Chapter Text
Sunscreen
Jonas has always prided himself on his keen sense of smell and taste.
He made it a game with his mom when he was a kid. He would take a few bites of food and guess what spices she used.
It made him an excellent cook.
When he became a professional cyclist it became a bit of a curse. A hundred sweaty man under the harsh sun didn’t always smell the best, but he fucking loved his job. So he managed.
This thing with Tadej started with a scent. It was their first podium together, back at the end of the 2021 TDF. Tadej had grabbed his shoulder and brought him close for the pictures.
Contrary to the rest of the peloton, Tadej’s sunscreen didn’t smell clinical.
He smelled of pineapples and coconut. It was such a Tadej’ thing, that even if Jonas didn’t know him that well, it made him smile.
Salt
It took them a few years to get here.
By here, Jonas means pressed behind a team bus, getting kissed by a very hot and sweaty Tadej Pogacar after a spectacular climb.
Jonas trailed his lips down Tadej’ throat when the other man leaned back for a breath. He tasted like salt and moaned so prettily in Jonas’ ear that they both had to stop and take a step back before they embarrassed themselves in public.
Jonas could feel Tadej’s eyes on him for the rest of the day.
Cherry
Tadej’ lips were always cracked and dried after a ride. Jonas once jokingly complained about it and the Slovene came back an hour later with half a dozen new chapsticks.
‘They’re cherry flavored!’ He had said enthusiastically. ‘Do you like it?’
Jonas had kissed him. ‘I like you.’ He had responded, tasting the artificial sweetness. He didn’t have the heart to tell Tadej his chapstick smelled like cough syrup.
Tadej wore it every day ‘To make my kisses softer, yeah?’ He would say before kissing Jonas’ lips.
Jonas didn’t care for the flavor, but he still surreptitiously stole one of the chapsticks before leaving.
He would use it whenever he missed the other man’s kiss.
Coffee
Tadej was fond of coffee. He liked the fancy, complicated ones. He made it his mission to find Jonas’s Perfect Cup of Coffee. Every morning, he would make another iteration, patiently waiting for Jonas’ verdict.
Americano
Espresso
Flat white
Latte
The cappuccino eventually won. Tadej always added a little sprinkle of brown sugar on the top, making the foam sweet against the bitter coffee.
Jonas liked it best when Tadej would bring him a cup in bed. They would both sip their coffee while planning out their day.
He raced across Europe most of the year and yet, no other cappuccino tasted quite right.
Cologne
Jonas knew when Tadej made an effort to look good. He would always give himself a little spritz of cologne. Subtle and delicious. Jonas had to put his nose right against Tadej’s throat to get the full range of smell. Citrus and smoked wood.
He’s pretty sure Tadej knew exactly what it did to him judging by his little smirk whenever Jonas kissed him hard.
His heart warmed when he found a rolled up sleep shirt at the bottom of his pack. He just left Monaco after a glorious weekend with Tadej. When he unrolled it, he instantly smelled the other man’s cologne. It made him smile into the shirt.
Jonas doesn’t tell Tadej that he sleeps in it even when the scent has completely faded. He doesn’t have to, Tadej notices he’s still wearing it during their nighttime video call two months later and it makes him smile for days.
Jonas should have known it would all come crashing down.
—
It’s another one of their secret weekends together. Tadej comes back late after an unexpected meeting with his DS.
Jonas is cooking in Tadej apartment like he does so often when he’s over.
He knows something is wrong when Tadej sits quietly at the island counter.
No greetings, no kisses.
Jonas wipes his hands on the towel and makes his way around the island.
‘What’s up?’ He asks, taking a seat beside Tadej.
Tadej looks torn for a minute.
‘My DS thinks we’re spending too much time together. He thinks it’s starting to look weird.’
‘Okay.’ Jonas replies carefully.
Tadej barrels on. ‘He’s asking me if I’m letting team secrets slip. If I’m… compromised when it comes to you.’
‘And what did you say?’ Jonas asks, not sure he’s going to like the answer.
‘I told him you’re a good friend. That you understand what it means to win grand tours.’ Answers Tadej, still not looking directly at Jonas.
‘Okay. That’s okay Tadej. We knew we couldn’t tell people when we started this.’ Jonas doesn’t put a word to what ‘this’ is. They never defined what they were to each other. Boyfriend always sounded a little juvenile to Jonas, but he can’t quite bring himself to call Tadej his partner. Even without talking with Tadej, he knows that the word sounds like a big commitment for the younger man.
