lily. Lily shook her hand, snickering, as they shook on the bet.

James shook his head in mock disappointment. “Ruthless, you lot are,” he says.

Lily shrugged unrepentantly, “I just want the 5 easy quid”.

The rest of the night passes by in flashes, as James goes around talking to everyone at the party. As the night turns past midnight, the crowd starts thinning out. Regulus and his friends all seem to have left, along with a lot of the professionals just there for networking.

James is nursing a beer, sitting on the couch with Sirius, Pete, and Remus. The four of them on one couch is a tight fit, but they don't mind, Sirius for one is laying over all of them in a relaxed pose. Sirius is near falling asleep, if the way his eyes keep falling closed is any indicator. Pete and Remus are talking in quiet voices, and James is simply drinking in the atmosphere, wondering if this is what the next few months will look like.

Marlene appears in front of them, face flushed, and hair mussed. James, with raised eyebrow, asks, "You're still here, McKinnon? Haven't seen you in hours, I assumed you left."

Marlene gave a sly grin. "I'm leaving now, actually." She says, eyes glancing towards the door.

James follows her gaze, and laughs when he sees the 'gorgeous goddess' that Marlene had been enamored with. She was standing next to the door, tapping her foot impatiently. She glows at Marlene's glance, but then glowers at James when he sees her looking. "Looks like Mary owes Lily five quid," he comments with a grin at Marlene.

Marlene just rolls her eyes and says, "I know what I want," with a shrug.

"What's her name then?"

Marlene opens her mouth to reply, then closes it with eyes wide in horror.

James just laughs again. "You forgot to ask, didn't you?"

Marlene scowls at him. "I just came over to tell you lot to get to bed already, it's late, and you have a long day ahead of you.”

Sirius, from where his head is lying in James lap, points out, “You have a long day ahead of you too.” Which was true enough, as the Marauder’s manager making sure everything was set for their first day on the road, and the next few days in Madrid was her job. Sirius twists his body around to look pointedly at the dark-skinned woman, still standing by the door. “And a long night too,” he tells Marlene with a joking leer.

Peter snorts, and lifts his hand up, which Sirius, sniggering, immediately attempts to slap in a high five, though he struggles from his lying down position.

Remus rolls his eyes, and lightly slaps Peter on the shoulder, “Don’t encourage him,” he scolds.

Pete shrugs. “It was funny,” he says, without remorse.

“I hate all of you,” Marlene says. “Go to sleep, and don’t you dare be late to the flight tomorrow.” With that she stalks off towards the door. She stops to murmur something to Regulus’s friend, and they walk out together.

James watches them leave with a slight smile on his face “They make a cute couple,” he remarks.

Sirius laughs, “They’ve known each other for a day, Prongs.”

James shrugs, only slightly abashed. “Still,” he says. “They seem happy.” He might say it a bit too longingly, because Remus gives him a look.

Rolling his eyes, Sirius says, “You’re such a romantic,” He sits up from his position, and inevitably makes everyone else shift to make room for him on the couch. He places a hand on his heart and sways dramatically from side to side, alternatively hitting into Remus or Peter. In a high pitched voice, which James assumes is meant to imitate his, he says, “Oh wow, would you look at that? Two people in love. It makes your heart sing, doesn’t it?” He sighs heavily, “If only I were in love like them.” He pretends to wail, burrowing his face in Remus’s shoulder. Remus, for his part, pats him reassuringly on the head.

James protests, “I do not sounds like that.” He doesn’t protest the rest because, well. He can’t exactly deny it. He had often called Lily the love of his life, and now it seemed like nothing else would live up to that. He had flings since then, of course, but it didn’t feel the same.

James had gone to Euphemia, crying that he was broken, and he would never be able to love again. She held him, rocking him back and forth as he sobbed into her. She murmured softly to him in Bangla, and told him that he was not broken, he simply had so much love in his heart, with nowhere to put it. One day he would find someone worthy of all that love.

James decided that day that he would give his love freely and openly, to his friends and family (not that he didn’t already do that, but now it was intentional), while he was waiting for his ‘someone worthy’.

That’s also when James realized he got his romantic tendencies from his mother. C’est la vie.

The boys bickered back and forth for a bit before Remus pushed himself off of the couch with a sigh. Sirius, whose head had still been laying on Remus’s shoulder, made a noise of protest. Remus smiles softly in response. “Need a smoke,” he says, by way of explanation.

Sirius jumps up, “I’ll come with!”

“I could use some air,” Pete says, rising.

“Well now I feel left out,” James complains.

Remus rolls his eyes, “You can come too, if you want,”

“But it’s cold out now!

Pete slings an arm around James’ shoulder. “It’s alright babe, c’mon out with us, I’ll keep you warm,” he says with a wink.

James smiles, cuddling up to Peter, “Thanks babe,” he croons.

“Oh, save it for the bedroom,” Sirius waves them off, grabbing Moony by the wrist and pulling him towards the back door. James and Peter follow, laughing.

This happens often, at the end of parties. The four of them huddled outside together. Remus, exhausted after talking to so many people, will go out for a smoke, Sirius will follow him like a lost puppy, and James and Peter will follow after them. For air, one of them will inevitably say. The truth is just that the four of them are inseparable. They work best as a group, and that tends to be their natural state. Bound by something greater, it feels like a law of the universe.

The Earth turns, and the Marauders stick together.

Out on the back door, they sit out on the porch, which is decorated with an outdoor table and chairs, along with a bunch of trash from the party. James wrinkles his nose, glad they hired a cleaning service to take care of the house after they leave for tour.

They talk and bicker while smoking. All of them bumming off Remus, who complains that it’s the last of his pack, but gives them nonetheless.

After taking a drag of his, Peter makes a face, then gives the rest of the cig to Remus. He leans back in his chair with a sigh. “Sometimes I wonder how I got here.”

Remus, frowning, asks, “How d’you mean Pete?”

“I mean, I’m just me, you know? The rest of you, you lot were born to be on stage,” James leans forward to speak, but Peter silences him with a look, saying, “Don’t you dare deny it, I’ve heard you and Sirius say that to each other repeatedly.” James slinked back, chagrined. Peter tilts his head considering. “But for me, It’s like I just kind of stumbled into it. I didn’t do anything to get here, and now people will notice I’m not meant to be here.”

“Well that’s bullshit,” Sirius says, with a scowl. “You are literally the best goddamn drummer in the world.”

Peter laughs, “Thanks Pads. I don’t know, it just feels like I’m faking it, you know?”

“Do you know about Imposter Syndrome?” Remus asks. Without waiting for a response, he continues, “It’s basically what you described. The feeling that you don’t belong somewhere, like you’re just acting your way through life.”

“Oh,” Peter says, deep in thought.

Remus smiles kindly, “I get it too. You just gotta remember it’s just in your own head. Everyone else thinks you belong.”

“Really?”

“Of course!” James says. “You’re our Petey bear. Honestly, we wouldn’t be here without you. You wrote the song that got us discovered, remember?”

Sirius makes a noise of agreement, “Space King,” he says, shaking his head. “Iconic,”

Pete smiles lightly. “I suppose it was pretty okay.”

“Pretty okay?” James demands. “Pete, Space King was top of the charts for weeks! Fucking amazing, it was.”

“We’re gonna go out on that stage in Miami,” Remus says, “And you’re gonna have fans chanting your name.”

Peter smirks, knowing it’s likely true. They’ve all seen the fan edits, thirst comments, and such, each of the boys had their own fan base. “We all will,” he says.

“Yeah we will,” Sirius agrees with a wolfy grin. “They’re bloody obsessed with us.”

“I can’t believe we’re finally here,” James says, looking up at the dark sky, speckled with shining stars. “We’ve been working so hard for this chance, and we’re finally here.”

Remus groans, “ I’m so worried I’m gonna choke on stage and fuck up the notes.”

“You won’t, because you’re literally perfect on the keyboard,” Peter tells him with a dry look. “I’m pretty sure you haven’t missed a note ever, even in practice. You could do this in your sleep.”

Remus smiled gratefully, but continued, “Yeah, but it’ll be different on stage, with thousands of people looking at us.”

“I think what we have to do is forget about all that.” James says. “When we’re up on stage, playing our songs, we can just pretend it’s the four of us fucking around in my parents garage, like old times.”

Remus considers this. “S’pose I could do that.”

“It feels like this is the start of something, doesn’t it?” Sirius asks, eyes aflame. “Like we’re at the precipice, all we gotta do is take the plunge.” He looks at each of them with a grin, “And no matter what happens, it’ll be fucking fantastic, 'cause we’re all together.”

“Yeah,” James replies with a grin, “I reckon we’ll be okay.”

Chapter Text

More than best friends, more than brothers

The words from the song James and Sirius sang at their going away party last night repeat in his mind, over and over. He had been trying to ignore it, but it was hard when sitting on the plane with nothing to do, watching James and Sirius casually chatting and laughing about everything. Neither of them are funny enough to be laughing that much, Regulus thinks, annoyed.

Still, it didn’t mean anything, he tried to tell himself.

But it did. It hurt, deeply, that Sirius could casually write a song about being closer to James than to his own brother. It felt cruel, and while his mind tried to tell him that Sirius likely hadn’t meant it to be cruel, it didn’t change the fact that he felt pissed off by it.

The flight to Madrid was longer than Regulus anticipated. Truthfully, this stemmed from his hatred of being stuck in enclosed places, but the company certainly did not help.

Regulus and his friends had needed to take two rideshares to get both themselves and their luggage to the private air station, and then had to wait for over an hour before the band arrived. Regulus heard McKinnon call them, many times, to rant about them being late. She did seem to be slightly soothed by Dorcas’s presence, as they murmured lowly to each other.

Then everyone had finally arrived, and settled onto the plane. Sirius and them were goofing around, being loud and annoying. Regulus typically would have taken comfort in his own friends, but they seemed to pick up on the same energy as the rest of the jet. Regulus had his laptop out, and had been planning to write, but was finding it quite difficult at the moment.

Rubbing at his eyes, he sighs in frustration. He closes his laptop, not wanting to waste the battery.

“Oh, are you finally done pretending to work?”

“Fuck off, Barty,” Regulus says evenly.

