Chapter Text
James Potter never half-arsed anything.
Maybe it wasn’t the most poetic way to put it, but it was the truth.
Everything he did was with a hundred percent intensity, sometimes more. The gusto with which he applied himself to everything tended to overwhelm people. They thought he was too much. That he tried too hard. To some extent, James agreed with them. But he couldn’t just stop, because that was simply who he was.
Quidditch, his schoolwork, the pranks he orchestrated with his friends— and the girl he’d had a massive crush on since the moment he laid eyes on her. James didn’t know what it meant to not give all of himself to the things he cared about.
When he got on his broom, everything else faded away until it was just him and the glint of gold that he was searching for. When exams were approaching, he would spend hours in the library with Remus. As for the pranks, it may have been Remus and Peter who worked out all the details, but it was always Sirius and James coming up with the ideas, bouncing them back and forth.
And then there was Lily Evans. Fiery red hair, bright green eyes that stared into your soul, and soft features that didn’t match her sharp tongue. James fell in love with her the moment he first saw her, and ever since, James poured out his entire heart and soul to her. He made elaborate plans to ‘accidentally’ run into her on the way to and from class, bribed classmates to switch seats so he could sit next to her, and even gave her whispered heads-up before pranks so that she wouldn’t get caught in the worst of it. But all James’s efforts just seemed to push her further away.
He knew what people said about him. There were those that liked him, admired him, even, but there were others that clapped his back after his Quidditch matches but whispered that he was a spoiled rich kid who tried too hard behind his back. His friends defended him fiercely, and James pretended he didn’t care. But he did. He cared a lot.
After all, getting people to like him was one of the things he tried the hardest to do. So maybe that was why he goofed off that much more in class, why he pulled another prank that just had to be better than all the ones he’d done before. But no matter how many people he got to laugh, to clap, to holler ‘Nice one, James!’, it didn’t change the fact that he was simply too much for some people.
Things changed in Fourth Year. That was around the time James started learning how to make things look effortless. But even that, he did meticulously behind closed doors. Hair just the right amount of messy, shirt untucked and tie casually loose.
That was also the year he gave up his pursuit of Lily Evans. Ironically, it was only when he dropped a few of the countless balls he’d been juggling that things began to click into place for him. Lily Evans was one of them. They became good friends that year.
At the time, James was still madly in love with her. He just tried to hide it better. The act didn’t work with his friends, of course. Peter had known him since they were children, and although he was usually on the quieter side and preferred to observe rather than get involved, he noticed a lot more than one might think. So he knew, and James knew that he knew, but neither of them ever really mentioned it.
Sirius and Remus also knew, and often gave James knowing looks whenever he walked side-by-side with Lily, cracking jokes to make her laugh and trying not to admire the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. Once in a while, they’d ask if he was okay, but that was only for the first couple of months. By the time Christmas rolled around, they were wrapped up in their own strangely tense dynamics.
James remembered debating locking them inside a broom closet and ordering them to snog it out. He didn’t, but after Christmas break was over, something shifted in the air for good, and he knew that they’d worked it out. That was when he started making a big show of clearing his throat and knocking loudly on the door before walking into dorms. Even then, he did so with his hands over his eyes and asked if everyone was decent. By the time he removed his hand, he was often met with the sight of a very annoyed Reumus who looked ready to throw a book at his head and a snickering Sirius.
On the rare occasion he took his hand away from his eyes to find the two of them flushed, sitting an awkward distance apart, with Sirius’s hair messy and both of their lips swollen, he shouted for Peter to get in here, quick, and the two of them teased them about it mercilessly for weeks until Remus snapped and actually did throw a book at them.
So Fourth Year was a big year of change for everyone. James finally learned how to continue with his obsessive, passionate ways while making it look as though he didn’t care. Sirius and Remus were going out, and Peter was Peter. Good old Pete, always the steady one of the four. James knew that he could always count on him to be level.
Fifth year rolled around, and everything was more or less perfect. For one thing, they finally managed to succeed at becoming animagi. Some people raised their eyebrows at the new nicknames, but they pretended it was just another elaborate private thing they had going on for them. Which it was, in a way.
James had become very used to his way of trying without making it obvious. He sometimes jokingly mentioned it to his friends. They laughed when James pulled a funny face. But slowly, even they began to forget that he was putting up a front. At the very least, they didn’t realise how terrified James was beginning to become of his mask slipping.
