Archive of Our Own ^beta

1.

Arthur's day was going good, he may even said suspiciously good: so of course he accidentally walked into Merlin doing something remarkably idiotic. 

To absolutely no one surprise, Sir Gwaine was right beside him. Sometimes Arthur questioned his own calling of making Gwaine a knight. The man was tough as a tree, the problem lay in that the sturdiness of the man's body seemed to also account for his head. 

The music was playing all around the castle, after all the King's birthday was more than a good excuse for a festival. 

Finding two people walking around the castle- even so late at night- was not unheard of. 

On the contrary it seemed like just almost everyone was awake and celebrating. 

It took Arthur less than a second to realize that the two men were clearly drunk- also not surprising given the well…Gwaine. 

What did stop Arthur on his tracks was that they were dancing. 

It was not drunk-dancing, nor did it look ceremonial at any aspect of the word, what it did look like was… Fun. 

Intimate. 

Merlin had a wicked grin plastered on his face as he put his hand on Gwaine's, pushing the other man against him and holding him close, both arms around the knight waist. 

It was bizarre. 

Arthur almost opened his mouth, ready to make fun of the two of them when Gwaine started laughing. 

The men were so sloppy and so drunk it only required the knight’s laughter for them to lose their balance, crashing against the wall. Merlin let out a huff and a pained noise, giggling like an idiot. Arthur knew just how much the knight and his gourmet weight, so he could only wonder how Merlin was still standing. 

"Oh lord, Merlin, are you okay?" Asked Gwaine, still pressing the servant against the wall.

Merlin was too overtaken by laughter to speak any sensible words, instead he nodded, lowering his hands a little bit, now holding the other by the hip.

"I'm fine. I'm stronger than I look like" Argue Merlin, with a playful grin. 

Which was off, because the teasing and the banter was usually directed towards Arthur. He figured Merlin was just an insolent ass to anybody but… But it still made Arthur's eye twitch.

What came next was even worse. 

"I hope so…" Mumbled Gwaine, cupping Merlin's face and leaning in.

Arthur's jaw dropped and he instinctively walked backwards not trying to pry on his friends and then… Then he got curious to see what Merlin would do. Was the manservant about to smack the knight? Well, probably not, he was too nice and he liked Gwaine a little too much. But what would he say? How would he reject one of his closest friends? Arthur had yet to see Merlin do something truly selfish- not counting how terrible of a servant to the future king he was. 

So instead of walking away he waited… And his manservant did not do any of the things the prince predicted (as per usual). On the contrary he looked eager to deepen it.

They were kissing. Properly kissing, clinging to each other and moving towards the rooms… 

Arthur moved out of the pure pain in his guts, turning backwards and accidentally bumping against a massive cart that was covered top to bottom with plates and goblins. 

The sound was so loud it made the prince jump in his place. 

"Arthur?" 

The blonde clenched his jaw, feeling the hotness take over his neck and ears. He was royalty, he had no reason to be nervously stumbling around in his own castle. 

He did the only thing he knew, he shouted.

"Merlin!Where on earth were you? And give me one good reasons as to why these plates were just laying here," 

"To be fair, sire, they were on the cart," commented Gwaine casually. 

Arthur narrowed his eyes, simply glaring at the knight who cleared his throat and gave Merlin a pointed look. 

"I'm sorry Arthur I was taking the cart to the kitchens…" The red of his cheeks was so fiercely streaking it took Arthur a minute to stop staring. 

Nonetheless he knew exactly what to say. 

"So I suppose you have a good excuse for the plates to be here and not with you?" Merlin bites down on his lip, clearly trying to come up with something reasonable to say. Arthur simply raised a hand, feeling his stomach doing stunts "Just take them to kitchen, Merlin" 

"Of course, sire." 

He added the last word with an edge that would usually make Arthur resist a smile but now brought a bitter flavor to his mouth. 

"Just do your job...Both of you." 

"What did I do now?" Mumbled Gwaine under his breath, clearly talking to Merlin. 

Arthur fought the impulse to punch the knight. It took over him so fast it could've  been the result of the embarrassment of making a mess out of the silverware. Either way the heat took over his whole body, settling heavy on his stomach. 

It was so intense he turned around, walking so fast it was more sprinting than walking until he reached his chambers slamming the door shut and feeling the anger smoothing out. 

It was probably the wine, he told himself while undressing. 

Gwaine and wine are never a good combination, and he had to admit seeing the two men like that was not a pleasant watch. He was not fond of the kingdom's tradition towards people's choices in who to love or how to love, so usually he turned a blind eye whenever he could. 

After all, how different was loving Gwen to Merlin loving… 

But there was no way Merlin loved Gwaine, was it? 

They were just drunk and having fun. A lot of knights did so, when they thought nobody was paying attention. It was fine by Arthur, at the end of the day it was all about giving some freedom to the others. 

But Merlin being in love with Gwaine? It didn't make sense. They were close, Arthur knew that much, the two spent hours getting drunk and talking their tongues off. Usually Gwaine would follow Merlin around the training field, making jabs and helping the manservant annoy the crown prince. But that was just friendly interactions… Sure, the knight looked a notch like a lost hyperactive stray trailing behind his owner but…

No. 

There was no way. 

Arthur did them a favor, interrupting the moment of insanity and breaking through the drunk gaze that could make one do just about anything. 

One day they would thank him.

***

2.

"Rise and shine!" Shouted Merlin, opening the curtains. 

Arthur groaned and cursed, twisting and turning in his bed. He picked under his pillow, glaring at a very chipper Merlin. The man was all but hangovered, he was so over the moon it looked like he was about to start glowing at any minute. 

"Do you need to do that everyday?" Spit out Arthur. Slipping out of his sheets and feeling the soreness of where he hit against the cart. 

"Well, it is my job, so unless you feel like releasing me from my duties," 

Arthur snorted, playfully pushing Merlin out of the way. The boy's blue eyes glimmer with something so cheerful it softens Arthur's grumpy mood. 

"If you keep it up this way I may just do it," Retaliated Arthur with a grin. 

Merlin helped him get dressed without shutting up for a single second. 

Merlin always looked a bit like a giant bird early in the day, chirping insistently, blue eyes up and down, squealing at him always at the wrong times, stealing his food and scurrying away with those ridiculously long stupid legs. He was more like a jester than a manservant, tho, not a particularly funny one. Some days Arthur was certain the man had been designed just to make Arthur's life a living hell. 

Merlin chuckled at something Arthur mumbled, his face tilting to the side. His manservant face was kissed by the morning sunlight and Arthur could not help to stare at the sharp edges of his face, his jawline and neck exposed to the betraying sunshine. It was a slight movement but it let Arthur take at glance at the length of his manservant throat, and the bruises that were hiding under the red neckerchief. 

Arthur surprised himself reaching towards Merlin's neck, the movement was soft and completely out of care. 

Which was not all that bad. 

It was long past the time where he pretended the man was just a servant, not that Arthur would personally let Merlin know of such transgression on his part. But… For starters there was a but. Which by all the training and study Arthur did in being the head of Camelot was a problem. Because the but that followed Arthur denial about Merlin status as his servant was the fact he sincerely believed the man to be his closest friend. Merlin illuminated each room he walked into, perhaps for his own nature but Arthur was not blind enough to deny that, just by accident, Merlin made him feel safe. It could be because of that he never intentionally hid how much he cared. 

