Chapter Text
“if you enjoyed the time you wasted, then it wasn't wasted time.” - john lennon
—
tyler’s not the party type.
he’s not lame or anything—like he’s not a nerd. he’s not totally caught up in academics to have an absence of a social life. it’s more just a matter of what he thinks will benefit him and what he thinks won’t benefit him. it’s rather simple actually.
school does mean a lot to him, especially since he’s paying for it (with a student loan, of course), but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know how to have fun. it just means that his idea of fun excludes drinking, smoking, and partying. he’d rather remember having fun sober than barely remember having fun drunk.
his friends, on the other hand, have fun by spending hours packed in a house full of sweaty people and blaring lights. not to mention the alcohol. and tyler understands it, he really does, he just doesn’t see it for himself. but it’s scientifically proven that alcohol does trigger dopamine release, leading to feelings of pleasure, relaxation and the best one yet, reduced anxiety.
the only reason tyler ever drinks. rarely.
it’s ironic, really, because the main reason tyler doesn’t go to parties is his anxiety. and even the things he loves doing, like baseball and music, still give him some amount of anxiety. whether it be playing the piano for his church or going up to bat with bases fully loaded, it never leaves.
but eventually you learn to live with it. he’s adapted to it—his anxiety is a part of him and even though it holds him back from some things, tyler knows he’ll eventually get around to trying them. he’s nothing if not curious and persistent—meaning he’ll keep trying stuff until he likes it. even if he never does.
a lot of people assume things about him. many think he’s this sheltered, nerdy, catholic virgin when he’s actually your average middle class christian guy who was the first one in his church to come out and be publicly bisexual.
besides that, tyler’s actually had a pretty decent life—no big hardships, a loving family, good school. he goes through life with no regrets, mainly because he tries everything. and maybe one day, before he gets his bachelor’s, he’ll go to a college party. one day. his fomo wouldn’t be able to take it if he graduated without any experience like that. although it sounds loud and gross and extremely overstimulating, he’d put himself through it any day.
one day.
“agr’s throwing a rager tonight” is the first thing tyler’s best friend, mark, says when he enters the dorm. he’s not saying it as an invitation—rather as a notice. it’s basically another way of saying “we won’t be back until 11am tomorrow”.
mark and michael are tyler’s two close friends. he knows a lot of people, whether it be others who play baseball, people around who are involved in music—tyler knows them all. okay, well maybe not everyone, but a fair amount where he can say he’s social. he waves to at least 2 people on the way to every class.
“alright, have funnn.” tyler says, not taking his eyes off his phone. it’s not that instagram is more interesting than his friends, but he’s been studying all day. he deserves a break—he needs to look at something that isn’t his essay.
“thanks for the eye contact.” mark huffs out a laugh, flopping down onto tyler’s small bed. he takes out his phone, opening instagram. now they’re both scrolling.
“where’s michael?” tyler asks, turning off his phone and tossing it next to him face down.
“he’s coming,” mark sighs, the sides of his mouth curling up into a grin. “he stopped by his girlfriend’s.”
“he should be quick then.” tyler hops up from the bed, walking over to his desk to grab the bag of chips in the cabinet compartment.
“you know,” mark sits up, facing tyler. “for someone who’s basically gay, you sure have a lot of jokes to make about michael and his girlfriend.”
tyler scoffs. “i’m bi. and for my jokes? it’s only because i refuse to believe they actually talk. everytime i hear about her, he’s always talking about how they fucked or something. it’s kind of demeaning.”
“you’re kinda right.” mark nods in agreement.
“that’s what happens when you meet people at parties.” tyler laughs, pouring the remains of the chips in his mouth.
“you don’t even go to parties bro.” mark scoffs. “gotta experience it to judge it.”
“no i’m right, trust me,” tyler insists, sitting down in his swivel chair, spinning around. “anyone you meet at a college frat party is super horny. not to mention—no personality. i can prove it.”
“really?” mark stands up, crossing his arms. he’s clearly intrigued. “you gonna go to a party or something?”
tyler spins the chair to face mark, resting his hands on his thighs. “you know what—maybe i will.”
mark’s eyes widen. “wait, what? actually?”
