Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"A dor do silêncio silencia as palavras mais altas"

Um ano.

O decreto do casamento arranjado vinha preenchendo todos esses meses. Fazia um ano que eles se casaram, um ano que moravam em uma casa sem entender o que cada um sentia. 

As famílias Byun e Wang fizeram um acordo há doze meses. A família Wang ofereceu-lhes o seu primogênito, o filho bastardo ômega, aquele que nunca assumiria a posição do pai na famosa marca de roupas, em troca de um casamento arranjado com o filho do meio da família Byun, o famoso alfa que assumiria o papel da mãe na empresa de cosméticos dela. 

Nicholas esperava que o inferno de sua vida piorasse. Ele havia suportado os insultos de seus pais e irmãos por muito tempo e sabia que sofreria muito mais nas mãos de seu futuro marido. Não se importava, pois sua alma já havia sido condenada ao sofrimento desde o momento em que deixou o ventre de sua mãe e cresceu sendo chamado de aberração por causa de suas marcas. 

O ômega não era feio, mas não se encaixava nos critérios que a sociedade impunha à sua espécie. Seu cabelo preto era liso e liso, seu queixo era pronunciado como o de um alfa, e seus olhos, cheios de fúria, desvirtuavam sua imagem de ômega. Ninguém se casaria com um ômega mal-educado. Era isso que seu pai lhe dizia a vida toda. 

He didn't expect to marry the silliest alpha in society. In Nicholas's eyes, Euijoo was a silly and useless alpha, the kind who cried when watching YouTube videos of puppies being rescued. But who was he to talk about others, knowing that he cried in the dead of night, afraid of living past the age of twenty-three? 

He just wanted to be happy.

Remembered perfectly the day he walked into that church filled with CEOs and friends of both families, his white suit highlighting his black hair that fell slightly over his eyes, his irises covered by dark brown lenses. He felt disgusting under those masks, the texture of the exaggerated makeup and the lenses that covered his true appearance. His head had never been raised, walking down the aisle with his head down beside his mother, who smiled as robotically as possible, nodding to a few acquaintances, but only he felt the pinches she gave him on the arm and the whispers that said, "Raise your head now." 

He hated being the centre of attention, hated being thrown onto an alpha and hoped that God's mercy would not make him suffer more than he already had. But the existence of God was never valid for Nicholas. 

That day, his head felt like it weighed a ton, and it was a struggle to lift it and look at the alpha in front of him. He did not feel fear towards Euijoo, but rather pity, pity for having to put up with him for countless years until he was buried underground. It would not be long. 

It became a nightmare every night when he remembered the alpha's fangs digging into his skin in front of everyone, how his body faltered with that intimate touch that made his wolf want to attack, Euijoo's steady hands grabbing him from behind so he wouldn't fall, as if they were in a fairy tale and Byun was the prince who saved the day. It hurt his heart to remember the exact moment when the applause rose so high after he was marked, it was as if they were betting on an ox at auction and whoever applauded the loudest would take the ox home and have it for dinner with barbecue sauce. He didn't like that idea of being predestined to someone he had never heard of. 

His bite on Euijoo's neck was not the most applauded. So that's when Nicholas realised that they weren't happy about the marriage, no, they were happy that an omega's life was being destroyed before their very eyes with a single bite. 

And that no one would come to rescue him. 

His eyes that day after the bite scanned the entire church, looking for someone he knew, someone he could run to crying, into his arms. But the truth is, Nicholas had never met anyone, he never had a friend. 

It was always him. Just him. 

Euijoo's hand on his back and the little whisper, "It's okay," did not calm Nicholas' nervousness, it only increased his anger and anguish at the false identity that the alpha wanted to convey before turning his life into hell. But he was wrong. 

Throughout the first year, Euijoo never crossed the line. He didn't force Nicholas to talk to him, or even to answer him, he just left Wang... there. Quiet, mysterious, sad. It was as if Nicholas's existence was enough in Euijoo's life. He wasn't a bad alpha, because he cried watching videos of puppies being rescued and had the sweetest voice ever, he was still learning to love. 

Nicholas, on the other hand, avoided talking to the alpha. Although his wolf loved the scent of tangerine with a sophisticated touch of wet grass, he still didn't trust his husband. He wasn't afraid. Was desperate. 

But Euijoo never forced him to do anything. 

The routines were carried out alone. When Wang went into heat, Euijoo left some jackets so that the omega would feel protected and left the house, leaving it solely to his husband. When he arrived, saw that his jackets were untouched. When Euijoo's rut came, he locked himself in the bedroom and took suppressants so that his excessive desire to touch his omega wouldn't go elsewhere; he kept himself in "captivity" so he wouldn't hurt the omega.

And that day it was rain. 

It was raining heavily, the wind blowing against the kitchen window, which had the lamp on, illuminating Nicholas sitting at the table, leaning over it while painting his picture. The lightness with which his brush moved over the canvas was in stark contrast to the raindrops falling on the glass window, bringing a certain melody to the downpour. The clock struck 8pm, and something stirred inside Wang's chest.

Euijoo always arrived at 7pm. 

Could it be the rain? Of course, because rainy days meant long commutes. Nicholas wasn't a fan of sunny days, but he had a certain limit when it came to rainy days. 

His mobile phone vibrated next to the glass of ink-coloured water, displaying the name 'Byun Euijoo' on the message screen. He gently placed his paintbrush on the paper and picked up his phone to read the message. 

'Hi, there's a lot of traffic. 

It may take me a while to get home, but don't worry, I'll try to get there as soon as possible.

Take care, Nicholas.' 

He let out a tired sigh, throwing his mobile phone back on the table and running his hands over his face. Couldn't describe the feeling, couldn't express it in words or gestures, he just let himself be carried away by the silence. It was a tightness in his heart, a pain so sharp that it made him lean over the table, groaning in pain and shedding a few tears. 

And the thing he hated most was that Euijoo could feel all his sadness from across the city. 

He stood up shakily, opening the first door of the upper counter, standing on tiptoe while making a maximum effort to reach the medicine box he had placed at the back of the cupboard, and when his fingers recognised the texture of the lid of the jar, grabbed it quickly, opening it and throwing all the packets onto the counter. His hand reached for the pack he wanted so badly, taking two pills out of it, putting them in his mouth and swallowing them with the help of running tap water.

He breathed heavily, but now he felt alive. 

More alive than ever. 

He calmly put all those cards back in their place, placing them where they had been before, leaning against the cupboard door, looking at his trembling hands. He hated being like this. His hands were dirty with ink, but that was never the problem. The problem was the way his body was perceived. 

For fifteen years. Fifteen years. Nicholas had to learn on his own that if he didn't love himself, no one else could love him. They were long, difficult years, listening to arguments about his appearance, insults, and the lack of self-love when he looked in the mirror. He didn't eat for fear of deviating from the "standard" his mother had imposed on him, he didn't want to look at his arms and see the scars his younger brother had left on him. Why? For no reason. He couldn't look in the mirror and see his reflection. 

He couldn't understand why people thought he was ugly, when, oh God, the shape of his eyes was so beautiful and his irises were different colours. Like an angel. 

He couldn't understand how a ten-year-old child could hate himself. He hated his voice, his body and his pure gaze that carried the 'fury' that everyone talked about. But hell, he never carried anger. 

His eyes were the bottom of the valley. 

His eyes were his portrait. 

His eyes were his sadness, his struggle, his life. His life and his death. 

How could a child hate himself just for being... himself? 

The sound of the door creaking brought Nicholas out of his reverie. He didn't realise that the short time he had been lost in thought had lasted many long minutes. He raised his head and saw the front door open and Euijoo walk through it. The kitchen was American-style, the only thing separating it from the living room being a medium-sized pillar in the middle. 