“Do you want some champagne,” Pandora asks, holding out a glass filled to the brim. Regulus accepts it eagerly. He had abstained earlier, as he liked to write with a clear head, but now that it seemed he wouldn’t be getting any work done, he was happy to partake. Pandora continues, “Can you believe we’re flying on a private jet? The kind of jet that just happens to have champagne lying around. It’s like a limo, but better.”

“God bless Reggie’s brother,” Evan says, raising his own glass in a mock toast.

Barty nods in agreement, raising his own glass “To Reggie’s smoking hot brother.”

“Jesus, Barty,” Regulus hisses, risking a glance towards where his brother was laughing with his band mates. “I swear to God if you try to flirt with my brother I will end you.”

“Aw, Reggie” Barty says, with a grin, “Don’t be jealous, I’m all yours baby.” He blows a kiss at Regulus.

Regulus narrows his eyes, “I’ll kill you and make it look like an accident.”

Barty fanned himself with his hand, “You know your death threats make me so hot and bothered babe.”

Reggie groans. If Regulus let him, Barty would keep going for the rest of the flight, and they both knew it. Regulus looked at Evan, imploringly.

Evan seemed to take the hint. “I can’t believe we lost Dorcas to the enemy,” he says, nodding to where Dorcas was sitting next to Marlene.

Barty easily followed the change in subject. “RIP to our fallen soldier,” he says solemnly.

“I think it’s sweet,” Pandora declares, swirling her glass before taking a sip of champagne.

“They barely know each other,” Regulus points out. He glances over at Dorcas, frowning.

“But they like each other. Why waste time?”

“They don’t even know anything about each other! What if McKinnon is a serial killer?”

“What if Dorcas is a serial killer?” Barty interjects, eyes wide in joking surprise.

“Shut up Barty,” Pandora and Regulus say in unison, before turning to glare at each other.

“Why are you so against the idea of love?” Pandora asks. She narrows her eyes at him, seemingly searching for the answer to her question.

Refusing to think deeper on the subject, Regulus immediately defends, “I’m not! I’m just saying I think it’s important to get to know each other before rushing into anything. You need to know what they like, what they dislike, their views on the world and everything first.”

Pandora frowns. She holds up a single finger. “First of all, they aren’t rushing into anything, it’s not like they’re official yet. They’re just spending time together because they enjoy each other's company. And second,” she says, holding up a second finger. “You can learn all of that stuff in a relationship too. That’s what a relationship is. You find someone that you like to spend time with, and you get to know them.”

Regulus rolls his eyes. Anytime he gets into an argument with Pandora, she turns it into a lecture. “Whatever,” he says, turning to look out the window.

“Aw,” Evan says, “You hurt his feelings Pans,”

Pandora laughs, “No, he’s just thinking about what I said. Isn’t that right, Regulus?” she asks cheerily.

Regulus scowls out the window, refusing to engage further. Unfortunately, this seems to be amusing to his friends, who laugh at his non-answer. “I have the worst friends,” Regulus complains to the window. His friends just laugh louder.

At one point during the flight, Regulus stands and walks past his brother and his friends to use the cramped jet bathroom. On his way back, Sirius stops him.

“Wait, Reggie,” he says.

Regulus can feel irritation in the back of his throat. “Regulus,” he says through gritted teeth.

Sirius rolls his eyes. “Sure, sure. How are you doing? I know you don’t like airplane rides much.” He turns to Remus, who he’s sitting next to, to say, “He’s always been claustrophobic.” Sirius’s band mates all nod in understanding.

Regulus grinds his teeth again. Of course Sirius would just tell everyone about Regulus’s fears, acting like it was no big deal.

“I’m doing fine,” he gets out, before swiftly walking away.

“Woah, okay, bye I guess,” Sirius calls out from behind him.

Was he seriously trying to act like everything is normal? Regulus sinks down into his seat, ignoring his friends.

Regulus didn’t know how he was going to make it through the actual tour, if this is how things are going before the first concert even starts.

Regulus and Sirius may have grew up in the same traumatizing home, but they came out of it as such different people.

Sirius had always been loud and proud, but a part of his reason for being so loud was to drown out any potential wrong-doings of Regulus’, so Regulus wouldn’t get in trouble. If Sirius was loud enough, he could keep his little brother safe.

Regulus knew this, maybe not at the time, but now. And where Sirius was loud to keep Regulus safe, Regulus was quiet to keep himself safe. Sirius even encouraged it, telling Regulus to be as quiet as possible, so mother and father had nothing to punish him for.

Regulus had managed to deconstruct most of the internal thought processes that his parents taught him, such as bigotry, but he still struggled to be anything but quiet, except around his friends.

One other thing that the Blacks had managed to nail into Regulus’s mind that he couldn’t shake off was the importance of family. And while Regulus barely considered his parents as family anymore, Sirius was his family. And so he was fiercely attached to him, even if he didn’t seem like it.

He thought there was an unspoken agreement between them, that even though they were so different, even though they fought constantly, there was still that bond that would last for life. A bond of keeping each other alive in that house, and tearing their way out together.

It’s why he agreed to family therapy, and it’s why he agreed to join the tour.

But maybe Sirius didn’t feel the same way.

Had the lyrics of the song not even occurred to Sirius when he was writing it? Or maybe Potter wrote it. Regulus glowered at the thought, and sent an extra glare Potter’s way. Potter, of course, was not looking, but laughing at something Peter said.

Either way, it didn’t matter.

Regulus turns his gaze to the jet window, and his hard gaze softens as he watches the clouds fly past.

Chapter Text

The tour doesn’t feel real to James until they touch down in Madrid the day before their first concert. The entire group - band, crew, brothers, and friends - are carted large black vans straight from the private air strip to the concert venue for a last minute rehearsal.

James can feel the energy buzzing in the air the moment he enters the venue. The large stage is at the center of the concert hall, with thousands of seats towering around it. It knocks James breath away. The sheer size of the empty space is overwhelming, and James can’t imagine filling it with their fans, their music, their presence.

James feels a nudge, and turns to see Sirius grinning at him. He grins back.

People in dark shirts are bustling around working on some last minute setup. Marlene guides them forward until she finds the venue manager. The tall brunette talks back and forth with Marlene for a few minutes before Marlene walks back towards the group, clapping her hands together.

“Alright,” She says, and James can tell she’s moved from her ‘friend’ persona to her ‘band manager’ persona. They had been so lucky to have Marlene as a friend when they were just starting out as a band. She had taken it upon herself to help the band with setting up new concerts, and figuring out logistics. When the boys had come to her with an offer as their band manager, she just raised a condescending eyebrow and said “It’s about time you started paying me.” It was only with her help they were able to grow their band so big.

“Evan, Barty,” Marlene says, pointing at each of the boys in turn. The boys had been whispering between each other, but they stand taller as they realized they are being addressed. “You guys will follow Linda here. Linda is the stage manager, and she’ll take you to Emmeline Vance, our Head of Security for the tour. You’ll follow Emmeline, and do whatever she tells you to.”

Evan and Barty both nod seriously, and await further instructions. Marlene waits a beat, staring at the two. “Go,” she says, pointing behind her. Evan hits Barty on the back, pushing him slightly forward, before darting forward. Barty scrambles behind him towards the stage manager.

Peter, behind James, huffs a laugh, but smothers it when Marlene whips her head to glare at him. “Peter, James, Sirius, Remus” She says, pointing each of them out in turn. “Follow behind them. You’re going to go backstage to the rehearsal room. Get started on some warm-up vocals. We want to do another run-through of “Howling at the Moon.” James winced. That was one of their newer songs, written by Remus about his mom’s illness. It was a very emotional song, but it was a bit tricky and they were still making mistakes on it. They would be creating a solemn mood, so interrupting that with a wrong chord would be unfortunate.

James, Remus, Sirius and Peter walk down the aisle, catching up with Barty, Evan, and Linda the stage manager. They don’t get to hear the rest of Marlene’s instructions, so James vaguely wonders what Lily and Mary would be doing as stage techs. He also wonders what Regulus, Dorcas and Pandora would be doing. Would they just be hanging out backstage? Or free to leave the venue, explore the city a little. James doesn’t have much time to wonder as they find the rehearsal space backstage. The room is soundproofed, so they can be as loud as they would like. Their instruments aren’t unpacked and set up yet, so all they can do for now is work on some of their warm-up vocal practices.

After a humming exercise, James turns to rest of the group, and says “We still on for drinks tonight?”

Sirius scoffs, pulling out his phone, “Of course, Prongsie-boy. It’s the best way to loosen up before tomorrow’s show. Shake out all that anxious energy.” He reinforces his point by physically shaking, as if he’s a wet dog shaking off water.

Remus rolls his eyes, then admits to James, “Typically I’d prefer to stay in and rest, but I have to admit ‘shaking it out’ does sound pretty nice.

“Personally I’m hoping for someone to ‘shake it out’ with,” Peter says with a grin.

James huffs a laugh, “Better find somewhere else to ‘shake it out,’ Marlene said it’s two to a room at the hotel, so you won’t have your own room.”

“Damn,” Pete swears with an exaggerated snap of his fingers in mock disappointment.

Sirius holds up his phone, “Found a nice club nearby. S’got a big cover fee, so it’s probably better security,” he offers.

“That sounds good,” Peter says. “We’d just need an uber to and from,”

“Do you reckon we should see if the others could come?” James asks.

Sirius scunges his brow, “Who, McKinnon, Lily and Mary? Yeah we can see if they want to come out with us.”

“How about your brother and them?” James asks before he could stop himself.

Sirius stills, before casually saying, “I don’t think clubs are exactly Regulus’s scene.”

James winces slightly. He knew things were still strained between the brothers, but whenever Regulus was around, James always wanted to keep him company. James thinks it stems from seeing the quiet boy peeking out from behind the banisters when James had been hurriedly smuggling an injured Sirius out of the Black House. Seeing the loneliness and heartbreak on Regulus’s face had struck a cord in James. He couldn’t do anything about it then, but once Reggie got out of his mother’s claws, James felt the need to check in with him constantly, to make sure he was doing alright.

James frowned. “We could at least invite them. I mean, the point of him coming along was to spend time with him, yeah?”

