Archive of Our Own ^beta

The cathedral Luna invited him to has clearly long been abandoned, foliage overgrown at the front and hinges squeaking from a lack of use, dust on the pews and cobwebs stretching out on the arched windows. Sae scans it without much emotion, though he supposes he should show some reverence: it’s proper, or so they say, for an angel.

He clasps his hands, sheds his skin. In the house and embrace of their god, they should be bare like children, listening for guidance. The supposed spiritual importance of all those little rituals and maxims has never been apparent to Sae, but certain things are unavoidable, and for a good multitude of reasons. The burn of his wings unfurling prickles over the skin of his back, the world gains a new layer of colour as a ring of eyes blinks open and lazily begins to spin. This duty done, Sae proceeds onwards, the sound of his footsteps bouncing off of the stone walls and vaulted ceiling.

Luna is silhouetted in an array of colours, moonlight spilling through the stained glass and breaking on his form. A body lies spread on the altar, one hand dropping down over the edge and curled loosely into the cloth, one leg bent at the knee. Two more lie bound and still on one of the pews: he always did have a flair for dramatics. Sae sweeps his gaze over the room: human, human, neither of them people he knows or cares to know, and…

In the moonglow, Luna’s smile stretches out benevolent-pale and gleaming. “Sae,” he greets, full of the warmth Sae knows he doesn’t truly feel. The body on the altar twitches when Luna takes hold of his ankle, a weak shudder running through him. “Come take a look.”

Sae doesn’t need to walk closer, certainly doesn’t need a look. It’s Rin. The moonlight spreads out and sinks into his skin, the stained-glass pattern drawn in fine shadow across his torso, broken up by the dark rift of a mouth stretched out from Rin’s rib to his stomach: he watches the way Luna moves Rin’s nearly detached foot, like how you would arrange a doll on a shelf, and abruptly something hot and seething rears its head.

Luna laughs at the hail of silver arrows, sweeps them aside with a flash of gaudy gold and the hiss of sparks. Sae is there as soon as the light begins to dissipate, fingers clenched tight around his spear, driving it towards Luna’s head. The pointed head clangs against Luna’s sword with a force that cracks the tiles beneath them, dust billowing in a violent cloud. Their blades slide with a wail of bone on metal. Sae flips upwards with the momentum, kicking aside the bolts of light that race after him, and plunges down poised to kill. At least maim, he thinks, at least break. The rage pulses inside him like what humans call a heartbeat. Lightning crackles over his knuckles and Sae quite nearly gouges Luna’s eye out.

“Well, aren’t you quite worked up,” Luna muses. “And over a demon no less, hm?”

The agitation has his feathers ruffling, sparks dancing between them. Sae only distantly takes note of it.

“You’ve gone too far with those humans,” he says, not letting himself think about the way Rin’s name will feel on his tongue. Sae has avoided speaking of his brother for more than a century now, and for both of their sakes his control will not slip. “I have the right to cull you.”

“They’re not quite dead yet,” Luna laughs. His voice echoes with more weight than it ought to. “Besides, I merely did my duty. They were contracted with a demon, you know?” The gleam in his eye is openly cruel. “Refused to surrender their power: refused to allow me to purify them or their demon. Can you really blame me?”

Sae feels his teeth grit together. “Your lack of restraint is—”

“Well, now, that’s simply not fair,” Luna says. “I was quite restrained. I left some for you.”

He smiles disarmingly, tilts his head, shifts his grip on his sword in response to how Sae tries to pierce his head. “Why don’t you take a look?”

And Sae should push forwards to impale Luna on his spear, or he should let their fight go and drag Luna back to the heavens with him, or any number of reasonable actions. He truly should not be turning, should not be stepping towards the altar with a sick pit of dread and anticipation opening in his chest, utterly nauseating.

“Your brother’s grown quite a bit,” Luna says, as Sae struggles to close his eyes. “I can hardly believe he used to fit in your hands. Demons certainly grow quick, don’t they?”

