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You were terrified. You didn’t want to go. You knew what was going to happen if you went.
Percy had made the suggestion to visit Whitestone after only being away for little over a month. Everything was peaceful, they had no jobs going on so the idea of visiting the city was well received by all.
Well, except you.
It had been a little over a month since the Briarwoods were defeated and you had finally won your freedom. Since you had left Whitestone and possibly hoped to not return for a LOT longer. The memories of your imprisonment there was still fresh in your mind, especially when the places that you knew too well were still in tact. You didn’t think you could go back to the city yet.
So, you decided that you’d make your concerns known.
“Um…Percy?” you asked him during breakfast. “Is there any chance I could…talk to you?”
He barely glanced up from his plate as he continued to eat. “You already are.”
“I meant-“
“I know what you meant. Speak.”
“Um…I was kind of hoping…we could speak…alone?”
The fork that had been raised up was settled back down on the plate before he gave you his full attention.
“No. Now what is it?”
Why did I think he would agree? “Ok. Um…I was thinking…do you really think it’s a good idea to go to Whitestone?”
“Why? You’d deny me to visit the home I had longed to reclaim for years?”
“No! No I would never!” you waved your hands frantically. “What I should have said is that…is it a good idea for ME to go to Whitestone?”
That question made him raise his eyebrows, he himself momentarily forgetting you were a part of Vox Machina now. That the only living Briarwood was now living with them.
Just the thought still makes me sick, he scowled internally.
“She brings up a good point,” Keyleth raised her hand slightly so she could speak. “They’ll welcome us no problem. But most likely not Y/N.”
“Definitely not me,” you mumbled. “I mean, I’m still a Briarwood-“
“Which cannot be forgotten unfortunately,” Percy scoffed.
“-and the people of Whitestone know that I’m alive. And now one of you guys. Don’t you think that might cause…trouble?”
“I will not allow YOUR fears to stop me from visiting MY home,” Percy said angrily.
“Percy,” Vex calmly spoke, “Y/N will most likely not be received well by the people. They do know she resides with us now.”
“Maybe I can stay back?” you suggested. “I mean, I still don’t quite know the keep that well but I’m sure I can-“
“Absolutely not,” the lord snapped. “I won’t have you getting into trouble here. You have a knack for making things happen, not all of them good. So you will be accompanying us.”
“I-I have to? Percy, please. I just…it makes me-“
“I don’t want to hear any more of your whining,” he shook his head as he started eating again. “We are going so I suggest you get over it.”
You stared down at the table, downcast. But now you felt terrified. Enough that you stood up and left the table without a word. You placed a hand over your heart in order to try and lessen the quickening pace it was at.
Back in the kitchen, Percy wanted to continue eating but the glares of his friends made it impossible.
“What?” he asked.
“Why do you gotta be such a dick to her?” Scanlan bluntly replied.
“Excuse me?!”
“Can’t you see she’s terrified?” Keyleth said, pointing at the doorway you had left from. “You know what happened to her there. She’s clearly not comfortable going back.”
“Well I don’t want her to stay here alone.”
“One of us could stay with her.”
“She shouldn’t be holding any of us back just because of some issue.”
“That ‘issue’ includes a lifetime of abuse at the hands of the people who took your home,” Vax angrily stated. “Or have you forgotten that? Did you even consider that going might be triggering for her?”
Percy settled down his fork and pinched his nose.
“So no. You didn’t. And yet you expect her to go despite that.”
“Alright maybe I didn’t think of that,” Percy grumbled. “And perhaps I should have. But still-“
“For gods sake you can be such an asshole,” the man snapped before leaving the kitchen himself.
The others sat at the table, a couple still glaring at the lord while the rest looked toward the doorway in pity.
Outside, you felt anything but pity. You paced around the hallway, rubbing the ring you took out of your pocket in your hands. It had always been your comfort when you were scared.
And you were scared.
You didn’t want to go back. Not this soon! You did want to at some point, once the pain didn’t feel so fresh. Not when it had been only a month since you were finally set free.
Memories of the past invaded your mind, snippets of pain and sadistic laughter clouded your thoughts.
I don’t know if I can do this! I don’t know if I can handle going. I-
Your pacing stopped when you collided into Vax’s body. Both let out a soft ‘oof!’ before you looked up at the man.
“Vax! I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there,” you apologized profusely.
“Don’t be. You seemed…distracted,” he answered.
“Yeah. Yeah that’s…a word to use.”
He sighed before grabbing your shoulders when you made to start pacing again.
