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Chapter Text

Neil Perry loved the spotlight. All his life, he had craved attention, and while some consider him self centered for that, no one around him really seemed to mind. People were drawn to Neil Perry like moths to a flame–he was just that charming, that smart, that kind, that funny, that bright. So when he found a flyer for A Midsummer Night’s Dream at Henley Hall, he knew he had to audition. The very idea of the spotlights casting a warm glow on his face as he spoke to a crowd hanging onto his every word was almost too perfect for him. 

So perfect, in fact, that it still came as a shock to him when Neil got the role of Puck. His friends were not surprised at all, however, and had just been anxiously waiting for the moment he came running down the hallways screaming with joy. 

“Charlie! I got the part!” Neil called out as he banged on each door, “I’m gonna play Puck!”

“I knew it!” Charlie cried as he flung himself into the hall. He threw out his arms and wrapped Neil up in a hug as the rest of the poets piled onto him.

“We all knew you were gonna get it. You were basically born for attention, it makes total sense that you would be good at acting” Meeks told him as he gestured towards the other students now standing awkwardly in the hall, each with a confused expression on their faces. 

“Hey! I’m not that conceited!” Neil said, lightly punching Meeks in the arm as the other boys began to shuffle back into their rooms. 

Knox said, “Sure you’re not. That explains why you woke me up at three this morning to read me a poem you had written five minutes beforehand.” 

“It was a good poem!” Neil protested. Knox raised an eyebrow in disagreement.

“Neil, buddy, you know we love you, but you cannot write poetry for shit. Please, please, please just stick to reading other people’s stuff out loud,” Charlie told him. 

“Ooh, yes, you reading the history passages out loud is lowkey the only thing keeping me sane in that class,” Pitts said. 

“Dude, I’ve read out loud in that class maybe two times all year.” 

“Which is why I’m almost failing!” Pitts said, “If it weren’t for Meeksie tutoring me basically every night, I think I’d get a D on literally everything.” 

Meeks smiled at him and pushed his glasses up on his nose. “Speaking of, Pittsie, we should probably go work on that if you want to pass the test on Thursday.” 

“Normally I’d yell at you for outing me like that, but I think this was really just my own fault,” Pitts admitted. Meeks nodded solemnly and slung an arm around Pitts’s shoulder as the two walked back into their room. 

“Charlie, I’m gonna head back in, too. Don’t come in unless you’re gonna be quiet, I need to study for the physics quiz tomorrow,” Cameron said, shooting Charlie a glare. 

Charlie rolled his eyes, “I’ll be back in a minute, bitch. I just wanna talk to Knoxy for a minute.” 

“I’ll leave you guys to it,” Neil said, still beaming with pride as he closed the door to his room. He flopped onto his bed, feet kicking up into the air as he uncapped a highlighter and began flipping through the script of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. 

Neil raced into Henley Hall, cheeks flushed from the bike ride from Welton and the constant smiling that had begun the previous night. He heard chatter growing louder and louder until he finally entered the theater itself to find the cast and crew sitting in a circle on the stage. 

“Neil! Good of you to finally show up!” a high voice shouted from somewhere in the circle. Neil scanned the faces until his eyes landed on a brunette girl waving enthusiastically at him, script and highlighter in hand. 

“Ginny! I didn’t know you were in this!” Neil said as he made his way over to her. She slapped the ground on her right as Neil’s eyes fell to the boy sitting on her left. His breath caught as he sat down. The boy’s light brown hair fell gracefully across his forehead, partially covering his soft blue eyes. He cast his gaze downward, focusing all of his attention on the wood panels beneath them. Neil never thought he would want to be a floor, but a sudden wave of desire to be the object of the boy’s attention crashed over him as he took in the sight of him. 

“Neil? Are you okay?” Ginny asked, tilting her head to the side. 

Neil blinked a couple of times, “Yeah, yeah, I’m . . . uh, I’m fine.” 

“Oh!” Ginny cried out, “This is Todd Anderson! I guess I figured you two already knew each other, though I don’t see how that would have happened. Todd, this is Neil Perry. Our fathers are friends.” 

“Though how yours manages to tolerate being around mine is still a mystery to us both,” Neil joked. Todd’s lips curled upward slightly as he glanced up towards the two of them for the first time since Neil came over. 

