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Chapter Text

Mydei doesn’t love you.

Phainon’s hands gripped onto his best friend’s body as he pounded into him, calloused fingers leaving bruises on his hips while he repeated those words in his head—along with similar affirmations.

It had been months since he’d started this…arrangement. Mydei had never said it outright, but it was obvious he didn’t feel the same about Phainon as Phainon felt about him from the way he dodged his kisses. How he avoided facing him when they slept together. 

“Deliverer…” 

How he never said his name.

You shouldn’t be doing this. 

He shouldn’t be. Phainon had noticed his developing feelings for Mydei the day they met, manifesting while they’d sparred for ten days and nights. The Kremnoan looked beautiful in his element—his head focused on battle techniques, his sculpted body glistening with sweat. He sounded gorgeous, too, when he insisted he’d won the fight. Me, a Kremnoan, drawing with an Okheman like him? How absurd. 

“That’s it, baby. You’re doing so good for me, Mydei.” 

You’re only hurting yourself.

He was. No matter how many times they had sex, watching Mydei leave the bed and put his clothes back on never stung any less. He longed for pillow talk, yearned to fall asleep wrapped up in each others’ arms. 

Every time Phainon had Mydei like this—naked, underneath him, trembling from pleasure—he only fell further in love. 

“Fuck, I—Deliverer-”

“Close?” Phainon cooed. He temporarily pushed away the voices of doubt in his head, focusing wholeheartedly on the task in front of him. 

Mydei only moaned, a guttural noise drawn from the thrusting of Phainon’s hips—the feeling of his cock around his tight walls. “Right there, Deliverer, don’t stop, don’t you fucking stop—”

Phainon swore. His pace quickened, brutally fucking into his best friend’s slick heat. “You feel so fucking good for me, Mydei. It’s like-mmh-you were made for taking me.” 

He felt his partner trembling, a sure sign that he was close. “Fuck,” he gasped. “Please, Mydei. Come for me.” 

“Shit!”

Mydei came with a cry worthy of a Kremnoan warrior. His legs shook with the intensity of his orgasm, cunt squeezing tightly around Phainon’s cock. “Ah, Deliverer—sensitive—”

“Stay with me just a bit longer, baby,” Phainon said, voice warbling. “Just a bit more, I’m so close—fuck, you’re doing so well—”

Phainon quickly pulled out, pumping himself a few times before coming. He moaned unabashedly; pleasure flooded his senses as he rode out that high—as he watched hot white ropes adorn Mydei’s ass. 

“Ah, Mydei…”

He doesn’t love you, Phainon.

He knew. The familiar tug on his heart returned when Mydei got dressed immediately after cleanup. He’d barely even said goodbye before departing, leaving Phainon alone in his bedroom.

Alone, where he could freely let the tears forming in his eyes stream down his cheeks. Where he could fall asleep on top of the covers—still smelling like Mydei-while scolding himself for spending another night together.

Because Mydei didn’t love him.

***

“So, you’re unsure because you think you’re in too deep?” 

Hyacine sat opposite of Phainon, cold drinks resting on the table. It was his treat; it was the least he could do, dumping all his problems onto the nurse like this. 

“It’s been months, Hyacine,” he said flatly. “I’ve been in too deep for ages now.” 

Phainon took a sip from his drink, looking anywhere but at the woman in front of him. He quickly realized it was a mistake; the man and woman holding hands as they gave their orders at the stand made his heart ache further. 

“I knew it would hurt ever since the first time, and I told myself I wouldn’t do it again. Yet here we are. Every time I lay with him, the feelings get stronger.”

He felt anger. It was his fault that he was in this situation. If he was stronger, pulled away from temptation, he wouldn’t be in this anguish. He also felt jealousy. He knew Mydei’s had boyfriends before. He wondered what they had that he didn’t—what they did to earn the man’s love.

Most of all, he felt yearning—the ever-growing hole in his heart gnawing at him, never seeming to cease.

“I think you know what you have to do, Phainon.” She spoke slowly—apologetically. “I know it’ll be hard, and it may not go the way you wish it to, but…”

“You’re right. But I’m afraid.” He took a deep breath, willing the tears forming in his eyes to disappear. They didn’t. “When I think about what’s at stake…our friendship, the Flame Chase Journey…is it worth compromising all of that for the sake of my comfort?” 

