Chapter Text
Since what happened with the Dark Emperors, Nathan had been thoroughly avoiding Mark. Although it was inevitable to not see each other during practice, he still managed to not talk to him, even if it was proving to be way tougher than expected. Because Nathan, against his better judgment, had to admit he missed Mark; he missed their late-night talks, their dinners at Coach Hillman’s restaurant, their football conversations at Bolt Tower, when the sun lit Mark’s features just right… He longed for his company like nothing else.
But he knew he didn’t deserve it. Not after everything he had done. In consequence, Nathan had kept his feelings hidden and went on trying to not dwell on what their relationship used to be. Or what he wanted it to be.
So when he received an invitation to a sleepover at Mark’s, he was a bit conflicted on whether he should go or not. If he had been the only one invited, it wouldn’t have been difficult at all; Nathan wouldn’t attend. However, the whole team was meant to come, and it was supposed to be a bonding experience for all of them. Hell, it was just before Shawn, Hurley, Tori, Scotty and Sue returned to their respective teams! As uncomfortable as it made him, he couldn’t just miss it. He wanted to say goodbye to his friends as well.
Moreover, both Jude and Axel had asked - if not begged him - to come. How could he refuse now? Nathan sighed, but, reluctantly, started to pack his stuff. “It’s just a stupid sleepover,” he told himself, “it’s not like Mark and I will be alone. We don’t have to interact.”
Once he was done, he asked his mother if she could take him there, to which she happily agreed.
"It’s been a while since you’ve hung out with Mark," she said while driving. "Or, well, with anyone."
"Yeah, I’ve been busy," he lied. "Football and all of that."
For a moment, his mother looked a bit worried but didn’t pry anymore. Nathan was grateful for that.
When they arrived, Nathan said goodbye to his mom with a quick peck on the cheek and, rushingly, got out of the car. He was glad to see both Jack and Tod waiting at the door. It meant he wouldn’t have to face Mark alone.
"Hey, Nathan!" Tod greeted him, a gentle smile on his face. "Excited?"
"Stoked." He tried to return his smile as authentically as possible, but Jack’s weird expression indicated that he hadn’t done a good job. “Pull yourself together, Nathan!” he scolded himself.
"I’m just glad to be able to spend time with the whole team. It feels like forever since we’ve been all together like this!"
"Yeah," Jack agreed, "it’s been a wild ride. At first Jim, Steve, and the others got hurt, then Kevin did as well, then Nathan left, then you did… auch!"
Tod jostled Jack, looking pale all of a sudden. Jack seemed to understand, and immediately became a stuttering mess:
"I-I… Sorry, man, d-didn’t mean it, l-like, badly, s-sorry to have reminded y-you and…"
Nathan sighed, heavy with guilt.
"It’s okay, Jack. I did leave, and I did lead the Dark Emperors. You have nothing to be sorry for. I am the one who did such terrible stuff."
"Well, yeah," Tod looked slightly hesitant, "but no one blames you, you know? I accepted the power of the Aliea Stone as well."
And, while it was true, Nathan had been the first to accede and was responsible for convincing the others. There was no justifying his actions, and he knew better than anyone his part in the situation. He had betrayed the team. Nathan had felt defeated by the terrific players that overpowered him and had used the strength the Aliea Stone provided out of his own volition, so willingly it was disgusting. He did it because he wanted to, because he craved power, greatness. And, in doing so, he had let Mark down.
Who, speaking of the devil, showed up, a huge grin on his face and a slight blush adorning his round, plush cheeks.
"Guys, you made it! Come in, everyone else is here already." His smile faltered visibly when he saw the blue-haired boy. "Nathan…"
He sneaked into Mark’s house, stealthy as ever, muttering a quiet “hey” along the way. Suddenly, he felt all sick, as if his body wasn’t his, but his hands were dirty and grimy anyway. Nathan had to hold back a whimper, his eyes getting watery. If just seeing him had him in a chokehold… No, it was the way Mark had reacted. Like he was not happy to have him there, like it was a fretful turn of events. Mark seemed disappointed at his arrival. And that had Nathan feeling like a damn fool.
If before he wasn’t exactly in a good mood, now he felt very much upset, but given that he was already in and Axel and Shawn were approaching, he decided to pretend and put on a friendly facade.
"How are you two doing?" Nathan asked as pleasantly as he could.
"Pretty great, to be honest. I’ve already beaten Kevin three times in a row playing blackjack."
"Yeah, it was a blast." Axel chuckled, as if remembering an agreeable memory.
"I told him he’d be better off if we didn't bet anything, but he insisted, so now he owes me a brand new ball, tickets to the fun fair and his shirt."
"So that’s why he's not wearing one, huh?" Nathan couldn’t help but snort.
"Yep," Shawn smiled with contempt.
"You just wanted to see Kevin shirtless, though."
Shawn didn’t even flinch.
"Can’t a man admire another man’s beauty without being called gay?"
"I wasn’t implying such a thing. You arrived to this conclusion all alone, mate," Axel responded wittily.
