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Chapter Text

Fourth's POV

I should have been used to packing by now, stuffing my life into boxes, leaving behind whatever I couldn't carry. But when the plane touched down in Bangkok, my chest still felt like it was splitting open.

Thailand wasn't home. Korea had been home, but I had to give that up.

"Fotfot." My brother's voice tugged me out of the haze. Pond, ever reliable, stood in the aisle, eyes sharp with worry as if I might crumble into dust if he looked away too long.

"Come on. Appa's waiting."

Tontawan brushed past us with her effortless grace, the kind people always praised her for. "You'll be fine here," she said. Her tone was gentle, but her gaze lingered on me, heavy. You'll be fine. It sounded less like reassurance and more like she was trying to convince herself.

I wasn't fine. We hadn't been fine since that incident in Korea.

And the truth was, my brother and sister would only be in Bangkok for a few days. Their lives, their work, were in Seoul. It wouldn't be them living here, it would be me. Just me and Appa. They could say "fine" all they wanted, but they weren't the ones who had to leave everything behind.

When we stepped out of the airport, Appa was there...suited, polished, his smile strained but still genuine when he pulled me into a hug.

"You made it," he whispered in Korean, the language he always used when it was just us. "You're safe now."

Safe. The word clung to me like a lie.

Our new house in Bangkok was too big, too bright. Marble floors, wide staircases, a place that echoed when you breathed. Appa had transferred to the Thailand branch of his company: better salary, better life. He deserved the promotion. He deserved peace. But every corner of that house seemed to watch me.

That night, Hanbin called, the one person I had left, him and his boyfriend. His face flickered onto my screen, familiar and grounding, even as guilt twisted in my gut.

"Did you arrive safely?" he asked, voice warm, soft. He always asked. He always worried.

I nodded. "Yeah. We're here."

"yahh, I miss you already." His smile tilted, but his eyes betrayed him.

Zhang Hao leaned into the frame, offering a small wave and a quiet smile. They had each other now. I was glad.

"I miss you too," I admitted. Lying to Hanbin had never been possible. "Both of you."

"Take care of yourself," he said gently. "Promise me. And keep us updated."

I promised. But promises didn't stop the shadows.

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The next morning, I put on my new uniform for Chulalongkorn University. Law, Appa's choice, not mine. Before Bangkok, I'd been at Yonsei, but I had to drop out after the incident. Appa thought a change of scenery would keep me from breaking. I didn't even get a word in.

He drove me to campus, and we stood at the gate together. People stared, whispering. Mixed blood, striking looks...they always noticed. Appa had been well-known for his beauty before he married my mother; people still said he carried that same charm.

Before leaving me, he checked my pockets for my meds. He always did. I couldn't blame him. Not after what happened in Korea. Not after the blood, the screaming, the way I had lived when others didn't.

Sometimes, I still heard their voices...faint, distant. You shouldn't be here. You should have died with us.

I blinked. The quad was full of laughing students, alive and breathing, completely normal. But my skin prickled anyway.

Because for a moment, I could feel something was wrong.

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Chulalongkorn's law building smelled faintly of polish and paper, the kind of sterile neatness that made me want to claw at the walls. The lecture hall was already half-full when I walked in, rows of students bent over their phones or notebooks.

For a moment, the air shifted. Voices dipped, eyes turned, stares followed me all the way to my seat.

I froze. Was there something on my face? Blood? No. I checked...my hands were clean. But the weight of their attention didn't fade. I slid into a chair halfway down the row, near the window. Light spilt across the desk, too bright, too sharp, like an interrogation lamp.

Two boys approached after a beat, both smiling. 

"Hey," Satang said, dropping into the chair beside me without asking. "I'm Satang. That's Chokun. We figured we'd say hi before the professor scares you off."

Chokun chuckled, leaning forward. "Don't mind the staring. It's your... look."

"My look?" I frowned.

"Your face," Chokun clarified, matter-of-fact. "You stand out. That's why people are curious."

For a heartbeat, I had been sure they were staring because they knew, because they had seen the blood still clinging to me, even here. But no. They were just looking at my face.