Sirius’s face looked troubled, but he shrugged. “Yeah sure, we can ask.”

Remus frowns at the solemn look on Sirius’s face. “It would be good if he came,” Remus says, catching Sirius’s eyes and offering him a gentle smile. “It would be good for you to spend time with him in a casual setting.”

Sirius sighs, “Yeah, of course. You’re right,” he says. But James can tell it’s not sincere, that Sirius is still holding back. He doesn’t push though, as Sirius doesn’t seem to want to talk about it.

“We should probably get back to our exercises,” James says. “Before Marlene comes in and curses us out for disobeying her direct orders.”

Peter sniggers. “Yes, we must obey our Queen,” he says, throwing up a hand in a faux salute.

Remus laughs, “Say that again, in front of Marlene. See what she needs.”

“No way,” Peter says with a scoff, “I don’t want to die.”

________________

After completing their exercises, Marlene pops in and drags them up onto the stage. The stagehands have been busy while the Marauders were backstage, setting up their equipment and instruments onto the stage.

“Okay,” Marlene says, “We’re going to practice ‘howling at the moon’. This will also help to get you used to the equipment and stage,” she says, emphasizing by stomping her boot on the stage. “She pointed to behind the curtains. “Back there Mary should be able to get you guys set up with your wires,” she says. “I want to do the run through with them too, so you can see what that feels like.”

James feels his body tingling. Everything feels so real now. Tomorrow, they’re going to perform on this huge stage, in this major concert hall. The only thing missing is the audience.

They find Mary behind the curtain, and as Marlene said, she sets each of them up with their microphone and headsets. She explains everything about how they work. The weight feels unnatural, but James figures that’s for the best, so he’ll remember it’s there while running around the stage.

They set up and get into positions. James is standing alone, facing the empty auditorium. Well, not completely empty. Towards the front, Regulus, Dorcas and Pandora are sitting in some of the seats, chatting with each other. Pandora is saying something passionately to Dorcas, and Regulus turns away, shaking his head. His face turns towards James, catching his stare.

It’s hard to tell from the distance, but it looks like Regulus tilts his head slightly, as if in confusion. James wonders what he’s thinking, what he thinks about their band, what he thinks about James.

“When she leaves,
she’ll leave me howling at the moon”

James isn’t used to people not liking him. He knows he can be a bit of a people pleaser at times, but it’s worth it if the people around him are happy. What could he do to make Regulus happy?

“JAMES!”

James startles, head turning to look at Sirius. With the speakers on, Sirius’s voice echoed throughout the entire hall. Sirius is standing with arms outstretched as if to say ‘what the fuck?’ James flushes, not sure what he did wrong. “What?” he asks, feeling defensive.

This just makes Sirius look more frustrated. “You missed your cue!”

“Oh,” James says. He thinks he can hear laughter from the audience, and winces at the thought of Regulus and his friends laughing at James’ mess-up. “Sorry,” he mutters apologetically.

Sirius sighs. “Whatever. Just pay attention next time.” Sirius makes a gesture at the man handling their sound, and they set up again to start from the beginning.

They run through the song, and James tries very hard to not think about Regulus in the audience.

__________________

After they finish up the song, working through a few last minute adjustments, the boys are finally set free for the day. They decide to head back to their hotel. Their luggage had already been sent to their hotel, and their rooms have already been assigned. They decide to all hang out in Sirius and James' room.

They shuffle into the room. It’s a large room with 2 Queen Beds and a separate ensuite. Sirius and James’ luggage is tucked neatly away into the corner. James strips his jacket off and throws it towards their luggage, but it falls on the ground in front instead.

Sirius laughs and then flops onto one of the beds. Remus groans. “Ugh, Pads at least take off your shoes before going on the bed.”

“This isn’t even your room!” Sirius defends, but he does sit up and pull his Docs off, throwing them towards the door.

Remus rolls his eyes, settling down on the same bed as Sirius. “Fine, sleep in your shoe dirt, I don’t care.”

“Oh don’t worry Moony,” Sirius says with a mischievous grin. “I’ll just make Prongs take this bed.”

“Oi,” James protests, but it’s half-hearted at best. He and Peter settle onto the other bed. Well, Peter settles down, James drops on top of him and is immediately pushed off. James sits up with his legs crossed, pouting.

Remus sighs and lies down the bed. Sirius immediately leans into him, pulling him into an awkward sideways hug.

Remus leans into Sirius and lets out a little sniffle.

“You okay Rem?” Pete asks gently.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Remus said, wiping at his eyes. “I know I wrote the song and I know I agreed to putting it on the album, it’s just hard to sing sometimes.”

“Hey, that’s totally fine Moony,” James assures him. “If we have to remove it from the set list we can absolutely do that.”

Remus shakes his head with a smile. “Thanks James. No, really, I’m fine to keep it in. Just gets me emotional sometimes.”

Sirius pretends to cover Remus’s ears and says conspiratorially to James and Peter, “Sounds like it’s that time of the month.” This was a joke they had developed after Remus’s nickname came to be. They thought it would be funny if people thought they were making a PMS joke, when they were really making a ‘werewolf’ joke.

In response, Remus elbows Sirius in the side. Sirius groans and grabs his side dramatically, curling away from Remus. “Ugh, Moons watch out with those elbows. They’re so sharp, you could kill a guy.”

Remus just smirks.

James knew that Sirius could tell Moony was uncomfortable, and was attempting to help change the subject. Sirius was always doing that, easily reading the room and doing his best to keep the peace. Unless he was upset of course, then any idea of peace was out the window.

After hanging out for a little while longer, Remus and Pete decide to head back to their own room, so they’ll have time to get ready for going out for the night. James calls Lily, to ask if she wants to come out with them, and the girls all agree.

Before they start to get ready themselves, James turns to Sirius. Sirius tenses like he can tell what’s coming. James plunges forward anyway. “So are you gonna invite Regulus?” he asks. Sirius is looking away. He doesn’t say anything. James continues softer, “Like Moony said, it’ll be good for the two of you to spend time together.“

Sirius sighs, looking down. “I know” he admits, then quieter, “What if he doesn’t want to come?”

“Oh mate,” James says sympathetically. He walks over to where Sirius is sitting on the other bed and sinks into the bed next to him and pulls him into a hug. Sirius lays his head on James’ shoulder, so James keeps hold of him, stroking his back reassuringly. “You can’t hold yourself at a distance just in case you might get rejected. That’s not fair to either of you,” he says gently.

Sirius mumbles into James shoulder, “It’ll hurt more if I try. Then I’ll know I did everything I could and it wasn’t enough.”

“Pads,” James says emphatically, “You are always enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone okay? Anyone who doesn’t love you is dumb, and I will physically fight them.” James says it as a joke, but they both know he would easily get into a fight for Sirius if he had to.

Sirius smiles faintly for a second, before it drops. Glumly he says, “He left the goodbye party early. Didn’t even say bye, just left.”

James sighs, because of course he did. Regulus couldn’t make this easy could he? “Okay yeah, maybe Regulus will say no tonight,” James admits. “But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to spend time with you. I mean, he decided to come on the tour with us. He didn’t have to do it, and I’m sure it’s messing with his typical writing schedule. But he came because he cares about you. You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to try.”

Sirius seems to shrink into himself instead of responding. Sirius is typically someone who can fill the room with his personality. But every once in a while around James he pulls into himself, turning small. James is filled with fondness for his friend, and his hug turns tighter. Sometimes, James wants to take Sirius away from anything that could hurt him, put him away high in a tower and protect him from the outside world. But he knows he can’t do that, so he does what he can, even if that’s just a hug in a time of need.

After a minute, Sirius pulls slightly out of James' grip to grab his phone from his jacket pocket. He pulls up Regulus’s contact and steels his breath. He leans into James and calls.

“Hey Reg,” he says. A warbled voice from the other side of the phone responds, but it’s too quiet for James to hear.

“Me and the others were gonna go out to a club for a bit tonight, I just wanted to see if you’d want to come with?”

The warbling comes again, and Sirius’s face falls. “Yeah” he says in an unaffected tone. “That’s totally fine. I’ll just see you tomorrow then.” After another noise from the phone, Sirius’s falters, “Uh, tomorrow? For our kick-off concert?” James can feel Sirius’s hand trembling. He carefully takes Sirius’s hand in his own. “Um, You don’t have to come, I was just thinking you would. You know, since we got you guys those backstage passes and everything.”

James heart drops as he realizes Regulus hadn’t even been planning on attending their first concert.

Sirius is still talking. “It’s- I mean I’d like it if you could come.” After listening to Regulus’s response he says, “Yeah, alright, think about it, that’s fine. Just let me know, yeah? Bye." Sirius pulls off the phone, ending the call and looking down.

James wonders if he shouldn’t have interfered after all. He had only succeeded in making Sirius even sadder. But then Sirius pulls himself up with a grin. “Well, at least now I won’t feel weird about grinding strangers while my brother’s there.” He opens one of his suitcases and digs through his clothes.

James feels whiplash from the change in mood.But he knows this means Sirius is done talking about it, so he decides to let it go, and follow Sirius’s energy. “We gotta get you looking hot,” he says, “If you’re trying to pull.”

Sirius turns to James and smirks “I always look hot.”

James looks Sirius up and down, with a cock of his eyebrow, he says suggestively, “Hell yeah you do.” Sirius just laughed in response.

Maybe they would still be okay, James reasoned, before he too rose up to get ready.

Chapter Text

Once they’ve gotten dressed up, Sirius and James head down to the hotel lobby, where they had plans to meet the others before heading out to the club. They passed other guests on their way, and Sirius could feel their gazes.

Sirius was used to being stared at. He was a Black after all, and if those genetics were good for anything, it was good looks. He knew he was hot, he had heard it enough growing up. So he gave them smiles, waves, just enough to keep their stares. All eyes on me, he thinks with a smirk, holding his head up high.

The others were waiting for them, in the grand lobby of the hotel. There were columns leading up to a high ceiling, and tucked in a corner behind a column were Remus, Peter, and the girls. Despite their enclosed area, there were plenty of people around the lobby giving them furtive looks.

