Work Text:
2025
A pity she does not exist
A shame he's not a fag
It was psychological warfare. No lesser words would do it justice. Nikola wouldn’t wish this on anyone. No long standing grudge could ever warrant this kind of suffering. The pain was transcendental. He felt more than human sometimes, as though the love he contained must be divine.
Years down the line, alone with his fist wrapped around the neck of a bottle of vodka, he felt shaken by the passing of time. As though it had escaped his grasp before he ever had the chance to fully immerse himself in it. The memories themselves felt cold and clinical by now, the lens of his mind extending telescopically into the past. Each recollection of that night that he indulged himself was simply a regeneration of the last time he’d brought the image to mind. By virtue of this, he knew, each time he tried to draw Aaron closer in his mind, he really only pushed him further away.
He took a long swig and felt the burn claw at his chest. Suffered for it, drew himself back to the present.
As the minutes did their harm to his night, he watched the hands of the clock chase each other. Embraced the strangling passage of time, how it settled deep in his gut. Let his mind wander again, back to that one single night that had derailed him forever.
It was supposed to be a joke. He was supposed to be in on it. He’d expected to laugh and then go on with the rest of his life.
Call it the butterfly effect, or call it a sick punishment, either way, he was irreversibly changed by it.
And he could never tell anyone. That was the hardest part. It was agonizing to catch a glimpse of the most beautiful thing he’d ever had the chance to behold and then have no choice but to hide it away from the light forever.
It was so unfair. Humiliating, even. He was caught between the rock that was the universes other, and the hard place that was the life he’d found already. Hard to turn up your nose at something so picturesque, but he always felt like there was something more.
And he found reprieve in the days with a longing unnamed, when he could distance himself far enough from the memory that the pain was dull and intangible. If he could draw his heart away from his mind, if he could find a way to carve out an identity in the liminal space between his suffering and his purpose, maybe he could navigate the landscape that was the years laid out before him.
Remembering Aaron was an agony he felt indebted to. He knew he was capable of rinsing the image from his mind, of drinking and smoking it away until only a vague resemblance remained to the original night. But it felt wrong.
He couldn’t do that.
Pulling out his laptop, he opened the document he’d been adding to for years.
sometimes the best things in life aren’t real.
i could sit alone all year with the image of you.
the beauty of the things unseen- to know that if she knew your heart,
she would not love you. but for now, the vision dances.
hiding has always just felt so good. if i don’t dream of you,
i dream of hiding. you and i could hide in the moon,
in the cave of a crater, and i would give you all my oxygen.
the stars would take us, honey, and we could hide
in the darkness behind them. i just don’t want us to be found.
Hands trembling and beading with sweat, he slammed it shut and rose to his feet, pacing his bedroom corner to corner.
It was supposed to be a fucking joke. And yet here he was, stranded at the lamppost of the memory, waiting for someone to journey into the past to retrieve him.
But despite how he tended the hearth of that home, no one ever returned.
This was the path he’d chosen. To isolate himself in the name of devotion, become a sacrament to the holy desire that had overtaken his autonomy.
Some days it was too much, and he’d power his phone down to just spend hours in his yard shooting baskets, running drills, finding reprieve from the agony in his chest when his muscles began to burn.
He weighed the possibility of an eternity damned to this— hope collapsing at once, head clutched in both hands.
Was it really so absurd to say?
Most people, or at least a lot of them, he rationalized, believe in love at first sight.
Knowing Aaron’s heart took the wound on his own from a nick to a gash. It was one thing to remember the way his eyeshadow had glimmered beneath the lights. That, he could manage.
But when he let himself wander further into the darkness of that cold February night, his pulse would invariably begin to stutter, as though it were reluctant to fuel such thoughts.
And he felt that way too. They were still friends, for a lot of reasons. They still played on the same team, for one, which meant that staying on good terms was crucial not only for his sanity but for the sake of his career. The on-court chemistry they’d established years back had been pivotal to the championship, yeah, but also a driving factor to the lust he felt unequipped to harbor alone.
The only girl I ever loved was
Andrew in drag
He thought of calling, nearly every night. Instead, he busied himself with menial tasks, until his mind left his body and the burn of his muscles felt like peace.
Instead of texting, he’d write down what he wanted to say. Something of a compromise at first, it had grown to an obsession.
No one else will ever
Stuck on the next word, he chose instead to take another long, heavy swig of the cheap vodka wrapped in his fist. He could afford better now, sure, but the cyrillic lettering on the label and the harsh burn of underdistilled liquor anchored him to his own tenuous identity.
And he needed that, on the cold nights when it felt like no one could ever understand. The irony was that he too longed to understand himself, understand his predicament, though the same reflex that draws a hand from a flame kept him from delving into the possibilities.
He knew his situation well. He’d been granted years to make its acquaintance, to find the warmth in its sinewy embrace.
