Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I'm so hungry...

Mistake one.

SLAP

"Who said you could eat? I sure didn't."

SLAM

CRACK

"I-im sorry..sorry dad.."

Mistake two.

KICK

THUMP

"Thought I told you to not call me that."

"Sorry sir." 

"Good."

. . .

Mistakes.

I always made them.

Pain is all I know, that or the numbness.

Mother and father said I deserved punishment for my mistakes.

That pain was a lesson.

They also taught me that I was a mistake, so pain was all I deserve.

Because I was trash.

That's what I am.

Trash.

. . .

I stopped talking, my parents beat it out of me.

Talking is such a chore when you get beat up bloody for barley saying something.

And they never cared what I said, so why talk when they wouldn't notice me anyways other than to use me as their punching bag?

. . .

"Look at the freak!" 

"Murders child, wait until he murders someone."

"Trash."

"Worthless."

"Shoulve threw him down with his father."

"Filth."

"Doesn't deserve existence."

"Why can't he just be dead?"

"What a slob."

"Awe look at him, is that tears I see?"

"Such a weirdo."

I want to talk back, make them eat their words.

But words don't seem to come.

Like my body is stopping me.

It may be out of fear, maybe the feelings of the beatings, the pain just muttering. Asingle word still haunts me.

I don't want to be hit again...

But that's what I deserve? Right?

They said I deserved this?

So I do...right?

Do I?

. . .

"Hey buddy, are you okay?" Said a voice, it sounds nice.

Is this one really aimed at me?

No it can't be, nice words don't come my way.

Only harsh tones.

"Hey, I'm talking to you?" He asked again.

This time, I slow to a stop, heart dropping as i look up to... a smile?

I squint, the light shining in my face makes it hard, my eyes seem to be weighted down now.

But he really is smiling. 

Why?

I look filthy, I'm a murderers child, my hands are ugly and dead, I don't talk, I'm a freak, and I'm alone.

So why?

His smiling wavers as I don't respond, "are you okay?"

No my hands hurt.

Is what I try to say.

But the words don't come.

So I stare at my hands, while a pair of gloves makes its way into my vision.

Shock runs through me as my head shoots up with wide eyes to the man with dark blue hair with a smile so kind as he puts the gloves on my ever so pained hands.

He stops kneeling and stands up straight again, again, with that smile on his face as the gloves calm my dead hands.

How can he be smiling in this place?

Towards a kid like me?

Who is this man?

"I notice that you don't talk much, you don't have to, we will find our own way to help you communicate with me. That is, with you want to live in my home that is?" A hand is lended out to me, not trying to give me a bruise that still lotter my skin, making scares.

At least that are less noticeable than the ones that scare my hands.

I simply nodd, not wanted to ruin the moment.

Not wanting to turn this man's kindness into hatred.

. . .

That hatred I thought he would come to feel toward ame never came, never did he raise a hand to strike my pale skin, never did he not hurt me like how everyone else did.

He taught me how to use words again, when I or my body decided I could at least.

But it's hard sometimes.

We have come to realize that this is how it will always will be.

And we are okay with that.

We are okay.

. . .

Regto's dead.

He's dead.

And I'm being punishment that my father got for aomehting I never committed.

What is this?

I didn't even do anything!

All I did was watch and hold regto begging him to not leave me behind, as he asks me to change this rotten no good world.

Chiwa didn't even believe me.

Ans she wa she only other person to not make fun of me for not talking like the others.

Dven defended me.

But now?

Now she throws away my gift and kindness like it was trash.

Like I'm trash.

Then, I'm thrown.

With all the other trash.

. . .

I wake up to pain.

So not to different from the daily but still.

What is this place? 

...

Oh, so this must be the pit huh?

My body starts to twitch and ache.

My dad- no regto is closer than that. He's kind and taught me what safe is, what a good person is, taught me that being weird is just who I am and that my parents suck. He's something more than just a dad.

He's dead, chiwa is just like the others, I'm down here, and breathing feels sticky. Like melted ice cream running down your throat plus the pain of broken glass.

. . .

"Hey answer me, why are you here?" The Golden haired man asks me for the 5th time. Voice. "It's dangerous." The words flow into my mind and out, I know whay he's saying. But it feels as if I'm singing down into water, making the words sound muffled. 

When my brain catches up the words get caught in my throat.

This man kicked me and then put a mask on my face after destroying those monsters made of trash.

Will he hurt me if I answer him?

What will happen if I say the wrong thing?

Will it be a pattern of last time?

I nod in place of words, words demanding to be locked with a key inside. 

The man infront of me stays silent, "kid are ya mute or some shit?" He asks with a bored but generally curious tone. 

Usually, when someone asks me this, I lie and say I am. Because then it makes it easier to not have to talk.

Which is also bad because when they find out I have a voice I get beaten until I can't feel.

So I shake my head yes, I'm mute.

Hopefully he will leave me alone now.

. . .

He didn't leave me alone.

And instead when I appsentmindely ask where we are going.

He screams blooder murder, and then when more trash beasts sprout up like lovely flowers he blames ME.

stupid.

Then I get knocked out.

Again.

Chapter Text

When I wake up I'm in chains.

Why?

Because this asshole decided I deserved to be dragged across the trash rotten world, so my gloves are also dirty.

I have to clean them soon then.

Do I even have bandages?

Shit, I don't.

Where would I even get supplies for that anyways? Doubt this dude will give me a place to stay, he's littered treating me like a sack of trash right now.

Which, I guess, is not entirely wrong in the sense I am trash.

Guess I can't really blame him, but still.

It hurts...

Which is something I should be used to right now.

Which all and all, fuels my rage for those bitches and assholes up there in the now not so clear sky.

I will make them pay for what they've done.

Every.

Single.

One.

Of.

Them.

I will make them suffer for all the damage they have caused, all the suffering they brought to so many people, for turning a once beautiful place into a wasteful one.

My thoughts shatter into new ones once I'm thrown onto the ground.

"Have fun kid! Have a nice and safe field trip!" That asshole calls, turning his back on me.

I'm about to call out when new, unfamiliar voices introduce themselves to my ears.

I'm so used to hearing others.

I never not listen to them, at least, most of the time.

I don't listen to the people who try to kill me on the daily for sure.

. . .

Rage spills put if me like how much guts almost were if I didn't dodge that knife as a kid.

It consumes me as I rush forward in a daze, not even realizing what the hell I was doing.

That is, until a gentle hand is set on my shoulder.

"Hey that's enough," he says, grinning down at me as I calm down.

Then it catches up to me.

This man left me here, to these people who fed me straight trash and told me things that made me want to scrug my body clean and now wants me to join the "humble cleaners" because I have some weird giver power with potential?

What.

The.

Fuck.

The word 'no.' Gets clogged in my throat, because the fear of being thrown into another trap lingers.

So instead, I shake my head fast, glaring at the man who basically dropped kicked me into complete danger.

What a great time for my nose to start to bleed... or has it been bleeding for a while.

I don't know..

And to pass out, for the 3rd time in 24 hours.

Isn't that just embarrassing?

. . .

Loud yelling wakes me up.

It also hurts.

The guy-enjin seems crazy right now, looking as if he's talking to himself.

"So can you mentor him?" He asks to... a red choker on his neck? 

What kind of place is this?

What kind if technology allows you to communicate like this?

His words finally processed in my head, but actully talking makes my breath start to jump. Which I was told was not normal.

So I instead glare, and mustering up every ounce of courage I could possibly get I say in a single, just loud enough whisper for Jim and this crazy lady to hear, "...no thanks..."

"Your lucky to be alive kid," the lady cuts in, not like she had to. Her nose crinkled as she is still looking at my injuries I didn't even know existed. "You should be grateful to this kind young man! Say your thanks boy!"

What?

No way!

When I pause she stands straight up crossing her arms and shakes her head slowly like a disappointed grandma.

"You heard the doc!"

Shut up!

I must look like a fish, because I keep on opening and closing my mouth several times.

I take a deep breath, hoping to calm my nerves, "..." 

Yeah you guessed it.

Looks like I used up my words for today.

The old lady sighs, "you know what, just pay and leave."

Enjin pays, even after I refuse his help, he fucking ignored me.

Rude.

When we leave, I pause, long enough for him to turn around. "What is it now brat?"

"Uh-what did you just call me?"

"Oh nuthin."

I do my best to glare as the fear makes a nice warm home in this body, "...you didn't have to pay ya know..." I somehow get out, my voice raspy and unused to actully being used. 

"Yeah well, I did." He responds with the same grin he made earlier.

Turdface.

