Chapter Text
Prologue
His own screams were only echoes in his head.
When did he stop? He can't remember.
He lifted his fingers in trance, touched his face.
It was dry.
No more Tears. Just warm, hot skin. Feverish but alive.
He was alive.
Why?
His knees scraped on wood when he tried to move. There was a breeze. Algae and fish clung to it.
When did he get out on the dock?
A hand settled on his shoulder.
Warm and firm.
A friend.
A voice.
But it didn't matter.
They were gone.
Chapter one (Buck)
The first moment Buck stepped off of the plane and placed his boot on the cold concrete of the Greyhaven airfiel, he felt nothing but the chill in the air.
The first word that came to his mind after he passed through the airport and got into a rental car, was home.
Buck had never been to Greyhaven before. Not until today.
Located on the Alaskan island Killicka, Greyhaven was a small fishing town. Population: 94. At least that's what Buck's Wikipedia search told him. After today it would be 95. It was weird for Buck to think about it, the word "home". Especially when he had no place to stay nor a job lined up. His luggage, only a backpack and the promise his sister made him all those years ago.
You can always stay with me, Evan. You don't need to call or text, but when you're ready, I will always have a home for you.
Was he ready? He didn't know. Buck just knew he needed a break. He hasn't spent more than a couple of months at one place in years.
Always running.
Running without being chased. Because Buck can't change what happened, and there is no one coming after him. He's only running from himself at this point. And Buck's learned that if you're only running from yourself, you just end up running in a circle, with no getting out.
So maybe he was allowed to take this break.
He rolled down his windows and breathed in the fresh air, the smell of sea and fish strong in his nose. He heard the seagulls cry as he drove, looking back and forth across the winding streets, attempting to find his sister's house while he tried to find a name for that nagging feeling that slowly found its way into his body.
The house looked exactly how Maddie had described it in her letters. A yellow wooden facade, a garage out back, and a driveway with a lawn left and right. Identical houses in various bright colors lined up next to it, creating a neighborhood so calm and seemingly tight-knit, that Buck felt an uneasy clench in his chest when he parked in the driveway.
Every muscle, every nerve screamed at him as he got out of the car. The voices in his head all shouted that he wasn't welcome here. His brain showing him scenarios of rejection in fast succession like a stop-motion movie.
Buck stood still and took three deep breaths. In and out. In and out. In and out.
You are welcome. Maddie told you that you are. The voices are wrong.
It was something a girl in Mexico had taught him. If you repeat something enough, she had said sloshing her margarita half over her hand. Your brain will start to believe it.
The girl, he knew for a day and a night. He was bartending; she was celebrating her birthday. She had invited him out to come along with her friends, and Buck? He said yes. And it was a good night. Bottles of colorful liquor traded from one mouth to another, sticky lips and even stickier fingers touching underneath a starlit night. Stories shared and tales told. That night Buck had felt so free , so fearless, in a way only alcohol and a stranger could make him. And between the shots and traded kisses, Buck told her how he felt inside. Lips loosened, spilling how he constantly felt like he didn't belong. How he was running and never got anywhere. How he stood in front of invitations to stay and told himself that they were not meant to be for him.
And she listened.
The next day Buck couldn't remember her name; but her words stuck with him.
This night here in Greyhaven was a different one. A different story. And the next flight back, out of this town was a week from now. So there was really no other thing to do than climb up those steps
He took another deep breath, but before he could decide his next steps, the porch light went on and the front door swung open.
"Evan?"
Maddie looked like the last time he saw her three years ago. And yet so different. Gone the sharp edges and the anxious eyes. She looked calm, steady.
"Evan, is that you?" Maddie was dressed in dark sweatpants and a gray sweater, wrapping her arms around herself.
Buck grabbed his bags from the passenger seat, and closed the car door behind him, the slam cutting through the quiet night. He smiled. "Hey Mads."
The inside of the house looked just how he imagined it; light colored walls that contrasted with dark wooden furniture. Decorations you would expect in a home of a fisher family, anchors and portaits of the sea. It looked cozy, homey, his sister seemed to fit right in here. Her home.
He slipped out of his coat, put it on the rack next to the door, and carefully placed his backpack, duffel and shoes on the floor. Maddie pointed to the couch, told him to make himself comfortable while she made some tea for them.
