Chapter Text
3:00 AM
3AM CRASHOUTS
Cipher created group “3AM CRASHOUTS”
Cipher added 9 contacts.
Cipher: what’s goodie my gang
Cipher: i’m at the convenience store rn
Cipher: why is the line so fucking longggg
Cipher: LET ME HAVE MY REDBULLLLL 😭 😭 😭
Phainon: HOW THE FUCK DO I KEEP LOSING TO MYDEI
Phainon: I LOST TO HIM 5 TIMES IN A ROW
Cipher: THIS IS ABOUT ME NOT YOU BITCH
Cipher: skill issue 🙄
Phainon: HE WON WITH JIGGLYPUFF
Cipher: HOW BAD IS YOUR SKILL ISSUE TO LOSE TO THAT?!
Phainon: I may or may not have walked off the edge as the final point…
Cipher: 🤦♀️
Cipher: i have no words for your idiocy
Cipher: immense skill issue honestly
Phainon: THIS IS HIS LIKE THIRD TIME PLAYING TOO
Cipher: the more i’m hearing from you the more i wanna take away your controller
Cipher: stfu or i’m gonna break it over my knee and eat it in front of you
Cipher: i need something to consume in the middle of this DAMN LINE AAGAGJAEJKGADJGKH
Phainon: IT’S NOT MY FAULT!
Phainon: IT WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SWITCHING BATTLEFIELDS AND I COULDN’T SEE WHERE I WAS GOING
Cipher: you should get better fucking eyes
Aglaea has come online.
Aglaea: What kind of comeback is that? Don’t you mean he should get glasses?
Cipher: WHY ARE YOU AWAKE AT 3AM?!
Aglaea: I could ask you the same, Cifera.
Cipher: i’m uhhh… totally not getting energy drinks
Aglaea: What did I say about drinking energy drinks at night? How are you going to sleep now?
Cipher: but i need my caffeine agyyy 🥺
Cipher: besides how am i supposed to sleep when i’ve got phainon and mydei yelling in my basement
Phainon: We’re not that loud 😤
Cipher: i’m going to get a noise complaint because of you two
Cipher: also you guys do NOT sound like you’re playing games down there
Mydei: What?
Cipher: “YEAH I’M GOING TO HIT YOU HARDER!”
Phainon: Well… I was
Cipher: holy gays you guys are dumb as hell
Cipher: “I’m going to make sure you can’t walk again”
Mydei: I see nothing wrong with that
Cipher: “Fuck you Mydei”
Cipher: “Fuck you too Phainon”
Cipher: “Aww you’d fuck me?”
Mydei: Oh you heard that?
Cipher: YES I HEARD THAT
Cipher: YOU TWO AREN’T SLICK!!!
Cipher: I DON’T WANNA LISTEN TO PORNO AT 3 IN THE MORNING
Cipher: GET A ROOM
Phainon: We are in a room??
Cipher: GET ANOTHER ROOM 100 YARDS AWAY FROM MY HOME
Phainon: It wasn’t that bad
Cipher: YES IT WAS THAT BAD
Phainon: Anyway why are you still up Aglaea?
Mydei: Yeah shouldn’t you be getting your beauty sleep or something?
Aglaea: I have commissions to do, designs to finalise. Who has time for sleep.
Cipher: clearly not me who’s in A LONG FUCKING LINE RIGHT NOW
Cipher: WHO THE FUCK GOES TO THE CONVENIENCE STORE AT 3AM?!
Aglaea: …You?
Anaxagoras has come online.
Anaxagoras: Why the hell are you guys up so late? It’s 3AM. Go to sleep, especially you, Aglaea.
Anaxagoras: I swear, you guys do not know when to sleep. You’re all so unhealthy.
Aglaea: If you’re so healthy, then why are you up? Please enlighten me, Anaxa.
Anaxagoras: Because you hooligans decided now would be the best time to cause chaos.
Anaxagoras: I was just about to fall asleep when I got bombarded with a thousand messages at 3AM. You guys don’t know what sleep is, do you?
Cipher: i yap BUT NOT THAT MUCH
Cipher: I LITERALLY JUST MADE THIS GC
Aglaea: That's a bit of an over exaggeration. It was only 62 messages.
Anaxagoras: Why am I not surprised? Of course, you know how many messages there were.
Aglaea: And why are you going to bed at 3 in the morning? Busy conducting another one of your blasphemous experiments.