"Hi, are you hungry?" Asked as he put his key in the keyring and took off his shoes at the entrance. Nicholas shook his head, knowing that Euijoo wouldn't force him to eat, inhaling the scent that his omega loved so much. "I stopped by a convenience store and bought something for us to eat," He clearly hadn't seen the omega's sign of denial.

"i'm fine, I'm not hungry."

"Oh..." Was all the alpha said, raising his head, allowing Nicholas to observe him more closely. He was wearing loose black sweatpants that were almost falling off his hips, a sweatshirt in contrasting colours with some motivational writing on it, and his head was covered by a backwards-facing cap that technically leaned more to the left. A business owner would not dress like this to go to work, but Euijoo did not mind working in casual clothes, unless he had important meetings that day. 

On top of everything else, he was in charge of everything, dressed formally and informally. 

"You look cold, you'd better warm up before eating," Said the omega, returning to his seat, watching the alpha begin to take food out of the bags. A certain confused murmur made the other speak again. "Your nose is red," He gestured without looking up, picking up the brush. 

"Oh no, it's always like that. I'm fine," He denied with a simple smile that filled his round cheeks. "Painting again?"

"My distraction so I don't break down, maybe," Replied, dipping the brush in navy blue paint, feeling the alpha's concerned gaze on him. "Just kidding. Yes, I'm painting." 

"Have you been eating properly?" He walked behind his chair, putting a pot of instant noodles in the cupboard and gesturing to the omega where it would be if he wanted it. "Despite everything, we still have a brand."

"Don't even remind me..." he muttered, feeling his mobile phone vibrate again, but this time he didn't pick it up because he knew it wasn't anyone important. "I'm eating well, why? Does it scare you to see the omega who was forced to marry you die and you be to blame?" Damn it, Nicholas. You're on the defensive again, no one's going to understand you like this. "Sorry..." He lowered his head in regret.

"Hey, I'm not scared of seeing my omega die and me being the one to blame, no, I'm worried about not being a good alpha. I'm just making sure, Nicholas." His tone was neither angry nor loud, but calm and quiet, and that stressed Nicholas out. 

"I'm sorry," he apologised again.

"I was just worried about you today, that's all, and you seem to be ill." Nicholas stopped dancing the brush across the paper, still looking down. "If something is weighing on you, or bothering you, or even difficult to deal with, you're not alone, okay? You don't like me, but I'm still your alpha, and the first thing an alpha wants to see is his omega well." Faced with that emotional speech, Wang grew even more irritated and raised his gaze to look at the alpha who was staring at him with the most cautious eyes possible. 

He didn't understand. 

This was a sham; no one could care so much about him. 

"Not liking you is a very strong feeling, Alpha, I only tolerate you knowing that you can be just like everyone else," He countered, analysing his painting. The sound of the microwave echoed in the room before Euijoo replied.

"Think what you want about me, Nicholas, either way, I'll still care about you." 

And then the conversation ended there. Like a vacuum on a mountain.

Nicholas tried to be someone confident, a person who wouldn't cause problems for those around him, but he couldn't maintain that attitude when he just wanted to give up everything, let go of the walls that held him back and allow himself to be swallowed up by them in the darkest room. It was a fact, he couldn't be a person who believed in love after all the kinds of abuse he suffered at home, his cheek hurt after forcing a huge smile at the old family photos. 

Euijoo never came to prove him wrong, never, but rather to encourage him to be himself. That rude, foul-mouthed mask of the omega was never fair, but rather a costume he wore to defend himself. They say that children who grew up in dysfunctional families never had big dreams, which is true, because Nicholas' dream was always to have someone to talk to about his paintings. 

And that was fine. 

Dreams may not always come true. 

"Turn off the lights before you go up," Announced the omega as he gathered his things to go upstairs, closing the paint pots and cleaning his brush. "I'm warning you because you left them on last time." 

"Don't worry, you can go rest, I'll tidy up your things," Said the alpha, cautiously watching the smaller one look at him confused. "Seriously, leave everything there, I'll tidy up for you."

"You don't know where the storage room is."

"I'll find it." 

Oh yes, Euijoo did know where Nicholas' dye supplies were stored. How? Well, every night when he came home and saw the omega leaning over the table while he slept, it was he who put his partner to bed, and there he was, putting all the utensils back in their respective places. The difference was that Nicholas wasn't unconscious that night, but the storage place had never changed. 

"Thank you," Said formally, rubbing his sleepy eyes before turning hesitantly upstairs, heading towards his bedroom. 

"Good night, Nicholas."

"Good night, Euijoo." The alpha didn't understand, but his wolf liked how his name sounded when spoken by his companion's voice, shifting comfortably on Byun's chest, who cleared his throat at that. 

Euijoo was never one to approve of arranged marriages; he hated anything related to arranged plans, and this hatred came from his genetics, as his parents also hated it. However, he found himself being forced by his parents, who showed a certain desperation to marry their son to the firstborn omega of the "friendly" family. He never understood why his parents acted so rudely in that matter, knowing that they both detested arrangements, and then, when he saw his partner for the first time, everything seemed to be answered in one person. 

Despair. 

Despair was what he and his parents saw in Nicholas' threatening silhouette, a person who was possibly enduring everything in silence and would have no one to tell about his feelings. He did not refuse the contract, he just signed it without reading everything.

Wang was not a threat or someone ugly in Euijoo's eyes. On the contrary, Byun was enchanted when he first saw Nicholas's two-toned eyes, one light blue and the other dark brown. He didn't feel fear; he felt willing to protect that man.

He never felt hurt when Nicholas responded rudely or ignored him. In fact, he couldn't feel sad for someone who was just being defensive. He didn't know Nicholas's whole story, but he knew he had suffered enough to carry sadness in his eyes and defenciveness in his heart. And that was all right, soldiers also pretend to be tough to protect the king and queen, even though they know everyone just wants to return to their mother's arms and cry like newborns. 

He finished eating, cleaning up his mess and tidying up his partner's things. He gently dried the brushes Nicholas used, putting them back in their original pot, and began to clean the dried blue paint that stained the white table, but nothing that alcohol couldn't help. After much effort to remove the paint, he threw the paper away and cleaned the mouths of the paint pots, closing them properly as he picked them up and walked towards the cupboard in the hallway near the living room. That hallway led to the guest bathroom, two guest bedrooms, a pantry and a lonely living room. 

Opened the top cupboard, putting the paints in order according to their shades, just as Nicholas had arranged them, and quickly returned to fetch the brushes and the professional case containing graffiti pens, professional pencils, mechanical pencils and erasers that Wang used for sketching, placing them on the bottom shelf inside the cupboard. 

He poured out the dirty water in the glass, washed it thoroughly and put it on the dish rack to dry, picking up the painted picture that the omega had worked hard to make. He looked at the painting with caution and admiration. He couldn't deny that his omega was talented, although not everyone could make a person smiling towards the horizon using only different shades of blue. 

Euijoo liked it. Blue was his favourite colour. 

Walked to the lonely garden at the back of the house where hardly anyone ever went. He placed the painting on the marble table covered with a beige cloth, the table that had been named "The Table of Paradise" by the alpha. It was where Euijoo always placed Nicholas's dyes to dry overnight, and the omega had possibly adopted that same idea, as there were three more drawings that the alpha remembered not having put there. 

He smiled, enchanted by his partner's work, feeling his chest warm. Nicholas couldn't describe his feelings, so he painted, which made Euijoo automatically understand him. 

Not intensely, but enough not to cross the line. 

Stretched when he saw that he had been looking at the paintings for a long time, going back into the residence, making sure the table was completely clean, and finally, not forgetting to turn off the kitchen lights, picking up his backpack that had been left on the sofa in the living room after his arrival. He climbed the stairs quietly so they wouldn't make a noise and wake Wang, which Euijoo thought would be fine, since the mark was stable at that moment. 

And when he passed the omega's bedroom door, knew he was really asleep as soon as the sweet smell of strawberries and milk reached his nose, calming his heart. He loved it when Nicholas slept, which everyone found strange, but only he could smell the most delicious scent in his entire life. He didn't understand why the smell intensified even more when the omega slept, but he didn't care. 