“why not?” tyler shrugs. “it’s almost may. school’s done soon.”
tyler’s best friend laughs out loud. “you’re not serious. tyler joseph, the one who calls parties a ‘waste of time’ and an ‘overstimulating sweaty orgy’, actually wants to go to one?”
“i did not say that.”
“yes you did.”
“when?”
“like last week.”
“well, whatever!” tyler places his hands on his hips. “is a guy not allowed to change his mind?”
“you definitely are, i just don’t want you to be overstimulated and tell us you want to leave.” mark’s eyes widen with guilt. he’s a good friend.
“i won’t.” tyler groans. “i promise.”
“okay, i’m gonna hold you to that.” mark cautioned with a grin.
“deal.” tyler says, and they shake on it.
—
it’s ironic, really—the reason tyler avoids parties is the same thing that ends up pulling him into this one: his anxiety.
when he said that he needs to look at something other than his essay, he didn’t think it would end up meaning this: a sweaty, packed, rainbow-light party, just like he pictured it.
it’s already done. there’s no going back now, no finding his friends, especially since tyler was the one who told them that he wanted to split up and experience the party himself. it feels like his first real party, but it’s not. he went to a few in highschool.
however, every single one did end in some sort of anxiety attack. in fact, the last one he went to was during his senior year and he threw up in someone’s bush. he hasn’t gone to one since.
he’s heard the stories of frat parties and how crazy they can get. in his mind, if he doesn’t talk to anyone and just keeps to himself, there’s no chance that anything bad will happen to him.
tyler walks through the halls, occasionally bumping into a few people who clearly don’t know where they’re going. it’s okay though—this is a party that has alcohol, what else should he expect? for someone who doesn’t go to parties, this one is surely checking all of the boxes in his head.
he eventually makes it to the living room that, for some reason, is closer to the back of the house than the front. there’s a kitchen connected, red solo cups and different bottles of alcohol on the counter. people are making out on the couch and tyler tries to look the other way. he doesn’t want to be kicked out for staring.
and he also just doesn’t want to look at that. no offense.
the anxiety does end up following him into the party though, because the second someone makes eye contact with him, he feels his entire body jolt. it’s brief, and it’s some random guy that probably lives in the house, but he looks at him like he doesn’t belong and the thoughts start rolling in.
tyler’s not made for parties.
in lieu of walking around, pretending to fit in, he decides to settle for a nice seat on the floor. he’s in a corner now. the music is blasting. it sounds muffled. everything is muffled. it’s just tyler being tyler again.
he has the urge to get off his ass and find his friends but he remembers that he promised mark he wouldn’t have to leave. he doesn’t have a ride—mark’s car will be leaving when mark leaves. there’s no option now but to stay. he will stay and ride it out. it works. sometimes.
tyler places his palms over his ears, pressing down hard enough so the room sounds even more muffled. he can still hear though; infact, the voices that he’s hearing are getting louder. and louder. until one pierces through everything.
“hey.”
tyler looks up from where his eyes were pressing into his knees. his vision is blurry, and there are still shapes, but eventually his eyes adjust. he’s met with a guy, standing over him, red solo cup in hand. he has a grin on his face, his straight teeth being shown off from in between his lips. his nails are painted and he has the classic emo haircut that tyler’s always thought looked cool.
he is, without a doubt, extremely attractive.
“are you alright?” the guy asks, a glimmer of concern in his eyes. “you look like me when i’m overstimulated.” he laughs, and tyler’s not sure if he’s making fun of him or not. whatever it is, his laugh is a beacon of sunshine through the dark clouds that surround tyler.
“oh yeah, i’m fine,” tyler laughs nervously, trying not to stutter or do anything embarrassing. he’s already the one curled up on the floor looking like a little kid. “i’m just… yeah, overstimulated.”
the guy crouches down, forearms resting on his thighs, hands dangling in between his legs. “i hear that. i, uh…” the guy pauses to sit down next to tyler, his back now against the wall as well. “i, too, have had my fair share of anxiety attacks.”
“they suck, i can’t even lie.” tyler huffs out a laugh, leaning his head against the wall.
