Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was dark in the cave, the only source of light being the distant glow from the main space, a corridor away, reaching the room in nothing but a faint distant whisper of something that once was light. But it didn't reach her here. As an obvious result the room was completely dark.

It always was, ever since she stopped turning on the small lamp in the corner whenever she came here. It was a pathetic attempt to hide the painful reality from her eyes, trying to push it away from her sight. A pathetic attempt truly. She was able to see in the dark. There was nothing she could do to hide anything from her eyes.

Emira's hands worked quickly against her friend's almost naked body. His skin felt cold to the touch. It was wet with sweat and blood. Her hands were covered with his blood as well.

It wasn't surprising at all, after all Compress' wounds were quite severe, leaking dark blood that never seemed to truly stop flowing out, soaking through every single bandage she wrapped around his body. No matter how many times she would do that, she had to change them every couple hours.

Just the way she was doing now. Working swiftly, her hands wrapping the new, clean bandages around his wounds, listening to his occasional noises of pain. He was enduring the pain much better than it would be expected from someone in a situation like his.

Emira stayed silent as she did it. There was nothing to say, nor did she think anything would be truly appropriate to talk about in a situation like this, especially with Compress.

He didn't try to say anything either, perhaps too overwhelmed with pain to think clearly. Or maybe he just didn't want to talk to her either. She tried not to think about it too much.

She finished wrapping up the last wound, looking at him in the darkness for a moment.

And for once in her life she actually would've preferred to see nothing. To see the darkness the way he saw it, the way everyone else did. But unfortunately she saw every single detail of his face.

It was strange to see him without his mask off. Like a vulnerability she never agreed to witness.

His short brown hair was messy, covered in sweat, some strands sticking to his forehead. She didn't bother to brush them away. She never did.

Laying there on the ground, the only thing separating his skin from the hard rocky floor was a blanket underneath his back, he looked quite vulnerable.

To see a man who would always hide his identity behind a mask, behind a costume, not letting anyone inside, to be laying almost naked on the floor, his face all exposed, his eyelids half closed, was a sight that truly felt unnerving to her.

Like something wasn't right. And the problem wasn't the blood staining the blanket beneath him, or the sweat glistening on his skin, or the pained expression on his face.

No, that wasn't it. Emira was used to seeing fresh wounds. And even if it still never failed to make her feel at least a bit nauseous, she accepted the sight as a part of their reality for now.

What was making her so uncomfortable was the vulnerability that was somewhat forced in between them. Seeing his face for the first time on that battlefield and then being forced to see it everyday ever since she picked him up, ever since she brought him here.

She knew that Compress was never a person to close the distance between them. Of course she knew that, he was her friend after all. And Emira never seemed to do anything to close the distance between them either. She preferred it that way. To see him in the mask, in his costume. To allow herself to have shallow conversations with him, the way she liked it to be. There was no place for vulnerability. Not like she wanted to be vulnerable with anyone either way. Times when she did, were long gone. And in her mind, it led only to abandonment, something she just simply couldn't allow to happen.

And now the vulnerability was forced upon her. As if some barrier between them had been broken.

She stood up, realising how much her knees actually hurt from kneeling on the cold stone as she changed his bandages. Her blood covered hand reached for the used ones.

She never made a noise when she got up. Nor when she would walk away from him. That was a part of her quirk that seemed to be useful now. To be able to just quietly disappear, to stop seeing his face.

She wouldn't look back, she wouldn't look at him, too afraid of the sight of his face. She would just walk away, probably to sit in front of the entrance to the cave, looking at the night city like she always did. She would probably return later, to lay down next to him on the ground.

"Stay."

It made her stop right in her footsteps, just before the entrance to the corridor connecting their little room with the main section of the cave.

It almost sounded like a plea, a desperate ask just to keep her in the room.

She made no sound, her body frozen in place, his voice echoing in her head.

"If you're still here…then stay. Please."

He spoke up again. And something in his tone made Emira actually turn back.

Her feet made no sound as she stepped towards him in soft motions, almost as if she was still considering whether or not she should do that. No sound was made either, when she sat down next to him, hugging her knees to her chest.

