Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Coco groaned as she read the last text from her phone.

So help me, Smurf, Coco. If you do not bring him over here, I will come to you, and I’ll bring Grouchy with me.

Smurfette had been persistent about meeting Coco’s new boyfriend, which Coco had expected, given all the teasing she had given Hefty and Smurfette. Still, Coco glanced over at Barnacles; it felt like throwing him to the wolves. But then again, she had met his sister, maybe fair was fair? She smiled as he rolled over in his sleep, wrapping an arm around her waist. Oh well, what was the worst that could happen? They had somehow escaped the wrath of Sam and Raph the last time.

We’ll be there tomorrow. Be nice.

I’m always nice <3

~~~~~

The next day started calmly enough; the two captains left the Octopod early. Barnacles glanced at Coco as they prepared to teleport: “I think Tweak is planning my funeral. Should I be worried?”

“Smurfette is…” Coco finished tying her hair up in a ponytail. “Smurfette is probably not going to kill you.”

“I’m sorry, my love,” Barnacles gently grabbed her shoulders, “Probably?”

“I have faith in her,” Coco nodded. “And she knows in her heart that if she kills you, I kill Hefty. She likes Hefty alive, so you are safe.”

“And your brothers are not coming?” Barnacles asked for clarification as Coco took his hand.

“No, hon,” She pressed a kiss to his cheek and then grinned as he pressed a kiss to her lips, “They are not going to be there.”

With that, Coco grasped Barnacles hand and the two were transported through space and time. They landed on the ground, Coco gracefully, while Barnacles stumbled a bit. Coco giggled and helped straighten him, “First time landing is always rough.”

“Could have warned me,” Barnacles chuckled, shaking his head to clear the dizziness.

“Could have,” Coco agreed with a smirk, “But I didn’t.”

“Well, well, look who finally decided to come back after all these months.” Coco and Barnacles both turned to face the voice.

“Grouchy!” Coco cheered, holding her arms out for a hug.

“It’s been months!” Grouchy hissed, wrapping her in a hug, “What the smurf!”

“I have been busy! I have a job now!” Coco argued.

“Yeah, on the boat,” Grouchy waved his hand, “Vexy brags about it all the time. Still, you could visit more.”

“Not a boat-” Coco groaned, “-And how would you like me to do that?”

“You are literally bound to Smurfette,” Grouchy huffed, “Have been for nearly thirteen years, use that!”

“Wait, you’re bound to Smurfette?” Barnacles asked, and Coco patted his cheek.

“I will explain later,” Coco promised, “And still that takes energy! Not to mention time zones!”

“Excuses,” Grouchy smirked, and Coco knew then he was teasing. He nodded towards Barnacles, “Who’s this?”

Coco smiled as she intertwined her and Barnacles' fingers, “This is Barnacles. My boyfriend.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Barnacles smiled, holding out his free hand.

“Oh,” Grouchy said, staring at the man. Coco glared at him, and Grouchy shook his hand slowly. “Isn’t he-”

“Yes, he was the captain,” Coco cut in. “If you recall, I got promoted a year ago to co-captain.”

“So the captains are dating,” Grouchy crossed his arms. “Huh.”

“Can you be nice for five minutes?” Coco hissed.

“No,” Grouchy shook his head, “It physically pains me.”

“Such a dick,” Coco rolled her eyes and laughed. Grouchy eventually joined in, and they both smiled, “You are such a dick!”

“Nice to meet you or whatever,” Grouchy nodded towards Barnacels, “I’m guessing you’re meeting Smurfette?”

“For the first time,” Barnacles nodded.

“Good luck,” Grouchy snorted.

“Don’t scare him,” Coco rolled her eyes and began pulling Barnacles away. “She at her house?”

“Yep,” Grouchy confirmed, “After that, Vanity is gonna wanna see you.”

“Gotcha,” Coco waved, “Love ya!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Grouchy smiled as he walked to his bench, “Love ya too.”

“That was Grouchy,” Coco explained with no preamble, “He and Vanity are like me and Smurfette’s honorary brothers.”

“When did you first come to… here?” Barnacles asked, looking around in awe.

“Smurf village,” Coco smiled, and Barnacles let go of her hand to wrap an arm around her shoulders, watching as her eyes lit up as she told the story of how she first arrived. “Smurfette was the only girl, and besides Diana, I didn’t have a sister close to my age. It was a win-win for us both.”

“That’s really nice,” Barnacles smiled, and Coco blushed under his loving gaze.

“Stop it,” She glanced away, blush staining the tips of her ears.

“What?” Barnacles laughed as Coco rolled her eyes, “I can’t help it, you’re beautiful.”

“I am going to throw up,” Coco groaned, and Barnacles laughed at her teasing, “Too sappy, even for you, city boy.”

Barnacles snorted, and Coco giggled as the two approached Smurfette’s mushroom, “Only for you.”

“Gag,” Coco teased, nudging his side.

“It only took you,” Smurfette checked her wrist, which lacked a watch, from where she stood in the front garden, “What, a few months?”

“It took you and Hefty six years,” Coco countered, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow at Smurfette, “Don’t start with me on timelines.”

Smurfette narrowed her eyes at Coco, and Coco glared right back. Barnacles glanced between the two, unsure of how to proceed. Luckily, he did not have to make that choice as Hefty came up from behind Smurfette and wrapped an arm around her, smiling. “Oh, hey, Coco! Nice to see you!”

“Don’t fraternize with the enemy!” Smurfette hissed.

“She’s your sister,” Hefty spoke slowly.

“And she has been away for far too long.” Smurfette held her chin up, “Disgraceful.”

“I’ll remember that next time you get lost in Paris,” Coco teased, finally walking closer with Barnacles.

“That was one time,” Smurfette groaned, removing Hefty’s arm and walking forward to pull Coco in a hug, “And I was kidnapped!”

“And I have a job!” Coco countered, squeezing Smurfette tight, “Good to see you again.”

“You too,” Smurfette smiled and pulled back, “You still having fun?”

“Oh, the most,” Coco smiled softly before pulling back and gently grabbing Barnacles hand, “Smurfette, this is Barnacles. My boyfriend.”

“Ah, so he’s the one.” Smurfette grabbed Coco's arm gently, and Coco felt her absorb magic from her. Smurfette gently lifted her hands, and Coco saw a small orb forming.

“You hit him, I hit Hefty.” Before Smurfette could do anything with the magic, Coco formed her sword and aimed it at Hefty, “and somethin’ tells me mine is gonna hurt a lot more than yours.”

Hefty looked unfazed, and Smurfette groaned, returning the magic to Coco. “Fine. I’m Smurfette. It's nice to meet you.”

Coco let the sword dissipate, and Barnacles smiled, “Nice to meet you, too.”

Smurfette shook his hand and pulled him close, “If you even think about hurting her, I will destroy you. Atom by atom.”

Barnacles nodded, “Duly noted. If I ever hurt her, please do, I never want to cause her pain, even accidentally.”

“Huh,” Smurfette let go and stepped back, crossing her arms. “Well, that’s different.”

“See,” Coco patted his chest, “Now that’s out of the way.”

“I will allow it,” Smurfette nodded, “You have my blessing.”

“Didn’t need it,” Coco snorted, “We’ve been dating for a bit. But thank you. Boys go play or something, I wanna talk to my sister.”

“We’re not five,” Hefty argued, and both Smurfette and Coco gave him a look, “Fine. Follow me, Barnacles. Guess we’re having a playdate.”

“Love you!” Smurfette called out, giving him a peck on the cheek, “Have fun!”

“Love you too,” Hefty smiled.

“Have fun with your sister, love,” Barnacles smiled, pressing a kiss to Coco’s cheek.

“I will,” Coco smiled and gently pushed his chest, “Go.”