..."can you...can you help me?" I ask nervously, twitching and figeting with my gloves as i can practically hear and feel my parents words echo in my head.

"With what? To get up there?" he points up to the sky, probably where the my-no. Not my home. 

I nod, looking up.

The sky is so polluted.

It's no longer the same blue I used to see everyday.

He looks at me as if I'm insane, which makes my blood feel hot with anger but whatever.

"...."

"Yeah so to do that you might wanna join the cleaners, we might be able to help. But by doing it by yourself, you will surely die, and then what would you do then?" He pauses, "why do you even want to go back? Didn't they drop you here?"

I guess he took my long ass pause as a yes, even though it should be normal that I don't respond unless I'm nodding, or shaking my head. Or even using. My hands to give hand signals.

. . .

How can food be so good?

I inhale the food that's on my plate, enjin says it's called a 'burger,' and that there are little places to get them so be sure to not be to wasteful if possible.

Not like I would've anyways, living in the slums means you never know when food comes your way. So whatever is edible gets eaten with no crumbs left behind.

Sometimes, when me and regto didn't have enough to eat for days I would become so hungry that I would just blank out, like a broken doll with its strings cut but can still walk and move.

My stomach would always be hollow, never full.

Maybe that's what makes this food taste so good.

Cause it makes my stomach no longer ache and actully feel full for the first time in my life.

It's weird.

"Oh and no need to pay me back," he interuppts my thoughts on food. He also slides a bag of money across the table.

He then goes to explain that he sold my cloths, which makes me feel a little sick.

Those cloths are-were the only thing I really had to remember regto by. 

Which, I knew my cloths went somewhere. But I didn't think he guy sold them.

And it make some wanna vomit.

But I don't.

He then leaves me to be.

I go back to inhaling the food on the table, at least until a cat jumps onto the table and snatches up my money.

I yelp, "h-hey!" That's my money!

The cat doesn't care.

And gods foes this cat have to be so damn fast!?

The cat disappears behind a corner leading into an alleyway, which then leads to me following it as memories from up there cloud my head.

Like the screams and pleas, the crystal of little girls and boys.

The laughter and the weeping. 

But now is not the time!

I need to get my money back!

But how though? This cat is still steps ahead dof me and I'm getting tired.

Oh look a stick.

Where did that come from?

Oh who cares?

I snatch up the weird looking stick and capture the little thing, and as I'm about to get my money some random dude interupts me.

"Hey!"

Startled I yelp and the cat gets away again.

Oh come on!

I look towards the-the glowing eyed dude?

Why are his eyes glowing?

And what's his deal? 

"..."

"That's my stick you stole."

What?

This old looking thing? 

His his stick?

Chapter Text

Standing before this guys feels as if i'm standing before my parents again, although they didn’t have glowing eyes, they just had cold, heartless eyes that laughed at me as I cry in pain as they burned my skin, waiting for it to blister and…bubble? Before peeling the skin off with a sharp object or just their fingers. 

Over and over.

Its almost as if i can feel it still happening.

I wish i could tear the memories out of my head.

Tear the wails that have escaped me and their smiles as I weep out of my head, to not remember how the bruises covered my skin-still cover my skin (not as much anymore), to not remember to voices of others who always whispered about me when they thought I couldn't hear them as if I didn’t have ears.

They probably didn’t think i was worthy of such a privilege anyways.

To get rid of this feeling that someone is always watching me, always looking and staring at me like im a piece of trash just waiting to be thrown away after use.

Like i'm not really a person.

I wish I could tear out the memories,

But that's wishful thinking.

“Hey! I said that was my stick!” he took a step forward, eyes glaring into my soul as if looking right past me.

Like I'm invisible.

At least that's something I'm used to down here,

Mind going blank with terror i try to think of what I can do.

Option 1, I run away in hopes…in hopes of…

What is that on his sleeve?

Oh shit.

That's the cleaners symbol Enjin told me about!

So that means…this stick is his vital instrument?

Damn.

My breathing falters as I revise what I should be doing right now, this guy probably wants me dead for stealing this! I know that if my gloves were taken by some rando I would be just as angry.

After all, it was the man who raised me who gave these to me. Who taught me life lessons and the way the world me and him had once been together on works, who taught me to care. He taught me that if cared for, everything has a soul. Even those old pair of shoes.

Who helped me when my hands flared up, or replaced my bandages, who no matter what made sure that I was okay even when he to was suffering.

Who taught me what a parent should be like.

Who taught me kindness and care.

This is the last I have of him, other than the memories at least.

I don’t think i would be able to handle anyone taking these from me, or even destroying them. 

I just don’t believe I can.

So i slowly stand up, completely forgetting about the money that the cat stole as i hand back over the stick to the glowing eyed cleaner.

And as i do that, a memory shows itself in my head.

“Saying sorry is the first step to solving mistakes you made, but you gotta mean it Rudo.”

Its been 7 years since he told me that.

I was 8, 8 and stupid. Not knowing just yet what sorry actually was.

Nor how to actually say it.

Maybe I can say sorry in a different way later, maybe give him some sort of apology letter or something. 

Cause talking Is a privilege that I never deserved.

Because what trash can talk?

They can’t.

Yeah, lets do that instead, I will make him an apology letter, maybe even include a small gift!

Actually scratch that, lets just stick with the letter.

I don't even know this guy.

That is, if I am still even alive when this whole situation is over. Not rotting on the ground as the rats and flies surround me.

Just as they have done to the others before the apostles gathered them up after my father's murder raid.

Just as they have done to the skinny bodies as they have died for many reasons, like starvation, dehydration, murder, little girls being preyed on.

So many reasons, but thinking about it makes my stomach flip as the vomit climbs up my throat.

I don't want to remember…

The glowing eyed boy snatches up the stick. He caresses his weird shaped stick, holding it up and checking for damage, holding it close and even sniffs it. “See that's what I call good craftsmanship…” he murmurs, and i block it out in favor for my thoughts that begin to spiral in my head.

This guy is so weird… Did this guy just sniff his stick? Why is he even here? Where am I? Where did Enjin go? He said he was going to be back! Wait-my money! How do i even write an apology letter?

The glowing in his eyes fade into a softer blue, he stares right at me. Glancing in between me and the stick. 

Scowling, he turns away cursing before turning to look at me. Scanning over my frame as I stiffen up behind it, hunched over just wishing this whole interaction was over. That this interaction never happened i didn’t steal someones treasure.

That i didn’t make yet another mistake to add to the thousands that have already been created by me.

He looks down at his shoes, looking mad quilty as he says the words i would never expect to hear since my fall, “Im- im sorry, i didn't mean to snap at you.” he spits out, but none the less, its the first apology i have been given that wasn’t Regto or chiwa. 

And gods if that doesn’t hit me hard.

Like a ton of bricks raining down on me.

“...”

He looks up to my hands, smiling he leans down, inspecting them as if they were also treasure, “are those you vital instruments?”

Taking a few deep breaths, hoping to calm my nerves but it doesn’t work. 

So I nod in place, hoping he didn’t notice the shortening in my breaths, that he didn’t notice my flinch.

Still smiling, he leans back up, up again to towering over me.

It makes me wish i could smile to, and maybe i could try this one time.

.   .   .

That was the worst idea i had, and now, as I back up I wish i could turn back time to stop this whole mess.

Why did I think it was a good idea to smile? I already knew it sucks…

And as Zanka jumps back and starts to say words that don’t seem to enter my ears I do capture one thing.

“I knew i wasn’t going to like you.”

What is that supposed to mean?

“Hey-!...” I blurt out, the horror and anger mixing together inside of me. “I-i…” my voice decides to stop working as i back away from the danger in front of me, making it hard to form the words needed to finish my sentence.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes, “what? Spit it out! Or did your dad not raise you well enough to finish your sentence?”

…

Does me mean him or…Regto?

And before i can stop myself i blurt, “shut your fucking mouth. You have no idea who raised me.” I cross my arms in front of me, not moving as I try to stop trembling.

The sound of my own voice makes me flinch, i still haven't gotten used to talking at all really. 

The guy looks smug standing there, doing nothing but stare at me.

Who does this blue eyed freak think he is!?

.   .   .

“...”

“Ya don’t know-? Its a… Its a stick for poop?”

Yeah that still doesn't help me understand what just happened.

.   .   .

“AHHHHHHHHHHH GET THAT AWAY YOU MONSTER!”

“HAHAH-!!!”

.   .   .

That was the first time I laughed in a while, and it felt nice.

I felt like a child again, well, at least, what i think childhood would feel like if it wasn’t mine.

My childhood gave me hands with dead nerves, hunger, starvation, probably a few broken bones, and made me into a weirdo for not wanting to go by the same pronouns i was assigned at birth.