She felt her tail wrapping around his arm on its own. It was one thing that she never could truly control, serving as a betrayal of her true emotions anytime it would tense with fear, the dark fur rising up, or when it would wrap around the people close to her, whether for attention or, like in the case for closure.

She wondered whether if it didn't wrap itself around his arm, would Compress even know she was still in the room with him. What would have given her away then?

He seemed to appreciate her presence, his hand weakly moving towards the end of the tail, stroking it gently, as if to make sure she was still there.

And despite her own need to push him away, to do anything to avoid the uncomfortable vulnerability that in her eyes would lead to nothing but pain, her tail wrapping around his arm served as a pathetic attempt at getting any sort of closure she desperately needed. Betraying her true needs above all the silence of the past few days.

She couldn't force herself to look at him, instead her eyes stared blankly at the wall, in an attempt to distract herself from the situation she was in.

"How is the rest holding up?"

His voice was still weak, just as quiet as before.

Emira didn't answer right away, feeling the tightness in her throat growing with each second.

He didn't know.

Of course he didn't, he was barely struggling to survive here, in that cave, bleeding out as the minutes passed in the darkness that had to be so overwhelming to him.

She stayed silent.

What was she even supposed to tell him?

That every single one of their friends was slowly dying, not in the same way he was, not yet at least, but by suffering.

Because everything that was happening with the rest of the League members, heralded the inevitable demise to each of them, to the world as they knew it.

Emira saw this anytime she would walk through the cave, observing as Tomura would writhe with pain, observed by All For One, who didn't even bother talking to them if he didn't have to.

How Spinner would wrap himself around Tomura's body at night, his tail curling around the man's legs, as if he tried to shield him from something, as if he tried to show him that he cared.

But Tomura wasn't there anymore. The body she once was so familiar with, was now nothing but a tool, a vessel. And if he by some miracle still was there, it was too deep inside to notice his presence anymore.

She would notice how Dabi would avert his gaze whenever she walked by, trying to ignore her, as if she didn't exist, as if by saving that hero made her completely invisible in his eyes.

Or how Toga would sit around quietly, always lost in thought. It was almost unnerving to see her that way.

And Emira wouldn't tell him about any of it. He didn't know and it would be better that way.

Because she was certain that if she opened her mouth to say everything that she had been observing for the last weeks, her voice wouldn't even come out of her lips.

"As usual."

She answered instead.

She didn't want to talk about it. Not when it was a fresh wound that was still bleeding, in the same way the ones on his body were.

He nodded.

"Good..."

He whispered. And even through how weak his voice was, it was obvious he was desperate to talk with her.

That desperation was something new as well, something that seemed to appear with his wounds, with his real face now on display.

She didn't answer.

She didn't want to.

It felt like too much to bear right now.

She didn't want to talk, she didn't want to be here. The weight of the vulnerability seemed to be slowly crushing her, as if to the point where she couldn't breathe in the room he was in anymore.

She stayed silent.

The only indicator that she was still there was the tail, wrapped around his arm.

There was nothing to talk about, at least for her.

She didn't want to talk about the League, about anything that happened.

And he seemed unable to ask any more questions.

Maybe he noticed that she was not up for the conversation right now...

"I'm gonna go guard the entrance."

"Wait."

His response was immediate, his hand clenching weakly on her tail, probably because the sore muscles didn't allow him for any more than that.

Now the desperation in his voice couldn't be mistaken for anything else, it was there, clear and apparent.

She still wasn't able to look at him. Not like this, not when he wanted to talk to her, not when he was so vulnerable.

"Emira, I need to talk to you."

Need.

That was something apparent in his voice as well.

She didn't move, didn't get up to leave and guard the entrance like she said she would. But she didn't respond either.

Maybe if she wouldn't respond for long enough, he would change his mind.

Or decide that she wasn't worth talking to anyways. That it would be better to just stay silent.

Wait, was that what she actually wanted?

No, it couldn't be. She didn't want him to leave, to just cross her out like that.

That's why she had been doing this, wasn't it?

Trying to keep the distance.

Distance was good.

It was familiar, something known to her much better than any other feeling.

Being close to someone, but still keeping the emotional distance...even when her tail would be wrapped around his arm, even when she craved being close to him. It still meant that the distance was necessary.