"...I'm half Korean," I said finally, the words stiff, rehearsed. "Dad's Thai. Mom was Korean. She died when I was young." I left it there.

"Your Thai's good though," Satang noted.

"Well, I use both Thai and Korean. My father sometimes speaks Thai, though he usually sticks to Korean. I guess I picked it up without really trying."

They both nodded, conversation softening into something lighter. Still, the stares pressed against me, drilling into the back of my skull.

The scrape of a chair echoed sharply as another student walked in.

He entered like the room already belonged to him, uniform crisp, gaze cold as glass. His expression was bored but cutting, like he'd already measured everyone here and found them lacking.

When his eyes landed on me, something inside me flinched.

I didn't know why. I didn't even know if it was real. Maybe it was only my head again, twisting strangers into threats. But the way he looked at me...like he could see past the polished marble and picture-perfect surfaces, straight into the cracks I was trying to hide...made my throat tighten.

"Who's he?" I muttered under my breath.

"Gemini," Satang supplied. "Top of every prep class. Rumour says he's brutal in debates, doesn't let anyone off easy."

Brutal. My fingers curled against the desk.

Gemini's gaze flicked away, dismissive, like I wasn't even worth his time. But the weight of it lingered...heavy, cold.

And suddenly, the whispers started again.

You shouldn't be here.

I shook my head. No. Just the hum of students around me. Just nerves.

Still, my skin prickled.

Chapter Text

The lecture hall spilled its crowd into the corridor, voices tumbling in a low tide of chatter. I slipped out with the others, keeping close to the wall. Satang and Chokun caught up before I reached the stairs.

"Wanna grab food?" Satang asked, swinging his bag over his shoulder with casual ease. "There's that new café near the dorms."

Chokun nodded quickly, eyes bright. "It'll be fun. First week, we should celebrate, right?"

Their smiles carried an easy warmth, the kind I wished I could return. Instead, my lips tugged into something small, polite...close enough to a smile, but never wide. Never real.

"Sorry," I murmured. "I'm tired."

They exchanged a glance but didn't push. Just a pair of nods, a wave, and they let me go.

I should have gone. I should have tried. But my body betrayed me as always...too heavy, too restless, too wrong.

The dorm hall was quiet when I pushed the door open. My roommate, Perth, was gone again. He drifted in and out like a ghost, his absence leaving behind nothing but silence. It should have made me lonely. Instead, I felt relief. At least no one would see me come undone.

The room smelled faintly of laundry detergent and dust. I dropped my bag by the desk and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the blank wall across from me.

Silence.

Then,

You shouldn't be here.

The whisper curled low, just behind my ear. Too close. My hand shot up instinctively, grasping at nothing. Only air.

My breath came sharp, too loud in the stillness. Not real. It wasn't real. They said it was just my imagination...side effects, trauma clawing its way back into daylight.

But then the shadow moved.

It stretched long across the corner of the ceiling, bent and wrong, though no light cast it. My chest clenched, pulse hammering against my throat.

"You're not real," I whispered to it. "You're not..."

You should have died.

The words sank into my bones, heavy, suffocating. My hands shook as I fumbled for the bottle on the nightstand. The cap twisted free. Pills rattled into my palm, pale and small. I swallowed them dry, choking once.

My family thought the medication worked. Appa is checking in. Pond hyung slipping reminders into conversation. Tawan nuna worried glances. If I told them the truth...that the shadows and whispers never left...they would break all over again. And I couldn't let them. I couldn't let them see how fragile I still was.

So I smiled for them. Small. Enough to pretend. Never wide. Never real.

But here, alone, there was no pretending.

I lay back on the mattress, eyes fixed on the ceiling where the shadow had been. Sometimes I wondered if I had stolen someone's life. If survival itself had been a mistake. Maybe that was why they whispered. Maybe that was why they never left. Because they knew the truth. I wasn't supposed to be here. And the longer I stayed alive, the heavier the debt became.

Outside, laughter drifted in from students passing the dorms. Carefree, unburdened. Living was effortless for them, every breath light. For a moment, I hated them. Hated them for what came so easily, when every breath for me felt like sin pressed into my lungs.