The cry of his heart for the long-lost past was illustrious, blinding him from the sight of any love present. No one else could ever catch his eye, not now that he’d been afforded a glimpse at the love of his life.
He didn’t want anyone else. No matter how he tried to convince himself that someone in some bar or on some app held the same potential to torment him, it was never believable.
The text came deep in the hours of a night that had been antagonizing him since the sun fell to the horizon. Alone, he’d struggled to make sense of the words; though he knew them all individually, they seemed to blur into an amalgamation of the days he’d endured since they’d spoken last.
when can i see you?
Was all Aaron had said. No emojis, no follow up. Ruthlessly bold, as though he’d evaded the fear of rejection.
Nikola opened the message, heaving a trembling lungful of stagnant breath into the electric air.
It was suffocating. Exhilarating. He let himself bask in the rush of it for a second.
As he stared at the screen, he felt himself zone out for a second, snapping back to the present only when his phone began to ring.
“Hello?”
“Yo.”
He stifled a chuckle, joyously, struggling with the restraint it took not to confess the train of thought he’d just deboarded.
“What’s up?” He asked, fighting to maintain his level tone.
“Same old. I’m bored.”
Silent for a moment, Nikola weighed in with the council in his mind. Was this… flattering? Or rather the opposite, a declaration that he only ever felt inclined to reach out when he had nothing better going on.
Shoving those thoughts to the side, he said, “Me too,” Though it was untrue, it was neutral, approachable.
“Hmm,” He hummed, pinning the phone to his shoulder, “I wish you were here, Jok.”
“Yeah?” Nikola replied, his casual tone a desperate imitation of the natural way he spoke to everyone else. “How come?”
“I dunno. Miss ya.”
Silence followed as Nikola’s breath fought for space in his beating chest, losing the battle against his hammering pulse.
“You alright?” Aaron asked. Sensing he’d say more, Nikola waited.
“You seem distant lately,” Aaron commented, and Nikola’s gut twisted. “And you never answered me.”
“‘Bout what?”
“When I can see you.”
Nikola considered this carefully, weighing his reckless wants against his arduous pursuit of stability.
“I’m in town.” Was the compromise he came to with himself. Halfway to a confession. Simply an admission of his availability, it left the ball in Aaron’s court.
“How long?”
“Dunno. Kinda wanna fly the coop.”
“Where to?” Aaron asked.
He only sighed in return. As though his honest response weighed too much to heave from his chest. A confession he couldn’t shoulder.
“Man, see what I mean? You been weird.”
“No,” He replied harshly, hand cupping his forehead, “I’m fine.”
“I know you better than that.”
Another heavyweight sigh and he found himself again painted by a silence he could not shed. It was all too heavy now.
“I’m worried,” Aaron said, more like an accusation than an extension of sympathy.
Brow furrowing, Nikola asked, “How come?”
“Please…” Aaron exhaled, cautious with his begging, “Don’t. I know you know. Talk to me.”
Nikola swallowed the lump on his throat, forcing himself to inhale deeply. Replenishing each frantic, panicked cell with oxygen until his safety caught up with him.
“I don’t wanna say.” He whispered, nails digging into his palm nervously.
“Say what?”
Frustrated, he huffed a sigh and adjusted his seat. “What you’re asking.”
“Which is…?”
“God, I’m going to hang up on you.”
“No, no— wait. I called to ask you something.”
“What?”
“Do you remember that night, back in 2022?”
Willfully dense, Nikola shot back, “Away for All Star weekend?”
“Right. No, when you came home. Do you remember?”
Chills forced a shudder and his body recoiled with the force of his longing. “Ah. In pieces.”
There is no hope of love for me
From here on I'll go stag
It was easier than telling him he remembered every millisecond, every Technicolor swarm, each shadow and tear.
“I just…” Aaron breathed, shakily, Nikola noticed silently, “I’ve been…” He laughed then, sharply, almost bitterly, “Losing sleep over it, Jok.”
“Huh?” Came the helpless reply.
A shaky exhale resonated down the line and into his bones. His core shook as he stood in the doorway of his bedroom, faced with his reflection in the bathroom mirror.
“I’ve never…” Aaron forced a laugh to fill the silence that followed, “Felt that way, man. God, I don’t know how to say it. This was easier in my head. It’s all a mess now.”
Though his own confession nagged to be set free, he held silent.
“You’re gonna make me say it? Shit, man.”
Nikola only breathed down the line, image of that February 2022 evening and early dewy dawn deep inside his heart.
“I miss you. I said it, alright? Twice now. What else do you want from me?”
Nikola considered this, eyelids growing heavy as the alcohol poured from his gut to his blood. The silence, though it belonged to him, felt so abstract and alien that he allowed himself the animal instinct of cowering from it.
“Do you remember that night, Nikola?”
It was finally so direct he could no longer evade the obligation to respond.
