Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The plan was simple.

”Go after the very thing that powers the Honmoon — the fans.”

Gwi-Ma had been doing the same thing for centuries and getting no new results. 

If we were any less scared, we would call him insane to his face. But we didn't.

I have to get my jabs in whenever I can, being a Jeoseung Saja he can't afford to get rid of so easily.

I was the one who found the four of them, asked them to do this with me.

They didn't know it at the time, but I'd been studying them. I'd seen their past lives, how they all wanted to be singers, to perform.

Until now, they'd never succeeded.

I wanted to give them a taste of that. I'd let Gwi-Ma grant them whatever they wanted.

Me?

I had to make my shame go away.

It pained me to forget them. But I had to.

It should have been simple.

"It is your voices, your song, that will create the Golden Honmoon."

We'd been told this story since we found out that we were the next Hunters all those years ago.

"You're not like them, Rumi."

I'd been told this for far longer, since I found out that my father was a demon.

Like all the others we'd been trained to destroy.

So why was I still here?

I'm a Hunter, like my mother.

Celine made sure to remind me of that almost every time.

That's why I wasn’t like them.

Because I was all good and they were all evil.

I'd never had any reason to believe otherwise (with my father being an exception, but he's not here for a reason, isn't he?).

Until they arrived.

The Saja Boys.

They made us all — Mira, Zoey, me — question everything we'd been taught.

The worst part?

We couldn't even be mad about it.

Chapter Text

They were succeeding, at first.

One song was all it took for people to become obsessed with those Saja Boys.

I panicked.

If they kept interfering like this... I'd never be normal, never be free of the stigma surrounding my patterns.

Why couldn't I just tell Mira and Zoey what I was?

They love me. I love them. They'd understand.

"Nothing can change until your patterns are gone."

Celine's word was law. It meant everything.

So I continued to suffer.

Even when it resulted in me weakening the Honmoon myself the moment I failed to sing Golden.

*****

We tried to get the drop on them during the Play Games With Us! segment. 

It should have been easy. Wipe them out the second they walked off the stage, get back on schedule.

But Jinu caught us and sent us down their little slides.

It would have been fine if we hadn't been wearing leather, which picked the worst moment to betray us.

The boys couldn't even hide their displeasure at all the friction squeaking as we slowly made our way down, but they didn't hide their amusement the second we made it down the slides either.

They escaped after distracting the crowd with a bow-off and we chased them into the bathhouse.

That's where things started to get... complicated.

**********

They chased us into the bathhouse, even if it was for the men.

Those girls really did want us dead.

We sent water demons to fight them so we didn't risk getting taken out ourselves.

The other guys made it out easily.

I didn't.

I was cornered by the leader — Rumi, a name that would end up haunting me as much as my family's — and almost dead to rights by her sword.

But that's when I saw them.

Patterns.

Peeking out of her upper arm.

A Hunter... who was part demon?

She looked terrified when I found out, even more so when the wall next to us gave way.

Her friends were seconds away from seeing her, calling out for her help.

They didn't know.

Why didn't they know? (Why did I care about that?)

I had to know more about her. But it would never happen if her friends caught her here and now.

I ran.

I embraced her.

I stared down at her, watching the small flush in her cheeks slowly start forming.

If I wasn't on an agenda, I'd have a matching one with her.

Just like that, I tossed her away, towards her friends, with a small cloth covering the missing patch on her shoulder.

Gone in an instant.

I walked the streets, thinking about what I'd seen.

Not for long.

Gwi-Ma pulled me down.

In the few moments I was gone, the other boys had been performing for the other demoms.

They loved them.

I could see the tired looks in their eyes as they changed back into their normal robes.

But I knew they wouldn't trade that for anything.

I promised Gwi-Ma that I would find out what shame Rumi had, in order to destroy the Hunters for good.

But me being myself, I had my own reasons for wanting to find out.

Pure curiosity.

I had to be careful, or it would be snuffed out when he got the chance.

The cool air of the night whipped around me as I made my way to the rooftop, where Jinu was waiting.

Earlier, he'd sent some bird and tiger after me, to show me a note saying we should meet.

(I swear, this man must be so old.)

I had to get out without waking Mira or Zoey. They wouldn't understand... not yet.

I snuck up on the still, lone figure. I don’t know why, but I didn’t draw my weapon.

Instead, I raised my arms and tackled him, bodily sideways.

At least, what I thought was him.

It was a mannequin.

I stared at it, dumbfounded.

”What?” I couldn’t help myself. 

A laugh.

I whipped my head around and there he was.

Right where the mannequin had been.

“I’m not sure what I was expecting,” he said, doubled over, “but it definitely wasn’t that.”

My anger took over my confusion.

"Why aren't you dead?!" 

Jinu jumped back so far that he'd nearly tripped the second I aimed at his throat.

"Hey, I just want to talk, okay? Besides, I could have told your friends what you were, and I didn't."

I narrow my eyes. "What's your game? I know you didn't do it just to save me."

For a second, I saw something slip.

Equal parts resigned, equal parts hurt.

Then it disappeared.

"Just curious, is all. How do you even have those patterns?"

I squinted. "None of your business."

"You can tell me. I understand how you feel, after all."

"How can you?" I kept my saingeom in front of me. "Demons don't feel anything."

He scoffed. "You feel things, don't you? All demons do is feel — shame, misery... some of us for decades, others for centuries. How else do you think Gwi-Ma controls us?"

"Control?" It wouldn't have occurred to me that not all demons did this for fun.

"Do you not hear him in your ear?"

I tilted my head. "Should I?"

"You're lucky." He stared down at his hands then. "I've never stopped hearing him, for 400 years he just reminds me of how much I failed my family when all I wanted was to help them."

He starts explaining then.

How he used to be poor and busking on the street.

His deal with Gwi-Ma.

How his family was finally happy...

...until the patterns consumed him.

"That's my shame. I feel it every day, though these."

Jinu was suddenly far too close to me, his hand barely stopping at my neck, setting my patterns (and possibly my own face) aglow.

"You have a shame of your own, too."

I stared back, unable to move.

"You don't know me."

"I'd like to. I'm the only one who will understand."

I couldn’t let him do this to me. I raised my saingeom at him and he simply backed off.

"When you're done pretending that you're nothing like me, I'll be here."

With that, he disappeared. 

I climbed down and left.

I didn’t like the way he read me like that.

Takedown was the beginning of the end.

Though, we didn’t know it yet.

The more we developed the lyrics, the more demons slipped in through the Honmoon, the more I was slowly starting to falter.

The boys were overtaking us. They were everywhere, replacing us, and I didn’t know how to feel about it.

I’d even started asking a few demons if Gwi-Ma was forcing them to do what they did.

Two weren’t.

One was.

Mira took them all down regardless.

I knew she was going to be onto me soon enough.

The lyrics themselves were getting to me.

It didn’t help that I realized they’d also apply to me.

Do I deserve to live? I’m out here, fooling everyone, every single day.

Zoey was already distracted by one of them. She was the only one of us to consider there could even be nice demons out there.

Maybe I could get her on my side, then we’d convince Mira together.

But would it even matter when the Honmoon finally turned gold, and rid me of these forever?

Jinu kept trying to reach me. I wouldn’t rise to it.

But the fateful event on the horizon forced me to see him anyway… and set all of us on the collision course of feelings as we all knew it. 

Chapter Text

It was Bobby's idea.

A fan meet, just so we could keep in touch with them again.

Zoey was the most excited, being used to these from America.

Mira and I were a bit confused, but we thought this would be fun.

It’s like we always said.

Happy fans, happy Honmoon.

As usual, things did not go to plan.

**********

”Remind me why we camped out here all night, again?” Romance asked, writhing around in the sleeping bag he was tucked into.

”Because Jinu insisted,” Baby deadpanned from beside him, not looking up from his phone. “Why are you so sore, anyway? Aren’t you used to twisting yourself so tightly and uncomfortably?”

He rolled his eyes. “This human form specifically is not built for that.”

”Guess we have to act like ‘normal’ human beings,” said Abby, who was closest to the chair I was sitting in. “Still don’t get why he’s the only one with a chair.”

”Clearly, he hates us,” Mystery piped up, though I can tell he was being sarcastic about it. Despite our current circumstances, I knew they would be happy to connect with the fans on their own terms.

Every so often, we’d catch said fans moving in behind us. I’d made everyone come extra early to figure out what we would do once we get inside.

Where is ‘inside’, you might be asking?

The Huntrix fan meet.

Mystery was the one who had somehow found out about it, then told me.

Gwi-Ma agenda-wise, it was the perfect way to lure in new fans.

My agenda-wise?

Rumi couldn’t avoid me now.

Derpy came back with a good amount of my messages untouched — by her, anyway.

She was avoiding me, clearly.

What I’d said that night must have struck a nerve with her.

I don’t know why I told her the story that I did.

Parts of it were true.

But other parts weren’t.