After a silence, Tadej tries again. ‘Maybe we should cool things a little?’
‘Cool things?’ Jonas says. ‘We’ll barely see each other this year as it is. Any cooler and my team will think I’m single again.’
Tadej’s silence stops Jonas. The guilty caught out look on his face made his stomach sink. ‘Do you want people to think we’re single?’ He asks.
‘My DS is suspicious. He’s worried about sponsors.’ Tadej tries to explain.
‘You’re the best cyclist in the world. The sponsors will still be there even if there are rumors you’re seeing a man. We won’t confirm anything for a few years and we’ll tell them once we’re both retired.’
‘You thought about this.’ Tadej edges.
‘Should I not have?’ Jonas asks, suddenly reserved.
‘This was supposed to be fun. It wasn’t supposed to be..’ Tadej gestures to the enormity of feeling lying between them, still unable to call it love, even in private. ‘ I’m not like you Jonas. I don’t want the rumors and the hiding. I just want to be a professional cyclist.’
Jonas rears back. ‘Not like me? You think I enjoy this anymore than you do? Seeing you once every few months? Not being able to date you like a normal person?’ He lets a beat pass before voicing the other thought that had been nagging at him for the past few weeks. ‘Or do you mean not gay?’
The words slip out before he can stop them. He knows he’s Tadej's first relationship with a man. The other never spoke of other men he had found attractive in the past. Jonas was never sure if this was an experimental phase, the rush of fucking his rival or the deeper connection Jonas could feel blooming between them.
All of their dates were secret. Their bike rides were public and often with other riders. Jonas could handle the secrecy. He understood what this sport meant for both of them, but sometimes, the way Tadej pulled his hand out of his a little too fast when they were in deserted places stung.
In the past, he thought about asking if Tadej really was okay with being in a relationship with another man, but that came a little too close to the DTR discussion. Jonas wasn’t ready to have his heart broken then. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready to get his heart broken by Tadej Pogacar.
Sometimes, life’s a bitch.
He knows he’s in love with Tadej. He almost told the other man last month, but couldn’t quite gather the courage to do it. He always had a little voice suggesting that maybe his feelings weren’t reciprocated yet.
So he waited. He’s not sure he’s regretting that decision now.
‘You’re so important to me, Jonas. You know that, right?’ Tadej tells him, looking into his eyes. He looks on the verge of crying.
Jonas nods, knowing what’s coming.
‘I don’t think I’m ready for more.’ Tadej admits quietly.
‘I can wait.’ Tries Jonas.
‘Please don’t.’ Tadej says. He didn’t know if the mess of feelings in his chest would ever make sense. Jonas was too good to wait around when he had so much love to give. It wouldn’t be fair. Tadej knew he was hurting him but the thought of Jonas waiting for him indefinitely is so much worse.
They don’t talk a lot after that. Jonas gathers his things and gets in the car. Tadej can see him waiting for Tadej to say something. Fix things, somehow. Tadej knows that if he gives in and asks Jonas to stay he’ll never get the courage for this discussion again and he was being honest. He’s not ready for the rumors, the scrutiny. He has seen athletes in other sports get dragged through the mud for similar things. He doesn’t want the peloton to ostracize him or Jonas. Rationally, he knows it’s for the best but he still breaks down as soon as Jonas’ tail lights disappear around the corner.
—-
Sunscreen
Jonas has never cursed his sense of smell more than after their breakup.
It stops him in his tracks when seeing Matteo after the off season.
His teammate is more than used to Jonas’ sharp senses and when he sees his leader wrinkle his nose he immediately apologizes. ‘Is it my sunscreen? I’m not too fond of coconut either, but this brand is really popular back home and I couldn't find anything else. I’m almost done with the bottle so don’t worry, esteemed leader, you won’t smell coconuts forever.’
‘And pineapples.’ Jonas adds on impulse. ‘It smells like coconut and pineapples.’
‘Woah! You really do have a good nose. I didn’t think you could smell all that. Or do I stink really bad?
‘Don’t worry. It’s fine. It just reminded me of someone.’
Salt
It was unintentional.
He had just gifted the stage to Matteo who had worked so hard for him. He deserved the win.
The taller man had enveloped him in a big hug right after the finish line.
Jonas was still panting, mouth open and sweaty. Matteo lifted him up from the ground and suddenly Jonas could taste skin.
It tasted wrong wrong wrong.
He smiled through it though. No sense in dimming Matteo’s happiness with his heartbreak.