And whoa. 

Neil had thought he was pretty before, but now, seeing Todd look directly at him, he felt like he had just stumbled upon the Milky Way unmarred by city lights for the first time. He glimmered with a quiet brilliance, easily overshadowed by those around him but never completely dimmed. The waves of his hair, the shimmer of his eyes, the soft pink of his lips  . . . Neil had never felt so helpless in his life. 

“Neil! Are you sure you’re alright?” Ginny asked. 

Neil took a deep breath, trying to clear his head. “Yeah, just nerves, I think. I’ll be fine.” He could sense Todd’s eyes flickering towards him, but he turned his gaze to look back at Ginny, whose eyes glinted with a mischievous look. 

“I wouldn’t worry too much. They already cast you, it’s not like they can really throw you out now,” a soft voice said, “Plus, I’m sure you’re great.” 

Neil whipped his head back to face Todd, who flushed bright red at the sudden eye contact. Somehow, even with blush staining his cheeks, he still looked as beautiful as before. 

Beautiful? 

Where did that come from?

It really must be the nerves getting to him. Boys weren’t beautiful. Sure, they could be conventionally attractive, or even just regular attractive, but beautiful? That was verging far too much on romantic for Neil’s tastes. 

He was totally fine with people being gay, of course. When Charlie had come out to him as bisexual two years earlier, he had just said “I know” and moved on. When Pitts and Meeks came out as bi and pan and dating the year after, no one was surprised by that either. His parents, of course, would have flipped a table if they knew, but Neil had learned to stop caring about their opinions of people years ago. 

But Neil? He was as straight as they come, as far as he was concerned. He was perfectly content to stick with Cameron as the only straight people left in their friend group, and that was as close as he needed to get to being gay. 

So the word beautiful needed to get out of his vocabulary. At least, it needed to be gone when he was thinking about definitely not gorgeous boys. Particularly boys with light brown hair and blue eyes going by the name of Todd Anderson. 

“Dude, are you sure you’re okay? That’s like the third time you’ve zoned out on us in like, two minutes,” Ginny said, sharing a concerned look with Todd. 

“I promise, I’m fine,” Neil protested as Ginny peered at his face, “What are you doing?” 

“I’m checking to see if you’re sick!” 

“And prodding my cheeks with your finger is supposed to do that?” Neil asked as a short man with a long flowing beard stepped into the center of the circle. Ginny rolled her eyes as the man, clearly the director of the show, began to speak. 

Neil, while he normally would have been laser-focused on the director’s words, instead found himself sneaking glances at Todd every few moments, unable to keep the image of his smile from floating through his mind. Eventually, however, the various tech crews left to go to their respective areas, whether it be the theater shop, the lights booth, or just home for the lucky few, and Neil had to turn his attention back to the directions for the actors. Even so, his mind still kept wandering back to the quiet brunette boy, and he could only hope he’d have to spend plenty of time with the lights crew over the next few weeks.

Chapter Text

The next few weeks passed in a blur for Neil. He barely saw Todd, but he hung out with Ginny every rehearsal and easily charmed the rest of his castmates and directors. Still, he would frequently cast a glance toward the lights booth, occasionally getting a glimpse of Todd sitting in the white glow of a computer, typing something hurriedly while chewing on his bottom lip. He always looked away quickly, though. It’s not like he was looking for Todd, anyway. He just happened to look over there and just happened to see Todd, too. But none of that mattered, because Neil was finally seizing the day like he had always dreamed of. 

Despite the thoughts he had been having about Todd, Neil still threw himself into the show and quickly emerged as both a leader of the cast and something of a brother to everyone. In only a few weeks, he had been told dozens of secrets, cried to on multiple occasions by multiple different people, asked to be a groomsman at a wedding (he wasn’t sure of the legality of this, considering that the person in question was only fifteen, but he said yes anyway), and shown countless photos of various pets. All of this, plus schoolwork, extracurriculars, memorizing lines, and hiding everything from his father, was more than enough to keep him occupied during the day. 

The nights, though, were another question. Neil had always been a fan of making up fantasies in his head to fall asleep, and now a certain brown haired boy flooded every single story he could come up with. Even when the story had nothing to do with friendship, those blue eyes still managed to make their way into each plotline, each universe that Neil could dream of. 

