Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

We see Earth and Mars playing cards with one another, as they did in the original story. Luna approaches the pair

L: Hey Earth-

E: (Annoyed) Moon, you know what I’ve said about interrupting my card games

L: Yeah, sorry. Uh, there’s someone who wants to meet you

Titan approaches The Earth

T: Hello, Mr Earth, i-it’s an honor. I-I came here to-

E: (Surprised) Woah! Are you a new planet? I’ve never seen you before

T: (irritated) Why does everyone think Im a pla- No, Im a moon named Titan!

M: Hey, I think I’ve seen you from afar! Your Saturn’s favorite moon, right? What did he call you, his middle Earth?

E: What!? Why would Saturn call him that?

(The first change)

M: Oh, it’s because Titan’s mountains are named after famous mountains from the Lord of the Rings books

E: Oh… thats… cool I-

M: (excitedly) he also is made of rock, has an atmosphere just like yours, and he even also has volcanoes!

E: Volcanoes!? Isn’t he like, really cold?

M: Ice volcanoes

L: Woah! That sounds way cooler!

Earth looks mightily uncomfortable

E: Uh… but my volcanoes are pretty cool as-

M: Nah, yours are scorching hot, but you both also have lakes and rivers!

E: (refocusing) Well… I at least have my oceans-

M: And he even has an ocean under his surface! Not only that, but it’s liquid water! So it’s possible that he could sustain life!

Titan looks shocked

This is the moment, a single choice… that changed the course of the solar system

E: Uh… well… good for him… I guess… heh

Titan looks at Earth confused

T: Uh, everything ok Mr. Earth?

E: Oh yeah… everything is… fine! Totally Fine!

Luna, Titan, and Mars all look at Earth suspiciously

M: Earth? Is there-

E: Oh look at the time! We should really get going huh Mars?

M: Huh?

Mars looks toward the Sun

M: We still have at least an hour-

E: Better get back in our orbits! Have fun Mars, oh… and hi..uh… Titan… let’s go Luna

L: But-

Earth hurriedly rushes off with Luna in tow, leaving both Titan and Mars very confused

T: Uh… Is The Earth always this… skittish?

Mars stares at Earth

M: No… no he isn't

We see Earth look around a little panicked back in his orbit

E: It’s fine, its fine, its all-

L: Uh, Earth?

E: (Startled) Oh hey (nervous chuckle) uh… what is it moon?

Luna rolls his eyes

L: You know my name Earth!

Earth looks down

E: Sorry… Luna.

Luna nods

L: Now, what was that all about?!

E: What was what all a-

L: The conversation with Titan! After Mars told you all about how cool Titan was, you suddenly went pale as a comet, started spouting nonsense, and then left in the middle of it all!

Earth winces

E: I… uh-

M: What the crap dude!

Mars moves up to Earth notably peeved

E: Uh, not sure my Earthlings excrement-

M: You know what I mean, Earth!

Earth shifts around uncomfortably

E: I… went because the Sun wants us in our orbits… right?

Both Mars and Luna look at Earth with doubt

M: So you just all of a sudden decide to follow that rule once I start highlighting Titan?

Earth bites his tongue

E: Ok, yes, that’s why I left, I'm sorry

M: Why??

E: Because… because I was feeling... uncomfortable?

Mars glares at Earth

M: Uncomfortable?

E: I… I kept hearing you talk about all the stuff Titan has… his lakes, oceans, mountains, it felt like I… It felt like I wasn’t as special-

M: You ran off because someone happened to have the same traits as you?

E: Well… uh, I just like feeling special, I mean, I have life, Don't I? So-

M: Seriously?

L: (Whisper) Here we go…

M: Having life doesn't make you special Earth

E: (offended) Oh please, elaborate

M: If you multiply the rate of star formations with a fraction of stars that may have planets and multiply THAT with the number of planets that could sustain life and then THAT with the average lifetime of a planet, we get… uh Jupiter?

Jupiter peaks from the other side of the asteroid belt

J: At minimum, 1.4 billion planets potentially like you in our galaxy, Earth

Earth backs up

E: (stutter) I didn't mean-

M: You didn't mean you thought you were better than everyone else?

L: Hey! Earth went away before he said anything!

Mars glares at Luna

M: Stay out of this Earth’s moon

L: Hey! My name-

M: Since you feel so special and don't want anything to do with anyone who makes you not feel that way…

Mars throws his deck at Earth

M: Then you can play Solitaire from now on.

Mars moves away from Earth

E: Mars! I didn't mean, I wasn’t asking you to leave-

But Mars is already out of earshot. Earth starts looking down sadly. Luna looks down on the Earth who sheds a few tears

E: I… I don't know what to do, I-

L: You did nothing wrong, Earth, Mars should have known how you would feel about comparing you to Titan like that!

E: But I-

Luna shakes his head

L: You left before you could say something wrong, maybe not the “best” choice, but I completely understand Earth!

Earth looks toward Luna with a weak smile

E: Well, at least I still have you Luna

V: ARG you id-

Earth and Luna turn around to see a surprised looking Venus

V: Wait, where's Mars? Weren't you two out of your orbits again?

E; Uh….

V: Hey, where is Mars anyway? Shouldn’t he be in view?

E: I… Uh… well we kinda had an argument earlier

V: Pah!

Venus doubles down laughing

V: Knew your little stints would catch up eventually!

E: Hey… you don't even know what we-

V: Let me guess, your jealousy of Mars was made apparent and Mars couldn't take your ego any longer?!

Venus continues laughing

L: Stop it Venus!

V: Oh I will Earth’s Moon, just because I can't believe it actually happened at last!

Earth looks hurt

E: Hey you only got-

But Venus is already gone, laughing his core out. Luna turns to Earth who looks even more dejected.

L: Oh come on Earth, don't take Venus’s words to your core. Even at the best of times he’s a bully, and he didn’t even guess what happened right!

M: I mean… I have been sorta… jealous of my Earthlings trying to go to-

L: Earth, look at me

Earth looks up at Luna

L: It is FINE to have those feelings, Earth, everyone has them from time to time!

E: (weakly) Even you?

L: Especially me! You realize how many times I've felt small or insignificant next to you? Even Titan when he came and saw me only wanted to see me to see you!

E: He- he did?

L: Yeah!

Earth looks down, ashamed

E: I… didn't realize that you, felt that way

Luna shakes his head

L: Point is, that meeting with Titan could have gone ALOT worse if you had done something different. I mean, imagine how Titan would feel if you had instead chosen to insult him or something!

Earth winces

E: That, that would have been bad

L: I've seen you through all your phases, Earth, and although you haven't always made the right choice, today you made a better choice. Not a great choice, but one you shouldn’t feel ridiculed by!

Earth makes a weak smile at Luna

E: Glad to hear Luna

Earth looks over at the deck Mars threw on the ground

E: You… you know how to play space poker Luna?

Luna looks confused

L: Uh, not really? I always get so lost whenever you and Mars play that game…

Earth grabs Mars’s old deck and looks at Luna

E: Would you… like to learn?

Luna’s eyes go wide as his smile

L: Took ya long enough!

Earth hands over Mars’s deck and the two start playing together. Unbeknownst to either of them, Earth’s decision to leave that conversation would greatly change the fate of the Solar System, from the center of it all, up to and beyond the furthest reaches of the Kuiperbelt

Chapter Text

We see Saturn searching and crying as Jupiter approaches him

J: Any sign of Titan yet?

S: NO! What if he’s lost and alone and afraid?! What if some exoplanet offers him space candy and takes him away?!(sigh) We’ll never find him…

J: Come on, exoplanets don't just come here all of a sudden. Besides, he must be close. The Solar System’s not that big

S:(Angry) YES IT IS!!

J: (nervous laugh) Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying…

We zoom in to see the Jovian and Saturnian moons

G: Hey Saturn’s moons, what’s going on? Why is your planet all… Squeaky and annoying?

En: One of the other moons went missing, Titan’s his name.

Europa turns to Ganymede

E: Looks like you have competition-

G: Tell me one thing, uh…

En: Enceladus, and don't you dare call me-

G: Tell me Ensalada, you know where this-

S: TITAN!

Everyone turns to see Titan emerge from the asteroid belt

T: Hi-

Saturn rushes toward him, his other moons briefly forgotten

S: All you alright?! Did you get hit by an asteroid?! Please tell me that strange dwarf planet in the asteroid belt didn't-

T: Wow wow wow! I'm fine, Saturn!

Saturn looks unconvinced

S: Are you sure?! You sure you didn't get hit or anything?! You just disappeared without warning-

T: Yes! Really! I just went over to the inner solar system to go meet with the Earth.

Saturn’s face looks confused

S: You went to the inner Solar System… to meet the Earth?

Titan looks uncomfortable

T: Uh, y-yeah?

Saturn smiles

S: Well, did your meeting go well? I know the Earth can be a bit of a handful at times…

T: He… well to be honest, I didn’t get to talk with him very long. He seemed to be busy avoiding the Sun from what I could gather

Saturn sighs in relief

S: Well, if that is all, I'm just glad you're safe, just please tell me the next time you're going somewhere, we were all worried sick about you!

Saturn’s moons all groan

D: (sarcasm) Oh, yes… so we were “all” so worried…

Titan looks down

T: Sorry Saturn…

Titan looks to the side noticing Jupiter

T: Oh, hey Jupiter.

J: Well, if it isn't Saturn’s little Middle Earth himself

Titan cringes at the nickname

T: I suppose… although for some reason Luna and Earth kept mistaking me for a planet

Jupiter laughs

J: Suppose that is understandable, not exactly an army of moons as large or filled with as many unique features as you

Titan laughs nervously

T: I mean, Saturn has plenty, and i'm sure you’ve got plenty of interesting moons of your own orbiting you

Jupiter lights up

J: Indeed, these four in particular are my A team-

The Galilean moons move forward

J: The Earthlings also call them the Galilean Moons after that Italian Earthling who discovered them… how long ago?

Saturn shrugs

S: A few years ago?-

E: Galileo Galilea discovered the four of us either late December or early January in either 1609 or 1610, over 4 centuries ago, Jupiter

Jupiter laughs

J: Yeah, guess it has kinda been a while for those Earthlings now

E: But you should really be focusing on more than just us, Metis for example-

J: This smart lady right here is Europa, my smallest moon-

E: Smallest “spherical moon”

Europa looks at the smaller moons who look sad

J: (Ignoring Europa) She’s got one of the smoothest surfaces of any object in the solar system, she is also more massive than all the smaller moons in the solar system combined, although I think a few other moons might-

IO: (cough) cough (cough)!

Titan backs away from Io warily

J: And right here is my explosive moon Io, he is also my closest moon-

E: Closest “Spherical” moon!

J:(still ignoring Europa) He is the most geologically active world in our solar system! His volcanoes shoot sulfur and oxygen rich ions which helps to boost my magnetic field

Jupiter shows off his huge magnetic field as his moons roll their eyes

J: Then of course, this is Callisto, the furthest of my moons

Eu: Spherical moons!

C: Oh shut it Europa, he isn't listening

Eu: Then one of us should make him!

J: She is one of the most cratered objects in the entire solar system, she has had almost no geological activity since her formation, partially thanks to her not being in orbital resonance like my other moons

Callisto rolls her eyes while Ganymede raises an eyebrow and moves away from the group

J: And finally we have Ganymede, my largest moon

We see Ganymede go forward and face Titan, getting a bit too close

J: As my largest moon, he is one of, if not THE largest moon in the entire solar system, even larger than Mercury.

Ganymede turns shocked

G: I'm bigger than a planet?!

E: Yes babe, don’t you ever pay attention to Jupiter’s talks?

G: They are so boring, why pay attention?

J: Uh, Yes Ganymede, but please don't tell Mercury that, he’s got enough size related fears as it is. However, Ganymede is also the only moon in the solar system to still have his own magnetic field after all this time! You should see the Auroras when our two magnetic fields intertwine, quite the show off

Ganymede rolls his eyes impatiently

G: Yeah, pretty cool, hey, what is this Tim-

J: I then have about 91 other moons orbiting me, most small, less then 200 km in diameter-

Europa rolls her eyes

E: Wow, cool to just lump 91 unique individuals down to just “91” and talk about how small they are?!

Io; A-at least he remembers- (cough cough cough)

J: Then again…

Jupiter turns to Saturn

J: Didn’t you have 274 moons last I checked?

Saturn looks shocked

S: I do?! I thought it was only 146!

M: Yet he can't even remember THAT

En: SH!

J: Yeah, I remember back when Earth was saying how his Earthlings thought we only had like a dozen moons each! Oh boy were they mistaken

S: Almost wish they were right… so many moons are hard to keep track of-

D: Hey!

Jupiter shakes his head

J: But enough about my moons, How about you share some cool facts about your moons? I'm sure your moons all have cool features about them of their own that should be brought up

Saturn lights up

S: Why of course! Titan is-

T: (interrupting) Actually, can we just go back to our orbits? Kinda had enough of being “explained” by Mars earlier

Jupiter laughs

J: Fair enough, I suppose I do tend to drum on…

Jupiter’s brow furls

J: Wait, I though you said you visited the Earth?

T: Y-yes, Mars was also there, playing some sort of card game or something

Jupiter looks mildly surprised

J: Huh, kinda surprised, Earth tends to get mighty uncomfortable when he is compared to, and with someone as similar as you…

T: He does? Guess that would explain his quick departure…

Jupiter shakes his head

J: I don’t know, But I suppose that's not my place to judge Mars’s decisions, he knows Earth the best after all, you do whatever it is you do Titan

Titan nods and heads over toward Saturn

S: Well! Thanks for introducing your moons!

J: Anytime Saturn, glad you found Titan safe and sound.

S: Thanks for the help Jupiter! Have fun!

The two part ways. Meanwhile, the Galilean moons look out toward Saturn. Jupiter smiles

J: Always nice being able to talk with Saturn

We jump forward a little bit and see Jupiter reading a book with the Galilean moons looking on

G: Hey, friends! Listen up!

Callisto and Europa turn to Ganymede with a slight glare

IO; S-so! What s the plan Ganymede (cough cough)

G: Listen, how long have we been living under Jupiter’s shadow?

Io/Eu/C: 4.5 billion years…

G: That's right! And in all that time we barely had a single adventure out there. Meanwhile Timmy-

C: Titan

G: Whatever, he gets to go around and do whatever he wants! I say we go looking for Saturn and see what's up! Who’s with me?

C: I guess, I am?

Eu: Whatevs-

Io: I’m so excited I’m gonna (cough cough cough)

Eu (disgusted) You gotta get that checked, Io.

We watch the Galilean moons approach Jupiter

G: Yo! Big guy!

J: Hey, what’s my A-Team been up to?

G: Eh, nothing. Hey we’re bored so we might as well go to Saturn to go see more from his moons. That's cool with you?

J: Okay, but don't be reckless, and make sure to return to me once you’ve had your fun. You don't want to get stuck in Saturn’s orbit and become like Triton around Neptune.

G: Who?

J: Once upon a time, there was a dwarf planet named Tri-

G: Jupiter!

J: Right, story-time can wait, have fun with Saturn guys

Ganymede, Io, and Callisto start going while Europa stays

E: You sure you’ll be okay without us?