There were times he felt he was playing a character, one that he’d have to play for the rest of his life.
That is, until he met Regulus.
Perhaps ‘met’ wasn’t the right way to phrase it. They’d met before; he was Sirius’ little brother, after all. But if the brothers were close, they didn’t let it show at school. James was also familiar with Regulus because he was Slytherin’s seeker, and a damn good one at that. In fact, Quidditch was how they ended up having their first actual conversation.
It was raining. There was a Quidditch match scheduled the following week, and practice had not gone how James wanted it to. He was frustrated, Remus and Sirius were nowhere to be found, and Peter was serving detention for falling asleep in McGonagall’s class. He knew Lily would be around somewhere, but he found that he really didn’t want to talk to her. He got the feeling that would somehow make things worse.
So he did what he always did whenever he was stressed. He flew. Climbing higher and higher, raindrops pelting his face, and looking down to see how dizzyingly high he was helped him to relax. James stayed up there, hovering in the air as high as he dared, for a long time. When he finally felt ready to plant his feet on the ground again, he descended, landing softly on the ground with a squelch of mud under his shoes. It was pouring so heavily that James barely noticed a figure standing a few feet away from him.
“You know, I was hoping you’d fall.”
James frowned. Then recognition dawned on him.
“Black.” It felt strange to say his best friend’s surname while addressing someone else.
“Potter.” Regulus said, and he took a step closer so that James could see him properly. His tangle of black hair was plastered to his face, face pale and practically glowing in the gloom. dark eyes glittering. He wore his Quidditch uniform, and James realised that Regulus also had a broom in his hand.
“Fancied going for a fly?” James asked casually, gesturing to Regulus’s broom. “Wouldn’t recommend it myself, the lightning’s getting a bit close.”
The corners of Regulus’s mouth twitched.
“You were flying.” There was something accusatory in his voice that James didn’t understand.
“Yeah, well, now I have firsthand experience and I’m telling you, it’s probably not safe.”
Regulus fell silent. His eyes flickered upward, as though remembering how high up in the air James had been, then back at James. James couldn’t for the life of him figure out what Regulus was thinking about, and he found himself curious to know what it was.
Without another word, Regulus spun around on his heel and began making his way back into the castle. James stood there staring after him.
“Good luck next week!” He blurted out.
The match scheduled for the following week was a Gryffindor-Slytherin one, and Slytherin had the strongest team this year they’d had in decades. Half the people on the team were new, including Regulus, but anyone who’d seen them during practice could tell that they were a well-oiled machine, somehow perfectly in sync despite not having spent a lot of time as a team together. They were fast, vicious, and didn’t hesitate to play rough.
It made James anxious to think that it seemed increasingly unlikely that he would win his first match of the season, especially considering their new fourth-year beater had accidentally sent a bludger hurtling toward James earlier that day during practice and had just barely missed his face. And if James lost the Quidditch Cup because they lost against Slytherin, he would never forgive himself.
So he had no idea why he was wishing his opponent luck.
Regulus turned around, eyebrows raised so high they disappeared into his hair. For a split second, James was sure his last comment would go ignored and he would be left standing in the rain, feeling stupid.
“Against you, I don’t need luck.” Regulus said, voice barely audible over the storm. With that, he walked away, disappearing into the dark.
James blinked.
Then that old familiar fire flickered alive in his chest.
Oh, it’s on.
***
A few days later, James found himself still lingering on the interaction with Regulus. He glanced over at Sirius, who was draped across an armchair. His head lolled lazily off one of the armest, and he had one of his legs hooked over the part where the head was supposed to go. The pair of them had been playing chess, before Sirius quickly grew bored and abandoned the game.
“Hey Sirius, Regulus is your little brother, right?” James asked finally. Regulus had been on his mind for the past half hour.
“Yeah.” Sirius replied shortly, as he often did when questioned about his home life. James didn’t like to make him talk about it, but today he was curious, and he decided it was okay to push a little bit.
“Are you two close?”
Sirius barked out a harsh laugh.
“Not anymore, we’re not.”
“Oh.”
“Why’d you ask?”
“No reason. I was just wondering.”
