Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

One day, Wilson was hanging out with Brando in his trailer. By hanging out, I mean they were having a rather heated making out-session in the back on the floor. They didn't even bother sitting on the couch. Brando's hands gripped Will's body tightly.

Out of the blue, there was a knock on the door. Reluctantly, Brando let go of Wilson, earning an annoyed huff from the man. Brando walked up to the trailer door, opening it.

There stood a very tall, very veiny man, holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand, and a large crowbar in the other. "Can I help you?" Inquired Brando, eying the man suspiciously.

"Is Wilson here?" The man at the door asked, voice as smooth as a litter of puppies in a cheese grater. Before Brando could respond, Wilson sped up to the door.

"Vecna?" He asked, eyes wide.

"Why are you here?"

Vecna sighed. "I miss you. I miss us. What we had. I could do so much better than him."

Brando growled. "Excuse me? Wilson's mine, you ugly, deep-fried looking chicken foot!"

Vecna chuckled, leaning in closer. "I'd be careful what I'd say to the man with the crowbar, pretty-boy." He spoke lowly, his breath hot against Brando's face. Despite this, Brando didn't back down.

"Oh really? Well it's funny you'd track your muddy boots into my property. I could shoot you if I needed- no, wanted to."

Wilson's eyes widened. "Guys, please. . . stop fighting over me!" he tucked a brunet curl behind his ear.

"Vecna. . . look at me. This isn't like you." he mumbled.

Vecna's glare didn't waiver. "Not now, kitten whiskers."

Brando seemed to get further enraged. "He's mine, you heathen!"

Vecna didn’t care. He dropped the flowers, gripping his crowbar. “You know what? No more Mr. Nice guy.” Vecna hissed, throwing the crowbar. It hit Will in the head, causing him to dramatically fall to the floor. Brando’s eyes widened. He ran to Willson’s side.

“NOOO! LOOK WHAT YOU DID! YOU KILLED MY POOKIE!” He screamed at Vecna. Vecna panicked, calling 911 to come and get Wilson.

At the hospital, Brando and Vecna were in the waiting room. It was tense.

“. . . Why did you try stealing him from me?” Brando asked suddenly. Vecna was silent for a while, shifting in his flimsy plastic chair.

“Because. . . ” Before he could finish, they were both called inside. Wilson was sitting in the hospital bed, holding a small bundle in his arms.

The doctor spoke up. “Good news. When we were giving him a lobotomy, for his concussion, we found out he was actually also pregnant. It’s a boy. We think.”

Brando and Vecna stared at the small bundle in shock. It was a baby. It had Wilson’s eyes, Brando's smile, and Vecna’s. . . everything else.

“It’s beautiful.” Brando whispered. “But why- why does it look so much like. . . him?” He pointed to Vecna.

Wilson sighed. “Listen. . . I’m sorry. But. . I love you both. I can’t pick. I was seeing him behind your back. And you both got me pregnant.”

Brando sighed, looking at Vecna. They both seemed to have the same idea. “Fine. We’ll try and make it work together. For you, and the baby.” Wilson stared at the small crispy looking bundle looking back up at him.

“I think I’ll name him Crowbar.” And then they all kissed and lived happily ever after.

Chapter Text

Several months later, the three were happily together, sharing custody of Crowbar. One particular evening, Brando and Vecna had decided to surprise Wilson with a date night at the circus. They’d hired a babysitter for crowbar, so the baby wouldn’t be alone.

When they arrived at the tent, Brando uncovered Wilson’s eyes, which he’d been covering with his hands.

“Surprise!” He and Vecna exclaimed. Wilson seemed fairly excited.

“Wow, I haven’t been to one of these since. . .” He trailed off, face falling slightly. Neither of the other men seemed to notice. They all got some caramel popcorn and Wilson grabbed himself a cranberry soda. The three of them made it to their seats, just as the show began.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the amazing Sunset-Tower Circus!” The ringmaster announced. The acts were a blur of color, lights, and loud music. Brightly dressed acrobats leaped and swung overhead the stage, where men in flashy suits juggled flaming objects, and animals obeyed their handlers’ commands.