“Yes.”
“Do you… what do you remember?” Came the probing response. Antagonistic, as though Nikola’s reckoning with his restraint was some comedy show.
“You make a pretty girl,” He said, taking a jab at his friend and instinctively recoiling. The words felt like they had grown bigger than himself, and freeing them down the telephone line made his shoulders feel lighter.
“God,” Came the murmured reply, crawling down the wire to take root in his subconscious, “Never say that again,”
But the words sounded as though they’d been strangled from his chest, and the familiarity he’d come to associate with his favorite teammate began to fade.
“Why did you call me?” Nikola pressed.
“God, I don’t know. Do I really need a reason to want to talk to you?”
“For the first time in weeks?”
Aaron sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“I feel like you had something to say.”
It was Aaron’s turn to be swallowed by the silence that kept them apart. Silently, he chewed his lip and waited for him to elaborate.
“I just feel like… like you been looking at me different ever since then, man.”
“Huh?”
“I just mean like, at practice and stuff. You been looking at me different,” Aaron reasserted, holding steady as he awaited a response.
“Alright,” Nikola exhaled, allowing himself to withdraw into his mind’s eye, escaping the current moment in favor of yet another recollection of the last time they’d acknowledged something had even happened.
2024
It had been a regular week since he’d gotten back in town, painstakingly so. He hated when things got so monotonous. To spice things up, he’d squared up on Aaron during practice, swatting the ball to the ground when he tried anyway to put up the shot.
He snatched the ball before it could go far and dribbled, giving Aaron the chance to hop on defense. Practice had been long and arduous that day, extending agonizingly into the evening. He’d just been eager to get home.
Pivoting forward, he positioned the ball and launched the shot. Nothing but net. A taunt tugged at his lips, but he held back.
Instead, he found himself captivated by the glimmer of Aaron’s sweaty skin beneath the glaring lights of the gym. Disarmed, one might even say, as he watched Aaron chase the rebound and lay it up effortlessly as he crossed beneath the net.
“You not gonna guard me?” He taunted, chucking the ball to Nikola in a ceasefire.
2025
Snapping back to the present, he chimed, “I’ve always thought you were pretty, Aaron,” He said, almost angrily. Resentful. As though the confession took a couple teeth with it when it fought its way from his mouth.
“God, Nik. Can’t say that shit.” Aaron said bashfully, and Nikola could practically hear the blood rushing to his cheeks.
“Sorry,” He breathed, though his voice bore not even a shred of regret.
“Mm,” Aaron mumbled, breathy and soft. Chest tight with self restraint. “I don’t like this game very much.”
“What game?” Nikola scorned, though no one was there to see the incredulous frown that painted his face.
“You’re not gonna play dumb with me. I know you better than that. Say something.” Aaron pressed, gaining conviction. Afraid to return empty handed to the reality that drove him here to begin with.
”Sorry.” He said, though no further words followed.
Aaron sighed again, clenching his jaw tightly.
“I’m having a hard time with… forgetting. I can’t ignore it.”
Determined to ease him through the yearning Aaron detected in his agonized voice, he said, “I dream about you still,”
And if this was intended to help, Nikola could forgive the fact that it achieved the staunch opposite; a strangling of his airways that drove a small, helpless gasp from his lungs.
“In another life,” Aaron muttered, the same longing he’d been antagonizing suddenly turning the knife on him.
“In another life,” Nikola echoed softly, fighting for his composure.
“In another life,” Aaron fed him once more, venturing out on an unsteady limb, “You’d love me so much,”
I do in this one, Nikola ached to say. Right here, tonight, I will love you forever.
“And maybe in some other life,” Aaron exhaled, inhibition escaping him, “I’d be your girl.”
Paralyzed by the rush of it, Nikola only breathed down the line.
“In some other life, darling,” He muttered, air choking from his lungs.
“Yeah,” Aaron replied, though the way the word trembled told Nikola his emotions weren’t so reasonable. Terrified, though he couldn’t say what of.
The only girl I'll ever love is
Andrew in drag
And it was absolutely suffocating, the weight of all that hung between them. Each tiny jigsaw snapshot helped bring to life the puzzle he’d slaved over for years now.
And now it was being acknowledged out loud, though Nikola’s nonchalant tone cast a shadow of doubt in Aaron’s mind as to whether their reality was the same or merely parallel.
2022
Aaron had challenged him to a game of 1v1 towards the end of practice. Routine. They’d been practicing together on the weekends, too, putting up shots at Aaron’s indoor court.
“You can’t guard me,” Nikola had taunted as he sunk a shot over the smaller man’s defending arms.
Aaron laughed it off, diving for the rebound and pausing with the ball in both hands, “Wanna make it interesting?”
“How so?” Nikola had entertained, hands coming to rest on his hips. “Money?”