If she knew the whole thing… she’d see me as the monsters that all demons were stated to be.

Wait. Why did I care so much about what she thought of me?

Oh no.

The others would kill me if they knew how I thought, how I felt.

Hopefully, this meet would be the perfect coverup.

Turns out, it wasn’t just me who was starting to feel fond of the girls who were literally trying to kill us.

The start of the event didn’t even start the way I’d expected it to.

The Huntrix manager waved us all in, the boys and I in the front.

The girls sat there, easy smiles, their personalized pens hovering over their stacks of posters.

“Who should I make this out to?” Rumi asked, her pen hovering in the air.

I didn’t know why I said it. I guess it was the time to be cheeky.

”’To our biggest fans.’”

We dropped our sleeping bags. Struck poses, as we did.

The fans behind us went wild.

”It’s the Saja Boys!”

Mira growled, snapping her pen open.

Zoey took some deep breaths, then waved at us politely.

A stark contrast.

Rumi, though?

She stared at us in shock. Part angry, part surprised.

She even clutched her arm, even though it was clearly covered up by her jacket.

Did she somehow feel exposed, just because we were here?

They didn’t react more past that if only for their manager ordering another table to be placed beside theirs, sending half the fans in that direction.

We prepared to walk over there when Rumi suddenly stood up, slamming her hands on the table.

”The Saja Boys will sit with us!”

Now I was the one staring in surprise. A few cursatory glances at the boys didn’t give much away, but I could sense they were in the same boat.

Her friends clearly didn’t know she would say that, as I could just barely pick up them asking her what her game was.

”We need every fan,” she had said.

Nevertheless, we shuffled off towards their — well, our — table.

**********

I hoped the girls would forgive me for this one.

I figured it was easier for us to stay in one place, at least to keep an eye on them.

Romance and Abby sat on both sides of Mira, one staring at her constantly, the other mostly focused foward. Her eyes twitched, partly in annoyance, partly with something I couldn’t name.

Zoey was a bit different. 

She’d side eyed Baby who returned it to her, but the second Mystery sat down, she’d pretty much folded like a lawn chair.

Stranger still, I could see the lips of our mysterious one quirk up ever so slightly the moment she paid attention to him.

Oh my god, they liked each other. Clear as day.

He had no reason to smile at her otherwise; it’s not like the fans could see.

I kept watching them, seeing how they interacted.

Romance kept his eyes on Mira the entire time, minus one brief moment when he glanced over at the fan she’d handed a poster to with an angry scrawl. I could see her glaring down at her posters, but a faint blush slowly started to give her away. (No way… is he wearing her down?!)

Abby, though, he spent most of the time signing papers with his abs. How tough are they that he could make those indents and have them come out so clearly?! The ajommas totally loved it, though.

(I wonder if punching them would be enough to break a hand.)

Baby, surprisingly enough, was the most normal of us. He was pretty much focused on the fans the whole time, even posing to some of them after he signed something.

The only reason I can’t consider myself among the normal count right now?

Jinu.

Of course he chose to slide into the seat next to me. 

He was doing the least amount of signing of us — almost exclusively turned towards me the whole time.

Whispering in my ear about me having to tell the girls about my patterns. Trying to explain himself to me in such breathless tones.

Why was he so close?!

I had to stomp on his foot to get him to back away from my ear and we somehow still got shipped by this young girl who got my poster signed by both of us in a panic.

I glanced over towards Mystery and Zoey.

They started off normal too.

Until Mystery barked.

All of us briefly lost our flow when that happened.

Zoey smacked him with her pen.

I couldn’t help the snort that suddenly escaped me.

Mystery pouting after the fact absolutely didn’t help. As if her opinion really mattered to him.

Romance, Abby, and Mira even stopped wrestling with the poor fan’s casted foot they were fighting over signing first to stare at them both in incredulity.

I couldn’t help it. I laughed.

Jinu stared at me with amazement, as if he couldn’t believe I was laughing with a mix of being almost happy to see it.

Zoey looked at me with a deep blush and mock anger, but even she knew how ridiculous the situation looked.

Mystery covered his mouth in disbelief, towards himself.

Baby was the only other one to laugh along with me.

Half the fans were squealing and the other half were slightly confused, but in that moment, I didn’t even notice. 

For once, we all felt a bit more human.

That prospect should have terrified me, but…

for some reason, it didn’t.

**********

The fan meet took a turn none of us were expecting it to.

We’d all managed to calm down after the earlier debacle, somehow actually falling into a more comfortable rhythm.

Romance, Mira, and Abby solved their earlier spat by apologizing to the fan whose foot they wrestled over and signed the cast at the same time, all close by. Abby was now showing the other two how to trace finger hearts on blank papers for them to pass out next, and the fact that Mira actually didn’t look like she wanted to pummel either of them now was a shock. Romance did still steal glances at her, but he kept some of them more subtle this time.

Every time Zoey got up to get some water, she’d bring extras or a snack back for Baby and Mystery. Interacting with fans-wise, Zoey kept one of her hands almost on top of Mystery’s at all times, and he hadn’t barked since. Baby kept side-eyeing them when he had chance, though I had the feeling it was going to be for silly blackmailing purposes.

A little girl gave Jinu a cute drawing of him with angel wings and saying he had a beautiful soul. I almost thought he was going to cry when he saw it. 

“Listen to those voices instead of the ones in your head,” I said. 

I had an idea.

I stood up. 

“Isn’t he great?” I gestured to Jinu. “Woo! Jinu, everybody!”

The fans clearly agreed, throwing flowers towards him and the rest of the Saja Boys.

Mira and Zoey both raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything else.

That’s when it happened.

”Look!” said Bobby, pointing to a one of the curtain sides. “They’ve brought a whole crew down here for photos!”

All eight of us turned to look at it in surprise. We hadn’t expected that.

”We’ll get some of you to take turns posing with some of the fans, or with each other so they get some keepsakes to take home with them!” His eyes shone. “I can’t believe we’ve never thought of this before!”

The fans cheered at the idea they’d get to take pictures with us.

”Rumi! Abby! You two are up first!”

I blinked in surprise. Abby didn’t seem too bothered by the idea, though. 

We got up and headed towards the curtains, everyone else sparing us some glances before they focused back on the fans in front of them. A small line formed almost immediately.

Bobby clapped his hands. “Alright! Who’s first?”

A young man stepped up first. "Can I get a picture with both of you?"

"Sure!" I said, gesturing him to come forward. He stood between Abby and me.

"Strike a pose!" said one of the photographers.

The fan pushed his hands together and tilted them, I made a heart sign, and Abby went with double peace signs.

"Love it!"

Once the photo came out, we signed it and the fan went on their way.

It proceeded like that for a while. 

We got two twin sisters, an older man and his daughter, and a little boy before they started switching us around.

Zoey switched with me.

Then Mira switched with Zoey while Abby changed with Mystery.

After that, Mystery switched with Baby, and I switched back with Mira.

Romance switched with Baby.

Jinu switched with me.

Then the cycle started all over again.

It felt... normal. A little too normal.

I could tell that the boys were actually enjoying themselves, despite how tired they secretly were. They weren't acting for the fans like they seemed to be on their debut in the plaza.

Yet... they hadn't wavered in their intent to take the fans away for Gwi-Ma.

I didn’t understand anything these guys did anymore.

But if they were anything like Jinu, like me…

Maybe they made similarly noble-appearing mistakes. Maybe… they could be saved?

I guess I’d have to meet with Jinu again after all. We had a lot to discuss.

*****

It happened when Abby and I were taking our fourth round.

It only took one fan, who was only taking a photo with me, to ruin it.

I didn't like where his hand was on my waist, lower than any other fan dared to go.

But he wouldn't move it.

Abby was watching us, and he was not the least bit amused.

We were doing the half heart signs so that we could put our hands together for it.

But the second said fan yanked me closer so that we were almost cheek to cheek, I jumped back so hard that I tripped.

I would have hit the floor if Abby hadn’t been there to catch me.

What?

He could have easily left me to drop to the floor. It’s not like I haven’t done it in front of them already, to say nothing about their amusement during PGWU!.

“Are you okay, Rumi?” he asked, staring down at me, bewildered.

It occurred to me that this was the first time I’d heard any of them use my name. Not even Jinu had said it aloud — we were always “Huntrix” to them.

”Yeah…” I looked back up at him. “Thanks for that…”

He put me back on my feet just as Bobby told security to kick that fan out. Our friends all had varying degrees of shock on their faces; who even knows how much of the altercation they saw.

By the time the meet was winding down, we'd all completely changed our seating around.

Mystery, Romance, Zoey, me, Abby, Baby, Jinu, Mira.

It hadn't bothered anyone. At all.

What was going on?

Why did we care?

These guys were still our enemies.

That's what I kept telling myself, anyway.

I sat in my room, the flower now laying horizontally against my shelf, as I started singing lyrics to Takedown.