“Well, don’t.” Sirius frowned. James worried that he’d upset him, but Sirius quickly brightened when Remus entered the room. He’d clearly just gotten out of the shower, hair damp and the sleeves of his sweater pushed up to reveal his forearms. James glanced between the two of them, got one look at the expression on Sirius’ face, and thought it was about time he took a walk.
So he left, walked through the common room, and climbed out of the portrait hole. It was beginning to grow dark, and lessons were all over for the day, so James was basically free to go anywhere he wanted in the castle. He wandered through the hallways, greeting people left and right as he did so.
Something led his feet in the direction of the library. Upon entering, the smell of books struck him and he wrinkled his nose, but ventured further into the shelves. He didn’t know why he was there, it wasn’t like he had a book to find, and he obviously didn’t have any schoolwork with him. He was beginning to feel stupid, and was just about to turn around and leave, when he caught sight of a tangle of black hair sitting at a table in the corner.
James knew he wasn’t supposed to do this. He also knew it was silly. What they’d shared a few days ago most likely didn’t even qualify as a conversation to most people, and before that he’d had virtually no interest in Sirius’ brother. But again, his feet were moving before he could reason with himself, and before he knew it, he was sliding into the seat opposite Regulus and clearing his throat.
When Regulus looked up and frowned upon finding James there, James realised he didn’t have a clue what to say.
“Hi.” That was always a good place to start.
“Go away.” Regulus ducked his head again, quill scratching against parchment. James, undeterred, peered over at what Regulus was working on, and noticed that his handwriting was almost identical to Sirius’. It was the same lilting cursive that James found hilariously posh.
It was fascinating, seeing his best friend’s distinct handwriting appear from Regulus’ hand.
“What’s that?” James asked.
Regulus didn’t even bother to look up this time.
“I said, go away.”
James tilted his head to the side in an attempt to read what Regulus was writing, but his elegant script was particularly difficult to read upside down.
“You know, I could help you with that. I’ve probably already taken the class.” Now James was just saying whatever came to mind.
“And why would you do that?”
But at least it got Regulus to look up again.
“‘Cause I’m nice.” James tried. Regulus gave him a blank look that James took to mean, try again.
“Because you’re Sirius’ brother?”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Well obviously not, I’m James.” James snickered. That one never got old. Regulus rolled his eyes but James thought he caught the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips.
“Come on, just let me know what you’re working on.”
The smile quickly melted away.
“If this is my brother setting me up for one of your stupid pranks-”
“What, by helping you with your homework?” James was genuinely offended. “Now why would I ever do that when we have fireworks and nifflers, and other things that I’m not supposed to have access to, at our disposal?”
“Just leave.” Regulus shook his head.
“Okay, okay, forget your schoolwork. How about this? I propose a bet.” James said quickly, an idea forming in his mind. He was still unclear over what he was trying to do. All he knew was that he wanted to keep talking to Regulus, and if he was anything like his brother, he was bound to be competitive.
“A bet?” Regulus raised his eyebrows.
“Yes, a bet. We’re playing against each other soon, right?”
Regulus didn’t reply, just stared at James steadily. At least he wasn’t telling him to go away again.
“Let’s make a bet on who wins.”
James caught a spark in Regulus’s eyes that he’d never seen before, and knew he had him hooked.
“Well, then, you’re a bigger idiot than I had you pegged for.” Regulus shook his head. “I could win against you blindfolded. I’ve seen baby deers with more grace.”
James grinned to himself at the unintended irony.
“Yeah, well, I disagree. Your team may be in good shape, but I still think I have a solid chance of winning.”
“Are you implying you’re a better seeker than me?” There was an edge to Regulus’ voice that James found he wanted to prod with a stick until it bared its teeth.
“I’m not implying. I am a better seeker.”
“You are infuriating, that's what you are.”
“Funny, most people find me charming.” James smiled innocently.
“Do you have a response for everything?” Regulus furrowed his brow. Judging by the way the conversation was going, Regulus seemed to have a response for everything, too. But James got the feeling Regulus wouldn’t appreciate the comparison, and he was dancing on a very thin line here, so he chose to bite his tongue.
“Well, of course. I find it hard to sleep at night if I don’t get the last word.” He said instead.
“A truly commendable quality. Everyone loves you for that, I’m sure.” Regulus said dryly. James was well-versed in sarcasm thanks to Remus, and he replied cheerfully.