The whisper slid through the dark again, softer this time. Almost tender.

Come back to us.

I shut my eyes and pressed my palms over my ears. But the dark only curled closer, seeping into me, reminding me that no matter how far I ran, no matter how hard I pretended...

I would never deserve this life.

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The dorm room was too still. Perth's bed was perfectly made, untouched. He was busier than the president of the country...always gone, always drifting in and out like he lived somewhere else entirely.

I had managed to fall asleep, but a sound tore me awake.

A voice.

Fourth...

My eyes snapped open. The room was empty. I turned toward Perth's side anyway, but his bed was bare. Just silence.

My chest pounded as I reached for my phone. The screen lit up...dozens of messages stacked one after another.

Appa: Are you okay? Don't forget your meds.
Pond Hyung: Text when you get back from class. Don't ignore me.
Tawan Nuna: Don't stay up too late. Please, Fourth.

I noticed bruises blooming across my hand. I must have fallen to the floor in my sleep again.

Guilt pressed down with every notification. They loved me. They were only worried. I should have been grateful, and I was. But sometimes, their concern felt like a cage.

I was fine.

...Except the shadows hadn't left. Except the whispers still bled through the silence.

The phone vibrated again...this time with a call I hadn't noticed before. Hanbin.

I answered immediately.

(They spoke in Korean. I use this font if they speak using korean okay)

His voice spilled through the speaker, warm and worried. "Fourth? Finally. I've been calling forever. Why didn't you pick up?"

"I was... sleeping," I said, though the crack in my voice betrayed me.

A pause. "Are you okay there?"

"I'm fine." The lie sat heavy on my tongue.

He exhaled sharply. Hanbin never believed me when I said that. "Don't lie. How bad is it?"

I pressed my knuckles against my lips. "...They're still here."

"The whispers?" His tone softened, careful, like he was afraid to push me too far.

"Yes. They don't stop. Everyone keeps telling me it's in my head. Side effects. Trauma. But..." My chest tightened. "It feels real, Hanbin. I swear it's real."

Silence stretched, then the faint sound of him pacing. When he finally spoke, his voice was steady. "Then it's real for you. That's what matters."

The words cracked something open inside me.

"But listen, Fourth. Whether it's real or not, you can't carry it alone. If you keep bottling it up, it'll eat you alive. And more importantly, don't ever think it's your fault. Live. Leo and Sangwon would be sad if they saw you like this."

My throat closed. "They must be angry. Only I survived. They should have lived, not me..."

"No." Hanbin's voice sharpened. "They loved you, Fourth. We were the best of friends, weren't we? It wasn't your fault. Please stop blaming yourself. And remember, you won't scare the right person away."

Tears burned behind my eyes. "Hanbinna..."

"I'm here," he said, voice trembling but firm. "I can't be there every second, but find someone you trust. You don't have to fight alone."

For a moment, the whispers faded. For a moment, I could breathe.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You're not alone, Fourth. Don't forget that."

The line went dead. My reflection stared back from the black screen, fractured across the glass. Hanbin was right, I was lucky. If not for him, I would have shattered a long time ago.

But as much as I wanted to listen, I couldn't. I couldn't risk it.

"I'm sorry, Hanbin," I murmured into the empty room. "For now... I'll try not to bother anyone else with my problems."

The dark didn't answer, but it didn't leave either. It never did.

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The next day, I skipped my lecture and texted Satang and Chokun so they wouldn't worry. My siblings were flying back to Korea, and I couldn't miss the chance to see them off.

At the airport, both Pond Hyung and Tawan Nuna pulled me into a tight hug. I clung to them like I never wanted to let go.

When they finally broke away, Tawan Nuna cupped my face. "Be safe, okay? I love you. I love you so much. Call me, text me, keep me updated arrasseo. I'm sorry I can't stay here with you. My job won't let me. But I promise, I'll visit you and Appa."

My tears slipped free. "I love you too, Nuna."

Pond Hyung rested a hand on my shoulder. "Fourth, remember your medicine. I know you've been going through a lot, but I want you to feel safe. Take care of yourself, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay, hyung."