Whatever Rin was wearing before has been all torn off, save for a few scraps of fabric clinging to his arms and shoulders. His eyes are closed, his mouth parted and lax, dark blood spilling out from an array of deep cuts on his torso and thighs. Angry red burn marks twine around his wrists and wrap over his hip. His arms and legs are beginning to restitch into his body. Every few seconds, a crack forms or a mouth opens, shadows trying to crawl out of his skin, but they always dissolve and drip away.

“He put up a good fight,” Luna continues. “Especially while trying to carry around those humans. It’s quite tragic, that he’s a demon. He would have made a formidable angel.”

A spidery limb wriggles out from between Rin’s ribs, curling around his midriff, melting back into his body a moment later. Sae thrusts his spear without looking, and Luna withdraws his hand with a laugh.

“Alright, alright,” he says, distinctly amused, stepping around Sae and towards the head of the altar, meeting Sae’s eyes before casting an appreciative glance at Rin’s body. He leans down, lightly taps the stone next to Rin’s ear, says, “Spread your legs a little more, won’t you? Arch your back a bit too. I’m sure your brother would appreciate it.”

Rin twitches, a spasm running through his body, the line of his shoulders trembling. His teeth flash, long and wickedly pointed. Stained-glass flowers play over his skin. “You’re vile,” Sae says, feeling rather sick himself. “Get away from him.”

“My,” Luna says. “I thought you didn’t like playing hero, Sae.”

“I don’t play,” Sae bites out. Arrows rain down from the vaulted ceiling. A series of small explosions rattles the cathedral, scorch marks painting themselves over the floor and walls. It forces Luna a step away from Rin, though when the dust settles he’s still smiling, terribly satisfied with himself.

“No? Well, I suppose your brother wouldn’t need it.” Luna circles them, golden light running down the edge of his sword. “There’s a rather charming human term for it, if I recall correctly… what was it, again? Ah, yes: he’s a bit of a whore, isn’t he?”

He calls out to Rin, tilting his head to speak right past Sae: “I’m sure you heard me earlier. Best listen nicely: your friends aren’t quite as durable as you are, even with your help.”

A noise slips out of Rin’s mouth, somewhere between a snarl and a groan. His eyes flutter open, catching Sae’s gaze, irises glassy and starlike pupils blown out. A pulse of shadow spikes out of his arm, jagged and lethal, and then his head tips to the side and he arches his back, fluid as the sea, thighs parting. The skin over his knuckles pulls taut, claws tearing into the already-mangled altar cloth.

“See, now,” Luna says, “that’s much better. Lovely, no?”

The air whistles, a heat haze shimmering when Sae’s wings flare out, obscuring his brother’s body behind the feathers. Just like how he used to, when Rin started showing signs of being something less than divine, teaching his brother all these maxims. Stay close to me. Don’t open your mouth too wide. Come to me if something starts going wrong, Rin. I’ll keep you safe.

“Hm,” Luna hums, regarding Sae with a detached curiosity. “I suppose you two are of the same origin, in the end.”

“Leave,” Sae warns. His voice trembles, trailing with static. Electricity crawls down his arm, divine power seeping out through his human shell. “Now, Luna.”

And because Luna is powerful and therefore cruel, he tilts his head and laughs and says, “Why would I?”

The shame crushes his tongue. Angels are not meant to feel such things — no shame without pride, after all — but, maybe their god can forgive this slight, and maybe so can whatever fellow angel might be watching if Sae takes his penance. He cannot threaten and he cannot overpower and so he bargains, tries to spin out a deal. “I’ll grant you a favour.”

“Anything?”

“Anything,” Sae says, too fast.

“How generous of you,” Luna muses. “Any favour at all? I’ll have to request you leave, then.”

Sae tries to bury the spear into Luna’s eye. He fails. The cathedral wall blows open with a storm of dust, the stone pulverized, scorch marks painting themselves over the edges of the hole.

“Really,” Luna sighs. “It’s not so difficult, is it? You won’t even have to look, Sae.”

“If I leave, you leave with me,” Sae snarls. “I refuse any other terms.”

“Even when they’re so generous?” Luna sidesteps a flurry of thrusts, catches one with the flat of his blade and forces the point of his spear up, a bolt of electricity crackling into the domed roof. “And leaving a demon with humans in his thrall, too! Careful, Sae. I might misinterpret.”