Sirius and James walk towards them, but were stopped by a young brunette woman. She twirls her hair, looking Sirius up and down. Sirius was dressed for a club, wearing too-tight black jeans, a mesh crop top, with layers of necklaces over top, covered in his leather jacket. Sirius let her look for a moment before asking lowly, “Something we can do for you, sweetheart?”

She giggled slightly, before holding up her phone. “Do you think I could get a picture with you guys?” She asks shyly, though her posture stays confident. “My friends will never believe I met James Potter and Sirius Black.”

“Of course!” James answers with a grin. They pull in next to the woman, standing on either side of her. Sirius grins his signature wolfy grin at the phone’s camera.

After a moment she pulls her phone towards her, and the boys pull away. She gasps at the picture, “Oh this is perfect. Thank you.”

Sirius smiles, “No problem… What was your name again?” Sirius asked, holding out his hand.

The girl blushed. “Emma,” she said, reaching out to grasp Sirius’s hand.

“Well it was very nice to meet you,” Sirius pulls her hand towards his mouth, and lightly presses his lips to the back of her hand.

The girl gasps, and seems to freeze in place. Sirius smirks, he always counts it as a win when he can literally take someone’s breath away.

James huffs a small laugh. He puts his hand on Sirius’s shoulder and starts to drag him away. “Nice to meet you Emma. If you’ll excuse us, we’re keeping our friends waiting.”

Emma nods slowly, her eyes on her hand, which is still stretched out, as if she was still feeling the ghost of the kiss.

Peter was clapping when they approach, and Sirius offers him a short bow. Peter and Remus are sitting next to each other on armchairs, across from the girls on a couch.

Lily rolls her eyes, standing up. “Jesus Black, keep in your pants till we get to the club, yeah?”

“You know I won’t,” Sirius reminds her with a smirk, and she huffs a laugh.

“The uber should be here in a few minutes,” Remus announces, and Sirius immediately takes the opportunity to look at him. Remus is sitting in the armchair, with one leg crossed over the other. Remus tends to be more comfortable in sweaters, but on this occasion he seems to have dressed up, if only slightly. He’s wearing a pair of blue jeans, along with a grey henley that’s tight around his chest. Sirius desperately wishes for him to look up, to look at Sirius the way the girl did, with an almost hunger in her eyes.

But Remus is staring apathetically at his fingernails which, Sirius notes with a catch in his breath, are painted black. Sirius had always been obsessed with Remus’s fingers. Long and lithe as they danced around on the keyboard. Holding tight around a microphone. Sirius wonders what they’d look like wrapped around something else…

Peter interrupts Sirius’s (increasingly dirty) thought process. “Are we,” he starts. He’s looking at James, but risks a glance at Sirius. “Waiting on anyone else?”

Sirius feels a stab of irritation. If Regulus was coming wouldn’t Sirius have said himself? “No,” Sirius says in a bite, not waiting for James’ response, which would likely be more delicate. Sirius couldn’t handle the delicate tip toeing right now. God he needed a drink.

Marlene raises up from the couch as well, stretching her arms high so her cropped shirt shows even more of her skin. “Let’s go wait outside then,” she says, and starts walking away without waiting for the others.

The rest scramble to follow behind. When the UberXL arrives, they all squeeze in for the short drive to the club.

The rest of the night passes in flashes, arriving at the club, sitting on the cushioned armchairs in the VIP lounge area, dancing between writhing bodies to pounding music, and then James holding his hair while Sirius emptied his stomach into the hotel toilet.
___________________

In the morning, Sirius winces awake, registering pain as soon as he could register anything. His head is pounding, his stomach is cramped, and he feels generally unwell in every other part.

It certainly didn’t help that light was streaming through his eyelids. “Mheh,” he says, attempting to voice his displeasure. He waved a hand over his eyes, to shoo away the light.

“Shit, sorry,” he hears, and the light dissipates. He turns to his savior. Now that it’s dark he’s able to open his eyes and see James standing at the front of the room. “I was looking for the bathroom light,” James said, face scrounged up in apology.

“Why are you up?” Sirius mumbles, as loudly as he can, which it turns out, was not that loud.

James seems to hear him anyway. He lets out a light laugh. “Sirius, it’s almost noon. You should probably get up, we’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

Sirius’s eyes are wide now, and he shoots up in bed, despite the spinning in his head. “First Concert Day?” He asks, grinning. He can already feel the adrenaline pumping, as he thought ahead to the rest of the day.

“First Concert Day!” James confirms happily.

The boys hurried to get ready, and then met up with Remus and Pete to head over to the concert location. It was early, but since it was their first concert of the tour, there were a few extra things for them to work out.

They meet up with Marlene, who berates them for looking hungover. Somehow, Marlene never feels hangovers. She can drink as much as she wants, without any consequences. Sirius hates her for it.

Marlene leads them up to Emmeline, the Head of Security for the tour. Emmeline Vance was a short and stocky woman with dark hair. Emmeline shows them around the stage, pointing out different hazards for them to be aware of.

“You see this box here,” Emmaline asks, kicking lightly at the small black box that was built into the ground. There was a large hole in the center. “This is where the pyrotechnics come out.” She looks at them each as she says, “You need to stay at least 20 feet away from them when they’re lit.”

She’s pointing out the rest of the boxes along the stage when Mary appears from backstage. “There you guys are,” she says in relief. “When you have a second, I want to test out the mikes, make sure everything is working okay.”

“You’ll have them when I’m done,” Emmaline snaps. Her hands are on her wide hips, and she’s glaring at Mary.

Mary blinks in surprise. “Oh,” she says, and it takes her a moment to say anything else. “Yeah, of course, I didn’t mean to, uh, interrupt.”

“Well you did,” Emmaline says bluntly. “I’ll send them backstage after, you can wait there.”

It was one of the cleanest, “get lost”s that Sirius has ever heard. His mouth gaps in fascinated horror as Mary blushes bright red, and immediately turns back the way she came.

Emmeline narrows her eyes at each of the boys, as if daring them to say anything. When they don’t she explains, “This stuff is important. I’m not showing it to waste your time, I’m showing you so you don’t end up horribly injured. I’ve seen third degree burns from people people not taking this stuff seriously.”

The boys nod quickly. “Yes, no horrible injuries please,” Sirius says.

“That would be ideal,” Remus says.

Emmeline nods back in approval. “Good.” Her eyes glance back the way Mary had left. “What’s her name then?” Sirius can’t tell the expression on her face.

Sirius hesitates in telling her, not wanting to feel like he’s tattling, in case Emmeline is thinking about complaining. He must hesitate for two long, because James speaks up, “That’s Mary, she works with audio. She really didn’t mean anything by it, you know. She just wanted to let us know to meet with her afterwards.” Ah, James. Always the peacemaker.

Emmeline just hums lightly, and then continues pointing out different safety hazards on the stage to them.

After she’s done, they start to head backstage to Mary. As they walk down the steps though, Sirius remembers something. “You guys go on,” he says. “I wanna check in with Reggie,”

The others nod and continue to Mary. Sirius walks into a slightly secluded area. He taps at his phone, and shoots an email to Regulus that contains their tickets and VIP passes for the nights show. As soon as the email sends, Sirius calls Regulus. Putting the phone up to his ear, Sirius hears the phone ring. And ring. And ring.

No answer. Ah well. Sirius types some more on his phone.

To: Frérot
From: Sirius
2:28pm

Hey, just calling to let you know I sent your tickets and backstage passes to tonight’s show to your email. Just in case you change your mind about coming. It starts at 8pm but you can totally come earlier just to hang out if you want.

He pushes send before he allows himself to think too much about it. He waits a minute, staring at the screen. But there’s no response, so Sirius sighs, and puts his phone into his back pocket.

___________

8pm slowly inches closer and closer. After talking to Mary, they figure out a few other logistics, but by 6 Marlene tells them to take a break and rest until the concert. The boys go very willingly to their dressing room to hang out until the concert.

The dressing room is very large, with a row of vanities against the far wall. There are a few changing room dividers, to give the semblance of privacy. The boys had actually pushed these off to the side for more room. They had grown up together, they had no need for privacy.

At the front of the room is an entry hall, with deep red chairs and couches. The boys are settled here for now.

James is hanging upside down from a couch, while Peter and Remus, sitting on opposite sides of the couch, chat over him.

Sirius is sitting on one of the armchairs next to the couch. He's on his phone, looking through his texts. Maybe he missed something? No nothing. Refreshing. Still nothing. With a large sigh, Sirius puts his phone away in his pocket.

James, still upside down, asks, "All good, Pads?"

"Yeah, fine," Pads says distractedly.

"Oh I was thinking it’d be cool to see Regulus and his friends before we get on stage. Are they gonna be backstage, or in the audience?" Peter asks.

Sirius feels his hands tighten into fist. "How the fuck would I know?" There's anger in his voice, and he speaks louder than he meant to, but he can't find it in himself to care. Peter shirks back and James contorts himself so he's sitting upright, and Remus faces him with an equally worried face.

"Did something happen Sirius?" Remus asks tentatively, as if anticipating an explosion, and wanting to sidestep any landmine.

This just makes Sirius angrier. "No, actually," he snaps. "Nothing happened." Sirius suddenly needs to stand up, so he does. Anger and sadness are swirling inside him in an ugly tornado. He has too much anxious energy, and he has to get it out somehow. "I'm going for a walk."

James stands up from the couch. "I can come too,"

"No," Sirius says firmly, and it sounds much harsher out loud than he intended. He sees the slight flinch on James face, just a twinge of his cheek, and Sirius feels immediately guilty. He knows it's not their fault, he knows he's taking it out on them, but there is just so much anger pacing through his veins. He has to get out of here.

Sirius leaves abruptly. He doesn't have a specific destination, so he ends up pacing the halls. He steps into a small alcove, and rings Regulus again. No answer.

With a huff, he continues his walk, passing by a few other people in black shirts. Some start to wave, but then see the look on his face and turn away. Good Sirius thinks vindictively. Be scared of me.

That's when he sees two of Regulus's friends, the ones working in Security, Barty and Evan, he thinks. Barty is standing facing away from Sirius, and Evan is leaning against the wall, laughing at something Barty said.

Sirius stalks up to them. "Hey," he says sharply.