“You don’t have to be so self-sacrificial all the time. If you don’t put yourself first sometimes, you’ll burn out.” 

“I was given the role of the Deliverer, Hyacine. I’ve been putting the peoples’ wishes above my own since the very beginning.” 

Truthfully, Phainon knew Hyacine was right-that he would burn out one day, that this way of living wasn’t sustainable. But between his own personal satisfaction and the fate of Amphoreus, the latter took clear priority. 

In times of crisis, there was no room for luxury. 

“You can’t give those peoples’ wishes your all if you’re exhausted. Giving yourself a break from time to time isn’t selfish.” 

Phainon said nothing for a minute, opting to take a drink instead. He’d reached the bottom of the glass now. “But how much time does Amphoreus have left, Hyacine?” 

***

One thing Phainon had learned about Mydei in the months past was how good he was with his mouth. 

They were in the Deliverer’s bedroom, Phainon positioned on top. His face was buried in the heat between Mydei’s legs—his mouth covered with spit and slick.

“Fuck, Mydei.”

Mydei hummed around Phainon’s cock, dipping into his mouth from where he laid. He could feel the vibrations it made, thrumming through his body. It made the room feel all the more hot. 

“Please, keep going!”

Phainon liked to think he was good at giving head—and he was, if the wetness from the Kremnoan’s cunt was any indication. But it was times like these, when Mydei was positioned underneath him, where he struggled to use his skills to the fullest. His cock was enveloped in a warm, wet heat, tongue running across the length of it. Phainon moaned against the other man’s pussy—the noise muffled, yet wanton. 

Mydei was intoxicating. It didn’t matter the environment—whether on the battlefield or tangled together in bed, Phainon found himself drunk on the other man. He weakly moved his hips, composure cracking as he felt himself reaching his climax. 

“Oh fuck,” he whined. His breath staggered. “Mydei, if you keep going like that, I’m not gonna last much longer—”

He didn’t let up. Phainon knew he wouldn’t-in true Kremnoan fashion, Mydei treated sex as a challenge. He found satisfaction in making his partners come first, especially Phainon. 

Because Phainon was his rival. His equal. His best friend. 

Anything but his lover. 

His legs shook. Familiar waves of pleasure shot through him as his first orgasm of the night hit; Mydei groaned with satisfaction as Phainon emptied himself inside, hot cum making its home in the man’s throat. 

With a weakened moan, he lifted his hips to pull himself out—his cock was coated in Mydei’s saliva, having been nestled in the man’s mouth for the past while. “Fuck.” The word escaped as a whine.

“Well, wouldn’t you know? The ever-righteous and selfless Deliverer, leaving his bedmate hanging.”

Bedmate. The term shouldn’t have stung as much as it did.

“You know me better than that, Mydei.” Phainon moved from his collapsed-on-top-of-Mydei position so he was standing in front of him, his soaked cunt in full view. “Come on, baby. Let me make it up to you.” 

So badly did Phainon to kiss him. He longed to lean down, have their lips meet, to slip his tongue into Mydei’s mouth, to taste himself there—to be more than just friends.

Maybe it was his lapse of yearning that encouraged him to say what he said next. 

“No, don’t move. Stay just like that, on your back.” 

Mydei’s reaction made Phainon wish he could take it back. It wasn’t good, nor bad—just one of indifference. Confusion, maybe. “Why?” 

“Is it a crime to want to try something different?” Phainon smiled. He hoped it masked the hurt he felt. ”Just trust me, okay?” 

Phainon knew he would. Trust was the one thing they both had in each other; it was an unconditional and unfiltered bond earned through years of companionship. He only hoped that his own stupidity wouldn’t wash all that time down the drain. 

“…Okay,” Mydei said slowly, though his expression didn’t change. “I trust you.”

Giving himself a few strokes, Phainon moved Mydei’s legs further apart to fit between. He positioned his dick to the other man’s waiting entrance, slippery with excitement. “You ready?” 

“Less talking, more—oh, fuck-”

The slide in was easy. The wetness of Mydei’s cunt eagerly accommodated Phainon; the Deliverer gasped from the moment he breached him. He felt searing heat and slick arousal, the sensations of sex squeezing his cock as he pushed in further. 