They turned to hug Appa, exchanged their last goodbyes, then disappeared into the gates.

On the drive back, the silence pressed heavier than words. Appa dropped me at the university dorm and left for home.

I stood in the hallway alone, already missing them.

Chapter Text

The lecture hall buzzed with the low hum of voices...pens scratching, keyboards tapping, the professor's cadence threading through it all. I tried to anchor myself to the lesson, but the whispers were louder.

You don't belong here.

I blinked hard, gripping my pen until the plastic dug into my skin. My vision wavered. In the corner of the room, a shadow stretched long, fingers unfurling down the wall like they wanted to touch me.

Not here. Not now.

My hand shook as I slipped it under the desk, fumbling the pill bottle from my pocket. The cap rattled far too loudly when I twisted it open. A few students glanced over, curious, but I ignored them, swallowing two pills dry. The whispers didn't stop...they never did but the edges blurred just enough to let me pretend.

By the end of class, a feverish ache had spread through my body. My skin felt clammy, vision dimming at the edges.

"Fourth," Chokun whispered when the professor dismissed us. His brows pinched with concern. "You don't look good. Are you sick?"

Satang leaned closer, his frown deep. "You're pale. Should we take you to the nurse?"

I forced a thin smile, the kind that never reached my eyes. "I'm fine."

They didn't believe me, but they didn't press. No one ever did...not after I said those words.

As I gathered my books, I turned and collided with someone at the door. The impact jolted me backwards. Sharp eyes met mine.

Gemini.

He was taller up close, his presence cutting like glass. His gaze swept over me, clinical, unimpressed.

"You again," he muttered, tone flat but biting. "No wonder the air feels heavy. You look like you'll collapse any second."

The words cut sharper than I wanted to admit.

Satang bristled. "Hey..."

I raised my hand, stopping him. My voice came out steadier than I felt. "It's none of your business."

Gemini's mouth curved...not quite a smile, more like disdain sharpened thin. "Everything about you screams weakness. You should've stayed home if you can't keep up."

Heat flushed through me, not just from the fever.

He's right, the whisper hissed. You shouldn't be here.

I clenched my fists. "I'm still doing better than you think. Academically, I'm fine."

"Grades don't matter if your body gives out. It disrupts the class," Gemini shot back, his voice cold, unreadable. "I've seen you. Pale one day, burning up the next. Fragile. It's pathetic."

Something cracked inside me...anger, exhaustion, maybe both. I stepped forward, my shoulder brushing his in a shove. "I said it's none of your business."

The corridor fell quiet. Students nearby had turned, sensing the shift.

Gemini didn't flinch. He only tilted his head, gaze piercing into mine, as if he wanted to peel me open and see what was festering inside.

But I didn't give him the chance.

I pushed past, Satang and Chokun falling into step beside me. My pulse thundered, the whispers clinging tighter.

Weak. Fragile. Wrong.

I kept walking. Because if I stopped...if I let myself listen, Gemini wouldn't be the only one calling me pathetic.

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The lecture hall pressed in with stale air and the restless shuffle of students. Pens clicked, notebooks opened, murmurs floated like static under the fluorescent lights.

I sat in the middle row, trying to look ordinary. My notebook lay open, pen poised, as if ready to capture every word. But the professor's voice was nothing more than background noise, muffled and distorted. Because I saw them again.

Three rows ahead, between the shifting shoulders of students, the shadow waited.

Darker than the dim room. Blacker than ink.

And beside it...faces. Familiar. Half-burnt. Their mouths moved soundlessly, but I didn't need to hear the words.

You should've died with us.

My grip on the pen tightened until the cheap plastic bent. My heartbeat pounded against my temples, each throb too loud, too heavy, as though the entire room must hear it. Not here. Not now. If I broke in the middle of class, everyone would see. Everyone would know.

I forced my gaze down to the notebook, scribbling random words, letters smearing together in a blur I couldn't read. It didn't matter. Movement looked like control.

You lived. We didn't.

The whisper crawled into my ear, familiar and suffocating. Do you deserve it?

