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Chapter Text

“Do you, Ochaco Uraraka… take Izuku Midoriya…” The man’s words went on and on, but for Izuku they stopped registering when he heard his name. He had already said ‘I do’, he had asked her to marry him and made this step… but it wasn’t what he wanted. As he looked into her warm brown eyes, wet from the tears she had cried when he said his vows… he forced the same quiet smile he always gave her and she smiled back. Her hands squeezed his and the man finally stopped speaking.

Izuku’s heart pounded against his chest and he did everything he could to keep that smile, to keep everything he felt buried inside. That he only loved her as a friend, that he was desperate to leave the room and never look back, that he wanted her to say no. The small spark of hope that she would reject him and back out of this, fizzled into nothing as he watched her lips form the words that would trap him forever. “I do.”

He forced his smile to grow as the tears fell from her eyes and he leaned forward, wishing everything was different and that his life was simpler. He regretted giving everything of himself away and never once considering his own heart… but he couldn’t help it. Izuku Midoriya was a hero. Her hands squeezed his tightly as their lips touched. The cheers and applause from their friends and family should have been encouraging, but to Izuku they were no different than the loud bang of a prison cell closing… sentencing him to a lifetime of wearing the mask he wanted to run from.

He smiled at her as he pulled away and looked into Ochaco’s brown eyes one more time, wishing he could be what she wanted and hating himself for knowing that he never would. He raised their joined hands high into the air and grinned at the people who supported them, their cheers strengthening the foundation of his shame. As they walked down the aisle hand in hand, they smiled and shook hands with family and friends, they heard jokes and laughed when people winked and commented about the night ahead.

Izuku stayed steady in his performance and didn’t look at the red eyes watching him from the crowd. He ignored the blonde hair and the way he knew the man was staring at him. When Ochaco pulled him through the doors, he didn’t let himself look back. If he looked at Kacchan… his heart would break along with the mask he wore in secret.

———

Glasses clinked around the room as everyone toasted the married couple and another speech finished. Katsuki sighed in frustration and adjusted the suit he had forced himself to wear. He hated parties and this one was the worst one he had ever been to. Watching Izuku with that fake smile, pretending to be the happiest person in the world… it really pissed him off.

Grabbing the glass of water in front of him, he downed the entire thing and slammed the glass down on the table. “Hey, take it easy man.” Katsuki darted his eyes to the right and gave Kirishima a death glare. The man winced and continued anyway. “I know you hate this kind of thing, but it’s Midoriya. Can’t you just pretend to be happy for him… just this once?”

“No.” Katsuki pushed his chair back and stood up in the middle of another speech. Ignoring the glares and stares, he walked through the tables and made his way to the exit. Izuku was doing enough pretending for the both of them… he had no intention of contributing to this mess. He had been against it from the very beginning. As soon as Izuku mentioned it, Katsuki had objected and tried to make him see reason but it all fell on deaf ears. There was no way he loved that girl and Katsuki knew it.

The laughter behind him erupted as the doors closed, allowing him a moment to sigh in the muffled quiet of everything he didn’t want to hear. He didn’t know which was more disturbing… Izuku hitching himself to someone he didn’t have feelings for, or all the cheers from the people encouraging it. Katsuki unbuttoned his black suit jacket and the top button of his shirt, walking to the restroom. He wanted to pull the thing off and set it on fire. It was suffocating and he didn’t understand how people could enjoy wearing something so stupid.

Pushing the door to the bathroom open he walked over to the sink and turned it on, rubbing his hands back and forth in the water as he grumbled under his breath. He’d known Izuku for a long time and he’d seen him with Ochaco plenty of times through the years. Yeah, he’d blush at her… but when she touched him Katsuki saw the way he’d flinch first before accepting it. The uncomfortable look that flashed across his face before he covered it up. That idiot was too nice. He slammed the faucet down and cursed under his breath, reaching for the paper towels to dry his hands.

Crumpling the towel, he threw it into the trash and looked at his own reflection. His jaw was tense, along with most of his body, and his red eyes were full of a disgusted rage. Kicking himself mentally, he sighed and tried to relax a little. As pissed off as he was… going off on someone was only going to make it all worse. Any other day, he’d smash the damn table and set the cake on fire. But today… Izuku was already suffering enough. Katsuki clenched his fist and growled under his breath in frustration. He shouldn’t even care what that idiot did with his own life, but he couldn’t help it… and that’s what pissed him off the most.

Katsuki turned his head as the bathroom door opened and the very man he’d just been thinking about walked in, staring at the ground lost in thought. Izuku walked over to the urinal mumbling to himself without noticing him, while Katsuki stared at him in annoyed disbelief. “Izuku!” Izuku’s body jumped and he fumbled his hands trying to close his pants quickly. Katsuki glared at Izuku as his face slowly turned to him from over his shoulder, eyes wide and face bright red.

“Kacchan?! W-What are you doing in here?” Izuku didn’t move and continued to hold onto the front of his pants with a horrified look on his face.

“It’s a bathroom. What the hell do you think I’m doing?” Katsuki watched him with one hand in his pocket, progressively getting more annoyed.

“Right.” Izuku laughed nervously and finished adjusting himself. Standing up he walked over to the sink beside Katsuki and turned the water on, the far away look in his eyes returning as he washed his hands.

“How long are you gonna keep pretending?” Izuku stiffened and his hands froze at Katsuki’s words. They were harsh and his tone was accusatory… just as Katsuki intended.

“I’m not.” Izuku’s voice was quiet and pleading, like he was begging himself to believe his own lie. His scarred hands moved again and he shut off the water, keeping his green eyes on the sink as he reached past Katsuki to grab a paper towel.

Katsuki let out a quick breath in frustration and grabbed Izuku’s arm, pulling it to the side and forcing him to face him. When he looked at the floor and refused to do so, Katsuki stepped closer and angrily whispered close to his ear. “You’re full of shit.” Katsuki heard Izuku’s breathing become heavy and waited for him to say something, his grip on Izuku’s arm tightening. When the silence continued, Katsuki angrily threw his arm down and turned away from him. He put his hand in his pocket and left the bathroom without looking back.

———

Izuku’s hands were shaking as he gripped the edge of the bathroom counter with both hands and tried to steady his shaky breath. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to push away the thoughts that were invading his mind against his will. He could still feel the grip of Kacchan’s hand on his arm and the feel of his breath against his ear. Izuku had tried to avoid him, and had done a good job… until he couldn’t. The joke that was his life had thrown them together again, like it always seemed to do. Opening his eyes, Izuku looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. He was a mess.

He turned back on the water and splashed it on his face, trying to cool the part of himself that wouldn’t stop burning. Reaching blindly for the paper towels, he yanked the paper from the dispenser and dried his face. What if he had said something… what if he had just told him and let it all out right there? Throwing the paper into the trash, he straightened his suit and looked at himself with disappointment. It was too late for that, even if he wanted to. It would destroy Ochaco and he couldn’t do that… not after giving her what she wanted and making her the happiest she’d ever been. Even if it was killing him to do it.

Izuku forced another smile and glanced at himself in the mirror, approving of the changes he made to his appearance. He walked to the door and reached his hand out to open it, hesitating when the pounding in his chest returned. As he stood there alone… the weight of everything hit him all at once and a tear slid down his cheek, dropping to the bathroom floor. He had grown up watching Kacchan lead the way, always watching him as Izuku was left behind… and now they were right back where they had started. Lifting his trembling hand away from the door, Izuku touched the wetness on his cheek and stared at it, his breath catching in his throat. He didn’t think it would be this hard.

Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his phone and turned around, leaning his back against the bathroom wall. Unlocking it, he swiped through his contacts and stopped to stare at his name. What if he did tell him… He was walking into a lifetime with her either way. What if he got it off his chest before he did? Would it make everything easier? He knew Kacchan didn’t have the same feelings that he did… it’s what made his choice so simple. If he couldn’t have love of his own, Izuku was happy to give himself to someone who loved him and needed to feel loved. He didn’t want Ochaco to feel the pain that he was feeling all of the time. The choice had been easy enough… until it wasn’t.

Izuku didn’t notice how close his thumb was to the screen as he stared intensely at the name and accidentally called Kacchan. His eyes went wide and he fumbled with the phone in his hands, desperate to hang up. Finally tapping to end the call he slid down the wall and sat on the bathroom floor, clutching the phone to his chest. Izuku’s heart was pounding and he was breathing heavily in embarrassment as he realized what he had just done. He had taken long enough to end the call that Kacchan's phone probably went off in the middle of the wedding reception…his wedding reception.

Izuku sat there completely mortified. He was stuck in a cycle of feeling like a confused little kid again and he couldn’t shake it. His phone buzzed in his hand and he looked at it, Kacchan had texted him. ‘What?’ Such a simple question and there was no way Izuku could answer it. He stared at the alert for a moment before pushing himself up and dusting his suit off. Sliding the phone back into his pocket he opened the door and went back to his wedding.

Opening the doors to the reception hall, Izuku sucked in his breath at the sudden change in atmosphere. The room was pulsing with the sound of music as everyone danced and mingled, celebrating the worst day of his life. Letting the doors close behind him, he smiled and greeted his guests and made his way to Ochaco. Refusing to glance at Kacchan as he walked. He could feel his eyes on him and knew he was still angry about the wedding. Kacchan had told him not to do it. He had always been able to see the things Izuku held back even when no one else could. But… Izuku held one truth that even Kacchan couldn’t see.

Smiling, Izuku approached his wife and sat next to her as she spoke to her father. Wife… Izuku sighed while trying his best to keep the smile on his face. He heard a bang and looked up, Kacchan was glaring at him with his hand flat on the table that he was seated at. Izuku felt the back of his neck grow hot in embarrassment as Kacchan stared at him. Izuku knew that look, and it made him nervous that the man might cause a scene. Shifting in his seat he looked away from him and watched as his friends and relatives danced to the music Ochaco had picked out for the event. His smile softened into something real when he saw how happy everyone was, knowing it was because of what he’d done.

Izuku jumped at the loud bang of a chair falling over and then opened his eyes wide as Kacchan marched right towards him. Leaning over the table he growled under his breath while pointing at the door to the outdoor area “Izuku. Outside now…” Izuku blinked at him and then almost jumped again when there was a hand on his arm.

Turning to Ochaco, his heart started to calm down when she smiled warmly at him. “It’s okay, Deku. Everyone’s busy dancing anyway. I’ll be fine.” She flashed a bright smile and encouraged him to go.

“Alright.” Izuku stood up and leaned down to kiss her forehead gently, feeling guilty for thinking of someone else as he did it. Pulling away from her, he smiled with all the love he had for her as a friend. “I’ll be back in a minute.” She nodded her head and turned back to her dad as he turned to follow Kacchan towards the door. He wanted to say something but stayed silent as he walked. Seeing the tension in Kacchan's shoulders, he was terrified how that sort of conversation might go. Kacchan opened the door and stepped outside with Izuku following behind him… just like they did when they were kids.

———

Katsuki put his hands in his pockets and continued to walk down the path knowing that Izuku was behind him. That stupid smile he gave when he looked at everyone dancing… it had pushed Katsuki over the edge. The one moment he actually looked happy, and it was because everyone else was. It was typical Izuku and it was exactly why he had gotten himself into this mess. Marrying a girl you don’t even love… how could anyone be that stupid?

“Kacchan? Where are we going?” Katsuki ignored him and turned right, off of the path and towards a large tree surrounded by bushes. It was more secluded and if he was going to get Izuku to actually talk, they would need to do it in private. Stopping, he sighed and looked up at the branches… he liked the messy yet efficient structure of them. Their constant reaching and expanding as if nature itself was exploding.

“How long are you gonna keep pretending that you love her, Izuku?” He had already asked the question once, and he wanted an answer. Now that he had him out here, and away from that sham of a wedding, it was going to be a lot harder for Izuku to avoid the question.

“If that’s what this is about, then I’m going back.” Katsuki cursed under his breath at the answer and looked over his shoulder at him. His face was flushed but his eyes were serious, flashing that shade of green that carried a warning… he didn’t want Katsuki to press him.

Seeing Izuku’s fists clenched tightly at his sides, Katsuki smirked to himself. “If you’ve got something to say. Then say it.” Izuku’s face looked stunned for a moment before going right back to the serious look he had before, only this time his cheeks were a lot more red. “I thought so.” Katsuki turned towards him and took a step in his direction. “You’re hiding something.”

Izuku’s expression twisted into anger at the accusation as Katsuki continued to watch him, wondering how long it would be before he finally said it. “I’m leaving.” As Katsuki watched him turn away the leaves above him rustled in the breeze as if this were any other day. But it wasn’t any other day…

“Hey!” Izuku stopped when Katsuki called out to him. “You know I don’t like chasing after you, Izuku.”

Izuku stood there, his fists shaking as Katsuki watched him. “Why do you have to do that?!” Katsuki couldn’t see his face but he could tell from the crack in his voice that Izuku was crying.

He walked up behind him and grabbed his arm, pulling him off the sidewalk path and back behind the bushes. Turning Izuku to face him, he glared at his green hair while the man stared at his own feet. “And why do you have to do that?” Izuku’s head shot up to look at him, his eyes red and his face wet from his crying. “Just spit it out already. Why the hell did you marry a girl you don’t like?”

Izuku’s hands suddenly shoved him in the chest and sent him stumbling back. As Katsuki steadied himself Izuku yelled at him through his tears. “Because, Kacchan… the person I like doesn’t like me back! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Katsuki stared at him, not wanting to believe that it would be something so stupidly simple. “Are you really that much of an idiot, that you’d throw away your entire life because of a girl?”

“No…” Izuku lowered his hands back to his sides and let out a sigh. “Not a girl.” All the pieces started to click into place as Katsuki’s pulse started to race. Following him around as kids no matter how cruel he was, Izuku’s desperate need to be near him and protect him, the way he studied him and knew him better than anyone else, the way he had breathed so heavily earlier when he was close to him…

“Who?” The word fell out of his mouth before he could stop it. If he was right, then everything between them would change and it was going to hurt. Izuku stayed silent and continued to stare at the ground. It was starting to look more and more like he was right. Stepping close to him so that their chests were almost touching, Katsuki heard Izuku gasp quietly and asked him again, looking down and watching him. “Who is it?”

Izuku looked up at him with tears still streaming from his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Katsuki felt his fingertips gently press into his chest, and knew from the frozen terror in his green eyes… that he was right. “Why would you wait til today… Deku?” Before he could answer, Katsuki grabbed his face and pressed his lips against his, forcing his tongue into his mouth as Izuku gasped against him. Izuku stumbled back and Katsuki moved with him as he deepened the kiss, twigs and leaves tugging at his suit jacket from the bush he was losing Izuku to.

Katsuki held onto him tightly and continued to kiss him, all the years of frustration and tension fueling every movement that his mouth made. When Izuku’s hands grabbed his waist and tugged at him, he pulled his lips away and tightened his grip on his face. “Fuck! Izuku, you’re married…” Izuku’s green eyes were begging him, pleading with him not to stop. Katsuki leaned in and closed his eyes again, feeling the soft warmth of his lips against his. “I want to. Fuck… I want to. But, I can’t. Not now. Not with Ochaco.” He pulled away from him and stepped back, getting his breathing under control quickly. “I really wish you had listened to me when I told you not to marry her.”

Izuku was half folded into the bush, with branches hugging his body as he stared at him in shock. He didn’t even need Izuku to say it, Katsuki knew he was hurting him with this rejection. He shouldn’t have kissed him at all… but he just couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry.” Katsuki left his apology hanging in the air as he turned away and quickly walked down the path and back to the party. He wanted to leave this wedding as soon as possible… the best day of Ochaco’s life had just become the worst day of his.

———

Izuku couldn’t move. All he could do was replay it in his head, again and again, as the branches dug into him and his lips burned from Kacchan's kiss. He didn’t know how to feel, it was too much. He really had thrown away his whole life for a girl, just like Kacchan said…

Grunting, he pulled himself free of the plants holding onto him and collapsed to his knees on the ground, trying to breathe. All these years… if he had just said something. If he hadn’t kept it to himself. ‘Why would you wait til today… Deku?’ Izuku pounded his fist against the earth and clenched his jaw to stop himself from screaming. He married her because he thought it could never happen… and now that marriage was going to make sure it wouldn’t. Kacchan would never willingly hurt Ochaco and neither would Izuku. Instead of choosing to accept a life without love for just himself, he had sentenced Kacchan to that fate alongside him.

He closed his eyes and remembered the fire in Kacchan's red eyes as he leaned into him the second time, how badly he had wanted everything Izuku did… then the way he said he couldn’t and mentioned Ochaco. Izuku felt guilt moving through him as he felt his desire outweighing his need to keep his word. It was fine… everything was fine… until he finally knew what it felt like to be wanted by him. ‘I want to. Fuck… I want to.’ Izuku groaned into his hand and tried to calm his raging body, he felt like he would die if he had to go without feeling him again. This marriage was the biggest mistake of his life.

———

Katsuki moved towards the double doors to leave and Kirishima suddenly stepped in front of him. “Hey, Bakugo. Where did you take off to?” Katsuki grunted at him and tried to step around him but Kirishima blocked his path again, putting his arm around his shoulder. “Don’t be in such a hurry. Are you going to the after party? If the bride and groom get one… we should too. Am I right?”

“No.” Katsuki shoved him off, pissed at being reminded of what Izuku would be doing later. “I’m not interested.”

He headed towards the doors again and froze at the sound of Ochaco’s voice. “Are you leaving already, Bakugo?” He turned to look at her and felt a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. She was fierce and determined, the kind of person who never gave up. She was a hero and his friend… and he had just kissed her husband.

“Hey. Congratulations today. Your dress is nice.” He didn’t know what to say and her dress was nice. She looked beautiful in all the flowing white with her overly friendly smile. Which made it all a million times worse.

Her face flushed bright red and she grabbed her cheeks… not unlike the way he had grabbed Izuku. “Oh thank you! I didn’t expect you to say that. I guess weddings do bring out the best in people. If you have to leave though, make sure you say goodbye to Deku okay? Thank you for coming.” Suddenly she wrapped her arms around him and he lightly hugged her back, just as Izuku came back inside and stared at them.

Seeing the shock in Izuku’s green eyes as he hugged his new wife, Katsuki’s jaw tensed. She pulled away from him and turned her head to see what he was looking at. “Oh! Izuku come here!” Ochaco started to wave him over and Izuku hesitated, giving Katsuki the chance to turn and leave. “I don’t think so! Don’t be rude at my wedding.” She grabbed his arm and started to pull him across the room. “Say goodbye at least, Bakugo. It will make Deku happy.”

She came to a stop and turned him around to face Izuku, his entire body stiff with anger that he had to control. “Why are you being so weird, Bakugo?” She mumbled under her breath before turning to Izuku. “Bakugo is leaving, I thought it would be nice if he said a proper goodbye first.”

“Oh…” Izuku’s face was still and unmoving and Katsuki could tell he was trying to contain himself. His eyes moved to his green hair, his attention drawn in by a twig that Izuku had missed when pulling himself together.

Katsuki couldn’t help but chuckle, no matter how old they got he would always be a dork. “Yeah. I’m tired and parties aren’t my thing. But…” He locked eyes with Izuku. “Congratulations.”

Izuku took a step toward him and reached his hand towards him with that same look in his eyes from early. Katsuki reacted quickly before Ochaco realized what her idiot husband was doing. Pulling his hand back, he swung it in and grabbed Izuku’s hand, pulling him close so he could pat his back with the other. He took the opportunity to whisper quickly in Izuku’s ear, “Pull yourself together.” Releasing him he grinned wide and took a couple steps back. “Alright Izuku, take it easy on the wife tonight!” People started hooting and cheering at his comment as he turned away and immediately dropped his smile as he made his escape. Definitely the worst day ever.

———

The sound of the sink echoed through the bathroom as Izuku stood there, leaving it running as he stared at himself in the mirror. He had been hiding in the bathroom for about ten minutes, taking advantage of Ochaco’s patience to stall the inevitable. She really was the most kind and understanding person that he knew… which made this all the more difficult. This would be their first time being intimate together. Not because they had intentionally waited… they just hadn’t pushed for it. She was too shy to ask and he wasn’t interested in her like that.

Izuku looked down at himself and sighed. He didn’t think he was going to be able to do it and the thought was adding stress to an already stressful situation. If he went in there, and couldn’t even get it up… she was going to be devastated and blame herself. Closing his eyes he grabbed himself quietly and tried to get a response from his body. As he pulled at himself the kiss from earlier entered his mind and he felt his heart pound the same way it had when Kacchan touched him. Eyes half lidded he looked at himself and sighed again. While he was relieved he could make this work… Izuku hated the way he had to do it.

Shutting off the sink, Izuku turned to the bathroom door and took a deep breath to steady himself. He opened it slowly and peeked into the room. The lights were off and he couldn’t see anything in the darkness. “Ochaco?” He tried to fumble his way through, but didn’t know the layout by heart. Her parents had gotten them a surprise hotel stay as a wedding gift, with a not so subtle hint about children on the card. “Ow!” Something banged in front of him as he stubbed his toe on a hard object.

“Are you okay?!” The light suddenly turned on right as his eyes had been adjusting to the dark and he closed them quickly.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Releasing his foot back to the ground he heard her gasp followed by the blankets rustling. Opening his eyes, Izuku realized she was hiding under the blankets because she had seen him naked. They had never really talked about sex, she was always too shy and timid when the subject came up and he wasn’t the type to press her on it. Izuku wasn’t a virgin and had his fair share of hookups before they got together, but from the way she was acting… this might actually be her first time. The weight of that and how he didn’t actually want to be with her, made his shoulders sag in disappointment. He shouldn’t have done this.

“Ochaco… If you’re not comfortable we can just skip it. I’m okay with sleeping on the couch in the other room.” He was giving her the way out and hoping with everything he had that she would take it. He didn’t want to do this to her.

“You’re too nice sometimes, Deku.” The blanket wiggled around and her face popped out of the blanket as she rested her head on one of the pillows. When she looked at him again she turned bright red and brought the blanket up so that just her eyes were visible. “I do want to. I just… need you to take the lead.”

Take the lead… He forced a smile and walked to the foot of the bed as she watched him from under the blankets. He loved her and he wanted her happy. She was his best friend and his hero… it wasn’t her fault that he wasn’t attracted to her. He knew she was beautiful, he just couldn’t make himself respond to it. And since this was already the worst thing he could have done himself, he could at least make sure that it wasn’t the worst thing for her too. Lifting the blanket up at the foot of the bed, Izuku climbed under the blanket on all fours and reached for her. She shrieked and giggled as he tickled her waist and he smiled a real smile… he was happy that Ochaco was happy.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her stomach over and over, making her laugh. He wanted there to be no doubt in her, before he made himself do something that he didn’t want to do… that he did love her. He relaxed his grip when he felt her hand on his shoulder and the blanket lifted, defying gravity and floating in the air above them. “I love you Deku.” Her warm brown eyes stared into his as her lips parted and her body trembled in his arms.

He crawled over her and leaned down to kiss her, letting his kiss say the words he couldn’t. He kissed her like he had a hundred times before as her legs and arms wrapped around him. Gentle and slow, with deliberate movements that he knew she enjoyed. It was nothing like the kiss he’d had with Kacchan. The hunger and the need they had both felt, all those years of waiting colliding into a single kiss. He felt his body responding to his memories as she gasped against his lips, feeling his arousal. He tucked his face into her shoulder as he positioned himself against her, he didn’t want to see anything and ruin this for her. Closing his eyes and holding her tight, he slowly moved himself into her as he pictured someone else.

Ochaco tensed beneath him and he held still, breathing against her shoulder. “Are you okay?” She was panting heavily and didn’t say anything, the silence of her pain adding to the burden of his shame. He held onto her, waiting for her to say something. When she moved her hips a little and pulled at his shoulders, encouraging him to continue, Izuku moved slow and deliberate like he had with their kiss. She was kissing his neck and clawing at his back as he drowned it all out and went somewhere else.

Remembering the way it felt when his lips touched his and the way his tongue had fought to taste every part of him, he could feel the need rising in himself again. He had wanted to feel him for so long. His heart was pounding in his chest as he ignored the pain in his back and lived in the memories he had spent years gathering. The way his back moved when he flexed, the curve of his neck leading to his shoulders… those red eyes and the way they wanted him back. The sudden sound of Ochaco crying broke though his fantasies, and he stopped moving. Looking at her, his heart sunk. She was holding her hand over her face and crying.

“Ochaco?” He didn’t know what happened… he wasn’t too rough with her he thought, but maybe because it was her first time he should have gone even slower.

“It’s okay, Deku. You don’t have to do this. I’m sorry.” He stared at her in confusion, not understanding what she meant.

“What are you talking about?”

She pulled her hand from her face and sighed, wiping the tears with her fingers. “I know you don’t want me. I’m sorry.” Izuku knew he should argue with her, tell her that he did love her. Let her know she was mistaken, that she was his hero… but he couldn’t. “You were in my ear. I could hear you.”

Izuku felt his entire body tense, knowing where his mind was and what he probably said. “Ochaco… I wanted to make you happy.”

She looked at him smiling as she started to cry again. “Izuku. You whispered Kacchan in my ear.” She wiggled her body and tried to get away from him. Izuku quickly pushed himself off of her and watched her scoot off the bed and run crying to the bathroom before slamming the door. He sat there hiding himself with his hands when the blanket fell from above him and covered him like a shroud of shame.