Typically, that physical pleasure was all Phainon got. But now—now—Mydei was facing him. 

And fuck, did he look beautiful.

Mydei’s moans sounded so much better when Phainon could see him. His expression contorted into one of pleasure, his lips parting and skin flushing red. With every inch forward, the Deliverer became more and more enraptured—ocean blue met gold when he finally bottomed out, bodies flush with each other. 

“Shit, Mydei,” Phainon said, voice hushed. “Look at you.” 

It was a sight Phainon would never forget. The mighty crowned prince of Castrum Kremnos was laying before him, filled to the brim with his cock. Those eyes, with a gaze most found fierce, were brimming with tears now; a few had already escaped, evidenced by the smudged eyeliner on his skin. His lip was bitten, his hair was disheveled, and his body trembled. 

“What’s…the holdup?” Mydei managed, speaking through heavy breaths. “Start moving, or I’ll do it—”

”I love you.”

Phainon’s eyes widened. He hadn’t realized he was speaking until he’d already said those three words—until Mydei’s facial expression changed from one of blissful pleasure to one of pure shock. He felt his blood run cold. “Shit, I—Mydei, please, just-”

“Phainon.”

It was the first time Mydei had ever said his name in the bedroom. The realization sent his already rapidly beating heart into an uncontrollable frenzy. “Yes?” 

“What you just said. Did you mean it?” 

Their eyes met again. Phainon searched for those reactions he was afraid of—disgust, repulsion, fear. But all he saw was surprise. 

Kephale help him for the risk he was about to take.

“Yes. I did.” He took a deep breath. “I love you, Mydei. And I’ve loved you for a long time.” 

The quiet that followed was deafening—it made Phainon’s ears ring, his head hurt. He wondered if it was too late to take it back, to claim that it was a joke. But realistically, he knew that he’d already said the words. There was nothing to do but own up to it. “I’m sorry, Mydei. I’ll…”

Phainon was expecting Mydei to push him away, maybe with a few harsh words or a bout of silence. He grit his teeth, bracing himself for what would come next—which was anything but what he anticipated.

“Kiss me.”

“Wh—what?” 

“Do you need me to say it again, Deliverer?” Mydei repeated himself, firm and sure. “I told you to kiss me.” 

“I’m sorry, I—I’m just a little surprised. You’ve never let me kiss you before.”

“Well, I’m telling you to do it now. Kiss me.” 

It was if a frayed thread finally tore apart—like heavy chains snapping in two. Phainon leaned forward with great intensity, lips crashing desperately onto Mydei’s. 

Kissing Mydei felt like something out of a dream. Phainon swept his tongue across the seam of his best friend’s mouth, taking the opportunity to slide inside when he gasped. His lips were just as soft as he’d envisioned, tasted as comforting as he’d imagined—it was addictive, and Phainon mourned when he had to pull away to breathe. 

“Phainon,” Mydei said. He sounded sultry—aroused. “Move.”

“Fuck,” Phainon muttered, pulling further out before slamming back in. “Yeah, okay.”

It was downright filthy. Phainon hold on Mydei was near bruising; the Kremnoan wrapped his legs around his back as he was relentlessly pounded into, the wet noises of their bodies sounding loudly with an echo. Phainon leaned into Mydei again, joining their mouths in another hungry, sloppy kiss. 

Phainon moaned breathily into the other’s mouth, hips still pistoning inside at a brutal pace. Mydei could only cry helplessly, the Deliverer’s tongue swiping against his as he made love to him. 

“Shit, Mydei,” Phainon panted, the pattern of his thrusts growing erratic. “I think I’m—I’m getting close, gonna come—”

“Inside!” Mydei’s moan erupted as a shout. “Please, Phainon, want you to come inside—”

“Yeah? You want me to stuff you full of my cum?” 

Dirty words formed in Phainon’s throat, pouring from his mouth without a thought. He was high on both feelings of physical pleasure and love; it overtook him, his judgment hazy as Mydei babbled nonsensically. 

“Fuck yes!” 

Phainon was hit with the best orgasm he’d ever had. He saw stars behind his eyes as he came with a loud groan, balls emptied inside Mydei’s waiting cunt. He kept thrusting, his hot cum mixing with the Kremnoan’s slippery arousal. “Fuck, darling,” he gasped. “Please, come for me—”

“Phainon!”