“Y/N-“
“I don’t know if I can do this,” you blurted, hands shaking as you rubbed the ring harder into your palm. “I’m terrified. It’s only been five weeks and three days since I came here, since I’ve been free. Going back to Whitestone is bringing back memories and I’m scared. Scared, Vax! I feel like I’m being forced to go there all over again! I-“
“Calm down! Breathe,” you kept making movements to turn around but he held you back. Your breathing increased as you spoke, anxiety growing as you made your fears known. “Take a deep breath. In…and out.”
You tried to ease your breathing, taking the slow deep breathes he was making. After a couple of minutes, your anxiety eased and you felt calmer than you had shortly.
“Thanks,” you thanked softly. “Maybe I’m just being ridiculous.”
“No. You are not. Percy clearly didn’t take into account how you’d feel. Listen, if you don’t want to go then we won’t make you. No one can make you go. I’m sure one of us will be happy to-“
“No.”
Vax was shocked to hear you say ‘no.’
“What do you mean ‘no’? You just said-“
“Maybe… maybe Percy was right,” you shook your head. “Maybe I’m just whining for nothing and I shouldn’t be. I don’t want to make any of you stay behind because of me. You all deserve to have a good time and I don’t want to get in the way of that. So, I can swallow my issues and…I’ll go.”
You had just been panicking moments ago and now you were fine with going?
“Your feelings are justified though,” he told you. “You shouldn’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to do.”
“I’ve done that more times than you realize,” you admitted softly, looking away. “I think I can do it one more time.”
“Y/N-“
“Besides it’s only one day. And…I’ll have you guys. Having that knowledge makes me feel a little better. So, I think I can handle it. I just need to…stay calm and not focus on the bad.”
He stared at you in disbelief, then sighing as he regarded your words. “You shouldn’t have to. But…if you’re sure about this, then that’s up to you.”
“I am,” you nodded before glancing up at Vax. “Thank you, Vax.”
“Of course,” he smiled. “Now why don’t we get ready to go? And let the others know you’re alright.”
You nodded and hummed in agreement.
He released you then started to walk with you back to the kitchen. But then he stopped.
“Have you really kept track of how long it’s been since you joined us?”
“…force of habit?”
~*~
An hour and constant reassurances later, the team ventured out to the large tree nearby to open the portal to Whitestone. When you said you were fine with going and apologized for voicing your concerns, only Percy did not assure you that there was no need for an apology. In fact, he didn’t say a word.
“Tree, hear me,” Keyleth murmured to the tree before the roots and bark parted to reveal the green portal. “Alright, we’re good to go!”
Everyone made their way quickly through, except you.
You slightly hesitated, the anxiety from before creeping up on you. You gripped your wrists tight while you stared at the portal in fear.
You knew what was going to happen. You knew whatever it was, it was going to be very bad.
Maybe it wasn’t too late to-
Something reached out and took ahold of your shaking hand. Turning to the left, Grog held it firm in his own as he smiled down at your trembling body softly.
“Imma protect you. Just like I did before. I’ll be right beside you the whole time. Ok?” Grog said to you.
Don’t blush don’t blush don’t blush….stop blushing!!!
You tried to hide your smile before giving him a quick nod.
He kept ahold of your hand as you two ran through the portal, immediately leaving your home behind and finding the city of Whitestone before you.
Whitestone.
“Oh gods,” you muttered.
“Ah,” Percy cheerfully sighed. “Good to be back. Come, let’s head to the castle.”
The others started to walk forward when Pike noticed two people were missing. She turned around to see Grog trying to pull you along while you remained frozen in place, eyes staring unblinkingly at the castle.
She walked back and approached the two of you.
“Come on, I got you,” Grog tried to tell you, but you didn’t respond. He looked down at Pike as she walked over to you. “She looks like she’s in a trance. What’s wrong?”
“She’s scared, buddy,” she replied sadly.
Oh yes you were.
Your eyes stayed fixed on the castle, your mind again wandering to a different time. You weren’t seeing a sunny summer day, but a dark cloudy day after getting out of the castle. You wanted to run and run until-
“Y/N!”
You snapped out of your thoughts as Pike tugged on your free hand harshly. With a shake of your head, your eyes finally tore away from the building to the cleric standing by you.
“It’s gonna be ok,” she said. “We’re all here for you. Stay with one of us at all times and everything will be fine. Promise.”
Your eyes glanced back at the castle then back at her. “You can’t promise that,” you muttered.
