Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was over. She had ruined it.
The Bus had been the first place in a very long time that Skye had enjoyed being in. She’d finally found somewhere that being herself was okay, and she had friends, or at least people who bothered to pretend they cared. And now, she had blown it.
Loving Shield had not been a part of Miles’ plan, and Skye hated it. She hated that every time she looked at Fitzsimmons arguing in the lab, Ward getting his frustration out on the punching bag, May’s quiet countenance and Coulson just being there, that she felt like she was part of a family. Ironically, she felt happier with Shield than she had ever felt with Miles.
Skye had ruined it. She had ruined everything. Sure, Coulson agreed to let her stay after she showed him the file on her, but it didn’t mean everything hadn’t been ruined. They were never going to trust her again; she could never be any of their friends again. It was over.
Skye made her way back to her bunk, not wanting to speak to any of the rest of them. She couldn’t face them after this. It would be better if she just went to her bunk, gathered her things and quietly left. At least she wouldn’t have to go around every day living with the guilt.
It was a sticky night, but she pulled her long sleeves down further over her hands. She opened the door and sat down on her bed. Gather her things? Yeah right. Like there was much to gather, other than the little hula girl and her laptop. Just as she was moving to grab them, there was a knock on her door.
‘Skye? It’s me, can I come in?’
Jemma Simmons. Pretty much the last person Skye wanted to talk to right now. At least Coulson, May and Ward had the decency to show their anger. Fitz was kind of avoiding her, but Jemma was so understanding, it just made Skye feel worse. But she couldn’t say no to Jemma.
‘Sure.’ Skye pulled her knees up and tucked her head on top of them.
Jemma opened the door. She smiled at Skye as she gently sat down next to her.
‘I just wanted to check how you were doing.’
‘What?’ Skye almost choked, gaping at her. ‘Jemma. Why do you care? I betrayed you. All of you.’ She looked down. ‘I screwed everything up.’
Jemma shook her head. ‘No, you didn’t, Skye. You just made a mistake. That doesn’t screw up everything.’
Skye hugged her knees. ‘Always does. And this wasn’t just a mistake. I chose to keep betraying you. I hated it, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault.’
Jemma’s brow furrowed. ‘Why did you do it if you hated it?’
Skye shrugged. ‘Miles wanted me to. He said he loved me, so I went along with it. I believed him. I don’t think I believe him anymore.’
Jemma gently went to place her hand on Skye’s shoulder, but Skye flinched away. ‘Sorry, I should’ve asked.’
Skye huffed. ‘It’s fine. No one ever asks. Miles never did.’ She stared at her feet, not making eye contact with Jemma.
Jemma froze, looking at the hacker beside her. ‘Skye, did he – did he hurt you?’
Skye shrugged. ‘He didn’t hit me. And he never like, we never had sex without consent. I always said yes. But, just never really felt like I was in control.’
Jemma looked at her, trying work out what to say. ‘You’re not doing a good job of convincing me this was your fault.’
Skye half-chuckled, but there was no humour in it. ‘I guess.’ She groaned and covered her face with her hands. ‘Ugh! I hate this. I wish we could just start over and forget that I’m a complete idiot who screwed up the one place I’ve ever been able to feel like could be a home and all over some stupid guy who just treated me like I was some needy girl who was lucky to find someone who would even pretend to care!’
She hadn’t meant to say all of that really; it had just come out.
Jemma sighed. ‘We can try. I know you, Skye. It’s just fresh, everyone is a bit on edge. They’ll come around. I’m sure of it.’
Skye smiled weakly. ‘Thanks Jemma.’
‘Can I hug you?’
Skye nodded and sank into Jemma’s embrace. Maybe she didn’t need to leave quite so soon.