The problem was, to any idiot with eyes these were clearly love bites. 

He cringed at the mere thought, stopping his hand in the air before he could make the situation any more awkward.

Merlin brows met each other as he pulled a grin, looking down at Arthur's tentative hand that was still floating in between them. 

The prince acted fast, cleaning the dust out of Merlin's shoulder.

"You could at least try to look presentable for work, Merlin." 

The boy rolled his eyes, finishing with Arthur's armor and pushing a lock of hair out of the blonde's eyes.  

"I'm presentable, you are just a prat."

*****

He had a busy day that set in motion too abruptly for the prince taste, he took his breakfast quickly, running to the a conference with his father and one of his trusties ally, to then spend the good part of two hours helping the king to solve issues he barely understood, all of this fastly followed by an equally hurried lunch and before he could blink he was stopping Lancelot's strikes while the other knights laugh and chatter around them. 

It was always like this when his father's birthday arrived, the kingdom was a mess of tasks he was forced to achieve without getting too drunk or too exhausted. 

He wished it could simply last a day and not an entire week. 

"Bloody hell!” He grumbled when he fell flat on his back. 

Lancelot frowned, kneeling and offering a hand, pulling the prince to his feet. 

"Is everything okay, sire?" The brown eyes were glimmering with actual concern. 

"Hectic week." He replied with a shrug, clapping Lancelot's shoulder and smiling. 

In the moment he almost felt proud of controlling his temper in front of a lost fight, it wasn’t easy for him. Not in times like this, where the grounds were filled to the brim with strangers from other lands, eyeing the price. Measuring his strength, his composure, his charm, cautiousness and boldness all at once. Arthur lacked the capacity to regulate the performance. However he knew one element of a good knight was to take a loss in stride. His knights were meant to be able to beat the best, and yet… Well, Arthur could not afford not being the best.

No kingdom can proudly announce a future king that’s only second best, now, can they?

But Lancelot was so well mannered, so elegant in his fighting and so obtuse in his denial of glory, he had kneel in front of him and Arthur could only rise to that. 

He was really close to getting away, keeping his cool. Then he heard Merlin laughing. Not just his regular chuckles or cover up scoffs, an actual to god laugh. 

Loud enough to catch the attention of both Lancelot and Arthur. 

Gwaine was to his side, leaning in and whispering something in the boy's ear. The blue eyes were squeezed together, as he tried to keep his laughter down. 

"What so funny, Merlin?" Barked Arthur, feeling his mood drop and the exhaustion kill his patience. 

Merlin dropped the smile, moving organically in front of Gwaine, like his small trainless self could hide the rather bulky man. 

"Nothing really." He replied quickly, cheeks red and eyes watery from laughing to hard. 

Merlin was all contrast. Black hair over the pale skin. Blue eyes next to the usually red cheeks and glossy lips tear up from the constant biting. 

It almost distracted Arthur from his annoyance, noticing these things. It always did. When Merlin had stopped him with a bark, that very first time they met, called him arrogant and challenged him without anything but nerve and an attitude, Arthur had gotten so distracted he’d laughed. 

It sparked something far more interesting than annoyance, it was distracting sure, but there was something more to the man, the eternal dissonance within Merlin, the collision between the way he carried himself and who he truly was. Untame and stupid. Brave and a moron. Wise and impertinent. The lines often blurred. Merlin was often enough to distract him from his anger. From the frustration.

But then his eyes found the corner of a bruise, barely showing under the neckerchief and the implications that brought. What could they possibly have done once he left? Once he ran away to be more fair. Did Gwaine put those there? The thought of the knights purposely marking Merlin made Arthur… Furious. Which was right down delirious. 

"Come on, Sir Gwaine, why don't you tell us all what's so funny it makes my manservant forget his place?" 

The knight's face stiffened only for a moment, to quickly regain his usual nonchalant expression. 

"Well, we were remembering your little accident from last night," he smiled to then tilt his head with everything but respect "Sire." 

Arthur snorted, but it was broken and bitter, Lancelot looked at him with more worry than before, like he just knew what was about to go down. 

"Come on, Gwaine." 

The words were friendly enough to cover up the actual rage that was starting to rush all over Arthur's body. It wasn't about him kissing Merlin, that, okay… Well, that was not bad. But why hurt him? Why mark the man like a common stock? He had seen the bruises, they were too purple and big and he hated them. And sure, Merlin was an ass, and he was not allowed to even admit they shared a friendship, but they did and Arthur cared. And… And… He was pissed?

"Oh, Arthur, don't be so sensible, it was just a joke," teased Gwaine, moving forward and playing with his sword. 

"I know." Replied the blonde, seeing the sun shine against his blade as he struck down. 

Gwaine was quick on his feet, strong and one could even argue smart to the extent of his sword. But Arthur was mad, overtaken by the thought of being humiliated, of letting Gwaine with Merlin in the middle of night, drunk and touchy. Their swords were crashing with enough strength to shake their stand. 

"Where was this energy with Lancelot? I have to say, Sire, he's getting a special treatment," laugh Gwaine, actually having fun with the man that was about to cut him into pieces. 

"Shut up!" Grumbled the prince, knocking him out of his feet only to be dragged down. 

And just like that they were both swordless, just rolling in the dirt like twelve years old. Gwaine managed to punch him square in the jaw, and Arthur retaliated with a kick to the stomach. 

"That's enough." announced Sir Leon, grabbing Arthur by the armor and pushing for him to let go.

Elyan, whose frown was deep and filled with confusion, moved closer, yanking Gwaine from the floor and giving the knight a nasty glare. 

"I think that is enough rough play." Spat out Elyan, looking constipated by the controlled humor in such a childish situation. 

Arthur had to fight every bone on his body to not scream 'He started it'.

So instead he forced a smile, looking Gwaine straight into the eyes "Why does it always end up like this with you?" 

"Because, unlike the saying, I do bite." 

Arthur frowned, dismissing him with the back of his hand. There was no way he was actually talking about Merlin. Unless he somehow knew how much it had bothered the prince… But how would Arthur even know about it? Or more accurately, how would Gwaine know that Arthur knew? Or care for that matter. 

He walked towards Merlin, who was not even hiding the smile. 

"Very refined." 

"Shut up, Merlin."

"No, I mean it, one of your best."

"Merlin," 

"I'm just trying to be supportive."

They were walking towards the castle, moving in sync even if the brunette was naturally sloppy and seemed to trip with his own boots. 

Arthur had to stop and salute multiple of his father's guests, wishing he wasn't covered in sweat and dirt. 

When Lady Odan appeared in their way he regretted every life decision he had ever made.

The woman was the prettiest he had ever laid eyes upon. Not gorgeous in the way Gwen was, who emoted kindness and a modest confidence with her every movement. Lady Odan was regal and sharp in such a manner only withholding beauty explained. Elusive, in a way. Something that looked delicate yet knew how to cut if you were lucky enough to touch it. Her face was pale and her cheekbones were almost as prominent as Merlin's… Which was a weird comparison to make, Arthur realized. Either way the blue in her eyes could let a man breathless, in the same way sometimes Merlin could…

"Sire?" said Lady Odan, looking entertained by how lost Arthur was. 