“they really do.” the guy turns to look at tyler, his dark brown eyes piercing holes through tyler’s. “i’m josh, by the way.” he extends his hand for a shake.
“tyler,” he says, reciprocating. “you live here or something?”
josh raises an eyebrow before laughing. he gestures to himself, hands pointing at different areas of his body. “me? living in a frat house? god no,” josh shakes his head like it’s a curse. “that’s gross.”
“thank you!” tyler’s eyes light up. “everyone i know always romanticizes frat parties, when in reality, they’re just.. i don’t know. weird? not to mention the initiation.”
“right?” josh does a fake gag. “it’s a miracle they’re not banned.”
“mmm.” tyler nods in agreement, looking at his hands as they continue to shake.
“do you want some of this?” josh asks, offering him the red solo cup he’s been holding.
“no thanks, i don’t drink.” tyler weakly smiles, making eye contact briefly before looking down. he’s afraid that he’ll say or do something stupid if he looks at josh for long enough. why is this cute guy talking to him—the curled up guy in the corner?
“relax, it’s just vodka and raspberry lemonade,” josh scoffs, taking a sip. “you’ll pass your finals.”
“that sounds.. very fruity.” tyler says, laughing before he can stop himself.
“you are what you drink, right?” josh smirks, shrugging.
“yeah.” tyler smiles. is josh gay? “okay. i’ll have some.” he takes the cup out of josh’s hand, taking a big sip.
“okay whoa don’t drink all of it,” josh chuckles, taking the drink back once tyler’s done with it. “i still want some.”
“sorry.” tyler says quietly, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. josh looks down at his hoodie.
“nice sweater!” josh’s face seems to light up when his eyes read the cinci reds logo. “you follow baseball?”
“i play baseball, bro.” tyler says it like it’s obvious. he can feel the alcohol kicking in. or maybe it’s just a placebo effect. maybe he just feels comfortable around josh.
“no way! that’s so cool!” josh smiles wide and tyler can feel his face getting hot. “what position do you play? pitcher? catcher?” he smirks.
tyler doesn’t usually pick up on jokes immediately—or ever, for that matter, but in this case, he gets it immediately.
“shortstop, actually,” tyler laughs, looking down in an attempt to hide how much josh’s gay joke affects him. “but i see what you did there. funny.”
“i can be very humourous.” josh smiles, raising his eyebrows triumphantly.
“i have no doubts,” tyler says. “what about you? you play as well?”
“ah, i used to.” josh’s head leans back against the wall.
“what happened?” tyler asks, head also against the wall, turning to look at josh.
“eh i just got sick of it, i guess,” josh shrugs, turning to return eye contact. “but i still play sometimes.”
“what position?”
“pitcher.” josh looks down with a smile. tyler’s heart skips a beat.
“i could never pitch, oh my god,” tyler says, shaking his head, shivering. “way too much pressure. i can barely handle baseball as it is.”
“oh man that’s real,” josh nods. “when i first started, i didn’t know what the hell i was doing. i was put on this team and everyone on it had, like, years of experience.”
“no way, same!” tyler exclaims, watching as josh’s face lights up to mirror him. “every time i messed up i felt like i was letting everyone down.”
“why are we living the same life?” josh laughs, mimicking a brain explosion with his fingers. “no, but seriously, props to you for sticking with it. my anxiety unfortunately won that battle.”
“yeah i thought about quitting a lot,” tyler admits, looking down at his fidgetting hands. they’re sweaty, and it doesn’t help to wipe them on his jeans. “but i kinda realized that i’m just letting some random thing hold me back from doing something i love. it’s kind of stupid.”
josh’s eyebrows furrow like he’s super invested in what tyler’s saying. he seems to be truly listening.
“i mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s still there, it’s just not as loud anymore. you know what i mean?” tyler reaches out to grab the cup from josh’s hand, taking another drink of the vodka lemonade.
josh pauses for a second, and tyler watches as his eyes dart all around his face. “yeah. yeah i know exactly what you mean.”
“how did we end up here from my sweater?” tyler laughs, trying to say something to distract himself from how good josh’s hair looks stuck to his forehead with sweat.