The fury sets itself alight. The urge for violence is not one Sae, or most other angels, experience: right now, though, he feels on the verge of annihilation. He has the thought of getting his bare hands onto Luna’s wings, pulling them off feather-by-feather, foregoing the cold slide of a weapon in favour of crushing Luna’s divinity beneath Sae’s own.

“Take the humans, then,” Sae seethes. “Purify them. I’ll do nothing to stop you.”

“And the demon?”

Sae chases him with a flurry of arrows, lightning crackling off of their fletchings, and Luna laughs as he deflects and slashes out, a whirl of gold. He’s too slow to intercept the blow and the edge of Luna’s sword catches on Sae’s chest and scythes open a long cut. White blood spills out, sizzling when it drops down to the floor.

“Heresy,” Luna sighs. “From you, of all angels. We did always wonder if your brother managed to corrupt you, before we knew he was a demon.”

“Ridiculous,” Sae counters. “I threw him out of the sky myself. If he did manage to enthrall me — "

“Oh, but demons can be clever,” Luna interrupts, the whites of his teeth gleaming as cold and guiltless as the face of a murderer, “can’t they? And he is quite captivating.”

Sae does not stop or hesitate, because he has never once hesitated, but he… stills. What a predictable trap: and yet.

To move is to cut off his own wing, so he speaks, forcing each word out cool and monotone. “The demon holds no meaning to me.”

“I should hope so,” Luna hums. “I would dearly hate for you, of all angels, to be beyond saving.”

He can’t leave. He can’t leave until Luna leaves as well, or at least until Rin is far away. And he can’t win, either, and he can’t simply pick up his brother and flee into whatever corner of the earth will accept them because who knows what Luna will do — who knows what every other angel will do.

Their disgusting eyes have been on them ever since it became evident that Rin wasn’t quite right, wasn’t quite so divine as Sae despite their shared origin. It wasn’t difficult to hide, not at first, not when Rin was so young and so small and so easily accustomed to slipping into Sae’s arms.

And then one day Sae returned to their dwelling in the heavens only to find Rin curled up and bare, streaked in angel blood and shadows wriggling their way out of his body, popping out of the wounds left in place of his arms and legs. His limbs were scattered in pieces around him, the bleeding ends cauterized, the scratched and limp body of an angel who always looked at Rin too closely (too much) collapsed next to his brother. He’d looked up at Sae, huge eyes swimming with tears, a hopeful smile spreading and showing too-long teeth —

Sae puts away his spear. Steps towards the altar, and Luna makes a curious sound. He grasps Rin’s knees, ignoring the wisps of shadow winding around his wrists, and pulls his brother’s limp body towards him. Fissures and hairline cracks run up Rin’s legs, some of them showing teeth and all of them converging to his abused sex, the spines that should have protected him snapped off and struggling to regrow.

“Ah,” Luna says, and Sae can feel the merciless pin of his stare. Eager, too. “Taking me up on my offer, then?”

Sae grits his teeth. “Don’t be ridiculous. This is a purification, nothing else.”

Luna was not kind. Rin is swollen, blood smearing the cloth beneath him, trails of it drying on his thighs. Sae sinks his teeth into his lip until it splits open and burns his tongue, and only with the numbing pain does he dare to brush a thumb down Rin’s folds, watching how his brother weakly flinches from the touch. It must hurt. Sae has an easier time soothing him than another angel might, however, and whether he is divine or not they are still of one origin. He presses his thumb to where Rin pulses, where blood drips out, and injects a small burst of energy into his brother.

It works. The limbs trying to take shape solidify properly. The strands of shadow tying his foot to his leg gain a deeper colour. Sae should give him more, let Rin’s body pull from his until his brother can heal properly, but Luna is right there and watching with a clear fascination: less detached, now, more predatorial.

He finds a place for his other hand on Rin’s stomach, right below the rows of teeth splitting open the skin. Sae takes a desperate gamble that Luna will not mind if Sae takes his time, wants that even, and thinks up an apology before sliding his fingers into Rin, past the clutch of his muscles and deeper, trying to encourage Rin to yield, to give in.