"… This made me seem a lot gayer, didn’t it?"
"Kind of," Nathan pointed out.
"Well," he sighed reluctantly, running his fingers through platinum hair, "you know what they say. If you can’t beat ’em, join them."
That got a good laugh from Nathan. Maybe, just maybe, coming hadn’t been so bad of a decision.
"Well, see ya’ll later. Gotta win a fourth time!"
Shawn waved as he approached Kevin once again, who was being mocked by Scotty and Tori. Axel, then, took a step closer to Nathan and offered him a friendly smile, which the other boy reciprocated.
"It’s good to see you having fun."
"Is it?"
Axel nodded.
"Lately… you’ve not been like yourself. Duller, sadder. It’s taken a bit of a toll on some of us, especially Mark. He tries to hide it, but I know my best friend like the palm of my hand. He feels your absence like a knife to the heart. And, honestly, so do I."
"Axel…"
Nathan didn’t have time to respond, as Celia screamed that they ought to gather. Axel stroked his shoulder gently as he walked to the circle their teammates had formed.
"Look, I know things have been tough, and I get it. So, if you need a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand, I’m here. For whatever. I mean it."
He then sat down next to Mark and Bobby, with whom he started a conversation. Nathan stayed a few seconds put, feeling touched. He tried to stop the tremble of his lips as he settled himself between Nelly and Jude, grateful for his wonderful friend. The boy with the goggles greeted him.
"Glad to see you."
"Same." Nathan grinned, this time truly.
When everyone was seated, Celia told them it was time to play truth or dare. Some complaints were heard, but no one actually got up and left. Celia grinned smugly, knowing damn well everyone was in, and proceeded to start the game, satisfaction bubbling in her stomach.
"Darren, truth or dare?"
"I…um… truth?"
"Oh, come on, that’s such a scaredy cat move!" Sue complained.
"Don’t be mean," Silvia scolded, "he can choose whatever he deems fit."
"Whatever… I mean, sorry," she corrected herself, feeling Silvia’s burning gaze on her skin.
"So, tell us, Darren," Celia inquired, "who do you think is the best player on the team? And don’t say the captain!"
Now, that seemed to catch everyone’s attention, especially the forwards’. With a stutter, eyes looking down, Darren managed to answer:
"… Shawn."
"WHAT," Hurley said in disbelief. "I feel betrayed."
"I’m sorry!"
"Do not apologize; that was the correct answer!" Shawn let out, quite pleased.
"Okay, okay, next!"
The game followed like this for a few rounds, in which Max had to lend Timmy his hat, Tori confessed she had been the one to eat Jack’s hidden snacks and Erik showcased his surprisingly good skills at breakdancing. He then opted to ask Mark.
"Okay, captain. Truth or dare?"
"Dare!"
"I dare you… to kiss the person you find the prettiest in the room."
For a moment, everyone was silent, but excited squeals and hearty laughs soon came. Mark stood up, an undecided expression on his face, and started to make way, slowly but steadily. Nathan closed his eyes, too scared to see. It’s just… it would be too much. He didn’t hate himself enough to observe how the boy he loved kissed another person, even though he could not complain; he had been the one to walk away, to put distance between them.
When the footsteps stopped, though, Nathan couldn’t help himself, curiosity eating him from the inside, and snapped his eyes open. He was bewildered to see Mark standing just in front of him, his soft gaze blessing him and no other. When the other boy kneeled, Nathan started to feel his cheeks heat up. That couldn’t be actually happening, could it? It was as if his wildest fantasies had come to life.
All the same, when Mark was just about to close the distance between their faces, a flash of uncertainty crossed his beautifully red face. His expression twisted, he pulled away and kissed Nelly on the cheek instead. The girl looked more perplexed than flattered. And Nathan, well, he felt mortified. Did he really think Mark was going to kiss him? After everything he had done? God, he was pathetic. He knew perfectly well why he couldn’t have him, yet he naively craved his love. Nathan felt like the greatest idiot in the world; for having feelings for Mark, for quitting football and failing his friends, but, mostly, for the tears that damped his cheeks.
He quickly wiped them with his thumb, but Jude noticed, just as he always noticed everything. He frowned unfondly.
Mark returned to his place swiftly, a concerned Axel whispering into his ear. Despite the initial surprise, the game continued smoothly, but Nathan couldn’t be bothered to pay attention. Now, he really wanted to go home. The sick sensation had returned, and it felt even more unbearable than before. He covered his face with his arms, practically hugging himself. What a terrible night.
"Nathan, truth or dare?"
Jude’s voice snapped him out of the trance and brought him back to reality. Everyone was staring at him kind of oddly, which made Nathan uncomfortable.
"Um… dare." He really didn’t care about it; he just wanted it to be over. Nevertheless, Jude had other plans.
"Play seven minutes in heaven with the captain."
That was a shock.
Mouth agape and eyes wide, Nathan realized that such a dare was not a casualty, Jude’s smug smirk giving him away. “That sly bastard,” he thought, “has set us up!”