So when Neil found Todd sitting next to Ginny the next time he came over to run lines, sunlight streaming through the bay window to illuminate golden streaks in his hair, he knew he was in trouble. 

“Uh, hey, Todd,” Neil said awkwardly as he closed the door behind him. Todd’s head shot up as he hurriedly closed the book tucked in his lap. 

“H-hey, Neil. What’re you doing here?” Todd asked quietly, “Ginny d-didn’t say you were coming.” 

“I’m just here to run lines. She’s getting tea, I think. What are you reading?” Neil asked, making his way over to Todd’s spot by the window. Todd tilted the book towards Neil. Leaves of Grass, by Walt Whitman. 

“Huh. I didn’t peg you for a poetry guy,” Neil said, then immediately cursed in his head. Of course Todd read poetry! Sure, he was a tech kid, but the thought of him reading, even writing poetry, clicked in his mind the way very little had before. 

“It’s not a bad thing, I promise!” he added, holding up his hands innocently at the look on Todd’s face, “I just thought, y’know, with you being such a good lights person, that it wouldn’t really be your thing, but I really do think it’s cool!” 

Neil grinned as Todd’s cheeks became dusted with pink, and he stared back down at the book. Whitman suited Todd well. In fact, Neil had been unable to stop his mind from wandering to Todd during Keating’s readings of Whitman over the past few weeks. He felt an ache in his chest at the idea of Todd at Welton, sitting quietly during Keating’s lessons but occasionally piping up with something cleverer than anything Neil or the poets could have thought of themselves. Todd would fit in perfectly with the Dead Poets Society, Neil imagined. 

“You . . . you think I’m good at lights? You’ve b-barely seen us do anything yet,” Todd asked. 

“I don’t have to. I just know you’re gonna be awesome at it,” Neil said, sitting down next to Todd at the bay window, smiling as Todd’s blush deepened. Todd’s breath caught at the sudden warmth next to him, their arms now just a hair’s breadth away from each other. 

“Jesus, you’re cold!” Neil yelped as his knee knocked against Todd’s.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m s-sitting at the window,” Todd smiled slightly and pulled his leg away from Neil. 

“It doesn’t seem to be doing much for you,” Neil said, grabbing Todd’s hand, “See, your hands feel like ice!” 

Todd inhaled sharply before telling him, “W-weird. Yours f-feel like they’re burning a little b-bit. Like you’ve been holding them over a candle or something.” 

“Hey, guys!” Ginny said as the door swung open. Neil quickly dropped Todd’s hands and turned to look at her, just missing the strange expression that crossed Todd’s face. 

“Sorry, I forgot to tell you that Todd was gonna be here. He’s here so often that it basically feels like he lives here. I think I even like him more than Chet at this point in time. I definitely see him more often,”  Ginny explained, setting a tray of tea and pastries down on the floor. 

Neil grimaced, remembering the stories Knox had told him about Chet. The Overstreet and Danburry parents had always been close, but that friendship hadn’t quite reflected onto their children. Knox had spoken in hushed tones about the dozens of times that Chet had beaten him up over the years, despite being three years older and much larger than Knox, as well as the ghost stories Chet had told him to give him nightmares when they were five and eight. 

“I can’t blame you. Knox never made him sound like the nicest of people,” Neil said as he flopped down to the floor, lightly brushing against Todd’s arm as he went. He shivered slightly, blaming it on the cold sunlight filtering through the glass panes. 

Todd stood up and began shuffling past Neil and Ginny on the ground towards the door, Leaves of Grass clutched tightly to his chest. 

“Todd, where’re you going?” Neil asked, bolting upright. 

“Uh, aren’t you g-guys running lines?” Todd said slowly.

“Yeah, and?” 

“Well, I’m n-not in the p-play, so I p-probably shouldn’t be here,” Todd told him. 

“You’re in the lights crew! And even if you weren’t, I’d still want you here,” Neil smiled at him, pastry in hand, “Here, catch!” 

Todd’s eyes widened as he fumbled to catch the pastry, and in the process he dropped his book on the ground. Neil turned it over to see each poem completely covered in pen marks, some neat, some smeared. Before he could read anything else written on the page, Todd’s hands were on the book and Neil’s fingers again, and for the first time, Neil noticed ink stains lining the sides of his fingers and palms. He could feel the bitten edges of Todd’s fingernails gripping the book as they locked eyes. Neil inhaled deeply at Todd’s intense gaze and let go of the pages.