My voice was definitely getting a bit better.

I heaved a sigh, tossing the crossed out lyrics on my bed.

This was not the way.

Even if it wasn't for the fact that we'd gotten... closer to the Saja Boys than usual, the vibes on this song simply weren't us.

Too hateful.

Too harsh.

Too... close to home.

Mira came to my room that night.

I had to hide everything, from the note to the lyrics to the giant tiger that insisted on coming in now, of all times.

It wasn’t the right time to tell her yet. Especially with her disapproval over my Takedown revisions.

When she finally left, I rummaged through my things for a note.

If I was meeting Jinu, it would be on my terms this time.

I sent it away with the tiger and magpie, unaware of what they’d taken with them along with it.

My world was soon to come crashing down… and I didn’t know it yet.

Chapter Text

Note to self: Jinu scares more easily than I thought.

It was nice to actually get the drop on him for once. Served him right for the mannequin nonsense he'd pulled earlier.

We did get interrupted by an ajomma trying to sell bracelets, though, and I had to remind this boy that I am very much everyone's type, thank you!

(She was not amused. I think we confused her so much she just gave up a free bracelet.)

I had to cut to the heart of the matter.

"What is going on, Jinu?" I crossed my arms. "One moment, you're humiliating us and sending hordes of demons our way. The next, we're all just chilling at a fan meet like we're used to this sort of thing. I didn't even expect Abby to save me from that creeping fan." I rubbed my side. "What changed?"

Jinu scratched his arm. "He's used to it."

I blinked. "Used to getting creeped on or used to stopping it?"

"Both, mostly the latter. He's spent years defending Romance and Baby from those exact kind of people."

"Years?" I raise an eyebrow. "But you guys have barely been here a few weeks! How is that possible?"

He looked away for a long while, then heaved a sigh.

"The guys aren't going to be happy that I told you this." Jinu ran his fingers against the wall. "Most demons, they're created through demon lords, like Gwi-Ma, whether by stealing human souls or other means that make them look faceless. Some of us are humans who were turned through raw deals, and the longer you stayed that way, the more of your humanity you would lose. Eventually, they could make you forgo it entirely." 

The idea of more demon lords out there made me shudder. Were they still out there? Were they simply predecessors of Gwi-Ma?

"You don't seem to have lost yours, though."

"I went out of my way to keep holding onto mine. I even still got to keep my name. But most others aren't so lucky."

I frowned. "And the others? Are they too far gone? Do they enjoy what they do?"

"They haven't for a long time."

We stopped walking. Jinu climbed the wall to sit and extended a hand down so I could join him.

"The five of us, we used to be death messengers, jeoseung saja — escorting souls to their final destinations. We used to be so proud of it, too... until Gwi-Ma starting forcing us to redirect any and all souls his way."

I gasp. "That's awful! Even ones that were meant to go the other way?"

"Even then. We felt like we'd deserve to die then. Abby and Mystery feel the strongest towards it. They throw themselves into it far more than the rest of us."

"Why them? Does this have anything to do with what you said about them knowing each other for years?"

"Somewhat." He pointed to himself. "I've already told you that I've lived 400 years ago. That was my only human life. The others, though... they've lived up to three different lives separate from their oldest ones. They've met one another in at least one of those lives before I found them."

"They told you all this?"

"Yeah. I was studying them in their last lives, the only one in which they were all together. They were trying to be idols, if you can believe it."

"No!" My mouth dropped open. "Really?"

He nodded. "It was only a few years ago before they'd given up. By then, two of them were already demons — Romance and Baby. My finding them back then was the reason that Abby and Mystery were turned. They were just wandering souls before."

Wandering souls? I didn't even realize they could persist that long without a body.

"How old are they? Are they as old as you?"

"No." Jinu counts off on his hands. "Romance is the closest at about like 310 years. He made a deal for love, if you can believe it."

I snorted. "With a stage name like that, how can you not believe it?"

Jinu quirked up his lip a little. "Yeah. He got his name partly from how lovestruck he'd be and also from his actual name — Hyun-tae Ro. His stage name helps him remember it."

"What about Baby? How'd he get turned into a demon?"

I saw him stiffen up at that question. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

"It's funny." He laughed, mirthlessly, a stark change to how he'd been just a bit ago. "I didn't think I'd meet another half-breed until I came across you."

”Another…?”

My eyes went wide as the realization dawned on me. Not only did he realize my situation now, but...

"He's half-demon?!"

"Shhh!" Jinu covered my mouth with his hand. "Not so loudly!"

I nodded briskly, and he lowered his hand. "How old is he, then?"

Jinu bit his lip. "He would have been just about 36 now, if Gwi-Ma hadn't corrupted his aging process when he was just 19. You were born and raised here in the human world, so you age and live normally. If you were down below with us, Gwi-Ma would have messed you up like he did Baby, even though his voice doesn't reach him."

So something about being half-human, half-demon keeps Gwi-Ma out? I wonder why...

Also, the idea that he wouldn’t have been much older than Bobby (hell, younger than Celine, even!) is terrifying to think about.

"Do the others know?"

"They don't. He doesn't even know I know. Half-breeds are the worst of the worst in Gwi-Ma's eyes and he couldn't risk telling anyone, not even us."

"And the other two? You said they were 'wandering souls'?"

"Abby and Mystery were neither created, born nor turned by Gwi-Ma. But they both died early in life from tragic circumstances." Jinu slid off the wall abruptly. "Only instead of passing on like they were meant to... their souls were intercepted."

"Intercepted...? You mean...?"

He hangs his head. "Yes. What we do now... that's exactly what happened to them years ago. The only difference is that they never made it to Gwi-Ma and were reincarnated throughout different lives instead. They're both about 175 now, but because they never really went through Gwi-Ma like the rest of us, they retained more humanity than us. But they purposefully suppress it to do their jobs here as a punishment. They were affected inversely. Abby looks the least demonic of us, but Mystery looks the most demonic of us. It didn't help that Mystery kind of had a rough go through the realm before I found him."

I tilt my head. “You said Gwi-Ma didn’t turn Abby and Mystery into demons? How did they become that way, then?”

"I’m the one who changed them.”

I gaped. “I wasn’t aware that anyone other than Gwi-Ma could turn a human.“

”Neither were we,” he replied. “It didn’t matter in the end since he ended up holding their souls hostage through me anyway.”

I blink fast, trying not to cry. More than half of them didn't even make any mistakes to sentence themselves to eternal suffering.

More than ever, I wanted to give them a chance to live again.

"You guys didn't deserve all that." I finally jumped off the wall. "About what I called you out here for... I have a proposal for you."

He tilted his head. "What about?"

"What if there was another way to guarantee your freedom?"

"Go on..."

"If you help us win the Idol Awards, we'll be able to seal the Honmoon for good. You and the other Sajas will be cut off from Gwi-Ma, forever, if you're on this side with us when it closes." I smiled sadly. "I'll finally be free of my patterns. I'll never have to hide from Mira and Zoey again. Maybe Baby won't have to hide from the rest of you, either."

Jinu looked hesitant, almost despairing.

"Why would the Honmoon even think to save us?" he asked, eyes darting to the floor. 

"You made a mistake, Jinu," I said. "You just wanted to help your family the best way you could. I'm sure Romance's deal is nowhere near as bad as someone thinks it is. Abby, Mystery, Baby — they ended up down there through no fault of their own."

He huffed. "It's not that simple, Rumi."

"But then you have me." I gestured to myself. "I'm a walking contradiction. I'm a Hunter. I'm a demon. I betray both sides of myself every time I breathe or take a step. I've been a mistake since the day I was born."

I looked away, not even noticing Jinu's eyes widening with every word I say.

"If there's no hope for you, there isn't any for me, either."

He shook his head. "Rumi, you're here saving people every day. I'm the one who's hopeless."

"No one else gets to decide how you feel about hope," I said, turning back to him. "That choice is yours."

I held out the bracelet to him and he sort of stared at it, kind of in awe.

A few moments pass.

I shrug.

"Your loss, then."

But before I could leave...

I felt a hand on my wrist.

I turned around, slowly.

Jinu stared at me.

I stared back.

We were at an impasse.

Then his hand moved down and gently took the bracelet out of my hand.

"For what it's worth, Rumi," he said softly, sliding it onto his wrist, "I don't think you're a mistake."

With that, he walked away, leaving me staring after him with a blush creeping up my cheeks.

I would have stood there a long time if Mira hadn’t texted me saying she and Zoey were at the stage. 

We had more practicing to do.

I walked, alone.

Many places in the Demon Realm were so empty, it gave some good places for thinking.

Why was I so compelled to offer up the boys’ stories on a silver platter to Rumi when I still hadn’t been entirely truthful about mine?

I knew why.

I didn’t think I really deserved to be saved.

But I selfishly wanted to be.

Just like everyone else.

Rumi’s girls, Mira and Zoey, their preferences laid with the rest of the boys over me.

