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Love – true, romantic love – was a silent, stalking apex predator. It lurked in the shadows and lingered in the light, bright enough that you couldn't tell it apart from the sunlight. It wove itself into conversations as affection dressed as simplicity and casual discussion. It manifested in your dreams, leaving you in a flushed daze when you awoke and tried to recall what you dreamt of to have your heart racing so. It would seep into your voice, colouring it with something you did not yet know the name of. That silent predator crept up on you, slowly and steadily at first. But, as it grew hungrier and hungrier until it was ravenous, suddenly the gap between prey and predator was much smaller than you had originally anticipated. That gap shrank with every touch, every seemingly amicable interaction and every surreptitious glance. Then, when you least expected it, that apex predator would pounce, snaring you between its teeth in a surprisingly tender hold. Like a needle weaving through a tapestry: it was sharp and pierced you, but with it, a canvas could be brought to life in unimaginable ways, bearing artistic imagery not seen elsewhere, each artwork unique to the creator.
It was like that for renowned architect Kaveh.
He had not noticed just how firmly his heart had been ensnared until it hit him like a tidal wave against a cliff.
And it was because, sometimes, love masqueraded as another emotion—sometimes it masqueraded as hatred. Sometimes the overwhelming sensation of love could be so foreign that one's brain could only draw comparisons to pre-existing experiences. That was how it had been with Kaveh. He was so blinded by what he had perceived to be hatred, to the point that he was lost in oblivion and driven by a hatred so strong he often felt that he would burst at the seams he was so full of it.
He was full of it when Alhaitham bought him his favourite coffee beans because clearly he enjoyed Kaveh being in his debt.
He was full of it when his roommate would silently guide him home from Lambad’s Tavern in the early hours of the morning because it obviously meant that Alhaitham thought Kaveh to be a petulant child who could not look after himself.
He was full of it when Alhaitham would wait up, leaving the porch light on when Kaveh returned from expeditions to work on the library in Aaru Village. He was even more full of it when Alhaitham would simply use the same recycled excuse that he simply couldn't sleep and had reading to catch up on.
The scribe drove Kaveh mad, consumed his every thought even when he so desperately tried to fill his mind with other things. Alhaitham made him feel. And, to Kaveh, this was unacceptable and quite possibly the very thing that he hated the most.
Kaveh could burn through hours upon hours of his day listing every last thing that Alhaitham did that caused him to be blinded by red-hot hatred. And what was infinitely worse and even more infuriating was that he knew Alhaitham was fully aware of how he affected the architect because he would smirk like he knew something Kaveh didn't when Kaveh would snap at him with flushed cheeks.
Like now.
“Do you derive pleasure from patronising me, Alhaitham?” Kaveh was fuming, his crimson gaze burning hotter than the Great Red Sands.
Alhaitham shrugged noncommitedly, as if he couldn't feel the heat in Kaveh's glare. “If by 'patronising' you meant to say 'reminding you of your self-worth', then yes.”
“I know exactly what I am worth, thank you very much!” Kaveh snapped and Alhaitham arched a brow, fixing Kaveh with a look that pinned him in place.
“Really?” Alhaitham didn't sound convinced. “Assuming that to be the truth, on what grounds is it acceptable to let a client yell at you in public and openly defame you?”
Kaveh groaned in frustration, recalling how Alhaitham had stepped between him and a particularly unpleasant client just moments prior. Alhaitham hadn't even said a word; not that he needed to—his aura had been absolutely suffocating. He had just flashed his teal eyes at the unscrupulous man, and the client had backed off with a sharp glare and a livid huff of reluctant resignation.
“I had it under control.” Kaveh retorted through clenched teeth. Searing hatred warmed his chest, the flames stoked by the memory of how Alhaitham had smoothly pulled Kaveh behind him, shielding him from the aggressive client and the fierce look in his eye as he had silently dared that man to keep yelling.
Kaveh's cheeks flushed deeper when Alhaitham stepped closer to him, mere centimetres away from invading his personal space.
“He was about to strike you simply for asking for your commission. I had to step in, Kaveh.” Alhaitham's tone was low and if Kaveh wasn't so blinded by oblivion, he would have sensed the fierce affection that punctuated those words.
Instead, Kaveh glared at him. “You think that I can't defend myself?”
Alhaitham's eyes softened in a way Kaveh often feigned ignorance of simply because it warmed his chest in a way he was too afraid to ponder on, too afraid to unpack.
“You should not have to, Kaveh.”
He spoke gently yet firmly and there was a tenderness to the way he murmured Kaveh's name that had the architect’s heart rate rising.