“Nothing is less interesting than money,” Aaron scoffed.
“What do you deal in, then?” Nikola taunted, though he’d only meant it as a joke.
“Secrets.”
A chill wracked his spine, easily, as though his body were used to its spasmic commands.
“I’ve got nothing to tell you.” Nikola asserted. Defensively, Aaron noted.
“Blackmail, then.” Aaron muttered, smiling, though unable to lift his gaze from the floor.
“What?”
“Come here,” Aaron said, approaching steadily himself, pulse hammering in his chest. He reached one hand for the side of Nikola’s waist, clutching softly at the tender small of his back as he succumbed to his touch.
They both heard the way Nikola’s lungs bargained for air, the suffocated gasp drawn desperately into his chest. As though he were afraid.
“What’s happening?” Nikola breathed a desperate plea into the thin air between them. As though any answer may come, as though any answer could ever soothe him. Asking such a question meant surrendering the illusion of control he’d fought so hard for.
“You tell me,” Came the reply, the taunt, the plea for more.
Frustrated, or rather afraid, Nikola took the fistful of jersey he’d been clutching and shoved it aside, Aaron limply following, only wanting to be where he was wanted. In that moment, both felt consumed by the same desire, the same hypnotic gravitational pull, drawing them fatefully together as though two locomotives propelled along the same track, hurling towards the same destination, blissfully unaware of their mutually assured destruction.
“Hah.” Nikola had said, poking fun at the tension. “When I beat you, I put you in a dress.”
At first he’d been amused by the thought, figured it was a good way to instill a little humility in his friend.
It was supposed to be a joke.
“Fine.” Aaron chuckled, just please he’d gotten his opponent to state his intentions. “If you win, then fine.”
Nikola shrugged, smiled, and lunged for the ball.
And maybe Aaron wasn’t the love of his life, not beyond what was possible that one night. But the soft song of that night would never waver in his mind, forever beckoning to him, singing him a siren song that toyed with the edges of his sanity.
He’d never love anyone else the same.
He’d sunk the eleventh point, laying the ball up gently as dunking felt too aggressive. He swung his arm back, snatching Aaron’s toned waist and pulling him behind the basket, towards the wall.
Breath hitching in his throat, Aaron gasped, “It’s yours, Jok. You won.”
As though he needed to be told.
They’d gone home alone that night, separately, and Nikola got up early to head to the mall and buy something for him to wear.
Sure, it was just a bet, but he had money to spare and a little bit of time to waste, so why not find something nice?
He rang Aaron on the drive home, eager to flesh out the details.
“Hey, Jok,”
“Aaron,” He replied, his smile practically audible through the phone.
“‘Sup, man?” Aaron feigned a casual tone, unable to pierce the tension.
“Come over,” Nikola said, voice rushed and quiet.
“What, now?”
Nikola hadn’t been planning to ask for that, but since Aaron suggested it, he agreed, “Yeah, why not? You busy?”
“Just getting some shots up. I- I’m free,”
“Come over,” Nikola repeated, voice more assertive than beckoning this time.
“Yeah, alright,” Aaron said with a sigh, though he couldn’t fight the smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
I don't know why I even went
It's really not my bag
When he let himself go there, the warm embrace of the memory of that night enveloped him entirely. It was like the present faded away as he disappeared into the past.
He saw Aaron saunter through the front door, dressed in basketball shorts and a thin, tight polyester tank that carved the outline of each muscle on his chest.
“You remember that silly little wager we made the other night, Aaron?” He asked, hand resting on Aaron’s shoulder.
Cheeks flushing with heat, Aaron ducked his head, averting his gaze. “What, you tryna cash in?” He laughed, scratching the back of his neck.
But Nikola, Aaron realized nervously, wasn’t laughing. When he met his eyes again, his blue eyes looked black, consumed by his blown pupils. “That alright with you?”
“Jesus, Jok,” He stammered, taking a step back. Nikola anchored him in place with a hand around his waist. “That’s a new color on you.”
“Mm,” Nikola hummed, “I bought you something.”
He’d headed for the kitchen then, pouring them each a tall shot of vodka and raising a toast.
“To you, Aaron.” He’d said, because nothing else felt appropriate.
He retrieved the La Perla shopping bag from the laundry room where he’d stowed it away, dangling it delicately from two pinched fingers.
“Fuck, man. I thought you were just gonna put me in lipstick and snap a pic for future blackmailing and we’d call it a night.
“Not in the cards.” He chuckled slightly, sliding the bag onto the counter. Aaron looked up at him skeptically as he plucked the tissue from the top and fished out the lacy black babydoll.
“What the fuck, bro? I said I’d dress up as a chick, not a whore.”
“That’s not for whores, it’s for nice young ladies.”
“Nice young ladies like me?” Aaron scorned, dropping it back into the bag.
“Something like that. And here,” He said, pulling a small Sephora bag from one of the kitchen drawers.