In any case, he would always be in love with that wonderful combination of strawberries and milk. 

And at the end of that night, Euijoo fell asleep with his notebook on his lap while solving company issues. And Nicholas? Well, he dreamed he was happy.

Once in a lifetime. 

×

"You look so handsome today, Mr Wang," said the woman who cleaned their house and cooked for the omega. She was beautiful. A beta with flowing black hair, her youthful face matched her age of twenty-two, she had eyes as big as jabuticaba fruit and a beautiful smile. 

"Don't treat me formally, Jia, alright?" He said calmly. He gave the beta a simple smile. "And thank you, what's so charming about my face today? Hm?" Joked with the woman, who let out a soft laugh as she put the cutlery in its place. 

Jia was a young woman, she was ordered to be a 'maid' in the couple's house, but the omega and alpha hated to refer to her by that name, so we called her a helper. She helped with cleaning the house and cooking, and Nicholas could clap his hands for his meals, they were all so delicious. Her relationship with the omega was closer and friendlier than with the alpha, perhaps because of his absence and Wang's greater presence, but with her, Nicholas could let his most sincere smile slip. 

In many aspects, Nicholas saw himself in Jia, even in the more subtle ones, such as getting frustrated at not being able to get everything done on time, knowing that her bosses would never get angry about it. The beta was a friend to the omega; they talked all day long, and often Nicholas listened attentively to Jia's big heart-to-heart talks. The woman had also come from a dysfunctional family and now she was doing everything she could to get out from under her mum and dad's roof, but it seemed that the more she worked, the more she failed. 

The mere small details. 

"Maybe your eyes, maybe your smile, maybe the sparkle in your beautiful blue and brown eyes when the sun shines through the window," She hummed, and that phrase made Nicholas swallow hard, feeling his chest warm up. He had never heard that in his entire life.

"Aish, don't say that, those are the parts I hate the most," He denied, covering his blue eye with his fingertips. 

"Just because you hate it, doesn't mean others can't love it, Nicholas." 

"Are you sick, Jia?" Asked the omega, changing the subject as quickly as possible, seeing how adorable the beta's face had suddenly become confused. "You've been talking a lot of nonsense, you know?" 

Jia laughed softly, closing the drawer and walking through the kitchen. "I'm fine, dear, no symptoms of illness. How about you? Is everything okay?" 

Everything is fine, princess," he stretched out on the doorstep separating the living room from the kitchen. "But I've been feeling some chest pains, I hope it's a heart attack—" 

The woman threw the dishcloth that was on her shoulder at the omega's face. "YA, don't say that!" 

"I'm just joking" Rolled his eyes, clicking his tongue and smiling freely. "But the chest pains are no joke, and they've been worrying me a little, even though I'm taking my medicine right on schedule." He scratched the back of his neck, looking intently at the silhouette of the woman who was pacing back and forth in the room but still listening to the omega speak. "These pains come so intensely that it feels like I've been stabbed. My wolf has been silent for... two months? He only shows up when Euijoo arrives, as if he were going to his owner with his tail wagging, but all he gets is a pair of huge eyes that look at you with concern but never touch you." 

"Darling, wouldn't it be better to go to the hospital to have it checked out? Tests... it could be your wolf." 

"No, I'm fine, it must just be another symptom of anxiety or a side effect of the medication." He laughed awkwardly, ignoring that strange feeling in his chest that was starting to creep up again. It wasn't Euijoo, it came from within him. His hands rested on his chest, massaging gently, and he began to exhale the air he hadn't even realised he had been holding. 

"Has the pain started?" Jia asked, standing in front of him with concern in her eyes as she held the pan in her hand. It was almost lunchtime, and the beta liked to make a good lunch for the omega to eat and leave for the alpha to enjoy in the evening. She got no answer, "Hey, Nicholas?"

"Uhm?" He replied, still dazed, closing his eyes as his head remained bowed. "Just give me a few seconds, okay?" Walked slowly out of the kitchen, disappearing up the stairs. 

Jia let out a weary sigh. In the time she'd been living with Nicholas, she'd learnt that he was the type to avoid talking about his pains, just walking away and saying that everything was fine. 

It never was. 

"Anything, just shout!!!" She exclaimed loudly, but it sounded more like a question, knowing that Nicholas would never shout for someone to come to his aid. 

The sensation was torturous, he could feel his teeth grinding against each other, causing an irritating chill to run down the back of his neck, feeling shivers run through his whole body. His legs were stiffly bent while his only solution to breathing was to keep his head down, trying to calm his wolf so that Euijoo wouldn't feel anything unusual through the mark, but the feedback on his mobile phone, restless vibrations, was already the answer to everything. 

"Come on, Nicholas... it's nothing, stop making a fuss..." He whispered to himself, reaching for the mobile phone on the bed. The tremor in his hand was visible from five metres away and he hated being seen. 

'Hey, is everything OK?

The mark is warning me that something isn't right

Nicholas?

Just tell me you're okay and I can stop worrying so much.'

He unlocked his mobile phone, bent over the bed, his fingers began to type on the digital keyboard but a sharp pain shot through his chest like a sword and a painful scream escaped his lips, he let go of the phone and immediately began to inhale its smell, and realised how sour and disgusting it was to smell. "J-Jia..." He mumbled, hoping his voice would automatically come out as a scream. 

He'd never thought of asking for help. 

The door burst open. "I heard you scream!" The beta came in terrified, holding an onion in one hand and a knife in the other, and her fringe was messy from the run she'd made up the stairs. "What's going on? Does it still hurt?!" she dropped the food on the bedroom dresser, not caring how rude it was. 

The mobile phone vibrated again. 

'I'm coming back.

Tell me you're all right' 

Another scream came from Nicholas' lips, causing him to fall to his knees on the floor, clutching his chest with his trembling hands, which were beginning to lose colour and were as cold as a corpse. Perhaps his time had come. "Hey! Please, don't do that, you're scaring me! Nicholas, I'll call Mr Byun!" The beta was also in despair, it was terrifying to see the scene of the omega screaming in pain. 

"No!" his voice sounded louder, but it was too late because Jia already had her mobile phone to her ear, waiting for Euijoo to answer. "Jia, please don't..." he gasped, and a drop of water fell to the floor. He hadn't even realised he was crying. 

Perhaps from pain. Perhaps from despair. 

Or perhaps of joy. 

"I can't leave you like this! I need to speak to Mr Byu - Hi! Nicholas is very ill, I don't know what to do!" She voice was raspy, which brought even more despair to the alpha on the other end of the line. "I don't know!" She shouted, gesturing with one arm. 

She was really desperate. Nicholas would have laughed at her if he hadn't tried not to lose consciousness. 

His whole body was freezing, it felt like the onset of hypothermia, but his face was burning like the depths of hell. He knew Euijoo was coming after Jia had calmed down a bit, but her calmness was making Nicholas more nervous. 

Tried to speak, opened his mouth and forced himself to speak, but all Jia could hear were moans, sobs and gasping breaths muffled by Nicholas' head lowered towards the ground. He was curled up on the icy floor, his forehead literally pressed to the floor in an attempt to relieve the enormous heat on his face. His teeth gritted, and he could taste the iron mixed with the salty taste of the tears that seeped from the corner of his lips. 

It was a mess. 

"He's already coming, Nicho, hold on..." Jia's soft hand brushed against his back and all he could feel was a shock, which made his body shudder and a painful cry burst from his lips. "Okay, no touching?"

"Out- Get out-" Another scream came from his lips, ordering his friend out of the room. He felt his wolf after so long without feeling and testing it, and the sensation wasn't the best. It felt like claws ripping through his chest. "Call Euijoo!" He begged, seeing from his side view that the beta was already running out of the room. 

He couldn't understand. 