He shook away the thoughts, tenderly grabbing Odan's hand and kissing it. 

"My lady," He replied with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry to find you in such a way."

"Don't apologize, it's good to see a true Knight once in a while." Replied the woman, her lips curling up into a smile. "But hopefully I will see you again at the banquet."  

"You will." Promise Arthur, giving a side smile that could be considered a bit flirty. 

Harmless. 

She bowed with a smile and walked away without turning to watch him. Not even once, for some reason the subtle dismissal sent a shiver down his spine. He almost felt like his spirits were up again when, of course, Merlin opened his mouth.

"What was that?" He asked, sounding almost offended. 

Arthur needed to blink twice before looking at his servant.

"I beg your pardon, Merlin?" The words came out in a chuckle, as the blue eyes found Merlin's. 

"Sorry I just-- I thought you and Gwen…" He did some movements with his hands that were certainly not appropriate. 

They entered Arthur chambers, closing the doors behind them like they always did, even when they were supposed to let it open for other staff to walk in. 

"Well, we were, I suppose… But it wasn't fair, Merlin. More so with Lancelot in the picture," Arthur felt his chest twisting, he was content with his decision, but that didn't prevent it from hurting "Why am I even telling you this? Go fetch my clothes, and heat the water for my bath--" 

***

In  moments like this Arthur realized just how lucky he was. 

The banquet was going splendid, the food was good, the wine was doing its work, his clothes were royal and he felt like a proper prince and not just some prat that would fight wanna be knights in the literal dust. 

And of course, Lady Odan was more than he could hope for. 

She wasn't Gwen, but it felt right. The way she laughed at his comments and carried the conversation with ease, it was good. 

Until he saw Merlin serving Gwaine. The knight put a hand on the servant's back, to anyone else it probably looked friendly, after all you couldn't hide from how obvious their friendship was. The same for the servant and Lancelot's bond. It was uncommon for a simple manservant to be so close with the prince knights but at the end of the day it was also not a problem. 

The point remained in that bloody hand. It was just a touch, but Arthur could hear the chains clacking at how possessive it really was, and worse how nonchalant Merlin was about it. He truly didn't seem to care, if anything he looked like he was enjoying himself, leaning in and letting the other man whisper things…

"Arthur?" Call Lady Odan. She looked like she had already repeated herself. "Is everything okay?"

"What?" He mumbled, straightened up. "Sure, I was just keeping an eye on my knights. They have a tendency to over drink." 

It was just a hand in someone's back, so one could only wonder why this led into the prince of Camelot drinking more than Percival could handle- which was a lot. 

It came to his attention he was way too drunk when Sir Leon threw him an apple that hit him right in the middle of the eyes. Lady Odan let out a surprise noise, covering her mouth.

The king on other hand let out the strongest laugh of the night "I think it is time you visit your chamber, Arthur." 

The blonde nodded, doing his best to say his goodbyes to Lady Odan without doing something that could potentially get him beheaded if her dad was watching.

It only got worse when he rose to his feet. The alcohol seemed to hit all together, making the man stumble and probably fall if it wasn't for the scrawny hands that trapped him by the waist. 

"Sire," said Merlin with a smirk. "Let me assist you." 

The walk to his chambers was rough. Arthur almost fell more than once and when they finally were half way through it he almost puked.

"You need to slow your drinking you cabbage head." Scold him Merlin, holding his weight the best he could. "Not even Sir Percival was this drunk… Not even Gwaine!" 

"You would know wouldn't you?" Grumbled Arthur, letting go of Merlin and almost throwing himself against the door of his chambers only to get plaster against it. 

"We close them, remember? Because of all the people walking around the castle." 

Arthur barely answered him, looking at the boy's long fingers searching for the key that was hanging from Arthur's waist. Once the door was actually open he barged in, falling straight to the ground and standing up immediately, doing half of the way to his bed with the tip of his fingers against the floor.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine," he assured, grabbing the wooden column of the bed and collapsing onto the mattress. 

"If you say it three times it becomes suspicious, Arthur," the man was resting against one of the wooden columns looking down at Arthur with a smile. "At least let me take out your cape, you're gonna choke with it." 

Merlin leaned in, unbuttoning the golden brooch and moving Arthur to a side so he could take the cape from under him. In the process Arthur's eyes darted towards the servant's neck again. He had always liked Merlin's neck… That was weird. But true, he looked like a bird: all long neck and bones. The alcohol was definitely to blame when he reached for it, softly touching the hurted skin.

"Don't let people hurt you like this, Merlin." He mumbled, raising his other arm and untying the neckerchief to get a better look at the damage. "People do this to claim others, don't let them." 

Arthur finally looked up at Merlin's eyes, who was looking at the prince like he had grown a horn. 

Merlin really had some very beautiful eyes. 

Even more than Lady Odan. Also a very weird thought. 

Merlin finally seemed to break out of the shock, smirking. 

"And that's because as a servant I belong to the kingdom, don't I? This is basically property damage." He was teasing and trying to get under Arthur's skin but his eyes were still glued to the prince's. 

"No. You don't let no one own you, that's an order," Arthur chuckled, brushing his thumb against the bites that were all down to Merlin collarbone. "If you break it you are gonna be committing treason." 

Merlin snorted, and reached to get his neckerchief back, but Arthur moved away, putting the piece of fabric around his own neck. 

"We just took the one choking hazard, Arthur…" Started scolding Merlin, looking at the prince like he was tired of protecting him. 

"It smells nice." Blurt out Arthur, immediately turning red. "I mean nicer than I expected, not that I expected to smell like anything… I mean I don't think about how you smell, but if I did… Not that I do, I'm just trying to convey if I did though about it I would think it would smell bad nor good, I'm--”

I'm just gonna stop talking now, he thought. 

Merlin sat at the end of the bed, laughing just as hard as he did with Gwaine in the training field "Should I be concerned that someone poisoned you?"  

"With my luck, someone probably did." Groaned Arthur, sitting up.

He put a hand on Merlin's neck again, feeling the weight growing bigger in his chest. It was a horrible, mushy, uncomfortable, awkward, painful feeling. He hated the idea of Gwaine all over his friend, biting, sucking and kissing. It felt like a personal attack, like he had targeted something closer to Arthur than his right hand. He put the other hand on Merlin's cheek and stared at him for a moment. 

"Would you promise me, Merlin?" The words were barely a whisper. "Tell me you won't let them do this again." 

Merlin narrowed his eyes, a frown obscuring his face as he smiled at Arthur. 

"I promise." 

***

3.

Things were smooth after that. Arthur did everything in his power to try to forget the little incident of the neckerchief and the smudgy pledges and to his surprise Merlin didn't even say a word about it. He didn't even ask for the neckerchief back, which led the piece of fabric to rest in one of Arthur's drawers. Merlin even fetched himself a replacement in a very deep purple color, the prince liked it, just not as much as the scarlet one. 