"I…" Kaveh finally averted his gaze. “I can't always rely on you to take care of me, Alhaitham. You do more than enough as things stand. It's burdening on you.”
Alhaitham was in his personal bubble now and suddenly the corner of Treasure Street that they had stolen away into earlier was much less ample than Kaveh had originally thought it to be. He looked up at Alhaitham with wide eyes when he stepped closer still.
“You are not a burden to me, Kaveh.”
Alhaitham's gaze was the complete opposite of what Kaveh's perhaps purposefully oblivious heart could forcefully perceive as hatred and his voice was low and laced with an affection that was silent yet so profound.
Finally, that apex predator that had previously been resigned to the shadows of Kaveh's mind lurched forward into the light. Kaveh's breath caught in his throat and his heart jolted as love's jaws closed around him and the weight of all he had repressed came crashing down on him. The flames of that perceived hatred burnt bright still but morphed into something else; the flames softened to be more like a warm campfire instead of a burning pyre. That persistent ache in his heart remained but now for a completely different reason.
The corner of Alhaitham's mouth lifted in an infinitesimal, knowing smile as he watched realisation blossom on Kaveh's face, much like those mourning flowers he was so fond of. Flushed crimson and breathtakingly beautiful in the oases of the Sumeru desert.
“Have you finally reached an understanding?” He reached a hand out to grip Kaveh's wrist loosely and if the older man noticed the slight tremor in his fingers, he said nothing.
“I…” Kaveh pulled his wrist from Alhaitham's grip and panic flashed through teal eyes, swift like a bolt of lightning; over before you even registered the flash of light. He relaxed, however, when Kaveh shifted to tentatively take Alhaitham's hand in his instead.
Alhaitham's gaze flicked to their joint hands before returning to Kaveh's face, where mourning flowers bloomed still.
“I need to hear you say it, Alhaitham. So I can be sure, so that I do not make a fool of myself since I seem to have an affinity for doing so.”
Kaveh had averted his gaze once more, his voice small and ridden with insecurity. Alhaitham interlaced his fingers with Kaveh's and squeezed in reassurance. He was silent for a moment, gathering his words. Kaveh had always been envious of Alhaitham's uncanny ability to think before he spoke.
“Kaveh, I have never excelled at the human aspects and desires of life. They are inherently irrational and love…” Alhaitham gulped nervously, averting his gaze to their hands instead. Kaveh was astounded by the way that Alhaitham's impassive facade was crumbling but he dared not interrupt or tease. He needed to know what Alhaitham was going to say next. He felt that he might combust right there and then from nerves.
“And love is ultimately the most irrational aspect of the human experience.” Alhaitham finished after a moment and he sounded… Afraid, Kaveh realised with a start. He couldn't even recall the last time Alhaitham had openly displayed fear. Alhaitham had always taken anything life threw at him with ease, a sharp tongue and an even sharper sword. Yet here the scribe was, hands trembling and a light dusting of pink on his cheeks. The sight was so unlike the erudite man.
“Without irrationality we would never know rationality.” Kaveh wasn't sure exactly what that meant but it seemed like the right thing to say in the moment.
Alhaitham caught his eye again, teal locking onto crimson, and Kaveh's blush deepened when he noticed Alhaitham's gaze briefly linger on his lips.
“I have never desired irrationality more than I have since you came back into my life.” His words were sincere in a way that made Kaveh feel like he had been stripped naked.
“Haitham…” The blond wasn't sure how to respond to that. He was sure, however, for the first time in a long time, that he mirrored Alhaitham's desire for irrationality.
Alhaitham's free hand came up to carefully cup one of Kaveh's warm cheeks, slowly as to give him time to reject him, and Kaveh watched his Adam's apple bob as he gulped again. Alhaitham was so close to him now and the proximity and tenderness of it all was clawing at Kaveh's heart in a way only love could make gentle.
He wasn't sure which one of them took the initiative to make the first move but sure enough, Alhaitham's lips were pressed warmly to his in a kiss that was so sweet it could rival ripe zaytun peaches. The kiss was chaste yet meaningful in a way that neither of them could properly comprehend at the time. It was catharsis, it was the resolution of years of tension and it was the unmasking of love imitating hatred. As Kaveh held Alhaitham closer, his pulse racing and his body warm as they kissed languidly, the blond felt the last of his oblivion dissolve. Instead, it was replaced only by the acute, frankly life-changing awareness that despite what he had believed prior, he loved Alhaitham, and Alhaitham loved him back.