He always felt all those chest pains, what was wrong this time?  

His fangs were showing, he didn't like them in his mouth, they were hurting his mouth. What was going on? Was his wolf angry? Was your wolf sick? What the hell was going on?

As one last scream escaped his lips and his sight began to blur, the scent his wolf loved so much began to stir his instincts. "Nicholas," The large silhouette of his alpha stood in front of him, looking at him with the most worried eyes in the world. 

Wang didn't answer, he just continued to lie on the ground, his breathing uncontrolled and his body trembling. He found himself being lifted up by his alpha's large hands, standing up quickly while being held by the strong hands on his back. "Nicholas? Hey, look at me... What do you feel?" 

Nicholas stood paralysed. When he raised his head with great effort, his eyes met his alpha's. "Yeah, look at me. Where's it hurt?" 

Euijoo looked at him as if he were the most beautiful person in the universe. 

"Everything." His voice was weak, but this time it wasn't filled with screams, just a tightness in his chest. "My chest aches." 

A hand came out from under his protection and landed on his chest, and it seemed as if all that tightness had been replaced by cosiness. "Here?" Nicholas nodded, gasping as the mixed sensations coursed through his chest, and wiped the corner of his mouth, which was oozing metallic blood. "It's okay, you'll be fine, it was just a scare, okay?" His voice was so calm that it made Nicholas' whole body relax. 

He hadn't even noticed when Euijoo put their bodies together, leaning Nicholas's head on his shoulder, still massaging the omega's chest to relieve all that pain that, in a way, he also felt in a strange way. In his knowledge, the symptoms of anxiety would never pass to the other partner. 

It would never be anxiety. 

The alpha turned his head towards the door, spotting Jia and the newest omega at the door. Yuma, his friend since school, was just like a kitten, watching worriedly from afar. He first made sure Nicholas was unconscious. "What exactly happened, Jia?" The calmness in his tone transmitted through the mark to Nicholas, who, oddly enough, had fallen asleep standing up. 

Jia recounted the entire event, from the letter A to the letter Z, showing her despair with every word that came out of her mouth, only to be reassured by the omega next to her who smiled gently at the beta. "That was terrifying, Mr Byun, to see him like that!" 

"Has he taken any kind of medicine today?" He asked curiously, stroking the omega's back, realising that the little one's body was getting warm again. 

Jia wet her mouth, undecided whether to tell him or not. Nicholas had told her not to say anything. "Oh, no, Mr Byun. He was so well before," She commented, looking at the onion and knife she had left on the dresser. "My God, lunch!" exclaimed, picking up the food and the utensil and hurrying out to the kitchen. 

Euijoo giggled at her friend, meeting his friend's attentive eyes through the doorway. "He scared me." 

"He scared us..." muttered Yuma, walking into the room with his arms crossed. His pastel pink hair fell in detail over his black eyes. "He looks frail, hyung" Euijoo nodded in agreement with his friend, settling his husband in his arms, ready to put him to bed comfortably. 

"I try my best to make him feel good about my presence, but the best way for me to gain his trust is to keep myself worried at all times..." He placed the omega on his bed, watching him shrink away from the warm, cosy feel of the covers around him. His hand reached for the blanket that he always saw Nicholas carrying up and down the house on freezing days, covering him evenly. He let out a long breath. "I feel he needs love, not worries..." The warm tone in his voice made Yuma look at the sleeping omega with a certain affection. 

Euijoo sat on the edge of the bed, gazing thoughtfully at Nicholas who seemed to be sleeping comfortably in the alpha's presence. Every day since the day they got married, Byun had been worrying excessively about his partner's health, knowing that he would never really know what was going on live. 

He was afraid of arriving and seeing him lying dead over his most beautiful painting. 

"Don't worry so much, Juju, everything's fine. You have to understand his side of not sharing what's going on." Yuma seemed to read his thoughts. 

"I think he suffered something at his old home..." his eyes analysed how handsome and adorable Nicholas looked in his loose, casual clothes, as he always wore, but they were pastel colours, the colour palette Euijoo would pay to see his partner wearing. 

Yuma sighed heavily, "The Wang family has some rumours of manipulation of various things, it could be that something really happened inside that house." He stretched, reaching up to stroke the top of the alpha's black hair. "Anyway, take care of him and don't let him disbelieve in love. I know arranged relationships are difficult to deal with, but be patient. I'll see you." Yuma had always been Euijoo's best friend and counsellor, because it was with him that Byun could cry and not be trapped by so many questions. 

He'd just cry. 

The room remained silent. Euijoo wanted to go out, but it seemed that something was holding her close to her omega, transmitting warmth to the small body that was beginning to tremble slightly under the covers. "Are you going back to the company? I could ring Fuma and ask him to take over from you." 

"Please, I don't know if I can leave him. Not after all this." He replied self-consciously, not looking up at any point. 

The rosy-cheeked man nodded, picked up his mobile and left the room, leaving only the alpha with his husband. 

The larger man's hand rested on Nicholas's, who involuntarily crawled out from under the blanket, holding it carefully, afraid that it would break in several places. He was fragile, but Euijoo thought it was the end of the world. 

Maybe everything that happened was his fault. 

Maybe it was the wolf getting sick from lack of his alpha's touch. 

Everything could revolve around Euijoo's absent existence in Nicholas's life.

Tears fell unhurriedly from his eyes, agonised by the strange feeling in his chest, and he pulled Nicholas' hand towards his mouth, kissing it and staying there, inhaling the scent he loved so much. A sob escaped his lips coldly, realising that he was crying again, worried about Nicholas's health. "I'm sorry..." He murmured, leaning his forehead against his omega's hand. 

He didn't think Nicholas was listening. 

But something in the newly awakened omega's chest stirred restlessly, unhappy with all that affection. He wanted to pull his hand away, shout at the alpha, split his head from his neck, but all he did was accept the apologies without showing any emotion, still with his eyes closed, feeling a warmth coursing through his chest. 

The afternoon passed as slowly as a worm walking along the road. Nicholas didn't even manage to take advantage of the warm sunshine outside to finish his paintings and put them out to dry, falling asleep for five hours in his bed next to his alpha, who slept on the edge of his bed. Certainly, when he woke up for the last time that day, Euijoo was no longer on the edge of his bed, and the only light coming into the room was the light from the corridor, which came slightly through the ajar doorway. He stretched, feeling his torso creak as if it were going to break in half. 

His body was still a little shaky but there was no sign of any severe pain in his chest, and he felt his legs go weak as he stood up from the bed, glancing at his reflection in the wardrobe mirror. His black hair was growing, it formed a beautiful mullet shape, and it was a bit messy, but he didn't bother to fix it. 

The old Nicholas would put on his lenses before leaving the room. However, this new Nicholas didn't care what anyone else said about his bi-coloured eyes, so he just wiped the corner of his eyes and left his room. The house was quiet and he could hear Jia's soft voice talking to someone, possibly Euijoo. 

He climbed down the stairs with difficulty, gripping the banister tightly and afraid that his legs would betray him, making him embarrassed on the steps. He thanked himself internally for making it to the ground without embarrassing himself, seeing the others in the kitchen. "Oh, you're up!" Jia exclaimed, taking the tea towel off his shoulders and gesturing with his hands for his friend to come closer. 

Nicholas ducked his head, embarrassed at all the attention on him. "Are you all right?" his alpha's warm voice drifted into his ears like a melody, calming a mixture of emotions that was already building in his chest. He nodded, sitting down in the same chair that he sat in every day

His gaze met the one he didn't know, and he was able to inhale its scent immediately, knowing it was another omega. It was a mixture of peaches and chocolate chips, but at the same time it smelled like an expensive cologne. He flashed a cute, cuddly smile, showing his fangs. "Hi, I'm Yuma!" 

"Hi, I'm Nicholas," Said robotically, watching as the alpha pushed the plate of food towards him. "I'm not hungry." 