Later, once most of the team had gone to bed, Skye found herself in the kitchen. She sat down at the counter, not really interested in getting a midnight snack or anything. Her eyes kept drifting towards the cutlery drawer, when suddenly a noise startled her from behind. She turned around and saw Coulson, rubbing his eyes. He nodded at her and moved to put the kettle on.
‘Coulson.’ He looked up at her. ‘I know I’ve already said it, but I’m sorry.’
He sighed. ‘Skye, I –’
‘I just want you to know that this is the first place in a very long time that I’ve felt safe and happy and I hated lying to you and I don’t want to do it again, but Miles made me feel like I owed him to help him and Rising Tide out and I’m not trying to make out like it was his fault and not mine cause I accept that it was my fault but I just-’
‘Skye!’ Coulson raised his voice slightly, not so much to wake anyone but enough to grab her attention. ‘Take a breath.’
Skye did so, staring into Coulson’s face with a worried look.
‘I am angry about what you did. But I believe you. I know you weren’t entirely at fault, and I know that you were manipulated to an extent.’ He sighed. ‘But I also know that if you’re serious about this, you could be a very good agent. But no more lying. Understood?’
Skye nodded silently, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.
‘We’ll get through this, Skye.’ His voice softened as he gently placed a hand on her back. She didn’t flinch away, just letting the moment slip by.
Because finally, there was someone who believed in her.

Chapter Text

Skye didn’t actually feel any pain at first. The sensation was more like having a tennis ball launched into her gut. It was only when she looked down to see the blood on her hands, she realised that she really had been shot. Her knees buckled and Quinn caught her holding her upright before he fired again. It was after Quinn had laid her down on the floor and left the dark cellar; that was when she truly felt it. That was when the gaping holes in her torso started to burn, making her feel like she was being skewered. The pain made her want to scream, but all that came out was a feeble grunt.
This was how she was going to die. She didn’t dare look, but it felt like so much of her had been pulled out that there was barely anything left to save. It was funny. She’d never really been afraid to die before. She’d never had anyone to live for before.
But she had her team now. Fitzsimmons, Ward, Coulson, and May. Even if they weren’t family, they were enough to make her want to try. And they were in danger now. She needed to warn them about Mike and tell them what Quinn did.
It was these thoughts that gave her enough motivation to start crawling towards the door. She just managed to reach it, and her hand weakly batted it open.
‘Help.’ She cried as loudly as she could, which was barely audible. She thought she heard footsteps coming, but her vision was getting blurry, and everything went dark.