“Fuck this.” Aaron said, tossing it back.
“It’s a compromise,” Nikola began to explain, though it really wasn’t. He was getting exactly his way, but if he outlined what was in it for Aaron, it might soothe his nerves. “No pictures, yeah?”
“Huh? Isn’t that the point?”
It never had been. Only something he’d tacked on in a thinly veiled attempt to paint the interaction as something else.
Just thought it might be funny to see
Andrew in drag
No, he could see it already. He could as soon as he’d picked out the outfit. Aaron was a beautiful woman, and he didn’t want anyone else perceiving her.
He shook his head. “For fun. I don’t wanna embarrass you,”
That made it more real, somehow. When it went from a humiliation ritual between overly competitive friends to a soft, tender encounter between two people who didn’t know what to call one another.
A stillness followed, each one struggling to find the right words to say next.
Fuck it, Nikola thought. The point of no return happened miles back, back when he’d compared shades of lipstick before making his final selection based off of the image of what Aaron’s painted lips would look like shiny and wet, all stretched out and—
“Go put it on.” He instructed, interrupting the thought.
“Alright, whatever.” Aaron shrugged, slipping out of his seat. Nikola wanted to insist that he strip right here, but let him disappear into the bathroom with both bags in hand.
Breathlessly, Nikola poured himself another shot. If he was going to be thinking like this, he wanted to be able to blame it on the liquor.
He heard the bathroom door creak open after several minutes and there he stood, the most beautiful woman Nikola had ever seen. Awkwardly, as though completely unaware of himself.
The moment he walked on the stage
My tail began to wag
“Can I touch you?” He muttered, unable to restrain the words.
Aaron laughed. Not entirely understanding his intentions, it seemed like a stupid question. Instead of answering, he reached out and shoved him playfully. “What, like you always do?”
Nikola stepped closer, wedging between his legs as he sat on the barstool. “No,” He exhaled, bringing his hand to Aaron’s waist again, “Not exactly.” He dipped his hand down slightly, slipping his fingers under Aaron’s shirt, fingertips resting directly on warm skin.
“Normally, Aaron, I’d touch you more like this,” He said, withdrawing his hand and placing it on Aaron’s bicep, giving a gentle squeeze. “And if I kissed you, usually it would be something like this,” He said, sweeping Aaron’s locs behind his shoulder and pressing a kiss to his cheek.
His hands found their way to Aaron’s hips, thumbs pressing into the junctions of his bare thighs, and pulled him closer.
“But I don’t wanna kiss you like that tonight. I wanna kiss you for real.” He whispered, bringing a hand up to cup Aaron’s cheek.
Aaron’s breath hitched in his throat as his eyes fluttered shut and his lips parted slightly. Their lips met with hesitation at first, a cautious kind of restraint that was quickly replaced with a hungry, needy touch.
Wag like a little wiener dog for
Andrew in drag
Nikola took his lower lip between his teeth, biting softly, causing Aaron to softly moan into his mouth.
“Fuck, Nikola,” Aaron said as he pulled away, dizzied by the pounding of his heart. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
It was Nikola’s turn to laugh, “I bring you here and I doll you up like this, tell you to forget the reason you thought you came,” He scratched his head, “And you don’t know what for?”
“I guess it’s hard to imagine,”
“What is?”
“You wanting me.”
“Bullshit.” Nikola said, pausing to look him up and down, slow and reverent. “You’re perfect,” He said, eyes caught on the hemline of the lingerie, dangling in front of his bulge, thinly contained by a dainty lace thong. “You’re hard,” He commented, dragging his open palm up the inside of Aaron’s thigh.
He blushed, trying to turn away, but Nikola held him in place. “Don’t hide. It’s okay.”
“This is humiliating.” He said, trying to cross his legs in a way that would hide his arousal.
“Is that what’s turning you on?”
“No,” Aaron laughed, crossing his arms across his chest, “It’s not.”
“Then what?”
“You, man. Kissing me like that. Shit, no one’s kissed me like that in a while.”
“That’s a shame,” Nikola tutted, tugging at the frilly hem absentmindedly, trying to hide the fact he was rapidly losing interest in talking. His hand crept forward, seeking Aaron’s crotch. He palmed him roughly, pinning him back against the counter.
“Oh, fuck.”
“That’s right, baby. You like when I touch you?”
His body tensed, as though at war with the truth. He fought to keep from admitting it, but it was ultimately no use, “Feels so good.”
“How long has it been since someone touched you, baby?”
Aaron hesitated to answer, but chose to tell him, “A year or so now.”
“Jesus, Aaron. You can’t do that to yourself.” He said, his gaze transfixed across the room as he began to grind down on him.
“What, you getting laid on the regular?”
“…Yes?” Nikola replied, snapping back to the room.