Eventually, the clowns came up, making fools of themselves and pulling over-the-top pranks on each other as part of the act. Wilson was having a great time up until this point. His heart nearly stopped when he noticed an almost familiar looking performer. He squinted. “No. . . that can’t be. Can it?”

There, in the middle of the stage, stood Wilson’s ex boyfriend, Ronald McDonald.

During the intermission, Wilson asked Brando to go out of the tent and walk for some fresh air. Vecna was nowhere to be found, so they went without him.

When they returned, Wilson frowned.

“What’s wrong, my pookie bear?” Brando asked, noticing Wilson’s distressed face.

“I’m feeling a bit nauseous.” Wilson responded. “Must’ve been something in the popcorn.”

Wilson went to the nearby restaurant by the circus to use the bathrooms there. Brando followed. When Wilson opened the door to the men’s bathroom, what he saw nearly gave him another concussion. Ronald and Vecna, making out on the tile floor right by the sink. They both froze once they noticed Will and Bran standing right there, faces in shock.

“I- I can explain!” Vecna stammered, wiping his face off. Ronald sat up, looking sheepish.

“What do you want to explain? You’re cheating on me with my ex!” Wilson exclaimed.

“To be fair, you cheated on me with Vecna that one time.” Brando chimed in.

“WHO’S SIDE ARE YOU ON??” Wilson gripped the bridge of his nose, taking a breath.

This back and forth went on for a while, until finally, Ronald decided to speak up.

“Listen, I think you’re all hot. Do you have room for one more?”

“DO WE HAVE WHAT-” Before Wilson could completely lose his shit, Brando clamped a hand over his mouth.

“We’ll consider it.”

Thirty minutes later, the four of them were sitting in a booth in the restaurant, Circus completely forgotten. There was a tense silence. Wilson refused to meet any of their gazes. Brando decided to step outside for a smoke, and Vecna discreetly removed himself to go ‘for a walk’. Now, Wilson and Vecna were in the booth alone together.

“Not much of a talker anymore, are you, Quarter-pounder?” Ronald asked, his thick, voluptuous red nose almost glowing in the dim light of the overhead lamp.

“Stop calling me that.” The brunet muttered, but he couldn’t stop the light pink flush that appeared on his cheeks.

The ketchup-headed man smirked, knowing the effect he had on Wilson.

“Oh, come on, why are you so cold? Don’t leave me hanging.” Ronald crooned. His voice then lowered.

“You know. . . we had something. . .” He shifted his hand close to Wilson’s, fingers just brushing together. “. . . Special.”

Wilson’s hand twitched, but he didn’t pull away.

“You know exactly why we broke up, Ron.” Wilson almost whispered, trying to keep his voice even. He had his eyes trained on the table, tracing a coffee stain.

“We’re too different. It didn’t work out for us.” There was almost a hint of regret in Wilson’s voice. Almost.

“Come on. People change. It’s been a while. . . and besides, doesn’t your 3-way have room for an extra? You know what they say, the more, the merrier. Also, the wrinkly guy’s really hot. What was his name again? Venison?”

Wilson had to stifle a sigh. “You’re fucking unbelievable.”

Ronald placed his hand over Wilson’s. “Come on, Chicken Nugget. . . could you just give me one more chance? You even got back with that Venice guy. You’re killing me over here. .” The clown whispered, a tinge of desperation lacing his tone. Wilson seemed to think about it for a minute.

“Fine. But I swear, if y-” Before Wilson could finish, a waiter walking past the table dramatically slipped over the floor, dropping 2 cups of coffee on Wilson’s head. Ronald freaked out, trying to wake the now-unconscious, coffee soaked Wilson. By the time Vecna and Brando had returned, Wilson was already in an ambulance and on the way to the hospital.

“Should we go to the hospital?” Brando asked.

“Yeah. . . but me and Veneer both need to use the bathroom first. For the next 10 minutes. Together.” Ronald responded, and they both went to the Men’s bathroom.