~~~~~

“So,” Hefty and Barnacles walked away from the girls and into the town square. Hefty grabbed two bottles of water and passed one to Barnacles, “You work out?”

“I do,” Barnacles smiled and took a sip, “I try to do it once a day. I used to work out in the mornings, but Coco likes to join, so we do it in the evenings.”

“You and Coco,” Hefty shook his head with a smile, “How did that happen?”

“Man,” Barnacles laughed, “It is a long story. What about you and Smurfette?”

“Oh, smurf,” Hefty chuckled himself, “An even longer story.”

Barnacles glanced over at two smurfs, who eyed him with distrust. When they saw he noticed them, they rushed away. “So am I imagining that, or?”

“Oh no,” Hefty winced, “That’s conspiracy and Paranoid.”

“Ah,” Barnacles nodded with furrowed brows, “There's a story there?”

“Coco hasn’t told you?” Hefty asked with astonishment.

“Not about them,” Barnacles shrugged.

“When she was ten, she overheard them talking about Smurfette. She punched them both. " Hefty let out a low whistle. "She broke their noses, too. It was a hard punch. She was crazy strong, even as a kid.”

“Yeah,” Barnacles had a lovesick expression. “Isn’t she amazing?”

“Oh man,” Hefty laughed, “You are down bad. You’re gonna fit in great.”

“Fit in?” Barnacles asked, shaking his head, “What do you mean?”