The Deliverer watched, transfixed, as Mydei reached his peak. The sensation of his cunt clenching so deliciously around his cock was sidelined now that Phainon could see his lover’s face; his cheeks flushed red, tears adorned his eyes, and his lips—reddened from hungry kisses—were parted. He saw a hint of drool peeking at the corner, too.

“Holy fuck,” Phainon muttered, sounding mystified. “That may have been the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Mydei just hummed, unresponsive as he recovered from his high. 

Phainon’s cock was soaked with cum and slick when he pulled out, and he watched with great focus as the mixture of their spend began to drip onto the sheets. “What a mess we made, huh?” He knelt down so he was at level with Mydei’s pussy, licking a stripe up the length of it. He looked to meet Mydei’s eyes, his normally bright ocean-blue gaze clouded over with lust. “Wouldn’t be fair of me if I didn’t clean it up what I’ve done, would it?” 

“What are you getting at now, Deliverer?” He sounded tired, as if he couldn’t take any more. But Phainon knew it would take more than that to wipe a Kremnoan out. 

He dove eagerly into his lover’s used cunt. Mydei cried hoarsely-something along the lines of sensitive, please—the desperate plea only spurring him on further. His tongue lapped across Mydei’s sex, drinking up the salty concoction they’d created together. The sticky fluids clung to his face, and the bitter tastes of both men invaded his senses. It was dirty, obscene, yet so arousing.

“You’re—ah—eating your own cum out of me—”

He could hear it in Mydei’s voice—this was turning him on too. Still positioned between the man’s thighs, Phainon growled. He made sure his lover was watching him as he sucked more spend out of his hole—the wet noises his mouth made became muffled as Mydei squeezed his legs on either side of his head, their trembling a surefire sign he was about to come. 

“Fuck!” 

Mydei screamed when he came for the second time that night. A sudden and steady stream of clear liquid erupted from his cunt, spraying the Deliverer square in the face. “Too much, too much,” he begged, weakly pushing his partner away. 

Phainon stared at him, incredulous. “Mydei, did you just…squirt?” 

“Hah…you’re really something else.” Mydei’s body had gone limp, exhausted from the exertion. “That’s the first time I’ve ever done that.” 

The first time he’d ever done that. Never for any of his past partners—past boyfriends. It was only Phainon. 

“I changed my mind,” he said, rising to his feet. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

The white-haired warrior leaned in to initiate their third kiss of the night. Intensity and lust were substituted for care and tenderness, and Phainon found himself smiling stupidly against Mydei’s lips. “I must be the luckiest man in the world,” he said when they broke apart, expression unchanging. 

“What you are is a beast,” Mydei said, already closing his eyes. “I don’t know how you expect me to walk tomorrow.”

“You were the one asking me to speed up,” Phainon said. He pressed a quick, chaste kiss to Mydei’s lips. “Get some rest, sweetheart.  I love you.”

The Kremnoan Prince fell asleep almost instantly, but not before muttering some almost inaudible words—ones Phainon thought he might have imagined. I love you too.

***

Mydei looked so peaceful when he slept. 

He had been dozing next to Phainon for an hour now; the Deliverer had originally grabbed a book to pass the time, but it was impossible to focus with the man of his affections curled up warmly next to him. He’d read the same line seven times before giving up, quietly placing it on the nightstand so as to not wake Mydei. 

He’d recounted the evening’s events several times now, playing over and over again in his own head. Mydei telling him that he loved him had been a scene from his fantasies for years; hearing the man actually say it was dizzying. Surreal. If Phainon was being truthful, he still couldn’t believe it. 

I love you too.

Phainon felt the Kremnoan’s sleeping form stir beside him. He groaned an unintelligible complaint—likely to do with the situation between his legs, if Phainon had to guess—and opened his eyes. “Wh…Phainon?” 

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead.” Phainon leaned down to tenderly press a kiss to Mydei’s forehead. “Are you feeling more rested now? You were out like a light.” 

“…How long was I out for? Also, why are you kissing me?” 

“Only an hour,” Phainon replied, before the second question Mydei had just asked registered in his head. His heart sank. “…And what are you talking about? Do you…do you not remember?”