“conversations just have a way of doing that.” josh shrugs with a grin.
“they really do.” tyler nods slowly, looking forward. he tries to ignore how fast his heart is beating, and how josh is drumming on his thighs with a rhythm that tyler can’t ignore. he’s definitely tipsy now and he’s worried that he’ll say something wrong. or do something wrong.
“okay,” josh says, breaking the silence and turning to face him. “this might seem kind of forward, and it’s extremely awkward for me to ask, but i will hate myself if i go home knowing i didn’t.”
tyler’s heart skips a beat, again. he nods slowly with a weak smile. the biggest smile he can give without melting into a puddle.
“you’re really cute, tyler,” josh says, looking directly into his eyes. it feels like he’s burning a hole into his chest, in the best way possible. “are you into guys by chance?”
“very upfront, i respect that,” tyler laughs, looking down at the floor before returning eye contact again. “i– yes. i am. i do. i… fuck.” he runs a hand down his face because the words coming out of his mouth don’t make sense anymore. why is josh so fucking cute? “i am into guys. yes.”
josh lets out a shaky laugh, looking down at the ground. “glad to know you’re as nervous as me.”
“whoa whoa whoa, who said i’m nervous?” tyler places a hand on his chest, acting offended.
“um, your red face?” josh banters, pointing at his right cheek. tyler doesn’t stop him when he places his hand on it. “damn, that’s hot.”
“my skin or me?” tyler asks quietly, the words feeling unreal when they leave his mouth. of course he meets someone like josh at the one party he goes to.
he’s glad that he’s here.
“is both an option?” josh asks, repositioning his hand so that it’s cupping his jaw. tyler only realizes now how close their faces are.
“well, it is really hot in here.” tyler shrugs gently, trying to make sure josh’s hand stays on his face. it does.
“oh really?” josh’s eyes flicker down to tyler’s lips and tyler swears he can’t breathe for a second.
“oh yeah.” tyler nods with a smile, josh returning a grin before placing his drink down on the floor next to him. before tyler can even think, josh is leaning in to connect their lips. at first, it’s gentle, like he’s trying to see if tyler reciprocates. when he does, the kiss quickly deepens—tyler’s hands moving to grip josh’s shoulders. it’s an awkward position, tyler hasn’t kissed anyone in a little while, but it’s fine. it’s more than fine.
josh’s hands sneak around to tyler’s waist, gently holding him still. there are people around, but for some reason, tyler doesn’t care. and josh doesn’t seem to care either.
“for the record, you’re really cute as well.” tyler murmurs against josh’s lips, feeling the need to let josh know that as soon as possible. it earns a smile from josh, and he hums against his lips.
tyler’s heart is slamming against his ribcage, and he’s 110% sure josh can hear and feel it. it doesn’t seem to bother him though—in fact, he seems to be kissing tyler harder and deeper.
“this is kind of awkward,” josh points out, referring to the uncomfortable position they’re in. “here, wait.” he tightens his grip on tyler’s hips, guiding him to his lap. tyler settles his legs on either side of josh, resting his hands on his thighs like he doesn’t know what to do with himself.
“wow,” tyler says, looking at josh who’s eyeing him like he’s godly. “sorry. i don’t know what to say.” he laughs nervously, fidgetting.
“that’s okay,” josh shrugs with a genuine smile that makes tyler melt. “we don’t have to talk right now.”
“okay.” tyler says, eyes wide and scanning over josh’s face. is tyler really tipsy enough to have missed that josh has a lip piercing? or maybe he did and just forgot. whatever, there’s no time to think because josh’s hands have returned to tyler’s hips and their lips are reconnected yet again.
mark and michael never mentioned making out with random people at parties. or maybe they did, and tyler didn’t listen because he didn’t believe that it could be such a good thing.
or maybe josh is just a really, really good kisser.
tyler doesn’t really mean to shift his hips, but between the alcohol and the hot guy underneath him, it’s hard to not feel the ache in his jeans.
josh notices the shift too because he lets out the tiniest noise that makes all the blood rush to the south of tyler’s border. what are frat parties even about?