Hearing her crying loudly, Izuku pulled the blanket off and watched her shadow move underneath the bathroom door. He had said Kacchan… in her ear. Tonight was supposed to be the best night of her life and he had ruined it. Getting off of the bed, he walked to the bathroom door, his heart sinking lower and lower with every step as the sounds of her sobbing grew louder the closer he got to the door. Leaning his forehead against the wood, he knocked gently and waited. Her crying went silent but she didn’t speak. Sighing, he chose to do something that went against everything he was for the second time that night, and Izuku lied.

“Ochaco. I’m sorry. I was really nervous about tonight and Kacchan dragged me outside to give me tips. I didn’t want to let you down. I got caught up in remembering what he told me you would like and I mumbled his name. Please don’t be sad Ochaco, I wanted to make you happy.” He heard her moving in the bathroom and lifted his head from the door, his heart pounding with anxiety that she would see through his lie.

The door cracked open and she peeked through it to look at him. “You were nervous about tonight?”

He smiled and laughed nervously, finally getting a chance to be completely honest. “Well, Yeah. I know all of this is important to you, and I didn’t want to mess it up. That’s why I took so long in the bathroom.”

“Can you turn off the light in there?” His anxiety skyrocketed realizing what she was requesting. He moved to the bedside lamp and turned it off, sitting quietly on the bed as she turned off the bathroom light and surrounded them with darkness. He slowed his breathing as she approached him and tried to stay calm as she touched his shoulders and lifted his chin. He kept his eyes closed and swore to himself he would never make her cry again. He would do better at keeping his own darkness hidden inside. For his dearest friend, he would only show the sides of himself that were bright enough to make her smile.

When she kissed him, he controlled himself and let her lead in every way. When she crawled into the bed, he followed and only went as far as she wanted. When he finally entered her again, he bit down on his tongue as he fueled himself with a fire he could never let himself speak of. As he moved in her and she screamed his name, he clenched his teeth and imagined it was someone else’s voice. As he felt himself reaching his limit, he let himself slip from her and bit his tongue again as he released all of his longing for another man onto the sheets beneath her. Hugging her tightly as Ochaco whimpered in confusion, he tried to catch his breath. Kacchan was still in his mind, haunting him like a bad dream he didn’t want to end.

“Why did you… We’re married, Deku.” Everyone had been pressuring them all day, hinting and cracking jokes about children. He had smiled and she had laughed talking about how she couldn’t wait to have a family. That he would be a great dad… but he didn’t want that.

“I want to spend more time with just the two of us first Ochaco.” He whispered against her shoulder, not knowing how to tell her and not wanting to hurt her. Not after she just finished crying because of him.

She tightened her hold on his neck and kissed his cheek. “You’re a sweet guy, Deku I love you.” He didn’t say anything. He had never said those three words to her, and he was sure she had noticed by now. But, she kept saying them anyway and Izuku knew he wasn’t a sweet guy at all. He was a selfish monster.

Chapter Text

Ochaco was lying next to him in their hotel bed, her hair draped across the pillow beneath her head as she slept in peace. Her breathing was soft and content, unlike his own. The room was quiet with the curtains pulled closed and his breath was shaky as the light from his phone illuminated him in the dark. He had opened the alert from the day before and was staring at the message from Kacchan again. ‘What?’ One word… and yet it meant so much more than he had realized when he first received it.

Yesterday he had woken up in acceptance of his fate, but with one kiss everything had changed… and it hurt. He wanted to say something to him, to respond to the question with everything he felt, but the memory of Kacchan whisper in his ears as he told him to pull himself together, stopped him. There was a living wedge that would always be between them. All because of Izuku’s need to save everyone but himself, and she was sleeping right next to him in the ignorant bliss that he had he forced on her. He sighed to himself, reading the four letters again slowly, one by one, while remembering the kiss that had changed everything.

Izuku glanced at Ochaco again, checking if she was still asleep, and tapped his thumbs rapidly before hitting send. ‘Do you have patrols today?' He read his own message and his heart started to pound in his chest, his anxiety increasing along with the speed of his breath. It was a simple question… just a normal thing someone would ask. Then why did it feel so wrong to send it? Would Kacchan realize what he was really asking? Would he know that Izuku wanted to pull himself out of bed and run from everything he had tied himself to? That he needed to break free of it all and kiss him one more time? The words below his message changed and Izuku held his breath. Kacchan had read it.

In a panic, Izuku turned off the screen and dropped the phone. Rubbing his face with his hand, he thought about how he was losing control and that he was too forgone to stop it. Tossing the blanket aside, he swung his feet over the edge of the bed and leaned forward as he rested his hands into the mattress beneath him. The sound of Ochaco’s steady breathing was the heaviest sound he’d ever heard. It carried all the expectation of everything he had promised her and a future that he would have to give. Feeling the buzz of his phone next to him, he slowly turned his head to look at the screen and tried to keep his breathing quiet. It was just a normal conversation with a fellow hero… like any other day before. Except Izuku knew that it wasn’t.

Picking up his phone, Izuku walked to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He didn’t want to look at messages from Kacchan in front of her. He locked the door and turned on the shower, trying to drown out the world while also keeping Ochaco from seeing what he really was. Warm air began to surround him as it thickened from the heat of the water’s spray. He sat down on the rug in front of the bathroom sink and held his phone tightly in his hand, his heart beating loudly in his ears.

He didn’t know if Kacchan would have patrols, but he knew his answer would likely be a simple yes or no. Tapping the phone as his heart continued to race, he looked at the message and his lips parted in surprise. ‘What do you want?’ It was typical Kacchan. Cold, dismissive, and annoyed at being messaged so early in the morning by someone asking about his business. At least that’s what it would look like to anyone who picked up his phone and went through his messages. For Izuku, the message was so much more than that.

His hand was shaking as he lowered it from his face and gripped the phone tightly, knowing that on Kacchan's end it showed as read. He wanted to say so many things that he wouldn’t, and he wanted to have so many things that he couldn’t have. But… Kacchan hadn’t told him to go away. With the kiss they had yesterday Kacchan would know what a question like that would mean to him. He wasn’t shutting him down.

Sitting up straighter, Izuku took a deep breath and tapped a six letter word before hitting send. ‘Coffee’. He held his breath again and watched the screen, the steam thick in the air around him. Kacchan would know… Izuku didn’t drink coffee. The word read appeared below the text Izuku had sent, and his heart jumped in his chest when two seconds letter Kacchan forwarded him the address of a cafe nearby. He dropped his phone and pushed himself off the bathroom floor, yanking open the shower door and quickly stepping under the stream of piping hot water.

He knew it was wrong and he knew he was going down a path he couldn’t come back from… but if he had to choose an irrevocable road, Izuku would rather choose the one that made him feel alive. The choice he made yesterday was killing him. If they kept everything quiet… if it was only normal messages and quiet whispers during a normal hug between friends, then Ochaco would never get hurt and he could keep her happy while finding happiness for himself. Izuku smiled a real smile as the water fell across his shoulders and the tension in them eased. Maybe… he could be with the person he wanted most without hurting his closest friend.

———

Katsuki sipped his spiced coffee and set it back down on the table, ignoring the people walking by and whispering to each other when they saw him. Even without his hero suit he was still recognizable, and he didn’t give a damn. He didn’t need people to like or approve of him, none of that mattered when he handled his responsibilities and excelled at being a hero. He grunted to himself quietly, thinking about the word hero. To help people and prevent their suffering. Protect them from what they weren’t strong enough to handle. Smashing villains and and making sure that no others popped up in their place. But, sitting in that cafe and sipping his coffee as he waited for Izuku to show up… Katsuki wondered if he could still call himself a hero.

He should have ignored Izuku’s text. He had kissed him when he shouldn’t have and he had no intention of pursuing what he knew Izuku was after. The hero thing to do… would have been to shut the whole thing down full stop without getting Izuku’s hopes up. Instead he had sent him an address… all because of the word coffee. His own selfish need to hear what he had to say and to see that look in his eyes again, had turned him into a villain who was about to break Izuku’s heart for the second time… all so he could carry with him the words he hoped to hear.

Just as he started to grumble to himself, the bell to the cafe door jingled and Izuku walked over quickly and slid into the seat across from him, completely out of breath. Katsuki could tell he had ran there after showering, his hair was still wet and clinging to his face in some places. Katsuki shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with the thoughts racing through his mind and reached for his coffee. “Kacchan… we need to talk.” Izuku was leaning over the table, keeping his voice in a hushed whisper and staring at Katsuki in desperation.

Taking a sip of his coffee and setting it down, Katsuki locked eyes with Izuku and kept his voice low. “So talk.” Izuku turned bright red and he sat back a little in his chair as Katsuki let out a chuckle under his breath. Izuku had no idea what he wanted to talk about. Katsuki raised his eyebrows and leaned towards the table. “Unless you don’t have anything to say?”

Izuku’s green eyes flashed and he leaned forward again as he whispered aggressively with a new found determination. “You kissed me, Kacchan. I didn’t kiss you. I didn’t even say I liked you and you kissed me on my wedding day. With everything we’ve been through and with everything I felt from you in that kiss… you can’t just walk away like that.”

Katsuki leaned closer and kept his eyes on the small table between them, their cheeks almost touching and Izuku’s ragged breath in his ear. “You’re right, Izuku. You never said who you liked. So what do you want from me?”

Izuku’s breathing went quiet beside him, and Katsuki knew that he was choosing his answer in that moment. That he’d probably been fueled by fantasies and instinct up until that point, without considering what any of this would really mean. His answer came out in a single breath and the desperation in it made Katsuki clench his teeth and rethink the path he had settled on. “Everything, Kacchan.” The hot air from Izuku’s mouth brushed across his ear and Katsuki’s body tensed, not liking the effect this was having on him. He’d already lost control with the kiss, and then sending the address… this was putting him in a dangerous predicament. Not only for himself and his hero reputation, but for Izuku and Ochaco.

Standing up quickly, he moved around Izuku and left the cafe with the door happily jingling in his ears. He kept walking, refusing to acknowledge the second jingle or Izuku’s feet hitting the pavement behind him. He closed his eyes and for a small moment, the breeze caressing his face kept him calm and let him escape into a reality where there were no complications and everything was just fine. Then Izuku grabbed his arm and Katsuki’s calm moment exploded along with all of the self control he’d been barely hanging onto.

Ripping his arm away from Izuku’s grasp, Katsuki glared at him and grabbed the scruff of his shirt. “Everything huh?” He moved to the left and dragged Izuku with him into the alley behind the cafe. Izuku was pulling at his hands and protesting, but Katsuki wasn’t phased as he pulled him behind the dumpster towards the back of the alley. Izuku grunted as Katsuki shoved him into the brick wall and held him there watching him. “What is everything Izuku?”

Izuku blinked at him, out of breath and shocked by Katsuki’s sudden aggression. “I-Well… it’s you Kacchan. You’re everything…” Katsuki stared into the green eyes that were full of the same want that he was struggling to keep under control. Then he failed at doing just that.

Slamming his lips against Izuku’s, he released his hold on his shirt and pressed his hand into the wall behind his head. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this… but that knowledge was far away and replaced with an aching need that he couldn’t stop himself from acting on. Izuku grabbed at him and kissed him back aggressively… and that was everything Katsuki needed to throw any hesitation that he might have had, out the window. He bit down on Izuku’s lip and tugged at his own belt, desperate to feel him. Izuku’s hands found his and pulled at Katsuki’s pants as they both continued to pant and kiss each other with reckless abandon.

Undoing his zipper, Katsuki pulled away from the kiss and turned Izuku around, pressing him into the alley wall with his body. “Kacchan…” The sound of that nickname from Izuku’s lips was like adding gasoline to a fire that was already out of control. Katsuki breathed heavily into Izuku’s ear as he reached around him and pulled at the metal clasp of his buckle. He didn’t care that they were in an alley, he didn’t care that they were hiding behind a dumpster like a dirty secret… he wanted to give Izuku the everything that he had asked for. When they both felt the vibration of Izuku’s phone against his hip… everything stopped.

“Fuck.” Katsuki was out of breath, his hand frozen on Izuku’s belt with his erection pressing into the small of his back. “Izuku, answer the phone.” The phone was ringing for a second time which meant it could only be one person, and with the way Izuku was hesitating… he knew exactly who it was. Katsuki pulled his hand away from Izuku’s belt and reached into his pocket to grab the other man’s phone. He held it out to him while pressing harder against him. “Answer it.” His voice was ragged as he told Izuku to talk to her.

Izuku’s hand was shaky as he took the phone and tapped it, pressing it to the ear Katsuki wasn’t breathing into. “Hey Ochaco… Oh… I’m sorry. I just wanted some fresh air so I went for a run.” Katsuki went back to pulling at Izuku’s belt and stopped when he pushed his hands away. He pulled away from Izuku and watched him as he continued to talk to his wife. “Yeah… I had a good time last night too.”

Katsuki zipped and buttoned his pants, fixing his belt while listening to him talk about the night they had. He frowned when he heard his name mentioned and it became painfully clear to Katsuki, that while Izuku wanted everything… everything wasn’t something that Izuku was willing to give. The man was torn between two different worlds and didn’t seem to understand that he was hurting everyone around him because of it. “Okay! I’ll see you soon.” Izuku ended the call and stared at him. “What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving.” Katsuki turned away and walked down the alley, ready to be over the mess he should have never stepped into in the first place.

“Kacchan!” He felt Izuku tug on his arm and glared at him over his shoulder. “I don’t like chasing after you either…”

“Then don’t. Go back to your wife.” Katsuki pulled his arm away and walked out of the alley before turning left and choosing to head home. It was his day off and he’d already wasted enough of it playing pretend.

———

“What do you think of this one? Do you like the color? I think it’s okay… you know maybe we should do something lighter?” Ochaco looked over her shoulder at him, eyes sparkling with excitement to hear his thoughts as she touched the blue couch in front of her.

Izuku smiled softly and nodded at Ochaco. “Lighter sounds great.” She had been taking him from store to store to pick out furniture for their apartment. They had timed the lease to start right after the wedding, and it was only three more days of hotel living until it was ready.

He followed her through the store quietly, smiling when she smiled and laughing when she laughed. He was going through the motions and he was back in the position of accepting his fate. He knew why Kacchan had pulled away… and it wasn’t something he could change. He had committed to Ochaco when he promised to marry her, he couldn’t walk away from her and abandon her now. She had woken up alone and without him, the night after their wedding. Izuku wasn’t about to moan into the call while Kacchan undid his pants. He was asking too much.

“Oh! What do you think of this nightstand? It looks like it would be harder to stub your toe on in the dark.” She looked at him and giggled with her cheeks turning red, enjoying her own joke about the night before.

Izuku laughed and pulled her close, whispering. “I think that would be nice.”

Ochaco pushed against his chest and wiggled away, her face turning even more red. “Deku. Don’t do that in here. What if someone sees?!” He forced a grin and walked to other side of the furniture, pretending to look at all of the random things. She was so easily embarrassed and always blushed at the smallest things. It was quiet the contrast between what he was with Kacchan. The man never turned red, he just took what he wanted. Thinking about the alley again, he let out a frustrated sigh and sat down on the couch that was on display. He had actually told him to go back to his wife.

“Oh. Did I hurt your feelings?” He looked up and saw the concerned look on her face, feeling guilty for the what he’d been remembering.

“I don’t want to upset you by saying this but… Ochaco can we stop looking at couches? There’s just so many and I don’t mind the kind of couch we get. I just want you to like it.”

She smiled sadly at him and nodded her head. “I’m sorry, Deku. I didn’t know you wouldn’t like this kind of thing. I just thought that since we were married… we would do married couple things.” Izuku watched her eyes change for the last part of her sentence and knew there was a hidden accusation in her words. His lie the night before… Ochaco didn’t believe it.

“Maybe some couples Ochaco. But… I just want to go back to the hotel.” He stood up and walked towards her as her face turned red. Doubling down on his lie from the night before, he grabbed her hand and kissed it. Locking eyes with hers, he pushed his voice into sounding out breath. “Married couples do other things too… ” she gasped and turned bright red, grinning at him as she pulled her hand away in embarrassment. Izuku didn’t know how far he was going to dig his own grave, but he’d reached a point where the hole was so deep that he couldn’t climb out if he wanted to. His only option was to keep digging and hold out hope that he’d reach a light at the end of the tunnel, somewhere. Because if he didn’t… his heart might just stop beating.

———

Katsuki continued to ignore the banging on his door as he lounged across the cushions of his couch. The morning had been shitty and the last thing he wanted to do was deal with another person. Izuku’s mess had been enough stress that he deserved at least a month free of people.

There was a loud bang and a splintering sound as his front door slammed open and Kirishima stood there looking at him, his skin hardened from his quirk. “Did you just break my fucking door?” Katsuki was sitting up slowly, hyper aware of the sweat glistening against his palms as he glared at his friend.

“Fuck yes I did.” Kirishima came waltzing into his apartment like he owned the place and went right for Katsuki’s refrigerator. “You let me sit out there for twenty minutes, man. What the hell? Didn’t want to answer your phone… just leaving me out there…” Kirishima continued to complain to himself while Katsuki looked at his wide open door, half hanging on the hinges, and sighed. Falling back into the cushions, he stared at the ceiling and ignored the man raiding his fridge.

Any other day, he would have thrown him out on his ass and sent him a bill for the repairs. But today, he didn’t have the energy. “Hey man.” Katsuki tilted his head back and looked at an upside down Kirishima who was holding a handful of his food for making sandwiches. “What happened to you? Is it a girl?” Katsuki let his head relax, and stopped looking at him. Why did he even interact with him at all? “I’m serious man. You’ve got that ‘just got dumped’ vibe.”

Katsuki sat up and glared at him yelling, “What the hell makes you think I got dumped?! It’s the other way around, idiot!!” He continued to glare as Kirishima stared at him stunned, still clutching the sandwich supplies he stole.

“Okay. Well… I didn’t see that coming.” He set the stuff he had gathered onto the kitchen counter and started to build a sandwich while Katsuki sat there trying to get himself under control… again. This whole thing with Izuku was making him lose it and that was pissing him off even more. Like he wasn’t mad enough at Izuku wanting to keep him as some kind of secret thing behind his wife’s back. “So was it a girl… or a guy?” Kirishima didn’t look at Katsuki as he spoke, he kept his back to him and continued to build a sandwich.

“What the hell kind of question is that?” Katsuki had never discussed his sexuality with anyone, and let people assume whatever they wanted. He didn’t care what people thought about him, but sitting there and having some kind of heart to heart on who would make his dick hard? That wasn’t on his to do list for the day. He just wanted to relax.

“Bro, come on.” Kirishima turned towards him with a plate in each hand and walked over to Katsuki, dropping one in front of him. Katsuki’s stomach growled as he looked at the giant sandwich stacked with all kinds of fixings, and his mouth watered as he smelled the distinct smell of hot sauce coming from in between the pieces of bread. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was.

As Katsuki dug in, Kirishima sat next to him with his own sandwich and sighed. “I don’t want to do this dude, but I don’t have a choice.” Katsuki looked at him, chewing a bite. When Kirishima got that tone it meant he was about to drop something serious, or something that was really going to piss Katsuki off. His eyes narrowed as he swallowed, waiting to hear which one it would be and not wanting to deal with either one. “You’ve been like this ever since Midoriya announced his engagement.”

“What the fuck are you getting at?” Katsuki pushed the plate away, no longer interested in the shitty peace offering that was meant to keep him cool for this nonsense.

“You really want me to come out and say it like that?” Katsuki continued to glare at him in silence, his jaw tensing. “Fine. Everyone knows that you and Midoriya have a weird tension going on, man. We’ve all known each other long enough to notice. You two and Ochaco are the ones who seem to be clueless. With her… I think she just doesn’t want to let go of what she wants him to be, you know. But you two… fuck man, just come out of the closet already before this gets worse and Midoriya knocks her up or something.”

Katsuki rubbed his face and sighed, staring at the coffee table in front of him. So it was that obvious to everyone else… “You’re talking to the wrong person. I’ve tried to make him see reason. He won’t. He’s convinced himself it’s his job to make her happy. There isn’t shit I can do about it.”

Kirishima’s voice started to rise in frustration. “Does he not realize what he’s doing to Ochaco? What would happen to her if she found out? She really does love him, man. If she finds out he was suffering for her like that… it’s gonna mess her up!”

“Like I said, you’re talking to the wrong person.”

“Yeah…You did.” Hearing the change of tone in his voice, Katsuki glanced at Kirishima and saw the anger in his eyes.

———

Ochaco’s cheek was pressed against his chest as she hugged him tightly, laying with him naked on the bed. Izuku had brought her back to their hotel room and done all the things a good husband would do, including the thing he had refused to do the night before. Having resigned himself to his commitments, he didn’t have a barrier for that step anymore and he knew that having a family was important to her. He liked kids well enough and maybe it would give him something else to love… maybe even erase the pain of losing what he wanted most.

He understood why Kacchan was angry and why he couldn’t see him anymore. Izuku had taken something that should have been beautiful and reduced it to a back alley dumpster secret. Then he stood there talking about having sex with his wife… in front of him. He wished he had told him that the whole time he does… its only Kacchan he thinks of. That without the images of him in his mind he couldn’t even achieve the arousal he needed to touch her. That he didn’t find her attractive and couldn’t look at anyone else the way he looked at him. But… he didn’t say it and now it was too late for that. Izuku knew exactly what he had seen in Kacchan's eyes as he tore his arm away… he had shut him out.

Ochaco turned her head and nuzzled into him, kissing his chest as she sighed. Tensing his jaw, he put his hand on her head and played with her hair, threading the soft silk of it through his fingers. ‘How long are you gonna keep pretending?’ He had looked so disappointed when he stood there watching Izuku on the phone… what if he saw him now? The way he was holding a woman that he didn’t love after filling her with everything? Izuku closed his eyes and kept himself from letting the tears fall. He just needed more time… he’d adapt and he’d adjust and everything would be fine again. He could learn to live without thinking about him.

“Izuku?” He opened his eyes and smiled at Ochaco, waiting for her to continue. “Why are you crying?” He stared at her in shock, not saying anything as the fake smile fell from his face. She sat up and wrapped her arms around herself, scooting back and staring down at the bed. Her voice was shaky and ashamed when she spoke. “Did I do something?”

Ochaco was blaming herself for everything that was wrong with him… and he couldn’t find the words to fix it. He didn’t know what to say to make her feel better and the only thing moving through his mind was Kacchan telling him not to marry her in the first place. If he had listened she might be smiling right now… maybe Izuku’s smiles would be real and Kacchan wouldn’t walk away. The tears started to fall from his eyes freely as the memories of him walking away flooded his mind. Not knowing what else to do and hurting from being so alone, he reached out and grabbed her. Pulling her into his arms, he curled into her and they laid together as he sobbed against her shoulder.

Izuku held tightly to his friend as he cried for the loss of his heart and everything he had ever wanted. Ochaco touched him gently and tried to comfort him with soothing words, which only made him cry harder. He hated it all and he hated how trapped he was. That he would never get to feel the joy he brought to everyone else. He just wanted one selfish thing for himself. He’d spent years giving everything he had to the rest of the world… why couldn’t he have this? His chest heaved and his tears rubbed against her skin as he pulled her tighter, desperate to not feel alone. Why couldn’t she be him?

Ochaco grabbed his face and made him look at her, her warm eyes smiling at him with all the love he couldn’t give in return. Those weren’t the hands he wanted to hold him and it broke him every time she touched him. “Izuku… please don’t be sad.” He closed his eyes and he tried to calm his breathing as she held his cheeks, knowing that he needed to pull it together before everything got much worse. When her lips pressed against his, he instinctually recoiled before he could stop himself, too overwhelmed to continue his performance. He opened his eyes when she pulled her hands away and he saw the sadness on her face. Her brown eyes reflecting back at him, all the pain of his own heart as she felt the sting of his rejection.

“Ochaco…” He reached up to touch her face and she scooted away from him.

“I just need a little space okay, Izuku? I know you’re sad right now… I’m not upset with you. I’m just gonna take a minute.” She smiled at him and left the bed. Izuku stared at her in silence as she walked to the bathroom and gently closed the door. As he laid there and closed his eyes, he tried to focus on the sound of her shower and pushed away all of the memories that wouldn’t leave him alone.

———

“Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you.” Kirishima had been following Katsuki down the sidewalk for the last half hour, pestering and harassing him so that he could find out what hotel Izuku was staying at. The man was on the war path and wanted to corner Izuku into a serious conversation.

“That’s bullshit Bakugo, and you know it. I know that you know where he is, you know everything about him. Honestly, it’s a little unsettling how much you two basically stalk each other.”

Katsuki turned on him and grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt, pulling him close. “Let it go.” Releasing him roughly, Katsuki ignored the way Kirishima stumbled and the curses that flew from his mouth, and continued to walk down the street. “I’m not telling you where he is. Those two are adults… they want to make mistakes? That’s their business.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s your business too Katsuki… since you’re the one in love with him.”

Katsuki stopped walking, his hands open and his palms tense. “What the fuck did you just say?”

