Chapter Text
‘‘Ancora Qui’’ by Elisa plays from the phone as MC sits at her desk. Her black nails scratch against the paper as she writes with an ink pen.
NOTE: To whoever finds this, just know that you aren’t special. This is merely just the last words of an inanimate object. It never really existed, and nothing about it even truly mattered. In fact, it only cowered behind something in order to never be seen. It was never able to truly believe in itself, and never had any real skills or talent. So in the end, best believe that it deserved the way it was treated, and deserves a death such as this one.
She sighs and sets the pen down. She stares at the page for a long moment. As much as she wanted to reveal everything, she knows none of it truly matters in the end.
She stands up and looks in the mirror, fixing her dark perfect makeup, and long black dress. She grabs a basket of flowers and puts them all around her bed. She then grabs a helium balloon and sits down, then starts to inhale it. As the word starts to get blurry and disoriented, she falls back onto the bed. Her entire world soon fades to black.
When she opens her eyes again, she finds herself laying on a hard and cold surface. There’s the sound of mumbled voices at first. She rubs her eyes and blinks, and slowly sits up. She finds herself sitting on some kind of platform with other people around. From chatting to simply sleeping, it was as if everything she did was only a dream. She slowly stands up and looks around, confusion and anxiety written on her face. Suddenly, a male voice speaks up behind her.
JAMES: Well look who it is, a newcomer. It’s always great to meet those who immediately come from the other side.
She turns around and is met with a very attractive middle-aged man in about his late 30’s. He has blonde middle parted hair, a sharp stubble jawline, and the softest blue eyes she had ever seen before. She looks at him intently for a moment before speaking.
MC: Where am I?
JAMES: (smiles politely) Well, you’re dead of course. Didn’t expect to be here? Yeah, I honestly didn’t either.
MC narrows her eyes. There’s no way that her 500th attempt was actually successful, was it?
MC: I must be dreaming again.
JAMES: I felt the same way at first. Until I realized after a month turned into a year, that I really was dead, and there was no going back to my old life. This is Tandem. It’s kind of known as a ‘‘world between worlds.’’ It isn’t actually hell or heaven yet. It’s kind of like a waiting lobby. Only those who can make it aboard The Messenger Ship are allowed to pass through.
MC: That’s a great story, but it’s definitely just a dream.
James can sense her death has fully sunk in yet, so he isn’t going to push it.
JAMES: What’s your name? You look pretty young.
MC doesn’t immediately answer, still trying to understand what the fuck is going on. Suddenly, a woman that looks a little bit older than him comes over. Her hands are posed in a way like holding a cigarette. As then woman speaks, it was quite obvious she was a smoker in her past life.
ANGELA: Looks like we got some fresh meat. With James the Lame already on her ass. Don’t let his oceanic pupils fool ya, princess. He’s a liar and coward just like all these men are.
The woman lifts the nonexistent cigarette to her mouth and blows out nonexistent air.
A sudden smirk appears on James face, clearly not enjoying her comment.
JAMES: And your personality as always is just as bitter as your nicotine addiction, Angela. Imagine being so used to the routine you’re smoking oxygen.
Angela lets out a raspy scoff and cough.
ANGELA: Oh honey, I’m just being honest. And if you can’t even handle that, then maybe all those compliments I gave you were lies.
At this, James rolls his eyes and shakes his head in annoyance. His soft eyes then fall back on MC, who’s watching the interaction quietly.
JAMES: Anyways, still never got your name, sweetheart.
MC: (crosses her arms) I don’t have a name. And don’t call me ‘‘sweetheart.’’
Angela snorts at this, but James remains unbothered.
JAMES: You don’t have a name? What do I call you then? I can’t just call you ‘‘nothing,’’ now, can I?
MC: I never existed, therefore I don’t have a name.
Angela takes another drag of her imaginary cigarette.
ANGELA: Looks like she’s got a few screws loose like you. Match made in hell.
James ignores the comment and furrows his brows in concern.
JAMES: You say you never existed? What do you mean by that?
MC: Are you that illiterate? I don’t exist, so I have none, I am nothing. So either accept it or fuck off.
James is at first taken aback by this, but then his usual calm and gentle expression returns.
JAMES: There’s no need to get hostile now. I’m just trying to understand. How can someone not have a name or existence? Isn’t that impossible?
Meanwhile, Angela just watches this scene with a smirk, finding it all very amusing.
