Chapter Text
unknown number:
Dude, I just face slammed into a wall
Pretty sure I have a concussion
Oh, and my arm's broken
Anyway, what's up with you?
Ned:
Hello, who is this?
Unknown number:
The one and only Spider-Man!
Oh my goodness Ned, do you not have my number saved?
I am insulted
How could yu betray me like htis?!
Ned:
I'm not Ned
And you're Spiderman?
Unknown Number:
whoops, sry he mustve given me the wrong number
sry for bothering you
and also no, not spiderman, inside joke
I once jumped real high when I got scared and Neds mum said if I had jumped a few more centimetres I wouldve stuck to the roof like spiderman
thats why the nickname
Ned:
Wait, did you say you broke your arm?!
Unknown Number:
Yeah, same old same old yk
Ned:
And you faceslammed into a wall?!
KID GO TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW!
Unknown Number:
Eh, ill pass
odnt like hospitals much really
and bold of you to assume im a kid
Ned:
you just quoted your friends mom
adults dont do that
AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL
RIGHT NOW!
wHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
Unknown Number:
a lot is wrong with me, but lets not discuss that haha lol
also bold of you to assume I have money for a hopsital
Ned:
kid, ill pay, just go
Unknown Number:
I think im good actually
gtg now mr super duper rich parentally troubled guy
needa get home on time
Ned:
Not-Spiderman, you need to go to the hospital, not to your house
Unknown Number:
Bold of you to assume I have a house.
Also, I am renaming you
*Unknown Number changed Ned to Mr Super Duper Rich Guy*
Mr Super Duper Rich Guy:
What do you mean?!
ARE YOU HOMELESS?!
Unknown Number:
It was a joke, get over it.
Mr Super Duper Rich Guy:
Also, just because I can pay for a hospital, doesn't make me rich
I'm actually not that well off.
Unknown Number:
nah man, the second you can pay hospital bills it means ur rich
*Mr Super Duper Rich Guy changed Unknown Number to stupid Gen Z Kid*
Stupid Gen Z Kid:
Hey im not stupide man!
I will have you know that I have an IQ of 261!
Mr Super Duper Rich Guy:
Sure, do you believe it yoruself?
Stupid Gen Z Kid:
Yah, bcs its true
anyway, gtg, im at home
Mm Super Duper Rich Guy:
Okay bye
also don't text this number again
*Stupid Gen Z Kid changed Mr Super Duper Rich Guy to Mr Dramatic*
*Mr Dramatic changed Stupid Gen Z Kid to Kid*
Tony stared down at his phone in disbelief, not even sure what just happened. This random kid texted him, around 9 at night, bypassed all his security measures that kept people from texting him, then talked about how he had a concussion and a broken arm, then refused to go to the hospital!
What had his life come to! This was so stupid, and then the kid claimed to have an IQ of 261. Tony scoffed: there was literally no way. He had an IQ that didn't surpass 180, there was no way some random kid with a concussion had an IQ of 261. The kid probably just said that because of the concussion, Tony figured.
With a sigh, he pocketed his phone, shoving the random kid to the back of his mind: not like they would ever talk again anyway, so he needn't waste any time on that.
He idly walked down the hall and into the common room, where the other avengers were just gathering for dinner.
'Look who's on time for once!' Bucky mocked with a laugh, Pepper, however frowned:
'Are you sick?' she inquired.
'Wow, can't I come on time for once without you questioning my immune system?' Tony griped, kissing his wife on her forehead. She just rolled her eyes.
'For all of your guys' information,' he told the group of gawking Avengers, 'I was pulled from my work because I was texted.'
'Wait, don't you have security measures against that?'
'Yeah, and this guy bypassed them all.'
'So death threat?' Nat questioned.
'No, apparently he had the "wrong number", at least that is what he claimed.' Tony replied skeptically. The others raised their eyebrows as Nat commande him to recount what the stranger had texted. He however, left out the part of the broken arm and concussion.
'There is no way that kid has an IQ of 261, right?' Bruce questioned.