“I can and I am,” she promised, gently pulling you along. She and Grog held onto your hands until you had all rejoined the group. Once you had, they released you and continued walking.
You tried to settle the unease in your chest. Even just walking the streets, every step you made, was filled with anxiety. You started fidgeting the bottom of your shirt.
A hand on your shoulder stopped your fidgeting.
“Stay close to one of us and you’ll be fine,” came the soft comforting a voice of Vex.
You glanced up at her and nodded.
The walk continued as they went up and down various streets. Soon, people started emerging from their homes and saw the group journeying through. Some started to call out greetings and ‘good days’.
Until someone noticed you among them. Then those greetings turned into sneers as their attention turned to you.
“The Briarwood Bastard?”
“Why is that THING here?”
“Why did they let her stay with them?”
“She should have stayed away. Or better yet...”
You could hear their voices of disgust and hate as you walked. The discomfort you felt caused you to linger slightly behind.
Which made it easier for the man who spit at you to do so.
Thankfully it only landed on your foot, but it still made you jump. You stared at the sneering man for a moment before speeding back to the others.
“Filthy creature,” was what you heard as you practically fled the man.
The rest of the way, you heard nothing but insults and questions of why you were there. You tried your hardest not to let it bother you, or let the others know what was happening. As the castle gates came into view, you felt a small sense of relief. Hopefully going inside would mean less hateful gazes and words.
“Halt!”
Two guards came forward, placed their swords directly in front of you. The others had kept going but stopped when they saw you were being held back.
“Hey! What gives?” Scanlan cried out indignantly. “She’s with us!”
“The Briarwood Bastard is not welcome here,” one of them answered.
“By whose orders?” Vex demanded. “I doubt Lady Cassandra said such a thing.”
“Our duty is to protect the De Rolo line,” the second guard stated. “It poses a threat so therefore it is not permitted to enter.”
“SHE is part of our team. YOU are deciding to not let her enter. So would that mean you’re acting out of your personal hate rather than the duty given?”
The guards took another step forward, sword tips now raised at your chest. The whole time, you glanced between the sword and the guard.
“Please,” you raised your hands in surrender, “I’m not here to hurt anyone. I just-“
“You. Are. Not. Allowed. In. Now go!”
Your eyes fearfully darted to your friends. “Guys?”
Keyleth turned to Percy. “Do something!”
“I have no authority here,” he answered. “Only Cassandra can-“
“What is the meaning of this?!”
Speaking of the younger De Rolo, who now strode out of the castle, she looked at the guards holding you back in anger.
“Why are you not allowing her in?” she demanded.
The guards turned to the lady approaching them, now looking uneasy.
“Lady Cassandra,” they greeted her. “It’s the Briarwood girl. She-“
“Did I give the order to detain her?”
“Well…no. But our duty-“
“Is to obey the De Rolos. And I’m telling you to let her pass. She will have access to the grounds and she will NOT be kept away from anything while here in Whitestone. Are we clear?”
The men looked at each other before pulling the swords away, stepping to the side to let you through. You cautiously walked past them then ran to join your friends.
“Are you ok? Did they hurt you?” Grog immediately came up and asked you.
“No. I’m fine,” you mumbled. “Just pointed their swords at me. No big deal.”
“Y/N,” Cassandra came forward and stood in front of you. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea they would-“
“It’s fine, Cass,” you smiled. “They didn’t know. They were just doing their job.”
“But still-“
“It’s ok. No harm done.”
Cassandra was surprised at your nonchalant response but decided not to pursue it further.
“Anyway, it’s good to see you all. Brother,” she walked over to Percy and both embraced the other. “This is a surprise.”
“I thought a little visit would do us some good,” he told her as he released her. “And we all agreed to it as well.”
“All of you?” she raised an eyebrow as her eyes glanced at you.
“Yes. All of us.”
She gave Percy a doubtful look but, just like with you, did not pursue it further.
“Well, welcome. Please come in. I’ll have rooms prepared since I’m guessing you’re staying for the night.”
The siblings walked ahead of the group, everyone trailing behind. You glanced behind your shoulders at the guards one last time before entering the castle.
~*~
The rest of the day was spent relaxing in the castle, Percy staying with his sister for most of it. You and everyone else decided to go about their own business. Some decided to check out the kitchens (Grog and Scanlan), some deciding to relax in their chosen rooms (the twins and Pike) and Keyleth found an open spaced garden she wanted to check out.