I've always been a ladies' man
And I don't have to brag
“Who?” Aaron asked, brow furrowed.
“What, you jealous?”
“No. Just surprised.”
“Surprised I like to fuck?”
“I dunno, man. I was unfamiliar with your game, I guess. Who, though?”
“Depends. Sometimes it’s a one time thing, someone off some app. That’s kinda rare these days, though. Hard to fly under the radar. So it depends.” He reiterated, making it clear he didn’t intend to elaborate.
“Wait…” Aaron said, piecing the puzzle together in his head. “You and… Oh, my God, Nikola. You and Strawther?”
“Sometimes. He’s good with his mouth. Comes when he’s called.”
Aaron buried his face in his hands as other things fell into place. “You’re kidding, bro. Murray? Don’t tell me you and Murray are down like this.”
“Obviously,” Nikola said, shrugging. As though this were all normal and casual conversation.
”That all?”
“Oh, and Luka.” He added.
“You fuck Luka?!” For some reason, that was Aaron’s final straw.
“Everyone fucks Luka. It’s not a big deal. Don’t freak out.”
“I don’t fuck Luka!” Aaron shook his head in disbelief. Circling back to amusement, Nikola gave a soft chuckle.
“Don’t be jealous. Could if you wanted.”
“I’m not jealous, man, I’m processing all this.” He said, massaging his temples with one hand. “Why’d you even have me over if you got such an extensive roster?”
“You’re different,” He said, sounding a bit frustrated with the lack of words that came to him. “It’s different. I can’t explain.”
“How so? Try.”
Nikola sighed and shifted his body against Aaron’s, linking his hands across the small of his back, “It’s just release with them. Blow off steam.”
Aaron raised an eyebrow.
“But you…” He looked him up and down once again, “I’m gonna remember this.”
“Please,” Aaron whispered into the still air, trembling with the weight of Nikola’s words, “Touch me.”
Nikola didn’t need to be told twice. He hooked his hands under Aaron’s thighs and sharply yanked him up, hoisting him onto his hips, stiff cock pressed against Aaron’s underside.
“Ah,” Aaron whined as he shifted him, making his way toward his bedroom.
“Gonna fuck you,” Nikola muttered, palming at a cheek.
Aaron let his head fall to Nikola’s shoulder, breathing in the thick musk of him, the sandalwood and lavender that seemed to seep naturally from his pores. He couldn’t resist running his tongue across his jaw.
He tossed Aaron onto the bed and climbed on top of him, pinning both wrists above his head.
“Open your mouth,” He instructed, and Aaron obliged. Nikola pulled a wad of spit to the front of his mouth and let it fall to Aaron’s tongue.
The taste was harsh, ozonic, metallic almost, carrying notes of the vodka he’d had earlier. Aaron savored the taste, swishing it around his mouth.
The hunger in Nikola’s eyes grew as he moved both of Aaron’s wrists to his left hand, his right venturing down.
Aarok shifted his hips beneath them, seeking some sort of contact. Nikola leaned back onto him, pinning him down. “Wait.” He commanded, fingertips digging into Aaron’s abs.
He sat back to get a better view, taking in the sight of him fully.
Nothing else would ever hold a candle to this. Not his escapades with Strawther post game that always ended with him painting the boy’s face with white hot stripes, not his nights on the road with Jamal, not even the hotel rooms he’d ruined with Luka. It all paled in comparison.
But I'd become a mama's boy for
Andrew in drag
He wanted to tell Aaron this, but had no idea how.
Instead, he settled for worshipping his body with the kind of conviction he, raised without religion, thought he’d never understand.
Now Aaron was like God to him. A golden, glimmering deity that had deigned to be touched by him, a mere mortal.
But he couldn’t say that, so he just took a greedy mouthful of the soft skin on his neck, rolling the flesh between his teeth.
“Fuck, you’re gonna leave a mark.” He squirmed beneath him.
“Yeah,” Nikola agreed, quickly returning to his suckling.
Aaron sighed, accepting the futility of his protests. Short of telling him No full stop, he knew he wouldn’t have much luck dictating what happened. The truth was, he didn’t really mind. He took in another lungful of Nikola’s scent, savoring it on his tongue.
He was rutting into him, shallow motions almost undetectable over the noise in Aaron’s head. He shoved Aaron’s top out of the way and yanked his lacy underwear with a sharp flick of his wrist, almost effortlessly ripping them off.
This was really happening, no, it wasn’t a dream, yes, it was too late for things to go back to normal, no, he couldn’t—
Nikola abruptly flipped him onto his stomach, settling his cock between Aaron’s ass cheeks and grinding harder.
“Oh, fuck,” Aaron said, realizing when he moved his head that he’d left a lipstick stain on the white pillowcase where his face had hit it. Not that he imagined Nikola would mind. He arched his back, seeking deeper contact. “Fuck me,” He whined, hands reaching behind his back for something of Nikola’s to grab onto.