“You heard me… What of it? If you’re so mad he rejected you for a woman, go take it up with him.” Katsuki heard Kirishima harden himself and knew he was playing games with him, trying to push him into getting violent.

“You’re not going to get me to lead you to Izuku, Kirishima.” Katsuki put his hands in his pockets and continued walking. He wasn’t about to risk his pro hero license for this dumb shit.

“Well, we thought that might happen.” Katsuki looked over his shoulder at him as the word ‘we’ came out of his mouth. “Froppy get it!” A pink stretchy red rope suddenly shot at him from above and he moved to the right to dodge it. Narrowly missing, Katsuki felt it bump into his backside and glared at Kirishima as Asui’s tongue whipped back to her.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Katsuki stepped toward Kirishima and stopped when Asui called down happily.

“Got it, Red Riot!” She was gone before Katsuki could even think of chasing her.

Checking his pockets quickly, he snarled at Kirishima. “Give me back my phone…”

“Hell no. This isn’t all about you, Bakugo. Ochaco is our friend. All three of you are. And if you idiots aren’t going to step up and do the right thing…” He stepped forward smiling, and punched his own fists together as they hardened. “Then it’s time for the real Heroes to step in.”

———

Izuku was still naked, lying on his side and staring at the wall as he listened to the shower. Ochaco had been in there for over an hour, avoiding him and crying to herself. He couldn’t feel anything at all anymore… after breaking down, he felt like he was nothing but a numb husk of who he used to be. His mind quietly wondered if he’d ever feel again, then reminded him that it was better if he didn’t.

The shower was a low humming white noise in the background, but it was the loudest sound in the room. Each small drop of water falling against the tile floor in a chorus with hundreds more that were just like it, until that drop became a roar… it reminded him of everything he was. All of his hopes and dreams, the things that he believed in, and the memories of his life that made up his story. Everything leading to this moment like a roar he couldn’t escape from. It was all crashing in around him like a suffocating rush of water, drowning him in his own choices.

Maybe he had never been a hero at all. Maybe everything he did was because he wanted to matter, refusing to be insignificant without a quirk. Maybe he didn’t do this to help Ochaco… maybe he did it because he needed to be seen as a hero. Izuku was losing himself as he spiraled into the deepest recesses of his mind, picking apart every memory and trying to decide if he really was the man he claimed to be. He pulled everything into little pieces as he lay there mumbling, watching the memories again and again… trying to find any evidence that would validate his choices that led to this. If he was a hero, then this would have been the right choice… and it wouldn’t hurt so much.

Izuku heard his phone buzz on the nightstand and continued to stare at the wall. Whoever it was, he didn’t want to talk to them. He wanted to stay on the bed and wait for Ochaco to finish with her shower so that he could make sure she was okay. The phone buzzed again and he rolled over to look at it, considering the possibilities of who it could be. When it buzzed a third time he groaned and stretched across the bed, lazily reaching for it. Snatching into his hands, he brought it near his face and stared.

‘What hotel are you at?’ Izuku blinked a few times and narrowed his eyes. Kacchan knew which hotel they were at, and if he didn’t he wouldn’t bother asking. And he definitely wouldn’t be asking with that look in his eyes Izuku at seen earlier. He sat up, concerned that something had happened. Tapping his fingers he sent the imposter a message. ‘Who is this?’

Izuku watched his screen with frustration, a bad feeling forming in the pit of his stomach. ‘It’s Kirishima. Jacked that angry guy’s phone. What hotel are you at?’ Izuku almost laughed, picturing how angry Kacchan would be with Kirishima stealing his phone. Remembering the way he used to go off and start screaming constantly when they were younger, he smiled a real smile and sent the info of their hotel to Kirishima. Shutting off his phone he fell onto his back and spread his arms out across the bed, thinking of everything they had done together. All the times Kacchan challenged him and pushed him forward…. ‘Pull yourself together.’

He sighed, disappointed in himself. He couldn’t keep moping like this, he’d made his choice and Kacchan made his. Scooting off the bed with a grin on his face, he ran over to the bathroom door and knocked loudly. Hearing her answer, he opened the door and peeked inside while smiling widely. “Hey! Ochaco!” He startled her so badly that she almost fell, she was holding on to the shower bar and staring at him in shock. He laughed at her and opened the door all the way, closing it when he came in.

“What are you doing?” Her question was quiet, almost nervous as he slid open the shower door.

“Taking a shower with my wife.” He closed the door behind him and grabbed her, tickling her and making her laugh. “Because I want to.” He wanted to be more like her, she inspired him and she was unwavering in who she was. She never doubted in her beliefs and she was always kind and honest. Ochaco was his hero. He pressed his lips against hers and tried to pull everything that he admired about her into his mind and forgetting everything about the man that said no.

He tried to kiss her the way that he’d been kissed while keeping the thought of it far away from himself. Pushing her against the shower wall he grabbed her by the waist and lifted her so that she could wrap her legs around him. Pulling his head away, he looked at her blushing, nervous, face and he said the words he had never let himself say to her. “I love you, Ochaco.” Her eyes started to water and she pulled a shaking hand from around his neck to touch his face. With the roaring shower pouring down around them, they kissed like they had never kissed each other before… and they both wanted it.

The moments blurred for Izuku, all of it combining together as he grasped at the love he knew was his for the taking, if he wanted it. The sound of her breath in his ears, her legs tightening around him, the way she bit her lip and tried to look away when it was too much… he reached for all of it and he tried to use it to carry himself forward with her. In the blurs of her he fought the shadows in his mind. He ignored the feel of his lips when she kissed him, the sound of his heavy breathing in his ear when she gasped, the feel of him pressed against his back as she dug her nails into his skin. He ignored it all even if his body couldn’t, and when she screamed his name, Izuku moaned hers into her ear. When he finished, he held her as tightly as he could and he refused to cry.

Chapter Text

Ochaco kissed his cheek as he sat on the bed, smiling at him before she left to go pick up dinner. Izuku had offered repeatedly to go instead, but she refused and insisted on surprising him with something. After he had spoken the three words she wanted to hear most, her entire energy had blossomed into a beaming glow of happiness. She’d been smiling constantly for the past couple of hours, and Izuku had noticed Ochaco occasionally touching the gold bands on her finger with a dreamy look in her eyes.

He didn’t regret saying it, even though he didn’t mean it the way that she thought he did. Izuku did love her, and he always had. What he regretted, was not being able to love her the way that she wanted him to. They both saw everything differently now. For Ochaco, it was the three words he spoke… but for Izuku, it was the breakdown he had in her arms and the spiral that came after.

As the door to their hotel room closed and Ochaco left and walked away from him, Izuku leaned his back against the headboard and sighed. Watching her walk away would never make him feel the way it did to see Kacchan do it. ‘Then don’t. Go back to your wife.’ Even now… the feelings that he had for the man were shifting into something dark and uncomfortable. He’d been thinking about the last two days from a different perspective ever since his spiral. The excitement and shock had worn off and in its place Izuku was struggling with an empty and dangerous type of anger. The kind of anger that he knew was going to push him into doing something he’d regret.

They had been friends a really long time and Kacchan wasn’t just the person that he wanted, he was someone Izuku admired and looked up to. Through all of their years together, they had pushed each other into being more than what they were… Kacchan, in his own destructive way, had kept Izuku going and given him the drive to take on the world. It was part of why Izuku felt himself gravitating towards the man, he always kept Izuku on track and steadied him with his firm resolve. But now, he wasn’t doing any of that at all. Kacchan was intentionally trying to destroy him and the rage growing inside of Izuku… was because he finally saw it.

Kacchan was toying with his emotions and leaning in just to pull away, manipulating Izuku to get what he wanted. Instead of communicating with him, he had pushed him repeatedly into situations that would cause Izuku to break Ochaco’s heart and destroy his marriage. Forcing him to answer the phone when she called, then touching him while he was on the phone with her… Kacchan was playing games with him. Izuku’s jaw tensed as he sat there thinking of their interactions since he had announced the engagement. Everything pointed to the same disgusting truth. Kacchan didn’t care about Izuku… he only cared about getting what he wanted.

The thought of Kacchan wanting him slowed his heart and turned his stomach. Every touch, every kiss, every word and breath in his ear… all of it was done to manipulate the depth of Izuku’s feelings for him. His eyes glanced at the door as he clenched his fists tightly. After all this time and history between them, that he could do something so cruel… Izuku wanted to hurt him the way he had been hurt. To make him feel the pain he’d been suffering at his hands. His life wasn’t perfect, but it hadn’t been like this until Kacchan decided to play his heart.

Growling under his breath, he left the bed and went over to his suitcase to grab his clothes and roughly pulled them on. Dressed and glancing at his cell phone on the nightstand, he chose to open the door and leave without it. Izuku didn’t want anyone interrupting him or trying to change his mind. He knew Ochaco would be sad when she came back and saw that he was gone, but this was for their future. If Izuku didn’t confront him… Kacchan wasn’t going to stop.

———

Katsuki sat on his couch, trying not to look at the broken door across from him. It was cracked up the center and barely able to close. With the latch broken, he had stuck one of his dining chairs in front of it to keep it from opening. He sighed and rubbed his face in frustration. Ever since that stupid engagement, his life had just been getting worse and worse. Everything was falling apart around him, even his damn apartment. Every time he tried to keep it all under control, it all blew up in his face in one way or the other. Katsuki was over it… it was exhausting trying to keep up with Izuku.

That idiot had spent their entire lives rushing into situations thinking with his heart and not his head. Katsuki remembered the look on Izuku’s face as he threw his backpack at something he could never hope to defeat, just to save him. “What an idiot.” He whispered under his breath, his voice soft from the anger and admiration colliding into a complicated mess of exasperation. Izuku had been like this for as long as he knew him, and still… it surprised Katsuki that he would go so far as to actually marry Ochaco.

Izuku was throwing himself at something he could never hope to overcome, all to save someone while risking his own life in the process. That kind of hero complex was nothing but insanity. Izuku had pushed himself into something with a hell of a lot more risk than some stupid sludge monster. That guy could have killed him back then, but the slow death of an empty life was something far worse and Katsuki had tried and failed to pull him out of it. Izuku wouldn’t listen to him, no matter what he said.

The only thing he could do was sit on his couch and hope that Kirishima could do what Katsuki couldn’t. He’d let them take his phone while putting up a show of resistance, hoping it was the thing Izuku needed to turn away from all of this. Since he didn’t seem to care about letting Katsuki down, then maybe using his hero complex and his fear of hurting his friends would get him to see reason. The man couldn’t spend his entire life hiding in the closet.

Standing up and stretching, Katsuki walked to his bathroom and slammed the door behind him in frustration. Turning on the water to his shower, he pulled off his clothes and stepped in before letting it warm up. He let out a slow breath as the ice cold water assaulted his flesh and his muscles tensed from the sudden temperature change. Pressing his palms against the shower wall, he leaned his weight against his arms and hung his head as the water slowly became warmer.

He hated that Izuku was putting Ochaco before himself and before him… but he could only blame himself. If he hadn’t responded to the way he felt by pushing him away all those years ago, then Izuku probably wouldn’t be killing himself slowly with such a stupid choice. That first time he felt those butterflies in his stomach, instead of smiling at him Katsuki had immediately pushed him away. He had justified it to himself and made up every excuse that he could… when really he had been afraid of what it meant. Sitting in that water as Izuku asked if he was okay, he had been so young and stupid…

Katsuki angrily grabbed his shampoo and squirted some into his hand, cursing under his breath at the green hue of the liquid as he set the bottle back on the shelf. Rubbing it into his hair, he closed his eyes and continued to berate himself for being the biggest source of his own problems. If he had just smiled back then, Izuku’s smiles wouldn’t have to be fake, Ochaco wouldn’t be living her happiest moments on the back of a lie, and his friends wouldn’t be panicking to fix it all and clean up this mess. Holding his head under the water and feeling the suds run down his back, he kept his eyes closed and wished he had done everything differently.

He heard what sounded like a muffled bang, and turned his head to the side to listen. Not hearing anything else, he shut off the water and reached for his towel to dry himself as he grumbled about his stupid neighbors. Katsuki just wanted to fall into bed and go the fuck to sleep, he could deal with Izuku in the morning. Maybe by then, Kirishima would have talked some sense into him and this horrendous pile of shit would all be over. He finished drying himself and wrapped the black towel around his hips, sighing from the mental exhaustion as he opened the bathroom door.

———

Izuku stared at the door with his fists clenched at his side. He had gone over it again and again in his head on his way to Katsuki’s apartment, his anger building into something he could barely contain. He wanted to confront him but he didn’t know what to say, all he could focus on was the swirling mix of rage and pain that was bubbling just beneath the surface of his chest, waiting to overflow.

Izuku was breathing heavily and listening to Katsuki move behind the door in front of him, his face darkened by the rage that consumed him when the door opened. His eyes darted up quickly and locked onto Katsuki's, watching him as he stepped back in surprise. When a look of guilt flashed across Katsuki's face for the briefest moment, Izuku knew it was all true and the self control he’d been holding onto was gone.

He let his mind go as he felt his hand wrap around Katsuki's throat and press him hard against the bathroom wall. He could feel his pulse racing beneath his fingers and his hands grabbing at him, trying to loosen his grip. He couldn’t hear the words as he yelled, Izuku had lost all interest in anything that Katsuki had to say.

“You fucked with my feelings! You gave just enough to string me along. Manipulating me to get what you wanted!” His own voice and everything he felt was loud in his ears as Katsuki’s hands stopped tugging at his and fell to his side. “Kacchan.” Izuku said the word as a mockery, his voice dripping with disgust as Katsuki’s red eyes looked into his. He could see the pain and sadness in them, and all he could think was that it wasn’t enough.

Izuku pushed away the apology that tried to enter his ears and stepped closer to him, his grip tightening. Katsuki wasn’t fighting him at all and instead hung his head, trying not to look at him. “I’m only in this marriage because of you. Was it fun? Watching me suffer?” When Katsuki’s head tilted up and Izuku met his anguished eyes, everything within him collided. Years of suffering through desperate longing and desire, all of the anger and rage at Katsuki’s betrayal, and the distant apathy for the consequences of his choices.

When Izuku kissed him, it wasn’t with any need or longing… it was to take. He wanted everything back that Katsuki had taken from him. As he let go of his throat and grabbed his waist, he imagined all of the shadows slipping from his mind and freeing him from their chains. The harder he dug his fingers into Katsuki’s hips, the more free from his hold Izuku felt. He pulled his head away and tugged the man closer to him, making him stumble forward against him. His lips were throbbing from how hard he had kissed him, but he ignored it as he released his hold and grabbed Katsuki’s wrist. He wanted his freedom back.

The walls blurred within his mind and his emotions raged around him, controlling every step he took as he roughly pulled Katsuki through the hallway towards his bedroom. The requests for forgiveness and declarations of love never reached him as he yanked Katsuki’s wrist and threw him down onto the bed. Izuku took off his clothes, numb and deaf to all of his confessions and apologies… numb to everything Katsuki wanted to use as an excuse for betraying him. As he shed his final piece of clothing and stood there naked, staring down the man that he had wanted more than anything… Izuku decided that he would take it all.

Katsuki suddenly moved and darted across the bed towards his nightstand. Growling in frustration, Izuku leaned into the bed and grabbed his ankle tightly, yanking him back and pulling at him as he yelled words he couldn’t hear. He had always left… always walked away like Izuku was nothing. He wasn’t going to allow it this time.

Katsuki rolled over beneath him and shoved against his chest hard, knocking him back and sending his rage into a rapid spiral as it moved through him. He couldn’t feel the pain in his back as he used the bed to pull himself up off of the floor. Spotting Katsuki by the nightstand, his body shaking as he squeezed something into his hands, Izuku frowned and lunged across the bed grabbing him and throwing him back down.

When Katsuki wrapped his hand around him suddenly, his entire body fell forward on top of him and he groaned miserably into his ear. Not wanting to surrender as his hand stroked him and covered him with lube, he bit down on his shoulder. When his hand tightened around him, he bit down harder and moved his hips forward. The feel of his hand touching him was taking over his mind and all he could think of… was how much he didn’t want it to stop. He’d imagined it so many times. Kissing his neck and clinging to him, he couldn’t stop the sounds that were coming from his throat as Kacchan’s hand continued.

He moaned the name he wasn’t allowed to say and then his heart broke into something new when he felt Kacchan’s lips on his. All he wanted was this… something real and unshakeable with someone he could feel safe to be himself with. Izuku didn’t resist as Kacchan pushed him onto his back and took control of everything he was. There were so many things to take in and he tried to slow it all down and remember each one so that he could keep them forever.

The feel of his lips against his neck and the way his breath tickled his skin… the caress of his hair across his chest and the feel of it in his fingers… the gentle wetness of his tongue on the inside of his thigh… he was losing himself and time and the world no longer existed. When Kacchan’s mouth took him in, Izuku surrendered more than just his body. With each caress of his tongue and every touch of his hand, he completely surrendered his soul.

Just when he thought the entire world would collapse around him and he yelled the name of the person he wanted most… Kacchan was gone and the world was suddenly cold and empty. Leaving him in a darkness that he wanted to run from. “Kacchan?” He whispered, terrified to open his eyes. If he had to watch him walk away again, Izuku knew that he would die.

When he felt hands on his hips he reached for him in a panic and pulled him down, whispering all the things he never let himself say as Kacchan kissed his chest and his neck. Izuku hugged him, refusing to let him leave again as his breath tickled his ear. “Deku…” The way he said it made him shiver and his breath caught in his chest. “Do you still want everything?” Izuku tightened the hold he had on him and kissed his neck frantically, pulling at him with the mention of the word. It was what he had always wanted and never allowed himself.

All he could hear was Kacchan. The sound of his heart pounding against him, the heavy breathing full of his desire in his ear, the sound of the blanket beneath them shifting under his knees… he burned it all into his mind, keeping it forever in case he ever walked away again. His back tensed in fear when Kacchan moved his hips and pressed into him. Then all of that fear faded when his ear was caressed with the whisperings that told him he was wanted, that he was perfect and loved, that he’d be safe and protected forever, and that they were destined for each other.

He relaxed into his arms as Kacchan held him and slowly gave him everything he’d asked for… all of his love and all of himself. Izuku memorized every kiss on his neck, every movement of his hips, and every whispered word of adoration. With him, he didn’t have to pretend and he didn’t have hide. He could be everything he was.

When his mouth opened by Kacchan's ear to say the words that he wanted to say most… he said them with his whole heart and he meant them in every possible way. “I love you, Kacchan.” His voice was mostly air as he gasped through the words and tried to breathe in the overwhelming sensations that moved through him. When he heard Kacchan say it back, everything in his mind blurred in the best way possible.

Their bodies melding together in a cacophony of panting breaths and aching moans, trembling as they touched one another like they could never get enough of what they were. The bed groaning with the strain of how hard and fast Kacchan was moving. Izuku tossing his head back as his teeth sunk into his neck and he told him he would always be his. The whispers endlessly escaping Izuku’s lips of all the ways that he loved him. It all blurred together as Izuku lost himself in the bliss of everything Kacchan gave him.

———

Katsuki took a deep breath and sighed, laying naked on his bed with a blanket pulled lazily across his waist. He was listening to the sound of the shower down the hall, trying to keep himself from falling apart. Izuku was leaving soon and every time he tried to slow the perception of time within his mind… it moved faster. With everything that happened and all of the words they had said to each other, Katsuki wanted him to stay.

He wanted to break down the bathroom door and grab him, yelling at him and telling him he couldn’t leave and that he loved him. Scream everything he wanted to scream until he finally stayed, even if it made his throat bleed… but he couldn’t. He knew that no matter what he said, Izuku wouldn’t leave Ochaco for him. Katsuki would have to be content with the small pieces of himself that Izuku was willing to give, or he’d get nothing at all.

He rested the crook of his arm across his eyes and sighed again, the hum of the shower going silent as Izuku finished. The man had no idea how much he was hurting everyone with his choices, and Ochaco had no idea how lucky she really was. Katsuki liked her and saw her as a friend, almost like a weirdly annoying distant family member… but he was starting to hate her. He wanted more than just sex, he wanted to fall asleep next to him and he wanted all of the moments in between. Katsuki wanted everything.

The bathroom door opened and he listened to Izuku’s footsteps approaching, unable to move. He was waiting for him to say it and he didn’t want to look at him when he did. “Kacchan, I have to go.” Katsuki kept his body still and stopped himself from yelling all of the things he wanted to say.

“I know.” He almost felt himself wishing Izuku would just go already and rip off the bandaid. Every second that he stood there, he was hurting him with the hope that he might change his mind. His body tensed when the footsteps came closer and he felt Izuku’s hand on his arm, lifting it away from his face.

“Kacchan… I’m sorry.” Katsuki knew that the look in his eyes was exposing everything that he felt. He sat up and scooted towards him, stopping at the edge of the bed so that Izuku stood in front of him, between his legs.

“Are you?” He hugged Izuku tightly and pressed his cheek against the fabric of his shirt. “You want everything Izuku… but you’re not willing to give it.” Izuku’s fingers touched his hair and Katsuki closed his eyes, loving and hating every single second that passed by too quickly.

“I really have to go…” He could hear the sadness in Izuku’s voice and knew that he didn’t want to leave. But when he was choosing to do it anyway… what he actually wanted didn’t really matter. Wanting him wasn’t enough, he needed Izuku to choose him.

He pulled away from him and scooted back, grabbing his blanket and falling into his bed. “Shut off the light on your way out and make sure the door stays closed.” He closed his eyes feeling worse than he had earlier. That Izuku had said that he loved him and had actually meant it… was the cruelest thing in the world.

———

Ochaco sighed to herself again and danced all of her fingers across her knees anxiously. Deku hadn’t been there when she got back and he’d left his phone on the nightstand. The waiting to find out if he was okay was making her tense and uncomfortable. When she looked at the bag of takeout that she had brought back with her, her stomach growled again and she bit her lip. She really wanted to eat with him… but he was taking forever and their food was definitely cold by now.

Opening the bag, she reached in and pulled out the box she had ordered for him. She set it down on the table and stared at the brown packaging with disappointment. Izuku was probably hungry and the box had been room temperature in her hand when she pulled it from the bag. She’d been trying to be a good wife for him… but it wasn’t working. He had always been a little distant, which was normal for him. Deku was the kind of guy who thought about everyone and that made it difficult for him to focus on one person. But lately, it was like he was somewhere else entirely.

Ochaco had convinced herself that he would stop being like that once they had finally connected on their wedding night… but it had only gotten worse. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he was pushing her away, that he was afraid to get close to her. As if being that close with someone, was something that he was afraid of. He connected to so many people, but looking back on him through the years, the only thing he truly connected to wasn’t even a person… it was the idea of being a hero.

She pushed his katsudon order to the side and pulled her chicken teriyaki from the bag, setting it on her lap. She wanted to do better at making Deku feel like his heart was safe with her. She knew he was hurting from something… she could see it in his smiles and the way he never fell asleep before she did. But, she didn’t know how. Every time she pushed he just pulled away harder and she was worried that she was failing him.

Wiping a tear from her cheek before it could fall, Ochaco grabbed her chopsticks and opened her dinner. She didn’t mind eating alone if it meant that he got the space that he needed. It was difficult, but she would do anything for Deku and she’d already gotten used to waiting for him. She would be as patient and loving as he needed her to be so that he could feel safe being his whole self. Chewing her cold chicken, she smiled softly to herself, imagining what he would be like if he let himself be happy and stopped worrying about everyone else. He didn’t always need to be a hero. Her cheeks got warm when one of his truly happy smiles entered her mind… it would be wonderful.

It was hard but she was determined and had hope that it would be better, especially after the day they had. She’d pushed him too far about having a family and she shouldn’t have. Ochaco hadn’t considered his history with his father when asking him for a family that he obviously wasn’t ready for. The way he had cried in her arms after doing that for her… she wasn’t going to push him like that ever again. She had cried in that shower for so long, hating herself for the way she had made him feel. But then he was there with her, smiling and touching her… saying the three words she had waited so long to hear. He was opening up slowly and he just needed time, and since they were married she had all the time in the world to wait .

A loud knock startled her into almost dropping her dinner. Glancing at the door nervously, she set down her food and stood up to answer it. She wasn’t expecting anyone and Deku would have just used his key card… She reached out her hand to open the door and hesitated. What if something had happened to him? Staring at the metallic shine of the knob she kept her tears back as she turned the handle.

———

Eijiro stared at the number on the hotel room door, tensing his jaw in agitation. That they had even put him in this position was ridiculous. How difficult was it, to just tell someone the damn truth? “And they call themselves heroes…” He muttered under his breath as he lifted his hand and knocked on the door. Sighing, he waited for Midoriya to answer. That guy was in serious need of a wake up call.

As the door opened Eijiro smiled. “Hey Ochaco! Is Midoriya here?” His face fell when she shook her head and he noticed that she looked like she was about to cry. Midoriya… he was already hurting her. “Can I come in?” She didn’t say anything and opened the door, stepping back. As she turned away from him and walked toward the couch, Eijiro followed her and noticed when her hands moved to her face to discreetly wipe her tears.

Ochaco sat down on the couch and grabbed her food, suddenly smiling at him as he stood there. “Sit down Kirishima. Are you hungry?” She grabbed a second box of food and held it out to him, smiling. His eyes assessed the table quickly and he realized it was a dinner for two and that she was eating alone.