Anaxagoras: Call my experiments blasphemous, but you are always too busy working yourself to death. Tell me Aglaea, what’s so important about your commissions that you can’t even give one day to yourself.
Aglaea: I have 10 custom commissions to complete by the end of the week, a collection to launch in 2 weeks, and a whole bunch of other miscellaneous stuff that requires my attention.
Cipher: what is this SOAP OPERA
Cipher: the dumbass and the restless… *dramatic violin* 🎻
Cipher: imagine being productive, genuinely couldn’t be me
Phainon: Aren’t you like 14?? How do you have a business already?!
Aglaea: Because I have goals unlike you all.
Mydei: Go diva go!
Cipher: THE GIRLBOSSERY ON THIS WOMAN
Anaxagoras: Don’t act like you’re the only one doing things early. I’ve made multiple contributions to the scientific community.
Phainon: Bro’s young sheldon
Cipher: y'all are lucky your families can fund your crazy ambitions. And here i am living on the streets in rags 😭
Mydei: If you live on the streets then who’s house are we in?
Cipher: details details
Anaxagoras: All you do is complain, but you never do a single thing about it.
Anaxagoras: Also, why the hell, are you at a convenience store at 3am, Cipher?
Anaxagoras: And why did you think it would be a great time to add us all into a stupid group chat?
Cipher: 1. mydei and phainon stole all my drinks like the freeloaders they are 🙄
Cipher: 2. i needed to bitch about THIS LONG ASS LINE
Cipher: 3. I’M GOING TO SET EVERYONE IN FRONT OF ME ON FIRE 🔥
Anaxagoras: You all need help, and Cipher why the hell are you even getting Redbull at 3AM? Couldn’t you have just waited until the morning?
Cipher: NO I RAN OUT OF DRINKS, MYDEI AND PHAINON ARE FUCKING IN THE BASEMENT AND TECHNICALLY IT IS THE MORNING
Phainon: NO???
Cipher: WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU TWO MOANING DOWN THERE THEN
Mydei: Pillow fight?
Anaxagoras: Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. I cannot believe you incompetent rats are my classmates.
Mydei: WHO ARE YOU CALLING A RAT? 😤
Cipher: bro’s chloé bourgeois
Phainon: I will bite you and make sure you get the black plague
Phainon: You’re built like a child suffering from the plague too
Anaxagoras: Excuse me? At least, I didn’t turn in a blank sheet for my finals, and I don’t need muscles like you meatheads.
Cerydra has come online.
Cerydra: Who the fuck woke me up from my beauty sleep?
Cerydra: AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING A RAT?!
Cipher: THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING!!!
Anaxagoras: A bunch of foolish fools, you guys are all such incompetent roaches. Even children would know what I mean.
Mydei: “Foolish fools” holy shit what in the franziska von karma
Cipher: careful guys he’s gonna get the guns out
Cipher: Order in the court! Order in the court!
Cerydra: “Foolish Fools” trying to increase that essay word count are you?
Aglaea: So you admit to being a fool. Good to know.
Anaxagoras: I’d rather not hear that coming from the person who’s life is hanging by a thread.
Cipher: HELLOOOO?
Cipher: BACK TO ME AND MY PROBLEMS
Tribbie has come online.
Tribbie: Hellooo Ciphy!
Tribbie: Whatcha up to?
Cipher: I’M IN THIS LONG ASS LINE AT THE FUCKING CONVENIENCE STORE!
Cipher: WHY IS IT LONGER THAN MY DICK
Aglaea: You should’ve been out of that line ages ago if that was the case.
Phainon: NAHHHH
Cipher: WTH?!
Cipher: THERE’S SOMEONE WITH LIKE 20 CANS OF BEANS
Mydei: WHAT IN THE BEAN BATTALION
Cipher: bro’s actually being Aglaea right now
Aglaea: Bold of you to assume I even eat beans.
Phainon: You’re british what are you expecting
Cipher: british eats bean = “fish found in ocean”
Anaxagoras: That’s because all you eat is oxygen. I’m pretty sure your BMI is lower than the melting point of hexadecane.
Aglaea: It is not!
Anaxagoras: What is it then, dear Aglaea.
Hyacine has come online.
Hyacine: It’s 15.0
Aglaea: Seriously Hyacinthia 😑
Aglaea: Did you really come online just to expose me like that?
Hyacine: Yes, yes I did 😌
Cipher: AGY?!
Phainon: GIRL THAT'S SEVERELY UNDERWEIGHT!!!
Castorice has come online.