If she explained their circumstances to them, they’d probably be more willing to hear her out on them.

Me, though?

I didn’t deserve that.

I clasped onto the bracelet tight.

Rumi’s too good for me, for all of us.

I hoped she — and the boys, too — would all forgive me one day.

Disaster, disaster.

The events went by in a flash.

Flash! “Girls, this song is not it!”

Flash! “What are you hiding from us, Rumi?!”

Flash! “Join the Pride!”

A sea of facelessness.

All those people, gone.

I’d never be able to convince the girls that the boys weren’t behind this, because they technically were, even if they weren’t actually here.

I saw the hurt in Zoey’s eyes. Mira’s was locked up behind her walls again.

They still opened up to me when we got home. I was still too terrified to open up to them.

We all agreed — Takedown had to go.

I went to see Jinu again. I hoped that he would help me go through with the plan now.

**********

For a moment, I got a taste of freedom.

Rumi was the one who gave it to me.

She told me that I was saving her, fixing her voice when she was losing it this whole time.

Me, actually do something good?

I almost couldn’t believe it myself.

Just for a little, she chased Gwi-Ma’s voice away from my head.

I believed her then.

If it only took her to relieve me, then all three of them could definitely save the five of us, maybe even some others.

But then he was back. He pulled me down the second she turned her back.

I wasn’t the only one there.

The boys were all there, behind me.

Why were they here?

“Did you actually believe for a moment that you could be free?” 

His voice rang out into the darkness, to the sea of terrified demons behind us, to my boys.

Their eyes looked resigned, tired.

”We never believed that,” they said, in unison.

A sickening cackle rang out from Gwi-Ma then.

“Oh, they don’t even know, Jinu? Hahahahahaha!! That’s rich!”

I felt a chill run down my spine. I didn’t expect to have to confront this so early.

“What is he talking about, Jinu?” Abby asked. 

Gwi-Ma brightened.

”If you really believed that hunter, that she could save you, that you would be set free along with everyone else… you would have told her the full truth.”

That sickening crushing feeling descended upon me. It took all that was left in me to not crumple to the floor.

”You couldn’t even tell her how you abandoned your family to go live in that palace, could you? YOU SHOULD HAVE SACRIFICED YOURSELF WITH THEM!”

I covered my ears. “Not… fair… you… you made him only choose me!”

”And yet you didn’t turn it down. You proceeded into that palace anyway.”

I couldn’t refute that. I gritted my teeth.

”You had to tell her some flowery version of events so that she even thought you were worth saving. But you had no problem laying your friends’ stories bare, did you?”

A collective gasp rang out behind me, and I knew the boys realized what he meant.

”You told her about our pasts?” Romance said, incredulous and high-pitched.

”You had no right, Jinu!” Baby snapped.

”How much did you tell her?” Mystery asked quietly.

I was silent. There wasn’t really an answer I could say to them that wasn’t going to set them off.

”Answer the question!” Abby shouted.

”Enough,” I grit out. 

If I’d said how much, I’d never hear the end of it again.

All four of the boys started raising their voices in protest before we were suddenly drowned out by Gwi-Ma.

”If you don’t want me to turn your voices way, way up… you will remember your place.”

He then started addressing me alone.

”If you dare go against me and listen to that hunter… I will punish THEM instead! They will lose ALL memories of one another. They will become hollow husks of their former selves, and they will only remember that they hate YOU for it.”

My blood ran cold.

It was one thing to make me some sort of memory-stripped lackey. People already assumed that’s what I was going for anyway; everyone knows I want my shameful memories erased.

But to force that same fate on them… those four who managed to find one another over and over again throughout time only to lose what made them happy in an instant…

I couldn’t let that happen.

All this time, I'd been choosing Rumi hoping I would save them.

For once, I had to choose them over Rumi to do it. 

Even if it meant I would never win.

*****

It was the night of the Idol Awards.

I'd told Rumi that I was going to stage some sort of fight so that they would go on before us.

It turns out that I didn't have to, though.

We were already fighting.

"Jinu, we're supposed to be on that stage right now," Romance said, with a frown. “Why is Huntrix going ahead of us?”

“Is this about what Gwi-Ma said earlier?” Abby asked next. “He said something about believing Rumi would save us.”

”We’re beyond saving,” Baby said bitterly. “What’s even the point of hoping for that anymore?”

I’d been staring at the door, debating whether or not to let Rumi try her plan… or sabotage it.

They were already halfway through their song. I had to act fast.

“I still don’t get why you went and spilled your guts to her,” Baby added. “None of that was your story to tell, Jinu.”

I whipped around.

”I had my reasons. You all think you’re beyond saving, but you’re not.” I crossed my arms. “Abby, Mystery — you two shouldn’t have ever been stuck here. It’s my fault that you were trapped when I came to you with that deal. I wanted to give you guys your chance at the spotlight, but I still cost you your humanity in the process.”

The guys in question both stared back at me, unsure what to say.

”So, what, you think that we should have?” Baby pointed between himself and Romance. “Besides, that girl doesn’t know the half of the nonsense we’ve pulled to deserve getting stuck down below.”

I squinted. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I’m not going to say that Romance deserves to be here, because he doesn’t. But he and I made choices — ones that the rest of you were robbed of.”

”What?” Mystery tilted his head. “What makes you think that Baby didn’t make a choice to be here?”

Baby’s eyes went wide, but his tone was clipped. “What exactly are you insinuating?”

”I’m saying that it’s funny that you judge Rumi for not knowing what any of us go through when you’re both two sides of the same coin!”

I covered my mouth immediately. Why had I said that?!

Baby stared back at me, his eyes narrowing and tears threatening to fall.

”What do you mean ‘two sides of the same coin’, Jinu?” Romance asked. 

I heave a sigh. “Rumi is a half-demon.”

The other three gasped. 

(There I went again, telling stories that weren’t mine to tell.)

”I remembered hearing rumors about Hunter-demon relations,” Abby murmured, “but who knew that was actually true?!”

“You didn’t know?” Romance said. “One of the Sunlight Sisters killed that man. But she ended up killing her teammate in the process, too.”

”So they were Rumi’s parents,” Mystery mused. “But what exactly does that have to do with Baby?”

I glanced over at Baby, outwardly looking like he wanted to kill me, inwardly almost pleading for me not to say anything.

I wasn’t hearing him, all the same.

”Baby’s like her. He’s a half-demon, too. Although… he’s been more demon than human, now.”

”Baby?” Abby said gently. “Is… is he right…? You’re a half-breed?”

Our maknae slowly started shaking, but that was answer enough.

”Why didn’t you tell us?!” Romance shrieked.

”Rumi can’t even tell her closest friends about her patterns without worrying they’re going to kill her, and that’s just two people.” I balled one of my fists. “Now compare that to our circumstances where thousands of demons already follow what Gwi-Ma says out of fear and others willingly. Does he not always say that half-breeds are the worst of the worst and inferior to everyone else?”

Abby rubbed his arm. “He does say that, yeah.”

“He only says that because we can’t be controlled,” Baby hissed after a while. “Now it makes sense why he remarked about not having control over one of the Hunters.”

”Wait.” Romance points at Baby. “You’ve never heard Gwi-Ma in your ears? Ever?”

Baby hung his head. “No. But he makes sure to remind me in person every day how lucky I am to be alive right now.”

“You accused Rumi of not really knowing how we feel, but... you don't really get it either, do you?"

His head snapped up to Romance. "What are you even talking about?!"

"Yeah, Gwi-Ma yells at you. But that's not new; he does that to everyone." Romance stalked over to him, pointing at his chest. “But you never have constant reminders of your shame when you’re just… alone. You’ll never have to worry about the pain of those voices, turned way, way up like the rest of us!”

All the while, Mystery, Abby, and I were just staring at the two of them as they glared at one another.

“I hear voices,” Baby said quietly. “I just never hear Gwi-Ma’s.”

Romance froze. “What?”

”I hear yours,” he said, gesturing wildly. “He can’t use my own stuff against me. I already know I’m a mistake. Instead, I get to hear about all of yours and remember the fact that I’m not like you and never will be, that I’ll never understand.”

”Nothing even matters anymore anyway,” Abby said. “They hate us. Whatever we went through isn’t going to change that anymore. We’re all going to be doomed anyway… might as well fall back to the prison we know best instead of guessing what could have been or what might not even happen.”

Silence.

We didn’t say anything else.

This was my fault.

All I ever do is hurt people and never choose right when I’m supposed to.

”I’m ending this,” I said, firmly. “I should have never believed her.”

I raised a hand over the floor. Three dokkaebi appeared. 

I changed one of them.

Bobby.

Their beloved manager.

They’d do anything for him.

I sent that one off and finished with the other two.

I handed them a sheet of paper.

Rumi’s sheet.

The one about her hateful song.

I’d never deserve her.

