Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Suvi: Can you poison my wound on my hand?
Ame: Yes. Or I can, at the very least, make it look poisoned even. Do you need it to actually be poisoned?
Suvi: Can you poison it in a way that you can fix quite quickly?
Ame: Absolutely.

Suvi can feel the poison heating the skin of her palm. There’s an odd, itching feeling that spreads to her wrist and slowly, but steadily, into her arm. It’s done. They have to press on.

They get back to her contingent in good time, and maybe they could have gone a bit slower because Suvi is sweating buckets. Silver is off with another scouting party, but they give Sworn the rundown and the lie goes off without a hitch. The trick of it is similar to what Suvi pulled with Indri: people are more inclined to believe a story that makes you look bad, even if it's just a little, even if they're your friends. What had Steel said to her, ‘don’t get in the way of someone underestimating you’? Suvi can’t quite remember. Something like that, anyways.

Once they’ve told the main lie, the littler lie, that Eursulon and the fox have stayed behind to disarm traps, is easier. That too is accepted without question. Suvi casually dismisses the Grenaux family they’d been investigating as ‘probably’ traitors, and that’s really all that needs to be done.

And although the story has apparently worked and Suvi hasn’t immediately been accused of treason, Sworn is now studying her with a grim intensity that is making her sweat.

“How are you feeling besides the injury?” Sworn asks.

Suvi shrugs. “I'm fine,” she lies. The inside of her mouth feels hot. Her eyes feel hot. “Ame, can you do something about this?” Suvi asks, gesturing with her poisoned hand.

“Oh!” Ame says, already rummaging through her bag. “I should...” She frowns at the bag, pulls it open wider. “I can make something that will help, but I'm missing an herb.” She looks at Suvi and grimaces. “There should be some with the food supplies.”

“Let me get this straight,” Sworn says, “We just rescued troops on the brink of starvation, and you think we're carrying around extra spices?”

“It's not a spice, it's an herb,” Ame corrects him, less patiently than she otherwise might have. “And we did just resupply. It's a very common plant.”

“Is it a common plant here in the mountains?” Suvi asks calmly. “Or is it common in Toma?”

Ame looks at Suvi like a deer in a witch light. “It shouldn't be hard to find,” she says, which is answer enough.

Briefly, Suvi hopes that maybe whatever Ame had poisoned her with isn't that serious. She knows it to be a false hope. Ame isn't one for half measures and besides, Suvi can feel the heat rising in her body. Something is wrong.

“I'm very sorry, Wizard Sky,” Ame says fervently. “I should have kept my kit stocked better.”

Suvi hears that and knows it is an apology for whatever unpleasantness she is about to endure until Ame can find the herb. If Ame can find it. Suvi meets her gaze squarely. “No apology needed,” she says and hopes Ame understands that Suvi accepted this kind of risk when she had asked to be poisoned. Maybe Suvi should have asked more questions about what exactly Ame was planning on doing, but that is her own fault, not Ame’s.

Ame nods sharply. “I'll go check the supplies,” she says. Then, over her shoulder, “You might want to sit down somewhere.” And then she scurries away.

Sworn looks at Suvi.

Suvi looks back at him.

He raises his eyebrows.

Suvi raises hers.

“Captain,” he says, “if I might suggest-”

“You may not suggest,” Suvi tells him archly. “We have to keep moving.” She moves to turn and go, but stumbles slightly.

Sworn catches her arm, releases her almost immediately. “Captain,” Sworn tries again, “I will of course respect your leadership in this matter. However, let me remind you that we cannot continue until our second scouting party has returned.” He pauses. “We have a minute here, is all I'm saying.”

Suvi considers her pride. She wonders if there's any way for her to maintain her dignity while suggesting that she's going to sit down, but only because she wants to and not for any other reason. There's no way.

Suvi flops down.

Sworn jerks like he thinks she's collapsed and means to grab her, but he checks himself.

Suvi leans against a tree trunk and grins up at him, amused by how tense he seems.

Sworn sighs. “Do you have enough water left in your waterskin?” he asks.

Given how short their little excursion had been, this is a transparent attempt to get her drinking. Suvi wonders what the balance is of her looking particularly messy versus Sworn being particularly perceptive. She drinks her water anyways.

“You could sit down instead of hovering,” Suvi says, gesturing with the waterskin.

“Is that an order?” Sworn asks easily.

Suvi snorts. “It was an invitation.”

Sworn tips his head sideways in an odd, bird-like nod, then sits.

“Don't be freaked out if I fall asleep,” Suvi warns him.

“Must have been some trap,” Sworn says dryly.

“I’m not entirely sure what it was. Some kind of curse remnant, I think. Ame would know more about it.”

“May I see your hand?”

Suvi extends her arm and Sworn takes her hand, gently turning it palm up. It looks bad. The skin of Suvi's palm is turning a dark, creeping purple.

“Is it still spreading?” Sworn asks.

Suvi shrugs. “I hope not.” But she suspects that it is. Her fingers feel stiff. She's pretty sure they hadn't before.

As if he can sense her train of thought, Sworn gently bends her fingers straight. “Swelling,” he comments. When Suvi doesn't reply, he releases her hand back to her.

Suvi tucks it into her lap and leans her head back against the tree. She can feel the bark catching at her hair, but she can't bring herself to care.

She must have fallen asleep, because the next thing Suvi knows, Sworn is nudging her awake. Ame is approaching, trudging loudly through the brush. The news is clearly bad,  judging by her face.

“I'm afraid I couldn't find any,” Ame says with an odd formality as she stops in front of them. “I'm very sorry.”

“I understand,” Suvi says, waving away the apology. “You know more about vestigial curses than I do. What do you think I'm in for?”

Ame bites her lip, “Well, it won't be good. Do you want to talk about it… privately?” She glances at Sworn who turns to look at Suvi.

“Just tell me,” Suvi says, too tired to mediate whatever that look might turn into.

Ame clears her throat softly. “Uh, well.” She chews on her lip. “Really, we should focus on finding some more spirit mint. That's probably the best course of action. I mean, we’re in a forest. It shouldn't be that hard to find.”

“Ame,” Suvi says, more sharply than probably is warranted, “what's gonna happen?”

Ame breathes out, hard. “You’re gonna get sick,” she says, meeting Suvi's gaze squarely. “At first it will probably feel like the flu. Fever, chills, you know. Your joints might hurt. And then it might get worse.” Her voice is lower now, softer.