"Eat" Euijoo didn't hear, and Wang didn't understand the feeling that ran through him, but his fingers automatically moved to grab his hashis. 

"You scared me, you idiot!" Jia hit Nicholas on the arm, who didn't react to the touch, looking innocently at her friend. "There's no point looking at me like that!" 

"Do you want to go to hospital if this keeps happening?" Euijoo asked and the omega's look changed, like something more invisible than anyone could describe. 

"I don't think that's anything to make a fuss about," He shrugged. "It was just an anxiety attack." 

"Anxiety symptoms don't cross the line, as far as I'm concerned." Yuma muttered quietly, earning a sharp look from Nicholas and a 'shut up' look from Euijoo. "I'm sorry, dear, but I'm the same species as you. I don't feel afraid of you. You need to be careful." 

"I'm fine" 

"If you were, none of this would have happened, anxiety attack or not," hummed, putting down his hashis. Nicholas arched an eyebrow. "I'm not here to make you feel angry, I'm here to help you, darling, I want to be your most loyal friend of all, but you lying to your face is a bit distressing," he blurted out, not breaking Nicholas exchange of glances. 

"You don't know anything, you don't even know me," He replied immediately, seeing through his peripheral vision Euijoo sigh tensely and Jia step back, staring at the scene. 

"Darling, you've got a book open through your eyes, and believe me, I've never had a literary hangover," He smiled gently, showing off his prey again. Wang felt like smashing his plate of food in that omega's face, but in a way, everything he said seemed to make sense. 

"I've lost my hunger" Pushed the plate away, ready to leave the room, but a hand stopped him in his tracks. 

"Finish your meal" 

And like a puppy, he sat down at the table again, eating without looking up, listening to the conversation unfold naturally again. 

Às nove horas da noite, Jia e Yuma estavam se despedindo. Ele simplesmente não entendia por que Yuma havia lhe dado um beijo na testa, como se estivesse tentando fazê-lo se sentir confortável. 

"Vejo você por aí, Nicholas." Ele deixou um sorriso caloroso para o ômega, virando-se e dando um tapinha no peito do alfa, que sorriu de volta para o amigo e se despediu. 

Yuma. O ômega misterioso com o sorriso cheio de presas e uma linha reta como uma bola de futebol. 

Ele brincava com os dedos na mesa, tentando esquecer tudo o que acontecera naquele dia e a presença do seu alfa ao seu lado, mas as mãos grandes e finas do alfa o agarraram, impedindo-o de continuar o trabalho de arrancar a pele morta perto da unha. "Nicholas" 

"Eu sei. Eu sei que te preocupei hoje, eu sei que você está preocupado comigo." 

"Você precisa de acompanhamento médico. Não estou dizendo isso para me livrar de você, mas porque pode haver algo errado com o seu lobo. Você pode dizer que foi apenas uma crise de ansiedade, mas eu nunca deixaria de me importar tanto com você. Sua saúde é minha paz e conforto, entendeu?" Nicholas olhou profundamente nos olhos redondos e brilhantes de Euijoo, e pôde sentir de uma forma estranha como as emoções e os sentimentos do alfa eram visíveis em seus olhos. "Você pode não confiar em mim, acreditar que sou igual àqueles que te machucaram, você tem razão, não vou mudar sua opinião tão rápido, mas preciso que você esteja aberto para que, aconteça o que acontecer, não hesite em me ligar." 

"Não quero que você saia do seu emprego por minha causa", a cabeça de Euijoo sinalizou um 'não, você está errado' e seu olhar de preocupação só se intensificou. 

"Eu nunca te deixaria sozinho por causa de um emprego, Nicholas. Você é meu ômega e eu sou seu alfa." O ômega baixou o olhar, sem acreditar nas próprias palavras. "Te mandei várias mensagens assim que percebi que algo estava diferente, você não sabe o quanto eu estava preocupado e nós nem compartilhamos sentimentos românticos. Não pensei duas vezes antes de vir correndo para cá, saí do meu escritório com tanta pressa que meus estagiários saíram do meu caminho. Nicholas, não me importo de sair do trabalho por sua causa. Eu me importaria mais se chegasse em casa e visse você sendo levado de ambulância. Isso te conforta ou te assusta?" 

Nicholas não sabia como responder.

Na verdade, ele nunca foi tão importante quanto agora. 

"Então deixe-me ficar ao seu lado para tomar precauções. Não quero sentir tudo através da marca, quero tranquilizá-la antes que você desmaie como hoje. Ok? Tudo bem?" 

Ele não obteve nenhuma resposta, como sempre, mas sabia que uma imensa gratidão percorria o ômega. 

"Sabe, eu preferiria ver você dormindo sobre seus desenhos de pinturas, com as bochechas cheias de tinta, do que vê-lo deitado em uma cama de hospital." 

E nessa única frase, Nicholas percebeu que há pessoas em sua vida que realmente podem se importar com você. 

Chapter Text

"Doing the right thing by the wrong thing results in a flawed action" 

Days had passed since the last event. Nicholas felt a little invaded when, every hour and minute, Euijoo asked Jia to make sure Nicholas was okay. He should be thankful that he has a nice alpha who has never, until now, hurt him and has only comforted him, but because of all the illusions he went through when he was just a child, he was getting a bit angry with his alpha. 

Yes, he liked it when Euijoo realized that the pain was about to come, and made his scent stronger, comforting Nicholas from afar on the other side of the house. Yes, he loved it when the pain was so bad that Byun would lay his right hand on his chest, massage it gently, and unconsciously fall asleep on his alpha's shoulder. Yes, he fucking loved the feeling of being cared for. 

But he hated being the cause of people's worries. Although, in his entire life, he'd never tasted it.

Was already tired of the whole thing. He felt like such a burden to Jia, everything seemed so worrying that it terrified the little omega who, involuntarily, withdrew from the beta over the days, isolating himself in his room. He felt sensitive, fragile and a ball of manipulation. He found himself crying between his pillows when he felt like a burden, begging God to snatch his life away. 

He would rather have been dead than alive at that moment. 

And without realizing it, he gave in to the darkness that began to surround him just as it had ten years ago. He wouldn't get out of bed, it seemed so soft and irresistible to leave, and he spent days and days lying in it. 

Jia was the first to notice Nicholas's change, cautiously observing that the omega no longer came to the kitchen every morning to paint his thousands of pictures, and so, in succession, he began to disappear around the house in places he used to frequent to be next to the beta. Even the garden no longer had the thousands of paintings to dry on top of the Table of Paradise. 

The second person to notice that something was wrong was his alpha. First, he began to see Jia leaving the residence at the same time as he arrived, which he found strange as she always left two hours before he arrived. And then, Nicholas' silhouette disappeared from his favorite chair at the table, the paintings no longer had paint on them and the brushes were paralyzed in time inside the cupboard, which was already beginning to smell of mothballs. It was as if he was seeing the beginning of everything, the first months when they moved in together. 

And the suspicion became apparent when he saw that Nicholas wasn't waking up early. He hadn't seen his husband for around three days. He left the house in the morning, felt chest pains as usual but nothing too serious, and when he came home tired from work, he didn't see the omega and his thousands of paintings on the dining table. Absolute nothingness. 

The last to realize what was happening was Nicholas himself. Constantly afraid of being a burden to others, he thought it would be less worrisome if he took some time for himself, taking prolonged naps that kept him awake all night, changing day for night. However, he found himself sleeping during both shifts, which led to painful crying and a lack of desire to get out of bed. 

He didn't get out of bed, didn't even brush his teeth, let alone take his morning shower. He just... existed, sometimes sleeping, sometimes crying, and in his spare time staring at the dark ceiling of his room while waiting for some answer from beyond. Even without having asked a single question. He didn't know how many days had gone by, much less hours, but he knew his body was begging for his alpha's touch and the scent he loved so much. 

However, he never got it. 

Sleepless days, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, Nicholas found himself recalling the strong and heartfelt words coming out of his husband's mouth. 