Because, if she said something, if she tried to tell him everything, he actually might have considered her as not worth anything anymore. If she didn't put the proper distance between them.

Especially since for the past couple weeks the cracks have been showing in the way she was behaving around him...

"I know you are lonely."

His voice echoed in the cave. Or maybe it only seemed like that to her...

She gritted her teeth. Because in all honesty, she was indeed lonely.

Hearing no response, Compress continued.

"Especially now. I can see that, no matter what you think."

She took a breath, feeling her throat growing dry at his words.

"And I understand you. But...you can't keep taking everything out on me."

This again...

"I'm not taking it out on you."

Emira's voice came out much louder than she wanted it to.

"Emira..."

That was all it took for her to stop talking.

Just her name, spoken softly in his voice.

She closed her eyes, the closest to the darkness as she could get.

She knew that it was wrong. The whole relationship between them. It became wrong from the moment when she rushed in to save Midnight, her body acting on instinct rather than any rational reasoning. That was the last moment when their relationship resembled the friendship they once had. The friendship that she missed so dearly.

Then, when she climbed back onto Gigantomachia's back...it was different. She couldn't look at him without rage. Even if the logical part of her brain was telling her that it wasn't his fault, not entirely at least. That it was her who was in the wrong. Because he was just doing what they were supposed to do. It was her problem, hers entirely, that her body couldn't stand still when she even saw the hero woman approaching, when she looked at her with that familiar gaze. The one that showed so much pain and disappointment over something that Emira would never change, not for her.

She remembered the resentment she felt towards him. And the fact that he didn't deserve that angered her even more.

And when she was thinking about it, she honestly didn't remember any other emotions she felt during the Paranormal Liberation War. Nothing besides that bitter resentment as they sat on Gigantomachia's back, as the voices of her friends all blurred into an incomprehensible noise.

She didn't have time to resent him for too long, not with everything that happened not long after.

The image of Compress, ripping through his own flesh apart with his bare hands. Using his quirk in ways that she didn't even suspect he would.

So when her body moved, when her hands reached for him, even though she doubted she would be able to lift him, when she climbed onto that Nomu, holding her friend's body so close to herself, she didn't have time to think of why she did that.

The simplest answer would be because she cared. Of course she did. With everything that they went through, every mission fought side by side, every wound he treated for her, it would be hard not to care. They were friends after all.

But there was something else lurking in the back of her mind anytime she looked at his bleeding body. Anytime she would change his bandages or touch his oozing wounds. The thought that he was the only one truly left by her side.

He was the only one that she could keep by her side.

Now in the darkness, as she closed her eyes, Emira couldn't force herself to look at him.

But she knew he was still there. Because of the hand that was still placed on her tail. Because of the ragged breaths audible in the cave's silence, just barely audible but always present.

It was selfish of her.

It truly was.

To keep him close, to pick him up from the battlefield when his wounds were so serious.

And she knew that.

Although in Emira's mind there was just one thought, floating above every other one.

She couldn't lose another person.

She couldn't be abandoned.

Not when the perspective of an actual war loomed above them all, dreadful, always present in the way All For One spoke. And by the way he did speak about that possibility, it was clear it would come over them the next day, when the night would be over.

It was depressing. To think that she was almost completely abandoned. Right before the day that might rip everyone else away as well.

But in moments like this, the moments when Compress tried to talk to her...she couldn't help but think about what would happen if she didn't pick him up.

And even if she never wanted to admit that even to herself, pushing the thought away, silencing it with millions of other thoughts, she still knew the truth.

He wouldn't suffer. He would get the help he needed.

Probably picked off the battlefield by the heroes and rushed to the hospital immediately.

And even if he would end up arrested, put into the depths of Tartarus, she still knew that it would be a far better fate for him than to be stuck in that cave.

"Emira..."

He repeated once again.

They've had this conversation already.

A couple times.

And she always managed to run away from the topic.

"I'm not taking it out on you."

Her voice was much quieter this time. He let go of her tail.
Instead, his hand weakly reached for her own, finding it in the darkness, as it rested down on the cold floor of the cave.

She didn't pull away.

"Stop. We both know what you're doing."