He placed himself between plush blue pillows and a blanket with an anchor motif on it. And when his sister came to sit next to him, with two cups of tea, he finally felt like his heartbeat was coming down. The knot in his chest slowly unfurling.
She smiled at him, that bright smile that she still manged to inject the worried sister look into. "It's good to see you."
It felt like no time had passed since they last saw each other. No hint of judgment in her voice when she said; "you haven't called in a while."
"Lost my phone a couple weeks ago, didn't get a new one." Buck answered and blew into his tea to make it cooler.
"Only you. so how come you found your way here?"
"Worked at a ship wharf for a couple months, and i missed you?
"Working on ships made you miss me?"
"I am not the one who married a fisherman, Maddie."
She grinned, "Touche, but hey never say never." She grinned.
"What does that even mean?" He grinned right back at her.
Maddie went still, thinking. "It means...you could stay?" She hesitated and shifted in her seat. "Its a good place. Calm. I think you...you could be happy here."
"Maddie." Buck sighed, his grin faltered.
"Don't tell me you're not ready to settle down, I don't believe you."
"Its..." He looked at her, hoping she would just understand, he didn't want to explain, couldn't explain.
Her eyes watered, her face branded from years of trying to leave the past behind. Buck knew exactly how she felt and yet he couldn't do anything to soothe the pain he caused her.
"It wasn't your fault, Evan." She said with a shaky breath.
"I know." It's all he could say, even if he didn't believe it himself.
"Well," Maddie's voice was still a bit weary, but she shook her head as if to physically get herself out of the mood that had started to settle around them. "I, for one, am very happy you're here! Even if it's just for a while. I missed you."
"I missed you too."
They looked at each other for a moment, weary smiles and slow exhales.
"Okay," Maddie shook herself out of it first. Adjusted her bodyagain and sipped on her tea. "So tell me, ship wharf?"
Buck sighed, relieved to leave that conversation and start anew. "Well, I worked in Seattle at a ship wharf; a couple of guys talked about coming out here and doing some crab-fishing."
"So you just…what? Followed them?"
"Nahh, that was like 4 months ago. I stayed at the wharf. And then, one day, I woke up and thought, "I don't like Seattle."
Maddie snorted, that typical Maddie snort-laugh he loved so much. "Okay, help me here...how did 'I don't like Seattle' translate into 'I'm going to see my sister who I haven't seen in 3 years'?"
"See, I was never done with a place. Whenever I changed states, jobs, or even countries one or two times, I followed something. An opportunity, a girl, a cult once , but that was an accident." He ignored her raised eyebrows. "Just something that caught me and led me to the next thing. Seattle? I was just done with it, and there was nothing else waiting for me. So...I had to think, really think, about what I wanted next. And the only thing I could think of was that I really, really wanted to hug my sister. So...I came here."
The tears were back on Maddie's face, but this time, they looked happy.
"Well, it's about damn time." She said, and Buck had exactly 5 seconds to put his tea down before Maddie launched herself at him.
They fall back on the couch, a giggling mess, like there was no time between now and when they were kids.
God, he didn't realize how much he actually missed her. Breathing her in, the smell of freshly washed laundry, spring flowers, and sun—unmistakably his sister, but now he could also smell an undertone of the sea. A change that should feel odd but just made sense, Maddie found her place.
She started to draw back, sitting back up, exhaling. It wasn't just Buck that got emotional. He saw it in her eyes: happiness, relief, pain, and worry all mixed together.
There was a thing Maddie always did, back when they briefly lived together for a couple months in LA. Stranded in the same city in an apartment way too small for two people.
Every morning Maddie made herself a cup of tea, left the bag in for exactly three minutes, and then put it on the kitchen counter, where Buck would always find the wet teabags soaking into the worn wood and staining the surface.
Meanwhile Maddie would sit on the fire escape, holding her cup with both hands, and that happiness-relief-pain-worry painting her face. She was going through her own journey; taking a moment every morning for herself that helped her sort the emotions.
Now she looked at him like that, with the emotions he was so familiar with and remembered so well. It wasn't just for herself anymore; it was directed at him. She was happy he was here and relieved he was well. The pain that scared both of them and the worry she was carrying with her at all times.
It hit him like a brick.
It was the right decision to come here.
"Are you going to be around for a while, Evan?" Her voice was calm but hopeful.
The corners of his mouth slowly lifted. "Yeah…yeah, I think I will."