Actually nevermind, lets focus on my surroundings…

I never actually got the chance to observe to much of the city, sure i noticed the obvious.

Like the lights, the clouds that block the sun except on rare occasions light seeps through even if only for a split second, the lights made by the buildings. I didn’t even know you could make lights do that. The many people smiling, and walking around. Looking joyful despite the area that are made to be able to survive in. 

The food stands, just for whoever walks by.

Up on the sphere, that wasn’t possible…

I wonder if someday I could go up to one, and pay for some food to eat.

I notice the buildings, they are all so different, so unlink all the buildings that looked the same up on the sphere. It was either gold and polished white marble or scraps.

These buildings are unique, every single one of them, despite being made up of trash people designed these and they all look so beautiful. So completed, so I don't know how to explain it its just amazing.

Am i dreaming?

Am I hallucinating?

I didn’t notice Zanka had finished explaining how we met to now.

After Zanka started to attack me with his stick (which im now sure he gave me some sort of injury to the head), I looked for anything I could use to defend myself with because I didn't really want to die by some idiots hands.

That thing was a ‘poop stick’, is what he called it.

And then we ran around the alleyway going in circles.

I felt alive then.

But now as Enjin laughs his heart out, i feel horrified with embarrassment and quilt. 

Because for 1, I flung poop at a human being, and 2, flinging poop at someone on purpose for fun was something bullies did.

Not something I did.

Chapter Text

The sky is so... polluted.

It's so cloudy with dirt, ash, and so many other things that it's no shock that when you leave the safety if the cities you have I wear a mask over your face. 

I'm not even sure how the cities even protect the citizens from the air up above enough for them not have to wear them 24/7.

It makes me feel happy that they don't, well, st least not yet.

If the people up on the sphere keep on throwing trash down here I'm sure it will get even more dangerous for these people.

"Rudo," Enjin calls, "you got a good mentor. Probably the best we can offer you, hes the best of us with vital intruments, learn all you can from him." He smiles, looking at me and Zanka. Who looks overjoyed compared to how miserablehe looked just before when Enjin was laughing at us for our first meeting. I'm honestly surprised Zanka hasn't exploded with joy. "Oh hey Riyo, didn't realize you were here."

Who?

There was someone here?

How did I not notice?

I thought I gotton better at noticing when people were around me.

She sits up lazily, "just wanted to see the new kid." She turns to look at me, looking me over, pausing at my hair. "So you rudo?"

"Yeah that's rudo, he doesn't talk very much and when he does it's so quite you almost don't even realize he talked. I nearly thought he didn't have a voice at all."

Okay wow, rude. 

I know that I don't use my voice often but I have one!

I just don't know the point in using it sometimes.

Okay a lot of the time.

But shut up!

The girls- Riyo's hair is red, and tied up in this weird shape.

Her eyes are emerald green, shining like gems in the dim light of the car. 

Although other than that, her eyes don't do anything to stop my increasing heart rate.

Her eyes remind me of some of the predatory stares I got back up on the sphere.

Like I'm prey that caught her eye.

It's unsettling.

She smiles at me, which makes my skin prickle just a bit, taking immediate interest in my hair.

Her smile grows as she plays with it, making my mind stutter, "woah, your hair is something else! It's so cool! Did you dye the tips of your hair? No, it's way to soft to not be natural!" She continues to play with my hair, examining my hair with ever so growing interest.

Which short circuits my brain, leaving me brain dead.

This girl is way to close... 

She's playing with my hair!

Is this somehting that just regularly happens down here?

Enjin chuckles, maybe this girl does this often so it doesn't bring any questions to anyone's head.

He turns his head back, smiling like the sharks we saw in picture books, "welp, ready to head back?" He asks. 

Zanka hums a tune. 

Riyo continues to play with my hair and I am left speechless while she does it.

"Yeah let's go home! I want to show Rudo here around the place!" She cheers happily.

His smile grows, "to clean HQ we go then." 

He presses down on the gas and I am for sure not safe and am going to die from how reckless he is.

. . .

"Welcome!" Enjin happily walks ahead, soeading his arms spread out. "To the cleaners!" 

Looking up at the building, I notice just how big this place is.

Am I really allowed to stay here?

And if so, how much people are here?

What will they think of a sphereite? 

Will they kick me out?

Hurt me?

Even kill me?

I want to leave...

Zanka speeds up a little, "I need to clean myself up." He spits put in a hurry before walking even faster towards a huge building.

Riyo laughs as we watch him speak into the building. "Can't believe you threw shit at him, takes guts you know."

My face heats up as I shake my head furiously.

As we enter I'm taking aback by how empty the room looks, having only a few pictures, a desk, a chair and a light, and the lady sitting there who looks bored.

Said lady looks up, "Oh look at that, isn't it Mr. Natural?"

I swallow, trying to hide nerves.

Why do these girls stares make me feel so uncomfortable and watched?

Shaking off the nerves to the best of my ability I walk forward with Enji as Riyo skips to wherever.

Enjin explains her ability and what she does.

I pay attention somewhat but all I can think about is her calm stare, disinterested as she scans me over before using her jinki.

Her glasses glow gold, looking beautiful.

Eyes growing wide she backs up with a little gasp before calming down.

She takes a bit to recollect herself.

Is there something wrong with me?

Am I that bad?

Am I that disgusting?

What is wrong with me?

Enjin even looks a little concerned, "what semiu? What did you see?" He asks, eyes narrowing.

She sighs, "nothing." She says casually, most obviously lying but leaving zero room to argue. Semiu looks back to me, gesturing to me, "why do you have poop on your neck though?" She asks, the corners on her lips lifting up the slightest bit as she covers her laugh. 

Even though it seems as if she us just trying to hide her fear and shock.

Enjin laughs, tears of laughter showing in his eyes as I bring my hand to mu neck before realizing that I don't want my gloves to be touching that so I look for a wipe instead. 

"So that's why there are flies around!" He chokes out, I feel even more heat go to my cheeks in embarrassment as I glare at him while trying to cover my face. Enjin, finally getting over the new discovery says our goodbyes and leads me away.

. . .

Semiu

I watch as they walk away, Enjin still laughing slightly as he explains their next stop is the common room so they can say hi to the rest of the many cleaners.

A smile spreads across my face, Enjin doesn't know that all the cleaners are there today, for many reasons.

But to be in the common room because they want to see what exactly this new commercial is.

However, that's not what worries me.

It's the curse that plaques Rudo's soul, one that has been there for who know's how long

A curse that is so full of hatred and loneliness, isolation and grief, his shame and resentment.

. . .

I follow Enijn through the long hallways until we reach a door, "so this is the common room rudo! It's time to say hi!... unless you don't want to talk, sorry I forgot you don't like talking all to much. But it should be fine anyways because their isn't much people in here usually! They are on missions and sleeping or eating, surely there isn't all of them here...!" He opens the door either great enthusiasm and energy.

And guess what?

They were all here.

"..."

A lot of them stare at me.

Making me feel tiny and pathetic under their gaze.

I spot a girl in a onezie, a girl with pink eyes, a huge man with a hose, a guy with blond hair in a bun while blue spills over his shoulders, and many more people.

If I felt watched before while I definitely hate this.

Enjin closes the door, "nevermind, they can wait." He grins down at me, laying a hand on my shoulder. "Let's go see the boss shall we?"

I nod.

. . .

Enjin

As I lead the kid down the hall to the boss's room I think about how the kid will fit down here.

He's new and young, about 15 years old but has been lacking nutrition and many other needs so looks younger.

It also looks like in some way, something stunted his growth greatly.

He looks like he's 12-13, if not for him actually answering me when I asked his age.

It shocked me, I didn't expect him to sue his voice to answer at first.

It may be because he was to distracted to think about what he was doing, being surrounded by more food at once than i think he as ever seen in one olace before.

It kinda hurts to think about.

I would think that up on the sphere, they would bare plenty food, that they never went hungry.

But now, from the point as seeing this kid and finding out where the hell he was from.

I know now that that just isn't the truth.

He's malurnished the the point he's skin and bones almost literally.

How he is not dead is beyond me.

It also worries me about how quiet he is.

The cleaners are already weary of the little sphereite and it shows.

I'm sure even this brat noticed.

And if he stays quiet, who knows what trouble he could get it?

I put a pause in my thoughts, realizing I never even told Rudo what our boss is like or anything.

Not that I know much.

So I tell him what I know, that he's strong even though none of us never even seen him use his jinki, or even know anything about his past.

We still trust him with all our hearts.

Rudo doesn't look like he really understands but doesn't push for answers.