"I'm not-"

His voice stopped her once again. Somehow his shaky whisper was enough to make her voice catch in her throat.

"You are." She stayed silent, so he continued. "We talked about this already. You are snapping at me, whenever you are here. And when you aren't snapping at me, you are just quietly ignoring me."

She didn't say anything for a longer while.

She wanted to say something, to defend herself.

It surely wasn't that bad. Not in the way he was describing it. Sure, she might have snapped at him once or twice but it never was that serious, was it?

"Don't answer yet."

He said before she managed to say anything, to open her mouth filled with her sharp teeth to give a defensive response.

There was a certain heaviness in her throat, one she was so familiar with. After all, it was much more familiar than any other feeling by that point.

The same heaviness she would feel before every feeling would collapse inside her, usually finalised by her claws digging into any space she could find, whether it would be the furniture, the walls, the floors, or the scarred skin on her thighs.

The heaviness was different this time. Instead of spilling out, in a similar way a liquid in a cracked vessel spills, before ultimately shattering it to pieces, this time the heavy sensation was almost choking her. Wrapping tightly around her throat in a deadly grip.

She tried to open her mouth.

"Let me speak." And she did, remaining quiet, as he continued. "I know you are lonely. I said that already and even if you aren't willing to admit that, I see it."

There was another moment of silence between them. This time he didn't even have to explain, she didn't ask either.

It was obvious, by the way every single night, when she would lay down next to him, she would reach out to him, wrapping herself around him. Even if neither of them really brought it up openly.

At first it started out as a small gesture. Her tail wrapping itself around his leg as she tried to sleep next to him, betraying her true needs once again.

And then came the conscious touches. Unaddressed. Quiet. As if she expected the night to swallow them entirely, whenever the next day would begin.

It was never anything more than her hand reaching out for his in the darkness, her fingers intertwining with his, or her body slowly getting closer throughout the night.

Until it all led to a point when she would rest her head on his chest, unable to sleep otherwise. It was strange not to be so close to someone in her sleep. As if the past two years spent with the League made her strangely attached to the sensation of someone being close when she slept.

The heaviness did not disappear. In fact it seemed to wrap up her throat, now threatening to fill her mouth with the strange feeling as well. She let out a ragged breath.

"I don't want to scold you, my dear. I want you to think about it."

And even if she wanted to scoff, to tell him that she doesn't care, that it's him who's the problem, she stayed silent. She knew that no matter how badly she wanted to think about anything else than that, silencing the self reflection with her own mind, she was certain she would find herself thinking about it either way, probably as she would be sitting in front of the entry to the cave, staring at the moon.

This time the heaviness was impossible to ignore.

And as she felt the sensation wrapping around her face completely, surrounding her, leaving her entirely helpless, she didn't seem to notice the tears that dropped down her cheeks. The slightly warm sensation was the first indicator of that.

She tried to calm down, to push it down, at least until she would be able to leave and break something with her claws, until she would feel better. Or until she would replace all the unfamiliar and strange emotions inside her with rage and resentment. Something familiar at least.

But just the perspective of thinking about it seemed to make the heavy sensation in her throat worse, forcing a couple quiet sobs out of her lips.

Even if in the darkness Compress probably wouldn't see her crying, her uneven breathing and occasional sobs, no matter how quiet, were giving her away.

His hand tightened against her. It wasn't an overly noticeable sensation, barely a soft squeeze. But in the state he was in, it was everything he could do.

"My dear..."

He whispered. His voice was much softer now, barely a broken noise in the darkness. However, that was enough to force the tears to stream down her face now uncontrollably.

"I don't have anyone besides you."

Her voice left her lips before she even thought about how pathetic it would sound as it echoed quietly in between them.

"I lost everything once already."

The sentence left her lips in a noise much more resembling a hiss than anything. Her voice was shaky, each sob breaking through.

"They abandoned me. The League. You're the only one..."

She wasn't even able to finish the sentence.

With a truly pathetic noise her voice just turned into a sob again.

Because something inside her seemed to break when admitting the truth out loud.

Abandonment was always terrifying to her. It led to her life shattering once already, leaving her on the streets, as nothing more than a stray. And she couldn't afford to be abandoned again, to end up completely alone, crawling around with her claws bared at all times, prepared for death to come and take her somewhere in those alleyways.