And all of that was great until he walked at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

They were on a hunting trip, just the knights and himself. And of course, Merlin. The boy was like a shadow to Arthur, so when they settled camp and lost track of the brunette for the good part of an hour he worried. 

This was not a new occurrence, Merlin had a tendency to disappear to later reappear in the most ridiculous type of trouble. 

This time it was Lancelot the one who noticed how nervous and over the place the prince was.

"What's bothering you, sire?" Asked the man with a pointed look. 

"Have you seen Merlin?" 

The words were basically blurted out as he searched the forest with a glare.

"He's looking for wood."

"He's been looking for wood for an hour?" The blue eyes narrow, unconvinced.  

"Well, Gwaine joined him and you know how they get on." 

Arthur's throat got dried and he couldn't help but to jerk away like someone had slapped him.

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

Lancelot raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth and closing it before actually speaking.

"That they are idiots together." 

How did that anger Arthur? He wasn't sure. What he did know was that they were on a hunting trip not a honeymoon and that his manservant should be bringing wood and not…

"Come on, let's go find the idiots." Grumbled Arthur, looking intoxicated.

Lancelot's face shifted, appearing constipated for a minute but then he obeyed without a single word.

They scatter the surrounding woods, walking like they were actually hunting and not looking for two morons who thought they could use Arthur's time for their own satisfaction…

Even if hunting was not really a serious matter… Because he knew neither of them would actually compromise his well being. It was just a hunting trip… Perhaps he should just drop it, let them have their fun and scream at Merlin when they get back. As much as he loved calling the both of them useless, they were far from that, they fought side by side with Arthur at every chance they had… Merlin had probably saved his life more times than he could count. Was he being ungrateful? Should he just let them have this one thing? And annoying, horrible, skin crawling thing? 

He was about to turn around when he heard the laughs. For a second he was thankful Lancelot had taken another route because he felt his own face going flat. 

Merlin and Gwaine were not kissing, nor doing anything worse. They were simply sitting down on the floor, a pile of twigs in between them. It took the prince a moment to understand what the actual hell was the tiny structure they were building. 

A house.

They were making a house out of twigs.

So they were just two idiots that had found their way into the wine reserves.  

He was too far away to hear what they were saying to each other, but whatever it was seemed to bring a smile out of the knights who leaned in kissing Merlin's cheek.

"Arthur," Lancelot  had appeared behind him, looking… Scare? "I beg you, do not act before they can explain it. This may not be what…"

"He's in love," the words slip out of Arthur's mouth without the prince having any power in controlling them. "How is he in love with that brute?" 

"What?" The knight looked so confused that  in any other circumstances it would have been comical. "Sire, they are good men and forgive me for speaking out of place but I don't believe they deserved to be punished…"

Arthur's whole body felt unreal, detached from his hurting chest and tied up throat. When he spoke again it was in broken words. 

"What? You know where my heart lays, Lancelot. I would never punish someone simply for who they...Who they chose to love." His eyes were burning now, as Merlin took one of the twigs and threw it at Gwaine's way, making the man stand up and unleashing chaos on their tiny twig house. They chased each other around and Arthur let the betrayal choke him for only a moment.

In good fortune they went the other way, letting Arthur and Lancelot stare at their little playground. The prince's eyes were glued to the fucking house, hypnotized by the idea of being that childish with someone. But not just anyone, Merlin.

His manservant was in love.

Lancelot, who was clearly out of depth and trying to put the puzzle together, narrowed his eyes, studying the prince like it was the first time they met.  Eventually the pieces drop in place because the knight let out a small ah. 

"Arthur…" 

"I don't get it," confessed the prince, cocking his head to the side and shaking the feeling of loss out of his bones. "Well, but I guess it is nothing I should get, isn't it?" 

"Arthur are you…" Lancelot put a hand on his shoulder, the brown eyes filled with familiar sorrow. 

"Let 's go."

***

Merlin wouldn't shut the hell up. He talked and talked and talked and Arthur was incapable of saying a word in return. It was later in the night and they were laying in Arthur's tent, head to bottom, trying to get some rest. And when Arthur couldn't handle anymore he broke.

"Why don't you go with Gwaine?" He burst out, feeling his face getting red. "I'm sure he's gonna appreciate the constant babbling more than I do." 

"Don't lie to me, Arthur," teases Merlin, pushing the prince's feet. "I know you like my babbling." 

He did like the babbling. Which was so painfully annoying. Why did he like the babbling? The whole matter was disturbing. 

"No I don't." He was on the brink of pouting "Now shut up or I'm gonna let you walk back to Camelot." 

Instead of shutting up, like someone with a half functional brain would do, Merlin sat up, turning around until he was at Arthur's side.

"So what's wrong with you, anyways?" 

"Merlin do I need to remind you I'm the crown prince and not you, so I'm the one who decides when we talk?"

"Clotpole head," Mumbled Merlin under his breath, turning around and leaving the prince to speak to the back of his head.

"Merlin!" 

"What? I thought you didn't want to talk," the servant's words were less cheerful than before, making the prince's chest feel heavy with someone dangerously similar to guilt. 

"But I'm the one who decides that, Merlin," argued the prince reaching for the manservant shoulder without much thought. "Don't be a girl."

"I'm obeying, my liege," Merlin said, not without making the title sound obloquy. 

"Merlin…" Arthur started, stabbing a finger in Merlin's side, getting a small jab and a giggle. Nonetheless Merlin didn't speak up, still looking firmly at the other side of the tent. Which leaves the prince with nothing but the obligation to pick at the manservants ribcages again, and again, and again. 

Surely enough at the fifth time, Merlin was openly laughing and throwing his hand into the air, pushing the crown prince back by the face. 

"Let go, dollophead!" Snicker the man, folding himself in two so the blonde couldn't access his sides.

"That's no way to speak to your prince!" Replied Arthur, with a sneer still picking at any piece of uncovered body Merlin had. 

The servant crawled away, getting out of the tent and running into the night. Arthur could have just let him, and stayed inside laughing at Merlin's over exaggerations, instead he got up on his feet and started chasing the boy.

"You have the foot coordinating of a drunk baby lamb, Merlin" He shouted, as he followed behind the stumbling servant. Merlin may have been sloppy but he was faster than most, which was a remarkable quality in someone who always managed to be late. 

"So you admitted a baby lamb could outrun you?" Tease the man as they run past Sir Leon. The knight instinctively stands up, ready to kill or die. 

"Everything okay, Sire?" Asked the man, looking wired up. 

"It'll be better once I beat Merlin's useless talkative annoying ass into the dust!"

Arthur may be wrong but he could have swore Sr Leon rolled his eyes as he collapsed against the ground next to the fire. 

They run right into the woods, not even stopping to the possibility of actual danger. Finally Merlin's feet got entangled between some vanes, making the young servant stop and just by a second avoid falling face first to ground. Merlin whizzed, breathing heavily at his almost fall when the huge royal ass that was chasing him crashed against his back, tackling him to the ground.

"Arthur!" He shrieks, twisting in his place getting face to face with a breathless and giggling future king of Camelot. 

The blonde wished he could see better in the dark only to appreciate Merlin's face of defeat. 

"Apologize," Arthur demanded, with a smirk so wide it was almost arrogant. 