It makes Suvi a little angry, but then she's not sure if it's actually fear underneath. Ame’s talking to her like Suvi is a petitioner come to the cottage. That more than anything is what makes Suvi's breath catch.

“And then,” Ame continues, “you might be confused, hallucinate. You could have a seizure.”

Eursulon must be back somewhere with the group because the fox has appeared, pressing against Ame’s legs.

“Ok,” Suvi says, breathing deeply. “And how long before this thing runs its course?” She doesn’t look at the fox. She doesn’t look at Sworn. Her focus is entirely absorbed by Ame.

“Well, that's the thing Suvi,” Ame says gravely. “Most curses don't just go away on their own. They tend to get worse over time without treatment. It could be hours. It could be days. I don't know for sure how your body will react, but-” she hesitates briefly. “It is possible that you could die.”

“You already look not so good,” the fox says, coming over to sniff Suvi’s hand. “And you smell like rot.”

Suvi pulls her hand away, glaring at the fox. “You have no manners,” she tells him.

“What’s manners?” the fox asks. He looks back at Ame. “Do I have manners?”

Ame shakes her head, trying to feign a lightness she doesn't feel. Her eyes don't leave Suvi.

“Manners,” Suvi says, “are what stop me from catching and eating you.”

The fox skips back a few steps, visibly thinking. “Well, I must have some manners, because you haven’t caught and eaten me yet.”

“Keep bothering me,” Suvi says lifting her chin, “see how long it takes.”

The fox scoffs. “You can’t catch me,” he says disdainfully. He squints at her.

Suvi stares back. She jerks like she’s going to lunge for him and the fox yips and bounds away.

“Gotta go, boss,” he calls to Ame as he runs off and disappears into the trees.

Suvi settles back. Her head is pounding, but she does feel strangely, a little better.

Sworn who has watched this exchange in silence, speaks up. “This herb you need, spirit mint? What does it look like?”

“It’s green,” Ame replies, “with wide leaves and tiny blue flowers. They’ve got little things that look like bells coming out from the middle of them. Those are usually yellow or white. They look a little like forget-me-nots?”

Sworn’s face suggests he’s never seen or heard of such a flower. Perhaps either of them. “I’ll check with the soldiers, see who knows of this plant, if anyone might have some with their personal supplies. Please stay with Captain Sky until I return.” He fixes Ame with a very intense look. He knows it is beyond his power to order her, but they both know Sky shouldn’t be alone right now.

Ame nods and sits down next to Suvi as Sworn stalks off and begins issuing orders.

“I’m so sorry,” Ame whispers. She chews on her lip. “If I’d only looked at my supplies-” She feels like she might cry. She doesn’t want to. This isn’t about her. It’s Suvi who’s going to suffer. Maybe going to die.

“Hey,” Suvi says. She grabs Ame’s hand. “I’m not mad, ok?”

“I don’t understand why not.” It’s hard for Ame to talk. Her throat is so tight, choked by misery.

“I assumed the risk.” Suvi sighs. She’s so tired. “I made a command decision, alright? And we’ll find the stupid flower, or whatever, and next time we’ll be a little more careful.”

Ame gives Suvi’s hand a squeeze. “Ok,” she says quietly.

Suvi squeezes her hand back. She wants to say something about the possibility of her own death, what Ame should do, or maybe feel, but right now it’s too big for her to hold. Instead, they just sit there holding hands for a little while.

Suvi and Ame aren’t sitting for long before Silver shows up, looking a bit dishevelled, a little breathless.

“I just got back,” Silver says, as if that isn’t obvious. “You’re hurt? Badly?” It comes out somewhere between a demand and a question.

“Sort of. I just tripped and got some old curse junk on my hand. I’m fine.”

Silver drops to his knee in front of her and offers his hand. “Can you show me?”

Suvi gives him her hand. She's happy to see him, but she knows what this means. It's time to get moving.

Silver draws a sharp breath. “This is really nasty.”

Whatever else he'd been about to say is interrupted by Sworn's return.

“Ah, I see the scouting party has reported in,” Sworn says dryly. “What are your orders, Captain?”

“That depends on the report,” Suvi says, looking meaningfully at Silver who drops her hand and stands straight, perfect form, the perfect soldier.

“The way ahead is clear for the moment. No sign of enemy movements in the area.”

“Alright,” Suvi says, getting to her feet. The movement is clumsy, but she does it unassisted. “Let's move out.”

“Captain,” Sworn says, “the spirit mint. Should we send some of the soldiers to look for it as we go?”

“Do that,” Suvi replies. “I'll leave the details of that to your judgement. Can someone find me Bear? I need to ask him something.” Suvi adjusts her collar. The forest is hot and humid, and she's been sweating heavily. She feels unpleasantly sticky.

“Ask me what?” Eursulon says materializing from the shadows. Suvi manages not to startle. Silver’s hand twitches towards something on his belt, but stills.

“Great,” Suvi says. “Ame is missing a plant she needs to cure my hand.”

“Are you alright?” Eursulon asks in a low voice. His face clouds over like a storm blown in off the sea.

“I'm fine,” Suvi waves him off. “Will you still find a path for us? I think getting out of here still has to be the priority.”

Eursulon nods. “Away from the heart of the forest,” he says as a reminder.

Suvi nods. They're already walking into danger. If Eursulon thinks the heart of the forest is dangerous, she believes him.

“Where can I be most useful?” Ame asks.

“I'd like you to help with searching for the plant. Telling our search parties what it looks like it and then going out with them,” Suvi replies.

“Captain, would it perhaps be prudent for the Witch Ame to stay with the main contingent so she can make up the cure if one of the other parties finds the plant?” Sworn asks.

“The fox will stay here,” Ame says. “I will know to return.”

That’s somewhat unsettling, but Sworn simply nods and steps back.

“Permission to stay with you, Captain?” Silver asks. His brow is creased with his worry. Suvi reaches to touch the back of his hand, just lightly.

“Permission denied,” she says softly. “You're perceptive and we need you out there looking for this stupid plant more than I need you here looking after me.”

Silver opens his mouth like he's going to argue but closes it again. A muscle jumps in his jaw. He looks slightly mutinous but he's a good soldier and he follows orders.

Sworn gives further orders, or perhaps suggestions in the case of Ame and Eursulon, and Suvi sighs with relief once they have gone.

She's so tired. She just wants to sit down. She's only just stood up.

“I suppose we're following the leader,” Sworn says, gesturing towards Eursulon who has already nearly disappeared into the woods ahead.