“I remember you fucking the life out of me.”

Phainon’s face crumpled. “Oh. I see.”

“What the hell happened?” Mydei met Phainon’s gaze, sleepy yelled filled with concern. “Did I say something?” 

“Only told me that you loved me.” The words were flat and bitter. Phainon hoped it’d lessen the blow, but when those golden eyes widened with shock, he felt his already sunken heart drop into his stomach. 

A few hours prior, all he’d seen was surprise. This time, though, Mydei held all the emotions Phainon was afraid he’d show-regret and fear. 

“I…” Mydei muttered, breaking eye contact. “I don’t…shit. Phainon—I. I have to go.” 

Phainon felt tears burning in his ducts when Mydei’s weight lifted from the bed. He was practically rushing to put his clothes back on, heading for the door before his shirt was properly fitted. The Deliverer leapt out of bed. “Mydei, wait! Please, don’t go!”

Mydei sighed when Phainon took hold of his arm. “What reason would there be for me to stay, Phainon? I’ve already hurt you enough, haven’t I?” 

“But…” Fat tears spilled rapidly, streaming shamelessly down Phainon’s cheeks. “Why? I know you meant it when you said you loved me, Mydei. Whatever it is you’re afraid of…I’ll—”

“Look. It’s best if the both of us forget this ever happened.”

“Please.” Phainon sounded so small. Pathetic. It was unbefitting for Amphoreus’ Deliverer, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Mydei, can you at least tell me why?” 

“There’s no reason to dwell on it.” Mydei harshly tore from Phainon’s grip, walking to the front door. “From this moment onward, this night never happened. Got that?” 

“Mydei!” 

Phainon’s final plea was ignored. The front door of his home slammed shut as the man he loved wordlessly left him. 

“Mydei…”

Okhema’s almighty Deliverer sank to the floor of his living room, his heavy crying evolving into a heartwrenching sob. How could he have been so stupid? He and Mydei had been casual since the first day. Why would he assume things had changed?

He’d broken the one rule he’d set for himself, and ignored the four words he’d ingrained into his brain—Mydei doesn’t love you. 

He was sure his wails could be heard from the outside, and wondered if the people of Amphoreus would think if they knew what it was that brought the Deliverer down; the handsome Kremnoan Prince, revered by all, leaving him alone and in sorrow.

Chapter Text

Phainon loves you. 

Mydei felt wracked with guilt the second Phainon had told him what he’d said. Every word of it was true. It was a well kept secret the man had guarded for years, and his ability to hold it in after sleeping with Phainon for months was impressive. 

He couldn’t believe he’d let it slip. 

You love him too.

He did. He’d loved Phainon for a long time—almost the entire time they’d known each other. No one understood him like the Deliverer did; they shared the same love for battle and competition, had a similar sense of humor, and their personalities were extremely compatible. They’d clicked from that first battle, when they’d sparred for a week and a half without stopping. 

Phainon was a man worthy to have his back. He trusted him with with his life, a person he always wanted to have by his side. 

So why are you running from him?

He didn’t want to. His heart felt as if it split in two when he heard Phainon’s wails of despair when he left his home, his tear-stricken face haunting him whenever Mydei closed his eyes. But he knew this decision was a necessary evil. 

No matter how much it hurt for the both of them in the moment, turning back was selfish. 

Don’t you know? Love isn’t selfish. 

For most Okhemans, that was true. Average citizens were free to live their lives with far less worries than the Chrysos Heirs, whose focus was the fate of their world. There was no time to spare, no energy to waste on relationships. 

Especially for an immortal man like Mydeimos. 

He’d loved before. Centuries ago, he’d dedicated himself to a man named Hephaestion; his dearest companion in the Kremnoan Detachment, both a good friend and a lover. Witnessing the flaring up of his illness and the light leaving his eyes was one of the first times Mydei had truly despised his immortality. 

It was no gift to watch loved ones age and perish. 

But Phainon’s immortal too, is he not? 

Maybe old age wouldn’t claim him like it did others. But his body wasn’t invincible like Mydei’s. One mistake in battle, and his life could be drawn to an end. He’d watch him die, just as he had seen before: Perdikkas, Leonnius, Ptolemy, Peucesta, and his dearest Hephaestion. 