“So the significant others of the siblings kind of have this club,” Hefty said, sitting down and motioning for Barnacles to sit next to him as he began to explain.

~~~~~

“So,” Smurfette rested an elbow on Coco’s shoulder, “My baby finally has a crush…”

“This is so much more than that,” Coco smiled, and Smurfette watched her eyes light up as she glanced at Barnacles, “I… I love him. That’s a terrifying thought, but… I do.”

Smurfette smiled and squeezed Coco in a hug, “I know.”

“Does it get easier?” Coco asked, “The fear of loving someone so deeply?”

“No,” Smurfette stood behind Coco and undid her ponytail, “But it’s worth it.”

“How are things with you and Hefty?” Coco asked as Smurfette began sectioning her hair and braiding it.

“Better than ever,” Smurfette smiled, “I am a bit conflicted though…”

“What with?” Coco tried to turn around, but Smurfette’s hands held her in place.

“Every time-” Smurfette hissed, “-Sit still! I love it here in the village, and he does too, but sometimes I want to try out living in the human world.”

“Really?” Coco furrowed her brows, “Why?”

“Well, for one,” Smurfette snorted at Coco’s immediate disdain for the human world, “My siblings are there.”

“Blossom, Lily, and Storm are here,” Coco offered as she felt Smurfette pull her hair tight.

“Yeah,” Smurfette got a faraway look as her fingers stalled, “Remember how Papa and Mama wanted us all to go to college, just in case we ever did decide to stay in the human world?”

“Of course,” Coco reached a hand up and rested it on Smurfette’s wrist. “You majored in social work, and I always thought it was very fitting for you.”

“I think I want to pursue that,” Smurfette whispered, tying off the braid. Coco spun around, facing her with wide eyes, “I want to help kids who were like me, kids in dangerous living situations with parents who don’t deserve to be parents. I want to save them like Papa saved me. Is that dumb?”

“Smurfette,” Coco murmured, “That is not dumb. That’s a very noble thing to do, and I for one support you entirely.”

“Yeah?” Smurfette tilted her head with a small smile before she frowned, “But how do I even bring that up to Hefty? And how would we even blend in?”

“Uh,” Coco waved a hand at herself, “You forgetting this ain’t my true form? Diana has spells for that, which make the human form more permanent and easy to manage. The same glamour spells the boys and I use.”

“I feel like I’m rushing into this,” Smurfette admitted, “I feel like I like the idea of it, but I don’t know if I fully realize the work that goes into it.”

“You think I had my life plans figured out once I got a big girl job?” Coco scoffed, and Smurfette laughed. Smurfette remembered the first job Coco had after college, and subsequently the following jobs as Coco tried to find her passion. “Hell, I pursued a master's degree. The family will support you just like they supported me. James can help you find an apartment, or hell, you can live with him and Mika in Chicago. Or Raph and Mona in New York! Sam and Carrie already have a studio apartment in Chicago, I don’t think you would fit there…”

Smurfette smiled as Coco began rambling about all the possibilities, “Thank you.”

Coco paused and smiled back, “Of course! After all, Papa always did say that no matter where any of us went, he would always be waiting for us at home.”

“I think that was aimed more at you when you wanted to move to Washington,” Smurfette rolled her eyes fondly as Coco shrugged.

“I think it extends to you.” Coco smiled as she booped Smurfette. The two moved away from such a heavy topic, and Smurfette decided to work on her laundry as Coco watched.

“You could help,” Smurfette grumbled as she dumped the dirty clothes into the basin.

“I could help,” Coco nodded, “I absolutely could. By the way, I think Hefty is doing a mating dance.”

“What?” Smurfette looked up and then out to where Coco was pointing, “Also known as working out, Coco.”

“When he’s doing it this close to your mushroom?” Coco laughed, “It’s a mating dance.”

“You’re terrible.” Smurfette rolled her eyes and went back to washing her laundry.

Coco laughed and dropped her voice to mimic the narrator on all the nature documentaries, “Here we have a young male smurf in his natural habitat.”

“Coco!” Smurfette laughed as she swatted at her with a wet towel.

Coco avoided the towel and continued in the same gravelly tone, “He is hoping to impress his mate, who is at home washing the clothes. He is hoping to impress her enough that they may grow closer still.”

“I swear to Smurf-” Smurfette wheezed as she tried to stay steady from where she was crouched. 

“He ripples his muscles like a bird ruffles their feathers,” Coco continued, ignoring Smurfette’s growing laughter, “Caw~Caw~”

“Please!” Smurfette all but shrieked as she laughed.

“As we can see,” Coco continued in the same voice, though a blush was on her cheek, “He has invoked the help of another male. Hoping to distract his mate’s sister enough that they can have alone time.”

“Coco!” Smurfette finally toppled, spilling water everywhere as she laughed. Glancing up at Coco’s red face, she wondered, “Is the distraction working?”

“Indeed it is,” Coco coughed as the gravelly voice irritated her throat. Her voice returned to normal as she cleared her throat, “Damn right it is.”

“Okay, you’re hopeless.” Smurfette teased. She followed Coco’s gaze to where their boyfriends were working out, shirtless, and doing pullups. “Huh.”

“Yeah, huh.” Coco smirked as she glanced over to Smurfette, who had her own blush, “Is the mating dance working?~”

“Shut up,” Smurfette laughed, picking her clothes up and walking away to get more water.

“Am I gonna get a niece or nephew?” Coco called out cheerfully as Smurfette walked further, “I would be a great aunt!”

“Fuck you!” Smurfette called back, just as cheerfully.