"You are the one who's chasing me into the woods like a mad man!" Complained Merlin, trying to get loose of Arthur's  grip, which was answered with the blonde taking hold of both the servant's hands and pushing them against the floor. 

"You ignored me!"

Merlin laughed at that, letting his head fall to the side "How could I ever commit such a treason, sire?"

"You are the worst servant in the five kingdoms, Merlin." 

"And you are the biggest prat." Merlin said with a smile, his words playful but sweet. 

Arthur's next response was creeping out of his mouth when Merlin kicked him in the stomach, making him whimper and letting the rather small man push him off himself and forcing the prince down. 

It was a surreal view, Merlin smirking and hovering over him. His throat dried up and his limbs felt too light to push the servant off his body. Besides, the pressure of another body gently pressing against his was the kindest type of contact he had endorsed in a while. Actually, it was more than nice and every inch of his body hated the idea of Gwaine being in his place, enjoying Merlin's company like he did. The prince's hands wonder, holding Merlin's shoulder unsure what to do next. The manservant's face changed as he took in the blonde's silence, quickly getting to his feet and offering a hand. 

"Come on, Sire, I'm sorry."

Arthur slapped the hand away, suddenly coming back into his body.

"You are gonna be sorry when I give you the list of chores you have yet to get done." 

***

4

Arthur started collecting moments where he felt like ripping Gwaine's head off. Sometimes it was small things like seeing them brush shoulders or hands, some other it was whispers and chuckles, more often than not it was the knight's bloody hand always placed in his friend's body. It always strikes Arthur right in the gut. 

The most remarkable of those occasions was when Merlin broke his promise. It was the end of a terribly long day, he had spent most of it with his father who seemed to become more drastic with magic every day that went by. 

This time it was a young girl, who's house had caught on fire and her younger siblings were there to testify it was of her doing. 

The girl cried and screamed, swearing she didn't intend for it to happen. She had no control over her powers. 

"I was born with it! It's not my fault!" She had hollowed as the guards took her to her cell. 

His father, who looked tired but not overwhelmed by the pain in the poor girl's voice, had decided the most adequate punishment was death. Even if nobody was hurt in the fire. Even if she had no control over it. Even if Arthur fighted against it. 

So it was not a stretch to say: the prince had a long day. 

"What do you think, Merlin?" He asked once they were alone. 

The boy was awfully quiet, Arthur had seen the way he looked at the girl, like he would rather die in her place than let Uther get his way. The prince knew his manservant, he was aware Merlin didn't seem to have the same primal reaction that most share about magic. After all the man was kind by heart, he never did any harm unless it was absolutely necessary. Merlin had been smart about his fights against magic, he had raised his voice when he deem it just but kept quiet when the case was the same. Merlin was clumsy and loudmouthed sometimes but he was also brilliant with his tongue, with how he crafted that clumsiness. Wise, was the word. Strange worked too and so odd, unexpected and disobedient. Sensible and empathic with the people of their Kingdom.  

So it was not a surprise seeing him like a beaten up puppy.

"What do you mean, sire?" Replied the man, playing dumb.

"About the girl. Do you think my father made the right decision?"

The blue eyes narrowed, looking down to his feet "I don't think it is my place to question the king's choices… But no, Arthur, I don't think killing a girl for doing something she can't control and she doesn't understand is the right decision." As he spoke, his eyes filled with that wise glimmer Arthur sometimes feared. 

"I'm afraid I agree with you, Merlin." 

"Then do something." The words slipped out of the servant immediately, as he walked closer to Arthur, sitting next to the prince on the edge of the bed. "You must do something." 

"What, Merlin? You know my father, he doesn't reason when magic is involved." Snapped the prince, holding his face between his hands. 

"So make him. Are you willing to let a girl die before questioning your father's judgment?" 

"Is not that easy…" Whispered Arthur under his breath, regretting ever asking for the servant's advice. 

"I never say it was: but it's fair and just. So we both know you are gonna do it, so let me help." The man's words were firm as his voice became velvety to Arthur's ears.  

"You don't understand what it's like to carry all this weight" 

Arthur opened his eyes, only to see the sheer patience and devotion in his friend's eyes. Merlin trusted him, he believed he could be a better King than his father was… All this pressure, all this hope. It was crushing. 

"I don't pretend I do, sire…"

"Then stop talking like you know what you are saying, Merlin." The burst of anger creeped through his words. The prince was tired of everyone's expectations, he couldn't bear it. Merlin was opening his mouth to answer when Arthur raised a hand, making him stop "Go now." 

"Arth--"

"That was an order." Bark the blonde, blue eyes charge with exhaustion. 

If Merlin was a proper servant, he would have apologized to then leave the chamber as respectfully as humanly possible. Instead the brunette jumped to his feet, storming out of the room like an angry kid. 

Arthur let out a grumble, crushing against the bed. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't just dismiss his father's judgment, Uther was the king after all and the girl had used magic… There was no way around it. The crown prince could only think of one solution and even if he decided to take that route that wouldn't help anybody. It was a patch not a solution. 

He could save this girl but not the hundreds that were not brought to his direct attention. 

Was it enough? One little girl who was gonna be left alone in a world that would persecute her or use her powers until they were rotten to the core? 

That was what magic did. That’s what power does, Arthur always had wanted to add when his father went into his rants against sorcerers, witches and warlocks. The words never left him. There was logic to his fathers argument, magic had a great capacity for evil. All forms of power did. 

Was it worth it? Hunting people down for the potential of trouble?

It was not fair. But sometimes being a King required that. The same way, sometimes his father was wrong. An unjust King… The thought felt like betrayal. 

But what else could he do? Or more importantly, what would he do once he became King? Once someone used magic by accident under his watch? Would Merlin leave him when he realized the young heir could not throw away years upon years of criminalization against magic? 

More importantly, did it even matter?

Did it matter that a servant frowned upon his and his father's decisions? 

Maybe it did.

Because Arthur trusted Merlin to tell him when the ways he had adopted to please h  is father were harmful for their people, for their future, the relationship Arthur needed to have with them, not only now as a crown prince, but one day as  King. Artur could rely on Merlin to be a voice of reason without fear of judgment. It was enough said that only he was brave enough to do it. He knew some of the Knights didn’t agree with the ban on magic, more than certain Gwen didn’t. 

Morgana didn’t. 

Things could be different if he chose to make them so. Merlin believed it so and Arthur needed someone like him, not afraid of the title but infinitely aware of it, to point out that Arthur had as much power as his father. If only, other means. 

It certainly wasn’t that Arthur cared about what Merlin thought of him. It was just what was fair and just. 

***

It was around the time he and the girl were running through the woods he admitted to himself: It definitely mattered what Merlin believed.

Killing an innocent wouldn't help the realm, it would only feed his father hatred. Yes, today there was only one girl. The future was his to make. Even one life was worth the risk, because Arthur understood that was what it took. Mercy and gentleness where the mark of a strong man, Merlin show him that over and over again, so of course it fucking matter what the man thought. 

Merlin didn’t believe in hate, Merlin would smile at him when he got back, proud, because Merlin was so fucking sure Arthur was gonna do the noble thing, proving him wrong seem like an impossible horror to the prince. 