MC rolls her eyes, she was starting to get frustrated by James’s persistence.
MC: I’m gonna go be alone now. Bye.
She turns and walks off through the crowd, hoping to find a quiet area.
James watches her walk away. He starts taking a step forward, wanting to follow her. However, Angela’s hand on his shoulder stops him.
ANGELA: You planning on stalking the poor brat, lover boy? She doesn’t want you.
James lets out a huff of annoyance and shoves off Angela’s hand.
JAMES: I just want to talk to her. She seems troubled.
Angela flicks her imaginary cigarette, smirking again.
ANGELA: Just so you can give her more trouble, huh? If only she knew your little secret, James.
Angela then walks past him and onto a different group of people.
James just rolls his eyes and ignores the comment. He looks at the direction she left again, contemplating whether he should go after her. But he eventually sighs and stays where he is. Meanwhile, MC walks all the way to the back of the platform. She finds a quiet corner and sits down, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She stares blankly at the ground, lost in deep thought.
Her death still hasn’t set in yet, still believing it’s a twisted dream. But, if this was supposed to be the sweet release of death, she’s very disappointed. She sits there for what feels like hours. She notices that she seems to have no hunger or thirst, and feels no urge to use the bathroom either. Yet, her same feelings and thoughts from when she was alive still remain.
In the midst of her thoughts, she eventually hears the sound of footsteps nearing her direction. She looks up and sees James approaching, slowly coming closer. She lets out a small sigh and averts her gaze back to the ground.
James slows to a stop when he reaches her. He looks down at her for a moment before speaking softly.
JAMES: Mind if I sit with you?
MC doesn’t respond, but she moves over a bit, making some room for him. He takes it as a yes and sits down next to her. There’s a moment of silence between them, neither of them speaking. MC continues to stare silently at the ground, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees. James takes the time to look at her profile. The dark makeup, the dark long dress, her black hair and pale skin, she looks like some kind of dark goth princess. He finds her beautiful, but also intriguingly weird.
James finally breaks the silence.
JAMES: Can I ask you a personal question? Sorry if it’s a bit too forward.
MC doesn’t look up, but she gives him a small nod, indicating that he can.
James takes a moment to gather his thoughts before continuing.
JAMES: You seem really… detached from everything around here. I just can’t help but wonder why.
MC doesn’t respond at first, still staring at the ground. But after a long moment of silence, she finally speaks up.
MC: Why do you care so much? You don’t even know me.
James is taken aback by her straightforward question, but answers honestly.
JAMES: You’re right, I don’t know you at all. But something about you just pulled me in. You seem like you’re going through something, and I just want to understand you.
He pauses for a moment, studying her face. She still looks stoic and reserved, but he can sense a bit of vulnerability beneath her cold exterior. After another long moment of silence, MC speaks again, her voice quiet and soft.
MC: Do you really want to understand?
She finally looks up at him, her eyes meeting his for the first time. He finds himself staring into her dark eyes, and can see the storm of emotions hidden within them. James is surprised by the sudden eye contact, but he doesn't look away. He holds her gaze and nods in response to her question.
JAMES: Yes, I really do want to understand you. If you let me.
There’s a sincerity in his voice, and MC can tell that he’s not just saying it out of pity. He genuinely wants to know the turmoil that’s eating away at her.
But to James’s shock, MC responds coldly, rejecting him in the process.
MC: Good. Because you never will know.
She suddenly stands up and wipes the dust off her dress.
James is taken aback by her response. He expected her to be guarded and defensive, but her reply was so cold it felt like a slap in his face.
JAMES: What do you mean ‘‘I will never know?’’
He stands up to face her, his expression a mixture of confusion and hurt.
MC: (rolls her eyes) You think I would ever share anything with someone like you? You’re funny, James. Maybe if you’re lucky, you could get hired as a comedian. A comedian no one laughs with, but instead, at.
James flinches at her mocking words, trying his best to keep his composure. He can't understand why she's being so cruel towards him despite his attempts to understand her.
JAMES: Why are you being like this? What did I even do to you? All I did was be a nice guy and show some genuine concern for you!
He takes a step towards her, his true self starting to show.
MC takes a step back in response to his approach, still wearing her apathetic expression.