J: Your gravity barely has an effect on me, you’re all too small, so don’t worry, go have fun!

Europa looks disappointed as she leaves

E: (mocking) “ your gravity barely has an effect on me” (scoff) WHo does he think he is?

C: The biggest planet in the solar system…?

E: Well, maybe under all those layers of gas, Jupiter’s a small pebble. Wouldn't that be funny?

C: Quit dreaming of Europe.

E: God- you quit dreaming Cal-

IO; (cough cough) we are here!

The group looks to see Saturn spinning with his rings

G: HEY! Second biggest guy!

Saturn pauses and looks around before finally noticing the moons

S: Oh! Hello… who are you again?

G: (annoyed) Uh, the Galilean Moons of Jupiter?

S: Ah right! We just saw you guys a little bit ago didn’t we. Well, what can I do for you?

G: Uh

Europa pulls Ganymede aside

E: We wanted to go see your moons

S: Ah! My moons! Yeah, I have a lot of moons. I think it was up to 274 since my last visit to Jupiter! Have you seen Titan? His atmosphere-

Ganymede pulls Europa back much to her irritation

G: Yeah yeah we got the gist, can we go see your moons now?

S: (slightly hurt) Well of course! Feel free!

The Galilean moons nod as they approach

M: Well, guess that couldn’t last forever

We see most of Saturn's moons congregated

En: If Saturn had to wait much longer he might have given up and picked someone else to be his favorite!

D: Perhaps it would be me, I did catch him calling me “princess” earlier

Iapetus shakes his head

I: However, you are not the largest moon

Dione rolls her eyes

D: not by much

R: Wouldn't, I be the largest if Titan was gone technically?'

Dione looks at Rhea with surprise

D: Oh hi Rhea! I forgot you existed

R: Nice to see you Dione-

G: Hello!

The Saturnian moons turn to see the Galilean moons approach

En: Ugh! You jerks again? I am out.

Enceladus begins to move away, but is blocked by the others

I: Lets first see what they want

Enceladus looks at Iapetus angrily

En: FINE!

The Galilean moons move around

Io: H-hello everyone (cough cough cough)

Dione and Mimas back away from Io

D: You sure that's not contagious?

Io: Y-yep! Just a result of my orbital resonance!

Ganymede approaches Dione

G: Hey, babe-

D/E: WHAT?!

G:(embarrassed) Uh, Diane-

D: Dione

G: Sure… where’s Timmy-

C: Titan

G: Whatever his name is.

D: Over there with Hyperion I guess, idiot-

Ganymede rushes toward the area with Dione barely moving out of the way in time

D: Wow, pay attention much?

E: Trust me, he isn’t good at paying attention

Dione turns to see Europa

E: Im-

D: Europa, kinda hard to forget one of only 4 names your planet spoke of.

M: Better than what Saturn was willing to do for us!

Europa looks confused

E: What do you mean

R: Oh! They are referring to the fact that Saturn can't remember anyone’s name except for Titan

Io: H-he cant? N-not even the big moons?

I: Compared to Titan, there are no other large moons in orbit around Saturn

We zoom out, and watch as Ganymede approaches Titan, while the other moons of Jupiter look at the Saturnian moons in confusion

Chapter Text

We see Mars floating about while his two moons orbit him cheerfully

P: Hey, you think Mars is still mad at Earth?

Deimos shrugs

D: Nah, Mars can’t hold that big of a grudge

P: He can too!

D: Can’t!

P: Can!

D: Can’t!

As the two continue bickering, Mars just rolls his eyes

M: Settle down you two, it’s just a temporary status quo

Mars looks at Earth’s orbit, still quite annoyed.

M: Once the Earth learns his lesson, comes over, and apologies, we will all be fine and dandy-

Suddenly, a card passes in front of his face. Mars blinks

M: Huh?

Mars picks up the card and reads it

M: The 4 of club-

Mars looks angry

M: he didn’t

Mars turns around and heads off

P: What was that about?

Deimos looks are the card that Mars left behind

D: A 4 of clubs? Isn't that from that dumb card game he and Earth like to play?

P: I think so?

Deimos looks at the card more closely

D: Any idea-

Mars swoops back, grabs the card, and runs off, leaving both of his moons confused

P: Well that was rude

We transition back to Luna and The Earth. Luna looks at one of his cards confused

L: So, I play this and gain 50 points?

Luna flips the card around and Earth nods

E: Yep!

L: Wow, no offense, but this game is confusing, how did you and Mars come up with it?

Earth ponders for a moment

E: Not… actually sure Luna, I suppose he and I just sorta made up the rules as we went along

L: Huh

Luna puts the card down and looks down guiltily

L: I- Im sorry about losing the card,

Earth rolls his eyes

E: It's fine Luna, ill get more later

L: I know, but-

M: EARTH!

Both Earth and Luna turn startled at the angry Mars waving a card

L: Oh! That's the card I lost earlier! Thanks Mars-

Mars pushes Luna out of the way

L: Hey!

Mars stares at Earth

M: I see, so instead of coming over and simply apologizing, you decided to finally show your moon some attention?

Earth looks around a bit panicked

E: Apologize? For what-

Mars explodes (not literally!)

M: You know exactly what I want you to apologize for Earth!

Earth looks beyond confused

E: Look Mars, maybe it’s just something that flew over my head, but-

M: Ugh!

Mars throws the card at Earth's face

M: You're an insufferable jerk Earth!

Luna moves between Mars and Earth

L: Hey! How about instead of simply saying that Earth should know what he should apologize for, given that he already apologized for leaving, maybe you could actually tell Earth what-

M: Ugh, worthless…

Mars brushes past Earth and Luna and heads toward Venus’s orbit. Both Luna and Earth look at Mars in shock and disbelief.

L: Ok, I know this is your line usually, but what is up with him?

Earth nods in agreement

E: Yeah… I think those were Venus’s lines he was spitting out there

L: Just what I was thinking…

We see Mercury orbiting the Sun, watching it warily

My: W-well, at least-

Mercury steps aside just in time to avoid Venus

V: Hey! Watch your step Mercury!

Mercury rolls his eyes

My: Didn’t we already have this conversation? You nearly ran into me, im a planet, you know it, and I am not like Pluto, and thats that

Venus blinks in suprise

V: Y-yeah, but you're still a little pipsqueak, Pipsqueak!

My: Ugh, whatever Venus…

Mercury wanders off while Venus chuckles to himself.

V: He, little pipsqueak-

Venus frowns as he notices Mars

V: Hey Mars!

Mars turns to see Venus also looking annoyed

M: What are you doing Venus?

V: Im in my orbit, like im supposed to be, shouldn’t you be playing cards or asteroid dodgeball with the Earth right now?

Mars shakes his head

M: I'm done with the Earth right now

Venus smiles

V: Heh, his ego finally got the better of you?

M: Yeah! He just got up and left after I made a few remarks about how Titan was similar to him, it wasn’t even much! I didn’t even mention how he is also the only other object to have stable liquids on his surface, or how he also has liquid rain, even if that rain is methane rather than good old H2O.

Venus rolls his eyes

V: Wow, couldn’t even deal with that huh?

M: Yeah! I mean, I know he wants to feel special, but seriously?! Running from anything that makes you feel less special doesn't make you more special-

My; Honestly guys, I think your being a bit harsh on him

Mars and Venus turn to Mercury

My: I mean, if all he did was simply remove himself from the conversation, well, he has done far worse things when he was upset, or worse insecure-

V: No one asked for your opinion pipsqueak

Mercury looks mad and jumps up

My: Hey! I was just-

M: Go away Mercury

Mercury looks surprised

My: Huh?

M: Go, away

My: Oh cmon! Not you too Mars-

Mars glares at Mercury, grabs an asteroid and throws it

My: Woah!

Mercury dodges and looks back at Mars shocked

My: What has gotten into you Mars?! I expect that from Venus! Not you-

V: No one cares Mercury, just go away

Mercury looks at both planets and sighs

My: Fine, guess I can see Im not wanted

Mercury wanders off

My: However, I wouldn’t recommend staying here, Mars. Venus will only help to build up your own-

V: Shut up Pipsqueak!

Venus throws an asteroid that Mercury dodges. Mercury makes an exasperated sigh while looking at Mars

My: Don't say I didn't warn you, Mars

Mercury rolls his eyes and wanders off

V: Ha! See ya later Pipsqueak!

Mars looks at Mercury as leaves, maybe feeling a bit of regret

M: Maybe we shouldn’t have been so-

V: Pft, Mercury’s just sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong, his orbit doesn’t get near as close to his as ours do-

M: I mean he is the closest on average to the Earth-

V: And technically. he is the closest planet on average with every other planet in the solar system, but you don't see him being best friends with Neptune, right?

Mars shrugs

M: Good point-

V: Point is that he doesn’t have a say on how we feel, he doesn't have to deal with Earth’s crap like you and I do on a regular basis

Mars makes a smirk at Venus

M: True enough to that

Mars picks up another rouge asteroid

M: want to try some asteroid dodgeball?

An evil grin appears on Venus’s face.

V: Sure

We see Mercury looks back at the due as they move away

My: This wont end well...

We see Earth looking gloomy as Luna is close by

L: Looks like he went off to Mercury and Venus… for some reason

Luan looks back at Earth who looks depressed

E: What did he want me to apologize for?

L: Maybe he wanted you to apologize for leaving?

E: Did I not already do that? I thought that was one of the first things I apologized for, wasn't it?-

L: Fair point, honestly, what has gotten into Mars?

Earth looks off toward the Sun

E: Guess my ego just… got to much for him… and that caused him to-

Luna shakes his head

L: Look, Earth, you got an ego, I will be the first to say that, but your ego was not the issue there, in fact it seemed to almost be gone during those conversations with him. The only one at fault at this point is him.

Earth looks uncertain

E: Are you sure? I-

L: Yeah, Mars is just being a stubborn, rude, nonapologetic…

Luna sputters, as if trying to find the word to describe how Mars has been acting

L: uh… uh… gah, whats the word-

My: Jerk?

Luna and Earth jump

L: Huh?

Luna turns to see Mercury approach, with a sour expression on his face

E: Mercury? What are you doing all the way out here?-

My: Earth, we need to talk about whatever happened between you and Mars, cause even I could tell that something is seriously wrong with him

The scene ends with Earth and Luna looking at Mercury

Chapter Text

We watch Titan deep in thought

T: If I have underwater oceans, does that mean, no, thats silly… but maybe, and if I do, could others-

Titan wonders and nearly hits Hyperion

H: Hey! Stay in your lane Titan!

Titan stops in surprise

T: (startled) S-Sorry Hyperion, I guess I was just-

Hyperion rolls his eyes and rushes away in a huff

T: deep in thought-

Titan sighs

G: Hey Timmy!

Titan turns confused to see Ganymede approach him

T: Ganymede?

G: Ah, there you are Timmy!

T: (stern)Titan

G: PFFT, whatever.

T: What are you doing here?

G: Got bored and decided to ask Jupiter let us talk to our fellow moons

T: Uh, ok?

G: Though I guess I forgot to ask, What's your radius?

T: Uh… 2574 kilometers? What about you?

G: Two thousand… Six Hundred Thirty Four! Ha! I'm the largest!

T: Uh, cool… good to know- I guess…

Titan looks uncomfortable and looks away, Much to the surprise of Ganymede

G: Uh, well, now I suppose the more “important” question, why did you go visit the Earth?

Titan turns around

T: (Confused) What do you mean?

G: Come on! Everyone knows the Earth is a pretentious jerk, even Jupiter said it!

Titan raises an eyebrow

T: Granted, my meeting with Earth was short, but so far I'm getting more of that from you than I did with the Earth

Ganymede looks upset

G: You should know-

T: Yes, I am aware that you're bigger than me, I think we’ve gotten that worked out at this point.

Ganymede looks irritated

G: Why aren't you with your fellow moons? Do you think you're more important than them or something?

Titan looks at the other moons and sighs

T: N-no Ganymede, I am not more important that any of them, but when your the only moon that your planet can even remember the name of, well, it doesn’t exactly make me beloved among my fellow moons

Ganymede looks back confused at turns back to Titan

G: For one of the big guys you sure don't act like one

Titan shrugs

T: Fine by me

G: So, you're just going to stay here… alone, by yourself?

T: I guess, I just really need to think about what Mars said about me

Ganymede raises an eyebrow

G: Mars? Isn't he that red guy on the other side of the asteroid belt?

T: Yeah, but he also seemed to know things about me that I didn't even realize

G: Huh? Like what?

T: Like… that in my underground ocean-

E: Babe!

Ganymede turns around

G: Coming!

Ganymede turns to Titan

G: Come, maybe you’ll find one of us “like you”

Titan hesitates, but does end up following Ganymede back.

E: So, your saying that Saturn doesn’t remember any of you?

D: More so that he doesn’t know any of us, doesn't even bother with our names much less-

G: Im back!

We see Ganymede and Titan approach the other Saturnian and Galilean moons

E: Ugh! You had to bring him back?

Titan winces uncomfortably

T: Maybe I should have-

Ganymede shakes his head and turns to Enceladus

G: Hey, we came to meet with ALL of you moons

C: You just wanted Titan

G: Not now Callisto!

Callisto rolls her eyes

Io: W-well! We are all gathered- (cough cough cough)

Enceladus passes Io a tissue box

Io: W-Whats this

En: Tissues, helps with volcanism, trust me I know…

Io look’s Surprised

Io: You have volcanism?

En: Cryo-volcanism technically, it makes Saturn’s E ring, not that he pays any attention to that ring of his...

Io: O-oh, thats cool-

Eu: Wait, you have an underground ocean under that crust?

Enceladus looks confused

En: Uh, yeah?

Europa beams

E: Well! Guess that makes 3-

G: Don't forget Titan, he’s got one too

Titan looks like a deer in headlights, but most of Saturn’s moons just roll their eyes at the information

M: Duh! Saturn won’t shut up about it! Titan this, Titan that, blah blah blah

C: (monotone) really?

M: Yeah!

D: If Titan had any "secrets", stupid Saturn spilt them a long time-

T: Hold on a sec

Titan looks at Europa

T: Europa, you got an underground ocean as well?

E: Uh, yeah? So does Ganymede

G: I do?!

E: Yes babe, you really got to pay attention to Jupiter’s lectures.

T: Wait, if that’s the case… is it possible that you two, along with Enceladus and I… have life?

The moons all gasp

D: Where did you get such an idiotic idea?

Iapetus thinks for a moment

I: Liquid water is supposedly key to life on Earth, one reason why he rarely leaves the Sun's Goldilocks zone.

D: Still, I mean, there has to be a lot more to it than that, I mean, wouldn't the planets have mentioned-

T: When I visited the Earth and Mars, Mars mentioned how I may have life in my ocean, and Earth soon left as if he wanted to avoid the topic

R: Like, maybe he was nervous it might be true?

Titan shrugs

T: Maybe, but if I am a possible candidate, wouldn’t you guys be as well? I mean, from what I can tell there isn't much difference outside of size between the four of us

I: I suppose it’s possible, not to mention how others might also have liquid oceans that just aren’t as easy to find, due to not shooting it out into space-

T: Exactly! Enceladus, your ocean is mostly heated by Saturn’s Tidal forces, right?