“Sorry,” Neil said, ducking his head. 

“I-it’s fine. Are you g-guys sure you want me to s-stay?” Todd asked nervously, tapping his fingers against the cover of the book. 

Both Neil and Ginny nodded vigorously, and Todd finally sat down between them, Leaves of Grass still resting between his fingers. Neil beamed as he poured tea for the three of them. He hadn’t quite realized how excited he was for the play, but he felt his heart fill with a rush of something beautiful as he sat sitting with Ginny and Todd that afternoon, though what it was about the group that felt so special he couldn’t name. That didn’t matter, though. All that Neil could care about was that he was gathering his rosebuds while he may, and soon he would be picking them up from the real stage floors. 

Chapter Text

Todd quickly became the third member of Ginny and Neil’s trio, and soon Neil couldn’t remember what it was like before the boy had stepped into his life. The three were nearly inseparable when Neil wasn’t at Welton with the poets, giving Neil plenty of reasons to glance up into the lights booth, hoping to catch Todd’s eye. Todd usually already had his eyes on him, which Neil refused to think about, but after a few days he started offering small smiles instead of immediately looking away from the stage. 

The poets also seemed to notice a change in him. Charlie and Meeks were particularly suspicious every time Neil came back from rehearsal, beaming at everything from his friends to the mud on his shoes to his physics homework, but no matter how much Charlie nagged at him, Neil wouldn’t say a word. Of course, he talked plenty about Todd and the play and Todd and his castmates and Todd and Ginny and Todd, and Charlie obviously teased him plenty, but Neil seemed firm in his belief that he was just friends with him. 

“I really feel like our gayness has finally rubbed off on him, Meeksie. Took him long enough,” Charlie said.

“No, it hasn’t, Charlie! Seriously, we’re just friends!” Neil protested. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Neilio,” Charlie furrowed his brow in fake insult, “One more word out of your mouth and you’re gonna start sounding pretty fucking homophobic here! Maybe it was Ginny’s lesbianness. I’m surprised she can handle being around us with how much she hates most men. I’ve been texting with her, too, by the way, and she agrees that there’s something up with you guys.” 

Meeks clicked his tongue and shook his head at Neil, mock disappointment written all over his face. “I really thought you were better than this, seeing as we’ve known each other since we were six. But I guess you can’t trust anyone these days.” 

“I’m not homophobic! I’m just not gay!” 

“And therein lies the homophobia. Not being gay is an insult at this point,” Charlie told him. Neil groaned in exasperation, burying his head in his hands. 

“In all seriousness, Neil, I really think there’s something more here. You should see the way you’re talking about him; it’s almost worse than Charlie was with Knox before they got together.”

“Hey! I was not that bad!” Charlie protested. 

“Maybe, but that’s just because you already knew you were bi. Neil here is still oblivious,” Meeks told him, “You certainly talked about Knox like he was the only light in your miserable little life, and your face lit up in exactly the same way Neil’s does when he mentions Todd.” 

“That’s because he is!” 

“And what are we, then? Chopped liver?” Neil jumped in, “We’re the ones who’ve been friends with you for over a decade!” 

“You know I love you guys! And way to steer the conversation away from you, Neil. You’re also a fucking theater kid, which I think makes you gay by default anyway.”

“Being a theater kid does not make me gay by default! And there’s nothing to talk about with me, because there’s nothing going on with me and Todd!” Neil cried out, prompting Meeks and Charlie to roll their eyes at the same time. Neil was saved from any more teasing by the bell ringing for dinner and the poets all crashing into the hall at the smell of meatballs wafting up from the kitchens. 

Still, Neil found himself wondering about what Meeks and Charlie had said as he made his way down to the dining hall. Maybe there was something more between him and Todd than he had realized. That was impossible, though. Neil was straight. And if he wasn’t, he was sure his father would’ve gotten it out of him by this point in his life. He could practically hear the homophobia dripping off his father’s tongue whenever he brought up the gay couple who had moved in across the street from them. Even so, something about the look in Todd’s eyes whenever he read a good poem was almost enough to make Neil question–

“Neil!” a voice called, snapping Neil out of his daze. 