MC: Yeah, sure, a ‘‘nice guy’’. Like you guys ever really give a fuck. Let me guess, you thought because I’m some depressed goth girl, you could be my knight in shining armor, and fix all my problems. Is that why you’re so concerned?
She rolls her eyes again, her expression grows annoyed, her voice laced with sarcasm.
James bristles at her accusations, his frustration becoming anger.
JAMES: No, absolutely not! I’m not trying to play hero or anything. I just genuinely care about you and want to help! So what if you're a depressed goth girl? That doesn’t change anything for me!
He takes another step forward, trying to close the distance between them, but she takes another step back, maintaining the distance.
MC: You think you’re entitled to get to know me? You’re nothing special, James. Just another incel who takes his repressed anger out on women because he’s alone.
James grits his teeth as he finally drops the mask.
JAMES: You fucking fat BITCH! You think you’re the shit just cause you're the depressed one?! You ain’t fucking shit! Just another used up fat fucking bitch! I bet your fucking pussy is more loose than that flab on you, FAT BITCH! I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOUR ASS IN SILENT HILL LATER! I CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH YOUR WORTHLESS WHALE ASS PIG SELF GET USED AND PASSED AROUND!
He suddenly turns and storms off through the crowd. The others had been watching with a mix of amusement and annoyance.
Angela takes a deep drag of her imaginary cigarette, holding back a laugh.
ANGELA: Now that was just downright nasty of him.
Angela glances over at MC, who is still standing there, watching James disappear through the crowd in shock. Angela can see the hurt and the hint of sadness in her eyes. She takes note of it, and then speaks up again.
ANGELA: Don’t take whatever that dipshit said to heart, girl. You’re way better off without assholes like him. But like I said, don’t let these men fool you. Especially the pretty ones. And there will be many more like just him.
MC is snapped out of her shocked daze by Angela’s words. She looks over at the woman, her face regaining its usual apathetic expression.
MC: I don’t need your advice. And I wasn't planning on taking what that dickhead said to heart.
Angela chuckles, taking another drag of her imaginary cigarette.
ANGELA: Feisty one, ain’t ya? I get it, I can’t ever let my pride be hurt by another man either. But you and I both know what he said got to ya. You just won’t admit it.
The words of truth sting for MC, because she knows Angela is right. But she won’t let Angela or anyone else know how she truly feels about anything.
MC: You’re wrong. I’m just fine, thank you very much. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really would like to be alone now.
ANGELA: Whatever you say, girl. But you can’t hide those emotions of yours forever, no matter how cold and heartless you think you are.
MC doesn’t respond to this, instead, she turns and walks back to the corner where she originally was. She sits down and hugs her knees to her chest again.
As time passes, MC can’t help but feel even more bored and lonely than she was back in her old life. Although, she still hasn’t accepted the fact she’s dead, wishing she would wake up from this dream already. But she never does, and it irritates her more each day that she’s here. There’s no night, it’s always just a cloudy sky. It never rains or storms either. Everyday is the same, sit down and stare at nothing.
MC sighs to herself, laying her head on her knees. She finds herself wondering why she’s in this strange place, and why no one else seems to be bothered by how strange everything is. She looks up again and scans the platform. She notices a few people sleeping, but the vast majority of them are awake and talking to one another. She then sees James standing with a group of people. He laughs with them, not even batting an eye in her direction. The sight irritates her, and she rolls her eyes. He acts as if their prior interaction didn’t even happen.
Suddenly, there's the sound of a loud horn that makes MC nearly jump out of her skin. Everyone instantly turns towards the horn's direction. Through the mist, an outline of a giant dark ship seems to be
approaching. A random woman shouts in excitement.
WOMAN: EVERYONE, LOOK! THE MESSENGER SHIP HAS RETURNED!
MC sits up straighter as the ship gets closer, her eyes widening. Is it finally time to leave this purgatory? She waits with bated breath and a slight bit of hope as the ship finally stops directly in front of the platform. That’s when a long, but very thin ladder is lowered towards the platform.
The random woman from earlier shouts again excitedly.
WOMAN: COME ON EVERYONE! THIS IS OUR CHANCE! LET’S HURRY BEFORE THE MESSENGER LEAVES WITHOUT US!
But after that, all hell breaks loose. MC gets shoved and knocked over as the mob runs past her, all eager and desperate to make it onto the ship. She yelps as a few people run over her, not expecting this crowd crush. But to her surprise, Angela comes over and grabs onto her.