You however didn’t know what to do. But you declined each person who asked for you to join them. You weren’t even sure why you did. You didn’t even want to be alone. Yet at the same time you did. Your anxiety wasn’t as bad as when you arrived so you felt comfortable being alone. Your own emotions were conflicting you badly.
So, you took to aimlessly wander around the halls. As you did, you realized that you didn’t know the castle as well as you thought. You escaped the Cage enough to know its halls, but clearly not all of them.
You admired the multiple rooms that housed shelves upon shelves of books. Another seemed to be a kind of music room. You wondered briefly if you should tell Scanlan of your discovery.
One room in particular stuck out to you. You weren’t sure why but it all felt familiar. It was a moderate room, a couple of large bookshelves on the right side of the wall. A fireplace stood to the left with two loveseats facing it, a wide desk near the large windows overlooking the city below.
You walked to the windows and looked outside, fingers lightly touching the glass. You couldn’t deny that the view was beautiful. Whitestone was a nice place now that the Briarwoods were gone you discovered.
Maybe I was overthinking coming here, you thought. A couple of bumps in the road but nothing I couldn’t handle.
But then your attention returned to the pull you felt coming into the room.
“Why did I want to come in here?” you asked yourself. “Out of all the rooms I passed, why this one?”
You walked over to the bookshelf that stood to the right. This one was more outwards than the other one. You traced a finger lightly along the books but stopped on one in particular.
“‘The De Rolo Family History’,” you read the title listed on the spine. “Sounds interesting.”
You went to pull the book out when a loud clanking noise activated. A soft hiss from around the shelf and a small puff of dust came as the shelf…came forward slightly?
You jumped back in shock, having no idea what this was.
Was it a secret doorway?
Why did you have a sick feeling in your stomach?
Curiosity was too strong to ignore as you grabbed the side of the shelf. You grunted a little as you opened it. You pulled it away to reveal a tunnel and stairs leading down to-
“Is that…?” you mumbled in horror.
There, at the bottom, stood the large stone wall that lead to the room your father had created. Just for you. Your prison for the time you were in Whitestone.
Memories of the times you had been brought down or forced into the Cage came flooding back.
Your screams of mercy, begging them to not put you back in. You would even promise to be good if it meant not going back inside. Claw marks were etched along the walls going down. Those were from the most desperate times.
A cage is where creatures like you belong. That’s the perfect name for your new home: The Cage.
Looking around the room, now you understood why the place looked familiar. How could you forget the room you would run out of as soon as you got to the top?
“Please don’t! I’ll be good! Don’t make me go back! PLEASE!!”
Sylas always went first going down the stairs, he liked being the one to put you back. Thrown into perpetual darkness, no torch was lit as you were left alone. The stone door slammed shut with a loud click and thunk, as the door disappeared into the wall that it was.
You slammed on the wall repeatedly, crying and pleading to be let out. You could hear Delilah laughing at your misery as she and Sylas returned upstairs. Whatever doorway they had come from heavily shutting, leaving you completely alone in the dark.
“Please let me out!” you cried out, banging on the door with all your strength. “Let me out! LET ME OUT!!!”
You gasped in horror, tripping over your feet and falling to the ground. Struggling to stand, you practically crawled over and slammed the shelf shut.
You heard the mechanics of the shelf closing the doorway shut but that didn’t matter to you. Memory upon memory came back to you, each one a reminder of the anguish and fear you had known all your life. The time you had spent before even coming to Whitestone returned as well. It was like your whole life was flashing before your eyes.
You kept gasping in horror, finding it hard to breathe. As hard as it was, you stood up and ran out of the room. You stumbled a few times but you didn’t care. All you wanted was to get away from the room, from…it.
What you didn’t realize was that your claws, fangs and eyes shifted randomly in and out as you ran. The panic inside causing your body to go haywire from the lack of control. You finally realized it when you found your room, entered and slammed the door shut then collapsed to the floor.
You stared at your clawed hands in shame, felt your eyes glow and fangs poke out.
It was then, and only then, did you allow the tears that had been building in you to pour out. You poured your heart and soul out into the carpet, sobbing and screaming as loud as you could.
~*~
“Is Y/N ok?” was the topic of discussion at dinner.
When Keyleth came to get you for dinner, you made the excuse of not being hungry. She tried to get more of an answer but you just repeated that you weren’t hungry and wanted to rest. Being the kind and respective woman she was, the ashari left you to yourself. But she was still worried about you, especially since you sounded…scared.
And she made her worries known.
“She was worried before coming here and now she sounds worried again,” she told them. “I’m worried about her now.”