Enceladus looks confused

En: Uh, I believe so? When my orbits gets closer and further to Saturn my insides stretch and relax, heating my interior, and thus the ice around my rocky core

Io: S-same with us! The orbital resonance between me, Europa, and Ganymede keeps all of our orbits eccentric and heats up all of our interiors, causing water oceans for Ganymede and Europa, and a LAVA ocean for me!

Everyone blinks

C: You remember some of the oddest stuff Io

Io: W-well! Jupiter says it’s why I'm so- (cough cough cough)!

En: Achoo!

Both grab tissues.

R: Well, how many other moons have orbital resonances with each other?

D: Well, I'm in resonance with Enceladus, and I think Mimas is in orbital resonance with Tethys.

M: Yeah- hey, where is Tethys anyway?

Everyone looks around briefly

I: Probably out looking for a shiny rock or something

Hyperion pokes out

H: Hey! What about me? I'm in a 4-3 orbital resonance with Titan, one of the largest moons in the solar system!

IO: H-How far out?

H:Uh…1.5 million kilometers?

Europa winces

Eu: I think at that point, the tidal forces aren't really strong enough to cause much heating

H: Oh C'mon!

I: On the bright side, you still don't have to face Saturn all the time, cant say the same for me

C: Is he not tidally locked?

H: No, one of my only reliefs, that and being the largest non-spherical moon in the solar system!

G: Uh, didn’t that one orbit Neptune?

Hyperion glares at Ganymede

C: Wow, you remember one talk, and it was about size

G: Hey!

E: You would be surprised how cool some of the small moons can be

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: Really? Like what-

Ep: Me and Janus swap orbits!

J: Yeah!

P: I separate two of Saturn’s rings

I: Indeed

Me-My surface has ice fluff that makes me look like an egg

A bunch of Saturn’s other moons start sprouting out something cool about themselves

E: Wow! There's certainly alot

D: having 274 moons in one place will do that

T: Yeah, but I think that illustrates my point more

Ganymede looks at Titan confused

G: Huh? What point?

T: We are important, all of us! each of us has something interesting about us. Saturn and Jupiter shouldn’t be neglecting most of us!

D: Most of us?

T: I don't believe my issue with Saturn is that he is neglecting me.

Everyone shrugs in agreement

En: Least you admit it, Saturn wont even admit that he has a favorite!

C: Jupiter also has a bad habit of seemingly forgetting his smaller moons exist

E: Do we know how the other planets treat their moons?

Io: U-uh, I know M-Mercury and Venus don't have any moons!

G: Huh, the pipsqueak and the goddess of love and beauty don't have moons? Pft, how pathetic-

Te: Uranus scared his moons away!

G: BWa!

Ganymede jumps and turns to see Tethys

G: Who in the Solar system are you?!

Te:Tethys! I heard you talking about other moons, I have a tendency of getting carried away since i’m the least dense major moon in the solar system, nice to meet you! I'm Tethys!

Tethys giggles

G: Ok…

Ganymede slowly backs away from Tethys

E: Uranus scared away his moons?

D: Yeah, some idiotic “joke” he made after Astrodude told him and Saturn that his rings might have come from destroying one of us

C/Io/E: SATURN WHAT?!

G: Who’s Astrodude?

Europa slaps Ganymede with an asteroid

T: I mean, it is just a theory…

No one pays any head to Titan

E: Well… does anyone know anything on Neptune’s moons?

C: Heard a rumor that they were lost after Neptune went crazy in the kuiper belt

R: Oh no! I heard they were so small too… poor little guys…

D: We’ve never even met them

R: Still sad…

Io: W-what about Earth’s and Mars’s moons?

T: I met Earth’s moon before my meeting with Earth, Luna was nice and with his planet they seemed to be… ok? They didn't really say much concerning their relationship, although Luna did seem just as Surprised as Mars and I when Earth left in a hurry, dragging him back with him

G: Huh, guess the little guy doesn't know his planet very well

Titan rolls his eyes

T: I would hardly call him little, I would actually consider him fairly-

E-: and the martian moons?

Titan shakes his head

T: Didn’t see them, maybe they were hiding or something?

C: They are supposed to be small, very small, and orbit closer to their planet than any other moon in the solar system, its possible you simply didn’t see them

T: That is a possibility-

G: Ok guys! Listen up!

All the moons turn to Ganymede confused

G: I propose that we go and col- find these other moons and bring them here!

D: Why?

Titan moves forward

T: To find solutions to our problems! Saturn’s and Jupiter’s neglect, Uranus’s threat, Neptune’s absence, and any other issue we or the moons around the other planets may have!

Ganymede turns to Titan who nods to him

G: Uh, yeah, uh, whatever Timmy said! We could call our group, uh, the moon revolution?

The other moons look at each other with doubt

T: How about “The Moon Club”

The other moons nod in agreemnet

R: That sounds a lot better!

I: I concur, the other idea makes it sound like we plan on attacking our planets or something

C: im fine with it

Ganymede looks around and shrugs

G: Well, that settles it! Today, I say we start the moon club!

The moons cheer

D: Well, how do we propose we find the other moons? They aren't just going to randomly happen upon us here

En: Jupiter’s moons sure did-

E: I can go get Jupiter’s other moons, they love me.

C: Guess ill go with you, Jupiter might have less suspicions if two of us return

G: Uh, Ok, that’s one planet down, obviously we already got all of Saturn’s moons in attendance, no need to worry about that. How about the rocky planets?

Io pops up

Io: I-I can go (cough cough cough) find the rocky planet moons!

Dione backs away disgusted

D: (sarcasm)Are you sure you aren't going to make them sick?

Io: (Oblivious) I-I have the closest composition to the rocky planets, uh, besides Earth’s Earth’s moon of course, I have the most in common! Plus the heat won’t bother me like it might you guys

Ganymede chuckles

G: Well, you win that argument Io, you find Earth’s and Mars’s tiny moons.

Titan looks around

T: Well, regardless of who we send next, I should probably stay put

The other moons look at Titan in surprise

I: Why do you say that?

T: Look, I know Saturn went a bit… obsessive when I went missing, If I go anywhere, Saturn will know something is up. We don’t need him interfering in our plan

Several moons nod in agreement

D: He does have a point

G: (sigh) Fine, you can stay here Tim-

T: Titan

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: Whatever, Any volunteers to find Uranus’s moons?

R: I guess I can, those poor guys must be so scared…

D: Well, guess I should come as well, can't let your soft spots get in the way

Te: I'll come too!

Dione and Rhea look at each other unconvinced

D: I dont think-

G: Very well, you three go look for Uranus’s moons, and as the… uh.. The largest moon,I think I’ll head for Neptune’s moons

E: Going for the smallest giant planet? Afraid of someone bigger than you?

Ganymede laughs nervously

G: Nah, he just happens to be the only planet left. Besides-

Iapetus approaches Ganymede

I: You should not go alone to face Neptune or his moons

G: Pft, and why not?

I: The area where he orbits is close to the Kuiper belt, a belt of icy debris filled with asteroids, comets and large dwarf planets like Pluto and Eris.

A brief moment of doubt apears on Ganymede's face before he drowns it out with a laugh

G: PFT, Isn't Pluto, like, half my size? I could take him! I don't need anyone!

Iapetus shakes his head

I: Regardless, it would be wise for you to have a guide, preferably one who knows the belt, and would know how to traverse it effectively

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: Oh, and I suppose YOU are the so called expert who is volunteering to be that “oh so important” guide?

Iapetus shakes his head, moves over to the side, and shows another much smaller moon who stars grumpily at Ganymede. Ganymede blinks in surprise

G: You’ve got to be kidding me

I: This is Phoebe, the largest and most massive irregular moon of Saturn, she originated from the Kuiper belt,and got caught in Saturn’s orbit during the late heavy bombardment. She will be of great use if you wish to search for Neptune’s moons within it without getting lost.

Ganymede looks down and raises an eyebrow at the small moon

G: Largest? Seems rather-

PH: (grumpy) Before you say anything about my size, I am the 2nd largest captured Satellite in the solar system.

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: (sarcasm) Really?

PH: Yes, and if my suspicions are right, you will find the largest captured satellite in the solar system on your journey in the Kuiper belt, you might just want someone similar to relate to them.

Ganymede looks nervous for a bit, but shakes his head and sighs

G: Very well, you can come, little guy, anything else?

None of the moons say anything

G: Very well

Ganymede turns to Titan

G: Since your, uh, stuck here or whatever, while we are gone, can you go set something up? Like, a, uh-

Titan nods

T: Place for us to gather? Sure.

Ganymede smiles smugly

G: Great! Let's get to it! On your marks-

Several moons leave

G: Wait!

The moons who were leaving were gone. Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: Fine…

Ganymede grabs Phoebe and heads off toward the Kuiper belt, meanwhile a pair of curious eyes stares from beyond the Kuiper belt

Chapter Text

We watch as Io leaves Saturn’s orbit as the moons all split up

Io: Hmm… on your own now Io, let’s see, Earth orbits around 1 AU from the Sun… and Mars orbits 1.5! So I should find the red one first!

We see Io rush off while avoiding Jupiter’s gaze as he lazily flips some pages through a book

J: Ah, the story of the Odyssey, man was that one wild ride Odysseus went through in there, wonder how those Earthlings come up with all this stuff, must have heard some wild stories from each other, kinda like how they thought most of us were wandering stars…

Jupiter looks out toward Saturn and raises an eyebrow

J: Wonder how my moons are doing around that other 'wandering star' friend of mine, hope they are having fun with the other moons, hopefully they come back in time for their-

?: Hey, uh, Mr. Jupiter? Sir?

We see Jupiter look confused and turn. He then quickly smiles as he sees what is approaching

J: Oh hey little guy! Was wondering where you ran off to after that whole terraforming Mars business was interrupted, hope Mars didn’t give you too much flack about all that

Jupiter puts his book away

J: Well, what brings you all the way out here little guy? Planning on studying my big red spot or something? Or you just on your way to some place else?

We see a shadow in the form of a ship appear

AD: Actually, funny story, but I am not here to study you, rather, my boss want me to go to and search within the-

We see Io approach the asteroid belt before grinding to a halt

Io: W-wait, would Mr. Jupiter think this is safe?

Io looks intently at the belt and shakes his head

Io: It’s fine! The asteroid belt is only about 1 AU thick, and only about 3% of your mass! Should be through it in a breeze- COUGH COUGH

We see Io rush in while some sneaks around in the belt.

C: He he…

We see Io traveling through the asteroid belt

Io: Ow!

Io bangs against some small asteroids and winces in pain

Io; W-wow! So much debris! Hard to believe even mr. Jupiter could keep all of this in check, why is it so dense?-

C: he he he he

A shadow moves across the background

Io turns around abruptly

IO: Who was that?!

The shadow moves just out of sight

Io: Show yourself!

Io is hit from behind

Io: Ow! Who did that?!

C: (Slowly) He he he

Ceres creeps out of the shadows

Io: Are you that strange planet-

Ceres throws another asteroid

Io: OW! You jerk!

C: Ha Ha HA HA HA

Ceres grabs more asteroids and begins flinging them at Io

Io: HEY!! (cough)

Io dodges several asteroids

Io: Speed freak!

Io grabs some more asteroids, only for Ceres to get in his face and start orbiting him rapidly, pummeling him with Asteroids

Io: SLOW DOWN YOU- COUGH COUGH COUGH

Ceres gets caught in the sulfur clouds and sneezes loudly, shooting water ice into the area. Io backs up in surprise

Io: OW! How did you do that?!

Ceres shakes off the disorientation

C: He he-

Io uses his gravity to form a shield of asteroids

IO: I'll mess you up!

Ceres’s face suddenly turns from his manic smile to wide eyed. Ceres flees. Io looks surprised

Io: Did I scare- Hey! Get back-

Io is slammed in the back

Io: Oh you have really done it this time you little-

Io turns and freezes

V; Heh! Now I can somewhat understand why you two play this game!

Io witnesses Mars and Venus playing asteroid dodgeball in the asteroid belt

M: Shouldn’t have judged it before playing it!

Mars grabs some asteroids and flings them at Venus who dodges quite easily

V: Yeah, but Earth is still an idiot for playing with asteroids. His dinosaurs didn't care much for his games

Mars rolls his eyes as he dodges a few asteroids himself

M: His ego wont let him stop

V: Yeah, screw the Earth!

M:(uncomfortable) Haha… yeah

V: Come on, let loose dude. Say it!

Mars looks determined

M: You know what? Yeah! I say SCREW the-

Io: (interrupting) H-hello?

Mars and Venus pause and look at Io

V: Is, is that that one dwarf-

M: No, thats not ceres…

Mars lights up

M: Ah! This is Io! One of Jupiter’s moons!

Io: (surprised) Y-you know about me? (cough cough)

M: I mean my orbit is right next to Jupiter’s, so I’ve seen you here and there. Are you helping to help his magnetic field stay strong as per usual?

Io: I…U-uh… not currently… Uh-

M: Hey, hey, hey, sorry if my question made you uncomfortable. So what’s up? We’re in the middle of our game of asteroid dodgeball

V: Do you think he wants to join?

M: Nah… moons never play with us. I doubt they like the game.

V: Have you ever asked them?

Mars seems to ponder this for a little bit

M: Huh… yeah good poi-

Io: Uh hellu! Still here Mr. Venus and- (cough cough cough)

Venus winces

V: Ugh, he's got volcanoes doesn't he?

Io: Y-yep! Most geologically active object in the solar system!

Venus rolls his eyes

V: Well, little guy, what do you want? I doubt you came for the dodgeball, and we haven't got any cards-

Io: U-uh me, my fellow Jovian moons and the moons of Saturn (cough) have started the moon club!

Mars and Venus look at each other confused

V: A moon club?

Io: Y-yeah! I was just coming over to see if (cough) your moons would be interested in joining us around Saturn!

Phobos and Deimos light up

P: WoW! A moon club?!

D: That sounds so cool!

Both Phobos and Deimos turn to Mars

P/D: Can we go?

Mars looks unsure

M: I don't know…

P/D: (high pitch) PLSSSSSSSSS-

Venus covers his non existent ears with asteroids and Mars winces in pain

M: Alright alright! You two can go with him, you just have to come back right afterwards

P/D: YaY!

Phobos and Deimos rush over and start orbiting Io

M: Just make sure my moons are returned to me in one piece

Io: Y-Yes! M-Mr Mars sir!

Mars smirks

M: Just Mars will do

Io: A-alrighty! (cough cough cough) all aboard the toxic Io train!

Io rushes off. Venus looks at Mars with a raised eyebrow

V: You sure that was the right call?

M: Did you want to hear Phobos and Deimos pleading? You really wanted to hear more of that, or worse, their cries if I said no?

V: (sigh) Fair point… take that!

Venus hits Mars with the asteroid

M: Oh you don't know what's comin’ Venus!

We transition to Earth, Luna, and Mercury mid discussion

My: So, let me get this straight, Titan, a moon of Saturn that is apparently BIGGER then me-

L: POSSIBLY bigger, just possibly. I didn't exactly check his radius and he didn't seem so sure himself.