My chest seized. I swallowed hard. Breathe in. Breathe out. Don't make a scene.

The professor's voice cut through the haze: "Pair work. Debate format. Front rows against the back. Choose your stance."

The room shifted at once...chairs scraped, voices rose, bodies turned.

And when I looked up, Gemini was already watching me.

His head turned just slightly, his gaze catching mine like a blade slipping between ribs. He didn't ask. He didn't need to. The decision was made. He was my opponent.

Of course.

He leaned forward, arms folding neatly on the desk, posture sharp, eyes sharper. "Try to keep up this time," he said, tone flat but biting. "Don't faint halfway through."

My jaw tightened. "I wasn't planning on fainting."

His lips curved, a taunt disguised as a smile. "Good. I'd hate to win by default."

The debate began.

I made my points...measured, controlled, each word crisp. This was where I usually held ground: with structure, logic, sentences that stacked neatly into a wall I could hide behind.

But Gemini tore through every brick.

Each statement I offered, he dismantled. Each argument, he twisted until it bared its weaknesses. His voice was calm, almost lazy, but edged with precision. Every word landed like the flick of a scalpel.

"You're oversimplifying," he said smoothly, his gaze never wavering. "If you actually thought it through, you'd know the system doesn't work like that."

Heat flared in my chest. "And if you weren't so obsessed with proving you're smarter than everyone else, you might realise not everything is black and white."

The room stilled for a beat. Eyes flicked toward us. I could feel the air thicken, attention narrowing in.

Gemini tilted his head, gaze piercing mine like he wanted to see what would spill out if he pressed harder. "Touchy," he murmured, voice laced with quiet mockery. "Did I strike a nerve?"

He sees through you. He knows you're weak.

The whisper overlapped with his voice, so close I couldn't tell which belonged to which. My hands trembled under the desk. I curled them into fists until my nails bit into skin.

"You're not as clever as you think," I said, forcing the words out through my teeth. "You just like tearing people down."

Gemini leaned closer, his voice dropping low, cold enough to freeze the space between us. "Better than pretending not to be broken."

The words hit like a blow. The shadow in the corner stirred, faces twisting, lips moving soundlessly.

Broken. Should've burned with us.

My breath hitched. Copper bloomed on my tongue as I bit the inside of my cheek, grounding myself in pain.

"This debate is about the topic," I managed, voice hoarse. "Not me."

"Funny," Gemini said, leaning back with deliberate ease. His eyes gleamed like he'd won something I hadn't realised I was playing for. "You make it about you every time."

The professor cleared his throat, oblivious. "Excellent energy from both sides. Let's move on."

The debate ended, but the ghosts didn't leave.

As students packed their bags, laughter and chatter swelled around me like static I couldn't break through. I shoved my notebook into my bag, refusing to meet Gemini's eyes. My chest was tight, my head heavy with whispers.

Satang and Chokun hovered nearby, their glances quick, worried, too careful. They wanted to ask, but I didn't let them. I couldn't.

Because Gemini's words were still lodged deep, echoing in the cracks of my skull.

Pretending not to be broken.

And for one terrifying moment...I thought maybe he was right.

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The lecture ended in a rush of footsteps and chatter, the room emptying like a tide pulling back to sea. Bags swung over shoulders, voices spilled into the hallway.

"Fourth, let's grab something to eat?" Satang called, already hovering near the door.

"Or the café near the dorms," Chokun added, his tone hopeful, almost coaxing.

I shook my head, forcing my lips into a shape that resembled a smile but never reached my eyes. "I'll pass. I'm... tired."

They exchanged a glance...hesitation lingering, unspoken concern hanging between them but neither pressed.

"Alright," Satang said softly. "Rest up, okay?"

I nodded. A lie.

Because it wasn't tiredness. It was something heavier, pressing into my bones, making the simple act of standing feel unbearable. The argument with Gemini had cracked something in me. I had been balancing on a thin edge of composure for days, weeks or maybe years and one sharp word, one ruthless look, had sent me spiraling.