Barty startles, twirling around with wide eyes. He relaxes when he sees Sirius. "Oh," he says with a roll of his eyes, "It's just you."

Sirius is steaming. "Where is he." He demands, evenly.

"He?" Evan asks. "You mean Regulus?"

"How should we know," Barty says, leaning into the chair now. "We're not his keepers," he says with an ugly grin.

Sirius narrows his eyes, and approaches closer. Barty raises his hands as if in surrender. "Look, if you wanna know where he is, maybe you should call him or something?"

Sirius seethes. "I would," he says dangerously, "If he'd fucking answer me."

"Ah," Barty says, with a slight grimace, before changing tactics "Well. That's his prerogative. He doesn't have to answer you if he doesn't want to,"

Sirius gets close enough and grabs the front of Barty's shirt with his left hand, bunching it together and pulling up. "Where. Is. He." Sirius asks, eyes ablaze.

Barty shrugs, as if unaffected by Sirius's nonverbal threat. "I wouldn't tell you, even if I knew."

Sirius pulls his right arm back. He feels a sick kind of satisfaction that Barty's refusal to answer will allow him to resort to violence. He needs an outlet for the anger he's feeling.

Which is why he's almost disappointed when Evan answers, "Jesus, He's just at the hotel with Dora and Dorcas," he says, with concerned eyes. "Now let him go."

Sirius allows his right arm to fall, but he is still holding onto Barty's shirt.

Barty turns awkwardly, "Evan!" He says, almost scolding.

Evan shrugs unrepentant. "He was gonna beat you up," he defends.

Barty scoffs. "I could've taken him."

Evan just levels him a look.

"I could have!" Barty says, then turns back to Sirius and raises both hands in a fighting form. "C'mon let's go," he says, moving his fists around.

"Don't ask him to fight!" Evan says, scandalized.

Barty opens his mouth to respond, but Sirius shakes his hand, still wrapped in Barty's shirt, to get his attention. "Is he coming to the show?" Sirius asks. The anger has faded from his voice, and now he just sounds tired.

Barty drops his fists, looking vaguely guilty. He feigns nonchalance, "Nah, I think they were just gonna hang out at the hotel, get some writing done."

Sirius releases his hold on Barty's shirt, and Barty immediately goes to fix it, smoothing his hands over the black fabric. Sirius sighs. "Right," he says. "Whatever."

Sirius walks away, feeling guilty and upset. His anger had dissipated, and had left uncertainty in its wake. He heads back to the dressing room, head bent in thought. Was it really such a big deal that his brother wasn't coming to the first concert of the tour? Sirius knew concerts weren't really his scene. Too loud, too many people. Maybe Sirius had overreacted.

He enters the room, the gentle discussion he had heard through the doorway immediately drops to silence. James is giving him a challenging look, Remus is looking down, and Pete's eyes flick between Sirius and the others, while he winces at the tense atmosphere. Sirius clears his throat, before settling back into his spot on the armchair. It’s still quiet. Sirius knows that they’re waiting for him to say something, to know what kind of mood he’s in before interacting with him. He hates it, but he’s too tired to be angry now. “Ran into Barty and Evan just now,” he says, his voice disinterested. “Reg wasn’t feeling great, can’t make it to the show tonight.”

“What?” Peter says, wrinkling his nose “Really?”

“It’s too bad that he can’t make it for the first concert,” Remus says, now looking directly at Sirius. Sometimes it feels like Remus speaks for him, like he reads his mind and speaks his thoughts aloud. It’s as if he’s saying, I know how you feel. And it’s okay.

But maybe Sirius is overthinking it. Sirius shrugs jerkily. “It‘s whatever.” he says. He doesn’t know what else to say, so he doesn’t say anything. Thankfully, the other’s follow his queue and drop the conversation.

James and Peter pick up a conversation about what the plans for tonight are, after the show. Sirius lets the conversation roll around him. His brain is buzzing too loud for anything else to get through.

Sirius stands up again, feeling too antsy to sit for long. He walks over to the other side of the room, where Peter and James' conversation is just murmuring behind him. He grabs the bag he packed for the concert and bends down, digging through it. He pushes aside the sweats he brought for after the show, his pencil black eyeliner - that’s getting low, he’ll have to get a new one soon - until his hands hit smooth glass. Jackpot.

He feels Moony’s presence behind him before he hears him. “Sirius?” Remus says, quietly.

Sirius turns around, looking up at Remus towering over him. He doesn’t know how else to react to this, so he pulls out the bottle of Jack Daniels he found, and unscrews the top to take a swig. He watches as Remus’s face turns to one of distaste. “Really? You’re getting drunk before the show?”

Sirius scoffs, raising up from the floor. “First of all,” he says, standing a step too close to Remus, “A sip isn’t gonna get me drunk. And second,” he pauses moving his face closer to Moony with a showy grin, “All rockstars get drunk for their concerts, it’s practically law.” Sirius takes another sip, then offers the bottle out to Remus, “Wanna try?”

Remus just raises a disbelieving eyebrow.

“Oh c’mon Moony.” Sirius asks huskily, “Don’t you want to be a rockstar?” looking up at Remus through thick eyelashes. Remus’s eyes darken. It’s a challenge, and they both know it. Electricity sparks the air between them.

He sees Remus’s eyes flick between Sirius and the bottle in his hand, his mouth set in a hard frown, that Sirius knows just means he’s thinking. He shouldn’t think so much, so Sirius pushes the bottle into Remus’s hands. “Go on then,” he says with a teasing lilt. Their eyes meet. “Drink up.” That’s all Remus needs to bring the bottle to his lips. Sirius watches as he puts his lips around the bottleneck, watches his throat bulge as he swallows. Sirius feels warm, from more than the whiskey.

“Ooh, are we having pre-show drinks? Let me have some!” Sirius isn’t sure if he’s relieved or annoyed in this moment, but either way the moment has broken. James reaches out with grabby hands, and Remus hands the bottle over obediently, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. James immediately takes a sip. “Thank fuck,” he says with a groan. “Wormy?” he offers the bottle out to Pete, who had walked up behind him.

Wormtail takes the bottle thankfully, taking a sip. “I am so anxious right now,” he admits, quickly taking a second sip.

“Ugh, I know,” Remus agrees. “I’m fucking terrified.”

“Nuh uh” Sirius says, determinedly, sneaking the bottle back from Wormy. “None of that.”

Remus snorts. “Yeah all right, I’ll just switch off the anxiety button in my brain.”

Sirius ignores him, “Seriously,” he says, and is proud that he only snickers on the inside. “We’ve been practicing for this moment. We’re gonna rock the fuck out of that stage.”

“Yeah!” James agrees spiritedly. “We talked about this. We’re gonna go out on that stage and make some music. Nothing else matters. It’s just the four of us making music, like always.”

Pete shrugs, “Yeah alright, lets fuck the stage, or whatever Sirius said.”

“That’s the spirit!” Sirius says, slapping Pete on the back.

James takes out his phone. “It’s Marlene,” he explains, reading the text from the illuminated screen, “She says to start getting ready.”

“Alright boys,” Sirius says with a grin, slapping his thighs, “Showtime,”

They all got dressed into their first outfits for the night, and then their hair and makeup team came in and put on their finishing touches.

Sirius scoffs as the woman carefully applying his makeup finishes his eyeliner. “Come on, it can be more dramatic than that.”

James throws a makeup wipe at him. “Don’t be a bitch,” he scolds. “Say please.”

Sirius looks up at the woman doing his makeup, who is rolling her eyes at their antics. He pouts and puts on his best bedroom eyes. “Please,” he says, in a sultry voice.

She sighs and brings the eyeliner pencil back up to his face, but there is some pinkness in her cheeks that makes Sirius feel triumphant.

Just as the hair and makeup team is leaving, Marlene walks in, a clipboard in her hand, hair pulled into a loose ponytail with flyaways all around. “All done?” She asks, casting a judging glance at each of them. “Good, good. We’ve got to get you up to the stage now.”

Sirius’s heart leaps. “It’s time?” He asks eagerly.

Marlene nods, “5 minutes to” she confirms, and ushers them out of the room and down the hall. They pass by some other workers dressed up in black, who are all running around with last minute tasks. Everything is starting to feel so real.

“Someone pinch me,” Sirius murmurs, “I think I’m dreaming.” He feels a sharp pinch on his arm, and pulls it away, stopping in his tracks to scowl behind him. “Ow!” he says, but it’s more of an accusation than a genuine reaction.

“Sorry,” Peter says with a shrug, looking very not-sorry. Sirius narrows his eyes, he eyes Peter’s arms, deciding the best way to strike back.

“Quit it!” Marlene snaps, grabbing Sirius’s arm and pulling him along until they reach the area directly behind the stage. “2 minutes,” she warns.

“This is it lads,” James says, in the tone that means he’s getting ready for a big speech. Sirius, Remus, and Peter all turn towards him, obediently. “This is the first concert of our first tour since we’ve made the top 10 charts. There are more people waiting in that concert hall then we will ever meet in our lives. This is our chance to show those people what the Marauders are made of. This moment will make or break us.”

Remus winces, “Don’t say that,” he whines. “That’s so much pressure.”

James puts a hand on the back of Remus’s neck, holding tightly in a comforting gesture. “This moment will make us,” he promises, looking each of them in the eye. “We are going out on that stage, and we are going to rock our fucking hearts out. These are our songs, and we know them like the back of our hands. So we are going to go out there, and share our songs with the world. We’ve already won lads, all those people are here because they want to see us. So we’re just going to make some music and have some fun.”

Peter wipes a fake tear from his eyes, “Beautiful, just beautiful, Prongs.”

Sirius claps, “Utterly awe-inspiring,” he agrees.

James rolls his eyes. “Fuck off twats.”

“30 seconds,” Marlene says, and the smiles fall from the boys faces as they take their cue.

“Just us,” Remus says, taking a deep breath. “In Effie and Monty’s garage.”

“Just us,” Sirius echoes. And then they receive their cue. The boys run out onto the stage.