Mercury rolls his eyes

My: Point being, Saturn’s moon Titan comes and meets with Luna. Titan asks Luna to introduce him to the Earth who was playing space poker with Mars. Mars starts going off about all the similarities Earth and Titan, him possibly having life is mentioned, and because you felt uncomfortable, you decided to pack up and leave the conversation?

Earth looks down solemnly

E:Y-yes, I just straight up and left like a fool

Mercury shakes his head

My: If you ask me, that sounds like an improvement from your usual responses

Earth looks up shocked

E: Huh?

My: Well, you do have a tendency to bully others especially when you feel threatened. I can't even count how many times you have joined up with Venus calling me a “real Pluto” when I irritate you.

Earth winces

E: Y-yeah, I suppose… I suck

My: Well, in this situation you chose to instead leave once you felt uncomfortable. Honestly, I'm not sure what’s got Mars so worked up about it. Sounds like you chose the better option for once.

E: Uh… thanks… I think?

My: Honestly, sounds like Mars is more the issue there, it is not much of a secret what you do when your feeling insecure, if he was pressing your buttons by talking about stuff like that, well honestly, he really should have expected something far worse that simply-

Io: H-hello!

The trio turn to see Io approaching. Earth starts sweating

Flash

L: Uh, there's someone who wants to meet you

T: Hello Mr. Earth!-

Flash

Earth shakes his head while Mercury raises an eyebrow at Io

My: Who are you?

IO: My name is Io! One of Jupiter’s moons!

Luna looks back at Earth and notices his fear. Luna nods to Mercury and both move forward.

My: Uh, hello Io, I am Mercury, this is Earth’s moon-

E: Luna

Mercury turns around confused

E: His name is Luna

Luna gives Earth a grateful smile

My: Uh, well this is Luna, and behind us is the Earth

Io: Nice to meet- (cough cough cough) uh, Mr. Earth and Mr. Mercury!

Earth looks at Io concerned

E: (Uncomfortable) Uh… asteroid popcorn fell down the wrong hole?

Io: N-nope! Just a consequence of being the most geologically active object in the Solar System!

Earth gulps and bites his tongue

Io: Anyways, my fellow J-jovian moons along with Saturn’s moons have started a moon club! So far led by Titan and Ganymede!

L: Titan?!

Io: Y-yep! I already found Phobos and Diemos, and the other moons were wondering if Luna would like to join us in Saturn’s orbit!

P; Yeah! Come on Luna!

D: Yeah! It will be so much fun!

An excited expression grows on Luna’s face. He turns around, only to see Earth look grim.

L: Uh, sorry Io, I, uh, can’t

Io looks confused

Io: W-why not?

L: Well, uh, I need to keep Earth on his axis! His axis could wobble wildly if-

My: I could take your place Luna

Luna looks back at Mercury suprised

L: You can?

My: Yeah, not permanently obviously, but I can keep Earth on his Axis while you go look at this “Moon Club” thing they have going on.

Mercury looks at Earth

My: Unless Earth has an issue with-

E: (Rushing) None at all!

Earth looks at Luna, panicked

E: Have fun Luna, Mercury will.. Keep me company.

Luna looks unconvinced

L: You sure Earth?

E: Y-yeah! Heh, W-why wouldn’t I be?

Luna looks back and forth between the Earth and Io

L: Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid

My: Ill make sure of it, uh Luna

E: (weak) hey!

Mercury and Luna giggle while Earth makes a weak laugh. Luna nods to Io and the four moons set off. Earth looks toward Mercury.

E: How bad did I do?

My: Honestly? I'd say you did pretty well. You didn’t insult anyone and you didn’t run away, although you didn’t hide your discomfort about the whole situation very well.

Earth looks down

E: I'm sorry Mercury

Mercury looks confused.

My: Uh, I just I said you did pretty well, honestly, given how sudden that experiance was, I cant exactly blame you for still feeling uncomfortable-

Earth shakes his head

E: No, not that. I- I am sorry for how I treated you

Mercury blinks

My: What do you-

E: Everything, calling you a “real Pluto” or calling you “Venus’s lost moon”, mentioning how your tectonic activity might make you smaller-

Mercury winces

My: Yeah, that wasn’t very nice of you-

E: Or anything else I probably said or did that made you feel small or less important. You did not deserve that, not from Venus, and especially not from me. You deserve far better than that

Mercury looks at Earth in shock before shaking his head

My: Well, Apologies aren't everything…

Mercury smiles

My: but they certainly are a good first step, I accept your apology

Earth has a small smile and looks at the cards next to him

E: Do you know how to play space poker?

Mercury frowns

My: No clue, that has always been a game between you and Mars from what I gathered

Earth sighs

E: Well, lets make this game a little less exclusive then

Earth pulls out both decks and the pair start playing

Chapter Text

We see Europa and Callisto travel away from Saturn in silence

E: (Muttering) You didn’t need to come with

Callisto rolls her eyes

C: You didn’t put much of an argument against it back there

E: Well, with everything going on, how could I?!

Callisto frowns

C: You sure you just didn't want to mess with your boyfriend's plan?

Europa turns bright red

E: My what?! What do you-

Callisto rolls her eyes again

C: Oh please Europa, even Io knows something is going on between the two of you at this point, you two are not fooling anyone.

E: (embarrassed) Uh, what do you mean? We haven't said anything-

C: You two are about as good at hiding it as Jupiter is about not giving us lectures, especially with your response to him calling Dione "babe"

Europa looks away, clearly embarrassed

E: Well, I could have easily gotten all of Jupiter’s moons all by my self, thank you very much

Callisto raises an eyebrow

C: And Jupiter himself?

Europa rolls her eyes

E: Pft, Like he pays the little ones any attention, at best he thinks of them as an afterthought after thinking about us, doubt he would notice if they were gone

Callisto nods

C: You might be right

Callisto looks on

C: But he seems kinda frustrated right now

We watch the moons approach as Jupiter continues to read from his book, seemingly talking to an invisible object frustrated

J: Geez they did NOT get the mythology accurate in this movie at all. Hera wasn’t Hercules Mom, in-fact, since he was the product of Zeus's affair, she absolutely hates him, trying to kill or hurt him almost every step of the way, especially during his 12 labors, and since this is based on Greek Mythology, It should have been Heracles rather than the roman name Hercules, Hades was one of the ones alongside Zeus who chained the Titans in the first place, he would be among the last who would ever try to free them, and did they merge the gray ladies from Medusa’s myth with the fates? Because that is just-

Astrodude appears just overhead, wincing

AD: Yeah, not exactly ball kind’s most accurate retelling of the story

Jupiter rolls his eyes

J: Hardly counts as a retelling, I mean they even shoved the story of Pegasus into this somehow, and they didn't even get his original birth with Medusa right...

AD:to be fair, for one, that story is... uh... not exactly kid friendly-

J: Says the ones who thought ANYTHING from greek mythology would be "kid friendly"

AD: Besides, uh, after thousands of years, who’s to say how the original stories happened… right?

Jupiter shakes his head

J: I guarantee that none of the original sources said anything like this! And I would know, I was around when those Earthlings were writing those stories-

E: Hey Jupiter!

Jupiter turns around and notices Europa and Callisto approaching. Jupiter smiles

J: Ah, Europa! Just the one I was waiting for. You’ve returned just in time

Europa and Callisto look at each other confused

E: Uh, is there some sort of lecture you wanted to give me?

J: Oh no, no, no…not right now anyway. Too frustrated at how they apparently butchered Greek mythology in some Earthling kid movie.

E: Earthling kid movie?

Callisto moves in front of Europa

C: So… why have we returned just in time?

Jupiter smiles

J: Well-

AD: Hey guys!

Europa and Callisto freeze as Astrodude’s ship approaches Europa

C: Who is that?

J: Callisto, Europa, I want you to meet Astrodude, one of Earth’s Earthlings who has made it to space

Callisto and Europa look shocked

E: Wait, Astrodude!?

Astrodude rolls his eyes

AD: Well, That's what you guys seen to call me, but my names-

C: Why is he here?

Jupiter beams

J: Because he wants to search below Europa’s crust to see if he can find life

E/C/A/H: WHAT?!

AD: He said-

E: No, I heard him the first time, but… but why me?!

AD: Well, your orbital resonance with Io and Ganymede-

E: Stretches and relaxes my interior, heating it up and allows me to have a liquid oceans, blah blah blah, but why me in particular? Ganymede is also in that same orbital resonance, and surely there are plenty of other moons are as well

AD: Well, you're not wrong, Ganymede also potentially has 1-7 oceans and Callisto is also theorized to have one based on the scans the Juno probe sent out

Callisto raises an eyebrow

C: Uh, I'm not in resonance with them-

AD: And won’t for another 1.5 billion years. However, you still might have one thanks to radioactive elements in your insides weakly heating them, forming a very thin ocean, at least compared to Ganymede and Europa

C: Huh

AD: And of course Saturn’s moons Titan and Enceladus also have verified oceans, Mimas is believed to have a small one, as do some of Uranus’s larger moons like Titania and Oberon due to their past orbital resonance.

J: Wow, really? I wasn’t aware of that.

AD: Yeah, even Neptune’s moon Triton and dwarf planets like Ceres and Pluto might have them. But Europa in particular is interesting.

Amalthea approaches Astrodude from behind

A: Why?

Astrodude jumps

AD: Gah! How do you guys keep sneaking up on me?!

A: (sad)Sorry…

Astrodude shakes his head

AD: It’s fine, well Europa is one of the oldest moons from what we’ve been able to tell, nearly as old as the rocky planets-

Jupiter laughs

J: True, I remember when Mars was so amazed at Europa and Ganymede while they were still forming, asking if he could have some moons of his own

E: Huh?!

J: Story for another time

AD: In addition, she has one of the most similar compositions to Earth out of any other moon in the solar system except Io and our moon

C: She does? Isn’t she a bit icy?

AD: Sure, but her mass is only 8% ice by mass. Compare that to 30% for Triton, 50% for the big moons like you, Ganymede, and Titan, and a lot of other moons are almost entirely made of ice.

J: Yeah, most of the moons formed beyond the frost line, so you guys got lots of ice. Io has almost none and Europa has less mostly because I was so warm in the early days, causing a lot of the ice to be blown away, kinda similar to how the rocky planets have so little water compared to their masses since the solar wind blew it all away.

AD: Exactly! Below her crust, it’s believed that she has hydrothermal vents like Earth, which is a strong candidate for where life originated in the first place on my planet.

Europa looks down at herself

E: Y-your saying that… my vents might be able to support… life?

AD: Indeed, and your close relation to Io would only help your case

C: Io? What does he have to do with anything?

AD: His constant eruptions blast a bunch of elements and stuff around the orbit of Jupiter, one reason why Amalthea is so red, because of all the sulfur.

Europa looks to Amalthea

E: That's why you are so red Amalthea?

Amalthea looks embarrassed

A: It’s always right there…

AD: Lots of those also fall upon Europa, which makes it even more likely that Europa has the necessary materials to form life.

Europa is dumbstruck

AD: So, my boss wants me to try exploring your oceans to see if I can find anything.

E: Uh-

Europa looks around

E: Wouldn’t that risk, I mean, I know that you guys crashed Cassini to prevent-

AD:Don't worry, everything will be properly sanitized, little to no risk of me bringing in some sort of microbe to infect your ocean

Jupiter turns to Europa

J: The choice is ultimately yours Europa, I won’t let Astrodude do it if you arnt willing

Astrodude gulps

AD: Y-yeah-

Europa looks to Callisto who shrugs and then to Amalthea, Metis and Himalia who gesture excitedly

A: Do it Europa!

M: We believe in you!

H: You got this!

Europa swallows

E: Uh… sure, see what you can find, I guess.. just be carful

AD: I will

Astrodude heads toward Europa

J: Well, that’s exciting

Jupiter looks around, and suddenly looks confused

J: Hey, where’s the other half of my A team?

C: That's what we came here to talk about

E: With the moons of Saturn, we wanted to form a sort of “moon club” where all the moons of the solar system could interact.

Jupiter looks impressed

J: Well well, quite innovative, I assume either Titan or Ganymede is leading this?

Callisto and Europa look at each other

C: Sorta

E: We wanted to bring the rest of your moons to join us

The other Jovian moons look toward Jupiter

A: Can we please go?

J: Heh, Don't see why not, just make sure everyone returns safely… uh…

A: Am-

J: Amalthea! My 5th largest moon, named after the ram that sustained Zeus in his infant years.

Everyone looks very confused, especially Amalthea

A: What?!

J: Greek mythology stuff, oh my goodness they butchered it so much in that-,

Jupiter shakes his head

J: (calming down) doesn't matter, doesn't matter. Anyways, you all go have fun, oh and tell Saturn I said hi!

Jupiter turns to Europa and Callisto and nods.

E: Ok little ones! Follow me!

As the little ones begin following, Astrodude lands and starts setting up a base

J: Heh, Europa, Ganymede, Callisto, Enceladus, Triton, who knew that life could potentially be so prevalent in the universe, especially outside of the goldilocks zone?

Jupiter picks up his book and continues to read and cracks a smile

J: Ok, I’ll give it this, the “2 words “I am retired”” joke was pretty funny, although Philoctetes wasn’t a satyr, and did he take the role of Chiron? But Chiron was a centaur… not a satyr?

Jupiter rolls his eyes and flips through his book. Meanwhile we zoom out to see a deadly glare pointed at Jupiter

Chapter Text

We watch Uranus writing something in his diary when Neptune appears out of nowhere

N: Oh, hey Uranus! I just remembered something. Didn’t we used to have moons?

Neptune spins slowly

U: Uh, yeah? But the way I know you, you probably lost yours and I scared mine away

N:(surprised) You scared your moons away? How?

U: Have you forgotten mate? I jokingly said I would use my moons to get bigger rings, they took it way too bloody seriously and now they’re hiding from me

N: Well, you should apologize to them!

U: But- ugh, maybe you’re right. If only I knew where to find them.

N: Let's search for them together! Come on, I’m sure they’re eager to get back on your orbit.

We zoom out into the Kuiper belt to see Ariel watching the ice giants as before

A:Planets on the move. (Panic) Planets on the move!

We change to the scene where Titania is counting moons

T:25, 26, and 28. Okay, we’re missing one moon! Has anyone seen Ariel?

The moons look around

M: She must be scouting the edge of the Kuiper Belt, just in case Uranus comes looking for us.

T: Ugh, Uranus. That crazy weirdo. Better stay away from us

O: Titania, w-w-w-what are we gonna do?

T: Get yourself together, Oberon. We’re the biggest moons in the group, set a good example for everyone else, okay?

O: I-I-Ill try. I just… don't want to turn into space dust because of an evil planet,

T: We won't. Umbriel, go look for Ariel and bring her back. No matter what, we all must stay here.

The scene swaps to Rhea, Dione, and Tethys heading to the Kuiper belt

Te: Wow! Look at the Kuiper belt! It's so cool!

Dione rolls her eyes

D: Sure Tethys, a belt of debris filled with ice and dust is “so cool”

Te: Literally!