I never expected him to.

When we fianlly reach the door, I open the door to... an empty room without the boss sitting in his chair.

The kid looks into the room and then up to me, silently asking where the fuck was the boss. 

"Uh- the boss should be here!" I try to defend myself to the short teen. 

He doesn't acknowledge me and only stares blankly into the room, like he's expecting the boss to just teleport into that chair behind that old desk.

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you." Semius voice fills the halls as her heels click on the floor. "The boss is out for business, and will be for a few days at least." She announced calmly as per usual, with her professional tone and her professionalism.

"Ohh, he's doing that again." murmur.

I wonder what she thinks of Rudo, I know she is hiding something from us.

Being a friend of her for so long, having long drinking nights and having to bring her back safely back here as she is never in condition especially on the night before her day off.

I know something is up.

But it's not my place to pry right now, I have a new kid to keep track of, I can't leave him alone for now.

Especially after today, I'm sure even to the best of our efforts, some rumor will pop out about how a little sphereite is right here with us.

And when that happened, I need to be prepared.

We all do.

"...what...?" Rudo asks.

I ignore him, "welp rudo. I'm sorry but that, knew that you wanted to see him. But he's out." I smiling evily down at him. 

Even though he never said anything about wanting to seee the boss other than one time. He showed great, childlike and impatient interest when I talked about him and how he can make Rudo join our ranks so he has a real chance at going back up to the sphere.

He glares at me, huffs and turns away whole crossing his arms.

I almost laughed, "so did he ever tell you when he would ever get back here?" I ask before sighing, "Ugh that guy is way to overworking."

Even by her standars he is, but I don't mention that.

It's why the boss makes her take breaks, because otherwise she would surely die from exhaustion.

The boss rarely takes breaks.

Honestly, they should take a long vacation.

She shrugs, "I have no idea, all I know is that he's out."

I'm about to offer our new newbie an official tour around the place when Riyo pops out.

Her hair bounces up and down, a slight smile and eyes sparkling just a little bit. "How about I give this new hopeful a an observation field trip? We can call him traine for now to, since the boss is gone and all." She turns to Rudo, taking a step nearer to him, causing him to tense up with eyes that show he's not mentally here at all. "I want to get to know you better Rudo, please?"

Chapter Text

Semiu looks down at some papers, "here are the job details. The citizens of the town near a polluted zone said that small trash beasts have been sighted near the barricade. We would like to have the cleaners come and clean them up just incase." She explains, looking up at me and Riyo.

Enjin is here to, because he's our 'leader' or whatever and is supposed to look after us.

"..."

She sighs, "Do you know what I meant by polluted zones?"

How did she know- oh right, her vital intrument.

I'm also guessing she just happens to have good luck when it comes to asking the right questions.

I shake my head left to right.

Yeah no way, I may have an idea but I don't know shit.

I have been here for... a day? Less?

She looks at enjin unimpressed, "did you teach him nothing about that enjin?" 

Enjin chuckles in return, "sure I did! Made it simple, called them garbage dump sites." He explains with a grin and even more trouble maker energy than the man trouble maker kids back up on the sphere.

I should really stop thinking about the sphere.

Semiu rubs her temples with her fingers, gathering patience I bet she needs to deal with this asshole.

Riyo giggles a bit, not sure her reason though.

And far as I'm concerned nothing right now is that funny.

But my humor was always broken.

That's what regto always told me anyways.

Semiu looks at me again, "Rudo. I'm sorry that this half-wit couldn't do his job, I will explain it for you cause I'm sure he won't explain anything and make you have even more questions with even less answers."

"Half-wit!" Enjin yelps dramatically, putting his hand at his heart in fake hurt.

Riyo laughs even harder, becoming even more uncontrollable.

Semiu ignores the two, pointing at an area on the map that seemed to have spawned there just now. "See the ground is divided into areas that are fit for human habitation, which we call 'safe zones'. We call the other areas 'polluted zones," because of the amount of trash and trash beasts that inhabit the area. Does that make sense?" She asks after exclaiming what she meant and what Enjin couldn't.

Or, just that he didn't even try to.

Lazy.

I nod, I understand what it means now.

Although still with plenty questions, but im sure she knows that.

Riyo jumps up, "Hey Enjin, you said you found Rudo in 'no man's land'?"

Semiu nodded, "Incidentally Rudo, when you...fell, you landed in the 'no man's land,' one if the most dangerous polluted zones. And as far as we determined, there are currently 6 no man's lands. If an average person enters no man's land, they would die almost instantly. That's because those areas are swarming with trash beasts that are tough even for the cleaners to handle." She turns to Enjin, the light over her head hitting her glasses and hiding her eyes. "Honestly, the fact that enjin found you there us a miracle. And what were you doing there anyways Enjin?"

"Hey if I wanna talk a nice walk in no man's land that's my business!" He defended. Mumbling that it all turned out fine.

Which, I guess it did.

And I'm still alive and breathing.

And he's also fine, he didn't get hurt from what I know of.

"A walk?" She grumbles, "well whatever. When you go into a polluted zone, you have to make sure to wear a gas mask for obvious reasons. You have to wear them as much as possible got it?" She glances at me, then takes out a gas mask. "If you inhale any, and I do mean any. You might come down with some pretty nasty disease."

"Yeah, nasty all right!" Riyo adds on.

Again, Semiu ignores them. "Ya know Rudo, without a gas mask in the no man's land. You will die in about 15 minutes."

How long was I breathing the air there?

It was surely more than 15 minutes right? 

It felt like hour's.

. . .

"Okay Rudo, this job is gonna be an easy one. However, you will still need to pay attention and watch what we do closely kay?" Riyo says once we make it putside along with even more strangers on the ground.

I hate strangers, it always feels as if they are judging me or staring at me like I'm a zoo animal.

On the sphere, and down here.

I stare into the weeds and thorns, and the many different trash that lay infront of me behind the big wooden fence.

A polluted zone. 

Woah, so much trash.

And as much as trash makes me feel happy and whole.

The thought that so many people suffer from the spheres garbage and litter, that they die everyday because if something I used to live with. No matter how much trash I tried to save, I still contributed to the trash that fell down here.

Suddenly it feels as if I'm small again, pathetic.

How do these guys not hate me?

Why haven't they gotton rid of me?

Why are they keeping me around?

I shake my head, I shouldn't think about this right now.

I need to focus.

It looks like one big pile of trash, which it is.

And looking back, I did used to think the pit was one big dump for trash, didn't even think people lived down here.

Didn't know that was possible.

Do the people back on the sphere know about this?

Do they know ans toss trash and people down here anyways?

I don't know what's worse.

However, when I stop to think about it differently.

The polluted zone... 

IS A MOUNTAIN OF TREASURE!

Man I want to take it all home.

And repair it!

Then the people who are already at the bottom of the stairs reminds me I'm still with strangers, and I guess that Riyo catches me eyeing them, cause they immediately went to explain who they are.

So glad I didn't have to ask, today has been overwhelming.

"They are cleaners, just like us." They points at herself and I. "Supporters to be exact, they are very important part of the team, although not having the powers we get." She explains with ease, waving at them.

And before I can fully process that.

A blond man puts his right hand out to me, "nice to meet you," he says, looking pretty serious. 

"..." 

I'm not sure what to think.

But here goes...

I lift my right hand to shake his as offered.

And what does he do?

Squeezes my scared hand with the power of 100 people combined.

And how does my hand react?

With a painful burst, and as much as the nerves in my hand are dead, some are still alive, and I still feel phantom pain.

I yelp and rip my hand away from the danger, clutchnf close to my chest as I try to look like I'm not about to cry from the burning pain that spreads over the very much burned hands.

Riyo looks shocked, eyes wide, "Rudo? You okay?" She looks at my hand and then up to my eyes, looking concerned.

I drop my hand, trying to look casual as I nod my head.

Not saying one word at all.

The simple action to some people really does feel like a hard task, like walking 1 million miles.

Even then, I would rather do that than talk most of the time.

The man apologizes many times, with the most quilty look I have ever seen.

Riyo gets him to stop, explaining how I'm okay and that the reason for my quietness is that I'm just very quiet and don't talk much.

He looks confused but seems to understand, giving me another apologetic look before meeting up with the other supporter. 

The person has black hair with yellow eyes, and wears the same clothing design that the blond person has.

Riyo turns to look st me, scanning me over. "So, are you okay?" I nod. "Okay, that's good, that man's name is Gris, he's really strong but is kind and as harmful as a teddy bear. He can punch a trash beast and his hand will still be okay." She grins, "isn't he awesome?"

Okay, woah.