Sirius can barely see the audience at first, with the lights shining in his eyes. But the screaming starts as soon as the band appears on the stage, and doesn’t drop for a few minutes. It gives Sirius’s eyes time to adjust, and he can finally see all of the people, standing in front of their chairs, screaming for him and his friends. Sirius’s heart feels full. This is it. This is what he was made for.

And then they start to sing.

Chapter Text

Regulus checks the time on his phone. It’s the same as when he last checked it, 30 seconds ago. He sighs, and falls back onto his bed in his hotel room.

“They’ll have started by now, I reckon,” Dorcas comments from where she’s sitting next to Pandora on the opposite bed. It was technically Barty and Evan’s (who had insisted they were fine with sharing) but when Regulus had said he wasn’t going to the concert, and that he just wanted to be alone, the girls had agreed, and then immediately followed him back to his room.

Pandora hummed in response. “I heard the concert is being streamed live on cable. We could try and find it on the TV?”

“Better not,” Regulus mutters, staring at the blank ceiling. They should start painting ceilings, to give you something to look at when you’re laying in bed, unable to fall asleep. Regulus briefly wonders if Michaelangelo painted the ceiling in his own house, or just the Sistine Chapel.

“You know,” Dorcas says, casually, “I did think that part of going on tour with a band would include attending their concerts. Maybe that was silly of me.”

“You’re more than welcome to go and see your girlfriend,” Regulus snipes. “I gave you your ticket already.”

Dorcas sighs. “That’s not what I meant. And not my girlfriend. I think.”

“What Dorc meant,” Pandora asserts, hoping off of the other bed and sitting down next Regulus on his, “Is that we’re not going to abandon you in your time of need, no matter how stupid you’re being.” She finishes her sentence with a pat on Regulus’s calf.

Regulus holds his head up to scowl at her before dropping it onto his pillow again. “I’m not in need,” he denies, “and I’m not being stupid. I am simply unable to attend the concert because I need to focus on my writing.”

Regulus’s assertion sits in the air of the hotel room for a minute. Regulus, still lying down and most definitely not working on his writing, steadily ignores the looks that he knows Pandora and Dorcas must be throwing him.

“Speaking as your editor,” Dorcas says, “That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”

Regulus groans, slinging an arm over his eyes, reveling in the darkness. He can’t handle the scrutiny so he does what he’s best at and deflects. “Why don’t we talk about you and your maybe relationship with the manager of brother’s band, huh?”

“I’m always more than happy to talk about my feelings,” Dorcas says, and he can hear the shrug in her voice. “But we can do that anytime. Right now, your brother is playing the first concert of his first international tour. And instead of attending in support, we’re camped out in a hotel room.”

It’s the truth, but it still stings. “Can you at least pretend to be on my side?” he complains.

“Reg, we are on your side,” Pandora says in a soothing voice. “That’s why we’re so worried about you. But we can’t help if you don’t tell us what’s wrong.”

Regulus sighs. He keeps his arm up, covering his eyes. It makes it easier to talk when he doesn’t have to look at anyone. “I just - I don’t know if I could handle it.”

“Why not?” Dorcas asks.

Regulus takes a moment to formulate his response. The girls wait patiently in the silence until Regulus says, “I’ve never listened to any of his music before,” he admits. “Even if it’s playing on the radio or in public, I’ll change the station, put on my headphones, whatever I can do.”

“Okay,” Pandora says, and Regulus can hear the frown in her voice, not disapproving exactly, mostly confused, as if she was waiting for more information before she could feel a certain way.

“I don’t know what would be worse,” Regulus admits, voice thick. If his arm wasn’t pressing into his eyes, he knows they would be tearing up, betraying him. “If he wrote a song about me, or if he didn’t.”

“Oh Reg, love,” Dorcas says softly. She moves over to his bed now as well, on the other side of him as Pandora, so he’s lying down between them.

“If he started playing a song about how fucked up his family is, I’d get it. They are fucked up, and they fucked us up. But what if he wrote about his shitty little brother, who choose to stay in the fucked up family, with their prejudiced ideology? When he left he tried to bring me with him, but I refused. What if he wrote a song about that, about how he hates me, because I’m just like our parents?” Regulus takes a deep breath. “But still, maybe that would be better than him not writing a single song, not making a single reference to me. What if I mean so little to him, I’m not even worth writing about? It’s just easier, if I don’t know.”

The two girls are silent for a moment. Pandora lays down beside him, taking his hand in her own and tracing patterns across it. “First of all,” she says sternly, “You are nothing like your parents. So throw that thought away, because even if Sirius thinks it or says it, it is not true. Second, we know how tough it was for you to escape your family. You weren’t ready when Sirius asked you, and that’s okay. When you were ready, you did get out, all on your own. That’s what matters.” She pauses for a moment, but when Regulus doesn’t respond she continues. “And third, if you’re worried about it, you could always ask me and Dorc if Sirius has any songs about you.”

Regulus’s breath catches. Steeling himself, he removes his arm from over his eyes, blinking at the sudden brightness. He sits up, legs criss-crossed, and Pandora follows suit. Childishly, he wishes he had a stuffed animal to hold onto. “So,” he says, hands smoothing out the creases in his pants, “does my brother have any songs about me?”

“Well,” Dorcas says, “It’s not always that easy to tell what a song is about, because a lot of them use metaphors. And we have to look only at songs that Sirius himself has written. But there is at least one song completely about you, and then a few others with references to you or your family.”

“Completely about me?” Regulus asks, heart pounding. It’s too much, it’s not enough. How can one song encompass the complex relationship between the black brothers?

“Yep,” Dorcas confirms. “There might be more than that, but there’s a lot of discussion online about what some of the songs are about.”

“Do you want to listen to the song now?” Pandora offers.

“No,” Regulus says, shaking his head vehemently. “But can I ask… what’s the name of the song.” Regulus sees Pandora and Dorcas glance at each other, and his heart sinks. “Or not,” he says quickly, “you don’t have to tell me.”

“No, it’s okay,” Dorcas says. “It’s just called Little Star.”

Regulus doesn’t reply, just sighs and falls deeper into the bed, letting the girls envelope him in their embrace.

________________

The next morning, Regulus and his friends go down to the hotel restaurant for a mid-morning brunch. They had stayed up late together in the boy’s room, once Barty and Evan were back from their work at the concert, they had all hung out before the girls headed off to their room.

The restaurant had a buffet style breakfast, so all five of them went through and got their own breakfast before sitting down at a table together.

About halfway through their breakfast, they hear a big ruckus happening outside of the restaurant. The noise gets closer and closer until they can see the band members walking inside. Sirius has his shoulders humped over, with stringy hair and sunglasses on, all in a way that suggests he’s hungover from the night before. James and the others look in a similar state of disrepair

Regulus resolutely turns away. He wasn’t prepared, hadn’t expected to see Sirius. He’d been thinking the band would sleep in later, since they were likely up till all hours of the night. But no, here they were, and Regulus was not prepared.

The commotion dies down a bit as the Marauders get their food and settle at a table, but there is still an electrifying energy in the room, as everyone is hyper aware of the presence of the celebrities in the room.Regulus doesn’t know how the band does it. It would drive him crazy. It does drive him crazy, and he’s not even the subject of it.

Regulus finishes his food in silence, as his friends seem to pick up on the tension in his mood. When Regulus is about to stand up and leave, friends be damned, a shadow crosses over the table.

“Hey little brother,” Sirius says as he towers over them. He’s smiling, but in the way a dog would when he’s baring his teeth. “Have a good night? Get a lot of writing done, did you?”

“It was fine,” Regulus says cautiously. His eyes dart to the exit of the restaurant.

Sirius puts a hand down aggressively on the table, making the contents rattle. Barty protests “my coffee!” when the shaking makes it spill over the top. No one responds, though Evan hands him a napkin.

“Aren’t you going to ask me how my night was?” Sirius says, still baring his teeth in a smile.

Regulus eyes the sunglasses on Sirius’s head, and the bags under his eyes. “Looks like you had a good night,” he says pointedly.

Sirius scowls now. “Look, if you’re gonna be a little bitch -” He cuts himself off as a flash blinds Regulus’s eyes momentarily. They both look over to a see a young woman with her phone up, looking startled. Regulus figures she didn’t realize her flash was on. Once she realizes she’s got their attention though, she blushes, and gives a shy wave.

Sirius’s demanor immediately adjusts. He raises himself up, and gives the woman a cheeky grin and a wink. The woman makes a gasping laughing noise.

Sirius turns back to Regulus, but then backs away from the table. “Whatever. There’s another concert tonight. Come, or don’t. I don’t care .” He turns around and walks back to his table where the remaining Marauders aren’t even pretending like they didn’t watch the entire interaction.

 

I don’t care.

Regulus scowls and stands up. Dorcas quickly finishes the last bite of her muffin, Barty downs his coffee, as all of his friends stand up with him.

He leads them away, out of the restaurant, not looking back at Sirius’s table. Was Sirius looking back at Regulus as they left? Regulus didnt’ want to know the answer to that question.

The five friends collectively decide to head back to the room back to the boys hotel room for now, before deciding what to do for the day.

“I need to write” Dorcas groans as she leans back on Regulus’s bed.

“You can write when you’re dead,” Barty tells her from where he’s sitting next to Evan on their bed. “We should go mini-golfing before Ev and I need to head to the venue for the next concert.”

“You want to go out in the sun? It’s supposed to be hot today,” Regulus says wrinkling his nose.

Barty rolls his eyes. “If anything, you could use some sun, you’re pale as fuck.”

Regulus scowls at him, but can’t argue, because it’s true. He reflexively looks at his alabaster arms

“How about the hotel pool?” Evan suggests lazily. “It’s outdoors, but we’ll be cool from the water.

Pandora beams at her brother and claps her hands. “I think that’s an excellent idea!”

“I guess I can write later,” Dorcas agrees reluctantly.

“Fine, but we have to go minigolfing at some point.”

Regulus sighs. “Okay, but I need another coffee first.”

________

In the end, none of his friends opted to accompany him to the hotel self serve coffee bar. Regulus should have seen this as an omen, but he was secretly relieved. As much as he loved his friends (though he’d only admit that if he were being tortured) he could use the alone time. Constantly having to spend all day with people, and then go back to his hotel room and spend all night with people was draining him. The constant travel didn’t help.