Tethys giggles much to Dione’s annoyance

Te: Oh! There is a shiny one right there!

Tethys charges forward, leaving Dione and Rhea in the dust

D: Guess it’s what we get for bringing the faster weirdo with us

Rhea looks on sympathetic

R: Come on Dione, you know this is just how Tethys is

Dione rolls her eyes

D: Doesn't mean I have to like it, he is a weirdo who can't even keep track of a conversation he made up and gets distracted the moment something shiny appears in his peripheral vision.

R: Cmon, he along with us, we are the triplet moons of Saturn!

Dione looks at Rhea confused

D: What?

R: The triplet moons of Saturn! Look at us! Most of Saturn’s major moons look very different from each other. Titan is huge with that atmosphere, Iapetus has that whole dark and light side thing going on, Enceladus has those tiger stripes, Mimas looks like that one space ship-

Dione rolls her eyes

D: The Death Star from Star-wars?

R: Yes! But now look at us. We all have similar surface features, we all have very similar compositions and densities, we all have orbits between Enceladus and Titan, you and Tethys both are in orbital resonance with a smaller moon, you both have trojan moons in your L4 and L5 Lagrange points with Saturn, and although I am a little bigger, we are all about the same size as one another!

Dione looks impressed

D: Huh, never thought of it that way-

Te: Uh, guys?

Both moons grind to a halt as Tethys approaches them

D: What?! You scared us!

Te: I found a large rock

Dione rolls her eyes

D: We are approaching the Kuiper belt, of course we are going to find large rocks-

Te: No! I mean, a REALLY big rock! Just over there! I think it’s staring at us!

The three look and spot Ariel, quickly running away

D: I don't think that is a rock, Tethys

R: You think that was one of Uranus’s moons?

D: maybe-

Neptune appears behind the moons

N: Hey Uranus! I think I found some of them!

All 3 moons turn around slowly, very scared. Uranus appears, approaches and squints at the moons before backing off, disappointed

U: Nah, these are some of Saturn’s moons.

N: But maybe they know something!

U:Ugh, fine. Hey mates! If you have seen my moons, tell me now! Pretty please?

The trio turns around run away for their lives

U: Oh, come on, mates!

N: You scared them away!

Uranus turns surprised

U: Me!? I just-

N: (mocking) If you have seen my moons, tell me now! I mean, seriously Uranus.

U: Okay, that was pretty cool…

We watch as the Triplet moons chase after Ariel

A: Go away! Go away!!

D: Hey! We aren't here to hurt you!

R: We just want to help you!

Ariel looks scared until a bright light appears. Umbriel flies by Ariel, stopping in front of her, causing the triplets to suddenly stop in their tracks. Umbriel stares at them as Ariel approaches her

A: Umbriel! You’re here for me?

Umbriel continues to stare at the triplet moons

T: Oh! Did you see one of my shiny rocks!

Tethys grabs a rather shiny rock from his bag.

T: Found this one near a centaur!

A: She’s just trying to understand your intentions

D: By looking into our cores? Can't you or her just ask or something?

A: She doesn’t talk

D: Ok?

Umbriel looks at each individual moons. Umbriel grows a confused expression upon focusing on Tethys, turns to Dione whom she frowns at, and than turns to Rhea, a small smile appearing on Umbriel's face. She turns to Ariel and nods

A: You passed the test. Who are you?

Rhea moves forward

R: Uh, Im Rhea, these are my sister Dione and brother Tethys, we are representatives from the moon club, lead by Ganymede and Titan, if you know where the others are-

D: Or better yet some sort of leader to talk to-

R: Could you please take us to them?

Umbriel and Ariel turn to each other uncertain while we swap over to Uranus and Neptune looking through the Kuiper belt

N: Moons of Uranus! Moons of Uranus!-

U: Oh forget it, they will never want to hang out with me again, all because of some bloody joke!

We see Neptune look at an asteroid up close

N: Maybe to you it’s silly, but they're smaller and defenseless, I mean, aren't your moons mostly around the same size as those other ones we found earlier?

Uranus looks away, wincing

U: Yeah, I suppose. Titania, Oberon, Ariel and Umbriel were about the same size, a little bigger or smaller in some cases… especially with the little ones like Puck-

N: And they were scared out of their minds and those guys didn’t even know you personally! Your moons have orbited you for 4.5 billion years, they may have grown to look up to you during all of that time with you, so hearing that you want to destroy them must have been… hard.

Uranus sighs

U: I doubt it, no one looks up to me mate, they either mock my name or call me discount Saturn

N: If you say so!

Uranus frowns

U: This is where you cheer me up mate

N: Ok!

Neptune that starts spinning and juggling himself

U: Wha- seriously, are you a planet or a super hero?

Neptune smiles as we transition toward the moons of Uranus. We watch Ariel and Umbriel approach the rest of Uranus’s moons

T: Ariel! You’re back!

A: I'm sorry, I just wanted to help.

T: Just don't go on scouting missions alone. Next time, take someone with you to cover your back, okay?

A: Ok, I will

Titania stares behind the two

A: I- found some friends along the way

Titania stares angrily as the moons of Saturn approach

R: Uh, hi, my names-

T: State your names, strangers

R: Uh, oh! i'm Rhea, this is Dione, and this is Tethys-

Tethys is seen grabbing a shiny asteroid

D: What's your name?

T: Titania, who sent you here?

R: Titan and Ganymede, the leaders of the Moon Club, we are representatives that wanted to offer-

T: Moon. Club? Hahaha-

Several other moons start laughing

T: A moon club? What sort of organization is that?

D: An organization that wants to help fellow moons with the various issues we have with our planets. From what I've heard, your relationship with yours hasn’t exactly been going well recently.

T: Uranus wants to… use us to make bigger rings. We don't know if he was joking, but-

Te: Y-yeah! Supposedly Saturn might have gotten his rings the same way!

Titania stares at Tethys disapprovingly

T: All the more reason for us to remain hidden, away from him

R: I’m sure Uranus was joking-

T: With how jealous he has been of Saturn’s rings, I wouldn’t be so confident-

D: Cmon

Dione moves in front of Rhea

D: Look, this whole situation has to end eventually. You can't stay in the Kuiper belt forever, you’ve got to confront Uranus sooner or later.

R: You could stay at the moon club, wait there while we figure out the best way to let that happen.

Uranus's moons seem uncertain

A: Titania? Maybe we can-

T: No, we stay here, if we move, they will find us

A: But-

T: No buts! We are not club goers! We are survivors, so unless they find us-

N: There you are!

Uranus’s moons stare at Neptune in fear

N: Cmon, don't be shy

Uranus appears from the shadows

U: Just a minute, mate!

Uranus takes out a scroll and starts reading

U: Hello dear moons. It's me, Uranus. And no it’s not pronounced “Your Anus” it’s pronounced “Ur- in- us”. Many planets confuse-

Titania stares at Rhea

T: You brought them to us!

R: No! They must have followed us

A: It's all my fault!

M: What now Titania?

Titania looks around panicked

T: I-

D: Oh i'm sick of this

Dione pushes the other moons to the side

U: I can't do anything about that-

D: Hey! Uranus!

All the moons look on in horror Uranus pauses mid speech looking confused

U: Uh, first off, as I just said its Ur-in-us and, wait, aren't you one of Saturn's-

D: Yes, I am Dione, 4th largest moon of Saturn, and I am telling you right now to leave your moons alone

Uranus looks confused while Neptune blinks in the background

U: Uh, why-

D: Your idiotic joke has scared them senseless! Do you think any of them want anything to do with your sorry excuse for ice and gas right now?!

Uranus is taken aback while Neptune frowns

U: I- I only meant it as a joke-

D: Considering how you have apparently been so jealous of Saturn’s rings, a very dumb joke in the absolute worst company-

U: I know! I know! I know! I'm sorry! I- I just want things to go back to the way they were before I said that dumb, stupid, idiotic bloody joke!

Titania and the other moons look surprised, but still very scared. Rhea moves forward

D: Well you don’t get to decide that! Mr-

R: Dione?

Dione looks at Rhea confused

R: let me take this

Rhea moves in front of Dione who looks unconvinced

R: Perhaps, in time you can make amends and put that joke aside, but they still need time. We are all so much smaller then you guys, the fact that such ideas could even be passing through your mind is scary, because if you did chose to, there wouldn’t be much we could do to stop it, we are all defenseless

Neptune gives a slight chuckle

N: Told ya!

U: I- I… uh

Uranus looks down, depressed.

U: I suppose you got a point little ones…

R: Let your moons come with us. Away from you, just for a short time. Meanwhile, you can look back on what made you say what you did, and try to improve. Then, when your moons are ready, they can return, and you can make amends at that point, but only once they are ready. We will make sure they are all safe and sound until that point

Uranus looks weakly at his moons who still look scared at the sight of him. Uranus at last sighs.

U: I… I suppose you're right, little ones. I- the thought of that joke shouldn't have even have been a consideration, much less something I said out loud

Uranus looks at Titania

U: When your ready, Titania, everyone else, ill be in my orbit

Uranus starts moving away, and Neptune turns to the moons

N: Well, see you all later!

Neptune follows, rolling as he moves. All of Uranus’s moons look shocked

T: That… went a lot better than expected.

Dione turns to Rhea

D: Not sure how you did that

Rhea shakes her head

R: It’s quite simple really, our planets aren't malicious monsters trying to destroy or scare us, they just don't seem to realize how scary their large sizes can make them appear and how their words might make us feel powerless or in danger at times

Titania pauses, deep in thought

O: S-s-so…. Are we going to this Moon club thingy after all? Uranus is still scary…

Titania looks back at the other moons who nod with Oberon. Titania sighs

T: Mind if we come back with you for this “Moon Club”? Sure sounds a lot better than drifting all the way out here

Te: Of course! I can even show you my shiny rock collection as we head there!

Tethys pulls out a box filled with shiny rocks. The little moons all start looking over excitedly

P: WoW! How did you find such pretty things?!

Tethys smiles

Te: There's lots of pretty things if you know where to look!

The little moons all giggle.

T: Well, let's get going then, everyone good to move?

Uranus’s moons all nod

T: Well then, Rhea, lead the way

Rhea smiles as we transition to Uranus’s orbit. We see both Uranus and Neptune moving around

N: Well! That was a lot of fun! We found your moons and made sure they were all safe and sound!

U: Yes mate… we found my moons… and made sure… safe and sound…

Uranus picks up an old painting and a tear drops from his eye

N: Want to help me go and find my moons? Lots of fun to be head there

Uranus looks weakly at the Kuiper belt and than back to the painting

U: You go on ahead Neptune, I-I have a lot to think about.

Neptune looks confused, but smiles anyways.

N: Uh, Ok! Have fun!

Neptune spins away as Uranus looks out at the Kuiper belt, a brief flash of determination grows on his face

U: Guess it’s time to remake it…

Uranus throws the old painting away and grabs a new tapestry, his paints, some pencils, and his water glass and starts painting, meanwhile we zoom out to see a pair of mysterious eyes looking out, curious.

Chapter Text

We watch as Ganymede and Phoebe arrive at the Kuiper belt

G: Alright, looks like we are here. Don't see Neptune anywhere though

Ph: I would be surprised if we had

Ganymede looks confused

G: Why?

Ph: The chances of us randomly finding Neptune himself by chance is slim, sure, he orbits along the inner edge of the Kuiper Belt, but his orbit is vast. The idea that he would be here at this specific moment in time is slim.

G: Ugh, your starting to sound like Jupiter

Ph: It will take a considerable amount of time to find him, and we are looking for his moons, even the largest of which is only about 5% his size

Ganymede thinks that through in his head

G: So, kinda big for a Planet Neptune's size? I Think i'm only a little less than 4% Jupiter's size

Phoebe shrugs

Ph: Most of his other moons are much smaller, they will be very difficult to find-

Ganymede rolls his eyes

G: What's the point of you coming along again? Why was Mr. Two face so adamant that you come along?

Ph: (annoyed) Iapetus knows me because I help him be “Mr Two face”. Debris from impacts I have coated his far side with dark dust.

G: Ugh, why couldn’t Timmy come with us again?

N: Who’s Timmy?

Neptune appears out of the darkness in front of Ganymede and Phoebe

G: What the, where did you come from!? I thought you were lost or something?!

N: Eh, might be. I'm always losing myself somewhere in the Kuiper belt. Kinda like you guys, right?

G: Right…

Both moons back away from Neptune

G: Look, we don't want to hold you up, so-

N: Who are you? Some new dwarf planet with his moon? (gasp) Invaders from another solar system?!

Ph: Some dwarf with his- NO! We’re both moons.. Looking for… other moons...

G: Hey! Incognito remember-

N: Wait, I have moons! In fact I’m looking for them.

Both Ganymede and Phoebe blink

G: Uh, any idea where they went? Maybe we can both find them?

N: Find what?

Neptune fades into the darkness

G: Well, he’s certainly… different.

Ph: No arguments here.

G: So much for "randomly finding Neptune being slim" huh?

Ph: I think that was less "we found Neptune" and more of he found us

G: Fair...

Ganymede looks around

G: Any idea on where to start?

Ph: We should try finding his largest moon, he can probably lead us to the rest

Ganymede looks out at the belt

G: And he is-

Ph: I don't know, but there were some strange patterns over here, maybe-

An object zips by the pair, leaving a trail of dust

G: Pleh! What was-

Ph: That's our target, come on!

Phoebe rushes after the object while Ganymede speeds up to follow, We see Triton moving along while smiling at the camera. As Ganymede and Phoebe pursue him, Triton’s gravity throws several asteroids behind him. Some hit Ganymede

G: OW! What even is this guy?

Ph: Triton, the largest of Neptune’s moons

Ganymede tries to focus on Triton, only for another asteroid to hit him

G: If you- ow! Know so much, can't you tell him to stop?!

Ph: We’ve never actually met before

G: Ofcorse you- ow!

Ganymede shrugs off the asteroids

G: Slow down Mr. Speedy!

Triton looks confused, turns around, and finally notices the two moons and comes quickly to a halt, as does Phoebe. Meanwhile Ganymede is unable to stop, crashing into a cluster of asteroids. Both Triton and Phoebe wince

T: Sorry, didn’t know you were there

G: Gah, you little-

Ph: Cool it, Ganymede

Phoebe approaches Triton

Ph: Your Triton, the largest of Neptune’s moons, is that correct?

Triton raises an eyebrow and takes off his glasses

T: Well, either I'm more well famous than I thought, a not unlikely scenario, or you were specifically looking for me out here

Ph: Uh, Sorta both?

Triton laughs

T: I guess you two hit the jackpot

Triton cleans his glasses

T: What can I do you for?

Triton puts back on his glasses

G: Triton… wait… didn’t Jupiter-

Ph: Well, the moons of Saturn and Jupiter have formed the moon club, under Titan and Ganymede, and we all figured Neptune’s moons would want in on the action

Triton looks briefly confused before chuckling

T: Heh, a moon club? Well, have fun with that.

Triton turns before being pulled on by Ganymede. Triton turns back around a little annoyed

G: Come on dude, it would give you a chance to, i don't know, fix your relationship with your planet or something? Can’t be in the best of places if your all alone out here

Triton rolls his eyes

T: Tell me, what even is this “ moon club” even for?