Coco laughed as Barnacles made his way over to her. She leaned up from her chair and pressed a kiss to his lips. He pulled back with a quirked eyebrow, “What’re you doing?”

“I was enjoying the show,” Coco teased with a pout, “But then you changed my program.”

“Oh, how sad for you,” Barnacles chuckled, sitting beside Coco. 

The two continued teasing until eventually Smurfette returned with more water, and Hefty. Coco gave Smurfette a knowing smirk, “Welcome back.”

“Shut up,” Smurfette muttered, slapping her gently with a wet towel. “Not a word.”

Hefty furrowed his brows but said nothing as Smurfette sat beside Coco on the ground and made a second attempt to start her laundry. Coco allowed her a few seconds of silence before she leaned down, “Caw~Caw~”

“Coco!” Smurfette hissed, turning to glare at Coco’s laughing face, “You’re hopeless.”

“Zero regrets.” Coco snorted, “Absolutely none.”

The four sat comfortably after that. Hefty and Smurfette worked on their laundry side by side, and Barnacles and Coco told tales of the ocean. Hefty asked a few questions that Coco knew were mostly for Vexy; honestly, did he really think she would buy that he was interested in the different types of coral? Coco answered earnestly. It was her favorite subject after all. 

Barnacles explained what it was like growing up in Alaska and then Britain. He then subsequently had to explain the difference between the two and went into a mini geography lesson for Hefty to better understand the human world. Coco and Smurfette shared a small glance as Hefty seemed to show genuine interest in the human world.

After around thirty minutes, Coco heard some commotion and turned her head before she let out a curse. Barnacles followed her gaze and felt his blood run cold. In Coco’s line of sight stood none other than Samuel and Raphael. Arguably, two of Coco’s most protective siblings. They each had a woman with them, Barnacles was willing to bet that they were the significant others, but the men looked pissed, for lack of better words. Both men immediately locked eyes on Coco, and Barnacles swore that her eyes flickered with magic. The men started marching over, Sam’s wife and Raph’s fiancée looking mildly amused.

“Smurfette, my love?” Coco asked through gritted teeth, and Barnacles placed a gentle hand on her thigh. He felt the muscles tense and realized just how close she was to snapping.

“Yes, my dear?” Smurfette asked, not glancing up from her laundry. Hefty glanced up, and he went pale—a surprising feat for a blue man.

“Did you call Sam and Raph?” Coco barely got the words out with how tightly her jaw was clenched. Barnacles realized the gravity of the situation and began looking for possible exits. Maybe he could hide in the trees, or the creek was always an option.

“Oh, they called me and said they might drop by,” Smurfette waved her hand flippantly. “Something wrong?

“Hefty?” Coco took a deep breath and smiled. Barnacles immediately felt the air drop three degrees, “Say goodbye to your girlfriend. She’s dead now.”

Chapter Text

“Okay, we can all be reasonable here-” Smurfette said, one arm holding Sam back and the other holding Coco back. She had both arms stretched as far as they could go, and she was stuck in the middle, “-We are adults, we can work through this!”

“Smurfette-“ Coco seethed, “-You’re next on the chopping block after this! Why didn’t you tell me they were coming?!”

“I thought you knew!” Smurfette cried as Raph tried to walk closer to Barnacles, only to be yanked backwards by an arm around his neck. Said arm was attached to Coco, who now had him in a headlock. Smurfette groaned, “How was I supposed to know they didn’t tell you!?”

“When do they tell me anything?!” Coco hissed, holding her arms tight around Raph as he batted wildly at her. 

“Let me go, you little-“ Raph hissed, swiping at Coco and trying to shake her off.

“Let’s. Be. Reasonable.” Smurfette hissed, turning to try to help Raph while still keeping Sam at bay.

“Nah,” Sam laughed, “Let’s stab someone.”

“This is why we don’t tell you things!” Smurfette groaned.

“That was my plan!” Coco exclaimed, reaching behind her to hit Smurfette while keeping one hand on Raph’s neck. “But no, you just had to let them come!”

Barnacles watched the display with mild fascination. Coco was holding her own just fine against her siblings- he never had a doubt- but it was still funny to watch the strong woman he fell in love with squabble with her siblings like they were teenagers. Particularly when they used high school fight tactics, like a wet willy. Smurfette then turned on Sam for that one, costing him an ally. Hefty snorted with laughter, “Every time they get together, by the way.”

Barnacles laughed, “I had a hunch after I heard Coco threatening Smurfette over the phone.”

Hefty smiled and waved at the two approaching women, “Carrie! Mona! Lovely to have you guys make it.”

The girls side-stepped the sibling brawl as if it were a regular Tuesday to them, which, in all honesty, it probably was, and smiled as they approached. Mona barely glanced at Raph as Coco completely clung to his upper body, legs around his back, as she had her arms around his neck. Carrie ignored Sam as Smurfette blasted him with his own magic, and held out her arms, “Hefty! Lovely to be back!”

The two shared a brief hug, and Mona did the same. Mona stood straight, not even her shoulders slouched, and nodded, “It is good to be in the presence of our group again.”

“And as always, we get a show with it,” Carrie giggled, motioning to the siblings who had at this point gotten into an all-out feud. Sam kept tugging Coco, trying to unlatch her from Raph, Smurfette kept blasting Sam with small amounts of magic, Raph kept tripping Smurfette so she couldn’t aim properly, and Coco, of course, continued trying to block Raph’s field of vision. 