He refused to be put through that pain again. 

Even if you don’t love him romantically, will it not still hurt if he dies as a friend?

Mydei opted not to answer. 

The front door to his house felt heavy as he unlocked it and pushed it open. The atmosphere inside was thick and heavy, almost as if his own home was trying to push him out. Exhaustion wore him down, but when he'd climbed into bed, he was unable to sleep. No matter how hard he tried to push away those thoughts, they wouldn't leave.

Because Phainon loves him. 

***

As anyone could have guessed, the next congregation of the Chrysos Heirs was stained with uncomfortable tension. Mydei did his best to avoid Phainon in every way: he didn’t mention him, look at him, or even acknowledge his attendance. Despite his efforts, he still very much felt Phainon’s presence. His stare burned into him with confusion, anger, and hurt. 

Mydei’s actions had solid reasoning, and he’d do them again if the need arose. But that didn’t mean it was easy. Phainon’s pain seemed to seep into his own heart—a gaping maw forming in the center, stretching wider the further the distance between them grew.

“What did you do to him, Mydei?” 

Mydei had planned to leave the meeting the moment they adjourned, but Lady Aglaea had cornered him before he could slip away. He supposed the stifling atmosphere was palpable for outsiders, too. 

Either way, he had no desire to get Lady Goldweaver tangled up in his and Phainon’s relationship.

“Do what to who?”

“Do not play dumb with me, Kremnoan.” 

“Lady Aglaea, I fear I know not what you are referring to.” 

“And I suggest you remember what my golden threads are capable of.” Aglaea sighed. “I do not know the intricacies of your relationship with Phainon, nor do I wish to. I have a feeling if I consulted them, I would witness something I’d find unpleasant.”

“Please, Lady Aglaea,” Mydei said weakly.. “It’s alright. There’s no need for that.” 

“I hope that holds true. Because if you don’t fix this mess, I’ll have no choice.” 

The last of the Chrysos Heirs were leaving the meeting now: Cipher shot Mydei a dirty look, Tribbie stared at him pitifully, and Anaxa left without saying a word. It seemed everyone knew what had happened from Phainon’s side. The Deliverer hadn’t even had to tell his story. It was written all over his face—and Mydei’s, for that matter. 

“I know I must look like the villain here, but I promise you that nothing I did was to be cruel.” 

“I believe you when you say you had the best intentions in mind, Mydeimos. But does Phainon know that?” 

Mydei stared downward, focusing his eyes on the ground. “There was no time to explain,” he said in a quiet mumble. 

“Find the time, then. This is an order.” 

***

The walk to Phainon’s home had never been so difficult. 

Mydei felt like he was dragging his feet with each step forward, carrying devastating weight as he made his way to Phainon’s front door. The burden only intensified when he knocked on the man’s door, taking a couple strides back as he waited for it to open. 

It was quiet for a moment. Just when Mydei was about to knock again, he heard a muffled voice through the door. “Who is this?” 

He sounded exhausted. Defeated. “It’s me, Mydei,” the Kremnoan said. 

The silence returned. Then, footsteps sounded. The front door swung open, and the man Mydei had been avoiding for several days revealed himself in all his saddened glory. 

There was no nice way of putting it—Phainon looked like a mess. His hair was strewn every which way, looking as if it hadn’t been combed in a week. Normally bright blue eyes were dull and bloodshot with dark circles underneath. He was wearing his favorite pajamas, but they were stained and torn. “What do you want from me?” 

Guilt was in no way unfamiliar to Mydei, but the emotion he felt at the moment was much stronger than he was used to. The cheery, positive, sunshine-incarnate Deliverer had been reduced to this—depressed and lost. And he was the one to blame. He swallowed. “I…wanted to talk to you.” 

Phainon stared at him blankly. Mydei expected him to tell him to fuck off and close the door in his face, but he just stepped sideways. “Come on in, then.” 

While he didn’t want to make it obvious, Mydei was taken aback by the state of Phainon’s home. Used dishes were piled unwashed in the kitchen sink, trash was strewn about on the floor, and dirty clothes were tossed haphazardly on the furniture. “Staring is rude, you know,” he said quietly as he sat down on the sofa. 