Nikola offered a hand, lacing their fingers together before pinning Aaron’s hand to the mattress. He raised two fingers to Aaron’s mouth, pressing the tips between his lips until he parted them and took them into his mouth.
Nikola swirled them around for a second until they were fully covered, and withdrew his hand. He shifted his body to the side to expose Aaron’s ass, pulling it open with one hand and using his wet fingers to circle the rim of his hole.
“Nikola,” He breathed, giving way to a shudder.
Nikola didn’t respond, busy grinding into the side of him and working the first finger past his entrance.
Aaron let out something between a cry and a moan when the digit slid fully inside him. “Oh, God,”
“You like that, babygirl?” Nikola cooed, digging fingernails into Aaron’s soft thigh.
“Yes. Fuck. You feel so good. Oh, my God. Don’t stop.”
“You want another finger?”
Aaron felt his cock twitch beneath him, shifting his weight to hook a knee up by his chest so that it hung down slightly, tip grazing the sheets, painting them with precum.
Nikola took the invitation to touch him, wrapping a hand around his length and tugging lazily. Aaron, seeking intensity, fucked into his hand desperately.
“You like my hand on you like that? Touching your pretty little cock, baby? Does it feel good in my hand?”
Aaron could only nod as he felt Nikola let go and climbed back on top of him without a word, too focused for dirty talk. Aaron reached for his ass to hold himself open as Nikola covered his cock in lube and pressed the leaking tip to Aaron’s hole.
“Put it in,”
“You sure?”
“Uh huh. 100%.” He wiggled his ass slightly, trying to encourage him.
Instead, Nikola leaned in to press a soft kiss to his red lips, bodies pressed flush to one another, his wet cock wedged in Aaron’s ass crack, sliding up and down as he succumbed the the urge to thrust into him again.
“Kiss me, Aaron,” He commanded when Aaron buried his face in the pillow. “Look at me.”
Seeing him with his eyelids painted, lashes long and dark, all dolled up in expensive lace, Nikola felt helpless. Weak. Threatened.
I'd sign away my trust fund
I would even sell the Jag
But when Aaron turned to join their mouths in another sloppy, desperate kiss, Nikola knew he had no interest in self defense.
Whatever damnation awaited would be well worth it.
Aaron kissing him languidly, yet with an undeniable sense of neediness, was the closest to heaven he’d ever get.
“You’re so beautiful,” He whispered.
Aaron didn’t say anything, didn’t argue. Just clung to the moment the best he could, knowing all the while that their first time was more than likely going to be their last.
Why, he couldn’t exactly say. There just seemed to be an air of finality to each first, as though this were happening merely for the sake of wholly disarming them, to make them weak to one another’s touch, ruin their friendship forever, but not to join them together.
If I could spend my misspent youth with
Andrew in drag
For one, he wasn’t planning on ever putting this little black lace number back on, and he felt ridiculous wearing eyeshadow. Nikola had so graciously agreed to let him forget about all this at the end of the night, and Aaron intended to take advantage of this.
And somehow, the character he’d dressed up as, the pretty girl who gets on her back for her MVP, felt crucial to the charade. It would be too real if it were just them as themselves.
As much as he envied the casual dynamics Nikola shared with others, he knew better than to pursue a similar one himself. Maybe Jamal Murray could handle casual sex with their team’s leader, be there for him on lonely nights and go about his own life the rest of the time. Maybe Luka was impervious to the hot and cold, to the emotional distance.
But Aaron knew better, knew himself. He knew he’d suffer for any love he might find here. Knew it deep down in his soul.
So stick him in a dress and
He's the only boy I'd shag
He didn’t dare mention it. “Just fuck me, please,”
Nikola kissed his shoulder, gripping himself around the base and lining the tip up against Aaron’s hole. He pressed his hips down with great restraint, sheathing himself only about an inch or two before pausing.
“That okay?”
“Yes.” Aaron said, although a wince betrayed him. “Yes, please. Don’t stop.”
Nikola obliged, pressing a few more inches forward and double checking. Aaron only panted beneath him, clutching fistfuls of the sheets.
He pushed himself the rest of the way in, a strangled gasp escaping his throat as his chest pressed to Aaron’s back.
“Oh, fuck. You feel so good. You’re so fucking tight.”
Aaron clenched down around him, sending a shudder down his spine.
“Fuck, Aaron. That’s unreal.”
“Fuck me,” He whined again, shallowly thrusting his hips backwards in frustration.
“You want it rough?”
“Please.” He gasped as Nikola grabbed a fistful of his locs and yanked his head backward, holding his face up in the light as he quickened his pace.
“So pretty,” He exhaled, enraptured by the glow of him.
“Shut up,” Aaron blushed, eyes slamming shut.
Nikola kissed him again, tongue dipping into his mouth, tasting his tongue.