"Your health is my peace and comfort, do you understand?"

The pain in his chest were still present, but perhaps because of the extreme care of the alpha on the other side of the mark, they were no longer as strong, yet they began to become more present than ever. It used to come once a day, but now it came three or four times a day, and new symptoms began to appear, such as vomiting, tingling in the body, feeling faint, and severe headaches. 

Nicholas wondered if his alpha also felt those new symptoms on the other side, but he never decided to ask him personally. He didn't want any more worries, he didn't want to be a bother anymore. 

His mind was his worst enemy, telling him when he wondered if he should go to Euijoo that he spoke ill of him to all his friends, complaining about how dependent he was, like a bitch. He began to hate the alpha for no reason.

He was tired of seeming sensitive. He wanted to leave his room again without being bombarded with questions about his health. 

So, that day he was willing. As usual, he reached for the two containers on the nightstand next to his bed, opening them and pouring a pill from each bottle, swallowing them dry without water, closing them again and putting them back in their respective places. He stretched, feeling a wave of shock run through his bloodstream. 

His hand reached for his cell phone on the edge of the bed, picking it up and viewing the number of messages from Euijoo that had accumulated over all these days. He sighed, typing in his password and searching Google for types of medications he could take to alleviate all those symptoms. Yes, the list was huge, more than five varied medications with different functions.

But, some had equal and stronger functions. 

He stood up, mustering the courage to go through his morning routine and hygiene as he usually did. He took a long twenty-minute shower, most of the time staring blankly at the pastel white tiles on his wall, and then spent minutes brushing his teeth until he could convince himself that they were clean. Well, his gums started to bleed, actually. 

When he left the room, could hear pots clanging. It was almost 1:00 pm, lunchtime had already passed, which meant that Jia was very late. Nicholas automatically understood what was happening. 

In the morning, he used to help Jia tidy up the house, which made things easier for her and allowed her to return home earlier and get some rest. He felt a twinge of guilt grow in his chest, knowing that he had delayed everyone in the house. He exhaled, wiping away the tears that had suddenly appeared in the corners of his eyes, and walked toward the stairs. 

Near the kitchen, he could hear Jia humming a soft melody as she chopped vegetables with her nimble hands. "Hi..." His voice sounded weak, especially since he hadn't spoken in days. The woman stopped what she was doing and turned around in disbelief, seeing her friend standing next to the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen. 

"My God, I thought you were dead," She joked, smiling, walking toward the omega and pulling him into a hug. Nicholas returned the awkward hug, unaccustomed to receiving and giving hugs. "Are you okay? Did you manage to rest your soul?" asked his friend, letting go of the omega's touch and looking him in the eyes.

"I rested long enough to get up," Smiled slightly, walking to the table and pulling up the same chair he had been sitting on. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, I just felt lonely in this huge house when you took some time off for yourself." She shrugged, relaxing her shoulders. "I feel a little lighter seeing you here again." 

Nicholas smiled slightly, looking at the sun shining through the open window, thinking of the filthiest lie he could come up with to get Jia to do him a favor. It was difficult to deceive the beta, she was very logical and considered the most observant person in that house, because when everyone was just starting out, the first question she asked Nicholas was: "You don't like each other, this is an arranged marriage, right?"

"I'll need to go to the market soon, I noticed that some things in the pantry are running out." Nicholas nodded. He smiled slightly, realizing something. Jia didn't go to their house every day, she had a separate routine of going three days a week, and she hadn't shown up the day before. 

"Jia, can you do me a favor?" Asked softly, watching as the woman turned off a burner on the stove, turning to him and nodding. "Yesterday I had to go to the hospital, the pain had gotten worse, and he gave me some medicine to take, but it turns out that yesterday I ended up throwing up on them. Could you pick them up at the pharmacy?" The woman tilted her head uncertainly.

"Nicho, you know that not all medications can be sold without a prescription, right?" 

"Yes, but I looked them over and they all seem to be sold without a medical restriction," Said, looking gently at the beta, who looked suspicious but then let go of her guard, smiling slightly. 

"Okay, I'll buy them, anything to see you well." 

That was easy. 

×

The sound of the refrigerator behind him was the only noise besides the sound of cars passing in front of the house that reached Nicholas's ears. Jia had just left, leaving the omega alone in the residence, but accompanied by his thousands of blank canvases on the table.

He'd picked up the hobby of drawing and painting with paints while confused about his existence. It was a search for a light in the darkness, a passageway between the small gap in the door. Those who could read his paintings knew how to read the troubled mind that carried Nicholas' still open scars. Gray was his favorite color. Gray was him in color.

To Nicholas, gray was the color of uncertainty, instability, and confusion. It was divided between deciding to be black or white, undecided whether it would portray light or darkness. It was a fickle color that couldn't decide its sides, its choices, and its thoughts, because it was what it was. 

Gray. 

The combination of white and black. 

Nicholas was a combination of emotions and feelings unwritten on his face, but his heart was colorful, too uncertain to decide on a favorite color, so gray took over his heart, as if it spoke to him. Gray was everything Nicholas was. 

Unstable. Confused. Indecisive. 

He didn't understand why should live in that world after so much pain, why still tried to prove he was happy when he'd never been, the wounds were still open, he couldn't just cover them up and pretend none of it had happened. He didn't understand. He was always torn between choosing to live or die; although was afraid to continue living after his twenty-three years, was still afraid of how painful death would be, because everyone loved life for being a beautiful lie, and everyone hated death for being a painful truth. Torn between deciding to live or die. 

Nicholas could never understand his own mind, tormented by thoughts that could appear from beyond and drive him to do crazy things. His mind was numb, unstable enough to program him to cry and then suddenly laugh at his own sadness while his hands were covered in blood, which was probably his own, after an outburst. Wang carried his own scars and those of others on his body. Physically, he r

emained stable, with a fit physique and attractive hair, but what about his mind? Was it stable? 

He remembered exactly the day after arriving from the psychologist assigned to him, holding the diagnosis form, reading the name of the disorder that would haunt him for a lifetime and never be cured, only to live as a mere peasant abandoned by others. He had nightmares about the day when everything fell apart for the first time, now diagnosed, how disgusting his family's looks were towards him. 

He'd always been hated, but they treated him like a special person, at least that. But when he saw the name of the disorder his mother always spoke ill of, and said how insane the people who had it were, his world fell away and everything passed like a mask of false concern. In fact, they had never cared. 

His little brother was talking nonsense about him at the family dinner, his sister's shrill and annoying giggles standing out above the whole room. First it was the trembling hand, then the lump in his throat, and finally, before the whole disaster, he had knocked over a glass. 

A simple cup changed everything in the room. 

He remembered perfectly how vulnerable and out of control he was, apologizing profusely as he picked up the glass from the floor, listening to his mother yell at him, tears streaming from his eyes like relief, but all he could feel was despair and agony. And then, when his father went to help him pick up the glass, which was funny, Nicholas yelled at him, asking him to stay away, and instinctively, his hand closed around the shards of glass, screaming in pain immediately afterward. 

The tears flowed desperately as he apologized again to his father, who looked at him as if he were the biggest freak of all, holding back from beating him in front of all the employees. Nicholas saw his father's hands close, and found himself laughing while crying, begging the older man to end his life in front of everyone. His mother's shrill voice asking him to stop seeking attention entered his ears, but only he could hear the echo in his head. 

He felt like a puppet that night, but without a puppeteer, confused about what to do, undecided which way to go, and trying to understand what was happening. The last and only thing he did was continue to scream at his father to kill him in front of all the employees, while the butler carried him to his room. 

And two weeks after the outburst, incredibly, his parents appeared with a marriage contract. 

That was the color gray. 

Grey was him. The colour of pain, instability and neglect. 