“Hell yeah I am!” He grinned at her and took the box as he sat on the same couch, but kept a comfortable distance between them. What an asshole… the day after their wedding and Midoriya was making Ochaco eat a meal without him while she cried. With the way Bakugo had been acting, Eijiro had a bad feeling in his gut that he knew exactly why Midoriya was missing dinner with his wife.

“So, why were you looking for Deku?” She was poking at her food, keeping a soft smile on her face but not eating.

“I just had some guy stuff I wanted to talk to him about. Wasn’t much time at the wedding, you know?” He grabbed a piece of pork and popped it into his mouth, chewing silently and watching her. Ochaco was barely keeping it together.

“Did he ask you for tips too?” There was something painful in the way her voice moved the wrong direction as she asked the question. Like she thought it was some kind of sick funny joke…

“Uh. What?” Eijiro wasn’t sure what he was doing. He had come to talk to Midoriya but seeing her such a mess… he knew he’d feel like shit if he had left her there alone like that. But now he was trying to have pleasant small talk while eating her husband’s food. Awkward didn’t even begin to cover what he was feeling.

“Deku told me he had gotten tips from Bakugo for our wedding night. I just wasn’t sure how many people he had done that too. It’s kind of embarrassing…” Her hair was shielding her face as she looked down at her food, but he could still see the little glimpses of her bright red cheeks peeking through. This was definitely getting uncomfortable. He grabbed at the glass of water on the table to free his throat from the food that wasn’t going down.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he went back to eating and continued watching her. “No. I can’t imagine what tips Bakugo would have given him though. The guy doesn’t have any experience with women. If Midoriya wanted tips he would have been better off with me or Denki. I mean… shit. Even Todoroki would have been a better option than Bakugo.”

She didn’t say anything and kept poking at her food as Eijiro fumed to himself. Midoriya had obviously straight up lied to her. Bakugo was gay as hell. He held his bite of pork between his back teeth tightly. This whole thing was looking a lot more fucked up than he had first thought.

“Kirishima?” He turned to look at her and swallowed his food. “Have you ever been in love?”

He stared in silence, not liking the way the question made him feel. Love was something he had never experienced. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to… he just hadn’t met anyone that made him feel that way. He’d been with women, but it always fell flat and what they were after was never what they claimed. Plus, he was too busy to date and prioritized his hero work over having a family. Ochaco lifted her head and looked at him, waiting for him to reply.

“No I haven’t and I’m alright with it. With being a pro hero, that kind of thing just isn’t my priority. For me, there’s no space for love if I’m busy saving the world.” Her eyes suddenly watered and she put her hand to her mouth. Eijiro cursed under his breath when she hid her face in her hands and leaned against her knees sobbing. He didn’t know which part made her cry, but whatever it was he wished he hadn’t said it.

He set his food down on the table and scooted closer to her “Ochaco…” When she continued to sob into her hands, he wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug and leaned back against the couch. When she hugged him back and cried into his shirt, he held onto her wanting nothing more than to punch Midoriya right in his stupid face.

“He’s never going to love me the way I love him… because he’s a hero.” Her muffled voice barely reached his ears, but when they did Eijiro felt his anger growing. This girl had no idea what she was even married to if she could say something like that. He wanted to out Midoriya right in that moment and bit his tongue instead. That wasn’t his truth to tell even though he really fucking wanted to. Instead of speaking up, he stayed silent and hugged Ochaco while she cried. If he couldn’t fix this shit show, he could at least sit there for a while and make sure she wasn’t all alone while she felt like this.

“I’ve tried I really have. I’ve done everything I could to get him to really see me and none of it works.” Eijiro closed his eyes and tried to keep his anger under control. He’d been dragged into the most avoidable situation that was full of nothing but heartbreak. The way her voice cracked in desperation as she spoke, like she wanted him to tell her how to fix it… it was horrible. “Maybe… I’m just not pretty enough.” And then Eijiro couldn’t take it anymore.

He released her from the hug and grabbed her shoulders, turning her to face him. “You are a beautiful woman Ochaco. You have pretty brown eyes and the warmest smile. You’ve got curves in all the right places and you’re cute as fuck. You’re sweet, loyal, honest, and one of the kindest people that I’ve ever met. If Midoriya can’t appreciate what he has, that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Some types of broken can’t and shouldn’t be fixed. Don’t beat yourself up because of who he is.”

Ochaco stared at him in shock and he relaxed his grip on her shoulders, wishing that he hadn’t blown up on her. The way that she had blamed herself and questioned her value, all because she didn’t realize her husband preferred men… it had pushed him beyond what he had intended to say. She was his friend and he cared about her. He didn’t want to watch her break like that over something so stupidly cruel.

Ochaco reached up and grabbed the front of his shirt while she stared at him and Eijiro suddenly became very uncomfortable. The way that she was looking at him was causing a ball to form in the pit of his stomach, like the gravity of the planet was going to drag him right into its center and torch him for being an idiot. When she tugged on him, he grabbed her hand and whispered, “Ochaco…” Pleading with her not to do this.

“I want to know… if the way Deku kisses me is wrong.” She tugged at him hard and started to lean towards him. Eijiro didn’t know what to do. She had just attacked her entire self and if he rejected her, it was only going to make her feel worse and destroy what was left of her self esteem. But he also didn’t want to kiss his friend’s wife. The next time he saw them, he was going to kill both of those assholes.

When she was inches away from him he covered her mouth with his hand and stared at her. “We’re friends. I’ll do this Ochaco but I don’t ever want to talk about it and we stay friends. It doesn’t mean anything more than that.” He only agreed to it because of what she had said. He imagined what it would be like for her, to have her first and only kisses be with a man who wasn’t into women. She would have no way of knowing that something was wrong. Ochaco nodded her head and he removed his hand, hoping that he wouldn’t regret being too nice.

———

The only person she’d ever kissed was Deku. Everything was wrong. She’d watched movies and seen people kiss, the way they practically couldn’t get enough of each other. He never kissed her like that… and she told herself it was because life wasn’t a movie. But what if he really was just too much of a sweet hero to tell her no? What if he really wasn’t interested in her at all?

She repositioned herself so that she was sitting on his lap, looking at him. He wasn’t Deku… they were practically opposites. Deku’s eyes were green and warm and caring, while Kirishima’s were red and sharp and serious. His hair was just as different, with how long and red it was. He wasn’t unattractive… but he wasn’t Deku.

Would Deku be angry with her? The question hurt her more than it should because she didn’t know the answer. He had never shown any kind of jealousy even in situations that would normally warrant it. He would just softly smile like always… He never acted like he wanted her. He never called her pretty or gave her compliments on the way that she looked. He had only ever talked about who she was and how she thought and behaved. In one breath Kirishima had complimented her more times than Deku ever had… and it hurt.

She closed her eyes and felt her heart tumbling close the edge of shattering, remembering the name he had said in her ear. The choice she was making… if Deku really didn’t want her it would hurt so much. If every kiss was a lie just because he saw her as too fragile for honesty. She wasn’t weak… Ochaco was a hero in her own right.

“Okay. Do it.” She kept her eyes closed and didn’t recognize her own voice. It was firm and cold and it frightened her. What was she becoming in this broken shadow of a marriage?

———

Do it, she said. Like kissing her was as easy as doing anything else. Eijiro pushed himself into sitting up and cringed when she put her hand on his chest to keep herself balanced. This had to be the craziest, most stupid, thing he’d ever done. He watched her, sitting on him with a serious expression and her eyes closed. If he was going to do it, he might as well do it right. The woman wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed by someone who actually wanted her…

Eijiro put one arm around her waist and moved his hand to the back of her neck, feeling her hair with the tips of his fingers. He closed his eyes and brought his lips close to hers, hesitating and tightening his arm around her. If this ruined their friendship, he was going to hate himself. Her breath was shaky and he could feel the warmth of it mingling with his own. That, and the way her body was pressed against his, was making him respond to her in ways that made him feel guilty. But… he kissed her anyway.

At first Eijiro kissed her hesitantly, with an awkward slowness as his mind went over all of the reasons this was a fucking stupid idea. But, each time she made a sound or moved as she kissed him back… those thoughts became further and further away and his body became the one in charge. When he deepened the kiss and tugged on her lip with his sharp teeth, she gasped and pulled at him, making him kiss her like he needed so much more. He’d let himself go without touch for too long, and all of the consequences of that choice were making themselves known as he lost sight of his original goal.

When he pulled her hips hard and slammed them into his, she broke their kiss and tossed her head back. He couldn’t stop himself from biting the side of her neck and breaking her skin, becoming more frantic for her when she moaned and grabbed at his hair. She pulled his head away from her neck and kissed him, pushing him back into the couch with her body as her hips moved aggressively against him. Ochaco was moaning into Eijiro's mouth, his hands under her shirt and grabbing at her, when the hotel door slammed shut.

———

Chapter Text

~8 months ago~

Izuku smiled softly at Ochaco and fiddled with the velvet box in his pocket. His mother had picked the ring out. He wasn’t good at that sort of thing and he hadn’t wanted to participate. Every single ring that he had tried to look at, felt like one more thing that was pulling him away from the life that he wished he could have.

“Deku look!” The water in the fountains that were surrounding the lake, sprayed higher in a rhythmic dance that pulsed with the music in the air around them. He’d brought her here to be romantic and surprise her with the question he was currently struggling to ask. The lights within the streams of water flashed into rainbows with the beat as they moved, shining brightly against the darkness of the night sky.

Ochaco leaned over the railing and smiled with excitement, the reflection of the water’s rainbows shining in her eyes and Izuku felt the duality of loving his beautiful friend… and wishing he were here with him instead. His hand tightened around the little box as the sounds of the people around him got louder, admiring the display. The world was always going to continue in spite of the way that he felt… in spite of what he couldn’t have. Izuku pulled the box from his pocket and dropped to one knee, choosing to follow its example.

He lifted the small velvet box and opened it, waiting for Ochaco to turn around so that he could offer her everything that he’d never get for himself. This woman had inspired him and stood by him through more than most people would ever have to go through. She had always smiled with tender kindness and led him through his life with a brightness that could bring light to any shadowy path. She was his best friend and he couldn’t live without her. If he couldn’t have a true love of his own, she was the one person he didn’t mind spending the rest of his life with. Izuku wanted Ochaco to be happy.

The people behind him started to get loud as they noticed what he was doing and Ochaco turned around to see what the commotion was. He smiled at her when her eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth with her hand. “Ochaco Uraraka…” He almost didn’t recognize his own voice as it came from his throat, it was the voice of a stranger far removed from who he really was. As he hesitated, the tears started to fall from her eyes, sparkling with the lights around them and cementing him in the decision to make her happy. “Will you marry me?”

He could feel the crowd behind him holding their breath as she stared at him in shock. He almost hoped she would say no. That she would reject him right there so that he could risk everything and run to the man who didn’t want him… but Izuku knew that she wouldn’t. He knew that the tears in her eyes weren’t caused by the kind of sadness that crippled him daily. The person Ochaco wanted more than anything was making her dream come true, and her tears were tears of happiness. Izuku envied her.

She lowered her hand from her mouth and held it in front of her, shaking as she stepped toward him with a smile. “Deku…” He waited patiently for her to come closer and he looked up at her and smiled wider when she finally did. “Marrying you… I never thought that you would actually ask.” Her voice broke into sobs as she finished speaking and she dropped to her knees, hugging him tightly as the crowd around them clapped loudly. He ignored the people that were wiping their own tears and cheering for their love and he hugged Ochaco tightly.

He pulled his arms from around her and removed the gold ring with a humble diamond from the velvet box, keeping the smile on his face as he grabbed her hand. “Is that a yes, Ochaco?” When she nodded happily and beamed with the brightness he loved her for, he held her wrist gently and slid the ring onto her finger. The loud excitement of the crowd in his ears wasn’t nearly as loud as the pounding loneliness that roared within his heart.

———

“What the hell do you mean, engaged?” Leaning against the hallway wall wearing his hero suit, Katsuki was trying to process the words Kirishima had just used. There was no way in hell that Izuku would have asked that girl to marry him. He didn’t even love her.

“Just what I said. Asui told me a couple of days ago when we ran into each other. Our boy Midoriya finally popped the question.” Katsuki grunted at him and crushed the can of coffee in his hand.

Ignoring the look on Kirishima’s face, he pushed himself off the wall and walked past him. He didn’t want to talk about any of this right now. He had come to the commission building for a mission briefing, not this kind of shit. If that idiot wanted to be that kind of stupid, it wasn’t his problem. But even as the thought crossed his mind, Katsuki knew he cared a lot more than he was letting himself believe.

“Hey man. Are you good?” When Kirishima grabbed his shoulder and tried to stop him from leaving, he growled under his breath and his back stiffened in anger.

“Yes.” His tone carried with it an intentional threat. If Kirishima pushed this any further… His hand left Katsuki's shoulder and he moved forward, slamming the can of coffee into the trash at the end of the hall before walking through the doors that led to the briefing room.

———

“Okay, so I’m totally glad you called me, because of course why wouldn’t you?” Ochaco smiled awkwardly at the woman in front of her. She only had a few months to figure out their wedding and she wanted to surprise her friends with something just for them. Camie was the best person to help her do that and keep it a secret, but she was so intense that Ochaco almost regretted inviting her over.

“Okay, so music. Rap would be lit but rock would be bangin. So what kind of scene are you vibin with?” Camie smiled widely at her in excitement and Ochaco could only stare at her, not understanding anything the woman had said. This was going to be difficult.

“Um. Dance?” Ochaco heard rap and rock and did her best to try to redirect.

“Oh, totes! None of those slow dances though, Ochaco. We want those cheeks clappin’ am I right?” Ochaco’s face turned bright red. Whatever she was talking about, the tone she used didn’t make it seem like the right energy for this party at all. “Ew girl, fix your face. Weddings are for hookups and getting shit faced. Don’t even deny it. You shouldn’t be the only one getting laid that night. Besides I want to go to a sick ass party.”

“What?! Camie! That isn’t what this is at all!” Ochaco was protesting as Camie grinned at her and pulled out the laptop she had brought.

“Please don’t tell me you’ve never gotten freaky, Ochaco.” As Camie stared at the screen and music started to come from the speakers, Ochaco stood there and felt like she would die of embarrassment. She sat down next to Camie on the couch and silently watched as the woman sorted through songs and made folders for potential playlists. When Ochaco had gone silent for a while, Camie turned to her and raised her eyebrows. “Are you actually a virgin?”

Ochaco held her hands together in her lap, squeezing them together tightly as she looked at the rounded edge of the coffee table in front of her. She was a virgin, but not because she didn’t like the idea of sex or because of some kind of moral belief system. She just… only wanted to be with Deku and he had never initiated anything like that with her.

Camie grabbed her by the shoulder and got in her face suddenly, squinting at her. “You… are almost thirty.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, Camie. We just… haven’t done it yet.” Ochaco tried to wiggle free and stopped when Camie’s long nails dug into her shoulders.

“You’ve been with him, what? Two years?” Ochaco turned red when Camie’s nose pushed into hers and her eyes became even more serious. “Is Midoriya battin for the other team?” When Ochaco blinked at her in confusion, Camie let go of her and sighed. “Does he like boys?”

“What?!” Ochaco stood up and glared at her, clenching her fists at her sides. “Absolutely not! Just because we haven’t done that, doesn’t mean that he likes boys, Camie! He kisses me sometimes and we’re close with each other. He’s just… respectful. I don’t know what kind of guys you hang around with but don’t compare them to someone like Deku!”

“Kisses you sometimes?” Camie was pursing her lips and raising her eyebrows at Ochaco, and she regretted inviting her over more than ever when she saw the accusation in her eyes. “That’s just off the wall crazy. Men go for what they want, girl. And if he isn’t… then he doesn’t. I sent you a playlist but I’m bouncing on this party. Believe me… I’m the first one to fly my freak flag high, but Midoriya has different flags and they’re all red. Call me when you wake up.”

Ochaco continued to glare as Camie packed up her laptop and walked to her front door, shaking her head in disappointment. When the sound of the door closing echoed into the room, the silence that followed was nothing short of suffocating. There was no way that Deku was gay. She had heard about the girls that he had slept with in the past, and that’s not something that would have happened if he was. She sat back on the couch slowly, the reality of what the problem could be was gnawing at her and making her feel worthless.

He only ever kissed her when she wanted one and he never initiated any kind of closeness and intimacy. He wasn’t gay since he’d only been with women, but maybe he didn’t find her attractive. Maybe she just wasn’t pretty enough…

———

Soba wasn’t his favorite, but he agreed to it anyway since he hadn’t seen Shoto in a while. He had picked a place that looked, from the outside, like it had never passed a single health inspection. Walking into the restaurant, Izuku had been pleasantly surprised. It was clean inside with low lighting and it had the feel of a quiet family type of intimacy. Not what he expected from Shoto, but when he thought about it more as he ate his soba across from him in silence, it made sense.

“Everyone’s discussing your new situation.” Shoto was looking at him stoically as he ate.

“That’s not surprising.” What surprised Izuku, was that after not talking to each other for almost the entirety of their meal, Shoto wanted to start with his engagement.

“Why did you ask her?” Izuku knew that Shoto was coming at this with good intentions, but he still didn’t like it. It was invasive and he didn’t want to have to think about it. It was easier to get through each day if he didn’t.

“Why do you think I asked her? Because, I want to marry her.”

Shoto pushed his bowl forward and set down his chopsticks with a sigh. Setting his elbows on the table, he rested his chin on his hands and watched Izuku. “We’ve known each other a long time, so I’ll say it plainly. You’re making a mistake.” When Izuku opened his mouth to reply, Shoto continued before he could. “Don’t justify it. Using her as a cover is one thing, but marrying her? It’s reckless and you’re hurting yourself.”

Izuku sat in silence, looking into the cold piercing stare of his friend. He should have expected this to happen, Shoto was the only one who knew the truth Izuku carried in his heart. A few years back, he’d gotten drunk and lost it after a huge disagreement with Kacchan. Shoto had been there for him and listened to all of his venting without judgement. They weren’t the closest of friends, but Izuku trusted him and his discretion. Even so… this wasn’t an issue he was entirely comfortable discussing with him.

“I’ll be fine Shoto. I’m not worried about it.” Shoto’s eyes became impatient as Izuku spoke.

“Midoriya, if you’re not worried about yourself, who are you worried about? Because everything you’re doing seems pretty self serving.” When Izuku didn’t speak Shoto stood up and pushed his chair in. “Tell him. Then you’ll know if you’re making the right decision.” He walked away and left Izuku staring after him in silence.

———

Pushing open the front door to the building, Katsuki held his breath as the warm air surrounded him and the sun warmed his face. He was relieved to be out of that building and done dealing with their bureaucracy. He didn’t want to sit around tables discussing strategies, he wanted to blow something up. Walking down the sidewalk, he ignored the people that walked passed him and closed his eyes as his legs moved on their own.

Hero? He had that one handled… and had even excelled at it. He was taking out villains every chance that he could and dominating the charts just like he always knew he would. Wealth? Being a hero paid well and while he preferred to live modestly, he didn’t want for anything. Fame? Well… he was definitely notorious. Not everyone loved him but they knew exactly who he was and what he was capable of That was more than enough. Friendship? Not that he had asked for it… but he had that box checked too. He had plenty of people in his life that he could count on and who actually gave a shit about him. But, if all of his boxes were checked, then why did he feel like shit?

The phone in his pocket buzzed and he pulled it out to look at the notification. He glared at it when he saw who was calling. Tapping it and putting it to his ear, he answered, “What the hell do you want?”

“Hey. Are you free? We need to talk.” Katsuki didn’t like the sound of that, and he didn’t like the weird way Izuku was speaking. He was acting like something really bad was either about to happen… or just had.

“What about?”

“I’ll send you an address. I’m already here. Just get here when you can.” The line disconnected and Katsuki pulled his phone away from his ear, staring at the screen. His jaw tensed in agitation as his phone pinged with a text and he looked at the address. As pissed off as he was, he still had to make sure Izuku hadn’t gotten himself into some kind of trouble. Besides, Izuku hadn’t even given him the chance to say no.

Sighing, he dropped the phone into his pocket and tensed his legs. Katsuki lunged forward and opened his hands, activating his quirk and leaving the smell of fire and smoke behind him as he moved through the air.

———

Every time someone entered the restaurant, Izuku’s eyes moved to see if it was him. After Shoto had left, he’d sat there thinking about the conversation obsessively and had decided that Shoto was right. If he was going to make such a permanent and legally binding decision, he would be a lot more comfortable with it if he heard the truth beforehand. He already knew what it was… but that knowledge would make it a lot easier to live a life without doubt. Hope was a terrible thing when it was built on foundation of impossibility. He needed to tell Kacchan that he was in love with him.

The bell dinged from the door and Izuku didn’t need to look this time, he stared at his bowl of soba knowing exactly who it was. He could hear the sound of his boots hitting the tile and could feel his eyes on him as he shut his own. He didn’t know how he was going to say it, but he knew that he needed that confirmation. The chair across from him screeched against the tile and he opened his eyes as Kacchan casually leaned back in the chair Shoto had been sitting in.

“Why am I here, Izuku?” Izuku felt his heart pounding in his chest.

“I’m getting married.” He felt the weakness of his own voice. He was feeling hesitant to take this conversation the direction that it needed to go and he squeezed his fists tighter under the table, trying to find the strength to do it.

“I heard.” Kacchan wasn’t impressed with the news by the look on his face, and Izuku had to stop himself from grabbing at the dangerous ball of hope that was taunting him. “Why the hell would you do that?”

Izuku stared at him in stunned silence. He was angry… that he was getting married? His heart started to flutter and skip beats as he watched him, waiting for any indication of what it could mean. When he didn’t elaborate Izuku asked, “Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

Izuku was digging his own nails deep into his palms to keep himself under control as he waited. “You don’t even like her. You’re too damn nice.”

“Is there any other reason?” Izuku felt his soul reaching out for that little ball of hope and grabbing onto it foolishly. Kacchan was staring at him with his jaw clenched, looking at him with those red eyes that he couldn’t ever seem to get away from.

Kacchan moved forward and leaned into the table, his voice low. “What other reason do you need? If you don’t love her, don’t marry her.”

As the words entered his ears, Izuku closed his eyes and that little ball shattered into the darkness and slipped away into nothing. He was stupid for grabbing onto it all. He took a deep breath and repositioned himself mentally, as needed, and opened his eyes with a soft forced smile. “I do love her. We’d really like it if you would be at the wedding. Ochaco is planning a surprise for everyone for afterwards. She wouldn’t want you to miss it.”

Kacchan sat back again and glared at him. “I don’t believe you.”

“That’s fine, you don’t have to believe me. You’re not the one I’m marrying.” Izuku stood up and didn’t look at him. He grabbed his phone from the table and spoke quietly while looking at the table. “I’m not going to change my mind, Kacchan. Leave it alone.” He slid his phone into his pocket as he turned away from the man who would never love him back, and left the restaurant to the sound of a happy little bell jingling above him.

———

Eijiro walked up the steps to Bakugo’s apartment, the streetlights glowing against the blackened sky behind him. He wanted to check on his friend. The man had lost his shit during the briefing, and it was so bad that they had benched him for the mission. He was screaming at everyone like they were kids again, blew up the door on his way out, and couldn’t keep himself in check. Eijiro wished he hadn’t mentioned that engagement right before the meeting, he definitely should have told him after. But, even then… he shouldn’t have had to tell him that at all. Midoriya was an idiot.

Sighing, he reached the top of the stairs and turned to the left towards Bakugo’s place. Watching the doors pass him by as he walked, he turned his head to look down the walkway when he heard a bang. Activating his quirk and feeling the rush of it across his skin, he cautiously kept moving forward. When the door to Bakugo’s apartment exploded off the hinges and went flying into the parking lot below, he cursed under his breath and ran to his apartment.

Eijiro skid to a stop in front of Bakugo’s doorway and froze as his eyes took in the scene in front of him. Bakugo was standing in the middle of his living room with no shirt and his pants undone, holding a naked man by the throat and lifting him a few inches off of the ground while he frantically grabbed at Bakugo’s hand. Eijiro put his hands up and walked into the room slowly.

“Hey… Bakugo.” Bakugo’s eyes were on him quickly, and the man started to groan as he squeezed his throat tighter while watching Eijiro. He stopped moving towards him immediately. Bakugo could snap that man’s neck before Eijiro reached him, and they both knew it. “Wanna tell me what you’re doing, man?”

“Not really.” The tone and the words he chose sent a chill up Eijiro's spine. They were far too casual and calm for this kind of situation. He wasn’t angry… he was lethal. Eijiro tensed his body and calculated the distance as he glanced at the ground. When he looked back up his heart started to pound, Bakugo was watching him again. “This man was stealing from me.”

“I… wasn’t. I swear.” The words came out choked and strained and Eijiro almost felt his own throat closing hearing it.

“Bakugo… Let’s talk this out, man. I really don’t want to have to go hero on another hero. The shit from today isn’t worth it.”

Bakugo dropped the man and he collapsed into a crumpled trembling heap on the floor, coughing and trying to breathe as he grabbed at his throat. “Fuck!” He tried to push himself while Bakugo ignored him and went to lounge on his couch as if nothing had happened. Eijiro went over to the guy and tried to help him up, but he smacked his hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me. Heroes huh? Is that why you refused to pay me you piece of shit?”