Not when she barely could remember the feeling of hunger so painful it seemed to suck her from the inside. Not when the desperation that led her teeth to sink into the blood and flesh of corpses was nothing but a faint memory.

Not when she finally had a place to belong. That small piece of normalcy, even if the normal life was not for her anymore.

And yet it seemed like no matter what her own personal wishes were, she was bound to be left alone. Abandoned no matter what she did in desperation to avoid it.

Compress wanted to say something. She saw it when she finally gathered the courage to look at his face. His blood stained lips parted, as if he calculated what would be the best response.

She suspected it would be something to convince her otherwise. To prove to her that she wasn't truly alone.
But he didn't see the way Dabi looked at her, ever since she picked Midnight off of that battlefield. He didn't see the utter pity and disdain whenever she would try to get close to the man.

He couldn't see the way Tomura's eyes looked, all empty, without a trace of his consciousness inside, betraying who was truly in charge of that body now.

Nor could he see the way Spinner would avoid her presence, kneeling down next to Shigaraki, his eyes searching for a trace of a soul underneath the pale skin.

And most certainly he wouldn't know about how she would isolate herself seeing those smallest signs of abandonment. Knowing that there is nothing to do about it now, that there's nothing she could do anyway, the isolation serves as the only appropriate reaction in that situation.

There was so much he couldn't see. The abandonment that led her here. To the room where nobody else was allowed.

Not because she said so, but because of All For One's orders, stating clearly that she is the person allowed here because that's the only use he would have of her.

"I know I hurt you. And I never wanted that. But I just can't lose you too."

Her voice was nothing but a whisper now. Because if she said anything louder than that, she would be certain no words would come out, replaced by the violent sobbing she was trying so hard to control through her shaky breaths now.
And it hurt to look at him even more. So much that she once again felt like she wasn't able to handle it.

So she closed her eyes.

In a pathetic attempt to escape from the sight. The sight of a man, who she couldn't push away on time. Her dearest friend, who despite all her best efforts to keep him close, would inevitably leave her.

And something about that thought caused her to feel one familiar emotion in the turmoil of the ones she wasn't able to name - a sadness so deep it felt almost physical.

Her body is trembling with each sob, something inside her slowly snapping. It was unlike any other meltdown she had before. Because during those meltdowns, she was at least able to be violent, she was able to let it all out. And now, even though tears were dripping down her face, she felt like the abandonment was suffocating her. And it wasn't a weight she would be able to claw at until it lets go eventually, like she usually did. Instead, for the first time, the weight seemed too heavy for her. And if she were to claw at it, she would most likely lose all her claws more than anything.

And there was only one thing she could do.

So in defiance to this strange sensation of sadness too great to fight with violence, she leaned down, allowing her body to tremble against the cold floor of the cave, as her head rested against his shoulder. Just the way she would, late at night when she wanted to sleep, but the need for the familiarity of having someone's body next to her own was too great to ignore. And similarly to those moments, now she pressed her body against his, the skin of his arm muffling the sobs slightly.

For a while Emira was afraid that something inside her shattered, that she wouldn't be able to stop the trembling of her own body, or the disgusting noise of her own sobs, no matter how much she wanted to do so. Not because she didn't want Compress to see her crying, he saw her completely breaking down countless times before. Never saying anything, always offering a tissue to wipe her tears and a clean cloth to soak with disinfectant as he would dress the scratches on her thighs without any questions. Because that was the way their friendship operated. And she always was grateful for that.

For a couple naive moments, she was certain this night would be just like any other when she would have her breakdowns. Trying to ignore how much more different this situation was from the previous ones.

But Compress seemed to notice that, no matter what her hopes were. His hand weakly lifted off the ground, and with a soft hiss of pain, he put it on her back. It was trembling when it touched her, his blood probably staining the fabric of her shirt, as his fingers started to trace soft circles against her back, feeling her spine peeking through the skin, wrapped so tightly around it, as if the bones were to break through it at any second. And even despite the trembling, the obvious traces of his own weakness, caused by the amount of blood he lost, his touch never faltered, as he tried to keep the palm steady against her. As if he tried to show her that he was present.