Castorice: Hiii! Just finished reading a yaoi fanfic
Castorice: Might’ve sobbed
Castorice: Might’ve called a suicide hotline
Castorice: I’m starting to turn homophobic WHY ARE THESE GAYS SO OBLIVIOUS
Castorice: Anyway what did I miss?
Mydei: Hyacine exposing how EXTREMELY underweight Aglaea is
Cipher: mydei and phainon fucking in my basement
Castorice: THEY WHAT?!
Castorice: YAOI FANFIC HAPPENING RIGHT BEFORE BY EYES 👀
Castorice: LET’S REWIND WHAT HAPPENED THERE NOW!
Tribbie: Don't worry about it Cas
Phainon: WE WERE NOT FUCKING
Cerydra: I’m tempted to wake Hysilens up right now to get you guys to shut the fuck up
Cipher: yeah get your gf in here
Anaxagoras: Such incompetence from foolish lunatics, and Aglaea you need to eat more. A 15.0 BMI is extremely underweight, and I would rather not see you on the news.
Phainon: “Teenager starves herself to death”
Mydei: What an amazing headline ✨
Cipher: of course you’d say that
Aglaea: I do not need to eat more. I’m perfectly fine and healthy.
Tribbie: Awww Naxy’s worrying about Agy
Castorice: So cuteee 🥰
Cipher: look at these lovebirds
Anaxagoras: If there is anything I can be sure of, it's that I am not worried about that lady. She’s just a nuisance to me.
Cipher: Raise your hand if you think that's cap
Phainon: ✋
Mydei: ✋
Tribbie: ✋
Castorice: ✋
Anaxagoras: I do not care about Aglaea, and I’m sure Aglaea feels the same way about me.
Aglaea: That’s the one thing I can agree with this blasphemous moron.
Cipher: blasphemer is his pet name at this rate
Anaxagoras: Someone should’ve stitched your mouth shut when you were born.
Hyacine: You guys should really go to sleep now
Cerydra: I was sleeping but then SOMEONE disrupted it
Anaxagoras: Cerydra you woke up on your own accord, don’t blame people for your own problems. Go back to sleep if you're complaining so much.
Cerydra: Excuse me!?! It’s not my fault Cipher decided to put everyone into a group chat just because she wasn’t getting her energy drinks!
Hysilens has come online.
Hysilens: Yes babe?
Cerydra: Save me Starfish 😭
Hysilens: What do you need?
Cerydra: Just save me
Cerydra: They woke me up from my beauty sleep.
Hysilens: Everyone shut up the fuck up and let my wife sleep!
Cipher: ewww lesbians 🙄
Cerydra: Oh shut up Cifera
Cerydra: Have you even SEEN how you act when you’re around Castorice?
Tribbie: Not the full naming
Cipher: shhh this is about you
Cerydra: 🙄
Hyacine: Everyone please go to sleep. It’s literally 3am…
Cipher: I’M IN A LONG ASS LINE HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA SLEEP
Phainon: Fall asleep in the line
Phainon: No balls
Phainon: Don’t be a coward
Cipher: you want me to end up on dateline???
Phainon: Would you kill me if I said yes
Cipher: THE SECOND I’M OUT OF HERE I’M GONNA MURDER YOU
Cipher: 🔪🔪🔪
Tribbie: You’re awake too Cinny
Mydei: Don’t be a hypocrite
Hyacine: I woke up because Ica was barking at some ghostly figure at the window which turned out to be dead leaves 😑
Cipher: it’s me, hi, i’m the figure 👻
Hyacine: I will throw rocks at my window, you better get away from my home
Cerydra: Why didn't you close your curtains then?
Cipher: and why didn’t you just turn off your phone? Miss “I’m gonna get my gf to tell you to stfu for me”
Cerydra: Cipher shut the fuck up
Hyacine: I forgot to okkk 😭 😭 😭
Hyacine: I’m going back to sleep and you all should too
Anaxagoras: I need to finish this experiment first, it’s very important to me.
Castorice: Nah I’m good. Probably gonna get back to gooning
Phainon: I need to beat Mydei at least once tonight!
Cipher: yeah i bet you’re trying to beat something real hard with Mydei from the sounds y’all are making in my basement
Mydei: CIPHER SHUT UP PLEASEE
Cipher: don’t wake up my grandma while you’re at it
Aglaea: I’ll go to bed after finishing my commission.
Mydei: So basically never?