“I’m sure she’s fine,” Percy said as he ate. “Just bring her something later. She’s probably found a book or something like that and got distracted.”
Distracted or not, your friends did worry about you. But it was the twins who ended up going to check on you when the meal was over. It had started with just Vax going to your room until Vex joined his side without a word. They both needed to see that you were alright.
When they arrived at your room, Vex knocked three times in the wooden door.
“Y/N?” no response. “Darling, you missed dinner. Is everything alright?”
Neither heard anything from inside except what sounded like heavy breathing. So it was clear you were inside. Then why weren’t you responding?
“Y/N, I know you’re inside. Are you alright?”
“Sister,” Vax muttered, tapping his nose.
Vex got the hint and sniffed around. The familiar smell of blood made her own chill. The twins looked to each other in agreement, both preparing their weapons.
With a nod, Vex kicked open the door and notched an arrow ready to shoot-
“What the fuck?” Vax exclaimed softly.
The room was a mess. The carpet was tattered, claw marks decorated the walls all around, pillows and blankets were torn to shreds. Most of the furniture was either broken or completely destroyed. They walked into the room, shocked at the disarray the bedroom was now in.
Then they noticed the splotches of blood along the floor. Still holding their weapons up, they cautiously followed the trail around the dismantled bed to the furthest corner of the room.
Where they found a softly crying you curled up into it.
“Y/N?” Vex slowly lowered her bow as she approached you.
You flinched at the sound of her voice but kept your head tucked away. Even as closely kept together as you were, there was no mistaking the crying coming from you.
“Y/N. What happened? Did someone do this?”
“I didn’t know what else to do,” you murmured into your knees. “I didn’t mean to.”
“Didn’t mean to what?”
You didn’t respond, but only cried harder. You felt ashamed for how you felt, for what you had done, and for Vex having to see you. You were in so much pain, both emotional and physical.
Everything just felt…too much.
Vex had no idea what you meant, or what could have caused you to wreck the room. But it was the blood dripping down your arm and onto the floor that terrified her.
“Where is this blood coming from? Are you hurt?” Vex demanded. She lifted a hand and just barely grazed your arm when you jumped back and finally faced her. Now it was Vex’s turn to flinch.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!” you snarled. Your faced was stained in tears, eyes still glowing red and fangs still protruding from your mouth. Your face said angry, but your voice said downcast. “Please-please don’t.”
You kept crying but no longer hid your face. Doing so revealed the source of the bleeding: straight long cuts along your arms. Your knuckles were cut, red and bruised.
The twins held back their horrified gasps, for both knew that those cuts were no accident.
Vex swiftly turned to her brother and said, “Find Pike. Bring her here. But don’t let anyone else know. The less the better.”
He nodded then speedily ran out of the room, leaving you alone with the other sibling.
“Y/N, please. Talk to me,” Vex pleaded, kneeling next to you. “What happened?”
You turned your head so your eyes could only see the wall.
“I went to it. Willingly,” you answered quietly.
“To what?”
“I didn’t even notice,” you continued. “How many times did I run out of there after opening the door? How did I not recognize it? It hasn’t been that long.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Everything came back,” you whispered, your eyes widening as the experience haunted your mind. “It was like my life was flashing before my eyes. Every ounce of pain and anguish came back. It hurt so much. It was too much! I-I didn’t know what else to do.”
Vex was clueless as to what you were saying. She tried to decipher what you had said. Room. Escape.
Wait…is she talking about…
“The Cage?” she asked you. “Is that what you’re talking about?”
Your lips quivered as more tears poured down your face. “I thought…physical pain would make it go away. But nothing worked! I just wanted it to stop! I didn’t mean to hurt me. I just wanted it to stop. I just want it to stop…” you sobbed, arms now dangling to your sides fully exposing your injuries. “Why won’t it stop?”
She wanted to cry with you. Hearing how much pain you were in was heartbreaking. Your heart and mind was in so much turmoil, and Vex felt helpless. She wanted to help you so badly, but how?
“Y/N, I-“
“Holy shit.”
Vex didn’t have to turn around to see Pike and Vax enter the room. The cleric was probably looking around in shock until her footsteps quickened when she caught sight of you.
“Y/N!” Pike exclaimed. “What happened?” she came and stood beside Vex.
“She can’t heal herself at the moment. Would you be able to give her some assistance?” Vex asked her.
“Of course! Yeah,” Pike came forward and bent down, ready to heal your arms.
“No! Leave it,” you whimpered.