As he stood in line at the coffee bar, Regulus was beginning to wonder why he decided to come in the first place. Their therapist, McGonagall, she had made it seem like this was the perfect solution to all of their problems. But here he was, still having problems. And it’s not like Sirius wanted him here either, he had made that abundantly clear.

Regulus was about to look up the cost of flights back home when someone joined the line behind him.

“Hey,” the person said, and Regulus wanted to scream.

“Jesus Christ,” he groaned, turning around quickly enough to see the offended look on James Potter’s face. Good, he should be offended. “What the fuck do you want.”

Potter is wearing a hat and sunglasses, in what Regulus assumes is supposed to act as a mask. He thinks it’s ridiculous though, anyone could look at that man and see right away that it was James Potter, superstar. Potter raises his arms in surrender, “I just said hi,” he defends.

“Okay. Bye,” Regulus dismisses and turns around. The line had moved up while he was distracted so he takes a step forward.

He can hear Potter take a step forward behind him. There’s a blessed moment of silence, and then, “So.”

Regulus groans again. He looks over his shoulder at Potter. “Look, if you want to talk to someone, go find one of your little friends. Or better yet, go jump in the pool and count to 100.”

Victoriously, Regulus can see Potter’s mouth drop in shock. His eyes seem to darken with emotion, but Regulus can’t tell what he’s feeling. “Wow. First of all, rude. Second, I just wanted to check in with you. How are you liking the tour so far?”

Regulus eyes narrow. “It’s fine.”

Potter hums, rolling back on his heels. “So, why weren’t you at the concert last night?”

Regulus’s jaw tightens. This is why he didn’t want to talk to Potter, or to Sirius or any of their bandmates. “I was working,” he says tightly. “You know that thing you do to make money?”

Potter raises a brow. “Yeah, I know about working, that’s what I was doing last night too.”

Regulus waves a hand dismisively. “Strutting around stage wearing shorts and a crop top doesn’t count as working.”

Potter grins, making Regulus uneasy. “How’d you know what I was wearing last night.” Damn it. Regulus should really learn to keep his mouth shut. “Wait, let me guess you watched it on TV, didn’t you?” Regulus wisely maintains his silence, and Potter crows in response, saying. “You did, didn’t you!”

Fortunately, the person in front of Regulus has just finished their transaction, so Regulus steps up to place his order. “Coffee,” he tells the barista when she asks what he wants. “Two sugars and a splash of milk.”

Potter makes a noise of derision from behind him. “I’d have thought you’d take your coffee black.”

Regulus ignores him, even as the barista shoots him a curious glance. She shrugs and gets his coffee while he pays. It’s ready by the time he’s done. So he takes it and walks away, ignoring Potter’s “See ya later Reggie,” even as it grates his ears to hear someone call him that. The last thing he hears is Potter ordering a caramel latte with extra caramel.

Figures. James has always been too sweet for Regulus to handle.

Chapter Text

Lily Evans never wanted to work in the music industry. Honestly, it never would have crossed her mind. She hadn’t even thought much of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter’s band at first. They were good, sure, but it was just a high school band.

But then Marlene started setting up gigs for them, starting at open mics, and then leading into band competitions and small concert venues. And then Mary helped them record and film, so they could start putting their songs online.

And soon most of the time the friend group hung out, they started talking about the business side of the band, how they were going to make it big. The Marauders started paying Marlene and Mary for their work.

It's not that Lily didn't believe in them. She was just a bit more realistic with her expectations. Maybe they'd have a bit of a cult following, but becoming a popular band wouldn't just take talent and hard work, it would take luck.

She never should have underestimated Marauder luck.

She never voiced her disbelief aloud, since everyone else seemed to agree: The Marauders were made for the big stage.

Lily hadn't even considered the band when she thought about her future. She was going to go to college, and maybe even become a doctor, just like her mom wanted. She'd either go to the same college as her friends, or a nearby one.

Needless to say, she was a bit shocked when one of their songs, Peter's space one, went viral online. More then viral, they became an internet sensation. They started making a decent amount of money on gigs, and were starting to pull money from online too.

Towards the end of high school, the Mauraders announced they wouldn't be attending college, and would instead be focusing on their music career. She had been about to say something, to try to convince them it would be worth it to get a degree, just in case. But then Marlene had agreed, saying she would work for them full time. Mary said she'd find a part-time job so she could spend the rest of her time working for the band too.

The boys asked Lily if she wanted to help with the band too. They could find something for her to do.

She said no the first time. There wasn't anything about working for a band that appealed to her.

Not to mention how disappointed her mother would be if she told her she was foregoing a college education to work for a band. She's probably have a heart attack at the shock.

Plus, Tuney would give her so much shit for it.

So she refused, and told her family over dinner as a funny story - “I almost started working for a band today!” She announced, giving her mother a fright until she explained further.

“You did the right thing,” Petunia said with a sniff of her nose. “I don't understand how anyone could be into their kind of music.”

And that grated on Lily's nerves.

Lily had made the right decision for herself, and it certainly wasn't because she disapproved of her friends or their taste in music. And certainly not because Tuney would approve of it.

So the next day, Lily went back to the Marauders and asked for a job. She started helping Mary with the tech side of things. She decided she'd do the same as Mary and get a part time job to make ends meet.

Her mother was devastated, her sister revolted. Maybe her dad would have said something comforting, but Lily wouldn't know for sure. He'd died when she was young, and Lily barely remembered him.

So went the next few years. Lily worked with the band as they went on to tackle bigger concert venues. There was a lot of travel, and Lily had to quit her first job, as the manager was not impressed with how many vacation days she was taking. Luckily, the Marauders paid well, and always paid for her airplane tickets and hotel room.

Fucking rich people.

And then they got the offer of an international tour. They were properly famous at that point, and everyone else was super excited for the opportunity. Lily was excited, sure. It’ll pay better than any of their other gigs, and Lily would be getting paid full time.

But still, a part of Lily wonders where she’d be if she never agreed to work for the band. Actually, she’d have just graduated college.

 

Lily is helping with setting up for the second concert at the venue. She wonders if Regulus will come to today’s concert. Her mind drifts to a time when she was younger, and playing Wendy in her year nine Peter Pan play. After all of her hard work, Tuney waited until opening night to tell her she wasn’t coming because it was too ‘childish’.

Back then, she was upset, not understanding why her sister wasn’t supporting her.

Now, she’s just angry.

“So,” Mary asks as Mary, Marlene and Lily are gathered together at the venue. “Have you had the talk with Dorcas yet?”

“The talk?”

“You know,” Mary says, bouncing her head back and forth, her tight curls bouncing with her. “What are we, are we just fucking or should we move in together and get married?”

“Mary,” Lily says in a laugh, elbowing her friend. Then she turns to Marlene eagerly. “Have you?”

“I don’t know,” Marlene hems. “Not really, I guess? But I don’t think we need to, we’ve been doing good so far.”

“Oh really?” Mary says dubiously. “So if I asked you what she is to you, what would you say? Girlfriend? Fuck buddy?”

Marlene pauses. “Well, she’s - I mean, more than friends, I think, but we don’t really need to label it- and…”

Mary and Lily laugh as Marlene trails off, not able to come up with a full sentence.

Marlene pouts, lips glistening with gloss. “Look, just because you guys are jealous I’m getting shagged daily, doesn’t mean -”

Lily’s eyes widen as she sees someone coming up behind Marlene. “Oh, hey Dorcas,” she says loudly.

Marlene rolls her eyes, “Very funny Lils-”

“Hey Lily. Mary. Marlene,” Dorcas greets each of them, but her gaze settles on Marlene, who hastily cuts herself off, mouth still open. Dorcas smirks.

Marlene collects herself. “I didn’t know if you were coming,” she says. Then hurriedly, “Not that I’m not glad to see you, I just - It’s good to see you!”

Lily and Mary glance at each other, and Lily holds back a giggle. She’s never seen the usually chill Marlene get this flustered before. It was actually adorable.

“Good to see you too,” Dorcas says, eyeing Marlene up and down.

“I’m glad you’re here actually,” Lily says. “Sirius will be happy that Regulus finally came to a concert.” Dorcas’s face falls, and Lily’s eyes narrow. “He is here, right?” she asks sharply.

“Lily,” Marlene says in a warning tone.

“What?” Lily says defensively. “After all the trouble you went to at the last minute to add five new people to the tour, for free, and they don’t even bother to show up?”

“Reg and Pandora are working,” Dorcas says. “This isn’t just a free vacation, we still have deadlines to meet.”

Lily rolls her eyes. “You’re literally their manager, and here you are, taking the time off to go to the concerts. Regulus isn’t here because he doesn’t want to be.”

“You don’t get how hard it is for him,” Dorcas defends.

“Yeah, I don’t get it, and I never will. Because he’s not here to explain himself!”

“Lily,” Marlene says quietly.

Lily’s rage is still simmering inside her, but she turns to look at her friend, and sees Marlene frowning at her. Lily snaps. “What, just because you’re fucking her I can’t argue with her when her friend is being a dick?”

Marlene’s mouth drops open, and Mary quickly snaps out, “Lily, that’s enough!”

“Whatever!” Lily says. “I’m going to tell Sirius that his brother isn’t coming to his concert, again.” Lily walks away, and imagines that if she were a cartoon she’d have steam coming out of her ears. A hint of guilt creeps in, that it’s not Dorcas’s fault that Regulus was avoiding Sirius. But still, she was defending him, when there’s no excuse. He’s here, on tour with them, why can’t he just take a few hours off to actually watch his brother perform?

She’s scowling as she goes behind stage to find the boys. She finds them in their dressing room, goofing off. She watches for a moment, and starts to feel bad that she’s about to deliver such bad news. Should she wait? Or not even tell him? No, he would figure it out for himself anyway. Best to rip the plaster off.

James spots her first. “Lily Evans!” He calls out, putting a hand to his heart. “As I live and breathe. To what do we owe the honor of your presence?”

Lily rolls her eyes. Such a charmer, that James Potter. It’s what made her fall for him, back in school. She wasn’t sure about him at first, because he was like any other teenage boy: rude and immature. But as they grew up, James had turned his attention on Lily, and it was intoxicating to be at the center of such attention.