Now, it was time to make sure she would never have to regret choosing me by not giving her the chance to do so in the first place.

Before she ends up like her mother.

Dead.

Mystery stands up abruptly. “Jinu… what are you doing?”

For the longest time, I didn’t answer. Didn’t look at them. My eyes were only on the demons who looked like Mira and Zoey. 

Patiently waiting for instructions.

Ready to ruin everything.

”What I do best,” I said, softly, and they almost barely heard.

I snapped.

The two were gone.

And so was I.

We were so close.

The Honmoon was this close to turning golden.

But then it played.

Takedown.

I froze.

Why would they put this back in?

I thought we had decided it wasn't the song for us.

And yet...

I felt violated when they stripped me of my jacket on stage.

Exposed.

Everyone could see me for what I was.

I freaked out. I couldn't get past all the murmurs in the crowd.

I was off stage. I barely remembered running there.

Mira and Zoey were there. 

The actual them, not those cruel imitations of them hassling me on stage.

My mouth dropped open. "How... how are you two down here? Weren't you just... up there?" I point helplessly behind me.

They keep staring at me, in horror, in shock, in some sort of twisted realization.

"How do you have patterns?" Zoey barely managed to get the words out.

"How could you keep this from us?" Mira said next.

I clasped my hands. "I... I wanted to tell you, so many times, but... we had to wait for the Honmoon to turn gold so that I..."

"So that you could tell us long after it was already gone?" Mira snapped. "Rumi! That doesn't change that you would have still been hiding something from us this whole time!"

"We were going to seal it... we were so close... they were going to stand aside and let us…”

Zoey’s eyes flashed. “‘They’? Are you talking about the Saja Boys?”

”You really thought they were going to follow their supposed word?” Mira stomped her foot. “They’re demons! We’ve already seen them go back on their actions and we lost all those people!”

”You don’t know if it was them who caused the train incident!” I raised my voice, causing them both to step back and a wave of violet to flash over the Honmoon. "You don't even know if they wanted to do this!"

”Why are you defending them?!”

”Because this isn't all they are! I know it's not!"

"That might have been true before, but it sure as hell isn't now!"

I raised my fists. "Deep down, I know you know. You guys were hurt by the train thing because you thought they changed, and now supposedly haven't! They don't want to do this... I just know..."

Zoey shook her head. "You know I'm usually on your side, Rumi... but I don't think I can see it this time..."

Mira copied her movements, then summoned her wok-do. She held it close to her, pointed closer to Zoey. "It doesn't matter what we thought of them before. They're a threat now. We stop them. It's what we do."

I blinked in shock. Everything was falling apart.

I moved forward.

Zoey raised two of her shin-kai, in fear.

This was it.

I was losing... in everything.

"You're right..." I sobbed, stepping backwards. "Threats have to be stopped."

In a flash, I took off running, not seeing the shocked looks on their faces as I escaped.

I had to find Jinu, one last time.

**********

"How could you do this?!"

I stared at Rumi, blankly, as her angry tearstained eyes bored into me, as she shoved me backward with all her might.

"I just needed you to trust me, Rumi."

"Don't lie to me!" Her fingernail jabbed straight into my chest. "I know what we had was real!"

I glared at her. "It wasn't."

Don't falter. Don't flail. You have to push her away forever.

”I know your story, Jinu. I know all your stories!” she wailed. “You’re still a good person!”

”You know nothing about me!” I screamed back at her.

Her eyes welled with tears and I didn’t let myself linger any longer on it.

”I lied to you! That deal was never going to benefit my family. I only told you that it did so that you would believe I was worth saving like them!”

Rumi’s eyes ran, but they narrowed all the same. “You are! You have regrets! How many demons can say they still have those? Stop listening to that inner demon of yours and fight it!”

”Oh, yeah, because that worked out so well for you and your mentor when it came to not telling your friends about your struggles, didn’t it?”

The second I’d said those words, I wish I could take them back.

If only so the way that Rumi completely deflated and stumbled back would never be burned into my mind.

”That’s not… you… it’s not the same!”

”It’s exactly the same. You have the audacity to tell me and fight off Gwi-Ma’s 400 years of tormenting words when you can’t even do the same with Celine’s for 23!” I spat out, pushing Rumi away from me. She stumbled to the floor. “You’re fighting for a lost cause. Stop doing it.”

I turned away so I wouldn’t see Rumi crying and hyperventilating on the floor.

In a snap, I disappeared, the only remnants of my presence being some of my tears slipping through a tearing Honmoon.

I walked back to our room, numb.

I shouldn't feel this way.

I wanted her to be upset, to hate me.

Yet... I still felt like the scum of the earth for destroying her — destroying them — that way.

But now it meant that I was serious.

I couldn't let the guys go off into any uncertain territory.

I'd hope that Gwi-Ma would let them just go on, business as usual.

I knew if I lost everything, they'd never want to be around me again. At least I wouldn't have to know it.

"You didn't have to do that."

I'd reached the door. I hadn't expected any of them to speak to me the second I prepared to step inside.

All four of them were lined up a few feet away, arms crossed, frowning at me.

"What?" I said, dumbly, because I had no idea what they were saying to me for now.

"Listen." Baby stepped up. "I know you think you're trying to help us by overcompensating or whatever, but you're not."

My eyes flashed. "Excuse me? What are you—"

"We heard." Mystery huffed. "We saw what you did to Rumi."

What? Were they spying on me?

(Yes, that makes me a hypocrite to even be upset about this.)

"How?" is what I asked instead.

"Not really important right now, is it?" Romance said. "If crushing her self-esteem is your way of saying you're choosing us, you're choosing wrong. Again."

That got me. In an instant, he saw right through me.

"You robbed me of my choice to tell them of my half-demon side on my own time," says Baby. "That's one thing. But doing the same thing to Rumi? Another thing entirely. You think she doesn't already wallow enough in self-loathing, hearing the same voices over and over in her head?"

I frowned. “She doesn’t hear Gwi-Ma. You know that.”

”I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about herself! All she has is a destructive mantra on repeat, and the Sunlight Sister who killed her mother is responsible for putting it there. You guys might be stuck with Gwi-Ma, but she got stuck with someone who was supposed to raise and love her consistently reminding her that she is a mistake — and you threw that back at her.”

Abby, being one of the few out of the loop on the Sunlight Sisters saga, almost looked like he would burst into tears any minute. Baby squeezes his eyes shut so tight, I’m worried his eyelids would tear apart.

”There are lines you do not cross, Jinu. You just decimated it.”

Unable to rebuke anything (not that I would, because I didn’t have a reason to), I glanced over at Abby, who had yet to say anything. "You're pretty quiet over there."

He looked up at me with sad eyes. "Do you really think that Gwi-Ma's going to erase the memories you want him to, after what's happened all this time?"

The breath is knocked out of me as I step back. "How— what— I..."

"I told you that I hear all of your voices," Baby snapped. "That includes the fact that you asked Gwi-Ma to erase your memories just so we could do this thing in the first place."

"You think he's not going to erase all your memories?" Romance shouted. "You won't remember Rumi or us! Do you think we'd want that? You keep saying you’re thinking of us when you make these decisions, but that’s not true at all, is it?”

"We're not the Saja Boys without you," Abby said softly. "You're the only reason we got this far at all."

”For once, you need to make a decision for yourself,” Mystery said, firmly. “Don’t do it for us, or for Gwi-Ma, or even for Rumi. Do it for yourself.”

All I’ve ever done is serve myself, or so I’ve said.

The band wasn’t for me, and neither was the fan meet — in its entirety, anyway.

I was out of decisions. 

I’d never get to prove myself now.

"Ready to forget it all?"

For the first time, that question made me conflicted.

After all, I'd started this whole thing begging and pleading for my memories of leaving my family behind to go away.

Even when I slowly started accepting the parts that would have eased my shame — the guards, me happily leading my mother and sister to the gates — I still wanted them gone.

But Abby's words continued to haunt me.

"Do you really think that Gwi-Ma's going to erase the memories you want him to, after what's happened all this time?"

Because he was right.

I had no reason to believe, after all the events, that Gwi-Ma wouldn't completely turn me into some sort of mindless slave.

Not only would I be losing my bad memories, but I'd lose my precious ones too.

My time with Rumi and all the years with the boys.

The only things that kept me hoping and going.

Without them, I would be a shell of my former self.

"We're not the Saja Boys without you."

I always felt like the odd one out, on the outside looking in.

To realize that they never felt that way about me at all... it was a shock.

Derpy nudged his head against my hand, with Rumi's bracelet in his teeth.

Part of me wanted to take it and run, despite Gwi-Ma's threats.

Let all those innocents we’d hypnotized go, watch things return to normal.

Another wanted to chuck that bracelet away, never to be seen again.

I took it.

But I slid it far, far up on my arm so I couldn't see it.

I couldn't let myself hope again.

"This might be our last performance ever," Romance said quietly, off to the side. "Might as well make it count for something."