“You’re right. Everyone does love me.” James clasped his hands to his chest dramatically. “It gets overwhelming sometimes, the love and adoration. Maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to you, Regulus. No one’s ever treated me with such barely-concealed disgust, and between you and me, that kind of turns me on.”
Regulus snorted. James felt a surge of satisfaction at having made him laugh. He wanted to make him do it again, but facing him this time, so he could see the exact moment the mask cracked. But Regulus had already rearranged his face, his lips set in a firm line, and James knew he’d pushed enough for today.
“So. Do we have a bet? Or are you scared you’ll lose?”
Regulus stared at James incredulously. When it was obvious James wasn’t about to back down, Regulus finally caved.
“Fine. If you are so desperate to lose to me twice, I won’t stop you.”
“So it’s settled.” James grinned. He stuck out his hand, only half-expecting Regulus to shake it. Regulus ignored James’ hand. Of course.
“What’s in it for me?” He asked instead.
“Anything you want, only you’re not going to get it, because you’re going to lose.” James said. This appeared to genuinely pique Regulus interest. James watched as Regulus thought for a moment.
“What do you want if you win?” He asked cautiously.
“That’s for me to know and you to find out.” James winked. “So, do we have a bet?”
Regulus observed the hand James stuck out in his direction. He still hadn’t withdrawn it. Eventually, Regulus reached out hesitantly and James seized the moment to grab Regulus’ hand and shake it firmly.
“Alright, I guess I’ll see you around.” James smiled. He’d gotten what he wanted, and he had the feeling he wasn’t welcome to stay much longer. He wasn’t one to push his luck.
“Please don’t.” Regulus shot back. But James didn’t care. He was busy thinking about what he’d ask for when he won the bet.
***
James lost the bet.
He knew he’d lost the moment he saw Regulus racing toward the snitch, a look of intense concentration and determination on his face. James dived anyway, even though he knew it was a lost cause. Regulus was all the way on the other side of the pitch. He groaned as he watched Regulus’s fingers close around the struggling golden ball, and allowed himself to fall the rest of the way to the ground with a little more force than necessary and prepared to wallow in his misery.
But the moment Regulus hit the ground, he whirled around, his hair all blown over his face, and grinned triumphantly at James. James swore his brain sputtered to a creaking halt for a moment.
“I won.” Regulus mouthed, taunting him. James rolled his eyes but found that strangely enough, the loss of the game didn’t hit him nearly as hard as he thought it would. It was a good game, and he’d done his best. It wasn’t his fault the snitch decided to show up practically right in front of Regulus’s nose. He would have been disappointed if Regulus had managed to miss it. Not really, but still.
“Good game, Prongs.” Sirius threw an arm around James’ neck. He seemed to think James needed cheering up, as he leaned down to whisper in a conspiring manner in his ear. “Let’s get them back in a prank. Moony’s already got it all planned out, it’s going to be hilarious.”
“Nice.” James smiled. His friends stopped and stared. Even Sirius, still with one arm wound around James, gave him a strange look.
“What?” He asked.
“You’re not sulking.” Remus pointed out.
“Excuse me, I never sulk.” James crossed his arms.
“No offence, Jamie, but you’re the biggest sore loser I’ve ever met.” Peter said, wide-eyed. “What’s gotten into you today? Are you okay? Do we need to call Madam Pomfrey? That hit you took from one of the bludgers looked pretty bad.”
“Merlin, Wormy, slow down.” James laughed. “I’m fine. The bludger barely scratched me.” James reached over, one long arm looping around Sirius and the other pulling Peter to his vacant side. Sirius tugged Remus next to him, and the four of them walked across the Quidditch pitch back to Hogwarts, leaving behind the jeering and celebrations of Slytherin. Remus grumbled something about this being corny, but everyone shushed him and for once, he fell silent and allowed the good mood to spread.
They burst into the common room to find a party already waiting for them. The banner that read ‘congratulations’ was being hastily taken down and transfigured to read, ‘we’ll get ‘em next time’, and it looked as if the students were scrambling to take down the more festive decorations.
A couple of people threw James anxious looks as he entered through the portrait hole, waiting to gauge his reaction, but he simply reached over, took a cup, and sniffed it.
“Anyone have something that isn’t pumpkin juice? If you know what I mean.” He asked casually, and just like that, the party continued. It wasn’t a celebration party, but Gryffindors had a reputation to uphold, and they partied the night away as though they actually had won.