ANGELA: Get up, girl! You don’t want to be crushed by these maniacs, do ya?!
MC doesn’t waste another moment as she quickly gets to her feet, following Angela through the mob. People of all sorts push and shove, some even resorting to violence. MC struggles to keep up with Angela as people pass by her, and almost every second, she is bumping into someone.
Angela is surprisingly strong for her size, managing to push through the crowd. However, the closer they get to the ladder, the more MC struggles. The sound of yelling and shoving is unbearable, and the smell of sweat and body odor, absolutely overwhelming. MC feels like she’s going to suffocate in this crowd, and for the first time, she feels fear start to rise within her. Angela and MC finally reach the ladder, but MC notices that underneath is a vast ocean with murky waters, and it seems like a large drop from where she’s standing.
MC feels a pit of anxiety form in her stomach, but Angela suddenly pushes her from behind.
ANGELA: Don’t think about anything! Just climb, girl!
MC grips onto the ladder tightly, her hands already sweating. She begins to slowly climb, but to her horror, people are falling or getting thrown off. MC tries to block out the screams of people falling and keeps her focus on just climbing. She slowly climbs higher up on the ladder, but it’s a very difficult climb as the mob pushes forward. MC’s hands start to hurt from how tightly she’s gripping the ladder, and her legs are shaking from nervousness and exhaustion.
Out of nowhere, the guy in front of her suddenly kicks her in the face, attempting to make her fall over. But Angela catches MC, and suddenly pulls out a hidden sharp object as she stabs the guy in the foot, causing him to scream and fall off. It was in that moment that they both saw—that there was no one else in front.
MC stares at the now empty space in front of her, and is momentarily first surprised that she even made it this far. But her surprise is quickly replaced by anxiety as she looks down at the abysaal ocean below. She hesitates, starting to get cold feet.
Angela senses this, and loudly snaps in her face.
ANGELA: I know you’re a coward, but now’s not the time to be one. We have to keep climbing! Come on, we made it this far!
MC quickly nods as she resumes climbing up the ladder. But suddenly, a man from behind Angela grabs onto her, seemingly trying to snatch Angela’s blade. This altercation causes the entire ladder to start rattling and shaking. MC watches in horror as the two struggle with each other, her heart pounding against her chest. She stops and grips onto the ladder, completely frozen in fear.
MC looks back in horror as the two struggle with each other, her heart pounding against her chest. She stops and grips onto the ladder, completely frozen in fear. Angela suddenly shouts at her.
ANGELA: RUN, GIRL! BE THE ONE TO SURVIVE! AT LEAST THEN IT’LL MEAN SOMETHING!
MC doesn’t hesitate and continues climbing up the ladder, her heart still racing. She tries her best to block out the sounds of Angela struggling, not even daring to look back. She focuses on making each step, but her hands are shaking badly now. She has never been this scared in her entire life. It’s ironic how she’s desperate to survive, despite not having the will to live before.
The ladder is starting to become more unstable, causing MC to cling onto it even harder. However, she doesn’t dare stop or look back, despite her fear. She is close to reaching the top, but her legs are now feeling like jelly. She continues to ascend, her heart beating so fast it feels as if it’ll burst out of her chest. As soon as MC reaches the top, she falls onto the deck, and the ladder suddenly snaps in half, causing those who were still climbing to fall off.
MC lays on the cold hard floor of the deck, clutching her heart and gasping for air. She lays there for a long time, feeling relief and exhaustion from the climb and adrenaline. After awhile, she manages to sit up. She sees the ship is now moving on the sea. But she doesn’t see anyone else around, almost as if it’s abandoned. Suddenly, she hears the sounds of thuds and thumps hitting the sides of the ship. She forces herself to stand up as she limps over to the edge of the deck and peers down. The sight was absolutely terrible. The sea was now blood red, with both corpses and skeletons floating at the top. That’s what was causing the sounds.
MC stares wide-eyed with her mouth agape, the sounds becoming even more horrific now that she’s at the edge. Her heart is still racing, and her hands are trembling violently. Suddenly, she becomes lightheaded and feels a wave of nausea. She quickly backs away from the edge, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down. But in that moment, she finally breaks, collapsing to the floor. The realization finally hits her—she was really dead. She really killed herself, but only because she thought she could escape her terrible life. Instead, she seems to have been brought into a new one. Where she’ll never be able to get out ever again.