“It would seem so,” Suvi agrees, following.

***

It's a long walk to nowhere. It's hard, not knowing when the journey will end.

The sun rises higher. The air grows humid.

Mosquitoes and flies buzz around Suvi, their bites stinging her skin. Suvi wonders if the insects will die now, if her blood is poisoned. She tries not to think about it.

Suvi ducks her head and studies the ground she's walking over. It's rough terrain. Her body aches and it's an effort to lift her feet high enough to clear knotted tree roots and tangled overgrowth. Sweat runs freely down her face and sides. It stings in her eyes and the small, bleeding bug bites.

She's so hot. Sweat drips off her nose and chin and stings her eyes.

She wonders if the heat is making her stupid. She can't think about where they're going, just pours all her energy into making the next step. Eternal waiting. Eternal walking. She wants it to end.

Suvi stumbles and Sworn catches her, letting go of her as soon as she's steady, just like last time.

A bird screeches nearby, startling some of the soldiers.

The next time Suvi stumbles, Sworn keeps ahold of her arm.

Suvi wants to resent it, but soon enough she's grateful. It's hard to walk in a straight line. Maybe Sworn had noticed before she had. Something is wrong with her balance maybe. It feels like half of her gets heavy and she's pulled to the side. Other times, she thinks she's following the path only to realize Sworn's getting her attention to get her back on the path that's been beaten for them. And after all that, it's hard to feel truly irritated with him anyways.

Some interminable amount of time later, ten minutes, thirty, an hour? Sworn stops them.

“We're going to be left behind,” Suvi points out with all the acidity she can muster. They’re already at the very back of the company.

“Not if we stop for five minutes,” Sworn replies reasonably. “You're overheated. You should stop and drink something.”

“The forest is hot,” Suvi snaps. “We're all overheated.”

Sworn doesn't make the obvious response. They both know she’s the only one poisoned. It doesn’t bear saying.

The flush on Suvi's already heated cheeks deepens. She wonders how often Sworn has had to deal with officers straight out of the Citadel, wonders if he thinks she's acting perhaps, like a very young lieutenant, and not the captain she's supposed to be. She stops, drinks the water. Her hands are shaking so badly some of the water spills, but not much. She resents the relief it brings.

While they sit for a minute, the fox snuffles around for something. Suvi doesn’t ask what. It’s probably a mouse. Or maybe, he’s making sure he doesn’t lose the scent of the group they’re following. Although they’re walking fairly spread out, the trail they’re leaving is a little more obvious than she'd like. If she listens, Suvi can clearly hear movement up ahead. They can only be so stealthy with the horses, after all.

After a break that is much longer than she wants it to be, but realistically probably isn’t even five full minutes, Suvi gets up to go. The fox leaps ahead, whatever he’d been looking for already forgotten. Suvi goes slowly, turns to look at Sworn. “Are you satisfied?”

Sworn nods briskly and offers his arm.

Suvi looks at it, bites the inside of her cheek. There’s no point in not taking it. Her legs shook when she stood up. She can’t walk in a straight line. Better to take the help now. Her dignity isn’t going to survive walking face first into a tree branch. It will probably survive accepting Sworn’s help. It’s not as though it’s the first time. “Thank you,” Suvi says. She’s not sure if she means it.

The next time they stop, Suvi drinks her water unprompted. It doesn’t bring the kind of relief she wants, helps for a few minutes, at best.

 Sworn is the one to get them moving again.

A few stops later, Suvi realizes that she has not been rationing her water well.

This is how they go on. The fox skips around the forest, catching mice or something and apparently enjoying himself. Sworn and Suvi walk together in silence. When Sworn feels that it has been too long, or that Suvi is looking particularly unwell, he calls for a break. Suvi pretends to drink more of her water than she actually is. Sworn politely pretends he isn’t watching her as closely as he is. They fall into rhythm. Suvi still hates the breaks. If she could just walk, she’s pretty sure she could do it without stopping. One foot in front of the other. The sweat runs into her eyes. She’s soaked in it. No part of her robes are dry enough to wipe her face with. Her skin is sticky as sweat runs in trails to her hands and drips from her fingers to the plants she’s trudging through.

Suvi gets used to the walking anyways, though the breaks still surprise her.

The next time they stop, Sworn holds something out for her. Suvi, dazed, doesn't manage to put the pieces together.

“What is that?” she asks mistrustfully.

“It's water. You think I'm going to give you booze when you’re already having a hard time standing? When did you finish your water?”

“I'm fine,” Suvi insists, ignoring his question as she brushes past him. She’s sick of water, absolutely full of it. It’s not making her less thirsty, only making her feel sick to her stomach. 

 “Captain, you must be aware that dehydration is a serious risk in these circumstances,” Sworn says flatly.

There’s an implication there that Suvi doesn’t like. She stops, but doesn’t turn to look at him.

“I am aware,” Suvi says. “And I’m making a personal choice that has nothing to do with you.” Tension creeps up her shoulders and into her neck. This is not a conversation she’s remotely interested in having.

“Ordinarily I would agree,” Sworn replies from somewhere over her shoulder. Not close. “But it’s a bad decision, and a dangerous one.”

“So what?” Suvi snaps, whipping around. “You gonna pin me down and make me? Use up all your spells behind enemy lines because you’re worried that I’m lying about being thirsty?” She realizes her voice has been rising and makes an effort to check her temper. They are behind enemy lines. She doesn’t want the soldiers to hear, either.

Sworn thinks, ‘I wouldn’t have to use any magic, never mind all of it.’ But that would probably not help the situation. So, what he says is, “Don’t be ridiculous.” Also not helpful. He takes a breath. “As the most highly ranked person here, you need to be capable of sound judgement. We know that the curse will affect your brain. I’m concerned that it already has.”

Fuck. Ok. That was already the implication, but it's very not good that he's saying it out loud. “This is rank insubordination,” Suvi says frostily. She's pissed. She also finds it just a little hot, which makes her even angrier.

“No,” Sworn says brusquely, “it isn't.”

When he offers the flask again, Suvi takes it but doesn't drink.

The fox having wandered off, as he does, pops his head through a bush to look at them.

“If you drink from this after me, you could get cursed too.” What a stupid fucking argument. This isn't how Suvi wants to be arguing her case. She wants to tell Sworn that one of them has to be functional and that she can't take his water. He needs it. But instead she's doing this. She doesn't know why. It's stupid.

Sworn doesn't respond. He's just looking at her, impassive, waiting.