He snapped out of his reverie when a sharp pain shot through his chest, realising what he was drawing. Nothing. He just waved the tip of the brush wet with grey paint over the canvas, altering it by a few shades. There was no order, no understanding, no conclusion, just a painting of grey. A scribble. 

Groaned again when the pain pierced his chest once more, getting up and reaching for the medicine bottle on the top shelf with difficulty as always, pouring out the new medicines that Jia had bought. All so that Euijoo would no longer worry about him. 

He took five pills of each specific medicine, gasping when he felt his stomach churn, ready to release everything he had just taken, but he swallowed hard, not letting a millimetre escape from his mouth, standing for long minutes leaning near the sink with his eyes closed, concentrating on not throwing up. 

He didn't want Euijoo to worry about him anymore, he didn't want his alpha to leave work because of him, and certainly didn't want the kindest man he had ever met in his entire life to suffer the same symptoms as him. 

Even when he was full of problems, Nicholas never stopped thinking about others. 

Gradually, the urge to vomit passed, and Nicholas returned to his place after putting the medicines back in their place. He no longer had the energy to paint, so his hands cupped the sides of his head, which was bowed, and for a few seconds, he felt like he was flying. 

He wanted to have wings. Wings that could make him fly so high that he couldn't see the ground. Free. 

Free. 

Free.

Free.

A few minutes passed, which soon turned into an hour, and Nicholas remained motionless, enjoying the sensation of flying, even though he knew he was still sitting in his chair, his forehead about to fall onto his drawing.

The sound of crunching did not wake him from his sensation. The scent of tangerine and wet grass entered his nostrils, relaxing some muscles that were stiff for some reason, but soon another scent entered his nostrils, this time a light one, and he automatically identified it as a beta. It smelled like apple mixed with herbal tea, an exotic and strange combination that appealed to Nicholas' senses. 

Nicholas did not raise his head at any point, but he knew that his alpha was already close enough to convey that comfortable warmth. "I'm fine, just have a headache." In any case, he was not lying; he did feel a slight headache. 

Euijoo didn't answer, so Wang moved, taking his hands off his head and opening his eyes, seeing a new large silhouette next to Euijoo. "Nicholas, this is Jo. He's a beta and my friend, do you mind if he spends a few days here?" 

"Why?" 

"Problems with his parents. I promise he won’t bother you, Jo is a quiet and shy lad." Euijoo had a calm and careful tone, as if he were introducing nursery schoolmates to each other. 

"No, it's fine, I'm just wondering why you're asking me about this..." He nodded, still not understanding why Euijoo had asked for his permission. "It's our house, I'm not the only one who gets to make decisions." 

Euijoo smiled slightly, letting out an anxious sigh. The boy next to the alpha was only an inch shorter than him, his black hair falling evenly to his eyebrows, and he held a bag in his hands pressed against his chest like a little child, while he'd another on his back, which appeared to be more of a backpack. 

"Thank you, Hyung, I promise I won't bother you," replied the younger boy, bowing and showing formality. Euijoo pointed to the room in the lower corridor, kissing Jo on the forehead before the boy disappeared down the hallway. 

Euijoo pulled up a chair next to Nicholas. "Jo is a good kid, I promise. I used to take him in whenever he had disagreements with his parents, and it happened again, but he and I agreed that he couldn't stay here if you refused," he said kindly. 

"I would never leave a child alone, knowing that they could be safe here," murmured Wang, trying to find a new initiative for that project. "I am not a monster, Euijoo."

"I know, and you never will be. But I grew up learning that the omega's voice is the alpha's voice." That was the biggest reality shock Nicholas had ever had in his entire life, paralysing the wet brush with white paint in the air. 

"My voice is worthless, Euijoo." 

"To me and in this whole house, it's worth millions, Nicholas."

Nicholas shook his head in disbelief, lowering the brush right in the middle of the canvas and placing a simple white dot in all that grey confusion.

That night, the grey colour made its decision.

It chose to go down the path of light, of purification. 

"Alpha." He whispered softly, after long minutes of observing that strange feeling when looking at the painting. Euijoo's head lifted, and his eyes, which had also been intently fixed on the painting, decided to focus on Nicholas's two-coloured eyes. 

"Hm?" Murmured, seeking some answer. 

But all Nicholas did was continue to observe his art. 

Meanwhile, Euijoo couldn't help but admire her fiancé's beautiful two-coloured eyes.

Night fell like a parachute, slowly. Euijoo was sitting across the table, freshly bathed and wearing his reading glasses, with his laptop screen lit up in front of him. Jo was by his side, eating his conceptual rice of the day, chewing slowly, looking down the whole time, afraid to strike up a conversation with his friend and the husband have him dislike it. Nicholas was out of the question as usual, trapped in his own world as he painted yet another picture, feeling his eyelids grow heavy. 

"There's more rice in the pot, if you want," Euijoo said calmly, clicking quickly on her mouse, opening several tabs at the same time as she closed others and lowered files. Jo declined, even though he still wanted more; he didn't want to use up his friend's rice supply. 

"I'm fine, thank you," Said formally, placing the empty rice bowl on the table. He stayed at the table, staring at his hands resting on his lap, not knowing what to do, undecided whether to talk to his older Hyung or stop feeling embarrassed and approach the omega to see his beautiful drawings, which he was suddenly spying on from the corner of his eye. 

"Aren't you sleepy?" Euijoo asked, staring at the screen in front of him, typing quickly on the keyboard. Jo shook his head. He usually went to bed early during the week, but oddly enough, every Friday, he couldn't sleep early. "How are Taki and Maki? Are they studying with you?"

"Oh yes, Maki, as always, tries to lead us astray, and Taki is afraid to refuse any invitation, but everything is fine." He commented with a weak laugh, remembering the day Maki pulled him and Taki by the arms and started running down the stairs, despite Jo's scolding and Taki's questions of 'Where are we going?', but the inspector appeared like a trophy, scolding the trio and threatening to call the headmistress. "I haven't seen Harua in a while, he had to change courses and classrooms, so we rarely meet," he added, seeing Euijoo's confused look. 

"Problems in class?" 

"Maybe," he shrugged. 

His nose wrinkled as he began to inhale a strong smell of strawberries and milk. He had never been a fan of strawberries, let alone milk, but the smell wasn't bad, it was just that the excess sugar in the air was starting to make him dizzy. "Hyung..." he said softly and then looked at the alpha, who was already getting up and walking towards the sleeping Nicholas on his recent painting. "Oh..." 

"He usually sleeps on top of his paintings," he commented, smiling slightly at the sleeping omega, gently placing his hand on his back. "Can you help me, Jojo?" 

"Oh, of course!" he exclaimed, getting up without hesitation. He thought it was adorable how the omega had fallen asleep on the painting, there was a pout on his pink lips and his "threatening" expression, which had frightened the big beta, was now relaxed enough that his cheeks were chubby enough to squeeze.  

"Can you clean the brushes, pour the water in the sink, and wash the cup?" He asked, knowing that the beta was fully capable of doing so, slipping his left arm under Nicholas's legs and lifting the small body with the help of his other arm, which he effortlessly wrapped around the younger boy's back. "Let me put the paintings away."

Jo just nodded, starting to do the task while Euijoo pushed the chair with his foot, starting to walk gently so as not to wake the omega, but something in his chest hurt, not knowing if it was him or the other. Climbing the stairs, he adjusted his husband in his arms and a groan of pain stopped his heart, worried about the other. Nicholas shrank into the alpha's arms after being moved, and Byun didn't know if something was hurting. 

Was grateful that Nicholas's bedroom door was open, walking through it carefully so as not to bump the smaller's body into anything in the room, putting him on the bed and hearing another moan of pain. "What hurts?" He asked softly, worried, running his hand gently over the little one's legs, then moving it up to his arms, and finally ending at his chest. At none of these moments did he groan again.