Skye opened her eyes. Her hands flew to her torso, but she couldn’t feel anything. No blood, no scars or marks, nothing. That was weird. She sat up. She was on a bed, not one she recognised. The duvet was covered in flowers and there was a soft blue cotton blanket laid across it.
Skye looked around the room itself. It seemed to be a bedroom, with a little bedside table with a coaster and a picture frame of a girl and her parents.
Skye picked up the picture frame to look at it closer. She recognised the little girl in the photo frame. It was her, but much younger, she was probably about eight in the photo. But she had no memory of taking this photo; when she was eight, she was still in St Agnes waiting for anyone to take an interest in adopting her.
The parents in the photo looked so familiar, as if they were ingrained in her memory, but she couldn’t place their names. Her head felt fuzzy. The woman was quite short and was barely smiling, but just enough that Skye could recognise it. She was almost rolling her eyes at her husband, who looked jolly with an eight-year-old Skye on his shoulders.
This was getting weird. Skye stood up and walked out of the room. It looked like she was in a house, and she went down the stairs. Suddenly she heard a noise from behind her, like pots banging. She turned around and walked into the room behind her, finding it to be a kitchen, with the man from the photo cooking something.
‘Dad?’ She asked uncertainly. The only other times she had ever called anyone that, well, they hadn’t ended well.
This man though, he turned around and smiled at her. ‘Hi sweetheart. I’ve cooked some chili for you if you want it, but I’ve got to head to work soon. You know how Fury can be.’
‘Fury.’ Skye muttered, trying to place the name.
Her dad’s brow furrowed. ‘Yeah? You know, my boss? Are you okay, Skye?’
Skye nodded, biting her lip. ‘Yeah, my brain’s just a bit fuzzy today, I guess.’
Her dad still looked concerned. ‘Okay. Maybe stay here, and your mom will probably be back so-’ the sound of a door opening met their ears, ‘speak of the devil.’
Skye watched as the woman from the photo frame walked into the kitchen and placed her bags down on the counter. She pressed a quick kiss to Skye’s forehead before going to kiss her husband.
‘Hey Mel, Fury’s got me working tonight so there’s chili for you and Skye.’
Her supposed mom scoffed. ‘That man has you working too much, Phil.’
As her dad was leaving, he whispered something to her mother, supposedly not meant to be heard by Skye, but she heard it anyway.
‘Keep an eye on her, okay? I’m a bit worried.’
Her mom checked that the chili wasn’t going to boil over, before directing Skye to sit at the kitchen table and sitting down next to her.
‘What’s wrong?’
Skye nearly laughed at the bluntness of the question. ‘No beating about the bush, huh?’
Her mom shrugged. ‘You know me. I don’t bother with small talk.’
Skye considered lying, saying everything was fine, everything she’d learned from her childhood was screaming at her to claim it was all okay, but there was something about these two that made her want to trust them.
‘I guess, I’ve just been, having a hard time recalling things today. It’s … complicated. It doesn’t matter.’
Her mom raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you sure?’
Skye smiled. ‘Yeah. I’m, I’m safe here. With you.’
Her mom nodded, a hint of concern creeping in on her face. ‘Of course you are. We’re going to keep you safe, Skye.’
‘Ow!’ Skye gasped looking down at her arm.
‘What is it?’ Her mom looked alarmed.
Skye shook her head. ‘It’s nothing. Just a wasp sting, I think.’ She looked up at her mom, but there was no one there.
‘Mom?’ She looked behind her, to the front door, but it had gone, just being replaced with white space. When she turned back to the kitchen, it had disappeared as well. ‘Mom! Dad! Can anyone hear me?’
Two shots rang out, nearly deafening her. Looking down at her torso, it was bleeding again. She had been shot again. There was so much blood.
‘Help!’

The lights were too bright when she woke up this time, and she closed her eyes again and groaned. Her stomach didn’t feel as hot as it had before, more like a bruise that was being pressed, but that was likely due to painkillers.
‘Skye?’ She heard a worried voice and felt a hand rub her left arm. That voice, it sounded like…
‘Mom?’ Skye asked opening her eyes. It was her, though she looked a bit confused by Skye’s words. ‘Where’s –’
She looked around and saw her dad, sat on the other side of her medical bed, ‘Dad!’ She smiled and reached for his hand, which he took.
‘How are you feeling, Skye?’ He asked.
Skye grimaced and shrugged. ‘M’fine. Do you know about the robot man? I needed to tell you! Mike!’
‘We know, Skye. It’s okay.’ Her dad reassured her.
Skye nodded. ‘Good. And-and-and the bad man whatshisname he-he shot me. Twice.’
‘Ian Quinn. Don’t worry Skye. He’s in custody. Not before I beat him up though.’ Her mother huffed.
Skye grinned. ‘You defended me! You’ll always defend me, right? I’ll always be safe with you guys, right?’
‘Yes.’ They both replied at the same time, which made Skye giggle.
‘Dad?’ She turned to him, eyes wide. ‘I’m sorry.’
He tilted his head quizzically. ‘For what?’
Skye shrugged. ‘We never ate your chilli. I really wanted to eat it, but I didn’t have time.’
Her dad laughed. ‘That’s okay, Skye. Don’t worry about it. Just rest.’