“What?” he asked, blinking wildly. 

“We’re talking about the soccer game versus Balincrest tomorrow. You are coming, right?” Charlie asked, clearly readying his puppy dog eyes in case Neil somehow said no. 

“Yeah, Neil, you better show up for my boyfriend!” Knox glared. All of the poets turned their eyes to Neil as he balked under their stares. 

“Uh, sure. I don’t think I have rehearsal that day, so I should be able to come,” Neil told them. Charlie whooped as the rest of the poets erupted in cheers. 

“We’re becoming the Dead Poets Soccer Society!” Pitts said gleefully, causing the other boys to groan. 

Cameron shook his head, “Absolutely not, Pitts. Those bleachers are the closest I will ever get to soccer.” 

“Only because you’re too clumsy to play!” Charlie said, jabbing his fork towards him. 

“Don’t worry, Cammie, I’m more than happy to stay on the sidelines with you,” Meeks told him. 

“Meeks, we’ll all be on the sidelines except Charlie. He’s the only one who plays from all of us.” Pitts took a bite as he spoke, the pasta muffling his words. 

“I know that, Pittsie. I’m just trying to show my support for my athletically challenged friend here!” Meeks protested. Cameron clasped a hand to his heart, whether out of joy from the support or insult, Neil couldn’t tell. 

“Well, why don’t we stop talking about it and just come support your athletically incredible friend instead?” Charlie jumped in. The rest of the table murmured their agreements, leaving Neil to his thoughts once more. 

Todd went to Balincrest, didn’t he? Maybe he’d be at the game and Neil could introduce him to the rest of the poets. Hopefully they wouldn’t be too much for him to deal with. Neil had noticed over the past weeks that Todd tended to freeze up around most people beyond him and Ginny and often ended up unable to say more than a few words. At least the poets would be loud enough to fill any silence that was left, especially with Knox around to talk about how amazing Charlie was on the field. Neil felt excitement rush through his veins as he thought about Todd and the poets meeting, finally finding a way to let his two worlds collide.

Game day arrived quickly, and the poets spent the entire afternoon debating over who got to wear which piece of Welton gear each one of them would get to wear. Eventually it was settled that everyone should just show up with their own clothes, though Knox had come back to his dorm to find a shirt with Charlie’s face printed on it lying on the foot of his bed. 

The air was brisk with early November winds as the boys stepped out to the bleachers, but they managed to huddle together and avoid the cold, particularly with Pitts’s tall frame blocking the gusts coming in on their left. Neil glanced around anxiously as the stands began to fill up, hoping to see a certain brunette boy somewhere in the crowds. Eventually, he realized with delight that Todd and Ginny were walking in together, Todd’s blue eyes glinting in the cold sunlight. 

“Todd!” he shouted, leaping up from his seat to run down to them. 

“Do I not get a greeting, asshole?” Ginny asked, one eyebrow raised mischievously as he crashed to a halt in front of them, breathing hard from leaping around the people in seats. 

“Ginny!” Neil cried with mock excitement, “I was just expecting you to be here, what with Chris being a cheerleader and all. No offense, Todd, but soccer doesn’t really seem like your thing.” 

Both Todd and Ginny blushed at his comments.

“It’s r-really not my thing, but Ginny practically b-begged me to come, and I f-figured that if you were here, it might not be so b-bad. Both of you, I m-mean,” Todd told him, somehow flushing a deeper shade of red. 

“And Chris is my friend, Neil. I’m sure I don’t know what you’re implying with that comment,” Ginny said, crossing her arms. 

“Oh, sure you don’t. It’s totally normal to come to a soccer game in the cold just for . . . oh, wait, there’s literally no other reason to be here,” Neil smirked.

Ginny gaped at him. “Can a girl not want to see her friends? And not just Chris, you and Charlie are also here. Plus the rest of your weirdo friends.” 

“We’re not weirdos!” Knox said as he clomped down the bleachers, the rest of the poets trailing behind him. 

“Says the guy literally wearing a shirt with his boyfriend’s face on it,” Ginny retorted.

“Blame Charlie for that one, not me. I think he’d kill me if I didn’t wear it. Besides, he’s gorgeous! Who wouldn’t want to see his face?” 