“What? Y/N it’s gonna get infected if it’s not-“
“I’d rather feel that than what’s going on in…” you waved a hand in a small circle before letting it fall again.
“Oh bud,” the cleric muttered sadly. “I get it. But this isn’t going to help. I know you know that. Please? Let me help you.”
You turned your head slightly to look at her, but then shifted it back almost immediately. You didn’t say anything but did lift your arms up, moving them closer to her.
Pike didn’t need anything to be said before she went to work.
“Everlight, hear me. Help her,” she prayed as her hands became gold with her powers.
You felt the pain in your arms lessen and lessen until it became nonexistent. When you knew they were healed, you pulled them back and tucked them into the side of you leaning against the wall. You could feel the gaze of three sets of eyes staring at you, but you didn’t care. Or at least couldn’t bring yourself to care.
“Y/N?” Pike tried to gain your attention but was ignored. “Should I-?”
“We’ll get her somewhere safe,” Vax assured her. “Thanks, Pike.”
“Yeah. Just…just let me know if I can help more,” she replied, still uncertain about leaving you. But you were with the twins. They would make sure you were ok. That knowledge made it easier to leave the room. “And don’t worry. I won’t.”
Vax nodded his head in silent thanks before watching her leave the room.
“Why don’t we get out of here?” Vax suggested. “Surely can’t be comfortable down there.”
You shook your head twice. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I…don’t know if I can….”
He looked down at you in confusion, but immediately understood what you meant.
“We’ll help you. But you need to let us. Can you do that?”
It took you a second before a single nod was made.
Vex cautiously reached out and grabbed ahold of your arm. Carefully, she lifted you up enough so Vax could come to the other side and grab your left. Once you were in your feet, they started guiding you out of the room.
“One step at a time,” she murmured in your ear as they walked. “We have you, dear.”
You didn’t acknowledge her, only keeping your head and eyes on the floor. The twins noticed you were still crying but you made no facial expressions as you did. It was almost as if you didn’t realize tears were still coming from your eyes.
Or maybe you didn’t care?
Either way, they continued walking with you until they arrived in Vex’s room. They quickly had you settle on the bed, sitting against the bed post. You leaned into it heavily, eyes wide yet devoid of anything but watery tears.
They glanced at each other before moving towards the bedroom door and closing it.
“She can stay with me for the night,” Vex muttered. “She can’t be alone.”
“Agreed,” her brother nodded. “Should we let the others know?”
“Not now. It’ll just cause a stir.”
“What even happened?”
“Not the time to question it. What we need to do is try and be there for her. She needs help.”
Vax sighed and nodded. “Are there any cloths in the bathroom? We should at least try and wipe the blood off of her arms.”
Pike may have healed you, but your arms were still soaked in blood from the injuries.
“I believe so,” Vex nodded slowly. “You grab some wet cloths and I’ll- where’d she go?”
They looked and saw you no longer on the bed. Panicking, they searched the room for you.
“Oh darling,” Vex sighed sadly when she found you tucked away in the corner of the room. She walked over and knelt beside you. “Come on. It’ll be more comfortable on the-“
“Good puppies stay in their corners,” you mumbled.
She flinched at the monotone voice of yours as you spoke. The phrase you uttered sent chills down her spine.
“I’ll get the rags,” Vax told her before walking away.
Vex nodded but kept her eyes on you. You knew she was staring at you, but again didn’t care. It was then you realized what you had just said.
“I said the phrase didn’t I?” you asked her softly. “I didn’t even realize it.”
“Y/N. What can I do?”
“I-I don’t know. I don’t know,” you sobbed gently.
Vax returned moments later with a wet rag and handed it to his sister. She took it and went to reach out to clean off your arms. But hesitated before she could touch you.
“Can I clean the blood off?” she asked you.
Your eyes glanced down at your arms almost as if you had forgotten about them. Then you looked up at her and nodded.
“Hold still,” she gently took ahold of your arm and began wiping off the almost hardened blood stuck to the skin. “Let me know if I’m hurting you.”
You nodded in understanding but kept your eyes to the wall.
As she did, Vex could hear a sniffle coming from you. She didn’t need to look up to know what was happening.
“Brother,” she spoke softly, barely turning her head around. “Why don’t you let Pike know she’s ok? We’ll be alright here.”
He was surprised at the suggestion, looking back and forth between you and her. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Just…let’s keep this between us for now.”
Vax nodded silently. “Call for me if you need anything. Both of you.”
“We will.”
With one last sad look at you, Vax turned and left the room. A soft click of the door handle indicated his departure.