Mark stared at Nathan for a moment, and offered him a kind smile.
"Should we go now?"
Nathan really wanted to refuse, but he had never been good at denying Mark anything. He stood up and meekly followed the latter to a large wardrobe at his own room that had enough space for the both of them. But just enough, as, once the two boys were in, Nathan could feel their shoulders brushing and their legs intermingled. Nathan, having the boy he so liked that close and being surrounded by clothes that emanated his exact smell, felt a blush creep from the very bottom of his back up to his nose.
He forgot how to breathe for a moment.
"It’s… it’s a little bit tight in here, don’t you think?"
"Yes," Nathan chuckled nervously , "it is."
"I… I don’t mind."
The defender’s heart started beating unbelievably faster.
"I don’t… I…" he choked for air. "Me neither."
Mark relaxed all of a sudden, and Nathan was able to feel the tension leave his body. It made him sad to think that, at one point, they would have been comfortable enough with each other to do this without a problem. Not anymore, though, and he knew just whose fault it was.
"I was worried you’d hate this or something," Mark confessed.
"What? No, of course not."
"I’m happy to hear that! But I couldn’t help it," he sighed.
"I’m sorry if I made you think I loathe being with you."
"You haven't done anything wrong. It’s just… that… we really haven’t seen each other much lately, you know?"
Nathan sure knew because he had dreaded every second he was ignoring Mark. It felt so wrong, even though so needed.
"I… I am aware." He considered apologizing but ultimately decided not to. He had been avoidant for Mark’s sake; he had done him a favor, if anything.
"Well, I dislike it. Not being able to talk to you, hang out with you… It feels weird."
Nathan looked at him in disbelief for a brief moment. He was kidding, right? He should hate him. He had dishonored football and the team; the boy was lucky enough to not have lost his spot. Did Mark actually… care? He feels your absence like a knife to the heart. Axel’s words returned with the force of a tidal wave.
"I miss you, Nath." A glimpse of sadness was visible in Mark’s eyes.
"You shouldn’t," the blue-haired boy let out without thinking twice.
"What?" Confusion was clear in his countenance.
The boy bit his lip, feeling like an idiot for permitting such a slip, but now that they were talking about it he might just be honest.
"I did some terrible things, Mark. I left you, and then I betrayed everything football is for… for power! God, I am a horrible person and I can’t understand how any of you don’t see it."
Nathan was a competitive individual. When he did something, he had to be the best at it. He wanted to be great or nothing. But Mark’s football had proved to be much more meaningful than a simple game; it was fun, truly fun. Nathan enjoyed it and, for some time, he genuinely loosened up and forgot his old ways. But when winning became a necessity rather than an ambition, he couldn’t help it; his fixation on being better came back. When their rivals became so strong he couldn’t face them and his teammates so talented he felt ashamed when standing by their side, football didn’t feel so fun anymore. He wasn’t as strong as Mark, after all. He felt weak. He felt envious. He felt replaceable. So when power was offered to him, he took it, hoping it would make standing next to Mark feel deserved, adequate. Instead, it took advantage of him and the others, making them fight for a cause they didn’t agree to. The worst part, though, was that he had enjoyed it, because despite everything he had felt stronger, the sensation he had so desired. Beating Mark and the others so easily had awakened something disgustingly proud in Nathan, born from jealousy and insecurity.
But afterward, clarity had hit Nathan. His actions had been selfish, prideful and vain. They were straight up unforgivable. So, given that no one else seemed to realize so, Nathan had decided to be the one to punish himself. By putting distance, by training twice as hard, by giving up his love. Guilt did not purify his actions, but it sure was deserved.
"You are not a bad person, Nathan. The only one that’s still caught up on that is you!"
Mark got closer, his hands gripping Nathan’s shoulders.
"We understand why you did it, we understand why everyone did it. You were not yourselves; you were manipulated, your vulnerabilities exploited."
"But what if it was really myself? What if, deep in my heart, I did want to hurt you?" Nathan asked, feeling tears approaching once again.
"Then I accept the burden of your feelings!" Mark sighed. "I know you. I know that you don’t like pickles but don’t have the heart to tell your mom, so you eat them anyway, I know that you refill my water bottle when you think I’m not looking, and I know that stray cats love you because you always give them treats. I know you are a kind person, Nathan, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to feel bad or insecure. You committed a mistake, yes, but I am convinced you had your reasons."
"… It’s not a justification." Nathan tried to break eye contact. Mark didn’t let him.
"But it is an explanation. And I also know you are feeling self-conscious about it and reprimanding yourself, so there is no need for me to be cruel to you. Not when I miss you so goddamn much."
Nathan started crying. Hard. Whimpers escaped his mouth and he couldn’t stop them.
"But…"
"No buts! I’ve already forgiven you, and so has the rest of the team; it is time for you to forgive yourself too." Mark cupped his cheeks. "And I hope that in doing so, you’ll stop deflecting me. I am aware you are doing it out of guilt, but, god, it hurts me too. When you left, I didn’t know if I could ever play again, Nath."