He never confirmed to his team who he was seeing, but they could hazard a guess. They knew Jonas was gay and they had two functioning eyes. Jonas glowed whenever he raced against Tadej Pogacar.
He quietly told them that he was now single midway through the training camps.
No one commented, but Jonas knew they made an effort to cheer him up, so he did his best to get over what was probably the love of his life.
He wasn’t very successful yet.
Cherry
‘Hey man! Look what I found!’ Matteo tells him excitedly, holding up a cherry chapstick. It’s still in its little plastic wrapper. ‘I noticed your lips looked rough and I haven’t seen your trusted chapstick around. Figured you ran out.’ He explains, holding out the little tube.
‘I-’ Jonas feels like he has been punched in the solar plexus. He doesn’t know what his face does, but it’s enough.
‘Shit. Wait.’ Matteo says before rummaging in his bag. ‘Here, take mine. It’s unflavored, but it has a little bit of sunscreen in it. Probably better for you since your lips are all cracked.’ He holds out another little tube, also sealed in plastic and Jonas automatically takes it.
He clears his throat. ‘Thanks, Matteo.’
Matteo grabs him in a one arm hug and steers him towards their room. Quietly, he adds ‘I’m here if you want to talk about it.’
Jonas nods and stays quiet.
Coffee
It was a well known fact that Jonas has been on a quest to find the perfect coffee. Every coffee ride they did while training, he would always try the shop’s cappuccino. Invariably, when asked if it was a good coffee, he would always say ‘Good, but not quite right.’
The team teased him about it and called him Goldilocks.
Seppie was ordering for them this time. He rattled the team’s usual order, finishing with ‘And a cappuccino for Goldilocks.’
‘No.’ Jonas said firmly, surprising them. ‘I’ll have a green tea, thank you.’
Seppie looked over Jonas’ head to Matteo and Wout while paying. Matteo shrugged and Wout simply shook his head.
Jonas was precious to the team. Beyond being their leader, he was a good friend. Calm, generous, compassionate. Pogi had better fix it or stay well away from them.
Cologne
The next time a scent caught Jonas off guard was at a race after party. Tadej and him had been broken up for a few months. It still hurt, but with the racing season starting back, he had almost no time to think about it.
Primoz saw him from across the room and came to greet him with Laura. They had been teammates for too long for his transfer to another team to really sour things between them.
As Primoz hugs him, he gets a whiff of an all too familiar smell. ‘New cologne?’ He asks.
Primoz smiles and tells him it was a gift from his wife. Laura adds ‘It’s made by a small Slovenian company. We’re always happy to support local businesses!’
Jonas isn’t sure how he responds. He must look okay because soon the couple moves on to greet another rider and Wout is at his side, distracting him.
He heaves a sigh and makes his excuses to leave. He looks forward to his next race in three days. At least on the bike, he can shut his thoughts down.
He doesn’t notice the two Danish riders looking his way and frown as he leaves.
Chapter Text
Tadej is an idiot.
He never should have let Jonas walk out of his life.
He’s moody. Distracted. He doesn’t sleep right and he knows he’s not eating as much as he should to sustain the effort his racing demands.
He did a little better during the off season. Jonas isn’t very active on social medias so the reminders of his fuck up were few and far between.
Now that the season started again, he’s seemingly everywhere. The fact that he’s accompanied by his new super domestique just twists the knife a little further.
Matteo Jorgenson. American. Tall. Redhead.
Everything Tadej isn’t.
He keeps seeing posts about the two of them. Jorgenson pacing for Jonas, burning himself out for his leader. Jonas’ hand on his shoulder as he looks into the taller one’s eyes. Whispered words after a long race that the media can never make out but puts a smile on the American’s face.
Jorgenson even brings him tea. Since when does Jonas even drink tea? He used to love it when Tadej brought him coffee in bed. Didn’t he? Tadej feels like he missed something important and he wants to fix things but he can’t. He’s too late and he knows he hurt Jonas and it makes him want to crawl out of his skin.
Tadej misses Jonas’ undivided attention and care. It’s special. He knows Jorgenson also understands it by the look on the man’s face when he looks at his leader. The awe, the protectiveness, the loyalty.
He’s rolling in jealousy when he sees the tall man casually put his arms around Jonas’ shoulder or pat his thigh. They could never be that open when they were in a relationship.
Tadej never let them.
It’s Almeida that finally snaps and asks him what the fuck is wrong during lunch at their first training camp together.
‘Nothing’s wrong.’ Tadej answers stoically.