“I didn’t pay you because you weren’t worth the money. Now, get the fuck out of my apartment before I get pissed.” Eijiro watched, not knowing what to say, as the guy started pulling his clothes on. He was glaring back and forth between the two heroes and trying not to cry as his blue hair hung in his eyes.

“I’m gonna tell the others about you. I put up with how rough you were, but you fucking crossed a line with that other shit. I wasn’t stealing, I was getting what you owed me because I need it. You think I chose this kind of life asshole?” He tugged his shirt down and spit on the floor in disgust. “Not everyone gets to be a fucking hero.” When he stormed out of the apartment Eijiro stared at the open doorway, trying to process what the fuck just happened. At first it was just a bad day… now it was completely insane.

Sighing, Eijiro went to Bakugo’s couch and sat next to him. They sat there quiet for a moment before Bakugo spoke first. “What are you doing?”

“Being a hero… I think. What the fuck are you doing, bro? I thought you were done with paying for hookups?”

“That hookup was free.” Eijiro stared at him and then laughed out loud at the absurdity of it all. Bakugo chuckled with him and they laughed together for a minute, with Eijiro clutching at his sides and quieting down before they started up again. They started with laughing at the situation in the apartment and by the end they were laughing about everything wrong in their own lives.

“You know,” Eijiro was trying to catch his breath and relaxing against the couch. “Even if you pay for it, at least you get laid, dude. I’m so fucking swamped. I haven’t been with a chick in forever.”

“Are you broke?” Bakugo had his eyes closed and had a smirk on his face.

“Naw man. I just don’t like sticking my dick in pond water, unlike some people. You’re gonna catch something, man. I want a nice girl that smiles when she sees me and knows things about me like my favorite food. I stopped trying when all they gave a shit about was Red Riot. They didn’t warn us at UA how lonely the gig would be.”

“I wrap it.” Eijiro heard the sadness in his voice and saw the smirk fade from his face. He closed his eyes and sat there with his friend quietly. They both carried two different versions of the same lonely weight that ate at them incessantly. They protected the world from pain and sadness, while carrying it all and having no heroes of their own. They gave everything they had for everyone else and at the end of the day, they both went home to empty apartments with nothing waiting but another day to do it all again. Sitting there together in silence, sharing in the understanding of what their lives really were, was the only comfort they could give each other.

———

Ochaco sat on her bed with her back against her headboard, doom scrolling through the social media profiles of the women that she knew Izuku had been with. She was trying to find a pattern or a type, that maybe he was interested in, so that she could compare it to herself… but she wasn’t finding one. They were all so different from each other. The only common thing that she was seeing was that they were all regular people and not heroes.

Frustrated she threw her phone down onto her bed and grabbed her pillow to hug it. If none of them were heroes, and she was… was it the fact that she was a hero? Did it intimidate him? She sighed and squeezed her pillow tighter. She couldn’t even ask those girls to see what it was like with him. She was already jealous enough knowing that he’d had random hookups and seemed to not like being with her. Grabbing her phone again she did a search and started a different type of scrolling, looking for any advice as to why this could be happening.

She found a post with someone in a similar situation and started to obsessively read all of the comments with a serious face. She couldn’t ask anyone directly since it was way too embarrassing. But, maybe this could help…

PonitaExpress1123: Why is this a problem? Guys go slower with women they want to marry. They pump and dump the rest. If he’s taking it slow he values it. Enjoy not being a one night stand, girl.

RenegadeRyder: That would PMO so bad. Red flag. Watch that man with his friend. Ur boy likes D.

UnclesTiltedSway: Coming from a dude… ur guy is fucked up. Probably a serial killer. Check homie’s basement because no one saw it coming.

Ochaco buried her face into her pillow and dropped her phone. She was being ridiculous. She really should just ask him. She should call him and see if he thinks she’s attractive. She felt her cheeks get warm as the fabric of her pillow pressed against her face Her heart and stomach dropped at the same time at the thought. “Fuck!” She screamed into the pillow loudly before lifting her head. She used her quirk on the pillow and smacked it across the room, not wanting to look at it. “Stupid pillow…”

“I guess I’m about to marry a gay serial killer who at least doesn’t see me as a one night stand.” She sighed and reached for her phone, looking through her contacts. If there was anyone she could ask… her thumb kept scrolling up and down before it paused on a name and she stared at it. If anyone would know if he was gay… it was him.

She tapped the call button and pressed her phone to her ear, wishing she still had her pillow. “Hello?”

“Bakugo. Is Deku gay!?” She heard him snort at her and then heard laughter in the background and her face flushed. “Don’t laugh at me. It’s a serious question.”

“Ochaco, wouldn’t you know better than me? I mean… Dammit! I’m not giving you the phone! Fuck off!” There was a loud grunt and she pulled the phone away from her ear when it sounded like it hit something. The sound was so loud it almost hurt her eardrum.

“Heyyy Ochaco! Eijiro here. If you want to test if he’s gay, walk up to him naked and strut your stuff. Ow! What the fuck?!” Her face was scarlet as she listened to the two of them fighting for the phone.

When Bakugo came back on her finger was hovering over the end call button. “Ochaco? Hello?”

She quickly put it back to her ear. “Yeah… I’m here.”

“Why are you asking?” Her heart started to race and she bit her lip. Trying to think of something to say.

“Uh. Well. Hmmmm. Okay well, see Camie came over and said he was gay because we haven’t done. I mean we haven’t had… well… I dunno why. She just said it and I wanted to check.” She closed her eyes and put her hand against her forehead, cringing.

“Oh.” The silence was awful and when Bakugo cleared his throat and chose to pass the phone to Kirishima it was a hundred times worse.

She strained to hear what they were whispering about and almost dropped her phone in shock when Kirishima finally talked. “Ooookay. Not gonna lie. That’s pretty weird.”

“Oh…” She said. Her shoulders slumped and she started to lose hope in herself while wondering what she was even doing with this phone call. “Please put Bakugo back on.”

She could hear Kirishima yelling at Bakugo to take the phone and Bakugo yelling that he didn’t want to. She just sat there, completely still and disappointed, wishing she hadn’t called them. “Fine, fuck. Hello? Ochaco?”

“Hi. You’ve known him a long time. Do you think he loves me?” She sat there in the silence, poking at her blanket, waiting for him to say something.

“Ochaco. Today I got forced into going to some shitty soba place on the east side just so Izuku could tell me he was marrying you. I told him not to.” Kirishima started to yell at him again and she clutched her blanket in her fist, trying not to cry. “Fuck… Off! God dammit.” A door slammed and there was a bathroom echo when he continued. “I told him not to. Marriage is a lot and I don’t like it. But he said he wouldn’t change his mind, told me to leave it alone. Said that he loved you and invited me to the wedding. You might want to ask yourself, if you love him. Because calling around and asking people other than your partner if they’re gay? That’s rough Ochaco, and I think it’s messed up. I’ve gotta go.” The line disconnected and Ochaco sat there in shock, holding the phone to her ear.

———

Izuku leaned his head against the floor to ceiling window of his apartment and watched the city down below. The little twinkling lights of all the buildings standing still while cars spiraled around them, the view always relaxed him. Knowing that life continued to move and everything would always be so much bigger than himself… it anchored him when he doubted being a hero.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out and checked it. Answering it quickly as his heart raced, “Hello?”

“Izuku. You need to talk to Ochaco.” Izuku looked at the cars moving again, disappointed with himself for hoping it was anything else. “She called me a few minutes ago asking if you loved her. You just got engaged and it’s already a mess. Don’t marry the girl.” The line disconnected and Izuku pulled the phone away from his ear, still watching the city lights as his hand hung at his side and gripped his phone. He had already made it clear to Kacchan that he wasn’t going to change his mind. The grip on his phone tightened.

Bringing it back to his chest he found Ochaco in his contacts and tapped the call button, holding the phone to his ear as he leaned against the window and waited. “Deku?”

“Hey Ochaco. Are you okay? Kacchan called me.” He heard her gasp and smiled out the window.

“He didn’t! Why would he do that?!” She started grumbling and fumbling around with her phone. “That man… what an asshole.” He laughed at her sudden cursing. “Wait… Deku. What did he say?”

“He said you thought I was gay and that I didn’t love you.” There was a bang and more cursing as he counted the buildings in his view.

“No! Camie said that today and I don’t know. I just went online and read comments and thought what if he’s a serial killer and I panicked and called Kacchan.” He stopped counting buildings.

“A serial killer? Okay. Well… don’t go online if you ever catch a cold okay?” She laughed on the other end and Izuku smiled.

“But then Bakugo told me I should be questioning if I love you because it was rude to do what I did and that hit me pretty hard. So I want to say I’m sorry. I’m not going to do that to you again… I love you.”

“It’s okay, Ochaco. Getting engaged is a lot of stress. I’m sure it’s been exhausting with everyone now involved the way they are. I’m not angry. I sent you a video to your email. A kid recorded our engagement in the crowd and posted it, it’s been circling. The comments are saying I got lucky with a pretty wife.” He heard her sniffle into the phone and knew that she was crying.

“I will. Thank you for loving me, Deku. I can’t wait to get married.” Izuku went back to watching the building and cars in the distance, centering himself.

“The wedding should be a lot of fun for people. But, maybe a new person to help with party planning?” He didn’t like the chaos that Camie had caused, and didn’t want her involved in any of this anymore. He wanted her far away from Ochaco.

“Oh, that’s already done. Camie left and won’t be at the wedding. Are you tired Deku? It’s pretty late.” Was he tired… the question almost made him chuckle. He would never be able to explain to her how tired he really was.

“Yeah. I am.” He heard her sigh into the phone at his words.

“Okay. Well then, you should go to sleep Deku. I love you.”

“You should go to sleep too Ochaco.” He wouldn’t say it. He couldn’t. No matter how many times she said it, he never did.

“Talk to you tomorrow! Love you!”

“Goodnight.” He disconnected the call and slid his phone into his pocket, watching the lights. He was half hating himself for not telling her the truth when she brought up Camie and half relieved that she hadn’t believed what the woman said. If she ever found out, he would lose a lot more than his privacy and reputation… he’d lose his friend.

As he looked up into the darkness of the night, the memory of hanging on for dear life as All Might ripped through the sky entered his mind and he laughed out loud. He’d been such an idiot… but it had completely changed the course of his life. If only he could do something like that again. He needed a new life. A change in his story. Because if it kept going like this, Izuku didn’t know what kind of person he’d become.

Leaning his head against the glass, Izuku stood there in the silence. Contemplating everything that it meant to be a hero and feeling happy that he was one. That he could give all of himself for the people who needed it. That he had grabbed all might that day and wouldn’t let go. That his self sacrifice would never be for nothing as long as he was smiling and making it so that others could as well. In that silence his heart swelled in pride for every scar it held for someone else… and he sighed. Izuku Midoriya was happy to be a hero.

Chapter Text

The door slammed loudly, the silence that followed consuming him as he was lying there all alone and hating every second of it. A part of him had hoped he wouldn’t really leave, but most of him had already accepted that he would. Katsuki sighed and closed his eyes. Izuku was going to haunt him and he wasn’t even sure if the man understood what that meant.

Laying there in the same bed where they had just made love, he felt hollow and empty without him. All of Izuku’s whispered confessions from earlier were replaying in his mind, the sights and sounds of everything they had become… it was all blurring together in an endless loop and torturing him. Cursing under his breath, Katsuki ripped off the blanket and threw on his clothes. He couldn’t just lay there and do nothing while that idiot walked away from him.

Pulling his shirt over his head and looping his belt through his pants, he buckled it and practically ran down the hallway to get to his shoes. Izuku may be fine with moping around and choosing to live their lives in the secret seconds that were never long enough, but Katsuki wasn’t. When he wanted something, he made it happen and he wanted Izuku. Crumbs weren’t enough… he wanted everything.

Tugging open his broken door, he ignored the cracking sound in the wood and slammed it shut as he left his apartment. Leaning over the railing, he looked down into the parking area below and frowned. How the hell was he already gone? Taking off and darting down the pathway to the stairs, the world around him moved in slow motion as the air cooled his throat and moved through his hair. They had gone back and forth too many times and he didn’t want to play this game of tag anymore. Katsuki wanted Izuku beside him.

———

Izuku kept his hands in his pockets as he walked down the sidewalk, the little shops lighting his path as he moved through the night. He was staring at the sidewalk and watching it pass him by as his feet took their steps in a mindless rhythm. He felt like he was on a walk of shame and no matter which direction he went, he was destined to disappoint someone.

He hated leaving him so much that it ached in almost every fiber of his being. To walk away from the only person he felt like he could truly be himself with, just to go back to wearing a mask and hiding in plain sight… it was torture. His throat felt tight when he remembered the way Kacchan whispered to him that he would never leave him. It was Izuku who had left, and he had left the most beautiful man in the world… for what? His feet began to move faster and hit the pavement harder as his anxiety from the loss increased. Why couldn’t everything be simple?

He wished he hadn’t built a cage around himself. That he wasn’t the kind of guy that could be so damn stupid that he didn’t notice the way Kacchan felt about him. The signs were always there and yet, Izuku had missed every single one of them. Remembering the green shampoo that he had stared at for far too long, he sighed in frustration and crossed the street. He didn’t want to go back yet and impulsively chose to take a detour.

He wasn’t ready to smile and kiss her. He wasn’t ready to sleep in the bed next to her and live with more lies. Izuku needed a break from everything for a while and just wanted to sit, relax, and clear his head for a little bit. He continued to move quickly as he went down a side street. He wasn’t sure where he was going and he didn’t care where he ended up.

———

Stopping to catch his breath, Katsuki wished he had his phone so that he could call him. He was going the right way and he should have run into him by now. He highly doubted Izuku was running back to her at his top speed… So what the hell happened? He looked up and down the street and didn’t see anyone that could even be mistaken for Izuku. He took a deep breath and ran towards the hotel, dodging people on the sidewalk and ignoring the way that they yelled at him for being reckless.

The faces blurred past him as he focused on pushing his body to its limit. It was just two blocks up and he’d be there in less than a minute. Steadying his breath and focusing on the feel of his feet pushing into the cement and propelling him forward, he kept his memories close and he ran. After everything he was feeling and fighting, the run itself felt like it was keeping him alive. Every muscle that he was pushing to its limit burned like hell and he wanted to feel it.

Turning left, his feet skidded across the pavement as he leaned forward and grabbed at the cement with his fingers for stability. The air moving through his hair and his clothes, he pushed the balls of his feet in a sudden burst and pulled himself forward with his hands, running again in a fluid motion that he’d spent years training for. The steps to the hotel a hundred feet away, he reveled in the scream from his body and moved with everything he had as he closed the distance.

As he pushed his feet into the ground and slid to a stop, he reached out and grabbed the center railing of the steps. He pressed his forehead against it and leaned his body into the iron to catch his breath, enjoying the cool feel of it against his skin. Izuku was making him crazy, but when he really thought about it… that wasn’t anything new. He chuckled under his breath as he stood up and shook out his limbs before walking up the steps, his sweat soaked shirt still clinging to his body.

———

Izuku found his way to another busy street after cutting through two different neighborhoods lost in his thoughts. No longer wandering aimlessly, he looked up and stared through the window of the place he had stopped at. He watched the smiling faces and heard the muffled laughter from inside and wanted that for himself. He wanted to laugh with abandon, with the person he loved most, without concern for anything in the world just like they were. After staring for a while longer, he walked up to the door, pulled it open, and stepped inside.

The drastic change in atmosphere made him smile. The quiet loneliness of the street was instantly replaced by a warm thickness in the air and his ears were comforted by the sounds of people being who they were. He walked over to the bar and sat on a stool next to a couple that was pawing at each other. Izuku tried not to stare. He noticed through quiet glances that they didn’t seem to care what anyone else in the room thought. When the bartender came over, he ordered his drink and became uncomfortable when the man looked at him with suspicion. With that one look, he remembered everything he’d forgotten when he had walked in. He felt like an outsider.

“Hey!” Someone tapped his shoulder and he turned around to see a young man with short blue hair smiling at him. The light green glitter of his eyeshadow was sparkling in the low light and his clothes were all intentionally colorful. Izuku glanced at the light pink skinny jeans and pastel yellow hoodie with the bottom cut off into a crop top, and his face flushed. He smiled at him awkwardly and the man grinned at him. “I knew it! I’ve seen you before. You’re a hero, aren’t you?”

“Uh. Yeah.” His eyes darted quickly around the room, checking to see if anyone else had heard him before going back to the young man, who was now frowning at him.

“Oh, honey. You do know what kind of bar you’re in, right? You’re safe here.” The man patted Izuku’s arm and looked at him with grey eyes full of comforting pity. Izuku’s throat tightened and he felt his eyes watering in response to the stranger’s unexpected kindness.

“I should go.” He slid off the stool quickly and moved past him, keeping his head down as he headed for the door. Before he could reach out to push it open, there were hands grabbing his hand and he was being dragged by the same colorful stranger towards a booth along the wall. “I really need to go.” His voice fell on deaf ears as the man sat down in the booth and tugged Izuku after him while he scooted back.

Izuku was pulled forward again and stopped himself from falling by quickly grabbing the edge of the table. “Please?” He lifted his head and locked eyes with the stranger who seemed kind and wanted him to stay. “We don’t get heroes around here often…”

Izuku sighed as the man squeezed his hand and begged him with his eyes. He thought about his wife waiting for him at the hotel, lying in the bed she’d want him to climb into… and made his choice. “Alright, but I need to grab my drink. I left it at the bar.”

Izuku pulled his hand back and stood up. As he turned around and started to move, the man’s arms wrapped around one of his. He had darted out of the booth as Izuku walked away and was smiling up at him. “They don’t teach heroes how to take care of themselves, huh? You’re gonna need a new drink, hun.” The man led the way towards the bar and kept talking. “I may not have a quirk but at least I know the basics. I’m Diego, by the way. I’m a bit of a regular here.” Diego let go of Izuku and called over the bartender, telling him to make whatever Izuku had ordered before.

The rugged looking man made a face and looked at Izuku and then back to Diego, before shaking his head and sighing. “Be careful, Diego.” The man whispered it so quietly that Izuku almost missed hearing it before the bartender began mixing his cocktail.

Diego turned around quickly and leaned his back against the bar, waving his hand in dismissal. “Ignore him. He’s always like that. He’s just overprotective of the boys that come through here often.”

“I’m Izuku. You don’t have a quirk?” Izuku couldn’t help but feel drawn to the statement he had made earlier. His mind had been holding onto it ever since Diego had said it.

“Nope. It can be shitty, but it is what it is. I do fine for myself without it.” Izuku admired him in silence as the bartender pushed his drink toward them. As he reached for it, his eyes met the eyes of the man who’d made his drink and he felt extremely uncomfortable for a second time. He was glaring at Izuku with disgust. Grabbing the drink, he turned around and quickly made his way back to the booth, trying to shake himself of the weird feeling that he was getting. Maybe he really should leave…

Izuku sat down and scooted into the booth with Diego happily following him. “You look grumpy.” Izuku looked at Diego, embarrassed by the man’s blunt comment. “Is it that terrible? Being one of the most loved people in the country?” His grey eyes were shining with pity and anger as they stared at Izuku, making him shift uncomfortably in his seat and clear his throat. The cost of being a hero was something they all carried, but it wasn’t something they ever discussed with the public. It was their burden to bear so the people wouldn’t have to.

“I love being a hero. I’m just tired after dealing with something else today. It’s not a big deal.” He sipped his drink and enjoyed the tart flavor of the cranberry mixing with the vodka. He wasn’t a big fan of drinking, but it was much more appealing than the thought of going back to that hotel.

Diego glanced at Izuku’s hand resting on the table. “Married huh? That’s a hard place to be when you like men.” Izuku choked on his drink and his throat set on fire along with the back of his nose as the alcohol burned his sensitive airway. Frantically setting the drink down as he coughed, he lifted the bottom of his shirt and wiped his nose and mouth. Diego’s eyes moved towards his exposed stomach and he covered himself quickly, turning red in embarrassment. Diego laughed at him and asked, “Do you really not know what kind of bar this is?”

“I could guess.” Izuku kept his voice low and stared at his drink. He didn’t want to admit to Diego that he knew exactly what kind of bar it was or that it was the only reason he had walked in. He didn’t want to say that he wanted to come here with Kacchan and be together in a place that wouldn’t judge them for what they were.

“So you’re still hiding it, huh? Well, who is he?” Izuku glanced up at Diego, surprised by the question. “Come on, hero. I’ve seen it over and over again… A sad man refusing to come out? Then some hottie comes along and makes them question everything. Who is he?” When Izuku stared at him in silence, Diego pressed and poked the table. “This table? Safe place. Let it out for once… I promise you’ll feel better.” Diego winked at him and leaned his elbow into the table, resting his chin on his hand with a dreamy look in his eyes. As if Izuku was about to tell him the greatest love story of all time.

Izuku pulled his hands into his lap and balled them into fists, staring down at them. He didn’t know this man. Diego was a stranger wanting to hear about his most precious secret and his most intimate moments. But… Diego was also like him and wouldn’t judge him for what he would say. Izuku sighed to himself quietly, realizing that he’d probably judge himself a lot more than Diego would. Maybe the man was right… letting it all out could be a step in the right direction. What he’d been doing wasn’t working.

Izuku took a deep breath and let it out. “My childhood friend. Another hero. I love him.”

Diego gasped and scooted closer to him with his eyebrows raised. “Okay, spill the tea. What’s he look like? Does he like you too?”

Izuku relaxed his hands and grabbed his drink to quickly finish it. He didn’t expect it to turn into a juicy gossip spill, but that’s exactly what this conversation had just turned into. Setting the glass down, he looked at Diego and almost cringed. The guy was way too excited to hear what he had to say. “I mean… yeah. We love each other. But… I’m married which is a problem.”

“For sure! That kind of hurdle is no joke. What’s he look like though… is he cute?” Diego was leaning towards him, obviously impatient to hear what Kacchan looked like.

“Cute? Um… well, actually…” Izuku closed his eyes and smiled softly to himself as he pictured Kacchan lying in bed with the blanket barely covering him. “He’s beautiful… He’s blonde with red eyes that seem angry, but they’re full of depth when you look closer. He’s taller than me, which is fitting since I look up to him. He’s strong, especially his shoulders and his back. And the scars… I like that we both have them.”

“That hero…” Hearing the anger in his tone, Izuku opened his eyes and looked at him. Diego was glaring at him fiercely with a small smirk. “I thought it might be him. I’ve seen the two of you together on TV and I’m very familiar with him.” Diego’s body language had changed, he’d gone from something kind and warm to something sinister and mocking.

Izuku narrowed his eyes at Diego, moving away from him and tensing his body. He definitely should have left earlier. “What are you talking about?”

“He’s an ex client of mine. I used to visit that man all the time and he was really rough. The freak used to make me call him Kacchan or he couldn’t finish. Then that asshole refused to pay me, even had the nerve to say I wasn’t worth the fee. So, of course I went for his wallet… and what does the hero do? Slaps me and chokes me so hard I had bruises for weeks. If that other hero hadn’t shown up, I wouldn’t even be here. I told everyone around here so he couldn’t hurt any of the others. It’s why the bartender warned me to be careful with you. Heroes can do whatever they want… and we’re just the entertainment.”

Izuku stared at him shock. He didn’t want to believe it… he wanted to call Diego a liar and run from the bar and never come back. To find Kacchan and tell him that he knew he would never do anything like that. But he couldn’t… Diego had said Kacchan. With that one word, Izuku knew that every single one he had spoken was truth.

His heart started to pound in his chest as he stared into Diego’s grey eyes. The man in front of him had been with Kacchan more than he had, and Kacchan had paid him to do it. He said that he’d loved him this entire time… but how was that possible when he was sleeping with Diego instead of telling him how he felt. Izuku was slowly killing himself all this time and Kacchan never said anything because he was busy with someone else. And then to almost kill the man… what kind of hero does things like that? His heart… it was breaking into pieces of anger, disgust, and rage.

“Are you angry with him? Disgusted? See him differently now?” Izuku clenched his hand into a fist and tightened it when Diego glanced at it and smiled. “Good. You should be. Keep that feeling for me, okay? Emotions are funny little things. They makes us see people differently, and can tear apart relationships with a quickness if you can’t talk about them. The man that loves you? He’s an arrogant asshole… and now he’s gonna know what pain feels like. You won’t remember why you’re angry, but we can still have so much fun with it.”

Diego quickly reached forward and caressed Izuku’s face, causing him to flinch when his cheek tingled and burned. He blinked at him and took a deep breath, trying to clear his head. The anger that was raging through him was making him uncomfortable and he couldn’t figure out why he was so mad. Diego was smiling kindly at him and touching his cheek. As he looked at him, Izuku felt an overwhelming amount of guilt for being suddenly upset.

Diego pulled his hand back and smiled at him. “Sorry, I got romantic overflow for a minute there.”

“No… it’s okay.” His heart was still racing and the anger wouldn’t go away. They’d been having a pleasant conversation and everything was going well, then suddenly the anger had hit him. He tried to think about the things he’d said about Kacchan, but every time he did… his stomach twisted in disgust and he couldn’t stand the thought of him.