“He’s not wrong there, Gin. Charlie’s definitely cute,” Neil said. At each of their confused looks, he added, “Not in a gay way, oh my god!”

“Oh, sure it’s not! Come on, we’ve all heard you talking about this To-” Pitts started to say before Meeks elbowed him in the stomach and shot a sharp glance toward Todd. Now it was Neil’s turn to flush red.

“I completely forgot! Guys, this is Todd! Todd, these are all of my friends, the Dead Poets,” Neil said, then introduced each one. “And Charlie is number 69 on our team, he’ll be out once the game starts.” 

Todd let out a small snort at the number as Neil rolled his eyes. “D-did he pick his n-number?”

“Of course. Once you meet him, you’ll see that he’s exactly the kinda guy to do that shit,” Meeks told him. 

Todd blanched slightly at someone other than Neil or Ginny addressing him, but he managed to keep talking. “Why are you g-guys called the Dead P-poets?” 

“Oh, not this thing again,” Ginny groaned, “Basically, they go into this cave in the forest at night and read poetry by a bunch of old white guys until they all fall asleep on each other.” 

“Not true!” Cameron said indignantly. At the look on Ginny’s face though, he conceded, “Okay, maybe a little bit true. But not all of it is by old white guys, and we don’t fall asleep on each other!” 

“That’s just because you’re the only straight guy there, Cam,” Ginny told him. Before Neil could open his mouth to protest, though, the whistle blew and the soccer players began jogging out onto the field. The group sat down in the only open spaces left, shivering at the cold metal bleachers. 

“Todd, you should come to our meeting tomorrow! I’m sure you have loads of great poems to share, or you can just come and listen if you’d rather do that,” Neil exclaimed. Meeks glanced sideways at Knox, who rolled his eyes at Neil’s obliviousness. Cameron suppressed a giggle as Pitts whispered something in his ear about a glass closet and they all waited for Todd’s answer. 

“Uh, I don’t know how to get there,” Todd said. 

“Well, you know how to get here, right? Just meet me at the gates to Welton at eleven tomorrow night and I can take you to the cave,” Neil offered. 

Todd bit his lip nervously and whispered, “But won’t your friends mind? I don’t wanna intrude.”

“Todd, you’re totally welcome. If you know as much poetry as Neil says, then I’m sure you’ll be awesome,” Meeks said kindly. 

“You talk about me to them?” Todd blushed and ducked his head into his coat. 

“I mean, not that much,” Neil said, embarrassed, “Is that a yes, though?” 

Todd seemed to ponder for a moment before letting out the briefest of nods. Neil beamed at him, suddenly feeling warm despite the cold winds gusting around them. He let out a massive cheer for Charlie as he raced towards the goal, but secretly felt the yell was for himself. Todd was going to fit in perfectly, he just knew from the way Todd seemed to relax around the poets already and the inkstains still peppered across his hands, presumably from staying up reading poetry the night before. Tomorrow night couldn’t come soon enough.

Chapter Text

Neil paced back and forth down the moss covered sidewalks of Welton, checking his watch every time he made it to the end of the pavement. As the second hand ticked closer and then past eleven, he tried to focus on the puffs of his breath staining the air. In for four seconds, out for four seconds. Finally, at 11:01, a cloaked figure appeared just outside the gates. 

“Todd?” he whispered as he rushed toward the gaps in the iron bars, “Is that you?” 

The figure pulled down his hood to reveal Todd’s flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. Even in the dark, Neil’s breath still caught at his beauty. 

“Neil! H-how do I get in?” Todd hissed at him. 

Neil grinned and motioned toward his right. Todd raised an eyebrow as both boys started jogging down the borders of the brick wall. Soon, the grassy fields of Welton dropped away into the forest, and the boys slowed down as roots began to tangle around their feet. Neither could see each other, but Todd’s soft footsteps just a little way behind Neil’s was enough to know that he was okay. 

“How m-much further? I was not m-made for running, you know!” Todd called over the wall. 

“Actually, we’re here,” Neil said, smiling. He slowed to a stop, and Todd’s face appeared in the gap in the wall. Ivy snaked across the worn down bricks, and Todd groaned as he realized what Neil wanted him to do. 

“You know, I d-didn’t sign up for physical exercise! P.E. is b-bad enough for me, thanks,” he said, gasping for air between his words. 