That struck him. Did he really have such an impact on the captain? It made him feel both special and dangerous.
"You were the first one to trust me. You leaving felt as if I had failed. And I pulled through, as countless others trusted me as well, but the field felt remarkably lonelier without your presence. I defeated the Aliea Academy in the hopes you’d come back to me."
"Mark…"
So stop avoiding… us!"
“Us?” Was there really an “us” despite everything? Nathan wished there was, because he definitely couldn’t let go of Mark ever again, especially not following his touching words. He hugged the other so tight he heard him squeal, but neither cared much. It had been too long since they had gotten to embrace each other like that. Nathan was so needy for Mark’s touch, as he had missed it incredibly. His calloused hands caressing his back felt way too foreign as well as familiar. He kept weeping and mumbling like a little kid.
"I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry." Nathan’s voice was low and broken.
"It’s alright." Mark kissed his friend’s forehead. "Just don’t forsake me again. I wouldn’t survive it twice," he finished with a chuckle.
An instance of silence stretched, but it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. Laying in each other’s arms was comforting in a way that both had longed for so much time. Nathan’s cheeks reddened, unable to disregard the butterflies in his stomach. Being apart from Mark had made him forget just how smitten he really was.
"Hey, can I tell you something? I know it’s not the best time, but… Being away from you has helped me realize it’ll never be, and you can disappear at any given moment, so I might just man up and do it now." A nervous laugh escaped Mark’s lips.
Nathan was able to hear the rapidness of his heart.
"Sure…"
"It’s just that… When… When I kissed Nelly. I didn’t want to kiss her; I wanted to kiss you."
Nathan was not expecting that; he would have never permitted it to himself. So he froze, not being able to stutter a single coherent word.
"Because you are the prettiest person in the room. And in the world. And so much more…! You are smart and nice and hardworking and brilliant." Mark sighed, ears terribly red. "You know where this is going, don’t you?"
"Yes, but I want to hear you say it." He just needed the confirmation, the proof that he wasn't dreaming.
"What I mean is that you are wonderful in every way possible, and there was no way I wouldn’t end up falling in love with you." He shifted their position so they were face-to-face . "I like you, Nathan. I have for the longest time. So please be my…!"
Mark wasn’t able to finish his sentence, as Nathan suddenly closed the distance between their mouths and kissed him. Mark’s lips felt chapped, rough against his, but also so perfect. When they separated, despite it being a short, chaste kiss, Nathan could feel his head spinning and his face burning. He had wished to do that for unbelievably long.
"Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend." The words slipped, feeling much more natural than expected.
Mark beamed, his smile so bright it lit the whole wardrobe, and tightened the hug. They both started to laugh, elated.
"We are idiots, aren’t we?" Nathan asked, having never felt so loved.
Mark was about to respond, but another voice did instead:
"Yeah, you are."
The two boys jumped and rushed to get rid of each other. They were welcomed by the warm light of Mark’s room, the doors of the wardrobe now open. Each one of their friends was there, staring at them with funny faces. Jude was in front of everyone, grinning with too much pride.
"How much did y’all hear?" Mark questioned, embarrassment creeping onto him. He had said some real mushy stuff, after all.
"Enough," Jude answered.
"Everything," Axel corrected.
Well, wasn’t that lovely.
"You… " Nathan was awfully flustered. "You are terrible, Jude Sharp."
"Oh, come on, don’t be like that. I’ve gotten you a boyfriend, haven’t I?" He giggled at the sight of Nathan’s astonished face. "Look, you really needed to get it together, so I thought I would gently nudge you to clarity."
"I think the correct term is pushing."
"But it worked regardless, didn’t it?"
And, as much as Nathan wanted to take that smug expression off his face, he was grateful. Because he now had everything he had craved: forgiveness, acceptance and love. He decided to ignore his teammates and reached Mark to give him a quick peck. They all went wild - his boyfriend included, as red as a beet, which made Nathan laugh.
Coming hadn’t been so bad of an idea, in the end.
Notes:
This might be my favorite ship to write about! They have a complicated story, but a tender dynamic nevertheless. Expect more of them ;) (and more fics in general, I still have like nine more in store lol).
Just so you know, English is not my first language, so excuse any mistakes.
Chapter 2: Seven minutes in heaven (Japanese names)
Chapter Text
Since what happened with the Dark Emperors, Kazemaru had been thoroughly avoiding Endou. Although it was inevitable to not see each other during practice, he still managed to not talk to him, even if it was proving to be way tougher than expected. Because Kazemaru, against his better judgment, had to admit he missed Endou; he missed their late-night talks, their dinners at Coach Hibiki’s restaurant, their football conversations at Bolt Tower, when the sun lit Endou’s features just right… He longed for his company like nothing else.
But he knew he didn’t deserve it. Not after everything he had done. In consequence, Kazemaru had kept his feelings hidden and went on trying to not dwell on what their relationship used to be. Or what he wanted it to be.
