Archive of Our Own ^beta

They were fucked. Jean couldn’t shake his nerves as Reiner and him were beaten then tied up. Being dragged away by the military, they had been so careful but not careful enough. He told Reiner that he shouldn’t have shifted even to gain distance, his armor left footprints. He told Reiner not to shift and the blonde ignored him, so Jean blames Reiner for their current predicament.

Jean’s whole body ached, the ropes were tied too tight across his wrists and legs. He laid on the floor of the army vehicle as they drove them somewhere else. They kept them both on the floor, Reiner barely made a sound that worried Jean.

The blonde’s body was healing from the new wounds but it was slow and lazy. Steam didn’t billow out of him like it usually did, it was slow curling puffs of steam. His breathing was shallow, Jean’s stomach clenched when he saw Reiner’s face. It was just split open and raw, bits of white could be seen. It reminded Jean of a crushed tomato mixed with ground meat. A soldier placed his boot heavily on Jean’s lower back, heel digging into his spine. He hissed.

“Quit squirming.” The gruff voice ordered. Jean didn’t think he was squirming.

They ended the long drive in a barren grassy meadow, it was dark and the sky was tinted violet. The lights coming from the vehicle made the soldiers shine with white light. Reiner sill hadn’t made a sound or woken up once during the long ride. They were both thrown to the dirt, Jean’s stomach twisted in sick misery.

There was a grave and a coffin. A bigger than average coffin and Jean could guess what was going to happen. He found fight deep in his bones and struggled against the captors. It was useless and he wanted to scream for Reiner or scream obscenities at the soldiers but a rag was shoved into his mouth. He was back on the dirt floor again.

He watched as they laid Reiner down in the coffin first, the only indication that he was still alive was the steam. The soldiers were laughing, telling jokes as they did this. Like they didn’t care or weren’t bothered by what they were doing. Just soldiers following orders, they didn’t even want the armor. He heard another gruff voice say how Marley didn’t need or want the armored titan.

It was his turn to be laid in the coffin, the solider that tied him up, beat him and kept him still in the car was the one to lay him in the coffin. His heart hammered in his chest. He laid on top of Reiner, he wanted to reach out and touch him or hit him or yell at him to hurry up and heal. The gag wouldn’t allow that. He knew they were dead and he waited for a bullet to the back of the head.

That didn’t happen. The soldiers laughed some more; something about a slow death for the lovebirds. He felt so terrible laying on top of Reiner, watching skin oh so slowly creep back onto his face. He wanted to fight again and he pulled at his restraints hoping to loosen the thick rope. That’s when everything went black. The lid to coffin was put on them, it pressed against his hands and the back of his head. Too small way too small. God he wanted Reiner to wake up.

The wooden lid caught on his fingers, he scratched at the wood absentmindedly. He tried to focus on his breathing, trying desperately not to panic. Nails were being driven into the lid to keep it locked. To keep them locked together. His breath stuttered and he felt his throat tighten. Too small, too close, too cramped, too hot, too dark. Too much everything too much.

They were moving the coffin now. He heard it catch on rocks, they were being lowered into the earth. Something Jean didn’t want to experience alive ever again. He spit the dirty rag out of his mouth, not caring if it landed on Reiner’s fucked up face. At least for a moment. He breathed in deep. Their hearts were beating together, chest to chest Jean felt Reiner’s slow heartbeat. He licked his lips.

“Reiner you have to wake up please wake up.” His voice was small and terrified and Jean would’ve been embarrassed by how pathetic he sounded normally but this wasn’t a normal circumstance.

He pleaded with Reiner hoping the blonde could hear him deep in his brain. There was a thudding sound on top of the lid, dirt was being thrown on them then. He could sob. He kept talking to Reiner, pleading, begging him to wake up. He felt the hot blood from his split skull on his cheek. They were so close and if it got any hotter in the cramped dark space Jean was sure they’d melt together. A disturbing image.

He moved his head against Reiner’s open face a mimic of cat rubbing its head against someone. He did it just to feel like he could move in the tight space but he also did it to let Reiner know he was there.

“Please Reiner. We’re going to die in here. Please if you wake up and get us out of this I’ll do whatever you want I’ll go wherever you want I won’t complain or be an asshole just please wake up.” Jean whispered.

Their chest moved together as they breathed. Jean tried not to think about suffocating to death a horrible slow death. If he thought about how his brain would slowly shut itself down, how he’d gasp for breath on top of Reiner, how maybe he’d seize against the blonde he would surely go insane. He scratched at the lid again, he dug his fingernails against it as if that would do anything. His whole body screamed at him for moving, he kept pulling against his wrists.

“Reiner please. If you die on me and leave me in here by myself I’ll come down to hell and beat your ass.” He laughed. A short bark of a laugh.

Reiner healed slow, it was getting so hot. He burned on top of Reiner, sweat was leaking from him. He ignored the burning feeling on right side of his face as he kept pleading and rubbing his face head against Reiner. Hot and sticky and he felt his eyes water and Jean tried to swallow the terrified tears. He couldn’t do anything else so he kept begging.

“I hate you so much, you kidnap me, get me into this shit and for what? To keep me safe? You’re insufferable.”He was angry as he said this. Angry and scared.