The dorm corridor was hushed when I stepped inside. My footsteps echoed too loudly against the linoleum, swallowed by silence as soon as the door clicked shut behind me.

And then I broke.

My knees buckled, hitting the floor with a dull, painful thud. The sound vanished into the stillness, leaving only me and the storm clawing through my skull.

The whispers surged. Louder than they had in weeks.

You should've died with us. You should've burned. You left us.

"No," I gasped, hands clamping over my ears as if I could block them out. My vision blurred, tears slipping hot and relentless down my face. "It's not my fault... it's not..."

That's what they all told me. My family. Hanbin. Over and over: It wasn't your fault.

But if it wasn't, why wouldn't the voices stop? Why did the shadows return night after night, faces twisted in accusation, mouths moving with the same condemning words?

Guilty. Guilty. You lived. They didn't.

I pressed my forehead against the cold floorboards, the chill biting into my skin. "Please," I whispered, voice breaking. "Stop. Stop, stop..."

The plea dissolved into sobs. My body trembled, chest heaving against the silence. Time unraveled...minutes, hours...I couldn't tell. Everything blurred into exhaustion and salt.

I was so tired.

Tired of carrying the weight of survival. Tired of pretending I wasn't falling apart. Tired of fighting shadows that no one else could see.

Just tired.

Eventually, the shaking dulled enough for me to stand. My legs were unsteady, each step heavy, but I dragged myself toward the bathroom. A shower. That would wash it away, at least for a little while.

The water was cold when it hit my skin, shocking, numbing. I didn't adjust the temperature. I let it run until my teeth ached and goosebumps rose across my arms. Only then did my breathing slow, my body carving out a fragile stillness against the torrent.

Later, when I finally collapsed into bed, sleep dragged me down fast and merciless, a tide swallowing me whole.

When I opened my eyes again, the room was no longer empty.

Someone sat at the desk opposite mine, hunched over a pile of papers and open books. His hair was a mess, strands falling into sharp eyes that softened when they lifted to meet mine.

"Ouh hey!" His smile was wide, disarming. "You must be Fourth Nattawat, right?"

His voice was warm, casual, threading easily into the silence.

"I'm Perth. Sorry we haven't actually... met properly. I kinda use this place more like a storage unit." He laughed at himself, rubbing the back of his neck. "Architecture's brutal. The lab's basically our second dorm. Deadlines, models, coffee... urghhh it's terrifying. Haven't had real sleep in days."

"And..." he said suddenly, narrowing his eyes like he'd just noticed something, "you're really pretty, you know?"

The words cracked the silence like glass. I blinked, throat tightening. My expression stayed neutral, carefully flat, but heat burned in my chest.

"...Thanks."

Perth grinned, unfazed by the stiffness of my reply. "So. What are you studying?"

"Law." The word dropped heavy from my lips.

"Law, huh? Damn, that's heavy. Respect." He nodded, stacking his papers with practiced chaos before shoving them into a bag.

"Sorry. Would love to chat more, but I'm late for basketball practice. And after that..." He gestured to the pile of models waiting near the desk. "I've got a deadline breathing down my neck."

Keys jingled in his hand as he crossed the room, still smiling. "We'll talk later, yeah?"

The door shut behind him, and the quiet returned.

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at the empty space he left behind.

Busy. Carefree. Alive.

So unlike me.

My fingers curled against the blanket, the question heavy in my chest.

Can I ever be normal again?

Chapter Text

Author's POV

It was only a matter of time before Fourth and Gemini collided again. From the start, Gemini had carved at him...sharp-eyed, merciless, as if weakness was a flaw he was duty-bound to expose.

And Fourth...pale, exhausted, haunted by nights of whispers clawing at his mind was the perfect target. To Gemini, he was fragile glass. Something to break, not protect.

And yet, despite the barbed words, Gemini kept watching him. Always watching. Curiosity, disdain... or something even Gemini couldn't name.

The next clash came during a group discussion. The professor had split the room into teams: law theory versus personal interpretation. On the surface, it was academic. But beneath the words, it was knives drawn.