My heart seized.

On the off chance we actually succeeded... memory erasure or not, Gwi-Ma would never let us pull a stunt like that again.

It would get ruthless... and worse.

Five demons rose from the floor.

Romance, Baby, me, Abby, Mystery.

For the excited and hypnotized fans, that we’d lured here with sad falsities or words of venom, who were unaware and ready to lose their lives.

For the two Hunters who had chased Rumi away. That hurt the most to see — Mira and Zoey on opposite sides of the stadium with no sign of their leader anywhere.

Was it… too late?

Even if it was, Baby would keep that information to himself, locked and loaded the next time I needed to be put in my place.

Rumi went to see Celine.

Her mentor.

Her adoptive mother.

The one who hated demons above all else, after what happened to her teammate. 
As if it wasn’t her fault for not being able to see past the prejudice.

I should have been stronger.

I should have listened to Rumi.

I could have been better than her father, avoided becoming a statistic. 

Instead, I was about to make examples of us all.

Demons who remembered how to feel anything aside from shame.

Hunters who tore apart the Honmoon, tore apart one another, who would lose their souls in the most humiliating way.

My chest suddenly glowed, a faint light blue.

A piece of my soul.

It chose now, of all times, to show me it was there.

The boys all had matching ones with me.

I could hear a few gasps around me, realizing the ramifications of what we were about to do here.

We would be soulless, for real this time.

The second Gwi-Ma rose up and saw us, he’d sacrifice us along with everyone else.

After all, he needed souls to feed and ours were already threatening to escape.

I raised my head.

I didn’t look back.

One look at any of them and I’d fold, collapse, abandon everything.

We came too far to think we deserved not to be punished now.

As we sang, I had one thought on my mind.

May it all be over soon.

Chapter Text

To the audience, we sound as perfect as always.

We throw everything into our performance, even if they hardly notice.

I owe it to them.

Their dreams matter more to me than my stupid terms.

But honestly?

I can hear those miniscule wavers in the boys' voices as they sing for what is presumably the last time.

I wonder what their wishes from Gwi-Ma were.

Would he even grant them now?

Mine's already dead in the water; there's no way he's going to let me get away with only losing my shameful memories.

I'm too far gone.

Did he know how bad it got?

Did he remember what happened 23 years ago?

He didn’t know of Rumi; it’s possible he never found out the extent of it all.

We watch all of them walk closer and closer to the flames.

A few more steps, and it would be all over.

I make one more stupid request.

”Go get them,” I say.

”Mira and Zoey?” Abby asks quizzically.

”Why?” Baby sounds more resigned than I do, somehow. As the only half-demon of us, he’d likely end up with a different sort of torture.

(Assuming Gwi-Ma doesn't decide to straight up kill him...)

”If we’re going to perish anyway… it might as well be them. Not him,” I say, resolutely. “Especially if… if it’s too late for…”

“It’s not,” he says, and I hear a tinge of regret. “I could still hear her. As far as I know, she’s alive.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I could still hold.

It might not be too late.

"I know what you're thinking," Romance says, his voice sounding tired. "But it's better if you don't."

Even if she could still save us... why would she?

Abby and Mystery have disappeared in the blink of an eye, coming back with Mira and Zoey in their grasps. Gwi-Ma doesn't seem to notice, or barely cares if he did.

Rumi's a walking contradiction.

I'm a thinking one.

Do I want to be saved or not? Do I deserve it or not?

(It doesn't matter anyway. No one is coming to save us.)

I stare up, preparing to hear the flicks of flames as someone steps inside.

But it never happens.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!"

I snap my head down immediately.

No.

No way.

It's her.

Rumi.

The crowd parts away as she slowly shambles forward.

Hair all over the place, slipped loose from that so-called perfect braid she always maintained.

A dead look in her newly-minted amber eye and her typically hopeful brown one, both partly downcast towards the floor.

You did this. It’s your fault.

For once, the voice isn’t Gwi-Ma’s.

It’s mine.

Because he hadn’t forced me to expose Rumi in the spectacular fashion I had done. 

Now, her light is dimmed.

It’s my fault.

I’m not sure when I made it to the ground again.

All I know is that when I hit the solid ground, my feet were dragging me towards her.

Towards Rumi.

Because if this is how would end…

It has to be her. Not him.

I know the boys are watching me.

As I, once again, choose Rumi.

It doesn’t matter anymore.

We’re all dead anyway.

*****

I’m stuck in the middle of the stage.

Probably because my feet have decided that I don’t get to get any closer to her anymore.

Not when you did this.

I can hear how smug Gwi-Ma sounds as he taunts her.

”You think you can fix the world? You can’t even fix yourself.”

”I can’t.”

Rumi’s words ring hollow, reverberating.

Your fault, your fault…

”Everyone finally sees you for what you are.”

”They do.”

”Even him.”

Rumi’s eyes snap towards me, as if she’s just realizing that I’m there.

Her eyes widen, just so, and the light returns to her eyes for a fleeting moment.

The breath is knocked out of me.

Even now, after all that… she’s still happy to see me.

Why?!

”You were supposed to be his enemy. Then, his perfect little savior. But now you are neither. You are a reminder of what he can never have. And he will hate you for it.”

Rumi’s eyes dim in real time, but she doesn’t look away from Gwi-Ma.

Away from me.

”I was,” she says, slowly. “I am. And he should.”

That gets me.

She thought I would hate her? 

“No!” My voice escapes me, strangled and cracked. “Don’t listen to him, Rumi!”

Her eyes stare through me, as if she’s not really seeing me.

“Do what you should have done a long time ago, Hunter.” Gwi-Ma’s flames turn up at the corners. “End him. Now.”

I stare back at Rumi, unsure of what she would do.

Her eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen them, and I’m not sure if she’s considering his words or remembering something she was told recently… or something she told someone else.

But then she starts taking slow steps towards me. Not with determination, or even anger.

Just… resignation. 

As if the fight left her before it even had a chance to find her.

I wipe my face. I hadn’t even noticed I was crying.

Stop those useless tears. You don’t deserve to shed them.

She's standing in front of me now. 

I bow my head, staring at her boots in the light of Gwi-Ma and her saingeom, which she has now summoned.

Did he finally get to her? Or has she realized herself that I'm not worth saving?

"Do it, Rumi." I close my eyes. "You know he's right."

A gasp cuts the air.

Her weapon clatters to the floor before she does.

I muster the courage to look back up.

Into her tearstained face. Her terrified expression.

She shakes her head, frantically.

"I can't!"

Most unexpectedly of all, she throws her arms around me and sobs into my shoulder.

I freeze.

"Even if I can't save you like I promised..." she wails, "I won't be the one to kill you!"

More gasps.

It's the boys this time.

Wide-eyed looks on all of them.

Mira and Zoey still remain in a trance, but even their heads turn toward us both.

"I'm not worth this, Rumi!" I hold her at arm’s length, ignoring my own tears. "You can't throw your life away for me, not over this. Save the fans. Leave me!"

"I won't!" she shouts at me. "The fans can still be saved, my girls can still be saved... and so can they!" She points at all four of the boys as she says this. "And so can you. Why wouldn't I want to save the ones who finally helped me understand, who let me start accepting who I am?"

”But I destroyed you to do it!” I finally pull my hands away, grasping at my hair. “How can you still forgive me after all that?!”

For a moment, she’s silent.

If she’s saying anything, I’m hardly listening. Gwi-Ma doesn’t have to do anything because I’m already killing myself.

”That’s the funny thing, about forgiveness.”

I feel her hand on my wrist.

I look up.

She’s smiling at me, as lopsided as her heterochromatic eyes.

”No one else gets to decide how you feel about it. That choice belongs to you.”

Her other hand rests over her own heart.

"I'm used to being forced to cover up. You went the opposite route and forced me to tear down all those walls. Now, I'm stronger for it."

She lowers her hand to my chest, where a blue glow dimly emanates from it.

"You have to forgive yourself, Jinu. Being part demon is what I am... but being all demon is not what you are. It's not what they all are. It's about time you finally realized that."

All of a sudden, the glow gets brighter.

My soul...

It's back.

"That's what we need. We can't hide from our faults or our fears. They must be seen. That's the only way we can save everyone."

I blink up at her. "That's how the Honmoon will finally turn golden?"

"No."

She wipes her hands over my eyes.

"It will be better than that."

I copy her movements, wiping her own tears away.

(If we'd been paying more attention, we might have noticed the very faint lights coming from Mira and Zoey.

But they boys did notice, and rushed to put them down.)

Gwi-Ma surveys the whole ordeal with boredom.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Your so-called feelings matter not. There's only one thing that does... and it's that the Honmoon is gone."

Rumi stands up slowly, facing Gwi-Ma head on once again.

"It is."

She pulls me up with her, and I'm holding onto her arm like my life depends on it.

(Because it does. One way or another.)