“He’s a good man,” you muttered. “You’re lucky to have a brother like him. I would have given anything to have that.”
“I know,” Vex chuckled as she continued wiping the blood off. “He cares about you.”
“I know. Though gods know why sometimes.”
“He knows a good person when he sees one.”
“Seems so,” you shrugged your shoulders.
Vex started on working on your other arm when she asked the big question.
“Are you feeling any better?”
Whatever mellow demeanor you had gained back died when the question was asked.
“Not really. Vex. I’m sorry you had to see this. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. So….so broken.”
“You have no reason to be sorry,” she said firmly. “We shouldn’t have made you come.”
“I didn’t want to hold you all back.”
“You shouldn’t push aside your own wants and needs for the sake of others.”
“Isn’t that what good people do?” you asked her.
Vex sighed as she moved to the next arm. “Sometimes….sometimes it’s not as simple as that. Being good can…be difficult. Especially when your own needs make you question what the right thing to do is. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be selfish once in a while. It’s not a bad thing.”
“Vax said something like that to me once,” you lightly chuckled. “Did you teach him that?”
Vex grinned. “He learned everything from me, dear.”
You started to grin yourself before your mood darkened again. “I wanted to be good. I thought I could handle coming back. I thought with you guys it’d be easier. I didn’t want to hold anyone back, especially Percy.”
“Darling why are you so determined to please him?”
You paused, trying to think of how best to explain it. But you couldn’t.
“It’s hard to explain,” you muttered. “I just…I didn’t want to come but I knew you all did. So…I thought it’d be…that I’d be….but everything I was worried about happened.”
You started crying again, head bowed as Vex finished with your arms.
“You shouldn’t have had to see me like this,” you sobbed. “I really didn’t mean to hurt myself. I just wanted it to stop.”
“I understand.”
“No you don’t! None of you can understand what I went through. What I still have to go through. It’s over and yet it’s not.”
The woman beside you exhaled before taking your hands.
“You’re right,” she told you. “I don’t. But I do understand how much it hurts to have gone through what you did. You feel like your life was at a standstill for so long and then when you’re finally free from it, it begins to haunt your new reality. Then it comes to the point that you’d rather feel anything other than that pain. Even if that means turning that emotional pain to physical pain.”
You sniffled as your head turned upwards, staring at Vex in astonishment.
“How…how do you-?”
“I may not have gone through what you did, but I do understand how great a pain like that can be. But you need to remember that you’re not alone anymore. You have Vox Machina. You have friends now. A new life that you have the choice to live as you see fit.”
You breathed slowly in and out, absorbing the words she was saying. Your tears still fell but it wasn’t as bad it was moments ago.
“I have you,” you muttered shyly. “The one person who can bring anyone back to their senses. And…is so caring.”
Vex’s cheeks tinged at the compliment. It was an unexpected response, one she had not expected to hear. But it was said. So, she looked down at you and smiled.
“You do. And yes I am the best. I thought you knew this already,” she joked.
The corners of your lips just slightly pulled up. “I do.”
Vex sighed again then looked around the room. “So, any chance you’d like to move to the bed? It has to be more ideal than sitting on the floor.”
You did find the idea appealing. But something in you didn’t make leaving the corner possible just yet. “Can-can I stay here for another couple of minutes?”
“Of course,” she nodded. She was about to stand but you grabbed her hand.
“Will-will you stay with me? Please?”
Vex looked at your joined hands in confusion but didn’t hesitate to sit down beside you. “As long as you want. Your choice.”
Vex wasn’t sure how long you two sat there, but she realized it had been a while when a heavy object softly landed on her shoulder. Deep, heavy breathing indicated what had been placed on her shoulder.
Chuckling, she carefully maneuvered you around so she could lift you up enough to bring you to the bed. Once you were on it, she settled you in as best as she could. When she felt satisfied, Vex walked away and prepared to let herself rest on the couch.
She didn’t really mind it. She slept on worse things.
~*~
You felt bad for faking your sleep. And then allowing her to carry and place you onto the bed to let you rest.
Only you didn’t.
You waited until she had fallen asleep herself before opening your eyes. You felt so numb that falling asleep seemed impossible. So the night was spent staring off into the darkness, the only strange comfort you knew well.
Morning couldn’t have come faster for you. And you were also thankful it did. It meant it was time to go home. Despite your sleeping act, you were grateful Vex had allowed you to spend the night in her room. But then apologetic that you had taken her bed.
“You needed the rest. Besides, the couch was surprisingly more comfortable.”