Gemini's voice cut through the room with effortless dominance, smooth and cold. Fourth, quiet but deliberate, countered with precision and each word sharpened by restraint, not pride. Their exchange ignited like flint striking steel.

Until Gemini leaned forward, gaze locked on him, unblinking.

"You think you're clever," he said, voice slicing the chatter to silence, "but you're fragile. Quote all the books you want, one good shove and you'll break."

The words landed like glass splintering.

Fourth stiffened. Heat crawled up his neck. One good shove and you'll break.

That was what the shadows whispered when he lay awake, trembling under their weight.

You should have broken with us. You should have burned.

His throat tightened. The edges of the room blurred and voices warping, walls flickering into flame. He smelled smoke where there was none. His nails dug into his palms under the desk, biting deep, grounding him with pain.

But Gemini wasn't finished. His eyes glittered, cold, merciless.

"Honestly," he said, each syllable deliberate, "I don't even know how you're still here. Weak people don't last long in this world."

The blade slid straight into scar tissue.

Fourth's voice cracked before he could hold it back. "Shut up."

The class froze. Heads turned, startled by the sharp edge in his tone.

Gemini tilted his head, mockery curling faint at the corner of his mouth. But beneath i it is something darker, unreadable.

"Did I hit a nerve again, Nattawat?"

Fourth's breathing quickened, shallow and uneven. The ghosts pressed closer, crowding the edges of his vision.

Weak. Fragile. You should've died with us.

His nails dug deeper, crescents of blood blooming against his palms. His chest heaved, and the words ripped out of him before he could stop them.

"Enough."

It was raw, trembling, but louder than anything he'd spoken in weeks. His eyes burned but not with tears, but with fury, stripped bare and wild.

"You don't know anything about me."

The silence that followed was heavy, suffocating. Even Gemini faltered. He had wanted to provoke, to sting but he hadn't expected the fracture that now stared back at him, raw and jagged, unhidden.

Fourth's chair scraped violently against the floor as he stood. His hands trembled as he shoved books into his bag, each motion too fast, too desperate.

He didn't look at anyone. Not Gemini. Not Satang or Chokun. Not the rows of wide-eyed classmates who watched as if witnessing something forbidden.

And then he was gone.

The door slammed shut behind him, leaving a hollow echo and the faintest trace of whispers...hanging in the air.

For the first time, Gemini sat in the quiet aftermath of his own words... unsettled.

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Fourth didn't remember leaving the building. His legs just moved, carrying him through blurred corridors, past the campus gates, until he was back in the stillness of his dorm room. Only then did he stop.

And then the tears came.

Silent at first, hot trails slipping down his cheeks before he even realized. He pressed the heel of his palm against his chest, breath shallow, ragged. Panic clawed through him, sharp talons scraping at his ribs.

The whispers followed him in. They always did.

You shouldn't be here. You don't deserve to live. Why you, when the rest of us died?

Fourth curled forward, fingers twisting hard into the fabric of his shirt. His body trembled with each ragged breath.

If you smile, you betray us. If you laugh, it means you forgot. You were supposed to die with us.

His throat closed. His chest ached. He wanted it to stop. All of it.

Gemini's words bled inside his skull: Fragile. Weak. One shove and you'll break.

"Maybe he's right," Fourth whispered into the empty room, his voice cracking. "Maybe I shouldn't be here. Maybe I really am weak."

Images seared through him...the fire, the screaming, his friends' faces fading into smoke.

If only I had done more. If only it had been me instead.

His nails scraped skin as he clawed at his chest. He couldn't breathe. He didn't want to breathe.

The knock startled him. Sharp. Insistent.

"Fourth! Open the door!" Satang's voice, panicked.

Another knock, harder. "Are you in there?" Chokun now desperate.

Fourth's heart twisted. Shit. I'm making them worry again.

Even now, he was a burden. Even now, he was pulling people down with him.

Tears slid fast, unrelenting. I shouldn't live. I should've died. They'd all be happier if it wasn't me left behind.

The knocks grew louder. "Fourth!"

On shaking knees, he forced himself upright. Forced the trembling back into stillness. Forced the storm behind the fragile mask he'd perfected. He scrubbed his sleeve across his face, blinked until his eyes no longer blurred. Neutrality settled over him like brittle armor.