“Oh, would you stop it!” Sam snapped as Smurfette blasted him again, “You can’t just hit me with my own magic! We should have never taught you how to use it!”

“And yet you did!” Smurfette sneered, firing another concentrated blast, “Your mistake is my gain!”

“So this is normal then,” Barnacles nodded with a smile, “that’s very good to know.”

“Oh, where are my manners? Hello!” Carrie shook Barnacles hand with a smile, “I am Carrie, Sam’s wife. It’s so nice to meet you!”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Barnacles smiled, “I am Barnacles, Coco’s boyfriend.”

“Oh, you brave soul,” Mona muttered as she patted his shoulder. Barnacles realized the woman was the same height as him, while Carrie barely came up to his shoulders. “You must have the heart of a warrior.”

“Mona~Lisa!” Carrie hissed, “Don’t scare him off!”

“He needs to be warned,” Mona argued. “I am Y’gthgba; however, everyone calls me Mona~Lisa. I am Raphael’s fiancée, and I was the first significant other amongst the middle siblings.”

“Oh wow,” Barnacles' brows shot into his hairline, “How did that go?”

“Coco tried to kill me,” Mona explained nonchalantly, “and Sam tried to stab me. Then Smurfette tried to kill me. Then I helped save Coco, and all was forgiven, more or less. Then Carrie came along and we formed this support group.”

“Stop calling it a support group that makes us sound sad,” Carrie laughed.

“Survivor group?” Hefty offered, “Sam and Raph tried to kill me when they found out. And Coco threatened me. Very creatively. Then Storm, Lily, and Blossom threatened me. Also very creatively. A lot of creativity with these siblings.”

“So,” Carrie smiled sympathetically, “we know what you’re going through. How did it go with Smurfette?”

“Surprisingly,” Hefty laughed, “She didn’t stab him, she stole Coco's magic and tried to blast him, but Coco formed a sword and threatened me.”

“Oh, that’s progress! Maybe this time there will be no stabbing attempts,” Carrie smiled and then winced, “As long as we keep him away from Sam.”

“Will Sam kill me?” Barnacles finally spoke up, “Just wondering if I should prepare to run or not.”

“Yes,” Mona nodded.

“Absolutely.” Carrie agreed.

“If Sam doesn’t get you,” Hefty sighed, “Raph will.”

“Thank you all for your honesty,” Barnacles sighed and then nodded, resigned to his fate. 

Carrie smiled sympathetically, “We meet Tuesdays and Thursdays. Snacks are included.”

“And we’re not a support group?” Mona muttered, and Carrie smacked her shoulder. Hefty laughed, and Barnacles found himself chuckling as well. 

The group looked back at the siblings and saw that Coco was finally off Raph’s back, though the dirt on her back suggested it was not of her own volition, and she currently had her sword out. Sam had his own sword, as Raph had his sais. Smurfette stood beside Coco, and all four of the siblings were shouting.

“You cannot stab my boyfriend,” Coco hissed, sword pushing against Sam’s, “I will stab Carrie if you do!”

“You love Carrie!” Sam argued, pushing back just as hard, “Let me have this!”

“It’s so cute you think I need to be close,” Raph mused as Coco turned her sword to him, “I have a ninja star.”

Before Coco could blink, the bladed weapon went flying through the air, only to fall once it hit a forcefield in front of Barnacles. Sam scoffed, “Totally cheating! Carrie didn’t have a force field!”

“You put Carrie on a bookshelf so I couldn’t reach her!” Coco accused, “We work with what we have here!”

“I think I’m with Sam on this one!” Smurfette exclaimed, “Hefty didn’t get any protection!”

“Well, that’s Hefty’s fault for being dumb!” Coco yelled, yelping when Smurfette hit her with a blast of Sam’s magic, “Oh, that is it- you wanna fight with magic, be prepared to lose bitch!”

Carrie smiled as she glanced at Barnacles, “Aw… she protected you with a forcefield, she must really like you.”

“So do we intervene at any point?” Barnacles asked, glancing down at the fallen ninja star and back up at his girlfriend. She and Smurfette had, somehow, forgone magic completely. The two were all but wrestling on the ground, fighting to pin each other while also keeping Sam and Raph from progressing towards the group. 

“Do you enjoy having all your limbs attached?” Mona asked with a tilted head. Hefty tried to stifle his laughter at her blunt question.

“…understood,” Barnacles nodded, “we leave them be.”

“Do you have siblings?” Carrie asked as she watched Sam almost manage to take a step forward before Raph body slammed him. The two then stared at each other before arguing.

“You’re supposed to be on my side!” Sam hissed, standing quickly and shoving Raph.

“Don’t make sudden movements!” Raph bit back, pushing Sam as well, “I thought you were Coco!”

“Hey!” Coco turned from her tussle with Smurfette, “I ain’t no where near as ugly as he is!”

“Oh, you absolute-“ Sam turned to Coco, and the feud continued.

“Yes,” Barnacles nodded as he watched, “A twin sister. We used to fight like that all the time, even now, as adults, sometimes we get caught up in our old ways. What about you all?”

“Only child,” Carrie shrugged, “I never really realized how much siblings fought until I married Sam.”

“I am an only child as well,” Mona chuckled as she seemed to reminisce, “I recall the first time I met the siblings, I thought they were enemies instead of family.”

“I have ninety-nine brothers, so this is second nature to me,” Hefty said nonchalantly, missing the confused look Barnacels shot him.

Carrie patted his shoulder, “It’s a smurf thing.”

“Ah…” Barnacles nodded, “Noted.”

“Well,” Hefty crossed his arms as he stared at the four siblings, “This is going to take a while. You guys want lunch?”

“Oh yes, please!” Carrie nodded.

“That would be much appreciated,” Mona smiled, “Lead the way.”

“Barnacles?” Hefty asked with a raised brow.

“Yeah, I could eat,” Barnacles smiled as he followed the three, leaving the four sibling continuing their brawl.