Emira wasn't sobbing as violently as before now, finally able to regain control over her own body, swallowing all the noises that tried to escape her lips.

"I'm here."

When he spoke, her stomach clenched with a strange feeling, as she seemed unable to wrap her head around why exactly he would say that.

The most obvious answer would be that it was just one of those things people say to comfort someone.

But to her, it felt strange.

Because he never did anything like that.

"I care about you..."

His voice sounded again, in a tone that clearly was meant to soothe her.

She didn't dare to open her eyes, the vulnerability between them became something so heavy, so painful, she was sure she would break down again, if she saw his face.

The man who once kneeled down next to her with his face covered by a mask, quietly offering her a tissue, was now laying with her almost naked, his brown eyes probably searching for hers in the complete darkness, as his whispers echoed in her ears.

"It is all going to be alright..."

As he whispered that, she pressed her face into the crook of his neck, afraid that her own body would betray her, forcing her to open her eyes and look at him.

His hand was still running soft circles against her back. And even if Emira's sobs stopped completely, allowing the tears to fall down her face with no sound, no other trace than the wet sensation on her cheeks, now smeared into his neck as well, she didn't feel any better.

In fact, she was terrified by her own state, her hands trembling as she clenched her fingers against his skin.

"It's okay, my dear. I'm here."

His voice stayed the same as he repeated that. Soft, despite the weakness, the slight rasp in his dry throat.

Emira's stomach turned again in a sensation similar to pain but somehow not identical.

And something inside her needed that.

She knew she needed closure. She was painfully aware of it. She needed to feel close to someone, it was only natural. Especially in a state like this.

Nothing else. Just to feel close.

Emira didn't think about him in that way before, he always kept the distance in their friendship after all. And she was comfortable that way. But in that moment, when he was the only person left for her, slowly slipping through her fingers, she just craved one moment. Of feeling close. Of feeling important, seen.

"My dear..."

His voice was not helping the situation either. He was vulnerable, he was close to her and he just seemed to want to be there.

"Compress..."

She wanted her voice to be a soft purr. To show him that she could do this. But it came out much more shaky than usual.

She leaned closer to him, her body wrapping around him completely.

She knew what she needed to do to feel close to him. No matter how much she didn't want to do it now, how much her body trembled even at the thought of that possibility crossing her mind. Everything inside her was turning, almost as if her own body begged her, desperately telling her that she couldn't do it.

But it was the only way she knew how to get closure.

So her lips pressed one shaky kiss against his neck.

"You aren't going to leave, are you?"

A pathetic whisper coming out of her lips, as her body wrapped around him so tightly, she was almost laying on top of him now.

His hand on her back stopped for a moment. As if he hesitated. Before it resumed its movements once again.

"No, my dear. I won't leave..."

She shifted across him, skin sliding against skin, her body trembling.

She clenched her teeth. She never had this kind of issue before.

She let out a trembling sigh against his neck, her hands sliding across his chest.

"Again..."

There was a certain begging in her tone. But not the kind she was aiming for, not the slow seduction she was used to, instead it was raw, desperate, coming out in between ragged breaths, as if she was about to cry.

"Emira?"

"Just say it again..."

She pressed her trembling lips against the skin of his neck again.

"I won't leave you."

His hand kept the circular motion against her spine.

Emira's hands trembled, as she slid them across his chest.
She needed to control herself. To get a hold of herself, to stop fucking trembling and just do what she had to do.

Why couldn't she even get into the mood?

It didn't matter. She would get into it when they would start, she was certain about it. She just needed to push herself a bit more. To push through the trembling and the ragged breaths.

"Compress..."

She whispered again. She couldn't bring herself to whisper his actual name, not now, not ever before.

"You'll stay, right?"

Another press of her lips against his skin. This time he seemed to tremble as well.

Her hands continued their shaky path across his chest, feeling the blood soaked bandages and the cold skin underneath her fingertips. Her claws dragged against him softly. She didn't want to hurt him after all, especially with the trembling of her hands. She had to control herself.

"I will..."

His voice echoed in her ears.

He said that. Truly, that would mean he wanted it. He wanted her close.