So when he received an invitation to a sleepover at Endou’s, he was a bit conflicted on whether he should go or not. If he had been the only one invited, it wouldn’t have been difficult at all; Kazemaru wouldn’t attend. However, the whole team was meant to come, and it was supposed to be a bonding experience for all of them. Hell, it was just before Fubuki, Tsunami, Touko, Kogure and Rika returned to their respective teams! As uncomfortable as it made him, he couldn’t just miss it. He wanted to say goodbye to his friends as well.
Moreover, both Kidou and Gouenji had asked - if not begged him - to come. How could he refuse now? Kazemaru sighed, but, reluctantly, started to pack his stuff. “It’s just a stupid sleepover,” he told himself, “it’s not like Endou and I will be alone. We don’t have to interact.”
Once he was done, he asked his mother if she could take him there, to which she happily agreed.
"It’s been a while since you’ve hung out with Endou," she said while driving. "Or, well, with anyone."
"Yeah, I’ve been busy," he lied. "Football and all of that."
For a moment, his mother looked a bit worried but didn’t pry anymore. Kazemaru was grateful for that.
When they arrived, Kazemaru said goodbye to his mom with a quick peck on the cheek and, rushingly, got out of the car. He was glad to see both Kabeyama and Kurimatsu waiting at the door. It meant he wouldn’t have to face Endou alone.
"Hey, Kazemaru!" Kurimatsu greeted him, a gentle smile on his face. "Excited?"
"Stoked." He tried to return his smile as authentically as possible, but Kabeyama’s weird expression indicated that he hadn’t done a good job. “Pull yourself together, Kazemaru!” he scolded himself.
"I’m just glad to be able to spend time with the whole team. It feels like forever since we’ve been all together like this!"
"Yeah," Kabeyama agreed, "it’s been a wild ride. At first Jim, Steve, and the others got hurt, then Kevin did as well, then Kazemaru left, then you did… auch!"
Kurimatsu jostled Kabeyama, looking pale all of a sudden. Kabeyama seemed to understand, and immediately became a stuttering mess:
"I-I… Sorry, man, d-didn’t mean it, l-like, badly, s-sorry to have reminded y-you and…"
Kazemaru sighed, heavy with guilt.
"It’s okay, Kabeyama. I did leave, and I did lead the Dark Emperors. You have nothing to be sorry for. I am the one who did such terrible stuff."
"Well, yeah," Kurimatsu looked slightly hesitant, "but no one blames you, you know? I accepted the power of the Aliea Stone as well."
And, while it was true, Kazemaru had been the first to accede and was responsible for convincing the others. There was no justifying his actions, and he knew better than anyone his part in the situation. He had betrayed the team. Kazemaru had felt defeated by the terrific players that overpowered him and had used the strength the Aliea Stone provided out of his own volition, so willingly it was disgusting. He did it because he wanted to, because he craved power, greatness. And, in doing so, he had let Endou down.
Who, speaking of the devil, showed up, a huge grin on his face and a slight blush adorning his round, plush cheeks.
"Guys, you made it! Come in, everyone else is here already." His smile faltered visibly when he saw the blue-haired boy. "Kazemaru…"
He sneaked into Endou’s house, stealthy as ever, muttering a quiet “hey” along the way. Suddenly, he felt all sick, as if his body wasn’t his, but his hands were dirty and grimy anyway. Kazemaru had to hold back a whimper, his eyes getting watery. If just seeing him had him in a chokehold… No, it was the way Endou had reacted. Like he was not happy to have him there, like it was a fretful turn of events. Endou seemed disappointed at his arrival. And that had Kazemaru feeling like a damn fool.
If before he wasn’t exactly in a good mood, now he felt very much upset, but given that he was already in and Gouenji and Fubuki were approaching, he decided to pretend and put on a friendly facade.
"How are you two doing?" Kazemaru asked as pleasantly as he could.
"Pretty great, to be honest. I’ve already beaten Someoka three times in a row playing blackjack."
"Yeah, it was a blast." Gouenji chuckled, as if remembering an agreeable memory.
"I told him he’d be better off if we didn't bet anything, but he insisted, so now he owes me a brand new ball, tickets to the fun fair and his shirt."
"So that’s why he's not wearing one, huh?" Kazemaru couldn’t help but snort.
"Yep," Fubuki smiled with contempt.
"You just wanted to see Someoka shirtless, though."
Fubuki didn’t even flinch.
"Can’t a man admire another man’s beauty without being called gay?"
"I wasn’t implying such a thing. You arrived to this conclusion all alone, mate," Gouenji responded wittily.
"… This made me seem a lot gayer, didn’t it?"
"Kind of," Kazemaru pointed out.
"Well," he sighed reluctantly, running his fingers through platinum hair, "you know what they say. If you can’t beat ’em, join them."
That got a good laugh from Kazemaru. Maybe, just maybe, coming hadn’t been so bad of a decision.