The alpha spent a few minutes watching the omega after covering him with his blanket, attentive to every detail, because he remembered clearly that the last time he carried him in his arms, he never complained of pain. Something in his chest told him that everything was fine, and although Euijoo didn't usually trust his intuition, he accepted that feeling, kissing Nicholas' hair and leaving the room, closing the door behind him.  

When he came downstairs, Jo had already finished all his work, marvelling at Nicholas' drawings. "Impressive, yes?" His voice had a mixture of pride and affection. 

"They're so beautiful... I feel like I'm in heaven right now." His eyes sparkled at the paintings. "He is talented, why doesn't he pursue a professional career?" There was a certain tenderness mixed with anguish in Jo's voice. 

"I don't know, Prince, but believe me, there are many more paintings that could be in museums," she commented, analysing how the table looked. "Did you put the case, blushes and paints away?" 

"Yes, I thought I could help you more." He smiled shyly, seeing how radiant the alpha's smile was for him. 

Euijoo kissed his forehead, inhaling the scent of baby shampoo that Jo would never stop using, because, as the big beta said, baby shampoo made him nostalgic for when he was little and didn't have to worry about life's problems. "Go to sleep, it's late, my love." 

"Good night, hyung." 

"Good night, Jojo." He stroked the beta's black hair, who smiled, walking past him and disappearing down the hallway below. 

Euijoo gasped, carefully picking up his husband's paintings and beginning to walk down the hallway that led to the garden through a glass door. He spotted the Table of Paradise and neatly arranged the paintings on the table, sighing and feeling his chest ache. His gaze rose to the window of the omega's room. Even though it was closed, felt that something was wrong, but he wouldn't do anything. Not now. 

He found himself wondering where Nicholas put the thousands of dried paintings and where he got new ones. 

But that question would have no answer now. 

The next day was Saturday morning. The pain was intense, sending shivers down Nicholas's spine as soon as he got out of his warm bed. He curled up on the floor, moaning in pain, a pain that now ran not only through his chest but his entire body, with small shocks on the sides of his eyes. They were intense but not enough for Euijoo to feel through the mark. 

He was never a morning person, but when he woke up with those agonising pains, it was only four in the morning. Crouching on the floor after taking his usual pills and brushing his teeth, he felt he would not be able to sleep again, dragging himself out of the room with his favourite blanket wrapped around him. His point of reference was the kitchen, frantically grabbing thousands of pills just like the day before, swallowing them effortlessly and heading for the huge sofa in the living room, lying there, curled up and in pain, waiting for God to take his life at that moment.

He woke up again with a warm, soft hand on his forehead, knowing it was his alpha when he opened his eyes and saw the pair of huge eyes looking down at him. “Hey, good morning, are you okay?”

Nodded, snuggling deeper into the blanket. “I woke up too early, I decided to rest some more. I'm fine, Alpha." 

Euijoo nodded, leaving his field of vision, and it seemed like Nicholas was dying when his alpha's touch was no longer on his body, letting out a soft groan of pain and disapproval as a sharp pain shot through his chest, struggling not to let the other hear and come back like a worried dog. His gaze fell on the clock on the wall in front of him, above the hanging television, seeing the time.

Six forty-five in the morning. And he fell asleep again.

The third time he woke up, a strong feeling of warmth on his face and discomfort in his throat made him quickly get up from the sofa, even though he was disoriented from sleep, tripping over the blanket, rushing to the bathroom and releasing everything that was causing that feeling in the toilet. One, two, three times he vomited at that moment, shaking as he analysed what had happened, realising that his two morning pills were among the liquid, but all his other medicines were gone. 

He'd forgotten that his morning medicine didn't digest so quickly. 

When he was leaving the bathroom, he found the big boy in front of the bathroom, wearing a white sweatshirt with the hood on his head, black sweatpants and an iPad in his hands. He smiled at him, showing his teeth after brushing them again. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Prince, just indigestion." His voice was affectionate, knowing that he could spend the whole day in a bad mood because of the two pills. 

Nicholas walked ahead, staggering on his weak legs, too weak to run, until he reached the sofa and lay down again, holding the wall on either side with his left hand, feeling his vision blur. He knew that Jo was on guard, right behind him, taking slow steps but, thanks to his long legs, he wasn't too far away. "What time is it, please?" He muttered, agonised by the feeling that the more he walked, the more the room seemed to be far away. 

"Eight o'clock, Hyung." 

Euijoo hadn't left yet; he usually left at half past eight in the morning. 

"Hyung, do you want help? You look weak..." He offered, but before Nicholas could even answer, the omega grabbed the beta's arm tightly, panting as he looked at the floor. "It's okay, let's take it slow... Does it hurt?" 

Nicholas couldn't answer, seeing the sofa closer than he'd thought, moaning something that Jo didn't understand, helping the older man snuggle back into the sofa. "Thank you." He thanked him, sinking into the blankets as he leaned on the pillows. Jo didn't answer, and Euijoo's silhouette appeared in their view. 

Oh shit.

"Hyung, he's sick," Jo said alertly, and Nicholas grimaced, forgetting to ask the younger man not to open his mouth to the Alpha. Euijoo made a confused face as he walked towards them. "He threw up three times, very, very, very bad," the Beta explained sweetly. 

Euijoo approached Nicholas, nodding to the beta who stood aside to watch. "What's wrong, hm?" 

"Just feeling sick, I'm fine," Lied, but when he saw that the alpha was crouching in front of him, looking at him intently, his heart cracked. 

"Nicholas, don't lie to me." His voice didn't sound warm, friendly, or loving this time, but serious and fair, which made the omega look at him hesitantly. 

Long seconds passed in silence, Euijoo's arms hanging sneakily beside Wang's curled legs, showing that he wouldn't leave until he got his answer. 

"The pain... It started coming more often, and I don't know what to do anymore, because new symptoms have appeared that I can't deal with." He said casually, looking away. "It's not just in my chest now, it's all over my body."

"Do you want to go to the doctor?" He asked kindly.

Nicholas didn't answer. 

"Euijoo, everything hurts," his voice faltered and Euijoo's heart automatically weakened. 

"I know, Nicho, that's why we should go to the hospital..." A sensation passed through the omega's chest, and it wasn't pain when he heard that nickname coming from his lips. "But I would never put you in a place you don't want to go, so I need you to believe that if you go, everything can be fine..."

"I'm fine."

"Nicholas, you're not." The serious tone returned in a charming way. "You can't fool me, much less yourself. This is suicide, please stop it." 

Wang said nothing more, lying down again and turning his back on his alpha. He wasn’t afraid that his alpha would tear him apart in front of Jo for ignoring him; he knew that Euijoo would never do that to him. 

Euijoo stayed there, even in Nicholas' silence and Jo's worried glances at him. He didn't remove his arm from under the omega, gently caressing the smaller man's shoulders with his free hand, cautiously watching the back covered by a baby blue blanket. 

"Maybe you should take him to the hospital even if he doesn't agree, Hyung. His life is at risk..." 

"I know, but it's difficult," he sighed wearily. "He always thinks he's fine, but I know he's not." 

"K and Fuma would be mad at you if you let your omega get sick," he commented, dropping the iPad on the centre table. "Especially Yuma." 

Euijoo smiled at the last name, knowing that he was the world's greatest defender of omegas, carrying only cuteness, pink hair, a cute fang, chubby cheeks, short stature, a dirty mouth that cursed even the elderly on the street, and a dream. 

EJ's shift had ended, and he stayed until the last second beside Nicholas, who was already sleeping peacefully. This time, his scent wasn't as strong, allowing Jo to stay on guard as the Alpha had requested, placing a bucket next to the sofa and a thermometer on the table, because, according to her husband's instincts, Nicholas would still have a fever that day. 

Byun Euijoo couldn't work because he was so worried about his omega.

Wang Nicholas felt the concern radiating from the mark, but it wasn't enough to cover the pain that came over his body at times, letting out a few painful moans from under the blanket.

That day, Nicholas wanted to be a butterfly.

Why?

One day you'll understand.