Way past curfew, the party was still going strong, when Sirius approached James with a wicked glint in his eye that James knew all too well.
“Prongs.”
“Pads.”
“I propose to you, revenge.”
“What?” James laughed.
“We are going to crash the Slytherin party.” Sirius grinned, baring his teeth. “You up for it?”
“My friend, if I ever say no to messing with Slytherins, please take me to see a Healer and get my head checked.” James agreed and threw an arm around his best friend.
“Are we whipping out the old cloak?”
“Thought you’d never ask.”
So that was how the two of them, neither completely sober, ended up stumbling through the castle and into the dungeons to sneak into the Slytherin party. It wasn’t their first time pulling a stunt like this, so it was easy to get inside.
“Wait here, I’m going to go grab us some drinks. Might as well enjoy the party a bit before we mess with them, huh?” Sirius shouted into James’ ear over the music pounding in the air. James nodded, and Sirius disappeared into the crowd. James tucked the invisibility cloak away and attempted to navigate through the common room. Eventually, he just stuck to the wall and leaned against it, eyes travelling across the throngs of students. He ducked his head whenever someone looked at him a little too hard.
“Potter?”
Alas, someone recognised him. James lifted his hands in the air, fully prepared to make a run for it if he had to. James turned around to see who it was, only to come face to face with Regulus. He had something silver and glittery painted across his cheekbones that made him look like something out of this world.
“Black.” James smiled lazily. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Well, I’m a Slytherin. And this is the Slytherin common room.” Regulus glanced around to make sure no one was paying attention to him. “What are you doing here, do you have a death wish? Do you know what would happen if people knew you were here?”
“Is it?” James shrugged. “I’m here to see you, obviously.”
“What?”
James searched his mind for something plausible, and it thankfully landed on the bet.
“You should cash in your bet. You know, get it over with.”
“Oh.” Regulus frowned. “I’m still thinking about it.”
“Pfft.” James blew air up into his fringe. He could smell cheap beer on his breath, and so could Regulus, evidently, as his eyes widened and suddenly leaned closer to James to see his face properly.
“Are you drunk?”
“No.” James lied.
“Salazar.” Regulus muttered under his breath. James thought he also caught something along the lines of fucking idiot, but he couldn’t be sure. “What is wrong with y-”
“REG! THERE YOU ARE, YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD.” Someone bellowed, materialising out of nowhere. James looked over to where the voice came from in annoyance. What could be so important that they had to interrupt what Regulus had been about to say?
Regulus threw James an irritated look.
“Don’t try anything stupid and leave. Trust me, Potter, you don’t want to be here.”
“But what if I do?” James complained. Someone telling him not to do something really only made him want to do it more, especially when that someone was Regulus and he was scowling in a way that indicated he was absolutely exasperated.
“Go.”
With that, Regulus disappeared into the crowd and James was left to sulk.
“Huh, would you look at that?” James murmured to himself. “I do sulk.”
“Prongs, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” Sirius appeared at his elbow. James was suddenly glad Regulus had to leave. He didn’t know how he would handle the estranged brothers running smack dab into each other when he was stone cold sober, let alone drunk.
“The drinks they have here are all so bad, so I did them a little favour.” Sirius winked. “C’mon, let’s go put beetles in someone’s hair.”
James wasn’t listening. The song had changed into something James didn’t recognise, but the music wasn’t what he was focused on.
“Prongs, what are you- Merlin, is that Regulus?”
Regulus was dancing. It really shouldn’t have been a big deal. Everyone was dancing. But with the silvery paint on his cheekbones, and the fact that he was really rather good at it, he was undoubtedly the centre of attention. And James couldn’t look away.
“You stop talking for two years, and this happens!” Sirius was incredulous. “When did he learn to do that?”
Sirius finally noticed that James had gone very quiet.
“Oi, that’s my brother, quit staring.” Sirius waved a hand in front of James’ face. James threw him a sideways look.
“I thought you didn’t get along anymore.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I want you ogling my brother.” Sirius cringed. “It’s gross,” he paused. “It’s incestual.”
“I’m not ogling.” James felt a blush creep up in his cheeks. Sirius rolled his eyes.
“Come on, let’s just go.”
“What, why? I want to stay.” James’s eyes flickered back to Regulus, but Sirius caught the move. He was annoyingly sharp sometimes.