So, obviously, he broke the girl out and now was running from his own knights. How fitting. 

"Here!" He exclaimed against the girl's ear. 

They run right into a cave, Arthur putting his body in front of hers as the horses run in front of them. Not on their best fortune the knights stopped there, clearly searching the area. 

Another horse came from behind "Where are they? Did you see the man's face?" 

It was Elyan, clearly eager to stop whoever decided to break Camelot's laws. 

"No," replied Sir Leon, he sounded dry and tired. "Where on earth is Gwaine and Percival?"

"They were at the tavern, they must be on their way." 

Arthur wasn't sure how much time he spent hiding with the girl, but he needed to leave quickly. Him being missing could only drive suspicion to the situation. 

When he finally parted towards the castle he left the girl with a bag of gold,a dagger and clear instructions of which path to take hoping either of the two could help her survive. 

"I will forever be grateful, My liege," muttered the girl, her brown eyes filled with naive respect. 

“You don’t have to. What my father said it’s not true, you are not to blame for your family nor our Kingdom. This is my apology, I’m the one to be grateful for your forgiveness.” 

Her face was blank for a moment before he gave him a rare raw smile. “Good luck, Arthur.” Her brown eyes glinted in the moonlight.

Arthur couldn't take them out of his head. The way she looked at him was what he hoped for his kingdom: hope and trust. Nothing else. 

He made his way to his chambers, changing the dirty clothes and putting on a tunic, because before he could grant himself sleep there was something else to do.

****

Merlin opened the door like a frightened hare, the blonde saw the relief that took over his expression when he realized it was the prince on the other side. The servant was prone to forget himself, never like this time though: he jumped towards Arthur, hugging the crown prince and letting a heavy breath escape his throat. 

"I couldn't find you!" Cried out the man, hugging tighter. 

Arthur froze. Not knowing how to react with the servant's sudden outburst. 

"Merlin?" He teased, clapping the brunette on the back and smirking so wide he knew it probably looked like a sneer. 

The man let go, moving away abruptly and trying to put himself together "Er--Sorry, I'm just happy you are not dead, my lord."

"I'm glad about that too," joked Arthur "Can I come in?" 

Merlin moved to the side, still looking embarrassed. The physician chambers were more cluttered than any other room in the castle: it didn't matter where your eyes fell upon, there was probably some plant and potions. 

"Where is Gaius?" Wondered the prince feeling weird in his own body. 

"Gone, some guards got attacked… But I have the feeling you may know something about it?"

Arthur shrugged, putting on a grimace of confusion. "Don't know what you talking about, Merlin," 

"Oh, that is weird because I've been looking for you for a couple' hours. I figured you were dealing with the break out…" Said the brunette with something wicked in his eyes. 

"Break out?" Remarked the prince, playing dumb enough it was clear as water he knew exactly what breakout Merlin was talking about. 

"The girl. Apparently she had some help, the knights are already out and looking for them, sire."

Arthur made a small noise of surprise, nodding and passing around Merlin. 

"That's truly amazing" 

"Arthur…"

"Merlin," Mouthed Arthur with a smirk. "I can assure you my knights are the best. The only way this girl could get away is if she was helped by someone who knows the lands better than me."

Merlin's smile was so big it looked comical, the servant sighing in relief letting himself fall against the table, both hands grabbing the side with force like he needed to stabilize himself. It was when the manservant leaned his head back, looking at the ceiling that Arthur caught the bite on his neck.  

It was just one and pretty well hidden, by the redness of it Arthur figure Gwaine was not with Percival at the tavern… 

When Merlin looked back again his face shifted, suddenly looking worried.

"What is it?" Asked the man, clearly confused at the drastic change in Arthur's demeanor.

"Excuse me?"

"Your face, Arthur, you look like you just saw a ghost." Merlin tried to smile again but his face fell short. 

Arthur wondered what to do: he was no longer drunk; he couldn't just ask Merlin not to let someone bite him, that was his private matter and not for him to comment. 

On the other hand what Merlin and Gwaine were doing was not technically legal and Arthur was already being merciful by letting them live their life freely. Nonetheless what was his reason to tell them to stop? People didn't even notice Merlin's bruises, only he did. And even if someone else realized his manservant was walking around marked like livestock, they would assume it was some girl from the downtown, not one of the knights of Camelot. 

So why did Arthur want it to stop? What was it about it that made him feel so much despair? 

"Whoever they are, they better be worth breaking a promise to the crown prince." Said Arthur, he pushed a grin to his face trying to be playful rather than confrontal.

Merlin deserved a life and he could learn to respect that. 

The brunette's hands shot up to his neck, looking slightly horrified he walked towards the nearest surface with a reflection "For the love of--" 

"You didn't even know that was there?" Asked Arthur, a little too curious for his own good. 

"No I--Well, I asked them not to do this…"

"Is okay Merlin, I was meaning to tell you…" Arthur felt his guts sinking as he spoke "I'm very sorry about the other night. I mean it, I don't particularly like the idea of someone claiming you like that. But for me to make you promise what to do with yourself… Well, it kind of defeats the point of not letting anyone own you."

The boy looked astonished, mouth half open and eyes narrowing "Did you just apologize?" 

Arthur did the only thing sensible, hitting Merlin on the chest and smirking as wide as physically possible.

"Don't relish it." 

"Oh I will." 

Maybe that's what Arthur needed, to clear his head and be true to his heart. Being a noble was a known quality of his after all. For some reason instead he decided to do something idiotic. 

He raised his hand, fingers lingering and barely brushing the pale skin now bruised and red "I still don't like it." 

Merlin chuckled, leaning in against the touch "Why? People are not gonna see it, you don't need to throw me in the shacks for shaming you." 

The prince snorted, placing his whole hand against Merlin's neck, holding "If I haven't thrown you in the shacks already, I'm clearly not gonna do it now." 

Merlin bites down his lips looking wired. "Good, my back can't take the floor in the cells."

Arthur let his hand fall, walking away from Merlin feeling his body unfamiliar. It was clear then, he fucking hated this situation. 

***

5

Arthur was gonna murder Gwaine. 

There was no other option, just killing the moron. He could take the knight marking his servant, he could even live being constantly hunted by small indications of the two men's affection. 

What the knight could not do was make Merlin sad.  

Or at least, not this fucking sad. 

Merlin had started his week off with no screaming in the morning and no witty commentary for breakfast, then he spent the whole time on the training field looking choke up, almost flinching every time Gwaine came close to him. 

He was sitting next to Sir Leon, talking about Elyan's great use of the shield when he catched Merlin offering Gwaine a sword, the knight took it without even glancing at the boy, looking angry and even pushing him with the shoulder as he made his way back to the center of the field.

"What was that about?" He groaned, his voice getting higher than usual.

Sir Leon needed a minute to catch up with the prince, looking at the two men for a few seconds before letting out a restrained sound. 

"Oh, they've been like that since yesterday." Confirm the knight, shrugging. "Not sure what happened, knowing them… They will squash it quickly."

It wasn't until dinner time that he truly felt like ripping the skin out of Gwaine's bones. Merlin appeared- late as usual- with his supper and teary eyes. 