The fox, seeming bored with an argument that he largely wasn’t present for, pipes up. “Ame says that's not how curses work. She wants to know if she needs to come back.”

Suvi glares at him. Little snitch.

“Well, Captain,” Sworn says. “what are your orders? Will you recall your friend to come attend to you, or will she, as one of our most proficient wilderness experts, stay in the field looking for this plant?”

Suvi glares as him as she tosses some of his water back. “Happy now?”

“Thank you, Captain.” Sworn’s face is inscrutable; the practiced, blank look of someone who has frequently been party to political games, but is uneager to join them himself. 

The fox, watching this tense exchange, decides to put in his oar again. “Yeesh,” he says, “maybe I should tell the boss to come back anyways.”

Suvi takes a deep breath. “I am going to sit down for exactly five minutes, and then we'll keep going.”

When they move again, Suvi tries to ignore how her head spins and her legs tremble with every step.

The next time they stop, Sworn has to help her up. Suvi offers her good hand and hides the poisoned one in her sleeve. She doesn’t tell Sworn that the discoloration around the wound has spread up to her wrist.

After all, there’s nothing he can do about it.

Chapter Text

Eursulon wends through the dense brush of the forest like he has lived here all his life. He knows that Suvi has asked him to find a path for them and he is doing that. He is, however, not as singularly focused as he would prefer to be. It turns out that one of your family being at risk for imminent death makes it somewhat difficult to concentrate. He’s found his breath, and yet even with all the fire and power coursing through him, he is ultimately, powerless, in the face of Suvi’s sickness.

Eursulon is looking for the spirit mint. He can't not look for it. He's paying less attention to that than to finding the way, but more attention than he should. A few times he's begun to drift off course and been gently sent back in the right direction by a chattering squirrel or murmuring stream. He's going to lose them time like this. He knows. He still can't help but look for the damn plant. He has to do something.

Eursulon is scanning the ground to either side of the game trail he’s following and not really paying attention to where he’s going. He should be paying attention. Something, a tree root, or maybe a rock, snags his foot and Eursulon stumbles, nearly falls. Some of the soldiers following him snicker and Eursulon whips his head around to glare at them. He can feel the growl threatening to rise in his throat. He manages to keep it at bay, but the force of his glare is enough to stop the soldiers dead in their tracks. Eursulon shakes it off and keeps stalking through the woods.

They’d already attacked him once. They already think him a monster. It’s not his fault, but Eursulon has lived too long in the world of men to think that his innocence will protect him. 

A surge of anger wells up in him, under the feeling of purpose, next to the feeling of fear. It’s an anger that Eursulon can’t quite place.  To whom does it belong? Certainly, Eursulon is angry with the soldiers, the Citadel. If Silver had never been sent out here, none of them would be in this position. If the Imperium hadn’t been kidnapping children, then they would. not. be. here.

Eursulon is on all fours. He’s picking up speed, letting his feelings drive him. He leaps onto a massive fallen tree. Realizing his friends, and the soldiers, will be unable to follow him directly, Eursulon jumps back down. No one has caught up to him yet. Quickly, he tracks around the end of the tree, roots exposed to sky.

The tree, though bigger, is much like the one he’d travelled through to come to this world. Eursulon doesn’t want to think about that night, when he first learned shame. It makes him angry all over again.

He doesn’t know if he’s angry at Ame, or if what he feels is some other deep wound that he lacks the power to explain. It doesn’t feel like anger, exactly. Suvi had asked to be poisoned. They’d done it to save the Grenaux family. He knew that. He knows it still.

He isn’t angry at Suvi either. What she had done was… honourable. But he is unhappy in a way that makes his chest physically ache. She had done the right thing. But… at the time, it hadn’t seemed like something that she was going to die for. That cannot be allowed to happen.

Eursulon doesn’t know why they are pressing through the forest like this instead of fanning out to look for the plant. They can only search so much of the land this way. They’re all headed in the same direction. Some of the parties are going a little farther afield, Ame and presumably Silver, but it won’t be enough. Does Suvi understand the trade she has made here, that this could be her life for her soldiers? Does she know what she has asked him to participate in?

Eursulon breathes deeply, inhaling the fresh, living smells of the forest. He pushes forwards, harder than he has been. He doesn’t try to let go of his anger, just sets it aside for the moment. Right now, he has a deeper focus, a larger purpose.

 Eursulon can feel the path before him, even as it passes from visibility and is obscured by low tree branches and thorns that tug his fur and sting his skin where they touch him. He knows he is leaving the soldiers behind. But they do not need to see him in order to follow the trail he is leaving. Suvi has asked him for a service. It is her right to ask.

He gave her his word.

He will do this for her.

Chapter Text

Suvi is worse. Each step is small and shaking. She's shivering violently now. Her vision is full of blue static. She can't see. All Suvi can do is follow Sworn with dogged determination.

The chills and static run up and down her spine. There's a sharp feeling in her throat, bobbing on the sea of static and she desperately prays not to be sick.

She's worried about the wrong thing. Suvi's body stops responding to her. She's subsumed by sensation. She's shaking hard enough to shatter. Suvi thinks her arm slips from Sworn's. She's not sure. All she feels is the shaking and the sweat sliding into her mouth and she gasps for air she can't quite seem to take.

She wonders if she's dead. If she's unconscious, seizing. It’s so cold suddenly.

Eventually, whatever awful fit had gripped her, passes. Even after she stops shaking, it’s a while before her vision clears. She’s on the ground. Her head is on Sworn’s lap. She’s distracted by the angle she’s looking up at him from. A literal new side of him. At least if she’s going to die, she knows that he’d hold her while she did it. There’s some small mercy in that.

“Take it easy,” Sworn tells her. “You collapsed.”

Suvi makes some kind of noise in response. She’s trying to say something, but she’s not sure what.

“Just stay down a minute,” Sworn says. 

Suvi wonders if the pounding in her head is the feeling of her brain swelling up like a balloon. She realizes that Sworn is holding her face in both hands. The black leather of his gloves is cool against her skin. Maybe he’s holding her skull together. She’s grateful for it.

Sworn lets her stay like that for a long time. It’s still too soon when he asks if she can sit up.

“I’m alright,” Suvi croaks.

“I know,” Sworn says seriously.

Suvi would have felt better if he’d argued with her. She sits up slowly, doesn’t try to shake Sworn’s hand off her shoulder. Doesn’t really want to.

“We’re stopping for a while longer,” Sworn tells her. “How do you feel?”