“James, I’m warning you, don’t even think about it.” He narrowed his eyes.
“Fine.”
They left soon after, both having lost the urge to mess with Slytherins. Sirius regarded James with mild suspicion and James just wondered how he was going to ‘accidentally’ run into Regulus again.
Turns out, he didn’t need to think of an excuse at all, as the next day, Regulus voluntarily approached James outside the Great Hall before dinner.
Regulus had been leaning on the wall next to the entrance, scowling at people who looked at him strangely. James spotted him the minute he turned into the hallway. Their eyes locked, making it clear that Regulus was there waiting for him, and James immediately panicked.
“Ah, shit.” James made a big show of turning his pockets inside out. “I think I left my quill behind.”
“We can go get it after dinner.” Sirius said.
“No, no, this quill, it’s, er, a lucky quill. I need to get it right now, because it might get stolen.”
“Your quill. The one you’ve been chewing on the ends so it spurts ink everywhere but you refuse to get a new one. You think someone might steal that?” Remus raised his eyebrows.
“It’s a lucky quill.” James insisted. “Anyway, you lot go on, I’ll be back in a minute.”
Before he could hear a response, he sprinted in the opposite direction. Once he was out of sight from his friends, he took a shortcut that led to a different way into the Great Hall. He reached Regulus and grabbed him, tugging him into an empty classroom just as his friends walked in through the doors.
“Was this necessary?” Regulus glared at James and the hand that still clamped down on his arm.
“Sorry.” James laughed nervously. “Sirius isn’t a big fan of me hanging out with you, so I thought this would be better.”
“Oh.”
“So, do you know what you want for winning the bet?” James asked when the silence got too prolonged for him to bear. He’d never been able to sit still in the quiet for too long, it felt too awkward.
“Yes.” Regulus tilted his chin upward defiantly.
“What is it?”
“I want you to help me speak to Sirius.”
James must have looked confused.
“I know it must seem strange, but we haven’t talked since … well, a while. Sirius thinks we’re all awful, and I just- I want to talk to him, but he won’t even look at me.” Regulus explained, not meeting James’s eye. James recalled Sirius’ offhand comment the previous night.
“You stop talking for two years, and this happens!”
“Has it really been two years?” James asked. Regulus stared at him in surprise.
“How did you know?”
“He mentioned it.”
Regulus glared at the floor.
“He thinks of you as his brother more than he does me.”
“That’s not true.” James protested. Yes, the two of them considered each other brothers, but James didn’t think for a moment that Sirius would think of James as his brother over Regulus. He paused in his train of thought. Or did he?
“It is.” Regulus insisted. “Barty heard him talking to Evans the other day. He said something about hanging out with his brother, and Evans asked if he meant me, and he said, and I quote, of course not, I meant James.
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Stop trying to make me feel better, Potter, it’s not working and it’s sad to see you try.” Regulus snapped. “I just want you to … put in a good word for me. And see if he has any intention of listening.”
“I will.” James nodded. “But you don’t have to waste the bet on that. I would have done that for you even if you hadn’t won. Don’t you want, I don’t know, money, or to see me do something humiliating in front of everyone?”
“In case you’ve forgotten, I’m a Black. I have more money than I know what to do with. And as for your humiliation, while I would enjoy that, you manage that well enough on your own.”
“Ouch.” James laughed. “Come on, you have to want something.”
“I told you what I want.” Regulus, James learned, had quite the stubborn streak. It amused him to think that he and Sirius had that in common, despite whatever had driven them apart. He mentally added it to the list of things he was learning about Regulus; so far, he was competitive, a wicked Quidditch player, a rather talented dancer, and quite stubborn.
“Alright, fine, but don’t say I didn’t give you the opportunity.” James glanced at his wristwatch. “I’d better get going, or my friends are going to miss me. I’ll talk to Sirius for you, okay?”
“Okay.” Regulus paused. “Why would you offer me something else even after I’d already told you what I wanted?”
“Because,” James replied without missing a beat, hand on the door handle. “I’m nice. Remember?”
James shot Regulus a grin and left easily knowing that they would be talking again soon.
***
James began ever-so-subtly bringing up Regulus whenever Sirius was around as much as he could. Or at least, he tried to be subtle. Unfortunately for him, subtlety had never come naturally for him.