“Are you okay hero?” Diego was looking at him with concern, and Izuku felt guilty for making him worry. He’d been really kind and the last thing he wanted, was one more person getting caught in the chaos of his inability to control his feelings.

“Yeah. I’m okay.” He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something… Sitting there in confusion while feeling like his heart was breaking for no reason was making him even angrier. What the hell was wrong with him? “I just had a bad day, I guess.”

“You’re going to have to pick one.” He looked at Diego in confusion and he smiled softly at him as he continued. “Your lover or your wife. Which one do you feel safer with? Which one makes you feel… peaceful? Lucky for you, you have all your memories and can work through what you feel, am I right?” He scooted out of the booth and stood in front of the table and winked at him.

“Anyway, I think I’ve done my part. Now it’s on you hero. See ya around.” Diego walked over to a group of people that seemed to be waiting for him and whispered into the ear of the tall one covered in tattoos. The man glanced at Izuku for a second then roared with laughter before kissing Diego. Watching them made Izuku sick to his stomach… and he didn’t know why.

———

Katsuki tensed as he approached the door and saw that it had been left cracked open, making all of his hero instincts fire off at once. He glanced at the number on the door to double check that he had the right room, and cursed under his breath. Slowly, he pressed his shoulder against the door and kept his palms at the ready as he stepped into the room.

His concern was quickly replaced with agitation as he took in the sight in front of him. Ochaco was sitting on his friend with her head thrown back as Kirishima chewed on her neck. When she grabbed his hair and shoved him back to kiss him, Katsuki reached behind him and slammed the door shut.

He ignored their shocked panic and moved towards them quickly. Holding out his hand as he glared at Kirishima, he spoke in a low firm voice and demanded what he needed. “Give me my phone. Now.” Ochaco quickly got off of him and ran crying to the bathroom while he sat there staring at Katsuki with a stupid look on his face. “I mean it. Now, Kirishima. Give me my phone.”

“Yo. This is not what it looks like.” Kirishima dug through his pockets while breathing heavily with his eyes wide in shocked embarrassment. Katsuki didn’t give a shit what they were doing. None of that was his problem. If Izuku wasn’t here, that meant he was missing and he didn’t have time for their drama.

Snatching the phone from Kirishima’s hand, he quickly called Izuku and held the phone to his ear. When a buzzing sound reached his ears, he moved his eyes to the nightstand by the bed and his heart sank. A phone was lit up and vibrating, and as Katsuki ended the call… it went silent. Looking at Kirishima, he tried to keep his voice under control as he said, “Izuku is gone. We need to find him.”

———

Izuku leaned over the railing, watching the water slowly move as the breeze danced across the surface. The moon’s light was reflecting in the water’s motion and it should have calmed him, but it didn’t. Everything was wrong and he couldn’t understand why.

He hadn’t been happy before, but he hadn’t felt like this. In all of the places that had been full of sadness and longing, there was festering rage and disgust. When he thought of all the things that they had done together Kacchan's bed, it wasn’t love that he felt… it was betrayal. He gripped the railing tightly in his hands, and stopped himself from screaming into a void that wouldn’t even care. He just wanted the pain to end.

Sighing, he stepped back and looked up at the moon and remembered the last time he had stood here. She had been so happy when he asked her, just like she had been the day of their wedding. He felt like a monster for everything he’d done to her. What kind of hero says they’ll protect someone… just to betray them in the end, anyway.

He turned away from the water and walked along the edge of the lake in silence. He didn’t want to face her and he didn’t want anything to do with Kacchan, not until he could figure himself out. Sitting down on a bench with a better view of the water and the moon, he leaned back and considered the possibility of sleeping right where he was. What if he just surrendered to all of it and let it go? People slept on benches all the time. He’d seem them before and would always feel bad for them, but now he couldn’t help but wonder… was that their place of peace? Was every other option just too horrible to consider? Because for Izuku, in that moment… that’s how it was for him.

———

“Bakugo!” Eijiro was reaching for him, trying to stop him from using his quirk and taking off again. “Hey man!” He grabbed hold of Bakugo’s shirt just as he was lowering himself into a jumping stance. Bakugo turned to look at him and slowly stood up, glaring at him for interrupting his mission.

“We need to keep moving.” Eijiro hadn’t seen him like this in a long time. Bakugo had dropped all logic and reason, acting on nothing but instinct.

“Dude. We need to think about this. We’ve checked his place and he’s not at the hotel… we’ve been all over this city, man. Is it possible he doesn’t want to be found?” Bakugo continued to glare at him.

“No. Something’s wrong.” He started to walk away and Eijiro grabbed his arm, stopping him.

“Bro. I’m not gonna do this shit anymore if you can’t explain to me what the hell is going on.”

Bakugo turned to look at him over his shoulder. “We slept together. He left my apartment and headed back to the hotel. I tried to follow him… but he was gone.”

Eijiro's eyes went wide and he stepped closer to Bakugo, angrily whispering. “You fucked a married guy? Are you nuts?” Seeing the look in his eyes and remembering his own situation with Ochaco, he stepped back and awkwardly smiled. “Point taken.” Eijiro sighed and thought about the different reasons Midoriya might have bolted. “Maybe he felt guilty? I mean… Midoriya has a pretty rough hero complex, right?”

Bakugo lifted his head and stared off for a minute, then his eyes snapped back to Eijiro. “I know where he is.” He turned away from him and jumped, activating his quirk as he shot through the air. Coughing, Eijiro followed him wishing the man wouldn’t explode like that without warning people.

———

Ochaco sat on the tiled floor with her back against the bathroom door in silence. She had cried for a while… and then she just couldn’t cry anymore. The tears that should have been in guilt for what she’d done, were for the relationship she finally knew wasn’t real. Every kiss Deku had ever given her, even the one when he had said he loved her, they were nothing like that. The way Kirishima had grabbed at her like he needed every part of her… that was what she wanted from her husband.

She’d never felt any kind of passion or fire in the way that he touched her. Now that she’d kissed someone else, she realized how mechanical and forced every one of Deku’s touches had been. He loved her, there was no question in her mind. But he didn’t want her and he married her anyway. She didn’t understand and it was making her angry that he would do something like that. Why? Why wouldn’t he just tell her when they were younger? Why would he continue this lie and live their life with a fake smile every day?

She pushed herself off the bathroom floor and opened the door. Seeing Deku’s phone on the nightstand, she moved quickly and snatched it up as she sat on the bed. She stared at the black screen and her heart started to beat faster from the anxiety of holding it. She didn’t like the idea of going through his phone without his permission. It felt like a serious breach of trust and she’d already gone behind his back and kissed their friend. But… if something was in here that could explain everything.

She turned it on and unlocked it, letting out a slow breath as she tapped on his most recent messages. “Kacchan…” She whispered under her breath, remembering the name in her ear as she tapped the message. Everything looked normal, except… “Coffee?” Deku didn’t drink coffee.

She looked at the time stamp, early that morning before she had woken up. Her throat felt tight as it all started to come together. He was out of breath and said he’d been running. As Ochaco realized that he’d lied to her and what he was really doing, the phone dropped from her shaking hand. All of the moments that made it so obvious… the stick she had pulled from his hair after he went out to talk to Bakugo. The weird way Bakugo had been avoiding her and left the wedding early. The sudden breakdown after they tried to make a baby and the ‘I love you’ that was most likely said in guilt from what he’d done. Her stomach twisted and she felt like she was going to be sick.

Sitting there as her emotions raged into a quiet silent storm, she breathed slowly and stared absently at his phone on the floor between her feet. It wasn’t her at all… Deku wasn’t into women. ‘Call me when you wake up.’ Ochaco didn’t want to deal with it alone. She hopped off the bed, keeping all of herself quiet and moved across the room to the dinner her husband never showed up for. Throwing the bags to the floor, she grabbed her phone from underneath them on the table and opened her contacts to make a call.

When a voice answered on the other line, her eyes flashed with defiance. “Camie, you were right about Deku.”

———

Katsuki moved quickly and ran past the bushes to his right. The lake where he’d proposed. He should have checked here sooner. If Izuku was losing himself to guilt, it’s the exact place he would go. The place where he had made his original promise to Ochaco… that Izuku would be only hers forever. Cursing under his breath, Katsuki stopped moving when Kirishima yelled his name from across the water.

“He’s over here!” Without hesitation, Katsuki lunged forward and pressed his foot against the top of the railing and jumped. His eyes found Izuku sitting next to Kirishima on a bench as he activated his quirk, moving his body towards the man he’d been trying to find. As the air pushed against him and the water’s surface blurred past, he could only think of Izuku.

Landing hard on the cement, he ignored the force that shot through his legs and immediately reached for him. Grabbing him, he pulled Izuku off the bench and wrapped his arms around him tightly. He’d stopped himself from thinking the worst, but through every attempt that he made at trying to find him it had been in the back of his mind. If something happened to him, he would never forgive himself. Katsuki needed him. “Are you okay?”

———

Izuku knew that Katsuki’s question shouldn’t hurt as much as it did. The anger and betrayal had finally attached itself to everything he had done to be with Katsuki. He didn’t want to be the kind of man that betrayed someone that he had made promises to. Katsuki, as much as Izuku loved him, had turned him into something he didn’t want to be… a villain.

“Please don’t touch me.” His voice was quiet and low as he spoke the words that he couldn’t stop himself from saying. Katsuki’s grip on him relaxed and then he pulled away from him. Izuku ignored the pain on his face, he was too angry and disgusted with what they’d done to Ochaco to care. “I need to go home to my wife.”

He turned to leave and Katsuki grabbed his arm, pulling him back to him and touching his face. “What happened to you?” Katsuki's red eyes darted between his with concern and Izuku noticed he didn’t feel the same longing that he’d once had for them. There was something inside of him that he couldn’t find and it made him feel an uncontainable rage.

The sound of the slap reached his ears before the pain could reach his hand. Katsuki stood there not moving with his head to the side, giving Izuku the full view of the red handprint across the side of his face. Panting, Izuku pulled himself away from him and glared at him in disgust. “I asked you not to touch me.”

“Midoriya. What the hell is wrong with you, man?” Kirishima was looking at him like he was a stranger and Katsuki still wasn’t moving.

“People aren’t toys for your amusement. There are consequences for using someone and refusing to give them what you promised.” He didn’t know where the words came from but he felt them deeply in that circle of rage that was consuming him. “I made a promise to my wife, and I’m going to keep it.” Izuku turned away from them and ran with everything he had. He wanted to go home to Ochaco.

———

Ochaco lounged across the couch in her pajamas, her hair wrapped in a towel as she angry doom scrolled videos of women who also couldn’t stand men. “They are disgusting…” she said, as another woman complained about having to deal with the opposite gender. When a video popped up with some guy hugging a cute little kitten, she glared at it and tossed her phone to the other side of the couch. “And I’m sure his DMs are full of women who think he’s just the nicest fucking guy. Bunch of stupid scummy liars.”

Camie had warned her and she didn’t listen. And what happened? It was her own fault for trusting a man over a woman’s instinct. At least Camie hadn’t been mean about it when she talked with her, she had been supportive and ready to beat up Deku and Bakugo both. Ochaco smiled picturing it, Camie wouldn’t win, but she was saucy enough to make them miserable before she lost. Ochaco sighed, wishing it was tomorrow already so they could have their newly scheduled girl day. She needed a break from her own bad choices.

The door to her hotel room started to open and her eyes moved towards it as Deku slowly walked into the room. He closed the door behind him and she tensed, not saying anything. “Ochaco…” He kept walking towards her and with every step, he made her anger grow until she felt like she would actually hurt him. “We need to talk.”

“No. We don’t. You need to get your suitcase and your phone, and go back to your own apartment.” He looked at her with pain and confusion twisting his face and she didn’t care. Camie told her about how men like him marry stupid girls like her just to hide what they were… and she wasn’t going to play that game with him anymore. “I know what you did with Bakugo. Get out.”

He hung his head and stared at the ground in front of him, making her even angrier. As if he was the victim… She stood up and was about to force him out when he started to talk and she stopped, morbidly curious what his excuse would be. “I went to the place where I proposed to you tonight. I felt angry with myself. That I’d let him turn me into a villain. When he showed up with Kirishima… I slapped him and told him to stay away from me.” His head lifted and he stared at her, his eyes pleading and full of tears. “I told him I wanted to be with you, Ochaco. I picked you.” He stepped towards her and she flinched, moving back.

“You should have picked me the whole time if you wanted to keep me, Deku. I want you to leave.” When he moved towards her again she clenched her fists and closed her eyes as she screamed “You don’t get to touch me!” She stood there breathing hard with her eyes shut tight, hoping he would leave.

When she didn’t hear him move, she opened her eyes and looked directly into his. “You really think that I’ll let you touch me after all the times you thought of him while doing it? Get… out!” He backed away from her quickly and ran to the door. Opening it, Deku looked back at her one last time before walking through the doorway and closing the door behind him.

Ochaco stood with her hands shaking and slowly sat back down on the couch, trying to breathe. Her throat felt tight as she ripped the towel off her head and threw it across the room in her rage. Not caring to move the wet hair, now clinging to her face, she grabbed at the coffee table in front of her frantically. Digging her fingertips into the wood as a sad low groan escaped her throat. Collapsing into herself, she held her head and pressed her face into her knees… sobbing in the suffering loss of the only dream she’d ever had.

———

He needed to vacuum. The thought came to him as he stared at the tiny little curls of material that made up the carpet of his apartment. There were little specks here and there and occasional strands of his own blonde hair. He should probably buy a vacuum. He had a cleaning lady that did it for him, but she was obviously not doing the best job. He’d have to talk to her about that. Glancing at his phone, Katsuki wondered if it was too late to send that text.

“Dude. Are you gonna answer me?”

If she was up, he could negotiate a pay raise and maybe have her vacuum more often. He glanced at the window by his door and saw the little smudges on the glass and frowned. He should definitely text her, she should have handled the windows the last time she was here. It wasn’t that difficult to spray down a window and wipe it, that plus the floor? That was just negligence. Maybe instead of calling her, he should fire her and hire someone else. Kirishima was suddenly in front of him and pulling him off the couch. “Bakugo! Wake the fuck up!”

Katsuki pushed him away and glared at him. “Don’t touch me!” At the sound of his own words echoing the ones he’d heard from Izuku, his face fell. He needed air. Pushing past Kirishima he moved through his apartment and yanked open his door in a rush. Gasping as the cold air filled his lungs, he leaned into the railing outside and looked down at the parking area below. He looked around at the stillness of the cars parked below and cursed under his breath when he remembered frantically looking for Izuku earlier. He didn’t want to think about him.

He turned around and came face to face with Kirishima opening his mouth to yell at him. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Katsuki pushed him back again and looked at him with a threat in his eyes. “What the fuck do you think? Back off Kirishima.”

“No. You need to wake the fuck up. Midoriya goes missing and comes back like that? Since when does he slap people? He would’ve punched your ass if he meant it. Someone messed him up, man.” Kirishima looked at him with agitation and turned to the apartment door, calling back over his shoulder, “Get over your shit and help me figure it out.”

Katsuki stared at Kirishima’s back as he walked into the living room, his heart and mind racing in unison. Thinking back to the hate he had seen in Izuku’s green eyes, he gripped his hand tightly on the iron railing. In everything he’d ever done to him, he had never looked at him like that. Kirishima was right, someone did something to him… and they were going to wish they hadn’t.

Chapter Text

The eyes. They hurt him the most. Empty sockets with shadows that he would fall into if he looked at them for too long. They couldn’t see him and they never tried. He was lost to them in a world that he could never reach. They’d forgotten what he was to them and he cried on the floor against the wall as they laughed… and laughed. The sound was tearing into him and he couldn’t escape the scream of meaning nothing to the people that he loved the most. His own parents… they didn’t know him.

Diego woke suddenly and couldn’t move. His body was paralyzed as the terror of their eyes held onto him and wouldn’t let go. As his mind slowly regained focus, he reminded himself that it was just a dream. They weren’t real and they weren’t here. His parents had left him a long time ago.

His breathing increased in speed and depth as he tried to find the strength to move and run from his bed. He didn’t want to be trapped in it anymore and needed to be far away from the thought of them. The adrenaline started to beat faster in his ears as he slowly moved, terrified of the unseen eyes and feeling like they would come back and refuse to see him at any moment.

He grabbed at the bed and pulled himself forward, inching his legs over the edge so that he could escape. As the rough material of the scratchy old carpeting touched the bottom of his feet, Diego braced himself against it and shot out of bed, running to his bathroom and slamming the door as fast as possible.

He pressed the bare skin of his back against the cool paint of the door and closed his eyes. His hands were shaking again, just like every other time that nightmare had haunted him. It was always the same… that laughter and those empty eyes. Diego moved to the bathroom sink and shakily turned on the faucet, splashing cold water on his face as he took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “Just a dream. Just a dream.” He chanted the familiar mantra absentmindedly, trying to convince himself that none of it was real.

He shut off the faucet with a sigh and looked up at his reflection in the mirror. He looked like shit. Diego had been a mess ever since that hero had almost killed him. Hanging there with the man’s hand around his throat, he had questioned the value of his life as he faced the possibility of his death. Every memory that he’d tried so hard to erase had come flooding into his mind all at once and the nightmare of it had been with him ever since.

He fixed his hair so that it fell the way he liked and opened the door, going back to his bedroom. Heading right to his closet and ignoring his bed, he grabbed jeans and a short white shirt and left his room. Remembering the green haired hero, he smiled to himself sadly as he got dressed. The poor fool had no idea what Diego had done to him.

He straightened his shirt and looked at his hands… Soft skin, dainty long fingers, and dark blue polish decorating each chewed nail. They appeared normal and untainted with cruelty, like all the other hands he’d seen while moving through his life. But his hands were different. They were thieves and corruptors of the human mind, dragging others down into an unimaginable cruelty they couldn’t escape from. He knew better than anyone what his hands were capable of. They had stolen his parents the same way that they had stolen from everyone else.

He turned his head to the side and dropped his hands as he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to do it… he never did. The world always had plans that didn’t agree with his, though… and it seemed to be inevitable. Telling that hero the truth and taking his memory, was the only thing Diego could do and the first step towards making the nightmares stop. That disgusting hero had taken away the peace he’d fought to achieve and Diego wanted it back. If hurting someone innocent and kind was the only way Diego could survive… then the choice was unfortunately clear, even if he hated the act itself.

———

He’d stayed up all night, even though it had been entirely unnecessary. Sitting at the table in the dining area of Deku’s apartment, Shoto quietly sipped the tea he had prepared and watched the sun rise through the floor to ceiling windows on the other side of the room. There was a soft glow coming in as the sun emerged, and he rather liked it. With the walls and flooring being pure white, it gave an almost translucent effect to the colors as they streaked their way across the room. “Pleasant.” He whispered to himself as he took another sip.

If Deku slowed down to appreciate moments like this one, he probably wouldn’t be so troubled and confused. Shoto snorted to himself quietly at the thought as he held the tea cup gently. The man had inspired him to accept the part of himself that he hated most, and yet he couldn’t do that very thing for himself. It was interesting to observe and Shoto couldn’t help but wonder how much longer Deku was going to continue tumbling down the same useless path.

“Hey, Shoto.” Shoto continued to watch the sunrise and nodded in response as he listened to Deku’s bare feet trod across the floor behind him. His footsteps were heavy and disoriented giving away his mental state. A night of sleep obviously hadn’t done much for the man.

“There’s hot water.” Shoto had left hot water on the stovetop assuming Deku wouldn’t sleep the day away. Even when things were difficult, heroes didn’t have the time to waste on sulking and sinking. They took action and handled what needed to be handled or someone would fall through the cracks that their instability had created. It was on them to hold everything together for those that were incapable of doing so. It was a non negotiable mindset, and Deku should be more than aware of it. Yet still, he wasn’t keeping it together.

Shoto heard the hot water pour into a small cup and noticed that the colors had gently shifted in the room into a soft yellow as the sun pushed itself higher into the sky. Deku’s feet moved his way and a chair was dragged into the empty space beside him, his friend sighing as he sat down and held onto his tea cup. Shoto noticed the way Deku’s limbs hung lazily, influenced by an obvious state of mental lethargy. “What will you do today?” Shoto asked, curious if it would be something productive or more of the same self destructive behavior.

Shoto’s eyes were drawn to Deku’s fingers, nervously scratching the top of his bare thigh as he considered his answer to the question. The man had come into the communal space wearing only his boxers without any concern for modesty, which in itself was highly unusual. Shoto set his tea down and decided to say something. “I’m moving in with you.”

Shoto didn’t even have to look at him to know which ridiculous look Deku had on his face as he protested, “What? All of a sudden? You don’t want to talk about this? What about your dad?”

“My father is self sufficient and has my sister. What is there to discuss?” Shoto stood up calmly and picked up his empty tea cup before taking it to the sink and cleaning it quickly. As he placed it on the drying rack, Deku was behind him with a flustered face.

“Shoto. I only have one bedroom. That’s not gonna work.” Deku was panicked with his mind going to ridiculous places fitting of his current instability.

“Your lease is also about to expire.” He dried his hands on the towel and folded it nicely, laying it across the edge of the sink. “I’ve already secured housing in the same building. I like the view.”

“What? When did you do that?” Shoto walked towards the back room, his slippers padding gently against the floor as Deku tromped beside him in frustration. “I have a wife Shoto!”

Shoto stopped walking and turned his head to look at him. Deku’s jaw was tense along with the muscles in his shoulders and chest. That he was clinging so hard to something he had no interest in, concerned Shoto and was all the more reason to keep an eye on him. “Do you? Not according to what you told me last night.” He turned away from him as Deku’s eyes went wide and continued walking to the bedroom.

When Deku grabbed him roughly by the shoulder, Shoto didn’t react. When he turned him around and shoved him hard against the hallway wall, Shoto watched his eyes and every single movement of his face. He assessed his friend and found an unnatural anger festering under the surface as Deku’s hand tightened on his nightshirt and his breathing labored heavily. “No, Shoto… I’m getting Ochaco back.”

“You mentioned a bar. What was the name of it?” Deku’s face dropped and he blinked at him in confusion, his hand relaxing its hold on Shoto’s clothing.

“What? Oh it was… I can’t remember. The whole thing is a little blurry, I wasn’t in a good place.” He let go of Shoto, who adjusted his shirt and continued to watch him.

“Is that the only part of your night that’s like that?” When Deku looked uncomfortable he had his answer. “You don’t find that odd?”

“Well not really, Shoto… I was drinking.” Shoto turned away from him and walked into the bedroom to grab his clothes from his suitcase. He’d packed for a few days, knowing that Deku would most likely need it. Now that he knew that he was hungover and that everything was clearly out of control, he wished that he had packed for a couple more. After all these years of slow collapse, the man finally needed an intervention.

“So what will you do today?” He carried his clothes past Deku who was still staring at him. Walking down the hallway, he went into the bathroom and set them down on the counter. He turned on the water before stepping back into the hall to finish the conversation. Staring at Deku, Shoto waited for an answer to the question that he had to ask twice.

“I was thinking about going to the hotel and apologizing to Ochaco.” Strange… Not that long ago the man would have tried to avoid that kind of thing.

“Not Bakugo?” Shoto watched Deku’s face twist into disgust at the mention of the name.

“No. I’d rather not deal with Katsuki right now.” Shoto watched him and studied him with his eyes, coming to a conclusion about his friend.

“We can go to the hotel after I’m done.” He went into the bathroom and closed the door, very aware that something had happened to Deku. To call Bakugo by his first name instead of Kacchan… it was an incredible abnormality. If they went to the hotel, it should be easy enough to find the bar and start asking questions about the visitors that were there last night. Hopefully whatever happened to him, wasn’t something that was permanent.

———

Was she freakin serious right now? This girl was literally being the most obnoxious… “Excuse me! Are you for real with this Ochaco?!” Camie banged on the door harder than the last time and let out a frustrated tiny shriek under her breath. She grumbled to herself as she went to her purse and opened it. Smirking, she grabbed a small black bag and brought it back to the door. Camie squatted down and opened it on her thighs, pulling out a little poker as she grinned at the tiny hole in the center of the doorknob.

Sliding the metal of her tool into the slot, she felt for the resistance and giggled when she pressed it and the lock clicked. She set her bag to the side and threw open the bathroom door while yelling “Ochaco!”

“Get out!” Camie’s shoulders sagged and she made a pout face when Ochaco yelled at her.

“Are you still simping for that loser?” When Ochaco looked confused she smiled again. “You know… Mister take it and not give it? The receiver? Mr Bottom? Your EX husband?” Camie rolled her eyes at the horrified look on Ochaco’s face and pulled her from the crying puddle spot on the floor, dragging her by her ankles from the bathroom for her own good and ignoring her yells of protest.

Dropping her by the front door she smiled down at her, her light brown hair hanging around her face and making her giggle at the way it made Ochaco look funny. “Time to lock in.”

“W-what?” Camie held her hand out with a smile and then smiled wider when Ochaco finally grabbed it. She helped her stand up and then stood in front of her looking her up and down, not liking what she was seeing. The woman had absolutely zero for any kind of quality fashion sense.

She pointed her finger up and down at Ochaco’s body while shaking her head and then said in a firm tone, “Full stop.” When Ochaco stared at her she pointed more aggressively. “You’re like… not wearing whatever that is.”