Suvi wants to tell him exactly how she feels, like all her bones have been rattled loose, like she’s so sweaty she’ll never be dry again, like some hill giant is crushing her head with their bare hands, like she’s crawled out of her grave, but she’s ready to get back into it.

None of that bears saying.

“Tired,” she says instead.

Sworn nods. He props her up against a big, moss covered rock so she can sit up without him, presses his waterskin into her hand.

Five minutes rest turns into ten, turns into fifteen.

Suvi just can’t seem to make herself get up.

Sworn is looking at Suvi. He has that grim, practical expression on his face that Suvi knows means he's about to say something she won't like. Suvi drags her fingers through the dirt.

“We have to halt the company, Captain.” Sworn says quietly.

“What?” Suvi asks. “What do you mean?” Her head feels thick.

“You can’t continue,” Sworn says. “You’ve done admirably, but you are slowing us down considerably at this point. I'm going to put you on a horse.”

“Oh,” Suvi says.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Sworn asks.

“Mhm,” Suvi responds. She doesn’t know what response he wants. She’s too tired to give it. Her head is pounding. It’s taking everything out of her just to stay upright against the rock that’s supporting her.

The fox reappears from the trail in front of them like he’d just realized they weren’t following. Although, he could have been doing anything. He hasn’t been sticking particularly close.

Sworn is speaking again. “I’m going to tell the wizard Satisfice to recall the parties while we get organized.”

Suvi nods, “Can you get Ame and Silver back here?”

A look of surprise flickers over Sworn's face. He studies her carefully before making a complicated gesture and whispering something into the wind.

The fox snorts. “I'll get the boss. We don't need him for that.”

 Nobody responds to this.

 Suvi is so fucking cold. She shivers violently, clenching her jaw when her teeth clack together painfully.

“Hey!” the fox calls to Sworn, “you can't do anything about this?”

Sworn raises his eyebrows. “This is unfortunately, beyond my realm of expertise.”

The fox glares at him.

“That's what I want Ame for,” Suvi mumbles.

The fox grumbles at this and shoots Sworn another look  before climbing into Suvi’s lap.

He’s warm and Suvi is grateful for it, though it does nothing against her shivering. She feels like her bones might simply shatter with it. The only thing Suvi does is press the fingers of her good hand into the fox’s fur. She doesn’t pet him, just lets her hand rest there. She doesn’t have the energy for anything else.

The fox licks at her forearm.

“Careful where you’re licking,” Suvi tells him.

The fox gives her a look that somehow manages to look sarcastic, despite his lack of human facial features, and keeps licking her arm.

Suvi sighs, but doesn’t say anything else about it.

***

Suvi must have dozed off because the next time she opens her eyes, Ame is there, kneeling in front of her and quietly calling her name.

“Ame,” Suvi says with the wondering tone of a person who realizes that against the odds, someone is following them through hell.

“Sky,” Ame says back. “I heard you aren’t feeling too good.”

“I think I have a fever.” Suvi says it like there’s a prize for understatement of the year and she’s gunning for it.

The fox, still on her lap, snorts. “I’ll say.”

Ame touches Suvi’s face. “Yeah, that’s really something.” Her tone is hard to read. It’s almost impressed, but there’s something else in it. It takes Suvi a moment to realize it’s probably fear.

“Sworn?” Suvi asks, looking around for him without moving her head.

”He left to give us some privacy,” Ame says. “I think he figured you wouldn’t talk to me while he was around.”

Suvi snorts. Good. He’s probably right too. Bastard. “My head feels like it’s going to explode,” she mumbles. “And I’m so fucking cold. Can you do anything?”

Ame clicks her tongue, thinking. “I have a potion that’ll help with pain, sure. I can give you something that’ll relax your muscles, but that would probably make it hard for you to walk… and the two together would make you pretty sleepy.”

Suvi slips her good hand into Ame’s. “That’s alright,” she says. “Sworn’s putting me on a horse, anyways.”

Ame gives her hand a squeeze. “We’re going to find the spirit mint,” she says. Ame gets a faraway look on her face. “But for now, if I’m giving you both medicines, I have to attenuate the dose of one of the two… maybe both…” she works out her plan aloud. While the words sound like they’re aimed at Suvi, she knows better. There’s a little comfort in that. It’s familiar.

After a minute of Ame muttering to herself, she pulls two potions and a little cup out of her bag. The first potion looks like ink, but it’s thin when Ame pours a little into the cup. She rolls the liquid around, just enough to coat the sides, before she dumps the rest out and pours the second potion into the cup. A little black cloud appears with a wumpf and the liquid, which had been a dark red when Ame had poured it, is now blood red and glittering.

Ame offers it to her, and when Suvi reaches for it, Ame keeps her hands wrapped over Suvi’s as she brings it to her mouth. Suvi hesitates for just a moment before drinking it. She’s surprised by the sweetness of it. Everywhere it touches her tongue, it stings. Tiny pinpricks of pain, like she’s swallowing stars. 

“That’s for the pain,” Ame says.

Suvi nods, she can already feel the headache fading a bit. At least she can breathe now that she’s less wound up from the pain.

The next thing Ame pulls out is a big, downy leaf.

“That’s a leaf,” Suvi says, unnecessarily.

“Mhm,” Ame nods seriously.

“You just did a whole thing with those potions and the other thing you have is just straight up a leaf?”

“You’re very lucky to have this leaf, you know,” Ame says. There’s an undercurrent of sniffy disapproval to her voice. “Normally these are extremely hard to find.” She hands it to Suvi.

“It’s soft,” Suvi says, horrified.

“Mhm,” Ame says again. “Make sure you chew it up good before you swallow it. Otherwise it’ll take forever to work.”

“Uh huh.” Suvi looks at the leaf for another moment before putting it in her mouth. It is indeed fuzzy, and thicker than she’d expected. But she does as she’s told and chews it up. It’s not easy to swallow, but she does.

“That’ll help at least a bit,” Ame says.

Suvi scrunches up her nose. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

They’re sitting there for probably all of a minute before Sworn shows up again, which is aggravating. He was either fully eavesdropping, or just listening close enough to hear when they’d stopped talking. Either way, Suvi is tired of being watched. She wants to lie down in a bed in a bedroom with a door that she doesn’t have to open for anyone, like a dog taking itself off under the porch to die.

Suvi sighs, irritated by herself now, as well. He probably wasn’t eavesdropping. If he said he’d give them privacy, he probably was. He’s not one to break his word lightly.