‘Tell that to the press. Not to me.’ Responds Almeida without missing a beat. He notices the mullish look Tadej sends in the direction of the manager’s table.
‘Up.’ Almeida says, pulling on Tadej’s arm.
‘What?’ Tadej is confused, but then the rest of his close teammates also get up and start herding him to the bikes.
Soon, he’s clipped in for their scheduled recovery ride and Almeida, Bjerg, McNulty and Soler are surrounding him on all sides.
McNulty breaks the silence. ‘Are we finally going to talk about what’s going on with you?’
‘I’m fine.’ Says Tadej, for what feels like the hundredth time.
Bjerg snorts. Almeida sighs with his whole chest.
‘You don’t eat enough. You don’t sleep well.’ McNulty says.
‘It’s fine. I feel a little sick. I’ll get over it.’ Tadej needs this conversation to stop. His friends are silent for a moment when Marc Soler quietly adds ‘There is no joy in your cycling.’
That makes a tight ball form in Tadej’s throat and he knows they deserve an answer. A partial one at least. ‘I recently broke up with someone.’ He admits. No names, no timelines, especially no genders. He’s surprised when the first reaction he gets is from Mikkel.
‘Ah.’ The man says. ‘So that’s what happened to Jonas.’
‘What? What do you mean, Jonas?’ Tadej says, a little panicked.
‘Calm down, Tamau.’ Mikkel replies. ‘You weren’t subtle. Watching him with stars in your eyes. Honestly, before seeing you this week, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. He was so happy last year. Shining. He looked really depressed at the race after party last week. Me and Mads were worried about it.’ He blows out a breath. ‘If you broke up with him, that would explain it.’
Tadej was too struck to talk, pedaling uselessly as his secret came crashing down around him. Joao mused out loud. ‘You broke up with him? Why the hell would you do that? Look at the state of you.’
‘Who says anything happened between us?’ Asks Tadej, still trying to recover.
‘Please, you aren’t the first, or the last, pro cyclist to be a little bent for a rival.’ Shrugged Joao.
‘But the sponsors, the team?’ Tadej is getting a little more desperate.
‘It’s tolerated behind closed doors. If not, a quarter of the pro peloton wouldn’t be racing. It’s antiquated and stupid, but no one wants to be the first to break the status quo.’ Marc says.
‘That’s not what our DS told me.’ He lets fall. That’s the closest he’ll come to admitting his teammate is right.
‘What?’ Mikkel says, almost swerving into Soler.
‘Our DS. He met with me a few times. Told me it wasn’t done. That there was talk of dropping me or fucking with my race calendar like in 2025 when they tried to make me do four grand tours in a season.’ Tadej says, low and ashamed.
Joao swears in a foreign language. Marc at the front brings them to a stop at the side of the deserted road. Tadej suddenly finds himself surrounded by his concerned teammates and it’s too much.
The anger, the shame, the guilt he kept feeling since letting Jonas walk out of his life bubbles inside of him. The caring concern his teammates show him is nothing like what his DS insinuated would happen.
There is no judgement.
Suddenly Tadej leans his helmet on his handlebars to hide his face and let the tears fall. He can feel his teammates' hands on his back, offering support.
When his sobs finally taper out and he feels like he can show his team his face again, he’s met with determined looks.
Brandon says ‘We’ll help you get him back.’
And Marc menacingly says he’ll have a talk with their DS and team manager.
For the first time in months, Tadej feels hope blooming in his chest.
___
The gossip explodes all over the peloton the next week.
Have you heard about the UAE’s DS?
Apparently the team now refuses to work with him.
What happened?
No one is saying but apparently he’s been bullying some riders.
We’ll have you seen how aggressively the team has been riding those past few years?
Remember when Pogi had to pull out of the Vuelta because he was too exhausted after three grand tours in less than a year?
Of course Jonas hears the rumors. Pro cycling is a small world. A whole team refusing to ride for their DS is the equivalent of a nuclear bomb.
Everyone is speculating on what the man could have done to warrant such an extreme response. And who exactly he bullied.
Jonas is dying to know if Tadej is okay, but he doesn’t feel like he has the right to ask. So he goes to his next best source, his Danish compatriot in UAE.
‘Hey! heard the rumors. Are you guys all right?’
‘It’s not good.’ Mikkel texts back
‘What happened?
‘He crossed a line. The team’s not happy.’
‘Is everyone okay? No one is hurt?’
‘Physically we’re all fine.’
‘Can you believe he pressured some of the guys to break it off with their boyfriend?’
‘What an asshole.’
Jonas stops breathing.