“Ah—my apologies, I wasn’t—”

“If all you’re going to do is lie to me, you should leave. I’ve had enough of that from you for a lifetime.” 

The air felt suffocating—both from the harsh words and the scent of stale food. “You’re right,” he said. “I’m sorry. I’m just…it’s hard not to notice.” 

“Mhm.”

“…How long has it been like this?”

”What do you think?” 

Phainon wasn’t meeting his eyes—a purposeful choice. “Look, Phainon,” Mydei began. “I’m not judging you. I just hate seeing you like this.” 

Nothing. 

“I didn’t do what I did to purposefully hurt you,” he said slowly. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t regret it. Running away and leaving you here without explaining was cruel. And I am so fucking sorry I did that to you.”

The last part stirred a reaction. Phainon looked up. “You mean that?” 

“Of course I do. When have I ever lied about something like that?” Mydei said. “How about this? We go back to my place, and you can wash up. I have clean clothes you can borrow, and I can make dinner for us both. What do you say?” 

***

Phainon emerged from Mydei’s bathroom an hour after entering. His hair was still damp from bathing, a few stray droplets falling onto the man’s borrowed clothes. While his appearance was far from his best—the exhaustion behind his eyes could not be washed away so simply—he looked far better than he had at his own home. “Feeling better?” He asked. 

“I guess.”

Mydei hummed, turning off the stovetop. “Dinner’s just about ready,” he told him. “I made golden honeycakes for us. I know you like them, so…”

“Are you sure it’s not because you like them, Prince?”

“Heh.” Mydei smiled. “It’s also because I think something lighter would be easier on your stomach. But I’m happy to see you’re able to tease again.”

Fluffy and airy honeycakes were piled onto two plates. Mydei brought them both to the dining table, sliding the bigger stack toward Phainon’s seat. “Don’t worry if you can’t eat it all,” he said, stealing his houseguest’s chance to interrupt. “Whatever you don’t finish can be eaten later.” 

As it turned out, Phainon was almost able to finish the whole plate. One honeycake was left by the time he was done eating. He pushed the dish away slightly. “Thank you Mydeimos,” he said, but the words sounded too formal—like he was talking to a businessman and not his best friend. “Delicious as always.”

Mydei felt blue eyes on him as he took their used plates to the sink. He was nearly done washing them when the man spoke up. “Um. You said you wanted to talk. About what?” 

“You know the answer to that already.” Mydei turned off the tap. “Come. Let’s sit somewhere more comfortable.” 

During Phainon’s many previous visits to Mydei’s home, they’d always sat side by side on the couch. This time, though, the other man opted for the chair instead. It felt odd not having the sofa cushion dip under his weight, but Mydei pretended he didn’t notice. 

“So, where did you leave off before we left my house? You said you regretted what you did, but you had reason—”

“Dammit, Phainon, I love you too.” Mydei said sharply. “And throughout all my years—hundreds of them—leaving you by yourself last week was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”

“Then why did you do it?” Phainon spoke less timidly now; his tone was heavy and thick with emotion. “If it hurt for you, imagine how it felt for me.”

“Because I’m afraid, Phainon. I’m afraid of reliving the pain I’ve went through in my past.” He paused and took a shaky breath. “If I let myself fall in love with you, losing each other would only scar more. Not just for me, but for you, too.” 

Kremnoans were stereotyped as uncaring brutes—bloodthirsty warriors who cared about nothing but their glory. During his and Phainon’s first meeting, he undoubtedly came across as that type. If the Mydei back then had been told he would be spilling forth his emotions to that man, he very well may have had the messenger’s head. 

Yet here he was. Centuries of companionship and developing feelings had led to this—the Crown Prince of Castrum Kremnos, confessing to a country boy from Aedes Elysiae that he feared losing him.

Maybe his people would think differently of him if they were to know—opinions shifting both positively and negatively. But Mydei was never one to adhere to societal expectations. 

“You speak of us losing each other like it’s our near future,” Phainon said. “What makes you think that?” 

“I’m cursed with immortality. Ever since that old king threw me into the Sea of Souls, I’ve stood by and watched as everyone I’ve cared for died. My mother was taken from me before I was even old enough to know her, and my companions in the Kremnoan Detachment were killed so brutally I can’t bear to recount it.” 