You knew she was lying but didn’t say it out loud. Your mind then went to what had happened the previous night.
“How do I explain all of it? Especially the room?”
“We’ll talk to Cassandra. I’m sure she’ll understand,” Vex assured you. “You tell her what you feel comfortable with sharing. Same with the rest of the group.”
Vex ended up being right. Cassandra was very understanding and promised to make sure the bedroom mess was taken care of discreetly.
Breakfast was…quiet. You didn’t really eat much of what was given. And your distant demeanor was obvious.
“Why do you look so sad? Did something happen last night?” Grog asked you when he noticed you hadn’t been listening to his story.
You snapped out of your daze when he poked you and spoke. Then you felt small seeing everyone looking at you.
“Oh it’s…it’s nothing,” you lied. “Just…couldn’t sleep. That’s all.”
Of course, no one believed you. Your lying was the worst anyone had ever seen. But, seeing as you refused to say anything else, they didn’t push you.
Though some of them noticed how the twins seemingly clung to you during the meal then the walk to the Sun Tree to go home. You were grateful for their company, though you still wondered how those two were so kind and understanding. You weren’t expecting anyone to show up to your room, let alone help you. But they did. And they didn’t leave your side.
You may have still felt down but the memory of their concerned faces and kind words made you feel a little better.
You stayed behind the twins, lingering in the back. You were happy to be heading back. Considering the night you had, you were ready to-
SPLAT! SQUISH!
You yelped as you felt something hit you on the side of your face. The sudden impact had you fall to your knees. Your hand immediately went to touch what had been thrown at you at the same time Pike came over.
“Y/N! Are you…is that-?” she asked in confusion but then turned into disbelief as you and her observed what the object was.
A tomato. A rotten tomato.
You held the rotten tomato in your hand, staring at the red moldy food.
“Briarwood Bastard! Get out of our city!”
Everyone turned to find a man still in a throwing position, smirking at his success. Other people around him nodding and muttering, those who weren’t just stared in silent shock.
“What the hell’s wrong with you?!” Vax yelled out.
“That thing doesn’t belong here!”
“How DARE you do that to her?!” Grog shouted, a hand ready to pull out his axe as he began to charge at him.
You wiped off what was left then jumped up. You ran to where Grog was going and grabbed ahold of the hand about to grab his weapon.
“Grog don’t!” you shrieked in alarm.
He stopped mid stride and looked down at his taken hand. He glanced at you before making a head gesture at the assaulter.
“It’s not worth it,” you told him. “Let’s just go.”
“But-“
“Please?”
He pursed his lips before sighing then nodding at you. “Ok.”
Grog glared at the man one last time before allowing to be led back by you. The others didn’t know how to respond. So they just kept walking.
“Yeah that’s right!” the man continued to yell. “Run away like a coward! You know you’re not wanted here. So why bother coming back? You’re better off-“
“I DIDN’T WANT TO COME IN THE FIRST PLACE!” you screamed at the top of your lungs.
Your eyes widened at your sudden scream. It surprised not only you but the crowd of people as well.
“I didn’t want to come at all. But I’m leaving. So please…just let me go,” you softly pleaded before walking away.
The man had no retort this time, only watched as you walked out of sight.
You knew you were being stared at but you didn’t care. This time, you weren’t sad. You were angry. You just wanted to get away from this cursed city. You may have started to walk ahead of the others in your desperation.
When Keyleth had opened the portal and you went through, you felt relieved to be home again. You were happy to finally be away from Whitestone. Each of your friends walked by, all sending sympathetic looks your way.
All you did was nod and wave them away, indicating that you didn’t want to talk about it.
They all respected your wishes and ventured into the Keep. Grog wanted to stay by you, the twins even tried to but you kept pushing them away. You tried to wave it all off, claimed to be alright so they didn’t have to stay.
Eventually, they walked away hesitantly.
One person though did not.
One stayed behind you, him being the last to enter the portal. One who actually felt…what was the right word? Guilty? Ashamed?
Percy fidgeted slightly, unsure what to say or do. He knew you had lied at breakfast, knew that what that man did bothered you immensely, and that your outburst was long withheld inside you. And the redness that was still in your eyes was not from the lack of sleep.
He didn’t know what to say. Or if he even should say something.
“Why couldn’t you just let me stay behind?” you asked before walking away, leaving a shameful Percy behind to contemplate what he had inadvertently done.
You didn’t leave your room for the rest of the day. It would be a long time before Whitestone wouldn’t bother you.
But it would not be that day.
END