That's so cool!

I wish I could punch those monsters like that!

my hands still hurt though, but know one here knows about my hands.

So it's fine.

Even if I feel pain.

I nod for what feels like the 100th time today.

And I will even more times I'm sure of it.

I stop to think though, and realize that I don't think I can keep up with their energy.

They seem so energetic and lively.

And I obviously don't match.

But regardless, I need to pull my own weight, even if I'm only a trainee that barely counts at all because the boss - whoever that is - is gone and won't be back for a little while.

"Riyo," the black haired boy's voice broke through the area. "I have visual of trash beasts as I speak."

I look away from the boy to look where said boy was looking.

The trash beasts that I'm looking at right now look very different from the ones I was introduced to when I woke up for the first time down here.

These ones look like animals, smaller, with antlers and body with hooves all made of metal.

But the thing is...

There's a whole bunch if them...

I look at Riyo nervously, anxiety creeping up and gaining up on me.

Guess she noticed it, because she answered my un spoken question and thoughts. "It's fine, there slow moving and pretty weak." She nods towards the fence, looking at the trash beasts that are hitting their heads on the wooden walls. "See? They are headbutting the barricade but it doesn't budge an inch." Now she turns back I me, "which is why they are perfect little guys fir this field trip, your a very lucky kid Rudo!" She grins, eyes sparkling.

Although I wouldn't say I'm a kid compared to her but whatever.

Could be one of those moments where the person just calls everyone that no matter who they are for whatever reason.

But she's right, these ones are way more tamed than the trash beasts that decided I wad their snack of the day.

Which means there are even more types of trash beasts out there.

SNAP

What was that?

I get my answer fast.

That's because the next thing that tears down the thorn bushes is metal bulls, a ton of them to.

And these or NOT tamed.

Not. 

At.

All.

Royo seems unbothered, "all is fine, no need to worry your pretty head over it."

...

Did she just call me pretty?

Is this normal down here or am I not getting the memo?

But what part of this could be considered fine!?

They are headbutting the barricade hard and doing real damage now!

Should we call for backup?

Riyo explains that these are just upgraded versions if the smaller ones, they are stronger but still perfect for this observation.

"And now that they decided to come put of their little hidden spot, I'm assuming that the whole herd is here." Scary big herd. "But if we beat them all at once. We can go home early!" She beams, twisting and shoots me a wide smile. "Ya know what! We will finish this up and once done we can have a welcome party for you! Watcha think? Like it?"

"..." I stare, trying to come up with an answer but the words don't travel from my brain into my mouth and onto my tongue. 

"That's settled! We will have a 'welcome to the ground' party!" She cheers.

She seems so relaxed...

How is she so relaxed?

I thought this job was like... life or death.

"Oh and rudo," She turns around once again. Like she can read minds. "To live here on the ground, it's important to keep calm and have a cool head." She gives a thumps up and winks. 

Thinking about her words brings me back to a lot of hours ago, I forgot how long.

Time was never my strong point.

She's right, Enjin was all calm and casual about the trash beasts.

So they are just all relaxed most if not all of the time? 

Thing is, I don't have cool head.

Back up on the sphere others would mistake my silence as weakness.

The stupid people who decided I was their target were usually bigger and stronger, smarter.

So I had to be twice as vicious to protect my life from being taken away.

Doesn't mean I keep a level head, I have punched many many people for insulting regto, didn't care if they insulted me though.

I was used to it anyways.

Of course, if they tried to hit me first then I may hit back.

But hitting others always made me sick.

Cause my parents used to hit me.

And if i hit then im just like them...

CRASH

The barricade breaks, splattering on the ground in pieces.

That... 

That trash beast is so much bigger than the other ones...

It's fine it's fine.

Keep a cool head...

Right?

"Oh this is NOT fine!" Riyo shout, she looked panicked. "I never seen a trash beast so slick!" She smiles, taking out... scissors? "Not great for observation. But... I sure am itching to go up against such a big touch guy." Her expression gets more serious, like those people who sold things and didn't take any less money than what it was worth.

Okay...

I just have to keep my cool!

Yeah..

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Riyo lifts her sharp, shiny scissors that seem to shine when the glowing light from the sun hits it just right.

Not a ton, the light from the sun seems to have a ton of trouble reaching the ground.

At least right now.

She giggles like how I imagine a young kid would when they got to play with a brand new toy, lifting her scissors dangerously close to her face as the smoke clears. "We don't really wanna take out the big guy just yet though. What we should do is clean up all the little guys right here first!" She says with great enthusiasm.

The gleaming object in her hands begin to glow in patterns in a green that matches her her eyes as they begin to glow as well. She throws them up in the air which leads to her scissors growing in size. But the thing that shocks me the most is that instead of using her hands. She uses her feet to catch the now huge scissors. "It's time for some deep cleaning right guys?"

Guess so.

Riyo swings the scissors, twirling them around in a huge circle. Destroying several trash beasts in one big swoop, sending them to the ground with ease.

SNIP

Heads go flying, spinning in the air before hitting the ground with a thud that's silenced by the much more deafening noise of the massive trash beast standing way to close for comfort even though it could be considered far.

Trying not to think about it, I instead watch the glowing scissors continue to snip snip snip heads off like they were paper.

Snip snip snip.

Thud thud thud.

Can't help but think about how cool the whole thing is, it's gleam and sparkle, the metal casting the sunlight beams in different directions with every swing even though the sun is barely visible. The bright green glow showing every movement of the siccors, surrounding Riyo like a ring of fire.

I wonder if I could be as cool as that someday.

It seems so impossible though.

A hand is gently laid upon my shoulder, grabbing and pulling my attention back to the real world again forcefully as I can now only focus on the touch and the words of the person attached to the hand I want to rip off.

For the reason of it reminding me of my father's hands coming from behind me after I broke yet another rule.

Rule after rule.

Mistakes after mistakes.

Hit after hit.

Gris's voice cuts through the memories like a chainsaw, "Riyo's vital instrument is the pair of scissors, she calls it 'the ripper.' Although other people would usually use siccors with your hands, she transforms hers into a weapon and often times uses them with her feet." He mumbles how it's not something to do with a polite company. 

Which I must say is true, definitely not something you would do with polite company.

But the red head with eyes of all the green and sage gems you can think of might think differently based on what im seeing.

Like how she has no care or hesitation when she sees the beasts run at her, looking calm and collected as she just cuts them to pieces without breaking a sweat.

I stay still with the thoughts taking over when I get saved once again, he steps forward stretching his arms as the black haired boy walks ahead of him. "Rudo, I know your only here to observe, but please don't just stand there." He says, not looking back at me and instead looking out at the plenty of alive trash piles that surround us.

That question confuses me, because of course I'm not just going to stand here doing nothing!

He knows that right?

SMASH

Faster than I can think, he's by my side smashing one of the smaller trash beasts in the face. Crushing it with the force of a thousand voices all calling out.

I barely move out of the way, mouth wide in pure utter shock as I try to not lose my footing.

Things blur together, but I do know that I need to pay more attention to my surrounding if I don't want to die like an idiot.

Gris moves again, smashing the whole beasts into the ground which causes the ground to Crack and split a little.

Oh shit!

"RIYO!" He calls, throwing the beast like a frisbee in the air like it was just any other day outside.

Riyo responds immediately, "on it!" She leans on her scissors that sit open in front of her, and with a ka-chop it splits into two. She steps back a little, motioning with her hand as she asks, "go ahead guys, send more over to me!"

"Will do." Gris and the yellow eyed boy say at the same time with the same tone.

Still sitting on my but, I notice how the boy has a hammer in his hands.

Why haven't I noticed that before?

The hammer looks ordinary, but he holds it like the hammer is his lifeline. His reason to be here right now and not 6 feet in the ground.

Staring at the two supporters and how the react to this makes me realize a few things.

They don't have a vital instrument, so they can't beat a trash beasts.

However, they can immobilize them, so the giver can finish them off easily.

This...

This is how the cleaners fight.

As a team, as one.

She sighs happily, "yep, it's so much cleaner now! So satisfying, and now all thats left..." She lifts her head, getting a better look at the giant beast that is still standing like it owns the place. "Is this big boy!"

She swings, picking up dirt and trash as she faces the beasts head on.

"We will stay here and immobilize the smaller beasts sense Riyo is busy with the big one." Gris stated the rather obvious decision that is to be made.

At least I think that was obvious.

Or maybe they think I'm brain dead.

I sure hope they don't.

CREAK

The younger boy goes on ahead and trips over one of the little ones (if you can say that) that lay on the floor.

"Huh?!" He yelps, nearly faceplanting and breaking his nose painfully.