“Oh, hush. Besides, we just have a little way to go after this to get to the cave,” Neil said, eyeing the crumbling bricks, “I’ll help you over if you need it.” 

Todd rolled his eyes and began hoisting himself over the wall. Neil stood beneath him grinning, arms stretched out in front of him. As he crouched to jump down, however, a piece of the brick he was standing on cracked off beneath him, sending a cloud of dust floating up around them. He let out a yelp as he tumbled off of the wall and into Neil’s open arms. 

“Jesus, Todd, are you okay?” Neil asked worriedly, eyes widening at the sudden proximity between them. 

“Y-yeah, I think so,” Todd coughed, “My back k-kinda hurts though.” 

“Here, let me check,” Neil offered. Todd froze for a moment before lifting up his shirt ever so slightly. Neil fought to keep breathing at an even pace at the sight of Todd’s back, pale skin illuminated by the moonlight. He gently brushed a finger against his back, causing Todd to stiffen up for a moment before relaxing into the touch. 

“I don’t see anything. It might be bruised tomorrow but you’re not bleeding or anything like that,” Neil managed to choke out, pulling his hand away with some effort. 

Todd let out a sigh of relief and readjusted his shirt. “Then c-can we keep going? It’s freezing out here.” 

Neil motioned towards the woods and grabbed Todd’s hand, pulling him deeper into the forest. If he had looked back, he would have been able to see the furiously red blush that crept across Todd’s face at Neil’s soft skin. But Neil didn’t look back, and was instead left to think about how well Todd’s hand fit into his own. 

They deftly weaved through the dark forest until Neil caught sight of smoke floating amongst the leaves. Neil pointed it out, grinning, and the two ducked into the cave a few moments later to plenty of cheering from the poets. They all sat around a crackling fire, a coat laden with snacks lying near Cameron’s feet. 

“Todd! You made it!” Meeks said excitedly, pushing his glasses further up onto his nose to see the new additions to the group. Knox hurriedly scooched further into the cave to make space for them to sit down.

“We were starting to get worried that Neilio here was secretly a serial killer or something,” Charlie drawled, sticking out a lazy hand. “Charlie Dalton. The pleasure’s all mine.”

Todd leaned over to shake his hand nervously, and Neil noticed how his arm trembled as he did so. “I’m T-todd. Thanks for h-having me.” 

“Of course, of course! Now, Neil, let’s get this meeting fucking started,” Charlie said, producing Five Centuries of Verse from somewhere in his coat. He shot Meeks a look, who grinned knowingly as Neil glanced back over towards Todd. 

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately,” Neil read from the front cover of the book, “to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. Now, who has a poem?” 

“I do!” Knox declared, “It’s a Knoxious original!” The boys let out a collective groan, knowing that whatever was about to come out of his mouth would be the most disgustingly sappy poem about Charlie. Neil leaned in to whisper this to Todd, who smiled back at him as Knox stood up and cleared his throat. 

“The heavens made a boy named Charlie

And let him fall down to torture me.

A regular Lucifer in our midst,

Yet when he’s gone it’s too much that I miss.

His eyes are that of a frog,

But there is no one I’d rather snog.

Pardon my British, please

I simply yearn to be with his ease.

I would spend my every waking hour

Dealing with him, most sour.

Without even a word toward me

I would do anything for

My Charlie. 

A moment of silence ensued as Knox sat down before Charlie let out a massive whoop. 

“Now that is what I’m fucking talking about, boys! That is a poem worthy of me!” he cried out. 

Cameron groaned and pressed his hands into his face in pain, “Knox, that was awful!”

“Hey, don’t insult my boyfriend!” Knox gasped.

“You literally said he looked like a frog! I think he’s infecting you with his weirdness,” Neil laughed, then turned back towards Todd. The boy was grinning shyly, cheeks stained with pink as usual and flecks of light from the fire dancing in his eyes. 

“He’s right, there, dude. That absolutely sounds like something Charlie would’ve written,” Pitts chimed in, arm snugly wrapped around Meeks. 

“Nope, I’m just in love with the best motherfucker alive,” Charlie said happily, “See, Todd’s smiling! He knows good poetry when he hears it.” 