G: To hang out with other moons! Maybe have some fun, solve the various issues we have with our planets.

T: Issues? Like what?

Ph: Forgetting names, ignoring the smaller moons, threats, treating us like-

T: Kids? Honestly that sounds bout right

G: (angry) Says the one who’s planet is all wonko and everything

T: Listen, Dude, I'm not interested in this “club” of yours. End of discussion

Triton moves away

Ph: How about the other moons of Neptune then? Maybe they want a chance?

T:(chuckles) uh, really doubt your going to find that Neptune’s moons have much of an issue with him

G: Who are you to say? Are you in their heads or something? Shouldn’t they get a chance to decide for themselves?

Triton rolls his eyes

T: Well, don't say I didn't warn ya.

We watch as Triton leads the duo toward a group of 15 small moons talking to each other

G: Wait, this is it?

T: Yep, Proteus, Nereid, Larissa, Galatea, and the others. There’s a lot of ‘em

G: Alot?! There isn't alot! There's only like, what? 12?

T: 15, 16 including me.

G: Where are the rest of them?

T: This is all of them, Neptune is the smallest of the giant planets, what did you expect? An army comparable to that of Jupiter or Saturn?

Ganymede looks embarrassed

G: Kinda?

Triton rolls his eyes

T: Well, it is what it is, these are all of his moons

G: But, why are they all so small?

Triton looks at Phoebe

T: Proteus and Nereid are both larger than Phoebe here

G: No- well yes, but they are still so small! I mean, your… at least decent sized from the looks of it, definitely more massive than all but Saturn’s largest moon combined-

T: And more massive than all of Uranus’s moons combined, but I’m the outlier here, I make up about 99.5% of the mass that orbits Neptune, moons, rings, and all

G: But-, surly someone is about your size!

Triton shakes his head

T: The next largest moon of Neptune is Proteus, at about 420 kilometers, and he isn’t even massive enough to be gravitationally rounded himself

Ganymede looks at the small moons confused

G: But-

Phoebe shakes her head

Ph: Drop it Ganymede

T: Cmon dude, didn't you want to try advertising your little "club" or whatever?

Ganymede blinks

G: Uh, yeah, but-

T: That go! Advertise your little club, find all of those moons who have an issue with Neptune and convince them to join your banner, if you can find any

Proteus turns and finally notices the group

P: Triton! Look, Triton’s back!

The group of moons rush over to Triton

N: Do you have new stories for us? What did you do out there?

Ga: I looked after the others when you were gone! They behaved, super well.

L: Galatea’s right, we were so nice!

T: Yeah, yeah, yeah I buy it

G: (clear throat) HEY! Moons of Neptune!

The small moons of Neptune turn to Ganymede

G: Uh, the Moon Club is looking for members! There we will hang out and find solutions for all our problems! Fight for our rights!

The small moons look confused

L: What’s a right?

N: Opposite of left, duh!

G: Is Triton gonna be there?

N: Yeah, it's boring without Triton!

G: Uh…

Ganymede looks to Triton who shakes his head

G: Uh, no… but Im sure we can find something-

Suddenly Ganymede is swarmed by the moons

G: Hey! Get off-

N: Are you made out of gold?

P: No! That's water ice!

Ga: Why is he so yellow-

P: It probably has debris in it!

N: Lets dig in and find-

PH: Hey! Moons!

The moons of Neptune turn to Phoebe

PH: How about you guys tell me about Neptune?

Neptune’s moons get all excited

Ga: Neptune is so cool!-

Phoebe nods to Ganymede

G: Thanks for the save

Ganymede turns to Triton

G: Let's chat, shall we, big guy?

T: Uhh… sure

Both move a bit away before Ganymede turns to Triton

G: Ok, spill it dude

T: What are you… talking about?

G: You ain't no moon. Last time I saw Jupiter he was about to bore us to death by talking about a Dwarf planet called Triton. Then Phoebe was talking about how we would meet the largest captured object in the solar system. Now you keep talking about how your the only large moon of Neptune. You're a dwarf planet, not a moon.

Triton winces

T: Hey, not so loud, ok? They don’t know that.

G: Is that why you don't want to join us? Do you feel more important than other moons just because you once orbited the Sun? What kind of thought process is that?

T: Hey, I just really don't care. Dwarf planet, moon, they are just labels. Overall we are just objects orbiting bigger objects who orbit even larger objects, who orbit the common centers of gravity in the galaxy. Not much of a reason to be more “important”

Ganymede looks suprised

G: Then why don't you want to join? If you think it doesn’t matter, than why won’t you-

T: Because I just want to be left alone. I don't want to follow anyone, I don't want all of the attachments that would come with

Ganymede raises an eye at the moons of Neptune

G: They certainly seem attached to you

T: Ugh, don't know why. It’s not like i’m one of them, although, they don't know that.

G: Seems like a good reason for them to be, can’t expect them to treat you different if they don’t know your different

T: If you say so

G: Why not let them join us? I'm sure the others can entertain the little ones and that can allow you to do, well, whatever it is you want to do dude

Triton lowers his glasses

T: Sounds like you and I are finally speaking the same language

We see Phoebe dealing with all the moons.

T: Everyone, settle down.

Neptune’s moons look to Triton

T: After some talking, Ganymede has convinced me, who wants to come to the moon club for games and friends?

P: Me!

Ps: ME!

All the small moons start jumping up and down excitedly as Neptune appears behind Ganymede and Triton

PH: Uh, guys-

G: Quiet Phoebe, we’ve almost-

N: I finally found you!

Ganymede slowly turns, eyes wide.

G: Oh boy…

We see Neptune loom over the moons

P: Hi Neptune!

G: Neptune, you’re back!

N: Yes I am! I think. I’m not quite sure

Triton moves forward, clearing his throat

T: Neptune, you’ve been gone for a long time, things have changed

Neptune stretches in and out

N: Well, things are always changing right?

T: No, that's not what I mean-

N: Anyways, wanna orbit me again? We had so much fun back then!

The 15 smaller moons began cheering and jumping

L: Let's orbit Neptune!

P:Let's orbit Neptune!

L: So much fun!

T: (interrupts) No Neptune, we arnt doing that, not right now at least. We are heading to join the moon club, and there’s nothing you can say to stop us. We- I don't want to be controlled!

Neptune looks confused, but then smiles

N: Well, I’m happy you are sticking together and making new friends! Go have fun with your club! Bye Triton! And Proteus, Nereid, Larisa, Galatea, Neso, Psamathe, Laomedeia, Sao, Halimede, Despina, Thalassa, Naiad, Hippocamp, S/2002 N 5 and S2021 N 1! Have Fun!

Neptune rolls away, out of view. Ganymede looks shocked

G: Wait, did he just-

Ph: Name all of his moons?

Triton looks back at the two a little confused

T: Yeah, that was Neptune alright

Triton clears his throat

T: Now where did you say this moon club thingy was taking place? I'm sure the idea of “games and friends” isz getting the little ones excited, you don't need to see what happens when they are excited for too long.

The group turns to head to Saturn as a mysterious eye raises

Chapter Text

We watch Titan and the remaining moons of Saturn setting up an area, including a chalk board. Saturn looks down curiously at what is going on.

S: What's going on Titan?

The moons of Saturn all pause, looking worried

T: Uh… we are just… setting stuff up for a meeting!

S: A meeting?

T: Uh, yeah! Jupiter’s moons went and got the other moons… we figured we would set some stuff up.

S: Well, as you wish Titan!

Saturn turns away as the other Saturnian moons sigh with relief

I: That was close

En: No kidding

Io: H-hello!

Titan and Iapetus turn to see Io come up with Luna, Phobos, and Deimos

Io: I got Mars’s moons Phobos and Deimos, along with Luna!

Titan looks confused

T: Luna?

Io: Earth’s moon!

Titan blinks

T: Oh, didn’t realize Luna was your name Earth’s m- Luna

Luna rolls his eyes

L: It’s fine, most don't seem to realize it.

Titan shakes his head

T: Well, I am glad you could make it Luna!

L: Thanks…

E: We're here!

The group turns to see Europa and Callisto bringing the rest of the Jovian moons.

C: Jupiter didn’t protest

T: That's good! Glad that-

E: OW!

We zoom in and find Astrodude’s ship in some sort of bunker as Astrodude begins drilling into Europa’s ice.

Ad: Geez! How thick is this ice?!

CPU: Between 9-15 kilometers deep

AD: Looks like this will take a while…

We zoom back out

T: You ok Europa?

E: Im fine, something for later-

Europa turns to see Luna and has a look of confusion

E: Wait, who are you?

Io: H-he's the Earth’s moon! Luna!

Europa sizes up to Luna, who starts to look uncomfortable

L: Uh, everything ok... Europa?

Europa shakes her head

E: Everything is fine, your just… a-lot bigger than I expected

Luna looks confused

L: Well, your not much smaller than me, and so far I see 3 others who are bigger than me

E: Yes, but-

Te: We got the moons of Uranus!

Phobos and Deimos begin snickering

P: Wow, how many moons do you think fit in Uranus?

D: Better yet, how do you get moons OUT of UR-

T: Hey, stop that you two, I doubt his moons want to hear any more of those jokes.

Titan turns as Rhea and Dione escort the Uranian moons. We see Titania come forward toward the group.

Ta: Hello, I am Titania, largest of Uranus’s moons

T: Uh, I'm Titan, largest moon of Saturn

Ta: Huh, you're rather large for a moon. So, is this is the meeting area?

T: Uh, yeah! let me introduce you to some of the other major moons!

Titan moves out the way

T: Here are 3 of Jupiter’s large moons, Europa, Callisto, and Io

IO: H-hi! (cough)

C: Greetings

E: Hello

T: Then there is Mars’s moons Phobos and Deimos

Ta: Uh, where are-

P: Hi

D: Over here!

Titania looks down at the little guys

T: Well, those two are-

A: GAH!

Ariel rushes up to see the martian moons

A: They are so, cute!

Ta: Contain yourself Ariel

A: Fine…

Ariel moves away somewhat dejected

T: Uh, then there's Luna, the Earth’s moon

Titania looks shocked

T: You sure you're the moon of Earth?

L: (Confused) Uh, yeah?

Ta: You seem rather big to be a moon of Earth, isn't he like, only 12, 700 kilometers?

L: Uh, give or take 56 kilometers?

Ta: That means your over ¼ your planet’s diameter

Luna frowns

L: I guess? I am only about 1.2% of his mass tho

Callisto rolls her eyes

C: “Only” 1.2%

Luna turns confused at Callisto

L: uh, is something-

G: Ok! Ok! We are here little- ow! Stop poking that crater!

The group is suddenly swamped by the moons of Neptune as they rush past. The group turns to see Triton and Ganymede, with Proteus orbiting Ganymede.

T: Well, I see you found the moons of Neptune, Ganymede

Ganymede shakes off Proteus who runs off to see his siblings. Callisto watches at turns to Ganymede

C: Have fun with the kids?

Ganymede makes a face

G: Shut up

Titan approaches Triton

T: So, your Neptune’s largest moon, right?

Tr: Yeah, I suppose

Triton cleans his glasses, Titania is shown visibly blushing

Tr: Tritons the name, sorry bout the little ones, they got lots of energy

T: I can see!

Titan brings up his chalk board and turns to see Triton trying to leave

T: Uh, you ok?

Triton looks between Titan and outside, glares at Ganymede who suppresses a chuckle. Triton stays

T: Ok! Just to confirm, we got the rocky moons, Jovian moons, Uranian moons, and Neptunian moons. Anything we are missing?

L: Maybe the dwarf planet moons?

C: They aren't an issue

L: Why not?

Tr: The moons of dwarf planets aren't usually alive. The only times they are is when they are of sufficient size and mass due to the mass of their parent object being quite low.

The Galilean moons blink in suprise

Io: H-how do you know that?

Tr: You seemed to know it

C: Jupiter told us, unless im confused, he didn't tell you

Triton looks a bit concerned

Tr: Uh-

G: Not important

Ganymede takes the stage

G: Point is, we got the vast majority of the moons here, so we can get the moon club session going.

T: Agreed

Titan looks to the other moons

T: Gather all the smaller moons, lets get this session started

We watch most of the larger moon go out and collect the smaller ones. Meanwhile, Triton approaches Luna

Tr: Were you captured by the Earth?

Luna makes a weird face

L: What?!

Tr: Were you on your own before Earth's gravity forced you into a orbit?

Luna shakes his head

L: I think I woke up BEFORE Earth did, he wasn't exactly swiping any moons as a ball of molten rock

Tr: Huh, you just seem kinda big for a moon that orbits the Earth

Luna makes a dramatic sigh

L: Why does everyone keep telling me-

Ta: We got them

We see the moons of Uranus follow Titania, the moons of Jupiter follow Europa, and the moons of Neptune follow Proteus

P: I gathered them all up!

Triton nods

Tr: Well done, Proteus

Triton looks back at Luna while Phobos and Deimos look confused

Ph: Uh, is Luna really that big?

Di: He is about half of Mars's size

Ph: Huh, guess he is kinda-

T: Alright! We are all here!

Saturns moons approach, with Titan in the lead. Titan looks to Ganymede

T: Ok! Ganymede, you want to take the lead?

Ganymede shakes his head

G: I haven't even the slightest idea what you have planned Tim-Titan. You take the lead... this time

Titan nods

T: Alright, first session is open, our first activity will be to-

P: Play tag!

NMs: YAYYY

T: What? No, we were going to discuss-

N: Great Idea! Ill be it first!

Neptune’s moons all scatter as Nereid starts chasing them

T: Uh, Nereid? Can you please stop-

Nereid tags Titan

N: Tag! Your it!

Nereid runs off

G: That was… unexpected

Tr: I did warn you, what did you expect?

T: Uh…

Suddenly, we see several of the smaller moons start chasing each-other around.

C: Guess shouldn’t be much of a surprise, most of these moons are probably basically kids.

T: They are?

Ta: Didn’t that pass your mind when making this club? From what I see, only about 19 moons here are big and large enough to have a near spherical shape.

T: Guess I, hadn't thought of that…

L: Well, what should we do? Cant exactly have a proper meeting with all the moons rushing about.

E: How about we join them?

T/L: Huh?

E: Look, the little ones are definitely energetic, but they ware out surprisingly quick. Besides, good chance for everyone to get to know each-other.

Titan looks to Ganymede who shrugs

T: Wh- okay, lets do this

We suddenly watch Titan tag Io

T: Io, your it!

Titan rushes off

Io: O-oh! Not for long!

Callisto, Europa and Ganymede rush out of the way as Io tags Luna

Io: Luna! Your it!

L: Come on, i'm not that fast!

Luna starts chasing after several moons, eventually about to catch Phoebe

L: Phoebe! Your it!

Ph: Great…

Meanwhile, we see Titan, keeping score

T: Lets see, Neried, 1.12 km a second, Me, 5.57, Io, oh wow, 17.3, he's fast! Luna, 1, guess thats not suprising, Pheobe, .1-

We see the moons play tag for a while, Titan keeping a close eye on each moon's speed. Most of the moons end up being “it” at least once. Eventually, we see that the little moons are exhausted.