So she gave in, and they dated for a half a year. James was romantic, always surprising her with flowers or chocolate, always cooking for her, buying things for her, or otherwise lathering her in love.

It was smothering. She could never compete, never catch up. She always felt she was failing in the relationship, in comparison to James Potter. So she broke it off. She was worried, at first, that she was breaking his heart. She worried that their friendship wouldn’t be the same. But after a few awkward months, James bounced back, and their friendship has never been stronger.

“Sirius,” she calls out, still standing in the doorway, and Sirius turns around from where he was putting on Remus’s eyeliner. “Could I talk to you really quick?”

Sirius searched her face, then nodded. “Just let me finish up putting on Moony's eyeliner.” He turns back around, and Lily watches as he leans in while carefully penciling out the eyeliner on Remus. “There,” he says, turning back and joining Lily.

She gestures out to the hallway so they can talk in private, and Sirius follows her. Once they’re alone, Lily stops.

“So?” Sirius asks, lifting up onto his black platform boots. “What’s up, Red?”

“I just thought you’d want to know,” Lily starts delicately, then hesitates. “Dorcas showed up, but…”

Sirius’s eyes dull. “He’s not coming again? Yeah, I figured.”

Lily sighs, biting her lip. “Look, I get it, okay? When I was 13, I was in a play. Peter Pan. I was Wendy. I was so excited about it. Every day when I came home after rehearsal, I would tell my mum and Tuney all about it. It was going to be fantastic, I said.” Lily leans against the wall of the hallway. “Tuney didn’t say much, and my parents were just happy I had an extracurricular to keep me busy. But then on opening night, Tuney said she wasn’t going. I was actually confused at first,” Lily laughs lightly at herself. “I didn’t understand why my sister wasn’t enthusiastically ready to go and support me. I thought she meant she had something else going on, a prior commitment. ‘That’s alright,’ I said, ‘You can come another night.’ But Tuney shook her head. ‘I’m not interested in such a childish show. I’d rather stay home.’ she said.”

Lily sighs. Her fingers twitch, and part of her wants to ask Sirius for a cigarette. He’s always smoking these days, so she’s sure he has one. But then she thinks of the yellowed walls of her parents small home, colored with years of tobacco smoke. She pushes the thought away. “I did awful that night,” she tells Sirius. “And I didn’t do the play the next year.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius says stiffly.

Lily waves him off. “I didn’t tell you that story for pity,” she tells him. She doesn’t want pity, that’s not going to help anything, and it’ll only make her uncomfortable. “I just want you to know that when I say I understand, I mean it. The first night of a play from when I was in year nine doesn’t quite match up to the first night of an international tour, but it’s the sentiment.”

Sirius stares off into the sky. “I know,” he says in a low voice.

“So you can talk to me about how you’re feeling if you want,” Lily prods.

Sirius is silent for a moment. Lily’s fingers twitch again. She thinks she can count on one hand the number of times she’s been around a quiet Sirius.

“It feels like I’m the only one trying,” Sirius finally admits. “We agreed, once we both got out, that our family fucked us up royally. I thought that meant something.” He looks to Lily. “But then he pulls shit like this, and it’s like he doesn’t even want to fix it - to fix us.”

“Well, fuck him then.” Lily says. “If he’s not going to put any effort into your relationship, why should you? It’s a two-way street.”

“I dunno,” Sirius says dubiously. “It still feels like it’s my job. I’m the older brother, you know? I’m responsible for him.”

“That’s dumb,” Lily says, making Sirius snort. “I’m serious,” she says. “Tuney never acted responsible for me, even though she’s my older sister.”

Sirius looks at her. “Yeah, no offense, but you hate her.”

Lily shrugs looking down. Does she hate her sister? On some level yes, she supposes. All of the missed plays, all of the snide comments.

“I don’t want Reggie to hate me,” Sirius whispers.

Lily sighs, “Oh Sirius,” she says. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think he hates you. Not really. Even though he’s acting like a dick.”

Sirius laughs unexpectedly. “Yeah, he is being a bit of a dick, isn’t he?”

Lily puts a comforting hand on his arm. “You’re going to go out on stage tonight, and thousands of people are going to be cheering for you. “Don’t worry about one person who’s not giving you the time of day.”

“Yeah,” Sirius agrees, turning to Lily with a cheshire grin, “At least I’ll have you cheering me on.”

Lily rolls her eyes. “Fine, yes, I’ll cheer you on as well.”

Sirius smiles, satisfied. His smile falls slightly, and he sighs, pointing a finger back towards the dressing room. “I should go, I still have to work on my hair for tonight.”

Lily looks at his hair, large waves curling past his shoulders. “Sure. I dunno if I’ll see you until after, so good luck tonight.”

Sirius waves her off, “I don’t need luck, I’m just a born star.” He gives her a grin and then walks away, back to the dressing room.

Lily sighs. Well, that’s done at least. Now for the concert.

 

The concert goes well once more, and the group goes out once more to celebrate. Mary and Marlene aren’t talking to Lily, and Lily ignores them, because she’s still feeling pissed about the whole situation. She knows she’s going to apologize at some point - she definitely overstepped the line when she started yelling at Dorcas, she knows that. But she can’t find it within herself to apologize when she’s still pissed that Dorcas was defending Regulus.

The next day Lily sees Regulus and the blonde friend of his - she had an odd name Lily couldn’t recall - walking in the hotel hallway. She makes a beeline over to them and calls out, “Oi, Black,”

Regulus swings around, looking at Lily with a confused frown. God, he was always frowning, wasn’t he?

“I was just wondering if you needed directions?”

Regulus’s frown deepens. He glances at Pandora, but she shrugs at him. “What are you talking about?” He asks, in that posh voice of his.

Lily crosses her arms. “Did you need directions to the arena for tonight’s concert? I’m assuming that’s why you couldn’t make it the past two nights, right?”

Regulus tenses, and his gaze darkens. “I don’t think it’s any of your business.”

“Oh? It’s not my business? It’s not my business that my friend Sirius is feeling shitty because his brother is ignoring him? Or it’s not my business that my friend Marlene had to bend over backwards to fit five extra people in to join us on tour, all expenses paid, and you’re not even using the free backstage tickets that she graciously got for you.”

Regulus grits his teeth, and Pandora beside him frowns, placing a hand on his arm in comfort.

Lily’s eyes track the movement. “Oh, but I’m supposed to feel bad for you, huh? Poor Regulus left his awful family behind. Poor Regulus has a brother that left when he was younger. Grow the fuck up! You’re not the only one who has struggles.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know exactly what I’m talking about.” Lily counter’s “You’re just like my sister Tuney. She’s jealous and insecure, and she makes it everyone else’s problem. You’re just jealous of how well Sirius is doing for himself, and you’re taking it out on him.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” says Regulus’s friend, putting up her hands in surrender.

“Pandora, it’s fine,” says Regulus. Pandora must be her name. Pandora with dark skin and bleached dreadlocks. She's also incredibly gorgeous, with a soft face and eyes that constantly look like they're looking into the distance.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” Lily says to Regulus, “Look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong. Because from where I’m standing, you’re just acting like a little bitch.”

“Excuse me?!” says Pandora, enraged.

“Look,” Regulus says icily. “I don’t really give a shit what you think about me. But I’d ask that you not make a scene in public,” he says pointedly, looking around them.

Lily looks around them. A couple people had turned towards them to investigate the raised voices. Lily scoffs, “God, maybe instead of worrying so much about what strangers think of you, you should work on being a better brother.”

“You need to watch your tone,” Pandora says, mouth twisted into a displeased frown. “Regulus’s relationship with his brother has nothing to do with you, so mind your own business.”

“Who even are you?!” Lily asks. “You’re only here because of him,” she jerks a gesturing hand at Regulus, “and he doesn’t even want to be here. So why are you here?”

“Do not talk to Pandora like that,” Regulus says sharply.

“I just don’t get it. What’s so hard about attending at least one concert, that’s all I’m asking. What’s more important to you than supporting your brother, and trying to fix your relationship? You’re in therapy together for god’s sake, you must want to try on some level.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“God you’re so infuriating!” Lily can see she’s not going to change either of their minds. “I’m going to go, because I have to help get ready for yet another concert that, correct me if I’m wrong, you’re going to miss.” With that, Lily steps away.

She walks back up to the room she shares with Mary and Marlene. Her and Mary had shared the bed on the first night, but after her argument with the girls the night before, Mary and Marlene had shared, leaving Lily on her own.

Lily opens the door cautiously, and sees Mary and Marlene sitting on their bed, chatting in low tones. As soon as she opens the door though, they stop.

Ah, excellent, Lily thinks. They were talking about her.

“Hello,” she greets awkwardly.

“Hi,” Mary says flatly, making Lily wince.

“Are you guys heading to the arena soon? We could take an uber together?”

Mary and Marlene share a look. “We were actually going to go with Dorcas. She wanted to see more of our pre-show routine,” Marlene says. “You can come with us. Unless that’d be an issue for you?”

“I’ll come!” Lily bursts out.

“Sure,” Mary says. “But you realize we’re only tolerating you right now because it’s for work? Marlene has enough to worry about with the actual tour, she doesn’t need your attitude.”

Lily looks down, nods her head. “I’m sorry,” she says. “Really, I know I overstepped the line, I was just angry for Sirius. I didn’t mean to upset you both. I’m really sorry Marlene.”

“I don’t want to talk about this now,” Marlene says. Her hair is tied in a messy ponytail, and she has defined bags under her eyes. The long days of work and long nights out at the club have clearly been weighing on her. “We have the concert tonight, and then we have a day off before we head to Austria for the concerts next weekend. If you want to talk to me, wait till I have actual time. Just don’t be a dick to Dorcas anymore.”

“Okay,” Lily says quietly.

The three girls head down to the hotel reception area, where they meet up with Dorcas. They head to the venue together, in awkward and stilted silence.

Lily looks out the window on the drive. She wonders how her life would have gone if Tuney had deceided to show up to Lily’s Peter Pan play. Maybe Lily wouldn’t even be here right now. Maybe she’d be off at university, working on a pre-med degree.

Maybe then she’d be happy.