“Satisfice should be here in a moment,” Sworn says as he approaches. “I haven’t heard from the Wizard Silver yet.” He catches the concern on Suvi’s face. “I imagine he’s just being cautious about either his noise level or his spell reserves.”

Suvi nods and leans her head back. She can wait a few minutes to talk to Silver. The situation isn’t going to change before he gets back, at any rate.

It isn’t long before the wizard Satisfice appears. He’s a white man of unremarkable appearance, short hair of no particular shade of brown, a very average height. “Captain Sky,” he says from a respectful distance. “I’ve called the company to a halt. But…” He hesitates, looking between her and Sworn uncertainly. “You want me to bring everyone back here?”

Suvi can’t focus on anything beyond the ache of her back and neck, the tension in every muscle. She probably hadn’t chewed that damn leaf as well as she should’ve… And that was a question that had required some kind of response. Fuck.

Sworn cocks his head and looks at her. “Captain,” he says, “I can deal with this, if you’ll excuse the presumption?”

Suvi nods stiffly. It’s difficult. The muscles in her neck don’t want to move. “Go for it.” Sword and fucking Crown, she’s glad that Sworn is here. Not every wizard in her current retinue would cover for her current weakness like this.

Sworn nods respectfully to Suvi and then turns to Satisfice. “What part of your orders were unclear,  Satisfice?”

“Ah,” the other man says nervously. “I only thought-”

“Is it your job to think, or is it your job to follow orders?” Sworn interrupts him.

“To follow orders, sir.” Perhaps finally realizing he is talking to a superior officer, Satisfice straightens up, fixes his gaze resolutely in the distance.

“And your orders are?” Sworn presses.

“Call the company to a halt, recall the search parties and rendezvous at your location, sir.”

“Correct. Make contacting the wizard Silver a priority.”

Satisfice glances impulsively at Suvi before he can stop himself.

“The Wizard Silver is the third most highly ranked officer present, after myself and the wizard Sworn,” Suvi says testily. “Should I hold council without my ranking officers?”

“No, sir,” Satisfice says uncomfortably, “I didn't mean—” He looks at her, plainly alarmed.

“I did not give you permission to speak freely,” Suvi snaps. “Go attend to your duties.”

Satisfice bows to a shallow degree that is an inch away from being borderline offensive, before scurrying off.

“It’s a wonder he’s gotten to the position he has,” Sworn says once Satisfice is most likely out of earshot.

When Silver arrives, he rushes to Suvi, kneels on the ground in front of her, takes her face in his hands. He says her true name so sweetly.

 Suvi closes her eyes and drinks in the contact for just a moment before waving him away. “Wizard Silver,” she croaks. “I called you back… I wanted you to witness…” It's strangely hard to find the words here. There's an expected and usually natural formality that she seems to just be lacking. Maybe she used all of it up on Satisfice. Her head throbs. “I'm— I'm temporarily ceding my authority to the Wizard Sworn.”

“What?” Silver says.

Sworn looks at her intensely, his eyebrows drawn.

“He's in charge,” Suvi says, “temporarily.”

“You're sick. We have to do something,” Silver says.

“We are doing something,” Suvi reminds him. “We're leaving the forest and looking for that stupid plant as we go.” She shouldn’t be annoyed at him, but he’s being too much boyfriend and not enough soldier.

“There has to be something else,” Silver says. His tone is urgent, almost pleading.

“There isn't,” Suvi says firmly. “Be good, follow orders.” Her voice weakens slightly, at this.

“Okay,” Silver murmurs, voice strained. He reaches for her and brushes his fingertips over the side of her neck.

Suvi breathes in humid air, tries to live in the moment of that touch. Then she breathes out and looks past Silver at Sworn who understands without words what she wants, what she needs from him.

Sworn clears his throat. “Wizard Silver,” he says. “I want you redistributing the packs within the next five minutes.”

Silver grimaces. The look on his face smooths out before he leans forwards to kiss Suvi's burning forehead. “I will be back,” he murmurs. Then he stands, salutes them both, and marches off to his orders.

Perhaps they can both be forgiven for a moment of weakness, if the job gets done in the end.

***

Everyone is probably grateful for the break. The soldiers have been going for too long. It's hot. Everyone is tired. Despite that, the mood isn't defeated. If anything, the soldiers seem more determined.

Divided between them, rearranging the packs is quick work. Some of the extra is redistributed onto the other horses. Much of it is taken up by the soldiers. Sworn is among those who add supplies to their own bags. The little that is left is only what fills the saddlebags of Suvi’s horse and another bag that fits behind its saddle.

When the work is done, everyone takes advantage of the time to eat a little lunch from their supplies. The mood is somewhat subdued, but not overly so. There's still chatter, still quiet laughter. The company is doing alright.

Euruslon does not return with the company to eat. Silver and Ame both do. Like any soldier, Silver wolfs down his food. He then spends an unfortunate amount of time pestering Suvi (who is not even remotely hungry) to eat until she snaps at him. Shortly after, Sworn appears with a job for Silver. Sworn keeps him up and running again, attending to various tasks and speaking to the other survey teams.

Suvi sees what he’s doing. She doesn’t know whether she appreciates it, though. She would have liked to spend time with Silver. She would have liked to press her face into his shoulder, to have him stroke her hair. Then he had to go and be aggravating and Sworn saw and now Silver’s busy. Busy is probably preferable to bothering her, though. And if she’s being honest, Suvi knows that she would not allow him to hold her right now. There’s work to be done and right now her job is maintaining appearances so the soldiers don’t panic.

It is also not lost on Suvi that she, indirectly and nonverbally, essentially asked Sworn to keep Silver off her ass. And even though she’s not currently the captain, if she asked, Sworn would ease off.

Suvi doesn’t ask.

Meanwhile, Ame finishes the bread and onion she was eating and pulls an apple out of her bag.

“I don’t think I want to eat this whole thing,” Ame says thoughtfully, apparently to no one.

“That is. a single apple,” Suvi tells her.

“Oh!” Ame says brightly. “The perfect size for sharing.” She cuts a small piece off the apple.

“You’re not subtle,” Suvi says, sighing.

“I wasn’t trying to be,” Ame says sweetly, holding out the slice.

Suvi sighs again, but takes the apple.

“Woah, woah, woah,” the fox says. “Now, I hate to interrupt, but did I hear that we’re just giving away food? I mean, if nobody wants it, eating spare food is a service I am more than happy to provide.” He sidles up to Suvi.