Clint raised his eyebrows: 'There's no way this guy isn't some ranom HYDRA spy testing out the waters.'
'I agree with Clint.' Nat stated, 'This is rather, suspicious.'
'He seems genuine enough to me.' Steve responed with a shrug.
Nat smirked: 'You have been catfished a total of 45 times, you really wanna go off of your gut here?'
Steve just shrugged. Just then, FRIDAY's voice filtered through the roome: 'Boss, Spider-Man has come to pay a visit, he says he'll be out of your hair in a second, he's just wondering if he can borrow some bandages.'
With that, the whole room sprung up. They had known Spider-Man for quite some time now, had asked him to joing the avengers quite a few times and respected him a lot. They also knew him enough to know he may or may not be dying on his feet right now.
To their relief, Spider-Man walked in cassually, waving at everyone with his right arm: 'Sup guys, can I borrow some bandages.'
'What for?' Tony fretted, running over to the vigilante, 'Are you hurt? Stabbed? Shot?' he fired off in quick succession.
Spidderman merely laughed: 'Nah man, just broke my arm, I need to bandage it so it doesn't heal all wrong. Might have a concussion too, who knows?!' he added helpfully. Bruce rolled his eyes as he took the vigilante to the couch, immediately setting to helping him position the bone. Spider-Man watched in awe and smiled. Finally it was done, and the vigilante made to get up, but Bruce pushed him down again:
'Did you not say you have a concussion?'
'Dunno, lemme check.' Spidey replied, then spoke to his right wrist: 'Karen, do I have a concussion.'
A female voice filtered through the room: 'Yes sir, you do seem to have a concussion. Might I suggest not ramming into random walls in the future.'
'You may.' Spidey replied with a laugh, then turned to Bruce: 'Yep, deffinetly have a concussion.' he answered.
Bruce nodded: 'Then you're staying there until the concussion is gone.'
'No thanks, I have to patrol!'
'I wasn't offering.'
'I wasn't complying.'
Bruce furrowed his brows: 'Huh, that's a new one, make sure to not say that too loudly in front of Tony.'
Spider-Man laughed then sat back again as pain washed over him: 'Okay,' he breathed, 'Maybe I'll just sit for a bit then.'
Bruce rolled his eyes: 'Yes, maybe that would be smart.'
***50 minutes later**
The team found themselves looking at Spider-Man, fast asleep on the couch. Nat had draped a blanket over him after he had fallen asleep. She had also tried to take the mask off, but the suit immediately zapped her.
She now sat with a grumpy look on her face, massaging her her slightly burned hand: that vigilante did not play around.
Tony sighed and looked at his phone. Cursing himself internally, he sent a message to the kid:
Mr Dramatic:
Hey kid
did you make it home safely
seriously go to the hospital though
Ill pay I promise
unless you start up about me bein rich again in which case I will not pay
joking, I will pay
kid?
man, develop a fomo!
text me as soon as you decide to grace your phone with your presence!
'Who are you texting?' Nat asked, having grumped enough about her hand being burned. Clint reached over to grab the phone, but Tony held it out of his reach:
'Oh, that HYDRA agent, I'm going to feed him lots of false information.'
Nat scoffed: 'You're a bad liar, he'll never fall for it.'
'We'll see about that.'
'Hey, who says its not a she?' Wanda piped up, 'Kinda sexist guys!'
'He has a friend named Ned, and he was compared by Ned's mom to Spider-Man, obviously not a girl.'
'Could be though.'
'Highly doubt it.'
'Who knows, maybe Spider-Man is a girl!'
'Don't be ridiculous.'
Nat laughed together with Clint and Bucky, Tony looked over to them:
'Spider-Man is a guy right?'
They laughed some more.
'Right?'
They laughed loudly now. Nat smirking at their little prank they had planned seconds before in sign language. Operation, make Tony question reality was successful. She smiled internally at how easy it was to make the guy believe anything, then realised he probably did because he trusted her. Which made her regret it slightly. Just slightly though, not enough to actually appease the now fretting Stark.