“oh shit,” josh pulls away out of breath, resting their foreheads together. “do you want to.. go someplace else? maybe somewhere more private?” he looks around, gesturing to the obscene amount of people nearby. it’s not like any of them are actively watching, but it’s still awkward.
“oh, um, sure.” tyler laughs, breathless. he gets up off josh’s lap and the bulge in his pants is definitely somewhat apparent. josh gets up after him, standing up. before tyler can look down, josh is grabbing his wrist and leading him through the crowd of sweaty people.
“you know your way around here really well.” tyler says to josh as they slip through the huddles of people.
“i’m a regular, what can i say?” josh laughs before reaching the staircase. “come on.”
there are less people upstairs, and by the time josh drags tyler to the end of the hall, the music is way quieter and there’s no one close enough to see them slip into the master bedroom and lock it.
the room is giant and surprisingly clean, compared to tyler’s initial expectations of a frat house bedroom. it’s off limits, which is probably why it’s so clean. or maybe because a music kid sleeps in it, hence the keyboard on the bed.
tyler walks over to the bed, josh following close behind.
“would’ve never guessed a musician for a frat boy.” tyler says, laying on his stomach. he turns on the keyboard and plays a few notes.
“dude, you do music too?” josh asks, jaw hung open a bit as tyler begins to play complex songs like they’re nothing.
“sometimes,” tyler shrugs with a smile. “not as a career though. god no, i could never.”
“what do you mean?” josh sits down in front of him, the piano being the only thing separating them. “you’re pretty good from what i’ve seen in these last 20 seconds.”
tyler laughs, shaking his head. “thanks, but i could never perform in front of people as a career. it’s scary enough performing in front of my church.”
“you perform in front of a church?” josh furrows his eyebrows in a way where he seems intrigued. he looks at tyler like he wants to know every detail about his life.
“i used to. not much anymore, obviously, because i’ve been at school and stuff.” tyler continues to play a few notes, a few chords.
josh closes his eyes like he’s taking it all in. “what do you do then? what’s your major?”
“biochemistry,” tyler replies.
“holy shit,” josh’s eyes widen with a grin. “so you’re like smart too?”
“that’s subjective.”
“jesus,” josh laughs, looking down at the bed, tracing shapes into the duvet. he leans in a little, just enough to make tyler’s breath hitch. “so tyler. you play baseball, you’re amazing at the piano, and you’re studying biochemistry? fucking insane dude.”
“gotta stop flattering me like that,” tyler laughs nervously, covering his face with his hands. “getting all blushy.”
josh laughs before reaching over and turning off the keyboard. he picks it up and places it on the dresser at the end of the bed. tyler’s hands are soon removed from his face, and tyler could just melt from how gentle josh’s touch is.
“i’m sorry, but you are way too smart to be acting like this.”
tyler scoffs without any real bite behind it. “like what?”
“like you’re not the coolest person ever?” josh says it like it’s obvious. “dude, i can’t even like—jesus.” he doesn’t waste time in reconnecting their lips in a gentle kiss. it’s barely anything, but he lingers long enough to send shocks up and down tyler’s spine. there are butterflies in his stomach, his head is buzzing, and he can’t tell if it’s the alcohol or josh. both are equally inebriating.
it doesn’t take long for the kiss to deepen again—tyler finding his way on top of josh, crawling over him as laughs escape his throat. he accidentally bangs his knee into josh’s shin.
“oh my god,” tyler says, sitting up, a hand over his mouth. “i am so sorry.”
josh’s hands slide around his hips, a breathy laugh escaping his throat. “tyler, it’s fine. i’m fine. just—” he pulls him back toward him, kissing him more passionately. tyler immediately reciprocates again, his hands finding josh’s neck, biceps, chest. his hands slide under his shirt, feeling up and down his body until they land on his abdomen.
“oh my god.” tyler laughs breathlessly against josh’s lips.
“what?” josh chuckles, rubbing his thumbs into his hip bones.
“you’re ripped.” it sounds stupid, and he knows it does, but it has to be said.
“i am?” josh smirks, biting down on tyler’s bottom lip.