~~~~~

“Just let us do this one thing!” Sam growled, holding Coco off the ground as she tried to reach Raph.

“Your one thing is stabbing!” Coco huffed, struggling in his grasp, “Put me down! I am not three!”

“We need to do this!” Raph said, avoiding Smurfette’s hand as it swung around at him. The two paused and stared at each other. Smurfette looked a bit shocked, and Raph raised his eyebrow, “You do not want to turn this into a fist fight; I will win every time.”

“Magic it is,” Smurfette acquiesced. “Unless you try to throw another ninja star.”

“Well, you won't let me get close enough to intimidate them!” Raph hissed, throwing his arms up.

“And throwing a ninja star is just cowardly!” Smurfette crossed her arms, “That’s just pathetic.”

“No, what’s pathetic is Coco trying to ruin our tradition!” Sam growled, tossing Coco around as she finally escaped his arms.

“Again-” Coco clapped her hands to emphasize her point, “-You. Put. Carrie. On. A. Bookshelf. Why are we acting like I am the only one who’s tried to protect their lover?”

“Because you’re the last one to get one!” Raph yelled as the four all took separate corners to stare at each other.”

“It is a rite of passage!” Sam huffed as he stared at Coco, “We must interrogate the weak link!”

“He’s not a weak link; he’s my boyfriend!” Coco defended. All four siblings were panting, exhausted from the fight.

“Still,” Raph shook his head, “We need to do this.”

“Don’t you guys trust me?” Coco pleaded.

“Of course we do,” Smurfette reassured her, hands on her knees as she knelt over and caught her breath, “But think back to you and Hefty. How did you feel knowing I was giving my heart to someone else?”

Coco sighed as she crossed her arms, “I felt like I had to fight them to keep you safe.”

“That’s what this is,” Smurfette glanced at their brothers, “At least for me. They might just be bloodthirsty.”

“We don’t want to see you get hurt,” Raph’s voice softened.

“I’m not made of glass, Raphael.” Coco’s voice turned cold as she glared at him, “I thought we got over this-”

“What? Fuck no!” Raph rushed to assure her, “This has nothing to do with that! This has everything to do with the fact that if he hurts you, I will kill him. And he needs to know that.”

“If he has all the information going into this,” Sam explained, resting a hand on Coco’s shoulder, “Then we don’t have to feel guilty when we kill him if he hurts you.”

“I just don’t want you two…” Coco trailed off, and Sam saw immediately where her thoughts were heading.

“This has nothing to do with you or your past,” Sam promised quietly, “This has everything to do with the fact that you are my little sister and I made a promise to protect you when you were born. We aren’t gonna bring up your past- we aren’t going to bring anything like that up. But we are going to threaten him. Maybe stab him. But we will leave him alive.”

“That’s not comforting,” Coco replied flatly.

“It’s the best you’re going to get,” Smurfette said, wrapping an arm around Coco’s shoulders.

“He makes me happy,” Coco whispered with a fond smile. Raph and Sam shared a look, and Sam nodded.

“That’s why we will leave him alive,” Raph promised, “But if that ever changes, let us know.”

“We can be there in an instant,” Sam swore, “He won’t know what hit him.”

“I suppose this is only fair,” Coco nodded, “Alright. Since it’s a rite of passage for the significant others, I will lead you to him personally.”