"Well, see ya’ll later. Gotta win a fourth time!"
Fubuki waved as he approached Someoka once again, who was being mocked by Kogure and Touko. Gouenji, then, took a step closer to Kazemaru and offered him a friendly smile, which the other boy reciprocated.
"It’s good to see you having fun."
"Is it?"
Gouenji nodded.
"Lately… you’ve not been like yourself. Duller, sadder. It’s taken a bit of a toll on some of us, especially Endou. He tries to hide it, but I know my best friend like the palm of my hand. He feels your absence like a knife to the heart. And, honestly, so do I."
"Gouenji…"
Kazemaru didn’t have time to respond, as Haruna screamed that they ought to gather. Gouenji stroked his shoulder gently as he walked to the circle their teammates had formed.
"Look, I know things have been tough, and I get it. So, if you need a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand, I’m here. For whatever. I mean it."
He then sat down next to Endou and Domon, with whom he started a conversation. Kazemaru stayed a few seconds put, feeling touched. He tried to stop the tremble of his lips as he settled himself between Natsumi and Kidou, grateful for his wonderful friend. The boy with the goggles greeted him.
"Glad to see you."
"Same." Kazemaru grinned, this time truly.
When everyone was seated, Haruna told them it was time to play truth or dare. Some complaints were heard, but no one actually got up and left. Haruna grinned smugly, knowing damn well everyone was in, and proceeded to start the game, satisfaction bubbling in her stomach.
"Tachimukai, truth or dare?"
"I…um… truth?"
"Oh, come on, that’s such a scaredy cat move!" Rika complained.
"Don’t be mean," Aki scolded, "he can choose whatever he deems fit."
"Whatever… I mean, sorry," she corrected herself, feeling Aki’s burning glare on her skin.
"So, tell us, Tachimukai," Haruna inquired, "who do you think is the best player on the team? And don’t say the captain!"
Now, that seemed to catch everyone’s attention, especially the forwards’. With a stutter, eyes looking down, Tachimukai managed to answer:
"… Fubuki."
"WHAT," Tsunami gasped in disbelief. "I feel betrayed."
"I’m sorry!"
"Do not apologize; that was the correct answer!" Fubuki let out, quite pleased.
"Okay, okay, next!"
The game followed like this for a few rounds, in which Matsuno had to lend Shorinji his hat, Touko confessed she had been the one to eat Kabeyama’s hidden snacks and Ichinose showcased his surprisingly good skills at breakdancing. He then opted to ask Endou.
"Okay, captain. Truth or dare?"
"Dare!"
"I dare you… to kiss the person you find the prettiest in the room."
For a moment, everyone was silent, but excited squeals and hearty laughs soon came. Endou stood up, an undecided expression on his face, and started to make way, slowly but steadily. Kazemaru closed his eyes, too scared to see. It’s just… it would be too much. He didn’t hate himself enough to observe how the boy he loved kissed another person, even though he could not complain; he had been the one to walk away, to put distance between them.
When the footsteps stopped, though, Kazemaru couldn’t help himself, curiosity eating him from the inside, and snapped his eyes open. He was bewildered to see Endou standing just in front of him, his soft gaze blessing him and no other. When the other boy kneeled, Kazemaru started to feel his cheeks heat up. That couldn’t be actually happening, could it? It was as if his wildest fantasies had come to life.
All the same, when Endou was just about to close the distance between their faces, a flash of uncertainty crossed his beautifully red face. His expression twisted, he pulled away and kissed Natsumi on the cheek instead. The girl looked more perplexed than flattered. And Kazemaru, well, he felt mortified. Did he really think Endou was going to kiss him? After everything he had done? God, he was pathetic. He knew perfectly well why he couldn’t have him, yet he naively craved his love. Kazemaru felt like the greatest idiot in the world; for having feelings for Endou, for quitting football and failing his friends, but, mostly, for the tears that damped his cheeks.
He quickly wiped them with his thumb, but Kidou noticed, just as he always noticed everything. He frowned unfondly.
Endou returned to his place swiftly, a concerned Gouenji whispering into his ear. Despite the initial surprise, the game continued smoothly, but Kazemaru couldn’t be bothered to pay attention. Now, he really wanted to go home. The sick sensation had returned, and it felt even more unbearable than before. He covered his face with his arms, practically hugging himself. What a terrible night.
"Kazemaru, truth or dare?"
Kidou’s voice snapped him out of the trance and brought him back to reality. Everyone was staring at him kind of oddly, which made Kazemaru uncomfortable.
"Um… dare." He really didn’t care about it; he just wanted it to be over. Nevertheless, Kidou had other plans.
"Play seven minutes in heaven with the captain."
That was a shock.
Mouth agape and eyes wide, Kazemaru realized that such a dare was not a casualty, Kidou’s smug smirk giving him away. “That sly bastard,” he thought, “has set us up!”
Endou stared at Kazemaru for a moment, and offered him a kind smile.
"Should we go now?"