“wait, let me—” tyler grabs at the hem of josh’s shirt, sliding it up his body. josh doesn’t stop him—in fact, he helps him in removing it, sliding it over his head. the shirt gets thrown over the side of the bed and tyler can’t help but stare at josh’s shirtless torso.
“holy shit.”
josh grins and the butterflies in tyler’s stomach only get more intense. this whole thing, it’s kind of insane. now tyler can’t even imagine not going to this party.
“take this off too?” josh pulls at the hem of tyler’s hoodie, and when his warm fingers brush the skin underneath both layers, it sends a jolt of electricity up tyler’s spine, goosebumps forming on his arms. he wastes no time in sitting up to take off his sweatshirt, then shirt, throwing it on the floor near josh’s.
when their lips reattach, tyler can’t keep his hands off of him. it’s embarrassing how obsessed he already is with this random guy he met like half an hour ago. it’s stupid, everything is stupid. but nothing matters because tyler is kissing a hot emo guy. that’s his mentality.
“pitcher or catcher?” josh asks as his fingers rest curled through the loop of tyler’s jeans.
“catcher.” tyler answers out of breath, a laugh escaping his throat.
“alright.” josh smiles before undoing tyler’s belt, pushing his pants down his legs. tyler assists, tugging them the rest of the way and throwing them on the floor. josh follows as well, undoing his belt and taking his jeans off as quickly as possible. soon, josh and tyler are only in their boxers.
“this is intimate.” tyler says, gesturing to the fact that he’s on top of josh practically naked.
josh hums in approval as he pulls tyler back down to kiss him. his back is against the headboard of the bed now, tyler straddling him. the bulge in his pants is getting harder to ignore, and he finds himself grinding his hips into josh’s unintentionally.
”ah god—“ josh groans, lips still ghosting tyler’s as he reaches down to his ass. hooking his fingers through the waistband, he uses his other free hand to brush the hair out of tyler’s face. “we doing this?”
“yeah. please.” tyler laughs in an attempt to mask just how badly he wants this. he could literally be in his room right now, studying or writing his essay, but no he chose to come to this party and now he’s about to have sex with some random guy in a random bedroom.
honestly? writing his essay sounds extremely unappealing compared to what’s happening right now.
josh hooks his fingers into the waistband of tyler’s boxers, pulling them around and down tyler’s legs with his help. they’re discarded on the floor, josh’s own boxers soon joining them.
“wait.” tyler says, looking around the room.
“what?” josh raises an eyebrow, setting his hands on tyler’s bare thighs. “ohhh.”
“umm,” tyler chuckles, tilting his head. “i didn’t, like, bring anything. obviously. i didn’t even know that—yeah.”
josh laughs quietly. “um, there’s an ensuite bathroom. i can check?”
“okay. sure.” tyler nods, lifting a leg off of josh, allowing him to get up.
while josh is gone, tyler collapses to lie down on his back. his heart’s beating a thousand miles an hour, echoing in his ears as he looks up at the ceiling.
he’s so into josh it’s kind of crazy. he might regret this in the morning, but it’s not like he’s wasted. he might be a little tipsy, finishing josh’s drink for him, but he’s starting to understand why people like parties. unless laying naked on some random guy’s bed isn’t a normal party thing.
“found some,” josh comes out of the washroom holding a bottle. “sorry it took so long—wasn’t sure what i was looking for.”
tyler doesn’t answer right away—he’s too busy staring at josh’s naked body. he looks like he could be a model. he definitely works out.
josh is nice, relatable, hot, and ripped. tyler has won in life.
“i’m worse actually,” tyler laughs as josh walks over, climbing over him. “i’m never sure what i’m looking for.”
“never?” josh smirks, settling in between tyler’s legs.
“well,” tyler looks up in thought. “mostly never. i usually get a feeling, that’s all.”
“me too,” josh smiles, resting his chin on tyler’s abdomen, looking up at him. “it’s like, comfortable and safe. and weird, but in a good way.”
“how is it that you’re better at explaining my feelings than me, the one who feels them?” tyler chuckles, leaning his head back on the pillow.