The only boy I'd anything is
Andrew in drag
“Nikola,” He whined as they parted, “I need you to touch me. Please, I need it. My cock hurts.”
“Here, babygirl,” Nikola replied, wrapping his arms around Aaron and rolling them both to the side. One arm bent beneath Aaron’s head and he rested it there, while the other reached to the front.
Feeling Nikola’s hips snapping into his, feeling his hot breath tickling his neck, feeling his big, warm hand wrapped around his dick, Aaron was overcome with desire, with the warmth of the pleasure building in his core.
“I’m gonna fucking cum. Nikola, don’t stop. Just like that. Fuck me. Oh, shit—“
He brought down his own hand to help finish himself off, wrapping it tightly around the base as Nikola’s hand moved to cup around the tip, catching his load as he rode through the waves of the orgasm.
When he came back to earth, he noticed Nikola had stilled entirely and was moving to pull out.
“Did you finish?” Aaron questioned, concerned he’d missed it somehow.
“No,” He said with a soft chuckle, patting Aaron’s backside. “You’re done. It’s okay.”
“What? No,” Aaron objected, turning to face him. “Fuck that. I want you to finish, too.”
“You’re all fucked out, it’ll just hurt.”
Sensing he’d have to pull out the big guns, Aaron whispered in his ear, “I want you to cum inside me,” He climbed into Nikola’s lap, grabbing his cock and shoving it roughly back inside himself, canting his hips down.
“You want me to fill you up?”
“Mmhmm,” Was all he could muster in response, too flustered to speak.
“Pretty girl, your body was made for this. Made for me. I’m gonna get you fucking pregnant.”
Aaron’s hands moved from Nikolas’s shoulders down his arms as he leaned forward to pepper kisses across his pecs. Kneading the muscle beneath his frenzied lips and hungry tongue, he took his time teasing the flesh before closing his mouth around the peak of a hardened nipple.
“I’ll fuck you so good you won’t walk right for days. Everyone’s gonna see you sitting funny and know you got your ass pounded like the little slut you are. Everyone’s gonna know you spread your legs for me, let me fill you up like this. Fuck, Aaron. I’m there. Fucking take it.” He choked out, hands clawing at the flesh of Aaron’s hips. Aaron felt him emptying in of him, felt the wet warmth painting his insides.
As he caught his breath, he wrapped Aaron in both arms and held him tightly. “God, that was so hot.”
“I didn’t ever think I’d want your dick up inside me like this.” Aaron shrugged, nestling into his embrace. Savoring every remaining second.
“Yeah, shit. You feel amazing. You are amazing. God, I know you don’t believe me, but…”
“I gotta get off,” Aaron interrupted him, rubbing his aching knee. Nikola helped lift him up and off, eyes drawn to the sight of a bead of white dripping down the top of Aaron’s thigh as he was lifted off his cock.
“Fuck.” Nikola exhaled at the sight, eyes moving to take one last mental image of the beauty before him. He scolded himself for forgoing the option for a photo entirely, debating asking Aaron if it would be alright for him to take just one, just for himself, but thought better of it. Something about the elusive nature of a tryst captivated only by the lens of his mind was extra seductive to him.
He was truly breathtaking. A marble sculpture, a labor of love and sweat and tears carved into creation by an artist’s hand. Still dressed in black, intricate lace patterns draped across his torso. His cock hung between his legs, still bearing a shiny, pinkish tint, though it was soft now.
I'll never see that girl again
He did it as a gag
“Gonna go clean up.” He explained, heading for the bathroom again, disappearing behind the door, never to be seen again. Not like this.
And that was the end of it.
Easy come, easy go, you could say. Aaron had unceremoniously scrubbed the makeup from his face, scooped semen out of himself with a hooked finger, and slid back into the clothes he’d worn over. As though this were all routine to him.
He didn’t even stay the night. Left before midnight, actually. The night, unlike Nikola’s heavy heart, still felt so young. He pulled out his phone and checked his messages, hopeful someone would be available to come distract him, but quickly shoved it back into his pocket in disgust when he pictured the hands of another.
No, now that Aaron had left, Nikola would be alone until he came back, no matter who else came or went.
He stood before the mirror and tried to identify with the reflection in front of him, the picture of a pale-faced man painted with lipstick kisses, shirt stained with mascara. He hardly recognized himself, even when he brought his hand to the glass in a desperate bid to connect with his image.
And that night, as years rolled on, never dulled in his mind. It continued to glow for him, just as it had the first time, continued to beckon to him, filling his head with siren songs he could never fully make out the words to.
He and Aaron were cordial after, though both kept a safe distance. Every interaction was carefully calculated, terminated before the conversation could take any turns. It was all he could afford.
That night had already been far more than he was ever meant to have. It was never meant to last.
I'll pine away forevermore for
Andrew in drag