Kazemaru really wanted to refuse, but he had never been good at denying Endou anything. He stood up and meekly followed the latter to a large wardrobe at his own room that had enough space for the both of them. But just enough, as, once the two boys were in, Kazemaru could feel their shoulders brushing and their legs intermingled. The latter, having the boy he so liked that close and being surrounded by clothes that emanated his exact smell, felt a blush creep from the very bottom of his back up to his nose.
He forgot how to breathe for a moment.
"It’s… it’s a little bit tight in here, don’t you think?"
"Yes," Kazemaru chuckled nervously , "it is."
"I… I don’t mind."
The defender’s heart started beating unbelievably faster.
"I don’t… I…" he choked for air. "Me neither."
Endou relaxed all of a sudden, and Kazemaru was able to feel the tension leave his body. It made him sad to think that, at one point, they would have been comfortable enough with each other to do this without a problem. Not anymore, though, and he knew just whose fault it was.
"I was worried you’d hate this or something," Endou confessed.
"What? No, of course not."
"I’m happy to hear that! But I couldn’t help it," he sighed.
"I’m sorry if I made you think I loathe being with you."
"You haven't done anything wrong. It’s just… that… we really haven’t seen each other much lately, you know?"
Kazemaru sure knew because he had dreaded every second he was ignoring Endou. It felt so wrong, even though so needed.
"I… I am aware." He considered apologizing but ultimately decided not to. He had been avoidant for Endou’s sake; he had done him a favor, if anything.
"Well, I dislike it. Not being able to talk to you, hang out with you… It feels weird."
Kazemaru looked at him in disbelief for a brief moment. He was kidding, right? He should hate him. He had dishonored football and the team; the boy was lucky enough to not have lost his spot. Did Endou actually… care? He feels your absence like a knife to the heart. Gouenji’s words returned with the force of a tidal wave.
"I miss you, Kaze." A glimpse of sadness was visible in Endou’s eyes.
"You shouldn’t," the blue-haired boy let out without thinking twice.
"What?" Confusion was clear in his countenance.
The boy bit his lip, feeling like an idiot for permitting such a slip, but now that they were talking about it he might just be honest.
"I did some terrible things, Endou. I left you, and then I betrayed everything football is for… for power! God, I am a horrible person and I can’t understand how any of you don’t see it."
Kazemaru was a competitive individual. When he did something, he had to be the best at it. He wanted to be great or nothing. But Endou’s football had proved to be much more meaningful than a simple game; it was fun, truly fun. Kazemaru enjoyed it and, for some time, he genuinely loosened up and forgot his old ways. But when winning became a necessity rather than an ambition, he couldn’t help it; his fixation on being better came back. When their rivals became so strong he couldn’t face them and his teammates so talented he felt ashamed when standing by their side, football didn’t feel so fun anymore. He wasn’t as strong as Endou, after all. He felt weak. He felt envious. He felt replaceable. So when power was offered to him, he took it, hoping it would make standing next to Endou feel deserved, adequate. Instead, it took advantage of him and the others, making them fight for a cause they didn’t agree to. The worst part, though, was that he had enjoyed it, because despite everything he had felt stronger, the sensation he had so desired. Beating Endou and the others so easily had awakened something disgustingly proud in Kazemaru, born from jealousy and insecurity.
But afterward, clarity had hit Kazemaru. His actions had been selfish, prideful and vain. They were straight up unforgivable. So, given that no one else seemed to realize so, Kazemaru had decided to be the one to punish himself. By putting distance, by training twice as hard, by giving up his love. Guilt did not purify his actions, but it sure was deserved.
"You are not a bad person, Kazemaru. The only one that’s still caught up on that is you!"
Endou got closer, his hands gripping Kazemaru’s shoulders.
"We understand why you did it, we understand why everyone did it. You were not yourselves; you were manipulated, your vulnerabilities exploited."
"But what if it was really myself? What if, deep in my heart, I did want to hurt you?" Kazemaru asked, feeling tears approaching once again.
"Then I accept the burden of your feelings!" Endou sighed. "I know you. I know that you don’t like pickles but don’t have the heart to tell your mom, so you eat them anyway, I know that you refill my water bottle when you think I’m not looking, and I know that stray cats love you because you always give them treats. I know you are a kind person, Kazemaru, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to feel bad or insecure. You committed a mistake, yes, but I am convinced you had your reasons."
"… It’s not a justification." Kazemaru tried to break eye contact. Endou didn’t let him.
"But it is an explanation. And I also know you are feeling self-conscious about it and reprimanding yourself, so there is no need for me to be cruel to you. Not when I miss you so goddamn much."
Kazemaru started crying. Hard. Whimpers escaped his mouth and he couldn’t stop them.
"But…"
"No buts! I’ve already forgiven you, and so has the rest of the team; it is time for you to forgive yourself too." Endou cupped his cheeks. "And I hope that in doing so, you’ll stop deflecting me. I am aware you are doing it out of guilt, but, god, it hurts me too. When you left, I didn’t know if I could ever play again, Kaze."