Suvi, having spent time around dogs before, recognizes the sideways look that presages the theft of food from a hand or unattended plate, quickly pops the apple in her mouth.

The fox flicks his ears at her, twitches his tail. Suvi’s not sure if that’s irritation, or disappointment. In either case it’s her apple.

“Here,” Ame says. “You won’t like this, but you can have a piece.”

“It’s food,” says the fox. “I’m going to like it.”

“Okay,” Ame replies, tossing him a piece of apple. While he’s distracted, she quickly cuts another piece and hands it to Suvi, who eats it before the fox tries to take it from her. It’s not something he’s ever done to her before, but she knows he’s done it to Eursulon, and she wouldn’t be surprised if he’s gotten ideas since Eursulon isn’t eating with them.

The fox gobbles his piece up and full body shivers. “Ooh,” he says. “That was sour.”

“You liked it?” Ame asks, surprised.

“Yeah.” The fox licks his lips. “I mean, food’s food, right?”

Ame hums and digs a second apple out of her bag for the fox to eat. She continues pretending that she’s gotten too much food out of her bag to eat by herself and although the fox ends up eating much more than his share, it also works to get Suvi eating too. It doesn’t hurt that the fox’s continued presence is an implicit threat to any food she is given, which does impart a certain sense of urgency.

This dog and pony show decidedly pushes the limits of what Suvi will allow, but Ame is charming and persuasive. Most of all, she’s practiced. Suvi supposes getting people to eat is something that a village witch probably does a lot. Seeing as it is part of the job description, Suvi lets Ame help. Suvi is surprised by the amount that she manages to eat, even feeling the way she does.

And then it’s time to go and despite her throbbing hand and the clearly unnatural purple tint that’s spread further up her arm, Suvi gets herself onto the horse where she finds some of the soldiers are staring at her.

Suvi takes a deep breath, stalling for time. She knows she doesn’t look well. They all know they’re looking for a strange herb for Ame. Soldiers were close by when she’d initially told Sworn she was cursed. Now they’ve stopped to put her on a horse. It’s inconceivable that nobody has figured it out between the infantry, the battalion and the wizards.

Suvi should address it now. Hiding a thing that is rapidly coming into plain sight is going to damage morale. They’ve run into Gaothmai forces twice now. They’re in a strange, many say haunted, forest and they are relying on guides that know Suvi personally to get them out of here and back to safety. They have to still trust her.

Suvi has not had a lot of experience with soldiers, but she is smart. They’ve been in this forest for days. She’s watched how Sworn and then Silver interact with the troops. She knows the vibe that Steel brings when she’s commanding. If Suvi nails this, then it won’t matter that she’s a very young captain, it won’t matter that she’s drenched in sweat or that she’s riding a horse while everyone else walks.

Suvi has only been on the horse a minute. Some of the same soldiers are still staring. Some of them have gone back to packing up. Some of those looking now have just noticed her.

“What?” Suvi calls, her voice pitched to carry. “You’ve never seen someone cursed before? I hope you’re looking hard for that plant because if I shuffle off this mortal coil Sworn won’t treat you nearly as nice as I do.”

Sworn, having caught on immediately, raises his voice to match hers. “Respectfully, Captain, I must disagree. I’m only hard on the layabouts and lookie-loos. Especially when there’s work to be done.” He looks around pointedly at the soldiers who have stopped to look at their commanders. “Move out!”

There’s a flurry of movement as the Imperial Infantry and Azure Battalion work to get themselves in marching order. The wizards follow orders as well, but generally at a less hurried clip.

Suvi grins. That was exactly the note they’d needed to hit.

Suvi maintains her posture in the saddle for a while after the company has started moving properly. Although no one but Sworn and the fox are near her, she’s certain that some of the soldiers were sneaking looks back through the forest well after they’d started disappearing into the trees.

But eventually, fatigue wins out and Suvi slumps in the saddle. She’s shaking again, though she’s not sure if it’s with the effort of keeping herself upright, or from the fever. It doesn’t really matter, anyways. She’s relieved to have kept it together while the soldiers were around, glad that no one has to see her.

It’s a good thing they’re not going quickly because she doesn’t think her body would hold up to a trot right now.  Her form is wretched, even at a walk. Suvi half, and not entirely idly, wonders if it would have been better to just sling her over the back of the horse like another one of the packs. Of course, her dignity and authority would not have survived that, so it’s probably for the best.

Chapter Text

When they stop for the night, Suvi is still keeping it together. She’s sore from riding and from shivering. Thanks to Ame, it’s not as bad as it could be.

Having recently reprovisioned, there’s fresh meat for dinner. Suvi doesn’t have more than a mouthful of it. Instead, she drinks the water she’s been allotted and goes straight back to her tent.

Ame follows her.

“What?” Suvi asks irritably. She’s so tired. Her bedroll is so close.

“May I look at your hand before you go to sleep?” Ame asks.

Suvi thrusts her arm towards Ame without saying anything.

Ame unwinds the bandages and clicks her tongue.

“So,” Suvi says. “Am I dying now or later? Should I say my goodbyes before I go to sleep?”

“Don’t joke about that!” Ame says. She looks stricken.

“It’s bad, huh?” Suvi says. She knows it’s bad, but it’s the closest she can get to an apology. Her legs are trembling like they’re going to give out any time now. She just wants to lie down.

Suvi’s entire hand is visibly swollen. She’d known that it would be. It’s hard to close her hand, so she’d just stopped using it. More concerning is the strange purple tint. It’s clearly spread up her wrist in odd, streaky lines.

“It’s in your blood,” Ame says softly. “The sooner we find the spirit mint, the better.”

Suvi nods and lets Ame clean and rebandage her wound. “Thank you,” Suvi says. “Please tell Silver that if he wakes me up when he comes to bed, I’m gonna demote him to guildmage.” There isn’t currently a process for that kind of thing, but she would make one as a special exception.

“Noted,” Ame says.

Silver does wake her up when he crawls in next to her, but it’s not intentional.

Suvi grumbles at him, turns to rub her face against his chest. The noise she makes when he kisses the top of her head is sweeter.

She goes back to sleep. It’s restless and disturbed. Suvi feels like she isn’t sleeping at all, just suspended in some kind of eternal wakefulness. Whatever Ame had given her earlier has worn off. Her head throbs. She shivers violently, clinging to Silver for warmth that never quite seems to reach her.

 She cries out quietly, bereft when he leaves her. Alone, jaw clenched against her chattering teeth in the dark.