He doesn't break his nose, but that's not what matters right now.

The trash he tripped on towers over him like a big cloak that covers a tree.

Gris flinches, "Follo get out of there fast!"

So that's his name...

I don't have time to think about it though as I pick up a stick and block the hooves of the beast.

CLASH

I don't want to be a useless piece of shit that drags everything and everyone down.

I can do this.

I will prove it!

ZWOO

"Wh-"

what happened?

Why is it...?

I know I have powers but...

How do I use them..?

Glowing red surrounds me and Follo like a cage meant for protection but is really doing nothing as it only keeps us trapped here in the line of danger.

And that big pile of the trash just looks at us.

Staring at us like it already knows we are done for, we can't run it hide.

I clench my hands around the glowing red rod infront of me, which hurts my hand with the familiar stinging. 

The pain comes so sudden do to my panick I let go and nearly trip to the floor.

Nearly.

SWOOSH

CLASH

"Thanks rudo! You jumped in to help just in time! Not to shabby!" Riyo crashes in, saving me and Follo from being mauled to death by the trash I could've saved and repaired before it became whatever this is.

"RIYO! RUDO!" Gris's voices booms as he runs up to us with Follo right behind. "Sorry we got so careless, thank you both." Follo nods along with a type of seriousness that I haven't seen in a while. It looks genuine. "So, you done taking care if the big one?"

Riyo shakes her head, looking a little annoyed. "Cut him into two but... it did not help. Not. At. All."

"What?"

She turns, glaring at the bug guy who got cut into two. "Well I keep on cutting him with my Ripper. But he doesn't disintegrate. Not one bit." She explains while shaking her head.

The beast in question screeches, howling loud enough to make ears bleed.

Loud enough I'm sure the sphere and gods above can hear the cries of it.

Funny, how they can hear the cries of the monsters but ignore the cries of others.

Ignore the cries of a young who was assaulted and have been wronged.

The young who try to be better but the grown ups manipulate them until the kids grow up just like them like a meadow of weeds.

Even the adults and the elders, who are wiser and have been patient but still don't get justice for everything wrong that they never ever deserved.

Like wildfire that doesn't even give room for new life as it destroys and only beings pain and ruin.

"A trash beast... that's immune to your vital intrument? How-?" Gris stutters, looking between her vital instrument and the way to big beast.

The red head nods, "it's so weird. Usually trash beasts weak spots are in the same place as us humans. So I thought it would die if I cut it into two." She trails off, looking deep in thought before smiling like this was a game. "Oh what-ever!" She starts bouncing away, walking with a half skip to it as she stares down the way to giant beast she is now up against.

Gris turns away, "we will put it into the log to report the new species. We will also warn the neighbor cities and towns right away."

"Please and thank you!" Riyo answers, giving them a wave. What can I do? I don't want to sit here on my ass while these people do all the heavy lifting. "Okay then! First, I will give you a nice lovely haircut! Doesn't that sound nice!" She jumps up high, "what kind of look are you going for?"

THROWP

"What did ya say? You wanna go bald!?" She gasps dramatically. "Sorry I don't have my clippers on me at the moment, so this is gonna take some time kay?" Riyo apologizes as she twists and turns, cutting off the giants hair as if it were just thin paper. The patterns on her scissors glow even brighter, leaving a green light behind her as she moves around. "There! All done! How you like it? I think you look magnificent!" 

AARAEAAEAEAAEAR

Riyo stands up looking proud of her work as the beast continues to screech like those crows whenever I came near.

Never knew why they hated me, they just did and kept their distance.

She looks down, eyes catching a glow that isn't already her eyes. "Oh dear me, sir there is something glowing in there. Right... there. Is it as great and as magnificent as your hair?"

GRKKKKKK

It wails, shaking its head up, down, left, and right. Causing the ground to crack and explode, splitting the area into many parts as the dirt kicks up making it hard to see what in the stars above happened.

The hair that the trash beast somehow got again hit the ground, causing the ground to shake and break.

Also causing destruction and rocks to fall down.

And a lot of fear to run through my veins.

"It's going to get us!" Gris warns, backing up.

To late.

I already fell into a crack in the ground.

The original dear I had just increased a thousand fold as I try to reach out to empty air.

And although I know I'm not falling down from the sphere it sure feels like it, as the darkness below threatens to swallow me up like I'm just a meal to be eaten.

What am I even good for?

If I can't use the powers everyone here says I have?

If I just slow them down?

If I endanger them?

'To the filth! To the filth! To the filth-!'

Suddenly a hand grabs my left wrist, hauling me back up and setting me on his shoulder like he's carrying a sack of potatoes.

How embarrassing.

Gris starts running away while holding me still, dashing across the ground in order to not get caught in the attacks and trash that went flying.

"Snap out of it Rudo! I have no idea what you were thinking of that made you freeze like that. I know you have a goal you want to succeed in. So don't give up before that happens. Run. Watch and learn what we are doing." Gris says with a stern voice that commands my attention. Making me think about what he's saying to me, or at least, for the most part.

Most of my thinking went into thinking about why he decided I was worth saving.

VROOOAOAARRARAEAEAAAA

The trash beasts head seems to come up from the ground, the smoke letting up and allowing me to see what the huge thing looks like again.

I don't want to see it though.

Riyo is still facing it head on without slowing down for breath, "Oh so your yelling now are ya? If it makes you scream this much then I must've found your weak spot!" 

She jumps up, closing the scissors, jumping on them and staying right threw the head of the beast.

The thing crumbles to dust witha final screech.

"She... beat it? I think?" Gris fills in the new big fat silence that I have grown to love over the years. Riyo emerges from the dust and ash, looking calm. "Hey are you okay? How on this planet did you beat it?"

"I stabbed this." She exclaimed, holding out what seems to be a sharp box cutting knife. "And it died." She looks away from the object, which had most certainly seen better days. "It seems like this is what made that trash beast move. But..."

Gris sets me down, looking pale faced with wide uncertain and fearful eyes. "Tha-thats a vital intrument... right? That's what that is?" He pointed at it, examining it with a worried expression. 

"I don't know what this means," Riyo says, "and instrument powering a trash beast." She says mostly to herself, as if trying to get the information stored in her he'd to process it herself. Like she is also trying to understand what just happened.

"What is going on..." Gris asks, staring off into the smoke as if it would have any answers.

. . .

I can feel the stares I'm getting, but I can't bring myself to care to much.

Or maybe I'm caring to much, I don't know anymore.

I kinda want food.

But I don't need the food, I can go a bit longer without eating.

Need and want are so different yet I hear people misuse them a lot.

Like how that say 'oh I just need that neckless!' Or 'I need that book, can I please have it?'

But need is something you can't live without, something that if you don't have. You have a good chance at not being able to be in the land of the living. To survive and exist.

Want is everything else, something that is not needed to survive. It's just a desire you have but you don't really need it.

I don't know what I really wanted, the only thing that brought me joy was 3 things.

One was trash, which is obvious.

Two was being with Regto.

The third was hanging out with Chiwa.

The last two leaves a sour taste on my mouth, like im swallowing poison and weird mystery trash juice.

I wish Regto was here.

He was all I had.

And Chiwa... as much as I feel hurt about her betraying me. I can't help but not blame her, she was manipulated just like the rest of them.

If she had tried to help me, she would be executed just like me.

She has a family, she has people waiting at home for her. 

I can't just ask for her to leave all of them for me.

But still... 

It hurts. 

"Hey," Gris, I recognize the voice greets. "I noticed that we haven't talked to eachother since yesterday and yet still haven't introduced myself. I'm Gris Rubion." 

"..."

I don't want to say my name, but that's how introducing yourself works.

But thinking it is much easier than using you words.

"I already know you name, you don't have to say it again if you don't want to. I'm not going to force you." He smiles, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. "I just wanted to tell you that you did good."

I shake my head, I didn't even do anything except cause more trouble. 

"You saved follo from that trash beast Rudo."

Sure, I guess. "But..." I needed you and Riyo to save me.

It's no different than when I was up there.

"Thank you," he interupted, "people usually think us supporters are usless and uneeded. They look down at us, there are even some cleaners who think that way. But... your different Rudo."

I look down, boring holes into the tables.

Yeah different, not in the good way though.

Don't have to lie.

"..." 

I don't know what to say, how can some people look at these guys and think 'oh look at that weakling. We don't need them.' 

I don't get it, this person saved my life twice in one day. 

And he's thanking me?

I should be thanking him.

Why can't I just be different?

Why can't I just speak like a normal human being?

Why why why?