“Just like we did with Hefty,” Sam smiled, “I think he’ll fit in okay with our crew, if he can handle Raph and me.” 

“Wait…” Smurfette paused as she turned to where their significant others were standing, “Where did they go?”

~~~~~

“So growing up with ninety-nine brothers,” Barnacles shook his head, “And I thought Bianca and I drove each other crazy.”

“There’s definitely some tension at times,” Hefty pushed his food around with his fork, “Obviously, most of us bonded more with others, and some of us can’t stand others.”

“The ones Coco punched?” Barnacles guessed.

“Bingo,” Hefty laughed.

“What do we have here?” Hefty groaned as he turned to Storm, standing behind him with her arms crossed, “Did we miss a memo?”

“I thought Smurfette would have told you,” Hefty responded as Storm sat beside him.

“She told us Coco was coming,” Storm glanced over at Barnacles, “Somehow she left out the part where it was initiation time.”

“You’re the captain!” Blossom said from beside Barnacles, and he startled, not noticing her sit down, “I’ve heard about you…”

“Good things, I hope,” Barnacles chuckled nervously.

Carrie giggled and motioned at the girls, “That’s Lily, Storm, and Blossom. They’re triplets and they live in Smurf Village full-time.”

“So it really is official,” Lily spoke with amusement as she sat beside Carrie, “You’re dating Coco.”

“Yes,” Barnacles smiled, and the girls glanced at each other as they saw the lovesick grin on his face, “She is amazing…”

“So you actually survived Sam and Raph's wrath.” Lily looked amazed, “How?”

“We kind of pulled him away before they could get him,” Hefty said, ignoring Storm's dumbfounded look. “Look, we never said it was a good plan.”

“Oh, you poor bastard,” Storm laughed, “You are so gonna die. That’s just gonna piss 'em off more.”

“Yeah, I had a feeling,” Barnacles blinked, “You cuss like Coco does.”

“Hey, I learned from the best,” Storm snorted, “That’s the one thing I picked up from the human world. Human swears are much more fun than smurf swears. How is she doin anyway? In the ocean 24/7?”

“I think she loves it,” Barnacles smiled. “I can’t speak for her, of course, but every day, she’s in the water. Whether it’s testing the levels for Shellington, checking coral, or tracking the animals, she’s never inside long. She helps me lead; I fear I would be a bit lost without her.”

“Aw, that’s really sweet,” Lily mumbled to Carrie.

“Isn’t he just precious?” Carrie giggled.

“Adorable,” Storm deadpanned, “But that will not save you from the boys.”

“You just left without getting integrated?” Blossom whistled, “You are so dead.”

“I know,” Barnacles nodded, “But if that’s what it takes for Coco to be happy, I’m okay with being chased for a bit.”

Blossom reached out and petted his hair, “It’s okay, I’ll comfort Coco after your demise. They threatened Brainy, too, if it makes you feel better.”

Barnacles blinked, and Lily sighed, “Blossom. Boundaries.”

Blossom removed her hand, “Right. Anyway, have you ever left someone to be eaten by sharks?”

“Uh,” Barnacles furrowed his brows as Lily and Storm groaned, “No, we mostly do the opposite, saving them from sharks.”

“Hmm,” Blossom frowned, “Bit boring.”

The triplets questioned Barnacles for a bit before Blossom split off to find Brainy. Hefty left to do something with the boys, and Carrie and Mona went to say hello to Papa, leaving Lily and Storm with Barnacles. The three walked around the village before Storm spoke, “I will kill you, you know.”

“I’m sorry?” Barnacles stuttered.

“If you ever hurt her.” Storm continued, “Coco and I… we had a rough start, but I would do anything for her. If you ever hurt her, I will kill you.”

“Understood,” Barnacles nodded, “I respect that.”

Storm looked him up and down before he bid goodbye to him and Lily and left to find Clumsy. Lily smiled, “She can be a bit protective.”

Barnacles shrugged, “It’s quite alright… are you not going to threaten to kill me?”

“Oh goodness no,” Lily smiled and Barnacles felt a slight chill run down his spine, “If you ever hurt her, I will do something so much worse that you will be begging for death by the end of it. Murder will be a blessing compared to the trials I would put you through.”

Barnacles blinked, trying to process the information before he heard a familiar voice. Coco smiled as she walked towards him, her siblings behind her at a distance, “I see you found the girls. Or they found you.”

“We found him,” Lily smiled, patting Barnacles shoulder before she stepped away, “We need to catch up later. Unfortunately, I do have to gather some herbs for Mama. See you soon!”

“Okay,” Coco hugged her, “Love ya!”

“Love you,” Lily smiled as she walked away. Coco glanced back at Barnacles' still haunted expression.

“You get threatened?” Coco wondered aloud.

“Something like that,” Barnacles nodded, smiling as Coco wrapped her arms around his neck. “How was your… talk with your siblings?”

“Well,” Coco straightened his collar and smiled, “They have agreed to keep you alive as long as I am happy.”

“And are you?” Barnacles asked, pressing their foreheads together. “Happy, I mean.”

“So, very, happy,” Coco promised, pressing a kiss to his lips before she pulled back, something else brewing in her eyes.

“What else, my love?” Barnacles asked as he held her.

“They want to speak with you,” Coco winced, “Alone.”

Barnacles nodded, “I understand, I am ready.”

Coco patted his cheek, “You brave, brave man. I will remember you fondly.”

“Have a lavish funeral for me,” Barnacles teased, “With flowers and music.”

Coco laughed, “I’ll hire an accordion player.”

Barnacles let out a bark of a laugh as the rest of the siblings walked closer, “Perfect.”

Smurfette walked over to Coco and wrapped an arm around her shoulder as Barnacles walked to the boys. Smurfette caught Barnacles eye and mouthed a quick ‘Good luck’ as he left. Coco sighed and leaned against her shoulder, “Think he’s gonna die?”

“Eh,” Smurfette let out a puff of air, “Maybe.”

“We had a good run,” Coco sighed.

“There there,” Smurfette patted her shoulder, “Sorrows. Prayers.”

“I can’t stand you,” Coco snorted, pushing Smurfette away as she laughed.

The boys walked in silence before Raph pulled out his sais and inspected the blades casually, “What’s your name?”

“Barnacles,” Barnacles replied readily, “Barnacles Williams.”

“Where you from, Barnacles?” Sam asked, pulling his own dagger out to inspect. He thumbed the blade, testing the sharpness.

Barnacles eyed the blades wearily, “I was born in Alaska, but I was raised in England.” 

“Hmm,” Raph replied, sharing a look with Sam, “Nice weather there?”

“It’s alright-” Barnacles barely saw the movement before he felt pain radiating up his back, the wall digging into the muscles. 

Sam slammed Barnacles into the wall, dagger pressed to his throat. Barnacles gulped, and Sam stared into his eyes, “What are your intentions with my sister?”

“To love her as long as she’ll have me,” Barnacles whispered, mindful of the steel blade.

“And what’s going to happen if you hurt her?” Raph asked, crowding Barnacles’ other side with his own blade.

“I will meet a very quick and painful demise?” Barnacles guessed.

“Well, look at that,” Sam tutted, “He sure is a smart one, isn’t he?”

“Sure is, Sam.” Raph stared at him before he clicked his tongue, “We won’t kill you. Now.”

“We promised Coco,” Sam muttered, lazily shrugging a shoulder, “And she can be quite a pain when she is upset.”

“However,” Raph held his own blade beside Barnacles’ face. “If we ever hear that you hurt her- emotionally, mentally, god forbid physically- We will hunt you down so fast it will make fighter jets look like snails.”

“Blink twice if you understand,” Sam smirked.

Barnacles blinked twice, and Raph patted his head, “Very good.”