The servant tried his hardest to act like nothing was up, but Arthur stopped him on the spot.

"Merlin, what's been bothering you?" 

The man shook his head, smiling shyly "Nothing, sire. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Yes, stop lying, you have been sulking all day. What happened?"

Merlin simply stayed silent, his eyes set on his own feet. 

"Merlin, you know you can talk to me, right?" Offered the prince, standing up and reaching for his shoulder. 

"It is nothing, sire." Merlin was a great liar, not so much when he was clearly trying not to cry.

Arthur understood pride too well to insist.

He waited until the servant left the chambers, he even ate his supper, before standing up and walking steady towards the knights rooms. He crashed to the doors of Gwaine's chamber feeling his blood starting to boil. 

"Arthur?" Screamed Gwaine, jumping on his chair and putting on a cocky smile. "You almost gave me a heart attack.”

The crown prince closed the door behind him, out of instinct and craving the need of privacy. Gwaine was standing up when the blonde charged against him, punching him square in the eye. 

"What the f--" Grumbled Gwaine, holding himself together without losing his balance. 

"I don't know what you do, but if he comes to my chambers crying again I will feed you to the dogs," burst out Arthur, spitting at his every word.

The knight's eyes narrowed, horror filling his expression as he understood what the prince's words meant. 

"You don't understand…" Started saying Gwaine.

Arthur took him by the collar, forcing him to stand upright. "I don't need to understand, Gwaine, don't toy with him." 

The knight hit the hands away from his body, pushing the prince away and letting out a bitter laugh, "You don't know what you are talking about, princess."

"No reasons will--" 

Gwaine looked down at his feet, looking in the worst shape Arthur had ever seen him. "Merlin has secrets of his own, Arthur."

“Oh, come on, Gwaine.”

“You really wanna know what happened? It was about you.” The man stopped him. “What we fought about. About how afraid of you he is.”

Arthur's body went cold, knees losing his strength and head spinning uncontrollably. 

"Go again?"

“Merlin is terrified you are gonna hang him. Every second of every day.” 

Arthur snorted, there was no way this was real. 

“I would never harm him.”

“Your laws would.” Gwaine bites back. “I told him, we needed to get out of here. He did not take kindly to it.”

“My father doesn’t hang for sodomy and neither would I--”

The knight interrupted him with a crass laugher. “Yeah, one would figure as much considering you clearly want to fuck Mer--”

The second punch didn’t land. Gwaine duck and landed one of his own, pushing Arthur away. “Is not sodomy he’s afraid of, you absolute self center cunt!” 

“What then?”

Gwaine laughed again “We are in a bit of a fight at the moment but you truly think I would tell you something that would get Merlin killed?”

Arthur's anger was making him shake, he wanted to punch again, for Gwaine to direct a blow at his face. “I would never hurt him.” 

Gwaine narrowed his eyes at him, like he was reading him for the next move. Like he wasn’t quite sure he believed him. It offended Arthur. It hurt him. It made him feel like a child, a teen, an unloved man that was grasping to protect the illusion of a friendship with someone he had never treated as an equal. Merlin may fear him. And it hurted. “Are you certain, Arthur?”

“More than anything.” 

Gwaine eyes seem blown out under the candlelight. There was a fresh cut on his lower lip. The man stares and dances over him before saying “I think I believe you.” He let out a sharp breath. “I know you free the little girl. I know you love him too. I--” Gwaine snapped his mouth before adding. “I don’t want him to go away because I fear you would harm him. I don’t think you would. Your father, tho? Without a question. Many members of the council would as well--”

“For sodomy?” Arthur laughed, incredulous. “Most of that council sucks each other co--”

“Merlin is a sorcerer, Arthur.” The silence echoes the heartbeat of Arthur's hurried heart. “More powerful than any before.”

Arthur's first response was to laugh. It knocked the rage out of him, because he immediately knew it to be true. Not only in Gawain's posture and the severity of his eyes, the carefulness in which he follows Arthur, like he was ready to have to defend Merlin himself. But he laughed because despite knowing this was true it was fucking ridicouls. 

The servant was such a clumsy, harmless, selfless mess, how could he be a warlock? 

"You are joking, right?" Mumbled the prince feeling his word turning around and twisting just to get caught on his throat. 

"No.” 

"How do you know this?" Demanded the prince, losing control over his tone that sounded broken and hurt. 

"Yesterday, when he accompanied me on my quest; we were attacked. We were not gonna make it and Merlin… He used his powers. The minute I saw it I told him we should get away." 

“He said no?”

Gwaine huffs a grunt “He said he needed to be by your side.” Gwaine breathed out softly, “Arthur, the only reason  I’m telling you this is because I think… I know--I see you looking at him. I know you won’t kill him. But you should know, he’s powerful. Incredibly so, he could take every single one of your men without effort. Yet, he chooses to serve you. As a servant, while you murder his people in front of his eyes. He’s loyal to you Arthur. But if you mess this up. If you try to hurt him, I will fight by his side, not yours.”

Arthur could only stare at the knight, the blood trickling down his chin where it had split open under Arthur fist. 

“You won’t have to.”

Arthur turned around, stumbling out of the room and trying to find his way towards his own chambers. 

His own father appeared in front of him eventually.

"Arthur, are you alright?" Asked Uther, walking next to Gaius. 

"Yes, father," He feels his own gaze, unraveled and insane "Gaius, where is Merlin?" 

"He already went back to our chambers, sire." Smile at the physician. 

Arthur moved away like a man possessed which is probably why his father stopped him. “Arthur?”

“Yes?” He asked without turning. 

“Are you in a hurry?”

Is he?

“No?”

“Well then please, join me for dinner--”

***

He spend the whole meal trying not to think about Merlin. Turns out putting all his attention into not thinking about it didn’t yield the  results he would expect. 

“Arthur!” 

His father's voice thunder thru the fog, making Arthur jump in his place. “Yes?”

“What on earth is wrong with you,” Uther was ticked off. Arthur liked to believe he could lie to his father well but the truth was he got away with it when Uther let it. When the King ignored the talesigns because he trusted Arthur with privacy, with some secrets. 

Apparently his current state was bad enough to push his father to prod for information. “Nothing,” Arthur lied, poorly, to be honest. 

His father stared at him, unamuse and tired, he pinched the bridge of his nose and huff out. “Leave us alone,” He shouted to the servants and guards. They obliged in a quiet obedience that made Arthur miss Merlin.

Merlin who was a sorcerer. 

He couldn’t think about it. Not now, not in front of his father. 

When the room was empty except the two of them, Uther spoke again “Is this about that servant girl?”

The question was so absurd and yet so simple it made Arthur laugh. “What?”

“Son, I know you think your feelings for this girl…”

“Father, I don’t think about Gwen at all.”

His father squinted at him, troubled by the lack of insincerity. “So is it another maid?”
“What? No! I hardly make a habit of--

“Oh, don’t be so sensible.” Uther cut him. “It’s certainly something. I know you, I know that face. I can’t force you to tell me, Arthur, but I seen you like this before and I would like to avoid your next threats of marrying someone--”

“Twice, it happened twice!”