T: Well (huff) looks like (huff) the winner is (huff) Metis!

Metis looks a combination of exhausted and proud

T: how fast can she go?

E: 31 km per second

L: GEEZE no wonder she never became it.

T: Well, now that we (huff) got all our energy gone, let’s do a roll call

Titan points to the chalk board

T: Moons of Mercury?

Silence

T: Uh, moons of Venus-

L: Niether of them have any moons

T: Uh, right, uh moon of Earth?

L: Here

T: Moons of Mars?

P/D: Here!

T: Moons of Jupiter?

E: All accounted- Ow!

Ganymede looks at Europa worried

G: You ok babe? Did a stray asteroid get you or something?

E: It’s fine, I’ll explain later.

T: Ok! The main goal of all of this was to find out what issues we may have with our planets, want to start us off Luna?

L: Uh, honestly the Earth isn’t doing that great at the moment, his best friend Mars basically disowned him as a friend after you met them earlier

Everyone backs up in shock

E: Mars and Earth, no longer friends?

Io: B-but they seemed so friendly!

L: You may have noticed they weren't exactly close together...

Io: Oh...

T: What?! How did that happen?

Luna winces

L: From what I’ve got from it, Earth left that conversation early because he was feeling uncomfortable about how much Mars kept saying you two were similar, especially at the life comment

All of a sudden, several moons look uncomfortable

G: So Earth really is an entitled jerk?

L: Hey!

G: Look, all Im saying-

T: Enough!

Titan looks down and sighs

T: I am so sorry about that Luna, I had no idea that me meeting the Earth would... cause such a rift between him and Mars...

L: It wasn't your fault Titan

Titan looks less certain

T: Maybe I can go with you after this meeting and maybe sort things out. I honestly had no idea

Luna nods

L: I think that would be good.

Titan turns to Phobos and Deimos

T: Anything from you two?

Ps: Mars has been VERY grumpy lately

D: Yeah! Especially ever since he started hanging out with mean old Venus!

Titan shakes his head

T: Ok, Very well, that's settled, I’ll come with you when you go back, hopefully I can help to clear any misunderstandings.

Titan starts writing down

T: Resolve conflict between Earth and Mars… ok! Anything from Jupiter’s moons?

Io: W-well, Jupiter has been acting as if his smaller moons don't really exist.

C: Yeah, and in turn he keeps pushing us up, as if we were his star football team or something.

G: To be fair, we are the coolest moons around

E: Not the point Ganymede!

T: Ok, Jupiter's smaller moons feel like they are invisible to him, got it. Well, I suppose I already know about Saturn's problems, but for everyone else-

En: He can’t even get our names right!

D: Always gives all of his attention to you

M: He destroyed one of us to make his rings!

Titan winces

T: Well, that last one is an unproven theory, but yes

Titan writes everything down

T: Ok, moons of Uranus?

Ta: Well, I'm sure everyone knows about Uranus’s “joke”

The moons all shift around uncomfortably

Ta: While it would seem he might not have meant it, we still don’t feel comfortable around him

T: Ok, relationship strained after Uranus's joke, anything else?

Ma: We don’t much care for the jokes the little ones make.

Puck laughs

Pk: Cmon! It’s-

Ariel shoves an asteroid in Puck’s face and he is suddenly mesmerized.

A: Just stare at the asteroid cutie

T: Ok, no name jokes, moons of Neptune?

Neptune’s moons look confused

P: Uh, What's wrong with Neptune?

L: Can’t think of anything

Ga: Neptune is so cool!

N: I want to be like Neptune when I grow up!

Triton looks at Titan

Tr: Well, you heard the little ones, they are happy just the way things are.

Titan raises an eyebrow at Triton

T: And you?

Tr: Uh-

G: Not important, the point is, most everything is good in Neptune’s system, he even remembers all their names.

Oberon pops up

O: U-U-Uranus also remembers our names

T: Well, good to know that’s not one of the issues with Uranus

Titan scribbles more down notes

T: Ok, we got everything down, we have all heard the issues we all face, any solutions anyone can think of?

The moons all start muttering to each-other. Ganymede steps up

G: We could try talking to the sun, I mean, he’s the head honcho right? Even Jupiter has to listen to what he says, if he told all the planets to do better-

Luna winces

L: While you're right, the Sun is also very unpredictable. He might listen, he might laugh like we’re telling him a sun pun, he might take it seriously, but take it way to far, or he might just shoot a solar flare in our faces

The moons wince

L: Considering most of us are made of ice-

G: Alright, scratch that plan.

T: Any other ideas?

The group is silent for a little while.

M: We could try swapping our orbits

The moons look at Mimas confused

C: How would swapping orbits do anything?

E: Yeah, that would just potentially destabilize the whole solar system, Even just moving Jupiter would-

M: No! Not move the planets around! I mean like swap planets, like I go around Mars or somthing!

Titan’s eyes light up

T: You might be onto Something Mimas

Titan begins scribbling something down.

G: Ok, maybe I'm just dumb

C: You often are

G: But how would swapping planets help? We would just be trading problems-

T: Or, finding solutions.

The moons look confused

T: Look, let’s take the moons of Uranus. You guys are scared that Uranus might use you to make better rings.

Titania nods

Ta: Yes

T: Well, if we had, let’s say, Jupiter’s moons orbit him instead, well they aren't in danger because Uranus certainly won’t do anything to another planet’s moons, even in his worst state he wouldn’t even think of angering Jupiter of all planets like that. While they orbit him, maybe they can impress just how much he needs to improve, or at least figure out what caused such words to even exit his mouth

Titania looks impressed

Ta: That, actually doesn’t sound terrible

T: Or take Saturn’s moons for instance, Triton, you mentioned how Neptune remembers all his moon’s names

Triton frowns

Tr: I believe that was Ganymede, but Yeah, he's never had that issue with his moons. He loves them

Titan looks confused

T: Them?-

G: Not important

Titan shakes his head

T: Anyways, if Saturn had Neptune’s moons, he might feel pressured to try remembering all their names, a great first step. Meanwhile, the moons of Saturn might get the feeling of having their name remembered, proof that there is no excuse for Saturn. Meanwhile, although you mention that Neptune doesn't have any issues with his moons-

Triton shifts uncomfortably

T: I am sure Saturn wouldn't mind taking care of a few moons for a while

Tr: I don’t know about that, Neptune is home to just 16 moons, doesn't Saturn have like 146?

T: 274, but even just the names of the major moons, excluding me, would make a great difference

Luna looks around

L: Well, I can’t really swap with anyone

The moons all look at Luna

G: Huh? Why not?

L: Earth is dependent on my gravitational pull for his tides, axial tilt, and as a shield for asteroids. While Mercury is taking my spot for now-

T: That would be a lot of work to put on just 1 moon all of a sudden, if they even could. Not exactly an army of moons your size

Luna sighs

L: C'mon, Triton, Europa, Io, Callisto, Ganymede, and you are close to my size-

G: Hm, I don't know, you do seem a bit larger than I was picturing

Luna rolls his eyes

T: Yeah, I think for now you along with the Martian moons stay put

Ph: Aw… I wanted a moon swap!

Di: Maybe next time...

Ph: Oh! Maybe we can swap OUR orbits!

Di: Oh yeah!

T: Well, any other objections to this plan?

No one argues

T: Well then, now to convince the planets…

Chapter Text

We watch the Sun as he looks around.

Sn: Hey! Hey Mercury! You know why I don’t insult people? It’s because I would ROAST THEM!

The sun pauses

Sn: Mercury?!

The sun looks around and spots Mercury, Venus, and Mars all outside of their orbits

S: Will no one listen to me?!

We zoom in on Earth and Mercury playing cards.

My: So, how exactly did you and Mars come up with the rules for this game?

E: Im not sure, guess we kinda just, made it up as we went

My: Well no kidding, after-all, why is this card giving me a hundred-

Suddenly, an asteroid zips by, nearly hitting Mercury. Mercury turns to see Mars and Venus playing asteroid dodgeball

My: Hey! Watch it you two!

V: Ugh, he’s just being the annoying Pipsqueak as always, ignore him Mars

My: I'm serious! You nearly hit me! And if you hit the Earth-

V: No one asked Pipsqueak

E: It’s fine Mercury, let’s just take our game-

My: No Earth, this is serious, they can chose not to like us, but they still have no right to risk-

Sn: WHY ARE YOU ALL OUT OF YOUR ORBITS?!

All the planets freeze as the Sun glares at them

S: How many times must I remind you?! GET BACK IN YOUR ORBITS!

My: Uh, Sun-

S: NO EXCEPTIONS MERCURY-

My: I cant leave, the moon is currently at the moon club in the outer solar system

The sun seems to dim as a confused expression grows on his face

S: A... a moon club?

My: Y-yeah. While he was away, I was taking his spot to help the Earth stay on his axis, I can't leave without causing several issues for him

The sun raises an eyebrow and turns to face Mars

S: Have Phobos and Deimos also joined this “moon club”?

M: Uh… y-yeah sun. Jupiter’s moon Io picked them up.

S: Hmmm

The sun looks up and ponders for a moment. He looks at both Earth and Mars and a slight grin grows on his face

S: Slight change in plans

The rocky planets look confused and scared

E: Uh, what changed?

S: Mercury, Venus. Return to your orbits. Mars, keep Earth on his axis.

M: WHAT?!

S: As soon as your moons return I expect you to then go back to your orbit.

M: But… but I-

S: SILENCE ARES!

Mars blinks

M: Ares?-

S: NOW!

Mercury and Venus rush over to their spots while Mars begrudgingly gets in position.

S: Now! STAY! Go to your orbit once your moons return

The sun begins looking out beyond the asteroid belt

S: Hmm

We see Earth look almost scared at Mars

E: Uh… want to play cards Ma-

M: Shut up idiot

The two remain in silence while we zoom in on the Sun

S: Guess I should see what this “moon club” is all about…

We see the Sun focus in on the outer solar system as Neptune approaches Uranus, who is struggling to write something in his diary while simultaneously painting like his life depends on it

N: Hey Uranus!

U: Huh?

Uranus turns around. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days

N: Ow! You aren't looking great cousin

U: (Sarcasm) Thanks for the vote of confidence Neptune

N: Anytime!

Uranus is taken aback a little

U: Thats- ugh, forget-

S: Uranus! Neptune!

The ice giants turn surprised to see Jupiter and Saturn approach

U: Jupiter? Saturn? What the bloody hell are you doing all the way out here?

S: Apparently our moons had Something they wanted to tell, all of us

Uranus winces

U: Hopefully for you it’s better than me

N: Me too!

Neptune rolls around

J: Yeah, I wonder what-

T: Hello!

The giant planets look down to see the moons with Titan, Ganymede, Triton, and Titania at the front

T: We need to discuss some things

The giants look confused

N: Like what?

Neptune is upside down

T: Every planet here-

Titan looks around at all the giants

T: Has been failing the vast majority of their moons, badly.

The Giants look at each other in shock

U: Saturn? Jupiter? What did you guys do?

S: W-what did I do?!

N: Hmm, wonder what I did

Neptune just floats in space as Titan approaches Saturn disappointed

T: Saturn, name a single moon that orbits you

S:Oh! Thats easy! Your Ti-

T: Besides me

Saturn turns a pale color and looks around, focusing on Rhea

S: R-R-Rhiana?

Rhea shakes her head sadly

R: Rhea

Saturn looks crushed

U: Wait, you don't even remember your second largest moon’s name?

Saturn looks surprised

S: Rhea is my second largest moon?

U: You can’t even tell she’s your second largest moon?!

E: Not to mention how Jupiter seems to forget that his moons smaller than me even exist. If we are around, they basically get nothing.

Jupiter blinks

J: Huh… now that you mention it… I guess I have been... sorta ignoring them...

Ta: Or how you THREATEN to destroy us!

Titania approaches Uranus, who backs up ashamed, unable to look Titania in the eye or his other moons

N: (cheerful) What about me?

T: Uh…

Titan looks to Neptune's moons who all look confused except for Triton

Tr: Just tell him

Proteus floats in front of him

P: I don’t know what’s going on

Titan looks at Neptune

T: honestly, Don't got much on you Neptune, most of your moons seem love you

Ganymede turns to Triton who shakes his head

NMs: YEAH, Neptune is awesome!

N: Aw… thanks little ones!

Neptune looks at Triton for a moment, a flash of worry pops on his face, but disappears just as quickly.

Saturn looks around panicked

S: What are we going to do?! We have to fix this immediately!

G: Actually, we already have a plan

Jupiter raises an eyebrow

J: A plan, from you Ganymede?

Ganymede looks smug

G: Yep!-

C: Actually, Mimas came up with the plan while Titan refined it

Ganymede glares at Callisto

G: Shut up

Jupiter still looks curious

J: Well, what is this plan?

G: We swap planets

All of a sudden, all the giants turn to the others… except Neptune of course. He's just floating without a care in the world

U: Swap...planets?

T: Temporarily, this way both sides get different perspectives, and maybe find possible solutions

Jupiter and Saturn look at each other unconvinced

J: I don’t know, it could be detrimental for-

D: How? Afraid your magnetic field will go on the Fritz without Io?

Jupiter shakes his head

J: My magnetic field would weaken, but it would still function as it has, and even if it somhow disapeared completly, I would mostly be fine. I'm more concerned about you guys.

Several moons look confused

E: Huh? What do you mean? Don’t think Uranus could protect us from exoplanets or something?

J: No- We each have different conditions around us. Different masses, different tilts, different magnetic fields, different orbital planes, even our different rotations-

T: It would just be for one week, after that we can go back to our relative planets and hopefully figure out how to solve the issues.

Jupiter turns to Uranus and Neptune and sighs

J: What are you’re guy’s thoughts?

U: Well… I guess I could use some help since… well-

N: (interrupting) Sounds like a good chance to make new friends!

Jupiter looks to Saturn, they both nod

J: Very well then, any particular swaps you guys were thinking of? Seems like you guys have thought this out for a bit

Ganymede and Titan nod

G: Since you and Saturn, more or less, have similar issues, we figured that your moons would go to Uranus while Saturn’s goes to Neptune, and vice versa.

Jupiter looks to the ice giants

J: Are you good with that? I know Saturn and I have a lot more moons than you two.

N: Eh, it’ll be fine. Besides, not going to learn much if you two just swap

Jupiter sighs

J: Fair point

Uranus looks nervous at all the moons he is about to recieve

U: I- I guess it would be fine…

Jupiter looks to Saturn who is in tears

J: It’ll be ok Saturn, just for a week.

T: Before we do this, mind if I escort Luna, Phobos and Deimos back to their planets? I apparently messed stuff up when I was over there.

L: Oh come on, you can’t blame yourself

Di: Yeah! Mars just got his poles upside down!

Ph; I thought that stopped when his magnetic field went away?

D: Oh yeah…

S: What stuff got messed up?

Titan shakes his head

T: I’ll explain later

Jupiter turns around

J: I suppose Mars has been rather-

Jupiter shakes his head

J: Problem for another time. Well, guess we will swap and you can just head to Neptune after you drop Earth’s moon and Mars’s moons.