Her eyes flash — once, twice — then finally return to normal.

"So we can build a new one."

*****

I'm terrified.

I want to stay silent.

But that helps no one.

So I sing anyway.

"Nothing but the truth now... nothing but the proof of what I am..."

My voice is breaking everywhere, having been shouting and crying the last few minutes.

But Rumi smiles at me anyway, and continues the next lines.

"The worst of what I came from... patterns I'm ashamed of..."

This time, she squeezes my hand.

When I look down at them, I notice our patterns.

The violet is being chased away for beautiful blues and yellows.

Rumi notices, too.

She gasps, then looks to me.

Now I smile at her.

She grins back.

"Things that even I don't understand!"

As we continue singing, we start chancing looks at our friends.

On the left side, Zoey slowly shakes her head and blinks in surprise, realizing where she is. Mystery is behind her, debating whether or not to try and reassure her.

"I tried to fix it!"

"I tried to fight it!"

"My head was twisted!"

"Our hearts divided!"

Meanwhile, over on the right, Mira's eyes widen as she slowly covers her mouth. Behind her is Romance, who's staring back at Rumi and I instead, with an expression of shock and awe at the same time.

"Our lies all collided... we don't know why we didn't trust you..."

"To be on my side..."
"Just know that I was on your side, but..."

The patterns have slowly faded out, but their colors remain. 

No more shame.

At least, nothing to feel terrible over.

Hand in hand, we continue singing towards Gwi-Ma, who is slowly narrowing. (Oh, he is not pleased.)

"I broke into a million pieces and I can't go back

But now I'm seeing all the beauty in the broken glass

The scars are part of me

Darkness and harmony

My voice without the lies

This is what it sounds like"

Finally, finally, we're starting to break through.

Zoey doesn't turn back, but she immediately reaches for Mystery's arm and pulls him along with her, as they pick up the song themselves.

"Why did I cover up the colors stuck inside my head?"
"Whyyyyyy am I inside my head?"

Mira, however, does look back towards Romance. He looks terrified at first, but she merely shakes her head and then gestures down the path. He follows her.

"I should have let the jagged edges meet the light instead..."
"I should have met the light instead..."

Rumi's smiling, wider than ever, as she gestures her arms out.

"Show me what's underneath!"

Finally, the ones we left unaccounted.

Baby's voice comes in from behind us to join the girls, and a cursory glance shows that Abby is with him — back at the place that Rumi had started. Arm in arm, they start marching up themselves as the girls join in.

"Show me the way to your harmony..."
"I'll find your harmony!"

Abby joins the girls for the next verse, and I can hear his voice only wavering just slightly — this time with hope, not despair.

"The song we couldn't write..."

Together we all raise a fist.

For the fans.

For us.

For everything.

"THIS IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE!"

I hold tighter to Rumi as we march on towards Gwi-Ma, together.

Voices mixing in harmony with the rest of our friends behind us, fighting the hordes away, but still surrounding us.

I can never forget this. I don't want to.

I can’t fail the boys.

I can't fail Rumi.

Never again.

Not like I had them.

**********

"Your voices cannot defeat me!"

The bolt of fire comes flying at us before we even realize it is.

I block it just in time, my heels scraping backwards and Jinu still holding me around my waist.

”Rumi!” I hear him call out to me.

”Jinu… help…” I manage to grit out before my focus turns fully on the fire in front of us.

His hands go from around me to on top of mine as we try to push back the flames together.

I can’t look back. I can only imagine how everyone else looks right now.

Gwi-Ma is about to win.

He’ll destroy us both.

But it doesn’t mean we won’t go down trying.

I almost feel my arms about to give out.

And then…

Another set of hands join us on my saingeom, to my left.

In shock, my eyes flick in that direction.

Mira.

Her head is turned towards me even as her body faces Gwi-Ma head-on like Jinu and me.

I stare back at her in shock, my head facing her properly.

She smiles at me, determined.

“If this is the way it ends…” Her eyes turn steely, though the smile never falters. “Then we all go down swinging.”

”Guys! Let’s go!”

Zoey’s voice carries somewhere behind us, clearly now focused enough to see the situation the three of us were in. From my turned vantage point, I can see both Romance and Abby join in from behind Mira and me.

Jinu gasps, and my head snaps over to the opposite side.

On his right, Mystery’s hands find their way beside his own, with Zoey and Baby behind them.

Gwi-Ma laughed, mouth full of fire.

“Fools!” he roars out. "You won't hold like this for long."

"What... what... do we do?" I yell to everyone.

For a moment, no one says anything.

The fear prickles along my skin, my marks almost reverting back to that shameful pink, just for a fleeting moment.

Then...

"Try combining your weapons!"

"What?!" Mira's voice calls over from my side, despite not being so far from me.

"Jinu, we've never done that before!" Zoey's voice comes from his side.

He doesn't look at either of them.

He looks at me.

He mouths one word.

"Try."

In that moment, my mind becomes clear.

"We have to try, girls!" I say. "Come on!"

In the split moment it takes for Mystery to switch places with Zoey, I close my eyes, trying to call upon the Honmoon.

The voices of the audience carry over to my ears.

They're chanting our song.

”This is what it sounds like!”

That’s when I see it.

The giant weapon forming in our hands.

It's not perfect. It would never be.

But it's ours.

The pole of Mira’s.

The hook and top of mine.

Feathering out, like Zoey’s.

It towers over us all, almost half the width of Gwi-Ma himself.

Mira, Zoey, and I all grab the pole of it.

Our feet are moving before we even realize we're running.

One clean slice piercing the air.

Gwi-Ma splits in half.

We're all sent flying backward.

Abby and I are the only ones who manage to land on our feet. We have to catch Zoey and Baby mid-air before we go to help everyone else up.

The audience's voices get louder.

Our souls are glowing brighter than anyone else's.

We're enveloped in a comforting presence of iridescence.

"Go!" 

My voice rings out into the darkness, as we all start sprinting towards him.

Everything just blends together after that.

Flying up into the air.

Spinning around over Gwi-Ma, hand in hand.

The only thing to bring me back is the giant beam of Honmoon magic that descends upon him and crushes him flat.

It's not gold.

It's iridescent.

Just like us.

It spreads across the entirety of Namsan and beyond.

Even some of it projects upward, toward us.

Then, we're all back on the floor.

I look at myself. 

My hair put back together again.

Covered entirely in a show of beautiful lights.

Now, everyone else.

Mira and Zoey's outfits have changed to match mine — not in style, but in color. The darkness has disappeared from them, at least for the moment.

It's the Saja Boys that have us all staring.

Their hanboks and gats have completely disappeared, and in their places were outfits similar to the ones that my girls had just lost — black jackets, white everything else — each a style all their own.

Their darkness wasn't gone yet. But it's a start.

The audience had all eyes on us — including Bobby who was grinning from ear to ear. I think he's glad that we're back together... he must have been devastated when he saw our public breakup earlier.

(We don't deserve that man. Truly.)

"Everyone okay?" That's the first thing I ask, as we're all spread out across the stage — Mystery next to me, Mira behind us, Abby in front, Zoey and Jinu across from us and Baby and Romance behind them.

Jinu sits up abruptly, running his hands along the jacket as if he didn't quite believe it really there. "What... what happened to us?"

"Did we just...?" Zoey's voice is a whisper, almost scared to speak in fear of breaking the illusion.

"I didn't even know that was possible," said Romance. 

Baby, who's already on his feet, reaches down to help him up. "Which part? Making a new Honmoon or... this?" He gestures at Romance, then himself.

"All of it, I guess."

Mira scoots up right next to me and places her hand on my shoulder. "How does it feel, Rumi?"

"Huh? How does what feel?" I turn my head to look at her.

"To be the first one in centuries to make a Honmoon that's never been seen before?" She grins at me. "You're a legend now, Rumi!"

I can't help laughing. "No, we are. You really think I'd be able to do this without any of you? Or that I'd even want to?"

Her smile turns sad. "It would never have happened if we'd just listened to you from the start. We... we just let you leave, and we didn't know if we'd ever..."

I sniffle, and grab Mira to pull her in a hug. "You're here now. That's what matters."

"I get it now, Jinu." We look up to Abby, who's calling out across the way. "What you saw in her."

Mystery nods in amazement. "We should have listened to you, too."

Jinu's on his feet now, alongside Zoey. "I'd never hold it against you for doubting. That's all we've known. We just keep seeing risky opportunities and asking whether or not we should take them."

"Well," I say, standing up with Mira before taking a bow. "I'm glad you all took a chance on me — on us."

Everyone in the audience starts cheering, and I wonder how much of the events they still remember.

At the very least, they were finally seeing the top two K-Pop groups coming together on something — which hasn't happened since the fan meet.

The event that changed everything.

We face our fans, all in a cluster.

I'm in the front, because everyone else insisted and they wouldn't hear any different. Zoey's next to me, to my right.