Tears brimmed in Mydei’s eyes. He centered all his focus into holding them back—so much so that he didn’t notice Phainon move from his chair until he felt the man’s weight beside him, the seat sinking below him. “Hey,” he said softly. “It’s okay to cry, you know?” 

“Hah,” he said. “Shouldn’t I be the one comforting you?” 

“What I see right now is the man I love hurting.” Phainon lifted his hand to Mydei’s face, wiping away an escaped tear with his thumb. “You foolish Kremnoan. We’re going to be demigods soon, yeah? I’ll be living a long time too, you know.” 

“There’s no guarantee of passing the demigod trial, Deliverer,” Mydei said, turning to face Phainon. They made eye contact—he noticed the other man’s bright blue eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “And even if there were, there’s always the chance we fall in battle.” 

“We?” Phainon echoed.

“I have a weakness,” Mydei told him. The man’s expression shifted in surprise.“If someone were to know…well, a blade through that spot would be enough to kill me.” 

“I…never knew.” 

“Neither did anyone else. Until now.”

It was a secret Mydei had harbored his entire life. He’d never spoken the truth about his tenth thoracic vertebra—not to the Chrysos Heirs. Not to his comrades in the Kremnoan Detachment.

“…Why did you tell me, then?” 

“Because I trust you, Phainon,” Mydei said. “I trust you more than anyone else in the entire world.” 

“Hah,” Phainon said, smiling tearily. “Then, can you trust me on this? I promise that I, Phainon of Aedes Elysiae, will never leave you.”

Mydei snorted. “We’re on our sofa, Phainon. Not under a wedding arch.” 

“Stop deflecting, you dummy. Answer the question.” 

“…Phainon, you are the strongest man I’ve ever met. Anybody capable of battling me for ten days and nights is worthy to have my back. To be by my side.” Mydei swallowed. “And…while I don’t believe you can promise what you did with utmost certainty, I do believe that if anybody could do it, it would be you.” 

That wistful smile hadn’t faltered a bit. “So, is that a yes?” 

“It’s the closest to a yes you’ll get from me.”

Phainon tucked a strand of hair behind Mydei’s ear, the action tender and careful. “So now that I’ve promised you something…can you do the same for me?” 

“That depends on what it is.” 

Phainon’s hold on the Prince’s face felt so comforting. Those hands were calloused and scarred from centuries of swordtraining and battle, but they felt so soft on his cheek—warm and secure. 

“If I kiss you again, right now, can you promise me that you’ll stay?” 

Mydei smiled. “Yes. I promise.” 

The other man didn’t miss a beat. The second Mydei gave him approval, he leaned in to meet his lips in a kiss. 

It was much unlike the lust-ridden kisses they’d shared in Phainon’s bedroom the week before, sloppy and desperate in the heat of sex. This kiss was gentle. Phainon treated Mydei as if he were delicate glassware, his touches tender and attentive—his kisses careful yet wanting. Just like Phainon himself. 

His lips were soft, tinted with the sugary taste of honeycakes. He smelled sweet—Mydei caught the scent of his shampoo. It was so simple, yet so intoxicating; perhaps it was the fact that they’d both denied themselves of this for so long. 

Something they’d both been clearly longing for. 

Phainon was the one to break their kiss first, albeit reluctantly. “That was…really nice,” he said shyly. His cheeks flushed pinker with every word.

“Yeah,” Mydei breathed. He was sure he was blushing, too, though he’d never admit it. “It was.” 

“I’d…like to give it a try. Dating, I mean.” 

Maybe it was selfish, what Mydei was about to do. But maybe that was alright. Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing to put oneself first sometimes. He leaned in to press a quick kiss to Phainon’s lips. “I’d like that too.”

He heard an airy chuckle. “Yeah?” 

“What was it that you told me? That you wanted me to witness the Era Nova with you?” 

“There’s no one else I’d want more to be at my side than you,” Phainon said. Teardrops clung to his eyelashes. “When we bring about the new world, free from all this death and destruction…I’ll want nothing more than to build a life together with you.”

Phainon loves you.

The thought replayed in his head when he crashed against Phainon once more, kissing him breathless. It was once a thorn in his side, a looming truth he didn’t want to confront—but now it was anything but. 

Because I love Phainon, too.