His first attempt went, without a doubt, in the worst way it could possibly have gone. He’d clumsily asked Sirius whether, as brothers, he and Regulus had some type of sibling-bond-telepathy which James then proposed Sirius should put to good use to help him penetrate the mind of the Slytherin seeker.
Sirius, who’d been watching in confusion while Remus smirked, his arm lazily slung over Sirius’s shoulder, frowned at the end of James’s garbled question.
“No …?” It came out like a question, and Sirius’s brow was furrowed. He cast a worried glance in Remus’s direction before pressing his cool palm against James’s forehead. “Prongs, are you sick? Merlin, you’re sweaty.”
It was true. James had worked himself up so much trying to find the perfect segue, and when the moment came, he had landed on sibling-bond-telepathy, of all things. He was mentally kicking himself, and his nerves hadn’t gotten any better when he spotted Regulus making his way across the courtyard. He was accompanied by Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch, as always, and his shoulders were relaxed for once, a small smile gracing his face as he listened to his friends banter. Almost immediately, he appeared to sense someone looking at him and jerked his head around until he finally locked eyes with James, who was currently turning bright red and trying to back away as Sirius fretted over him.
Sirius was too busy trying to convince a rapidly backing away James to visit the hospital wing to notice anything, but Remus, one step away from it all, followed James’s nervous glances and then quickly snapped his head back to look at James, eyebrows raised so high they disappeared into his hair.
James could only deal with so many things at once. He tore his gaze away from Regulus, who was already disappearing from sight as it was. He then side-stepped Sirius, insisting he was fine, and fixed Remus with the best please-shut-the-fuck-up look he had. Luckily for him, Remus simply shrugged and nodded. James breathed a secret sigh of relief. James wasn’t sure the extent to which Remus had figured out what was going on, but regardless, it would remain a secret.
“Alright, Pads, back off.” James ducked under Sirius’s arm and darted out of reach. “I’m fine, it was just a stupid question.”
Sirius wasn’t about to be distracted, James could already tell, but Remus, thank Merlin for Remus, slid a hand around Sirius’s waist and sneakily pulled him close, effectively diverting his attention.
This interaction discouraged James from bringing Regulus up again for at least a week. But he was sick of darting around, Regulus’s name on the tip of his tongue, only to bite it back last second because he was afraid to mess this up. If he approached this wrong, he could potentially anger and disappoint both Black brothers, and that was a risk James was not willing to take.
Once upon a time, James wouldn’t have cared what Sirius’ brother thought of him, and dropped the matter all together. But he’d seen Regulus, looking awfully small and vulnerable in that classroom, bending his pride and asking James for help, and every time James caught a glimpse of him from afar, he found a dull ache of sympathy at the bottom of his heart that he simply couldn’t ignore.
Thankfully, an opportunity presented itself sooner than James had anticipated. It had crept up on him so quickly that he almost missed it. And it was all thanks to Remus and Peter, both of whom finally took pity on James and his obvious inner struggle.
The four of them had been spending their Friday afternoon by the lake, lounging around. It was a strangely warm day for mid-November, and they were taking advantage of the small sliver of time when all four of them were able to relax and hang out together. Soon enough, James would have to dive back into Quidditch practice, even more vigorously than before thanks to the fact that they’d already suffered a loss. There wasn’t long left until the next full moon, either, which would make Remus closed off and snappish, letting no one near him except Sirius.
It had been a quiet, laid back afternoon, in contrast to their other hangouts which were often loud and boisterous. Remus had been reading, one hand fiddling with Sirius’s inky hair that was splayed across his lap. Sirius was talking absentmindedly at a mile a minute, occasionally tilting his head back to look at Remus when asking for his input. Peter and James had been tossing bread crumbs into the lake, watching the surface bubble and ripple as the chunks of pastry got sucked underneath.
“So what’s everyone planning to do for Christmas?” For some reason, Peter shot James a meaningful look and he spoke a little louder so as to bring Remus and Sirius out of their little bubble.
Sirius pulled a face.
“My family’s demanding I join them this year.” He rolled his eyes. His entire body had stiffened as he talked about his family. Silently, Remus set the book down and threaded both hands through Sirius’s hair. Sirius exhaled a small sigh and closed his eyes, the tension in his face easing slightly.
“Are you planning on going?” Remus asked softly.