"Look at him," Gris commands, and I follow the order. Looking at the obsidian haired boy who smiles like there's nothing wrong with this was trash infested world. "Follo joined the cleaners to get rid of trash beasts. But that isn't possible if your not a giver. So he takes care of that hammer you see with him." I nod along, gears working to see where Gris is going with this. "Well, after he became a supporter. He started to say 'when I become a giver, I'm staying a supprter, and show the others we are not as worthless as they think.' And right now, he's working on that dream, making it into a reality that many others have failed to do before." 

"..."

He turns back to me, "Rudo, put those thoughts about being stronger and living up to others expectations that are to high and think. There has to be something you always wanted to do, what is it?" He asks.

And....

I don't know how to answer that.

What have I always wanted to do?

"Before you came to the ground, what is something that made you think i want to do that?"

"..."

Have I ever thought that before?

All I wanted to do was turn what others think is trash into treasure and use it to its full potential, something that people would never throw away.

To hang out with Regto again.

To be on the sphere and make people under stand that they are dumb and to not be so blind all the time.

To punch a bully who decided I was their main target.

To make Regto proud.

But I know Gris isn't asking that.

He's asking something deeper than that.

And I don't think I can give that answer to him.

Maybe I never can...

"Well remind yourself of whatever that is, it will come naturally someday. I'm sure of that, have faith in yourself Rudo. They may have dropped you here, but your alive, surviving even now. And that has to count for something." He lays a hand on my head, ruffling it.

It makes me feel like crying again, which is weird, cause I don't cry.

But the tears build up anyways, trying to fall down.

"Ohh man I'm so beat!" A large man falls onto my shoulder, threatening to push me off the seat and onto the ground. He gets up, probably noticing I'm not the most stable thing to lean on. "Hm? What's wrong with you dude? Why haven't you eaten anything?" He questions, staring at me like I'm on trial for not doing my chores or something.

Riyo's pipes up, agreeing, "Yeah your the guest of honor! If you don't eat something now all the food with disappear!" She says, pointing at the fast depleting food while she chews on her own food.

Zanka side eyes her, rolling his eyes. "Your the one eating most of it."

"C'mon rudo, let's go eat." Gris encourages, leading out a hand to me. 

I hesitate, but do manage to take that hand.

Maybe...

Maybe I can trust these guys, just for now.

Even if they are a little weird and freaky.

Chapter Text

Finally, it's over...

I can be alone.

It felt like I was gonna lose it if I stayed with so much people trying to talk to me all at once longer than I already have.

Thankfully I somehow managed to get away with the excuse is I'm tired from all that happened today. 

They believed me.

After all, why wouldn't they?

Ofcourse they believed me, they didn't even try to stop me from leaving.

I'm sure even compared to them I had a long day.

Honestly, it was beginning I feel like it would never end at all.

Like I was stuck in the worst nightmare daytime if my life forever and ever.

Walking away from the chaos, I realize that I have no idea of where I should go, this place is a maze. 

Sighing I come across a door. When I opened the door stairs were located behind it.

Deciding to climb with no better idea, it's obvious to me that it leads to the rooftop.

I was hoping to see the stars tonight when I fugured that part out, but go figure, you cant because if the pollution and trash clouds in the air.

How lovely.

Whatever, it's not like I need to see them.

Today has been a trash fire... 

All I did was be a usless brat to others.

And, what's worse? They still allow me to stay here. Like I'm worthy of their food, water, shelter, company, like im worthy of life itself.

Which can't be true...

So why?

Why are they pretending?

Why are they pretending to care?

It would hurt less if they decided to stop this act of theirs...

So why? I'm sure it takes a lot of energy to even breath the same air as me, to be around, to talk to.

But they are anyways...

And I don't know why either, but they even smiled... at me.

Like I'm worth to be shown such kindness. 

I wish to know why they may think that, if they aren't pretending.

Fat chance they aren't...

...

Why do my eyes feel wet all of the sudden?

The tears form before I can process that, leaving me to silently allow the tears to fall.

It's not like anybody is here to watch anyways, they are still drinking and eating, celebrating my arrival.

I don't understand...

Why are they celebrating an arrival of me? 

I came from the sphere... the people who throw trash on their heads every day to no end.

So what could possibly be their reason?

Unless they want to sell me as well...

It's a possibility...

But they had been so kind to me...

This just causes fresh tears to form and burn, I'm sure my eyes are puffy by now, all red and Shiney from the tears.

The bright lights invaded my eyes, the food all started so good... nothing like up on the sphere, it was delicious, it was sweet and flavorful. Unlike the bitter and moldy food me and Regto had to share to get by.

Even then, most of the time it was just air and the water we were allowed to have but the mercy of the rich.

The water was clear to, well, for the most part. But it was still water, more water then I have ever seen at once before.

The slums didn't have very many if any good places to grow crops or get drinkable water, so the rich would send some jugs of water and maybe a few loads of bread.

But that didn't happen often.

And even then the water was not very clean, the the bread was always at the point of molding.

The cries of the people who lost loved ones to the unfairness of it all ring like a chant in my ears.

Either from starvation, dehydration, execution, or the apostles being their lovely selves and killing on of us for a crume that shouldn't exist.

Like when I would go trash picking through their trash, they shot at me like it was a crime...

That was the last time Regto bandaged me up...

He will never help ease the pain inflicted on me again...

...

I blink the tears away from my eyes, as I can still feel the pain in my stomach from my own starvation, the stoning in my throat when I tried to talk or even just breath from the lack of water that didn't even taste good.

Suddenly, for some reason my eyes feel heavy, making it hard to keep them open.

Then, sleep takes me in like how a mother takes her children in her arms protecting them from harms way.

At least, that's what other moms do.

Not mine.

And this sleep is not a nice sleep, when I sleep the nightmares haunt me.

They even followed me down here...

. . .

I screech as I try to claw my way away from the danger.

"GET BACK HERE BRAT!" My biological father screams, going after me with the burning thing.

I don't really know what it is, I just know is that it hurts.

And that the pain never leaves.

Trashing and wailing the heat Bruns NY skin again.

Arms wrap around me, "shh, it's okay. I'm here." The voice is Regto's, and he is holding me close. Successfully stoping the burning thingy from touching my skin.

His warmth swallows me whole, making new feel as if I could breath again.

As if I'm not just a toy to be played with, but a person.

I feel safe..

But that doesn't last forever.

Oh how could I hope it would last forever! 

I know better than that.

Instead if feeling warm like he once was, his body instead feels cold, like a dead body.

Turning to look at him, as sobs threaten to show themselves to the dark void that surrounds us.

I see dull eyes if a dead man looking back at me. 

And I no longer feel as safe and warm.

I feel like I'm cold and helpless as the person who raised me fades away and I'm stuck here alone.

Again.

Again as I once was in the cold and harsh world.

. . .

Enjin

As Rudo walks away from dinnar, looking a little tense but okay I go back to the conversations that bloom around me.

"Hey guys, how old do you think Rudo is?" Riyo blurted, not really thinking about it as she shoves even more food into her mouth.

Immediately, guesses pop up left and right.

So it's very chaotic.

"Twelve!"

"Thirteen!"

"Ten!"

"You think that kid is ten!" Someone from the other side of the room shouts back, sounding incredulous and a tiny bit concerned.

Not that I can blame him, sure twelve could work but ten sounds way to young.

"Oh shut up!" The voice that guessed Rudo was ten yells, I can practically hear the eye roll in his voice.

"What if he's sixteen!?"

Everyone goes quiet. 

That's when I know it's my cue to speak up to explain, even if it wasn't my guess. "The guys probably is saying about how Rudo most definitely is older than he may seem. I think it's obvious that his growth has been stunted. He was awfully light, and looks like he'd about 90 pounds even soaking wet, he feels like it to. When I first saw him, even for us he was dirty, I know most of that could be from falling from the damn sky into the buggest pole of trash possible but still. He definitely didn't get the nutrients needed, I would even go as far to say he didn't get clean water."

I watch the faces from everyone else process the info I had just given them. 

Even Riyo looks unsettled.

I can't blame her.

Zanka is the first to respond, looking deep in thought. I can see the gears turning in his brain as his face begins to sour. He shakes his head a little, returning back ti the normal bored looking expression, "I still wouldn't say 16, more like 14."

Riyo nods her head in agreement Instantly, seeming happy that it may not be as bad as it seems. "Yeah, he's short, even if his growth was stunted a little."

"Wait, Enjin you said clean water? Are you saying they had dirty water?" Tamsy asks, looking dead at me. 

Why do I feel like this all of the sudden?

Whatever.

Sure it's nothing.