“And you say that as if it’s a small number.” Uther deadpan. “I’m just trying to talk with you.”

Arthur closed his eyes. His head was swimming with information. Merlin had betrayed him. Merlin had feared him. All those years they spent from sunrise to night together had been coated with a new layer of disconnect. It broke Arthur's heart. 

Was Merlin dangerous?

Had he grown close to Arthur just to kill him?

No. Merlin had saved his life countless times. So it was a long game. To gain Arthur trust, power, intel, grew his control over the kingdom. 

No.

It didn’t make sense. 

Merlin didn’t crave power. Gwaine had said he was powerful, more powerful than he could imagine and yet he served him. Served Arthur. 

But he lied.

“Arthur?”

“How can you let go of someone you have loved more than--More than anyone before?”

It wasn’t what he meant to ask. He had been thinking about trust, not love.

“So this is about the servant girl,” Uther chuckled.

Arthur shook his head. “No. Not her.”

Uther waited for Arthur to continue but when nothing came he cleared his throat. “I guess it depends on the situation.”

Arthur scoffed, “That’s completely useless advice.”

“Arthur!”

“Sorry,” He began to stood up, “I’m tired, I have to search for Merlin--”

“Is it him?”

Arthur froze, horror assaulting him. How could his father know? Had they heard him and Gwaine talking in the room?

“Pardon me?”

“You are my son.” Uther voice was steady and clear, “I have been watching you your whole life. I have never said anything because I never believed you would let it be a problem.”

Arthur sat back down, blinking in confusion. What was his father talking about? Arthur didn’t know about Merlin’s magic. He didn’t let it become a problem!

“What?”

“Do I really need to be more clear?”

Arthur opened his eyes and shrugged in frustration. “I have no clue what you are talking about, father.”

“Your feelings for your manservant.”

“My feelings?” Arthur chuckled and then laughed. “Are you insane?” 

“You covet the boy. I allow it and most people ignore it, but lately… Son, lately it's become a problem.”

“I don’t covet Merlin!”

“You do.” Uther rubbed his eyes, frustrated. “I think it’s a good thing. To have a trusty person like him in your life. People like us don’t get many chances to find companionship. I saw first hand he is loyal to you. He has saved your life more than I care to say out loud and you have saved him despite my advice against it. The insanity of such a gesture didn’t escape me then and it doesn’t now, Arthur. I will not allow you to treat me like I’m stupid, son. I wouldn’t say it if--If I wasn't trying to get you to understand--” The King rubs his face, looking older than ever-- crown crooked on his head-- “The importance of this not becoming an issue. But you've been distracted, you've been volatile and you have been absorbed into your own head for weeks.”

It was---

It was ridiculous. He had been distracted because-- Well. Tonight he had the excuse of finding out that Merlin had magic. The other weeks… Well…

“Father, I assure you, I hardly understand what you are implying.”

“He adores you.” His father said and it still didn’t make sense. “You know he ordered you a new sword when you were meant to fight the Black Knight? I think he paid for it himself. Beautiful. Engraved. I never had a servant display such an act of… Well, Arthur, love.”

“He’s--” Arthur laughed again. “He’s dramatic, that's all.”

“So you don’t think he loves you?”

Arthur finds himself laughing again, each time sounding less honest. “Father, this is ludicrous. Merlin is a man.”

“I know that.”

“You are not talking like you do.”

“Arthur, I’m a King, if you think a man loving another man is gonna horrified me you are underestimating the amount of things I have witnessed. I’m not saying it's right, it’s certainly not ideal but it happens.”

“This is nonsense.”

“What is nonsense is that you think you could lie to me.” Uther wasn’t trying to insult him, Arthur knew this and yet he felt like a prey. 

None of his fathers words were true. Well, Merlin did love a man, he loved Gwaine. He only cared for Arthur, he trusted him because he believed someday he could be a great King. Merlin didn’t love him, he was a royal servant of Camelot. 

Merlin was a sorcerer. 

His father had been observing them both so closely and Arthur had never noticed. The fear that overtook him was new. The idea that somehow his father could find out, get his hands on Merlin, hang him, decapitate him, fucking burn him. It was brutal and it was all too real. He felt petrified with fear. His voice sounded like the one of a child as he stuttered out “Don’t harm him.” Uther expression was unmoved. “I won’t if you don’t make it a problem.”

“I won’t.”

****

+1

Merlin was a sorcerer. The enemy, the one his father swore to extinct. Arthur couldn't even remember himself until he knocked at Merlin's door. 

"Arthur?" Asked Merlin, eyes red and cheeks puff. 

He should drag him to his father's, expose him, cast him to death out of treason. He-- He collapsed against him, hugging the man close and feeling his body shiver, trembling out of panic. 

"You idiot" Groaned the prince, he pushed the warlock inside the chamber closing the door behind them still holding the servant close "I know, Merlin" 

The boy went stiff, trying to walk away from the grip.

"What do you know?"

Arthur snorted, running his hand through his face "About Gwaine," the relief crossed through Merlin's face and Arthur almost laughed at it "and about your magic, Merlin." 

The boy blinked twice, choking on his words. "I swear, Arthur, I only use it to protect--"

"I don't care, Merlin," Arthur grumbled, putting both of his hands on the other man's face, softly brushing his thumbs against Merlin's cheekbones. "I should care, but not now… Now I don't care…I’m not angry with you, I've seen enough to know that you are good. I--I, seen enough to understand magic is not inherently bad…I just wished you would’ve trusted me." 

Merlin eyes were burning red, he nodded, confused and breathless, his eyes softening to then lean in brushing his lips against the prince. 

"I'm so sor--" 

Arthur pressed his mouth against Merlin's, holding him and feeling how the restless feeling of pain that had been hunting him for months disappeared. 

All the years he shared with the warlock come crashing down to him. Every single time he felt like the weight of the world and his kingdom was simply too heavy for him to carry, how each and every time Merlin had been there, sometimes smirking and teasing and some other speaking softly, with that gravely voice the boy only uses under the light of the moon, assuring him he will protect him, promising Arthur that his future was bright, that they will change the world for better, all those tender words the crown prince could never shake because he trusted Merlin. He loved Merlin. Even with magic in between them. 

They moved apart, the two pairs of blue eyes shimmery and hopeful.

"We'll figure it all out, Merlin." Said Arthur, knowing this was his turn to make promises about wonderful destiny's "I love you, and if that means loving magic so be it." 

Merlin scoffs, sniffling and pressing his forehead against Arthur's.

"That's a pretty massive over simplification, dollophead," He mutters, kissing Arthur's cheeks and jaw, "You probably should know I love you too.”

“What about Gwaine?” Arthur’s voice was soft and filled with pain. 

“He knows I love you in a bit too much detail. The only reason we hooked up is because I thought I needed to get under--” Merlin cleared his throat. “He will understand.” Simply said Merlin, chuckling “I should probably talk to him…”

“Later” interrupted Arthur, cradling Merlin’s face and pressing sloppy kisses to his cheeks. “I think he may love you. But later.”

“He does. I couldn’t do the same for him. We are destiny, Arthur… So yes--”The warlock nodded, kissing back and smiling so wide it could’ve lit the whole kingdom “Later.”