“You said you’d keep me safe that you wanted to keep me safe. We’re going to die here but at least we didn’t have to pay any funeral dues.” He laughed. Feeling dizzy. His hands felt numb and his legs had pins needles shooting through it. He couldn’t imagine how Reiner must feel, he was still so broad.

“Please Reiner I really don’t want to die here.” He stopped rubbing his face against Reiner’s. A deep realization hit him and he wanted to start sobbing. “I don’t want you to die.”

He let a few tears fall from his eyes. He wondered vaguely if it would be bad for Reiner’s skull if his tears were trapped under the new skin that would form. It would be too late but still he wondered. A tiny part of himself trapped with Reiner.

“You asshole. You fucking miserable ass.” He was feeling lightheaded. He stopped moving and just laid pressed against the other man. “I hate you but I think I love you too.” He whispered. He was dying slowly, he pressed his lips against whatever was in front of him. Tasting heat and blood.

“I love you Reiner. You’re a horrible waste of skin but I love you.” He whispered his confession that weighed him down these past six months on the run. Maybe even years he didn’t want to think about that right now. He stopped talking. It wasn’t getting him anywhere, he pressed a kiss to whatever horrible collage that was Reiner Braun one more time before closing his eyes.

Jean didn’t know what happened next he was so sure he was dead. Locked in a coffin with his enemy that he loved. He heard Reiner’s voice and knew he was dead. Something cold was against his lips, he felt his eyebrows furrow and felt cold water being tipped into his mouth.

“Don’t choke.” Reiner’s voice. He didn’t want to open his eyes afraid of what he might see. The water was emptied quickly and he wanted more but Reiner was whispering something to him.

He finally opened his eyes, blinded for a moment by sunlight then it was shaded by Reiner. Who looked deeply worried but he had his skin back. His face wasn’t an open leaking tomato it was just him. Handsome Reiner Braun staring down at him.

“What happened?” His voice was scratchy. “We were looked in a coffin, buried alive. What happened?”

“I got us out.”

“How? You were practically dead.” He was awed by that. Reiner’s pale face flushed then.

“You woke me up. I shifted and now we’re very far away from that little grave.” He explained. “Don’t try to move.”

Jean ignored him he brought his hands up to his face to look at them. To feel them, to flex his fingers and stretch out. He had a lingering feeling of being trapped he almost didn’t believe he was out of their coffin. His hands looked horrible, his nails were short and bloody, his middle finger was wrapped in a white bandage and Jean knew he was missing the nail there. His wrists were a deep dark purple with red rope burns. He rolled his wrists around just to move them. His whole body ache and the right side of his face felt tight.

“Where are we?”

“Near the coast. There’s a small town that’s more isolated here, I figured it would be good for us.” Reiner explained he smiled at Jean. “Do you remember what you said?”

Jean did. “Nope.” His face burned and he lamented his life for a short moment.

“You’re a very bad liar. I love you too.” He said this while still smiling bright and Jean wanted to punch him.

“Too bad I didn’t mean it. I was delirious.” He went to sit up and fell back against the bed with a hiss. Reiner kept smiling that sickly sweet happy smile.

“Maybe if you keep lying you’ll be better at it one day.”

They lapsed into silence, Jean didn’t mind he was happy to be alive. Happy to be in a sleepy lonely town with Reiner. Happy to be in a shitty small cabin that looked abandoned and so dirty he knew that if Levi were here he’d be disgusted to say the least. He frowned thinking about his captain which lead to him thinking about his friends and family. Six or maybe it was seven months had passed since Reiner kidnapped him from Liberio. A very stupid decision. He pushed those thoughts away Reiner risked everything to keep him safe, just him.

He rubbed at his face, his right cheek felt tight and warm.

“Don’t do that. Also don’t freak out but your face mostly your right cheek is burned.”

He kept scratching at the skin. Just to annoy Reiner but also because there was a deep itch he couldn’t reach.

“How bad is it?”

“Not bad, you’re still very pretty.”

“Shut up!”

Reiner laughed but stopped when Jean threw a pillow at him. Reiner brought over a little hand mirror for Jean to look at himself, thankfully Reiner was right. It wasn’t that bad, pink and tight and little raw but it wouldn’t leave a big scar. He sighed, while the relief of being alive and being far away from their grave was wonderful it was short lived.

A few days after Jean found himself a little more afraid of the dark than he used to be. He made Reiner light a candle and he didn’t complain or make fun of him like he expected Reiner to do. He just did what Jean asked. There was the darkness that was a problem but also this phantom feeling of being trapped. Cramped together. Even in open spaces he felt trapped and so hot sometimes. He would be fine one minute then he’d get fidgety and nervous and have to go outside to breathe fresh air.

They stayed in the coastal town for a few more months before they had to be on the move again when the military started sniffing around. Reiner listened to Jean this time when he told him not to shift, afraid of the consequences and a deep grave that might be waiting for them if they got caught again. That’s how they lived their lives for a long time. On the run and never staying in one place, they stopped fighting, stopped trying to kill each other and instead learned how to live with loving one another. They kept pushing forward. With new fears and new scars but also with new found love and Jean figured that one day everything would alright. Till death due them part.