“well, if you’re actually wondering what my take is,” josh sits up a little to uncap the bottle, spilling some on his fingers. “i think that you meet a lot of people in life, but only a handful will actually take the time to get to know you and understand you.”
“so you’re saying life is time spent trying to find people who understand you?” tyler raises an eyebrow, but he’s intrigued.
josh wraps an arm around tyler’s waist, pulling him flush against his own body. “in your case, i think they find you.” he grins, leaning in to capture tyler’s lips, and tyler doesn’t realize how much the words affect him until josh’s fingers touch him again, tracing lines up and down his spine. his back arches unexpectantly.
“do you want to..” tyler leans back just a bit, gesturing to josh’s forgotten fingers.
“oh my god yeah,” josh laughs out loud, furrowing his brows like he can’t believe he forgot about that. “sorry. i’m not a tease, i promise.”
“i know, don’t worry,” tyler smiles before gasping as josh’s cold fingers press up against his hole. it’s very sudden—because josh’s eyes are very easy to get lost in, or whatever. “woah okay.”
“didn’t mean to startle you, my bad,” josh says quietly with a smile. “keep going?”
tyler nods before josh’s first finger pushes into him, the burn harsh but familiar. his back arches, josh’s hand on the small of it, keeping him steady as he begins to move it. it’s insane to tyler how intimate this whole act feels, despite only meeting josh a little while ago. hooking up at a party is not like anything he would do.
but here he is, enjoying it. a lot.
“add another.” he breathes, looking into josh’s eyes. he feels like he’s known him his whole life. maybe they’ve met before. maybe he’s seen him on campus and waved. he doesn’t remember. it’s not josh’s appearance that looks familiar, it’s his whole being. tyler just feels like he knows him.
he adds another finger, working hard to scissor them, frequently curling them to hit tyler’s prostate.
“holy crap i forgot about that part.” oh my god, this beautiful guy must think tyler is so dumb.
josh’s pace falters a little bit, his forehead hitting tyler’s shoulder as his laugh vibrates against his skin. he lifts his head up with a smile. “stop making me laugh while i’m trying to prep you. this is insane.”
“it’s not my fault you find me so funny.” tyler scoffs, rolling his eyes as he holds onto josh’s shoulders.
“yes it is.” josh nods with a big smile before removing his fingers. tyler doesn’t answer—instead, he watches as josh coats his length in lube, stroking it a few times before carefully lowering tyler down on his back.
“god you’re beautiful.” josh marvels, eyes scanning up and down tyler’s body.
“you don’t have to compliment me.” tyler assures, moving the hair out of his eyes.
“oh i definitely do,” josh flashes a toothy grin, furrowing his eyebrows like tyler’s crazy for saying that. “how else would you know?”
“stop being so charming and just..” tyler swings an arm over his eyes, grinning.
“just what?” josh pulls tyler’s arm away, looking him directly in the eyes. he presses the head of his dick against tyler’s ring of muscle.
“jeez—you know.” a nervous laugh escapes tyler’s throat and he’s never been so giggly in his life, he thinks, especially when josh is on top of him.
“alright, alright, fine.” josh surrenders, planting his hand next to tyler’s head as he slowly pushes in.
tyler’s had sex before, and this feeling should feel familiar but something is new about it. it doesn’t feel like it’s just sex. even though it’s all the components of sex, something about the way josh is looking at him makes his stomach do backflips. his heart is hammering in his chest and he thinks that it should’ve calmed down a while ago.
he doesn’t really know why sex with josh feels so much more intimate than anything he’s done with past partners.
“oh my god,” josh groans as he bottoms out, pressing his forehead against tyler’s. “this is insane.”
“what’s insane?” tyler asks, trying to keep his eyes from rolling back into his head because josh feels so. good.
“hooking up at a party,” josh swallows, breathless. “never done it before.”
“you haven—oh shit.” tyler asks as josh pulls out a bit before bottoming out again. this time, his eyes really do roll back into his head.
josh grins, biting down on his bottom lip. “nope. this is my first time. at a party, of course. i’m.. i’m not, like, a virgin.”