Jinu and Abby are next. Mira stands by Jinu, Mystery stands beside Abby, who is behind Zoey.

Baby and Romance are on opposite sides (one by Mystery, the other by Abby), but we're all close, the girls holding my hands, the guys huddled up with us.

No fan shipping theories would have made us let go. It didn't matter then; it seemed so trivial compared to this.

"Take a bow, boys," I say, gesturing out to the crowd with the hand that was holding Mira's. "You've earned it."

Chapter Text

The social media outpouring has not been the same since what happened a month ago.

Everything from the shipping wars to begging for collabs between the eight of us practically surpasses everything else, even some actual news stories.

The other groups are definitely not happy about this (except TWICE, but they're always great). But it's nothing we can do about it now.

We haven't even seen the boys since then.

I hope they're okay...

I hadn't realized how much we'd miss them until they went missing a few days after Namsan.

I refuse to assume the worst, but what else could explain their disapppearance?

*****

The girls and I are out and about in the plaza. The evening is almost upon us.

We'd just gotten back from the bathhouse hours ago. Finally getting the chance to just talk about everything. 

There were tears. Lots of them. It was to be expected.

Now we were back here after having interacted with some fans.

It's kind of nice, not trying to avoid them while we're out.

They've never just tried just jumping us at weird times when we're out shopping or even at the bathhouse. But they take every time to do it when we're out here.

(We love the fans for a reason.)

"Girls, I think it's finally time," I say.

Zoey gasps dramatically. "Do you mean it this time, Rumi?!"

I giggle. "Yes, I promise, no more interruptions this time. To the couch!"

"Couch! Couch! Couch!"

We take off sprinting, hand-in-hand.

*****

We were almost out of the plaza when we hear it.

The sound of a song suddenly starting up.

Just like back when this all started.

But it can't be... can it?

"What is that?" Mira asks, looking around a little lost.

"It's coming from the other side!" Zoey points through the alleyway that passes by Healer Han's.

(The very notion of repeating what happened a month and a half ago isn't lost on me.)

"Let's go see," I say, leading the girls down the way.

*****

Unlike how Soda Pop starts, upbeat and danceable, this one is must more somber.

But they've still drawn a sizable crowd all the same.

I gasp at the blue mist at the head of the plaza, where they've built a stage within the last the few weeks (definitely because of the boys' antics before).

Almost like last time.

"No way..." Mira beats me to words. "Is that..."

Zoey involuntarily starts bouncing on her heels, like she's already decided the answer.

I feel rooted to the spot, in the middle of the growing crowd.

I'm afraid to hope.

"I was born in shadow; no halo, just horns..."

The sharp gasp from Zoey tells us all we have to know even before the mist dissipates.

It's them.

We would know that low voice anywhere.

They're not wearing the same outfits they made their debut in, or even the ones they ended up in at Namsan. 

Baby's currently at the front of the formation, Abby and Mystery flanking him, Jinu by Abby and Romance by Mystery. 

"Nae sesang-en guwon eopseo, but then you tore that storm..."

They don't move as much as they did in either of their other two songs, but it's not any less mesmerizing for it.

It's dark enough for some people to start pulling out their phones and wave them around. Some people still even have their Saja Boys lights.

"Neoneun naui bandae, bich-euro gadeukhan segye..."

Mystery is the next one to take up the song, and he reaches out for a few fans in the front, who are squealing if they manage to touch his hand.

"But you didn't run, you stayed."

I can see Zoey tearing up already; she's always loved his voice. She even admitted, in one of our heart to hearts, that she felt herself smiling during the boys' performance during Your Idol the second he started singing.

(Seriously, get these two together already!!)

My eyes turn back to the stage once Abby starts singing. For once, he's not wearing something where his abs are poking out, but the shirt still accentuates them.

"Sangcheoro dwideopeen nareul amu mal eopsi anajwo..."

For once, Mira's eyes are filled with normal tears instead of popcorn when she sees him.

Romance crosses over to switch with Jinu, blowing his signature heart kisses on the way, much softer than their debut. Quite a few of the fans up front were waving their conquests in air with glee and pride.

"You saw the monster in me, but you called me beautiful!"

"They must have been working hard on this song," I say, in awe. "It's nothing like their other two."

"They should do more like this!" says Zoey, who's barely wiping her tears away. "It's so beautiful!"

Mira doesn't say anything, but she hums in agreement.

All of a sudden, Jinu's eyes meet mine in the crowd, just as he's switching places with Baby.

I gasp.

His eyes go wide, as if he wasn't expecting to see us out here.

But he shakes his head ever-so-slightly and begins to sing, and I can't help noticing how much more confident he sounds now.

"You gave me angel wings

While I burned with everything

Neoui sonkkeut-esso nalgaega pieonasseo

I never knew I could be saved

You turned my ashes into wings

You gave me angel wings

And I'll never be the same..."

It hits me.

Really hits me.

"Do you think...?" It seems Zoey's already thought of it before I could.

I cover my mouth. "Are they singing about... us?"

Mira blinks in surprise, as if she's realizing it herself.

Would we have even found this out, if we never came over here?

(Maybe they were hoping we would come out here.)

All of a sudden, Baby's voice sounds like it's coming closer, and when we look back at the stage, he has indeed walked away from the rest of the boys, through the crowd. Jinu must have somehow let the others know we were here.

"Nae an-en joe wa bul, but you kissed it like it's pure; nae i-reum dae-sin neon na reul geun-yang 'sa-ram' i-ra bul-leo..."

It's then that the audience realizes we're here, and they get louder than ever.

"OMG! Huntrix is here!"

"Focus on the Saja Boys! It's their concert!"

"But it looks like he's heading right for them!"

That last fan is exactly right, of course.

"Neo eop-shi nan jaet-deo-mi, but with you I finally breathe; you gave me heaven in a world like this!"

Baby turns back to the stage and whistles for Mystery to come out and follow him, when he's made it a few feet in front of us.

Like the mysterious man he is, he practically glides his way over until he's beside Baby in an instant, a small smile on his face contrasting Baby's smirk.

"Even devils dream of light
Even monsters pray at night"

Then, I kid you not, they both take one of Zoey's arms each and lead her toward the stage, which sends the fans into a louder round of cheers. Mira and I are too shocked and awestruck to move.

As they make their way through the crowd, Jinu's eyes fall back onto me, and he's smiling as he starts his next verse.

"Neoneun nae gido-yeosseo; I didn't know 'til I let goooooooo..."

I know I'm probably blushing up a storm right now, but it can't be helped. How are you supposed to stay calm when you get a whole song dedicated to you, even if you are an idol?

By now, Mystery and Baby have reached the stage with Zoey. Three stools have appeared that definitely weren't there before, and they've put her into the right one.

"You gave me angel wings
While I burned with everything"

Abby and Romance move next. The fans reach out to them more than they have for Mystery and Baby, but they still know better than to try and drag them in their directions.

"Neoui sonkkeut-eseo nalgaega pieonasseo...
I never knew I could be saaaaved..."

"You turned my ashes into wings
you gave me angel wings, and I'll never be the same..."

Together they offered their arms and Mira looped her arms through theirs as they took her back to the stage.

I follow them after a few moments.

Mira ends up on the left stool and Jinu comes to the edge of the stage, holding his hand out to me. 

I take it.

"I was never meant to fly, but I did..."

He leads me to the center stool.

"...because of you."

The crowd went wild, a mix of cheers, laughs, and tears.

We clap, too, of course, and spend the next few moments wiping any tears away.

"Thank you all, you've been a great audience as always," says Jinu, taking the lead as always.

"We're sorry that we've kind of been MIA all month," Abby says, "but we've been cooped up inside making sure this song was perfect."

"Don't worry, we're taking a break after this one," Baby pipes up, which definitely gets some laughs at the crowd, including Zoey and me. Mira rolls her eyes fondly instead.

"Once again, we have to give a shout out to Huntrix," says Romance, gesturing at us. "We actually wrote this song for them."

Another round of fan reactions — a mix of gasps and "That's so cute!"

"We wouldn't be here without them," Mystery says. "We owe them everything."

They might never know just how literal that is.

But it's alright.

We'll always know.

The boys gesture us forward so that we're standing in between them — coincidentally in the last formation we were sitting in during the fan meet.

It's so funny, thinking back on that now.

Before that moment, we were enemies, teetering on barely tolerable.

But after, it became much more complicated than that.

Moments of fun.

Moments of betrayal.

Moments of acceptance.

Moments of redemption.

As the eight of us take a bow for the crowd as the sun finally disappears into the night, I realize that I wouldn't change any of it.

Even the traumatizing ones.

Maybe one day, I'd be able to find Celine and talk to her about it.

I know she's never tried to hurt me. She's just used to the old ways.

Someday, I'd get her to see what we see — what my mom saw, all that time ago.

But for now, I'm happy to be where I am.

A life well lived doesn't always have to go according to plan, after all.