“But I like it.” Camie raised her eyebrows at the plain jean shorts and white t-shirt and then made a face. Ochaco could like it all she wanted, but she wasn’t wearing it for their night out.

“Oh, I’m sure you do sweetie, but no. I brought a haul for you. And girl, we’re gonna get you a rebound.” She winked at her and grabbed her wrist, dragging her over to the giant suitcase that Camie had forced the hotel staff to bring to the room. “Don’t stress it, Ochaco.” She giggled and smiled at her, ignoring the death glare her friend was giving her. “Tonight is gonna be lit.”

———

Diego watched the ripples that moved across the surface of the water, caused by the touch of his toes, and imagined he was far away from everything he’d ever known. He closed his eyes and calmly inhaled the scent of the nature around him, wishing every moment could be this simple. If he could just touch his own cheek, and take it all away… what then? Would it stop hurting?

“Hey! This is private property!” Diego sighed. So much for that respite. He grabbed his shoes and stood up on the little dock in the backyard that he had invaded, smiling at the security guard that was running towards him. He’d snuck his way onto the property of a wealthy family when a car pulled into their gate, and used the opportunity to relax. He’d gotten 15 minutes this time before the guy he’d nicknamed Inu started yelling at him. Usually it was sooner. Seemed to Diego that Inu was slacking on the job today.

“Is it? I didn’t realize.” The man whose name wasn’t actually Inu glared at him and grabbed him by the arm, his budget badge shining on his chest. Diego glared at him for the rough handling and touched his cheek quickly, erasing all memories of his existence from the man. “Sir! Please don’t do this. I said no!” His voice immediately shifted into something scared and weak as he cowered, hiding his face from the man while he pretended to cry. In response, Inu stared at him in shock and quickly dropped his arm.

“What? How the… who are you?” Inu stepped back, stammering, when Diego uncovered his face and showed the blood dripping down the corner of his mouth. He’d bitten the inside of his own cheek, and was using it for effect to manipulate the guard into believing this new narrative. It was what he needed to do, in order to get out of there without any problems. “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t…”

Diego reached for his phone slowly and looked at him in fear, “Please don’t come near me. I’m calling the cops.”

Inu immediately panicked. “No! Please! What do you want? Don’t… I’ll lose my job. I’ve got kids, okay.” Diego’s hand froze on his phone, his eyes becoming angry and distant all at once. Kids. This man gets to go home and remember his family. Probably sits at the table with them for dinner, and asks about their day. Tucks them in at night, and kisses their foreheads promising to always be there and never leave them. Diego’s jaw tensed and he glared at Inu with all the hatred he had for himself.

“Money. And I’ll leave and not tell anyone.” The man grabbed his wallet from his back pocket and pulled everything out of the center pocket. He thrust his shaky hand towards Diego who took it and stuffed it into his oversized zip up hoodie. “Thanks.” He turned and ran from the property, carrying his shoes and ignoring the pain in his bare feet when he hit the sidewalk outside of the gate. The scraping against his soles and the throb of his lip, made him feel something more than emptiness for a small moment.

Stopping, he tossed the wad of money into the gutter and sat down on the curb to put on his sneakers. He couldn’t go back to that house and would have to find a new stop for his quiet moments. He never wanted to see that dog man again. He hated him, he hated the way that he had made him feel, and he hated the memories that he made him think of.

The phone in his pocket buzzed as he finished tying his laces and he groaned out loud. He really didn’t feel like doing a job right now. With everything going on, the last thing Diego wanted was to put on a fake smile and let some stranger do whatever they wanted. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he looked at the caller ID and glared. “Unknown… Who the hell?” He whispered as he tapped the answer button and put it to his ear. “Heyyy, who is this?”

“Hey Diego.” Diego scrunched his face in confusion. The voice was altered and distorted but apparently it knew him.

“Okay. You know my name, what’s yours?” He pushed himself up and dusted off his jeans, tired of fuck boys and their games. It was probably one of Arashi’s friends on the other end playing some kind of joke.

“My name doesn’t matter. You know what does though? You using your quirk on that poor security guard. He’s got kids Diego.” Diego froze and his breathing slowed as his eyes darted around quickly, trying to find the person who was obviously watching him. “That’s cute Diego, but you’re not gonna find me…” The robotic voice started to laugh in his ear and Diego’s heart beat faster, the danger of the situation becoming apparent.

“Is this some kind of prank? I don’t have a quirk.” He kept his face steady and his voice low as he turned and walked down the sidewalk at a normal pace. Whoever it was, had eyes on him and was close enough to have heard what the guard said. This was a problem.

“No prank Diego. But I bet you’re wishing you had taken my memories when you had the chance. I’m glad you didn’t though. I think about that body of yours often and the way it feels to be inside you.” The man wasn’t just watching him, he somehow knew what his quirk was. That was something Diego had never told anyone. He wasn’t even registered for it, his quirk had slipped through every crack imaginable because of what it was. Diego started to walk faster, his stomach dropping as a horrible feeling of dread crawled over his skin.

“Well, if you like me so much… why not call and make a request? It’s not difficult and it sounds like you already have.” Diego pushed the voice as he walked, testing him to see if he was a previous client. If he could figure out who it was, he could use his quirk and this would all go away.

“Pay for it? Like everyone else? No. I get it for free. You’re not the only one with a mind quirk, Diego. Have you enjoyed the nightmares I give you when I come into your apartment at night? I liked it when you didn’t know, but now that you do… it’ll be more fun.” The line disconnected and Diego stopped walking, staring ahead with a faraway look in his eyes. He was looking into the distance and not breathing when he realized what the voice had implied.

His stomach suddenly reacted in understanding. Turning towards the property barrier that lined the sidewalk path, he bent over and threw up. Diego leaned into the flat of his hand for support against the wall as he heaved and clutched his stomach, not hearing the honking or comments as people passed him by. Wiping his mouth with his hoodie sleeve and panting heavily, he replayed the conversation in his mind.

Those nightmares weren’t from that hero and everything he did to Izuku was for nothing. Someone had been… His knees buckled and he grabbed at the wall as he fell, unable to catch himself. He heard the thud from the inside of his skull as he hit the concrete, but the pain of it was far away just like everything else.

———

Shoto looked through the window of the bar in front of him and decided he had the right place, based on the clientele and Deku’s description. Opening the door and walking inside, he was unbothered by the stares as he headed to the bar. “Excuse me, sir,” he got the bartender’s attention as he approached and then asked him, “Last night, did you happen to see a man with green hair come in? He would have had noticeable scarring and green eyes.”

The bartender grunted at him and put down the glass that he'd been cleaning. “More heroes, huh? I think we’ve had enough of your kind around here. So unless you’ve got a warrant, get out of my bar.” Shoto nodded politely, expressed his thanks for the man’s time, and turned to leave. As he walked away he saw a tall man with tattoos eyeing him uncomfortably and chose to make a detour to his table before exiting.

Leaning towards the man, Shoto spoke quietly, “If you’d like to talk, I’ll be outside.” Then he made his way out of the bar and walked a little ways up the sidewalk to wait. For the bartender to have such a horrible reaction towards heroes, it would probably be safe to assume that whatever happened to Deku… had happened in that bar. The door opened to his right and he watched as the tall man he’d spoken to stepped outside and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. He lit one and made a show of smoking it while occasionally stealing glances to look Shoto’s way.

When he finally walked over he did it with discretion, moving slowly and keeping his head down. He stopped a few feet away and leaned his back against the building, looking down at the sidewalk as he smoked. “Stop looking at me.” Shoto looked away and watched the curb across the street with the understanding that the man didn’t want to be seen speaking to a hero, likely due to the illegal activities that he participated in. “That hero you’re looking for… what kind of guy is he?”

A leaf was tumbling slowly along the curb that he was staring at, hugging the cement as it moved down the street. Shoto wasn’t looking for Deku. He knew exactly where he was. Deku had gone to the hotel to talk to Ochaco, but Shoto could see how his questions to the bartender would have given that impression. “He’s a hero.” He wasn’t giving the man anything more than that, not when he could be speaking to someone responsible for the change that had taken place in his friend.

He heard the man curse and stomp his foot against the ground, the gravel crunching as he twisted his foot back and forth in frustration with Shoto’s answer. “You guys think you’re so high and mighty.” His feet landed heavy against the cement as he stomped towards him, with Shoto still keeping his gaze on the curb as he approached. “That hero isn’t what you think he is. He talked with a friend of mine and Diego’s been fucked up ever since. Now he’s not answering any of his calls and no one has seen him.”

When the man reached out to grab him, Shoto smacked his hand away quickly and finally looked his direction. “It sounds like your friend is feeling guilty… Now, what would have caused that?” The man’s face twisted in angry acknowledgement and Shoto knew that he’d hit his mark.

“Bullshit. Diego was nice to him and helped that freak feel comfortable. He told me how bad that guy wanted him. So he teased him a little bit. That’s not an excuse… That fuckin hero did something to him” He got closer to Shoto and snarled at him, his breath reeking of cigarettes and whiskey. “If he took him, I’ll snap his damn neck myself. Street kids like Diego go through enough, they don’t need heroes poking around and constantly fucking with them.”

The man stepped away and headed back the way he came, stopping after a few feet to look over his shoulder at Shoto. “Tell Dynamight I’m watching, and if he knows what’s good for him… he’ll stay the fuck away from Diego.” He walked to the door and lifted his hand, smirking as the door began to tremble. Suddenly it moved on its own and flew open, the metal of the framed glass slammed into the man’s hand as his fingers wrapped around the edge of it tightly. “We’re not heroes… but we’re not as weak as you think.” He entered the bar and let the door close on its own as Shoto stood there on the sidewalk, watching the empty space where the man had just demonstrated his quirk.

He turned back to the curb and saw that the leaf had managed to lift itself onto the sidewalk in the wind, the dryness of it lowering its density just enough to allow it. Deku and Bakugo… they were both connected to a missing man, a man that might have something to do with Deku’s instability. Shoto had stepped into something that was looking to be a bigger problem than he’d first anticipated.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, checking the caller ID. Seeing Deku’s name, he answered it and held it to his ear in silence, waiting for Deku to speak. “Shoto! Ochaco is gone!”

“Gone?” He wasn’t surprised something else could potentially be going wrong. There was something chaotic about the last couple of days, like everything was spiraling into something unpredictable and it wasn’t going to stop any time soon.

“Ochaco isn’t here. Her things are tossed everywhere and I found a lock picking kit near the bathroom door.” Shoto turned away from the leaf and disconnected the call, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He was now certain of the undeniable spiral taking place, but the question that he had to ask… how bad was it going to get?

———

Ochaco shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying not to make eye contact with any of the people moving around her. Camie had taken her to some kind of warehouse club scene and forced her into an outfit that made her want to hide in a bathroom stall and never come out. The small fake leather shorts were way too tight and wouldn’t stop climbing way too high. Tugging at her shorts again, she caught sight of her own cleavage and groaned out loud as she covered her face with her hand. The embarrassment that she was feeling was becoming something close to suffocating.

She was dressed like some kind of movie whore… the black knee high boots were squeezing her legs tightly while the corset around her waist was making it difficult to breathe. The clothing on her body refused to let her forget what she looked like, no matter how hard she tried. “Kill me…” she whispered to herself, trapped in a spiral of self pity.

“What?” Camie leaned in and smiled at her, a bright blue cocktail in her hand as she wiggled to the music. “You good? This DJ is fire! Am I right?” Ochaco glared at her through the fingers that were hiding her face. Camie got to wear actual pants, even though they were that same fake leather material and way too tight… she was fully clothed, unlike the mess of an outfit the woman had picked for Ochaco. It felt like some kind of biased inequality and Ochaco hated it. Just because she had left her new husband, did not mean that she needed to flaunt everything she was to all of the people in this club.

Ochaco chose not to reply to Camie as she pulled her hand away from her face and turned her attention to the drink in front of her. She grabbed at the tiny straw and poked at the floating ice, trying to ignore the vibrations in her chest from the music that was way too loud. In spite of all of her best efforts, she couldn’t help but wonder what Deku was doing. Was he with Bakugo having the time of his life? Happy to be finally free of her? She sighed and felt the sadness tighten across her chest, amplified by the black corset that she hated so much. She felt like a complete idiot…

“Excuse me!” Camie’s voice breaking through her thoughts as it crashed into her ears, caused Ochaco to jump and almost spill her drink. She turned to look at the woman and her breath caught in her chest when Camie suddenly hugged her tightly and whispered into her ear. “Girl, let him go. Focusing on you right now. You can worry about it all tomorrow. Just have fun.” Camie kissed her cheek as she pulled away and smiled at her. Ochaco didn’t know which was more shocking… the normal words the woman had used or that she’d said exactly what Ochaco needed to hear to stop spiraling.

Camie hopped off of her stool, her long golden brown hair bouncing around her as she grabbed Ochaco’s hand. “Let’s go, it’s time for your baddie era.” Ochaco stumbled forward in her heeled boots as Camie yanked her from the stool. She held her hand tightly, regaining her balance, and followed Camie through the crowd of people. She was trying her best not to bump into anyone and failing miserably as the multitude of bodies pressed against her. The air was much thicker and suffocatingly warm that deep within the crowd, with everyone moving in unison around her to the beat of the music as Camie held on tightly to her hand.

When the music slowed, Camie suddenly turned around and pulled Ochaco close, “Wanna roll with me?” Ochaco nodded her head. Not understanding what she had asked, but ready to follow her anywhere if it meant she could live free of the sadness that Camie had just pulled her out of over at the bar.

Camie smiled at her answer and started to dance, moving her hands across her body and swaying her hips in time with the rhythm in the air. If Ochaco hadn’t been so tense, standing there in the crowd and watching her, she would have missed seeing Camie grab something from her bra before she pulled Ochaco into another hug. “Open your mouth.” Ochaco stood there, completely still, with Camie’s warm cheek pressed against hers. She had no idea what to do with that kind of request.

She wasn’t so naive that she didn’t realize what Camie was trying to do. Heroes were trained and made aware of all kinds of illegal activity. What she hadn’t been trained on… was what to do if she actually wanted to participate in one. If a fellow hero was offering her a drug, and she actually wanted to take it… what then?

Ochaco’s mouth opened on its own, as if her heart wanted so badly to feel something different that it took over and threw all of her logic to the back of her mind. Camie’s face was suddenly close to hers, leaning in like she was going to kiss her. But just before their lips could touch, two of Camie’s fingers slipped between them and dropped something onto her tongue. Their task completed, the fingers moved away and lifted Ochaco’s chin, closing her mouth gently with the finality of her choice.

Ochaco’s eyes watered at the taste of it. It was absolutely horrendous and she tried to swallow the pill with her saliva as soon as possible to get it out of her mouth. As it moved down her throat, she watched Camie dance in front of her. Her friend moved with discretion, hiding the pill she was sneaking onto her tongue from the rest of the bodies that were moving around them. Ochaco had no idea what she was doing and she had no idea what that pill was going to do to her, but for the first time… she didn’t care. She welcomed the reckless adventure with anticipation and excitement.

———

“How long has he been like that?” He could hear the voices but they were so far away that it was like they existed in a dream that wasn’t close enough to touch.

“I don’t know. He was on the side of the road, man. I got him in my car… but the whole way he didn’t say anything. You thinkin it’s a quirk?” Diego couldn’t see the room or the people in it. He knew who they were and he knew where he was… but it was so vague that the concept didn’t reach the part of him that would understand it fully. Which was fine, because he didn’t want to have to understand anything ever again. “If it is… we’re gonna have to take him to a hospital or something, Arashi. They’re gonna ask questions and if it was one of his regulars…”

“That’s not gonna happen.” Diego observed the feeling of the hand touching his face. The tingle of his skin… that was so far away. “Diego, hey.” Arashi. He knew him and he wanted to hug him but he couldn’t. He’d remember all the things he didn’t want to. The black of Arashi’s shirt and the tattoos down his arms were an unfocused blur as he felt himself being carried and moved. The world was swaying as Diego closed his eyes, choosing to accept the darkness.

The breath in his chest stalled when the arms around him tightened and Diego didn’t try to fight it. But when lips touched his and hands moved through his hair, his heart beat with the same feeling of fear that he was running from. His eyes snapped open and he shoved at Arashi with all of his strength, kicking and scratching at him as Arashi tried to pull away.

Diego threw his body to the other side of the couch and pulled himself over the arm, slamming his feet to the ground as he ran. “Diego!” Arashi’s voice was in his ear as he ripped open the door to the back office and stumbled through the bar, moving through the blurs to get to the safety of outside air. When he grabbed at the door and it wouldn’t budge, he yanked at it and banged his fists against it before finally dropping to his knees and screaming.

There were arms around him and he fought them with everything he had, until he couldn’t fight anymore. Surrendering to his own weakness, his body went limp as he sat there with Arashi’s voice in his ear. “Shhh. It’s okay. You’re safe, Diego. It’s okay.” Arashi was wrong…

“No.” He didn’t recognize his own voice. It didn’t belong to him anymore. Like the rest of him, it had been stolen away and belonged to someone else. “I’m not.”

Arashi released him from the hug and grabbed the sides of Diego’s face, his yellow eyes full of concern. Diego got lost watching the strand of black hair that fell across his jaw and brushed against the stubble on his chin, fixating on the way it moved and swayed with every breath Arashi took. “Diego.” He looked away from the strand of hair and back to Arashi’s yellow eyes, staring into the different shades and colors as they moved back and forth. “Who hurt you?”

As the question moved through him his body tensed and the entire room came into focus, he could hear every breath and sound. The cars driving on the street outside, the hushed whispers across the room, and his own shaky breathing as he prepared to answer. “I don’t know.”

———

“This is a really bad idea.” Katsuki ignored him as he pulled the key from his back pocket and slipped it into the door. “Why the hell do you have a key to his place?”

“It’s for emergencies.” Turning the key and unlocking the door, he pushed it open and walked inside.

“That’s that stalker shit I was talking about with you two.” Kirishima yelled at him from the hallway, hesitating to follow him.

“Get in here and close the door.” Kirishima cursed behind him and the door to the apartment slammed as Katsuki turned to look at him. “Help me look around.”

The sunset was shining through the tall glass windows of the living room as Katsuki moved through the kitchen and checked the counters for anything useful. Noticing one teacup still used on the counter and the other in the drying rack, he frowned. The frown deepened when he saw the neatly folded towel lying across the sink with intention. As he turned to head toward the back rooms, his eyes lingered on the two chairs that were sitting oddly close to each other. He tensed his jaw at the sight of them and he continued his mission, a new kind of agitation forming.

Approaching the door to the bedroom, Katsuki held his breath as he crossed the threshold and let his eyes move over the room. The bed was a mess and there was a dark blue suitcase at the foot of it. He was staring at it and trying not to jump to conclusions when Kirishima’s loud voice next to him made him wince. “Find anything?”

Ignoring him, Katsuki went over to the suitcase and squatted down beside it so that he could get a better look. It was possible that it belonged to the person who’d hurt him… but the chance of that was pretty slim. He pinched the zipper and opened the bag, flipping the top to the side so that he could see the contents. Everything inside was organized perfectly and folded with intention, just like the towel. Seeing the blue fabric of a hero costume that he was very familiar with, Katsuki slammed the lid closed and stood up as Kirishima approached him.

In anger, he pushed passed his friend and left the room as he called back over his shoulder, “We’re leaving.”

Kirishima caught up to him and protested, “Dude, what the hell just happened? I didn’t even want to do this, but now that we’re here we might as well look for something that would help. What the fuck, Bakugo?” Katsuki stopped in the middle of the kitchen and glared at the folded towel that he had seen when he first entered the apartment.

“It’s Todoroki’s suitcase.” Kirishima raised his eyebrows in confusion and waited for Katsuki to explain. “There’s only one bedroom. Does the couch look slept on?”

Kirishima looked over to the couch and his face fell, seeing what Katsuki had noticed as well. Not a single blanket, pillow, or wrinkle in the material. The furniture almost looked brand new. “Come on Bakugo, Todoroki’s straight.”

“I know… But Izuku isn’t.” As they left Izuku’s apartment Katsuki couldn’t get the image out of head. They’d slept in the same bed, with Izuku likely clinging to Todoroki for comfort as he removed Katsuki from his life. When he finally got ahold of the person who had hurt Izuku… Katsuki wasn’t going to be able to call himself a hero anymore.

Chapter Text

All of the colors of the lights around her blended together as her eyes tried to grab onto the details and failed miserably. The greens and blues were vividly melting into the foggy air to make something new. The beat vibrated through the bones in her chest as the music carried her in the movements that she was making. Everything was flowing in synchronicity with the sounds around her that were coming from the speakers. Ochaco had lost herself and found the person that she had always wanted to be.

Camie smiled in front of her and as Ochaco moved she watched her friend’s golden hair swim around her through the air as if it had a soul of its. The beat slowed and so did she, tensing in anticipation as it built itself into something stronger and much louder. When it finally slammed into the crowd, they all moved as one and jumped into the motions that connected them together.

Camie grabbed her hand and her skin electrified itself in response to the sudden physical contact, forcing her jaw to chatter as she sucked in a breath. The lights were bending behind her friend as she moved closer to her and they danced to the sounds that had become her reason for existence. All thoughts were gone from Ochaco as she melted with the crowd and danced in the freedom that, up until now, she had never let herself have.

Every brush of skin against hers, every beat of the bass in her chest, every breath of life in her ear… she experienced it all while understanding the core of the moment’s very existence. Gone were the worries that she’d had before and all of the truths of life itself were caressing her fingertips as she reached her arms high above her.

Camie started pulling her through the crowd and Ochaco laughed when a man grabbed at her. Everything was too perfect for fear or anger and she wanted to connect with everything and everyone that she could. When she turned and saw him smiling, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him, feeling herself connect to the soul of a stranger as the electricity moved through her essence of self. Her hands were getting lost in the silky soft air that was his blonde hair when Camie pulled her away and took her through the crowd again.

She didn’t have the time to miss the stranger, distracted by the swirling mess of glowing storms that were dancing by the stairs as Camie pulled her by. The lights were together syncing in rhythmic rainbows that she couldn’t look away from. “Ochaco!” Hearing Camie in her ear she turned and followed her friend with a smile. Her friend was the craziest most perfect kind of beautiful.

Camie was so close that Ochaco had to wrap her arms around her and hold onto her forever. Her body shivered at her words when they entered everything she was through her ears. “Do you like anyone here?” Ochaco liked everyone. She loved the whole world in all of its beauty and every sound that she could feel and taste in the air.

“I love everyone!” She yelled and pulled away from her friend to move with the beat of the bass again. The air tingled her skin as her legs and arms moved quickly, her own hair was laughing with her as it whipped across her face when her head turned side to side.

Cami laughed at her and grabbed Ochaco again. “No, girl. You’re peaked…” Ochaco laughed at the funny word. Camie didn’t understand that everything was peaked. “Pick one person ever that you’d fuck.” Ochaco laughed at the silliness of the question and pushed Camie away so that she could move, her mind still quietly wandering for the answer. Her breathing started to change as she moved and the blood rushed through her in a feeling that she’d felt for the first time only recently.

Grabbing onto Camie and pressing her cheek against hers, she breathed the name heavily in her ear to answer the question. “Eijiro.” When she pulled away Camie was making a funny face and Ochaco poked her nose and went back to dancing. She protested when Camie grabbed her wrist a little too roughly and started to drag her across the club. “Heyyy. That’s not nice…” Camie pulled her through the bathroom doors and when they closed she could feel the pressure in the muffled silence as the walls closed in around them.

“Okay. We need to have a chat.” Camie was looking at her with a less than happy face so Ochaco reached out to touch her cheek, trying to cheer her friend up. “You and Red Riot. Tea. Spill it now.”

Ochaco blinked and then smiled at the name. “Eijiro? He’s a good kisser.” She wanted to say more but the memory started to turn into a realistic daydream and her eyes stared off as she absentmindedly touched her own lip.

Camie pulled out her phone and started tapping it like crazy, pulling Ochaco back to the suffocating bathroom. “Whatcha doin?”

“Intervention.” Her eyes sparkled at Ochaco as she looked up and slid her phone back into the side of her boot. “No cap… Eijiro thinks you’re gonna die if he doesn’t come here with a quickness.” Ochaco looked at Camie and got caught up in how she seemed so happy again. She reached out and hugged her tightly and Camie played with her hair while Ochaco closed her eyes and sighed. “See? I told you we’d find a rebound. Come on, let’s go.” Camie pulled away from her and when the door to the bathroom opened, the sounds surrounded her and welcomed her back to the place that she never knew she needed.

———

“Utsushimi.” Shoto handed him the lock picking kit and watched Deku’s face relax in recognition as he read the name on the inside.

“So, she’s out with her friend?” Shoto could hear the disappointment in his voice. If she was out with her friend, she was moving on just like Deku should be doing. “Where do you think they went?”

“Is that really our business?” Shoto didn’t like the direction Deku was taking this. He didn’t think chasing the woman down was a good idea, especially since Shoto wanted to follow the lead on Diego.

“She’s my wife, Shoto. It’s getting late and they haven’t come back. If something happens to her because of our fight…” Deku clutched the tool kit tightly in his hand and sat down on the bed, staring at the floor in front of him.