And just his luck: his brother’s eyes open, not quite lucid as they settle on Sae’s.

“Don’t move,” Sae tells him. Make this easy, he prays. He wonders if Rin will understand. In the stretch of time between their separation and now, something incalculable, maybe he’s become unrecognizable to his brother. Indeed, Rin begins to struggle, a twitch that becomes a spasm that becomes a full movement, hand rising, smokelike shadow drifting out from his palm —

Sae forces him down and something in his stomach twists up sick and horrified at the shock in Rin’s eyes, quickly melting into dread. A plea sits heavy and leaden beneath his tongue. I’m sorry I can’t do anything else they’ll go after you first he would have done worse I just want to keep you safe, and the loathing sinks its claws deep into his core as he twists his fingers, finds a way to press and touch that makes Rin go a little bit more soft. A little bit more giving. Surrender, beneath Sae’s mercy — cruelty — either or. It barely matters, he thinks.

“Turn your head,” Luna says, to Rin, who shudders all over at the sound of Luna’s voice, going tight and hot. “Look my way.”

Rin looks at Sae, for a moment. He doesn’t find what he’s looking for, clearly, because his head lolls and his stare slides towards Luna, mouth parting and showing the ridges of his teeth.

Luna makes an appreciative sound. “You can be a bit rougher, you know,” he informs Sae. “He’s well-versed in taking it.”

“Do not enact violence for the sake of violence,” Sae says, pointed. Be not wrathful. Not that it matters, at this point. He works Rin a bit more open, focusing on how his brother’s body flutters and twitches, some kind of fluid dripping out around Sae’s knuckles. He’s not sheltered or innocent: he’s aware of what this kind of thing means, for beings like demons and humans, a bit more earthly than the heavens might want. Arousal. Pleasure. Good signs, Sae thinks, a little desperately. Something to trick and soothe Rin’s body, even if it can’t do much else for his brother.

He works in a third finger, spreads them as well as he can, presses them in deep until a kind-of sob wrenches out of Rin’s mouth, something in the way of words slipping free as well. His brother shakes, trembles, and shuts his eyes tight with a ragged whine that pierces Sae through the jugular. His hips cant a little bit and Sae chooses to focus on that, trailing his other hand over Rin’s body at random, trying to comfort.

“Sometimes, the pain is necessary,” Luna says, near-condescending, stepping closer. He hovers right at Sae’s shoulder. “There’s no proper justice without punishment, after all.”

“I’m sure,” Sae grits out, “you’ll ensure it.”

“Oh, I will,” Luna says, so pleasant and satisfied with himself that Sae wants to cave in the cathedral altogether, never mind the consequences. Die with his brother, perhaps. “It’s my duty, after all.”

Under Luna’s knowing eye, Sae pulls his fingers out and concentrates, reshaping himself into something more suited for this. He curls his fingers around what could be called a phallus, a cock in more crude terms, the pressure and heat of his touch just shy of the most sensitive part of his body, now concentrated dense and heavy. Rin is tall and sturdy and it’s a blessing for what Sae is about to do, but even so: the moment Sae presses the tip against his fluttering entrance, winding his arms around Rin’s thighs, his brother lets out a wounded panicked cry and surges, trying to claw away.

It's not Sae who holds him down. It’s Luna, trapping Rin’s wrists with a single hand and shocking him with divine energy. Rin shrieks, the multilayered cry echoing off of the stone walls and into the night, eyes snapping wide open. His starlike pupils spin and spin, eventually fixating directly onto Sae. A fresh round of tears wells up and clings to his lower lashes. He’s terribly beautiful, captivating as every demon is meant to be, and Sae runs his hands over Rin’s sides in a futile attempt to comfort even as he pushes himself in.

To purify something is a trial upon yourself and the recipient, not that Sae knows what it’s like. An angel must bear the corruption and sacrifice some of their own divinity, without succumbing to temptation. Sae rocks his hips, and curls over Rin, fingers tearing into the altar cloth. Rin is just tight enough to provide pressure, provide friction, but wet enough to not cause pain as Sae presses into him. This is pleasure, Sae realizes, when he tries to pull back and finds himself almost immediately pushing back in, chasing after the sensation, the sheer want intoxicating.