“I don’t know.” Sirius breathed out a sharp laugh. “I don’t want to step foot in that house as long as I live, but-” He broke off to swallow hard. “But I think maybe this year, I might have to.”
“Why?” James asked. “You’re always welcome at mine. Mum and Dad love having you over, you know that. In fact, I’m sure Mum’s going to ask if any of you are going to be coming over.”
“It’s complicated.” Sirius shook his head. “Of course I want to be at yours for Christmas. I mean, I would just stay at Hogwarts if I didn’t have any other option, let’s be real. But this year, the entire extended family’s going to be there. I don’t think it’s the best idea to be stubborn about not wanting to go, and it’s not fair on Regulus.”
Both Remus and Peter gave James a pointed look.
Alright, alright. James may have been slightly dense at picking up clues, but this was a little much. Nonetheless, he was glad his friends were so willing to help him without any questions asked.
“I thought you and Regulus weren’t close?” James asked carefully. Sirius made a bitter noise in the back of his throat and abruptly sat up. Remus’s hands momentarily lost their place, missing Sirius’s hair, but ultimately his right hand found Sirius’s and their fingers intertwined. James noticed the way Sirius’s knuckles went white with how hard he was gripping Remus’s hand, but Remus didn’t even flinch.
“We used to be. I took care of him a lot, and I think he looked up to me at some point.” Sirius said shortly. “We drifted apart after he got sorted into Slytherin, especially since I avoid going to my parents’ house as much as I can. That place - it’s awful. It sucks the life right out of you, and Regulus doesn’t fight it at all. He’s always been the good, obedient kid. They probably fed him a load of bullshit about me being a disgrace and how he shouldn’t follow in my footsteps. He probably believes it, too.”
“That’s not true.” James blurted out. Peter silently buried his face in his hands in exasperation, while Remus was staring at James like he couldn’t quite believe James’s lack of tact.
Sirius snapped his head around to look at James properly. His family was the one subject he was incredibly defensive about, and James had taken the idea of treading lightly and thrown it right into the lake to be devoured by the giant squid.
Well, no backing out now.
“I mean, I’m sure Regulus doesn’t believe everything his parents try to tell him about you. I mean, have you tried talking to him? Are you sure that’s what he thinks?”
“Well, he barely looks at me, for one.” Sirius frowned. Luckily, he didn’t seem to think much of James and his sudden outburst.
Meanwhile, James was reminded of something very similar Regulus had told him.
Sirius thinks we’re all awful, and I just- I want to talk to him, but he won’t even look at me.
Merlin help these stubborn uncommunicative brothers.
“Maybe he doesn’t look at you because you don’t look at him, either.” James offered. “Look, if you’re going back to your parents’ house this Christmas because you’re worried about him, then at the very least let him know that that’s what you’re there for. How’s he supposed to know you still care about him if you won’t show it?”
“Me showing up to that place is showing it.” Sirius argued.
“No offence, Pads, but if he’s as dense as you can sometimes be, he’s not going to know that.”
“He is pretty dense.” Sirius murmured, a pondering look overtaking his face.
“Exactly.” James beamed, even though he knew Regulus would likely hex him into next week if he knew this was how he was convincing his brother to talk to him. Oh well, he was holding up his end of the bargain, and that was all that mattered. “Come on, just give him some small indication that you still care about him while you’re at your parents’. Or better yet, talk to him this week, and neither of you have to go to your parents’ house. Mum will be thrilled to know both of you are coming. The more the merrier is literally her mantra.”
Sirius frowned again, dubious.
“I don’t think he’s going to come. And besides, I really don’t want to intrude.”
James burst out laughing, slinging a merry arm over his best friend’s shoulders.
“Sirius, it’s Christmas break. It’s only two weeks, and Mum genuinely wants any excuse possible to make sure you keep showing up at our house.” James pointed at Peter. “Pete’s staying over, obviously, no questions asked there. Remus, it’s completely up to you, but you’re going to be missing out on so much if you’re the only one not there.”
“I’m pretty sure my family will be wanting to see me, so I’ll see you lot next year.”
“Sirius?” James prompted, giving Sirius a nudge. Eventually, Sirius cracked a reluctant smile.
“Fine, I’ll talk to Regulus. But if this all goes South, I swear, Prongs, I’m blaming you.”
And that was how Regulus ended up spending his very first Christmas at the Potter residence.