Shoto watched him for a moment longer and then pulled out his phone, going through his contacts. Tapping a name, he sent a quick text, ‘What’s your location?’. Then he waited while watching Deku stare absentmindedly, completely gone to his own mental unraveling. The phone pinged and he looked at the message she sent in confusion. ‘Lowkey I’d smash’. When the address came through, Shoto felt relieved that the woman was able to communicate something that actually made sense.

“I have the address.” Deku lifted his head and looked at him, not moving. Shoto put his phone back in his pocket and turned, stepping over the women’s clothing that covered the floor as he headed toward the door. When he heard Deku following him, he hoped that the man would be able to control himself. The last thing they needed was a PR nightmare.

———
Katsuki grumbled as he stood outside the venue. Kirishima had refused to let them wear their hero suits and had insisted on street clothes. It made no sense to him. If they were going in to save someone, he wanted his gauntlets and his gear. His entire body was tense after what he had discovered in Deku’s apartment and he really wanted to blow something up. Gauntlets made those explosions bigger.

“You gotta chill bro, or they won’t let us in.” Katsuki glared at his friend and then relaxed his face as much as he could. “I guess… that’ll do.” Kirishima was looking at him with a mildly cringed expression as they waited their turn in line. He’d been trying to reason with him since they left, reminding him over and over about Todoroki being straight. Katsuki knew what he saw.

“If we were here as heroes, they’d have to let us in.” Ever since he’d seen that stupid blue suitcase, every little thing was pissing him off. The whole world was mocking him and he wanted to blow up the planet and be done with it.

“Not here bro. Trust me. Keep your head down when we’re inside. The goal is to grab Ochaco and Utsushimi and get out.” Kirishima stepped forward and showed the guard at the door his ID and they let him through.

When Katsuki walked up with his, the guard took his card while glaring at him. “No hero bullshit here. If we got problems we call the authorities ourselves. You understand? You and your friend?”

“Loud and clear.” Katsuki growled at him under his breath and snatched his ID back.

“Good.” The guard stepped aside and let him pass.

Katsuki unapologetically slammed his shoulder into the man as he pushed past him and joined Kirishima on the walkway leading inside. Ignoring the yell from the guard, the two of them moved quickly and pushed through the solid double doors that led into the main area.

The bass hit him at the same time as the sudden warm thickness in the air entered his lungs. There were hundreds of people in the warehouse themed club all dancing and wandering around. Some weren’t clothed enough and others had so many layers that Katsuki had no idea how they weren’t unconscious from the heat.

Kirishima got close to him and yelled in his ear over the music, “Dude! It’s a banger!” He walked backwards in front of him and grinned, obviously forgetting why they were there.

Katsuki walked up to him quickly and grabbed him under his arm, pulling him close. “Ochaco!” Kirishima gave him a thumbs up and pointed to the upper level and Katsuki nodded in response, letting him go.

As they made their way to the stairs Katsuki tried his best to avoid touching anyone, but as the crowd condensed it became impossible. He grunted and cursed under his breath as an elbow belonging to a random dancing body hit him in his ribs. When he stepped onto the stairs someone from the crowd grabbed his arm and he turned around to glare at the young woman holding onto him. “You’re so mad! Here! Try to live a little and find a smile. PLUR.” She stuck something in his hand and closed his fist with a wink, then melted back into the crowd.

He opened his hand and looked at what she had given him in shock. What kind of person just gave out illegal substances like that? He didn’t know anyone stupid enough to fall for that kind of thing… “Oh fuck yeah!” Kirishima’s hand reached over his shoulder and snatched up the little baggie quickly as Katsuki followed him with his eyes.

Katsuki turned to yell at him for being an idiot, but Kirishima was already up the stairs and slipping the baggie into the pocket of his jeans. Chasing after him, Katsuki’s patience with the atmosphere was beginning to wear thin. He didn’t like the hoard of people, he didn’t like the suffocating air, and he didn’t like that the music was so loud that he couldn’t even hear himself think. When he reached Kirishima, he joined him in leaning against the banister and scanning the crowd with his eyes, trying to find the women as fast as possible so they could get the hell out of there.

It was hard to differentiate human from human with the fog machines, lights, and mass of bodies. He couldn’t see anything that looked remotely like Ochaco. Looking back to the entrance, he gripped the railing tightly with his hands. Izuku was pushing his way through the doors, followed by a smug looking Todoroki. “Hey!” Camie’s face was suddenly between Katsuki and Kirishima, startling them as she yelled to get their attention. When she stepped back, they both looked at her with the same confused expression on their faces. She didn’t look very kidnapped.

Remembering what he’d seen, Katsuki ignored the obviously lying woman and looked back to the entrance. His eyes scanned the area as fast as they could but he couldn’t see Izuku. “Fuck.” He turned around to head down the stairs and Kirishima grabbed his arm, stopping him.

“Hey. Ochaco is fine. Camie just wanted us to come.” Katsuki rolled his eyes at the stupidity and Kirishima got closer in his ear. “You probably won’t… but here.” Katsuki looked down when he felt Kirishima’s hand on him and saw the plastic of that small bag being shoved into his pocket.

“Camie has one for me, and with all the shit these last two days? Seriously fuck it. At least get a drink or something. You’re too wound up, bro.” Kirishima waved at him and left with Camie pulling him down the stairs. Katsuki stood there in agitation with a pocket full of something he didn’t want, and the man he loved wandering around with someone else.

———

She sat on the floor with her legs crossed staring at the man’s hands as they twirled in front of her, his fingers wrapping around themselves and dancing with the beat. The rainbow colors bled together and became nothing and everything all at once, fragmenting her reality into the shapes that he created. Ochaco felt like she was those pretty lights, awakened into whatever it was that he was doing with his magic hands.

Camie was in front of her suddenly, pulling her from the ground and patting the man’s shoulder as they passed. Ochaco yelled to him that she loved him, and he made a glowing heart with his hands that made her smile. Camie suddenly stopped at the same time the song changed and Ochaco pulled her hand away, feeling the new beat in her chest and needing to move with it. It pulsed with every movement that she made and she savored the feeling of the sound.

She didn’t stop when someone touched her and grabbed her hips from behind, and she couldn’t stop when someone’s body pressed against hers. She continued to dance. “Ochaco.” She heard her own name in her ear and giggled from the tickle of it. When she turned around and saw those green eyes, then she stopped dancing.

She stepped back and her breath didn’t feel as happy anymore. She shook her head at him, wishing him away and wanting to go back to the happiness she had been in. Todoroki came up next to him and smiled softly at her as he pulled on his arm. But he refused and reached for her… just when he was about to touch her, Camie slapped his hand away and blocked him from taking all of her happiness away. It was too much. It was all so much. Ochaco turned around and stumbled, falling forward into someone’s arms. When she looked up she smiled at the happy that she saw. “Eijiro!”

———

Eijiro helped Ochaco stand up and sucked in a breath when she suddenly wrapped her arms around him tightly and wouldn’t stop saying his name. Camie was smirking at him over her shoulder and Midoriya looked like he was ready to kill him. Great. He pried her off of his neck and tried to get close enough to say something over the music, when she grabbed his cheeks and kissed him. Feeling her mouth against his with the beat of the music vibrating through him, made him seriously regret taking that pill. It took all of his self control and sanity to push her back and pull himself away from the kiss.

Trying to catch his breath and keep her at arm’s length, Eijiro looked up at Midoriya and tensed. Todoroki was standing in front of him and shaking his head as he grabbed his hand. Eijiro’s eyes darted to the left when he saw a streak of blonde hair, and he could only stand and watch as Bakugo walked up to Todoroki and pulled his fist back. It was as if time itself didn’t know what to do either and had completely slowed down… Bakugo’s fist inched forward until it slammed into the side of Todoroki’s jaw and sent him tumbling back towards the crowd. Eijiro really regretted taking that pill.

———

Shoto regained his balance quickly and wiped the blood from his mouth, eyeing Bakugo who was standing there in a rage with both his fists clenched at his side. There was no way to hear what he was yelling, but based on how he kept looking at Deku… it was easy to guess what he had assumed.

Utsushimi stepped towards Shoto and stood between him and Bakugo, grabbing at his jaw with her hands. Shoto looked at her and his face turned red when she moved her hands up to play with his hair, commenting on the pretty different colors. He closed his eyes and sighed in frustration… this is why he didn’t attend parties.

Utsushimi pulled him down towards her and started to yell something in his ear about going downhill. He nodded at her while watching Deku grab at Bakugo and yell at him before Bakugo grabbed him and kissed him. Shoto’s eyes darted around the club while Camie clung to his neck and nodded again… downhill was a good word for it.

The woman started trying to put something in his mouth and Shoto shook his head. She pouted at him and leaned close to his ear, “You said you wanted to roll.” He hadn’t said anything, he’d only agreed that everything was going downhill. “So you’re a dishonest hottie huh? A twink like Midoriya?”

He blinked at her, trying to comprehend the words. Twink didn’t sound very complimentary and she’d called him dishonest. Shoto tried to pull her off and her grip tightened. He glanced over at Bakugo and his jaw tensed as the man dragged Deku towards the exit. Shoto was getting ditched with this woman. “Todoroki. Straight men party with girls, not boys.” Utsushimi had obviously noticed him watching Deku leave.

“But both genders are here. Isn’t this a party?” He blinked at her again. She tried to open his mouth and he pulled his head away, pulling her arms off of him with force this time. “Please don’t put things in my mouth.”

“If you take this, I’ll let you put something in my mouth.” She winked at him and Shoto was convinced that she was insane. “We all took one.” Shoto looked at her, then looked at Kirishima who was on the floor with Ochaco in his lap playing with her hair. Then he started to look around the room a little closer… people were staring a little too intensely at the lights and smiling a little too much. Everyone there was intoxicated.

“What’s wrong? Scared your daddy will find out?” He narrowed his eyes at her and she smirked at him again. She held a little tablet up to his lips and he glared at her, knowing exactly what she was trying to do. Shoto glanced at Ochaco and Kirishima again, both smiling contently as they touched each other’s faces and occasionally laughed. Looking back at Utsushimi he opened his mouth and she shrieked in delight as she fed him the pill.

———

The bathroom door slammed behind him and he turned to see Katsuki leaning against it with his back, keeping everyone else out. The man had the nerve to drag him in here after punching a friend of theirs in the middle of a public place. Really… that he’d punch Shoto at all infuriated him. “Izuku, someone did something to you.”

Izuku glared at him. Was it that hard to believe that he could choose Ochaco? That’s he’d feel guilty for lying and cheating behind her back? That he had some kind of morality as a hero? He didn’t want anything to do with Katsuki, the man’s ego had obviously grown completely out of control. “Let me leave.”

“No.” Katsuki walked up to him and Izuku flinched when he grabbed at him. “I’m not leaving and neither are you.” Katsuki turned to look at an empty stall and then started to drag Izuku into it.

“Hey!” He grunted when Katsuki grabbed him around the waist and practically threw him into the stall. Stumbling on himself, he tried to stand back up without touching anything. This was beyond degrading and pushing him past the limit of his patience. Izuku had never wished he still had One for All as much as he did in that dirty bathroom stall. “I’m starting to get really mad, Katsuki.”

Katsuki suddenly looked at him when Izuku said his name and slammed the stall door hard. “Fuck this, Izuku.” He started to reach into his pants and Izuku tensed, not liking the direction this was going. When he pulled out a little bag and started digging into it Izuku liked it even less. He was not about to let himself get drugged by a maniac. He dropped flat to the ground and started to shimmy to the next stall over when Katsuki grabbed him by the waistband of his jeans and dragged him back.

Katsuki pulled Izuku up by the back of his shirt and shoved him against the wall of the stall, pressing his chest into Izuku’s back and holding him firmly in place. “Let me go!” Izuku tried to fight him off but Katsuki leaned against him harder until Izuku struggled to breathe from the pressure being applied to his chest.

“This is for your own good, Deku” Izuku tensed immediately at his words and his head jerked back when Katsuki’s fingers were suddenly inside of his mouth. The taste of whatever he had pulled out of that little bag was awful. Before he could spit it out, Katsuki had pulled out his fingers and grabbed him by the chin to force his mouth shut. Izuku tried to move his head but Katsuki wouldn’t let go, instead tightening his hold on Izuku’s jaw. With his eyes watering from the taste, Izuku swallowed it and Katsuki finally released him.

Izuku turned to glare at him and watched as he put the same thing into his own mouth and swallowed. “Let me leave.”

“Sure. In 15-20 minutes.” Izuku pressed his forehead against the bathroom stall and closed his eyes. His wife didn’t want him and instead was somehow with Kirishima, Shoto was forcing himself into his life and apartment, and now Katsuki was holding him down in bathrooms and shoving drugs down his throat… and people are wondering why he’s upset. He hadn’t been to many parties, and he didn’t really want to change that, but this one had to be the worst one he’d ever attended.

———

Arashi moved towards him, pulling his shirt off and throwing it over the railing. The tattoos across his chest danced and moved with him as he approached Diego with a huge smile. “Come on, just take one. It’ll fix whatever’s going on.” Diego shook his head silently, pressing his back against the wall. In the past, parties like this would always ease the tensions he was feeling… but now he couldn’t help but worry about what would happen to him if he got high. If he slept. If he wasn’t watching everything. Arashi was sweet for trying, but this time it was different. He’d agreed to come so that Arashi would feel better, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready for anything else.

Arashi leaned down and wrapped his arms around Diego, whispering into his ear. “Tell me what happened, maybe then I can understand.”

Diego grabbed the back of his neck with both hands and looked into his eyes, fighting the tears that were forming in his own. “If I tell you… then you won’t love me anymore.”

“Not possible.” Arashi smiled softly and he leaned his forehead into Diego’s. “If you don’t tell me, how can I protect you?” Diego sighed and closed his eyes. Trusting someone else… was the hardest thing to do.

The music beat against them as they carried their own still moment in the chaos. He wanted to trust him, to let him keep him safe… but he didn’t want to lose him. He’d lost his parents to his own quirk when he was young, and so many others from life’s circumstances along the way. Every time he opened his heart… they were all gone. It hurt to feel and it hurt even more to love and then lose it. He didn’t want to lose Arashi. He’d have to bury it down and pretend nothing was wrong, or Arashi would just keep worrying.

“Okay, I’ll take one.”

———

Shoto held tightly to the girl’s hand that was dragging him towards the bar. She turned around quickly and her hair moved slower than it should have. He reached to touch it but he was even slower than that and didn’t make it in time. “Hey! You thirsty?” He nodded slowly and she tried to yell at the bartender, the silky white fabric of her shirt shimmering with every single color in the building. He had walked over and touched it without even realizing it, not until the feel of the silk was gliding between his fingers like the smoothest milk tea.

“Utsushimi. I like your shirt.” She turned to look at him and then glanced at his hand gripping her clothes.

When she looked at him again, he noticed that her eyes were the same color as mountains that the sun had set on fire. “Call me Camie. Here.” She handed him a bottle of water and grabbed the hand that had been holding onto her shirt. When she started to pull him towards the stairs, he followed, unable to stop looking at the reflections as they drifted across the fabric of her shirt and blended back into each other.

When they reached the stairs she moved left and pulled him underneath them to a row of couches that lined the wall. One of them was empty and when she let go of him and fell into it, Shoto’s eyes went wide and the bottle of water fell from his hand. The pillows… they looked like they were breathing with softness and texture, asking him to touch and analyze the depth of their coziness. Taking a step forward he reached for a pillow but stopped. It was too much to look at. Just seeing the pillows was causing him to feel their softness covering his entire body.

Camie laughed at him and grabbed his outstretched hand, pulling him into the softness of the pillow bliss against his will. He backed away and she grabbed one of them, shoving it into his chest. Shoto fell into the seat and wrapped his arms around the pillow, diving his face into the fluffiness so that he could see what it felt like. It was air, and fluff, and everything in the world and nothing at all. Gasping for air, he pulled his face away and looked at her when she laughed again. Her laughter felt like the softest pillow when it reached his ears.

“Hi there!” He turned his head to see a pretty girl with black hair, wearing so many colors that he didn’t know where to look. “You’re really cute. Wanna dance with me?” She held her hand out to him and he stared at all the bracelets covering her arm. So many letters and little trinkets with so many hidden secrets. He reached out to touch them and Camie interlocked her fingers with his, pressing her body against him and wrapping her arm around his shoulder.

“No.” Camie answered for him and the girl glared at her before stomping away, her fluffy skirt bouncing rainbows with every step. Camie’s lips were against his ear and her whisper sent electrifying tingles through his neck and spine. “Were you ditching me, Shoto?” He shook his head and leaned into her, closing his eyes and waiting for more of the feelings that he got from her whispers.

“Awww. Shoto, you’re rolling hard.” He didn’t know what she said, but all the words made sense even when they shouldn’t and couldn’t. She pulled away from him and he looked at her, watching as she scooted back to the other end of the couch with her shimmering shirt.

He dropped his pillow and ignored it as it fell out of his hands and rolled onto the ground. He crawled across the couch and didn’t stop until he was above her. Letting himself fall, he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his cheek into the soft silk of the shirt he wanted to live inside of. The warmth of her was adding to the sensations and when her hands pet his hair his entire body shivered.

———

Izuku stumbled from the bathroom and ran into an angry man that had been waiting for it to open. Mumbling his apologies, he moved to the side and pressed his back against the wall for stability, letting him pass. He couldn’t think about anything. Every time he reached for a thought it slipped away from him as if it never existed at all. He glanced into the center of the room and stared at the swirling fog as it whipped through the air, gently touching the fingertips of anyone brave enough to reach for it. He wanted to touch it too.

“Hey.” He turned and stared into those same red eyes again. The colors were more vibrant than ever before. Izuku hated that he wanted to look at them forever. It felt like the wrongest right in the whole world.

“Kacchan…” As he said his name, Izuku felt every movement of his own lungs, throat, and mouth as they worked together to move the word through his body. Kacchan stepped in front of him and touched the side of his face. The vibrations of his own heart mixed with the ones coming from the music and his chest struggled to take a breath. He knew there was something he was supposed to be mad about, but the thought was gone… and Kacchan wasn’t.

“Do you want to dance with me?” Izuku blinked at him, trying to imagine it and was unable to form the thoughts. Instead of answering the question, he leaned forward and kissed him. When Kacchan kissed him back and pressed his body against his, every sensation that was possible caught on fire within Izuku. He tugged at Kacchan’s shirt and pulled at whatever part of him he could, desperate for everything.

“Hey!” A loud bang slammed into the wall next to his head and Kacchan pulled away from him. “Keep that shit away from the bathroom. There’s couches in the back.” Izuku couldn’t look at the voice, he could only look at those red eyes as they watched him. Kacchan grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the wall, leading him towards the crowd. His eyes moved from his back to the fog again as they walked into the swarm of people. The fog was reaching for him and coating everything around him in its wispy swirls as his skin hummed with the bass.

As they reached the center, Kacchan pulled him to his chest and the whole world ceased to exist. The hum of the bass was really Kacchan’s heart beating in rhythm with his own. The fog was his breath as it stroked his neck in its soft caress. When he kissed him on the dance floor, surrounded by a hundred moving bodies… nothing else mattered because Kacchan was his everything.

———

The cool air hit his face as he stepped outside and his entire body felt the chill of it when he took a deep gulp of it into his lungs. Eijiro could hear the silence of the street, it was louder than the music he had just been inside of. The emptiness of it was a chaotic scream, loud with purpose. “Where are we going?” He turned to Ochaco next to him and smiled at her question. Holding her hand, he walked with her to the edge of the sidewalk and pulled out his phone, tapping it with his thumb to call a ride.

“That’s up to you. I’m calling a ride, they can take us anywhere you want to go.” The breeze was tugging at her hair and making it lift in defiance of gravity as he waited for her answer.

“I want to go to your place.” His eyes moved from her hair to the red in her cheeks and his heart replaced the bass from inside when he realized what she was implying. He put in the address and hit the button for the request, sliding his phone back into his pocket.

“Excuse me?” He didn’t want to look away from Ochaco, but did it anyway when the voice repeated the question. Turning to them, he squeezed Ochaco’s hand tighter and smiled at the two women looking at them. They were obvious regulars to parties like these with their neon clothing and over the top makeup.

“You’re Red Riot and Uravity, right?” When they didn’t say anything the woman with the mostly pink clothing continued. “You just got married to Deku, right? Is he here too? I’m such a big fan of his!” Eijiro felt Ochaco’s hand tense in his at the question and he let go of her, stepping forward to distract the girls and give her space.

“Heyyy. So, Deku is actually inside. Check the dance floor, ladies. He loves his fans, so get some pictures, okay?” They squealed in excitement and took off. Eijiro grabbed Ochaco’s hand and led her to their ride that was pulling up to the curb, quickly helping her into the car and following after her.

As the car door closed she asked him, “Why did you tell them he was dancing?”

“That guy would never dance. Plus, I saw Bakugo dragging him off earlier and they probably already left. It was a good way to get them to leave you alone though.” She started to look at her hands as the car moved and he grabbed them, bringing them to his lips and kissing them gently as she watched him in surprise. “Don’t do that. You’re with me tonight.”

———

The heat was overwhelming him and he pulled his shirt off as the music raged around him. Dropping it to the side without care, he pulled at Izuku’s shirt next and encouraged him to do the same. He could feel every bead of sweat tingling down his back as he watched Izuku pull his shirt over his head, freeing them both from the restriction of fabric that had held itself between them. Pressing his chest against his back he moved his hand to the buckle of Izuku’s belt and held it there as they swayed to the music. While everyone else was moving rapidly with the beat, they were moving slowly in a beat all their own. Nothing else existed.

Izuku lifted his hand above them and ran his fingers though Katsuki’s hair as his head tipped back against his shoulder. All he could feel were those fingers caressing him and all he could see was his neck before he kissed it. He moved his hand from his belt and slid it up his stomach, feeling every drop of sweat and every curve of muscle as Izuku tensed beneath his fingers. Katsuki continued to kiss his neck as he moved his hand to his throat to hold him gently, not knowing how much of Izuku’s shaking was his body or the vibrations of the bass. Katsuki was losing the ability to know where his own body ended and Izuku’s began. It all blurred in the burning sensations that were consuming him.

Something tapped his arm and he shrugged it off, biting Izuku gently and pulling him harder against him. Katsuki wanted to leave and finish what they had started somewhere else. When the tap happened again and with more aggression, he lifted his head and turned it to the side. Two girls were beaming at him with their phones out and pointing rapidly at the half naked man in his arms. Katsuki looked at the way their phones were positioned and realized the girls were recording them.

He wrapped his arm tighter around Izuku and glared at them before pulling him away and moving him through the crowd. Izuku clung to him and kept up as he moved quickly and focused on getting far away from those neon nosey bodies. When he broke through the crowd, he grabbed Izuku by the hand and moved to the left. The two girls suddenly jumped in front of him with their hands out begging him to stay. “What do you want?” As he snarled his question, he held onto Izuku’s hand protectively and glared at them.

“Can we talk to Deku? We want his autograph! Look, he’s my lock screen!” The one covered in pink flashed her phone and he saw a strange fanart of Izuku on his knees in a maid outfit with cat ears. When she tried to pull it away he grabbed her wrist and pulled it closer to look at it. Izuku was licking his paws with his furry tail curled around him. Katsuki could almost hear the little bells that were on his furry ears jingling. “Hey! Give my hand back, you bully!” She yanked it away from him and he glared at her again.

Izuku poked his head from around Katsuki and spoke up, “Can I see it? The lock screen?” At the same time Katsuki said no, the girls yelled yes and thrust the phone at Izuku. Katsuki watched Izuku’s face turn red as he looked at it for way too long. “It’s really… cute.” The girls started fawning over him and trying to drag him away to show Izuku what they were promising him, an entire folder of fanart. Katsuki held tightly to Izuku’s hand, glaring at them when they tried to remove him.

“You bully man! He wants to see them!” They kept hold of Izuku and glared Katsuki down like two vicious felines with a mouse in their clutches.

“Delete the video you took.” They stared at him for a minute before looking at each other and smirking.

“We’ll delete it if you let us hang out with Deku.” Izuku made a face of concern and Katsuki pulled him closer.

“Then keep it. Destroy the life and reputation of someone you’re a fan of.” He pushed past their horrified guilty faces and decided that he’d had enough of this party. He was taking Izuku home.

———

Diego watched as the two heroes walked away from the girls and headed towards the exit. Those two were the last people he expected to see at something like this. He also hadn’t expected to see them together. With the rage and betrayal he’d seen on Izuku’s face… they should be miles apart, not holding hands and laughing.

Diego followed them quietly and pulled the hood of his sweater up, turning back once to look at Arashi. He was laughing with a new group of friends he had made and comparing tattoos with one of the guys. Turning his eyes back to the door, he went through it and sighed. He didn’t want to leave Arashi, but he’d be okay.

The cold of the night air hit his face and he could feel it in his bones. The lack of music was just as brittle against him as he stepped into the night. Looking back and forth, he turned to the left and followed them a distance away on the sidewalk. Even if they looked back, he would just be a random guy on the street thanks to his hood.

The man that had called him, whoever he was… Diego knew that he wouldn’t stop. If he could find out who he was, then he could use his quirk and erase himself from the man’s mind. It was the only way he’d ever be able to sleep again. He didn’t want to talk to them, and he didn’t want to follow them… but if anyone knew how to find a guy like that, it would be those heroes.