Aglaea: Exactly 😌
Cipher: we know Miss “I only sleep when I overworked myself to death”
Hyacine: You guys seriously need better sleep schedules
Anaxagoras: What do you mean? My sleep schedule is perfectly fine.
Aglaea: Says the one who's awake with us right now at 3 in the morning.
Cipher: ok then if we’re lying now then i don’t have mydei and phainon trapped in my basement against their will
Mydei: You invited us over?
Cipher: consensual kidnapping
Phainon: FINALLY!
Cerydra: What?
Phainon: I FINALLY BEAT MYDEI FOR ONCE!
Mydei: I LET YOU WIN HKS
Phainon: NO I WON WITH MY SKILLS 😎
Cipher: getting beat by jigglypuff is still a massive skill issue
Mydei: He used Kirby
Cerydra: DUDE
Cipher: phainon please accept the L
Cipher: IMG_01.png
Phainon: What is that
Cipher: your golden L trophy
Castorice: “You did it” star
Cerydra: IT’S PERFECT
Cerydra: I’M SAVING THAT RIGHT NOW
Phainon: I don’t need the L
Mydei: Keep telling yourself that HKS 🙄
Phainon: ☹️
Anaxagoras: You all are utterly ridiculous, I cannot believe the tomfoolery happening in front of my poor eyes.
Castorice: Oh welp. I’m off to read more yaoi
Castorice: Byeeee
Castorice has gone offline.
Cerydra: You all better not disturb my beauty sleep again.
Cerydra: I am not afraid to mute this chat.
Cerydra has gone offline.
Hysilens has gone offline.
Phainon: Girl don’t lie we know that mute is an automatic execution
Cipher: did hysilens literally get off just because cerydra got off???
Aglaea: Yes, yes she did.
Cipher: holy bottom behaviour
Phainon: You’re a bottom too
Cipher: OH MY GOD!!!
Cipher: THE LINE MOVED
Cipher: I CAN GET MY REDBULLS!!!
Cipher: LET’S GO MY GANG I CAN EXPLODE MY KIDNEYS
Anaxagoras: Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. You’re all on about nothing.
Cipher: FINALLYYYYY!! I CAN DIE IN PEACE NOW
Anaxagoras: Finally, good riddance to at least 1 pest.
Cipher: stfu
Tribbie: 🔪🩸💀⚰️🪦
Anaxagoras: How many redbulls do you even need? How many do you even drink a week?
Cipher: uhhhh
Cipher: idk
Cipher: maybe like 60ish
Cipher: give or take
Tribbie: GIRL
Cipher: it’s not that bad
Cipher: i'm still alive
Anaxagoras: I thought I was going to be in horrible conditions due to the amount of coffee I drink. But turns out, there’s someone out here about to die from caffeine.
Hyacine: WHAT THE HELL CIPHER?!
Hyacine: STOP DRINKING ENERGY DRINKS AND GO TO SLEEP!!!!
Hyacine: ALL OF YOU NOW!!!!
Tribbie: Ok Cinny!
Tribbie: Good night!
Tribbie has gone offline.
Cipher: walking home rn
Cipher: maybe THIS is the true dateline
Mydei: Don’t die cipher
Phainon: Actually do die Cipher
Cipher: FUCK YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND
Phainon: That’s what I'm trying to do
Cipher: WHAT?!
Cipher: WEREN’T YOU JUST TRYING TO DISPROVE THAT???
Phainon: Anyway I defeated Mydei at smash bros
Phainon: My life is complete
Phainon has gone offline.
Mydei: Sorry if we disturbed your grandma Cipher
Mydei has gone offline.
Aglaea: I’m going back to sewing now. Good night.
Aglaea has gone offline.
Hyacine: YOU BETTER GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU FINISH!!!!
Hyacine: Alright Anaxa
Hyacine: Your turn now!
Cipher: y’all gentle parenting him out here
Anaxagoras: I do not need to be comforted by you nor am I being gentle parented.
Anaxagoras: Good riddance to all you incompetent people.
Anaxagoras has gone offline.
Cipher: ok fine you need to be parented
Cipher: we know you’re from the orphanage
Hyacine: Good that should be everyone
Hyacine: Good night! 😊
Hyacine has gone offline.
Cipher: guys???
Cipher: helloooo?
Cipher: why do i feel like i’m being watched?
Cipher: eh probably just the creepiness of the night
Cipher: STAY TUNED FOR ME TO GET KILLED!!
Cipher: please chat i’m terrified
Cipher: oh dear i hear rustling
Cipher: don’t get redbull at 3AM
Cipher has gone offline.