“same” is all tyler can say. in his defense, it’s hard to gather enough oxygen when josh is looking like this. he’s like a greek god, and he’s looking at tyler like he’s heavenly.
how can someone like josh be interested in someone like tyler?
“look at me.” josh cups tyler’s face as he bottoms out once more. tyler immediately obliges, giving him the most intense eye contact he’s ever given anyone. josh asked for it.
time stretches seconds into minutes—josh establishes a steady pace, thrusting into tyler while he whispers witty jokes into his skin, tyler laughing at every single one. even though josh is buried deep inside of him for most of it, some part of it feels like a normal conversation. he’s comfortable, and he doesn’t want to be anywhere else. he doesn’t want to be with anyone else.
“i’m close,” tyler breathes, biting down into josh’s shoulder to keep quiet. the music is still blasting from downstairs, but he can barely hear it over him and josh. “josh, i’m so close.” he frantically reaches for any part of the man on top of him, any kind of relief.
“let go.” josh says, his thrusts going deeper to hit tyler’s prostate over and over again, pushing him closer off the edge.
a familiar heat pools in tyler’s stomach as shocks travel up his spine. a wave of pleasure crashes over him as he spills between him and josh. it happens so fast, and before tyler can even process his own pleasure, josh’s cock is pulsing inside of him. it’s not long before he’s releasing his spend deep inside him.
“holy shit.” josh gasps as he collapses onto tyler. he buries his head in the crook of tyler’s neck, pecking gentle kisses as he rides out his orgasm. tyler can’t help but think about how good josh’s hair smells.
“that was really good,” tyler says quietly, eyes wide and grinning. “like.. crazy good.”
“crazy good, huh?” josh lifts his head up from tyler’s neck.
“oh yeah.” tyler chuckles, nodding adamantly. he doesn’t want to go back to his dorm. at least not right now—josh’s company is too warm to leave.
“let’s clean you up.” josh says, pulling out of tyler slowly before getting up.
“okay.” tyler smiles, watching as josh walks over to the washroom. he brings his hands behind his head as he stares back up at the ceiling again. popcorn ceilings always bring cool shapes to mind.
if you enjoy the time wasted, is it really wasted time?
perhaps not.
josh returns from the washroom with a damp, warm washcloth. he takes his time in wiping the come off of tyler’s stomach. josh is very gentle, which contrasts his strong physique. tyler wonders what he would look like holding a kitten. adorable.
when they return downstairs after getting dressed, the party is still going strong. the same people are in the same places, doing the same things. it’s really like nothing has changed—except only everything has changed.
josh turns to tyler, hands in his pockets, lip ring to the side a bit. tyler wants to reach out and realign it.
“you need a ride home?” josh asks, eyes flickering between tyler’s eyes and his lips.
tyler wants to say yes. badly. but he already has a ride.
“actually, my friends drove me here,” tyler says, rubbing the back of his neck. “i don’t know where they are. i kind of.. left them?” he laughs nervously.
“how mean of you!” josh gasps, hand over his heart like he’s personally offended.
“i know, i’m.. so rude.” tyler rolls his eyes with a lopsided grin, scanning the room for any sign of his friends.
it’s silent between them for a beat. they both look at each other like they want to say something, but no words come out.
“thanks, by the way.” tyler finally says, looking down at the floor before making eye contact.
“for what?” josh furrows his brows, his smile never faltering.
“for talking to me,” tyler laughs because it sounds so sad and dumb. but regardless, it’s true. “you seem to get me, and that really helps believe it or not.”
josh looks at tyler in a way that no one else has ever before. “it’s not easy. overstimulation sucks, and anxiety is something i know all too well.”
“well, you helped,” tyler shrugs. “a lot, actually.”
“i’m really glad.” josh says, digging in his pocket. he pulls out what tyler can only assume is his phone, unlocking it and opening a new contact. he hesitates before giving his phone to tyler. “do you wanna give me your number?”
“i would love to.” tyler grins, typing out his number into the text box. he names his contact ‘tyler’, before typing out a message.
josh: hey
“sick,” josh smiles from ear to ear when tyler hands him back his phone. he looks at it for a little while longer before turning it off and stuffing it back in his pocket. “come on, let’s go find your friends.”