When he opened the door, Satang didn't wait. He threw his arms around him, crushing him in a hug.

"You scared us," Satang muttered into his shoulder, voice raw.

Fourth froze, then tugged his lips into the shape of a smile. "It's okay. I'm fine. Just... got mad at Gemini a little, that's all."

Chokun's sharp gaze lingered on his reddened eyes. He didn't speak right away, only narrowed them slightly. "...You've been crying."

Fourth let out a practiced laugh, small and brittle. "Yeah. Just angry, that's all. Nothing worse." He tilted his head, offering that same restrained smile. "I promise."

Neither Satang nor Chokun looked convinced. But they nodded, choosing silence over pressure.

And Fourth...Fourth shut the door behind them. The mask stayed in place. The whispers clawed still, merciless, beneath his skin.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Fourth didn't skip. He dragged himself to every lecture, even when the color drained from his face and his hands trembled faintly against his notebook.

"Maybe you should rest," Satang whispered more than once, worry furrowing his brow.

"Skip just a class or two," Chokun added, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

But Fourth only smiled...faint, stubborn. "I'm fine. Really."

He wasn't fine. He was never fine. But it was easier to let them believe he was.

Oddly, Gemini had been silent all day. No sharp remarks. No cutting jabs from across the room. Just silence.

Must feel guilty, Fourth thought bitterly. Not that it matters.

By the time lectures ended, Satang and Chokun were already coaxing him toward a nearby café. Fourth almost refused, but relented. Maybe a change of air would help.

He texted his father quickly: I'm going out with friends, don't worry.

His father's reply came instantly: I'll drive you there. Just wait.

Fourth sighed. She must still be worried.

The café outing passed quietly. Satang's endless chatter filled the silence Fourth couldn't. Chokun kept glancing at him, sharp eyes catching every crack, but said nothing. Fourth held his mask tight, lips curved in practiced neutrality.

By the end, the smile was still in place.

When they parted ways, Chokun hesitated. "Let me walk you back."

"No need." Fourth shook his head quickly. "Go on. I'll be fine."

Chokun didn't look convinced, but didn't press.

The night air was cool as Fourth walked alone, hands tucked into his pockets. For a fleeting moment, he thought maybe just maybe the day would end quietly.

Then he turned a corner.

And bumped straight into Gemini.

"Watch where you're going," Gemini snapped immediately, his scowl sharp as a blade.

Fourth froze. His nerves were frayed, stretched too thin to endure another strike. Something inside him gave way.

"Why don't you watch it?" Fourth shot back, harsher than he meant, his voice trembling not with fear but exhaustion. "You always have something to complain about, don't you? Do you ever shut up?"

Gemini's eyes narrowed, jaw clenching. "What did you just say?"

Fourth's chest heaved. His hands curled into fists. "I said stop acting like you're better than everyone. Stop treating me like I'm nothing. You don't know me."

The words hung heavy between them. A challenge.

Gemini's expression twisted, anger flaring hot. He stepped closer, voice dropping to a venomous whisper.

"You're right. I don't know you. But I know the type. Fragile. Always needing someone to hold their hand."

Fourth flinched but Gemini didn't stop.

"You think that fake smile fools anyone? It doesn't. I can see it all over you. You're just..." His teeth ground together, and then the words tore free before he could think better of them. "...someone who should've gone down with the rest instead of dragging around like a broken ghost."

The world went still.

Fourth's breath hitched, his heart slamming against his ribs. The words sliced clean through him, echoing every whisper that gnawed at his nights.

You should've died. Why you? You don't deserve to live.

Gemini's anger faltered the second he saw Fourth's face fracture. But it was too late.

Fourth staggered back a step, pale, eyes wide, throat locked as though flames were crawling up his lungs again. The fire roared back in his mind...the screams, the smoke, the suffocating heat.

"Don't..." His voice cracked, breaking apart in his chest. "Don't say that."

The mask he'd worn all day shattered. And for a terrifying moment, it looked like he couldn't breathe at all.