“Yeah, Todd, what’d you think?” Knox asked, a pleading look in his eyes. 

All eyes turned to Todd, who took a deep breath before speaking, “I m-mean, it was good if you d-don’t like rhythm, flow, w-words that make sense, or just g-good poetry in g-general.”

He clapped a hand to his mouth as everyone else’s dropped open, eyes widening with horror as he realized what he’d said. 

“Oh, my god, I’m so so sorry! I really didn’t mean it, I promise it was good! I don’t know what I was saying, and I’ll just go now,” Todd blurted out. His chest began to rise and fall rapidly as he spoke until Charlie let out a laugh. 

“Todd! Todd! It’s okay! That was really fucking funny, dude!” 

“But . . .  b-but I was so mean!” Todd cried out, standing up. Neil could tell from close up that tears were beginning to form in his eyes. He began to make his way towards the door, but Neil grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back to his seat in the cave. Todd pressed his face into Neil’s coat as Neil wrapped his arms around him, trying to calm him down. 

Knox said, “Yeah, it was mean, but it was hilarious! And the poem really wasn’t meant to be good, I promise. You’re okay. I guess we just weren’t expecting that from you, but you’re seriously fine, okay?” 

“Really?” Todd asked nervously, his voice muffled through the fabric. He peered up towards the boys, who were all stifling laughter still at Todd’s comment. 

“Really,” Knox said, “Now, who has another poem?” 

A few hours and more than a few poems later, the boys all stumbled out of the cave, shivering as the cold night air hit their skin. As Neil began to make his way out of the cave, though, Charlie grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards the mouth of the cave. 

“What, Charlie?” Neil asked, annoyed. He shot another glance toward Todd, who was deeply engrossed in a conversation with Meeks. 

“I really like him. You should bring him back next time,” Charlie whispered, “And you really like him.”

Neil rolled his eyes, but Charlie cut him off before he was able to say anything.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Neil. I saw how you were looking at him the whole time there. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so starstruck in your life, and he didn’t even read anything–not that that’s a bad thing!” Charlie rushed to clarify before Neil could protest, “All I’m saying is that, even if you don’t know it yet, you definitely have a thing for him. And I’m pretty sure he has a thing for you. In the maybe two seconds you weren’t staring at him, he was looking at you like you hung the fucking stars or something. So when you have your gay awakening, do something about it.” 

With that, Charlie pranced off towards Knox and Welton. Neil sighed and began walking towards Todd, who was standing near a tree, hands twisting together with nerves. 

“Here, I’ll take you back out,” Neil said as he reached Todd. The pair split off from the rest of the group and headed towards the brick walls of the school. 

“W-what was Charlie talking with you about?” Todd asked, looking up at Neil from under his eyelashes. 

Neil paused, finding himself unable to lie to Todd, before he spoke. “He was just telling me how much he liked having you here.”

“Really?” Todd smiled shyly. 

“Really. I did too, and I think so did the rest of the guys. You should come back next time,” Neil offered. 

“If I can, I’ll be there,” Todd said.  The two walked quietly, piping up with the occasional comment, until they arrived back at the wall. This time, Todd managed to climb over with no problems, but he paused on the other side. 

“Hey, Neil?”

“Yeah?”

“Do . . . do you think that m-maybe if I gave you a poem, y-you could read it out l-loud for everyone? At the next meeting?” Todd asked. 

“Of course! I’d do anything for you!” Neil exclaimed, then added as he realized what he said, “I mean, unless you want me to kill someone or become a doctor. Then we might have a bit of a problem.”

Todd laughed, eyes glimmering under the bright moonlight. God, Neil wanted to kiss him right then and there.

Stop. 

Kiss Todd? Where did that come from?

Oh. 

Charlie was right. Of course he was right, he always was when it came to people. Neil wanted to kiss Todd. He had always wanted to kiss Todd, ever since that first day in the theater, he supposed. And oh, god. It sounded incredible. The very thought of Todd’s soft lips on his was enough to make him want to shout with joy all the way home.

“Neil? Are you alright?” Todd asked. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Listen, I have to go, but I’ll see you at rehearsal, okay?” Neil said. Todd nodded and ducked away from the wall. Neil waited until the sound of his footsteps had completely faded, then sank to the ground. He was fucked. Completely and utterly fucked.