He stops with his hips flush to Rin’s, shuddering as he tries and fails to control himself. Luna laughs, blatant about his own enjoyment. “Even a powerful angel such as yourself can be easily reduced by a demon, it seems. Well, Sae, do you understand why I was so worried?”

“You weren’t — worried,” Sae rasps, grasp tight on Rin’s waist. He withdraws until he can’t bear it and then thrusts back in, the pleasure jolting him down to the core, Rin letting out a near-sob and shaking beneath Sae. More burns on his body. Sae feeds him a little more energy, surreptitious, not wanting to heal with Luna so close but wanting to ease. Inadvertently, his wings fold and surround them, or try to, shielding Rin from the moonlight. “Your lies make you seem ridiculous.”

“Lies? Now, what a heavy accusation,” Luna sighs. “I wonder where you learned to be so cruel, Sae.”

Sae shuts his eyes. “Be quiet,” he gets out. Every bit of heat and arousal that drips through him tastes bitter. He bites his lip again, working it to a raw and mangled state without thinking, blood pouring from his mouth. Rin makes a hitched little cry when Sae picks up a proper rhythm, legs curling around Sae’s waist, no intent to wound despite everything. Just the pressure of his heel digging in, dull but not painful, and Sae wants to choke from the guilt.

Selfishly enough, he thinks of forgiveness. He slides his arms beneath Rin, drawing Rin a bit closer to himself. Luna lets go of Rin’s wrists and Sae brings his brother in, divinity flowing down towards where they’re joined, pleasure rushing in to fill the gap. Sae heaves in a breath like a human would and it feels like overflow, it feels like he’s going to break. His hips stutter and the first bit of energy leaks out of him, and once it starts —

Once it starts, Sae just —

The curve of Rin’s shoulder muffles his voice as he lets go, the bittersweet tang of his brother’s blood filling his mouth. It’s a heady thing, mixing with the pleasure, a drug of sorts. In his arms, Rin trembles and wails, limbs spastic. One of them pierces right through his arm and the other claws down his chest and Sae can barely feel it, too caught up, only just remembering to stop and to withdraw before he can lose himself completely.

Rin shudders his way through a fit of sobs. Sae’s hands itch to comfort him, to bring Rin so close, the pair of them merging again like their birth in reverse. He doesn’t. Luna pats Rin’s head while Rin cries and Sae very nearly rips his hand off, but he’s still worn-through and he came so close to losing control and now that the high is wearing off, everything feels hollow and numb.

“Did you get what you wanted?” Sae asks, as dull and exhausted as he feels.

Luna hums. Touches his shoulder, smooths his hand down Sae’s bare back. “We’ll see,” he says, the gleam in his eye like a slaughterhouse blade, and it’s all Sae can do to hold himself up without crumbling.

An uncountable amount of time ago, Rin clutched to Sae with his cut-apart arms, tendrils of shadow winding around Sae’s back and waist and anything his brother could reach. He was young and too human-like, his teeth grew and his features shifted unlike Sae who had largely remained stagnant. The dead angel on the floor was one of their teachers and he had always treated Rin more cruelly, but he was hardly the only one. He was just the first one to escalate it to this point, and as Sae cradled his brother he realized that it would become endless.

I didn’t mean to, Rin pleaded softly, even as he said in the same breath ‘s my fault ‘m sorry  I didn’t want to. I didn’t want it.

Sae ran his fingers through Rin’s hair, tried not to look too much at Rin’s mangled legs. His foot had been severed cleanly. Closer to the thigh, the cuts were ragged and messy. Blood trickled out of slashes on Rin’s stomach and back, dark tendrils sluggishly oozing out and not trying to halt the bleeding, only latching onto Sae.

When Rin was a child, he looked a bit more like an angel, especially if Sae made sure he was happy and soft: and it was easy, then, to do such a thing. Now there were mouths and cracks constantly opening up on his body, clear and visible all over. Shadow leaking out, the counterpart to Sae’s light, earth to the sky, crawled out of the dark matter and debris left behind from Sae’s birth, his brother.