‘What?’
‘Yeah, apparently he’s a raging homophobe.’
‘Every time he thought one of his cyclists was too friendly with another, he would schedule meetings with them.’
‘He told them that if they were too friendly with other men, that he would pull sponsors or fuck with their race calendar.’
Jonas felt dizzy and slightly nauseous. What the actual fuck was going on behind the scenes at UAE? Then anger slowly took him over.
He doesn’t remember dialing Tadej’s number. He picks up on the second ring.
‘Jonas?’
‘How fucking dare he?’ Asks Jonas. ‘Please tell me you didn’t break things off because of him.’
‘You would rather I break things off because I don’t love you?’ Asks Tadej, uncertain and a little hurt.
‘Yes! Goddamit! I would rather have you realise you never liked me than have that piece of shit threathen your fucking career.’ Jonas explodes, furious on Tadej’s behalf.
‘You make it really hard not to love you when you say things like that, Jonas.’ Tadej smiles into the phone.
The atmosphere changes with that remark. When Jonas speaks next, his tone is more guarded. ‘You’ve used that word twice, now.’
‘I have. Can we talk? In person?’ Tadej says. He knows he has a lot of explaining and apologising to do. Jonas’ call gives him hope. The long ensuing silence almost kills him.
‘I’m completing my altitude camp in Tignes.’ The other man offers.
‘Okay. I’ll come meet you. I can be there tomorrow? Around five?’ Tadej pushes. He hasn’t seen the other man for three months and the possibility of fixing things burns in his chest.
‘I’ll wait.’ Says Jonas quietly.
___
The months that follow aren’t the easiest.
Tadej and Jonas agree to give it a real go, but a lot of doubts and insecurities have to be addressed. Trust needs time to be rebuilt and a packed racing calendar all around the globe isn’t the best condition to make that happen.
But they try. Phone calls, video calls. Sneaking into the other team’s hotel with the help of their friends.
Slowly but surely they make their way back to each other. Jonas learns to name his insecurities. Tadej learns to hold on tight to the other’s hand. He eventually grows bold enough to do it with other people around like their teams or families. Jonas’ answering smile is its own reward.
+1 Green tea
‘Hey Tadej, what’s up with the six different kinds of green tea in your cupboard?’ Jonas asks one evening. He wanted to grab some spices for the supper he’s making when he notices the new additions.
‘Hmm?’ Tadej asks distractedly, looking up from the onion he’s chopping. ‘Oh! I kept seeing you drink that stuff at the beginning of the season. I’m clueless when it comes to tea, so I bought one of each and I figured you would tell me which one I should buy in the future?’
Jonas laughs and brings Tadej into a sweet kiss. ‘I don’t really like green tea.’ He confesses.
‘Wha- But that's all you drank! I swear I saw Matteo sneak you some teabags when we weren’t speaking.’
‘Jealous?’ Smiles Jonas.
‘Hell yes! He kept putting his hands all over you. And the way he looks at you?’
‘The way he looks at me?’ Jonas teases.
‘He looks at you like I do.’ Tadej answers quietly. ‘Like you’re something precious. Like being near you makes his day better.’
‘Tadej, Matteo is like a brother to me.’ Jonas debates spilling his friend’s secret, but he figures Matteo has meddled in his love life enough to deserve a little retribution. ‘Don’t worry too much about him. He has a thing for girls that can put him on his knees.’ He smirks.
Tadej throws his head back and laughs. ‘Jonas! Don’t put those images in my head! Argh!’ He grabs Jonas around the waist, tickling him until they’re both breathless.
‘I’m sorry! Please!’ Jonas giggles, trying to get away from his partner’s poking fingers. Tadej relents and traps Jonas against the counter to kiss him full and slow.
‘None of the coffee tasted right.’ Jonas admits quietly.
‘Huh?’ Tadej says, brain trying to understand where the conversation shifted.
‘After I left. None of the coffee tasted right. We were at a coffee shop in the middle of nowhere and suddenly I couldn’t drink another drop without breaking down crying. I asked for green tea on impulse and convinced myself I would learn to like it.’
‘And did you? Learn to like it?’
‘Let’s just say I’m very happy with your coffee making skills?’ Jonas laughs. Tadej grins and leans in for a kiss, then asks in a quiet voice. ‘And are you happy with the rest of me?’
‘I am. I really, really am.’ Sighs Jonas.
‘Good.’ Tadej whispers before pulling Jonas back in a kiss.
At the rate they’re going, supper will never be done.
Neither man seems to care.