That struck him. Did he really have such an impact on the captain? It made him feel both special and dangerous.
"You were the first one to trust me. You leaving felt as if I had failed. And I pulled through, as countless others trusted me as well, but the field felt remarkably lonelier without your presence. I defeated the Aliea Academy in the hopes you’d come back to me."
"Endou…"
So stop avoiding… us!"
“Us?” Was there really an “us” despite everything? Kazemaru wished there was, because he definitely couldn’t let go of Endou ever again, especially not following his touching words. He hugged the other so tight he heard him squeal, but neither cared much. It had been too long since they had gotten to embrace each other like that. Kazemaru was so needy for Endou’s touch, as he had missed it incredibly. His calloused hands caressing his back felt way too foreign as well as familiar. He kept weeping and mumbling like a little kid.
"I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry." Kazemaru’s voice was low and broken.
"It’s alright." Endou kissed his friend’s forehead. "Just don’t forsake me again. I wouldn’t survive it twice," he finished with a chuckle.
An instance of silence stretched, but it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. Laying in each other’s arms was comforting in a way that both had longed for so much time. Kazemaru’s cheeks reddened, unable to disregard the butterflies in his stomach. Being apart from Endou had made him forget just how smitten he really was.
"Hey, can I tell you something? I know it’s not the best time, but… Being away from you has helped me realize it’ll never be, and you can disappear at any given moment, so I might just man up and do it now." A nervous laugh escaped Endou’s lips.
Kazemaru was able to hear the rapidness of his heart.
"Sure…"
"It’s just that… When… When I kissed Natsumi. I didn’t want to kiss her; I wanted to kiss you."
Kazemaru was not expecting that; he would have never permitted it to himself. So he froze, not being able to stutter a single coherent word.
"Because you are the prettiest person in the room. And in the world. And so much more…! You are smart and nice and hardworking and brilliant." Endou sighed, ears terribly red. "You know where this is going, don’t you?"
"Yes, but I want to hear you say it." He just needed the confirmation, the proof that he wasn't dreaming.
"What I mean is that you are wonderful in every way possible, and there was no way I wouldn’t end up falling in love with you." He shifted their position so they were face-to-face . "I like you, Kazemaru. I have for the longest time. So please be my…!"
Endou wasn’t able to finish his sentence, as Kazemaru suddenly closed the distance between their mouths and kissed him. Endou’s lips felt chapped, rough against his, but also so perfect. When they separated, despite it being a short, chaste kiss, Kazemaru could feel his head spinning and his face burning. He had wished to do that for unbelievably long.
"Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend." The words slipped, feeling much more natural than expected.
Endou beamed, his smile so bright it lit the whole wardrobe, and tightened the hug. They both started to laugh, elated.
"We are idiots, aren’t we?" Kazemaru asked, having never felt so loved.
Endou was about to respond, but another voice did instead:
"Yeah, you are."
The two boys jumped and rushed to get rid of each other. They were welcomed by the warm light of Endou’s room, the doors of the wardrobe now open. Each one of their friends was there, staring at them with funny faces. Kidou was in front of everyone, grinning with too much pride.
"How much did y’all hear?" Endou questioned, embarrassment creeping onto him. He had said some real mushy stuff, after all.
"Enough," Kidou answered.
"Everything," Gouenji corrected.
Well, wasn’t that lovely.
"You… " Kazemaru was awfully flustered. "You are terrible, Kidou Yuuto."
"Oh, come on, don’t be like that. I’ve gotten you a boyfriend, haven’t I?" He giggled at the sight of Kazemaru’s astonished face. "Look, you really needed to get it together, so I thought I would gently nudge you to clarity."
"I think the correct term is pushing."
"But it worked regardless, didn’t it?"
And, as much as Kazemaru wanted to take that smug expression off his face, he was grateful. Because he now had everything he had craved: forgiveness, acceptance and love. He decided to ignore his teammates and reached Endou to give him a quick peck. They all went wild - his boyfriend included, as red as a beet, which made Kazemaru laugh.
Coming hadn’t been so bad of an idea, in the end.
shippudash on Chapter 1 Tue 09 Sep 2025 11:22PM UTC
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efialtes on Chapter 1 Wed 10 Sep 2025 08:09AM UTC
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NekoNice on Chapter 1 Wed 24 Sep 2025 05:51AM UTC
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efialtes on Chapter 1 Wed 24 Sep 2025 03:10PM UTC
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lulu_Moonykinnie on Chapter 2 Fri 12 Sep 2025 05:40PM UTC
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efialtes on Chapter 2 Sat 13 Sep 2025 06:59PM UTC
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umibe_no_otome on Chapter 2 Fri 12 Sep 2025 10:19PM UTC
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efialtes on Chapter 2 Sat 13 Sep 2025 07:04PM UTC
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hearts_alaa11 on Chapter 2 Sat 20 Sep 2025 09:44AM UTC
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efialtes on Chapter 2 Sat 20 Sep 2025 01:10PM UTC
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