Archive of Our Own ^beta

Simon does not know how to have, without possessing, he never knew, for a long time he also never had a way to find out, in his childhood there were few things that were his to begin with.

He had to share a room with Tommy, the room that at first was just Tommy's, a fact that didn't change over time, it was decorated with posters, medals, and trophies, all of his brother's.

He had a bed in the corner with an old sheet that was his. It was small and barely covered his entire body now that he was growing up, the drawing of a lion was already faded and dirty, but it was all he had, his first possession. Simon wouldn't let anyone touch the sheet, but his mother was already desperate because he wouldn't let her wash it, so she made an ultimatum either he would let her wash it or the sheet would be thrown away, but he just wouldn't let it go. The next morning, when he came back from school, he saw the sheet in the trash. That day he realized that if you didn't take care of the things you owned, they would be taken away from you.

The way Riley owned his things didn't change, he just became more careful, especially when he realized his father didn't like them having things, it started with his mother, Mary, she had several necklaces, in different colors, Simon knew she loved them, he always made an effort to specifically compliment the one she had chosen for the day, His father, Antony Riley, didn't seem to notice, not until it could be used against her, It didn't take long for him to notice than.

In the middle of a fight between the two, Simon can't remember the reason, it must have been something about how she dressed and words that were used to describe a woman who sold her body, the man pulled her by the necklace, It was silver and had a small red jewel. He remembers the look on his mother's face, how the woman's neck had bled. How his father dragged her to the dresser, took each of the colorful necklaces and broke them, he remembers the sound of them being broken and trampled. She never wore a necklace again after that day.

And so it was with Tommy every mistake he made, every time a lower grade came or simply because alcohol ran in the blood of the man they called father, a trophy got another dent, the medals were belittled until the boy no longer had a reason to wear them, but the day they all left the room was because of a game, Tommy had scored the winning point and that was his mistake, maybe the new trophy was too shiny, maybe the boy's smile was too big, what matters is that it was enough for Antony.

Everything went flying medals to the ground trophies out the window, and the newest trophy was thrown in Tommy's direction, it hit him square on, a trip to the hospital and a few stitches later and seemingly for no reason explained Tommy left the school team.

It was different with Simon, he had nothing his father could use against him, well nothing that the man knew about, under his bed if you pushed one of the boards on the floor and looked hard enough you would see a knife, it was a beautiful decorated one, the handle had delicate designs in silver he won it, they bet that he wouldn't be able to win in a power struggle, the result was clear. It was the only thing he had that were his, his own, they weren't things that had once belonged to Tommy, they weren't old t-shirts from his father or apology gifts from his mother, it was his.

Whenever he sharpened and clean the knife, which was good because he would only have to lightly pave the diagonal cut that was made starting from his eyebrow to almost the corner of his forehead, a way of demonstrating why he didn't hide secrets from his father, that was according to him himself. The only thing Simon learned was that he needed to hide it even better.

When he joined the army he thought he would have problems with the others, He was right, one of the new soldiers of his troop had light hands, he saw one of Simon's knives from afar and when he decided to try his luck he saw it up close too, after that Simon gained a reputation for not being the type to let people mess with his things.

When the time came and he joined the SAS, things became easier. The new ranking came with a separate room where he could hide his things even from the most experienced prosecutor.

Only for everything to go from bad to worse with Roba, he lost his mother, his brother, his sister-in-law and his nephew and even his own identity. He never knew how to have without possessing, he always protected what was his, kept them safe and this time he learned what it meant to lose something truly important. He hunted down those who took what was his one by one until there was not even a shadow left that they ever existed and than he understood that he could not possess people.

He was broken, until 141, a new family, a new beginning this time for Ghost, he didn't want to possess people anymore, people were fragile and they died, they couldn't be controlled or hidden and that terrified him, people were not possessions.

He learned from Price, observing how he dealt with people and their things, how he had friends but did not possess them, did not prune them, he trusted people, trusted that they would come back alive, it was the first time he thought about how he treated the people and things he liked, and he improved, you could say he learned his lesson, he learned to have a friendship with Price, he managed to be part of the group along with Gaz. But old customs die hard, and little by little, when the sand subsided, Ghost returned to his old ways or rather, a selfish part within him returned, a selfish part that never liked to share.

The reason for his fall, you ask? The scottish man with the ridiculous mullet who was sitting on the swivel stool in his side at the bar, Soap was talking to a redhead Gimia, or Julia, Ghost didn't care about remembering the woman's name, she wasn't his and didn't deserve a part of his memory, Johnny on the other hand, if you asked Ghost how many moles the man had on his face, he wouldn't tell you, of course, other than probably telling you to run 10 laps, but that wouldn't change the fact that he knew where each one of them was.

Ghost wasn't a good man, but he liked to pretend to be one, so even though he felt like worms were crawling under his skin every time the girl laughed a little too loudly at a bad joke Soap said or when she got a little too close to his Johnny, he decided to get up and give privacy to the man who was clearly interested in what the redhead had to offer, because even if in his ugliest thoughts Johnny was his and nobody else's Ghost was a person who took care of what was his and if a quick fuck with that woman was what he wanted tha was what he was going to get. In the moment Ghost got up as if Soap hadn't been flirting all night with the red head he said.

"Are you leaving already LT? I thought you were going to join us"

Putting an arm around the woman's shoulders and giving him a roguish smile, Ghost had to give it to the woman she just laughed at what was a stupid military joke, but Simon was not a good man he was just pretending to be one.

"You have no idea what you're asking for Johnny, imagine your poor girl's face when I make you cry before she can lay a finger on you"

He was not a good man, so when he finished speaking he got up and left, he didn't stay to see Mactavish blush, and he didn't stay to see the redhead let out an exasperated sigh before pulling herself out of the Scotsman's arms and getting away.