If they found out, Sae thought, and then they’ll never find out, I’ll lie, I’ll make up something, and then Rin can’t lie Rin can’t blend in so I’ll just keep him in the house somewhere out of sight Rin doesn’t deserve that—

Sae could claim he killed the angel, saw him being heretic, saw him approaching Rin in a way which disobeyed the vows of a teacher and a fully-fledged angel, and it would barely even be a lie. Sae could claim the angel had done something to him instead and he could find a way, maybe, to make that work better than with Rin. But then what of the aftermath? Surely such a distinguished angel had had his reasons. Something must have happened, to twist him in such a way. The sin and not the sinner, and Sae thought of all the ways his brother could be judged for this, and felt the fury get crushed by all the dread.

Rin began to wriggle and cry when he realized that Sae was taking them along an unusual path. Brother, where are we going? he asked, nails biting past the fabric of Sae’s clothes, and he had been scared before but now as he held to Sae he started to tremble. Even in his state, he tried to hide himself behind Sae’s wings.

You can’t stay, Sae whispered. Secretive, to hide the ache in his voice. He imagined a hundred eyes looking at them, gazes he couldn’t afford to be anything less than dispassionate under. He felt it like needles burrowing into him and tried to hide Rin a bit more.

Are we leaving?

No.

Rin panicked when Sae tried to nudge him off the edge, starlike pupils spinning and rolling about. Even then he tried to be quiet about it, still did his best to shelter the more demonic parts of him from view. But his hitching sobs and the crack of stone as his demonic limbs dug in began to draw a few curious angels, some gasping when they realized that an angel was about to get thrown off, and then going quiet when they realized it was Rin. Sae wanted to kill them, and looked at his brother’s eyes welling up with tears as he gripped to any part of Sae he could reach, and felt himself go numb with the realization that there was no way to be gentle about this.

A demon has no place in the heavens, he told Rin, his voice coming out unfamiliar and cruel. You have no right to remain here.

Please, Rin begged. ‘m sorry I really didn’t and Sae cut him off with a hand on his mouth, shoving Rin back before too many could think about what exactly Rin might be apologizing for. His muffled cries pitched up into screams the more ground he lost, and shadowy limbs burst out of his back, eliciting shouts. And then whispers, as well.

Sae grit his teeth. Stared at Rin, saw the dread in his brother’s eyes, the hopelessness. No anger yet. No betrayal, that would come later. Rin had a right to it, even if other angels would disagree, and maybe his brother acting on it would have made this easier. Would have placed less suspicion on Sae, and therefore less on Rin.

But Rin didn’t do anything like that, though Sae dearly wished he did. He clawed at Sae, trying to reshape his limbs into hooks and barbs, and even that desperate bit of violence was more than enough to make the surrounding angels lower their eyes in approval when Sae dug his foot into his brother’s cut-open stomach and kicked Rin off, the last of Rin’s shadows tearing free as his brother began to fall.

Without the desperation, the fear, everything became hollow and numb. He felt dispossessed, no longer quite a part of his own self. Sae stepped away from the edge, straightening. Looked at all the angels around him and wondered if they had seen enough, if they’d gotten what they wanted. Most did. Several congratulated him, and his dedication to his duty. And one at the very back, with golden hair and green eyes as vivid as a toxin, smiled towards Sae before turning and vanishing into the crowd.

Years later, when Sae became unrecognizable and Rin all the more demonic, their paths crossed again. Rin raised up beasts and shadows in a desperate attempt to stop him, expression twisting into a pained and furious snarl, battering at Sae with all the violence the world had given to him. Sae shielded himself behind silver arrows and his wings, moving without letting himself think. He pierced Rin with his spear and Rin coughed out blood, shoved himself closer, shoulder splitting open around a writhing mass of teeth and eyes. Barbed limbs swarmed out of the ground beneath them, shredding at Sae’s legs when he leapt away.

Why did you do it?! Rin demanded. Did I mean so little? Were you lying when you said you loved me?

Forgive me, Sae thought, and loathed himself for it. Their cruelty doesn’t know bounds.

He’s beginning to think he’s the same, rotten with his divinity. He’s beginning to learn that he doesn’t know those bounds either.