A drowned woman looms out of the darkness over Suvi. She’s too surprised to scream. The woman’s hair is long and black, hanging like a curtain.

Something wet hits Suvi’s mouth, her nose. The drowned woman is trying to drown her too. Suvi squirms away, but someone is holding her jaw to let the water in, rubs her throat so she’ll swallow. Sure she’s been poisoned, that she’s moments from death, that finally, there’s nothing more she can do, Suvi stops fighting.

 She’s asleep again within moments, if she’d even been awake to begin with.

After, Suvi sleeps deeply until morning.

 Suvi wakes to Silver gently shaking her. She grumbles at him but lets herself be pulled out of the tent and into the mist of pale morning light. Suvi sits against a tree, nodding off while Silver takes down their tent. Although she’s not really aware of it, all around her the temporary camp is being taken down, packed up, loaded back onto the horses.

Ame gives Suvi the same stinging drink as the day before, gets her to eat something before giving her another fat, fuzzy leaf. Suvi does as she’s told without complaint, then pretends to sleep so that she doesn’t have to talk to anyone. She isn’t pretending long before she actually is out.

Suvi wakes up, sees Sworn talking to Ame and Silver, too far away to hear the words. She feels, more than hears Eursulon pass nearby. Then, Sworn has called an order, not too loudly, they’re still behind enemy lines. Everyone is moving away, except Suvi. She thinks about getting up. She doesn’t want to.

Sworn comes to get her, helps her up.

Suvi lets him, doesn’t complain. At this point, however much he decides to look after her is his prerogative. Were she anyone else, she would fully expect to be left behind. But her mother is the Sword of the Citadel.

Suvi’s forgotten for the moment that the company needs Eursulon to make it out of this forest. Eursulon would never leave her behind. Neither would Ame. Sworn… probably wouldn’t.

Suvi remembers that Sworn wouldn’t. If he was going to, he’d already be gone. Her thoughts take on an odd, circular pattern.

“Where are we going?” Suvi asks. Everything feels distant, like a play she’s watching from a high box.

Sworn frowns at her. “Captain, we’re travelling through the Shroud Mountains. We’re getting out of enemy territory.”

“Right,” Suvi says faintly.

Sworn’s thick eyebrows draw closer together. “Right,” he repeats, an unconscious echo. “Let’s get you on the horse.” With an apology, Sworn loops his arm through hers to keep a grip on her bicep. Suvi hardly notices. She’s trying to lock in on walking to the horse. She’s shaking so badly that she’s not sure she’ll make it the bare ten feet she needs to. Then, when she has finally shuffled over to the horse, they have another problem. Suvi eyes the beast, certain that there’s no way she can haul herself up on to it.

Before Suvi can say anything about it, Sworn is kneeling on the ground in front of her, his fingers interlaced and offered as a step, his head bowed deferentially.

“Oh,” Suvi says. She wobbles and leans on Sworn’s shoulder to steady herself.

He looks up at her then. “Captain?”

“It’s alright,” Suvi mumbles. She grabs the saddle, puts her boot on Sworn’s hand. With a strength that she had suspected, but not entirely known he possessed, Sworn boosts her easily into the saddle. Suvi inhales sharply, trying to find her seat and not go straight over the horse. She manages it, though it is not the most graceful ascent she’s made.

“Thanks.”

“Of course.” Sworn bows and retrieves the reins so they can get underway.

It is of course, better for Suvi that she is on a horse. She couldn’t walk out of the forest now, her body simply wouldn’t sustain it. But riding a horse takes its own toll. The muscles in her core and legs ache. She’d had the suggestion of friction burns on her thighs from yesterday’s ride. Today it only intensifies. Her body is one giant, unbearable ache and the monotony of the ride provides no distraction.

Suvi is present and disoriented by turns.

Please,” Suvi finds herself saying. “I can't. I can't.” She can’t fathom what it will take for this purgatory of pain and boredom to end, but she can’t keep going like this.

She’s surprised when Sworn squeezes her ankle and hushes her, not unkindly. His expression is one of plain worry. It’s a look she’s never seen on him before.

Suvi makes an effort to stop talking. Sworn has enough problems of his own without her adding to them. Not talking is something she can manage when she knows what’s going on. The problem is staying present.

The sun climbs further into the sky. Even through the leaves of the trees, the air is sweltering. The mist burns off.

Suvi alternates between hot and cold, but always she is sweating.

They’re not going to find the herb. It’s been too long. If it grew here, they’d have it by now. She tries to tell Sworn, but he only hushes her again.

Suvi lapses into silence, lets the waves of heat, of sweat and shivering, of throbbing in her head and hand, wash over her. She tries not to get stuck in it. Suvi lets her awareness drift. She wants to be rid of this forest. She wants to be anywhere else. Ame’s cottage. Her tower. Back at the little town they’d just left. Anywhere with a bed. Anywhere without the constant rocking motion of the horse, the beat of the sun on her face.

The ride drags on. Though Suvi tries to stay with Sworn (had he asked her to do that?), her lucidity is something less than consistent. One moment she is talking to her mother, then to Steel, then Ame. How does one try to stay present?

Suvi blinks and Ame is real. Suvi hears Ame say something to Sworn about how ‘she's’ getting worse. Suvi wonders who they're talking about. She hopes Ame is ok.

But then Sworn, the Sworn who is not talking to real Ame, and therefore must not be real Sworn, is telling her something important and Suvi tries to focus on that instead. Even if he isn't the right Sworn, maybe he has something important to tell her. If only she can listen. If she pays attention.

The next time Suvi swims back to clarity, there is a plea on her lips. She has been begging and for what, she cannot know. “Sworn?” she croaks. Even in her aching, altered state, she can see the relief on his face. Who then, has she been calling for, that by his name he knows that she is herself again?

“Captain Sky,” Sworn says urgently, “can you drink some water? You're not well.”

Suvi makes an uncertain noise. She doesn't reach for the waterskin he offers. She's too wrung out and he’s so far down.

Sworn conjures a mage hand to lift it up to her and Suvi drinks when the vessel bumps against her cracked and bleeding lips. Some of it spills down her chin and soaks into the front of her robe.

“I'm sorry,” Suvi whispers hoarsely.

“It's unimportant,” Sworn tells her. He pats her calf. He’s still looking at her. Maybe he has something to say. Suvi can’t tell. Sworn holds his peace and turns his attention back to the forest.

Suvi hopes that if she's going to die, she'll do it sooner rather than later.