I sigh, "Yeah, he seems very dehydrated to me. It could even be one of the reasons he has a hard time talking, but im sure it's much more than just not enough water."

The subject continues, we even started betting in the thing until Semiu stood, clapping her hands to get everyone's attenion.

"We should ask him about his life later," Semiu said, ending the subject. She turned to the team I'm leading, looking mostly at me. "Hey, got a letter from the boss to tell you guys that you get a day off to help our new fallen angle settle here. Don't worry, it's been slower these past few days."

She looks over all of us, making sure her point gets across.

She lingers on Zanka, who stiffens under her stare.

"Sweet, sounds cool, thanks!" I smile, giving her a thumbs up. "Welp, I guess it's time to go to bed. Did we even show where Rudo's dorm room was to him?"

Riyo jumps up, "shit- no we didn't."

Me, Riyo, and Zanka then leave the room, looking for the teams new trainee.

We look for about an hour, nearly loosing our minds until we walk by an open door with stairs that lead up to the roof.

Glancing at eachother we decide to go up, we have not to have found a better idea after all.

All our eyes widen to various degrees as we find a soft looking boy laid across the flattish roof, looking calm for the first time since I had met him. 

We don't want to wake the kid up, but we do need to get him to his room.

So as carefully as possible, I walk over, picking him up by his back and the back if his knees, and slowly return back inside where Zanka and Riyo waited. 

"Does anyone know where his room is?"

Zanka shakes his head, but Riyo answers. "Yeah, Semiu told me a little bit ago before the welcome party started."

Zanka huffed, "why did we need to have a welcome party?"

"Cause we can! Anyways, its right below me so not to far from here." She finishes with a quiet ton, seeming to remember the sleeping boy in my arms.

Huh, odd of her to be this nice to someone she just met today.

Interesting, she already took a liking to this spherite hasn't she?

I smile, okay." 

We keep quiet as we walk into the dark halls, finally getting to where Rudo's room is.

Slowly, we walk in, set Rudo into his bed.

. . .

I wake up with a sharp scream in my throat, I forgot the last time I ever made such a noise.

It takes me a few moments to calm myself down, catching my breaths in hiccups and forced to slowly exhale to regulate it.

But now comes the bigger question.

Why am I in a room? I wad on the roof wasn't I?

Sitting up fully, I look around the room. It's still dark, maybe a few hours before the sun will rise. The room has another door, maybe a bathroom. A desk is located at the foot of the bed, facing the wall to my self. It's big and has shelves on it to. As I turn to the left, I spot yet another door, a closet maybe? 

It feels weird, I never really had my own place like that back up there with Regto, as we had to share a bedroom because of space. 

The bed was comfy, it's not on the floor like the mattress I used to sleep in, or the couch. 

The blankets are warm, the pillows are soft along with the sheets. 

I look around again, thinking of the worst when I spot a bright yellow note.

Picking it up, with barely see able words, it explains that my new teammates carried me back here from the roof to this room.

Which is mine.

Actually mine.

They gave me my own whole ass room, without pay or anything at all.

Makes me feel like crying again, I wish I could rip my tear ducts out.

It only slows me down...

And gets me in trouble.

Wiping the new fresh tears away, putting away the note back on the nightstand near my bed, I lay back down onto my bed.

Going back to sleep in the warmth if the blanket and the fading thoughts.

This time, I sleep peacefully.

. . .

BANG BANG BANG

"It's time to go to breakfast hurry up!" Enjins voice calls, successfully waking me up. 

I scoff and roll my eyes even if he can't see me, getting up to search for some cloths. Searching in the dresser and closet to find a few pairs of shirts and pants. 

After I finish getting dressed I open the door, Enjin waited for me, which is a shocker. 

"..." I gesture to myself, showing how I'm very well ready.

He nods approvingly, "Okay, good. After we eat we are going to the front desk. Semiu needs to ask you some questions and then we can hang out the rest of the day. We get the day off to help you settle in." He smiles, "how does that sound?"

I give a thumbs up, not like I can say no can I?

His grin only gets wider, "thats the spirtit!" He cheers, ruffling my hair like we didn't just met eachother yesterday.

I shove the hand away but follow anyways.

. . . 

Breakfast was good, there was less people in here than yesterday, Enjin explained t me that they had missions today, that's why they were gone. 

The food they gave me because I couldn't decide was 'pancakes', and it tasted amazing!

They watched me as I at it, Enjin seems like he's trying not to laugh while Zanka looks a little confused along with Riyo.

"Did... you guys not have sweets up there?" Zanka asked with hesitation in his voice.

Riyo nods, "Yeah, I thought you guys would have so much more sweets than down here. But it seems like you never had anything sweet before by how fast you inhaled that." She explains, pointing at my now empty plate.

I shake my head with a frown. "...no..." 

We never had these things the rich folk had, we saw some of the stuff sometimes but never had the luxury to actully have it and eat it

She frowns a little, but quickly regains her composure, smiling like she came up with the new best idea of today. "Let's go to town later! We can show you the sweets and more!"

Enjin agrees, "good idea, let's do that!"

. . .

After we finish with our breakfast, feeling like I'm not starving for the first time in my life, we go to where Semiu is so she can ask me questions.

"Names Rudo?"

I nod.

"Age?"

"..."

I don't know, pretty sure I'm around 15. I have known Regto for seven years, we never knew my birthday. My biological parents never cared to share that kind of information with me.

So Regto assumed I was six-eight when he took me in.

But went with eight because my parents definitely didn't give me the nutrients that they should've and because I seemed smarter than a six year old.

"You can tap it put if you want, just tap the number of years you lived. Unless there's more to share, I don't want to make you uncomfortable in your new home after all." She says after a few silent seconds.

I tap out 15 without a word.

There's nothing I want to share, especially not with someone I met yesterday.

I can feel the eyes of the people I was put in a team with too, and I can't tell if I trust then yet either.

Enjin, out leader, was the one who chained me up and threw me to the traffickers after all. 

The traffickers who talked about me like I'm an animal in a zoo, ti be ripped apart limb from limb.

Because they decided that's what I deserved.

But I don't know if I truly did, did I?

Do I?

"Okay, gender?" She asks casually, like this does no make me freeze up and go into flight or fight mode.

I freeze, stiffening.

Most people on the sphere assumed I was a girl, that's what my biological parents said I was.

I oy told them other wise when I turned 12 and understood what was wrong with me.

Regto explained to me what was happening, that it's okay to not wanna go by the gender you have been assigned at birth. Taught me that it's okay, that other people think the same way as me.

I can't still feel the relieve when I learned about that.

But now I'm not so sure, this is a new place and brand new people.

Even though I may have trusted them somewhat yesterday, I cant say the same about today.

"Give me a thumbs up for boy and thumbs down for girl."

I give her a thumbs up instantly, she nods, and continues with other questions.

"Birthday?" Is her next question.

I shrug, "..."

"Don't know?"

I shake my head, nope, i definitely do not know.

"What how do you not know?" Zanka asks sounding like the most confused person ever. 

Riyo nudges him, "it's honestly not surprising anymore. He didn't even know what pancakes were." 

He sighs, "Yeah your right. But birthdays aren't sweets, it's a birthday."

Enjin shrugs, "we could just make his birthday the day he fell to the ground."

"NO-" Zanka and Semiu say instantly, both staring at Enjin like he's the biggest idiot they have ever met.

He puts his hands up in surrender, "fine fine, it was a joke, my bad guys."

Semiu scoffs, "you better be." She looks back to me, "Okay, last question, how much do you weigh?"

. . .

Semiu

It's obvious this kid doesn't weight much, he looks younger for his age and looks like he would weigh 90 pounds even with weights in his pockets. 

It's dangerous, a child his age even if living down here should weigh more. 

He tenses up even more, if that was even possible. I can practically see the gears turning and churning in his head, eyes darting around for an escape that doesn't even exist. 

"Is it less than 100 pounds?" I ask, trying to help him answer, to me, it's obvious he's semi mute, or at least isn't used to talking to the point he almost had panick attacks because of it.

He nods, looking anywhere but the eyes of the few people near the front desk. Which includes me, Enjin, Riyo, and Zanka. 

"Do you weight 90 pounds?"

Another nod, looking even more embarrassed. 

"Okay, that's for your time, we are done."

Riyo jumps up with excitement, finally free from her boredom. "FINALLY! WE CAN GO TO TOWN!" The whole team then leaves, Enjin and Zanka following Riyo who is pulling Rudo along like his a ragdoll.

"Have a good time! Get me some magazines while your out!" I call, hoping they heard me. 

Which they did, based on Enjins wave at me with a grin plastered widely on his face