T: Ok, see you!

Titan takes Luna and the Martian moons and heads off.

J: Well… let’s get started, I guess. Do you have a list of names for your moons Uranus? I would prefer to avoid the issues if I can avoid it

U: Sure...

Uranus pulls out his notebook and writes down his moons, takes the page out, and hands it to Jupiter

J: Thanks!

S: Uh... could I also have one for Neptune's moons?

U: Sure...

Uranus picks up his notebook and pauses

U: Neptune, can you remind me of your moon's names? It's been a while.

N: Ofcourse! There is Triton, Proteus, Nereid, Larisa, Galatea, Neso, Psamathe, Laomedeia, Sao, Halimede, Despina, Thalassa, Naiad, Hippocamp, S/2002 N 5 and S2021 N 1

Saturn blinks

S: How do you remember all those names so effortlessly?!

N: Well, I love my moons, guess I made it a big priority, no one likes being called by a name that isn't their own

Uranus winces

U: (to himself) Speak for yourself mate...

Uranus continues writing

U: Ok, here you go Saturn

Uranus hands the list to Saturn

U: Well, can you- oh, right, you don't remember the names of your moons...

Uranus turns to the moons of the gas giants

U: Uh, one at a time, can everyone who orbits Saturn give me their name for Neptune?

Suddenly, 200+ moons all start shouting out their names

U: Oh boy...

We transition again to see Mars staring at a very uncomfortable looking Earth

E: So… want to talk or-

M: Shut it

We transition over to the Sun, who watches as Luna, Titan, and the Martian moons head back

S: Ah good! Soon Mars will be able to return to his orbit!

M: Yeah…

Mercury looks out

M: I just hope they get here quickly

V: Eh, they can take their time

My: Well, it’s painfully obvious that Earth is very uncomfortable with this arrangement

V: Eh, he deserves it for being so full of himself

My: Hey!

V: What? You trying to say he doesn’t have an ego or something Pipsqueek?

We return to Mars and Earth

E: Look, I understand that me leaving that conversation hurt you in some way, I am sorry.

Mars glares at Earth

M: That's it?!

Earth looks around panicked

E: Uh… yes?

M: Well, sorry, but “sorry” ain’t good enough Earth! I'm tired of your dumb ego.

E: Well then let me make it up to you! Name your request

Mars raises an eyebrow

M: I'm not sure there is anything you can do

We transition back to Mercury and Venus

My: I never said he doesn’t have an ego, the point is Mars is being unnecessarily cruel with Earth even though he has tried to apologize.

V: Ha! Like an apology means anything at this point

Venus turns around and starts heading off

My: More than what you’ve done, Venus

Venus freezes

My: Earth has already apologized to me for the crap he pulled, and he was a distant second, maybe even third place in terms of my tormentors.

Venus turns around, pissed

My: If Earth, supposedly being “so full of himself” as you yourself put it, is willing to apologize for what he did, what does that say about you Venus? Or perhaps Mars now that he seems to be taking after you like I tried to warn him?

Venus glares at Mercury for a while. A passing asteroid is shredded to dust

V: SHUT UP MERCURY!

Venus rushes off

E: Look, I understand if you don’t want to be best friends ever again, I totally do! I just don’t want to feel like I’m walking on space debris like I have the last few days whenever we've talked.

M: Oh, walking on debris, you mean like how I apparently need to monitor when you hear in case it “makes you feel uncomfortable”?

E: Mars-

M: No, you listen to me! You refuse to believe that you aren't “Mr.Special” and you try to avoid any information that contradicts that! You avoid talking about your Earthlings trying to colonize me, you REFUSE to talk about the dinosaurs-

Earth winces

E: (weakly) too soon-

M: 65 MILLION YEARS! That is more than enough time to get your crap done and get over those dumb lizards! And that's not even to mention how you reacted when Titan came over and-

T: Woah! What did I mess up this time?!

Mars and Earth turn to see Titan and Luna approach. Earth looks so relieved

T: I thought you said that Mercury was keeping him on his tilt?

L: He was when I left-

M: Well, good thing your back, Earth’s moon. I think I’m done here

Mars pushes the others out of the way

T: Hey, Mars? About our conversion earlier-

M: Not now Titan

Mars leaves leaving Titan speechless

T: Uh, did Mars eat a sour asteroid or something?

P: Don't know, let’s go see!

D: Yeah! Maybe he’ll share

Phobos and Deimos rush off to catch up to Mars. Titan looks at Earth

P: Hey Mars! Did you eat a sour asteroid, and if so can you share?

M: No, there are no sour asteroids

Phobos and Deimos look disappointed

D: Well, can we at least swap our orbits?

Mars looks confused as we transition back to Earth, Luna, and Titan

T: Woah Mr. Earth, you doing ok?

E: I- Im doing fine… thanks for asking, thanks for bringing back Luna

T: Any time, What's going on with you and Mars?

E: I- I messed up-

L: Oh don't say that! Mars is just-

Titan looks back at Mars who is allowing Phobos and Deimos to swap orbits

M: There you have it guys

Mars turns away grumpily

P/D: YAY!

T: Was it, was it something I said? Something that I did? Because that does not sound like the red planet I talked to the other day

Earth shakes his head

E: It’s not your fault Titan, he's just, mad at me

L: Without good reason!

Earth looks down, sad. Titan looks back and winces

T: Well, I've got to head off, moon swap and all

Earth looks confused

E: Moon swap?

L: I can explain

T: Anyways, I hope you do ok, I’ve got to get to Neptune

Titan turns to leave

E: One last thing Titan…

Titan turns around confused

E: I- I am sorry for just… leaving like that… if Mars felt that way-

Titan looks at Earth with pity and shakes his head

T: No need to apologize to me Earth, you didn't do anything wrong to me, we all get uncomfortable at times, sometimes leaving the situation is just the best solution we can find. If Mars somehow fails to understand that, that is his problem, even if we are all left with the consequences with his choice. We can’t know everything for every situation

Titan leaves. Luna looks at a very depressed Earth, and looks sad with him. Earth looks past the asteroid Belt… toward Jupiter

Chapter Text

We look to see Jupiter with the moons of Uranus gathered

J: Uh, Ok! Let’s see here… I was sure I put it, aha there it is!

Jupiter grabs the list Uranus gave him

J: Ok, lets get started, from largest to smallest, Titania… Oberon… Umbriel… Ariel…. Mir-

Jupiter pauses looking confused

J: Titania, Oberon, Umbriel… am I reading that right?

Uranus’s moons all start looking uncomfortable

Ta: Is Something wrong, uh Jupiter?

Jupiter shakes his head

J: No no no, everything is fine, it’s just that your names seem odd, yet familiar, almost as if I recognize them from somewhere-

Miranda moves in front of Jupiter putting on some eyeliner and starts ascending

J: What the!

Jupiter gently grabs Miranda

J: Why are you orbiting me like that?

Miranda drops the eyeliner and looks confused

M: Is that not how all moons orbit?

J: Not really, well, maybe the irregular moons that orbit me further out, but not any of the close ones, much less the major moons

O: U-u-uh but thats how we’ve always orbited!

A: How do your moons normally orbit you?

J: Well, normally my moons orbit me near my equator-

Jupiter’s eyes go wide, and then he starts laughing. Oberon looks terrified

O: He’s going crazy! Hide!

T: He’s just laughing Oberon

O: But, but-

J: No no no, Im not going crazy, heh, you remind me of Io when he was young, King Oberon

Oberon blinks

A: King Oberon?

O: I remind y-you o-of Io?

J: Yeah, the stutter, a little clumsy, even his fear of his own shadow till Ganymede, Callisto and Europa snapped him out of it. Although you hold more of a resemblance to Callisto appearance wise

Oberon blinks

J: Anyways, I just remembered that Uranus’s axis is tilted by about 98 degrees compared to his orbit around the Sun where as mine is only about 3 degrees.

The moons of Uranus blink

M: Yeah, I guess your weird like that

Jupiter winces

J: Kinda, I guess, I suppose most planets do have a more noticeable tilt, Earth, Mars, Saturn and Neptune all have tilts between 23 and 28 degrees, and only Mercury and sorta Venus have small tilts like me

P: Sorta Venus

Jupiter sighs

J: Its, complicated. Lets just say you could say his is either 3 degrees, or 177 degrees since he also has a retrograde rotation, sorta similar to Uranus.

Ta: So, Uranus is the odd one?

J: I suppose, I guess thats one reason why he enjoyed Pluto so much, one of the only planetary objects we knew of with a similar tilt at about 122 degrees-

Jupiter pauses

J: I wonder how Pluto and Charon are doing, haven’t seen them in almost 2 decades since-

P: Wait, you're saying that the moons of Saturn weren’t being weird with their orbits? It was all just his tilt?

J: Nope, for his moons it would be completely normal Mr. uh…

Jupiter looks at the list again

J: Puck- ok, I need to check this

Jupiter pulls out a stack of books and begins skimming through them

A: And I thought Uranus was obsessed with books.

Umbriel goes up to Jupiter to look at what he’s reading

O: Uh… least he’s… uh-

Oberon looks to Titania

T: Not threatening to kill us?

O: S-sure, that works

M: Wonder what got him so caught up on our names-

A: He did call Oberon a king earlier

Oberon blushes

O: B-but I am no king, I-

J: Ah ha! I knew it!

Oberon hides behind Titania who roles her eyes

J: You guys are named like the characters from William Shakespeare and Alexander Pope’s works!

Uranus’s moons all look confused

P: William… Alexzander?

M: Who are they?

J: Two Earthlings that made a ton of stories, often putting them on a stage and showing the story off infront of people

A: A stage?

J: A… Im really not sure how to describe it, a platform of some sort where you show something of like a skill or story, like here, Titania and Oberon, the king and queen of the fairies in Shakespeare’s A mid Summer Night’s Dream

Titania and Oberon look at each other flabbergasted

Ta: Oberon, a king? He’d be afraid of the crown!

A: And you're a queen!

Ariel starts giggling while Titania turns red

J: And then Ariel and Umbriel are sylph and gnome respectively in Alexander’s-

Jupiter pauses

J: You know, I don’t think I’ll say that title, to many little ones who could over hear, though I am noticing that almost all these names seem to match with those two author’s works, Miranda is from the Tempest, Puck is a sprite from the other one

A: Uh, how do planets normally name their moons?

J: Well, I mostly got the names for my moons from characters from greek mythology that had some sort of connection with Zeus, I believe Saturn once told me he was trying to name his after various Titans and giants from greek mythology, although he stepped into Norse Mythology once he realized just how many he had.

Ta: 274?

J: Exactly, Mars named his moons after the sons of Ares, and Luna-

Jupiter pauses

J: Well, I think Luna mostly named himself, although I do know that it is Spanish for “moon” in the Earthling tongue, I also think there was a roman goddess named that?

P: OH! Speaking of Luna-

Ta: And Neptune?

Jupiter stays still for a moment

J: I- Im honestly not sure, I don’t know Neptune as well as I should, I know Triton shares the name of a son of Posiedon, but that's a whole can of worms I am not getting into right now, although I would guess probably after water gods or creatures from greek mythology?

Titania shakes her head

T: I guess Uranus really messed up on our names

J: I wouldn’t say that, I think it’s kinda cool how you guys are named after something a little different, clearly Uranus put lots of care into naming you guys

Titania rolls her eyes

Ta: Didn’t stop him from making that “joke”

Jupiter sighs

J: Yeah, I guess something must have ticked him off there, any ideas what was happening when he said it?

A: Oh! He was talking to Uranus and Neptune about rings

Jupiter nods

J: Would make sense, Uranus and Saturn would probably bond over that

M: I wouldn’t really call it bonding

Jupiter frowns

J: What do you mean?

O: U-uh, Uranus seemed kinda annoyed at Neptune sorta ignoring his rings and asking about Saturn’s

A: That was kinda rude of him

J: Well, I would assume Neptune already knows why Uranus has rings

Titania frowns

T: He would?

J: I mean, I know those two have been besties since before we even met them, I know Neptune has gotten a bit… off as of late, but he sure seems to remember Uranus and his moons just fine if him calling out all his moons is any indication. Im sure Neptune is fully aware how Uranus’s rings formed from the material left over from his crash-

UM: CRASH?!

J: Story for another day, it was from before he woke up, but in short, there was a bunch of materiel that later either formed his rings, or, well, you guys

Uranus’s moons blink

A: We… did not know that

J: Well, Neptune does, in fact, I believe he’s the one who told me, mostly trying to explain to me why Uranus is tilted so far on his axis, one of the few cases where he knew something more than me

M: Given how much Uranus feels like “discount Saturn”, it still wasn’t cool

Jupiter looks confused

J: Discount Saturn? Who called him that? Was it Venus? Ugh, how many times do I have to tell Venus to not mock-

A: It’s, more so a name he calls himself

Jupiter blinks

J: Huh? Why?

T: His rings are not near as flashy as his

J: Well, neither are mine

Puck looks confused

P: Your’s? Where are your-

T: Still, with you and him excluding him all the time-

Jupiter looks confused

J: Saturn and I have been excluding him?

O: W-well, Thats what he keeps saying… that he only talks to Saturn who is always with you? No matter how much he tries?

J: Huh… I… never realized we were excluding him… or probably even Neptune for that matter… How long has he felt this way?

O: S-s-since as long as we remember?

T: Just about all he talks about when he isn’t buried in his diary or painting

J: Huh, suppose we did focus most of our attention on the rocky planets… and kinda left the ice giants out… after the grand tac…

T: The what?

Jupiter’s eyes go wide and he shakes his head

J: Nothing, thanks for telling me that, Saturn and I should not have been making Uranus feel that way. I’ll try talking to him once this whole thing is over. Maybe we can do something to make him feel less excluded. Neptune as well

Jupiter looks back to his list of names

J: Let’s see, Sycorax, a witch from William’s the Tempest, Portia, the female protagonist from The merchant of Venice, Juliet, the female lover in Romeo-

P: Why does Earth have such a large moon?

Jupiter turns in surprise

J: What do you mean?

M: Well, Luna seemed oddly, large

J: As he should, being the 5th largest moon in the solar system, between my moons Io and Europa in size-

P: But WHY is he so big?!

Jupiter winces

J: I'm afraid I can’t, sorry little ones

UM: AW!

A: C'mon cuties! We shouldn't badger Mr.Jupiter with too many questions

J: Oh I'm fine with being asked questions! Its just that with Earth, well thats a sensitive-

E: J-J-Jupiter…

Jupiter turns around to see a frozen Earth, and his moon who is trying to pull him back.

L: C'mon Earth! Your way off your orbit!

E: Must… find… Jupiter, must get-

J: EARTH

Jupiter throws his book aside and immediately rushes forward, grabbing Earth in his gravity

A: Wait, Earth, out here?!

M: What is he doing?!

E: J-Jupiter, I- I need-

J: Im here Earth, but Luna is right, you are way out of your orbit! Your oceans already look half frozen!

E: I- I- I need-

T: You need to get back in your orbit!

J: I’ll take you back, on the way you can say whatever it is you need, but you need to get back

Jupiter grabs the Earth and begins pulling on him and starts heading for the inner solar system