The third time she woke up, she could feel everything a bit better. Her stomach did feel rotten, yes, but her brain seemed a bit less fuzzy.
‘Oh! You’re awake! How are you feeling?’ Jemma’s cheerful voice broke her out of her thoughts.
Skye turned to face her. ‘Like I’ve been shot.’ She paused. ‘Thanks for saving me.’
Jemma smiled at her. ‘Of course, Skye. Do you remember what happened?’
Skye shrugged. ‘Um, I was in the cellar with Quinn, he shot me twice, after that it gets fuzzy, I think May and Coulson were there?’
Jemma smirked slightly and faced away from her. ‘Yes, they came to see if you were alright earlier.’
Skye stared at her. ‘What does that smirk mean? What happened?’
Jemma sighed. ‘It’s nothing really, Skye. You don’t need to be embarrassed, it’s just that, when they got here, you were quite high on pain medication.’
Skye groaned and covered her face with her hands. ‘Oh god… what did I do?’
Jemma chuckled. ‘You were quite upset when I got there. You kept crying about something, I think it had to do with Fury stealing Coulson’s chilli, something like that?’
Skye let out a fake scream. ‘Oh my god! Why didn’t you let me die? At least then I wouldn’t have to go through this embarrassment!’
Jemma squeezed her shoulder. ‘I’m really glad you’re okay, Skye.’
Skye smiled back at her. ‘Me too, Jemma.’
And for the first time in her life, she meant it.

Chapter Text

Ward was Hydra. The three words that exploded everything. Shield was pretty much over. And now, Skye was stood in some hotel bathroom, crying over another guy who had manipulated her. And she was holding a razor. It was an old habit, but it always came back when bad things happened.
How could she have let herself think that Shield would be different?
How could she have thought she could be safe here?
How could she have thought she would be happy?
How could she have trusted another manipulative asshole?
How could she have trusted him?
By the time she dropped the razor, the sink was dripping with her blood. She turned the tap on and tried to wash it out. She grabbed some paper towels and wiped the blood off of her arms as the bleeding ceased.
‘Skye? You’ve been in there for a while, everything ok?’ May’s voice came through the door. Skye quickly pulled her sleeves down and headed for the door.
‘I’m fine, May.’ She said as she opened the door, but she nearly tripped on her way to get past May, and May caught her just before she could fall, pulling the sleeve back on her right arm.
Skye stared at her, terrified. It was too late. She knew that May had seen.
May’s eyes flicked up to her, betraying no emotion. ‘Come with me.’
Skye anxiously followed her back to one of the rooms they had booked and waited as May locked the door behind them. May sat down and leaned against one of the twin beds in the room, and Skye leaned against the other one, facing May. May reached into the drawer of the bedside table, pulling out bandages.
‘Show me your arm.’
Skye silently pulled the sleeves back, revealing the bloody mess that she hadn’t had time to tidy up properly, and let May gently bandage them.
May’s eyes gazed up to meet hers, though Skye tried to avoid it. May sighed. ‘Skye. Talk to me.’
Skye shrugged. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
May glared at her. ‘Skye. This matters. Whether you believe it or not. Talk to me.’
Skye looked down. ‘I don’t know. Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that I’ve never felt like I have a home anywhere. The closest I came was shield and that’s just exploded, and everything is a mess. And, for god’s sake, I have trust issues, and I still trusted Ward. I’m such an idiot. I should have seen it. I should have realised it was too good to be true.’
She fell silent as May finished bandaging her arms.
May folded her arms and sighed. ‘Skye. We all trusted Ward. We all made that mistake. This isn’t your fault. You’re not on your own anymore, Skye.’
Skye stifled a laugh. ‘Yeah right. Shield is over.’
‘Not until we stop fighting. And we won’t. Shield is all about protecting people and that includes you, Skye. We aren’t going to let anything happen to you, and we don’t want you hurting yourself.’
Skye looked down again, tears dripping down her face. ‘No one ever stays around for long. The foster parents I had always sent me back after a few months.’
‘Well then. Consider this your adoption into Shield.’ May gently put a hand on Skye’s shoulder. ‘We’re never gonna let you go without a fight. We care about you, Skye.’
Skye stared at May for a second before collapsing in her arms. May held her tightly as Skye cried into her shoulder.
‘I’m sorry, May.’ Skye mumbled into May. ‘I used to do it when people hurt me; I just slipped into old habits, I’m sorry.’
May pulled back to look Skye in the face. ‘I’m not blaming you. I just want to help.’
Skye swallowed a sob. ‘Okay. Thank you.’
Maybe Shield were her family after all.