She parted her lips slightly. This time, the kiss pressed against his neck left a wet mark of her own saliva. Her tongue slid across it, as if trying to spread it further.

"Emira..."

His voice was trembling again.

"You won't leave...not now...not this time..."

Her voice was interrupted by the open mouthed kisses pressed against his skin. She could taste the traces of blood, dirt and sweat that coated his skin mixing on her tongue.
It wasn't a question, but it certainly sounded like one, mixing with a desperate plea. He couldn't abandon her. Not now…
She felt no pleasure as her hips moved, in an attempt to grind herself against him.

His hand on her back now stopped completely, clenching against her shirt.

"I won't leave..."

She pressed his lips against his neck again. She wasn't even able to respond, her body trembling uncontrollably. And she couldn't do anything about it. It was much stronger than her.

The only thing she could do was continuing, just a bit longer, just until she could get the closure. She tried to enjoy it, she really did. And she surely tried to make him enjoy it, her tongue licking another wet strip across his neck again.

Compress' breathing grew heavier now, his lips close enough to her ear to make every single breath echo in her mind.

Her hands slid lower. One finally reached the waistband of his pants.

It slid past the belt, there was no time to unbuckle it, not now.
Her fingers traced lower, feeling the curls of his hair underneath her touch. Sliding lower, still lower. To finally feel the closure.

"Emira, stop."

And she did. Her fingers pressed just against the base, nested in between the curls of his hair.

She felt that with those words, everything stopped around her, that was of course, besides her trembling. She doubted anything could stop it now.

Her brain went blank.

What was she supposed to do right now?

It was as if someone made her freeze right there and then, just leaving her unable to make any move. Just laying there, on top of him, her face pressed against the crook of his neck.

"You...don't want this?"

"No, Emira. Not like this."

Her hand immediately slid out of his pants.

Her mind instantly rushed through all the things she might have done wrong.

Maybe he didn't want closure after all.

Maybe he didn't care.

With that single sentence, everything she was afraid of happening, shattered through her.

She didn't manage to push him away quickly enough. And now, he actually abandoned her.

She couldn't blame him, it would be the worst thing she could do. She understood that he didn't want it.

Maybe if she just did it a bit earlier, or if she never actually agreed to talk to him, he might've stayed.

"I know what you were just trying to do, Emira."

She never heard his voice that serious before.

Without a noise, she climbed off of him, his hand that was on her back, trying to wrap around hers. She pulled away.

"What you're doing...it isn't healthy. And it won’t make you feel better, not now, not ever."

His voice was trembling again. His hand slid across the cold stone of the cave floor.

There was a while of silence after he said it.

As if there was nothing to say in response, as if all the words were taken away in a sudden moment.

And for a moment the cave was nothing but silent.

"Emira..."

He managed to speak again, breaking the silence.

"Would you...want to talk about it?"

It was dark in the cave, the only source of light being the distant glow from the main space, a corridor away, reaching the room in nothing but a faint distant whisper of something that once was light. But it didn't reach him here. As an obvious result the room was dark.

It always was, ever since she stopped turning on the small lamp in the corner whenever she came into the room. He never understood why she stopped doing that. Perhaps in an attempt to spare him the sight of his own mutilated body.

After all, unlike him she was able to see in the dark. There was nothing she could do to hide anything from her eyes. So there was no need for him to see it as well.

He thought he knew the darkness before, but ever since the lamp in the corner stopped glowing, he was lying surrounded by complete darkness. It didn't matter if he closed his eyes or not, the darkness was always the same.

His own voice echoed though the cave, or perhaps just in his head. Either way, he felt it in his ears, ringing in that shaky tone that didn't even resemble his own voice. He ached to say something, anything, but he doubted it would change anything. Not unless he would be able to understand her, to finally hear her response. The response that he had been waiting for.

It never came.

Not that night, not ever, his words echoed in the darkness, until they stopped, swallowed by the silence of the cave.

He wasn't even aware of how much time had passed before he realised that she left.

She never returned, not to speak to him, nor to lay down next to him on the ground like she always would.

So he laid there in the darkness of the cave.

The cave that was always dark, now with nobody able to turn on the lamp in the corner anymore.