~~~~~

The siblings had agreed to stay in the village, and their significant others had as well. Once night fell, the siblings had separated from the village and wandered into the forest. They had Soda on FaceTime, their brother laughing at the fact that for once his job interfered with a visit, and they all stared at the sky together. He had to hang up after a few hours; he had an early day, but he sent his love and promised to make the next sibling meet up, especially if it was to meet Coco’s new boyfriend.

“This is nice,” Sam muttered that night, resting his head on his forearm as he lay in the grass.

“Yeah?” Coco asked, turning her head from where it rested on Smurfette’s shoulder. The group had been staring up at the stars, their significant others letting them have this moment just to relax.

“Yeah,” Sam smiled as he turned to look at her, “Sometimes… It’s still weird being apart, ya know? We spent most of our lives together… for us all to be apart now…”

“It feels unnatural,” Smurfette sighed, holding Coco close with one arm, resting her head on the other. “For so long, we spent at least a day a week together.”

“I never thought I would get to a point where I’d say this,” Storm muttered, leaning up on her elbow, “But I don’t think I could imagine my life without you all.”

“Aw,” Coco reached over Smurfette and grabbed Storm’s hand, “I don’t think I would have made it this far if I didn’t have all of you.”

“And you’ll always have us!” Blossom grinned as she leaned on Lily, who groaned as her elbow dug into her ribs.

“I should thank you, Blossom,” Coco gave a pointed look to Lily and Storm, “For being the only one who did not actively threaten my boyfriend today.”

“Well,” Blossom smiled, “I figured someone needed to be nice to him. Also, if he hurts you, when I kill him, it will be unexpected.”

“Dark,” Storm smirked, “And surprisingly smart.”

“Cold, Blossom,” Sam laughed as Coco groaned and dropped her head back to Smurfette’s shoulder. “This is why we’re a good team.”

Coco sighed as she stared back up at the night sky. Her siblings were crazy, violent, a bit psychotic, and wild. But they were hers.

And she wouldn’t trade that for the world.